Tricky video to film. I don’t want to offend anyone of any faith. Im raising awareness of when and were do you think its appropriate to start praying for a disabled person and even if they want to be prayed for? Is it appropriate to pray for them while they are working in a shop? Is it ok to start praying for them while you are in line for your groceries? I’d love to hear your thoughts and any stories you may have? Please be respectful of others opinions.
Pray for them when and how you want if.They don't like it it's between them and God. Freedom of speech and Religion. They don't have to sit and listen, freedom of movement, don't try to force them to listen.
For me, I find it sweet if someone I've had a nice chat with (like your woman in the fitting room) wants to include me in their prayers. Then I feel it comes from a good place and from someone who saw me as a person and wants me well. I find it wildly inappropriate, however, when complete strangers, having had no interaction with me whatsoever, take it upon themselves to (try to) start praying for me then and there. That is not coming from a good place, but often from someone who believe my condition is self inflicted because of some sin, or someone who, like you said, think my life must be so horrible I need saving. That just creeps me out. Some people like to cite freedom of speech in cases like these, but they clearly don't understand what that means. Freedom of Speech means we have the right to say what we want without retaliation and/or persecution from the government as long as what we say does not break another law! It means we cannot be imprisoned or tortured for saying things like "the PM should be a man" or that "the archbishop should be Catholic"; it does not mean you have a legal right to say whatever goes through your head to any random person on the street. Great topic, Gem, and very sensitive handling of such a divide topic. I think this is the best video you've done! 🤗🌻
Wheelsnoheels - Gem Hubbard 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I think you handled this topic very diplomatically. Personally I’m a Christian but I’d never feel comfortable going up to a stranger and just being like “hey can i pray for you”. I also don’t think it’s very appropriate a lot of the time as you mentioned but also from a Christian perspective it’s not right to always see a physical illness/ disability as something that we need to rush in and fix. Yes, sometimes people are healed and that’s great but our physical bodies aren’t the be all and end all. Praying for people shouldn’t only be seen as being for immediate, physical results - prayer can also just be for someone who’s having a bad day regardless of disability. Sending you lots of love 💕 💞
I pray for people all the time. I just don't think it replaces actual aid. Nor would I do it in front of a person. A person should keep their theism to themselves.
I think that to randomly ask us if we can be prayed for assumes that we are pitiable, sad, and "broken". It feeds into this medical model of disability where we are inherently less than the rest of society and that we need fixing. I'm just not here for it. I LOVE my life. I don't spend any time at all thinking about being able bodied, I think I am badass just as I am. I'm tired of people seeing me as inherently ruined - I am FABULOUS, as is my whole life. Yes. The WORLD needs to be more accessible. The WORLD is broken. But I believe strongly in something Annie Elaney says about how the hardest thing isn't always disability but ableism and a lack of access. I would rather focus on changing the world than change on my body. I don't need pity, I need allyship to fix this broken world.
THIS👏RIGHT👏HERE👏!!! Ah thank you so much for articulating this point so beautifully!! We aren’t broken!! The world that sees people who have not only managed, but flourished despite all the ways we are othered and denied access, is absolutely what is broken. When people go all pity party on me I shut it down quite quickly by saying that I wouldn’t change a thing. That my conditions and disability make me who I am and that it’s very likely without them that I’d be a compassionless, thoughtless a$&hole who has missed the whole entire boat when it comes to understanding and experiencing the human condition ....and then I just stare really blankly at them until it clicks😳😂😂(lol not everyone--typically just the ones that lead with “what’s wrong with you?” 😳🤦🏻♀️🤯or who are excessively pitying even after I’ve expressed discomfort) Aaaannnyway- thank you again for reminding folks out there that having a disability or what is seen as a limitation in one area-especially in the world we are currently residing in- doesn’t mean that we are less than or require pity. It’s generally quite the opposite.
@@MrsKHardy23 I'm glad my words resonated! I agree with everything you said too! I think there is a fine line...obviously many things about life are harder for us. We struggle and get exhausted and some of us deal with pain and on and on. For someone to be a part of our lives they need to understand that things are often more difficult for us. Even if someone isn't going to be close to someone with a disability, we need allies working with us for better accessibility and equality. But being pitied is harmful, I think. No matter how good your internal sense of self is, hearing something about yourself is insidious and worms into your brain. If we hear 50 times a day that someone sees us as pitiable or broken or that they would kill themselves if they were us...that can really tear us down! I am one of the happiest most confident people I know (and was before my accident) and yet people have said things which have hurt me deeply. I wish people would stop believing that we are such wretched creatures we need a miracle.
I have 3 boys, 2 are special needs children. One has Autism, one has DiGeorge Syndrome and Peters Anomaly. The one with DiGeorge and Peters has a lot of invisible disabilities but a few visible ones. As a Christian, I always welcome prayers for my children, but not for healing. I ask them To pray for God's will to be done and His glory to be revealed. I'm also a firm believer in the scripture "faith without works is dead." Don't just pray for a disabled person, especially if they're in your life. Be the hands and feet and put your faith to action. Offer to help with an errand or cook a meal (this is from a moms perspective) or offer any help you can think of. Encourage the person and love on them just like you would anyone else who inspires you, too! Most importantly, remember the person isn't broken. Don't treat them differently because they're disabled. Accommodate if needed, but don't treat them differently. Subscribing!
I don’t feel like I owe a total stranger anything. I read enough True crime books to know that some people are legitimately really, really bad. If anyone makes me feel uncomfortable, I remove myself from that situation, and if I have to, I try to make sure I am in eyesight of a police officer or security guard because I feel like it’s their job to make sure nobody is being harassed. I don’t feel forced to have a conversation that is deeply personal with a stranger, whether it’s about my medical history or about my faith. People need to learn appropriate stranger to stranger interactions, and these are so not it. When I was about 12 or 13, my aunt wanted to sprinkle holy water on me to cure me. I was born with Spina Bifida, unless your holy water has a fully developed spine in it and a bunch of other things, I’m pretty sure not much Is going to happen other than I’m going to have a wet head and be annoyed by the whole situation. However, I was generally taught to be polite to adults, especially family members, so at the age of 12 or 13, I didn’t really know how to make “No, get away from me” sound nice, so luckily and kind of shockingly, my mother told my aunt to leave me alone lol. Now my aunt is married to an atheist and seems to have much more chill ideas. 🤷♂️
Thank you! I also find it really uncomfortable when people (usually strangers) stop to ask if they can pray for me. Definitely don’t want someone putting their hands on me or praying while I sit there uncomfortably waiting for them to finish (which has happened more than once). And with strangers, I have to wonder why me and not anyone else when most people have really difficult things happen in their lives (and the person is usually making all kinds of assumptions about me which are 100% guaranteed to be inaccurate). And as someone said, prayer does not replace *actual* help (like advocating for accessibility and for disability rights in general, for instance) so it doesn’t impress me much honestly. 😬 As a rule of thumb, if someone wants to pray for me on their own time, fill your boots but don’t feel the need to tell me about it; it’s weird.
Talking about not being 'blessed' I wrote a blog post. 'thewheelsonmum' called treat me like a dog. When a dog needs a wheelchair we all cheer and celebrate. But when it's a human we seem to pity them. I don't understand that myself. My chair is my freedom xxxx
Exactly! When I woke up from the spinal surgery that caused my T2 paralisys the doctor told me I would be able to walk again. So, in the early days after my injury I was in PT of course, and I could stand on one leg as long as I had something to balance me, like a kitchen counter, file cabinet, dresser, etc. I had one reasonably good legvandvthe other was paralyzed. I could not use a cane or crutches.My physical therapist had me fitted for a leg brace that went all the way up my thigh and down to my foot. It was janky and awkward and it pinched my skin. I would dutifully use it in therapy sessions but at home I could not safely use it because I lived alone and had no one to help me if I fell. My bathroom was so small that when I used the toilet my leg would stick straight out and hit the wall. I had to use a walker with it. I had to wear 2 different sizes of shoes because foot part of the brace wouldn't fit in my normal size. One day I went 20 feet outside my door to get the mail and I fell and screamed for 20 minute for help. When I got back inside my house I took that damn thing off and threw it in the closet and never put it on again. The doctors and therapists version of "walking" was much different than mine and wasn't functional for me. I had more fun and could get around much easier in my wheelchair. My family didn't understand this and got angry at me and told me I was giving up. I didn't mince words in my reply and told them it wasn't their life and not to ever bring the topic up again in front of me. Like for you, my wheelchair meant freedom for me.
Holly Bercik omg YES. There is this friend of a friend who is always on my disability activism posts trying to....this sounds awful, but it always feels like she is trying to say what she thinks I want to hear. However she misses the mark a LOT. Recently we were talking about chair accessibility and she went off about how this one time she had to be in a chair and it was awful, she was embarrassed, it was so humiliating...and that is how it feels for everyone so people should consider that if they see someone in a chair, they are miserable and horrified to be in that chair....so people should help us a lot because we are already suffering to be in the chair. Normally i try to roll with whatever she is saying because I know she means well, but that one was too much!!! I hated to think of all my wheelie friends reading what she wrote without my saying something. Because I think a LOT of us see our chairs as our freedom. I can get around my house with stuff to hang onto, for short distances i can use forearm crutches. But for any real distance i need a chair. Because my right arm has severe nerve damage a manual chair is difficult for me - I recently got a power chair and am IN FREAKING LOVE WITH IT. Like, there is no humiliation and misery, I can DO stuff now!!! I think the world is always trying to tell us we need fixing, that we are inherently less than abled people. While i think we all feel that way at times, I don't think that is a healthy view to live your life with. Of course I see the inherent challenges and difficulties to living disabled in a world not made for us, absolutely. I am also a chronic pain patient and that is hard to deal with too. But i just cannot live out the rest of my life feeling broken and less than everyone else and wishing i was abled. I am freaking badass, I have a phenomenal life, and i won't feel broken forever.
@@OverdramaticAngel to call her a "friend" is a strong word. We have mutual friends who I know through a mom's group. But now that I think about it, she hasn't commented on anything of mine in quite some time.
If someone asked me this I’d be incredibly embarrassed. It’s just drawing attention to the fact that they’ve find me different to them in some way, and then I’d have to use energy I might not have to respond to them politely. I don’t mind if they pray for me, but asking in public puts pressure and attention on me that I’m not comfortable with.
I had a co-worker who signed me up to see a "faith healer" who was stopping at a church in my town. I thought he was kidding me but he was serious about it. I told him to "thanks but no thanks". And never really looked at him the same again.
