Completely understandable, and unfortunate familiar for me, because a guy admitted he likes me because I "seemed like I had a child's thought process". Huh. Weird... he also called me a loli because I was much shorted (despite being 7 months older)
@@captaincaspian42 the opposite happens to me T^T boys who don't even know me except online but have a mommy kink would suddenly start role-playing and pretending to be a child just because I was older and give good advice? People just come unsolicited. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope it doesn't effect you negatively.
About degradation kinks: the community would immediately recognise someone with "I'm better than you" in their Tinder bio as someone unsafe to play with. Kinks in general but especially stuff like degradation needs to be talked out beforehand so both people know what they're okay with (e.g. someone might want to be degraded about their intelligence, but not okay with bodyshaming).
I was about to make a comment explaining this, but you said it much more eloquently than I could have. Like Sav said, it’s all about consent. Communication and negotiation is key for all kink, but especially the more verbal ones, imo. It’s easier (at least for me) to explain hard limits with more physical kinks, if that makes sense.
@@cameronwhaley2214 Yea, some of my kinks enter into a very uhhhh unconventional place and really need to be discussed beforehand every single time because otherwise... it's just assault. Especially since mine are also mostly tied to various traumas I've experienced and as such can be really risky to engage in without proper communication.
Yeah, degradation kinks are really iffy on who's safe, too. As many people hear degradation (at least in my experience) and don't stop to ask about it, they just start insulting me. :/
I would watch a movie about superhero called I want to see your boobies. Sounds like some good shit. Its like that movie hobo with a shotgun. It just sounds interesting.
@@KingKajiit well, sorry if that offended you But like, this is the last person I want to hear commentating from on some random messages sent to her discord or whatever it is, with people being dumb on messages 💀
5:26 I'm sorry, but "Excuse me but I don't think you understand I'm 6'3 with tattoos" made me laugh. Does he think that real life works like a video game, where by choosing the right dialogue option (saying he's 6'3 with tattoos) he'll unlock the sex achievement or something like that??
@@movingonfromresentingwomen she didn’t want to hook up/have a one night stand! she probably would have said yes if he had asked her on a proper date but he made it pretty clear he was looking for a hookup and she’s looking for dates
@@movingonfromresentingwomen she said she's not looking for a hookup, nothing about dates. Also thete is a huge difference in numbers of men and women in those apps which might count into the complaints you've heard.
@Moving On From Resenting Women not to mention how women get flooded by negative attention on those apps, and know that any response might come with a violent threat. No I don't feel bad if a guy thinks women aren't good conversationalists.
Dominatrix here with a specialty in degradation and sadism. you're right, degradation is done within boundaries. Before any session takes place, a long talk is had between dom and sub to negotiate the parameters of the scene, what do you like? What is off limit? What does it look like if you're in real distress? That kind fo stuff. It should also be noted that after a session, aftercare is needed where you comfort and take care of the emotions of the sub since kink sessions are very intense. Outside of a session, people are just people and deserving of respect. If someone just makes you feel inferiorn right off the bat without any negotiations taking place, that's not a dom, that's an abuser, run.
Damn that profession needs a full on psychology degree. And honestly even masochists can be disgusting people who violate boundaries pressuring you to do things you don't want to for their own pleasure and that also messes up your brain (yes, experience:c) It needs so so many boundaries and discussions, and good mental strenght on both sides. I hate how mainstream it became and a part of popculture when it requires so so much and it's such a mental risk for both parties Ur doing gods work anyway
@@Angela1111122222 Extremely good point about masochists can also violate boundaries. Consent and boundaries is a two way street, some people see doms as unfeeling or just people who can "take it" but we are human too. I have also been on the receiving hand of this once, back when I wasn't as good at talking and vetting the people I play with first. It was a harsh lesson.
@@Ophelia381 I have a strong aversion to degradation and pain personally due to a very long and complicated background, though non-sexual. To say I don't entirely get the position of sadism in sex, or even sex in general, is probably a bit of an understatement but reading through this the psychology of it all is really fascinating. A big question that came to mind is how does the mind set mess with the person in the position of power? Like obviously the side effects of degradation regardless of welcomed or not are easy to understand for the person being degraded, but I can't imagine continued action doesn't eventually start to mess with your mentality in a power position? Sorry if this is a little incomprehensible.
@@pixaphy Well, I can only speak for myself but after I dom someone I get something called a drop, which is a sort of emotional crash. Usually I get bad thoughts like "I am a bad person for enjoying this" but this is where the concept of aftercare comes in. Aftercare is a moment of tenderness and care after a session, to reassure both parties and refill emotional batteries. The thing that makes stuff like degradation or sadism work is that you both get to indulge in something that's not normally okay to indulge in, but in a healthy and self contained way. There is a big separation between: this is a scene and this is real life. I would be mortified to hurt someone, physically or emotionally in real life, I hate the idea of causing pain to people. But in a controlled environment, where we both want it and we both set clear boundaries and ways to establish consent, I can allow myself to dig into that part of me. Good doms and good BDSM relies on that separation and enforcement of consent to work. It doesn't really have a long term effect on me as a person, to be honest, other than the more I did kink the better I got about talking and respecting consent and boundaries.
I had this man saying “nobody’s gotta know” after I repeatedly told him I was a lesbian… they genuinely think we do it by choice for some type of reputation because they can’t fathom the idea of a woman not liking them
It's the same attitude, they have when approaching straight women. "If I'm just persistent enough, and harass and follow her like total creep, then she's gonna fall in love me with, even tho she clearly says and shows no she's not interested, but i don't care, I don't take no for an answer. Women don't know what they want, I know what they want". These type of guys are so damn toxic. If a woman is gay or straight but just not interested, then leave her alone, she's never going to change her opinion about you, just because you wish for that to happen, and why would you wanna be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you anyway.
"if I was straight you would have to deal with the bitter truth that I'd still not date you, so consider yourself lucky" is what I answer to these men.
Sometimes I wonder how my husband and I got married, because we are both very socially inapt, but watching those videos I think we aren't that bad after all. We may be awkward, but we aren't creepy / disgusting.
@@captaincaspian42 As a weirdo, I can only be in a relationship with another weirdo with the same type of humor! It's so much more fun being with them especially since I have to be friends before all else. You're totally right, "Silly weirdoes unite!!"
