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The funny thing is, "you" used to be considered an aggressive word to start sentences with. Like you're blaming people for things or ordering them around.
Why is this so true... They say that people who ask questions lead the conversation, whereas this conversation was devoid of such. I think the problem really is lack of interest in another's experience/feeling a need to advertise oneself as 'relatable' or 'interesting', when it really just comes off as insecurity.
I am going to randomly answer this. 1. Complete lack of caltuaral Norms which stay stable for ... Like a year, paired with a complete lack of ethical ideas which can actually be followed without living in the woods. 2. arrogance and ignorance of people living in extreme welath (historically speaking and realtive to what people actually need) Add this up and you get something way worse than just nihilism. I hope I can move up north soon. I'm from Europe and the east is at war while the south is burning and already out of water... in july. This shit is crazy
At keast we can look like we are listening while nodding and thinking about interesting stuff inside our head like "why tf are ppole still wearing mask on their chin and when will alex honnold die falling (i hope never)
This is how small children talk to each other. Seriously, listen next time you hear two 4 year olds chatting. We’ve regressed as a society to the conversational skills of a kindergartener.
Yo fj stop selling out so much and go back to making cool different vids like when you used to actually incorporate your own personality and thoughts instead of farming that same types-sketch format a bajillion times
It’s draining especially when you’re a listener because they can go on and on and on talking about “me me me me” and never once ask about you. This is when I stop engaging and just go “uh huh…….mmm…..yeah….ohhhhhh.”
Totally. I'm a listener and recently spent a week at a family friend's house. Every conversation with her daughter was like this. I bore it patiently and smiled and nodded because I know she's an anxious mess and needs to talk and feel heard more than I do, but the "conversations" would go on for over an hour every time and I'd never get a word in edgewise while she talked endlessly about everything from the list of her childhood pets to the minutiae of her daily schedule as if I weren't there. I'm happy to listen, and feel proud of the role, but it bothers me how oblivious these people are of their own self-absorption and I'll never seek their company.
My mom does this. I'll call to tell her something and she'll immediately start talking about her day and everything she's going through when I didn't even ask. I'm completely fine hearing about her day for a certain amount of time, but it comes to a point where I'm just going "Mhm, yeah, I see" for an hour while she keeps blabbing on
I heard a girl call herself an empath, then she said "Even when I was a little girl I had to sleep with all my stuffed animals because I didnt want them to be lonely." Apparently she was under the impression that being an emotional mess 24/7 is the secret definition to being an empath
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 Wtf dude "emotional mess"? That example with the animals actually says a lot. The opposite are psychopaths who turtue "stuffed animals" but also real animals, it very common and known in research. So people who have deep caring feelings for (stuffed) animals (basically the opposite of psychopathy) have a lot empathy, to a point where it can be called "too much" empathy.
@@ABCstockholm007 The definition of empathy. "The ability to understand and share the feelings of another." Unless you are delusional, even small children should understand that stuffed animals are not the same as real animals. Meaning they are projecting their own emotions onto someone else, the literal opposite of empathy. Which is narcissism disguised as empathy.
That's how autistic people have always been talking though. Sometimes it's really hard to think of something to say or empathize so we start talking about a similar experience we've had to express that we understand how the other feels.
and here i thought i was the only one getting fed up over this. i'm always asking people questions and i hope they'll do the same but they never do. ugh! we live in a society.
The last person I tried to have a conversation with said I asked too many questions and it wasn’t an “authentic” way to get to know someone. It’s been 6 weeks and I’m still waiting for them to ask me a question or tell me something more substantial about themselves… I feel like I’m wasting my time.
I feel like people don't ask questions because they don't care because they're afraid to care and be curious about other people. They're afraid of being invested in someone only to get rejected
I've legitimately stopped trying to enter conversations with certain people in certain circles because of this legitimate... weird... not-listening listening thing. Just always looking for their moment to hop back into saying something about them instead of actually engaging. It is extremely rough, and I've had to start training myself out of some of the bad habits I've picked up from trying to engage in these groups before.
