Social Anxiety: Eye Contact (Stop Being Awkward)
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- Social anxiety makes eye contact very awkward. So, how can you improve eye contact when you have social anxiety?
In this video, I share several eye contact tips and other ways to improve eye contact for sufferers of social anxiety.
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Do you struggle with eye contact? What situations do you find most difficult?
Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach Every situation. That’s why I wear shades. It looks good, and I don’t have to look at people in their eyes. Looking at people in their eyes make me feel disgusted. I know people too well, and I don’t want to look at them.
I'm problem is that I look into people's eyes
It's extremely awkward for me in most social situations. My eyes either start to blink uncontrollably or I just can't look in someone's eye's for too long and I feel like they can tell I'm uncomfortable it's so exhausting for me. Any time company comes over the house I get extremely anxious about it. Social anxiety has ruined my life. I can't just be normal like everyone else. My body language is awkward.
TFL Man SAME...I keep to myself 99% of the time and stay in my comfort zone which makes social interactions even harder
I feel problem when we have meeting/discuusion in office.because of this i cnt even listen them them properly
i cant even hold eye contact with family, its so shamefull... but ill try to overcome my social anxiety. if you could do it then i can too =D
Same here. We’ll get through this!!
I have this problem too, please tel how you running and managing with this problem
@@charlottes1747 how ¿ Help me kindly
I sometimes feel akward/shy talking to my dad. It's so frustrating
@@reyysh I’m not exactly sure, but one thing I’ve been doing is staring at people’s forehead instead of their eyes since I don’t think they can tell a difference.
When I try to make eye contact with people I feel like I'm being judge or I feel like they think I'm weird 😞
Yup that's anxiety
lol yeah I got the same problem. I always think I’m intimidating ppl lol people seem to get offended when I look at them in the eyes
you are not weird if you do this
metoo
@@mitchelljames4538 same. I looked at my mothers eyes like 2 days ago and she has beem tru alot in life, shes emotionally damaged, and when i saw her eyes, looking at me with love, and me feeling nothing when i looked at her, i just had to break it, cause u can see the pain in ppls eyes, and i felt guilty for some reason. I feel guilty because i feel like i cant rly see other people, and their lives, i think im selfish, and awlward, and kinda insane in the head, so i just cant look at peoples eyes and connect with them. Idk
I'm verbally the most confident person in the room but whenever I look at anyone I lose my wittiness and my decent conversation skills. I actually can't focus on my own thoughts when I have to take in their face and think about how my face looks to them. Over the phone or in group calls I'm the life of the party. In person I dont exist sometimes.
Me too ..very badly i hve d same issue
Same here
Lol.. me too
I GOT RID OF MY SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!
Guys, in 4-6 months I got COMPLETELY rid of the fucking debiliating feeling that «made me» either fucking lose my train of thought or look away and act WEIRD, using SUBLIMINALS(i think) I would really like you to look into it AND LISTEN TO ELDON TYLOR’s PODCASTS ABOUT SUBLIMINALS. Give it a shot, invest 20$, JUST GIVE IT A TRY for 90-120 days!
(Look into Subliminals about self esteem, thats whats helped me at least!!)
I've been investigating best natural remedy for shyness and discovered a fantastic website at Seans Shy Program (check it out on google)
We lose our precious moments, friends and relations because of this problem.
So true. It's debilitating. :(
Same same same...where we could be enjoying with our friends.... instead we r battling this shit out fr no reason:(
i .. dont . u r just overreacting cuz i know for a fact if its a good friend he wouldnt leave u for such a thing and else try to help or just at least not bother by it
@@hamzagameplayer nah obviously you dont know what its like so quit talking
Yes it's true i lost my precious moment in my life and also have fear to take with others
I hate eye contact I avoid it at any cost.....😢
That can be a problematic way to go through life. Unfortunately, it's a big part of non-verbal communication. I'd definitely recommend working on it rather than avoiding it if you can
Same here bud
Same.....I hate it too.... and this happens mostly at teenage
@@harsiddhigase5130 true
I've been suffering all my life, I'm 60 next month and almost happy that I'm getting near the finish line.
LISTEN If you want to fix the issue do this and I promise it will work: Look at your self in the mirror for 2 mins a few time per day. At first it will be weird but then you will start to get bored of being awkward and begin to notice things about your eyes (which is making eye contact). Just be consistent
Now *these* types of comments are what make reading them BEYOND worth it, in the first place, for me.
Is it worked
@@gratemind2003 i think it will
I will try this
@@ayopollo same
This comment section is everything. I have never been able to relate this much , I really thought I was the only werid one but now I feel kinda relieved
I’m scared to make eye contact because I’m scared if I’ll look at them weirdly or in the wrong way since I’m not comfortable with it with strangers
I feel it every single day, feel like people are reading all my thoughts through my eyes, I get this choking feeling which is overwhelming, it's nerve wrecking, but I can pull through, I believe that.
Alike to 'oversharing'. An older collegue asked me 2 days ago if I was ok - the short answer is that I'm dealing with a lot of thoughts on my own, but I don't share it very well... if I stopped and asked for that level of eye contact by just making it, it wouldn't be comfortable, and perhaps be offputting for him to see what I'm seeing in myself.