About degradation kinks: Yeah, it's something that for most people only happen during specific scenes. Outside of it, the degrader still treats the degradee with respect. Afterwards you even are supposed to provide aftercare to the degradee, so that it doesn't hurt their self esteem long term. That way it stays safe and consensual.
@@ananousous Bc he want nudes of her, while assuming she is straight and wanting her to drop her actual (at that time) girlfriend for him, since he saw "in her eyes" that she was straight. if he was a girl or a non binary person it wouldn't make sense at all
@@ananousous Bc that's not what happended. They were mad that she rejected them in order to keep her (in their eyes) facade of not being straight. I think it's pretty obvious if you get into consideration that it's a person who knew she was in a relationship with a girl at that momment Edit: At least, that's my view at that conversation, since i'm not them, I realize that i can obviously be wrong, but i thought at the momment that it was a safe assumption, since i can't really understand how it would work if that person were a girl. Also because Kiwi said that those were messanges from random men, i thought that she would say random ppl if they weren't all men. Anyway, if you think they are a girl, that's okay, and i'm sorry if i came off rude or anything
Interesting how that one guy acknowledged that he's not a doctor but then still thinks he can diagnose someone after seeing them two times. Like even if someone is licensed they're not going to try to diagnose random people especially after seeing them only two times
You're totally right. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people diagnosis others, especially on the internet based on a single comment. Several sessions must happen before any possible diagnoses are even discussed. There are certain diagnoses that can be hard to manage with medications and therapy. They want to make sure they rule anything else out before making those specific diagnoses. It's not uncommon for people to have a diagnosis and as time goes on, the psychiatrist may realize that they were wrong and change it, which can sometimes change the treatment needed.
One summer, I admitted in a group chat with a couple guy friends that if I wasn't so insecure about my body & fearful of people violating my privacy, I'd be beating the heat by lounging around my room naked all day. Which is, yknow, fairly normal. But one of the guys did not see what was wrong with him saying he'd love to be in the room with me. Or why everyone was disgusted with him when his response to me pointing out that I just said I wouldn't do it with others around was to suggest he'd also be happy watching me through the window. Anyways, this is why I only date men who are queer and/or autistic.
"Fearful of people violating my privacy" This guy, immediately saying how he'd violate your privacy: On a real note why's it so hard for ppl to be normal lmao
@@alaughingfreak867 FR. It amazes me how abnormal that being normal is. I have multiple people at my work who just plow through work as if they hold the right of way 24/7 and would not care if they slammed an entire pallet into you. Their inability to see the world from the perspective of another is terrifying.
Same It's so insane to me that autistic people are stereotyped as unempathetic while neurotypical people say on a daily basis to "not get words get to you"
The guy who was making inappropriate comments about me was bi and autistic. I don’t think there’s some rule that says neurotypical straight men are magically demons, but in a society like this it’s so hard to find decent people.
It truly confuses me that so many people cannot be, or refuse to be, DECENT and NORMAL to other people. Also, the bio at 12:16 caused me physical pain, so, yeah. People are terrible.
if they're attracted to you their pupils might go from •-• to o-o but some medications might maybe prevent that? idk also lighting, excitement, tasty food, adrenaline and fear could also cause the buggering of pupils (or maybe the fear is just for cats? would cat girls also get big pupils when they pounce?)
Hey Savannah, I'd like to diagnose you with this quite serious condition called "the most awesome & badass RUclips sister". You have the clear symptoms of being funny as fuck, but also supportive and encouraging, having a clear queer aura around you and just providing everyone with a sprinkle of good time on this corner of RUclips. I am sad to tell you, that there is no cure, so you just need to deal with being awesome for the rest of your life
"I'm radically in the center. No matter how the left and the right change their stances... I always stick to being precisely in the middle??" I dunno I don't get it either. In my experience people who call themselves centrist are generally actually right. But then again I'm European so all American politics is to the right
that's how it is in Canada and we're really just the 51st state with tax based healthcare held together by scotch tape and toothpicks, professionally powered by potatoes. and a bunch of half french people abandoned by France, who want nothing to do with us. and gravy curd fries so.. probably that way there too
Ahhhhh this reminded me of the lovely peace that comes with realizing that you don’t need a partner to have a happy and fulfilling life. Sometimes pursing a romantic relationship just ain’t worth it :P
The sad part about that dude diagnosing the match is that in his mind, he's being super respectful and helpful. He might never understand that being an armchair psychologist can be very rude.
I write weird things in my bio like "I never know where I want to go to eat except when I want pizza at 2am" or statistics about how many people on dating apps are just swiping for the ego boost or whatever, because I'm hoping to only match with people with a similar sense of humor. But it's not like this stuff.
And here I was just thinking how wild it would be if I made a dating profile where I explicitly said I was aroace and not to contact me at all. You know, just to see what kind of weird, aberrant dms I would get from it.
@Mori I'd probably slide into your DMs and ask if you wanna meet up at the library or coffee shop every two or three weeks for a dnd campaign ngl I'm not good at meeting people, so if you brought your own friends that would be better as a part from my teddy bears and rocks I have none of my own..
"congrats on the three companies you built from the ground up, it must have taken a lot of work" I really thought you were gonna follow that up with "your employees work, probably"
17:40 any man who has "dark humor" that's actually just being creepy is a huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩 women with dark humor usually manage to do it without insulting or violating someone 👀👀
"I know you're straight" guy is every twat who can't read a woman's body language (or refuses to), then wonders why he never gets a date, much less a second one.
I get the impression that some young men say things that they would say to their mates when talking about women, and are lacking awareness, social skills and experience of actually talking to women. Anyway, I'm 6'3" with no tattoos. Women cannot resist a height and tattoos status...apparently. If only someone had told me when I was younger. I'd have had so many girls chasing me people would have thought the Beatles were in town.
This tempts me to create a tinder/dating app bio and write the weirdest stuff, just to see if someone answers. I'm not at all interested in having dates/sex but ... well, I just want to see it. But I can't believe that no one wanted these fine specimen ... It is indeed a mystery.
