Am I the A**hole 7 (Birthday Edition) - SimplyPodLogical #82
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Shop Holo Taco Frozen Benanas➡️ www.holotaco.com/collections/...
Existential Crisis (limited edition bday shade) is sold out, thank you for your support! I hope you love it!💅
On this episode of SimplyPodLogical, Cristine and Ben look at posts on the popular subreddit r/amitheasshole and discuss birthday parties, deceptive gift giving, food allergies, and deleting wedding photos.
0:00 - Hey what’s up holo everyone
0:23 - Cristine insisted on filming the podcast on her birthday
2:31 - Am I the a**hole for confronting my wife for buying my birthday gift with my money?
8:44 - Am I the a**hole for giving my kid her birthday gift at another kids birthday party?
12:16 - Am I the a**hole for not accommodating a food allergy at a birthday party?
16:53 - How much should we cater to people with allergies?
21:04 - Nuts on airplanes
22:49 - Am I the a**hole for bringing condoms to a children’s birthday party?
26:45 - Am I the a**hole for getting mad a my girlfriend for receiving an expensive gift from another man?
32:30 - Am I the a**hole for embarrassing my dad at his birthday party?
37:59 - Am I the a**hole for getting annoyed at my boyfriend for tricking me into buying a gift for myself?
43:54 - Am I the a**hole for telling my mom my birthday is about me and not her?
47:40 - Am I the a**hole for expecting my friend to go on a destination birthday trip?
56:42 - Am I the a**hole for deleting my friend’s wedding photos in from of them?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Follow the simplypod and drop us some episode topic suggestions!:
/ simplypodlogica
/ simplypodlogical
/ simplypodlogical
/ simplypodlogical
/ discord (drop pod topic suggestions in # 📝stream-podcast-ideas thread!)
Cristine:
/ simplynailogical
www.holotaco.com
/ nailogical
/ simplynailogica
/ simplynailogical
/ simplynailogical
Ben:
/ simplybenlogica
/ simplybenlogical
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Shop items from our Podcast set on my Amazon storefront! www.amazon.com/shop/simplynai...
(affiliate link)
©Simply Nailogical Inc. All opinions are our own.
Lube and condoms aren’t “adult toys” any more than tampons are. Sure, one is for sex, but it’s still a health/safety item. When I was in my 20s and still dating, I ALWAYS had condoms in my bag just in case I or a friend ever needed them. 100% on the mom whose kids have no manners or respect for personal items.
I agree it’s a sanitation/health item if it was an adult toy it would be a dildo or something
Someone once got mad at me at a drugstore for being in the same checkout line as them with tampons and condoms. Apparently I was "exposing" their child to.... genitalia? Who knows. I told her I'm allowed to buy anything the store sells and if she doesn't like it she should shop somewhere else. It was the dumbest exchange I've ever had 😂
@@ninaasf-ck I love that they forget that unless they tell their kids what those things your are holding are and what they are for the kids wouldn't have a clue 🤦♀️ this is exactly how I feel about this parent. Also what is the hospital going to do for condom and lube exposure? Neither if those things are toxic.
like if they would have wasted my real body lotion that is costly im sorry that mom would have refunded me duh
with her attitude i would have made her refund the lube that they wasted on all their body come on ahaha she's the asshole
@@Noemie112 tbh I would be annoyed that they wasted the lube because that stuff is expensive 😭
The birthday present story- WHY ARE YOU GOING TO ANOTHER CHILDS PARTY AND GIVING YOUR CHILD A PRESENT??? Give it to them at home LATER.
I feel like at the VERY LEAST they should have checked with the host.
Yeah I was like what was going through her head do that
@@mazzymoon712 she wanted all the other moms to know what she gave her kid, she didnt think about the other kids
And she wonders why Jolene’s mom doesn’t like her. I have a feeling it’s not the first time she’s done some similar assholery
She is definitely the a hole lol. Just wowwwwww, some people are unbelievable
On the strawberry issue: depending on age, a child may not have developed certain problem solving skills yet. When he told his mom that his friend can't come because of the allergy, it might be because he really thinks that there is no solution to this problem. The mom shouldn't just say "oh well, if that's what you want" she should offer solutions (such as alternative food). If the kid still doesn't want that, then talk about why, openly.
Yes! Thank you, that was my first thought too.
Preach 👏
Yes! I was wondering why the birthday kid’s mom didn’t just call the mom of the other kid, I mean if they’re friends then I’m sure the parents know each other’s numbers or at least Facebook or something. It’s not about respecting your child’s decision to not invite a friend, it’s about being the adult and try to problem solve with your child so that this kind of drama doesn’t happen lol
Exactly my thought, thanks for saying this
@The Cuban it might be a possibility, which would have been clear, if the mother communicated with him openly.
RE: the tricking into buying the expensive clothing-
What you are forgetting is that the girl was already saving up money for the thing she genuinely wanted, a tattoo. He tricked her into taking money away from what she wanted and spending it on what she didn't want. It feels like he took away from her self-funding her happiness and sacrificing it for his.
That's actually manipulative and fucked up!
Absolutly! And if he desperatly wanted them to match, he could have buy her the clothes HE wanted her to wear. Messed up. No good intentions. SHE WANTED A TATTOO
Hmm, she stated that they're both into vintage clothes so it doesn't appear to be something that she's completely disinterested in. Also, she said she knew he really wanted them so she dipped into the tattoo fund to get it. Doesn't that sound like more of her choice to spend the tattoo money than his?
@@jonathanwilson8278 he shouldn't be pressuring her to spend her specifically saved money for something she wants , to get something he want more than her.
A caring partner does not pressure their loved one to compromise their dreams for their own wants. Period.
@@Margar02 I agree with what you are saying. I also agree with the consensus that if it mattered that much to him, he be the one that buy it for her…which I guess ultimately happened as per their resolution via text message.
From the limited information provided by the brief explanation of the situation, all I was trying to acknowledge was that it seemed she chose to spend her saved money on the clothes because he seemed to really want them.
Whereas, seems as though you’re under the impression he pressured her to spend her tattoo money on ‘his’ gift which he knew was ultimately going to be for her. I just didn’t see that conclusion as able to be drawn from the facts presented.
And no matter what, he made her buy her own gift, which is just tacky as shit. We had a similar case already so I don't see how this is different than just taking her card and buying it himself.
Rolexes START at $9K, with some priced higher than a Rolls Royce, and rarer models going all the way into the $20 million range. It’s not just something you buy willy-nilly, and most watch collectors recommend insuring them after purchase; it’s an investment for sure. So you’re goddamn right I’d make her take that shit back. There’s sharing money and then there’s bankrupting my credit account to the point I can’t even afford to buy myself a coffee. It’s not like she spent a couple hundred bucks; she emptied his whole account and could have compromised his credit rating as a result. TAKE IT BACK, sis.
ETA: I went to this Reddit post and checked it out. He further explained in a comment that the watch was over $11K. She has a serious set of balls to do this and not think there is anything wrong with it.
Exactly! And "oh I put it on the wrong card" is equally inexcusable. It still wouldn't have been ok to spend that much out of their shared account without his consent.
Absolutely nutty 😂
I don’t think it emptied his bank account, he mentioned the bank said it was an “unusual purchase” and the wife said he could afford it (though maybe she’s not the best person so ask in this situation)
@@kaliland9296 If you go to the original post, he explains his credit limit for that card and how she completely dried it up, it wasn’t a bank account, it was a line of credit. He is actually now having trouble returning the watch and it has sent their entire marriage into a tailspin.
@@future.cadaver ah, okay. I don’t have Reddit, thank you for the extra information :) I hope things have a happy end for the guy, that sucks they won’t let him return the watch.
Rolexes being that much money makes me question even more what on earth was going through the wife's head. He's obviously going to notice it came out of his account. The only thing I can think (if this is real) is that she feels she and what she could afford or do for him is just not good enough and major insecurities.
Re: the wedding photographer - I think another layer of this was that the groom was the photographer's FRIEND. The photographer agreed to photograph the entire wedding instead of being, presumably, a guest, and then the groom didn't even want to give them a seat and a meal? If this person would have been invited to your wedding anyway, then WHY would you not feed them and let them have a breather? The fact that the groom was the person who asked for the photos in the first place adds another level of insult to the fact that he was acting like an asshole. As they said in the post, $250 is NOTHING for wedding photos. He wanted friend-level pricing, but didn't want to treat the photographer like a friend. I wish I had the balls to do what they did in that moment and just delete everything lol.
I was looking for this comment, that seems like a big part they missed.
As a person who recently got married, our photographer asked if they could take a break and eat and my husband and I were just like duh. We were honestly shocked that she felt like she had to ask us if she could take a break and eat like please do.
