Do Your Parents Have Favourites? | ZULA ChickChats | EP 109
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
- In this episode of ZULA ChickChats, we discussed if our parents have favourites. Watch to find out more!
Here are the timestamps of the topics covered during the episode:
0:00 - Intro
0:36 - Family structure
1:21 - Parents’ favourite among siblings
3:16 - Instances of parental favouritism
7:38 - Factors that determine a favourite child
9:19 - Effects of parental favouritism
10:57 - Final advice
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Featuring:
Mandon Lee - / zxns
Brenda Tan - / brendatjy
Chiara Ang - / chiaraang
Leah Shannon - / mizchiefmagik
Filmed By:
Shash Yoga - / shashneetha
Yeow Jia Yi - / yeowjiayi
Edited By:
Yeow Jia Yi
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Share with us your stories about parental favouritism!
To be honest, Leah becoming the host of Zula is pretty fun. I mean, she is very truthful, she is being herself, she does not even try to hide things or to show certain things also. She is open minded, she listens to her guests, not the judging character but more of giving her opinion straightforwardly. Great job, Zula!
omg right. I love her!!
Part 2, get their silbings on the show. Thanks
Wow I didn't know having divorced parents can be a common thing. My parents are divorced but I don't have a lot of friends whose parents are too so made me feel alone in this aspect. Maybe this can be a future topic to talk about.
If I'm not mistaken the probability of divorces happening is 50% but I think if you live in a more save face country like mine where divorce is looked down upon, couples tend to just stay in unhappy marriages to save face lol
I know 5 friends who have divorced parents
Actually Mandon sounds pretty mature in the way he handles conflict management. Maybe it's an older child thing 🤔
Also please get the youngest child for part 2 maybe? I feel like the baby of the family gets away with many things 🤣
What Chiara said about parents only praising/showing affection to their kids when do well in school or do something to "do them proud" (5:00) hit close to home...
yeah, that's a familiar feeling.
cos you want to affirm the child that is the right path to go. nobody praise laziness right?
@@awkwardsmile I'm not saying parents shouldn't praise their children for their achievements. Just saying not to such an extent they seem to be saying more achievements = more worthy as a person, as that is how the child will understand self-worth from then on.
omg Brenda look extremely good over here 😍💯
5:58 bruh now you telling the whole internet 😂
Honestly when you guys said when it gets older everything will be better, I don't think that's the case. Maybe you guys are talking on very light topics because this is not that serious of a video but let me just say it does not get better when you get older. The only difference is that when your parents get older, they forget their favoritism easily but for us kids we will always remember it.
Cannot agree moreeeee
Agreed! There are psychological theories such as attachment styles that show us that we receive love and are taught what love is etc. affect us even way into our adulthood. Most adults have to tap into their inner child and do the work of reparenting themselves. As we get older and if we don't look back into our childhood, the things we found lacking may affect the way we behave in relationships too e.g. if you grew up with a parent who only shows affection to you when you did well in school, you may feel like you have to perform/do things to please your partner in order to receive love. As we grow older these things are not automatically fixed, and reparenting and healing take effort and time. When we get older things might even get worse because while maturity and time give us the perspective that our parents are not perfect people and they were first-timers, a lot of our habits from young are also very embedded + we might resent our parents for not knowing and doing better.
my ahma is very traditional so she prefers guys and never took much interest in me...... but i gained her favour in the most asian way possible!! getting into med school LOLOLOL
just a v short comment on my parents' favouritism. im the middle child and my parents would always !!!! during meals pick up food for my siblings. but for me they wld just say "mei take by yourself" omg honestly not that i want them to take for me also but ok actually yea i want them to take the food for me too... they think im independent and can do everything on my own but sometimes i feel less loved even though i still know that they really care for me. anyone else? haha
That's one of the many things I experienced as the middle child
I can relate as well being the second/middle child, I tend to get neglected a lot.
Second and middle child here, same as chiara, girl girl boy hahahaa
Middle child here too. Our childhoods were definitely tougher than our siblings huh. Ultimately, just choose to do what makes you guys happy yeah? :)
Appreciate this episode a lot!
ohmy
i didnt know leah's and brenda's parents are divorced i feels you ;-;
imean its a very common thing so its all goods :D
the way y'all said chickchats is so... uwu. i live for it
Being the second and middle child, both sisters (older and younger) are only two years apart from me. I always feel like I'm neglected. Honestly I suffered a lot from my parents expectations. For example, if my older sister didn't do well in something, I would be expected to perform better, but I also had to be a well behaved role model for my younger sister. So growing up, I had to be independent, because of the fact I couldn't ask anyone. On some occasions, I did try asking advice from my older sister, but had concluded, it would be better to do it on my own. My parents would often favour my sisters more, because I remembered back when my older sister used my clothes I was saving up for a certain occasion without permission, my mom scolded me for being mad. I also distinctively remember, I was pressured to go to science stream but my younger sister wasn't. Also, my parents always told me to take care of my sisters, meaning I had to "grow up" quicker. Because I rarely ask help and work independently, my parents tend to assume that I'm doing fine on my own. As an consequence of my upbringing, I was forced to be an overachiever, in fear of disappointing anyone especially my parents.