Yes, remove them. That's what Jesus said to do if you have wandering, exploitative eyes. (Source: Jesus told his disciples to gouge out their eyes if they looked disrespectfully at a woman, even if the woman in question was a sx worker, and I was raised Christian and used this all the time to justify the length of my shorts lmao)
My abusive ex tried to convince me I was bipolar because, we started talking about if we were to have kids and then 2 weeks later I finally broke up with him.... And then he harassed me for 4 months
So I just started trying a dating app specifically for women and NB people. There are cis het men who try to join. And EVERY SINGLE ONE makes zero effort to look even...OK. We're talking bathroom selfies with part of their head not in frame and extremely unflattering lighting. My dudes. If you're trying to turn us straight, or join a threesome, or whatever...you could at least have the decency to expend a bit of energy making your case. Or, you know, maybe DON'T try to pick up girls in an environment where the odds of them being interested even if young Brad Pitt walked in is under 50%.
9:50 a friend of mine actually has a degradation kink. From what she's explained to me (I'm a curious cat), everything you said was spot on. In addition to keeping the degrading language within a comfortable range, she ONLY allows it in a bedroom setting. Without that established trust, there is no taboo of the person she loves making her feel worthless. And like you said, consent is a HUGE factor. A tinder bio like that would probably ward off most people, INCLUDING those with degradation kinks XD
I've also dealt with the chaser equivalent of the "I know you're straight" comment, though often they focused a little "extra" on genitals, they truly think of people like the homophobic/sexist "plug and socket" meme
When I was younger, like 15-17, I was involved in some very adult spaces I should not have been in. I know, yeah, but I was always told I was mature for my age and was unfortunately curious. So there I was. You would not BELIEVE the messages I received in those spaces. From adult men who fully knew I was a child. Like I didn't hide the fact because I didn't realize it was bad! No adult ever told me to leave, and those who interacted with me encouraged me not only to stay, but to participate. I wasn't even in a particularly "bad" place, it was mostly just Tumblr and the occasional other forum site! And I was told so many horrible things. This doesn't really have a point, just that men are terrible (generalization, etc, etc) and teenagers need to avoid adult spaces even if they think it's fine. Okay thanks hope you have a good day.
You know, one of my favorite things about texting versus verbal conversation is that texting gives you the ability to think through and rephrase what you're about to say. I'm not good at that in verbal conversation. Anyways, I don't think it occurred to these guys that you can think through what you're saying via text. Its possible they just. Don't think. At all.
If a picture of a dead fish turns you off... Dude, does this mean dead fish turn you on?!? I've been with my fella since 97. He has Glioblastoma. If/When I try dating again... I'm kinda scared. I'm probably too old. Already 42 (≧▽≦)
OHHH I just got it I think he's talking about the whole thing of men putting pictures of themselves holding a fish on their dating profile. I'd bet you anything the pic he has on his profile is him holding up a big fish while standing on a pier or something.
I was so on board with the guy talking about superheroes at first. I was like damn, booster gold? blue beetle? green lantern? solid choices, good taste. and then he started talking about being a violating creep...
not wanting to type too much at the second, but i just wanted to confirm that your explanation for degradation kink in a healthy relationship is accurate for how it works. source: i have a degradation kink and multiple healthy relationships
Bro I've gotten dms from men since I was in HIGH SCHOOL. And my account has always been tiny. Like less then 300 followers. So these random ass men are DIGGING
Dating App Horror Stories. Ok, so how do we unpack this? I end up wanting to make a Happiness Circle with everyone who had a terrible experience and work through it.
You don't need to prove yourself to anyone, and you will always be better off not interacting with the crazies. Any interaction just encourages them to continue.
As someone with a degradation kink, I'm fine with it as long as it's not dehumanizing and there's boundaries and all that. I'm fine with being randomly insulted, called smelly, stupid, etc. *as long as my humanity is still respected* . I'm also not fine with being called the 'r-word' or any other slur despite my kink. So yes, getting dm's like that wouldn't trigger my kink. It would just piss me off and make me want to slap you.
I have a few friends with BPD. I feel for that struggle. I'll often talk them through splitting episodes, or walk them verbally through a CPT worksheet. I truly hope you have good supports and it's always a pleasure to see your Rainbow Dash hair come across my feed. Be well.
As someone that also has bpd, I generally feel like I can tell quite early on when people have bpd. That could very well be because my father also has bpd, so I'm.... uh kindof on high alert for it. At this point in life, I'm pretty sure I don 't fit the diagnostic criteria any more, but that's been via some seriously life changing experiences, and immense amount of empathy and care from my partner. >.
I'm sorry but "no thanks, I already have a foot slave" is the funniest thing I've heard all day. I wish I had the guts and creativity to respond like this to creepy unsolicited messages from men lol
Aside from all the other problems with the suoerhero boobs guy, how has he heard of booster gold and the other ones mentioned but not, like the invisible woman or that predator who dies at the start of the boys?
someone that i dont know (on discord) just randomly dm'd me asking me to be their master. i am a bottom. i am also not into that dynamic. i was quite taken aback
fr, it's also really really easy to get nudes if you get the opening to talk about them. Just gotta be nice and honest abt it. These guys think it's a huge puzzle they need to get around when it's really all about communication.
The thing about degradation kink is that it's within a play scene. It's agreed upon beforehand and does not extend outside of that play. It's also a kind of play that requires aftercare. Lots of time spent afterwards making sure your partner is ok and still enjoying themselves. Cuddles, praise, light hearted shows or video games. Randomly berating someone, even someone who has that kink, is NOT ok.
about degradation kinks, I don't have the best knowledge but I talked about it with my long distance partner before and we personally established what's okay to say and what's not okay to say and it does come with consent and lots of communication, maybe also cuz I'm scared of doing sth wrong but we do communicate and consent and stuff. as one should.
'boy-mums', mums of boys with a lot of misogyny issues that spend their lives giving their boys whatever they want and never teaching them how to be decent people. The types of mothers who excuse their sons committing acts of violence simply because they share blood.
@@Smiley_Fruitcake Not just violence. Basically everything. Some acts of violence are necessary sometimes and sometimes you can actually be proud about them.
9:30 I do degradation as a dom and you're entirely right here. Doing degradation is always play. Any good dom will have moment where they break character to go 'Was that too far? I felt really mean there' and get an 'It's ok :)' from their sub before continuing.
“I don’t like your fake hair”. LOL I wear wigs every day, no one outside of a very select few people have seen my bio hair, and that dude if he ever contacted me would NOT be one of them.