I feel like exposure therepy (for a lack of a better term) is the right method - any time you make eye contact, make at least one push to maintain it even when you're unnerved by it. Willpower will create your habbit - you'll become more confident, and more durable in conversations.
You have schizophrenia
I don't know y but my heart was pounding much faster when he was explaining....
I wish we all could overcome this..
Pray to in jesus name
Bruh same isha
Woah, same!
I had the same thing. Everytime i felt a little bit anxious and then i ackowledged my heartbeat racing and i just panicked. This video changed my perspection on that: ruclips.net/video/ZidGozDhOjg/видео.html
The thing is, I avoid it because I "feel" my face doing weird expressions (and anxiety, of course).
For example I feel my eyebrows getting into a "mad" state or I feel my lips/lower part of my face casually move.
I like summer/spring because I can wear sunglasses. It gives me a sense of safety. I can naturally look around without feeling like a goal or objective needs completing.
It’s when my eyes are bare (99% of the time) is when i start getting anxious. I don’t know what to look at or what to do. This is only when my body is in a static position, like on the bus or sitting down. If I’m moving the options are limitless.
I recently worked with a client who had the same problem. They could only go out at night and even then only with sunglasses on.
Through gentle, gradual exposure, they cut down to just wearing clear (non-magnified) eyeglasses, and then to walking around busy places in the daytime with "naked eyes" (i.e,. no eyewear at all).
It can definitely done. But it takes gentle, gradual exposure as well as some exploration of the reasons behind the fear of eye contact (i.e. bullying which left the sufferer feeling subordinate and not able to make direct eye contact etc.).
Eye contact is directly related to our primate brain and our understanding of power and subordination. Once you begin to feel less inferior/submissive/subordinate to others, I have found that the ability to meet them with equal, steady eye contact also comes.
It's my experience that with the right mental approach, consistent, gradual, structured exposure, the safety devices of tinted and then clear eyeglasses can gradually be cast off.
Or now with mask I feel more confident
Me too.. I make people so uncomfortable cause my eyes start going everywhere or if I’m passing someone I know I guess I creep them out because I look at them because idk if I’m supposed to or not but if I’m not aware of it I can naturally be free
Same here, I feel more comfortable if I'd wear transitions but it would be be weard if we wear at night time if we go out in public. I noticed that too or it's all in my mind 😣
@@anneneville6255 wow 😮 you are doing the same as Im doing on daily basis. I we should create a group or community so we could discuss further about similar experience
Yup this is me. It’s horrible and it doesn’t make any sense
I agree it's horrible but there's usually a reason why SAD occurs. For me it was genetic and family + social conditioning
So my eye contact anxiety is so weird to the point I can't even look at my close family members, it's so weird that I get depressed and I'm planning on telling them because I'm tired of hiding this secret from them.
All luvin started happening to me recently and i'm à mess...its like à higher notch to my shyness
@@heiresslaite2950 I don't know if I should be thanking God but I'm glad I'm not alone. Honestly, I lied to myself that I would tell them but I haven't yet for fear they might think I'm weird or judge me.You know what I mean? It sucks that it's happening to the both of us.
We are not alone..there are actually à lot of pple going through this.i once read à newspaper letter where à girl writes about how shy she is of her own brother.. for me it has been on and of until now. This is the worst épisode yet..i'm trying to find the root since its récent. Will share with you to find the solution..lets bé strong..i believe we r actually one of the best pple is y
Its hard thinking they know my secret and wondering why..i have also thought of telling people or family or à family member...that way you Will shut out the over thinking and adapt à new routine
@@heiresslaite2950 Please do tell me otherwise I gotta get enough courage to tell my family what's going on which I'm very afraid to do.
Who else is lowkey grateful for zoom because it helps with social anxiety and being more confident?
I wish I was taught how to use eye contact at a young age. I didn’t even know I was supposed to “look in the eyes” until middle school. I’m in my early 20’s working on myself and I think this would be a huge step in becoming a better person. This pandemic has made my social anxiety so much worse but mask wearing makes eye contact vital, gotta get this one down.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm in the same boat. I didn't even realise I couldn't look people in the eyes until a couple months ago. The only person I can look in the eyes is my daughter. Working on it, I think this will improve my life more than I'd imagine. How has this gone for you? Any better?
I’m damn near 40 and I just recently realized that you’re supposed to look ppl in their eyes lol. So don’t feel too bad you’re ahead of me.
Growing up I was thought is disrespectful to look ur elders in d eyes while talking
the cure
ruclips.net/video/rwcKba6kyHw/видео.htmlsi=FFOdUcvCy3lmbEyn
As someone who experiences it, I really hate talking face to face with other people, when I talk to other people I like to be beside them, not in front of them, it's really torturous.
I also hate mirrors, when I'm in the car or at the barbershop I feel really tormented by the mirror in front of me.
I am terrible at eye contact. I dread interviews immensely for this reason. I have been on so many and it never gets easier. When talking to the interviewer the urge to look down is so strong but I resist as to not look unprofessional. Then I start to get dizzy and get tunnel vision almost like I am locked into a trance. I also feel my blood pressure rising almost like an anxiety attack is coming.