Socializing isn’t something that comes naturally to people. Many of us really had to learn to be conversational and charismatic. Hours and hours of reading and television just to converse in meaningless dreary ways like small talk and being kind to people you don’t like. Certainly this convo didn’t go anywhere but neither does small talk. Judging people by how they try to relate doesn’t help anyone. Truly, having a conversation like the vid at least let’s people know they’re not alone and that they can communicate with someone without judgement or without a goal.
Hydra, I once read a whole study about people that commandeer conversations. They studied the motivations and the methods they used. It was really interesting. After reading it I understood my people group much better;) Also, found out a bit about myself....
I’m diagnosed autistic and I had to look at the comments to see how the conversation was wrong, this is my idea of a good chat! Oh dear, I always forget to ask questions and sometimes people think I’m being narcissistic or rude, but it’s quite hard for people with ASD to remember/understand social rules.
I think that's essential to keep a conversation going, but if you have difficulties (aka less instinctive conversation skills) I don't think anyone can blame you for that, it's just harder for you. If a neurotypical doesn't have thid skill, that's ok too, we can't really ask others to be perfect. But if they do acknowledge they have this "issue" and they have a lack of interest in improving this.... That's where you can point fingers and ask the other person to put more effort, I think
It's not just the lack of questions, it's that no subject evolves into any kind of depth or point. Nothing one person or the other says is engaged with, or meaning derived from it, except to propel the other speaker to make their own statement. It's just a series of context generated personal statements, there's no interplay, just parallel thought processes bouncing off each other on contact. Don't feel bad for struggling though, conversation is a skill like any other, and while many people on the spectrum have additional challenges recognizing them, the things that can improve one's ability to converse are born from intentional practice more than innate ability. A lot of people just get by on the software they're born with, and don't really ever even *try* to figure out if there are better ways to communicate. There's a lot of behaviors that people with ASD exhibit that are pointed at as flaws, but that actually just show the lack of skill people use to communicate with *them* and in general. Many people have the programming to compensate for these conversational deficits, and often a person with ASD is just left feeling like they're missing something. (I've seen this a great deal with my sister who is on the spectrum. A lot of times people would be getting frustrated with her, but when we broke it down they had actually communicated really poorly what they were trying to convey and made it far harder for her than they needed to.) Everybody is a work in progress, but I think too often people with disabilities bear the burden of standing in for our society's lack of self awareness. The up side of this is that if you practice just a few conversational skills, like the bare minimum, people suddenly think you're a god damn social butterfly lol.
I don't think I'm autistic, but I enjoy this type of conversation, too! (See, there I go, relating it back to my own experience and sharing that, haha.) It's not wrong, it's just different. ❤️
I have always clicked better with frenetic people who don't need prompting to contribute interesting thoughts to the conversation, and who can naturally switch topics when the current one gets boring. The real problem with this conversation wasn't that there was a lack of questions, it was that everything was extremely banal and provoked no deeper thought or curiosity -- the only solutions would have been to artificially express interest in the personal trivia and ask deeper questions (a disingenuous strategy but still considered to be a good social skill) or for the participants to put more effort into saying something actually interesting.
Doesn't have to be disingenuous. Sometimes, when you make them elaborate on something initially boring, it ends up being interesting, or at least relaxes the person enough to also ask questions or share thoughts (assuming the reason why the conversation is boring is that the other person is anxious, shy or socially awkward).
Dude this is so accurate, I’m glad i’m not alone in feeling that way. We lost all our social skills in two years?? No one’s listening during conversations and it’s low key horrifying
No we’ve lost our social skills over the course of the past 20 or so years as the internet progressed into its own form of silent communication through faceless screens. However I don’t actually know anybody who talks this way in real life.
