The judgement that suicide is selfish is a cruel misunderstanding of the disease by people who have never experienced it. I hope you continue to get better!
It's a choice people have , they don't want to play the game anymore, and you can try to persuade them, but in the end, you have to accept their choices.
I remember someone saying not to die before you make all the music that is within you. I pray you will be OK and I pray you make all the music you are meant to in this life, whatever that music may be. 🙏
The whole “Be strong” stigma is so f*ck3d up! Sometimes maybe more times than most you feel so weak. That alone can drive you to wanting to end it all.
I have had these comments before; in my culture (Carribean), mental health is often stigmatised and as a black woman with autism, I have to play into the strong stereotype which doesn't help.
I wish wish wish my daughter had seen this video before she took her own life. Alas she didn’t, but I did and it’s made me cry and make me really listen, her death caused mine… I feel like I’m dying. I’m not wanting to take my own life, but I hate I couldn’t help her and stop her.. I literally feel like I’m only still going for others. My daughter was strong and brave and she’s gone.
I identify with almost that exact same kind of self hatred a lot rn in my life. Struggling with suicidal thoughts and came across this video and it made me feel seen. Thank you for sharing this.
For me it is feeling ugly , poor , no college degree, girlfriend cheated on me and was raped, my grandma died in October. I tried my best to take care of my girlfriend and I feel like it was all for nothing. As if she didn't appreciate the time I had to put in. Waking up at 6:30 am to go to work, get out at 6:30 and then head to the hospital which is 40 mins away. For just a 30 minute visit and then go home which is about her 40 mins.
Having suicidal thoughts/depression/anxiety/any mental health condition is like being behind a glass door and everyone else is on the other side. It's shit and I really feel for everyone who's struggling with their mental health. Actually for me the thing that upsets me the most isn't having a mental health condition it's the isolation, guilt(shame) and just generally(for me in my experience) feeling like I shouldn't reach out or that I'm not allowed to call a helpline(despite recieving therapy/mental health support) because I need to be strong and deal with my mental health on my own no matter how low I feel. I feel incredibly isolated and I don't know what to do
Thank you for watching and for your comment. As someone who works with agencies that provide support, trust me when I say that we *want* to hear from you! It’s such a massive challenge to help people to realise they aren’t a burden at all, and that absolutely the strongest and bravest thing you can EVER say is ‘help’. I’ve listed some agencies in the description box, but even just giving Samaritans a call to have someone to listen can be so beneficial. Trust me when I say that they would love to hear from you, and to help you in whatever way they can. I’m sorry I can’t give you personal advice (it wouldn’t be ethical for me to do so) but I really appreciate you reaching out, and you aren’t alone. Just check the comments sections of my videos - there are lots of people here alone on my tiny RUclips channel with mental ill health too. Thank you again x
I was there yesterday. I took all the pills I could find and was holding a bottle of more sleeping pills when my friend Dane asked to call me because I wrote goodbye on all my socials. I was ready to be gone because of so many things and it all overwhelmed me yesterday. I felt like a terrible human and that the world would be better off without me. And the people I loved would be better off without me because they all hated me. That’s what I told myself. I’ve been treated so poorly by people through my life. I blamed myself. Im lucky Dane took the time to talk me out of it.
@@JulieKelly-mq3nm I respectfully ask that you decline from passing judgment. People on this board may be fragile, in pain, or on very shaky ground. If you can't say something sympathetic, empathatic, or encouraging - please refrain from saying anything at all.
I find myself here to get a better understanding of the new & dark version of me that I’ve become. It’s because of trauma and my disbelief that I’m deserving of good things of life is fading I’m at this point of wanting to end my own suffering. But I’m grateful for this video. Thank you for sharing your experience as I resonate with aspects of feelings you had that leading up to your attempt. I don’t have a husband, children, or close friends. I have a dog and work. And even now I feel I’m failing my colleagues and not doing as good as I could being a dog mom. My dog is what keeps me here, mainly because I don’t trust others will care for him as much as I do now. But it gets harder everyday. My counselor said I need to talk to others and to help carry the burden. Why would others want to enter the darkness I’m surrounded by when I don’t even want to be in it. I don’t want to burden nor taint others with my problems. They have problems of their own. I care for others I really do. Nowadays it’s harder to be there for them when I can be there for myself.
You now are in the darkness but trust me you are worthy and special and there is truly SO MUCH to live for but trust me it's there. I know it's hard to come out of such darkness I have been there just know that someone believes in you and that you are STRONG ENOUGH to come out of the darkness ❤
Thank you so, so much for making this video and sharing your experiences. The way you talked about your mindset at the time is so incredibly true and real. I went through a similar fight when I was 14. I didn't actually attempt suicide, but I was so close. Nearly everything you said when describing how you felt, I felt that, too. I don't think I've ever heard a more vulnerable story. Thank you so much for making this.
Wow, this video was so powerful. I have been struggling with Mental Health since 2012 and I had thoughts of taking my life in January this year after my wife and kids walked out on me and a organisation who will remain nameless got involved and told me I could not see my wife or kids, basically trying to tell me that they were running the show. I had planned how I was going to do it, on a busy Saturday afternoon. Thankfully friends from work had heard me talking about it and managed to get me help but the organisation helping me wife called me selfish and attention seeking, my wife knew I was being serious and myself and her walked into a mental health clinic where I started to get help, I was not attention seeking, I had at the time lost the most important things in my life and I just wanted to end life as the most important things in my life had gone. Having come through this situation I write my own blog, share encouragements and want to break the stigma of mental health and get people talking about it. Thank you for sharing this video.
Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your story. I am so glad that your friends from work heard you talking, and that your wife stood by you in that way and you got the support you needed. There is still so much stigma in organisations - more so than in individuals I think. And sometimes we can also be on the high alert for judgement from places where there is none. I myself was incredibly concerned for a long time that I would lose access to my children because of my mental health, and it’s taken a lot to feel secure knowing I won’t. It’s great to hear that you now share your story to help others! Thank you so much for sharing this on here and for watching :) x
Thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me understanding. I lost my wife oktober 2023 after years of being depressed. She committed suicide. It's still hard for me to understand why. But your explaining helps. God bless you ❤
@@TLA123y6f it's terribly hard without her in my life. she was my sweetheart for 36 years. but I will never blame her and still believe in her. I wish you and your family all the strength in the world. 💫💞
Depression is a horribly dark place to be. I've felt suicidal at times. A feeling that I just don't want to be here anymore. Am going through a major bout right now due to trauma, depression, anxiety, family situation, the insanity of the current world we live in, etc. Trying to get as much help as I can with the limited resources I have My heart goes out to you, rayman, for having to live through, and with, an experience like that. This is a good place to be. It's safe to reveal what's really going on. We all care. And we need each other because the outside world is rather callous and people don't understand. And Emma is so honest and open.
@@TLA123y6f thank you for your reply. i will never hold my wife responsible for what she did i always believed in her. she was always so brave and strong but this fight was too much and i couldnt help her. i have come to the point where i am beginning to realise that its not just about my grief but something much bigger and profound. depression is a terribly lonely suffering and thats what affects me the most. god bless you al whit love. Ray
I’ve been suicidal twice - I’ve never stated that publicly before. I still am cursed with ideation - in times of stress. I have to remind myself of what makes my presence a net positive. But my impatience at times makes me ideate that my death would be a faster way of stopping stress and ending the irritation of impatience. It doesn’t make real sense but it is what is. I hope that this can help someone know that you’re not alone. We are here. We struggle with the ideation. We are tired. Fed up with being fed up. But you have better options.
Can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience. It is unbelievably helpful to know that someone else has felt this way… your honesty is so evident. It just brings a dose of reality to the experience so many people struggle with and can’t talk about.
I e been told recently that I’m just being annoying. I don’t know how to cope with that on top of everything else. I’m going through some of the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’m a burden. I really just want to get away.
It's a problem talking about depression with people who don't experience it. People are scared of it and offer simple solutions. But realize there are many of us and you can talk to us. You are not alone. We are here and we are listening. Sincerely, much love because I get it, we get it.
It's hard when you're depressed and need help...only to be made to feel like a burden. You're not. Unfortunately, when you really NEED people you'll see who is there for you truly. You're not a burden and you have every right to feel how you feel. I hope things turn around for you. ♥️ Sending love and hugs 🤗
This is a safe place for us. We care about you. Depression is a horrible place to be. I've been there many times. Hang in there. Again - we care about you
Nov 28th 2017 slashed my Jugular and before I passed out I heard "Suicide is not Allowed" in a chime like melody voice. Lost 5 Days on my kitchen floor. Hope happiness joy depression sadness all Evaporated. If you attempt it make sure you are not protected and do not fail. Because tomorrow means absolutely nothing to me and I am ready to go back home to where I belong. Have a Wonderful Day
Wow Emma. You're such an inspiration, truly. As someone who is struggling at the moment with stress, I completely get your comment around how you present to others is not what your reality is at that time. Although I moaned about my situation, I did it in a jokey way and I think I undermined how I was feeling, to the extent where the low really hit hard and took other people by surprise. I feel I'm on my way back up but wow what a journey. As someone on the outside of your life, I would have said you 'had it all' too. Isn't it funny how we perceive the lives of those around us? It takes a lot to speak to someone privately about these things let alone speak publicly and I'm in awe of you right now. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping to normalise mental ill health ❣️
Thank you for your comment Alice, I really appreciate it and thank you for opening up about your own experiences too! We all 'front' to some extent - in itself it's a very good coping mechanism! Separate ourselves (even through humour) of reality and it isn't actually happening to us. It's a means of dissociation. But talking is so brave. Even retrospectively. Even just finding one person you can be yourself around - can make such a difference. Thank you for sharing x
Thus video found in good time. Because it is exactly how you mentioned it...your vision is soo clouded and sometimes i am so fixated on some narrative that, if someone tells me otherwise I would just ruthlessly ignore it or deny it or just say they are mocking me. Even my own positive thoughts are shut down myself when I am in that sort of mindset. Thanq for opening up❤
We talk about it but often people don't care. I have reached out for help but no one is there for me. I'm all alone, l don't see the point in staying alive
That’s why I almost did it. Time after time people show they clearly don’t care about me. Or maybe I care too much. Either way it’s painful and I wish I could just stop caring about every little thing
@@hilary2457 but we do care as faceless as we may be, because we recognize ourselves in you. because we truly understand all of it. Much love because you are loved, because you deserve to be loved because we deserve to be loved.
Im outta here. The loneliness in my life is unbearable ive tried and tried and it doesbt get better. Ive tried antidepressants, counseling etc. Nithing has worked. I used to gave hope. Im now 55. Single and childless .....whats the point of carrying on
I suffer from severe depression for 30 years and i have 6 times tryd to take my own live.I suffer from CTSPD and whas sexually abused when i whas a child.I am the youngest of 7 children and i am whole my live being used by them.I divorced after 15 years of marriage and i have two sons,who i raised on my own.I didnt never had any help from anyone.I raised thim with values,they both got to university and gave a degree.Now i am 62 and i cut about 3 months my toxic family off.And i feel better.But my youngest son doesn't alk to me anymore for 7 years,without reason.Now my oldest son also don't visit me anymore.I have a severe depression, anxiety, stress,not feeling good enough.I hate myself.I don't have friends,nobody.The tought off suicide it is always in my head,and if this go futher,i will end my live,because i have nothing more to stay here.Everyday i am alone in my house dragging me to the day.I feel i don't belong here anymore in this world.I can't find joy in anything anymore.