Mandalay Gray man I feel sorry for a whoever famous Person with anxiety. The struggles they must endure.
You don't need to maintain eye contact to the interviewer the whole time you know that would just be weird, look at them in the eye few seconds then look somewhere else for a second or two and repeat
Does not nodding out keeping you he head up and walking mg past still awkward?
@@bri7625yes bro that’s weird
Making eye contact with strangers gives me anxiety. Thanks for making this video, it makes me believe that I can overcome my anxiety! =)
Thanks for the comment James
@@TheSocialAnxietyCoach i have no problem with strangers , but have with someone i know
@@rajeevarts398 do you fancy them?
Me too. Then I start looking around. Then I worry that I’m looking around too much so I look back. Then I think I look like a crazy person 😂. I don’t know why it stresses me out so much 🤷🏻♀️
I struggle severely with this, I try so hard to keep eye contact but what happens is that the other person is *immensely* uncomfortable so to make them feel comfortable I tend to look away. Like another commenter mentioned, I can’t even keep eye contact with family members. I have a difficult time having friendships and relationships from this and have noticed that I sometimes feel so isolated because no one overlooks my strange quirks and instead finds me strange. I think about it and wonder if maybe it’s just my eyes, perhaps I have strange or intimidating eyes. I have gone as far as even recording myself and noticed that I glance around abnormally and cant stay focused on the camera, I tend to look extremely nervous. I’ve heard that people with autism struggle with this, but I honestly just don’t know, its all so taxing. Anyway, I have managed to work on eye contact and even though I struggle with it, I have slightly gotten better with it and am slowly shaping friendships. Good luck everyone, you are not alone!
ruclips.net/video/YrSLOHt3urY/видео.html
It’s like you taking every thought from my head . Wow
Yep. We think we're the only ones, but we're all thinking the same way!
@@KingBoxingandFitness Well, I have been truly working on my eye contact and I noticed what has helped me is every 3 seconds look up when I'm talking, not to the left or right but up like the ceiling. I have learned a lot of myself in this time, I realized that most people are uncomfortable with eye contact UNLESS they are attracted to you or very comfortable around you. I also realized that most people won't hold eye contact while talking, I use to just hold eye contact for way too long, because I would naturally try and read people or really listen attentively to what they are saying. I am convinced now that most people are just uncomfortable with standard eye contact with strangers, however I have been told that I have a very domineering presence about me which can have its pros and cons. I genuinely consider myself to be a good person and try to be respectful to everyone yet people's perception of me is kind of negative based purely on my looks, so that can be difficult when you're trying to communicate with someone. Although, I am comfortable with who I am and even though I recognize that I have strange quirks or mannerisms I accept and cherish my uniqueness. 😀 I will say that I have been focusing a lot on how I approach communication with people and have actually added to my friend group because of it. I am happy to say that I have added 3 new friends and it's been really fun, it has helped out a lot with any social anxiety and it pushes me to try and make more social acquaintances. Overall, here is what helped me a lot.
1) Just start meeting new people, go out more often as much as possible. You can't practice what works if you're not going out. This is by far one of the most important things that I had to work on, I've been going everywhere just to enjoy myself and even getting new fun experiences, parks, beaches, malls, shopping, libraries, clubs, bars, coffee shops, etc. (Whenever I use to get Fastfood, I would take it home to eat, now I actually order and sit in the store to eat which can bring some good conversations with strangers)
2) Wear un-intimidating clothing, if you dress too extreme you might not get the attention you are looking for unless you want to attract a specific kind of individual.
3) Wear any article of clothing with something that you like, music bands, characters, movies, art, etc. Some people will naturally gravitate towards you and ask you a question or be intrigued by what you are wearing ESPECIALLY if they're into the same thing.
4) Be honest, surprisingly, honesty has been such a helpful tool for me to make friends and even talking to people. Tell them that you're terrible at communicating with people but that you want to get better at it and that sometimes you get a bit shy and don't know what to say. You'd be surprised how many people will understand AND actually appreciate your honesty; you'll even be shocked by how many people can relate.
5) Try to be funny, don't focus too much on trying to make an impression or trying to impress but instead don't take yourself too seriously and be sure to not be scared to poke a little fun of yourself. (ex. If I were lost and asked for directions, I would tell the person that I was always getting lost because I'm terrible with directions, but I would always have a good day because I would end up having a good experience.)
6) Exchange social media, personally, I don't like social media, but I understand that it plays an important role in our lives. Sometimes, if I'm feeling brave enough, I'll ask those whom I met and had a good conversation with for their social media or even mine if they want to add me.
7) When someone makes eye contact with you from afar it usually is a good sign, the more times they do the better it is! I use to see someone look at me and I'd quickly look away but now if I notice someone staring at me, I'll say hello and if they say hello back, I will begin to engage in a conversation with them.
8) Smile every so often, but not too much, lol if you make eye contact with someone, smile and say hello. If you're too serious, you could come off as intimidating, personally I don't have a great smile BUT I noticed that whenever someone makes eye contact and I smile and say hello they usually look at me again later which is my cue to start a conversation with that person. Sometimes the conversations go well.