I haven't had anyone ask to pray for me regarding my disability (since the only part that makes it visible is my service dog) yet, but for me that kind of question or discussion is EXTREMELY triggering of my CPTSD. If someone asked me that it would most definitely send me into a severe panic attack. Good job handling it the way you did!
a friend of a family member’s saw me out and about and actually had a family member with one of my conditions. when she asked if she could “pray over me” i thought she said “pray for me”, as in later, at home, in private, etc. (lol hard of hearing mishaps!) instead she put her hands on me and humiliated me, “commanding god” to “cure me, make my body work again, fix me, etc.” and i was utterly humiliated. disabled does not mean broken! i now tell people who ask sure you can pray for me in private or at church, but don’t pray for me to be “fixed”. pray for better treatments, new medications, understanding drs/society, days with less pain, etc. i really don’t understand why ppl feel the need to make it a public ordeal? maybe to make them feel better about themselves or show how religious and superior they think they are? this is such an important conversation to have! 💕
I agree with you. If people want to do it, and your happy with it, they really need to be careful about the words they use too. Thank you for your comment. Please feel free to share the video around on your socials. x
Thanks Gem for another great video! Definitely a tricky one this but I think you did a great job and absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said if you want to pray for someone just do it with your daily prayers. I am not religious but I have friends who are and I feel very honoured if they tell me that they have been praying for me, because I know they want things to be easier for me not as a suggestion that I need to be saved etc. But like you I would be very uncomfortable if I was approached by a stranger in a, public place. I have recently found your channel and though not new to chronic health difficulties, I have only fairly recently become a regular wheelchair user so am finding the information you provide really helpful. So thanks again Gem and thanks too for being brave enough to address tricky issues to help those of us living with chronic health and disabilities.
I have a few invisible chronic illnesses but I still get asked every now and then I'd they can pray for me or say that I am very brave. It always makes me really uncomfortable and I don't know how to respond and I don't know, I don't feel brave and I don't feel like they should pray for me. It's just uncomfortable.
You are a real inspiration! Wish I found your channel earlyer. Because in my teenage years I had a really tough time accepting my disability. Now I'm 26 years old, mother of a beautyful boy and a boy on the way. Thanks for your stories and advice!
Most people mean well so I usually don't worry too much about it it's not intrusive. Some people just seem to have no tact. One time this woman sneaked a religious tract into the basket under my daughter's wheelchair. Crossing the line. Don't touch someones' wheelchair without asking, don't sneak religious tracts to kids without their parents permission. It's gross. Another woman came up to us and kept asking, "What is wrong with her?" several times I politely gave a vague answer and she just wouldn't stop and I'm like you're not entitled to her detailed medical history. So then she's like did you know about this before she was born? In my experience that is usually a tactful way of asking if I'd have terminated my pregnancy if I'd known. :/ I walked away and then she wanted to pray for me and I just couldn't. I wonder if people realize they're not having the impact they want to have by how they go about it. If you want to help disabled people don't be the ones acting like it's unreasonable or just too expensive to have accessible bathrooms in public spaces.
Yes, all of this. Especially the last part. If you really want to help disabled people, make sure the resources we need to live our lives are not taken away. That is something that is actually of help.
This has happened a lot to me and my husband together. It does bug me. I have beliefs myself but they are mine and mine alone. I would never project my beliefs onto others. I was blessed as a nun when I was around 15 months old. I have no recollection of it but my mother and nan remember it clearly.
i come from a Christian background but I'm not overly religious, I prefer to pick the good bits and carry them through life regardless of who put them in their dogma. I have chronic pain which is spreading and tend to say you can but others may benefit from your prayer more than me. I have two issues with praying for people firstly, I have an incurable condition prayer isn't going to help me very much, and secondly by offering to pray for me your suggesting that there is something wrong with me. The second point is the biggest issue I have as your judging me and I don't see myself as being any worse off particularly, yes a bit less pain would be nice but it's still me I am the person I have always been. I can take the kind wishes and well-meant thoughts but it does irk me. As to strangers judging me based on their religion ass to my sinning to be in this position in the first place and the like, and yes it does happen, well my normal reply is @you be I did and I had great fun in the process!" politeness is the key to life and I think faith is a good thing but you shouldnt impose your faith on others unless you are very certain that they are of the same mindset as you. Ofh and never ever touch someone i have horriic hypersensitivity and I will lash out if touched as it is just so painful so the black eye you get for laying on hands with out asking is your own fault !
You just made me realize something I've never been able to put my finger on. I teach, effectively, allyship and activism for a living. One of the things that bugs me about strangers wanting to pray for me is something I tell people all the time in my work. Basically, you need to listen to the person you want to assist, let them lead in the help that they need. I think the praying thing is one example in a LONG list of ways that people tend to infantilize us - they are assuming we need the prayer, that we want the prayer, that the prayer is the best way to help in that moment.
Kimmaline hi, thank you for putting it in a much better way, that is it in a nutshell, I personally hold onto what little independence I have and by people presuming things I loose more of it, for example my biggest bugbear is shopping if I personally pay for something or even ask for cashbook a lot of times the cashier will hand my change to my partner who is my carer as if I don't even exist, and given how close people stand in shopping questions in england they could have just given it to a stranger for all they know. I personally feel that people walking over and going oh you poor think I will pray for you without even saying anything conversationally first is the same thing, they probably wouldn't walk up to some strapping man and say the same thing so why me, I am very open about my condition and experiences and admit I will lecture anyone who try to remove my independence, normally in a nice way I promise, and to be fair most listen and take on that I'm a grumpy battle axe and crossing me may get you a sore toe ! I think it's different if you know that person and it's said in understanding to your situation but not a stranger! All this said I'm not too keen on holy walter being cast over my sinner body either, I know how to have a shower thanks no help needed. Lol I guess for all my ranting and raving the spectacle of a well meaning soul crossing my path is probably worth a laugh especially the ones who don't take no for an answer as that's when politeness goes and comments such as "why are you so interested in my sinning is it because you have a fetish? "... are said! I am for living life as best I can with a lot of laughter on the way but cross me at your own risk and don't give my change to other people.... think incredible hulk in a wheelchair ! Lol
@@LindzTheLooneyOfLondon I missed this back when you replied. Sorry! You are SO RIGHT about the assumptions angle. When I was pregnant with my daughter, strangers would walk up to me in stores and ask how I got pregnant. All. The. Time. Everyone assumed I did fertility....which is annoying because it also comes back to how we see fertility issues too. But time and time and time again strangers would walk up to me and ask. SO RUDE. One day I had enough, so when this sweater-and-pearls type asked me how I got pregnant, I said, "oh, I f@cked my husband. How do you ableds do it?" I think that was maybe not too kind of me, but my 89yo grandma was with me and couldn't stop laughing. ;)
Both me and my husband come from religious families, although we aren't very religious ourselves. So I've had to do the whole dance of "thank you but no thank you", and dealing with both sides thinking that I just want to be disabled, or even that I'm faking my invisible illnesses, and that's why I don't want to be prayed over, because then if it doesn't work it would be prof that I'm not ill.. Anyway, my mother is legally blind, and she can only see with specialized lenses. Yet she has asked to pray over me, and anoint me with oils, when God wouldn't even heal her when she is blind. It just blows my mind.
I'm so glad that this doesn't happen where I live now. People here see religion as a very private thing. As it is, I only have to deal with it on occasion when my dad wants to pray for me over Skype. I really don't think I could handle it anymore if I encountered it more than that. Personally, I believe that if prayer worked, I would be well by now. I have ME and ever since I first started showing symptoms I've had people praying for me. My dad is a preacher, and I know his church prays for me every Sunday. I've had people lay hands on me, annoint me with holy oil and holy water, pray over me until I passed out and lay curled up in fetal position on the floor. I had personal sessions with a healer who is now sick herself (go figure). I'm so glad that I'm out of that environment now. It makes you feel like it's your fault for not getting better, like maybe sin is in the way or you don't believe hard enough. It's emotionally draining. If you want to pray for me or others like me, do it as Jesus told you to - in a closet where only he can see you, not on the street corner like the hypocrites do. You don't need to ask the disabled stranger anything, because god should know what's wrong and that's good enough. Keep it to yourself.
I love your videos! You’re so non-judgemental and kind! I agree we are all blessed in different ways :). I have faith (Christian) but as a sociologist I’m not a huge fan of organised religion lol. When I moved to my new neighbourhood, after a few weeke a woman came over and said she’d seen me a few times and had been praying for me and asked me to go to her church. I told her I was grateful for her kindness and told her I actually am already a Christian and I’m very happy. She then brought me books about her church pastors work and said they are praying for my healing. I thought she was lovely and friendly but I didn’t like it, it felt very much like pity and I felt like she thought my faith wasn’t strong enough and if I was really good with God then I’d not be in a wheelchair. I also went back to church and the first week there a total stranger came up and asked to pray for me and I again wasn’t very comfortable but thought, I’m in church! I cant say no! At the time I was stressed out doibg my masters degree, prayer for that would actually have been cool but she never asked me what I needed prayer for, she assumed it would be for healing and off she went... it left me feeling unaccepted in my current form. I dont go to church now lol
I’m a practicing Catholic, and believe in miracles. BUT I hate when people from groups are coming up to me, and hold there hands on me, and start praying for forgiveness for my sins. I really don’t and won’t believe in a God that “punish”. I have people in my parish that regularly pray for me, for ease of pain. My life are pretty god, living with my wonderful children and wife. I’m thankful for the life God have given me and are quite content. Of course if I had a choice, I could get rid of my pain, not necessarily my wheelchair. Legs are quite overrated...
Göran Klarén I couldn't agree more! No pain would be grest, but I can think of a number of ways wheels are better than heels, and it's definitely great never having to look for a seat when you're out and about. 😊 Your name suggests you're Swedish, so here's a 🤗 hej, hej 🤗 from a fellow Swede. 😁
Dear Gem, I don't think that if someone asks if he could pray for us is meant to be bad or embarrassing for us. I let others do what they want to do and hope they do it the other way around too. The worst thing I heard when I was at IKEA in a wheelchair, my son was pushing me and we had a lot of fun looking for furniture for him, was:" Why is the woman in the wheelchair laughing?!?" Should I be crying all the time? We definitely had a lot of fun and this comment hurt! My son looked at that woman and she turned away blushed deeply red. Most people really don't know how to act correctly towards us. This comes from helplessness and kind of stupidness also. I have always been trying to treat other people the way I want to be treated. This works pretty fine! Hope you are having a great day, sincerely Britta
Yes you are right. I know they mean well, but to get aggressive if you say you don't want to be prayed for is not nice. I also think there is a time and a place. Im sure most of the time they mean well, but they need to be considerate of others. xx
@@Wheelsnoheels impact is always greater than intent. If they don't mean harm, yes that counts for something....but that something doesn't erase the hurt or the harm or the way we are othered.
I just pray for everyone, especially if they are going through some difficulty in life. That said, I would never go up to a stranger, especially one with disabilities, and assume they want or need it due to what they are experiencing. I see my chair when I go out to theme parks as an aid to do more, not as something in my life that’s less than optimum.
Just had someone do this while at a service dog fundraiser. It was really embarrassing especially since I’m ambulatory so I can walk if necessary, and he kept bringing up that he prayed I’d walk again 😂 took everything for me not to stand up and freak him out
I myself am an atheist (possibly a satanist) and I'm okay with people asking if they can pray for me to do well in life despite my illnesses, but I don't like the idea of people praying for me to be cured. I have multiple physical and mental disabilities, and I like the idea of people turning to the most powerful being they know of to ask that things like my lung disease and psychosis don't interrupt my life too much, but I don't want them to pray for me to be cured just because it's not realistic for me to ever be abled, since some of my disabilities are genetic.
People ask me “Don’t you WANT to walk!?!” When I explain I was born with spina bifida, have severe scoliosis, & my left leg was amputated in 2004 because of an infection in my knee. Honestly at this point in my life walking isn’t something I have to do to live my life. When I say No I don’t want to walk then they try to make me feel guilty about not being devastated I can’t walk!!!!
