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How To Win People Over Without Manipulation
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- Опубликовано: 7 авг 2024
- Need to win over a so-called enemy? Here’s how to turn your adversaries into powerful allies - no manipulation needed.
C'mon over to www.marieforleo.com/blog/win-... where the main discussion happens after the episode!
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Bob Burg "Adversaries into Allies"
1. control your emotions (rehearse and visualize results)
2. understand the clash of belief systems
3. acknowledge their ego
4. setting the frame
5. communicate with empathy and tact
Very smart gentleman, I suggest you guys to write his name somewhere in the title section or the description of the video, Regards.
+Ulises Calvo
Yea, why no credit has been given to him (in written form) in this vid?!? I had to scroll and read the comments down here in hope to find his name somewhere (after I missed it in the brief mention of his name and book at the beginning of the talk.)
ExtraordinaryLiving, that's funny. That's why I was scrolling through...to find his name. It sounded like Bob Burger.
🍔
which reminds me of the show Bob's Burgers. Funny cartoon!
He may have asked to have it not mentioned?
It's Bob Burg
I love this training and have to say that Bob Burg could persuade me to just about anything as he just comes across as such a respectful, polite, thoughtful and all round decent guy. Just having good manners goes a long way and I think this gets forgotten a lot in our highly competitive world.
Wow! A TON of golden nuggets, I couldn't stop taking notes! A couple of my fav take aways were the definition of "selling" and how to say no. Great video and interview, thank you to both of you for such awesomeness!
Jennifer, I appreciate that a lot! Thank you so much!
This is a great video and has so much value in it beyond what its' caption suggests. I'll have to watch it again to really learn everything taught in it. I have really been struggling with how to sell and your advice on looking at selling differently at the start has really helped. One of many great nuggets. Thank you so much Marie and Bob!
Bob- not only are you showering us with your wealth of knowledge and advice, your charismatic charm was so engaging I found the video passed too quickly! I'd love to spend an evening talking with you! You're fantastic - thank you! And thank you Marie!!
Susie, what a fantastic compliment! Greatly appreciated! I look forward to that conversation taking place!
Hey Marie, I've discovered your channel this week and just wanted to tell you I am totally in - love - with - it !
Keep up doing your thing! Just because you do it so well!
I very much enjoyed this conversation and look forward to adding these books to my library. Thank you so much!
Love your videos. Short , concise powerful. I subscribed and watch a lot of such videos. Yours are definitely up at the TOP.
This reminds me so much of Zig Ziglar's seminar on how great it is to be a salesperson...there has to be that passion and the consideration for the other party. If you genuinely want to help people, they will see that and be much more open to you. Great video, thanks Marie!
Great! Thank You!
I have discovered these concepts intuitively on my own, but it is great you have organized these thoughts and applied labels to them so they can be extracted when needed!
Thoroughly enjoyed hearing him explain things that can often be confusing and make sense of them. Understanding people and their self truth. Very important on knowing how to effectively communicate and create progress. Thanks!
I was just thinking this morning of how to say no to some things, so this was perfect timing! Thank you for all the helpful examples.
I really liked this video. I actually figured a lot of this stuff out on my own and have been applying it and it really does work! But something I need to work on is controlling my emotions when I'm already emotional. I can be a little short-tempered when I'm already upset and quick to react rather than respond, especially through text or social media.
Thank you Marie for this wonderful interview of Bob Burg. I very much value his books, and am looking forward to reading this new book!
Hi Marie!! I discovered your channel a short while ago and am just getting caught up on all your videos....let me just say..you, your team and your guests are changing my life! This video is awesome! Just ran out to grab Bob Burg's book, I had to after watching this video. You and Mr. Burg certainly have a new fan in me! You guys are awesome!
This was priceless advice for me. I believe communication and acceptance are the most important things for true happiness in life. So, thank you Bob for your wonderful insightful contribution in this area as well as your kind thoughtful loving energy and respect for others. Marie thank you for your beautiful awesome existence and all u do. Truly an inspiration in my life.
