Dealing With Toxic Friendships | ZULA ChickChats | EP 117
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
- In this episode of ZULA ChickChats, we discussed the toxic friendships we were in and how we dealt with them. From being made fun of and ostracised, to finding genuine friends, join us as we recount our traumatic experiences.
Here are the timestamps of the topics covered during the episode:
00:00 - Intro
00:58 - When was this friendship?
01:53 - What happened in the friendship?
07:24 - Defining a toxic friendship
09:27 - What happened after the fall out?
12:32 - Lessons learnt from this experience
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Featuring:
Fiqah Zainal - / clikzfikz
Hafizah - / hahahahafizah
Nicole Yong - / nicolewenng
Leah Shannon - / mizchiefmagik
Filmed By:
Ariel Ho - / realsh1ny
Yeow Jia Yi - / yeowjiayi
Edited By:
Ariel Ho
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Do you have a toxic friend in your life? Or were you unknowingly the toxic one? Share with us your stories in the comments below!
Can you please give the proper definition of the term 'toxic". It's a very nuanced psyche term that shouldn't be thrown around willy nilly. As content creators don't you think it is your responsibility to give your viewers the right information? You are just adding on and continuing this cycle of misinformation. This also applies for the word "psycho". Get a person who is an expert in these issues to come onto your show, instead of this being a bitching session. Anyone can bitch about their bad friendship experiences. This isn't a topic that should be taken lightly. People that suffered from toxic relationships experience a lot of mental, psychological and physical trauma. It takes years to heal from the damage caused by these people. If you can't be bothered to do the real work of researching and finding the right people to speak about these issues then please, just continue doing the shallow content that you are known for.
Their stories summed up my poly life. It was hella toxic.
In Year 1 (2014) everyone was good friends. We'd take clique photos together, laugh around during lunch, and there were no politics. In Year 2 (2015), the clique head clearly did not like me and was pretty obvious about it. I have joined several camps, so I spent less time with my classmates. They weren't too happy about it. Being a more emotionally unstable person, I kept thinking that I was not good enough, and those around me were probably sick of my anxiety or moodiness. When the big clique of 10 people had to split into 2 groups for projects, I was the last few to get picked. Sucked it up because "they were all I have".
In projects, they would always feel that I am not up to their standards because I was a B student with a poor GPA, while they were the "A-Team". They deleted the parts I did because "it was not up to their standards". In one particular presentation, they changed my parts (WHICH WERE CORRECT) so last minute, I had to present THEIR WRONG INFO. And I got shot down by the class, making me look like a fool that day. I was purely disappointed and had no one to turn to, because "they were all I had" in class.
The clique head asked everyone out except me on several occasions, and similar to Fikah's story, they either post about it or just send Snapchats to me about themselves having fun without me. When we went to ice-skate, I was the only one who could skate well, so they asked me to take some photos for them (which I did). When they posted photos, they were all pictures without me. Felt so terrible that day.
Long story short, finally in Yr 3 (2016), the clique leader who "no longer had power" due to her own toxicity, chose to stay away from some of us and it was super peaceful! Also, I went to church, and found amazing friends outside of class, and made plenty of trustworthy friends outside of school. This is a story that only my closest friends around me know, but today I want to make it public because bullying is real, and not just what you see on the TV. To anyone who went through similar things as I did, and the things that these beautiful ladies shared, hang in there and stay strong because you are never alone. We're all in this together!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s easy to point out people for being toxic, but it’s harder to know if we’re being the “toxic” one.
Question : How do we know if we're not the 'toxic' one?
Reflect on the things you did with them
Oh ye btw, cos normally there's always big cliques of ppl right, and they just so happen to be toxic to someone(maybe you) chances r, ur also toxic to a certain extent aka u *may* hv picked up some bad traits from them
fikah's story is so sad but true. sometimes we cant walk away from toxic friendships/ relationships just coz u feel like they're the only ones you have.
