I used to be super insecure about being called out on my whiteness/making mistakes that are so common by white people who have been raised ignorant of their privilege. Eventually I had to admit "yeah I'm a fragile white person." And honestly that helped a lot because now I recognize that thought pattern and have a little flow chart I can follow to soothe myself while honoring criticism. Although I am betting I still won't respond as gracefully as I'd like for being called out.
Wow. The same thing happened to me. Took a lot of soul searching. I’m descended from truly evil enslavers from Alabama. My ancestor kidnapped, and forced to work, over 200 ppl. He raped the enslaved women, for purposes of breeding these poor ppl like animals. This is our family legacy. While my mother would condemn all this(she was a good white liberal, right?), she would also talk wistfully about the old times, when we were a rich and powerful family. I say this to explain how subtly racist I was raised. Nowadays, I’ll get a random racist thought (usually some “othering” idea). Used to rly rly bother me. Now I know it’s just the training of a lifetime. I have these thoughts now(rarely) n I just think, wow, that’s dumb, n have a lil talk w myself about the truth n where that thought might have come from. My theory is that we, in America, are all steeped in systemic racism our whole lives. It must be an active process for we white folk to trace down those racist tendrils in our minds, n 1 by 1, rip them out. Sry about this novel! Had a lot to say I guess
Ego is a hell of a drug. I know all too well. It’s helpful for me to remember that I’m just a sack of meat and nothing matters except my growth into a person that only intentional brings joy. To that end, I try to be graceful in accepting criticism because, ultimately, to do so humbly makes the world a more hospitable place. Earth is hell. Corporeal existence is hell. I just want to do my part to make this heaven, even if others as happy to keep it hell. I refuse.
@@yourgodismean4526thanks for your words. That is such an intelligent and compassionate reaction to having unwanted thoughts. “Wow, that’s stupid. I don’t believe that. No.” That is how we rewrite our brains. That is why those thoughts have become more rare for you. By saying “no,” we stop letting them take habit in our mind. I absolutely agree. If you are a white American (that just means if you are considered “white” as a child- I’m Italian, but I was considered white as a child, but my grandfather was discriminated against), you have racist beliefs. I had to unlearn insane stereotypes that were born from living in a town that was 99.87% white. The only information I knew about non-white people were from stereotypes…. Many were racist stereotypes born from growing up in Appalachia. It’s damn near impossible to grow up without any form of othering. My parents didn’t teach me about skin color in that I didn’t learn that other races had it much more difficult that me. I wasn’t taught to hate. I was taught to be colorblind… and that is hateful because skin color matters when we talk about inequality and lack of access to resources. To be colorblind is to be ignorant of reality. It wasn’t until college when I moved to Los Angeles and took a US history class… that I truly learned and started to unpack my upbringing. Thanks again for your words and thank you for reading mine if you did. Peace and love.
I'm from Ireland and I've noticed a lot of Irish leftists struggle to confront how privileged the country is in the present day. Yes we suffered under colonialism but today the Republic of Ireland very much benefits from the legacy of colonialism in the third world.
@@yourgodismean4526 I've been trying to deprogram myself from that kind of American cultural influence for most of my life. I gave up watching TV and most of us substitutes many years ago, I tried deconstructing my beliefs and assumptions so intensely that I started to find my own subconscious assumptions. And then it was time to deconstruct those and see where that led me always trying to move forward and be a better person. It's hard, because culture is kinda of like the invisible lens you look at the whole world through. It's shapes and colors everything, whether you refused it or not. And American culture is absolutely steeped in systemic racism, the desire to kick down, and meaningless hierarchies that we mostly use just to give certain people a reason fall in with themselves even more. It's a tough road, but it sounds like you've done a pretty good job so far. Especially considering the environment your coming from. It's not always easy, and it shouldn't ever really stop IMO, but I wish you luck. You sound like a pretty decent person, and that's the most important part IMO.
@@picahudsoniaunflocked5426 Very true, but they're often just as comfortable make up non-existent issues and driving them home so often and making such a big deal about them that they create insecurities where there might not have been any. Or at least not about whatever the abuser decides they should be insecure about. That's a large part of what makes psychological abuse so nasty, and its effects so long term
Straight white man here who has never had sex or been in a relationship. Ik ik, it's the most cliche thing ever but it is what it is. I've found reading Bell Hooks to be really helpful and recognising that I can still create meaning in my life by myself. And who knows, maybe someday I'll meet someone but I want to be fine until then or fine if that never happens.
I must say I empathize with you greatly and I truly applaud you for seeking to better yourself and working to be kind to yourself regardless of relationships you may or may not have. That takes real insight and bravery. We have seen too many men do the complete opposite of what you are doing and turn to misogyny and hatred. Well done, my friend 🩵🩵
Omg hearing you talk about not retaining the stuff you read, feeling insecure about your perceived failures in activism and community, etc was so relatable! I think all the time about how easily I forget stuff I read/learn, how I never do anything with what I'm learning, etc and it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like that.
I have cartoonish ADHD, and one thing I discovered that helped me retain something I'm reading is keeping a notebook handy. I can write down quotes, definitions, and even entire trains of reasoning (if reading more complicated things like political theory detailed accounts of war, etc) in broad strokes. Something about the physical act of writing it down helps it stick, and even if it doesn't stick as well as I'd hope the first time out, I now have my very own personally detailed Cliff's notes to look back to. I don't know if it'll work for anyone else, but it helped me so much that I mention it to anyone with similar issues.
I recognize a lot of this in gatekeeping in trans & disabled communities. People are so insecure about their own status, either within the community or within larger social orders, that they create lists of things that are right and wrong to put themselves in the "right" category. The people in the "wrong" category are then further marginalized, being put down and blamed for transphobia and ableism as if they brought it upon themselves and the community, when they're just existing and trying to make the most of their own lives. It's hard being trans. It's hard being disabled. Just focusing on the difficulties of accessing medical care when chronically ill: it's really hard when you lack access to care and education, it's hard when you have the education but not the care, it's hard trying to navigate the fucked up medical system to try to access care and resources and even when you get the resources the process is still often immensely traumatizing. When you have fought for years through the hell of a medical system to get access to diagnosis/es, medical care, and related resources, does that mean you have any greater right to disabled identity and community than people who never got that far? No. But you are certainly used to abled people accusing you of faking it, and it can be tempting to say, "no, it's those people over there who are faking it, I'm legitimate". As a result, people who lack access to diagnosis, in addition to already being systemically gatekept from resources they need, are pushed out of disabled communities and gatekept from disabled identities.
Reasons aren’t excuses, they’re an understanding of how we got here. As for my own insecurities. I have no idea. Not bc they aren’t there, cuz they definitely are. I can see their vague shapes every time my mind is empty for too long. Every time I put off reaching out to my friends to get together. Every time I never look at myself in the mirror as a whole but only in parts. But these aren’t the insecurities themselves, they’re just the symptoms of larger issues. And I don’t know how to get myself to figure that out. Hell! I don’t even know why I don’t want to figure it out. (That’s a lie. I do. But here we come upon the same issue of not wanting to look) So yeah. That’s fun. I don’t even know if I want to solve it, and honestly that’s prob at least part of the problem. Edit: Recently Shanspeare put out a video (The Sad Girl to Female Rage Pipeline) that said something towards the end about how it’s not “men are emotionally repressed, and women have it all figured out”. And I don’t quite remember what it was, but it hit me. Fucking hard. Idk why I thought about that (cuz it isn’t quite related to the topic of this video), but it might be the me not knowing my insecurities from this and the emotional repression from that. Sorry about the long comment lol. Ig I had a lot of thoughts?? (And I’m prob overly wordy XD)
I'm not very good at talking to people. I tend to get bulldozed in conversations and in discussions where I disagree with someone else, it feels like everything I say bounces off. I don't think I've ever convinced anyone of anything and nobody listens to me. Even at work in situations where I'm an expert and I try to correct people when I know they're going to fuck something up if I don't say anything, people tend to ignore me and then get mad when things don't work out. This happens a lot and it's made me into a person who barely ever speaks in real life.
If I dig really deep, I think the thing I'm most concerned about is either becoming like my Father, and that I'm actually bad at telling stories. My Father isn't someone I want to emulate, but I always fear that the lack of any other real male figures in my life growing up will lead me to becoming him, and I'd rather be single forever than do that to any (potential kids). I logically know that my deeply held beliefs in person-hood, boundaries, and other similar "progressive" things have already set me apart from him. I love telling stories, be it writing, screenplay, D&D, etc. I logically know that friends willingly come to my D&D games, and even reference them years later. I also logically know that the writings, though semi-anonymous that they are, have garnered many, many views. But...logic doesn't fix the insecurities. Logic doesn't stop that tiny voice that says "Remember that time?" Or "You know, they don't have other options right now to play D&D or read". But...then I remember that I'm not alone, and if someone else is able to work through their insecurities, to take another step forward, then so can I. Am I better than I was 5 years ago? I think so. 10 years ago? Certainly. But...I've also avoided bringing up certain topics, stopped talking to many people about my writing. So it's a journey, one that I can only hope to take a step forward on each day, and maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be that "someone else" that inspires someone.
I think you should’ve led with the fact that you still look like a cop. No I kid. That’s just my insecurity and my internalized fear of white men in positions of power. Thank you for all u do Dang Dad ❤
years ago I failed at getting a career off the ground and after being a SAHM for 18 years, I'm back in school to do something entirely different. I'm swimming in insecurities about if I'll be able to do this program, it's kind of overwhelming. I really struggle with the feeling of being a failure. one thing I've done recently is given a "persona" to my insecurity-negative-self-talk...it's a little ridiculous gremlin that lives in my head and whenever it says "you're stupid" or "your life is stupid, what are you doing?" I just tell it to shut up. it works a lot better visualizing it as a gremlin, it makes it feel separate from me, which essentially it is, your thoughts aren't "you" anyway, that's been helpful. (my grad program is to become a therapist, so that helps, learning about all the feelings stuff!)
💜The breathe of my insecurities is mirrored in my art. I'm so insecure by being dismissed. Not taken seriously. So I have to turn it up to eleven. If I could just accept me for me, I might be able to produce more art. Which I think should be the goal. And I know that you don't wanna hear it, but your art has educated me. Things that you have said ring in my head on a daily basis. I'm a better person because of you. And I feel more complete considering you a friend and look forward to working with you more in the future. And also, sweet pipe collection. ✊
I would love to pretend my imperfect teeth are entirely fine by me. I was reluctant at first with braces, but eventually decided I would tolerate them. Unfortunately, the insurance company denied the claim, which to the dentist and orthodontist came as a huge surprise. (Thanks austerity politics!). I could only imagine how much worse the insecurity would get if it has been a personal choice, rather than a fine example of the medical and insurance industrial complex.
I appreciate the strength that it must’ve taken to make this video. It’s my belief that one of the best ways to overcome insecurities is through this kind of open and vulnerable discussion and self examination. Self examination leads to self realization then to self awareness One of my biggest insecurities is that I have no good reason for my desire for violence. I work on that obstacle by listening to my inner empathic voice and always try to understand someone else’s feelings, so that I’m much less inclined to hurt them. I used to be insecure that I had no musical talent, so I learned as much as I could about music so I could understand that I truly have no musical talent. In that time I developed a set of musical skills through. I know that I’m neither ugly nor pretty, but I am secure in the knowledge that, on camera, I’m honest about who I am
Thanks for this. When I came out as gay in the 1980s, I wrote letters to the editor of my hometown paper about gay rights (people said gay then more than LGBTQ). I wanted my name in print next to something that made me vulnerable. I wanted to know that if "the government" ever came for the gays, I'd be on someone's list already and couldn't try to pass. I think being open about our doubts and fears and weaknesses is similar. We don't have to worry about our "secret" getting out if we already put it out there. And for the record, I relate to just about every one of the insecurities you mention. I expect many of us do. Thanks again.
I am super insecure about having failed out of college. I went to college 18 years ago now, and I still have no confidence in myself professionally or academically after failing out. My current job has me working with 10-15 year olds, and I am now confident I could be a really good middle-high school teacher, but my terror at the idea of going back to school is so strong, I don't think I ever will. I am also insecure about my body as I age. I am getting weaker at an alarming rate, but the things I know will stave this feeling off, exercise, triggers this insecurity because I remember when I could do workouts that were two, three times as hard only five years ago. And so I don't exercise almost at all, and I'm getting weaker faster and faster.