Still so relevant after 5 years! Team Forleo is the best!
Wow, this answers a question I had on my mind for the last few days without really knowing it
Great talk! I learned more than a few things.
Outstanding. I will be re-watching this again a few times. You two packed more practical advice into 30 minutes than some day long classes I've attended. I'm looking forward to the book. Thank you!
What a terrific compliment. Thank you so much! And, I hope you enjoy the book!
I LOVE this conversation!!
Maria gal you are so fun love lookin at your video's very positive and encouraging. keep it up.
Your videos couldn't have a more perfect blend to create great videos. I look up to you for my videos.
OMG Marie! This video was fantastic! Thank you so much Bob! I took a bunch of notes that I am going to use on my business and life! Thanks you all!
Awesome, Zulay. So glad to know you enjoyed the interview and found the information to be of value!
Thank you so much for this . I needed to hear this and I needed to know that others have the same belief system as me
I loved this interview! I have a few pages of notes and great tips.
Very cool Bob!
This was a great interview, so inspiring. You can feel Bob's infectious passion. I will be sharing. Love & PR.
What a nice compliment. Thank you so much!
Great stuff! Thank you.
Wowza Simon Sinek. Yes, his articulation, sexiness, and passion sends out a big old spike of oxytocin through the inter webs, but his vulnerability in describing his small self when stuck in Afghanistan is so admirable for someone in his position. Authenticity like that is also what makes people great leaders.
I love your videos. Great insight and so understandable.
I loved the Go-Giver, Great read! Reading Endless Referrals now:) I also have Adversaries Into Allies on My Kindle App so that's next. I'm sure there's lots of great value inside and I can't wait to dig in. Appreciate your work Bob and I'll gladly recommend your books to others.
EXCELLENTTALK. Thank you, Marie and Bob Burg. ((hugs))
You are Amazing ,Ola
For me this is one of the best work advice videos ever. If I had had this video in 1987 and listened to it twice a day I would have had a lot more successful career. Oh well. I am starting again so I get to find new fun.
As someone very good at failing and having some success in this area, I will add the following.
Be aware that your body may be more emotionally reactive at times due to medication (e.g., asthma), weed, wine hangovers, caffeine, lack of sleep, illness, all of the above together, etc. Being prepared can help, but it is best to pause when the coworker or competitor hits you with something first thing in the morning. Before reacting take a breath, eat breakfast, take a Maui vacation if you can and then respond. Sorry I didn't read your email because I was packing for Maui.
Also, a good adversary will make clever personal attacks when you are suffering the most. Lobbying taught me that an adversary can be the most important ally in a split second so visualize the situations where this person can help you while they are kicking you when you are down. It will take 10 good "how they can help you" visualizations for each personal attack.
Finally, if you are dealing with someone that has a borderline or paranoid personality disorder cross them off your list they will not change. Add them to your 20% Tim Ferriss would dump list.
Fred, greatly appreciate your kind feedback and insights!
Great conversation plus I like Bob body language, how he express himself, so much to learn, keep it up Maria, nice show:) Maria Rocks..!!!
+Naveed Anjum Naveed, many thanks for your kind feedback. Appreciated! (And, I agree with you that Maria ROCKS!) :-)
Thank you very much for taking so much time to do such a great job. Thank you for the information. In order to continue my study, have you published a list of all the books mentioned in this episode? Thank you again!
I really enjoyed this, thank you! I'm also thrilled to learn that I naturally do a few of these things. I'm always polite and friendly when I 'complain', and I'm gracious when I say no- using very similar phrasing. What I need to work on is the second half actually, saying no again but being more assertive, because people nearly always ask me again because I've been so friendly that they don't really believe me. I would recommend the advice to other people, I've had so many lovely talks and blossoming relationships after saying no. Thanks Bob!