People always assume others are or are claiming to be some form of monosexual, they cannot believe someone wouldn't just want to fit into a perfect binary box
I have been having significant issues finding someone, but, like you, when I got my iPhone 12 Pro Max in December 2020, I never installed any of the 8 dating apps that I had. I'm demisexual, so I must grow an emotional and/or intellectual bond before I can love them physically, so dating apps do me no good. 9:25 -- Degradation kinks, like ANY kinks, is all about setting clear boundaries. You are correct that the person should recognize and respect their mate as a person and depredate what's allowed within limits. 12:27 -- Cacophony is pronounced KUH - KOFF - UH - NEE
Hi, this is absolutely unrelated, but I've been in love with your hair color for months now and would love to see what it looks like down! Rainbow hair is so fun!
Off topic, but I just wanna say I appreciate you, and the few creators who take the extra two seconds to say "non-binary pals" in their intros. It's just very comforting, thank you.
I love, in particular, Foreign Man In A Foreign Land. His opening puts enbies first. "My big non-binary folkdem, big womandem, and my big mandem" Makes me feel warm and fuzzy everytime Big Bawdy Foreign makes sure to put us first.
Ok the comment about being addicted to the baby carrot could be very funny if said to someone with more intimacy. But as the SECOND THING YOU'VE EVER SAID to this person, absolutely off limits.
@@davidprince6877 yet that follow up just makes it worse, because it sounds like he's justifying the behavior. It would be much better to just apologize for what he said, acknowledge that it might be insensitive and that it was certainly inappropriate. That would be the greener flag I've ever seen. TL;DR the follow-up sounds too much like "oh this is my humor and if it hurts you I don't care, y'know.
8:40 I imagine them looking at a profile of someone they like and seething going 'I can't message them first I can't I'm better than them I can't message them first'. Which is honestly such a blessing because I don't want women to be subjected to random DM's from this guy
One time this guy i literally talked to once (like he went to my school) dm'd me "I know you want me" to which I responded, "I don't even know who you are" and he fucking like cussed me out and called me the t-slur and said how all trans people are the same and turn down "high quality men that a willing to date freaks like you" Very bizarre experience.
Degradation kinks, much like consensual non-consent, operate on the fiction of the act. And due to the harshness of the scene, safewords and aftercare are especially necessary. No aftercare and no safewords mean its just abuse.
The “I like your innocent soul” comment gives off the vibes of a groomer.
Completely understandable, and unfortunate familiar for me, because a guy admitted he likes me because I "seemed like I had a child's thought process". Huh. Weird... he also called me a loli because I was much shorted (despite being 7 months older)
@@captaincaspian42 the opposite happens to me T^T boys who don't even know me except online but have a mommy kink would suddenly start role-playing and pretending to be a child just because I was older and give good advice? People just come unsolicited. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope it doesn't effect you negatively.
About degradation kinks: the community would immediately recognise someone with "I'm better than you" in their Tinder bio as someone unsafe to play with. Kinks in general but especially stuff like degradation needs to be talked out beforehand so both people know what they're okay with (e.g. someone might want to be degraded about their intelligence, but not okay with bodyshaming).
I was about to make a comment explaining this, but you said it much more eloquently than I could have. Like Sav said, it’s all about consent. Communication and negotiation is key for all kink, but especially the more verbal ones, imo. It’s easier (at least for me) to explain hard limits with more physical kinks, if that makes sense.
And a lot of the time kinks need to be talked about before every use cause at least for me sometimes kinks and boundaries change
@@cameronwhaley2214 Yea, some of my kinks enter into a very uhhhh unconventional place and really need to be discussed beforehand every single time because otherwise... it's just assault.
Especially since mine are also mostly tied to various traumas I've experienced and as such can be really risky to engage in without proper communication.
Yeah, degradation kinks are really iffy on who's safe, too. As many people hear degradation (at least in my experience) and don't stop to ask about it, they just start insulting me. :/
"What superhero would you be?"
"I want to see boobies"
gotta love how these guys just go off the deep end completely unprovoked
"Never heard of that one! Are they a DC or Marvel hero..?"
@@sluttyMapleSyrup theyre actually indie! indeez nuts lmao
I would watch a movie about superhero called I want to see your boobies. Sounds like some good shit. Its like that movie hobo with a shotgun. It just sounds interesting.
@Moving On From Resenting Women didn't batman peep on everyone?
@Moving On From Resenting Women well... have you ever seen the clown that hides from gay people?
If all the women you meet on a dating app "can't hold a conversation", it might just be you
"maybe you are just too boring to have an interesting conversation" that hypothesis sold it for me
Or, there's something called "skill based matchmaking"
It's a really interesting thing.
@@GalvanizedSquareSteel-d2z i don't like that
its funny but i hate it
@@KingKajiit well, sorry if that offended you
But like, this is the last person I want to hear commentating from on some random messages sent to her discord or whatever it is, with people being dumb on messages 💀
@@GalvanizedSquareSteel-d2z uh ok
5:26 I'm sorry, but "Excuse me but I don't think you understand I'm 6'3 with tattoos" made me laugh. Does he think that real life works like a video game, where by choosing the right dialogue option (saying he's 6'3 with tattoos) he'll unlock the sex achievement or something like that??
You know words are for talking right? She can like how he looks and still want to know more about his interests and personality before meeting up…
@@movingonfromresentingwomen she didn’t want to hook up/have a one night stand! she probably would have said yes if he had asked her on a proper date but he made it pretty clear he was looking for a hookup and she’s looking for dates
@@movingonfromresentingwomen she said she's not looking for a hookup, nothing about dates. Also thete is a huge difference in numbers of men and women in those apps which might count into the complaints you've heard.
@@movingonfromresentingwomen you’re all good! it’s confusing lol i’m glad my dating app days are behind me
@Moving On From Resenting Women not to mention how women get flooded by negative attention on those apps, and know that any response might come with a violent threat. No I don't feel bad if a guy thinks women aren't good conversationalists.
Dominatrix here with a specialty in degradation and sadism. you're right, degradation is done within boundaries. Before any session takes place, a long talk is had between dom and sub to negotiate the parameters of the scene, what do you like? What is off limit? What does it look like if you're in real distress? That kind fo stuff. It should also be noted that after a session, aftercare is needed where you comfort and take care of the emotions of the sub since kink sessions are very intense. Outside of a session, people are just people and deserving of respect. If someone just makes you feel inferiorn right off the bat without any negotiations taking place, that's not a dom, that's an abuser, run.