I've done lots of counselling some people can't be helped. I made a serious attempt to end it a long time ago but it failed , the older I get the more I wish it had worked.
I reached this after yet again researching "how to". I have been feeling the way you felt. I wanted to end the message in a hopeful way, but it's not how I feel. I just wanted to thank you for posting it.
Hi Emma. The very fact that you can come on here and talk about this ... even though I can see and hear you struggling so much with the emotions and memories this is bringing back into your life...shows you have an inner strength and spirit to go onward and upward. It took real courage to come on here and tell your story. You are truly baring your soul warts and all for the world to see. In your own words 'you are loved more than you know'. I wish you every future happiness Emma. Hugs and love.
i come very close i took vallum and bottle of wine trying to over dose and remember calling my mum and her saying i made no séance. and she come over took me to hospital. but mine all started from break and up and having anxiety and thought i had no one to talk . doing better today still have anxiety but i have friends and family therapist i can talk to . Clad hear you doing well and thanks for sharing your storie
Wow. Phenomenal video! The way you explained how it didn't matter what your circumstances were, or how other people saw your life... You were so undeniably positive in your beleif of yourself and your life that ANYTHING anyone else said to the contrary was not true/impossible, that they didn't know YOU.... And how when you are able to confront some of that thinking, question it and reevaluate (it wasnt until I found a private therapist whose personality and style/approach worked with me) that you can see yourself any differently. So very well said. A raw video in the best of ways. Thank you for sharing your story.
Beautiful video. My own experience is the verbal attacks from bullies of years ago. Those memories are like angry wasps in my head, and I feel like it's the only way to shut them up. I'm seeing a doctor this week about it, but can't stop thinking of ways to go quickly and successfully. I'm still here tho so there's a chance I can be salvaged in time.
The key point to consider is conspicuously missing: What is the fundamental reason for your mental state? In order to "fight" these feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness you really have to take a look at the deeper structures of your own life and psychology - at your childhood, at your parents and contemporary relationships. You have to work on your trauma and you have to work on your perspective on society.. There is a lack there, that you have to resolve within yourself. It always is mindboggling to me how one would consider taking such action as described here rather than just ending the relationships that are toxic.
I'm feeling the exact way, but I get told on a daily basis how stupid I am, how everything is my fault. I'm called every name in the book, I get accused of looking at other men , My 6yr calls me a b*tch and also tells me how stupid I am, they both want to kick me out of the house, I'm 30,000 in debt, working a minimum wage job because nobody would pay me more. There is no reason to live. Good story but it's the truth
I stay alive for my daughter's wedding in April. Now I find out they want to start a family not long after. She is the only thing that brings me joy. I love my husband and some of my siblings deeply, but the chronic physical pain and dependence on psych meds for nearly 50 years have destroyed me. I feel nothing but look forward to death. I cannot give love.
I hope something really good happens to you soon. Life is so hard when you are not feeling well and a worried about mental illness. I hope you can feel better soon and life turns around for you.
Your video is incredible I had felt the exact same thing about myself. I attempted suicide two times and failed. I had a third time all planned out and for some reason I didn't go through with it. I too am seeing a therapist and have come a long way. Once in awhile the feeling about myself comes back but now I have the tools to stop that kind of thinking. I think people don't realize that mental health is something you need to work at. I wish people would realize that Depression, Mental health aid Suicide are not Taboo or naughty words ❤
That’s how I feel, I feel like no one knows the real me. Then again, it’s upto us to show others who we are but when you’ve had horrible experiences or just countless experiences of being just you and it bothers people it can start to get at you so you start to just not be the real you around others.
Thank you so much x.. I hope it's not weird that I have watched this video multiple times. For some reason you remind me of my channel's namesake: Florence Welch! Do you take content requests?
@@emmanicolecounselling . I really appreciate it. I was just wondering if you can talk about the different reasons why people don't want to get better, and how to address those kinds of thoughts. Is that common in practice? (Optional reading below.) ... I am in the (I think) unusual position of having no support. I don't have friends, or a girlfriend, and I am not emotionally open with my family so they don't know I have Depression. To some extent I know what to do to get better, but I kind of don't want to.. although this sounds awful, I want people to love me for me, not just the confident/happy/attractive me. For example, I had a huge heartbreak two years ago, and I haven't met anyone since. Absolutely, I can attract someone if I improve myself, but you're not supposed to look back on the worst time of your life and think "it didn't change until I changed." I don't know if I can take pride in that.. That kind of gets me into a deadlock. Of course, after you start medication and therapy, you'll probably start getting your head around those issues very quickly. And it sounds kind of self-serving: the more you put off getting help, the worse it'll get. ... Sorry about the length, but I hope it was helpful.
@@florencefortyseven dont apologise for the length! I can absolutely cover this in a future video. Would you be okay for me to screenshot your suggestion and share it in the video, so I can then respond to it? Or would you prefer it if I didn’t share your details? It will be a more generalised response rather than specific to you, if that makes sense. But could provide some insight! :)
I'm 64 and the self hatred started when I was 14 and will never go away. I know that and have learned to accept it. I cycle between normal and depressed, sometimes severely, every 10 days or so. Anti-depression medication is useless, I would love to feel normal all the time, but medication has never done that for me. My parents created this self-hatred by physically and emotionally abusing me (I'm a very gentle soul but had to live with that as a child). They were young when they had me. "Children raising children." I've forgiven them but I can't ever forget. The depression has made me super empathic. That's not a good thing. I am easily triggered by extreme violence that I read or hear about. Unfortunately the world is filled with evil people. I feel normal right now, but I'll be glad when I am dead. I have no fear of dying or being dead. At least it's not this.