Klara Bow, thank you very much for your kind feedback. And, yes, the second half (after they ask again) can really be the key. The good news is that with just a little bit of practice you'll have it. And, as you know, when you're able to tactfully and effectively say "no" to what you want to say no to, you'll be in a much better position to say "yes" to those things you want to say yes to. Best of success!
I think the saying no technique was the thing that meant the most to me- thanks!
This video added 4 books to my audible wishlist. Thank you very much.
Marie I love your outfit I'm sure you hear that. I like the concept of "see-through" shapes on your dress and then a see through parts on your shoes.
Great talk! I can't wait to read the book! Thank you, Marie and Bob!
Thank YOU, Rosaline. So glad you enjoyed it. And, I hope you enjoy the book!
Love this.Thank you Bob and Marie :)
I loved this video! Very useful information. I am going to grab this book and can't wait to read it. Thank you both!
Thank you, Amy Jo. So glad you enjoyed the video. I hope you enjoy the book and find it to be of value to you!
This video is a gold mine in terms of valuable information for business as well as life.
I've been watching Marie's videos very recently and I'd feel like a fool if i wasn't doing so without a notepad. Bob Burg is a genius and has very informational knowledge im going to apply to my life. Big fan. Please keep doing what you do.
-Evolve
Good informations.
Gold watch, nice suit and lots of hand movements, Keeps you very mesmerized when hes in control of the situation.
It fascinates me to watch Marie TV, especially if it is about Bob Burg´s anazing book, which I have on my desk as reference, for everything I am doing now... I love how successful you both are as entrepreneurs, and how you shine your brightest light into the world... I shared this video on Twitter, and immediately, I got a response from Bob.. And Marie! Wow! I am in awe, not only because I am honored by your attention; but because it inspires me to admire + follow + share your work + learn from you + LOVE YOU even more! #grateful #marieforleo #bobburg #entrepreneur #adversariesintoallies
Monica, that is so kind of you. Thank you VERY much. Greatly appreciate your thoughtfulness. And, I always enjoy our Twitter conversations!
Bob Burg You are absolutely awesome, Bob, thank you 💖💎 I wonder how to challenge “statu quo” without ruffling people’s feathers, within the context of your brilliant “Adversaries Into Allies” 😌What do you suggest, because no matter how kind and tactful I practice being... The only win-win is to reinforce healthy boundaries! Thank you in advance 🙌🏼💜
I love all your videos I feel they make me a better person
Love your shoes!
interesting insights! might want to look into his book
this was great!
Thanks so much for teaching what emotional intelligence REALLY is! This information is key to taking away much of what stresses people out. This resonates so well with a phrase I've used often, which is this: You would be surprised at how much you can gain by simply putting yourself in someone else's shoes.
+Angela Reuss I appreciate your kind thoughts and feedback, Angela. Very grateful!
Thank you for these fantastic tips - truly appreciate the emphasis on how manipulation isn't needed!
Laura, thank YOU. Very grateful for your kind feedback!
Much appreciated, Indo. Thank you!
new favorite channel
thanks a lot dear sister .
I am so glad I found this video. I actually was given one of his book the Go-Giver but never read it. I am going to now. I love all the tips. Thank you so much.
+Samantha Maxineau Thank you so much, Samantha. I appreciate your kind comments and hope you enjoy reading The Go-Giver!
He is right...Rudolf Steiner said the ego is the "I" ...its the part that says....i will connect
Excellent advice! In my last job and current job if I were ask my bosses to clarify 'ASAP', I would literally be stared down as if I was an idiot. My personal interpretation would be to get it done right now, but my co-workers prefer to wait to the last minute. My take on ASAP is the sooner you get the job done, the sooner you get paid! I've had to work with very high energy (possibly ADHD) and egotistic bosses that unfortunately create a lot of exhaustion and anxiety with their lack of leadership and understanding of how to work with people. Many of these tips are beneficial, but in some cases, it's like talking to a brick wall!
Love this video! I definitely have to work on controlling my emotions ans setting the frame... infact all points while i am at it. Lol... Great job Marie!