Damn that profession needs a full on psychology degree. And honestly even masochists can be disgusting people who violate boundaries pressuring you to do things you don't want to for their own pleasure and that also messes up your brain (yes, experience:c)
It needs so so many boundaries and discussions, and good mental strenght on both sides.
I hate how mainstream it became and a part of popculture when it requires so so much and it's such a mental risk for both parties
Ur doing gods work anyway
@@Angela1111122222 Extremely good point about masochists can also violate boundaries. Consent and boundaries is a two way street, some people see doms as unfeeling or just people who can "take it" but we are human too.
I have also been on the receiving hand of this once, back when I wasn't as good at talking and vetting the people I play with first. It was a harsh lesson.
@@Ophelia381 I have a strong aversion to degradation and pain personally due to a very long and complicated background, though non-sexual. To say I don't entirely get the position of sadism in sex, or even sex in general, is probably a bit of an understatement but reading through this the psychology of it all is really fascinating. A big question that came to mind is how does the mind set mess with the person in the position of power? Like obviously the side effects of degradation regardless of welcomed or not are easy to understand for the person being degraded, but I can't imagine continued action doesn't eventually start to mess with your mentality in a power position? Sorry if this is a little incomprehensible.
@@pixaphy Well, I can only speak for myself but after I dom someone I get something called a drop, which is a sort of emotional crash. Usually I get bad thoughts like "I am a bad person for enjoying this" but this is where the concept of aftercare comes in. Aftercare is a moment of tenderness and care after a session, to reassure both parties and refill emotional batteries. The thing that makes stuff like degradation or sadism work is that you both get to indulge in something that's not normally okay to indulge in, but in a healthy and self contained way. There is a big separation between: this is a scene and this is real life. I would be mortified to hurt someone, physically or emotionally in real life, I hate the idea of causing pain to people. But in a controlled environment, where we both want it and we both set clear boundaries and ways to establish consent, I can allow myself to dig into that part of me. Good doms and good BDSM relies on that separation and enforcement of consent to work. It doesn't really have a long term effect on me as a person, to be honest, other than the more I did kink the better I got about talking and respecting consent and boundaries.
Yup
I think these boys feel that if they believe that you're straight hard enough that it'll come true.
I had this man saying “nobody’s gotta know” after I repeatedly told him I was a lesbian… they genuinely think we do it by choice for some type of reputation because they can’t fathom the idea of a woman not liking them
Taking "mind over matter" to a whole new level
they r manifesting ig 😭😭
It's the same attitude, they have when approaching straight women. "If I'm just persistent enough, and harass and follow her like total creep, then she's gonna fall in love me with, even tho she clearly says and shows no she's not interested, but i don't care, I don't take no for an answer. Women don't know what they want, I know what they want". These type of guys are so damn toxic. If a woman is gay or straight but just not interested, then leave her alone, she's never going to change her opinion about you, just because you wish for that to happen, and why would you wanna be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you anyway.
"if I was straight you would have to deal with the bitter truth that I'd still not date you, so consider yourself lucky" is what I answer to these men.
I would've replied "I know you're 100% gay, I can see it in your eyes."
Sometimes I wonder how my husband and I got married, because we are both very socially inapt, but watching those videos I think we aren't that bad after all.
We may be awkward, but we aren't creepy / disgusting.
being awkward is an obstacle, but being creepy and disgusting is like bombing the road. epitome of self-sabotage. happy for you and your husband
@Sarranid Sulfate its like bombing the road then complaining you cant drive on it
That's because the silly weirdos tend to stick together while the gross weirdos are... ugh, like the guys in the video. Silly weirdos unite!!
@@captaincaspian42 yes, silly weirdos are very fun together 😁
@@captaincaspian42 As a weirdo, I can only be in a relationship with another weirdo with the same type of humor! It's so much more fun being with them especially since I have to be friends before all else. You're totally right, "Silly weirdoes unite!!"
About degradation kinks: Yeah, it's something that for most people only happen during specific scenes. Outside of it, the degrader still treats the degradee with respect. Afterwards you even are supposed to provide aftercare to the degradee, so that it doesn't hurt their self esteem long term. That way it stays safe and consensual.
Always end a session with praise and affirmations fr.
Me questioning why I'm single when I don't ask out women🤔
Me questioning why I'm single when I don't ask out men🤔
me questioning why i'm single when i don't even talk to women or have female friends much less aka them out🤔
Me questioning why I'm single when in fact I'm a burrito 🌯 🙃
Me questioning why I'm single when I don't ask people out:
Me questioning why I'm single when I spend all my free time alone at home
Some random dude online: you are definitely 100% straight
The Queer Kiwi: Oh, okay. Lemme just... *drags a rainbow from the sky*
idk, are you sure those eyes are gay
How do you know they're a dude?
@@ananousous Bc he want nudes of her, while assuming she is straight and wanting her to drop her actual (at that time) girlfriend for him, since he saw "in her eyes" that she was straight. if he was a girl or a non binary person it wouldn't make sense at all
@@XD-pl8qu How wouldn't it make since for a woman to have said that? She gets rejected then claims that rejection is because Kiwi is only "pretending"
@@ananousous Bc that's not what happended. They were mad that she rejected them in order to keep her (in their eyes) facade of not being straight. I think it's pretty obvious if you get into consideration that it's a person who knew she was in a relationship with a girl at that momment
Edit: At least, that's my view at that conversation, since i'm not them, I realize that i can obviously be wrong, but i thought at the momment that it was a safe assumption, since i can't really understand how it would work if that person were a girl. Also because Kiwi said that those were messanges from random men, i thought that she would say random ppl if they weren't all men. Anyway, if you think they are a girl, that's okay, and i'm sorry if i came off rude or anything
"I replied "I already have a foot slave" because I thought it was funny"
And it *was*
Interesting how that one guy acknowledged that he's not a doctor but then still thinks he can diagnose someone after seeing them two times. Like even if someone is licensed they're not going to try to diagnose random people especially after seeing them only two times
he deployed it like a weapon. not very helpful
You're totally right. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people diagnosis others, especially on the internet based on a single comment. Several sessions must happen before any possible diagnoses are even discussed. There are certain diagnoses that can be hard to manage with medications and therapy. They want to make sure they rule anything else out before making those specific diagnoses. It's not uncommon for people to have a diagnosis and as time goes on, the psychiatrist may realize that they were wrong and change it, which can sometimes change the treatment needed.
