All of those accomplishments. Just wow. With you, I was able to make sense out of the total nonsense that was my ex. What a nightmare, and still trying to get over it. Everything you teach is spot-on. As you say, the grieving process is a lot of steps and takes time so I know the hurt is normal. Just hard. All of it. I watch all of your videos, and listen carefully. Because they’re all literally all brilliant. Thank you for everything you’re doing. You’ve been by my side for years, just guiding me through the pain and heartbreak. Now seeing the light. Starting to at least. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Podejrzewam u siebie ASD i NPD, chociaż z drugiej strony jestem naiwny, nie potrafię rozpoznać kłamstwa, mowy ciała, nie sprawia mi satysfakcji ranienie innych, mszczenie się, manipulowanie i kłamanie, zazwyczaj jestem szczery do bólu i dlatego ludzie się na mnie obrażają, generalnie nie lubię robić gierek i manipulacji jak typowy NPD, kiedy kłamię to po to, żeby uniknąć spotkania z kimś, kiedy mam shutdown lub żeby uniknąć konsekwencji np. jak niechcący coś popsułem, nie żeby uzyskać coś czyimś kosztem. Od dzieciństwa mam wyostrzone zmysły i zainteresowania, przez które zaniedbuję ważne aspekty życia. Więc może mam tylko narcystyczne mechanizmy obronne wynikające z autyzmu, z którego powodu ludzie często mnie odrzucali, dzisiaj już nie mam do nich o to żalu, bo wiem jak irytujące są zachowania autystyczne i narcystyczne. Oficjalnie zdiagnozowaną mam tylko depresję nerwicową i hipochondrię, więc może tylko sobie wkręcam ASD i NPD, sam już nie wiem, ale potrafię odczuwać pozytywne emocje, tylko rzadko. Mam też podniesiony kortyzol z powodu stanów zapalnych i to zwiększa objawy nerwicowe, niestety.
Bravo professor Vaknin 😊🎉 I watched several of your videos and you keep saying that "narcissists have no positive emotions". It's difficult/impossible to imagine. Can you please explain? For exemple, I like hiking, I'll experience 100 of positive emotions during a walk ( for exemple: the wind on my skin, the smells of the pine trees, the beauty of the landscape, feelings of gratitude, innerpeace... etc etc).Is it different for a narcissist? Also, why delusional disorders are often socially acceptable ?
This brought a crazy amount of clarity and focus to some experiences I have had (fantastical thinking) to points where I thought that I was autistic (perhaps I am still or as you are expressing here that it is a state of delusionment). I’m not sure if I am glad or not to know these secrets of nuance but you have been absolutely fascinating to be learning from. Thank you for putting this to words. (an inward focused person who has absolutely observed the world around her as a projection of her innerness) easy to do if you’re an artist and theatrical scenic painter. Hahaha
As someone who loves a narcissist (vulnerable narcissism). There have been all of the abusive behaviors including infidelity, gas lighting, blame shifting etc. He is also now aware that he has NPD. My question is, what therapy would be best and what is the real prognosis if he is aware of his NPD and motivated to change.
Just to offer my two cents and add to the conversation: I'm going to therapy to manage my NPD. I've been in therapy 3 years, taking it seriously. I do all my own studies and work. Once I knew what I was dealing with, it was almost instinctual to find a remedy. I'm intellectually gifted enough to be able to do this easily though. My therapist basically just confirms that I've done good work. She has taught me to have a therapeutic relationship as well. That's about it in 3 years. If your partner accepts his NPD and is smart enough to learn about himself, make it through the vast sea of stigma and absolutes perpetuated by the victim movements, and find real help that resonates.... He could potentially morph into a more tolerable version of himself in what could seem like overnight. And the residual issues will have to be identified as they show up and a safe space maintained for conflict resolution and expressing feelings. Good luck. It's very possible
@@katarinatibai8396Do you think our only hope of changing our behaviors is if a "cure" were to be invented? 🤔 We don't need a "cure" to become better people. We have to accept the reality our loved ones express, when they share their feelings, especially those who have stuck by our side through thick and thin. We need to HEAR what our partner is telling us, and CHOOSE to find healthy ways to work through problems, even if we can't quite see or understand our partner's perspective. Simply accepting that other people feel in ways we don't necessarily comprehend, relate to or even respect, requires major adaptations of ourselves which is extremely possible and clears up major issues people seem to have with people like myself.