9) Don't linger, sometimes if a conversation goes stagnant, not a big deal, some conversations just never go past small talk. Just excuse yourself and focus on something else. You have to learn to read.
10) Introduce yourself, when a conversation is going well, just a pure introduction can help a person come to ease and help with conversation.
Anyway, this is all that I could think about at the moment but they have been ESSENTIAL in helping me establish better connections with people and expanding my really small friend group. I am in a really happy spot with my life, and I noticed that a lot had to do with the lack of socialization that I had. Now I have some friend outings to go to in the next coming weeks which I look really forward to. I hope this helped you as much as it helped me! Don't worry, I think you will do good, believe me I struggled ALL MY LIFE with making friends and socializing, I'm middle aged so it's never too late. Best of luck.
@@Tarantula_Fangs Spot on, think once I isolated for so long it hindered my social skills (mostly eye contact).
Tbh I actually like to generate conversation but then I get overwhelmed w/breathing and eye contact.
It’s most certainly been the biggest challenge of my life (also public speaking).
But it’s also brought out some good. Can’t focus solely on the negative. Thx
Sometimes I can be fine with eye contact but often I struggle, depending on how strong a grip social anxiety has on me that day. One thing I worry about is making the appropriate amount of eye contact. When anxiety is getting the better of me, being an introverted person who hates conflict situations and worries about being misconstrued as rude , I always err on the side of too little eye contact.
During a particularly anxious episode once, I avoided eye contact with a group of girls who happened to be Muslim and they shouted racist’ after me as I went past. While I can understand how they formed that assumption, it really hurt and was completely mortifying as that is not my character at all. I was so embarrassed I froze, didn’t say a word and burst into tears once I was away from people.
This anxiety over having my actions/visual behaviours misconstrued continues to rear it’s head and haunt me at times.
I worry A LOT about offending people as I hate any kind of conflict and have an excessive fear of seeming arrogant or rude...I tend to feel really flustered and tongue tied when people’s eyes are on me as I have such a high level of self awareness and self consciousness.
I feel very lonely a lot of the time and I haven’t kissed, dated, or had any kind of romantic relationship in over 4 years. I’ve just subscribed to your channel as I hope I will learn a few useful tips here and it will boost my wellbeing. Thank you for creating this channel and posting these videos, you are doing a great service to many people! 🌎😊💪❤️
Awwe man, so sorry you get wrongly judged simply because of an eye contact situation. I guess one way you can empower yourself in a situation like this is to remember its your intention that matters and makes you who you are, not what they think of you.
So if you are uncomfy about eye contact in a situation (when it isn't even necessary to begin with- like in the case of random passer by etc) remind yourself that your intentions aren't to be racist or hurt anyone, its just for your mental health's sake that you are avoiding eye contact, and that's alright. You aren't obligated to making eye contact with everyone around and it doesn't make you a bad person. Lord knows your intentions and that's all that matters.
People who judge you are just judgy. Especially if all you do is not make eye contact, you aren't even causing harm either so their judgement is really their personal perspective, you're good no worries. May Allah make life easier for all of us #Peace 🙌🏻
How’s life been for you lately? Praying for you
We are the same bro, i had social anxiety quit early in my life and i hadnt been with a girl or in a relationship for serveral years, it hurts bro but im way better than before😢
I used to experiment and observe myself a lot when I go outside my room. Like for example, I tend to challenge myself to look at and clarify if people were actually looking at me just to prove that they're not but most of the time they are actually looking at me. That's it, I'm not going out again.
I am a very dominant person. But I hate eye contact. I just hate people, and feel people are disgusting. I don’t trust people at all.
Thanks for your comment Cris. So do you feel you have social anxiety? Because it sounds more like misanthropy. In a similar way, my girlfriend is cynical of most people and has no interest in speaking to them. She's just introverted and mildly misanthropic. She doesn't have any anxiety about interactions and doesn't avoid them out of fear.
Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach I do have social anxiety that I have panic attack when I see people, especially going to a tall building for some sort of corporate interview. I don’t give a crap about their rank or status but I just have panic attack when I am going to meet people. Not submissive but the usual thing with panic attack.
Ed Barton - The Social Anxiety Coach I’m not introverted or extroverted, just middle, but I hate people, have panic attack/heart racing and blurry mind/froze whenever I have to go to corporate building. I’m in Asia, and I dislike Asian culture and crammness, and the lack of personal space. It all adds up.
You have issues.
I think your problem is that you might think you are dominant. But instead you might just be aggressive or arrogant. This could be a defensive approach you have created.
Hate having this problem man, this problem really gets me depressed sometimes. Hope I can get over it one day 💪🏼 thanks for the video by the way bro, keep up the good work
Thank you my man. I appreciate the comment
It really sucks having to worry about it everyday before going out in public
Yesss. You can do it!💪🏻💪🏻
Are you feeling any better now or is it still the same?? Because it's been almost 3 years i am dealing with this shit and still i can't get over this social anxiety.. help me please if you have any suggestion 🙏🏽
learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀
I literally started to struggle with eye contact 5 days ago. Maybe I've let the Pandemic lock me in my house for too long. I've always been kind of shy, and a stutterer, but this eye contact thing has popped up as a MAJOR issue for me literally 5 days ago. I need to do something about it.