One summer, I admitted in a group chat with a couple guy friends that if I wasn't so insecure about my body & fearful of people violating my privacy, I'd be beating the heat by lounging around my room naked all day.
Which is, yknow, fairly normal.
But one of the guys did not see what was wrong with him saying he'd love to be in the room with me.
Or why everyone was disgusted with him when his response to me pointing out that I just said I wouldn't do it with others around was to suggest he'd also be happy watching me through the window.
Anyways, this is why I only date men who are queer and/or autistic.
"Fearful of people violating my privacy"
This guy, immediately saying how he'd violate your privacy:
On a real note why's it so hard for ppl to be normal lmao
@@alaughingfreak867 FR. It amazes me how abnormal that being normal is. I have multiple people at my work who just plow through work as if they hold the right of way 24/7 and would not care if they slammed an entire pallet into you.
Their inability to see the world from the perspective of another is terrifying.
Same
It's so insane to me that autistic people are stereotyped as unempathetic while neurotypical people say on a daily basis to "not get words get to you"
The guy who was making inappropriate comments about me was bi and autistic. I don’t think there’s some rule that says neurotypical straight men are magically demons, but in a society like this it’s so hard to find decent people.
Why autistic people specifically? (just asking out of curiosity)
It truly confuses me that so many people cannot be, or refuse to be, DECENT and NORMAL to other people. Also, the bio at 12:16 caused me physical pain, so, yeah. People are terrible.
I am the biggest idiot on planet earth but when I read some of these even I was like “who was your wingman, Jeffrey Dahmer?!”
How does one tell the difference between hetero eyes and queer ones? Would like to know, would save me a ton of trouble.
Ya gotta look for the hidden pride flag in the iris 😂😂😂
@@lucienfortner841 if ur queer in multiple ways can you choose which flag shoes
@ttrose2344 yes you have to choose them in the character customization screen
if they're attracted to you their pupils might go from
•-• to o-o but some medications might maybe prevent that? idk also lighting, excitement, tasty food, adrenaline and fear could also cause the buggering of pupils
(or maybe the fear is just for cats? would cat girls also get big pupils when they pounce?)
The way they look at you 😏👀
if anyone EVER tries to diagnose me with bpd i’m just gonna tell them “yeah i got that one covered already”
"it's autism and PTSD actually, but thanks ig"
Hey Savannah, I'd like to diagnose you with this quite serious condition called "the most awesome & badass RUclips sister". You have the clear symptoms of being funny as fuck, but also supportive and encouraging, having a clear queer aura around you and just providing everyone with a sprinkle of good time on this corner of RUclips. I am sad to tell you, that there is no cure, so you just need to deal with being awesome for the rest of your life
I hope she gets better
At first I honestly thought you were going to be mean.
ruclips.net/user/shortsNcXbCnFNvGc
Savannah also has "good bean disease"
@@abigaillabar8877 So you are acting like those guys? Noice. Hypocrisy is strong with this one.
12:19 “radical centrist” is a complete oxymoron
"I'm radically in the center. No matter how the left and the right change their stances... I always stick to being precisely in the middle??" I dunno I don't get it either. In my experience people who call themselves centrist are generally actually right.
But then again I'm European so all American politics is to the right
that's how it is in Canada and we're really just the 51st state with tax based healthcare held together by scotch tape and toothpicks, professionally powered by potatoes. and a bunch of half french people abandoned by France, who want nothing to do with us. and gravy curd fries so.. probably that way there too
Ahhhhh this reminded me of the lovely peace that comes with realizing that you don’t need a partner to have a happy and fulfilling life.
Sometimes pursing a romantic relationship just ain’t worth it :P
"I can see it in your eyes." You heard it here, straight eyes are a thing. 🤣
Better than wonky ones, they’re confusing.
Hetero… chromia..?
The sad part about that dude diagnosing the match is that in his mind, he's being super respectful and helpful. He might never understand that being an armchair psychologist can be very rude.
I write weird things in my bio like "I never know where I want to go to eat except when I want pizza at 2am" or statistics about how many people on dating apps are just swiping for the ego boost or whatever, because I'm hoping to only match with people with a similar sense of humor. But it's not like this stuff.
After watching this video I can proudly say, It's a Wonderful day to be Aromantic 💚🤟
this is the best day to be aroace 😬
And here I was just thinking how wild it would be if I made a dating profile where I explicitly said I was aroace and not to contact me at all.
You know, just to see what kind of weird, aberrant dms I would get from it.
@@mori6434
It’d be funny but you’d likely also get a bunch of people saying they can change you so probably don’t.
@Mori I'd probably slide into your DMs and ask if you wanna meet up at the library or coffee shop every two or three weeks for a dnd campaign ngl
I'm not good at meeting people, so if you brought your own friends that would be better as a part from my teddy bears and rocks I have none of my own..
@@gingermaniac5484 okay but if I bring a friend you have to bring a teddy bear
The foot slave one is hilarious
"congrats on the three companies you built from the ground up, it must have taken a lot of work" I really thought you were gonna follow that up with "your employees work, probably"
As a dom of someone with a degrading kink you're completely right about how it should be done
17:40 any man who has "dark humor" that's actually just being creepy is a huge red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩 women with dark humor usually manage to do it without insulting or violating someone 👀👀
"I know you're straight" guy is every twat who can't read a woman's body language (or refuses to), then wonders why he never gets a date, much less a second one.
I get the impression that some young men say things that they would say to their mates when talking about women,
and are lacking awareness, social skills and experience of actually talking to women.
Anyway, I'm 6'3" with no tattoos. Women cannot resist a height and tattoos status...apparently.
If only someone had told me when I was younger. I'd have had so many girls chasing me people would have thought the Beatles were in town.
I have started ignoring unknown people’s dms completely. Being asked for nudes as 16 year old has literally scarred me.
This tempts me to create a tinder/dating app bio and write the weirdest stuff, just to see if someone answers. I'm not at all interested in having dates/sex but ... well, I just want to see it.
But I can't believe that no one wanted these fine specimen ... It is indeed a mystery.
If you put a feminine photo on that profile, someone WILL in fact answer. If you put a masculine photo, you will end up in several mocking pages lol
Fellas, is it straight to have eyes?
If you look straight ahead you're straight. Your vision gotta be fucked up to be gay.