Amanda, very grateful for your feedback. Glad you enjoyed the chat. Indeed, it's a work in progress for all of us! (At least, for me it is) :-)
Such an insightful talk. I wrote down the no statement to practice it haha and never get into anything that I dont want to do ever again :)
Natalies, thank you for your kind feedback. So glad you enjoyed it. Absolutely practice! :-)
Its such a coincidence that today I was offered a job opening one in which i was extremely honored but due to scheduling I cannot dedicate time to. I tweaked the phrase a bit and I must say I felt as though both parties left of in better terms. Thanks a million :)
Natalies Outlet :-) Thank YOU!
fantastic!
Absolutely loved the tips and insights shared by Marie Forleo and Bob Burg!! Worth spending the time to watch and take in the 5 keys to influencing with respect.
#entrepreneurship #influencermarketing
excellent definition of lying to ourselves : making emotional decisions that we back up with logic (rationalising).
Incredible video on communication skills. Love it !! I'll probably watch it again and again.
+Laura Bramble Laura, thank you so much. Very appreciated!
I will definitely buy his book as soon as I can. I often find myself taken aback by the superfluity of soft skill books out there that all steer in the very same direction: manipulation, manipulation and even more manipulation. They just clash so deeply with my own belief system that I've often resorted to rather imitating people I consider true leaders ("fake it 'til you make it") than learn the fancy hypnosis technique du jour and abuse my rhetorical skills. However, Bob Burg articulates himself impressively, and just seems like a kind, decent person with a message that is important to him, and definitely closer to authentic leadership than whatever New Age snake oil out there. Thank you for this video Marie! I think I'm becoming a fan of your channel :)
+ mingsoul
Yea, I am looking to get this book too ... am looking at Amazon listing right now, and getting a bit confused.
This is the book Marie Forleo is holding up ...
www.amazon.com/Adversaries-into-Allies-Manipulation-Hardcover/dp/B00NPONJJM/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8
And then, there is this one, seems to be a more recent (reprint) edition ...
www.amazon.com/Adversaries-into-Allies-Ultimate-Influence/dp/1591848164/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8
The second one has a different cover design and title, yet it seems to have the same content as the first one. Which one did you end up buying?
I always love people who are mixing spirituality with daily life business..this is how everyone should run their business. We are the change and once we understand this we can create a different reality. Thank you Marie and Bob Burg for the amazing energy you've send to us!!
Cumiral: Thank you for your very kind and thoughtful words. So glad you enjoyed the discussion!
It was my pleasure :)! There is this saying : "tell me who your friends are and i tell you who you are" that is absolutely true in this case as well. Marie brings in her show the people who matches her energy and that's why when the 2 people meet there is this explosion of light ..and we can feel it. That is absolutely wonderful! Thank you once again :)!!
Wow - thank you! The pleasure was mine!
you know, every episod you made , it's help me very much , i hope you will more than video to help everybody , god bless you ,thank you
You two are so great! Many thanks for all the advices! (Marie, is it a pic of you and Oprah in the background? Wow!).
Much gratitude, Joss. Thank you!
Great interview. I loved when Bob touched on the a ego; his realistic approach on ego is relatable to me. I've never heard of Bob Burg before but this video made me an instant fan. I can't wait to order your books off Amazon. Thanks Marie and Bob.
I appreciate your very kind words, Michelle. Thank you so much! And, I hope you enjoy the books!
wow! Muy bueno
Me encanto esta entrevista.
Muchas gracias, Daisy. Honored to know you enjoyed it!
This is so good. Nowadays, before I act, I ask how may I implement Bob Burg's teachings.
Love it. Gentleness! It's an old knowing.
Thank you!
Interesting.
Informative.
Engaging presentation.
Thanks!
Will much of these five be lost on our youth, others and often soul less online "communication" mixed with self infatuation,
Entitlement and me first...
I believe the "visual"context of communication remains central to much of what is described here.
What shoes?