I feel ya... I dipped out of college my first time around after high school. Ended up going back when I was 35. Let me tell you, college (at least undergrad) is a friggin' breeze once you're a full grown up. I did it all online, just followed the instructions (if it asked for 500 words, I gave em 500, for example), 90% of the material is shared among tons of colleges so study materials and flash cards with verbatim answers are everywhere... You might be surprised how less threatening it is with the resources and skillsets you've developed as an adult.
i like how you can be so vulnerable and speak so frankly abt your past experiences, bc they don't define you now. i also like how you personalize ppl taking advantage of others bc i feel like everybody has the capacity to do that and it helps nobody to paint them *all* as monsters, but as deeply insecure individuals who are taking advantage of others to silence that voice inside their mind that says they aren't enough. it's not a good or healthy way to change internal talk, but it is a major way that ppl do, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge
I've always felt like a perpetual outsider who just doesn't belong in this existence, a constant letdown who never 'fits' or 'gets it' the way people around me do or want me to; I'm just never the person society or the people I care about seem to want me to be or say what they want or need. I'm concerned no one likes me for who I am even amongst close friends. I'm scared that one day they'll realize that I'm a vaguely person-shaped manifestation of the deep self-loathing, existential dread, depression, and disgust at existence in general, generally lost and confused when it comes to navigating the world, and that despite my efforts to be loving and kind and gentle it...wont be enough and they'll get sick of me. I'm worried people will perceive me wrongly as someone different, someone 'better' than I am in a way they want and then they'll realize who I am deep down: a sad, small, tired, frightened 'man' who has spent their entire existence tired and scared and confused and wanting to die but being unable to; a slowly decaying corpse bereft of any dream or hope for a better future, utterly incapable of love and intimacy in the way they want...and then they'll leave... It happened recently with someone I cared a lot about.
Transitioning at 25 and feeling behind compared to my friends who were able to transition and had support when they were teens. I knew something was there just didn’t have the courage to jump until now. But I feel gross about my lil tummy , small hips and tiny chest. I know its not what defines a woman but it sucks sometimes.
One of my insecurities is that I think no one cares about what I have to say, regardless of subject. It doesn't help that a few people around me at least act like they don't. I don't think I can make my thoughts come across clearly enough and so have trouble interacting with people, especially if they get heated in response. In the past, this has probably made me come across as aloof and snobby (a few people have told me so).
If it helps, communicating and other social skills can be improved on over time, just like any other kind of skill. What helped me when I was younger was going to concerts a good distance from home, knowing I'd never see these people again and we had at least one thing in common already (the band we were there to see). Those let me work on communication in what might be the least pressured environment possible, and after a while you start adding to the conversations more than just taking them in. You can even meet some wonderful people that hope to pull comments from you, so a group dynamics can form more fluidly. It can even work with political conversations, provided you leave certain hot button words (ie, socialism, communism, anarchy, etc) out of it if you're in a more conservative area. I'm apparently the only semi extrovert on the entire internet, so maybe it wouldn't work as well for someone who has a difficult time talking in general. But when there's zero pressure, and almost zero chance you'll ever see any of them again, it can be a great time to experiment with yourself and your abilities. And just like woodcarving, painting, poetry, etc, all skills can be refined with enough practice. Best of luck regardless.
Probably one of the worst moments of my life was me talking about some game I was excited by and my sister interrupted me to say “you know we don’t care right?” I’ve sense surrounded myself with people who shat my interests but that was something years ago that really stuck with me. Basically I sympathized and it gets better.
@@ryanb5127 So sorry to hear that! I mean, at least your sister was direct with you (though she could have been nicer about it) so you can avoid the topic with your family. It still sucks to realize that the people who are supposed to be closest to you don't care about the things that make you happy.
Speaking from personal experience, you don't have wild cowlicks: you have wavy/curly hair. Your (probably white) stylists have had no idea what to do with it so they tell you "oh, you have like five cowlicks. It's crazy!" But you have some level of textured hair. The current wildness is probably the result of it being too short on top; constantly either dry and frizzy or too oily; and/or overbrushed. Things I wish I'd know at the start of figuring out my own hair were: a) use less shampoo than you think you'll need, and usually only on your scalp (in small, low pressure, circular motions using the flats of your fingertips). If you can obviously see a ton of suds (light suds is fine), you've probably used too much b) moisturize your hair, including with leave-in or hair oil after showering, but try not to get it on your scalp c) use wide-tooth combs; style while your hair is wet and has your leave-in in it; let it dry slowly (whether or not you blowdry); and try not to touch your hair after it dries I grew up hearing the cowlicks thing about my hair. I realized it might not be true when watching the 2021 Last Week Tonight episode about the dismal state of textured hair education in the US and the anti-Black discrimination behind that fact. Which often leaves white people with textured hair shit out of luck, too. The process of figuring it out not only led to a fundamental improvement in my relationship with my own hair, but it led me to a lot of advice that helped with other issues I'd been having (re: styling, skin care, etc). Anyway, your mileage may vary, but I thought it might help to hear my experience
A wise cat once said: "Aesthetics is the expression of an inner truth. I'll only ever be a second-rate Justine, but I can be a first-rate Tabby". I always come back to this when I despair at my shortcomings in comparison to others.
I've always been very insecure about how I am percieved as a woman. I don't have any sisters or female cousins and in turn I spent a majority of my life fighting to join what is essentially "boys clubs" that my family formed. I wanted so bad to be acknowledged as a person. Years later I now understand my own greater intelligence and empathy, but those wounds are still there. To be accepted I disavowed all things feminine as a child and never made friends with other girls. And it affects me today as I feel like I don't belong in that category. I don't know sisterhood and it feels like I'm lying to myself everytime I attempt a feminine act. I feel like other women can smell it on me when I talk with them. It's so frustrating. I also feel insecure about my attractiveness. I'm an ugly girl, and it's hard not to equate that with my valuability as a person. I know I'm an intelligent person, introspection has been a favourite pastime of mine since I can remember, but I've been told over and over growing up that because I'm a girl, It can't be helped that i will be unintelligent. And that left only my looks to make up for it, and I just always looked bland and unnattractive. I'm curious how I'll think about these sentiments i have now in the future. I hope i can look back at this comment without feeling that pain i feel now. I hope thats the case for everyone making comments here.
I’m almost 40 and still can’t grow a beard while my hairline not only recedes but does so in a lopsided fashion. My face in general is pretty asymmetrical and my pecs are quite pathetic despite doing push-ups daily. That said, my wife - who I think is the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world, - finds me good lookin so maybe I’m not the best judge of my own appearances (and maybe you’re not the best judge of yours). Stay positive you beautiful people :)
Hey there buddy. for what its worth I never even noticed the snaggle tooth or mole situation until you had mentioned it. I like imperfect teeth on a person, i think its charming. Its what makes Patricia Arquette so damn dreamy in True Romance. My biggest insecurities, outside of my weight, which is always the hardest, is my music. I have recorded over 15 hours of songs throughout my life and released maybe 3 hours worth of it because I'm so insecure about the mix or if its too cliche, or too obvious or has been done already. I also struggle with feeling stupid and I am stubborn about seeing anyone about my ADHD so I just live with it and the insecurities that come with it. Also, I was too distracted by your awesome pipe collection to notice anything even remotely related to your hair! Love your work friend! It makes my day
I’m working on being insecure about failing. Funny enough I don’t even know what that means, it’s just this amorphous feeling I’m avoiding that’s definitely linked to childhood trauma. You are right, it helps being open about it. Even just with yourself, then you know what you are working with. Liked the video, could definitely see myself sharing with some of my clients.
I have a personal theory about what you describe as "this amorphous feeling" linked to "childhood trauma" (quotes are just to quote you, not indicating sarcasm. I'm clarifying because internet comments are where tone goes to die). I think childhood trauma primes people to experience pain, fear, shame, etc. It becomes sort of a psychic limb. Then, like phantom limb syndrome, even if the abusive/traumatic context is removed, we can still feel it. And, in the absence of a big obvious cause, the "nerve endings" of this limb get activated by unrelated experiences that provoke similar emotions. This is a metaphor, of course, but I feel it too... it's like the trauma continues in my mind but the cause gets attributed to other things out of confusion. I'm working on it, but it's difficult to separate my perception (person X was awful to me) from the reality (person X was being a normal flawed human, and I'm hypersensitive to that, but they're not actually trying to hurt me).
It's painful to think about those secret shames we drag around with us. Harm reduction starts with identifying the harm we do to ourselves + others, & why, & how, & addressing + redressing as much as possible. Last I checked, Prince's command was to Decolonize [Our] Minds, but he didn't give us a deadline, which suggests it's an ongoing journey, & the battle to become a better person in a world with terrible incentives will take years of us liberating ourselves + others from the de-humanizing forces in s0CiEtY etc. The fight might be long + hard + full of setbacks + mistakes + disappointments + casualties, but let's take care of each other + our foxhole companions & work to do a little less harm + for a little less harm to be done every day. I got nothing but hope. Sometimes I don't even have that but I'm counting on people I don't know to be working on themselves + the world too, so when I have nothing else, I think about so many people I owe it to, so many people past, present, & future who deserve my best + that compels me to try to stumble forward a few more steps. This video touches on such a good point (many good points) & I hope it spurs discussion. I realized while listening that I'm a collectivist so wtf do I act like a staunch libertarian & work so hard to hide my loneliness from comrades? I believe in communal consensus building + mutual aid; why won't I reach out to give + receive in non-transactional ways? I have so much to reflect on. Gonna listen to Prince + have me a Big Purple Funk Think. Thanks to Phil for the material to reflect on some more stuff, + undoubtably many commenters. (Yes I am resisting reassuring Phil he's cool --- friends with John The Duncan + Caelan Conrad?!?? omg yeah --- but taking him at his word + honouring his wishes, hopefully I didn't totally mess up that social cue lol.)
You know, this is really refreshing. I've never heard a masculine-presenting person admit that they're insecure about physical aspects of their body before. Because I'm all... neurodivergent and weirdly disconnected from my body in a gendervague-adjacent way, I've never felt any corpus-related insecurities that I'm aware of, and until now I think I just passively assumed that it was because we beardfolk just weren't subjected to the same body-image messaging as our sisters, girlfriends and moms. But uh... yeah, thanks Phil. Random epiphanies are the best kind. Incidentally, since it feels inappropriate not to share, I am insecure about; my prose-writing skills, my cooking skills, my complete inability to grasp poetry, my inability to read musical notation, the difficulties I have keeping spaces tidy, and my inability to overcome the only phobia I have left.
@@hallehuckleberry It's a neurodivergence thing, I think. I don't think I have any symptoms strong enough to put me on the autism spectrum proper, but I definitely have difficulty understanding language with more than one layer of meaning.
My insecurities: I am very insecure about my ideology. I am slowly announcing that I'm an anarchist, but I'm pretty sure my dad would flip out (since we had a heated discussion about Venezuela). I also know people look down on me for that ideology (when I talk about my dream of having a tiny house community, with each their own designed home, people look like it's a crazy idea to have people control their own design for that). BUT I do think my ideas would save the world lol, so for any insecurity I also have moments of grandeur :P.
Considering the history of basically every other ideological group's hatred of anarchists, there's a bit of self-preservation in not screaming it from the rafters... that being said, you are far from alone in carrying the black flag in your head
A lot of people have a very knew jerk reaction to certain words. Which is adjusting since they rarely understand what those words even mean, and are almost never familiar with their philosophers or writers. But if you speak about your hopes and goals and the things you do to try to make the world a little better, you'll find a surprising number of people who either are with you or are even inspired by what you do. They don't have to know they're actually supporting the "dark side", it just matters that they're suddenly viewing things a little differently and may even be a little more hopeful despite themselves.
Believing in a certain ideology like that isn’t as high stakes of a thing as you may think. If my friend was an anarchist I’d say “oh cool” then move on.
I've had plenty of partners compliment my appearance unprompted, but all I can see in the mirror is the things I don't like (naturally high hairline, heavy prescription glasses, etc). Being open about my insecurities (pjysical and otherwise) with my friends is a balancing act of letting them in and not just complaining for complaining's sake. And I don't want to be the one that's constantly down on everything (friend or otherwise, there's only so much negativity people can handle). In regards to physical appearance, one thing I've talked to a few partners about is that "imperfections" are part of what makes you who you are. Moles, scars, snaggle teeth, they're all part of the tapestry and story of who you are. Wish I could make myself feel better the same way I can make them feel better. Like, case in point, when you talk about the things you don't like about your own appearance, my intial response is "I understand why those things would bother him empathetically, but does the dude not get how attractive he is?" I swear I'm not trying to say that in an objectifying way, more just thinking about how skewered our perceptions of ourselves can get trying to live up to that idea of perfection sold to us, despite the people in our lives being not just content but outright enamored by how we are right now, "flaws" and all. Hell, that applies to more than just physical appearance. I may wish I could be more comfortable at parties and other social events, but the people in my life that care about me accept my introversion as part of who I am. In some ways, it's probably a good thing that we can't easily edit who we are, because I don't think a lot of us (myself included) would know when to stop.
Mine is my mental illnesses and especially how my bipolar is causing still (and has already) a major portion of my issues which also includes my ability to keep relationships and havent been able to hold down a job since 2019 with no sight of one coming any time soon. Great video! I love the insight i gained from something i was already aware about (especially within the topic of insecurities), but your video also was able to make it even more tangible (and in some ways i didnt think of prior now made aware about).
Your point towards the end has worked for me, sometimes. Being open and honest about my insecurities to those I know and care for can be really liberating, but man when you get someone throwing it in your face, belittling you, or sharing it with others as a form of cheap gossip can it emotionally devastate you. Definitely on the bandwagon of insecure about my weight, working on it by watching what I eat and exercising. Now you got me thinking I should lay me insecurities out in my journal to get a clearer perspective on them.
