Mac said that they have a lot of straight men followers “for some reason”. I’ve thought a lot about why I follow. The internet can be horrible dark place and this pod is a little corner of sunshine in that darkness. You’ve created a safe place. A positive place. An educational space. A very funny place! You are frankly joyful and I thank you for that! A+ on this episode.
I am a straight cis white man, I hit the privilege bingo. I wasn't aware of the thoughts you discussed during the episode, but when you explained why it makes total sense. I will now be more aware about not effecting safe spaces and supporting by staying away. I don't use any spaces specifically for men, but that is because I have no need for them. Thanks for the podcast! It's amazing as always! Just have to say I really like the Mak Alayna duo episodes!
I love you and your humble awareness you have to sadly carry the burden for all the straight men who will not speak out and correct thier other straight male friends. Know that there are many of us who do understand and hate you have to be placed in this modern day situation. Thank you for being honest.
@@dylanmaxey2531 I have to say, it's not I who have to carry a burden. All the women who has to judge us to keep themselves safe has so much more of a burden then me. In comparison I am blissfully unaware of the dangers women face.
Ok first off, loving Mak in her plane spotting era, great episode! So my analogy for the lesbian bar thing is this; imagine a support group for men who suffer from Erectile Dysfunction, and a woman walks in, she says she has dated men with ED before and empathise with the struggle and wants to support them. The men probably won’t feel comfortable discussing ED with the woman around because the source of the anxiety stems from not being able to “perform” infront of women (I.e. she is the demographic that stokes anxiety whether she wants to or not) the woman’s presence in that group now devalues the space for the men in it regardless of the woman’s intention and THAT is what needs to be respected.
I remember someone saying in the comments of one of the videos (on the lesbian bar drama) that the last time they personally saw a white straight cis man walk into a queer bar, the man walked back out, then came back in, shot up the place and unalived 5 people. The lesbian was just being vigilant and trying to protect her community.
I live in VA when we had a shooter walk into one of our 2 gay bars and killed people. We had the f**ktards Rev Phelps Westboro Church people threaten to protest the gay man's funeral. THE FEAR IS REAL!!!
Alayna and Mak this episode shows how far you have come as podcasters since the last time dad went out for cigarettes. A solid A performance. As a straight man with a lot of queer friends and family I think Mak hit the nail on the head with her comments about allies recognising when they're being shown how to support. I think the veterans analogy is a good one. None of us can control how we are perceived (beyond controlling our actions) so if someone gives an indication that a behaviour in't being well received, change it, even if that means leaving, don't argue intention, especially when you're a guest in a space.
What makes the TikTok drama even better is that the first video from the straight woman was framed as “what do you guys think? Are straight people not allowed in lesbian bars?” And people answered that question with “not unless queer people have invited them in that space” and she made a second video that was super defensive saying “well sense everyone is attacking me, I thought I’d defend myself” like girl, you asked!! 😭😭
On the subject of cubbyhole, there is a minimum of 4 (actually fun!) bars within a one block radius of cubbyhole that aren’t queer spaces. And there is ALWAYS a line for cubby on the weekends. That man and the straight friend could have gone to so many other places without even walking a full block but chose to take up the very limited space in cubby instead.
For the lesbian bar conversation, I think it can be compared to basically any semi-private event. Like a kid's birthday party in someone's garden, even if you have friends that are invited there and they tell you to come in for a minute to say hi, even if the door is open and no one is gonna stop you from going in, maybe just be respectful when stepping into someone else's place, and accept that it would be perfectly reasonnable for someone to question why you're there because you don't, in fact, belong there
I'm just imagining that entire situation if it was like in someone's front yard full of a bunch of moms and 9 year-olds and one random dude going "so what, would it be a problem if I'm not here with someone, huh?" and like... Yes? Yes it would be? Please go away?
Such a great example! But not even a home, a public space that has been rented out for that purpose, maybe you've been there before for an event you were invited too, you wouldn't walk in as if you have a right to that space!
IMO the lesbien who invite those 2 streight persone is the probleme, she clearly doesn't know her communauty and respect her lesbien friend. If she want to be with them go somewhere else. IMO she is the probleme in the story, I did bring streight withe man in a lesbien bar, but that friend was a real friend and fully understand and respect all the lesbien, came in for a beer, sat down with me, stay their, didn't interact with other girl at the batroom... we had that beer and we left, everyone was ok with it. But that lesbien who brang that guy in didn't care about other or clearly didn't know him well enaugh to be sure that he would respect the place.
I think we talk a lot about inclusivity these days, such that sometimes people forget that it isnt a universal ideal. Inclusivity is often a wonderful thing, but if _everything_ is inclusive to _everyone_ then in reality nothing is. Exclusivity in some areas is equally important, and we need to understand that being excluded is not necessarily the same as being discriminated against.
100%. Unfortunately lesbians (whether cis, nb, trans) are being pushed out of their own spaces by others even within the queer community. How many times I've been felt up by someone's drunk boyfriend in a lesbian space... it's gross.
I'm a straight white guy, and yeah, too many straight guys have hurt women in too many ways. And unfortunately because of what I look like, I know that being in a space can bring that baggage along with me - so when I do go to somewhere like a black church (I haven't been to queer spaces yet - and I do need to go to a pride event), I make it a point to be as humble, gentle and nonconfrontational as I can be. I appreciate the two of you bringing these things up. I give the episode an A+ Mak and Alayna! ⭐⭐❤️❤️🌈🌈
Queer trans man here! I hope you get to go to a pride event soon and have a blast while there! ❤ I'm shocked your queer friends havent dragged you to one yet, I'm constantly hounding my straight friends to go to pride with me 😂
Lesbian viewer here and I absolutely agree with everything that was said in this episode regarding the drama and I have no more to add, but to Alayna and Mak I personally love when you go off about your special interests like the monoculars and the planes and the birds so I personally vote for more of that 🙋 (Also I’ve been with State Farm for 4 years now and I’ve had a wonderful time, both renters insurance and car)
"even if you're not that guy you have to understand that we don't know that!" THIS. You might not be a man trying to hurt women, but a woman doesn't owe you that benefit of doubt because there have been times were women have given that benefit of doubt and been in danger because of that. You have to understand that people are creepy and for women and specifically in this case lesbian women are allowed to be concerned about dangerous men because better to be safe than sorry. And on top of that, this is supposed to be a place that is safe for queer women! They shouldn't be scared at all, because that's what a safe space is meant to do! Just consider that their and so many other bars you can go to, and you going to any other place maintains the feeling of safety they feel in their space.