Yes, remove them. That's what Jesus said to do if you have wandering, exploitative eyes. (Source: Jesus told his disciples to gouge out their eyes if they looked disrespectfully at a woman, even if the woman in question was a sx worker, and I was raised Christian and used this all the time to justify the length of my shorts lmao)
yes, be like melanie king and stab them out
9:01 So much better than us, that they use "then" instead of "than".
My abusive ex tried to convince me I was bipolar because, we started talking about if we were to have kids and then 2 weeks later I finally broke up with him.... And then he harassed me for 4 months
I just imagine yfm this is why I am single playing in the background while you are reading some of these
I got someone offer to be my sugar daddy on an art website as I was watching this? That's creepy.
Has anyone else noticed that a lot of the time, discrimination and poor grammar/spelling go hand in hand
So I just started trying a dating app specifically for women and NB people. There are cis het men who try to join. And EVERY SINGLE ONE makes zero effort to look even...OK. We're talking bathroom selfies with part of their head not in frame and extremely unflattering lighting.
My dudes. If you're trying to turn us straight, or join a threesome, or whatever...you could at least have the decency to expend a bit of energy making your case. Or, you know, maybe DON'T try to pick up girls in an environment where the odds of them being interested even if young Brad Pitt walked in is under 50%.
9:50 a friend of mine actually has a degradation kink. From what she's explained to me (I'm a curious cat), everything you said was spot on. In addition to keeping the degrading language within a comfortable range, she ONLY allows it in a bedroom setting. Without that established trust, there is no taboo of the person she loves making her feel worthless. And like you said, consent is a HUGE factor. A tinder bio like that would probably ward off most people, INCLUDING those with degradation kinks XD
"i know u r str8 i see it in your eyes"
the only thing i see in your eyes, savannah, are that you are a great human being.
I've also dealt with the chaser equivalent of the "I know you're straight" comment, though often they focused a little "extra" on genitals, they truly think of people like the homophobic/sexist "plug and socket" meme
When I was younger, like 15-17, I was involved in some very adult spaces I should not have been in. I know, yeah, but I was always told I was mature for my age and was unfortunately curious. So there I was. You would not BELIEVE the messages I received in those spaces. From adult men who fully knew I was a child. Like I didn't hide the fact because I didn't realize it was bad! No adult ever told me to leave, and those who interacted with me encouraged me not only to stay, but to participate. I wasn't even in a particularly "bad" place, it was mostly just Tumblr and the occasional other forum site! And I was told so many horrible things. This doesn't really have a point, just that men are terrible (generalization, etc, etc) and teenagers need to avoid adult spaces even if they think it's fine. Okay thanks hope you have a good day.
You know, one of my favorite things about texting versus verbal conversation is that texting gives you the ability to think through and rephrase what you're about to say. I'm not good at that in verbal conversation.
Anyways, I don't think it occurred to these guys that you can think through what you're saying via text. Its possible they just. Don't think. At all.
If a picture of a dead fish turns you off...
Dude, does this mean dead fish turn you on?!?
I've been with my fella since 97. He has Glioblastoma. If/When I try dating again... I'm kinda scared. I'm probably too old. Already 42 (≧▽≦)
OHHH I just got it I think he's talking about the whole thing of men putting pictures of themselves holding a fish on their dating profile. I'd bet you anything the pic he has on his profile is him holding up a big fish while standing on a pier or something.
I was so on board with the guy talking about superheroes at first. I was like damn, booster gold? blue beetle? green lantern? solid choices, good taste. and then he started talking about being a violating creep...
not wanting to type too much at the second, but i just wanted to confirm that your explanation for degradation kink in a healthy relationship is accurate for how it works.
source: i have a degradation kink and multiple healthy relationships
Bro I've gotten dms from men since I was in HIGH SCHOOL. And my account has always been tiny. Like less then 300 followers. So these random ass men are DIGGING
Nothing too violating just boobs or butt. As if spying on a woman’s naked breasts or butt isn’t that big of a deal. We’re probably just overreacting 🙄
Men feel entitled to tell women whatever fucked up shit pops into their minds. Sometimes, it's funny af, though.
Dating App Horror Stories. Ok, so how do we unpack this? I end up wanting to make a Happiness Circle with everyone who had a terrible experience and work through it.
You don't need to prove yourself to anyone, and you will always be better off not interacting with the crazies. Any interaction just encourages them to continue.
Also, if racism is a deal breaker for you (as it should be for anyone,) you are going to need to be ready to block most white people.
As someone with a degradation kink, I'm fine with it as long as it's not dehumanizing and there's boundaries and all that. I'm fine with being randomly insulted, called smelly, stupid, etc. *as long as my humanity is still respected* . I'm also not fine with being called the 'r-word' or any other slur despite my kink.
So yes, getting dm's like that wouldn't trigger my kink. It would just piss me off and make me want to slap you.
These type of guys are called "nice guys". They claim they're nice, but throw a fit when they're rejected.
I have a few friends with BPD. I feel for that struggle. I'll often talk them through splitting episodes, or walk them verbally through a CPT worksheet. I truly hope you have good supports and it's always a pleasure to see your Rainbow Dash hair come across my feed.
Be well.
This video is awesome Savannah, in many ways it’s disturbing but it need to be shared and talked about ….. Also I love your hair it rocks !!
As someone that also has bpd, I generally feel like I can tell quite early on when people have bpd. That could very well be because my father also has bpd, so I'm.... uh kindof on high alert for it.
At this point in life, I'm pretty sure I don 't fit the diagnostic criteria any more, but that's been via some seriously life changing experiences, and immense amount of empathy and care from my partner. >.
I didn't know that was something you could work through like that, I'm happy for you. Hope you're safe and well
0:38 More anthropological/sociological studies on dating app horror stories.
I'm sorry but "no thanks, I already have a foot slave" is the funniest thing I've heard all day. I wish I had the guts and creativity to respond like this to creepy unsolicited messages from men lol
9:02 this sounds like a job application or something? Also, if he's better than everyone else, he should know the difference between "than" and "then"
Oh my God, you should do these with Sabrina Abelina. She has recently started having people on her channel to read creepy DMs.
