Unlock the SECRET qualities men find irresistible with this FREE e-book: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/relationship/mag/5-feminine-qualities
Just blame it on the patriarchy like everything else 👍 By the way, says who? Only cause this guy said it doesn't mean it true?! But in general I agree, most women are a ticking emotional bomb =also known as crazy!
This was so much easier when I was a kid and a boy would give me a note that said, "I love you, do you love me and will you be my girlfriend?" Mark the box "yes" or "no".
Good point but I think you've missed the part when he answers "Oh! Tell them we're friends". Every woman should be prepared for that answer in order to be confident and strong enough to let him go. Kind regards from Mexico City
Dolly Hafez yes that is very much a question I have also .. what the hell im not also scared and wish to just talk about it instead of having it deciding for me .. I dislike having to make my life revolves around man’s fear and incapacity to just talk about things
Truth is, if you have to ask, then he probably isn't ready to take the relationship to the next level for whatever reason. In my first relationship I asked the guy this question and he did give me what I wanted. But things fell apart quickly because he was never all in. He didn't want a relationship but wanted to keep seeing me so he just said whatever that I wanted to hear so he didn't lose me. I learned my lesson girls. So now I no longer have"the talk" -- I just QUIETLY lower my investment in him by putting him in a rotation and start dating other people. If he doesn't step up, someone else will.
My bf asked me to be his girlfriend after only a few dates. Tbh, I was a little surprised, but of course in a nice way as I really started to like him at that time. After I said yes; he was so proud and happy. He went around informing all his friends that now he’s officially in a relationship… I seriously adore him!
In my case, he asked me directly “Do you want to be in a relationship with me?” I replied “Yes” then he said “You are my girl” It that pretty much a self-explanatory Q & A?! I was surprised how he pulled me into that conversation smoothly. I never had this conversation with anyone before and felt a bit awkward. Bit it’s all good.
I dated for about a month and half and my guy says hey baby I want to tell you something that is very important to me . He said he wanted us to be a couple, told me that he had never felt so strongly about anyone before . Going strong 5 months later.
It’s always better when the guy asks in my opinion. As with anything else when it comes from them it feels so much better. If a guy hasn’t done that within a certain period of time I’d prob just back off
I was "dating" this guy and one time I asked "Hey are we exclusive?" And he'd answer a lot of things except yes or no, until I said, "you know what, that's a no, see that's simple, thank you" and that's how I knew I was losing my time, dont be fool girls, learn my lesson.
I met my boyfriend on-line. We first started chatting, then moved to meet in person and going out a couple of times. We were seeing each other for almost 2 months when I met at a party we were togheter another man I was chatting with whene I and my boyfriend first chatted. Later, when we were going home I said: "I must confess one thing and I'm sorry about it! The guy you saw me chat at the party was one I was chatting with when i "met" you. I had to say that I came with you and that you were my boyfriend to get him off my back. I'm sorry!!!". He looked at me and said:"Why? Am I not your boyfriend?"... Still togheter since then...
When I had a similar conversation of whether or not I could call him my bf, the response I got was "if you want". Hardly the most enthusiastic response I wanted!
I had that too, was dating him for 2 months. Shortly after it ended. He told me he hadn't wanted to be in a relationship (so it was basically 'friends with benefits' to him...) Oh well!
Any guy that will respond with that is not showing you the kindness you deserve. "Do you want to hang out today?" - "you can come over- if you want" it's a strange thing but it's an early indication that they aren't going to consider your feelings or put theirs on the line.
Just ask the damn question...lol Honestly, if there's any guys watching this? Just please, please man up and tell the girl you like/love to be your girlfriend before she even have to ask. Seriously if he says we are friends after many dates? Cut him loose and go for "next".
Gee Lee Thank you real women like myself can appreciate your honesty...If you're not ready Damn lol just say that and if I feel my feelings are into you I'll move on or remain strictly friends
Seriously, stop having sexual relationships with men who you have to question your relationship status with. When I was younger boys had no problems asking girls to go steady and be their girlfriend. Two-hundred years ago men had to either marry a woman or go to prostitutes but now women are settling for so much less and men have lost a great deal of respect for women. Be valuable and stop giving a most intimate part of yourself to undeserving, non-committal men.
@@oklittlejhonny7415 when he is good in bed and how he do foreplay and take care of u first, also is clean... smells good, is sexy and u are satisfied and respected in bed, and enjoying it , its passionate, that way u know,
Struggling with this one right now. Been dating a guy a few months. We have spent every day together since the second week. We haven't introduced friends/fam or changed status. It's kind of awkward at this point & I don't want to move further without some kind of definition. I don't want to fall anymore for this guy without knowing we are on the same page. #IHateDating 😢
Matt i watch you all the time, im older 62, and a new widow.but the guy i was seeing for a couple of months , i asked him straight out, "do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? It means we see each other and no one else." And with a choked up voice he said yes. Now were going into our 5 th month.
We give men too much damm power! So WHAT if he runs away when you ask him what the deal is? Why are women so pressed to tip-toe around dudes, just incase their delicate little egos and relationships made of glass come tumbling down?!? OWN your feelings, OWN yourself!!! TELL him - this is where I'm at with this situation, where are you at? If his answer isn't in agreement with yours, keep it moving! We are not snowflake tinkerbell fragile petals!!
Trust me, real men know what they want and would not be afraid of being asked that, even better, they might ask you that earlier than you would if they truly can see a future with you in every single way.
Ha! Men nowadays don't want you to ask that question EVER. No matter how you ask it. No matter how long you've been seeing him. Ask that question and you're as good as ghosted.
If they don't answer the question/porcupine it back to you, it's cause they don't want to be official boyfriend/girlfriend and are avoiding the awkward conversation! That's how I take it anyway.
katy Doe Not necessarily my ex for all his faults did want that but was too shy of rejection to ask out right. Though I did overhear him refer to me as his girlfriend without asking me, so I called him out on it and a date or two later he managed to pluck up the courage.
Women.....Do not EVER ask a man "so what are we?" He has a mouth and a mind and if he's a man and truly wants exclusivity with you, he knows how to ask. If he hasn't it means he's not ready and you shld be dating other men and keeping your options open, as it is obvious he still wants the option of dating other women. Don't get one-itis. If too much time has passed and he's not pushing for exclusivity?.......It's time to start being less available and do the slow fade. If he wants you he will pursue and pursue hard. Fact.
Why does the responsibility of asking have to rest exclusively on the man? Gender shouldn't dictate who's prerogative it is to ask these important questions. Women also have a mouth and a mind, and if they want to verbalise and communicate healthy boundaries and establish a relationship then it is in their agency and autonomy to do so.
Just say when it’s time: would you like to be exclusive? I liked when I was asked by a man I was dating and he took me out to dinner and said, “I would like to court you seriously, are you interested in that with me?“ this was very chivalrous and extremely honoring and respectful.
Great video! My boyfriend came right out and said "I would like to be your boyfriend" then he said he didn't want me to feel pressured and told me I had all the time I need to think about it. I was the one who didn't want to put a label on it! But after some thought, I decided to be his girlfriend. It was a little awkward but I'm glad he was so sure!