I, as a black german women, struggle with this mindset. Just imagine they would say "black" instead of men. Wouldn't everyone immediately agree that this is racist instead of "we don't owe you that benefit of doubt" and "better safe than sorry"? I think it can be deeply hurtful if you're portrayed as dangerous just because other people of the same sex or race did something wrong. But yes, it is important that people feel safe in safe spaces. I just think they would also "learn to feel safe" when they are having a lot of positive interactions with men that go to lesbian bars. Again: This is coming from a german. Maybe many men are different around here but I just think it would be a shame to keep enforcing that mindset that men are probably evil. My brain doesn't and shouldn't go there if I see a man. And if I would go to a lesbian bar I'd probably would like to do that with supportive male friends and I just think it would be awful if they wouldn't be allowed in...
@@t.b.2843 I can completely see where you are coming from. I do think the mindset of not owing a benefit of doubt is vastly different when talking about an oppressed group like black people versus talking about men who are generally in a position of power. Men have the position of power in many cases and in normal bars tend to fetishize women quite a lot. It is near impossible for women to experience their sexuality there without a man being creepy about it, and generally other people tend to take their side by saying that the women were 'shoving it in their face' or 'should've done it in private if you wanted to be respected'. Moreover, the disagreement in the video seems to be that if you don't come with another queer woman then why should that be a problem. If they are invited by a queer woman then by all means that's completely valid. It comes down to me as a responsibility for being in the systematic position of power is understanding that there is fear arounf who misused that power. Black people do not have that position of power.
@@jessieconley6519 That one lesbian woman who invited him isn't the only one using that space. Especially in this situation where the dude YOU INVITED is harassing other lesbians in the lesbian bar, then you, as the lesbian who invited him into that space are responsible for checking your crusty ass straight dude "friend." Not to go "well, I want to have this incredibly toxic straight dude in this space with me, guess that overrides literally everyone else's comfort in that space."
I actually had my Birthday party (not organized by me) in a small bar that was just used once weekly as a "sapphic space". My brother tried to come in to join us (we were ~10 at a bar that could hold maybe 30 people and it was very quiet that day), and was politely refused at the entrance by the space's host. I felt really sad he couldn't join us, and he's a super big ally for me, BUT he also didn't even blink when he was refused. Just complete acceptance, just said "op -- nope, thats okay, my bad" and politely left (even after bussing a couple hours to get to the bar to meet us). We could have moved the party to accom' his attendance, but the queer space was important for that night and we had paid for tickets. This story reminds me of this, but instead it went/was just done so smoothly and politely in my experience (of all the people, it was myself who had the biggest "issue" with him not being able to come in just because I wanted his company) -- but again, while **I know* *(and my friends know) my brother is a fabulous ally, **no one else** at the bar would have known that, and therefore may not have felt safe. (He didn't even fully understand at the time the nuances to why he was refused entry, and yet still didn't question it -- which goes to show you also really don't have to know all the reasons why sometimes, either).
I'm a broke stay at home mom, but advocating for the patreons and I vote for ash reacting for them! I don't need to have the joy, it would make me happy just to know other people will! Sounds like bomb content (yes, clearly I'm a millennial, lol)
situations like the lesbian bar drama just make me think that some cis straight men want to be oppressed so bad that they put themselves in situations where their presence won't be accepted on purpose, just to be able to cry about it afterwards lol
1) State Farm - has never failed me, and actually fought for me 2) As a Cubbyhole frequent queer patron, it is (mostly) a safe space just for us - and it is SO very important in this NY queer women/enby/trans community. And yes, I completely agree with ya'll here. We need this space, even in NY, we are eager and desperate for spaces like this - and there are not many, even in this massive city. 3) you all really SLAYED this episode! A++++
This is completely off topic. But I work at a retirement home and as I got the notification that the pod was uploaded. I get a phone call from a resident complain about something. And it went from the complaint to about her life. And after a literal hour she looks at the time and goes "Oh its time for you podcasts Im sorry hunny. So sorry to jab my jaws" and the just hangs up lmaoooo!!!!
"The responsibility of that privilege" was such an insightful way to put it. I give Mak an A+ for that one. I think the entire discussion around that incident was well-said and it was nice to hear your perspectives I'm not lesbian myself, just queer in other ways (an enby with a who-the-fuck-knows sexuality) and my immediate reaction to the question about "Should men be in lesbian bars/spaces?" was still "No" Seems like common sense to me too
On the lesbian bar topic, it's also important to remember that a massive reason as to why such places exist is purely to get away from men, for women and non-binary people to have a single space where they can feel safe from male harassment. So on top of the fact that men already have so many other bars they can go to, why can't we have these few places?
I think part of the problem is, that straight men very rarely (if ever) experience being excluded from anywhere. So when they are excluded it comes as a shock to them and many of them push back instead of examining why they are shocked.
I'd join the patreon just to watch ashley react to the Mak and Alayna only episodes because they truly do feel like a mum sitting down with her son having a honest convo over a cuppa tea lol
I have that blank mind thing in almost every exam. My best tip to deal with it is kind of force starting your brain on the topic, thinking of any words that relate to the exam and starting to list them. Like in a psych exam: psychology, brain, behavior, amygdala, attachment, etc, and then progressing to sentences, literally anything that comes to mind about it. It might take 5 minutes of doing that to start actually being able to cognitively function and remember enough to answer essay questions, but it helps a lot.
“With great privilege comes great responsibility.” I also wear 4 outfits in a day but it’s from anxiety/indecision not productivity. Ashley give Alayna and Mak A+’s.
This was a great discussion between you, covering all sides and being educational for the straight guy watching not knowing our perspective as Lesbians in our space needing to feel SAFE. If you care you will respect that.
As a straight man yeah , I’ve been at queer and gay bars with friends, and not felt like it would mess up the vibe; but for a lesbian bar I’d definitely be scared of changing the vibe by my presence. Because by being there the only question is why am I there. At a gay/queer bar the only fear is that I’d hurt someone’s feelings if I have to reject them, but that’s just as true in any other bar. It would have to be “hay you dropped your phone in my car” level of importance. And I’d be in and out of there as quick and as stealth as possible.