I kept yelling that at the screen lmao. ITS THEIR FRIEND.
also even for not friends but normal paid workers at a wedding: if they work the whole evening they have to always be allowed a break, a seat and food
This is why asking a friend for these situations is almost never a good idea. My sister is a photographer and when her best friend got married they agreed it wouldn’t be nice for my sister to make the pictures. Cause than she could enjoy the wedding like a guest, since she was also the witness.
as someone living in an abusive household with lots of arguing, the 15 year old boy is not an asshole for wanting his birthday to be spent in a way he finds enjoyable.
I'm very sorry about your circumstance. Do you have safe places you can go to spend your time?
same here. he was definitely not in the wrong and i can’t believe his mother threw the cost in his face! it’s his birthday and she’s the one who offered to pay. he should be allowed to spend the day how he wants, regardless of money (who wants to spend the day arguing?)
Bruh
About the wedding one, I think they totally missed the point of it being one of their friends doing them a favor, not an aspiring photographer. A friend who would’ve been a guest at the wedding either way obviously deserves a seat and plate, and a lot more appreciation from the groom.
No they knew he wasn’t an aspiring photographer they said so they were speaking in hypotheticals if he was one
@@sparkyboomboomboi7051 But in the end Christine literally said she hopes they learned a lesson about being professional in situations like that when this clearly wasn't originally a professional thing. It was a friend doing a friend a favor and then they got treated like trash by the groom.
My husband is a wedding photographer and he has ALWAYS had a meal and drinks. That is just bonkers that the photographer was denied food and water.
yeas, it is expectes to have food and non alcoholic drinks for the photographer, a somewhere to sit. The groom was a huge ah
it's even worse because the groom is the friend's photographer. that's how the whole deal got arranged, the groom asked his friend to be the photographer(likely because the couple couldn't find a photographer that'd work for how much they were able to pay). it's already shitty to do this to a professional photographer, but to do it to a friend that's doing you a favor is even worse
And to deny someone WATER after 8 hours. Whether it be a friend or someone you hired, or a friend who agreed to take a severely underpaid job to do you a favor.
Btw a professional photographer would take several thousand for this.
@@jasmint3207 yes, a pro would take a few thousands, demand food and breaks, and you wouldnt have full rights to your photos
I know that work places must allow breaks after a certain amount of hours too.
It is usually in a photographer’s contract that they will require a seat and a plate at your event. I know these two didn’t have a contract, but I think the photographer is totally in the right. What kind of FRIEND abuses their friend’s talent and then tells them they can’t eat at the event they were originally invited to. At that point the photographer had nothing to hold the groom accountable. So hells yeah delete the photos.
Exactly!!👏🏼👏🏼
agreed 100%. They completely ignored the friend element and the fact that the photographer was doing THEM a favor. My cousin got a discounted rate from their friend for their wedding and even that was $400 just for the actual event itself (which is a very good price from my understanding!)
He agreed to provide a service and he agreed on what he was being paid - it’s his problem that he didn’t know what to expect. Some weddings are per plate - they may have literally had no plate to give him. I’m not saying it’s right, but there is other things to consider.
My vendors ate more than I did at my own wedding, but that was the expectation that I set - it was a day to celebrate everyone and the families coming together.
Plus, he didn’t punish the groom. He punished their whole family who had no part in his tantrum. My wedding photos have some of the only photos of myself and lost loved ones together - I would have been devastated to lose those. My mother in law had one professional photo of her two grown sons together from our wedding, one died about a year after the wedding. I’ve since lost both my grandparents - that’s our only professional photo as well.
It’s not a photo of dogs…
It’s what is sometimes a once in a life time opportunity to get folks together for a celebration.
If you’re offered a job and don’t like the pay, don’t take it. Don’t show up and be a dick, because of your own decision 🤷🏻♀️
@@mistyblue9610 It's not the pay he didn't like, they denied him food, water and a break from work, it's really irresponsible and inhuman. It wasn't right to delete the pictures, but the groom was far from being right on that.
@@mistyblue9610 asking for a drink after working for 8 h in the heat is not throwing a fit
To answer your question about the wedding, it is absolutely expected that food is provided for the photographer, all vendors actually, so now I’m curious if they fed the DJ or not too
Absolutely, I think we provided our photographer with an itinerary so that she knew what time big moments were happening and could plan brakes for food and stuff accordingly. Also, $250 is WAY too low even if it is a friend. We had a friend so our photos and she gave us a discount. I don't remember how much it was but it was definitely more than that.
I helped shoot a wedding a few weeks ago and we got food, a seat, and a break during dinner because who the hell wants photos of everyone eating??
In Indian weddings we even feed random homeless people if they asked for some. So fucking selfish of that "friend"
The outfit trick one: I think what tips the scales for me is that she was saving the money for tattoos for herself, which she loves, and he essentially tricked her into depleting that fund to make her buy clothes instead, which he clearly thinks is a better use of the money. It's not sweet that he disregarded her own plans for that money and didn't seem to understand/respect her priorities.
Yes, this was my thought EXACTLY. It’s manipulative and gross & completely disrespectful of her values & priorities.
Also, and maybe they didn't mention it in the Story and monetary value isn't everything for a gift but if that's the only thing he gave her then he didn't spend any money
Exactly for me it's the fact that you manipulated her and had her dipping into her budget for something that she actually really wanted but he could have done it instead was you know tell her he wanted a gift card and like a Visa gift card and then give it back to her on her birthday and say your real present to me is to go get that to that too you really want I want you to be happy that's your gift to me yes it would have feel been a bit deceptive but it would have been on something that she genuinely wanted and it would have showed her that what he cares about more than anything isn't her matching with him but her genuine happiness getting something she genuinely wants
Yeah, if he wants her to have the clothes, he can save up himself and buy them for her. Let her spend her money on what she wants.
I feel like some parts of the story about the girl buying her own vintage clothes after her bf tricked her got lost. She mentioned she likes getting tattoos and had to dip into her tattoo fund to buy her bf this vintage outfit he wanted only to find out he tricked her and it's actually her outfit now. I have no problem sacrificing something I want, to give someone else what they want. But I would be pissed if I had to sacrifice something I really wanted because I got tricked into buying myself something I didn't want. Because now instead of using her hard earned money on a tattoo she really wanted, she is stuck with no tattoo and a vintage hoodie to match her bf, that she never wanted in the first place. Yeah I'd be pissed lol. Sounds like he didn't even care to ask her what she wants to treat herself to, and just assumed she would like the same thing he likes
👏👏👏
This yeah like. Sure gift money can be spent buying something for her bf but she deliberately would like to spend her money on a different object (tattoo)
Totally agree with this! Also, if he wanted her to have a matching outfit he should've bought it for her at another point in time and not trick her into buying it for herself for his b-day
I would have been so pissed like, I love getting tattoos and having new tats and the way tattoos look on my skin if my parter took that way because they though i would value matching with them more, I would probuly lose it, yeah Id want that money back because I never wanted the outfit, I wanted to get it for them, because I care about them, if the vintage clothing was something i really wanted, I would start saving for that
Yes! So true. I would be hella pissed
As someone with a chocolate allergy - I am SO used to not being able to eat any dessert at all kind of events (including my birthdays, because my mother could not care less). My allergy is pretty bad, but not life threatening, so it is fine. That being said, if my friend was having a chocolate themed party and uninvited me, I would feel pretty bad, because they know, that I am willing to bring my own food if needed. Having the option would still be nice.
I feel the same way as a lactose intolerant celiac (so I can’t have dairy or gluten at all)
It can be very socially isolating!
@@cassidybrewer so sorry to hear that - sounds quite harsh. I usually ask people what their dietary preferences are before making food - most meet ups, I try to make vegan, gluten free food without nuts, so most allergies are covered. It is still super delicious 😊 do you have a favourite recipe to share?
Yeah, I mean I can see it being really shitty for the kid, but it's nice to be given the feeling of hey they wanted me to be there
maybe this kid is actually a jerk and just wants a reason to not invite the other kid
@@ivym727 could definitely be - also had someone making a point to exclude me by making chocolate fondue and refusing to let me eat my own stuff I brought... Needless to say: never went there again.
As a mom, the lube and condoms thing would've been freaking hilarious. I would've had to try so hard to not laugh while chastising my kids for snooping then stealing someone's things. Definitely would've made them apologize then give her money to replace what was lost
I was about to comment the same thing. I would have been crying I was laughing sooo hard 🤣🤣☠️
I had exactly the same reaction thought. Keeping a straight face would be nearly impossible.
Yup! the mom gave me suburban prude vibes 😆
Right I would have found it hilarious and been apologizing for my kids I would also be telling them this is what happens when you go through people stop that you get messy now we have to leave to clean you up or something
😊
There is ANOTHER UPDATE TO THE WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER!! The couple arranged another shoot like planned. The photographer asked the husband to carry a few things and he responded that it was their job, not his. Photographer left. So weird the husband ruined it twice due to being a jerk to a friend!