I'm sorry your parents were not parents to you. I hope you can still enjoy your life and know that a stranger would like to give you a hug and let you know they're glad you exist.
thing is most therapists are shit at dealing with suicidal ideation and never been there themselves so they make it worse. I’ve even taken courses on it myself for what they lead a bout it and what I learned didn’t really impress me much. people are afraid of death, even more so suicide. we need a major overhaul of our mental health training for therapists. i know there are good ones out there, but i have yet to find a therapist that impressed me with their help around it. Im so tired of people saying talk to someone- then you do and no one cares and you feel way worse. nature and god and animals. best healers in the world. go hug a tree and pray. if you have a good therapist- ask them to train others!
Hey thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you are (or were) a fellow traveler on this road. I really feel for you, but another part of me can't relate to this story at all. You have mountains of evidence that contradict your narrative for yourself. You have academic and professional treatment. You have a loving family. You're very pretty, and you're obviously very smart and well-spoken. Now, I understand how a person can concoct a personal narrative that discounts all of that. You can't logic your way out of your feelings after all. But what does a person do when they don't receive countervailing evidence to their negative opinion of themselves? I'm 34/m, live with my mother, literally work as a delivery driver at a pizza place. I can't even excel here, because I can't wake up on time under any circumstances whether I get 6 hours of sleep or 12. I take a handful of pills every day for medical problems. I'm overweight, in debt and spend all my willpower just surviving the day. Zero romantic prospects, and I stopped dating altogether 8 years ago due to being serially cheated on. There's a thousand other things but I've whinged on enough. I think I'm accurately weighing the balance when I conclude that MY life isn't worth living. When you categorically tell me that my estimation is wrong, I ask why? And how? I had an OD in 2015. I still don't feel better. I feel worse. And I'm too afraid to just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger, though I desperately wish I could. That's the ultimate irony. Too afraid of oblivion or punishment to leave the constant pain behind.
does she say how she attempted it or go into details of how it failed? Sorry if I missed it, I’m in a rushed place and skimming through as many videos as possible. I do like her message, and hope it helps alot of people .. I also think it’s ok for some people to die. I let someone down who was very innocent & pure and now they’re dead so I know I don’t deserve to live. And that’s ok. That person matters way more than me & maybe I’ll get to see his ghost if I die. I also think it’s ok if someone is terminally Ill and doesn’t want to go through all that w/drs taking care of them until they die, or have family remember them in that state. That can be a suffering process & not very graceful. I do hope most people seek help though.. not all cases are the same
Hi Darius, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my video. In the description I’ve linked some resources that, if you think may help, I can guarantee would want to hear from you. When you’re feeling as low as it sounds you are, you can feel like the only person in the world - whilst I can’t personally provide help to you - I can promise you that there is support available. Please check the links, Shout is also a great organisation that you can text at any time :)
Depression is an absolutely horrific experience, i wouldn't wish it on anyone. I loved listening to yoyr story. It helps to know im not alone 🤗
The judgement that suicide is selfish is a cruel misunderstanding of the disease by people who have never experienced it. I hope you continue to get better!
It's a choice people have , they don't want to play the game anymore, and you can try to persuade them, but in the end, you have to accept their choices.
I understand why people end it, I am on the edge
I remember someone saying not to die before you make all the music that is within you. I pray you will be OK and I pray you make all the music you are meant to in this life, whatever that music may be. 🙏
@@joseph7368thanks for sharing
I do too. Life can be a bi***
@@joseph7368 I will find out next summer
I hope you will reach out to help holine. Your life has value.
The whole “Be strong” stigma is so f*ck3d up! Sometimes maybe more times than most you feel so weak. That alone can drive you to wanting to end it all.
I have had these comments before; in my culture (Carribean), mental health is often stigmatised and as a black woman with autism, I have to play into the strong stereotype which doesn't help.
Yes the 'toxic positivity' :(
Some people can be insensitive.
I wish wish wish my daughter had seen this video before she took her own life. Alas she didn’t, but I did and it’s made me cry and make me really listen, her death caused mine… I feel like I’m dying. I’m not wanting to take my own life, but I hate I couldn’t help her and stop her.. I literally feel like I’m only still going for others. My daughter was strong and brave and she’s gone.
Heartbreaking. I am a daughter. I am suicidal for a long time now. Your comment made me think of how my mother would feel if I was to go. ❤
I identify with almost that exact same kind of self hatred a lot rn in my life. Struggling with suicidal thoughts and came across this video and it made me feel seen. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for watching :) please know that there are always organisations out there that you can speak to and seek support if you need to
Its absolute torment to feel in such a dark place. You can feel shaky inside as you feel taken over by despair and feel there’s no way back
For me it is feeling ugly , poor , no college degree, girlfriend cheated on me and was raped, my grandma died in October. I tried my best to take care of my girlfriend and I feel like it was all for nothing. As if she didn't appreciate the time I had to put in. Waking up at 6:30 am to go to work, get out at 6:30 and then head to the hospital which is 40 mins away. For just a 30 minute visit and then go home which is about her 40 mins.