Thank you for your honesty, as you all too well know there are too many straight men whose ultimate fantasy is to do two women as once or to share a room with two women doing it. That wouldn't be so bad but too many in messed up relationships the man makes the woman go out and find a woman just so he can live his fantasy and the , sadly, girlfriend/wife thinks this is what she must do to keep her man. Damn, we need better mental health care in the US.
@@dylanmaxey2531 The perspective on women about women is much more valuable than any man's opinions on women. And it adds the perspective on what is just being with and dealing with humans, what is society, and what is actually gender/ biology.
Loved the energy of this episode, it was nice to break the routine a bit and see Alayna / Mak's chemistry. If any one of the hosts doesn't have the time to record, don't worry too much about it - the pod can go on! This is not a dig at Ashley at all (hi Ashley), just trying to say that taking a break can benefit yourself and add some more variety to the content you put out
I feel that this conversation applies to a lot of other things as well, such as spaces for people of color and I want people to remember that. Show respect by how people ask you to respect and help them, not how you think you need to support them. Thank you for this! ps. (Also, maybe it's not all men, but men in general)
Please daddy Ashley give mother and baby an A++ for the episode they tried their best ;') Love you guys so much and Mak i have progressive and have for 6 years and i love them!
I LOVE that we can see how Mac is maturing since the release of this podcast. You are becoming full grown ass-woman, good for you! You seem really dependable now
If someone knows more about this situation, please correct me, but this reminded me of another situation I have recently heard of. There is one single lesbian bar in Germany that I know of and they do/did have a "no man"-policy that recently got them accused of transphobia. I think they explicitly included non-binary people, trans women and even trans men who would get marginalised elsewhere. Again, I don't know the specific situation, but you discussing the gay male bars that don't allow women in reminded me of the double standard there. I think gay men having the right to exclude women is due to a weird intersection where they are seen as men and therefore elevated and them being gay sometimes even gives them extra leeway because they are also marginalised, whereas on the other side for lesbian women they are just getting held to a higher and higher standard.
There's a gay bar in Melbourne where if women (including lesbians) want to come inside, have to stand in a separate line with their gay male friends and need 2 gay men to sign responsibility for the woman (irrespective of sexuality). I know because I've been there several times myself. It's called 'The Peel'. In Melbourne. Imagine if lesbians had something like this where males had to be signed in as though they were irresponsible. ALSO WE NEED TO ADDRESS LESBOPHOBIA BY OTHER MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ WITHIN LESBIAN SPACES.
Yeah I was wondering about that when they were talking about it. I don't know where the line is between wanting a safe space without voyeurism, and not wanting to make people feel unwelcome if they don't "look like a woman". I think in the context of this conversation it's much simpler than that - the dude & his straight female friend probably shouldn't have been there, but they definitely shouldn't have been dicks about it. I'm a pretty confrontational person when it comes to injustice, but I wouldn't have started on a random guy in a bar, especially in the states. Their story doesn't add up
Think part of the problem, in US, is since at least the 80's (when I came out) lesbians are always expected if not demanded to be the gathers of all marginalized groups. OK but where is the expectation on straight women?????? Crickets.
The Episodes without one of the parents really feels like how it is in real life when you just hang out with mom or when you just hang out with dad. It's a different energy. With mom you're checking in more emotional side and wellbeing and with dad it's sports and humour.
i love when mak shares her hobbies and talks about them in depth bro she got me adding a monocular to my cart so that i, too, can stare at planes and birds lmao
Mak, here's how I picked my car insurance. I was happy with my choice and maybe you can use this approach with insurance in general. I made a table. Column 1 was was price, column 2 was coverage, column 3 was review ratings. The ratings needed at least 2000 reviewers. Having 2000 reviews gives you an honest look at the company and drowns out the stupid reviews from idiots. I took the best 4 companies in each column. First place got 4 points, second place got 3 points, third place got 2 points and 4th place got 1 point. I totaled up the points for each company. The company with the highest number of points got my business. So if company 1 got 1 point for price, but 4 points for the other 2 columns, it would would total 9 points. If another company got 4 points for price but had 1 point for coverage and 1 point for reviews, I would pick the first company. This takes the emotion and confusion out of it and gives you an objective way to look at the problem.
The problem with our men support groups, we would actually would have to talk about our problems. Being older, 53, we were taught to suppress and hide our true feelings when they were considered compatinate or "soft". Not when expressing hate though, as a sex we've been way to good at that for to long.
It breaks my heart that this is the case. Because I think a lot of men would be a lot happier as people if they were allowed to express themselves and how they feel and not be mocked or bullied or called a “sissy” etc. we probably wouldn’t have as many issues between men and women if they were allowed to just breathe and express themselves.
The perspective I'm missing with the bar situation is the original lesbian/queer woman who invited the straight people to the bar. Like why would you invite a cishet man to a lesbian bar
I'm one of your straight male listeners, and I accidently ended up in a club that had "gay/lesbian night" (it wasn't advertised anywhere outside, and not common knowledge), I was about to leave, but then a friend of mine who is lesbian spotted me and invited me to their table in a corner, so I stayed with them, and one of their gay male friends kind of paired up with me so I looked like I was taken, I still got hit on by other men, but just kindly declined. The atmosphere was great, the music was great, but I will not go there again, it is their space once a week. Fun fact, according to the table, about 20% of the girls there was straight, and I was probably the only straight male there since straight males are terrified to go to a club with gay men in it
There was a video I saw of someone saying that straight men are afraid of gay men because they’re afraid that the gay men will do what they do to women to them. There was a million comments under it basically saying “I actually have a reason and *insert sexual harassment story here*. The point just went right over their head.
It's just empathy, I'm a straight guy and like yes in a perfect world everyone would be allowed and welcomed everywhere but saying that's true in our world is just a lie, it's ignoring all the pain and hardship that queer and lesbian women have and do go through, if you want to help (be an ally) someone or a group you need to just listen to their needs
I did 4 years of all online school for college, and I wholeheartedly agree with Mak that it's SUPER helpful to be able to rewind lectures!!❤😍 This was such a great episode🥹💜💜💜
State Farm, Traveler’s, and Progressive are solid insurance options -an insurance agent As for the lesbian bar drama, you both killed it and I agree completely.
