My narcissist was a schoolteacher. She taught second graders. I now realize that those endlessly adoring children were (and still are) a rich source of narcissistic supply for her. Disgusting!
My Covert Narcissistic ex evolved into various methods of hurting me with our children as they were growing up. He started out identifying himself as the victim in our marriage. Then, as the children grew older, he started methods of ensuring they were all his and not mine. I did all the work; he had all the fun. He was totally passive (passive aggressive) and funny (made the kids laugh a lot). The kids could do no wrong and then, they did the same for him - he could do no wrong (even when he was out of work for 2 plus years). He gave them a free ride....no expectations, no standards. He gave them extreme over the top compliments for things they weren't even trying for - acting like they had already arrived at perfection which caused their own personal motivation to die. He refused to discuss problems with me and demonized me for trying to discuss problems. He just out and out scapegoated me and trained the children to do the same. He took all good credit for anything that happened (with and to the kids) and blamed me for all bad that happened. All the while he appeared to be the victim, innocent, and he was also the children's Savior.
I've seen and experienced these compensatory behaviours in my ex. Thank you for a concise, articulate and informative journey through the various adaptions to this subject of supply. I appreciate the poetic and literary skills you inject into your disscussions Sam. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and deep personal understanding.
Lol my “famous” ex needed to constantly talk to his fans. It was typically after the high of engaging with them that I would be coerced into physical intimacy. This happened so often I noted the pattern because it increased my feelings of being used. It was also weaponized if I said no. Then, I was cruel, I didn’t care about him. I told him frequently I felt he was cheating on me with the internet… I better understand what was happening now. Sad existence.
Thanks for this breakdown of the types of supply. The nature of supply, its effect, all this is so helpful toward understanding world news. Also the internal effects on all affected by it.
I am interested in knowing if any studies have been done on the prevelance of narcissistic or personality disordered mothers who adopt and the utilization of adopted children as supply? Subsequently, the triangulation between biological children and adopted children. Also, the prevelance of NPD in adopted persons and it's effects on personality development with already established trauma from the separation from family of origin followed up by adoption by a personality disordered mother/father/family. Are there any studies on this? A whole ton of PTSD involved via the parental units and adopted child.
@samvaknin That would be fabulous. I have a very keen interest in this. I suspect at least highly narcissistic traits would be more prevelant in adoptees and if any genetic predisposition to Cluster B personalities are there...these traits or full-blown condition would be nurtured / activated by the trauma of separation from Mother. I am interested to hear from you Sam. Ty.
Something very funny: My soon to be ex-husband, a diagnosed covert and very malignant NPD narcissist, is getting his "supply" from a 90 year old lady (he's 61) in a nursing home, that he had seen nor thought about in more than 25 years, until 2 months ago. How absolutely pathetic! BTW, in case you're wondering how I know, he texted me a photo of them taken in the nursing home, with a text message that said "i visit Mrs. Peggy, my new "girlfriend" (the quotes are mine, he did not put his in quotation marks) every Saturday. Cannot make this sh*t up, even if one tries...LOL
So what to do? No contact and full force of law to get rid of him ? Then he keeps challenging the law process and the cycle continues. Nothing works with the one I'm dealing with 😢 I can't get rid of him
Dear Professor Vaknin. Can you please tell me what kind of supply is it, when the supply is 90 years old lady in a nursing home, but the narc is 62? Is there such thing as a DESPERATE supply? LOL
Does age gap affect the "quality" of supply? For example a 42-year-old getting supply from a 19-year-old. Isn't this a "low grade" kind of supply( due to big power imbalance)?
As the narcissist secures more primary supply, does this trigger devaluation of secondary (stable) supply or is the devaluation/discard process unrelated to supply
Sam - can you do a chart of compatability of personality types from loosest to tightest philosophical fit? ie? 1. somatic narcissist with cerebral narcissist. 2. borderline with covert narcissist 2. psychopath with co dependent. someone should launch a dating cite with clinical questionaires that generate compatability screen rankings.
How long can a narcissist live after collapse? How affect his/her life expectancy? My mother died after her husband shows her he was not carry on put up with her behaviour and her family behaved miserely in my weeding. Her death happened just a month before my sister's weeding.