I really like this video. I appreciate it. I have a lot of the same insecurities. And the relationship/wanting to feel loved and desired one really hit home hard. I've participated in the internalised misogyny of belittle other women for how they dress or how they look because I was dissatisfied with myself and it gave me a feeling of power that I just didn't have. A lot of this is very relatable and airing it can lessen it's power as well as help us improve. Thank you.
i find my most deeply insecure when i think i've "failed" something, to the point it causes emotional self harm and procs everything else. whether it's grand insecurity over communication as a whole, or the internally ableist "productivity" even when i never think about it with that word, As it's often subbed with the feeling of failing at doing something that day as repeat the sameish day in the same dang bedroom I'm scared how easy it is, i could simmer in losing a competitive game and build up to thinking my life is a waste of resources cuz "i'm not even good at my own hobbies so what am i gonna do about state violence and climate survival" This deep anxiety of failing/ thinking i've already failed/ or knowledge to i've failed to do be , bleeds into much of my life as a great origin for my worst insecurities, and it's probs the same for many others i have adhd and autism and have a ton of my hobbies are skills that are actully 30 skills in a trench coat and take a long time to get "good enough" at. Like visual art, music, playing/running tabletop campaigns, wanting to mod video games, playing them and anarchist activism. So a fellow neurodivergent can imagine the hell my mind puts me though when i inevitably goof it at one of them for a long enough time. ...tho competitive videogames are a whole dang speedrun for this failure spiral! jebus i need to rework my relationship with those. --- over all I'm really bummed out that this conflict is in my brain as i aspire to "love the useless self". But on this planet, where much radical shizz needs doin, i've goofed myself into "ableism for me, not for thee" and dawg i'm fighting for my emotional life in my brain. Hopefully finally being able to get out of the house will heal some of that.
Ok, this is a fact as much as you might consider it a compliment: you are in the minority of political channels on RUclips I *still* watch after extended viewing time. I've spent more hours than most would consider reasonable watching a lot of political RUclipsrs. For context I found your channel around two years ago and I still choose to watch your new videos as soon as I see them in my feed. I am a binger when it comes to media and often enough I start off liking a channel because of its presentation or the vibes or the superficial personality of the talking head, but eventually I will get put off for one of a variety of reasons once I consume more content and/or get to know the personas of the people behind the content better. You and your channel have been consistently relatable, approachable and interesting. Going to try put my nihilism to good use here... For me, all creation and consumption of media is at its base just copium to dull the terrible aspects of the reality we all endure. The format and publisher are poison and fuck up the priorities and intentions of everyone playing this stupid game. Despite that, you seem to be navigating this toxic dump with some measure of grace (at least from my limited perspective). Regardless of what I think, just keep doing the best you that you can do.
I am insecure despite earning an MD and doing work that I KNOW matters. Therapy is the one thing that has helped me walk through my own mind and realize: I am not just my thoughts/emotions, I am also what I do with them.
Dude i probably share at least 80% of the insecurities you listed at the beginning lol. But, getting praise or reassurance on those insecurities doesnt really help. At least not in the long term. This video was a good reminder for me to acknowledge what scares me about myself, and try to disarm the negative internal reactions i have. Self esteem has always been a pain point for me, and its caused me to act out on numerous occasions. But i remind myself that it's primarily because i grew up around disfunction. My self esteem has dramatically improved over the last several years because im actively working to have clearer understanding of myself and others around me. Anyways, i appreciate what you do!
Also, I really like your empathy at 8:43, while still maintaining that it was wrong. Since you didn't mention who the content creator you were talking about was, I'm not going to name names, but I'm pretty certain I know who you're talking about. I was a big fan of that content creator up until everything went down. I never saw it coming. Their actions were inexcusable, and at the time, it was hard for me to understand how someone I respected could have done that. But I think it's important that we understand how people end up making the decisions that they do, even when we're disgusted at their actions. Empathy is not the same as condoning something. When we dehumanize people who do bad things, and reduce them to just 'evil monsters' we let ourselves think that we, and the people we know and love, could never be capable of going down that same path because we're not monsters. We know that we are complicated and act based on emotions, we don't usually think of ourselves and our loved ones as evil. And since we associate horrible actions with a lack of humanity, and evil intent, we don't think of ourselves or our loved ones, as being capable of that kind of harm. Being able to empathize and understand why people do horrible things helps us to better understand how we can prevent that kind of harm from happening in the first place. It allows us to solve the issue at it's source, before anything happens, rather than waiting for someone to actually get hurt.
I feel I have to point out that women feel all these same insecurities, feel weak and unlovable and captives of fate. But by and large we don't choose violence as a response. Men could also make that choice.
Hey man, here's the thing about insecurities. They're okay. We all have them. The great thing about the loving part of the left is that we're all about loving and supporting each other. You don't have to be able to love your wholeself. We'll love the parts you struggle with. You might feel insecure about parts of your look. That's okay, I also feel insecure (and it's also often related to toxic ideologies I don't agree with, but they eat at me anyways). I just want you to know that even on thoe days when you most hate looking at your face in the camera, or whole you're editing, I'm happy you're still willing to share it. I know that if I click your videos that face is going to tell me hard truths with a lot of empathy and caring. And that's a face I'm always glad to see. I was talking about shame with my therapist a few weeks back and they compared shame to mushrooms. They both love hiding in the dark. They said the best way to deal with shame is to stop hiding it and tell someone you trust. It's hard but it's helping me. I hope sharing also helped you.
Rather than try to prop you up (or tear you down), I'll just say this: You're definitely not alone in having a lot of these insecurities. My set isn't identical to yours (I think I'm smarter than John the Duncan... though I'm probably wrong ;) ), but there is lots of overlap. In particular, lots of insecurities around both physical appearance specifically, and just generally my ability to be attractive in a sexual/romantic way to those I find myself attracted to. And yeah, I've had some bad behavior (and urges towards it) as a result, so I think this is a great conversation to be having. Thank you for starting it.
Thanks for sharing, brother. It do be difficult to discuss insecurity and alienation, underneath the ever-watchful, internalized Eye of hegemonic masculinity. How much more so, under the lucid light of (*cough* class-based) intersectionality - when we're vividly and keenly aware of the visceral contradictions between our own exploitation under capitalism and the ways that straight/white-presenting men contribute(d) to the superexploitation and oppression of other groups.. Awkwarrrrrd. It can be really difficult to sit with. I find myself contending with competing sentiments. Indignation and heartbreak, being ostracized, belittled, lied to, and caricatured by my community and family. Sadness and responsibility for how my family, my community, mySELF, and my ancestors have served the system and for how much worse everything is for others. Panic, frustration, and guilt, feeling like I have to interface with this godforsaken system ANYWAY, yearning to ENJOY having children with my wife in the next few years. Shit seems hopeless sometimes. Alienated on so many fronts, and then I feel guilty for feeling so. Who am I to complain? I see Gaza. My wife is Puerto Rican and Guatemalan, I know the histories of their People.. Hhhhh. But then this seems like the type of existential instability that would usher me into accepting mere reforms just to salve my own wounds.. betraying comrades the world over. I'm 27, my pop just had his 2nd kid at my age. He didn't have a choice but to keep his head down and work 70hrs a week until he could breathe properly again. I find myself approaching that same junction and don't want to either lose my revolutionary spirit OR contribute to broader exploitation. Hhh. Anyway. Off I go. Back to work, boys. Let's keep trying to figure things out and help each other along the way ✊🏻
I relate to a lot of the masculine insecurities you brought up. To help with one you briefly mentioned, the place I learned about dialectics is South Park (I know, not the best show with some problematic content but stick with me). It's the Season 7 Episode "I'm a Little Bit Country" where they are exploring what the founding fathers would have to say about the Iraq war. The boys are trying to figure out if they would have been pro-war (thesis) or anti-war (antithesis). Cartman's flashback triggered by dumping himself in a pool of water with History Channel recorded on the TiVo reveals that the founding fathers weren't one or the other, they were both and created a system that allows for both pro and anti-war sentiments to exist (synthesis). It's also a commentary on how America uses anti-war protestors to cover up their aggressive foreign policy (how can we be pro war when all these hippies protest every conflict?) but it also helps get across the idea that there is a dialectic between both sides and that the conditions advance based on how those two halves of the whole communicate with one another. Hope this maybe helped a little bit!
Another great video! As a communist, it's a fine line between seeking justice after the revolution and setting a precedence for totalitarianism. Personally, i struggle with imposter syndrome, social anxiety, financial anxiety, "am i failing as a single father", and (as a white, cis, middle aged man) being an effective ally to the POC and LGBTQIA+ community. Being raised in a Limbaugh-loving family, i internalized a LOT of BS! I wish the Right could acknowledge that they groom and indoctrinate children into cultures of LITERAL hate, fear, and repression! We need to teach that "strength" is being strong enough to battle your own personal demons rather than turning others into demons that need to be fought in person! Love and unity! ✊🏽
I had to face my insecurities this year in order to get clean and a lot of them are things in my power to change but the ones that aren't teach me self acceptance that I can then extend to others with similar insecurities.
Hey Daddy! Always great to see you. Not gonna fill you with platitudes, you old comments from for that. I keep seeing videos that don't seem to apply to me. I am open about my neurodivergent brain, I'm pretty open about my sexuality, and somehow I don't need to tell people I'm black. Growing up with one or all of these has made it difficult to care how others see. Yeah, I think I'm too fat, but it's none of my business what others think of my tummy. Hell yeah! I'd like to be hung like some of the other men in my family. Feeling so short changed! Still, anyone else don't like it: none of my business. I know many people who hate their insecurities and disabilities. I hate that the world has made my life so hard and it shouldn't have. I am well aware of my limitations and I'm not that afraid of people who see them. Maybe some who is in a world changing position can use what they see in me to build a better world after the apocalypse.🥰
Hey Phil 😃 When I fall into regrets about who I used to be or shitty things I've done, it's been helpful to try to refocus & think of it as a review - an opportunity to not only take comfort in how I've changed, but maybe re-interrogate whether I actually have changed as much as I hope. Your way of putting your insecurities out there as a way to diffuse their power over you made me think of (cringe alert) that final battle in "8 Mile," where he just rhymes off a list of his failures & insecurities; his opponent is robbed of his ammunition & chokes... We can sorta rob ourselves of ammo against ourselves that way too 😃 Also, Hey I have the same snaggle-teeth! And one missing from the top row! But thanks to dysphoria about my jaw & facial hair, I don't think about the teeth thing 😅
Oh my god, Jacob also makes me feel wildly inadequate with his gloriously rad beard. Every time he shaves on video or whatever I'm like "it would take me six years to regrow my beard if I did that". And that's only barely scratching the surface of ways I know exactly how you feel. It's scary to admit to shit like that, especially in an open platform like this.
homie, everything you've stated appearance wise is an imperfection that adds onto the sexiness factor most of everything else you've stated is part of the human experience, both fortunately and unfortunately - learning, adjusting, and applying what we've learned to what we want to accomplish. we all make mistakes, but it's the ability to recover from them that is the determining factor. you were a cop once as you've stated a few times on this channel, and you learned from how the system uses the police to hurt people (if they aren't rich and/or white) under the guise of protecting them. you took that experience and applied it in a way that helps tear down this system that not only hurt others, but has hurt you mentally as well. what we're doing now can change how we see and learn from our pasts, and what you're doing now is exactly what is needed. thank you for using your platform to want the world to be a better place, free of coercion, oppression, and destruction. ❤
I think something that's interesting is that so often our insecurities are contrary to our conscious beliefs and expectations of others. So often our insecurities are about things we would never criticize someone else for. Like, I'm pretty outspoken about ableism. I'm deeply against fakeclaiming, I believe that people have inherent value regardless of how they're able to contribute to society, and I would never ever think of another disabled person as a burden. But I'm deeply insecure about my own disability. I'm afraid that I'm somehow unintentionally faking it, despite having proof in the form of various tests and despite believing that experiencing disabling symptoms is enough to be considered disabled, even if someone hasn't been able to get a diagnosis yet. I'm ashamed of needing other people's support, and I feel like a burden for not being able to be as productive as able bodied people or able to work a normal job. My deepest insecurities are completely counter to my core beliefs. I'm deeply against ableism, it's an issue very personal to me, but my own insecurities are still rooted in ableism. Funny how that works.
Thank you for the video! As for naming / owning your insecurities, it made me think of the Riciculus Spell in HP very much, even though that would take it a step further - what do you think? Once you name something, you are also in the process of understanding, and that in itself is a good thing.
Bravo for facing your fears! I hope it gives you power over them in the ways you're looking for; I've done the same kind of thing in the past. I do have to say that I wouldn't be able to share mine as openly with the public. Intersecting marginalizations make it harder to share. That makes it extra wonderful to see it sent towards those with the most privilege! One I will share is that I'm always insecure about how small my reach is, and how that may mean that I can't really become friends with bigger creators lest there always be that perceived motivation of clout chasing. I mean, I started out with the paired practical expectation that I'd never get past 50 subs and the foolish hope that I'd be the next Lindsay Ellis. Hovering around 600 is neither, and it plays with my emotions sometimes.
I think my autism probably shields me from a lot of these kinds of insecurities. I kind of reject the idea that most things matter. I don't need to look particularly good because it's of no value to me, I don't need to know or be good at things that others are good at... I think it's kinda strange that we don't have a way out of these cyclical thought loops. We can know that these are insecurities, we can rationalize it and understand the meaninglessness of it, and wake up to the fact that nobody else notices... And it doesn't help.