I think when I initially heard about this I was a little on the fence, because obviously confrontation with men should not be happening in these spaces at all, but I also didn't think there should necessarily be a problem with men (or straight women) being around. Then I saw someone say "I as a white person would never expect to be welcome in a union of black students at my university" and that really put it in perspective for me. When you're part of the in group at the lesbian bar, but you're used to being part of the out group, it's natural to be welcoming and compassionate and say I don't want anyone to feel unwelcome here. But when it's compared to a group I'm not a part of it immediately becomes clear that expecting to be included in spaces that aren't for you is entitled. I'm not against straight people in gay bars if they're not causing problems, but I wouldn't judge anyone who was uncomfortable with it because it's supposed to be a safe space. There's plenty of spaces for us to coexist, so I don't think it's unreasonable to say lesbian bars should be mostly for queer women (trans femme ppl or enbies who are attracted to women too ofc)
There is nothing wrong with watching birds or planes or anything like that. I’m 34 and there was a weird shift that started a few years ago when I realized I was noticing birds more and more. I realize now that it’s less about the birds - it’s much more about a brief, non-tech related mental break that happens when you notice something small in the world around us. ❤
Mak I recommend progressive for insurance. I’ve had a good experience with them for the past couple years. And I had to file a claim with the homeowners insurance and it was super smooth.
Mak, for insurance, go to a local insurance agency. They have agreements with multiple insurance providers and will shop around for you. Their commissions come from the insurance companies they're connecting clients with, so it doesn't cost you extra. As a bonus, when you inevitably run into billing or renewal issues or need help with a claim, the local insurance agent will help assist and advocate for you so you're not just on your own trying to communicate with the faceless insurance company. And on top of all that, you'll be helping to support a local business!
I think it’s tough to try and come up with an example of something exclusive to men because they’ve been the in a position of privilege for so long. They’re the majority and a lot of the world caters to them. Loved Mak’s point about it being a weird way to support when that’s not what we’re asking for! Super spot on!
Great job you two! 👏 Mak hit the nail on the head, re: allies supporting us in the way we're asking to be supported. Very simply - intention vs. impact - regardless if his intentions are good, the fact is that the impact is felt negatively (due to society, history, fear, etc.). Well done ladies 💞 PS: Definitely tragic missing Ashley for ep #69 🥹
I had an AWFUL experience with Geico that sounds similar to what you are experiencing. Their negligence led to my car sitting in a shop for months until they deemed it too costly to repair. I couldn’t get anyone on the phone who would DO anything about it. Now I am with State Farm and they are SO much better and I have specific people assigned to my insurance account that I can reach out to who are great!!!
I think of queer spaces like a family reunion. If someone invites you to join their family reunion, fantastic! You can go. But if you aren't invited, don't go crashing other people's family reunions. Gay bars are family reunions-- if you aren't family, you shouldn't be coming unless you are invited.
You both did more than an ok job, I love these episodes with you, it is kind of breathing in and out between the dad rands 😅. And as a patron I would love to see Ashley reacting to it 😂!
Good show. Valid content. Long time ago when i thought i was bi instead of gay i sought company with lesbians and didnt realize how cringy i might have come across. Kudos to the gay women who patiently helped me grow.
Episode 69 without Ashley? A true tragedy.
A tragedy we will never recover from
o7
Real
OH NO I JUST REALIZED T_T
It was meant to be
Mac said that they have a lot of straight men followers “for some reason”. I’ve thought a lot about why I follow. The internet can be horrible dark place and this pod is a little corner of sunshine in that darkness. You’ve created a safe place. A positive place. An educational space. A very funny place! You are frankly joyful and I thank you for that! A+ on this episode.
Thank you Sir, it's with man like you that we can creat a better world 🙂
Ty for being here ❤
I'm glad your here to enjoy this content with us 😊
Mac: "I feel like I'm gonna get loled for this-"
Alayna, a mother who knows her son: "Are you going to talk about sharks?"
I am a straight cis white man, I hit the privilege bingo. I wasn't aware of the thoughts you discussed during the episode, but when you explained why it makes total sense. I will now be more aware about not effecting safe spaces and supporting by staying away. I don't use any spaces specifically for men, but that is because I have no need for them.
Thanks for the podcast! It's amazing as always! Just have to say I really like the Mak Alayna duo episodes!
I love you and your humble awareness you have to sadly carry the burden for all the straight men who will not speak out and correct thier other straight male friends. Know that there are many of us who do understand and hate you have to be placed in this modern day situation. Thank you for being honest.
@@dylanmaxey2531 I have to say, it's not I who have to carry a burden. All the women who has to judge us to keep themselves safe has so much more of a burden then me. In comparison I am blissfully unaware of the dangers women face.
Thank you Sir 🤗🥰🌈
Ty for being here ❤
I think if your invited by a lesbian it's fine.
Ok first off, loving Mak in her plane spotting era, great episode!
So my analogy for the lesbian bar thing is this; imagine a support group for men who suffer from Erectile Dysfunction, and a woman walks in, she says she has dated men with ED before and empathise with the struggle and wants to support them. The men probably won’t feel comfortable discussing ED with the woman around because the source of the anxiety stems from not being able to “perform” infront of women (I.e. she is the demographic that stokes anxiety whether she wants to or not) the woman’s presence in that group now devalues the space for the men in it regardless of the woman’s intention and THAT is what needs to be respected.
THIS!
Yeah very good 👍 first thing I thought of was splitting up rival teams at a game, or even no children rules in a library or somewhere like that.
That guy gonna go up to airport security saying “ can you not search me I promise I’m a good guy “
prehab the issue not rehab it.
I remember someone saying in the comments of one of the videos (on the lesbian bar drama) that the last time they personally saw a white straight cis man walk into a queer bar, the man walked back out, then came back in, shot up the place and unalived 5 people. The lesbian was just being vigilant and trying to protect her community.
I live in VA when we had a shooter walk into one of our 2 gay bars and killed people. We had the f**ktards Rev Phelps Westboro Church people threaten to protest the gay man's funeral. THE FEAR IS REAL!!!
Alayna and Mak this episode shows how far you have come as podcasters since the last time dad went out for cigarettes. A solid A performance. As a straight man with a lot of queer friends and family I think Mak hit the nail on the head with her comments about allies recognising when they're being shown how to support. I think the veterans analogy is a good one. None of us can control how we are perceived (beyond controlling our actions) so if someone gives an indication that a behaviour in't being well received, change it, even if that means leaving, don't argue intention, especially when you're a guest in a space.
Agree!
Thanks
I thought they did great too!