Matt, thanks for this - along with so many of your helpful, informative videos! I'm in an early relationship, and right after New Years, I decided to ask the question, "Are we exclusive?" His reply was, "Yes, of course we are!, I'm not the kind of man that dates around! I have no desire to do that!" So, by just being direct, yet sweet, I just asked the question outright. Needless to say, I was thrilled with his answer! We are progressing at a natural pace....and I'm getting to know him, his personality, likes & dislikes, and he's genuinely a good guy!! I don't want to jinx myself....I simply feel really lucky!! :)
The problem with asking directly is that you might be putting him in a position where he feels like he needs to answer “yes” or lose you so you might not get an honest answer. It can be a loaded question.
I think you should just know, I just asked my now boyfriend what are we even though he basically already was exclusive, I wasn't ready myself until 2 days ago, now we are exclusive and we feel good, I think you just feel it automatically.
@@DarknessIsThePath I forgot I made this comment and I just revisited this video now! You're right - I think you just feel it. A lot of guys will just presume you're in a relationship without asking.
In my culture, we have courtship. After a certain period, the girl will say yes or no to the guy. The day the girl will say yes marks as their anniversary.
I think if you can't ask or if he can't answer this question then he is not the one! Honest open communication will tell you if his your boyfriend, if he doesn't want me then I don't want him. Don't waste your time on men who can't commit you deserve better, don't put him on a pedestal.. look for an equal!
I was dating this guy for almost 7 months... I got a little tired of not knowing what we were in the relationship so I texted him sayings that I think I was ready to end our relationship and wanted to find time to talk about it. I was being honest about it. We meet up and he gave me the exclusive title/girlfriend title. It was not expected lol
I recently had this kind of situation and was thinking about to start the conversation with "my friends asked...". But then I thought that it would seem really quite cowardly to put "the blame" on my friends, so I didn't. :D
Im Latin and have been living in the USA for 2 years. Dating here is completely different and I really with guys would propose like we do “do you want to be my girlfriend?” Whats so hard ????
I'm tired of this "don't make him run away", or you with me or without me, I'm not gonna date for nothing so I need to be clear, don't like to waste my time. If I see that nothing progresses then, bye. And that sounds kinda silly, if people are together for a long time a man will never say "be my girlfriend". If you don't know what you are, you're probably just a hook up.
Before watching this video, I had this exact conversation last month with someone I have been seeing for a couple of months; things were great, it felt like we were in a relationship and my friends are all asking the same questions "are you guys bf/gf?" and I didnt know how to respond either, and did not want to assume...so I brought it up to him (also framing it like in this video) and was pretty hopeful/positive since things were amazing between us. Then he said, "I'm not against it." To this day, I still dont know what we are despite talking to him about it one more time for he never gave me a clear 'Yes' or 'No' and it's always a grayzone "Not against it" :/ Decided to take a step back as of last week and let him initiate now :(
Well, in my case it was the opposite and he was the one who wanted to know. I think what he did was really cute: he sent me a relationship status on FB. I had to approve it or decline it. And we were actually hanging out at his house that night. That's how he brought up the conversation. Lol
LOL, now that is adorable. I did a similar yet funny thing, I gave my now boyfriend a "riddle", once he solved it after a few headaches he was so happy :D
mat some guys consider 3 types of girlfriends.. GF for display, GF for bed and GF for a serious relationship.. How wud to know what kind of girlfriends he really wants so women will not fall into false girlfriend traps..
There are people saying that if you have to ask it means he is not serious but I think it depends. There was guy I dated who I asked and he ended up becoming a very serious and committed boyfriend. However even before that, he had started acting like a boyfriend by being the for me etc. I think he was just shy. I don't think it is about who asks the question rather the guy's personality. If you ask and he accepts but becomes a shitty boyfriend, well there is your answer, billions of men left.
Seriously, Matt, are you being honest? if a guy needs a woman to ask him this question, I think the message is clear here. He's either a coward or a player. Either way, this guy is not worth keeping, in my opinion. If a guy is really enthusiastic about a girl, he would be very pushy. He would ask this question long before the girl wants to ask him. because he wouldn't want to give the chance to other guys. But in contrast, if he has a lot of options, he still wants to shop around, he would wait, and avoid questions like this. For those of you who doesn't mind to wait around until his make up his mind, stay; for those of you who doesn't have the time to wait any longer, you know what you need to do. This is only my own opinion, nobody needs to take it.
Jet W Mat's advice is 100% spot on. I've asked a guy who I was seeing and turns out he really was not interested in being my boyfriend. I stupidly stayed around for nearly three years and not once did he ever bring up being boyfriend and girlfriend. I later found out he was engaged to another woman and ended up calling off the wedding. His family were happy cause they did not like her. And he told me he did not marry her do to me. And he still did not ask me to be his girlfriend. I was so upset and still stupidly kept seeing him. Then I finally got some commonsense and broke up with him on his beeper/pager.
THREE YEARS! NOW THATS A LONG TIME! Glad you finally got hint. He sounds like he's committed to his independence but likes the idea of a relationship without boyfriend responsibilities. He definitely stringed you along.
Hey Mat! I just asked the guy I like using the words you said in this vid. And good news! He said that he actually really likes me, wants to see me again soon and he wants to talk about the said issue about the bf gf thingy next time we meet again :) Thank you so much Mathew!!✌🏻😊 P.S. Matthew is also the name of the guy i like :D
forget this boyfriend / girlfriend stuff. The only real commitment is marriage. Date around, develop friendship with guys and when one looks like it could go to marriage get engaged.
I'm so glad i found this video. There's this guy at school, we hang out all of the time, go everywhere together, make excuses to be together, and do dating things like to the movies. We're not officially dating but i do like him and everyone else is even betting on when we're gonna start dating. After seeing this, I'm gonna ask about it either in the class the most betting is in or after/during the movie.
in my case the men always made it clear when they wanted me to be their girlfriend... I wouldn't accept a situation where the man didn't make our status clear without me having to ask him to clarify... my 2 cents ;)
Hello Mathew from Spain, Congrats! Your videos are great and very helpful. In this video you said there are two main responses. What about if he responds vaguely/imprecisesly? Something like: "well we do not have to label it, we know what we are, don´t we?". Many thanks Yolanda
yolanda fanlo ramirez exactly, I got an answer like that too. but I finally found out that he just wanted to have fun, so I concluded that if a guy that u have been seeing for a long time cannot answer that question more clearly, it means he's not serious with u. I mean, come on! so he has never even thought about it!??!
Something along the lines of, "My neighbors will probably ask me about you once they see you at my place enough times, and I'm not sure what I should tell them. We're a pretty tight-knit community. Do I tell them you're my boyfriend, or just someone I'm dating?" It's true-they really WILL ask and I really would like to say he's my boyfriend. Lol
Can you do a video of how to have this conversation when you're the man, and what to do? And how do you know if she wants to be your girlfriend, espcially if she doesn't tell you when you ask her? In that case, what are her specific actions going to be that will tell you if she wants a relationship? ( To give you a scenario that the second question is based on, say you like her and you ask her what you guys are, or say you want a relationship with her, and she doesn't give you a straight answer.)