Having suicidal thoughts/depression/anxiety/any mental health condition is like being behind a glass door and everyone else is on the other side. It's shit and I really feel for everyone who's struggling with their mental health. Actually for me the thing that upsets me the most isn't having a mental health condition it's the isolation, guilt(shame) and just generally(for me in my experience) feeling like I shouldn't reach out or that I'm not allowed to call a helpline(despite recieving therapy/mental health support) because I need to be strong and deal with my mental health on my own no matter how low I feel. I feel incredibly isolated and I don't know what to do
Thank you for watching and for your comment. As someone who works with agencies that provide support, trust me when I say that we *want* to hear from you! It’s such a massive challenge to help people to realise they aren’t a burden at all, and that absolutely the strongest and bravest thing you can EVER say is ‘help’. I’ve listed some agencies in the description box, but even just giving Samaritans a call to have someone to listen can be so beneficial. Trust me when I say that they would love to hear from you, and to help you in whatever way they can. I’m sorry I can’t give you personal advice (it wouldn’t be ethical for me to do so) but I really appreciate you reaching out, and you aren’t alone. Just check the comments sections of my videos - there are lots of people here alone on my tiny RUclips channel with mental ill health too. Thank you again x
I was there yesterday. I took all the pills I could find and was holding a bottle of more sleeping pills when my friend Dane asked to call me because I wrote goodbye on all my socials. I was ready to be gone because of so many things and it all overwhelmed me yesterday. I felt like a terrible human and that the world would be better off without me. And the people I loved would be better off without me because they all hated me. That’s what I told myself. I’ve been treated so poorly by people through my life. I blamed myself. Im lucky Dane took the time to talk me out of it.
It is good you had a friend or boyfriend who loved you enough to call and hear your voice . Glad your ok 💙
You must have not wanted to die or you would have not told anyone goodbye
@@JulieKelly-mq3nm Yes, saying goodbye was a cry for help.
We care about you. You're not alone. This is a safe place to be open and honest.
@@JulieKelly-mq3nm I respectfully ask that you decline from passing judgment. People on this board may be fragile, in pain, or on very shaky ground. If you can't say something sympathetic, empathatic, or encouraging - please refrain from saying anything at all.
I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness, you are not alone in this ❤❤❤
I find myself here to get a better understanding of the new & dark version of me that I’ve become. It’s because of trauma and my disbelief that I’m deserving of good things of life is fading I’m at this point of wanting to end my own suffering. But I’m grateful for this video. Thank you for sharing your experience as I resonate with aspects of feelings you had that leading up to your attempt. I don’t have a husband, children, or close friends. I have a dog and work. And even now I feel I’m failing my colleagues and not doing as good as I could being a dog mom. My dog is what keeps me here, mainly because I don’t trust others will care for him as much as I do now. But it gets harder everyday. My counselor said I need to talk to others and to help carry the burden. Why would others want to enter the darkness I’m surrounded by when I don’t even want to be in it. I don’t want to burden nor taint others with my problems. They have problems of their own. I care for others I really do. Nowadays it’s harder to be there for them when I can be there for myself.
I understand completely. I hope you’re doing well
You now are in the darkness but trust me you are worthy and special and there is truly SO MUCH to live for but trust me it's there. I know it's hard to come out of such darkness I have been there just know that someone believes in you and that you are STRONG ENOUGH to come out of the darkness ❤
I totally understand your feelings and so do i....
Thank you so, so much for making this video and sharing your experiences. The way you talked about your mindset at the time is so incredibly true and real. I went through a similar fight when I was 14. I didn't actually attempt suicide, but I was so close. Nearly everything you said when describing how you felt, I felt that, too. I don't think I've ever heard a more vulnerable story. Thank you so much for making this.
Wow, this video was so powerful. I have been struggling with Mental Health since 2012 and I had thoughts of taking my life in January this year after my wife and kids walked out on me and a organisation who will remain nameless got involved and told me I could not see my wife or kids, basically trying to tell me that they were running the show. I had planned how I was going to do it, on a busy Saturday afternoon. Thankfully friends from work had heard me talking about it and managed to get me help but the organisation helping me wife called me selfish and attention seeking, my wife knew I was being serious and myself and her walked into a mental health clinic where I started to get help, I was not attention seeking, I had at the time lost the most important things in my life and I just wanted to end life as the most important things in my life had gone.
Having come through this situation I write my own blog, share encouragements and want to break the stigma of mental health and get people talking about it.
Thank you for sharing this video.
Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your story. I am so glad that your friends from work heard you talking, and that your wife stood by you in that way and you got the support you needed.
There is still so much stigma in organisations - more so than in individuals I think. And sometimes we can also be on the high alert for judgement from places where there is none. I myself was incredibly concerned for a long time that I would lose access to my children because of my mental health, and it’s taken a lot to feel secure knowing I won’t.
It’s great to hear that you now share your story to help others! Thank you so much for sharing this on here and for watching :) x
Wife and children? - did they change Religeon? We're they led by a cult? Where r they? - I'm curious. Appologies for questions
Thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me understanding. I lost my wife oktober 2023 after years of being depressed. She committed suicide. It's still hard for me to understand why. But your explaining helps. God bless you ❤
I am so very sorry you've had to walk through this.
@@TLA123y6f it's terribly hard without her in my life. she was my sweetheart for 36 years. but I will never blame her and still believe in her. I wish you and your family all the strength in the world. 💫💞
Depression is a horribly dark place to be. I've felt suicidal at times. A feeling that I just don't want to be here anymore. Am going through a major bout right now due to trauma, depression, anxiety, family situation, the insanity of the current world we live in, etc. Trying to get as much help as I can with the limited resources I have
My heart goes out to you, rayman, for having to live through, and with, an experience like that. This is a good place to be. It's safe to reveal what's really going on. We all care. And we need each other because the outside world is rather callous and people don't understand. And Emma is so honest and open.
@@TLA123y6f thank you for your reply. i will never hold my wife responsible for what she did i always believed in her. she was always so brave and strong but this fight was too much and i couldnt help her. i have come to the point where i am beginning to realise that its not just about my grief but something much bigger and profound. depression is a terribly lonely suffering and thats what affects me the most. god bless you al whit love. Ray
I’ve been suicidal twice - I’ve never stated that publicly before. I still am cursed with ideation - in times of stress. I have to remind myself of what makes my presence a net positive. But my impatience at times makes me ideate that my death would be a faster way of stopping stress and ending the irritation of impatience. It doesn’t make real sense but it is what is. I hope that this can help someone know that you’re not alone. We are here. We struggle with the ideation. We are tired. Fed up with being fed up. But you have better options.