Great subject. I'm ok if a friend is visiting me at home (often a rarity, lol) & we're likely to pray together/for eachother. I'm a Christian & am rarely able to attend a church service in the traditional sense. But when I have, people automatically assume I'm there to be prayed for, when I actually just want to enjoy the service and pray for someone else. All that is seen is the disability, not the person. Many assume, if you need a wheelchair you're automatically unhappy & dissatisfied with your life. I can often have the flip side where folk will drop all their concerns in your lap, because you understand suffering, right! That can be a bit overwhelming. I know folk mean well. But having a disability & needing prayer are two different things.
Hope found in M.E. I’m also a Christian in a wheelchair and go to church whenever I can. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you’ve said. I just wish there were more disabled people at my church then I wouldn’t look so obvious. People really can’t see past my chair at times.
I TOTALLY thought of this video last week, I was at my daughter's Back To School night and this random man smiled and told me he hoped I felt better. My first thought was, "well, I really want a big glass of wine, but other than that I'm feeling pretty great...." Given the price, not many people are going to invest in an electric chair simply to use with a temporary injury. I mean, he was older and clearly trying to be nice, but I just hate the way we are always viewed. Pitiable.
I did have someone approach me to pray publicly in my high school several years ago, which was awkward and embarrassing! My friends teased me about it for a while after, which made it funny, but it was still incredibly uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the church my family went to when I was younger puts me in their prayers every time I have a surgery, and it makes me feel cared for and happy, even though I'm no longer religious. I think the difference is that the kid in school wanted to make himself feel like a better Christian, while my church genuinely wished me well. Also, that he just assumed everything was wrong with me bc of my chair, whereas the church only gave me prayer when it was needed.
Just found your channel and wanted to share an experience I had of this same topic as I am wheelchair bound as well. There was a time I would go with a friend to their church cause they were involved with the church community and would do errands for them. On one of our visits to the church, I was waiting in the lobby as I normally would, except this time one of the kids from a teen youth group passed by and asked me if they could pray for me. Given where I was I played nice and said sure, I don’t mind. So there I was hoping it would be like 5 mins and be done. Oh no, this kid prayed for 15mins and then at the end, he actually asked me if I wanted to see if I could walk again. He said yeah, I feel like God is strongly with you. So, I politely said, thanks but... I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I was floored! 😂 New sub, and I think your channel covers some awesome content! 👍😎
Hi there. So sorry I didn't see your comment sooner. I have been on a bit of a summer break. Thank you so much for your comment. Yeah I had someone pray for me, and it went on FOREVER!!!! and was asked if i was better lol. x
Wheelsnoheels - Gem Hubbard No problem on the late reply. I know youtubers can be busy, or in need of breaks from time to time, or will only respond to first few comments, so seeing your reply even on a video that’s a couple months old is awesome. Really just wanted to share my lil story as I could relate with this one, with the side of “you have been healed” moment. Lol. No offense to any religious beliefs, people are free to believe what they want to believe. Thanks for the reply and keep up the great work! 😎
haha I used to have a girlfriend who used a wheelchair (Th12 SCI). One day we were strolling the main street in our town and out of the blue a girl came up to us and said "I see your legs are sick , can I pray for you to our God Almighty".. That was... odd xD
I think most people would benefit from learning a thing or two about how injuries work, and also learn the fact that a TON of people like myself actually CAN park the car, walk to the trunk, take out the wheelchair and sit down in it. Seen first hand people claim miracle when praying for people in a wheelchair. I'm gonna bet my car and house those same people don't know what an ambulatory wheelchair user is...
When someone asks me this I respond with, “Why?” Most people can’t think of an answer and just smile and leave, some people will make an excuse and others will say “for your recovery”. I decline those people, saying that if their God made me with a disability then praying won’t change that, but thank them for the sentiment.
I remember when I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was away from home and I was so relieved to know that I wasn't making it all up. My parents were told but didn't comprehend until I came and visited them and had to spend three days in bed as a result. The one day I could actually walk around with a crutch to lean on, my mother and I were halted by a cashier in a shop who wouldn't let me leave as they were too busy talking to me about how they were going to 'pray for me to save me' and that a 'poor young adult shouldn't have illnesses' and that 'they're going to find a cure to fix me' to actually put my payment through! My mum and I had to stand there and suffer the indignity that comes with someone else's pure pity raining down on you that I just wanted to abandon the shopping entirely. I'm sure there are people out there who mean well when they ask and explain that they want to pray for another soul - but don't publicly make that person feel ashamed for who they are, your pity is just another way to cast judgement on someone else as you have assumed everything about them and know nothing of what it is like. The time spent talking about praying, you could use to listen to that person about their life and gain more of an understanding of them. However, you want to pray for someone you've seen or met on the street? Do so (as many others have said) on your own time, privately as your own message - it's far more respectful and allows you to keep it personal, as I feel it should be.
I had a guy come up to me in the grocery store. He started out with “wow, you get around so good” then it devolved into how god can heal me. I asked him if god could heal me then why did he put me in a wheelchair, and I’m quite happy.
I've only had people ask me if they can pray for me, because my disabilities are invisible. The people had heard about it from someone I knew- and I was not happy that they had discussed my being disabled without asking if I'd be ok with that- but I really didn't feel comfortable saying no, because I was visiting a church when it happened. There's also an unfortunate amount of people that think you must have done something to deserve being sick or disabled. I believe it's out of fear. They're terrified about how random illness, diseases and disabilities are, how they can strike at any time. So they think, "If I don't do , if I act like a good, moral person, I won't get sick!" I don't believe it's something that people do consciously, but it still hurts.
Im not religious, never made sense to me. Anyway, during my initial stay at the hospital after my accident and at rehab, i know that folks came and prayed for me and my wife who was also hurt badly. I had no energy for it but let them do it knowingly or not. It seemed it was more for them than me. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago a guy came up to me and asked if he could pray for me. I said i would rather he not to. Then he asked again and again i said no. Now there is a bunch of folks looking on. Then he asked again. I realized it was for him, not for me. So to get it over i said ok and he gleefully went at it. Afterwards i felt violated. I dont understand how they feel entitled to approach and basically force prayer on me. So no, pray for yourself or others, not for me. Dont violate me.
If I would ever see someone disabled in public I would probably say a silent prayer for them right then and there. If someone stranger came up to me and asked if they could bless me or something I would feel kinda weird too. I agree that you shouldn't have to ask permission to pray for anyone. If you feel that calling then just do it.
Shining Jewels See this is why I have a problem with random strangers wanting to pray for me - if it did come natural for them to wish well on others and use prayer as their means to do do, then your way seems to be the reasonable way of going about it. But when they just jump right at you, you know this is someone who either believe they are saving themselves from the presence of evil or someone trying to show off their graciousness which isn't very nice behaviour in any religion I know of. I like your way though as it feels sincere and is not intrusive. Thank you!
This in particular is uncomfortable for me, because although I'm religious my mother used to parade me around to churches for prayers as a cover for asking for donations so she didnt have to work, even though she wasnt a caretaker of mine at home? I like how you said if you want to pray for us just pray. Say a silent prayer. I say a prayer everytime an ambulance goes by, I dont chase down the ambulance and ask. I feel the people that ask out loud want you to feel they're doing you a favor or want you to know how good they are. Like... okay? And?
If people ask me this question without asking somebody around me if they can pray for that person I explain to them that that is disability discrimination and that everyone deserves to be prayed for and that the people who need it most are the people who are mentally disabled. Then I say I will pray for them. My biggest problem with being in a wheel chair is being discriminated with kindness. I'm really no different than anybody else...
My partners left lower leg is paralysed as part of her disability so she uses a crutch and people stop is regularly in the street and ask to pray for her leg and try and get down and touch her leg in the street, it's incredibly uncomfortable for her but she never wants to say no she that she doesn't offend anybody xxx
This hasn't happened to me in quite awhile but I remember quite a few times when I was a child people came up to me and told me they were going to pray for me to be healed, etc. I appreciate the thought, but it's still kind of awkward.
It's an odd situation. When I'm in Sydney where I live I find it incredibly uncomfortable and I hate the pity that comes with it. On the flip side when I'm in the very small, very religious town where I spent a lot of time growing up and my very Anglican grandparents still live I have no problem with it. I may not need it but I know it comes from a very good and genuine place. It's all about context.
I love my chair, my chair is my favourite thing- my chair allows me to live and have more options and opportunities... please accept I’m actually super happy in myself since I got my chair...
I have been in a wheelchair since 1995. I just say "thank you" and go on my way. I like to just think of it this way: I will happily accept any good wishes.
I totally understand your opinion on this and I think I would react the same way, but I don’t understand where you find those people, Bc many people’s intentions (in my situation) are bullying me and talking bad about me.
I would be more than uncomfortable! Because what are they praying for? Healing? Walking? Peace? The intention of the prayer says a lot about what the person is actually feeling towards me....and it doesn't feel good.
People are entitled to believe in whatever god/higher power they choose. I've had a situation where I was approached by someone asking 'can I pray for you' and even though I gave them a respectful thank you but no thank you completely ignored me and started demanding that my mum tell him 'what was wrong with' me. I replied I wasnt comfortable discussing it, he completely ignored my obvious discomfort and continued to demand we tell him what was wrong so he could pray to 'fix me'. Extremely uncomfortable mum and I attempted to move away. To make it worse we were at an agricultural show and this man was following us from site to site but for the next 5-10 minutes loudly praying in between asking questions about my medical situation. It wasnt only making us very uncomfortable but also everyone around us! The other stand out situation was someone who saw me from a distance in a large department store, instead of approaching and asking if I minded if he prayed for me. He saw me and instantly started to yell his prayers at me from 20 metres away, causing everyone in the immediate vicinity to stop and stare. Again this guy unfortunately had zero regard to how uncomfortable I was and proceeded to follow me around to the point where my friend and I were actually weaving in and out of the clothes racks trying to lose him 😏 I can laugh about it now but at the time both instances were really intimidating and also kind of humiliating. I appreciate that they cared enough to pray for me but at the same time they completely ignored my feelings about what they were doing. To me to idea of praying for someone is not only sending a message to whatever higher power you believe in but it also a way to show support for another person, it shouldn't be something that negatively impacts on a person like it did in my case
I go to a Christian university where it is often implied that if you really believe in God you won’t be disabled. I have an invisible disability, and one of my best friends there is in a wheelchair. We have had many late night rants about the ways that people twist Christianity to say that it is evil, or wrong, or a personal flaw to be disabled. Honestly, nothing has allowed me to help the world like my disability. I believe that my disability is a gift from God that allows me to be who I am meant to be. And sure, being healed would be great, but I’m perfectly fine with waiting for heaven for that. Next semester, I am returning to school with a service dog, so everyone will know that I have a disability. I am nervous about how I will respond to all the unsolicited prayers. I don’t want to discourage people in their faith, but I don’t want to encourage people in their hurtful (and frankly, doctrinally unsound) ideas. My plan is to ask them to pray for my service dog instead. I will explain that God already healed me by giving me my service dog, so please pray that he stays healthy and is able to work for me for a long time. If they try to “declare” my disability away, I will just say, “You are being arrogant to assume that you know God’s plans.” And leave. The really funny thing is a lot of the people there wear glasses. I wonder why they haven’t casted out their bad eyesight yet!?!