Finn, thank you so much. Very appreciated!
thank you bob (:
Love yours shoes too. Beautiful Forleo. His Fan.
'I'd rather not', sounds very rude if you are in the UK.
May I suggest an additional option: 'Thank you for asking, and I am sorry to disappoint, but '[doing this thing]' does not fit in with my goals/schedule /plans (add 'at the moment/right now '..if you want them to check in with you at a later time)'. That way you are being completely honest about not wanting to do it but hopefully avoid offending the person who is asking by default.
Of course, there will always be those who have been taught not to take No for an answer. In those cases I suggest saying firmly but politely, 'I am afraid the more you persist the more likely you are to alienate me completely.' If that doesn't work either, say Thank you and Goodbye and put the phone down/click hangup. :)
+Lila Smith
Yes, since I practice living in alignment, I use this strategy "does not fit in with my goals/schedule /plans" too when I have to give a "no". Awesome suggestion!
That's English formality for you!
But like he said, just use the words that are natural to you.
Your comeback sounds very rough though. As if you were not even prepared to consider saying yes. You're basically just throwing your entire relationship on the line just to get away with not doing it, while the person on the other end might desperately need you.
KevInKobe
Oh yes ... saying "Thank you for asking, and I am sorry to disappoint, but [doing this thing] does not fit in with my goals/schedule/plans (add 'at the moment/right now')", I do hear it that the speaker has considered saying yes, but by saying yes to do whatever that is being asked does not fit in with the speaker's goals/schedule/plans.
In fact, this reply is a very tactful one.
The "I rather not" reply is the one that sounds quickly dismissive (and rude) and lacking consideration.
As a non-native english speaker "I'd rather not" sounds like you have a reason that you can back up.
Bob has made my day....being an entrepreneur in a country like India...its a big challenge to deal with people out here..or for that matter anywhere on this planet..Bob has really made those 30 minutes of his talk turn out to be useful for my next 30 years ..Thanks a ton Bob..Thanks to you too Marie..She indeed Rocks....
Nischal, what a great compliment. Thank you for your very kind words!
I mean it Bob...its me who must Thank ya time n again...keep d good work going...guys like us look up to experts like ya... good night n God bless all of us...
Very appreciated, Nischal!
Persuasion enhance the other person, being able to make people responsible-response-able. While Manipulating force and control people, being pushy of yourself's goals instead of adding value to them.
Thank you Marie for this video, I like it and it has good advice. Unfortunately I live in China and it just doesn't work to be sincere and nice. God knows me and my foreign friends have tried it, especially the hotel example. The only way to get what you need (as opposed to want) is either to offer people superb terms (in business) or to kick up a big fuss which is to include horrible reviews (in the hotel). I certainly wish being nice and sincere, providing the comfortable rather than confrontational route were the way here.
Great interview!! Loved seeing my friend Bob Burg on the Marie Forleo show!! The information was very valuable!! Thank you both....
Thank YOU, Roberta. I appreciate your very kind comments!
Bob Burg My pleasure!! Hope to see you in person one of these days...
Hopefully speaking back in the Boston area again sometime in 2015. Look forward to seeing you, as well!
That would be great!! You have a lot of followers here in Boston...
i m buying his book !
awesome...and I so appreciate your replying everyone who comments here...what a genuine approach towards your fans.
What a great compliment, Adrulrub. I appreciate that very much!
Ok I had to watch this one twice!
Darren: Thank you. So glad you enjoyed it!
I know this is from two thousand and fourteen but she has a really young spirit here.
Winning people means that they should have that sense of self/value instead of adversary inspite of differences.
When people say "think before you speak" this is what you're supposed to think about
"rational-lies" MIND BLOWN!
MARIE where'd you get those heels, tho?? I love your channel :)
kl
Would have liked a repeated showing of the book titles and author/speaker's full name at the end of the video (maybe I missed!). Hey I like his hair - looks like Perry Mason (old TV show about a lawyer)
What I do at parties to advertise my own company is denigrate not only my competitors but other companies at the party so that people will think mine is superior. For example, I take business cards given to me to show people the various faults I find.