One wonders what happens to a narcissist in case of a longer lasting societal collapse. Would it imply their narcissistic collapse as well? I know of an old and poor man living in a collapsed country who used to be very successful. Now he visits town to spend some money, mostly on beer and cigarette and have a chat as well. Spending a little bit of money makes him feel like he is SOMEBODY, in his own words. This is a thought that would never ever come to my mind.
Would you consider narcissistic supply the group of men my husband gets drunk with 4 times a week after golf? He comes home drunk and does not want to stop this no matter how it affects our relationship. He is a monster when he is drunk.
Can they become so desperate that they try to connect with our friends and become intimate under fake accounts? If so, why do they keep trying to hoover us, or are they trying to keep everyone? Please respond Sam.
Narcissist have an attachment style disorder, meaning the narcissist can not connect to a person in a healthy way and can not disconnect in a healthy way, because the narcissist screenshots a person, makes that person into what they want that person to be and interacts only with that picture, because of this, a person is always in the narcissist mind tucked away for a latter day, boxed up, compartmentalized, in the narcissist mind, and it irritates the narcissist that they can never get people out of their mind so they may hoover and will always think that they own a person. This is how some narcissist become obsessive with a person.
You have to admire Vaknin's ability to elucidate very complex ideas in such an efficient way.
This is really high octane supply!
Highly intelligent and extremely valued by mwah 🍷
My narcissist was a schoolteacher. She taught second graders. I now realize that those endlessly adoring children were (and still are) a rich source of narcissistic supply for her. Disgusting!
My Covert Narcissistic ex evolved into various methods of hurting me with our children as they were growing up. He started out identifying himself as the victim in our marriage. Then, as the children grew older, he started methods of ensuring they were all his and not mine. I did all the work; he had all the fun. He was totally passive (passive aggressive) and funny (made the kids laugh a lot). The kids could do no wrong and then, they did the same for him - he could do no wrong (even when he was out of work for 2 plus years). He gave them a free ride....no expectations, no standards. He gave them extreme over the top compliments for things they weren't even trying for - acting like they had already arrived at perfection which caused their own personal motivation to die. He refused to discuss problems with me and demonized me for trying to discuss problems. He just out and out scapegoated me and trained the children to do the same. He took all good credit for anything that happened (with and to the kids) and blamed me for all bad that happened. All the while he appeared to be the victim, innocent, and he was also the children's Savior.
I've seen and experienced these compensatory behaviours in my ex. Thank you for a concise, articulate and informative journey through the various adaptions to this subject of supply. I appreciate the poetic and literary skills you inject into your disscussions Sam. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and deep personal understanding.
Lol my “famous” ex needed to constantly talk to his fans. It was typically after the high of engaging with them that I would be coerced into physical intimacy. This happened so often I noted the pattern because it increased my feelings of being used.
It was also weaponized if I said no. Then, I was cruel, I didn’t care about him. I told him frequently I felt he was cheating on me with the internet… I better understand what was happening now. Sad existence.
Thanks for this breakdown of the types of supply.
The nature of supply, its effect,
all this is so helpful toward understanding world news.
Also the internal effects on all affected by it.
That’s sad. And hard to fight constantly. Where do they get their energy to keep up this facade
This is FANTASTIC information Professor. Well done, again!!
I Thank you!!
And the Show must Go on.
I am interested in knowing if any studies have been done on the prevelance of narcissistic or personality disordered mothers who adopt and the utilization of adopted children as supply? Subsequently, the triangulation between biological children and adopted children. Also, the prevelance of NPD in adopted persons and it's effects on personality development with already established trauma from the separation from family of origin followed up by adoption by a personality disordered mother/father/family. Are there any studies on this? A whole ton of PTSD involved via the parental units and adopted child.
Will dedicate a video to these issues. Thank you for the topic suggestion.
@samvaknin That would be fabulous. I have a very keen interest in this. I suspect at least highly narcissistic traits would be more prevelant in adoptees and if any genetic predisposition to Cluster B personalities are there...these traits or full-blown condition would be nurtured / activated by the trauma of separation from Mother. I am interested to hear from you Sam. Ty.
Great!
Yes it's my experience
Excellent question. I am adopted as well.
Something very funny: My soon to be ex-husband, a diagnosed covert and very malignant NPD narcissist, is getting his "supply" from a 90 year old lady (he's 61) in a nursing home, that he had seen nor thought about in more than 25 years, until 2 months ago.
How absolutely pathetic!