I feel bad for the wife, she is now married to a rude person and has no wedding photos
I feel like they’re divorced now
I think the part Ben keeps missing in the “my bf tricked me into buying myself vintage clothes” story is the manipulation! he likely knows she prefers tattoos and had a fund specifically for that, and yet instead of having an open conversation like “hey, I’d really like us to have these matching outfits, do you think it could fit your budget or maybe you’d accept them as a gift?” he just discarded her opinion completely and instead made the decision for her. with her own money no less! not ok.
Yesss I thought so too, like.... It's not that sweet, its just him getting her to wear what he wants her to wear :/ out of her own pocket, no less
Yes! And they both keep saying that if she was willing to spend it on him, she should spend it on herself - but like she clearly was already planning to spend it on herself. Just not on something her boyfriend valued.
@@KaylaRene exactly! and like, even if she wasn’t already planning to spent it, I totally get making an exception and splurging on a gift you know a loved one would really like, but I’d feel totally different about it if then they went “haha jk it’s actually for you” like let me decide when I want to spend money on myself
It’s also the fact that it’s a matching set of clothes, like as a couple are you suppose to where it together or not. What if one of you wants to where the outfit and the other one doesn’t?
Yes! It seemed like a pretty well thought out plan too. If he was willing to do all that to buy clothes she didn’t want taking away from her funds for things SHE enjoys it just kind of makes you wonder what else he would do. Idk but that’s my take
I feel bad for the 14/15 year old. Their requests were super reasonable and even then they were made to feel bad. That made me so sad that mom needs to realize how many teenagers wouldn't even be willing to spend their birthday hanging with their mom.
If the kid was asking for unreasonable or inappropriate things, I would understand the mother's point of: "It's my money, I decide what I want to give". But the kid's requests were perfectly reasonable
I agree! Also this 15 year old wrote their post so maturely. It was very well written and I’m starting to wonder now if this young adult has had to mature much quicker because of possible other weird controlling issues with this mother.
In the photographer story the groom is 100% an asshole. Not only is it expected to provide seating and food for the photographer, it is also common courtesy. Not doing that is absolutely crazy to me, especially to someone who is your friend and is doing you a favor. Someone threatening you that they won't pay for hours of your work is frustraiting In itself, but someone telling you that after you've been working for hours without eating and drinking and then denying you food is absolutely unacceptable. In the end, the photographer had the rights to the photos so they could delete them, especially if there were not compensated. Do I think the photos shouldn't be deleted because they could have worked out a deal later on? Yes. Do I think the photographer is an asshole for doing that? Absolutely not.
Yes, I agree exactly!
Mind also if someone is hungry and thirsty + otherwise uncomfortable it’s almost impossible not to lose it when confronted with bs like that. When not even being properly compensated.
It’s clear all they could think of was how to get out of there and not how to make a compromise with an asshole.
I think it was maybe like an asshole move to delete the photos, but the photographer is not an asshole and it is easy to see how they were pushed to make that asshole move.
(also this was added on a edit: for context, she was originally a guest, she had seats, he had confirmed her food options and they did not tell her they took her food and seat away when she agreed to take their pictures for a fraction of the price, if someone is close enough to be a guest in your wedding and you ask them for a favor is even shittier to treat them like this.)
2k is cheap for wedding photography, it is a LOT of work, and most people do provide a seat and food for band, dj, photographer, etc: it is often in the contract and if the food is not provided a they charge you like a $100 less but take a 1h break for them to procure their own food and eat. $250 is nothing for the amount of work wedding photography entails. This person was their *friend* doing them a favor, they took away their dinner, their seat and didn't offer them water or at least a measly 20min break to eat go buy themselves some food. 100% deserved to get their pictures deleted.
Jup definitely
Ben is like "the borders are reopening,I better start getting to convince her to take a vacation now"
I think part of the profits from Frozen Benanas should go to a vacation fund. I asked during the stream and Cristine accused me of being Ben.
@@mrspokitstheriot477 haha lol
@@mrspokitstheriot477 a r
@@mrspokitstheriot477 a ra
@@hgg6862 aarrr
For the last wedding photos one, that really sucks for the bride. Her husband was being an ass and she had NO control over that and lost all of her wedding photos she can never ever get back. That is such a loss for her. And to start their marriage off with her husband lying to her about what really happened?? Not a good look for their marriage.
she chose him lmaooo I don't feel very bad for her. I'm sure during the relationship he presented signs and behaviours, and if she's still with him... YIKES
Yup. I honestly think it was a pretty rash decision to delete the pictures. Cristine was right, he should've have walked out and talked about it later and hold the pictures until they paid. Pictures are typically treasured by women to begin with. (I would be so upset if my husband made a decision to fire the photographer, or pissed them off enough to quit.) Wedding day pictures are irreplaceable.
@@interwaveswatcher1576 you're 100% right. I eloped and didn't get photos of our wedding. It's been almost 13 years and I'm still mad about it. We also graduated with our degrees on the same day. We got one photo together (with his tongue out! Ugh) and then he decided the grad gown was too hot so we didn't get any good photos together. Still bitter.
That was my first thought. They’re already starting off the marriage with lies. Yikes.
@@kweeniepiez Ummm... What if she was in an abusive relationship? You can't exactly 'just walk away' from that and have the guy 'be done with you'!
I always find it ironic and heartwarming that Ben is way more conscious of more types of women while Cristine is kinda the epitome of hustle career woman and frequently seems to be have difficulty understanding lifestyles other than her own ….
With the personal items thing, how is that situation any different for the owner of those items than if the kids went upstairs and found that stuff in the host's bedroom? Those children violated her privacy, they went through her personal property and used her personal belongings without her consent. Period. She shouldn't apologize for having personal items in her personal property.
I personally think I would have left my go bag in my car but that person who hosted the party should have not put a person's stuff in a room that was not quote unquote safe and secure. Considering that if it wasn't adult items, it was instead money out of her wallet getting torn or ruined or nice items in the tote or the purse was a fancy purse that the kids somehow can ruin then the host is at fault. The host just doesn't think they are at fault because of the items in question
My husband works part time to care for the kids during the day. Because of this, I make most of our money. We have a joint account and it is entirely thought of as “our money”. We are a partners. For gifts, we agree ahead of time what we are spending on each other. Our birthdays are a week apart. It works great for us. I don’t think this would work if we had separate accounts.
Have you ever run into a situation where you find the perfect gift that’s over your budget? What do you do when that happens? I’ve run into that issue with friends a couple times and I never know what to do lol
@@isabellairon8420 I always look at the budget. If I have my savings put away and bills covered for the month and I have money left for entertainment/free spending and the gift fits into that number I'll spend it. I get great joy out of giving and it's worth it to me.
I'm in pretty much the same situation but my husband works full time and I do a little bit of side hustle stuff. It seems like they have a communication issue, no matter the situation financially (single income, double income, joint account or separate), if you can't communicate there will be issues.
Yup, that's what we do. I was a SAHM for 6 years, then worked part-time to work around my husband's work/school schedule. He doesn't make a ton of money, but more than me. We've been married for almost 10 years and everything has been joint since day one. Communication is so important!
i think the reddit couple had 3 accounts, so in those situations, it is reasonable to expect the gift to come from your personal account
In regards to the 'bf tricked me into buying into something for myself' situation: *I* choose what I spend my money on, and if my bf wants me to have a cute outfit, he can buy it for me 🤷 if he tricked me into spending that money on something for myself, when I had to take that money out of my savings that I had set aside for a specific other goal, I would also be pissed and would want the money back/return the clothes for a refund and get him something else. I don't really see how this isn't an understandable POV; people should get to decide how they spend their own money. Doesn't matter if I was willing to spend it; my priorities about my own money are more valuable than someone else's opinion on what I should spend on myself.
I 100% agree. If partner wants me to have something nice, then PARTNER can spend money on me! Partner can make themselves a birthday present by gifting me something if that makes them happy. I think it is extremely disrespectful, especially when you're tight on money, and I would certainly reevaluate my relationship seeing as partner seems to have zero concern for my financial wellbeing, intention for gift giving/wants in general.
In that scenario, I'm also thinking: boyfriend knows that girlfriend is on a budget and wants a £200 sweater/pants ensemble? Like wtf.
I completely agree. Personally I would of been pissed off if my boyfriend tricked me into buying something he wants me to have. So disrespectful
Exactly, he's essentially forcing (maybe more like manipulating) her to spend her money on things *he* wants her to buy, and completely dismissing her opinion/wants/needs, which is so far from ok. Especially when she was considering his desires to the point that she was willing to dip into her tattoo funds to give him something he really wanted. I'd seriously consider breaking up with him, to be honest.
It was a boundary she set and he broke. She's allowed to have feelings about it and want her money back. It was incredibly disrespectful of him.