Dung Luu your response is disappointed and excuse yourself asap. he will realize that that IS what you want. and my man spun on a dime to say he choked... didnt know what to say or what I wanted to hear him say. we have been together ever since
I've been dating this guy in months and one night he called and asked me if I still like him? Before I answer him, I asked him back the question if he likes me. He said he likes me very much. So now we are lovers and he introduced me to his family.
Tips are good, but, if you're in a position where you really have to push this question to a guy you're seeing...He's not that into ya. And how sad is this for a girl to ask 'uh...where are we??' Any man who really likes you will make sure you never have to ask this kind of question...
I just claim the man i want. I call him my boyfriend when we are in public or when i introduce him...i compliment him and i make sure to bump into him at all his favorite places. Most of all i act enthusiastic to see him if only for a minute. This tactic usually pushes him to deny or confirm that you are an item.
I agree to this.. In the case of me and my now boyfriend, I asked him "If my friends saw us, how should I introduce you?" and to that he said as a boyfriend which confirmed it for me
I asked him the what are we question and he said I don't know with a very nervous and awkward tone in his voice... he said we weren't friends we weren't lovers we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend we weren't ef buddies but we interacted like a married couple... go figure!! 🙊🙎♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️
Great advice. Nevertheless the phrase "it's up to you" seems to mean that all it's up to him, depending exclusively on his decision,so before making the critical question,one has to be absolutely certain about her own will and feelings, which also needs time...
Interestingly enough, dating usually doesn't work with titles as they appear to do in the US. We usually have a casual conversation about this at some point, but that's that. I'm in my first relationship over here, in which *he* actually talked about titles. Maybe bc, at our our age we've all got some baggage, but it still feels strange to me.
Research by David Buss shows that when a woman starts the "What are we" conversation, a man starts to see her as a low-status woman. The same happens when a woman initiates a conversation about marriage. But there is a solution to make the right guy commited - date as many men as you can fit into your schedule (without getting sexually involved, of course) until HE asks you to be exclusive.
The guy I'm dating asked to be exclusive after the first date. He made it very clear that he only dates one woman at a time. I'm not sure that constitutes boyfriend girlfriend status
Nice video. Throw it back to him. Relationships require mimdfulness for sure. Reacting and being too much in our emotions can cause a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in the relationship. Relax.
If a man doesn't make it clear to you what the relationship is, run. These types of people will NEVER know what they want, and they will definitely never be strong enough to go for what they want. You don't want someone who has commitment trauma that hasn't been worked through. Your sex is powerful ladies, don't give it to a man who won't be brave enough to commit to you.
Yesterday a colleague from bith of us just stated out of nowhere she'd thought that he and I would be together by the end of our first semester of uni and that she thought we'd make a cut couple. He went dead quiet after that; wouldn't talk to anyone nor would he have made eye-contact. So now, I'm gonna ask him today with your strategy on what he thinks about us.
As an older woman, dating a terrific man who is just recently free of an awful, long-term marriage, I've found that he balks at putting any labels on our 'friendship' - so I'm just letting things move along at a relaxed pace, and we are getting closer every 'date'; I imagine that one of these days it will dawn on him just how perfectly compatible we are, and he will not be afraid to 'get serious' about us a a couple. Being older, and not looking for someone to have a home and children with is really a different situation than when younger and wanting those things. Even after a year, we have both refrained from using the "L-word" (love), except to say, "I love this about you, and that about you, etc." -- so someday, it makes sense that it applies to the whole person! ~ I just want to keep him in my life, and I think he is feeling the same way. ~
ah this is exactly what i experience right now, i’ve known this guy for almost a year but we live far from each other although we text everyday he always the one who contacted me first, and the last few months we get more intense, we’d visit each other on our free time he let me stay at his place whenever i visit. but i really don’t know what are we sometimes it feels easy sometimes it feels very casual but he’s always nice and pursue me first. and few weeks ago he didn’t text me for few days (not the first time, he did that sometimes like when he’s at work - he works away in the dessert- or when he went on vacation but i usually understand that bcs i thought he would be busy) and i get tired of waiting and having the same circle, so i brought it up to him and told him that he needs to figure out what he wants and i would take some space. he was surprised but he didn’t exactly give me “the answer” although he suddenly text me every little thing he did and always wanted to call, and being two times nicer. but still i don’t know what are we and am frustrated 😥
I think this is pretty direct and is a great approach, but you have to be at a place where he is stepping up consistently for an extended period of time. I would not bring this up personally. I think he has to lead and it's his job to bring up this conversation. When he does, I'd want to know where he sees things going. I'm not going to take myself off the market for an extended period of time while he figures things out. I'm in my 40s but in retrospect I wish I had been more strategic with the men I dated in my 20s and 30s. I would just keep dating other men until a good one is ready to make the big committment. xo
I love this but what ways might he communicate that he Doesn't want a relationship? and how to respond? because sometimes you know that he probably doesn't ...
Sarah Colsrud I think it's time to move on, I've been waiting for a while and nothing has changed, I guess he thinks it's enough to be together like yours!
I woke mine up with a simple thing... I made myself to busy for a week. No calling him, no texting, no zero. He came over ! He was worried. Truth be told... Sometimes the man would rather not say, and just be all actions. But you have to decide if that is enough for you. And start focusing on what you are passionate about .. and he will be all ears
I definitely like the way (you) Matt positioned and phrased that, But I think there is a way to not “let’s talk” or ask a question at all- but be more vulnerable and get the answer to the question anyway! ;-)
Haha I had a boyfriend from 12 years ago and we stayed in contact every once in a while. Recently met up for the 1st time for a drink and did this weekly. Then it was 2-3x a week so I jokingly asked him if somebody made him tell them what our title was what would he say. His response was well we’ve gone out on dates so we’re dating. I wasn’t nervous about asking and it’s funny cuz he thought that I assumed that as well
I did and he answered me. He said that we might have different expectations for our lives, we might not get on well on some issues in the future and he wanted to stay as friends. I accepted it but what do all these even mean? We met as friends but he was still kinda flirty. He said before that he thinks I am really a good person, makes him a better person, makes him feel better. We are different on some life preferences and so, we both know that but we are also attracted to each other. I still like him. What shoul I do now?
I feel like such a dude when it comes to "big talks" like this one!!...I've been dating this guy for a little over two months, we are even going on a getaway together next week (his idea!), and last friday at dinner with friends of his (another couple who was visiting him from France) the guyfriend asked us.."so how long have you guys been together?".. suddenly it all went silent I almost choked on my drink (the only thing i could think was "hell no! you didn't!! oh yes he did!!..shit not this one now!!!, it's too soon!!!, how the fuck do i get out of this??!"), I look at him, he looks at me...and (at the same time) he says "well about 2 months" and I say "we just getting to know each other"...describing how friking ackward that was it's impossible, so I did what I do best, I laughed it off, gently stroke his arm gave him my best smile and asked his friends about their trip. After that, on the phone (a phonecall not over text, I'm old school) I was like "sorry about that but it was kinda weird answering that since we haven't really talked about it ourselves..I just want you to know that I enjoy very much the time we spend together"..he said "me too" (or something on that line) So... I have had my share of ackwardness for the next 6months. 😂😂😂 I won't really bring that up any time soon!! Thanks to men like yourself I've learned that guys talk through their actions and are very VERY visual creatures, it's a different way of communication but I think I'm getting there! For example, instead of going full range of emotions to tell him how much I like him, I make him brownies (he loves them) to show hiw much I like and appreciate him!! So...thank you!! big fan of your work!!