If his friend was in the washroom, would he go in there too? Meet friends out on the street.
Ty for listening ❤
What makes the TikTok drama even better is that the first video from the straight woman was framed as “what do you guys think? Are straight people not allowed in lesbian bars?” And people answered that question with “not unless queer people have invited them in that space” and she made a second video that was super defensive saying “well sense everyone is attacking me, I thought I’d defend myself” like girl, you asked!! 😭😭
On the subject of cubbyhole, there is a minimum of 4 (actually fun!) bars within a one block radius of cubbyhole that aren’t queer spaces. And there is ALWAYS a line for cubby on the weekends. That man and the straight friend could have gone to so many other places without even walking a full block but chose to take up the very limited space in cubby instead.
Mak saying "duh, aggressive breed" sent me
Up there with, “look at the Jaws franchise….”
For the lesbian bar conversation, I think it can be compared to basically any semi-private event. Like a kid's birthday party in someone's garden, even if you have friends that are invited there and they tell you to come in for a minute to say hi, even if the door is open and no one is gonna stop you from going in, maybe just be respectful when stepping into someone else's place, and accept that it would be perfectly reasonnable for someone to question why you're there because you don't, in fact, belong there
I'm just imagining that entire situation if it was like in someone's front yard full of a bunch of moms and 9 year-olds and one random dude going "so what, would it be a problem if I'm not here with someone, huh?" and like... Yes? Yes it would be? Please go away?
Such a great example! But not even a home, a public space that has been rented out for that purpose, maybe you've been there before for an event you were invited too, you wouldn't walk in as if you have a right to that space!
IMO the lesbien who invite those 2 streight persone is the probleme, she clearly doesn't know her communauty and respect her lesbien friend. If she want to be with them go somewhere else. IMO she is the probleme in the story, I did bring streight withe man in a lesbien bar, but that friend was a real friend and fully understand and respect all the lesbien, came in for a beer, sat down with me, stay their, didn't interact with other girl at the batroom... we had that beer and we left, everyone was ok with it. But that lesbien who brang that guy in didn't care about other or clearly didn't know him well enaugh to be sure that he would respect the place.
I think we talk a lot about inclusivity these days, such that sometimes people forget that it isnt a universal ideal. Inclusivity is often a wonderful thing, but if _everything_ is inclusive to _everyone_ then in reality nothing is. Exclusivity in some areas is equally important, and we need to understand that being excluded is not necessarily the same as being discriminated against.
100%. Unfortunately lesbians (whether cis, nb, trans) are being pushed out of their own spaces by others even within the queer community. How many times I've been felt up by someone's drunk boyfriend in a lesbian space... it's gross.
i rly like ur message, especially “being excluded is not the same as being discriminated against”
i will definitely remember this
@@011pandas9 😘
Okay, as much as I adore Ashley, I also absolutely love how instantly wholesome and chill the mom and son episodes are 💕
can we get a shot of the shark teeth collection with the magnifying glass, this is for me only 😂
I'm a straight white guy, and yeah, too many straight guys have hurt women in too many ways. And unfortunately because of what I look like, I know that being in a space can bring that baggage along with me - so when I do go to somewhere like a black church (I haven't been to queer spaces yet - and I do need to go to a pride event), I make it a point to be as humble, gentle and nonconfrontational as I can be. I appreciate the two of you bringing these things up. I give the episode an A+ Mak and Alayna! ⭐⭐❤️❤️🌈🌈
Queer trans man here! I hope you get to go to a pride event soon and have a blast while there! ❤ I'm shocked your queer friends havent dragged you to one yet, I'm constantly hounding my straight friends to go to pride with me 😂
Thank you for being here, listening, and doing the work! The lesbians appreciate you 😆✨🌈
@@katysuminski7331 Seconded!
Ty for being here ❤
We are not responsible for making a straight cis man feeling comfortable in our spaces! The whole world is their space already.
Lesbian viewer here and I absolutely agree with everything that was said in this episode regarding the drama and I have no more to add, but to Alayna and Mak I personally love when you go off about your special interests like the monoculars and the planes and the birds so I personally vote for more of that 🙋
(Also I’ve been with State Farm for 4 years now and I’ve had a wonderful time, both renters insurance and car)
I also love when they get exited to talk about their interests 🥰
I like Mac's whisper yelling when impersonating Ashley, keep it up!
"even if you're not that guy you have to understand that we don't know that!" THIS. You might not be a man trying to hurt women, but a woman doesn't owe you that benefit of doubt because there have been times were women have given that benefit of doubt and been in danger because of that. You have to understand that people are creepy and for women and specifically in this case lesbian women are allowed to be concerned about dangerous men because better to be safe than sorry. And on top of that, this is supposed to be a place that is safe for queer women! They shouldn't be scared at all, because that's what a safe space is meant to do! Just consider that their and so many other bars you can go to, and you going to any other place maintains the feeling of safety they feel in their space.
If he was invited by a lesbian woman to be there, what right does the other woman have to go against her wishes?
@@jessieconley6519oh i agree, thats fair. I'm talking about the offended reaction of "if I wasn't with someone why would that be a problem".
I, as a black german women, struggle with this mindset. Just imagine they would say "black" instead of men. Wouldn't everyone immediately agree that this is racist instead of "we don't owe you that benefit of doubt" and "better safe than sorry"?
I think it can be deeply hurtful if you're portrayed as dangerous just because other people of the same sex or race did something wrong. But yes, it is important that people feel safe in safe spaces. I just think they would also "learn to feel safe" when they are having a lot of positive interactions with men that go to lesbian bars.
Again: This is coming from a german. Maybe many men are different around here but I just think it would be a shame to keep enforcing that mindset that men are probably evil. My brain doesn't and shouldn't go there if I see a man. And if I would go to a lesbian bar I'd probably would like to do that with supportive male friends and I just think it would be awful if they wouldn't be allowed in...
@@t.b.2843 I can completely see where you are coming from. I do think the mindset of not owing a benefit of doubt is vastly different when talking about an oppressed group like black people versus talking about men who are generally in a position of power. Men have the position of power in many cases and in normal bars tend to fetishize women quite a lot. It is near impossible for women to experience their sexuality there without a man being creepy about it, and generally other people tend to take their side by saying that the women were 'shoving it in their face' or 'should've done it in private if you wanted to be respected'. Moreover, the disagreement in the video seems to be that if you don't come with another queer woman then why should that be a problem. If they are invited by a queer woman then by all means that's completely valid. It comes down to me as a responsibility for being in the systematic position of power is understanding that there is fear arounf who misused that power. Black people do not have that position of power.