I can relate. I have ADHD and I've just come to accept that people will view me as lazy and unmotivated. I have a real lack of dopamine in my brain and struggle with it everyday. No one is going to really understand that I've stopped caring whether they do or not
I’m autistic, but didn’t get diagnosed until this year (I’m 60 today 🎉), and I actually was more insecure before I learned about my autism and that knowledge made me accept myself as I am.
@@JeanieD I definitely have insecurities too, but I don't share the usual ones that people tend to have. It's also more like sore points rather than insecurities, as I don't really have them hanging over me as much, and rather get hit with it hard when I get into the situation I'm insecure about.
I'm insecure that I need too much + ask too much without providing enough in return. I'm insecure that people can see my tweaky ptsd + my trauma will never be addressed by professionals despite my earnest trying with the system & this will always + forever make me a liability + burden to other people, good people who deserve better than to know one more suffering mess who needs too much.
I'm insecure about the fact that I came from a relatively well-off home and relatively rich parents. I moved out when I was a teenager, wanting to prove to my dad that I could pull myself up by my bootstraps. I failed to join the military, failed to get into university and fell into alcoholism, working a minimum wage job that made me miserable. As of the last couple years, I'm an avid marxist. But every time I meet with my family, who pity my circumstances, I just feel so insecure that they won't take me seriously. They see me as a failure and I'm so insecure that any criticism I bring up against capitalism will just be seen as resentment for my failure to make a life for myself.
The insecurity about mutual aid and activism are part of why I don't generally label myself an ancom. It's the political... system(?) that I subscribe to, but I don't walk the walk. And as such, I don't feel I should use the label. I'm too tired and sad and excuses to do anything, generally. I try to just be a kind, good person in my day-to-day life and I tell myself that's enough. Also, I'd kill to have messy, uneven hair, if it meant I had more hair again. So be happy with what you've got!
I know when the whole "advice for men" discourse started, there were a lot of people that were anxious that it was code for "coddle and placate men, like we always do." I appreciated the That Dang Dad video then, and I appreciate that the thread of that discussion carries through. This wasn't a video "for men", insecurities are an everyone problem, but highlighting how insecurity in men gets weaponized continues the work of showing men where they need to look in order to help themselves with antisocial tendencies, and helps illuminate for everyone where those tendencies in men come from. In the spirit of the video, my biggest insecurity is that I might not ever meaningfully connect with anyone. Weird to say when I have a spouse and a friend group who I love very much and who feel mutually. But every time I try to show or explain something to someone that really impacted me, and they don't understand. Or I make a piece of art and think I killed it and get no reaction. Or even just convey how I'm feeling, to have it misconstrued. I feel like an alien. I feel inherently incapable of being understood. I talk myself through it; I get over it. "Language is imperfect." "I'm probably undiagnosed somewhere on some disorder spectrum, I dunno." "They're having they're own feelings right now so their brain's not letting them meet me where I'm at." I *get* it. But I still feel like I'm wrong. Like I'm giving the whole world the wrong idea and I need to learn to do better otherwise I'm lying and obscuring and wasting everyone's time.
I was a very late bloomer so for most of my life I was a very tiny little lad. It has definitely taken some readjustment to the way that I act and speak that people see me as a man who is potentially dangerous now, or scary, or powerful enought to hurt someone, when my self conception is still kinda of a little laddie.
This video has made me realize that I was also very insecure when I was younger. The biggest thing I did was get away from the friend group that (while I don't think were trying to do this) made me feel like I had to keep up with them. Right now my biggest insecurities are around... 1. Eating plant-based 2. Not being knowledgeable enough in my field 2. Knowing or in what is going on locally. (both politically and just general activism)
Jacob Geller is straight up in a league of his own beard-wise (and probably content-wise. I don't think I've ever watched one of his videos that didn't make me a little misty eyed). My big insecurities are being overweight and quite a lot of hair loss. Thanks PCOS
Phil, when you said you have to look up “dialectic” twice a month, I bounced up n down n my wheelchair n screamed “Yes! What is that?!?” Same. Also wanted to say(sry, ur getting some praise whether u like it or not), I have NO teeth rn n am a paralyzed double amputee who gets stared at regularly. Here’s the thing: I have no YT channel n I rly want to start one. What stops me? Fear. You’re not letting your insecurities stop you from putting out content (that helps me enormously, btw). I am. The quantity or quality of our insecurities don’t matter. Only how we live w them does. Ty for this. I feel like this video was yet one more increment moving me towards telling the internet what I need to share. I’m an incredible survivor. Not tooting my own horn-I literally have nvr met anyone who’s been through what I have-NOT to say they don’t exist, I just haven’t met them. That’s worth something to someone-how I did it n keep doing it every day. Ty again for the encouragement. Enjoy the gorgeous Minnesota snow for me!
@@ThatDangDad Awww. You sweetie. I will do it. I keep waiting to lose that weight, or get my teeth, or learn makeup (lifelong butch lesbian but exploring my femininity) b4 I feel like I can be “ready”. But why shouldn’t I share that journey w folks? Have a beautiful dad, Dad!
Virtually every mistake I've ever made was in some way a result of my insecurities (and I've made some BIG fucking mistakes). I've been battling my demons for decades. I don't have a "fear" of rejection/abandonment, I have a pure unmitigated terror of it. I've made progress over the years, but I'm still a pretty big mess, and probably always will be. I just try to do my best to improve, one day at a time. 🤷♂
I do care because I am insecure. I am insecure about many things like the way I act, the way I look, the things I say and do, and how I react to things. I just usually mask it behind fake confidence because I don't want anyone to notice.
Other than being insecure abt my physical appearance in general, I’m very insecure abt being boring. I feel like I rely on my friends to continue whatever discussion we’re having and it makes me nervous for the future of our friendship. I feel like I always need to hang out in groups of friends in case they get bored of me. I also hate how irritated I can get, I end up hurting people and immediately regretting it but I find it hard to apologise.
I have a few insecurities, I feel like I get walked over far too easily and that people in my life don't really respect or care about me all that much. Like I'm just kept around for convenience to them and that any interaction we have is them humoring or patronizing me in some way. If I look back I can see the things that built up that insecurity and it's not logical to keep feeling this way (strict upbringing, significant people in my life who likely have ADHD etc.) But it's still there. On the topic of not feeling smart enough to weigh in on things, I used to have that insecurity but eventually came to the realization that of the vast numbers of political commentators out there most of them aren't even smart enough to have read up or had any experience in their field. A good deal of them are just professionals at simply towing the line that's been handed to them from sources that really ought not to be taken at their word. As such, any commentary made in good faith or drawing on your own experiences is more valuable than that. And it's better making that commentary, even if you don't think it's the best, than it is to cede that space to those other disingenuous actors.
I'm self-conscious about a LOT of things, but insecure about only a few. I think the thing I'm most insecure about is not having all the answers. Like I won't think about my one tooth that stains easier than the others if I'm not looking in a mirror. But I hold on to emails and pdfs until I truly have no space left, on the off chance I'll need that info. I still have most of my college textbooks and notes. I avoid posting my thoughts anywhere less anonymized than RUclips comments in case I get some small factoid wrong or miss-cite some source.
I tend to go for sad more than angry but the thing that will ruins me for a bit is when someone notices I'm better at caring about people in the abstract rather than the person in front of me. It's easy to talk a big game about housing houseless people, much harder to engage with them as people. The other thing is that i don't do manly masculine competition, I don't know how (autistic) but I am fortunate enough to be a 6"2' skilled handyperson so by refusing to play the game and acting confidently camp I sort-of win by default - but then I'm just trading off being physically imposing. If I'm honest, I enjoy winning by breaking the game but in "enjoying winning" I'm not subverting anything. All time I could spend actually helping people instead of perfecting my ideas - which is ultimately fairly narcissistic.
I didn't know that that's what a "snaggletooth" was, because I have had the same thing ever since I got my permanent teeth. Huh, well, thank you for sharing so much about yourself as it helped me learn something new.
When I learned I was autistic, it was a very liberating moment. Same thing with accepting my low self-esteem is just a part of me. I can't fix it, but I can create a good environment for myself. And I agree with the video's statement. It's way better to acknowledge your wesknesses than trying to be someone you're not. It csused me my first big depression after all. But I can still share some insecurities here. Obviously I always doubt about my beliefs. Constantly. But that's not something I consider a bad thing personally in general (I still have internalized racism and fatphobia to works on, though. You know, those instinctive reactions that makes you feel like shit about afterwards, because "you're not like that"?) And since my hair is the first thing I started to truly love about myself (my beard isn't as good as I'd like), seeing that recessing hairline worry me. Sometimes, my height too, even if I'm fully conscious how fake that expectation is, and how little of an issue it is generally (it's even qn advantage whenever I have to go into old houses, or visiting castles and stuff) That's about it.
I have insecurity about being a white man (I became trans in part to alleviate that); but I am also somewhat lucky enough to coast by life with no real struggle; which make me feel guilty. I am also insecure about walking the anarchist walk; but there are also hardly any activist events in my small-ish town. I am most insecure about my ego; I can go "off the rails" when I am passionate about something; and I can alienate my peers, and say stupid shit if I am not careful. This ego insecurity also drives me to think of systems and leadership structures that cannot be overcome by a minority of megalomaniacs; so I have channeled this insecurity into a strength. having insecurities makes me feel insecure, because sometimes I feel like I need to be perfectly mindful of myself, leading to me talking about my insecurities to others.
i'm insecure that my self-critique might not be ruthless enough; that in my efforts to get over every insecurity i could find within myself i may have become insufferably arrogant; that it's too late at almost 45 yrs old to change myself for the better in a way that the people in my life can believe and accept... after that shit all my insecurities are material, like that i'll get hurt and miss time at work and fuckin' become homeless. Or my goddamned teeth will all fall outta' my head.
the body stuff can be so weird bc i can look at all body shapes and sizes and be like “wow 😍” but as soon as i look at mine i can only think “i need to be skinnier”
I'm really insecure about my body. I have the wrong combination of sunken chest and belly, and I've never really liked how I looked. It's never stopped me from being useful to people, but my insecurity has affected me in terms of whether I seek romantic relationships or not, and it's also hurt my ability to be present for the same. And as long as we're sharing, I've also experienced that violent impulse as a result of a sense of powerlessness. I'd never heard it articulated that way, but I guess if it helps any, you're not alone with that.
My hair is vert similar to yours, When i decided to grow it out past my ears, i learned its wavy!! I suspect your might be wavy also. You may want to consider growing it out Growing it out helped me explore what masculinity ideas i had been encoured to live under
I have stereotypical 'British teeth' (yellowed and wonky) and I don't understand how it seems everyone I watch on YT has such straight pearly whites, British and beyond. They aren't my fault and don't bother me so much that I'd pay to get them 'fixed', especially since they don't hurt or anything. But even if I had the straightest, whitest teeth I think I'd still feel overall unattractive due to having severe cerebral palsy - the more I try to relax the tenser and more spasmodic I become, and on the very, very rare occasion someone I find attractive speaks to me I just cannot physically relax and usually end up in a pool of sweat after a basic conversation, like someone out of a Looney Tunes skit. Not that people talk to me these days thanks to my speech impediment and general tiredness of hearing bigoted nonsense. But mainly thanks to my speech impediment. Then again - similar to the previous point - I'm starting to feel like I could have the perfect, clearest voice and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference; I'm just not fun anymore since turning to the Left (and the dip in my mental health), and so it's not worth the effort to keep in touch with me. I do like my eyes and the shape of my nose, though, it'd just be nice once in a blue moon to hear that other people agreed.
I generally feel like I just don't belong....like anywhere. Not even in leftist, progressive, queer or "warm" spaces.
Same 😢
I used to be super insecure about being called out on my whiteness/making mistakes that are so common by white people who have been raised ignorant of their privilege. Eventually I had to admit "yeah I'm a fragile white person." And honestly that helped a lot because now I recognize that thought pattern and have a little flow chart I can follow to soothe myself while honoring criticism. Although I am betting I still won't respond as gracefully as I'd like for being called out.
Wow. The same thing happened to me. Took a lot of soul searching.
I’m descended from truly evil enslavers from Alabama. My ancestor kidnapped, and forced to work, over 200 ppl. He raped the enslaved women, for purposes of breeding these poor ppl like animals.
This is our family legacy. While my mother would condemn all this(she was a good white liberal, right?), she would also talk wistfully about the old times, when we were a rich and powerful family.
I say this to explain how subtly racist I was raised. Nowadays, I’ll get a random racist thought (usually some “othering” idea). Used to rly rly bother me. Now I know it’s just the training of a lifetime. I have these thoughts now(rarely) n I just think, wow, that’s dumb, n have a lil talk w myself about the truth n where that thought might have come from.
My theory is that we, in America, are all steeped in systemic racism our whole lives. It must be an active process for we white folk to trace down those racist tendrils in our minds, n 1 by 1, rip them out. Sry about this novel! Had a lot to say I guess
Ego is a hell of a drug. I know all too well. It’s helpful for me to remember that I’m just a sack of meat and nothing matters except my growth into a person that only intentional brings joy. To that end, I try to be graceful in accepting criticism because, ultimately, to do so humbly makes the world a more hospitable place.