Oh my god that is max level awkward! I feel sorry for you reading this but it also made me laugh. xD I have a feeling this conversation is gonna come up pretty soon for me sooooo... hoping for the best, lol! I love the way you handled the situation afterwards though! :D
Thanks a ton, Matt! Just the advice I was looking for. Question - what to say and do in a win-win manner if his response is in the negative i.e. if he's unsure or doesn't want a commitment at all?
*DON'T. EVER. DO THAT* It's actually the worse question to ask... Either way he sees you as his gf or just a friend... It's a bad idea to ask him this way.. Because if he consider you as his girlfriend, he's gonna be like : "what? What do you mean?" coz in his mind it's obvious... You gonna hurt his feelings, like, for him you're "together" while for you, you're not.. See what I mean? While if he sees you only as a friend, he can get shocked that you ever thought about something else, it can scare him
A asked if he were willing to be exlusivly seeing just me. The answer I got was 'im not willing to do that type of comittment, but its not my style to be seeing others'.
Mat thank you for your videos, all of them are very helpful. However, I would really like to ask you to make a video regarding the relationship on distance and how to make guy to keep the interest and excitedness and ,in general, tell what you think about it and what recommendation you can give. Thank you in advance :)
Going through a similar situation. We are both into each other. Currently in long distance, still we talk daily, spend good time together. But no definitions yet. So confused!!!
I’ve had this conversation with a guy I’ve been seeing for 5 months. He basically said he adores me and agreed we are exclusive, however, he did have a caveat and that was he doesn’t like labels and that the last two relationships he had were terrible. Though, to note, he had agreed I may call him my boyfriend to reduce any awkwardness with my father when he meets him. (Confusing, right?) He is incredible, he makes future plans with me, I’ve met all of his closest friends, and he is affectionate with me in public a lot. I genuinely think he wants to be with me. I still worry though - I’m trying to be understanding and just enjoy my time with him regardless of the label. What are your thoughts? Is this his way of being noncommittal so he has the freedom to leave anytime, or do you think he genuinely just doesn’t like labels?
It's good to ask. It doesn't mean that man isn't serious. I asked mine because he was showing signs of being a boyfriend and yes they don't know it's bad to assume anything. I mean they're not angels to know everything....
Dating coaches shouldn't be a thing. Love isnt a game. There are no strategies or rules. Just follow your intuition and put yourself out there. Be willing to fall and get back up. This kind of oversaturated market of dating advice and coaches takes away the spontaneity and beauty of dating. Love and dating is different for everyone, as it should be.
Thank you Matt, i came across this video some days ago... am dating this guy for about 3months and half...things are going well.. we've seen each other in person...intimacy and all...i have this question on my mind to ask him...but just didn't know how to go about it....until i came across this video this week... i applied this method damnnnnnnnnnn it works.... he was like i thought you and i are boyfriend and girlfriend....omg Matt i smiled 😊... them i said well... i would love to be your girlfriend if you want me to... then he said " you are already my girlfriend " i just want to say Thank you Matt for this video.
I think it's beautiful when both f and m have fallen in love and are just starting their journey in their life 😊 being in love you often hear of the things like putting your shoes in the fridge accidentally not being mindful in that moment cause you've fallen in love what are some of the strangest things you've done when you've fallen inlove for your
Unlock the SECRET qualities men find irresistible with this FREE e-book: www.bravethinkinginstitute.com/love-relationships/resources/relationship/mag/5-feminine-qualities
It's funny how it is suppose to be ok for a guy to assume you're in a relationship but a woman will get called crazy.
Theresa Moon Yes we will or we're pressuring him smh
Just blame it on the patriarchy like everything else 👍
By the way, says who? Only cause this guy said it doesn't mean it true?!
But in general I agree, most women are a ticking emotional bomb =also known as crazy!
Hate double standards
Couldn’t be more true!
Truth!
This was so much easier when I was a kid and a boy would give me a note that said, "I love you, do you love me and will you be my girlfriend?" Mark the box "yes" or "no".
fuzzydog pa wow! Memories 💭
Love it 😊
So true. With every decade it becomes more complicated.
That is adorable 💗
I think we should go back to that 😀
Good point but I think you've missed the part when he answers "Oh! Tell them we're friends". Every woman should be prepared for that answer in order to be confident and strong enough to let him go. Kind regards from Mexico City
yo estaba pensando lo mismo
Hahaha I strongly agree... It's difficult to do some assumptive approach in this matter..
Exactly 💓
Why is it always the guy who decides for whether the relationship works or not
Dolly Hafez yes that is very much a question I have also .. what the hell im not also scared and wish to just talk about it instead of having it deciding for me .. I dislike having to make my life revolves around man’s fear and incapacity to just talk about things
Because us women today stupidly let this happen which slows down progress for equality in society. Hope that wasn't too much
because girls are the gatekeepers of sex and guys are the gatekeepers of relationships naturally, and honestly i'm fine with it
Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of a relationship. It just is what it is.
@@psuede3775 Are you male or female?
Truth is, if you have to ask, then he probably isn't ready to take the relationship to the next level for whatever reason. In my first relationship I asked the guy this question and he did give me what I wanted. But things fell apart quickly because he was never all in. He didn't want a relationship but wanted to keep seeing me so he just said whatever that I wanted to hear so he didn't lose me. I learned my lesson girls. So now I no longer have"the talk" -- I just QUIETLY lower my investment in him by putting him in a rotation and start dating other people. If he doesn't step up, someone else will.
so true thanks doll ill do the same
Thank you for this...in didn't know but now I know
I love this
Amen
Great idea!
My bf asked me to be his girlfriend after only a few dates. Tbh, I was a little surprised, but of course in a nice way as I really started to like him at that time. After I said yes; he was so proud and happy. He went around informing all his friends that now he’s officially in a relationship… I seriously adore him!
Aww, that's so sweet! Hopefully things are going well between you two. 🥰🥰
In my case, he asked me directly “Do you want to be in a relationship with me?” I replied “Yes” then he said “You are my girl” It that pretty much a self-explanatory Q & A?! I was surprised how he pulled me into that conversation smoothly. I never had this conversation with anyone before and felt a bit awkward. Bit it’s all good.
I really like these direct questions from a men.
Thats so romantic.. makes a man more sexy when they ask..
Direct communication for the win! Are you guys still together?
That was a very grownup conversation. Congratulations. I hope my current sitch goes that way. 😊
I dated for about a month and half and my guy says hey baby I want to tell you something that is very important to me . He said he wanted us to be a couple, told me that he had never felt so strongly about anyone before . Going strong 5 months later.