For the wife buying the Rolex watch, I see a lot of comments here from stay-at-home moms, but I feel like one of the main things here is that the watch was $11k!!!! (read from another commenter who went to the Reddit thread. I feel like most ppl who have heard of Rolex know they are an expensive brand without knowing how much exactly they cost) Like if it was like $100-$300, sure that's could be considered unnecessary, but it maxed out his credit card. It doesn't really matter whose money it is at this point, for purchases THIS big, it's better to discuss with your spouse before spending the money.
No warning either - he could have been in an emergency, whatever and have no money to spend. It also destroys his budgeting.
I've never seen a Rolex, even used, for less than $8k.
@@recoil53 Exactly! Not to mention the card was under his name, so he probably got dinged and his credit score went down. This not only put his credit history, how easy it is to get loans etc. in jeopardy, but if she has no income, then it affects the entire family. It might seem like not a big deal to people, but it's more complicated than just people initially think.
@@IzoraNorrix Yeah, in the information age once you get f*ckd EVERY agency knows.
I'm not sure why everyone is even exploring the SAHP angle when the husband stated that they have a shared account for bills and they each have their own personal accounts. That means that they each have their own money so it made no sense for the wife to use her husbands money to by his gift. Not only does that make no sense in terms of the spirit of gift giving but buying someone a gift is clearly a personal expense that should be funded by your own personal account. The fact that the gift was an expensive when just makes it worse.
@@mizunokitsune Because SAHMs are butt hurt.
The photographer was totally in the right to delete the images. Imagine having a similar conversation with a dressmaker halfway through their work... would you expect to be handed the unfinished bits of fabric? Photos aren't "done" straight out the camera, the work of a wedding photographer isn't finished when the event is over. I've taken photos for friends at weddings before but made it VERY clear that I was a guest first and foremost, and that hiring a proper photographer would be their best bet if they want all parts of the day covered so we just took a few in a private session.
A lot of couples seem to forget that a good wedding photographer is the person whose work will be on the mantlepiece for potentially the next 30 years of their life. Don't underpay, don't be a dick.
Had vintage clothing dude said "I really want us to have this matching outfit, how about you buy my outfit and I'll buy yours?" I think it would have gone over way better
She had plans for almost half the money she spent on that outfit that she would have enjoyed more so she's def justified for being pissed
Regarding the person who got tricked into buying her own vintage outfit, I disagree with the argument that she should have been willing to spend the money on herself because in a way, she was, just not on that expense. She wanted a tattoo for herself that she was willing to put off for her partner. To manipulate that out of her and then not even give her the satisfaction of being able to give her partner the gift they said they wanted seems wrong.
Exactly! I don't get why they're not bringing that up. Because of this expense (though thankfully the boyfriend is offering to pay it back after seeing her reaction), it will make it harder for her to buy the thing she actually wants and has been saving for. She ultimately didn't need or want the outfit enough to justify spending money on it. If you think about value for money, in that case the perceived value was that it was a gift for her boyfriend, not the outfit itself. Besides, she mentions that the price was unusual and she was already making an effort that would not have been her first choice.
I agree and it was more of him having her buy herself what he wants for her. Not something she would actually want.
@@felinemoonchild I completely agree with everything you said, just want to add something - if he "just" wanted to have matching outfits, he could have picked something cheaper. this is clearly not a purchase she wanted to make for herself, and he could have just found a matching set that was within het budget. :') and besides if your partner doesn't want to get matching outfits, you respect that and you don't force them to wear something they don't like. he had to trick her into buying it, which implies he knew she didn't really want it. it's really shitty.
The wedding one at the end is insane...they hired someone for TEN HOURS and refused to let then take a break or eat a snack or drink water? That's literally illegal and inhumane. Employee must always have access to a place to rest/sit and water period. And time to eat if it's a long shift such as 10 hours. It might have been to far to delete the pics but honestly he doesn't own them anything they treated him like a slave. He wasn't even a photographer he was a friend doing them a FAVOR and they abused him.
The last one with the pictures... what a way to start your married life, the groom automatically LIES to his new wife with no remorse. Wow. If he can lie that easily to his brand-new wife about something that happened at their wedding, what else is he going to lie to her about in their marriage, or what else is he already lying to her about? Red flags allllllll over this marriage.
Right? Not to mention he was trying to be a cheapskate by not hiring a professional photographer, and on top of that cruel for not offering any refreshment to the one he had. Red flags all over, I feel sorry for his bride.
It's completely unreasonable for the neighbor to tell people that they can't have pets. They can make rules for their own home, not the whole neighborhood.
Where was this part? I keep seeing this referenced.
@@sha9392 16:53
It depends so much on the geographical situation. It's like planting a nut tree next door to a person with a nut alergy. If the person has no way of avoiding the dog area it is just a no brainer to think of this.
YES!!! those dogs will be in a well ventilated area when they will be closest to you (called outside), and you don't have to go to their house. In my opinion, that is like (if not worse cus i don't morally agree with having your own biological children but that's another story) telling someone not to have kids because you don't like children. Just shut up already and let prosper live their lives.
@@stykze8620 sadly most of my animal alergic people love animals an hate not being able to visit me and so on. But like I said. If the geographical area is such he can't avoid the dogs, he has a point otherwise l would ignore it.
In reference to the wedding photographer situation: the bride and groom, or at least the groom, and the photographer are friends. The whole argument of maintaining professionalism is irrelevant when the photographer made it overwhelmingly clear in the post that she 1. isn’t professional and 2. has no interest in being professional.
Her friend offered to underpay her for wedding photos in lieu of her not being a professional photographer and them being on a budget. Prior to the wedding, the bride and groom didn’t request for their *friend* to perform underpaid labor in 110 degree heat without food or water for *10 fucking hours*, and they clearly felt entitled to expect this from their photographer friend. As a photographer hobbyist myself, I’ve been hired by strangers, family, and friends to take photos for weddings, proms, and other events and have never experienced this level of cruelty. Although it was undeniably immature, I think the photographer was entitled to deleting the photos. She wasted a whole day taking pictures of their wedding, just to be threatened with no compensation if she went to get food or water or take a damn break. It’s unfortunate that the bride has to suffer the consequences of the groom’s piss poor behavior, but the photographer shouldn’t be expected to take the moral high ground, especially if this isn’t even her profession.
So according to that upset parent, the parents of the b-day kid cannot have lube or condoms at home either? It could have easily been the host parent's nightstand that the kids went through. Would she be mad then as well? The mom getting mad and not teaching manners to her kids was definitely the (prude) a-hole here...
its funny that you mention that, because I've seen another AITA post from a woman who quickly tidied up her and her husband's room before a party, then a guest got super pissed at her when the guest's child walked out with a pair of fuzzy handcuffs which must have called under the bed and been forgotten about... general consensus was that the guest should just teach their child to not go into other peoples stuff, but obviously the guest thought it was wildly inappropriate to have those things 'just lying about'.
@@sweetly1634 its so wierdhow some parents dont teach thier kids and blames other ppl
Kids should be taught manners, 100%. What if it was a gun or drugs in the tote and not just lube/condoms? Kids should be taught not to go through other people's things.
That said, If it was actually a gun/drugs in the tote, then I would put the responsibility of keeping it away from kids solely on the tote owner. ESPECIALLY at a kid's event. Kids are dumb and we should protect them from themselves whenever possible.
Still, you never know what people have in their bags so kids should be taught not to go through other people's things!
@@modusoperandiunknown Hmmm… I see your point and I agree about blaming the person carrying a gun or drugs in their tote. As I live in Europe, I see the guns as such an absurd scenario that it didn’t even occur to me. And I guess people protecting the 2nd amendment would disagree with us 😬😅 But the drugs are still a universal no no at a kid’s party. However the sex toys you can explain to the kid or come up with a bullshit story if they are still too small, and lube definitely does not harm them 🙄
@@modusoperandiunknown its not only the owner's responsability but also the parents responsability as they should keep an eye on their kids
As a parent of a picky eater, I'll happily pack food for my kid to eat when we go to a party/dinner where I'm not sure if he'll want to eat the available food.
That kids birthday party sounds a lot more like he doesn’t want his kid there and chose that party to exclude him. There’s more going on here because otherwise I feel like everyone would have just said to let him know he can come but it will be strawberry themed and be a risk.
Yeah I don't think you need to be particularly cynical to think this is only slightly more subtle than the No Homers Club.
yeah the kid probably didnt want the other one there
yup. i've been on both sides of the spectrum and this is definitely done with the intent of exclusion. growing up with only female friends i'd get "it's girls only" as an excuse to be excluded, but then i was also in situations where i was the only boy allowed in and the other boys pissed about it pointed it out and the girls would say it's different(because i was "one of the girls")
Maybe the mom didn't know how strong the other kids' allergy was and didn't wanna risk having them there. What if the mom still lets the other kid come and he just dies there???