In Sec 4 Girl A broke my phone on accident and agreed to pay for repairing fees. When I sent her the receipt ($298) she started blocking me on all social media platforms, refusing to repay me A SINGLE CENT. Another girl in our clique, let's call her Girl B also cut all connections with me without knowing the entire story and sided with Girl A instead. Mind you, Girl B was my best friend since Sec 1 (basically for 3 years) and both of us only became friends with Girl A in Sec 3. So throughout the entire Sec 4, I was kinda "kicked out" of the clique and they always spoke shit about me on purpose in front of me to other people, so I was outcasted in the class, heck even the whole school because I was an introvert and I didn't have many friends besides them in sec school. Till this day I still don't understand how Girl B sided with Girl A when I was the one who went through ups and downs and had so much memories with her.
idk why but i feel like i can trust whatever fikah says
yo fikah damn funny
I have come to terms that to have people still talk shit about you after leaving is actually a huge privilege because that's when you know that their life actually revolves around you and like its really such a good feeling when you know that you're the one making them uncomfy instead?? I've had my own takes on toxic friends ranging from 2-3 years of friendship to even 12 years of knowing said people, But I feel that having met the right people and trusting the process (and them ofc) really helps one to grow and you become happier. My life isn't less interesting just because I shrink my "circle of friends" but sometimes you just really don't have all the answers and can't conform to please everyone. Highly recommend going through a cleansing phase to keep yourself sane. Even if you were to meet them in the future for work, it'll really just be a work relationship that you are 100% unobligated to do anything to make peace with at your own detriments :)
pls do one on toxic workplace :’)
this topic is so relatable!! loved the content from fikah, she's a vibe
Yeaaayy loved this episode, so relatable it hurtss
more fikah please!!
And Hafi please
the MOST relatable thing I've seen
fikah is so funny n seems so genuine!! those toxic friends didnt deserve her 🤨🙄
I knew this person since the first year of Primary. We were not placed in the same classes during the entire primary school years, probably only years, 1, 2 and 6. We were best friends and did typical best friend stuff, like going to each other's houses, celebrating each other's birthdays, going to arcades, shopping, taking photo booth stickers, texting everyday after school... We went to separate secondary schools, mainly because we had different preferences. However, we still kept in touch as much as we did back in the primary school. During, Secondary 2 she introduced me to this other girl from her school, first via multiple photos that I didn't ask for - which I said she looked pretty to quickly change the topic on each occasion. Subsequently, she invited her to meet up with us at a McDonalds. During that time I did not know that my "best friend" was talking behind my back, saying to her friend that I was jealous of her, that I wished I had her looks and wanted to be her! 🙄😳🤯 ...And that she wishes to get rid of me!!
I could tell around that time, our friendship was drifting apart, after and probably slightly before the meet up, as she wasn't replying to my texts and with her on and off blocking me on the phone!
I had only found out about "her talking behind my back stuff" after she had
left my place one evening, to use the computer for some shit and she did not log out of her Facebook. The young, (always striving to be a hacker) me, went to check her messages in Messenger and GODDAMN, there were paragraphs of untruthful, nasty, hurtful things said about me to her friend, that started even before we met up at McDonalds! 😢🖕🏻Literally, I was so confuzzled on whether to confront her or to keep this quiet, as I had snooped into her Facebook account! I had continued to keep track of the horrendous messages with her friend in which I couldn't handle the hurt of anymore! I had to make a decision to master the courage to confront her of her hate speech towards me! It took me 3-6 months of persuading myself, accepting that our friendship could not be a thing! Literally, I had to tell her what I saw, and where from. She wasn't upset. Which bewildered me, even up till this day!
I don't know why. However, I know for sure it wasn't a planned out thing! 💯%
But I'm glad I've ended off things for good! We've not kept in contact for over a straight 5 years now!
Yes, toxicity at workplace pls. Great episode. Im part of my leadership team and im very young. 1st day of work 1 BU head said you are hired because the company cant afford to hire more senior individuals. Also, once when i did a presentation on webex, one of the leadership team member wrote in the chat box, she doesnt know what she's sharing and accidently shared it with everyone instead of the person she wanted to.
this came at such a good time cos I'm literally in the middle of trying to get out of my toxic friendship
If you all ever need to get people who were 'toxic' to share from their perspective as well, feel free to reach out to me hahahaha. This is in past tense already!
Fikah is cute! More of Fikah please..
I love Fikah omg.
100% relate!
that gasp at 13:25 holy shit. she is amazing!!!!!!
super empathise with nicole. i only found out my ex-friend talked back about me to our mutual friends and acquaintances. thank lord my secondary school clique told me about it and props to them for trying to salvage the friendship, which ultimately ended. this all due to a small misunderstanding LMAO
first!
Wah a CMIO episode
Wow
.
Indeed
Anyone noticed its all girls here?
No wow that’s such a great observation