It’s always better when the guy asks in my opinion. As with anything else when it comes from them it feels so much better. If a guy hasn’t done that within a certain period of time I’d prob just back off
I was "dating" this guy and one time I asked "Hey are we exclusive?" And he'd answer a lot of things except yes or no, until I said, "you know what, that's a no, see that's simple, thank you" and that's how I knew I was losing my time, dont be fool girls, learn my lesson.
I met my boyfriend on-line. We first started chatting, then moved to meet in person and going out a couple of times. We were seeing each other for almost 2 months when I met at a party we were togheter another man I was chatting with whene I and my boyfriend first chatted. Later, when we were going home I said: "I must confess one thing and I'm sorry about it! The guy you saw me chat at the party was one I was chatting with when i "met" you. I had to say that I came with you and that you were my boyfriend to get him off my back. I'm sorry!!!". He looked at me and said:"Why? Am I not your boyfriend?"... Still togheter since then...
Ale.Ran sweet ❤️
When I had a similar conversation of whether or not I could call him my bf, the response I got was "if you want". Hardly the most enthusiastic response I wanted!
I had that too, was dating him for 2 months. Shortly after it ended. He told me he hadn't wanted to be in a relationship (so it was basically 'friends with benefits' to him...) Oh well!
Any guy that will respond with that is not showing you the kindness you deserve. "Do you want to hang out today?" - "you can come over- if you want" it's a strange thing but it's an early indication that they aren't going to consider your feelings or put theirs on the line.
Just ask the damn question...lol Honestly, if there's any guys watching this? Just please, please man up and tell the girl you like/love to be your girlfriend before she even have to ask. Seriously if he says we are friends after many dates? Cut him loose and go for "next".
Gee Lee so true girl
Gee Lee Thank you real women like myself can appreciate your honesty...If you're not ready Damn lol just say that and if I feel my feelings are into you I'll move on or remain strictly friends
100% true Gee
Seriously, stop having sexual relationships with men who you have to question your relationship status with. When I was younger boys had no problems asking girls to go steady and be their girlfriend. Two-hundred years ago men had to either marry a woman or go to prostitutes but now women are settling for so much less and men have lost a great deal of respect for women. Be valuable and stop giving a most intimate part of yourself to undeserving, non-committal men.
Lady, we are asking for help.
thank you so much. U said it so right
Nope. I rather find if he is good at sex early before its too late and ur in a relationship with bad sex
@@oklittlejhonny7415 when he is good in bed and how he do foreplay and take care of u first, also is clean... smells good, is sexy and u are satisfied and respected in bed, and enjoying it , its passionate, that way u know,
You are on target!!
Struggling with this one right now. Been dating a guy a few months. We have spent every day together since the second week. We haven't introduced friends/fam or changed status. It's kind of awkward at this point & I don't want to move further without some kind of definition. I don't want to fall anymore for this guy without knowing we are on the same page. #IHateDating 😢
Kim Conner how did it turn out for you ?
?
Omg...i am in that situation right now..😢😭😭
Wow I am also in that situation right now 😓 I'm going to use Mat's strategy to find out when he calls me😌
Are you still together?
Matt i watch you all the time, im older 62, and a new widow.but the guy i was seeing for a couple of months , i asked him straight out, "do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend? It means we see each other and no one else." And with a choked up voice he said yes. Now were going into our 5 th month.
We give men too much damm power!
So WHAT if he runs away when you ask him what the deal is? Why are women so pressed to tip-toe around dudes, just incase their delicate little egos and relationships made of glass come tumbling down?!?
OWN your feelings, OWN yourself!!!
TELL him - this is where I'm at with this situation, where are you at? If his answer isn't in agreement with yours, keep it moving!
We are not snowflake tinkerbell fragile petals!!
Trust me, real men know what they want and would not be afraid of being asked that, even better, they might ask you that earlier than you would if they truly can see a future with you in every single way.
Beyond Blessed & Highly Favored RIGHT?!
Beyond Blessed & Highly Favored Preach
So ummmm where exactly are THOSE real men? 🤔
ya but rejection still hurts me ;-;;;
Ha! Men nowadays don't want you to ask that question EVER. No matter how you ask it. No matter how long you've been seeing him. Ask that question and you're as good as ghosted.
CuteLittleVirgo exactly, if I have to ask obviously we are nothing.
CuteLittleVirgo I got pushed away from for asking
CuteLittleVirgo that's not a man that's a wuss
wish this video came out last week when I was stressing out about my guy
Sarah Colsrud then you deserve better... know your value and don't settle for anything less ;-)
If they don't answer the question/porcupine it back to you, it's cause they don't want to be official boyfriend/girlfriend and are avoiding the awkward conversation! That's how I take it anyway.
That's what I think too.
katy Doe Not necessarily my ex for all his faults did want that but was too shy of rejection to ask out right. Though I did overhear him refer to me as his girlfriend without asking me, so I called him out on it and a date or two later he managed to pluck up the courage.
Women.....Do not EVER ask a man "so what are we?"
He has a mouth and a mind and if he's a man and truly wants exclusivity with you, he knows how to ask. If he hasn't it means he's not ready and you shld be dating other men and keeping your options open, as it is obvious he still wants the option of dating other women. Don't get one-itis. If too much time has passed and he's not pushing for exclusivity?.......It's time to start being less available and do the slow fade. If he wants you he will pursue and pursue hard. Fact.
Absolutely true
Why does the responsibility of asking have to rest exclusively on the man? Gender shouldn't dictate who's prerogative it is to ask these important questions. Women also have a mouth and a mind, and if they want to verbalise and communicate healthy boundaries and establish a relationship then it is in their agency and autonomy to do so.
I'm a man, and I am ready. I haven't asked yet and don't know how. That's why I'm watching this video now.
I’m sweating just thinking about having this conversation but I’m going to have it today because not knowing is making me crazy
Just say when it’s time: would you like to be exclusive? I liked when I was asked by a man I was dating and he took me out to dinner and said, “I would like to court you seriously, are you interested in that with me?“ this was very chivalrous and extremely honoring and respectful.
Yeah, but it didn't work out long term, did it? He was in his feminine. It's a woman's job to bring up the exclusivity talk, not the mans.
Great video! My boyfriend came right out and said "I would like to be your boyfriend" then he said he didn't want me to feel pressured and told me I had all the time I need to think about it. I was the one who didn't want to put a label on it! But after some thought, I decided to be his girlfriend. It was a little awkward but I'm glad he was so sure!
Matt, thanks for this - along with so many of your helpful, informative videos! I'm in an early relationship, and right after New Years, I decided to ask the question, "Are we exclusive?" His reply was, "Yes, of course we are!, I'm not the kind of man that dates around! I have no desire to do that!" So, by just being direct, yet sweet, I just asked the question outright. Needless to say, I was thrilled with his answer! We are progressing at a natural pace....and I'm getting to know him, his personality, likes & dislikes, and he's genuinely a good guy!! I don't want to jinx myself....I simply feel really lucky!! :)
The problem with asking directly is that you might be putting him in a position where he feels like he needs to answer “yes” or lose you so you might not get an honest answer. It can be a loaded question.
Hopefully things are still going well for you guys!
How long after hanging out/dating/seeing each other should you have the 'what are we' conversation?
Katrina Kaye oh girl, I did it after six months, lol!