Since you're into enactivism, what is your opinion about 4E cognition (embodied, embedded, enacted, or extended)? And what is your view on the bundle theory mind, as an alternate to the ego theory of mind. Buddhists have postulated the bundle theory of mind for millennia. And it's a common view in animistic and shamanistic societies, such as hunter-gatherer tribes that don't think in terms of isolated individuals with thick, coherent, and unitive boundaries. But in the West, the bundle theory of mind seems to have been introduced through the work of David Hume, possibly having learned of it from missionaries returning from the East, and Friedrich Nietzsche, seemingly having based it on physiological theories of the time that saw the bodily systems and parts as acting semi-independently. Nietzsche was a philologist and other philologists (E.R. Dodds, Bruno Snell) also argued for it. More recently, it's become an ever more common understanding in consciousness studies and psychology: Carl Jung, Julian Jaynes, Daniel Dennett, Iain McGilchrist, etc (dozens of other scholars and researchers could be listed, if less well known). It's really caught hold in serious academic debate the past couple of decades. The bundle theory of mind closely fits into enactivism and the rest of 4E cognition.
Thanks for the laugh of the day regarding religion and mass delusional disorder. So, shouldn't autistic and dereistic thinking be among the first things to explain to those coping with narcissistic abuse? I think it could be the single biggest contributor to emotional regulation, once you understand what you are dealing with.
I love being a narcissist, for the most part. I was raised with a doting borderline mother, and so I show love very well even though I've ruined everything good I've ever had eventually. Ugh. But getting to know myself over the last 5 years has saved my life and allowed me to make changes in my actions. I am also a reformed antisocial criminal, and I still have been able to change myself to be more pro social and worthy of the things I feel entitled. I triangulate my therapist with Vaknin videos. She has 38 years of experience and gets schooled often by him, which is great because she doesn't know enough it seems, and she should know that 😂
I was mortified. Crushed. Absolutely broken down by one insignificant move. One tiny dose of my own medicine given to me by the love of my life.16 years now together. My perfect counterpart, a lovely quiet type borderline woman. I did not want to lose her and I was forced into reality which caused me such crippling pain that I took myself to therapy. I developed atypical depression, and started taking medicine for it. I never want to feel that bad again, so I'm doing the Lord's work to heal what I can within, accept the things I've done and continue evolving.
I love that you share your credentials like this and your special interests and accessibility to them. Your information is also clear and your tenure is well earned. Applause. Xxx ❤ we have just had a huge forensic psych assessment and the psychologist was biased, with an agenda, ill informed and had the cheek to go on and on about his out dated training and unnamed research. Even a half baked middle aged mum mess could supervise that paper (assessment) and tear apart obvious limitations that he had the cheek to say that no colleague would disagree with! ❤😂 careful, I'm coming across as narcissistic myself there, 😅don't want to be uncovered 😂 However you , Sam v, are an absolute gem. 💯 we all think that you are interesting and absolute gold. Autism is also a somatic thinking though, that's why there are so many sensory problems because thoughts are happening all over the body that sort of create that self centredness rather than deriestic thinking? Autism isn't just a mental thing, it's somatic. However it's interesting to learn here about dereistic thinking in terms of relating to others, which I had previously considered to be an existential one.
In the ancient world and in some tribal cultures (animistic and shamanistic), the mind was or is considered to not be singular but spread throughout the body, sometimes in the world as well. That fits in with the enactivist understanding as part of 4E cognition, which closely relates to the bundle theory of mind.
Just finished watching the video. Not speaking of this video specifically, but I've heard alot of association between both in the mental health community, and although as a autistic person I can appear very self centered at times any association with narcissism just outcasts us more then we already are.