@@jessieconley6519 That one lesbian woman who invited him isn't the only one using that space. Especially in this situation where the dude YOU INVITED is harassing other lesbians in the lesbian bar, then you, as the lesbian who invited him into that space are responsible for checking your crusty ass straight dude "friend." Not to go "well, I want to have this incredibly toxic straight dude in this space with me, guess that overrides literally everyone else's comfort in that space."
Mak's impression on Ashley was perrrfect! Hot teenage brother really knows his father
There's only 3 lesbian bars in the UK (there was approx. 200 in the 1980's!!)
💔💔💔💔
that's so sad :(
Went to Soho in London and was in the Gay bars but at that time of day the lesbian bar there wasn't open - weep!
I actually had my Birthday party (not organized by me) in a small bar that was just used once weekly as a "sapphic space". My brother tried to come in to join us (we were ~10 at a bar that could hold maybe 30 people and it was very quiet that day), and was politely refused at the entrance by the space's host. I felt really sad he couldn't join us, and he's a super big ally for me, BUT he also didn't even blink when he was refused. Just complete acceptance, just said "op -- nope, thats okay, my bad" and politely left (even after bussing a couple hours to get to the bar to meet us). We could have moved the party to accom' his attendance, but the queer space was important for that night and we had paid for tickets. This story reminds me of this, but instead it went/was just done so smoothly and politely in my experience (of all the people, it was myself who had the biggest "issue" with him not being able to come in just because I wanted his company) -- but again, while **I know* *(and my friends know) my brother is a fabulous ally, **no one else** at the bar would have known that, and therefore may not have felt safe. (He didn't even fully understand at the time the nuances to why he was refused entry, and yet still didn't question it -- which goes to show you also really don't have to know all the reasons why sometimes, either).
I'm a broke stay at home mom, but advocating for the patreons and I vote for ash reacting for them! I don't need to have the joy, it would make me happy just to know other people will! Sounds like bomb content (yes, clearly I'm a millennial, lol)
situations like the lesbian bar drama just make me think that some cis straight men want to be oppressed so bad that they put themselves in situations where their presence won't be accepted on purpose, just to be able to cry about it afterwards lol
Hilarious! You may be right. Haha
I think it’s about having their own pain seen too, why they want to be oppressed so bad
1) State Farm - has never failed me, and actually fought for me
2) As a Cubbyhole frequent queer patron, it is (mostly) a safe space just for us - and it is SO very important in this NY queer women/enby/trans community. And yes, I completely agree with ya'll here. We need this space, even in NY, we are eager and desperate for spaces like this - and there are not many, even in this massive city.
3) you all really SLAYED this episode! A++++
the moment you started talking about monoculers I could hear ashley calling you lame.
This is completely off topic. But I work at a retirement home and as I got the notification that the pod was uploaded. I get a phone call from a resident complain about something. And it went from the complaint to about her life. And after a literal hour she looks at the time and goes "Oh its time for you podcasts Im sorry hunny. So sorry to jab my jaws" and the just hangs up lmaoooo!!!!
This is soo sweet🥹😭
@@emmaakamemma right!! 😩
You taught her good, hunny!
Bro I have never related to someone more than when Mak stopped the pod to plane watch 😂 Ash is gonna have a fun time with this
"The responsibility of that privilege" was such an insightful way to put it. I give Mak an A+ for that one. I think the entire discussion around that incident was well-said and it was nice to hear your perspectives
I'm not lesbian myself, just queer in other ways (an enby with a who-the-fuck-knows sexuality) and my immediate reaction to the question about "Should men be in lesbian bars/spaces?" was still "No" Seems like common sense to me too
100/10 Review of this episode! Loved seeing all of Mak's new gadgets and glad to hear you're both thriving in school. Ash PLEASE GIVE THEM As!!
On the lesbian bar topic, it's also important to remember that a massive reason as to why such places exist is purely to get away from men, for women and non-binary people to have a single space where they can feel safe from male harassment. So on top of the fact that men already have so many other bars they can go to, why can't we have these few places?
Yeah it's great that lesbians never harass women at all...
Exactly. Not to mention other queer people pushing lesbians out of their own spaces by bringing their drunk boyfriends.
I think part of the problem is, that straight men very rarely (if ever) experience being excluded from anywhere. So when they are excluded it comes as a shock to them and many of them push back instead of examining why they are shocked.
I'd join the patreon just to watch ashley react to the Mak and Alayna only episodes because they truly do feel like a mum sitting down with her son having a honest convo over a cuppa tea lol
My go to eating podcast! I’d award A+ to Mak and A to Alayna 🫶
knowing Alayna, you’re probably going to drive her mad for not including the “+” 😂😂
@@CookieFlavored4 that was the point 🤭
I have that blank mind thing in almost every exam. My best tip to deal with it is kind of force starting your brain on the topic, thinking of any words that relate to the exam and starting to list them. Like in a psych exam: psychology, brain, behavior, amygdala, attachment, etc, and then progressing to sentences, literally anything that comes to mind about it. It might take 5 minutes of doing that to start actually being able to cognitively function and remember enough to answer essay questions, but it helps a lot.
nice things so ashley thinks you're doing an okay job, A+ episode
i would love a video of Ashley reacting to this lollll
I swear tfg I got a Liberty Mutual ad while watching this episode. Hilarious.
As a teacher I just have to say how happy it made me to hear how much Alayna loves the learning environment 😂
“With great privilege comes great responsibility.” I also wear 4 outfits in a day but it’s from anxiety/indecision not productivity. Ashley give Alayna and Mak A+’s.
Alayna's shirt is gorgeous!
I can't figure out who's wardrobe I should use for inspiration. I'm a mix of all their personalities lmao
Yes ikr! Was thinking the same.
Was thinking the same thing and I’m dying to know where it’s from
This was a great discussion between you, covering all sides and being educational for the straight guy watching not knowing our perspective as Lesbians in our space needing to feel SAFE. If you care you will respect that.
As a straight man yeah , I’ve been at queer and gay bars with friends, and not felt like it would mess up the vibe; but for a lesbian bar I’d definitely be scared of changing the vibe by my presence. Because by being there the only question is why am I there. At a gay/queer bar the only fear is that I’d hurt someone’s feelings if I have to reject them, but that’s just as true in any other bar.