Same, I’ve always been an outgoing person, then all of a sudden bam I can’t talk when I look someone in the eyes. Trust me I’ve tried every damn thing. If ur like me nothing will work. The best thing u can do in my opinion is to just ignore the problem and eventually U might forget abou it. If u have a solution lmk 😤
🙏*
The pandemic changed me too !! The fact that we had to wear masks I wasn’t used to it. And since all they could see were my eyes. I noticed people avoiding making eye contact with me for some reason and it got to me and I just completely forgot how to make eye contact
Hi guys recently I just get uncomfortable when talking to peep and even my fam :(. I start to do other physical tasks like cleaning to avoid eye contact 😔
my problem is when i’m talking to someone it feels as if i’m going crosseyed and suddenly look into something else but i’ve asked people and they say that i don’t go cross eyed and it gets me pissed at myself
There is also cultural norms that people will not look each other in the eyes or make eye contact with another person's spouse.There are also times where you just don't want to be bothered with the person or you do not like them even though you have to interact with them.To me I just don't want to give them anything even looking at them to me is wasting my time.
Wow I Never thought I Would be able to find a Video that is this relateable to my Problems, thanks for that
No problem. Hope it helped
I don't look down, but I look to the side. My problem is, I can't even look someone (especially strangers) directly in their eyes for one second. I immediately look away, because it makes me very nervous. Especially with strangers. And with public speaking I ended up looking at a single person lock eyes, and couldn't stop looking at anyone else.
For me looking down is a habit I used to do since I was a kid. I'm practicing looking forward while walking, but it's going to take time to get rid of it.
You are describing exactly how I feel when trying to make eye contact with people
These comments have made me realise that am no the only one with eye contact issues I love the fact that we all go through these problems i usall look at people for no reason and i found out that okay thats not normal most of the time
I was a socially anxious person. There was one time when I was speaking to a colleague and she point out that I wasn't making eye contact when I am speaking with her. This made me even more self-conscious and created more stress when I spoke to people. I knew that I have to face my fear of making eye contact. I practiced the soft gaze method and gradually I am able to hold eye contact instead of darting away.
About a year ago I started to have problems with making eye contact I never had a problem with it til I fell into severe social anxiety … what helped you to get that soft gaze look?
@@stephaniemoreno5043 I think we just need to start holding eye contact, I started trying yesterday
@@swagzgaming2654 I feel like I hold eye contact for two long I come off as weird and awkward.
@@stephaniemoreno5043 i am also facing same problem 😢.
Can you plz help me or can we connect each other 😭
I know I should look at them but I look away. Then I worry I’m looking away too much so I look back. And I repeat this until I start thinking I must look like a crackhead. 🤦🏻♀️ I don’t know why this stresses me out so much.
I think if I can overcome the eye contact issues I have I will completly overcome the social anxiety. Lol damn it
Great video, cheers for the help.
Same
Same
What about others fears tho? Like speaking to them while making eye contact. There's many fears in social phobia.
When i was in a theater class i had to do an eye contact exercise. What really helped me was just looking into one eye. I was able to look at them but it felt less intimate.
Good tip
Yeah, I definitely struggle with eye contact but part of it is because the eyes are like the metaphorical window into your soul and looking at people even a glance just makes me feel uncomfortable so most of the time, I avoid eye contact and set my eyes on inanimate objects and my surroundings. However, that only applies when I'm walking around when there's a lot of people. When I'm talking to someone one-on-one, I usually give eye contact to let them know I'm paying attention.
i was a cheerful guy before something happened in my life, but it was 6 years ago, now im a sad human being... :( i can't do eye contact with my own family.... i don't have any close friend because of that... i through my daily life with akwardness everytime i must meet people... help me please i dont wanna die alone
my most common arkward scene in my life is when i meet familiar friend but not very close at long corridor and i dont know where my eyes should look, and when he getting closer and gonna pass by sometimes i say hi, or just walk away without any word... that scene make me wanna die sooner... what a shame :(((
Your eye contact wasn't that bad when compared to my eye contact that I have! You would call me weirdo just spending a minute of your life talking with me! I am so damn lost! Don't worry! Stay strong! Spread positivity in your mind as I am trying to do it more and more to help myself! It can work at some extent!
@@maxnick7023 i think we can be a friend max... heres my email Bermanramadhan777@gmail.com lets figured out how to get rid of our eye contact anxiety
Same bro
Have you improved ?
I like your point on using the soft gaze and looking up was you pass someone
It all started in that library when that girl said that my gaze was weird and awkward and to stop looking at her, so I began not making people uncomfortable
Don't let one event from your past define the whole course of your future bro. Face the fear
That’s what happened to me too. Someone made a comment at work about how I look at them and laughed. 😢 ever since then…. 😓
@@TheSocialAnxietyCoach I'm trying, thanks
Great content!!
Eye contact takes practice but once you‘re comfortable with holding strong eye contact it is super powerful and can display a lot of positive trades!