@@bderrick4944 You sure this lack social skills isn't imagined or at least exaggerated? I mean, the only people I've known that spoke like this were tired, in voice chats that were intentionally purposed for it so everyone in it just went along with it, or they were autistic
@@bderrick4944 I’m like two weeks late to this comment. I don’t see this happening in close groups such as friends or family, but I see this happen in workplaces lol
Every time I meet someone like this I want to play them "Be Better at Listening" by Pomplamoose. "Step 1: Stop thinkin' 'bout yourself. Step 2: Focus on someone else. Step 3: Ask them a question, like you care. Step 4: Try to care."
@@Graenolf What a coincidence! A kid in my neighborhood exactly used to laugh like that. Did you know that 15 minutes of laughter a day can help you burn between 10 and 40 calories? Seriously, I need to laugh more. (My ability to converse like a human is extraordinary! They can never spot me! Fu fu fu fu!)
Actually, I don't agree, it's not about actively listening but actively questioning, (maybe that's what you were telling by "actively"). I know some people who are bored very easily and they rarely question, but when they do, their questions are very personal and not many people would think it's proper to ask such questions and they enter in deep connection with people around them even though they are diagnosed with ADHD. It's really weird to talk to this kind of person because they don't give a shit about having a good conversation or talk about thing you like, they just want to be shocked as much as possible because all they do is seeking for dopamine and adrenaline.
Been there too many times. For some odd reason people feel like it’s okay to pour out their personal stories on me. So I just listen and let them vent/tell what they want and call it a day.
Welcome everyone to my world. I’ve had social anxiety basically since kindergarten. I don’t feel like I have the right to ask people personal questions. I’m always telling myself “Don’t ask that. That’s none of your business” even for really basic impersonal things. I also am always worried about hurting people’s feelings probably because I am so highly sensitive myself. For example. I don’t ask people about their parents because what if their parents are dead? Those kinds of thoughts torment me.
Given that people generally like talking about themselves you're pretty safe asking them all kinds of questions. Even like you say if their parents died, people do share experiences about their missfortune given it's a strong connection-builder among us. If they really don't wanna talk about something you'll pick it up quickly and you could just say "or..." and change the subject but they won't hold your initial question against you.
@@doughnutfingers Narcissism appears to be about 90% after the social media boom. It is quite abnormal if you ask me, but I have lived in the 80s, so perhaps abnormal is the new normal.
@@doughnutfingers It really depends if they were friends or acquaintances though. Definitely still socially inept but I don't see where people are regularly speaking like this. I hear more people speak using internet lingo than whatever the speech pattern in the video is. Maybe speech pattern isn't the right word.
Graenolf, you magnificent piece of genius DNA. You captured convos at 2022. This was how my conversation with my introverted friends went last weekend 😀.
to be fair, as an introvert, i understand how it comes off sometimes when you do this, but i'm trying so hard to figure out what to say next that when i actually think of something like "Oh i was super into pokemon as a kid" etc. I'm just trying to say something rather than nothing. When you have no idea what to talk about sometimes you just get excited when your brain sees something it can say.
@@mrexpendable1232 I truly resonate with that. I am an introvert myself. There are even times when I would rather observe and listen on the conversations around the table and just discern what everyone is talking about. But of course there are times as well when I have to make small talks with other people and I usually try hard for it not to be awkward.
@@bellejacinto7632 i’m an introvert schizoid, and i hate small talk. i cannot stand when i ask someone how their weekend was and all they say is good thanks how was yours? like give me some damn information i can go off! it goes like this: me: “hi how you going? them: “hi good thanks how are u? me: “good thanks, how was your weekend” them: “fine thanks how was yours?” … it’s at this point now i just no longer answer me: “yeh what did you get up to?”… some people make it hard for introverts like me to talk to them so i just cut them off now with another question
I don't want to talk. If i want a conversation ill ask questions. If i don't care i sit there. I found that asking even a few questions makes people think youre a really good listener, so they go on for hours...
@@naturesfinest2408 Facts right there. All it takes are questions to get most people going. Some of them don't even notice if you never say anything about yourself, too.