It would have to be “hay you dropped your phone in my car” level of importance. And I’d be in and out of there as quick and as stealth as possible.
Thank you for your honesty, as you all too well know there are too many straight men whose ultimate fantasy is to do two women as once or to share a room with two women doing it. That wouldn't be so bad but too many in messed up relationships the man makes the woman go out and find a woman just so he can live his fantasy and the , sadly, girlfriend/wife thinks this is what she must do to keep her man. Damn, we need better mental health care in the US.
@@dylanmaxey2531 The perspective on women about women is much more valuable than any man's opinions on women. And it adds the perspective on what is just being with and dealing with humans, what is society, and what is actually gender/ biology.
Loved the energy of this episode, it was nice to break the routine a bit and see Alayna / Mak's chemistry. If any one of the hosts doesn't have the time to record, don't worry too much about it - the pod can go on! This is not a dig at Ashley at all (hi Ashley), just trying to say that taking a break can benefit yourself and add some more variety to the content you put out
I feel that this conversation applies to a lot of other things as well, such as spaces for people of color and I want people to remember that. Show respect by how people ask you to respect and help them, not how you think you need to support them. Thank you for this!
ps. (Also, maybe it's not all men, but men in general)
Please daddy Ashley give mother and baby an A++ for the episode they tried their best ;')
Love you guys so much and Mak i have progressive and have for 6 years and i love them!
love your conversation about the lesbian bar drama! as a lesbian, it was validating to hear you sum up my own thoughts. thank you mak and alayna!
I LOVE that we can see how Mac is maturing since the release of this podcast. You are becoming full grown ass-woman, good for you! You seem really dependable now
Alayna and Mak slayed this ep so hard
“It’s like the responsibility of having that privilege, as a man” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 YAS Mak
If someone knows more about this situation, please correct me, but this reminded me of another situation I have recently heard of. There is one single lesbian bar in Germany that I know of and they do/did have a "no man"-policy that recently got them accused of transphobia. I think they explicitly included non-binary people, trans women and even trans men who would get marginalised elsewhere. Again, I don't know the specific situation, but you discussing the gay male bars that don't allow women in reminded me of the double standard there. I think gay men having the right to exclude women is due to a weird intersection where they are seen as men and therefore elevated and them being gay sometimes even gives them extra leeway because they are also marginalised, whereas on the other side for lesbian women they are just getting held to a higher and higher standard.
There's a gay bar in Melbourne where if women (including lesbians) want to come inside, have to stand in a separate line with their gay male friends and need 2 gay men to sign responsibility for the woman (irrespective of sexuality). I know because I've been there several times myself. It's called 'The Peel'. In Melbourne. Imagine if lesbians had something like this where males had to be signed in as though they were irresponsible. ALSO WE NEED TO ADDRESS LESBOPHOBIA BY OTHER MEMBERS OF THE LGBTQIA+ WITHIN LESBIAN SPACES.
Yeah I was wondering about that when they were talking about it. I don't know where the line is between wanting a safe space without voyeurism, and not wanting to make people feel unwelcome if they don't "look like a woman". I think in the context of this conversation it's much simpler than that - the dude & his straight female friend probably shouldn't have been there, but they definitely shouldn't have been dicks about it. I'm a pretty confrontational person when it comes to injustice, but I wouldn't have started on a random guy in a bar, especially in the states. Their story doesn't add up
Think part of the problem, in US, is since at least the 80's (when I came out) lesbians are always expected if not demanded to be the gathers of all marginalized groups. OK but where is the expectation on straight women?????? Crickets.
The Episodes without one of the parents really feels like how it is in real life when you just hang out with mom or when you just hang out with dad. It's a different energy. With mom you're checking in more emotional side and wellbeing and with dad it's sports and humour.
Wow I love you guys! Every week I forget about the episode but then I see it and it makes me smile ❤
i love when mak shares her hobbies and talks about them in depth bro she got me adding a monocular to my cart so that i, too, can stare at planes and birds lmao
I loved monocular talk! I want nerdy lesbian hobby talk every week. ❤❤❤
Best part of my Wednesday!
of course the one episode ashley isnt here is episode #69
Hands down best episode of the pod ever
Mak, here's how I picked my car insurance. I was happy with my choice and maybe you can use this approach with insurance in general.
I made a table. Column 1 was was price, column 2 was coverage, column 3 was review ratings. The ratings needed at least 2000 reviewers. Having 2000 reviews gives you an honest look at the company and drowns out the stupid reviews from idiots. I took the best 4 companies in each column. First place got 4 points, second place got 3 points, third place got 2 points and 4th place got 1 point. I totaled up the points for each company. The company with the highest number of points got my business.
So if company 1 got 1 point for price, but 4 points for the other 2 columns, it would would total 9 points. If another company got 4 points for price but had 1 point for coverage and 1 point for reviews, I would pick the first company.
This takes the emotion and confusion out of it and gives you an objective way to look at the problem.
So, who came out on top?
Is this Ash with different username?
I love the way Alayna reads out ads. A true professional
The problem with our men support groups, we would actually would have to talk about our problems. Being older, 53, we were taught to suppress and hide our true feelings when they were considered compatinate or "soft". Not when expressing hate though, as a sex we've been way to good at that for to long.
It breaks my heart that this is the case. Because I think a lot of men would be a lot happier as people if they were allowed to express themselves and how they feel and not be mocked or bullied or called a “sissy” etc. we probably wouldn’t have as many issues between men and women if they were allowed to just breathe and express themselves.
yes ma'am it is, a lot of it is self inflicted@@kenziewenzieasmr9800
The perspective I'm missing with the bar situation is the original lesbian/queer woman who invited the straight people to the bar. Like why would you invite a cishet man to a lesbian bar
Exactly. Insensitive and self absorbed asf. Go to a different bar. There's plenty. For lesbians? It's all we have.
I'm thinking maybe the man was just saying hi or was hanging out but the problem was that the queer friend allowed him to harass the og lesbian
Missed you Ashley, hope you’re doing well. But Alayna and Mak did a great job flying solo! I hope this is convincing haha
I'm one of your straight male listeners, and I accidently ended up in a club that had "gay/lesbian night" (it wasn't advertised anywhere outside, and not common knowledge), I was about to leave, but then a friend of mine who is lesbian spotted me and invited me to their table in a corner, so I stayed with them, and one of their gay male friends kind of paired up with me so I looked like I was taken, I still got hit on by other men, but just kindly declined.