Thank You Bob & marieforleo for some fun-filled #PhilosophicalAerobics ;-) How are you feeling today (Spiritually, Mentally, & Physically)?♥
This is Tony Scruggs (@Compassioning) from the Marianne Williamson campaign, & as an 'Empathy Coach' (& former Wooden trained Pro-Athlete) teaching the #LanguageOfConnection & sharing #TheEmpathyPLAN, here are my four cents:
Having been recruited, drafted, & discovered (Sag/Aftra), my experience is working hard while in the door, not knocking hard to get in the door, so I LOVED Bob's def of Selling (Giving people what they want)!
Being trained in Ahimsa by Gandhi's Grandson in India, I found resonance around the Power with others Philos of Persuasion & Influence (vs power over others, aka manipulation, or Abundance vs scarcity)
On to THE FIVE:
(1) Control Emotions (I heard make Objective Observations vs subjective evaluations... & use Mental Rehearsal...like we do in Sports, seeing 1st pitch to last out)
(2) Clash of Beliefs (I was taught, Beliefs were a sense of certainty about the meaning of something, so that def aides in the Empathy)
(3) Acknowledging their ego (if ego is Edging God Out, I so see the Infinite Oneness~18~that I can see people's Pleases & Thank You's, but not so much any ego's)
(4) Framing (story/interpretation) look to Empathize (reset frame)...as 1D would say, 'Story Of My Life'
(5) Communicating with Empathy & tact (I know nothing else, other than being Empathic) ;-)
*Saying no ("t/u, that's not something I'd like to do (honored) I'd rather not (Just for Clarity)...in #TheEmpathyPLAN, the Philosophy around saying 'no' is "Say the Need that prevents you from saying YES" (My need to honor a previous commitment, prevents me from saying Yes)...all the Universe hears is Yes (& the other person hears a gift)
"Stay on your Game, and Keep going for your Dreams, because the World needs that special gift, that only you have" ~#MarieForleo (Btw, I LOVED your intv with my buddy Jairek Robbins )
Love, SiMBa ( #SpiritMindBody, with inspiration and abundance mixed in Dyan Diamond Inspirationalist )
Tony, much thanks. Appreciate your kind words and your insightful thoughts!
Bob Burg Thank You for the Gift of #Empathy (being Seen, Heard, & Understood)!
Your #ActOfCompassion reminds me of when #CoachWooden taught us about his friend #EdwardsDeming (who as you know went to Japan, & employed #ConstantAndNeverEndingImprovement, aka Kaizen), and your #VerbalSunshine has just shifted me from satisfied to Loyal ;-)
Love, SiMBa (aka Tony Scruggs)
PS While I have you here, I was approached today about bringing the #LanguageOfNonViolence to Athletes, so I was playing with labels: "#ExcellenceOffTheField: The Athletes Guide to #ResolvingConflict with Family, Friends, Fans, & Ourselves" (In light of the NFL suspension of AP)! Thoughts? ;-)
Marie, your hair is INSANE.
yes. reframe. if you are good at selling it won't feel like it ;)
Bob Burg!
You are very fantastic Manipulator
Hi,
I've got a question.
I'm afraid that when i say "i'm honored you asked me..." and things like that, that it will not look natural, real and like if i mean it.
Also, i've got a bit trouble talking confidentely and natural to people i don't know well, even though i'm not really afraid for them not liking me or them finding me weird or consequenses like that.
My head get's a bit vague on moments like that, even though i don't think i'm a shy person.
Does anyone have advice/ solutions/ links to videos that can help me?
Thanks a lot.
Good Question!
Bob, Could you share your idea on how to decline donation requests? I get many of them for many great causes but can't support them all. Thank you!
Hi Cindy, thank you for your question. If you'll refer to the part where Marie and I were discussing how to say no to serving on a committee, you can basically use the exact same language.
Thank you
My pleasure.
June 2018