Earth is hell. Corporeal existence is hell. I just want to do my part to make this heaven, even if others as happy to keep it hell. I refuse.
@@yourgodismean4526thanks for your words. That is such an intelligent and compassionate reaction to having unwanted thoughts. “Wow, that’s stupid. I don’t believe that. No.” That is how we rewrite our brains. That is why those thoughts have become more rare for you. By saying “no,” we stop letting them take habit in our mind.
I absolutely agree. If you are a white American (that just means if you are considered “white” as a child- I’m Italian, but I was considered white as a child, but my grandfather was discriminated against), you have racist beliefs. I had to unlearn insane stereotypes that were born from living in a town that was 99.87% white. The only information I knew about non-white people were from stereotypes…. Many were racist stereotypes born from growing up in Appalachia. It’s damn near impossible to grow up without any form of othering. My parents didn’t teach me about skin color in that I didn’t learn that other races had it much more difficult that me. I wasn’t taught to hate. I was taught to be colorblind… and that is hateful because skin color matters when we talk about inequality and lack of access to resources. To be colorblind is to be ignorant of reality. It wasn’t until college when I moved to Los Angeles and took a US history class… that I truly learned and started to unpack my upbringing.
Thanks again for your words and thank you for reading mine if you did. Peace and love.
I'm from Ireland and I've noticed a lot of Irish leftists struggle to confront how privileged the country is in the present day.
Yes we suffered under colonialism but today the Republic of Ireland very much benefits from the legacy of colonialism in the third world.
@@yourgodismean4526 I've been trying to deprogram myself from that kind of American cultural influence for most of my life. I gave up watching TV and most of us substitutes many years ago, I tried deconstructing my beliefs and assumptions so intensely that I started to find my own subconscious assumptions. And then it was time to deconstruct those and see where that led me always trying to move forward and be a better person.
It's hard, because culture is kinda of like the invisible lens you look at the whole world through. It's shapes and colors everything, whether you refused it or not. And American culture is absolutely steeped in systemic racism, the desire to kick down, and meaningless hierarchies that we mostly use just to give certain people a reason fall in with themselves even more.
It's a tough road, but it sounds like you've done a pretty good job so far. Especially considering the environment your coming from. It's not always easy, and it shouldn't ever really stop IMO, but I wish you luck. You sound like a pretty decent person, and that's the most important part IMO.
The ironic thing about insecurities is that others rarely notice them
Controlling/abusive personalities sure love homing in on them tho
@@picahudsoniaunflocked5426 Very true, but they're often just as comfortable make up non-existent issues and driving them home so often and making such a big deal about them that they create insecurities where there might not have been any. Or at least not about whatever the abuser decides they should be insecure about.
That's a large part of what makes psychological abuse so nasty, and its effects so long term
I think the "flaws" aren't noticed, but the insecurity about it is.
Speaking open and honestly about insecurity is some of the best positive masculinity.
Yeah boiiii
Good vulnerability prep for having kids too. Healthy kids.
Straight white man here who has never had sex or been in a relationship. Ik ik, it's the most cliche thing ever but it is what it is. I've found reading Bell Hooks to be really helpful and recognising that I can still create meaning in my life by myself. And who knows, maybe someday I'll meet someone but I want to be fine until then or fine if that never happens.
I must say I empathize with you greatly and I truly applaud you for seeking to better yourself and working to be kind to yourself regardless of relationships you may or may not have. That takes real insight and bravery. We have seen too many men do the complete opposite of what you are doing and turn to misogyny and hatred. Well done, my friend
🩵🩵
Omg hearing you talk about not retaining the stuff you read, feeling insecure about your perceived failures in activism and community, etc was so relatable! I think all the time about how easily I forget stuff I read/learn, how I never do anything with what I'm learning, etc and it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like that.
i’m like that with movies
1. watch movie
2. forget movie
I have cartoonish ADHD, and one thing I discovered that helped me retain something I'm reading is keeping a notebook handy. I can write down quotes, definitions, and even entire trains of reasoning (if reading more complicated things like political theory detailed accounts of war, etc) in broad strokes. Something about the physical act of writing it down helps it stick, and even if it doesn't stick as well as I'd hope the first time out, I now have my very own personally detailed Cliff's notes to look back to.
I don't know if it'll work for anyone else, but it helped me so much that I mention it to anyone with similar issues.
@@RevShiftyDitto, writing things down helps me too. Not even re-reading the thing, just the act of writing it seems to help.
I recognize a lot of this in gatekeeping in trans & disabled communities. People are so insecure about their own status, either within the community or within larger social orders, that they create lists of things that are right and wrong to put themselves in the "right" category. The people in the "wrong" category are then further marginalized, being put down and blamed for transphobia and ableism as if they brought it upon themselves and the community, when they're just existing and trying to make the most of their own lives.
It's hard being trans. It's hard being disabled. Just focusing on the difficulties of accessing medical care when chronically ill: it's really hard when you lack access to care and education, it's hard when you have the education but not the care, it's hard trying to navigate the fucked up medical system to try to access care and resources and even when you get the resources the process is still often immensely traumatizing. When you have fought for years through the hell of a medical system to get access to diagnosis/es, medical care, and related resources, does that mean you have any greater right to disabled identity and community than people who never got that far? No. But you are certainly used to abled people accusing you of faking it, and it can be tempting to say, "no, it's those people over there who are faking it, I'm legitimate". As a result, people who lack access to diagnosis, in addition to already being systemically gatekept from resources they need, are pushed out of disabled communities and gatekept from disabled identities.
Reasons aren’t excuses, they’re an understanding of how we got here.
As for my own insecurities. I have no idea. Not bc they aren’t there, cuz they definitely are. I can see their vague shapes every time my mind is empty for too long. Every time I put off reaching out to my friends to get together. Every time I never look at myself in the mirror as a whole but only in parts.
But these aren’t the insecurities themselves, they’re just the symptoms of larger issues. And I don’t know how to get myself to figure that out. Hell! I don’t even know why I don’t want to figure it out. (That’s a lie. I do. But here we come upon the same issue of not wanting to look)
So yeah. That’s fun. I don’t even know if I want to solve it, and honestly that’s prob at least part of the problem.
Edit: Recently Shanspeare put out a video (The Sad Girl to Female Rage Pipeline) that said something towards the end about how it’s not “men are emotionally repressed, and women have it all figured out”. And I don’t quite remember what it was, but it hit me. Fucking hard.
Idk why I thought about that (cuz it isn’t quite related to the topic of this video), but it might be the me not knowing my insecurities from this and the emotional repression from that.
Sorry about the long comment lol. Ig I had a lot of thoughts?? (And I’m prob overly wordy XD)
Well here I was typing a postive comment when you completely predicted me in the first 30 seconds
I'm not very good at talking to people. I tend to get bulldozed in conversations and in discussions where I disagree with someone else, it feels like everything I say bounces off. I don't think I've ever convinced anyone of anything and nobody listens to me. Even at work in situations where I'm an expert and I try to correct people when I know they're going to fuck something up if I don't say anything, people tend to ignore me and then get mad when things don't work out. This happens a lot and it's made me into a person who barely ever speaks in real life.
If I dig really deep, I think the thing I'm most concerned about is either becoming like my Father, and that I'm actually bad at telling stories. My Father isn't someone I want to emulate, but I always fear that the lack of any other real male figures in my life growing up will lead me to becoming him, and I'd rather be single forever than do that to any (potential kids). I logically know that my deeply held beliefs in person-hood, boundaries, and other similar "progressive" things have already set me apart from him. I love telling stories, be it writing, screenplay, D&D, etc. I logically know that friends willingly come to my D&D games, and even reference them years later. I also logically know that the writings, though semi-anonymous that they are, have garnered many, many views. But...logic doesn't fix the insecurities. Logic doesn't stop that tiny voice that says "Remember that time?" Or "You know, they don't have other options right now to play D&D or read". But...then I remember that I'm not alone, and if someone else is able to work through their insecurities, to take another step forward, then so can I.
Am I better than I was 5 years ago? I think so. 10 years ago? Certainly. But...I've also avoided bringing up certain topics, stopped talking to many people about my writing. So it's a journey, one that I can only hope to take a step forward on each day, and maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be that "someone else" that inspires someone.
I think you should’ve led with the fact that you still look like a cop. No I kid. That’s just my insecurity and my internalized fear of white men in positions of power. Thank you for all u do Dang Dad ❤
years ago I failed at getting a career off the ground and after being a SAHM for 18 years, I'm back in school to do something entirely different. I'm swimming in insecurities about if I'll be able to do this program, it's kind of overwhelming. I really struggle with the feeling of being a failure. one thing I've done recently is given a "persona" to my insecurity-negative-self-talk...it's a little ridiculous gremlin that lives in my head and whenever it says "you're stupid" or "your life is stupid, what are you doing?" I just tell it to shut up. it works a lot better visualizing it as a gremlin, it makes it feel separate from me, which essentially it is, your thoughts aren't "you" anyway, that's been helpful. (my grad program is to become a therapist, so that helps, learning about all the feelings stuff!)
💜The breathe of my insecurities is mirrored in my art. I'm so insecure by being dismissed. Not taken seriously. So I have to turn it up to eleven. If I could just accept me for me, I might be able to produce more art. Which I think should be the goal. And I know that you don't wanna hear it, but your art has educated me. Things that you have said ring in my head on a daily basis. I'm a better person because of you. And I feel more complete considering you a friend and look forward to working with you more in the future. And also, sweet pipe collection. ✊
I would love to pretend my imperfect teeth are entirely fine by me. I was reluctant at first with braces, but eventually decided I would tolerate them. Unfortunately, the insurance company denied the claim, which to the dentist and orthodontist came as a huge surprise. (Thanks austerity politics!). I could only imagine how much worse the insecurity would get if it has been a personal choice, rather than a fine example of the medical and insurance industrial complex.
I appreciate the strength that it must’ve taken to make this video. It’s my belief that one of the best ways to overcome insecurities is through this kind of open and vulnerable discussion and self examination. Self examination leads to self realization then to self awareness
One of my biggest insecurities is that I have no good reason for my desire for violence. I work on that obstacle by listening to my inner empathic voice and always try to understand someone else’s feelings, so that I’m much less inclined to hurt them.
I used to be insecure that I had no musical talent, so I learned as much as I could about music so I could understand that I truly have no musical talent. In that time I developed a set of musical skills through.
I know that I’m neither ugly nor pretty, but I am secure in the knowledge that, on camera, I’m honest about who I am
Thanks for this. When I came out as gay in the 1980s, I wrote letters to the editor of my hometown paper about gay rights (people said gay then more than LGBTQ). I wanted my name in print next to something that made me vulnerable. I wanted to know that if "the government" ever came for the gays, I'd be on someone's list already and couldn't try to pass. I think being open about our doubts and fears and weaknesses is similar. We don't have to worry about our "secret" getting out if we already put it out there. And for the record, I relate to just about every one of the insecurities you mention. I expect many of us do. Thanks again.
That was very brave of you to do, your own personal act of rebellion. I love it
I am super insecure about having failed out of college. I went to college 18 years ago now, and I still have no confidence in myself professionally or academically after failing out. My current job has me working with 10-15 year olds, and I am now confident I could be a really good middle-high school teacher, but my terror at the idea of going back to school is so strong, I don't think I ever will.
I am also insecure about my body as I age. I am getting weaker at an alarming rate, but the things I know will stave this feeling off, exercise, triggers this insecurity because I remember when I could do workouts that were two, three times as hard only five years ago. And so I don't exercise almost at all, and I'm getting weaker faster and faster.
I feel ya... I dipped out of college my first time around after high school. Ended up going back when I was 35. Let me tell you, college (at least undergrad) is a friggin' breeze once you're a full grown up. I did it all online, just followed the instructions (if it asked for 500 words, I gave em 500, for example), 90% of the material is shared among tons of colleges so study materials and flash cards with verbatim answers are everywhere... You might be surprised how less threatening it is with the resources and skillsets you've developed as an adult.
i like how you can be so vulnerable and speak so frankly abt your past experiences, bc they don't define you now. i also like how you personalize ppl taking advantage of others bc i feel like everybody has the capacity to do that and it helps nobody to paint them *all* as monsters, but as deeply insecure individuals who are taking advantage of others to silence that voice inside their mind that says they aren't enough. it's not a good or healthy way to change internal talk, but it is a major way that ppl do, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge
I've always felt like a perpetual outsider who just doesn't belong in this existence, a constant letdown who never 'fits' or 'gets it' the way people around me do or want me to; I'm just never the person society or the people I care about seem to want me to be or say what they want or need. I'm concerned no one likes me for who I am even amongst close friends. I'm scared that one day they'll realize that I'm a vaguely person-shaped manifestation of the deep self-loathing, existential dread, depression, and disgust at existence in general, generally lost and confused when it comes to navigating the world, and that despite my efforts to be loving and kind and gentle it...wont be enough and they'll get sick of me. I'm worried people will perceive me wrongly as someone different, someone 'better' than I am in a way they want and then they'll realize who I am deep down: a sad, small, tired, frightened 'man' who has spent their entire existence tired and scared and confused and wanting to die but being unable to; a slowly decaying corpse bereft of any dream or hope for a better future, utterly incapable of love and intimacy in the way they want...and then they'll leave... It happened recently with someone I cared a lot about.