I think you should just know, I just asked my now boyfriend what are we even though he basically already was exclusive, I wasn't ready myself until 2 days ago, now we are exclusive and we feel good, I think you just feel it automatically.
My question Katrina
For me between 2-3 months, currently at 2 months with a fella 🤞🏼 he brings it up in the next few weeks or I’ll have to re watch this video 😂
@@DarknessIsThePath I forgot I made this comment and I just revisited this video now! You're right - I think you just feel it. A lot of guys will just presume you're in a relationship without asking.
In my culture, we have courtship. After a certain period, the girl will say yes or no to the guy. The day the girl will say yes marks as their anniversary.
I think if you can't ask or if he can't answer this question then he is not the one! Honest open communication will tell you if his your boyfriend, if he doesn't want me then I don't want him. Don't waste your time on men who can't commit you deserve better, don't put him on a pedestal.. look for an equal!
so trueee
I usually let to unfold naturally my relationship, because if he really likes me he will show exactly what he wants from me
Kinga Derzsi actions speak louder than words
I was dating this guy for almost 7 months... I got a little tired of not knowing what we were in the relationship so I texted him sayings that I think I was ready to end our relationship and wanted to find time to talk about it. I was being honest about it. We meet up and he gave me the exclusive title/girlfriend title. It was not expected lol
I recently had this kind of situation and was thinking about to start the conversation with "my friends asked...". But then I thought that it would seem really quite cowardly to put "the blame" on my friends, so I didn't. :D
this could be easier if guys do a proposal to be in a relationship as latins do 😂
Im Latin and have been living in the USA for 2 years. Dating here is completely different and I really with guys would propose like we do “do you want to be my girlfriend?” Whats so hard ????
I'm tired of this "don't make him run away", or you with me or without me, I'm not gonna date for nothing so I need to be clear, don't like to waste my time. If I see that nothing progresses then, bye.
And that sounds kinda silly, if people are together for a long time a man will never say "be my girlfriend". If you don't know what you are, you're probably just a hook up.
I completely agree with you. If he gets scared, then hes not my kind of man. Only immature boys are scared of commitment.
Mariam Darchia I agree, I once waited for one guy, he seemed to be interested in me but he's hot and cold, so I moved on.
i agree but the question is how early is too early to ask this question " what are we"
true
Actually my 'exclusive' friend keeps saying that we're friends but recently he's been talking about marriage stuffs which confuses me
Before watching this video, I had this exact conversation last month with someone I have been seeing for a couple of months; things were great, it felt like we were in a relationship and my friends are all asking the same questions "are you guys bf/gf?" and I didnt know how to respond either, and did not want to assume...so I brought it up to him (also framing it like in this video) and was pretty hopeful/positive since things were amazing between us.
Then he said, "I'm not against it."
To this day, I still dont know what we are despite talking to him about it one more time for he never gave me a clear 'Yes' or 'No' and it's always a grayzone "Not against it" :/
Decided to take a step back as of last week and let him initiate now :(
I’m not against it is not an inspiring answer.. I agree stepping back from this sounds wise.. if it’s not a hell yes .. its a no!
Maybe say "Please, tell me more", "What does that sentence means to you."
If you're both agreeing that the potential is there in a very strong way I say what are we waiting for! Start your life together
Well, in my case it was the opposite and he was the one who wanted to know. I think what he did was really cute: he sent me a relationship status on FB. I had to approve it or decline it. And we were actually hanging out at his house that night. That's how he brought up the conversation. Lol
LOL, now that is adorable. I did a similar yet funny thing, I gave my now boyfriend a "riddle", once he solved it after a few headaches he was so happy :D
mat some guys consider 3 types of girlfriends.. GF for display, GF for bed and GF for a serious relationship.. How wud to know what kind of girlfriends he really wants so women will not fall into false girlfriend traps..
Thank you for making this video! I appreciate all of the advice. Keep up the good work!
Action speaks louder than words...
There are people saying that if you have to ask it means he is not serious but I think it depends. There was guy I dated who I asked and he ended up becoming a very serious and committed boyfriend. However even before that, he had started acting like a boyfriend by being the for me etc. I think he was just shy. I don't think it is about who asks the question rather the guy's personality. If you ask and he accepts but becomes a shitty boyfriend, well there is your answer, billions of men left.
I totally agree
mine would be..."you're my boyfriend, right?"
Werkkkkk🤣
😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
Seriously, Matt, are you being honest? if a guy needs a woman to ask him this question, I think the message is clear here. He's either a coward or a player. Either way, this guy is not worth keeping, in my opinion. If a guy is really enthusiastic about a girl, he would be very pushy. He would ask this question long before the girl wants to ask him. because he wouldn't want to give the chance to other guys. But in contrast, if he has a lot of options, he still wants to shop around, he would wait, and avoid questions like this. For those of you who doesn't mind to wait around until his make up his mind, stay; for those of you who doesn't have the time to wait any longer, you know what you need to do. This is only my own opinion, nobody needs to take it.
Jet W Mat's advice is 100% spot on. I've asked a guy who I was seeing and turns out he really was not interested in being my boyfriend. I stupidly stayed around for nearly three years and not once did he ever bring up being boyfriend and girlfriend. I later found out he was engaged to another woman and ended up calling off the wedding. His family were happy cause they did not like her. And he told me he did not marry her do to me. And he still did not ask me to be his girlfriend. I was so upset and still stupidly kept seeing him. Then I finally got some commonsense and broke up with him on his beeper/pager.
THREE YEARS! NOW THATS A LONG TIME! Glad you finally got hint. He sounds like he's committed to his independence but likes the idea of a relationship without boyfriend responsibilities. He definitely stringed you along.
Some guys are really shy and don’t want to be the ones to open up...
Hey Mat! I just asked the guy I like using the words you said in this vid. And good news! He said that he actually really likes me, wants to see me again soon and he wants to talk about the said issue about the bf gf thingy next time we meet again :)
Thank you so much Mathew!!✌🏻😊
P.S. Matthew is also the name of the guy i like :D
forget this boyfriend / girlfriend stuff. The only real commitment is marriage. Date around, develop friendship with guys and when one looks like it could go to marriage get engaged.
I'm so glad i found this video. There's this guy at school, we hang out all of the time, go everywhere together, make excuses to be together, and do dating things like to the movies. We're not officially dating but i do like him and everyone else is even betting on when we're gonna start dating. After seeing this, I'm gonna ask about it either in the class the most betting is in or after/during the movie.
in my case the men always made it clear when they wanted me to be their girlfriend... I wouldn't accept a situation where the man didn't make our status clear without me having to ask him to clarify... my 2 cents ;)
Hello Mathew from Spain, Congrats! Your videos are great and very helpful. In this video you said there are two main responses. What about if he responds vaguely/imprecisesly? Something like: "well we do not have to label it, we know what we are, don´t we?". Many thanks Yolanda
yolanda fanlo ramirez exactly, I got an answer like that too. but I finally found out that he just wanted to have fun, so I concluded that if a guy that u have been seeing for a long time cannot answer that question more clearly, it means he's not serious with u. I mean, come on! so he has never even thought about it!??!