I dont like it either, but etymologically it makes sense even tho NPD and ASD are like polar opposites. Autos = self ism ... NPD are selfish so "selfism" is pretty accurate for them and perhaps less so for us (unless you are the introverted type but that still doesnt mean selfish and deserves a separate term). Alas none of us made the rules. However, this uncomfortable connection does partially explain why so many ppl with ASD have higher risk of being abused by someone with NPD. There is some sort of attraction both ways. I thought my abuser was a "kindred spirit" at first. I think our empathy tricks us into believing the "wounded" narcissist is like us deep inside. Which is why we are so salty about the terms ... we were tricked and this seems to validate the lie we believed. I am glad he opened the video with an immediate explaination that they are two very different things.
There is what i believe to be an epidemic of narcissists claiming to be autistic. I really do have ASD, diagnosed as a little kid and placed in special ed. and i was abused by narcissists like many ppl with ASD. Learning about NPD and ASD has helped me tremendously, and i feel for ppl who fell thru the diagnostic cracks, but it can be difficult to tell who is actually autistic and who is co-opting it as another victim label to excuse bad behaviour and try to control others. Its difficult to tell at first, but eventually NPD becomes very obvious once you learn about it and experience it yourself.
Agreed 👍. All four of my kiddos are autistic due to a genetic condition. My adult kids were diagnosed almost two decades ago before it became a weird trend. I homeschool my youngest as they were picked on, but they were in special ed and receive disability supports. It's frustrating when there's this weird new crowd of people pretending. I believe autism can be missed in childhood and can accept a self diagnosis - but you're correct there's people who pretend for attention and victimhood - just like all those who pretend to have narcolepsy, tics, etc.
All of those accomplishments. Just wow. With you, I was able to make sense out of the total nonsense that was my ex. What a nightmare, and still trying to get over it. Everything you teach is spot-on. As you say, the grieving process is a lot of steps and takes time so I know the hurt is normal. Just hard. All of it. I watch all of your videos, and listen carefully. Because they’re all literally all brilliant. Thank you for everything you’re doing. You’ve been by my side for years, just guiding me through the pain and heartbreak. Now seeing the light. Starting to at least. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
When I look at Facebook, I am amazed at the similarities between religious people and ideological or political people.
I love all of your "extra" videos! You take frankness to a new level. 😂❤❤❤🎉❤ x
Our dear Multitalent Prof. ☺️ I love all your content, ❤️
You are hilarious. Great sense of humor. 😂
Podejrzewam u siebie ASD i NPD, chociaż z drugiej strony jestem naiwny, nie potrafię rozpoznać kłamstwa, mowy ciała, nie sprawia mi satysfakcji ranienie innych, mszczenie się, manipulowanie i kłamanie, zazwyczaj jestem szczery do bólu i dlatego ludzie się na mnie obrażają, generalnie nie lubię robić gierek i manipulacji jak typowy NPD, kiedy kłamię to po to, żeby uniknąć spotkania z kimś, kiedy mam shutdown lub żeby uniknąć konsekwencji np. jak niechcący coś popsułem, nie żeby uzyskać coś czyimś kosztem. Od dzieciństwa mam wyostrzone zmysły i zainteresowania, przez które zaniedbuję ważne aspekty życia. Więc może mam tylko narcystyczne mechanizmy obronne wynikające z autyzmu, z którego powodu ludzie często mnie odrzucali, dzisiaj już nie mam do nich o to żalu, bo wiem jak irytujące są zachowania autystyczne i narcystyczne. Oficjalnie zdiagnozowaną mam tylko depresję nerwicową i hipochondrię, więc może tylko sobie wkręcam ASD i NPD, sam już nie wiem, ale potrafię odczuwać pozytywne emocje, tylko rzadko. Mam też podniesiony kortyzol z powodu stanów zapalnych i to zwiększa objawy nerwicowe, niestety.
Thank you Prof Vaknin
Bravo professor Vaknin 😊🎉
I watched several of your videos and you keep saying that "narcissists have no positive emotions". It's difficult/impossible to imagine. Can you please explain?
For exemple, I like hiking, I'll experience 100 of positive emotions during a walk ( for exemple: the wind on my skin, the smells of the pine trees, the beauty of the landscape, feelings of gratitude, innerpeace... etc etc).Is it different for a narcissist?
Also, why delusional disorders are often socially acceptable ?
Have not had a chance to listen to this one yet but I just know this one will answer a lot of questions too. Thank you!