Radical ... centrist 🤔
AND accelerationist??? "Pretending to be politically neutral (while actually being right-leaning) but MORE and FASTER than ever before"
ah yes i’m an anarcho-capitalist neo radical anti-centrist who believes in enlightened absolutism through the form of posadism
If ever got a mile-long message from some dude trying to diagnose me with a mental disorder I'd just send the nerd emoji and nothing else
Oh my...DMs
Say no more 😭☠️
Aside from all the other problems with the suoerhero boobs guy, how has he heard of booster gold and the other ones mentioned but not, like the invisible woman or that predator who dies at the start of the boys?
“I can see it in your eyes” 3:02
someone that i dont know (on discord) just randomly dm'd me asking me to be their master. i am a bottom. i am also not into that dynamic. i was quite taken aback
Is that person calling themself an accelerationist radical centrist who believes in the pure free market? I feel like some of those contradict
Let me just say if you aren’t creepy and don’t mind being turned down 95%+, random DMs do work occasionally.
fr, it's also really really easy to get nudes if you get the opening to talk about them. Just gotta be nice and honest abt it. These guys think it's a huge puzzle they need to get around when it's really all about communication.
SAVANNAH YOU ARE GIRLBOSS COOLEST FUCKING PERSON EVER YOU GO QUEEN I ADORE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR!!!!
Cmon Toby.
The thing about degradation kink is that it's within a play scene. It's agreed upon beforehand and does not extend outside of that play. It's also a kind of play that requires aftercare. Lots of time spent afterwards making sure your partner is ok and still enjoying themselves. Cuddles, praise, light hearted shows or video games.
Randomly berating someone, even someone who has that kink, is NOT ok.
about degradation kinks, I don't have the best knowledge but I talked about it with my long distance partner before and we personally established what's okay to say and what's not okay to say and it does come with consent and lots of communication, maybe also cuz I'm scared of doing sth wrong but we do communicate and consent and stuff. as one should.
just trying to do my part to fill up your first hundred comments with positivity. Thank you for your videos
What a delightful treat this is
I only have one question... do these guys not have mothers??? Seriously, who raised them to think this is an appropriate way to contact anyone?
They probably had mothers who cuddle them too much.
'boy-mums', mums of boys with a lot of misogyny issues that spend their lives giving their boys whatever they want and never teaching them how to be decent people. The types of mothers who excuse their sons committing acts of violence simply because they share blood.
@@Smiley_Fruitcake Not just violence. Basically everything. Some acts of violence are necessary sometimes and sometimes you can actually be proud about them.
9:30 I do degradation as a dom and you're entirely right here. Doing degradation is always play. Any good dom will have moment where they break character to go 'Was that too far? I felt really mean there' and get an 'It's ok :)' from their sub before continuing.
“I don’t like your fake hair”. LOL I wear wigs every day, no one outside of a very select few people have seen my bio hair, and that dude if he ever contacted me would NOT be one of them.
People always assume others are or are claiming to be some form of monosexual, they cannot believe someone wouldn't just want to fit into a perfect binary box
I have been having significant issues finding someone, but, like you, when I got my iPhone 12 Pro Max in December 2020, I never installed any of the 8 dating apps that I had. I'm demisexual, so I must grow an emotional and/or intellectual bond before I can love them physically, so dating apps do me no good.
9:25 -- Degradation kinks, like ANY kinks, is all about setting clear boundaries. You are correct that the person should recognize and respect their mate as a person and depredate what's allowed within limits.
12:27 -- Cacophony is pronounced KUH - KOFF - UH - NEE
My father used to say things like that superhero thing and honestly it explains a lot
RUclips notifications have amazing timing, I don't think there could have been a better moment for this video title to pop up
Hi, this is absolutely unrelated, but I've been in love with your hair color for months now and would love to see what it looks like down! Rainbow hair is so fun!
That is NOT a dark sense of humor. That's a DISGUSTING sense of humor.
Dang this is the earliest I've ever been
Off topic, but I just wanna say I appreciate you, and the few creators who take the extra two seconds to say "non-binary pals" in their intros. It's just very comforting, thank you.
I love, in particular, Foreign Man In A Foreign Land. His opening puts enbies first.
"My big non-binary folkdem, big womandem, and my big mandem"
Makes me feel warm and fuzzy everytime Big Bawdy Foreign makes sure to put us first.
12:25 hooo boy those are some MASSIVE red flags
Ok the comment about being addicted to the baby carrot could be very funny if said to someone with more intimacy. But as the SECOND THING YOU'VE EVER SAID to this person, absolutely off limits.
I'm hoping that the follow up about dark humor is because he sent that, read it again, and went "oh shit".
@@davidprince6877 yet that follow up just makes it worse, because it sounds like he's justifying the behavior. It would be much better to just apologize for what he said, acknowledge that it might be insensitive and that it was certainly inappropriate. That would be the greener flag I've ever seen.
TL;DR the follow-up sounds too much like "oh this is my humor and if it hurts you I don't care, y'know.
8:40 I imagine them looking at a profile of someone they like and seething going 'I can't message them first I can't I'm better than them I can't message them first'. Which is honestly such a blessing because I don't want women to be subjected to random DM's from this guy
He's right, The Queer Kiwi, you are totally the straightest-looking person I have ever seen!
That Spotify wrapped one took me out. Omg that is so unhinged and funny to me
What songs were on there? Was it "What What{In the Butt)?
I blank out for a second and came back to alpha chad meat beast umm!! 😭
Ok no bc i /need/ to know where this shirt is from it's so cute???? Like ? So cute?
it’s from lazy oaf !!
i got it second hand on depop , they usually have a decent amount of it.
@@TheQueerKiwi Thanks!!! I'll get started on the hunt >>:)
One time this guy i literally talked to once (like he went to my school) dm'd me "I know you want me" to which I responded, "I don't even know who you are" and he fucking like cussed me out and called me the t-slur and said how all trans people are the same and turn down "high quality men that a willing to date freaks like you"
Very bizarre experience.
4:20 I don't see how anyone could not like your hair, they are so pretty😭
Reminds me of that one guy who asked if I had kleptomania
That sounds like the first half of a bad pickup line. "Are you a kleptomaniac? Because you've stolen my heart"
@@lucienfortner841 why do I feel like someone would unironically use that 💀
Degradation kinks, much like consensual non-consent, operate on the fiction of the act. And due to the harshness of the scene, safewords and aftercare are especially necessary. No aftercare and no safewords mean its just abuse.
I too love doctor Rimani and her work, but I still don't think we should diagnose people just to diagnose.
- Chi of the Spirit System
The sweater is back!! 💕💕