@@erikperhs_ what if he throws up during her kids bd or just needs to go to a doctor ? its selfish but no mom wants that
Regarding the Vintage Clothes issue: I think the missed point is the manipulation aspect. At the end of the day, he didn't say "for my birthday, can you get a matching pair of clothes to this?" Instead he told her what he wanted, and basically forced her to get these specific items that might have been out of her budget. I am personally willing to spend much more of friends and significant others than myself, because one of the ways I show appreciation and affection is through gift giving, but I would definitely be just as angry at this person if I was manipulated into spending money on myself. What I spend on myself, is my choice, and if they want me to do something like have a matching pair of clothes for their birthday, then just ask and I can find something myself instead. Deception was not needed in order to accomplish what he wanted.
Also did he really even give her a gift then? I mean he bought a matching expensive outfit, but it wasn’t FOR her. She probably didn’t even want that outfit, but now that’s her present that she paid for
@@kieranspeegle9526It's pretty arrogant to think that "My gift to you is to FREE you from the burden of budgeting. Boy am I nice!" LOL. I would be so tilted.
@@krisb.6880 right!! I would be too!
If my kids were going through people's stuff, I would have talked to my kids and made them apologize to everyone who they got into their stuff. Plus I would have laughed so hard after the fact. It would be a great story to tell the kids when they got older! LOL =)
“Just the unwrapping and then the spotlight would be back on Jolene.” A true sign the parent is an alian.
Ah you missed the middle update for the photographer one!! The photographer was basically babysitting at mealtime and not taking pics of the guests and originally had a reserved seat as a guest which was taken away when they took up the offer of being the photographer.
That whole strawberry fiasco stinks to high heavens of bullying to me, as someone who was bullied as a kid. The thing is, if the birthday boy was TRULY friends with the one with the allergy, he either would've not picked strawberries as a theme or at the very least would've asked his mom to get some strawberry-free treats for him. The fact that he chose strawberries as a theme and then went to that "friend" saying that they can't come definitely sounds like leaving that kid out intentionally and rubbing it in. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but that's the feeling I got.
I don't think you're too sensitive.
I totally agree. If they're really friends, either the birthday kid could do a separate playdate/hangout or just invite the kid to the party and say they could bring their own snacks. This definitely sounds like bullying... And the parents are playing into it.
I agree. I’m disabled (which is totally different but similar in this circumstance) and when people do that it fucking hurts😭
Idk, strawberry is a really popular food and it's not like kids are going to be super conscious and thinking of each other's allergies to that extent, I doubt the kid really cared at all and just wanted a birthday party, it's more up the the mum she's the one who said they couldn't invite the allergic kid when he could easily have brought his own food or she could have provided a few strawberry free snacks for him. I just think like if I planned a bday party my first thought wouldn't be what some kid in my class can or can't eat but what I personally wanted. Also who parents call kids friends aren't necessarily who they are friends with, parents will call any kid their child interacts with a friend but that doesn't mean they're super close. Obviously if they were best friends or something it would come off a lot more intentional.
Ut really depends hoe old the kid is. To have a strawberry themed party indicates to me that he's probably quite young (6-8), so a kid in that age range wouldn't really consider that. And tbh it is HIS birthday party, he can choose who he wants to invite, so even though it might hurt the other kid, that's life unfortunately. Not everything is going to go your way and you just have to learn to deal with it. Ultimately the mom should be the one to consider other options and talk to her kid about it, but at the end of the day it's still his choice.
As someone with a serious tree nut allergy this episode was very eye opening that a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like living in fear of having a reaction. I’ve allowed myself to create a sense of embarrassment when I have to tell someone I can’t have something or they can’t eat something around me. I’ve even had times when I’m flaring up and am afraid to say anything bc I don’t want to draw attention to myself. We are made to feel like crap for trying to protect ourselves because it may slightly inconvenience someone in order to save our life. It really sucks.
As someone with RA, I get this so much. Any disease, including allergies can be incredibly isolating. For an outsider it can be really hard to understand, when you go through flare ups, how it is, what it does to your Body, the Feeling of maybe needing a wheelchair down the line if it doesn't get under control.... and you do not want to bother anyone because they have their own problems and you don't want them see you only for it and they wouldn't understand anyways.
Then you have the actual barrier to being social, not having energy even for a phone call, missing school/uni/work because of it, having to actually decide wether to go to a birthday party or not studying for the next three days after, because your body takes so much longer to recover. That and the constant fear of being seen as lazy or sick or "invalide" (which in German is actually used for wounded soldiers coming home from war, but it fits here nicely, lol). The burden of somehow not talking about it and staying positive, not wanting to be pitied. I have no idea about allergies, because I luckily never had any, but I understand it so much.
SHE didn't want the vintage clothing, she wanted to get a tattoo. He tricked her into buying something he wanted her to have not something she wanted to have(going over budget) AND he regifted her the gift she got him( so basically I tricked you into buying your own gift, a gift that was overbudget and you didn't even want). He basically gave her a gift that was for his own benefit because he wanted them to wear matching vintage clothing. idk I think he should have respected that she has different tastes and not make her dip into her tattoo fund because good tattoos are really expensive. I would have felt some type of way if I was the girlfriend as well.
Heii! Yes, it's normal for the wedding photographer to have a seat at the table. Because they've been with the couple for the whole day, sometimes it's 10+ hours, and they need something to eat and drink during that time. They can't really go anywhere to get food, because they need to be present at the venue all the time. :)
After having to trail the couple all day with location photography and all that, not allowing somebody food and drink is ridiculous.
As someone who was severely lactose intolerant as a child and ate dairy anyway...telling a child not to eat something is definitely not a reliable solution 😂
But also I've known parents whose kids had special diets and would just send them to school with their own treats on party days and what not so they could participate but still be safe. I feel like that's a better solution than always demanding the host accommodate them.
hell, i'm 29 and lactose intolerant and i'll still eat dairy. usually stuff with cream or melted cheese. i'll handle the abdominal pain and being on the toilet for 2 hours if it means i can have half a pizza for dinner
Pet restrictions are super common in rentals or condos. I cannot imagine buying my own house and then having someone tell me I can’t have a dog. I’ll put a fence up and make sure to avoid you and your property with my dog but no, I will not restrict things on my own property for someone who has no need to be there.
It's ABSOLUTELY insane that a parent wouldn't ask their child what they want to do for their birthday. My parents ALWAYS asked us, and I ask my child what he wants to do for his Birthday down to what cake and food that he wants, and where he would like his party, and what gifts he would like to receive because it's HIS birthday. 🙄
20:00 I just don’t understand why the decision was not given to the child with the allergy! They could’ve been invited and informed anyways, and they can decide whether to show up or not. But it is not the hostess’s place to not invite them because they are allergic!
And if it's such a hassle, the kid could've just brought their own food. Why would they not invite them? Like man, some people just want to start fights for no reason, don't they?
I can only infer that the kid is really young and can’t be trusted to handle their allergy on their own?
My vibe is that the kid made it strawberry themed so that he could tell the “friend” he couldn’t come
I can’t get past the fact that the birthday kid was basically like “I care about having a specific flavor theme more than I care about having you at my party.” I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the kids way of trying to distance himself from his friend
Some folks in the comments of the original post theorized that maybe the kid had a falling out with his friend and was looking for excuses to pull away. I mean, if you don't want to be friends with someone anymore and you're 9 years old, having a birthday party full of the thing they're allergic to seems like it might work.
About the "adult things" in the kid’s party... I think the mom was making it more than it really was... it’s clear the kids didn't know what they were playing with... they probably realize there was something weird when they saw their mom making a scandal out of it.
Honestly, the 180£ vintage clothes one might turn into a reconsidering if I want to be in that relationship for me. That's a huge breach of trust and of boundaries. Especially since he made her overspend money that she didn't have for something that she didn't want. No matter how well meaning he was, the only excuse I can think is that at 22 the guy is still a kid and he doesn't really stop and he didn't think things through. The bottom line is that he thought he was doing something nice for her, but it was something she didn't want and he lied and manipulated her to do it to overcome her boundaries of not accepting expensive gifts. Hell to the no. If I set a boundary I expect people to respect that. Not lie to me to ignore it. And if someone felt that was ok to do just because they wanted me to have something, it would be a difference in principles and way of viewing things that I don't know I could overcome in the long run. Manipulation is never ok.
Also, clothes and style are a deeply personal thing, so to somehow force someone into wearing something is a nono for me, but that's another thing.
The photographer story: the person was their friend and they treated op very poorly both as a friend and as a photographer. The deleting of the pictures was completely justified because it's not just about being professional: it was personal.