BTW, in case you're wondering how I know, he texted me a photo of them taken in the nursing home, with a text message that said "i visit Mrs. Peggy, my new "girlfriend" (the quotes are mine, he did not put his in quotation marks) every Saturday. Cannot make this sh*t up, even if one tries...LOL
So what to do? No contact and full force of law to get rid of him ? Then he keeps challenging the law process and the cycle continues. Nothing works with the one I'm dealing with 😢 I can't get rid of him
If you grey rock and become less appealing emotional supply his interest with subside, but you cannot fake it, as they are able to detect this.
Can you do a video on narcissists that poison their supply. My mother was poisoning my father and he ended up committing suicide .
Can this collapse happen when a bpd leave the narcissist?
Yes.
Dear Professor Vaknin. Can you please tell me what kind of supply is it, when the supply is 90 years old lady in a nursing home, but the narc is 62?
Is there such thing as a DESPERATE supply? LOL
I'd say he's in for the housing/fortune
Does age gap affect the "quality" of supply? For example a 42-year-old getting supply from a 19-year-old. Isn't this a "low grade" kind of supply( due to big power imbalance)?
It is, if it is not sex.
The ex is a 55 year old grandfather and is running and chasing 15 year olds. And he is totally oblivious to the fact he is 55 its a terrible look.
As the narcissist secures more primary supply, does this trigger devaluation of secondary (stable) supply or is the devaluation/discard process unrelated to supply
Unrelated. Watch the shared fantasy playlist.
Sam - can you do a chart of compatability of personality types from loosest to tightest philosophical fit? ie? 1. somatic narcissist with cerebral narcissist. 2. borderline with covert narcissist 2. psychopath with co dependent. someone should launch a dating cite with clinical questionaires that generate compatability screen rankings.
Watch the video on odd couples.
How long can a narcissist live after collapse? How affect his/her life expectancy? My mother died after her husband shows her he was not carry on put up with her behaviour and her family behaved miserely in my weeding. Her death happened just a month before my sister's weeding.
Watch my videos on collapse and on mortification.
Wow. This is such a good question. I never realised their mortality is dependent on abusing others.
Is not collapse a good thing for narcissists?
From the presentation sounds distructive, but is not the collaps the starting point of healing?
Search the channel for “collapse” and for “mortification”. There is no healing in narcissism.
It’s disgusting when they want what they want now ! Lol. Just like a spoiled child
One wonders what happens to a narcissist in case of a longer lasting societal collapse. Would it imply their narcissistic collapse as well? I know of an old and poor man living in a collapsed country who used to be very successful. Now he visits town to spend some money, mostly on beer and cigarette and have a chat as well. Spending a little bit of money makes him feel like he is SOMEBODY, in his own words. This is a thought that would never ever come to my mind.
I think everyone needs social interaction ... and to have pleasantness with neighbours, friends, family ... unless one is a hermit.
@@sohara.... Agree. The strange thing is the role of money in this.
Sam, what are the mortified narcissists modalities? In layman's terms, what are the mortified narcissists characteristics? Can you expound on that?
All narcissists are capable of being mortified.
@@samvaknin Thank you
Would you consider narcissistic supply the group of men my husband gets drunk with 4 times a week after golf? He comes home drunk and does not want to stop this no matter how it affects our relationship. He is a monster when he is drunk.
His "pals" may well be his Pathological Narcissistic Space. Search this channel for more.
Does it have to be public shaming or can it include shaming done privately?
Mortification is only public shaming.
They want destroyed
Can they become so desperate that they try to connect with our friends and become intimate under fake accounts? If so, why do they keep trying to hoover us, or are they trying to keep everyone?
Please respond Sam.
Narcissist have an attachment style disorder, meaning the narcissist can not connect to a person in a healthy way and can not disconnect in a healthy way, because the narcissist screenshots a person, makes that person into what they want that person to be and interacts only with that picture, because of this, a person is always in the narcissist mind tucked away for a latter day, boxed up, compartmentalized, in the narcissist mind, and it irritates the narcissist that they can never get people out of their mind so they may hoover and will always think that they own a person. This is how some narcissist become obsessive with a person.
What does collapse mean for the Narcissist? Can they recover? Does therapy help them to recover and stop being a narcissist?
Search the channel.
Why is my borderline ex girlfriend acting nice to me after months of treating me poorly
Approach-avoidance. Watch the videos in the BPD playlist.
@@samvaknin thank you