"Before we can forgive one another, we have to understand one another." ~ Emma Goldman
Transitioning at 25 and feeling behind compared to my friends who were able to transition and had support when they were teens. I knew something was there just didn’t have the courage to jump until now. But I feel gross about my lil tummy , small hips and tiny chest. I know its not what defines a woman but it sucks sometimes.
One of my insecurities is that I think no one cares about what I have to say, regardless of subject. It doesn't help that a few people around me at least act like they don't. I don't think I can make my thoughts come across clearly enough and so have trouble interacting with people, especially if they get heated in response. In the past, this has probably made me come across as aloof and snobby (a few people have told me so).
If it helps, communicating and other social skills can be improved on over time, just like any other kind of skill. What helped me when I was younger was going to concerts a good distance from home, knowing I'd never see these people again and we had at least one thing in common already (the band we were there to see). Those let me work on communication in what might be the least pressured environment possible, and after a while you start adding to the conversations more than just taking them in. You can even meet some wonderful people that hope to pull comments from you, so a group dynamics can form more fluidly.
It can even work with political conversations, provided you leave certain hot button words (ie, socialism, communism, anarchy, etc) out of it if you're in a more conservative area.
I'm apparently the only semi extrovert on the entire internet, so maybe it wouldn't work as well for someone who has a difficult time talking in general. But when there's zero pressure, and almost zero chance you'll ever see any of them again, it can be a great time to experiment with yourself and your abilities. And just like woodcarving, painting, poetry, etc, all skills can be refined with enough practice.
Best of luck regardless.
Probably one of the worst moments of my life was me talking about some game I was excited by and my sister interrupted me to say “you know we don’t care right?” I’ve sense surrounded myself with people who shat my interests but that was something years ago that really stuck with me.
Basically I sympathized and it gets better.
@@ryanb5127 So sorry to hear that! I mean, at least your sister was direct with you (though she could have been nicer about it) so you can avoid the topic with your family. It still sucks to realize that the people who are supposed to be closest to you don't care about the things that make you happy.
Speaking from personal experience, you don't have wild cowlicks: you have wavy/curly hair. Your (probably white) stylists have had no idea what to do with it so they tell you "oh, you have like five cowlicks. It's crazy!" But you have some level of textured hair.
The current wildness is probably the result of it being too short on top; constantly either dry and frizzy or too oily; and/or overbrushed. Things I wish I'd know at the start of figuring out my own hair were:
a) use less shampoo than you think you'll need, and usually only on your scalp (in small, low pressure, circular motions using the flats of your fingertips). If you can obviously see a ton of suds (light suds is fine), you've probably used too much
b) moisturize your hair, including with leave-in or hair oil after showering, but try not to get it on your scalp
c) use wide-tooth combs; style while your hair is wet and has your leave-in in it; let it dry slowly (whether or not you blowdry); and try not to touch your hair after it dries
I grew up hearing the cowlicks thing about my hair. I realized it might not be true when watching the 2021 Last Week Tonight episode about the dismal state of textured hair education in the US and the anti-Black discrimination behind that fact. Which often leaves white people with textured hair shit out of luck, too. The process of figuring it out not only led to a fundamental improvement in my relationship with my own hair, but it led me to a lot of advice that helped with other issues I'd been having (re: styling, skin care, etc).
Anyway, your mileage may vary, but I thought it might help to hear my experience
That's fascinating, thank you
Your honesty is so attractive
A wise cat once said: "Aesthetics is the expression of an inner truth. I'll only ever be a second-rate Justine, but I can be a first-rate Tabby". I always come back to this when I despair at my shortcomings in comparison to others.
I've always been very insecure about how I am percieved as a woman. I don't have any sisters or female cousins and in turn I spent a majority of my life fighting to join what is essentially "boys clubs" that my family formed. I wanted so bad to be acknowledged as a person. Years later I now understand my own greater intelligence and empathy, but those wounds are still there. To be accepted I disavowed all things feminine as a child and never made friends with other girls. And it affects me today as I feel like I don't belong in that category. I don't know sisterhood and it feels like I'm lying to myself everytime I attempt a feminine act. I feel like other women can smell it on me when I talk with them. It's so frustrating.
I also feel insecure about my attractiveness. I'm an ugly girl, and it's hard not to equate that with my valuability as a person. I know I'm an intelligent person, introspection has been a favourite pastime of mine since I can remember, but I've been told over and over growing up that because I'm a girl, It can't be helped that i will be unintelligent. And that left only my looks to make up for it, and I just always looked bland and unnattractive. I'm curious how I'll think about these sentiments i have now in the future. I hope i can look back at this comment without feeling that pain i feel now. I hope thats the case for everyone making comments here.
I’m almost 40 and still can’t grow a beard while my hairline not only recedes but does so in a lopsided fashion. My face in general is pretty asymmetrical and my pecs are quite pathetic despite doing push-ups daily. That said, my wife - who I think is the most beautiful and awesome woman in the world, - finds me good lookin so maybe I’m not the best judge of my own appearances (and maybe you’re not the best judge of yours). Stay positive you beautiful people :)
I feel you. I lost like decades of my life to chronic tragedy and I just feel so badly adjusted compared to everyone else.
Hey there buddy. for what its worth I never even noticed the snaggle tooth or mole situation until you had mentioned it. I like imperfect teeth on a person, i think its charming. Its what makes Patricia Arquette so damn dreamy in True Romance. My biggest insecurities, outside of my weight, which is always the hardest, is my music. I have recorded over 15 hours of songs throughout my life and released maybe 3 hours worth of it because I'm so insecure about the mix or if its too cliche, or too obvious or has been done already. I also struggle with feeling stupid and I am stubborn about seeing anyone about my ADHD so I just live with it and the insecurities that come with it. Also, I was too distracted by your awesome pipe collection to notice anything even remotely related to your hair! Love your work friend! It makes my day
I’m working on being insecure about failing. Funny enough I don’t even know what that means, it’s just this amorphous feeling I’m avoiding that’s definitely linked to childhood trauma. You are right, it helps being open about it. Even just with yourself, then you know what you are working with.
Liked the video, could definitely see myself sharing with some of my clients.
I have a personal theory about what you describe as "this amorphous feeling" linked to "childhood trauma" (quotes are just to quote you, not indicating sarcasm. I'm clarifying because internet comments are where tone goes to die).
I think childhood trauma primes people to experience pain, fear, shame, etc. It becomes sort of a psychic limb. Then, like phantom limb syndrome, even if the abusive/traumatic context is removed, we can still feel it. And, in the absence of a big obvious cause, the "nerve endings" of this limb get activated by unrelated experiences that provoke similar emotions. This is a metaphor, of course, but I feel it too... it's like the trauma continues in my mind but the cause gets attributed to other things out of confusion. I'm working on it, but it's difficult to separate my perception (person X was awful to me) from the reality (person X was being a normal flawed human, and I'm hypersensitive to that, but they're not actually trying to hurt me).
It's painful to think about those secret shames we drag around with us. Harm reduction starts with identifying the harm we do to ourselves + others, & why, & how, & addressing + redressing as much as possible.
Last I checked, Prince's command was to Decolonize [Our] Minds, but he didn't give us a deadline, which suggests it's an ongoing journey, & the battle to become a better person in a world with terrible incentives will take years of us liberating ourselves + others from the de-humanizing forces in s0CiEtY etc.
The fight might be long + hard + full of setbacks + mistakes + disappointments + casualties, but let's take care of each other + our foxhole companions & work to do a little less harm + for a little less harm to be done every day.
I got nothing but hope. Sometimes I don't even have that but I'm counting on people I don't know to be working on themselves + the world too, so when I have nothing else, I think about so many people I owe it to, so many people past, present, & future who deserve my best + that compels me to try to stumble forward a few more steps.
This video touches on such a good point (many good points) & I hope it spurs discussion. I realized while listening that I'm a collectivist so wtf do I act like a staunch libertarian & work so hard to hide my loneliness from comrades? I believe in communal consensus building + mutual aid; why won't I reach out to give + receive in non-transactional ways? I have so much to reflect on. Gonna listen to Prince + have me a Big Purple Funk Think.
Thanks to Phil for the material to reflect on some more stuff, + undoubtably many commenters.
(Yes I am resisting reassuring Phil he's cool --- friends with John The Duncan + Caelan Conrad?!?? omg yeah --- but taking him at his word + honouring his wishes, hopefully I didn't totally mess up that social cue lol.)
You know, this is really refreshing. I've never heard a masculine-presenting person admit that they're insecure about physical aspects of their body before. Because I'm all... neurodivergent and weirdly disconnected from my body in a gendervague-adjacent way, I've never felt any corpus-related insecurities that I'm aware of, and until now I think I just passively assumed that it was because we beardfolk just weren't subjected to the same body-image messaging as our sisters, girlfriends and moms. But uh... yeah, thanks Phil. Random epiphanies are the best kind.
Incidentally, since it feels inappropriate not to share, I am insecure about; my prose-writing skills, my cooking skills, my complete inability to grasp poetry, my inability to read musical notation, the difficulties I have keeping spaces tidy, and my inability to overcome the only phobia I have left.
damn the poetry thing must rlly suck. i kinda feel u there
@@hallehuckleberry It's a neurodivergence thing, I think. I don't think I have any symptoms strong enough to put me on the autism spectrum proper, but I definitely have difficulty understanding language with more than one layer of meaning.
@@danescott2188 that makes sense ☺️
My insecurities: I am very insecure about my ideology. I am slowly announcing that I'm an anarchist, but I'm pretty sure my dad would flip out (since we had a heated discussion about Venezuela). I also know people look down on me for that ideology (when I talk about my dream of having a tiny house community, with each their own designed home, people look like it's a crazy idea to have people control their own design for that). BUT I do think my ideas would save the world lol, so for any insecurity I also have moments of grandeur :P.
Considering the history of basically every other ideological group's hatred of anarchists, there's a bit of self-preservation in not screaming it from the rafters... that being said, you are far from alone in carrying the black flag in your head
A lot of people have a very knew jerk reaction to certain words. Which is adjusting since they rarely understand what those words even mean, and are almost never familiar with their philosophers or writers.
But if you speak about your hopes and goals and the things you do to try to make the world a little better, you'll find a surprising number of people who either are with you or are even inspired by what you do. They don't have to know they're actually supporting the "dark side", it just matters that they're suddenly viewing things a little differently and may even be a little more hopeful despite themselves.
I mean anarchist just leads to facism
Believing in a certain ideology like that isn’t as high stakes of a thing as you may think. If my friend was an anarchist I’d say “oh cool” then move on.
thank you for sharing this. you are an extremely introspective person and i appreciate it greatly. wish you restful sleep.
I've had plenty of partners compliment my appearance unprompted, but all I can see in the mirror is the things I don't like (naturally high hairline, heavy prescription glasses, etc). Being open about my insecurities (pjysical and otherwise) with my friends is a balancing act of letting them in and not just complaining for complaining's sake. And I don't want to be the one that's constantly down on everything (friend or otherwise, there's only so much negativity people can handle).
In regards to physical appearance, one thing I've talked to a few partners about is that "imperfections" are part of what makes you who you are. Moles, scars, snaggle teeth, they're all part of the tapestry and story of who you are. Wish I could make myself feel better the same way I can make them feel better.
Like, case in point, when you talk about the things you don't like about your own appearance, my intial response is "I understand why those things would bother him empathetically, but does the dude not get how attractive he is?" I swear I'm not trying to say that in an objectifying way, more just thinking about how skewered our perceptions of ourselves can get trying to live up to that idea of perfection sold to us, despite the people in our lives being not just content but outright enamored by how we are right now, "flaws" and all.
Hell, that applies to more than just physical appearance. I may wish I could be more comfortable at parties and other social events, but the people in my life that care about me accept my introversion as part of who I am. In some ways, it's probably a good thing that we can't easily edit who we are, because I don't think a lot of us (myself included) would know when to stop.
Mine is my mental illnesses and especially how my bipolar is causing still (and has already) a major portion of my issues which also includes my ability to keep relationships and havent been able to hold down a job since 2019 with no sight of one coming any time soon.
Great video!
I love the insight i gained from something i was already aware about (especially within the topic of insecurities), but your video also was able to make it even more tangible (and in some ways i didnt think of prior now made aware about).
Your point towards the end has worked for me, sometimes. Being open and honest about my insecurities to those I know and care for can be really liberating, but man when you get someone throwing it in your face, belittling you, or sharing it with others as a form of cheap gossip can it emotionally devastate you.
Definitely on the bandwagon of insecure about my weight, working on it by watching what I eat and exercising. Now you got me thinking I should lay me insecurities out in my journal to get a clearer perspective on them.
I really like this video. I appreciate it. I have a lot of the same insecurities. And the relationship/wanting to feel loved and desired one really hit home hard. I've participated in the internalised misogyny of belittle other women for how they dress or how they look because I was dissatisfied with myself and it gave me a feeling of power that I just didn't have. A lot of this is very relatable and airing it can lessen it's power as well as help us improve. Thank you.