With Bens talk at the 36 mark about office clothing, I think there's nothing wrong with having standard office-wear as a rule. I do think it's super inappropriate to essentially be in clubbing clothes. HOWEVER I have found myself in a lot of jobs where they do not state the dress code anywhere on the advert or the offer. If it's your first office job it can be super difficult to figure out what is classed as inappropriate without the company giving you a guide on their expectations.
Yes, I agree. I don’t think there’s anything innately wrong with asking both men and women to dress appropriately in certain settings. As a woman, we don’t always have to use the patriarchy as a reason for awkward situations...sometimes it just boils down to common sense.
Yeah but still, common sense goes a long way. Even if there’s no clear rules, you can kind of expect to maybe not wear that crop top or tight blouse or deep cleavage or mini skirt to the office. Shirts with funny texts are iffy too… office to me just means as neutral as possible.
i mean, if you're going to work in an office, it's not hard to figure out what you should wear, just a nice shirt, be it a button up or anything that fits into semi formal, and then jeans. there's nothing inappropriate about it and if you're not dressed accordingly, even if no one pulls you to the side to tell you, you can probably figure it out within the first few days from seeing how others are dressed
I disagree to some extend, I think it is kind of unneccecary to have a dresscode in an office, if you have no direct customer contact, in such a situation it should not matter how one dresses. To be honest I think it should be only expected to just be dressed. But I totally agree that if a company needs one, or has one even if it is stupid in my opinion, it should be clearly stated and described.
Agreed but you can also ask when you get an offer what the dress code is. Usually most businesses will say casual, business casual, business or uniform which at least gives you an idea? If you've asked and they don't give you a clear answer then it's on them to make it clear.
I've said it once, I'll say it again: If there's a couple with one person working and the other the housekeeper, both people should have half the leisure spending money, period the end without running it by each other. The housekeeper cleans the house, tends the lawn, cooks food, does the laundry, and possibly takes care of kids full time. If you put that into salary-wise, a personal chef+housekeeper+nanny can stack up to 300k. It's also important to keep the money being shared between the couple equal so there's no income disparity and financial abuse.
I was just gonna talk about this. The "invisible labour" that is housekeeping. Houses & clothes don't clean themselves, and food has to be cleaned, prepared, and cooked by someone. Not to mention any other special needs that may need to be considered in your household.
If we were to pay people that took care of house holds even minimum wage, it would probably be a huge boost to any family. There are lots of families that use their kids to take care of their other kids... (which is why i do think that there should be a monthly payment/credit from the government to households if only to repay the unseen labour performed by one or many individuals.)
i agree with this but dont think it applies to the ppl on that reddit bc he said tehy had 3 accounts, one for each person and a joint.
if her personal account didnt have enough to buy a 10k gift, she should have just bought something she could afford.
But buying gifts from the joint account is ok if you dont have personal accounts, couples just need to beforehand agree on a limit they can spend without the other person knowledge per item and per month (and it goes both ways ) and a limit for a particulat event (anniversary/xmas/birthday)
@@tamhuy10 Yeah I know, I was just personally irked that Christine and Ben were implying that stay-at-home partners or none-breadwinners don't deserve nearly as much money as they should despite all the invisible labor they do.
@@UsaretamaImako I didn’t get that feeling from Ben, as his mum was a stay at home mum, but I did get that feeling from Cristine. It’s a bit disappointing really
I agree in most part BUT to spends thousands of dollars on shared account without any discussion by either partner is selfish decision. That's not keeping it equal. Very financially irresponsible.
The thing that’s bugging me most about the jumper birthday gift conversation is they aren’t taking into account the boyfriend also acted a little selfishly. She made it clear her interests are in tattoos, she dipped into her tattoo fund for this jumper set, and vintage clothes is HIS interest and not hers. She was willing to buy the clothes for him and spend that much because she knows he really likes those clothes, but she wouldn’t buy that for herself because that’s not her thing. The boyfriend should know what sort of things she might like to spend money on before doing something like this, it was a lack of awareness for what makes her happy.
Just a quick “thanks” for talking about the pandemic like it’s still happening. A lot of content creators as well as people I know have been acting like it’s over since many people got the vaccine, but it’s clearly not over whatsoever. It’s driving me bonkers!
preach
If it were truly as deadly a disease as the brainwashed zombies among us would have us believe, we would know it. Get over it that not everyone is cowering in the fetal position for the rest of their lives, paranoid that a virus less deadly than the common flu exists.
If a dude owns a flower shop he's probably sending flowers to all of his friends and family for their birthdays 😂 I'd think nothing of it lmao
I'd like to know if the boyfriend would have gotten as upset if his girlfriends friend had been a woman instead of a man.
@@jamie7398 oooooh good point!
@@jamie7398 nope. I feel he is jealous of what smoother man can give his gf.
And he’s probably sending stuff that’s too close to end of freshness to use for customers
@@jesslikescoffee24 Yeah maybe. $500 is a lot of money worth of flowers to give someone when he could have sold those flowers for a profit instead.
I don't blame the (dog) photographer because he was doing a favor for his "friend" who treated him badly. I personally would have held the photos hostage for twice the price though.
I thought the opposite, that it might turnout better for her cause she showed the groom that he will have no reason to contact/harass her for photos. But I wouldn't have agreed to do the extra work of a second photoshoot either. That part really felt like a bad idea. *shrug*
“Poo poo Joleen” honestly had me in stitches for about 20 mins 😂😂😂
Ohhh, the wedding one! I was following a photographer that was talking about this situation. There are a few updates. Turns out the wedding photographer was originally a guest, a friend of the bride, and they removed all the perks of the guest and turned the friend into just a slave worker. So blech.
About the lube and condom story. I see no issue with having personal items in your personal bag! I often have lube, weed, a lighter and a knife in my purse... I keep my purse with me and don't let it out of my view so this wouldn't have happened. With that being said I do think it is unreasonable to have to remove your items that are not visible to anyone else because someone could be uncomfortable
I kind of relate this to a more serious issue of what if those kids found medications and had taken them? A big bigger issue, but at that point, still not the person's fault for having advil or whatever in their bag
@@jena.t medications come in child proof containers for this reason and if they are old enough to open the container they are old enough to know not to steal. Again I always keep my bag with me. Kids can also choke on stuff so if I have candy or gum (seemingly harmless and common items for adults) in my bag and a child steals it and chokes is that also my fault? I would have to say no that is the fault of the child or caretaker. Your children are not my responsibility to go above and beyond. I love kids and I think they are beautiful creatures but I do not blame the OP here.
@@jena.t if someone needs medication to stay alive and they have to bring it with them everywhere that person just shouldn't be allowed at events with kids? No that's silly
@@taylorpoole3949 exactly! I agree, I think I worded my original response weirdly
The kids could have easily gotten into the hosts parents nightstand so the person who brought it isn't the ahole. The person not keeping their kids out of other people's stuff is the ahole
I agree. My boyfriend and I have agreed I’m going to be the breadwinner eventually (med school), and he’ll be a stay at home dad primarily, but he will also have a freelance job if he wants (he’s an artist). I would never expect him to ask me everytime he wants to buy something. My main thing is, it’s fine unless it hits over several hundred on one item/event, then I’d like him to at least run it by me first. Even a birthday gift. I don’t ever want to control him, or make him feel he can’t have access to my funds though. It’s just unfair, since he will have a full-time job outside of that: caring for kids and the house and his freelance work.
I agree, but new Rolexes start at 9 grand. There’s no way I’m dropping that much of my own money on a “surprise” birthday present to myself.
Yeah, my mom was a stay at home mother and part of what she did at home was manage the finances. She was in charge of buying clothes for me and my brother, getting the groceries, making sure the bills were paid on time, etc. That was the majority of the money she spent, and gifts were special because my parents didn't normally buy themselves expensive things that weren't necessities.
I think people forget that being a stay at home parent is still work, it's just unpaid labor.
@@sighcantthinkofaname and, if there is a stay at home parent, that also removes the expense of child care (which is a huge expense) which I think needs to be factored in as well as the fact that it then becomes unpaid labor on the part of the stay at home parent.
Right? A lot of people have budgets that allocate a specific amount of funds as discretionary spending to each partner. My husband and I get 100/month. We can save it or spend it but it's neither of our business what it's spent on
Im a stay at home mom to 4 toddlers, 2-3 of which are chronically ill and 1 is neurodivergent. Before ever having kids, we discussed funds. All major/expensive purchases were to be discussed, regardless of whos money is being used to purchase it. But my husband feels its important for me, the SAHP with no job, to be able to buy him gifts, even though its his money, because to him its about the thought not the funds.
Okay so on the flowers thing. My friend was turning 40 and his favorite color is yellow. Yellow roses also happen to represent friendship. So i got him 40 yellow roses for his birthday and it was awesome. It looked so pretty and it was about 250 dollars. I didnt care because to me 40 was an important new milestone for him and it was a good way to signify that I appreciate our friendship. Having flowers be a nice focal point for a week or more is nice and I thought it was a good gesture. However I wouldn't do it again. it worked for that moment and I was fine with it. He was too.