Can’t thank you enough for sharing your experience. It is unbelievably helpful to know that someone else has felt this way… your honesty is so evident. It just brings a dose of reality to the experience so many people struggle with and can’t talk about.
I e been told recently that I’m just being annoying. I don’t know how to cope with that on top of everything else. I’m going through some of the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. I feel like I’m a burden. I really just want to get away.
It's a problem talking about depression with people who don't experience it. People are scared of it and offer simple solutions. But realize there are many of us and you can talk to us. You are not alone. We are here and we are listening. Sincerely, much love because I get it, we get it.
I hope you will reach out to a help hotline . Your life has value.
It's hard when you're depressed and need help...only to be made to feel like a burden. You're not. Unfortunately, when you really NEED people you'll see who is there for you truly. You're not a burden and you have every right to feel how you feel. I hope things turn around for you. ♥️ Sending love and hugs 🤗
This is a safe place for us. We care about you. Depression is a horrible place to be. I've been there many times. Hang in there. Again - we care about you
Your a awesome and beautiful person I know Depression is a awful disease and just know you are Worthy and belong on this earth
This is super vulnerable. Thank you for sharing. ❤
Thank you, Emma. Your honesty, empathy, is so appreciated.
Nov 28th 2017 slashed my Jugular and before I passed out I heard "Suicide is not Allowed" in a chime like melody voice. Lost 5 Days on my kitchen floor. Hope happiness joy depression sadness all Evaporated. If you attempt it make sure you are not protected and do not fail. Because tomorrow means absolutely nothing to me and I am ready to go back home to where I belong. Have a Wonderful Day
Wow Emma. You're such an inspiration, truly. As someone who is struggling at the moment with stress, I completely get your comment around how you present to others is not what your reality is at that time. Although I moaned about my situation, I did it in a jokey way and I think I undermined how I was feeling, to the extent where the low really hit hard and took other people by surprise. I feel I'm on my way back up but wow what a journey. As someone on the outside of your life, I would have said you 'had it all' too. Isn't it funny how we perceive the lives of those around us? It takes a lot to speak to someone privately about these things let alone speak publicly and I'm in awe of you right now. Thank you for sharing your experience and helping to normalise mental ill health ❣️
Thank you for your comment Alice, I really appreciate it and thank you for opening up about your own experiences too! We all 'front' to some extent - in itself it's a very good coping mechanism! Separate ourselves (even through humour) of reality and it isn't actually happening to us. It's a means of dissociation. But talking is so brave. Even retrospectively. Even just finding one person you can be yourself around - can make such a difference. Thank you for sharing x
Thus video found in good time. Because it is exactly how you mentioned it...your vision is soo clouded and sometimes i am so fixated on some narrative that, if someone tells me otherwise I would just ruthlessly ignore it or deny it or just say they are mocking me. Even my own positive thoughts are shut down myself when I am in that sort of mindset. Thanq for opening up❤
We talk about it but often people don't care. I have reached out for help but no one is there for me. I'm all alone, l don't see the point in staying alive
I care about you dude, do you want to talk?
That’s why I almost did it. Time after time people show they clearly don’t care about me. Or maybe I care too much. Either way it’s painful and I wish I could just stop caring about every little thing
@@hilary2457 but we do care as faceless as we may be, because we recognize ourselves in you. because we truly understand all of it. Much love because you are loved, because you deserve to be loved because we deserve to be loved.
Appreciated hearing your perspective, thanks for speaking.
And thank you for watching and commenting :)
Im outta here. The loneliness in my life is unbearable ive tried and tried and it doesbt get better. Ive tried antidepressants, counseling etc. Nithing has worked. I used to gave hope. Im now 55. Single and childless .....whats the point of carrying on
If SSRIs have not addicted you then you have a natural depression and will cope.
Your soul is lovely. Thank you for sharing of yourself and your journey. You truly are lovely.
I suffer from severe depression for 30 years and i have 6 times tryd to take my own live.I suffer from CTSPD and whas sexually abused when i whas a child.I am the youngest of 7 children and i am whole my live being used by them.I divorced after 15 years of marriage and i have two sons,who i raised on my own.I didnt never had any help from anyone.I raised thim with values,they both got to university and gave a degree.Now i am 62 and i cut about 3 months my toxic family off.And i feel better.But my youngest son doesn't alk to me anymore for 7 years,without reason.Now my oldest son also don't visit me anymore.I have a severe depression, anxiety, stress,not feeling good enough.I hate myself.I don't have friends,nobody.The tought off suicide it is always in my head,and if this go futher,i will end my live,because i have nothing more to stay here.Everyday i am alone in my house dragging me to the day.I feel i don't belong here anymore in this world.I can't find joy in anything anymore.
I've done lots of counselling some people can't be helped. I made a serious attempt to end it a long time ago but it failed , the older I get the more I wish it had worked.
How r u now? 🙂
I reached this after yet again researching "how to". I have been feeling the way you felt. I wanted to end the message in a hopeful way, but it's not how I feel. I just wanted to thank you for posting it.
Hi Emma. The very fact that you can come on here and talk about this ... even though I can see and hear you struggling so much with the emotions and memories this is bringing back into your life...shows you have an inner strength and spirit to go onward and upward. It took real courage to come on here and tell your story. You are truly baring your soul warts and all for the world to see. In your own words 'you are loved more than you know'. I wish you every future happiness Emma. Hugs and love.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m glad you are still here ❤️
Thank you, and thank you for watching :)
Wow. I love your video., It just feels so real and raw and honest and full of care and love and integrity and courage. Thank you xxxx
Thank you for talking about the idea of suicide being a selfish act.