This brought a crazy amount of clarity and focus to some experiences I have had (fantastical thinking) to points where I thought that I was autistic (perhaps I am still or as you are expressing here that it is a state of delusionment). I’m not sure if I am glad or not to know these secrets of nuance but you have been absolutely fascinating to be learning from. Thank you for putting this to words. (an inward focused person who has absolutely observed the world around her as a projection of her innerness) easy to do if you’re an artist and theatrical scenic painter. Hahaha
How often do you think autism and narcissism are confused?
Search the channel.
WOW
Very interesting. I enjoy learning about these things. Thank you, Professor.
😂Everyone and their grandmother is a RUclips expert! That’s why I only trust this channel!
Very insightful thank you Dr. Vaknin
As someone who loves a narcissist (vulnerable narcissism). There have been all of the abusive behaviors including infidelity, gas lighting, blame shifting etc. He is also now aware that he has NPD. My question is, what therapy would be best and what is the real prognosis if he is aware of his NPD and motivated to change.
Just to offer my two cents and add to the conversation: I'm going to therapy to manage my NPD. I've been in therapy 3 years, taking it seriously. I do all my own studies and work. Once I knew what I was dealing with, it was almost instinctual to find a remedy. I'm intellectually gifted enough to be able to do this easily though. My therapist basically just confirms that I've done good work. She has taught me to have a therapeutic relationship as well. That's about it in 3 years. If your partner accepts his NPD and is smart enough to learn about himself, make it through the vast sea of stigma and absolutes perpetuated by the victim movements, and find real help that resonates.... He could potentially morph into a more tolerable version of himself in what could seem like overnight. And the residual issues will have to be identified as they show up and a safe space maintained for conflict resolution and expressing feelings. Good luck. It's very possible
There is no cure for NPD.
@@katarinatibai8396Do you think our only hope of changing our behaviors is if a "cure" were to be invented? 🤔
We don't need a "cure" to become better people. We have to accept the reality our loved ones express, when they share their feelings, especially those who have stuck by our side through thick and thin. We need to HEAR what our partner is telling us, and CHOOSE to find healthy ways to work through problems, even if we can't quite see or understand our partner's perspective.
Simply accepting that other people feel in ways we don't necessarily comprehend, relate to or even respect, requires major adaptations of ourselves which is extremely possible and clears up major issues people seem to have with people like myself.
Leave, great cure
Since you're into enactivism, what is your opinion about 4E cognition (embodied, embedded, enacted, or extended)? And what is your view on the bundle theory mind, as an alternate to the ego theory of mind. Buddhists have postulated the bundle theory of mind for millennia. And it's a common view in animistic and shamanistic societies, such as hunter-gatherer tribes that don't think in terms of isolated individuals with thick, coherent, and unitive boundaries.
But in the West, the bundle theory of mind seems to have been introduced through the work of David Hume, possibly having learned of it from missionaries returning from the East, and Friedrich Nietzsche, seemingly having based it on physiological theories of the time that saw the bodily systems and parts as acting semi-independently. Nietzsche was a philologist and other philologists (E.R. Dodds, Bruno Snell) also argued for it.
More recently, it's become an ever more common understanding in consciousness studies and psychology: Carl Jung, Julian Jaynes, Daniel Dennett, Iain McGilchrist, etc (dozens of other scholars and researchers could be listed, if less well known). It's really caught hold in serious academic debate the past couple of decades. The bundle theory of mind closely fits into enactivism and the rest of 4E cognition.
Thanks for the laugh of the day regarding religion and mass delusional disorder.
So, shouldn't autistic and dereistic thinking be among the first things to explain to those coping with narcissistic abuse? I think it could be the single biggest contributor to emotional regulation, once you understand what you are dealing with.
Also sadistic behavior
I love being a narcissist, for the most part. I was raised with a doting borderline mother, and so I show love very well even though I've ruined everything good I've ever had eventually. Ugh. But getting to know myself over the last 5 years has saved my life and allowed me to make changes in my actions. I am also a reformed antisocial criminal, and I still have been able to change myself to be more pro social and worthy of the things I feel entitled.
I triangulate my therapist with Vaknin videos. She has 38 years of experience and gets schooled often by him, which is great because she doesn't know enough it seems, and she should know that 😂
Seriously, what has helped you make changes?