Thank you so much Matt! I sure needed this advice it was very helpful for me! ❤️️
Something along the lines of, "My neighbors will probably ask me about you once they see you at my place enough times, and I'm not sure what I should tell them. We're a pretty tight-knit community. Do I tell them you're my boyfriend, or just someone I'm dating?"
It's true-they really WILL ask and I really would like to say he's my boyfriend. Lol
Can you do a video of how to have this conversation when you're the man, and what to do?
And how do you know if she wants to be your girlfriend, espcially if she doesn't tell you when you ask her? In that case, what are her specific actions going to be that will tell you if she wants a relationship?
( To give you a scenario that the second question is based on, say you like her and you ask her what you guys are, or say you want a relationship with her, and she doesn't give you a straight answer.)
Maybe if she gets jealous then it is a yes for relationship
what if he tells me "we're not bf gf here what are you talking about 😢"
Dung Luu your response is disappointed and excuse yourself asap. he will realize that that IS what you want. and my man spun on a dime to say he choked... didnt know what to say or what I wanted to hear him say. we have been together ever since
Then you "ghost" him... go no contact and watch him come running back, they miss the attention once it's gone! ;-)
And do what once he does show up ?
At least you will know
I've been dating this guy in months and one night he called and asked me if I still like him? Before I answer him, I asked him back the question if he likes me. He said he likes me very much. So now we are lovers and he introduced me to his family.
Tips are good, but, if you're in a position where you really have to push this question to a guy you're seeing...He's not that into ya. And how sad is this for a girl to ask 'uh...where are we??' Any man who really likes you will make sure you never have to ask this kind of question...
I just claim the man i want. I call him my boyfriend when we are in public or when i introduce him...i compliment him and i make sure to bump into him at all his favorite places. Most of all i act enthusiastic to see him if only for a minute. This tactic usually pushes him to deny or confirm that you are an item.
One way is to see what he introduces you as to his friends/ family. It avoids asking directly or having to talk about it
I agree to this.. In the case of me and my now boyfriend, I asked him "If my friends saw us, how should I introduce you?" and to that he said as a boyfriend which confirmed it for me
I asked him the what are we question and he said I don't know with a very nervous and awkward tone in his voice... he said we weren't friends we weren't lovers we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend we weren't ef buddies but we interacted like a married couple... go figure!! 🙊🙎♀️🤦♀️🤷♀️
Great advice. Nevertheless the phrase "it's up to you" seems to mean that all it's up to him, depending exclusively on his decision,so before making the critical question,one has to be absolutely certain about her own will and feelings, which also needs time...
Thank you Matt. Much needed advice.
Thankyou soooo much!!! I need to have this conversation with this guy I’ve been dating so this is really helpful in preparing myself
Interestingly enough, dating usually doesn't work with titles as they appear to do in the US. We usually have a casual conversation about this at some point, but that's that.
I'm in my first relationship over here, in which *he* actually talked about titles. Maybe bc, at our our age we've all got some baggage, but it still feels strange to me.
Research by David Buss shows that when a woman starts the "What are we" conversation, a man starts to see her as a low-status woman. The same happens when a woman initiates a conversation about marriage. But there is a solution to make the right guy commited - date as many men as you can fit into your schedule (without getting sexually involved, of course) until HE asks you to be exclusive.
The guy I'm dating asked to be exclusive after the first date. He made it very clear that he only dates one woman at a time. I'm not sure that constitutes boyfriend girlfriend status
Nice video. Throw it back to him. Relationships require mimdfulness for sure. Reacting and being too much in our emotions can cause a lot of discomfort and uncertainty in the relationship. Relax.
If a man doesn't make it clear to you what the relationship is, run. These types of people will NEVER know what they want, and they will definitely never be strong enough to go for what they want. You don't want someone who has commitment trauma that hasn't been worked through. Your sex is powerful ladies, don't give it to a man who won't be brave enough to commit to you.
Huuh, I had the same strategy!and it really works!! Thank you Mat for all your great recommendations!
I'm exactly in this situation...huh! I'm really nervous to ask him
This is a great tip. I've been with a "relationship" with this guy but i wasnt really sure "what are we" or where to stand.
Yesterday a colleague from bith of us just stated out of nowhere she'd thought that he and I would be together by the end of our first semester of uni and that she thought we'd make a cut couple. He went dead quiet after that; wouldn't talk to anyone nor would he have made eye-contact. So now, I'm gonna ask him today with your strategy on what he thinks about us.
As an older woman, dating a terrific man who is just recently free of an awful, long-term marriage, I've found that he balks at putting any labels on our 'friendship' - so I'm just letting things move along at a relaxed pace, and we are getting closer every 'date'; I imagine that one of these days it will dawn on him just how perfectly compatible we are, and he will not be afraid to 'get serious' about us a a couple. Being older, and not looking for someone to have a home and children with is really a different situation than when younger and wanting those things. Even after a year, we have both refrained from using the "L-word" (love), except to say, "I love this about you, and that about you, etc." -- so someday, it makes sense that it applies to the whole person! ~ I just want to keep him in my life, and I think he is feeling the same way. ~
How did things go?
ah this is exactly what i experience right now, i’ve known this guy for almost a year but we live far from each other although we text everyday he always the one who contacted me first, and the last few months we get more intense, we’d visit each other on our free time he let me stay at his place whenever i visit. but i really don’t know what are we sometimes it feels easy sometimes it feels very casual but he’s always nice and pursue me first. and few weeks ago he didn’t text me for few days (not the first time, he did that sometimes like when he’s at work - he works away in the dessert- or when he went on vacation but i usually understand that bcs i thought he would be busy) and i get tired of waiting and having the same circle, so i brought it up to him and told him that he needs to figure out what he wants and i would take some space. he was surprised but he didn’t exactly give me “the answer” although he suddenly text me every little thing he did and always wanted to call, and being two times nicer. but still i don’t know what are we and am frustrated 😥
Mine is like yours, but when i asked, hmm, he just gave me a question back. Why do i keep coming back to you? Uumm. Funnily no right answer
I find it a bit passive and like a cop-out if you ask only because “your friends want to know”, and not because you care.
Thts a good point 2
I think this is pretty direct and is a great approach, but you have to be at a place where he is stepping up consistently for an extended period of time. I would not bring this up personally. I think he has to lead and it's his job to bring up this conversation. When he does, I'd want to know where he sees things going. I'm not going to take myself off the market for an extended period of time while he figures things out. I'm in my 40s but in retrospect I wish I had been more strategic with the men I dated in my 20s and 30s. I would just keep dating other men until a good one is ready to make the big committment. xo
Christine, how do you mean "I wish was more strategic with the men I dated"?
I love this but what ways might he communicate that he Doesn't want a relationship? and how to respond? because sometimes you know that he probably doesn't ...
Michele Medina If he is not saying anything it means he really is not interested in being in a relationship.
Thanks for this Mat, I've asked and his response was he is scared of commitment!!!
well the response I got is we are good together, isn't that enough ? تمتمات تراتيل
Sarah Colsrud I think it's time to move on, I've been waiting for a while and nothing has changed, I guess he thinks it's enough to be together like yours!