I could go before. One day I was stopped in the middle of the street by someone who would "fix" me. I’m not quite sure how we got into the subject, but anyway ... I've had a bit shorter leg than the other. Then that person would fix it. But that's not something I believe so I thought it was a bit creepy.
I get that in university a lot, people dont want to be reminded how the were, they already pass those, things in life an happy with it and taking them back down the memory lane its disturbing, if you really want to pray, pray about other aspect
Had people lay hands on, then pray, then "ooops I hope that was ok". Me thinking, nah not really ok. I appreciate it, but ask first. Maybe I'm in. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I have a really painful day and nobody need to be laying hands on me.
As someone with multiple mental illnesses but no physical disabilities, I think it would depend on if they're praying(privately without telling you or at home, unless in a church or mosque or something) for life to be accessible and people understanding, for things to be pain free, or for your disability to be gone altogether. I feel like the last one is just a no-no that comes from a place of ignorance, pity, and sometimes fear. Just my two cents.
I had someone come up to me in a shopping centre and ask if they could pray for me (only me the person with a mobility aid) pretty sure the death stare I gave her answered the question
Luckily I haven't been approached in person to have someone want to pray for me, but if they did I would shut it down. As an atheist I hate that. I don't want any praying or blessing in my direction, it's a way to force their religion on me and I don't like it.
If someone said that i would be offend because i have cerebral palsy and would find that very patronising. I am also an atheist so i would see no point to prayers!
Well, if they feel like praying for you would help to make you walk then, Hey go for it. But if their patronising you, then I think it could be a whole different story. Like you it’s a hard question to answer becoz we all have a different reason for being in one. So yeah just do it but don’t say anything, as you could easily offend someone. ❤
I don't see the harm in it. I love being prayed for actually it shows someone is thinking of you in their own way, if you ever feel uncomfortable just say I don't like it. But seriously it's not as bad as some people make out. Its kinda sweet actually. And I have a disability. And I wouldn't mind. If anyone is doing it out of pity because someone appears different then that's a tad weird. But if it's just because their a big softie who wishes you well. So what
Maybe it’s different for every person because my mom is in a wheelchair now because of an accident and she’s ok with people saying “can I pray for you” not in public though in churches and stuff XD so yeah maybe it is about the point of of view like someone who got into a wheelchair recently after an accident you may want prayers! Ok that is it after this really looooooong comment :)
Perhaps it's because I've never been a particularly religious person, but it seems a pretty inconsiderate thing to say to a stranger. About the only time I could ever imagine it being appropriate is if they know that you're about to go into surgery or something where you may be worried about the potential outcome. But even then, it's just as appropriate to say "I wish you the best of luck".
I think people mean well, but for my 15 year old, things like this are embarrassing. It just calls more attention to the fact that she is different when all she wants is to fit in.
Gosh, this really is a hard topic. I am a Christian, and I do believe God can heal people. But more often than not, I believe He helps us THROUGH the pain/disability/whatever; He doesn't just take it away. I do believe in miracles, but I don't just expect them to happen every time someone prays... If that makes sense at all. I don't mind if people pray for me in their own time, but I would feel uncomfortable with it in a shop or my work place. My workplace is a secular college, so I would fear getting fired if someone prayed for me publicly. Someone asking to pray for me is an act of kindness, and that lightens my spirits :) For the first time in my few weeks of wheelchair use, someone asked if I needed help with anything while I was getting into my car. I was surprised because he was an older man with his wife, but I smiled and thanked him. It brightened my day because he was kind; Which brings me to wonder... Maybe we should be offering help to others and just showing them kindness when they aren't disabled as well. I feel the more kindness you put into the world, the more kind people become. I also keep an eye on others that are disabled, just in case. One time at the grocery store, a woman had asked the cashier to be careful not to put bags on her oxygen line in the basket. He didn't listen to her, and I helped her rearrange the bags so they weren't sitting on her oxygen, and she could actually BREATHE. Listen to people if they have special requests. Be kind, to everyone. Ask if someone needs help/wants prayer before doing it against their will. Sorry for rambling so much.
What an interesting video I would be very offput / offended if someone asked if they would pray for me I am not religious and it wouldn’t sit right with me at all also I am not Ill I am me
Glenn Huddled views wind me up to. My cousin was chatting to her then 5 year old son at my birthday barbeque. Her son had never seen me in my wc and my cousin said I was cool. I know the context she meant it. She didn't want to upset her son or me at the time.
Hey! First of all, I am sorry that people have been aggressive/not understanding of the word no etc, I promise you we’re not all like that and that’s just some. I found this video quite hard to get my head around, I’m a Christian and so I believe that God is father/creator and that we all need saving, not from a wheelchair or whatever but from sin, I know we’re not debating wether that’s true or not so I’ll try and keep on topic! I have friends who’ve prayed for an image of a person to find, gone out on the streets and found that person and then asked them if they can pray WITH them, if the person says no they’ll just pray FOR them later on. It’s kind of hard to explain why we think this is so important because to us (as christians) it’s our whole entire lives, we pray and things happen, it’s what we’re told to do in the bible, pray. As for praying for people (people in wheelchairs for example), I’d hope that the prayers came from good intentions such as stopping of pain etc, I really don’t think (most of the time) it’s because they see something wrong with you, more that they just want to help and that’s what they have to offer. Although I haven’t seen people healed from wheelchairs, I have in other areas and I do think it happens, but obviously understand why you may be skeptical. Something I’ve never understood (&maybe you can answer it for me!), is that if you don’t believe in God, surely you don’t believe that praying for you will change anything, so then why does it matter? If someone of a different religion offered to pray for me, and I didn’t think it would do anything, I’d probably just say yes. I’m not in a wheelchair myself so maybe I see things differently on the praying aspect, although I do have CFS ME, while I don’t think it makes me any less of a person or any less blessed, I’d still choose to get rid of it if I could. I don’t know! I hope I wrote this in a way that wasn’t offensive and made sense.. I find it hard to put into words how I feel but would love to hear your comments back if you have any❤️ Had to edit to add on something I forgot! You made a comment about they could pray for you if you went to church, but for me, I’d never have gone to a church without someone praying for me to go or whatever, which is why people will ask you in the street, they want you to find Jesus and they want you to be saved (in a Christianity way not a wheelchair/no wheelchair way), and if they just wait for you to go to church, you’ll probably never go (I wouldn’t have). Hope that bit makes sense!
Hey Rachel! I thought, as an atheist who has multiple mental illnesses, I might try to address some of your issues. The biggest problem with the question 'Can I pray for you?' is more often than not they're actually asking 'Can I pray WITH you?' Which are obviously two different questions. I feel if you're going to pray FOR someone later on, you don't need to involve them. You don't need to ask permission, or even tell them you're going to do it. If it's something you feel compelled to do you should, but you also have to understand that quite a few people have had too many negative interactions with religious people to trust the intentions behind the question. Aside from demanding time that people don't necessarily have, the biggest problem I have with someone praying with me is the unknown factor. I have no idea what they mean, or how they see me, or if I would agree that their intentions are good. I've had too many people tell me to my face that I'm mentally ill because of demons and that they can pray to get rid of them. I won't pretend that mental illness is easy to deal with, but it's not okay to tell people that they're possessed by demons because their brain processes chemicals differently than yours. Also, far too many theists tell atheists that 'I'll pray for you' as a more polite way of expressing less than polite thoughts. The video, from what I understand, is really just trying to address when it's appropriate to demand someone's time in this way. A retail worker, for example, has too many things to do to stop working while they're being prayed for/with. While someone in a place of worship came to that place basically for that reason. I hope this answered some of your concerns. I'm sorry if this is a bit rambly; I wanted to explain why some people don't want to be stoped to be prayed for.
thequietandquirky This is actually super helpful! I totally understand what you mean about the time thing. I’m sorry people have said to you about demons and such, mental illness is such an important thing that some people just don’t understand because they’ve never gone through it, I deal with some mental issues too and I definitely know some people who’d probably say the same to me if they knew. Even I as a christian can get uncomfortable when some people want to pray with me because you never know what they’ll come out with... I guess I’ve never thought of that, I’ve always just thought if it was me I’d be sensitive or whatever but maybe I wouldn’t come across that way. I suppose the summary of this is yes, as long as it’s for me and not with me, is that fair?
Thank you Rachel! That is exactly what I wanted to say! I am a christian to, and felt really bad about this video. I want to say sorry to anyone who felt offended because someone wanted to pray for you! I am sorry if anyone approached you with judgement or disrespect, I do not Think that is what God wants. In the Church I am from, praying for people on the street is not uncommon. However, this is done because we want to tell the World about Jesus Christ and his love to every person in the World. It is a way to invite people to Church and to know God. As Rachel states above, we Believe EVERYBODY needs salvation, it has nothing to do with disability. However, Jesus told his followers to heal the sick (among other things), and I personally Believe God heals people today, I have Heard many people tell about getting healed. Some people out praying for people on the streets will focus on praying for healing for sick people, maybe in some way choose thoose with visible problems first, but also randomly ask people if they have any pain etc they would need healing for. However, this is to be done from a Place of love, not with judgement or anytning else. It is just about believeing in a loving God who can truly heal people (physically and emotionally), and wanting to share it with other people. Of course if I ask someone if I can pray for them on the street, I need to be gentle and of course listen if they say no. Feel totally free to say no if you are not okay with getting prayed for. The prayer is for your benefit, not for the person who prays. I also want to say that the question "can I pray for you" should mean just that. The prayer can be about whatever you feel you need to get prayer for. It can be healing, but it can also be a thousand other things. If I Think you need prayer for healing, I should Always ask if you want to be healed Before I pray for that, of course for the very reason that you do not always want healing. I also want to say that medical issues can be prayed for without the person praying knowing medical details. I believe God knows everytning, and thats enough. Of ocurse it is helpful to know if the pain is in your ear or in your toe or whatever, but there is absolutely no reason to share a lot of Medical details for prayer if you don't want to. I hope this all made sense an can help someone in some way. =)
Tricky video to film. I don’t want to offend anyone of any faith. Im raising awareness of when and were do you think its appropriate to start praying for a disabled person and even if they want to be prayed for? Is it appropriate to pray for them while they are working in a shop? Is it ok to start praying for them while you are in line for your groceries? I’d love to hear your thoughts and any stories you may have? Please be respectful of others opinions.
Pray for them when and how you want if.They don't like it it's between them and God. Freedom of speech and Religion. They don't have to sit and listen, freedom of movement, don't try to force them to listen.
For me, I find it sweet if someone I've had a nice chat with (like your woman in the fitting room) wants to include me in their prayers. Then I feel it comes from a good place and from someone who saw me as a person and wants me well. I find it wildly inappropriate, however, when complete strangers, having had no interaction with me whatsoever, take it upon themselves to (try to) start praying for me then and there. That is not coming from a good place, but often from someone who believe my condition is self inflicted because of some sin, or someone who, like you said, think my life must be so horrible I need saving. That just creeps me out.