3:26 that dang rack arc foreshadowed
i gave u all the clues
i find my most deeply insecure when i think i've "failed" something, to the point it causes emotional self harm and procs everything else.
whether it's grand insecurity over communication as a whole, or the internally ableist "productivity" even when i never think about it with that word, As it's often subbed with the feeling of failing at doing something that day as repeat the sameish day in the same dang bedroom
I'm scared how easy it is, i could simmer in losing a competitive game and build up to thinking my life is a waste of resources cuz "i'm not even good at my own hobbies so what am i gonna do about state violence and climate survival"
This deep anxiety of failing/ thinking i've already failed/ or knowledge to i've failed to do be , bleeds into much of my life as a great origin for my worst insecurities, and it's probs the same for many others
i have adhd and autism and have a ton of my hobbies are skills that are actully 30 skills in a trench coat and take a long time to get "good enough" at.
Like visual art, music, playing/running tabletop campaigns, wanting to mod video games, playing them and anarchist activism.
So a fellow neurodivergent can imagine the hell my mind puts me though when i inevitably goof it at one of them for a long enough time.
...tho competitive videogames are a whole dang speedrun for this failure spiral! jebus i need to rework my relationship with those.
---
over all I'm really bummed out that this conflict is in my brain as i aspire to "love the useless self".
But on this planet, where much radical shizz needs doin, i've goofed myself into "ableism for me, not for thee"
and dawg i'm fighting for my emotional life in my brain.
Hopefully finally being able to get out of the house will heal some of that.
Ok, this is a fact as much as you might consider it a compliment: you are in the minority of political channels on RUclips I *still* watch after extended viewing time. I've spent more hours than most would consider reasonable watching a lot of political RUclipsrs. For context I found your channel around two years ago and I still choose to watch your new videos as soon as I see them in my feed. I am a binger when it comes to media and often enough I start off liking a channel because of its presentation or the vibes or the superficial personality of the talking head, but eventually I will get put off for one of a variety of reasons once I consume more content and/or get to know the personas of the people behind the content better. You and your channel have been consistently relatable, approachable and interesting.
Going to try put my nihilism to good use here... For me, all creation and consumption of media is at its base just copium to dull the terrible aspects of the reality we all endure. The format and publisher are poison and fuck up the priorities and intentions of everyone playing this stupid game. Despite that, you seem to be navigating this toxic dump with some measure of grace (at least from my limited perspective). Regardless of what I think, just keep doing the best you that you can do.
I am insecure despite earning an MD and doing work that I KNOW matters. Therapy is the one thing that has helped me walk through my own mind and realize: I am not just my thoughts/emotions, I am also what I do with them.
Dude i probably share at least 80% of the insecurities you listed at the beginning lol.
But, getting praise or reassurance on those insecurities doesnt really help. At least not in the long term. This video was a good reminder for me to acknowledge what scares me about myself, and try to disarm the negative internal reactions i have.
Self esteem has always been a pain point for me, and its caused me to act out on numerous occasions. But i remind myself that it's primarily because i grew up around disfunction. My self esteem has dramatically improved over the last several years because im actively working to have clearer understanding of myself and others around me.
Anyways, i appreciate what you do!
Also, I really like your empathy at 8:43, while still maintaining that it was wrong. Since you didn't mention who the content creator you were talking about was, I'm not going to name names, but I'm pretty certain I know who you're talking about. I was a big fan of that content creator up until everything went down. I never saw it coming. Their actions were inexcusable, and at the time, it was hard for me to understand how someone I respected could have done that. But I think it's important that we understand how people end up making the decisions that they do, even when we're disgusted at their actions. Empathy is not the same as condoning something. When we dehumanize people who do bad things, and reduce them to just 'evil monsters' we let ourselves think that we, and the people we know and love, could never be capable of going down that same path because we're not monsters. We know that we are complicated and act based on emotions, we don't usually think of ourselves and our loved ones as evil. And since we associate horrible actions with a lack of humanity, and evil intent, we don't think of ourselves or our loved ones, as being capable of that kind of harm.
Being able to empathize and understand why people do horrible things helps us to better understand how we can prevent that kind of harm from happening in the first place. It allows us to solve the issue at it's source, before anything happens, rather than waiting for someone to actually get hurt.
Thanks for this dude, I'm gonna make a real effort to tackle my own insecurities.
I feel I have to point out that women feel all these same insecurities, feel weak and unlovable and captives of fate. But by and large we don't choose violence as a response. Men could also make that choice.
And most people do not feel powerful. I do not understand the desire to try to force power with violence.
Hey man, here's the thing about insecurities. They're okay. We all have them. The great thing about the loving part of the left is that we're all about loving and supporting each other. You don't have to be able to love your wholeself. We'll love the parts you struggle with.
You might feel insecure about parts of your look. That's okay, I also feel insecure (and it's also often related to toxic ideologies I don't agree with, but they eat at me anyways). I just want you to know that even on thoe days when you most hate looking at your face in the camera, or whole you're editing, I'm happy you're still willing to share it. I know that if I click your videos that face is going to tell me hard truths with a lot of empathy and caring. And that's a face I'm always glad to see.
I was talking about shame with my therapist a few weeks back and they compared shame to mushrooms. They both love hiding in the dark. They said the best way to deal with shame is to stop hiding it and tell someone you trust. It's hard but it's helping me. I hope sharing also helped you.
Rather than try to prop you up (or tear you down), I'll just say this: You're definitely not alone in having a lot of these insecurities. My set isn't identical to yours (I think I'm smarter than John the Duncan... though I'm probably wrong ;) ), but there is lots of overlap. In particular, lots of insecurities around both physical appearance specifically, and just generally my ability to be attractive in a sexual/romantic way to those I find myself attracted to. And yeah, I've had some bad behavior (and urges towards it) as a result, so I think this is a great conversation to be having. Thank you for starting it.
Was that Jacob Gellar? Because he does have a really good beard
it surely was
A beard with absolute Presence
Thanks for sharing, brother.
It do be difficult to discuss insecurity and alienation, underneath the ever-watchful, internalized Eye of hegemonic masculinity.
How much more so, under the lucid light of (*cough* class-based) intersectionality - when we're vividly and keenly aware of the visceral contradictions between our own exploitation under capitalism and the ways that straight/white-presenting men contribute(d) to the superexploitation and oppression of other groups..
Awkwarrrrrd.
It can be really difficult to sit with.
I find myself contending with competing sentiments.
Indignation and heartbreak, being ostracized, belittled, lied to, and caricatured by my community and family.
Sadness and responsibility for how my family, my community, mySELF, and my ancestors have served the system and for how much worse everything is for others.
Panic, frustration, and guilt, feeling like I have to interface with this godforsaken system ANYWAY, yearning to ENJOY having children with my wife in the next few years.
Shit seems hopeless sometimes.
Alienated on so many fronts, and then I feel guilty for feeling so.
Who am I to complain? I see Gaza. My wife is Puerto Rican and Guatemalan, I know the histories of their People..
Hhhhh. But then this seems like the type of existential instability that would usher me into accepting mere reforms just to salve my own wounds.. betraying comrades the world over.
I'm 27, my pop just had his 2nd kid at my age. He didn't have a choice but to keep his head down and work 70hrs a week until he could breathe properly again.
I find myself approaching that same junction and don't want to either lose my revolutionary spirit OR contribute to broader exploitation.
Hhh. Anyway. Off I go.
Back to work, boys.
Let's keep trying to figure things out and help each other along the way ✊🏻
I relate to a lot of the masculine insecurities you brought up. To help with one you briefly mentioned, the place I learned about dialectics is South Park (I know, not the best show with some problematic content but stick with me).
It's the Season 7 Episode "I'm a Little Bit Country" where they are exploring what the founding fathers would have to say about the Iraq war. The boys are trying to figure out if they would have been pro-war (thesis) or anti-war (antithesis). Cartman's flashback triggered by dumping himself in a pool of water with History Channel recorded on the TiVo reveals that the founding fathers weren't one or the other, they were both and created a system that allows for both pro and anti-war sentiments to exist (synthesis).
It's also a commentary on how America uses anti-war protestors to cover up their aggressive foreign policy (how can we be pro war when all these hippies protest every conflict?) but it also helps get across the idea that there is a dialectic between both sides and that the conditions advance based on how those two halves of the whole communicate with one another. Hope this maybe helped a little bit!
that model awkwardly holding up a burger and a dumbell without either taking a bite or doing reps is the funniest fucking thing i've seen all day
I searched for "woman salad laughing" and was extremely pleased
Another great video! As a communist, it's a fine line between seeking justice after the revolution and setting a precedence for totalitarianism.
Personally, i struggle with imposter syndrome, social anxiety, financial anxiety, "am i failing as a single father", and (as a white, cis, middle aged man) being an effective ally to the POC and LGBTQIA+ community. Being raised in a Limbaugh-loving family, i internalized a LOT of BS! I wish the Right could acknowledge that they groom and indoctrinate children into cultures of LITERAL hate, fear, and repression!
We need to teach that "strength" is being strong enough to battle your own personal demons rather than turning others into demons that need to be fought in person!
Love and unity! ✊🏽
I had to face my insecurities this year in order to get clean and a lot of them are things in my power to change but the ones that aren't teach me self acceptance that I can then extend to others with similar insecurities.
Hey Daddy! Always great to see you. Not gonna fill you with platitudes, you old comments from for that. I keep seeing videos that don't seem to apply to me. I am open about my neurodivergent brain, I'm pretty open about my sexuality, and somehow I don't need to tell people I'm black. Growing up with one or all of these has made it difficult to care how others see. Yeah, I think I'm too fat, but it's none of my business what others think of my tummy. Hell yeah! I'd like to be hung like some of the other men in my family. Feeling so short changed! Still, anyone else don't like it: none of my business. I know many people who hate their insecurities and disabilities. I hate that the world has made my life so hard and it shouldn't have. I am well aware of my limitations and I'm not that afraid of people who see them. Maybe some who is in a world changing position can use what they see in me to build a better world after the apocalypse.🥰
Hey Phil 😃 When I fall into regrets about who I used to be or shitty things I've done, it's been helpful to try to refocus & think of it as a review - an opportunity to not only take comfort in how I've changed, but maybe re-interrogate whether I actually have changed as much as I hope.
Your way of putting your insecurities out there as a way to diffuse their power over you made me think of (cringe alert) that final battle in "8 Mile," where he just rhymes off a list of his failures & insecurities; his opponent is robbed of his ammunition & chokes... We can sorta rob ourselves of ammo against ourselves that way too 😃
Also, Hey I have the same snaggle-teeth! And one missing from the top row! But thanks to dysphoria about my jaw & facial hair, I don't think about the teeth thing 😅
Oh my god, Jacob also makes me feel wildly inadequate with his gloriously rad beard. Every time he shaves on video or whatever I'm like "it would take me six years to regrow my beard if I did that". And that's only barely scratching the surface of ways I know exactly how you feel. It's scary to admit to shit like that, especially in an open platform like this.
Lots to think about, Phil - always grateful for how you manage to have that effect on me. ❤
homie, everything you've stated appearance wise is an imperfection that adds onto the sexiness factor
most of everything else you've stated is part of the human experience, both fortunately and unfortunately - learning, adjusting, and applying what we've learned to what we want to accomplish. we all make mistakes, but it's the ability to recover from them that is the determining factor.
you were a cop once as you've stated a few times on this channel, and you learned from how the system uses the police to hurt people (if they aren't rich and/or white) under the guise of protecting them. you took that experience and applied it in a way that helps tear down this system that not only hurt others, but has hurt you mentally as well.
what we're doing now can change how we see and learn from our pasts, and what you're doing now is exactly what is needed. thank you for using your platform to want the world to be a better place, free of coercion, oppression, and destruction. ❤
I think something that's interesting is that so often our insecurities are contrary to our conscious beliefs and expectations of others. So often our insecurities are about things we would never criticize someone else for. Like, I'm pretty outspoken about ableism. I'm deeply against fakeclaiming, I believe that people have inherent value regardless of how they're able to contribute to society, and I would never ever think of another disabled person as a burden. But I'm deeply insecure about my own disability. I'm afraid that I'm somehow unintentionally faking it, despite having proof in the form of various tests and despite believing that experiencing disabling symptoms is enough to be considered disabled, even if someone hasn't been able to get a diagnosis yet. I'm ashamed of needing other people's support, and I feel like a burden for not being able to be as productive as able bodied people or able to work a normal job. My deepest insecurities are completely counter to my core beliefs. I'm deeply against ableism, it's an issue very personal to me, but my own insecurities are still rooted in ableism. Funny how that works.
Thank you for the video!
As for naming / owning your insecurities, it made me think of the Riciculus Spell in HP very much, even though that would take it a step further - what do you think?
Once you name something, you are also in the process of understanding, and that in itself is a good thing.
In my experience, fishing for praise never works because my self loathing simply vetoes any praise I ever get.
Bravo for facing your fears! I hope it gives you power over them in the ways you're looking for; I've done the same kind of thing in the past.
I do have to say that I wouldn't be able to share mine as openly with the public. Intersecting marginalizations make it harder to share. That makes it extra wonderful to see it sent towards those with the most privilege!