There was a story where a husband and wife were deciding if she should go back to work after the birth of their child. When the husband actually put a title and price on ALL of the wife’s duties as a stay at home parent, he realized she was worth way more to the family to stay at home. The cost of paying a stranger to do the things a parent can do while staying home is not worth the paycheck or having strangers raise your child. (I did my best to remember and describe this story)
The one about the bday present in the UK.. it sounds more manipulative than anything. It didn’t sound like she even wanted a track suit or whatever that was - she went out of her way to say that she was into tattoos and that the outfit he said he wanted was out of her budget and THEN she dips into her tattoo fund to get this gift for HIM just to find out that ‘surprise’ BF wants to be matchy-matchy.
The whole situation makes me think of an early Simpsons epp where Homer gets Marge a bowling ball and she doesn’t bowl or wanted too.
I remember that episode. I think the ball even had Homer's name on it.
@@jamie7398 omg I think you’re right!
There was a lady who kept bees and a neighbor with an allergy moved next door. Wanted them to get rid of the bees.
Another one where a family moved in and used their pool only for the neighbors to run over yelling. Their child had drowned at a pool party so the previous neighbors stopped using the pool and expected the new family to do the same.
You can understand both sides but you can't force someone to bow to your will on their own home
These people are living like the world is made just for them
I've read about a family who had a kid with nut allergies. They moved into a new neighborhood that had a nut tree growing in one of the yards and wanted that person to cut the tree down.
If this is such a big issue, research the new neighborhood. YOU moved, somebody didn't bring it in.
As for the pool, the world isn't going to stop swimming. It's your fear, but others can't be responsible for your triggers.
I actually had some friends who were more well off than me. Every single time we hung out, we would plan something that I could afford my part in. But of course, 1 of the friends convinces everyone to upgrade, or do things that made the trip out of my pay range. One friend would offer to pay, so I accepted once however she flipped it later and said I owed her so I decided to stop going at all. Once they realized, they started doing this thing where we would just hang out at the house, but once I got there it was "oh we are going out to eat in 20 minutes" and of course it was some where pricey. I would suck it up and just try to make extra cash later, but then I started just leaving when they did that. Now they dont ever ask to hang anymore which is good. And I kept hanging out because of the guilt trip and gaslighting they would do. I didn't realize how toxic it was. Anyways, I definitely think what she was asking a bit ridiculous. But the friends could have instead suggest they make it a trip celebrating everyone's birthday.
Cristine, I am so SO sorry about your dad. You are so strong, it is such a terrible thing. I wish all the love in the world for you 🥺
What happened?🤔🤔
@@Shan-do3vs her dad passed away
Omg 😔 I just went on her Instagram and saw her post. This is so sad.
1. It's the defense she gave that gives it away, I think. I've pulled out the wrong card before, it happens. But I'd have said "oh shit; I'll transfer the money over from the other card right now!" not tell him to appreciate it anyway lol (that's theft btw).
2. Presents at someone else's birthday?? Tier One Arsehole.
I had a 30th birthday in Vegas where I planned the whole trip including flights, accommodations, shows, meals, etc. I shared the itinerary and links with my friends and basically had everyone just pick and choose what they wanted to partake in and what they wanted to skip. Some of my friends didn't go at all, some did everything, some did about about half. It worked out really well, no one felt left out or pressured to do things and we all had a great time.
I think with the story of the dude tricking her into buying a gift for herself, a point that was missed is yes she’s willing to spend the money but why it’s different is because if she’s going to spend the money on herself she’d like it to be on tattoos or something she would actually enjoy. That’s why it was wrong of him, and maybe not as sweet as it seems, because he’s not thinking of her desires or interests.
as someone with a few friends who do wedding photography/videography for a living, a 10 hour day for even an amateur photographer would cost at least twice what they were given, and yes it's customary for the hosts to provide the photographer (and any other staff that stay a full day) a meal with everyone else. also as someone who used to live in arizona, 110F with no AC is extremely dangerous, people die of heatstroke in the summers there every year. for someone to work 10 hours with only 2 water bottles and no food, they could have legitimately been hospitalized as a result. i would have deleted the photos too.
Strawberry bro clearly has some deeper, unspoken issue with his "friend". The allergy-themed party seems like an elaborate excuse to not invite this one kid without birthday kid having to acknowledge how he really feels about this friend.
It's bizarre to me that the mom was so easily and naively looped in on the ruse.
her kid can have the birthday he wants, and if he doesnt want to be as close friend with the other kid as before, it's also his right
It depends on how old the kids are too
or... he just really likes strawberries and really wants it to be the theme. It's not uncommon for kids to want to eat a certain thing or certain flavor because they love it that much
totally!
@@0827.a Yes, the younger they are the stronger that is.
Families where only one individual has an income don’t generally subscribe to the notion of ‘’my money” but consider them as family funds. I grew up in a household where my mother was a stay at home mother and my father worked. He never said ‘my money’ and he never denied my mother equal access to the funds. They had great communication in regards to this.
Goals
That's right I'm now Stay at home mom and even though my work isn't paid it doesn't matter that it doesn't have any value. Just out of curiosity we put together how much we would pay to supplement my work with payid services and the number was huge. It was more than average income in our country. Ant that is the biggest issue within society, that this unpaid work is often count as non-existent.
@@ivanahettnerova3533 ahoj! Im guessing we live in the same country by your last name! Exactly as you said, taking care of a family is not only hard work but its so underappreciated!
Sure, if one works and other is stay at home parent then it's a different story. But the first story is about two people who have shared account for bills etc and each has personal account for personal expenses. And even if the other was a stay at home parent it still makes 0 sense to spend thousands of dollars without any discussion with your partner. That's a massive purchase.
@@marvahinspace my response wasn’t to the reddit thread but to Cristine that had a hard time getting the notion of stay at home parents having access to the funds.
The first story, Ben was spot on. My husband is the breadwinner in our relationship... by mutual decision and career paths, etc. I have my own business but don't make nearly the same. We share household expenses, but ANY large financial decision is a discussion. We are frugal in a lot of ways so we can travel etc., so we don't spend money on gifts. Neither one of us would do this because we respect our individual financial independence and it seems weird to spend a lot on a partner with their own money... if that's not what we prioritize or want.
I've done wedding catering, and you ABSOLUTELY get fed and all the water you need. In this case, the photographer was even a friend and underpaid, so it goes double for them! It should be obvious to treat both workers and friends kindly.
I'm legally blind and a military spouse so my husband does supply the income and just to note; when we really needed it, I made it a point to find employment as well. That being said, on our birthdays, we both ask each other if we want anything and if we do, I'd say we try to keep it reasonable (200 or 300 is the usual max we feel comfortable spending). My point being that we both discuss money as if it's ours not one or the other. Large purchases are discussed together and we don't nickel and dime for everything else.
Most of the condos and apartment complexes I've lived in or visited in the Boston area do not allow cats or dogs. It's more common than them being allowed.
lol, Ben's never had to worry about housing, he moved in with Cristine after she'd already purchased her condo because she was born a girlboss
The tricking the girlfriend into buying herself clothes thing: she took money from something she actually wanted to buy him something. He claimed that he wanted her to spend the money on her, but she would have if he hadn’t tricked her. She woulda spent that money on her tattoo and instead spent it on clothes she didn’t want. He is the asshole.
Yeah Ben seemed to forget she only splurged because she believed it was something he really wanted, it's not as if she wanted to wear those clothes herself. He tricked her into spend a bunch of money on clothes she probably didn't even like. It would be one thing if it was a giftcard or a thing he knew SHE wanted but even then it's manipulative cause that's not what she wants to spend her own money on.
What I think is quite interesting about the wedding story is, that the photographer was originally invited... So if they didn't have a seat on one of the tables anymore, their original seat would have had to have been filled on short notice, as there were no open seats anymore. (Usually there is no empty seats planned at a wedding)
They were basically uninvited from the wedding, for doing the bride and groom a favor.
45:21 - what Ben said is absolutely correct and I am so glad I found someone who acknowledged this.
I had a difficult growing up, resulting my family putting a lot of blame on me for everything that happened wrong. This caused me to be extremely depressed and closed off. So I took to internet to share what was happening and ask for help as a 12/13 year old girl. Tho I found genuine people, a lot of the people called me shit for going out and making my family seem horrible after they provided everything for me which I understand and I am grateful for but they also caused me a lot of abuse that I had no idea how to deal with till I am became 18 and realised they were really abusive.
I can relate. My parents provided me with everything I needed - materialistically. So they looked like good parents from the outside. But the verbal abuse that was going on has left deep scars on my mental health. As a kid, it can be hard to understand what's going on while you're in the thick of it.