Some people like to cite freedom of speech in cases like these, but they clearly don't understand what that means. Freedom of Speech means we have the right to say what we want without retaliation and/or persecution from the government as long as what we say does not break another law! It means we cannot be imprisoned or tortured for saying things like "the PM should be a man" or that "the archbishop should be Catholic"; it does not mean you have a legal right to say whatever goes through your head to any random person on the street.
Great topic, Gem, and very sensitive handling of such a divide topic. I think this is the best video you've done! 🤗🌻
Thank you so much for your comment. :)
Wheelsnoheels - Gem Hubbard 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I think you handled this topic very diplomatically. Personally I’m a Christian but I’d never feel comfortable going up to a stranger and just being like “hey can i pray for you”. I also don’t think it’s very appropriate a lot of the time as you mentioned but also from a Christian perspective it’s not right to always see a physical illness/ disability as something that we need to rush in and fix. Yes, sometimes people are healed and that’s great but our physical bodies aren’t the be all and end all. Praying for people shouldn’t only be seen as being for immediate, physical results - prayer can also just be for someone who’s having a bad day regardless of disability. Sending you lots of love 💕 💞
I don't mind people asking. It's when they put their hands on me without warning is when I have a problem.
I pray for people all the time. I just don't think it replaces actual aid. Nor would I do it in front of a person. A person should keep their theism to themselves.
Thats really nice. I always send blessing to my family and people who I care about, in my evening downtime. xx
I think that to randomly ask us if we can be prayed for assumes that we are pitiable, sad, and "broken". It feeds into this medical model of disability where we are inherently less than the rest of society and that we need fixing.
I'm just not here for it.
I LOVE my life. I don't spend any time at all thinking about being able bodied, I think I am badass just as I am. I'm tired of people seeing me as inherently ruined - I am FABULOUS, as is my whole life.
Yes. The WORLD needs to be more accessible. The WORLD is broken. But I believe strongly in something Annie Elaney says about how the hardest thing isn't always disability but ableism and a lack of access. I would rather focus on changing the world than change on my body. I don't need pity, I need allyship to fix this broken world.
Such a grate comment. Im hearing you!!!
THIS👏RIGHT👏HERE👏!!! Ah thank you so much for articulating this point so beautifully!! We aren’t broken!! The world that sees people who have not only managed, but flourished despite all the ways we are othered and denied access, is absolutely what is broken. When people go all pity party on me I shut it down quite quickly by saying that I wouldn’t change a thing. That my conditions and disability make me who I am and that it’s very likely without them that I’d be a compassionless, thoughtless a$&hole who has missed the whole entire boat when it comes to understanding and experiencing the human condition ....and then I just stare really blankly at them until it clicks😳😂😂(lol not everyone--typically just the ones that lead with “what’s wrong with you?” 😳🤦🏻♀️🤯or who are excessively pitying even after I’ve expressed discomfort)
Aaaannnyway- thank you again for reminding folks out there that having a disability or what is seen as a limitation in one area-especially in the world we are currently residing in- doesn’t mean that we are less than or require pity. It’s generally quite the opposite.
@@MrsKHardy23 I'm glad my words resonated! I agree with everything you said too!
I think there is a fine line...obviously many things about life are harder for us. We struggle and get exhausted and some of us deal with pain and on and on. For someone to be a part of our lives they need to understand that things are often more difficult for us. Even if someone isn't going to be close to someone with a disability, we need allies working with us for better accessibility and equality.
But being pitied is harmful, I think. No matter how good your internal sense of self is, hearing something about yourself is insidious and worms into your brain. If we hear 50 times a day that someone sees us as pitiable or broken or that they would kill themselves if they were us...that can really tear us down! I am one of the happiest most confident people I know (and was before my accident) and yet people have said things which have hurt me deeply. I wish people would stop believing that we are such wretched creatures we need a miracle.
💕
I have 3 boys, 2 are special needs children. One has Autism, one has DiGeorge Syndrome and Peters Anomaly. The one with DiGeorge and Peters has a lot of invisible disabilities but a few visible ones. As a Christian, I always welcome prayers for my children, but not for healing. I ask them To pray for God's will to be done and His glory to be revealed. I'm also a firm believer in the scripture "faith without works is dead." Don't just pray for a disabled person, especially if they're in your life. Be the hands and feet and put your faith to action. Offer to help with an errand or cook a meal (this is from a moms perspective) or offer any help you can think of. Encourage the person and love on them just like you would anyone else who inspires you, too! Most importantly, remember the person isn't broken. Don't treat them differently because they're disabled. Accommodate if needed, but don't treat them differently. Subscribing!
This is such a lovely and true comment. I really agree here. Thanks for this. :)
I don’t feel like I owe a total stranger anything. I read enough True crime books to know that some people are legitimately really, really bad. If anyone makes me feel uncomfortable, I remove myself from that situation, and if I have to, I try to make sure I am in eyesight of a police officer or security guard because I feel like it’s their job to make sure nobody is being harassed. I don’t feel forced to have a conversation that is deeply personal with a stranger, whether it’s about my medical history or about my faith. People need to learn appropriate stranger to stranger interactions, and these are so not it.
When I was about 12 or 13, my aunt wanted to sprinkle holy water on me to cure me. I was born with Spina Bifida, unless your holy water has a fully developed spine in it and a bunch of other things, I’m pretty sure not much Is going to happen other than I’m going to have a wet head and be annoyed by the whole situation. However, I was generally taught to be polite to adults, especially family members, so at the age of 12 or 13, I didn’t really know how to make “No, get away from me” sound nice, so luckily and kind of shockingly, my mother told my aunt to leave me alone lol. Now my aunt is married to an atheist and seems to have much more chill ideas. 🤷♂️
Thank you! I also find it really uncomfortable when people (usually strangers) stop to ask if they can pray for me. Definitely don’t want someone putting their hands on me or praying while I sit there uncomfortably waiting for them to finish (which has happened more than once). And with strangers, I have to wonder why me and not anyone else when most people have really difficult things happen in their lives (and the person is usually making all kinds of assumptions about me which are 100% guaranteed to be inaccurate). And as someone said, prayer does not replace *actual* help (like advocating for accessibility and for disability rights in general, for instance) so it doesn’t impress me much honestly. 😬 As a rule of thumb, if someone wants to pray for me on their own time, fill your boots but don’t feel the need to tell me about it; it’s weird.
Fab comment Im defo agreeing with you here. x
Talking about not being 'blessed' I wrote a blog post. 'thewheelsonmum' called treat me like a dog. When a dog needs a wheelchair we all cheer and celebrate. But when it's a human we seem to pity them. I don't understand that myself. My chair is my freedom xxxx
Wow I have never thought of that angle before. Thanks for that.
Exactly! When I woke up from the spinal surgery that caused my T2 paralisys the doctor told me I would be able to walk again. So, in the early days after my injury I was in PT of course, and I could stand on one leg as long as I had something to balance me, like a kitchen counter, file cabinet, dresser, etc. I had one reasonably good legvandvthe other was paralyzed. I could not use a cane or crutches.My physical therapist had me fitted for a leg brace that went all the way up my thigh and down to my foot. It was janky and awkward and it pinched my skin. I would dutifully use it in therapy sessions but at home I could not safely use it because I lived alone and had no one to help me if I fell. My bathroom was so small that when I used the toilet my leg would stick straight out and hit the wall. I had to use a walker with it. I had to wear 2 different sizes of shoes because foot part of the brace wouldn't fit in my normal size. One day I went 20 feet outside my door to get the mail and I fell and screamed for 20 minute for help. When I got back inside my house I took that damn thing off and threw it in the closet and never put it on again. The doctors and therapists version of "walking" was much different than mine and wasn't functional for me. I had more fun and could get around much easier in my wheelchair. My family didn't understand this and got angry at me and told me I was giving up. I didn't mince words in my reply and told them it wasn't their life and not to ever bring the topic up again in front of me. Like for you, my wheelchair meant freedom for me.
Holly Bercik omg YES.
There is this friend of a friend who is always on my disability activism posts trying to....this sounds awful, but it always feels like she is trying to say what she thinks I want to hear. However she misses the mark a LOT.
Recently we were talking about chair accessibility and she went off about how this one time she had to be in a chair and it was awful, she was embarrassed, it was so humiliating...and that is how it feels for everyone so people should consider that if they see someone in a chair, they are miserable and horrified to be in that chair....so people should help us a lot because we are already suffering to be in the chair. Normally i try to roll with whatever she is saying because I know she means well, but that one was too much!!! I hated to think of all my wheelie friends reading what she wrote without my saying something. Because I think a LOT of us see our chairs as our freedom.
I can get around my house with stuff to hang onto, for short distances i can use forearm crutches. But for any real distance i need a chair. Because my right arm has severe nerve damage a manual chair is difficult for me - I recently got a power chair and am IN FREAKING LOVE WITH IT. Like, there is no humiliation and misery, I can DO stuff now!!!
I think the world is always trying to tell us we need fixing, that we are inherently less than abled people. While i think we all feel that way at times, I don't think that is a healthy view to live your life with. Of course I see the inherent challenges and difficulties to living disabled in a world not made for us, absolutely. I am also a chronic pain patient and that is hard to deal with too. But i just cannot live out the rest of my life feeling broken and less than everyone else and wishing i was abled. I am freaking badass, I have a phenomenal life, and i won't feel broken forever.
@@Kimmaline Wow. I would not be able to be friends with someone like that, especially after that. You definitely deserve a better friend.
@@OverdramaticAngel to call her a "friend" is a strong word. We have mutual friends who I know through a mom's group. But now that I think about it, she hasn't commented on anything of mine in quite some time.
If someone asked me this I’d be incredibly embarrassed.
It’s just drawing attention to the fact that they’ve find me different to them in some way, and then I’d have to use energy I might not have to respond to them politely.
I don’t mind if they pray for me, but asking in public puts pressure and attention on me that I’m not comfortable with.
I totally agree with you. There is a time and a place. x
I had a co-worker who signed me up to see a "faith healer" who was stopping at a church in my town. I thought he was kidding me but he was serious about it. I told him to "thanks but no thanks". And never really looked at him the same again.
I haven't had anyone ask to pray for me regarding my disability (since the only part that makes it visible is my service dog) yet, but for me that kind of question or discussion is EXTREMELY triggering of my CPTSD. If someone asked me that it would most definitely send me into a severe panic attack. Good job handling it the way you did!
"if they want to pray for you thats fine but there doesn't need to be a song or dance about it" hit the nail on the head!!
a friend of a family member’s saw me out and about and actually had a family member with one of my conditions. when she asked if she could “pray over me” i thought she said “pray for me”, as in later, at home, in private, etc. (lol hard of hearing mishaps!) instead she put her hands on me and humiliated me, “commanding god” to “cure me, make my body work again, fix me, etc.” and i was utterly humiliated. disabled does not mean broken! i now tell people who ask sure you can pray for me in private or at church, but don’t pray for me to be “fixed”. pray for better treatments, new medications, understanding drs/society, days with less pain, etc. i really don’t understand why ppl feel the need to make it a public ordeal? maybe to make them feel better about themselves or show how religious and superior they think they are? this is such an important conversation to have! 💕
I agree with you. If people want to do it, and your happy with it, they really need to be careful about the words they use too. Thank you for your comment. Please feel free to share the video around on your socials. x
Thanks Gem for another great video! Definitely a tricky one this but I think you did a great job and absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said if you want to pray for someone just do it with your daily prayers. I am not religious but I have friends who are and I feel very honoured if they tell me that they have been praying for me, because I know they want things to be easier for me not as a suggestion that I need to be saved etc. But like you I would be very uncomfortable if I was approached by a stranger in a, public place. I have recently found your channel and though not new to chronic health difficulties, I have only fairly recently become a regular wheelchair user so am finding the information you provide really helpful. So thanks again Gem and thanks too for being brave enough to address tricky issues to help those of us living with chronic health and disabilities.