I woke mine up with a simple thing... I made myself to busy for a week. No calling him, no texting, no zero. He came over ! He was worried. Truth be told... Sometimes the man would rather not say, and just be all actions. But you have to decide if that is enough for you. And start focusing on what you are passionate about
.. and he will be all ears
That means, you are just a booty call. Find someone better.
Victoria V I need sometime to heal and I don't feel like going through all of this again!
This is very descent way and effective communications very nice video advise thank you Matt
so i have this question how early is too early to ask what are we question ?
I definitely like the way (you) Matt positioned and phrased that, But I think there is a way to not “let’s talk” or ask a question at all- but be more vulnerable and get the answer to the question anyway! ;-)
Thank you, i learn a lot ,
God bless you for this important teaching about how to speak to ohne another
Haha I had a boyfriend from
12 years ago and we stayed in contact every once in a while. Recently met up for the 1st time for a drink and did this weekly. Then it was 2-3x a week so I jokingly asked him if somebody made him tell them what our title was what would he say. His response was well we’ve gone out on dates so we’re dating. I wasn’t nervous about asking and it’s funny cuz he thought that I assumed that as well
I did and he answered me. He said that we might have different expectations for our lives, we might not get on well on some issues in the future and he wanted to stay as friends. I accepted it but what do all these even mean? We met as friends but he was still kinda flirty. He said before that he thinks I am really a good person, makes him a better person, makes him feel better. We are different on some life preferences and so, we both know that but we are also attracted to each other. I still like him. What shoul I do now?
Short and simple answer that was a great idea.
I feel like such a dude when it comes to "big talks" like this one!!...I've been dating this guy for a little over two months, we are even going on a getaway together next week (his idea!), and last friday at dinner with friends of his (another couple who was visiting him from France) the guyfriend asked us.."so how long have you guys been together?".. suddenly it all went silent I almost choked on my drink (the only thing i could think was "hell no! you didn't!! oh yes he did!!..shit not this one now!!!, it's too soon!!!, how the fuck do i get out of this??!"), I look at him, he looks at me...and (at the same time) he says "well about 2 months" and I say "we just getting to know each other"...describing how friking ackward that was it's impossible, so I did what I do best, I laughed it off, gently stroke his arm gave him my best smile and asked his friends about their trip. After that, on the phone (a phonecall not over text, I'm old school) I was like "sorry about that but it was kinda weird answering that since we haven't really talked about it ourselves..I just want you to know that I enjoy very much the time we spend together"..he said "me too" (or something on that line) So... I have had my share of ackwardness for the next 6months. 😂😂😂 I won't really bring that up any time soon!!
Thanks to men like yourself I've learned that guys talk through their actions and are very VERY visual creatures, it's a different way of communication but I think I'm getting there!
For example, instead of going full range of emotions to tell him how much I like him, I make him brownies (he loves them) to show hiw much I like and appreciate him!!
So...thank you!! big fan of your work!!
Oh my god that is max level awkward! I feel sorry for you reading this but it also made me laugh. xD
I have a feeling this conversation is gonna come up pretty soon for me sooooo... hoping for the best, lol! I love the way you handled the situation afterwards though! :D
Totally with ya on that!! I'm working on communication. I am seriously such a guy though when it comes to deep convos
Thanks a ton, Matt! Just the advice I was looking for. Question - what to say and do in a win-win manner if his response is in the negative i.e. if he's unsure or doesn't want a commitment at all?
Wish I saw this video last year.
I’m so sure he doesn’t feel the same way... should I still tell him or just move on?
*DON'T. EVER. DO THAT* It's actually the worse question to ask... Either way he sees you as his gf or just a friend... It's a bad idea to ask him this way.. Because if he consider you as his girlfriend, he's gonna be like : "what? What do you mean?" coz in his mind it's obvious... You gonna hurt his feelings, like, for him you're "together" while for you, you're not.. See what I mean? While if he sees you only as a friend, he can get shocked that you ever thought about something else, it can scare him
"time" is the answer... Time will tell you if you are bf gf or not... That's all
But after how long
A asked if he were willing to be exlusivly seeing just me. The answer I got was 'im not willing to do that type of comittment, but its not my style to be seeing others'.
Thank you so much! I was looking for a video like this. I hope it works out :D
I was blunt about it.
Great advice. Thank you. I needed an advice right now
Mat thank you for your videos, all of them are very helpful.
However, I would really like to ask you to make a video regarding the relationship on distance and how to make guy to keep the interest and excitedness and ,in general, tell what you think about it and what recommendation you can give. Thank you in advance :)
Great piece of advice as usual :)
Thanks a lot Matt.
Greetings from Morocco.
Going through a similar situation. We are both into each other. Currently in long distance, still we talk daily, spend good time together. But no definitions yet. So confused!!!
I’ve had this conversation with a guy I’ve been seeing for 5 months. He basically said he adores me and agreed we are exclusive, however, he did have a caveat and that was he doesn’t like labels and that the last two relationships he had were terrible. Though, to note, he had agreed I may call him my boyfriend to reduce any awkwardness with my father when he meets him. (Confusing, right?)
He is incredible, he makes future plans with me, I’ve met all of his closest friends, and he is affectionate with me in public a lot. I genuinely think he wants to be with me.
I still worry though - I’m trying to be understanding and just enjoy my time with him regardless of the label. What are your thoughts?
Is this his way of being noncommittal so he has the freedom to leave anytime, or do you think he genuinely just doesn’t like labels?
He's leaving himself an escape hatch.
I would've dumped him on the spot.
It's good to ask. It doesn't mean that man isn't serious. I asked mine because he was showing signs of being a boyfriend and yes they don't know it's bad to assume anything. I mean they're not angels to know everything....
🌺🐬❤️🌈very grateful Matt for this advice! I'll use it once I'm in a relationship! Big hugs 🤗🦄💞🌺
YAY! This is so helpful, thank you Mat.
Dating coaches shouldn't be a thing. Love isnt a game. There are no strategies or rules. Just follow your intuition and put yourself out there. Be willing to fall and get back up.
This kind of oversaturated market of dating advice and coaches takes away the spontaneity and beauty of dating. Love and dating is different for everyone, as it should be.
Thank you so much for this video but once the right time to even ask this type of question?
Thank you Matt, i came across this video some days ago... am dating this guy for about 3months and half...things are going well.. we've seen each other in person...intimacy and all...i have this question on my mind to ask him...but just didn't know how to go about it....until i came across this video this week... i applied this method damnnnnnnnnnn it works.... he was like i thought you and i are boyfriend and girlfriend....omg Matt i smiled 😊... them i said well... i would love to be your girlfriend if you want me to... then he said " you are already my girlfriend " i just want to say Thank you Matt for this video.
I think it's beautiful when both f and m have fallen in love and are just starting their journey in their life 😊 being in love you often hear of the things like putting your shoes in the fridge accidentally not being mindful in that moment cause you've fallen in love what are some of the strangest things you've done when you've fallen inlove for your
Hello friend I have been on youtube for many years now telling people about how Dr ediale brought back my relationship
All the people I have recommended to him later come back to thank me
He works without any delay just give it a try
Message him on WhatsApp for help
+2 3 4 9 0 7 9 2 1 4 2 9 9