One I will share is that I'm always insecure about how small my reach is, and how that may mean that I can't really become friends with bigger creators lest there always be that perceived motivation of clout chasing. I mean, I started out with the paired practical expectation that I'd never get past 50 subs and the foolish hope that I'd be the next Lindsay Ellis. Hovering around 600 is neither, and it plays with my emotions sometimes.
I feel ya (but I'm still glad we're pals)
@@ThatDangDad :)
I think my autism probably shields me from a lot of these kinds of insecurities. I kind of reject the idea that most things matter.
I don't need to look particularly good because it's of no value to me, I don't need to know or be good at things that others are good at...
I think it's kinda strange that we don't have a way out of these cyclical thought loops. We can know that these are insecurities, we can rationalize it and understand the meaninglessness of it, and wake up to the fact that nobody else notices... And it doesn't help.
I can relate. I have ADHD and I've just come to accept that people will view me as lazy and unmotivated. I have a real lack of dopamine in my brain and struggle with it everyday. No one is going to really understand that I've stopped caring whether they do or not
I’m autistic, but didn’t get diagnosed until this year (I’m 60 today 🎉), and I actually was more insecure before I learned about my autism and that knowledge made me accept myself as I am.
@@JeanieD I definitely have insecurities too, but I don't share the usual ones that people tend to have. It's also more like sore points rather than insecurities, as I don't really have them hanging over me as much, and rather get hit with it hard when I get into the situation I'm insecure about.
I'm insecure that I need too much + ask too much without providing enough in return. I'm insecure that people can see my tweaky ptsd + my trauma will never be addressed by professionals despite my earnest trying with the system & this will always + forever make me a liability + burden to other people, good people who deserve better than to know one more suffering mess who needs too much.
I'm insecure about the fact that I came from a relatively well-off home and relatively rich parents. I moved out when I was a teenager, wanting to prove to my dad that I could pull myself up by my bootstraps. I failed to join the military, failed to get into university and fell into alcoholism, working a minimum wage job that made me miserable.
As of the last couple years, I'm an avid marxist. But every time I meet with my family, who pity my circumstances, I just feel so insecure that they won't take me seriously. They see me as a failure and I'm so insecure that any criticism I bring up against capitalism will just be seen as resentment for my failure to make a life for myself.
Damn, I resonate with a lot of your insecurities.
The insecurity about mutual aid and activism are part of why I don't generally label myself an ancom. It's the political... system(?) that I subscribe to, but I don't walk the walk. And as such, I don't feel I should use the label. I'm too tired and sad and excuses to do anything, generally. I try to just be a kind, good person in my day-to-day life and I tell myself that's enough.
Also, I'd kill to have messy, uneven hair, if it meant I had more hair again. So be happy with what you've got!
I know when the whole "advice for men" discourse started, there were a lot of people that were anxious that it was code for "coddle and placate men, like we always do."
I appreciated the That Dang Dad video then, and I appreciate that the thread of that discussion carries through.
This wasn't a video "for men", insecurities are an everyone problem, but highlighting how insecurity in men gets weaponized continues the work of showing men where they need to look in order to help themselves with antisocial tendencies, and helps illuminate for everyone where those tendencies in men come from.
In the spirit of the video, my biggest insecurity is that I might not ever meaningfully connect with anyone. Weird to say when I have a spouse and a friend group who I love very much and who feel mutually. But every time I try to show or explain something to someone that really impacted me, and they don't understand. Or I make a piece of art and think I killed it and get no reaction. Or even just convey how I'm feeling, to have it misconstrued. I feel like an alien. I feel inherently incapable of being understood.
I talk myself through it; I get over it. "Language is imperfect." "I'm probably undiagnosed somewhere on some disorder spectrum, I dunno." "They're having they're own feelings right now so their brain's not letting them meet me where I'm at."
I *get* it. But I still feel like I'm wrong. Like I'm giving the whole world the wrong idea and I need to learn to do better otherwise I'm lying and obscuring and wasting everyone's time.
I was a very late bloomer so for most of my life I was a very tiny little lad. It has definitely taken some readjustment to the way that I act and speak that people see me as a man who is potentially dangerous now, or scary, or powerful enought to hurt someone, when my self conception is still kinda of a little laddie.
Thank you, Phil.
This video has made me realize that I was also very insecure when I was younger. The biggest thing I did was get away from the friend group that (while I don't think were trying to do this) made me feel like I had to keep up with them.
Right now my biggest insecurities are around...
1. Eating plant-based
2. Not being knowledgeable enough in my field
2. Knowing or in what is going on locally. (both politically and just general activism)
I'm insecure about many things, but currently unwilling to share publicly
Do what you can, where you can, for as long as you can
Jacob Geller is straight up in a league of his own beard-wise (and probably content-wise. I don't think I've ever watched one of his videos that didn't make me a little misty eyed).
My big insecurities are being overweight and quite a lot of hair loss. Thanks PCOS
Phil, when you said you have to look up “dialectic” twice a month, I bounced up n down n my wheelchair n screamed “Yes! What is that?!?” Same.
Also wanted to say(sry, ur getting some praise whether u like it or not), I have NO teeth rn n am a paralyzed double amputee who gets stared at regularly. Here’s the thing: I have no YT channel n I rly want to start one. What stops me? Fear.
You’re not letting your insecurities stop you from putting out content (that helps me enormously, btw). I am. The quantity or quality of our insecurities don’t matter. Only how we live w them does.
Ty for this. I feel like this video was yet one more increment moving me towards telling the internet what I need to share.
I’m an incredible survivor. Not tooting my own horn-I literally have nvr met anyone who’s been through what I have-NOT to say they don’t exist, I just haven’t met them. That’s worth something to someone-how I did it n keep doing it every day. Ty again for the encouragement. Enjoy the gorgeous Minnesota snow for me!
Thank you for sharing and I hope you do start that channel. I'll be your first subscriber!
@@ThatDangDad Awww. You sweetie. I will do it. I keep waiting to lose that weight, or get my teeth, or learn makeup (lifelong butch lesbian but exploring my femininity) b4 I feel like I can be “ready”. But why shouldn’t I share that journey w folks? Have a beautiful dad, Dad!
Virtually every mistake I've ever made was in some way a result of my insecurities (and I've made some BIG fucking mistakes). I've been battling my demons for decades. I don't have a "fear" of rejection/abandonment, I have a pure unmitigated terror of it. I've made progress over the years, but I'm still a pretty big mess, and probably always will be. I just try to do my best to improve, one day at a time. 🤷♂
the insecurity damage cycle is so real
I do care because I am insecure. I am insecure about many things like the way I act, the way I look, the things I say and do, and how I react to things. I just usually mask it behind fake confidence because I don't want anyone to notice.
Other than being insecure abt my physical appearance in general, I’m very insecure abt being boring. I feel like I rely on my friends to continue whatever discussion we’re having and it makes me nervous for the future of our friendship. I feel like I always need to hang out in groups of friends in case they get bored of me. I also hate how irritated I can get, I end up hurting people and immediately regretting it but I find it hard to apologise.
I have a few insecurities, I feel like I get walked over far too easily and that people in my life don't really respect or care about me all that much. Like I'm just kept around for convenience to them and that any interaction we have is them humoring or patronizing me in some way. If I look back I can see the things that built up that insecurity and it's not logical to keep feeling this way (strict upbringing, significant people in my life who likely have ADHD etc.) But it's still there.
On the topic of not feeling smart enough to weigh in on things, I used to have that insecurity but eventually came to the realization that of the vast numbers of political commentators out there most of them aren't even smart enough to have read up or had any experience in their field. A good deal of them are just professionals at simply towing the line that's been handed to them from sources that really ought not to be taken at their word. As such, any commentary made in good faith or drawing on your own experiences is more valuable than that. And it's better making that commentary, even if you don't think it's the best, than it is to cede that space to those other disingenuous actors.
I'm self-conscious about a LOT of things, but insecure about only a few. I think the thing I'm most insecure about is not having all the answers. Like I won't think about my one tooth that stains easier than the others if I'm not looking in a mirror. But I hold on to emails and pdfs until I truly have no space left, on the off chance I'll need that info. I still have most of my college textbooks and notes. I avoid posting my thoughts anywhere less anonymized than RUclips comments in case I get some small factoid wrong or miss-cite some source.
I tend to go for sad more than angry but the thing that will ruins me for a bit is when someone notices I'm better at caring about people in the abstract rather than the person in front of me. It's easy to talk a big game about housing houseless people, much harder to engage with them as people.
The other thing is that i don't do manly masculine competition, I don't know how (autistic) but I am fortunate enough to be a 6"2' skilled handyperson so by refusing to play the game and acting confidently camp I sort-of win by default - but then I'm just trading off being physically imposing. If I'm honest, I enjoy winning by breaking the game but in "enjoying winning" I'm not subverting anything.
All time I could spend actually helping people instead of perfecting my ideas - which is ultimately fairly narcissistic.
I didn't know that that's what a "snaggletooth" was, because I have had the same thing ever since I got my permanent teeth. Huh, well, thank you for sharing so much about yourself as it helped me learn something new.
Always a lovely and thoughtful experience. Thank you.
I'm mostly insecure about my art. I don't feel like I really deserve to be an artist or to be in art school and pursue the visual arts
When I learned I was autistic, it was a very liberating moment. Same thing with accepting my low self-esteem is just a part of me. I can't fix it, but I can create a good environment for myself. And I agree with the video's statement. It's way better to acknowledge your wesknesses than trying to be someone you're not. It csused me my first big depression after all.
But I can still share some insecurities here. Obviously I always doubt about my beliefs. Constantly. But that's not something I consider a bad thing personally in general (I still have internalized racism and fatphobia to works on, though. You know, those instinctive reactions that makes you feel like shit about afterwards, because "you're not like that"?)
And since my hair is the first thing I started to truly love about myself (my beard isn't as good as I'd like), seeing that recessing hairline worry me. Sometimes, my height too, even if I'm fully conscious how fake that expectation is, and how little of an issue it is generally (it's even qn advantage whenever I have to go into old houses, or visiting castles and stuff)
That's about it.
I caught the Dana Carvey reference to pockets and M&Ms
Super useful and necessary video!
I have insecurity about being a white man (I became trans in part to alleviate that); but I am also somewhat lucky enough to coast by life with no real struggle; which make me feel guilty. I am also insecure about walking the anarchist walk; but there are also hardly any activist events in my small-ish town.
I am most insecure about my ego; I can go "off the rails" when I am passionate about something; and I can alienate my peers, and say stupid shit if I am not careful. This ego insecurity also drives me to think of systems and leadership structures that cannot be overcome by a minority of megalomaniacs; so I have channeled this insecurity into a strength. having insecurities makes me feel insecure, because sometimes I feel like I need to be perfectly mindful of myself, leading to me talking about my insecurities to others.
i'm insecure that my self-critique might not be ruthless enough; that in my efforts to get over every insecurity i could find within myself i may have become insufferably arrogant; that it's too late at almost 45 yrs old to change myself for the better in a way that the people in my life can believe and accept... after that shit all my insecurities are material, like that i'll get hurt and miss time at work and fuckin' become homeless. Or my goddamned teeth will all fall outta' my head.
the body stuff can be so weird bc i can look at all body shapes and sizes and be like “wow 😍” but as soon as i look at mine i can only think “i need to be skinnier”
Never noticed anything about his face until he pointed them out, then after about a minute I already forgot about them
I'm really insecure about my body. I have the wrong combination of sunken chest and belly, and I've never really liked how I looked. It's never stopped me from being useful to people, but my insecurity has affected me in terms of whether I seek romantic relationships or not, and it's also hurt my ability to be present for the same.
And as long as we're sharing, I've also experienced that violent impulse as a result of a sense of powerlessness. I'd never heard it articulated that way, but I guess if it helps any, you're not alone with that.
My hair is vert similar to yours,
When i decided to grow it out past my ears, i learned its wavy!!
I suspect your might be wavy also. You may want to consider growing it out
Growing it out helped me explore what masculinity ideas i had been encoured to live under
Personally, I'm insecure about being a bad person. I recognize that can lead to harm and I need to work on it.
I have stereotypical 'British teeth' (yellowed and wonky) and I don't understand how it seems everyone I watch on YT has such straight pearly whites, British and beyond. They aren't my fault and don't bother me so much that I'd pay to get them 'fixed', especially since they don't hurt or anything. But even if I had the straightest, whitest teeth I think I'd still feel overall unattractive due to having severe cerebral palsy - the more I try to relax the tenser and more spasmodic I become, and on the very, very rare occasion someone I find attractive speaks to me I just cannot physically relax and usually end up in a pool of sweat after a basic conversation, like someone out of a Looney Tunes skit.
Not that people talk to me these days thanks to my speech impediment and general tiredness of hearing bigoted nonsense. But mainly thanks to my speech impediment. Then again - similar to the previous point - I'm starting to feel like I could have the perfect, clearest voice and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference; I'm just not fun anymore since turning to the Left (and the dip in my mental health), and so it's not worth the effort to keep in touch with me.
I do like my eyes and the shape of my nose, though, it'd just be nice once in a blue moon to hear that other people agreed.
D) All of the above. Great video again. Thank you for sharing
What a brave video. Thank you