I have a few invisible chronic illnesses but I still get asked every now and then I'd they can pray for me or say that I am very brave. It always makes me really uncomfortable and I don't know how to respond and I don't know, I don't feel brave and I don't feel like they should pray for me. It's just uncomfortable.
You are a real inspiration! Wish I found your channel earlyer. Because in my teenage years I had a really tough time accepting my disability. Now I'm 26 years old, mother of a beautyful boy and a boy on the way. Thanks for your stories and advice!
Most people mean well so I usually don't worry too much about it it's not intrusive. Some people just seem to have no tact.
One time this woman sneaked a religious tract into the basket under my daughter's wheelchair. Crossing the line. Don't touch someones' wheelchair without asking, don't sneak religious tracts to kids without their parents permission. It's gross. Another woman came up to us and kept asking, "What is wrong with her?" several times I politely gave a vague answer and she just wouldn't stop and I'm like you're not entitled to her detailed medical history. So then she's like did you know about this before she was born? In my experience that is usually a tactful way of asking if I'd have terminated my pregnancy if I'd known. :/ I walked away and then she wanted to pray for me and I just couldn't.
I wonder if people realize they're not having the impact they want to have by how they go about it. If you want to help disabled people don't be the ones acting like it's unreasonable or just too expensive to have accessible bathrooms in public spaces.
Yes, all of this. Especially the last part. If you really want to help disabled people, make sure the resources we need to live our lives are not taken away. That is something that is actually of help.
This has happened a lot to me and my husband together. It does bug me. I have beliefs myself but they are mine and mine alone. I would never project my beliefs onto others. I was blessed as a nun when I was around 15 months old. I have no recollection of it but my mother and nan remember it clearly.
i come from a Christian background but I'm not overly religious, I prefer to pick the good bits and carry them through life regardless of who put them in their dogma. I have chronic pain which is spreading and tend to say you can but others may benefit from your prayer more than me. I have two issues with praying for people firstly, I have an incurable condition prayer isn't going to help me very much, and secondly by offering to pray for me your suggesting that there is something wrong with me. The second point is the biggest issue I have as your judging me and I don't see myself as being any worse off particularly, yes a bit less pain would be nice but it's still me I am the person I have always been. I can take the kind wishes and well-meant thoughts but it does irk me. As to strangers judging me based on their religion ass to my sinning to be in this position in the first place and the like, and yes it does happen, well my normal reply is @you be I did and I had great fun in the process!" politeness is the key to life and I think faith is a good thing but you shouldnt impose your faith on others unless you are very certain that they are of the same mindset as you. Ofh and never ever touch someone i have horriic hypersensitivity and I will lash out if touched as it is just so painful so the black eye you get for laying on hands with out asking is your own fault !
Yes I agree. x
You just made me realize something I've never been able to put my finger on.
I teach, effectively, allyship and activism for a living. One of the things that bugs me about strangers wanting to pray for me is something I tell people all the time in my work. Basically, you need to listen to the person you want to assist, let them lead in the help that they need. I think the praying thing is one example in a LONG list of ways that people tend to infantilize us - they are assuming we need the prayer, that we want the prayer, that the prayer is the best way to help in that moment.
Kimmaline hi, thank you for putting it in a much better way, that is it in a nutshell, I personally hold onto what little independence I have and by people presuming things I loose more of it, for example my biggest bugbear is shopping if I personally pay for something or even ask for cashbook a lot of times the cashier will hand my change to my partner who is my carer as if I don't even exist, and given how close people stand in shopping questions in england they could have just given it to a stranger for all they know. I personally feel that people walking over and going oh you poor think I will pray for you without even saying anything conversationally first is the same thing, they probably wouldn't walk up to some strapping man and say the same thing so why me, I am very open about my condition and experiences and admit I will lecture anyone who try to remove my independence, normally in a nice way I promise, and to be fair most listen and take on that I'm a grumpy battle axe and crossing me may get you a sore toe ! I think it's different if you know that person and it's said in understanding to your situation but not a stranger! All this said I'm not too keen on holy walter being cast over my sinner body either, I know how to have a shower thanks no help needed. Lol I guess for all my ranting and raving the spectacle of a well meaning soul crossing my path is probably worth a laugh especially the ones who don't take no for an answer as that's when politeness goes and comments such as "why are you so interested in my sinning is it because you have a fetish? "... are said! I am for living life as best I can with a lot of laughter on the way but cross me at your own risk and don't give my change to other people.... think incredible hulk in a wheelchair ! Lol
@@LindzTheLooneyOfLondon I missed this back when you replied. Sorry!
You are SO RIGHT about the assumptions angle. When I was pregnant with my daughter, strangers would walk up to me in stores and ask how I got pregnant.
All. The. Time.
Everyone assumed I did fertility....which is annoying because it also comes back to how we see fertility issues too. But time and time and time again strangers would walk up to me and ask. SO RUDE.
One day I had enough, so when this sweater-and-pearls type asked me how I got pregnant, I said, "oh, I f@cked my husband. How do you ableds do it?"
I think that was maybe not too kind of me, but my 89yo grandma was with me and couldn't stop laughing. ;)
Both me and my husband come from religious families, although we aren't very religious ourselves. So I've had to do the whole dance of "thank you but no thank you", and dealing with both sides thinking that I just want to be disabled, or even that I'm faking my invisible illnesses, and that's why I don't want to be prayed over, because then if it doesn't work it would be prof that I'm not ill..
Anyway, my mother is legally blind, and she can only see with specialized lenses. Yet she has asked to pray over me, and anoint me with oils, when God wouldn't even heal her when she is blind. It just blows my mind.
I'm so glad that this doesn't happen where I live now. People here see religion as a very private thing. As it is, I only have to deal with it on occasion when my dad wants to pray for me over Skype.
I really don't think I could handle it anymore if I encountered it more than that. Personally, I believe that if prayer worked, I would be well by now. I have ME and ever since I first started showing symptoms I've had people praying for me. My dad is a preacher, and I know his church prays for me every Sunday. I've had people lay hands on me, annoint me with holy oil and holy water, pray over me until I passed out and lay curled up in fetal position on the floor. I had personal sessions with a healer who is now sick herself (go figure). I'm so glad that I'm out of that environment now. It makes you feel like it's your fault for not getting better, like maybe sin is in the way or you don't believe hard enough. It's emotionally draining.
If you want to pray for me or others like me, do it as Jesus told you to - in a closet where only he can see you, not on the street corner like the hypocrites do. You don't need to ask the disabled stranger anything, because god should know what's wrong and that's good enough. Keep it to yourself.
Thank you so much for your comment. I really agree with you. xx
I love your videos! You’re so non-judgemental and kind! I agree we are all blessed in different ways :). I have faith (Christian) but as a sociologist I’m not a huge fan of organised religion lol. When I moved to my new neighbourhood, after a few weeke a woman came over and said she’d seen me a few times and had been praying for me and asked me to go to her church. I told her I was grateful for her kindness and told her I actually am already a Christian and I’m very happy. She then brought me books about her church pastors work and said they are praying for my healing. I thought she was lovely and friendly but I didn’t like it, it felt very much like pity and I felt like she thought my faith wasn’t strong enough and if I was really good with God then I’d not be in a wheelchair. I also went back to church and the first week there a total stranger came up and asked to pray for me and I again wasn’t very comfortable but thought, I’m in church! I cant say no! At the time I was stressed out doibg my masters degree, prayer for that would actually have been cool but she never asked me what I needed prayer for, she assumed it would be for healing and off she went... it left me feeling unaccepted in my current form. I dont go to church now lol
I’m a practicing Catholic, and believe in miracles. BUT I hate when people from groups are coming up to me, and hold there hands on me, and start praying for forgiveness for my sins. I really don’t and won’t believe in a God that “punish”. I have people in my parish that regularly pray for me, for ease of pain. My life are pretty god, living with my wonderful children and wife. I’m thankful for the life God have given me and are quite content. Of course if I had a choice, I could get rid of my pain, not necessarily my wheelchair. Legs are quite overrated...
Göran Klarén I couldn't agree more! No pain would be grest, but I can think of a number of ways wheels are better than heels, and it's definitely great never having to look for a seat when you're out and about. 😊 Your name suggests you're Swedish, so here's a 🤗 hej, hej 🤗 from a fellow Swede. 😁
Dear Gem, I don't think that if someone asks if he could pray for us is meant to be bad or embarrassing for us. I let others do what they want to do and hope they do it the other way around too.
The worst thing I heard when I was at IKEA in a wheelchair, my son was pushing me and we had a lot of fun looking for furniture for him, was:" Why is the woman in the wheelchair laughing?!?" Should I be crying all the time? We definitely had a lot of fun and this comment hurt! My son looked at that woman and she turned away blushed deeply red.
Most people really don't know how to act correctly towards us. This comes from helplessness and kind of stupidness also.
I have always been trying to treat other people the way I want to be treated. This works pretty fine!
Hope you are having a great day, sincerely Britta
Britta Roth That's so ridiculous! People really don't think before they speak, do they?
Yes you are right. I know they mean well, but to get aggressive if you say you don't want to be prayed for is not nice. I also think there is a time and a place. Im sure most of the time they mean well, but they need to be considerate of others. xx
@@Wheelsnoheels impact is always greater than intent. If they don't mean harm, yes that counts for something....but that something doesn't erase the hurt or the harm or the way we are othered.
I just pray for everyone, especially if they are going through some difficulty in life. That said, I would never go up to a stranger, especially one with disabilities, and assume they want or need it due to what they are experiencing. I see my chair when I go out to theme parks as an aid to do more, not as something in my life that’s less than optimum.
Just had someone do this while at a service dog fundraiser. It was really embarrassing especially since I’m ambulatory so I can walk if necessary, and he kept bringing up that he prayed I’d walk again 😂 took everything for me not to stand up and freak him out
I myself am an atheist (possibly a satanist) and I'm okay with people asking if they can pray for me to do well in life despite my illnesses, but I don't like the idea of people praying for me to be cured. I have multiple physical and mental disabilities, and I like the idea of people turning to the most powerful being they know of to ask that things like my lung disease and psychosis don't interrupt my life too much, but I don't want them to pray for me to be cured just because it's not realistic for me to ever be abled, since some of my disabilities are genetic.
People ask me “Don’t you WANT to walk!?!” When I explain I was born with spina bifida, have severe scoliosis, & my left leg was amputated in 2004 because of an infection in my knee. Honestly at this point in my life walking isn’t something I have to do to live my life. When I say No I don’t want to walk then they try to make me feel guilty about not being devastated I can’t walk!!!!