It doesn't help that my teachers place the same expectations on me, so I really can't catch a break :/
You're not alone sis! In terms of expectations, my parents always demanded more from me and also disapproved of a lot of my actions. I've never gotten over the unfairness and bitterness, but I do try to use the traits of independence and maturity to my advantage :) Ultimately, just choose to do what makes you happy in life...we live for ourselves, not to make others happy :)
@@Yasuhiro- that’s truly admirable to use those traits to an advantage!! Nowadays I do feel myself using those traits wisely and have been slightly more happier since this comment :) Thank you for sharing your story though, it makes it a lil less lonely to hear that I wasn’t the only one
@@jeniferchong1981 The loneliness is very real indeed :( For most of my friends, they didn't experience such issues during their childhood and it was really hard for them to relate to me. Wish I could connect with more like-minded people with similar traits >
woaw i love this episode hehe
My parents will not show any favouritism but can see their different handling methods based on the different troubles that we kids pose. I used to think it was biasedness then I realised my brother was just more stubborn than me, he could wait out and tahan the nagging until my parents give up. While I cannot
9:26 i relate so much to what brenda said :")
I feel u Brenda :")
When I was growing up, I subscribed to the idea of the "middle child syndrome" even if I only knew of the term when I was already in high school. Back then, I had this feeling that I had to always be on my parents' good side so I won't get scolded, so I always tried to appease them in any way that I can, even in my life decisions. But I knew they favored either our eldest or our youngest based on their decisions alone, like how they easily agreed to my siblings when they asked for something. I confronted my mom once about it but she denied it.
Now that I look back to it, I don't think it's the "middle child syndrome". I think me trying to please my parents is rooted to something else, other than wanting to be my parents' favorite.
brenda chiobuuuuuuu omg
Brenda is a mood
Guys favourite-ted is not a word!!! The word is favoured HAHAHA
in contrast to what brenda and chiara said, I'm not a daddy's girl and I'm the oldest so not truE :(( my parents show favouritism towards my younger brother onlYY (who is 5 yrs younger than me)
My parents favouritism my younger sister more, bc I’m fat and single, while my sister is likely to be able to get married haha. So when I got 256 for psle, They were very upset bc they want me to be top scorer, but my sister got 241 only, they didn’t even scold her at all. They also brought her along for holidays to countries like New Zealand and China, but not me, unless I pay for my own flight ticket, just bc I’m older. I know they will also plan to leave all their inheritance to her. I don’t care or need their money, I’ll make my own.
The reason why was bc my father didn’t want a daughter, he’s sexist China man. So he didn’t care abt me and stayed in China while I was in Singapore, I only met him when I was 8/9. I was close to my maternal grandparents, who my father hates a lot bc they didn’t want my mom to marry him.
I hope next video you guys will invite the only one child 😆 it must be interesting to listen their opinion 😄😂
ehh im the oldest but i think the fav child is the younger ones (i also have 2) probs bc i didnt do so well in school etc. and im the first one so the guinea pig lor and contrary to the middle child syndrome- my sister the middle child was more over achieving till this day so
wah mandon and chiara shoot for chickchats and eatbook on the same day... LOL
Sad part of so many parents splitting 🙁
Brenda so pretty 😭😭
I dont know y all mandon's face expression so cute.
I’m the eldest of 4. Hell no I could categorise myself as my parent’s favourite. I bicker with my mom every time after work, dad would just stress me out with everything esp household responsibilities. Like yeah I care and love them and all, but when Brenda mention that when she voice her opinion but her mom doesn’t listen or smthg, but when asked the other siblings then only she will. Walao weh that one damnnnn true.
honestly being the oldest is so tiring...my younger brother and I have a 2 years age difference but since young I am expected to take up all the responsibility...we are both in secondary school...he is going through a rebellious face so I get shouted at by him a lot...and I am more emotional...so since young I have been told to not complain and everything also should be brother before self... sometimes I wish I can be rebellious too and that my feelings can be taken care of...omg why am I tearing while typing this...my mother asked me if I want another sibling...I said idc but inside me my Ans is no because with 1 younger sibling now I can barely feel their love for me... everytime they will ask my brother to eat more and they will sometimes ask me to eat my brother's leftover...and when I thought of how the love would be divided into 3...I really don't know how to react
Well it's pretty norms that dad favours the daughters while mom favours the sons or the youngest. I saw it in my family & the ppl around me. But in the end they didn't treat me as bad. So all good heh
i think my parents dont have favourite child cos we all as naughty growing up LMAOOOO
I feel u leah :'(
Maybe bcs I was never the favourite one so...
But I cannot relate to the stories. As the oldest, I was forced to grow up quickly. Maybe it was because my sister is the planned one, she is more loved.
One scaring memory out of a bunch would be when I was ard 7-8 y/o and me and my sister dress up in similar dresses. My parents complimented my sister. They looked at me and didn't say anything. Small issue now but that caused me to not wear dress or skirts for more than 10 years. They would also say stuff like "your sister is beautiful and you just smart", which maybe a compliment but in my head, they are telling me that I look ugly and my existence boils down to my grades. This caused me to struggle alot with my self-esteem issues.
You guys may think it is all in my head but when your parents outright told your sister, "I like you more than your older sister" idk what to feel man.
I hated her for a while and only recently started talking to her. My parents keep telling me to get along with her but it is such a struggle when you just get scolded repeatedly for nth bcs of your sister.
Btw, yes. Both parents love her. I even rmb when they almost divorced and both was gg to fight for custody of my sister. Like hey thanks for the self esteem issues!
When literally everyone in your fam likes your sister more..
could you do one about kpop
Mandon sounds like a libra! is he a libra 😂
If I'm not wrong he's a virgo! It's in his insta highlights (though i could have remembered it wrongly) 😅
he is! HAHHA
omg you know in one of the videos i thought he was virgo? like end of sept virgo cusp libra and true enough i just saw his ig highlights... yes he is a virgo libra cusp. he got strong traits of virgo male.
Only child is here 🙋🏻♀️
So 3/4 have divorced parents. Singapore's divorce rate....
zula game
yall need to rename this video "what childhood trauma did your parents inflict on you?" because for real parents should need to get a license/go to a workshop before having kids!!!