I was mortified. Crushed. Absolutely broken down by one insignificant move. One tiny dose of my own medicine given to me by the love of my life.16 years now together. My perfect counterpart, a lovely quiet type borderline woman. I did not want to lose her and I was forced into reality which caused me such crippling pain that I took myself to therapy. I developed atypical depression, and started taking medicine for it. I never want to feel that bad again, so I'm doing the Lord's work to heal what I can within, accept the things I've done and continue evolving.
Im not sure you really understand the term "triangulate". But then again, you say you are a narcissist 😅
@@AliciaGuitar Your comment lacks value and originality, much like yourself. But you were right in that you really don't know shit
I love that you share your credentials like this and your special interests and accessibility to them. Your information is also clear and your tenure is well earned. Applause. Xxx ❤ we have just had a huge forensic psych assessment and the psychologist was biased, with an agenda, ill informed and had the cheek to go on and on about his out dated training and unnamed research. Even a half baked middle aged mum mess could supervise that paper (assessment) and tear apart obvious limitations that he had the cheek to say that no colleague would disagree with! ❤😂 careful, I'm coming across as narcissistic myself there, 😅don't want to be uncovered 😂
However you , Sam v, are an absolute gem. 💯 we all think that you are interesting and absolute gold.
Autism is also a somatic thinking though, that's why there are so many sensory problems because thoughts are happening all over the body that sort of create that self centredness rather than deriestic thinking? Autism isn't just a mental thing, it's somatic. However it's interesting to learn here about dereistic thinking in terms of relating to others, which I had previously considered to be an existential one.
In the ancient world and in some tribal cultures (animistic and shamanistic), the mind was or is considered to not be singular but spread throughout the body, sometimes in the world as well. That fits in with the enactivist understanding as part of 4E cognition, which closely relates to the bundle theory of mind.
How do I sign up for a sam vaknin class? hehe Thnx for all ur work :o)
I am not surprised you were honored. It was kind of you to let angels use your brain.
So all Naristists
Thank you!
I'm autistic and I hate any association between autism and narcissism
Have you even watched the video?
Just finished watching the video. Not speaking of this video specifically, but I've heard alot of association between both in the mental health community, and although as a autistic person I can appear very self centered at times any association with narcissism just outcasts us more then we already are.
I dont like it either, but etymologically it makes sense even tho NPD and ASD are like polar opposites. Autos = self ism ... NPD are selfish so "selfism" is pretty accurate for them and perhaps less so for us (unless you are the introverted type but that still doesnt mean selfish and deserves a separate term). Alas none of us made the rules.
However, this uncomfortable connection does partially explain why so many ppl with ASD have higher risk of being abused by someone with NPD. There is some sort of attraction both ways. I thought my abuser was a "kindred spirit" at first. I think our empathy tricks us into believing the "wounded" narcissist is like us deep inside. Which is why we are so salty about the terms ... we were tricked and this seems to validate the lie we believed.
I am glad he opened the video with an immediate explaination that they are two very different things.
@@sysyeyes, narcissism is SO much more than just being self centered.
@@AliciaGuitar Narcyzm to jeszcze celowe niszczenie innych, dla podbudowania własnego ego.
It is very popular and fashionable to declare yourself autistic in the US.
There is what i believe to be an epidemic of narcissists claiming to be autistic. I really do have ASD, diagnosed as a little kid and placed in special ed. and i was abused by narcissists like many ppl with ASD. Learning about NPD and ASD has helped me tremendously, and i feel for ppl who fell thru the diagnostic cracks, but it can be difficult to tell who is actually autistic and who is co-opting it as another victim label to excuse bad behaviour and try to control others. Its difficult to tell at first, but eventually NPD becomes very obvious once you learn about it and experience it yourself.
Agreed 👍. All four of my kiddos are autistic due to a genetic condition. My adult kids were diagnosed almost two decades ago before it became a weird trend. I homeschool my youngest as they were picked on, but they were in special ed and receive disability supports. It's frustrating when there's this weird new crowd of people pretending. I believe autism can be missed in childhood and can accept a self diagnosis - but you're correct there's people who pretend for attention and victimhood - just like all those who pretend to have narcolepsy, tics, etc.