Out of so many videos on same content. Am impressed with this one because it’s practical and easy to use whereas it’s having philosophical backdrop.
I feel like I've never heard advice from someone with social anxiety about this until now.
Thank you. Good to know. You're certainly not alone mate!
One technic when in a group & freak out, star looking down & say out load, "where did I drop it?". People will join you looking at the floor together. That way you can break the ice & if you keep looking down, they'll think you're still looking for whatever you lost.
Excellent advice.
Something else that helps me when walking down the street is scanning my field of view with lateral eye movement. Like slowly moving eyes from side to side along with every step while keeping my head in a neutral position. Not sure how it looks from the other person's perspective but it does keep me busy and all in all end up caring less I the first place.
Also chewing gum. Since, at least in my case I am convinced that after the eyes, the mouth is where the anxiety can be noticed the most.
All of this along with resisting the urge to avert your gaze. If you find someone to be interesting try to make an effort and look at them, but also not for too long or too intensely by keeping in mind that you want to be 'compassionate' as in not submitting to your phobias but also not freaking out the other person while doing so.
It kinda sucks that having social anxiety is like having to control your gaze 'manually' so to speak when others seem to be doing it automatically. But yeah such is life I guess
This is excellent 👌
Glad I found you. I used to be so confident and eye contact and conversations were natural. After being a gaming addict for 7 years and not going out much I find that I have death stare eyes from gaming and I have lost my social skills. This is very annoying as because I’m trying to get over the social bit my eyes aren’t helping lol I have given up gaming and trying to get my life on track. Thank you for these videos I find them very helpful and the examples are bang on.
You know you've lost it when it affects your academic performance negatively, when you no longer attend church, social activities and your parents think you have become a nightmare to them. When you are walking during the day and you feel like collapsing while people look at you. When only yourself knows what has been weakening you day in day out and all you want is die and be forgotten forever😭😭😭. That's me!😭😭
Lmaooo!!! This is wild! I don't make eye contact because I think a lot of people are ugly to me. I don't like looking at ugly people
That sounds like you might have a different issue to Social Anxiety
Even tho this vid doenst have a lot of views its still gud
Thank you. Even if it helps 1 person, it's worth making
I'm kinda happy to read other comments so I don't feel so alone in this. For my job I have to sit at a desk talking to people so I can't hide my insecurities. It's really depressing cause I love to help people but I feel I just look awkward. Even worse is that I blush really bad. My red cheeks makes the eye contact even worse. Wish I could wear a mask 😂
the masks for covid help somewhat
I’m a security supervisor and after the pandemic and a very abusive relationship, I found I couldn’t keep eye contact with anyone. I depersonalize really hard and it’s become so damaging to my life and my work. My family doesn’t believe I struggle with social anxiety. I never realized how badly this has impacted me. Everything he described spoke to me. I’m beginning a massive promotion next month, and I’m working so hard to fix this as confidence is so important for the job. Please know you guys aren’t alone. Know you’re not a coward. I’m brave, I’m ready to fight at a moment’s notice, but I struggle with major internal battles and it does not at all reflect poorly on any of us. I’m proud of you guys for looking for help like me.
I been struggling with social anxiety for 3 years now and it just gets worse every day. It’s gotten to the point where even driving makes me uncomfortable. I had to tint all my windows to try to avoid people looking at me. I don’t go out much now. It gets very bad going to the grocery store or public places. Everything you say it’s exactly what I feel. I just subscribed. I will try all your tips and face my fears. Thanks for your videos!
Hi Sergio, thanks for comment. I definitely recommend facing your fears in a gradual and safe way. The best way out is through! Let me know how you get on
Bro...even I have the same thing...listen..to me.it really works....it was since 4months I had social anxiety...and as usual my day had gone worse....I came home ..as I used to do always...l was listening to sad songs....and then suddenly BELIEVER (song) played in my play list...for a moment I felt current passing through my dead body...I had listened BELIEVER many times before getting social anxiety...but now wen I heard that song...I really got pumped up...instead of wearing glasses to prevent eye contact....I wore earphones and went out ...it really worked...I was just focusing on road and but my whole heart/mind was in that song...I really dint feel people passing next to me....yes ...face ur fears...listen to some pump up music and wear earphones go out...it really works...and it happened to me today ...so I'm messaging this to as many people as I can....bro try.....it..if it works tell to few ppl..cheers
Same man did toy fix this and how?
I feel your pain it’s going on another year for me, it sucks cause I wanna have friends and be in a relationship and not avoid my own family but all because that one fear I do:/
Tinted all windows 5% for exactly that reason and because of sun
People tell me I make alot of eye contact and I didnt realize. Now whenever I think about eye contact it just gets weird and i dont know where to look.
Yes sameee!!
More eye contact us better than none.
@@numanhussain6080exaclty💀
I don’t like to make eye contact with person I’m talking to, I will lost what I am gonna say.