Comment on Destination Birthday: my partner and I are in a large, pretty close-knit friend group, and we have talked about going on similar trip. Thinking about how the poster's friends reacted makes me think there was more going on that led to the reaction. When suggesting a trip to Vegas for a bachelorette party, people have responded with maturity, reasons why they would or wouldn't go, not by calling it stupid.
ok but do you live in the u.s? because the birthday party people didn't. the poster states they live oversees, possibly europe. that's a lot of money and a really long flight, and it's not just a short birthday weekend, they'd be spending at least a week there
@@Ray_Vun yeah, I think that the poster should have brought it up as a "what do you think" before planning it all.
Here’s the thing about what the wedding photographer did, he hadn’t eaten and there wasn’t even cool water for him to drink. His blood sugar was probably tanking and he may have been getting dehydrated in the hot, crowded room. I’ve been in the low-blood-sugar, getting dehydrated situation and you don’t make good decisions in that state of mind.
The couple should absolutely have provided a meal for him and there’s simply no excuse for not having cool water for guests and people working the wedding on a hot day. His decision to delete the photos was rash, but not particularly surprising to me because in that situation, you’re not always thinking rationally. The wife sounded relatively reasonable, though I don’t understand her unwillingness to attempt to recover the photos… there are varying degrees of how that’s done and it’s not always super expensive. I assume she was pissed at the husband for lying to her. And the husband’s lie shows consciousness of guilt. He knows decisions he made contributed to the situation.
In regards to the pet one that Ben mentioned about allergies, I'm deadly allergic to bees. I've lived next to people who've kept bees in 2 different residents. I have never considered it a problem, that's what my epipen is for. I think it's smart to tell your neighbors that you're allergic, but don't expect anything out of them. It's your responsibility, not theirs.
I think many couples where only one person makes money or one person makes significantly less (ex: working part time and taking care of kids part time) typically view most or all of their money as "our money". Together you would come up with a budget on how much you'd like to spend on rent/groceries/etc as a family. For my parents, any purchase that was over $100 or so and not part of the "necessity" portion of the budget they would run by each other. Some other couples might delegate the budgeting responsibility to one person, but still think in terms of all of the money is for the family, here is your part, instead of this is the amount of money I contribute to the family expenses.
Idk, I make significantly less than my bf, but in our case he is basically the one paying for all the household stuff, and my money goes to paying my own bills, I put a little bit into my savings every month, I set some money aside for our yearly vacation, and then I use whatever is leftove for things like presents or buying myself something nice. In reality, the distinction isn't really there, because of course if we split the household costs I wouldn't be able to afford a present for him so he would have to pay for that himself, but it feels different to buy it with my own money. Like, I wouldn't feel as comfortable buying him something expensive if it came from his income. Idk if that makes sense?
@@meikusje I think that's why this stuff is so confusing to get a poll on what's "normal"- everyone figures out the right balance for themselves & it should be different for everyone since every situation is unique
Yeah I’m a stay at home mom and my husband will always say “our money” and I always feel bad because he did all the hard physical work for that money. And for his bday I have to use his money for a gift lol.
@@berthavillalobos8163 Raised by a SAHM - don't downplay your contribution! My Dad was only able to be so successful at his career because of my mom's support at home. He would often travel for days or weeks for business, work late past our bedtimes, etc - he couldnt have done that and raised to the level he is if he was single or my mom worked fulltime. Even on a normal day when he worked 8 hours, to be able to come home and not have to grocery shop or cook, is a huge emotional and mental stress reliever. You and your husband are partners, give yourself the same credit it seems your husband does!
@@berthavillalobos8163 a stay at home mom is also doing work, just look up how much a cleaning company employee makes per house, how much a full time nanny, a personal chef etc makes.
I definetely blew up Christmas one year when my uncle was being sexist 😬😬 (basically saying that women are "empty between the ears" because all women leave him or don't want to even start dating him)
Oh gosh I wonder why? Sounds like a real winner...🙄 good on you for standing up to him!
You DEFINITELY need to feed any wedding photographer or other people who fork for hours on your wedding. they also NEED to get a break: at 30 minutes after 8 hours. they are human and even if they are not friends you need to treat them nice. its normal ettiquette to feed them
I've been married a long time...47 years. When my husband worked and I was home with the kids it was our money, if I bought him a gift from the bank account it wasn't with his money, it was ours. When he retired early and I still worked it was our money. That's how we got ahead in life, we worked together.
What was the largest purchase you made without discussing it with your husband?
The Rolex was $11k, and it emptied his account.
Stay at home mom here! Although my husband earns the income. We don’t look at the money as “his money” it’s our money because I earn my portion through my contributions to the household. No one ever has to ask for permission. However we have both always been incredibly thoughtful and careful to make sure that the other never feels taken advantage of. I feel like it’s not very hard at all if both partners have the same financial goals and spending habits.
But would either of you buy 10k item without discussion with other person?
@@marvahinspace absolutely not. We both would know that you discuss a large purchase like that.
A friend of mine has a kidney condition since she was born and she took packed unsalted food for every birthday party when were kids. Couldn't the allergic kid do the same? What's wrong with parents these days!? (Side note: I'm a teacher so I should know what's wrong LOL)
Right?! I'm vegetarian and have been for about 3.5 years and i have ALWAYS brought my own food to gatherings where food was involved. It's not the responsibility of others to accommodate for me, and if this child has had this allergy for a long time (which it sounds like they have) then it should not be the responsibility of the host parent to care for the kid with the allergy, it should be their own parent's responsibility to prepare food for them.
I have celiac and I always assume I need to accomodate for my own food needs. For a wedding for example, my friend told me the caterer, and I delt directly with them.
I think the issue is that they never even gave the allergic kid the chance! They just straight up decided not to invite them, without asking them if they would be ok with going. which I think is kind of rude to just outright exclude someone like that
I went to a birthday party where a child had a TON of allergies. So mom just packed a lunch box full of treats she COULD eat and a cupcake she COULD eat so she didnt feel left outband everything was fine...
10:00 this sounds like when people choose to propose to their SO while they're literally at a wedding LOL like what horrible and selfish timing
42:22 I will say, I think the OP is justified in being upset because she said she prefers tattoos for big purchases and not clothes and she had to dip into her tattoo fund to get it. It could've been a kind gesture from the boyfriend to trick her into getting matching sets if she valued clothes in that way and wanted to match him. But I think because she said she prefers to invest in tattoos and she had to use money she had set aside for her tattoos but can no longer use for that purpose she is justifiably upset.
at 45:00 the parent is a narcissist and is using the kid to fuel their narcissism. Ben's advice is right, the kid needs support outside the home.
I think for the Disney birthday one: if it's a dream and fantasy of this person, I can see where that may have clouded their judgement, but their friends should not have reacted the way they did. I could understand them being like "We can't afford to do this" or "we can't clear our schedule in time" but to just say "WHAT ARE YOU? INSANE??" Is so rude and dismissive. If she was really excited they should have encouraged her to still go to Disney if that's what made her happy (even though I despise Disney as a Megacorperation) but said that they personally would pass. That's me though
42:00 she dipped into her tattoo fund for this gift. It's not that she wouldn't have spent it on herself, she sacrificed her own thing for him.
I have Celiac, not an allregy but still pretty limiting, and I never expect people to cater to my food needs. If I want to eat somewhere I'll either look it up beforehand or bring my own food. When people do cater to me it's absolutely wonderful but you can't expect people to cater to your needs all the time.
Would you be upset if your best friend had a gluten themed party and didn’t invite you? 😂
@@MakaylaDawn I think I would laugh at the ridiculousness of it hahaha
@@ajaqsart me too 🤣 definitely a unique theme
The problem is not people not catering to the friend, it is the fact that they aren't even going to invite him because of the allergy.
@@faceofvision this one maybe refering to the dog one, i think.
I think the girlfriend who was tricked into buying the gift for herself is angry with reason. She specifically said that she saves this money for tattoos. That shows that she's willing to spend money on herself just not in the same way as the boyfriend. Because they have different interests.
RE: being tricked into spending money on yourself that you otherwise wouldn't have. Ben is right in that the intention of getting your partner to treat themselves is nice, but it has to be on something they genuinely want. Like if OPs partner had tricked them into getting an expensive tattoo gift certificate or something it would have gone over way better.
I feel like the wedding photography story is missing several elements. The photographer was originally invited to the wedding as a guest and was uninvited so she could work the wedding. $250 is not a reasonable wage for this job at all. AND she’s not allowed to even get herself food?!! Maybe deleting the photos was a bit much and maybe not even in her best interest, but she honestly should have left and then held the photos until paid. Not only were they terrible clients, they were terrible friends. I’m way to invested in this story, lol