Not understanding and having compassion for the pain that person must have been in to take their own life is, to me, SELFISH
i come very close i took vallum and bottle of wine trying to over dose and remember calling my mum and her saying i made no séance. and she come over took me to hospital. but mine all started from break and up and having anxiety and thought i had no one to talk . doing better today still have anxiety but i have friends and family therapist i can talk to . Clad hear you doing well and thanks for sharing your storie
Wow. Phenomenal video! The way you explained how it didn't matter what your circumstances were, or how other people saw your life... You were so undeniably positive in your beleif of yourself and your life that ANYTHING anyone else said to the contrary was not true/impossible, that they didn't know YOU.... And how when you are able to confront some of that thinking, question it and reevaluate (it wasnt until I found a private therapist whose personality and style/approach worked with me) that you can see yourself any differently. So very well said. A raw video in the best of ways. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing your story. Appreciate it.
I am also a suicide survivor and am suffering from severe depression. Its so hard just surviving.
Beautiful video. My own experience is the verbal attacks from bullies of years ago. Those memories are like angry wasps in my head, and I feel like it's the only way to shut them up. I'm seeing a doctor this week about it, but can't stop thinking of ways to go quickly and successfully. I'm still here tho so there's a chance I can be salvaged in time.
Thank you for posting this
I can relate 100% I'm shit n worthless, and focusing on how to end it.
You are valuable to all of us……including me. Hold on…things will get better.i promise..
Thank you for sharing ❤ you put into words feelings that are so difficult to articulate
Hello Emma! Just found your video...hope you are doing well and your life is good!
Thank you for your bravery in sharing. Amazing to hear you’re in a better place.
The key point to consider is conspicuously missing: What is the fundamental reason for your mental state?
In order to "fight" these feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness you really have to take a look at the deeper structures of your own life and psychology - at your childhood, at your parents and contemporary relationships. You have to work on your trauma and you have to work on your perspective on society.. There is a lack there, that you have to resolve within yourself. It always is mindboggling to me how one would consider taking such action as described here rather than just ending the relationships that are toxic.
thanks for posting this :)
thank 🧡 you
very understandable !
yet it's been 57 1/2 yrs being everyone's dirt underfoot
having a faith keeping me alive pls allow me it
Thank you for sharing your story. ❤
I was looking a method to end it and i fiund it quick and painless. It is giung to be over for me soon. I am done
I pray for your strength and know that you are loved.
how?
I'm feeling the exact way, but I get told on a daily basis how stupid I am, how everything is my fault. I'm called every name in the book, I get accused of looking at other men , My 6yr calls me a b*tch and also tells me how stupid I am, they both want to kick me out of the house, I'm 30,000 in debt, working a minimum wage job because nobody would pay me more.
There is no reason to live. Good story but it's the truth
Hope you are okay
I stay alive for my daughter's wedding in April. Now I find out they want to start a family not long after. She is the only thing that brings me joy. I love my husband and some of my siblings deeply, but the chronic physical pain and dependence on psych meds for nearly 50 years have destroyed me. I feel nothing but look forward to death. I cannot give love.
I hope something really good happens to you soon. Life is so hard when you are not feeling well and a worried about mental illness. I hope you can feel better soon and life turns around for you.
Your video is incredible I had felt the exact same thing about myself. I attempted suicide two times and failed. I had a third time all planned out and for some reason I didn't go through with it. I too am seeing a therapist and have come a long way. Once in awhile the feeling about myself comes back but now I have the tools to stop that kind of thinking. I think people don't realize that mental health is something you need to work at. I wish people would realize that Depression, Mental health aid Suicide are not Taboo or naughty words ❤
Thanks for sharing!
That’s how I feel, I feel like no one knows the real me. Then again, it’s upto us to show others who we are but when you’ve had horrible experiences or just countless experiences of being just you and it bothers people it can start to get at you so you start to just not be the real you around others.
Bless you, its hard to talk about
Thank you so much x.. I hope it's not weird that I have watched this video multiple times. For some reason you remind me of my channel's namesake: Florence Welch!
Do you take content requests?
Suggestions are always welcome! Thank you so much for watching :)
@@emmanicolecounselling . I really appreciate it. I was just wondering if you can talk about the different reasons why people don't want to get better, and how to address those kinds of thoughts. Is that common in practice? (Optional reading below.)
...
I am in the (I think) unusual position of having no support. I don't have friends, or a girlfriend, and I am not emotionally open with my family so they don't know I have Depression.
To some extent I know what to do to get better, but I kind of don't want to.. although this sounds awful, I want people to love me for me, not just the confident/happy/attractive me. For example, I had a huge heartbreak two years ago, and I haven't met anyone since. Absolutely, I can attract someone if I improve myself, but you're not supposed to look back on the worst time of your life and think "it didn't change until I changed." I don't know if I can take pride in that..
That kind of gets me into a deadlock. Of course, after you start medication and therapy, you'll probably start getting your head around those issues very quickly. And it sounds kind of self-serving: the more you put off getting help, the worse it'll get.
...
Sorry about the length, but I hope it was helpful.
@@florencefortyseven dont apologise for the length! I can absolutely cover this in a future video. Would you be okay for me to screenshot your suggestion and share it in the video, so I can then respond to it? Or would you prefer it if I didn’t share your details? It will be a more generalised response rather than specific to you, if that makes sense. But could provide some insight! :)
@@emmanicolecounselling . I have no problem with that :).