I've had therapy for 10 years.. WTF have I never been told any practical tips like this 🤦♂️ Thank man
This really really makes it hard in job interviews for me, I cant make eye contact at all especially with strangers, and I feel it makes me look inauthentic to my interviewer :/
Amazing video. Thank you. I can relate to all this. I have eye contact anxiety. When I feel like I am not giving people enough eye contact, I try to give them more eye contact which can sometimes lead to awkward staring lol. So, I can not win haha. I feel like most of the time I am not giving enough eye contact or too much. I find that sometimes I am not even mindful of eye contact. For me, the issue is when I am mindful of it. That is when I start thinking "Should I look away!!" "Should i hold eye contact?" "argh" lol this usually leads me to feeling very awkward and I wish the ground would swallow me up and hide me.
This is well articulated. Thanks 👍
Am a supervisor, very dominant but always fail when it comes to eye contact. I tend to look away constantly while talking
learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀
These problem have resulted in me losing friends,great opportunities to be in a beautiful relationship, loosing touch with family and specially relatives....people just don't feel talking to me for longer than 2 minutes because I can't make eye contact with them for long🥺😓😔😞
Me too man, it sucks
@@joeygiesbrecht8163 yeah man it's so weird...the main thing is I live one girl and she's also interested in me but I just turn her off because I can't make eye contact....did you found any solution?
I’m sorry to hear that bro, I know the feeling. The exact same thing happens to me it feels like no one really likes me because I’m so awkward when they talk to me, and my eye contact is all over the place. And recently it’s gotten so bad whenever even my brother tries to talk to me I get this huge wave of anxiety, and I worry about if I’m making enough eye contact or if I’m making too little, and it’s just super overwhelming. Does this ever happen to you?
Thank you so much!! Very informative
I feel strangers think I’m rude since I don’t even look at them as I pass them. Don’t want to smile at them or nod because then they’ll think I’m a weirdo.
They don't think you're rude, they probably think that you ARE a weirdo by avoiding them at all costs. Not even acknowledging someone's existence when walking by shows that you're scared of other people.
Lee Everett your absolutely right.
Steve R Same here. If I am about to pass someone, a lot of times when I try to meet their gaze with friendly eyes, I find they are avoiding eye contact. Of course, this is awkward and I feel like they think I was just staring at them. But if I don't look at them when passing, then what if they try to meet my gaze, then I will seem so rude? To meet gaze or not, that is the question?? : (
Not rude at all when you walk past strangers and don't make eye contact with them I mean you don't know them so why the need to make eye contact with them, if say they stopped you and asked for the time, directions etc and you just avoided them and carried on walking then that would be rude
@@dorianqueen1028 I’ve gotten better now. At the gym, store or at work I now give a quick smile and nod at them. Makes the other one feel better. At least I feel good when a stranger acknowledges me.
I used to overthink what they would think of me if I smiled but don’t really care now. Makes me feel comfortable when I do.
I don’t do that to every single person who walks passed me on a busy street though. I think that’s being a weirdo 😅
Thank you so much for this video. I’m 30 years old and never had eye contact issues until now. It’s gotten worse in a few months. It’s crazy! These videos and tips help a lot. Keep doing what you’re doing!
This was very helpful. Thanks a lot.
Thank you so much for this ❤
This information was very helpful!! Thank you so much. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who gets anxious in these ways, like walking in front of a coffee shop.
I looking for this advice so long!
This is what I needed!
God sent me this video in recommendation.
Thank you so so much! ❤️
Tnx a lot... my eyes like the logo of no fear.
This video helped a lot thank you!! I’m definitely gonna try some of these things
I could relate whole of the video with myself . That's so helpful . I would try my best to improve making eye contact :)
My number 1 problem with eye contact is that I literally feel like I'm staring a complete hole through the person. I feel like my eye contact is too intense. What can I do to feel less idk, intrusive with my eye contact?
God bless you my brothuh, very helpful information 💪🏽💯😎
Thank you! Helped me quite a bit wow tysm
Your vids are top notch and you appear to have great grasp of a spectrum of social anxiety issues. Did you study psychology formally or is it merely the fruit of years of self study? Mad success to you sir, it’s a good thing you’re doing here.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you sooo much for this! I've always had the question of how other people stare and if I was doing it right and often times would have that exact blurry effect that you talked about because I never knew what exactly to stare at this video help me a ton
❤️ thankyou mate, very helpful
I wanna overcome come this fear
Second time I comment one of your videos and still impressed that you really know what you are talking about. Eye contact is the most uncomfortable thing that happens in my case and I’ll let you know if these tips work! Keep killing it with the videos 💪🏼
Hi Juan, thanks for your comment, always much appreciated. Let me know how you get on with these tips and stay tuned, more videos being published today :)
thanks a lot dude I struggle w eye contact just subscribed. ur a lifesaver man. love from canada
I hate when I avoid making eye contact with some people (Men&women), and they get me very wrongly or start laughing or acting rudely. This shows that everyone has got their insecurities and most of them are not aware about agoraphobia/Social anxiety.. and they use that stupid body language to judge you.. I really hate this.. sometimes when I sit next to a Women/girl who herself insecure and I blush and avoid the eye contact, I get very bad reaction from them..as they think I'm looking at their Men/object etc.... it's killing me...