Great subject. I'm ok if a friend is visiting me at home (often a rarity, lol) & we're likely to pray together/for eachother. I'm a Christian & am rarely able to attend a church service in the traditional sense. But when I have, people automatically assume I'm there to be prayed for, when I actually just want to enjoy the service and pray for someone else. All that is seen is the disability, not the person. Many assume, if you need a wheelchair you're automatically unhappy & dissatisfied with your life. I can often have the flip side where folk will drop all their concerns in your lap, because you understand suffering, right! That can be a bit overwhelming. I know folk mean well. But having a disability & needing prayer are two different things.
Hope found in M.E. I’m also a Christian in a wheelchair and go to church whenever I can. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you’ve said. I just wish there were more disabled people at my church then I wouldn’t look so obvious. People really can’t see past my chair at times.
I TOTALLY thought of this video last week, I was at my daughter's Back To School night and this random man smiled and told me he hoped I felt better. My first thought was, "well, I really want a big glass of wine, but other than that I'm feeling pretty great...."
Given the price, not many people are going to invest in an electric chair simply to use with a temporary injury. I mean, he was older and clearly trying to be nice, but I just hate the way we are always viewed. Pitiable.
Yes me too. And also "inspirational." Watch out for my video on this coming soon. :)
I did have someone approach me to pray publicly in my high school several years ago, which was awkward and embarrassing! My friends teased me about it for a while after, which made it funny, but it was still incredibly uncomfortable. Meanwhile, the church my family went to when I was younger puts me in their prayers every time I have a surgery, and it makes me feel cared for and happy, even though I'm no longer religious. I think the difference is that the kid in school wanted to make himself feel like a better Christian, while my church genuinely wished me well. Also, that he just assumed everything was wrong with me bc of my chair, whereas the church only gave me prayer when it was needed.
Yep exactly, there is defo a time and a place. x
Public service announcement: even if you're in a church and that IS your jam but you don't want prayer for, YOU CAN SAY NO. Been there!
Just found your channel and wanted to share an experience I had of this same topic as I am wheelchair bound as well. There was a time I would go with a friend to their church cause they were involved with the church community and would do errands for them. On one of our visits to the church, I was waiting in the lobby as I normally would, except this time one of the kids from a teen youth group passed by and asked me if they could pray for me. Given where I was I played nice and said sure, I don’t mind. So there I was hoping it would be like 5 mins and be done. Oh no, this kid prayed for 15mins and then at the end, he actually asked me if I wanted to see if I could walk again. He said yeah, I feel like God is strongly with you. So, I politely said, thanks but... I really don’t think that’s a good idea. I was floored! 😂 New sub, and I think your channel covers some awesome content! 👍😎
Hi there. So sorry I didn't see your comment sooner. I have been on a bit of a summer break. Thank you so much for your comment. Yeah I had someone pray for me, and it went on FOREVER!!!! and was asked if i was better lol. x
Wheelsnoheels - Gem Hubbard No problem on the late reply. I know youtubers can be busy, or in need of breaks from time to time, or will only respond to first few comments, so seeing your reply even on a video that’s a couple months old is awesome. Really just wanted to share my lil story as I could relate with this one, with the side of “you have been healed” moment. Lol. No offense to any religious beliefs, people are free to believe what they want to believe. Thanks for the reply and keep up the great work! 😎
haha I used to have a girlfriend who used a wheelchair (Th12 SCI). One day we were strolling the main street in our town and out of the blue a girl came up to us and said "I see your legs are sick , can I pray for you to our God Almighty".. That was... odd xD
I think most people would benefit from learning a thing or two about how injuries work, and also learn the fact that a TON of people like myself actually CAN park the car, walk to the trunk, take out the wheelchair and sit down in it. Seen first hand people claim miracle when praying for people in a wheelchair. I'm gonna bet my car and house those same people don't know what an ambulatory wheelchair user is...
When someone asks me this I respond with, “Why?”
Most people can’t think of an answer and just smile and leave, some people will make an excuse and others will say “for your recovery”. I decline those people, saying that if their God made me with a disability then praying won’t change that, but thank them for the sentiment.
I remember when I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was away from home and I was so relieved to know that I wasn't making it all up. My parents were told but didn't comprehend until I came and visited them and had to spend three days in bed as a result. The one day I could actually walk around with a crutch to lean on, my mother and I were halted by a cashier in a shop who wouldn't let me leave as they were too busy talking to me about how they were going to 'pray for me to save me' and that a 'poor young adult shouldn't have illnesses' and that 'they're going to find a cure to fix me' to actually put my payment through! My mum and I had to stand there and suffer the indignity that comes with someone else's pure pity raining down on you that I just wanted to abandon the shopping entirely.
I'm sure there are people out there who mean well when they ask and explain that they want to pray for another soul - but don't publicly make that person feel ashamed for who they are, your pity is just another way to cast judgement on someone else as you have assumed everything about them and know nothing of what it is like. The time spent talking about praying, you could use to listen to that person about their life and gain more of an understanding of them.
However, you want to pray for someone you've seen or met on the street? Do so (as many others have said) on your own time, privately as your own message - it's far more respectful and allows you to keep it personal, as I feel it should be.
I had a guy come up to me in the grocery store. He started out with “wow, you get around so good” then it devolved into how god can heal me. I asked him if god could heal me then why did he put me in a wheelchair, and I’m quite happy.
People who want to pray for a disabled person, want to do this for one reason only.
To make themselves feel better.
I've only had people ask me if they can pray for me, because my disabilities are invisible. The people had heard about it from someone I knew- and I was not happy that they had discussed my being disabled without asking if I'd be ok with that- but I really didn't feel comfortable saying no, because I was visiting a church when it happened.
There's also an unfortunate amount of people that think you must have done something to deserve being sick or disabled. I believe it's out of fear. They're terrified about how random illness, diseases and disabilities are, how they can strike at any time. So they think, "If I don't do , if I act like a good, moral person, I won't get sick!" I don't believe it's something that people do consciously, but it still hurts.
Im not religious, never made sense to me. Anyway, during my initial stay at the hospital after my accident and at rehab, i know that folks came and prayed for me and my wife who was also hurt badly. I had no energy for it but let them do it knowingly or not. It seemed it was more for them than me. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago a guy came up to me and asked if he could pray for me. I said i would rather he not to. Then he asked again and again i said no. Now there is a bunch of folks looking on. Then he asked again. I realized it was for him, not for me. So to get it over i said ok and he gleefully went at it. Afterwards i felt violated. I dont understand how they feel entitled to approach and basically force prayer on me. So no, pray for yourself or others, not for me. Dont violate me.
If I would ever see someone disabled in public I would probably say a silent prayer for them right then and there. If someone stranger came up to me and asked if they could bless me or something I would feel kinda weird too. I agree that you shouldn't have to ask permission to pray for anyone. If you feel that calling then just do it.
Shining Jewels See this is why I have a problem with random strangers wanting to pray for me - if it did come natural for them to wish well on others and use prayer as their means to do do, then your way seems to be the reasonable way of going about it. But when they just jump right at you, you know this is someone who either believe they are saving themselves from the presence of evil or someone trying to show off their graciousness which isn't very nice behaviour in any religion I know of. I like your way though as it feels sincere and is not intrusive. Thank you!
This in particular is uncomfortable for me, because although I'm religious my mother used to parade me around to churches for prayers as a cover for asking for donations so she didnt have to work, even though she wasnt a caretaker of mine at home?
I like how you said if you want to pray for us just pray. Say a silent prayer. I say a prayer everytime an ambulance goes by, I dont chase down the ambulance and ask. I feel the people that ask out loud want you to feel they're doing you a favor or want you to know how good they are. Like... okay? And?
If people ask me this question without asking somebody around me if they can pray for that person I explain to them that that is disability discrimination and that everyone deserves to be prayed for and that the people who need it most are the people who are mentally disabled. Then I say I will pray for them. My biggest problem with being in a wheel chair is being discriminated with kindness. I'm really no different than anybody else...
My partners left lower leg is paralysed as part of her disability so she uses a crutch and people stop is regularly in the street and ask to pray for her leg and try and get down and touch her leg in the street, it's incredibly uncomfortable for her but she never wants to say no she that she doesn't offend anybody xxx
This hasn't happened to me in quite awhile but I remember quite a few times when I was a child people came up to me and told me they were going to pray for me to be healed, etc. I appreciate the thought, but it's still kind of awkward.
It's an odd situation. When I'm in Sydney where I live I find it incredibly uncomfortable and I hate the pity that comes with it. On the flip side when I'm in the very small, very religious town where I spent a lot of time growing up and my very Anglican grandparents still live I have no problem with it. I may not need it but I know it comes from a very good and genuine place. It's all about context.
I love my chair, my chair is my favourite thing- my chair allows me to live and have more options and opportunities... please accept I’m actually super happy in myself since I got my chair...
I have been in a wheelchair since 1995. I just say "thank you" and go on my way. I like to just think of it this way: I will happily accept any good wishes.
I totally understand your opinion on this and I think I would react the same way, but I don’t understand where you find those people, Bc many people’s intentions (in my situation) are bullying me and talking bad about me.
I would be more than uncomfortable! Because what are they praying for? Healing? Walking? Peace? The intention of the prayer says a lot about what the person is actually feeling towards me....and it doesn't feel good.
People are entitled to believe in whatever god/higher power they choose.
I've had a situation where I was approached by someone asking 'can I pray for you' and even though I gave them a respectful thank you but no thank you completely ignored me and started demanding that my mum tell him 'what was wrong with' me. I replied I wasnt comfortable discussing it, he completely ignored my obvious discomfort and continued to demand we tell him what was wrong so he could pray to 'fix me'. Extremely uncomfortable mum and I attempted to move away. To make it worse we were at an agricultural show and this man was following us from site to site but for the next 5-10 minutes loudly praying in between asking questions about my medical situation. It wasnt only making us very uncomfortable but also everyone around us!
The other stand out situation was someone who saw me from a distance in a large department store, instead of approaching and asking if I minded if he prayed for me. He saw me and instantly started to yell his prayers at me from 20 metres away, causing everyone in the immediate vicinity to stop and stare. Again this guy unfortunately had zero regard to how uncomfortable I was and proceeded to follow me around to the point where my friend and I were actually weaving in and out of the clothes racks trying to lose him 😏 I can laugh about it now but at the time both instances were really intimidating and also kind of humiliating. I appreciate that they cared enough to pray for me but at the same time they completely ignored my feelings about what they were doing. To me to idea of praying for someone is not only sending a message to whatever higher power you believe in but it also a way to show support for another person, it shouldn't be something that negatively impacts on a person like it did in my case
I go to a Christian university where it is often implied that if you really believe in God you won’t be disabled. I have an invisible disability, and one of my best friends there is in a wheelchair. We have had many late night rants about the ways that people twist Christianity to say that it is evil, or wrong, or a personal flaw to be disabled. Honestly, nothing has allowed me to help the world like my disability. I believe that my disability is a gift from God that allows me to be who I am meant to be. And sure, being healed would be great, but I’m perfectly fine with waiting for heaven for that.