@@florencefortyseven check out my most recent upload :)
People seem to think I’ve become lazy, and I just mysteriously became an introvert, and not absolutely hating who I am at the moment.
I really hate how RUclips age restricts videos like this when so many teens struggle with suicidal ideation.
I'm 64 and the self hatred started when I was 14 and will never go away. I know that and have learned to accept it.
I cycle between normal and depressed, sometimes severely, every 10 days or so. Anti-depression medication is useless, I would love to feel normal all the time, but medication has never done that for me.
My parents created this self-hatred by physically and emotionally abusing me (I'm a very gentle soul but had to live with that as a child). They were young when they had me. "Children raising children." I've forgiven them but I can't ever forget.
The depression has made me super empathic. That's not a good thing. I am easily triggered by extreme violence that I read or hear about. Unfortunately the world is filled with evil people. I feel normal right now, but I'll be glad when I am dead. I have no fear of dying or being dead. At least it's not this.
I'm sorry your parents were not parents to you. I hope you can still enjoy your life and know that a stranger would like to give you a hug and let you know they're glad you exist.
I am sorry and i am disabled and traumas like i cant even talk to. You are not alone.
Thank you!
thing is most therapists are shit at dealing with suicidal ideation and never been there themselves so they make it worse. I’ve even taken courses on it myself for what they lead a bout it and what I learned didn’t really impress me much. people are afraid of death, even more so suicide. we need a major overhaul of our mental health training for therapists. i know there are good ones out there, but i have yet to find a therapist that impressed me with their help around it. Im so tired of people saying talk to someone- then you do and no one cares and you feel way worse. nature and god and animals. best healers in the world. go hug a tree and pray. if you have a good therapist- ask them to train others!
i m extremly sorry, i will make this world a better place for sure!!! for all , especially for all women.
I totally understand why ppl want to end it I lost my two soulmate furbabies 9 days apart and I blame myself I want to be reunited with them 💔💔
Sad that such a beautiful, intelligent woman could feel so bad about herself.
Beautiful people are not immune to depression
Hey thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you are (or were) a fellow traveler on this road. I really feel for you, but another part of me can't relate to this story at all.
You have mountains of evidence that contradict your narrative for yourself. You have academic and professional treatment. You have a loving family. You're very pretty, and you're obviously very smart and well-spoken. Now, I understand how a person can concoct a personal narrative that discounts all of that. You can't logic your way out of your feelings after all. But what does a person do when they don't receive countervailing evidence to their negative opinion of themselves?
I'm 34/m, live with my mother, literally work as a delivery driver at a pizza place. I can't even excel here, because I can't wake up on time under any circumstances whether I get 6 hours of sleep or 12. I take a handful of pills every day for medical problems. I'm overweight, in debt and spend all my willpower just surviving the day. Zero romantic prospects, and I stopped dating altogether 8 years ago due to being serially cheated on. There's a thousand other things but I've whinged on enough. I think I'm accurately weighing the balance when I conclude that MY life isn't worth living. When you categorically tell me that my estimation is wrong, I ask why? And how?
I had an OD in 2015. I still don't feel better. I feel worse. And I'm too afraid to just put a gun to my head and pull the trigger, though I desperately wish I could. That's the ultimate irony. Too afraid of oblivion or punishment to leave the constant pain behind.
I can relate to your story.
Feel like that every day
Thanks this helps me
Where you abused or mentally neglected as a child that you got such hatred for yourself? So sorry you went through this.
I love you stay strong sweetheart 😍
Carry on beautiful young lady . . .
Totally understand --
10x thumbs up
Hope you are okay now
If you want too, cool , love that
You seem like a lovely person….i wish I could talk to you and make you feel better.
I have no one at all to support me. My own family ignore i even have mental health issues. I have had 2 attempts n my 3rd will be successful
Are you still here?
I hope you will reach out to a help holine, your life has value.
Alive or not I hope you found peace either way
does she say how she attempted it or go into details of how it failed? Sorry if I missed it, I’m in a rushed place and skimming through as many videos as possible. I do like her message, and hope it helps alot of people .. I also think it’s ok for some people to die. I let someone down who was very innocent & pure and now they’re dead so I know I don’t deserve to live. And that’s ok. That person matters way more than me & maybe I’ll get to see his ghost if I die. I also think it’s ok if someone is terminally Ill and doesn’t want to go through all that w/drs taking care of them until they die, or have family remember them in that state. That can be a suffering process & not very graceful. I do hope most people seek help though.. not all cases are the same
Any idea what made you develop such a negative self concept?
Thanks
5:00
When I die, I want to ask God if He forgives the sin of suicide
She is pretty.
💚
Very powerful testimony. Thank you for sharing with us 🫶🙏
Emma you have sad eyes❤❤❤❤
Now studying myself for central state hospital in Petersburg VA
TOO MANY SELF ABSORBED COMMENTS, YOU FOOL . . .
🥰
Trauma causes individuals to be stuck in a altered State usually just before the incident and years afterwards
How did he treat you I'm also APS
There is no type!
OFFS get on with this
Thank you
Islam does not allow suicide,you will see mostly no one in islam thinks about suicide
Really?
PTSD depression and anxiety
I think I may kill myself soon. I feel like a complete failure at life. Lonliness and Regret feel Like the only real things in my life.
Hi Darius, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment on my video. In the description I’ve linked some resources that, if you think may help, I can guarantee would want to hear from you. When you’re feeling as low as it sounds you are, you can feel like the only person in the world - whilst I can’t personally provide help to you - I can promise you that there is support available. Please check the links, Shout is also a great organisation that you can text at any time :)
Are you still with us Darius?
believe in jesus for forgiveness of sins
Crossroads mental health department lunenburg VA in training
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊
Consult with your Doctor and go for a "Yellow" Vitamin IV drip.