I can look my partner in the eye and people I trust with no problem. It’s strangers and people I don’t really like or don’t care. I also feel it’s disrespectful to look people in the eye for long periods of time. So most of the conversations I look down
You could also argue that giving someone eye contact is being present and giving them attention and respect.
i’m so glad i found your channel! i tell my mom i have social anxiety and she just says that i’m over exaggerating. it’s nice to try to overcome it by watching your videos.
I also facing the same problem even with my family members 😢.
Plz can we talk on this.
@@Awesome_Dreamersounds like they’re gaslighting you.
I really need this after the pandemic. I felt like it undid all my positive social habits.
Thank you so much!
One of my main weaknesses when it comes to shyness was the eye contact. I realized I had this issue at the age of 14, since at that time I couldn’t even make proper eye contact with my parents. The only person I was comfortable with were my close friends and my brother. I kept this issue to myself and worked hard to overcome this issue. But now at the age of 15, Alhamdullilah my eye contact problem has greatly improved, where I can have a normal conversation with everyone and just full of confidence. I’d say that the trick that helped me the most is we have to realize that no one is feeling how you think they feel when you’re looking at them. If that makes sense. I hope this helps and motivate you to be able to overcome this challange. You always have the potential to be greater than before. I wish you all the best on your journey to overcome this fear 😁!!! Assalamualaikum
You know what? I am also 15 years old AND I can't even look in eyes of my brother or any other person's eye.I don't know what to do
Waalikumassalam
@@tasmimsaju same with me 😢😢. Can we talk about it.plz help me 😢😢
@@Awesome_Dreamer i don't know whay to do😭it has been 10 months but i still can't do it:')
Can we connect via social media or something 🥺
Because I want a friend who can understand me
Thank you so much for the wonderful tips. I’m going to give them a try!
E C thanks for your comment. You're very welcome, I'm glad it helped
learn and practice how to blur your vision when making eye contact. When you are in conversation with eye contact, blur your vision for a sec or 2 and it breaks the nervous tension. I’ve suffered with this for 24 years. And trust me it works. or you and buy a pair of prescription glasses and put a tiny bit of tape on the bottom of the lens. That frosty scotch tape. Works like a charm. I urge every to LEARN AND PRACTICE BLURRING YOU VISION. It works like shield 🛡 for your eyes 👀
Thanks for this , god bless
Thank you
Coach, can you make a video about a scenario when we sit or eat on the same table with strangers or with people that we not really close to? I facing a lot of awkward moments with this. Most of the time I tried to avoid this.
I hate sitting across from people, even if I know them well. No idea why. I prefer sitting side by side, makes me feel more comfortable.
I personally think that school helps greatly in many subjects, but a particular subject is missing in schools and that is 'social skills', these key things like eye contact , speech making , confidence , conversation should all be taught to everyone in schools to prepare them for adult life, except there is nothing exactly like such a subject therefore people enter the adult world unprepared and develop anxiety etc
Thanks for this video I really need help with this . I’ve been struggling with social anxiety for over 5 years now and it feels terrible, especially not being able to make eye contact it makes trying to have conversations so awkward.
I need some help.
I want to make eye contact with my driving instructor, since I feel like me continuously averting my gaze and looking at everything but him makes him think I’m not listening or something (I never make eye contact with anyone, ever) but being in such a close position with him sitting right next to me it makes it more awkward and I don’t want to stare and creep him out but want to return the friendliness because he makes me feel calm when driving.
Thanks. ✌️
Until you build up confidence with direct eye contact, perhaps you can try taking in his whole face with a soft general gaze. You can also look at neutral areas on the face like the bridge of the nose or around the eyes etc. It is very hard for the other person to tell exactly where you are focusing. Once you get used to face-to-face exchanges, gradually work up to full eye contact
Before I know this video exists I thought I am an *ALIEN* 😅
Thank you man ❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing your advice with us so kindly. I have suffered all my life with this problem, lack of confidence, fear of looking in other people's eyes. Its a real problem!!!
It would be helpful if you create a spotfity account and post short recordings or podcasts there. Thank you for this video.
Thanks for the comment, glad it was helpful. Great suggestion, but I've kind of got my hands full with the RUclips channel 🙂
I wonder what the reason is to being so anxious with eye contact 🤔
Aiysha Rastall he said it😭 it’s dominance, if you feel lower then the person you will tend to do it, I used to have it bad but I remember when I talked to people on my level I could actually make good eye contact
@@Mr.Nefarioussness I am quite confident of myself but whenever i am up close with someone or multiple people talking i get nervous (my heart also starts pounding) because of their eyes looking at me and i start to even not hear what they're saying anymore cause i'm like shit why the f do i get nervous what's wrong with you, in public spaces i have no issues tho if people stare at my i just give them a funny face n laugh, do you think this is some other sort of anxiety?
You can also be so dominant and intimidate others
@@Mr.Nefarioussnessit aint bro, my own boss limits his eye contact with me and i NEVER look away💀
Thank u so much!
Nice video. I definitely struggle with walking by people and the big windows. As far as the public speaking.... I wouldn’t show up lol glad I’m not the only one
How long should you hold eye contact in a conversation without it becoming awkward? Sometimes I feel that my eye contact is TOO good because I try hard to be good at it.
Jen Phillips then the harder you try to act normal and good the more the anxiety interferes, I get that too