Next semester, I am returning to school with a service dog, so everyone will know that I have a disability. I am nervous about how I will respond to all the unsolicited prayers. I don’t want to discourage people in their faith, but I don’t want to encourage people in their hurtful (and frankly, doctrinally unsound) ideas. My plan is to ask them to pray for my service dog instead. I will explain that God already healed me by giving me my service dog, so please pray that he stays healthy and is able to work for me for a long time. If they try to “declare” my disability away, I will just say, “You are being arrogant to assume that you know God’s plans.” And leave.
The really funny thing is a lot of the people there wear glasses. I wonder why they haven’t casted out their bad eyesight yet!?!
I could go before. One day I was stopped in the middle of the street by someone who would "fix" me. I’m not quite sure how we got into the subject, but anyway ... I've had a bit shorter leg than the other. Then that person would fix it. But that's not something I believe so I thought it was a bit creepy.
I get that in university a lot, people dont want to be reminded how the were, they already pass those, things in life an happy with it and taking them back down the memory lane its disturbing, if you really want to pray, pray about other aspect
Had people lay hands on, then pray, then "ooops I hope that was ok". Me thinking, nah not really ok. I appreciate it, but ask first. Maybe I'm in. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I have a really painful day and nobody need to be laying hands on me.
As someone with multiple mental illnesses but no physical disabilities, I think it would depend on if they're praying(privately without telling you or at home, unless in a church or mosque or something) for life to be accessible and people understanding, for things to be pain free, or for your disability to be gone altogether. I feel like the last one is just a no-no that comes from a place of ignorance, pity, and sometimes fear. Just my two cents.
My dads friends are always praying for me. Guess it keeps them busy.
Love the vid!!!!
Thank you. ❤ Just subscribed.
I had someone come up to me in a shopping centre and ask if they could pray for me (only me the person with a mobility aid) pretty sure the death stare I gave her answered the question
Luckily I haven't been approached in person to have someone want to pray for me, but if they did I would shut it down. As an atheist I hate that. I don't want any praying or blessing in my direction, it's a way to force their religion on me and I don't like it.
If someone said that i would be offend because i have cerebral palsy and would find that very patronising. I am also an atheist so i would see no point to prayers!
Well, if they feel like praying for you would help to make you walk then, Hey go for it. But if their patronising you, then I think it could be a whole different story. Like you it’s a hard question to answer becoz we all have a different reason for being in one. So yeah just do it but don’t say anything, as you could easily offend someone. ❤
I don't see the harm in it. I love being prayed for actually it shows someone is thinking of you in their own way, if you ever feel uncomfortable just say I don't like it. But seriously it's not as bad as some people make out. Its kinda sweet actually. And I have a disability. And I wouldn't mind. If anyone is doing it out of pity because someone appears different then that's a tad weird. But if it's just because their a big softie who wishes you well. So what
Do you have a service dog..? I saw a picture on the begining of the video and now I'm confused...
Maybe it’s different for every person because my mom is in a wheelchair now because of an accident and she’s ok with people saying “can I pray for you” not in public though in churches and stuff XD so yeah maybe it is about the point of of view like someone who got into a wheelchair recently after an accident you may want prayers! Ok that is it after this really looooooong comment :)
Why ask if it's okay to pray? If you see someone that needs prayers (we all do) next time you sit down to pray, pray for that person! Golly..
Okay, now I want to know. Is this a thing in religion, where people have to ask someone's permission before praying for them?
Perhaps it's because I've never been a particularly religious person, but it seems a pretty inconsiderate thing to say to a stranger. About the only time I could ever imagine it being appropriate is if they know that you're about to go into surgery or something where you may be worried about the potential outcome. But even then, it's just as appropriate to say "I wish you the best of luck".
I think people mean well, but for my 15 year old, things like this are embarrassing. It just calls more attention to the fact that she is different when all she wants is to fit in.
Gosh, this really is a hard topic. I am a Christian, and I do believe God can heal people. But more often than not, I believe He helps us THROUGH the pain/disability/whatever; He doesn't just take it away.
I do believe in miracles, but I don't just expect them to happen every time someone prays... If that makes sense at all.
I don't mind if people pray for me in their own time, but I would feel uncomfortable with it in a shop or my work place. My workplace is a secular college, so I would fear getting fired if someone prayed for me publicly.
Someone asking to pray for me is an act of kindness, and that lightens my spirits :) For the first time in my few weeks of wheelchair use, someone asked if I needed help with anything while I was getting into my car. I was surprised because he was an older man with his wife, but I smiled and thanked him. It brightened my day because he was kind;
Which brings me to wonder... Maybe we should be offering help to others and just showing them kindness when they aren't disabled as well. I feel the more kindness you put into the world, the more kind people become.
I also keep an eye on others that are disabled, just in case. One time at the grocery store, a woman had asked the cashier to be careful not to put bags on her oxygen line in the basket. He didn't listen to her, and I helped her rearrange the bags so they weren't sitting on her oxygen, and she could actually BREATHE.
Listen to people if they have special requests. Be kind, to everyone. Ask if someone needs help/wants prayer before doing it against their will.
Sorry for rambling so much.
I have this happen all the time I just say sure but I dont like all the stares either
l like you do not really mind. depends on when and where l am. l like to think it is a loving thing not pity.
What an interesting video
I would be very offput / offended if someone asked if they would pray for me
I am not religious and it wouldn’t sit right with me at all also I am not Ill I am me
Glenn Huddled views wind me up to. My cousin was chatting to her then 5 year old son at my birthday barbeque. Her son had never seen me in my wc and my cousin said I was cool. I know the context she meant it. She didn't want to upset her son or me at the time.
👍👍👍
my dads a priest so i get this all the time
Hey! First of all, I am sorry that people have been aggressive/not understanding of the word no etc, I promise you we’re not all like that and that’s just some. I found this video quite hard to get my head around, I’m a Christian and so I believe that God is father/creator and that we all need saving, not from a wheelchair or whatever but from sin, I know we’re not debating wether that’s true or not so I’ll try and keep on topic! I have friends who’ve prayed for an image of a person to find, gone out on the streets and found that person and then asked them if they can pray WITH them, if the person says no they’ll just pray FOR them later on. It’s kind of hard to explain why we think this is so important because to us (as christians) it’s our whole entire lives, we pray and things happen, it’s what we’re told to do in the bible, pray. As for praying for people (people in wheelchairs for example), I’d hope that the prayers came from good intentions such as stopping of pain etc, I really don’t think (most of the time) it’s because they see something wrong with you, more that they just want to help and that’s what they have to offer. Although I haven’t seen people healed from wheelchairs, I have in other areas and I do think it happens, but obviously understand why you may be skeptical. Something I’ve never understood (&maybe you can answer it for me!), is that if you don’t believe in God, surely you don’t believe that praying for you will change anything, so then why does it matter? If someone of a different religion offered to pray for me, and I didn’t think it would do anything, I’d probably just say yes. I’m not in a wheelchair myself so maybe I see things differently on the praying aspect, although I do have CFS ME, while I don’t think it makes me any less of a person or any less blessed, I’d still choose to get rid of it if I could. I don’t know! I hope I wrote this in a way that wasn’t offensive and made sense.. I find it hard to put into words how I feel but would love to hear your comments back if you have any❤️
Had to edit to add on something I forgot! You made a comment about they could pray for you if you went to church, but for me, I’d never have gone to a church without someone praying for me to go or whatever, which is why people will ask you in the street, they want you to find Jesus and they want you to be saved (in a Christianity way not a wheelchair/no wheelchair way), and if they just wait for you to go to church, you’ll probably never go (I wouldn’t have). Hope that bit makes sense!
Hey Rachel! I thought, as an atheist who has multiple mental illnesses, I might try to address some of your issues. The biggest problem with the question 'Can I pray for you?' is more often than not they're actually asking 'Can I pray WITH you?' Which are obviously two different questions. I feel if you're going to pray FOR someone later on, you don't need to involve them. You don't need to ask permission, or even tell them you're going to do it. If it's something you feel compelled to do you should, but you also have to understand that quite a few people have had too many negative interactions with religious people to trust the intentions behind the question. Aside from demanding time that people don't necessarily have, the biggest problem I have with someone praying with me is the unknown factor. I have no idea what they mean, or how they see me, or if I would agree that their intentions are good. I've had too many people tell me to my face that I'm mentally ill because of demons and that they can pray to get rid of them. I won't pretend that mental illness is easy to deal with, but it's not okay to tell people that they're possessed by demons because their brain processes chemicals differently than yours. Also, far too many theists tell atheists that 'I'll pray for you' as a more polite way of expressing less than polite thoughts.
The video, from what I understand, is really just trying to address when it's appropriate to demand someone's time in this way. A retail worker, for example, has too many things to do to stop working while they're being prayed for/with. While someone in a place of worship came to that place basically for that reason. I hope this answered some of your concerns. I'm sorry if this is a bit rambly; I wanted to explain why some people don't want to be stoped to be prayed for.
thequietandquirky This is actually super helpful! I totally understand what you mean about the time thing. I’m sorry people have said to you about demons and such, mental illness is such an important thing that some people just don’t understand because they’ve never gone through it, I deal with some mental issues too and I definitely know some people who’d probably say the same to me if they knew. Even I as a christian can get uncomfortable when some people want to pray with me because you never know what they’ll come out with... I guess I’ve never thought of that, I’ve always just thought if it was me I’d be sensitive or whatever but maybe I wouldn’t come across that way. I suppose the summary of this is yes, as long as it’s for me and not with me, is that fair?
Thank you Rachel! That is exactly what I wanted to say!
I am a christian to, and felt really bad about this video. I want to say sorry to anyone who felt offended because someone wanted to pray for you! I am sorry if anyone approached you with judgement or disrespect, I do not Think that is what God wants.
In the Church I am from, praying for people on the street is not uncommon. However, this is done because we want to tell the World about Jesus Christ and his love to every person in the World. It is a way to invite people to Church and to know God. As Rachel states above, we Believe EVERYBODY needs salvation, it has nothing to do with disability.
However, Jesus told his followers to heal the sick (among other things), and I personally Believe God heals people today, I have Heard many people tell about getting healed.
Some people out praying for people on the streets will focus on praying for healing for sick people, maybe in some way choose thoose with visible problems first, but also randomly ask people if they have any pain etc they would need healing for. However, this is to be done from a Place of love, not with judgement or anytning else. It is just about believeing in a loving God who can truly heal people (physically and emotionally), and wanting to share it with other people.
Of course if I ask someone if I can pray for them on the street, I need to be gentle and of course listen if they say no. Feel totally free to say no if you are not okay with getting prayed for. The prayer is for your benefit, not for the person who prays.
I also want to say that the question "can I pray for you" should mean just that. The prayer can be about whatever you feel you need to get prayer for. It can be healing, but it can also be a thousand other things. If I Think you need prayer for healing, I should Always ask if you want to be healed Before I pray for that, of course for the very reason that you do not always want healing.
I also want to say that medical issues can be prayed for without the person praying knowing medical details. I believe God knows everytning, and thats enough. Of ocurse it is helpful to know if the pain is in your ear or in your toe or whatever, but there is absolutely no reason to share a lot of Medical details for prayer if you don't want to.
I hope this all made sense an can help someone in some way. =)
Yes, that's fair. It's just hard to know what people mean when they ask.
No lol
Blessed by a nun sorry
If they are persistent I just say and would you like me to cure you of you delusion. Lol