The atmosphere was great, the music was great, but I will not go there again, it is their space once a week.
Fun fact, according to the table, about 20% of the girls there was straight, and I was probably the only straight male there since straight males are terrified to go to a club with gay men in it
There was a video I saw of someone saying that straight men are afraid of gay men because they’re afraid that the gay men will do what they do to women to them. There was a million comments under it basically saying “I actually have a reason and *insert sexual harassment story here*. The point just went right over their head.
You twos talkin' about lesbian bars was all the Tea I needed today!
It's just empathy, I'm a straight guy and like yes in a perfect world everyone would be allowed and welcomed everywhere but saying that's true in our world is just a lie, it's ignoring all the pain and hardship that queer and lesbian women have and do go through, if you want to help (be an ally) someone or a group you need to just listen to their needs
I did 4 years of all online school for college, and I wholeheartedly agree with Mak that it's SUPER helpful to be able to rewind lectures!!❤😍 This was such a great episode🥹💜💜💜
State Farm, Traveler’s, and Progressive are solid insurance options
-an insurance agent
As for the lesbian bar drama, you both killed it and I agree completely.
This podcast is the only reason I can suck it up and clean my room
I think when I initially heard about this I was a little on the fence, because obviously confrontation with men should not be happening in these spaces at all, but I also didn't think there should necessarily be a problem with men (or straight women) being around. Then I saw someone say "I as a white person would never expect to be welcome in a union of black students at my university" and that really put it in perspective for me. When you're part of the in group at the lesbian bar, but you're used to being part of the out group, it's natural to be welcoming and compassionate and say I don't want anyone to feel unwelcome here. But when it's compared to a group I'm not a part of it immediately becomes clear that expecting to be included in spaces that aren't for you is entitled. I'm not against straight people in gay bars if they're not causing problems, but I wouldn't judge anyone who was uncomfortable with it because it's supposed to be a safe space. There's plenty of spaces for us to coexist, so I don't think it's unreasonable to say lesbian bars should be mostly for queer women (trans femme ppl or enbies who are attracted to women too ofc)
My favorite quotes thru out: “Ashley doesn’t whisper… “
A+ for this episode! I love Mak confident with her special interest
There is nothing wrong with watching birds or planes or anything like that. I’m 34 and there was a weird shift that started a few years ago when I realized I was noticing birds more and more. I realize now that it’s less about the birds - it’s much more about a brief, non-tech related mental break that happens when you notice something small in the world around us. ❤
I really like this episode ❤ Enjoyed your breakdown of lesbian bar drama, loved the talk about learning and the part about planes ❤
Trying to make this the most popular podcast episode cuz you guys deserve it
Mak and Mommy did a great job!
AWAKEN ALL YEE BRETHREN AND SISTREN AND RANDOM COUSINS, FOR MOTHER AND (hot) BROTHER HAVE CONVENED AT THE DINNER TABLE :0
Mak looking at the plane going by was so cute awww
I totally agree with you guys on the whole lesbian bar situation, you always have such good insight
Sooo many good points made in this episode!
Mak I recommend progressive for insurance. I’ve had a good experience with them for the past couple years. And I had to file a claim with the homeowners insurance and it was super smooth.
Mak was on it with the impressions. If I turned my volume up those dad impressions would have made me thought dad was here.
Mak, for insurance, go to a local insurance agency. They have agreements with multiple insurance providers and will shop around for you. Their commissions come from the insurance companies they're connecting clients with, so it doesn't cost you extra. As a bonus, when you inevitably run into billing or renewal issues or need help with a claim, the local insurance agent will help assist and advocate for you so you're not just on your own trying to communicate with the faceless insurance company. And on top of all that, you'll be helping to support a local business!
Highlight of my week. Can’t wait to see Ash’s reactions. Great episode and a great podcast!
Hi I’m engaging with this because yall begged me to and it worked. BEST EPISODE!! 🎉
I think it’s tough to try and come up with an example of something exclusive to men because they’ve been the in a position of privilege for so long. They’re the majority and a lot of the world caters to them.
Loved Mak’s point about it being a weird way to support when that’s not what we’re asking for! Super spot on!
Here to say that I loooove the plane talk 😊😉 A+ content
Great job you two! 👏 Mak hit the nail on the head, re: allies supporting us in the way we're asking to be supported.
Very simply - intention vs. impact - regardless if his intentions are good, the fact is that the impact is felt negatively (due to society, history, fear, etc.).
Well done ladies 💞
PS: Definitely tragic missing Ashley for ep #69 🥹
This episode was definitely A+, loved the conversation around queer spaces, especially the spaces for queer women
I love hearing about mak's interests like sharks and plane watching :)
I had an AWFUL experience with Geico that sounds similar to what you are experiencing. Their negligence led to my car sitting in a shop for months until they deemed it too costly to repair. I couldn’t get anyone on the phone who would DO anything about it. Now I am with State Farm and they are SO much better and I have specific people assigned to my insurance account that I can reach out to who are great!!!
I like seeing and hearing your interests (monocular use, university study, climbing, etc). :)
Oh my god! This is the best podcast episode!! Daddy will be so proud of you guys.
😂😂😂
I think of queer spaces like a family reunion. If someone invites you to join their family reunion, fantastic! You can go. But if you aren't invited, don't go crashing other people's family reunions. Gay bars are family reunions-- if you aren't family, you shouldn't be coming unless you are invited.
Ngl, that magnifying glass convo was going somewhere. Lol I was actually intrigued 😅😂
Omg, I already know what this is going to be about from the title. 😂 It's been all over my tt fyp. The sheer audacity of the straights lol 🤦🏻♀️
I still keep thinking of Shannon's tiktok that's like, "Were the lesbians mean to you? Aw, no one gives a fuck!" Just sums it up perfectly.
You both did more than an ok job, I love these episodes with you, it is kind of breathing in and out between the dad rands 😅.
And as a patron I would love to see Ashley reacting to it 😂!
Good show. Valid content. Long time ago when i thought i was bi instead of gay i sought company with lesbians and didnt realize how cringy i might have come across. Kudos to the gay women who patiently helped me grow.
FAVORITE EPISODE EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
this is such a good episode! came from spotify just to say.