This comment section sparks some good discussions. Both extremes of question asking don’t yield the best conversations (asking few Qs or asking too many). I’ve had an experience with a friend who asked too many and it made me feel like they wanted me to entertain them with my stories and personal details while they give me very little back about themselves which made me not want to share. They would also pry for more information than I was comfortable giving. Part of it was because they gave little info or opinion of their own so I didn’t feel comfortable being my full self around them and it was also so boring to talk to them and be their “entertainer”
Thanks for this comment. I'm the question asker in nearly every conversation, and it's interesting to hear from people who've been on the other side. I do it because I'm very interested in other people, sometimes to a fault, and I think I'm uninteresting and don't want to annoy people talking about myself. I have a friend who takes advantage of my eagerness to ask questions and need to help people, so the conversation is 98% about her. She actually told me one day that I'm super hard to get to know. That was a major light up moment for me. I've been aware of this for years now, but haven't found a way to change my behaviors and thoughts. Probably therapy.
@@Aster_Risk you sound like you’ve reflected and are actively trying to build better connections so kudos to you! Thanks for sharing as well 🙂 I agree I also had the same feelings as your friend because in my situation, I knew this friend for many years but still feel like I didn’t really know much about her
Sometimes I wish I had a replica of me so that I could talk about whatever and the other me would just *get it* even if it's nonsense, y'know? But at the same time, I like having my views challenged and my logic questioned and I feel like I haven't met anyone else who's been a good balance of accepting/questioning when it comes to certain conversations. Which is why I get the idea of talking to yourself because I feel like I've played devil's advocate against myself more than any one of my friends has ever disagreed with me. Inner me would get me though, smh my head.
@@theyfukenwmesubliminally ah the internet, a collective consciousness like the world has never seen where we can casually lament about how isolated we feel to thousands of other people in similar circumstances
yeah, not all will be the best, but oh well, you tried! and sometimes i find Ive connected with people best during the moments i feel like im 'losing social points'
It’s a strange feeling reading these comments and seeing people say it’s a bad/ weak conversation because me and most of my friends are ND, and people with ADD or autism or just different mental function will commonly speak like this, this sounds like a totally natural conversation to me, we never have awkward moments when we converse like this because our minds are always able to find a link and keep going and it’s also a really easy way to find common ground and speak comfortably about topics that you like and want to bring up because you can basically chuck anything into the conversation because at some point something will link up.
No it's not a good conversation because both sides qre only interested in themselves and just try to talk about themselves rather than being interested in a topic and continuing it by relevant questions and such.
@@alexanderson2743 I guess that’s one way to view it, when my friends talk like this it’s more… each person is adding to the conversation allowing for more openness and more information in the conversation so we’re able to talk about a lot and get to know each other/ connect to one another very quickly and deeply.
@@rainbowflowerpower4464 yes that's good but in the video there is no openness it's just jumping from one experience to another. Basically it would be better if both sides tried to take in more info from the other person instead of just anticipating their own explanation. It makes it seem like they are just talking to a wall about themselves.
Omg this is so accurate! I often wondered if I was being too picky and judgy on people because of that. I mean nobody is interested in listening to others anymore. It’s like that saying “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And at time it has made me feel awkward like when people ask you questions and you’re in the middle of your answer/story and you see their eyes shifting to their phones or someone else, in that moment I know “ok you’re not interested” I’ve lost count of how many times I haven’t been able to complete my statement and how many times I saw the same thing been done to other people. I try 100% not to do that. I always apologize if I have to interrupt someone and if always say “you were saying!?”.
Asking questions can be annoying sometimes especially when u end up being the only person who asks and not vice versa but it definitely feels less horrible than these kind of convo's. For someone with social anxiety, being stuck in a back-and-forth like this is pure hell, its like having to juggle spinning plates.
I think this thread has taught me that I am selfish and fearful in conversations, and that's why I don't think I connect well with others. Like, people will say something I can relate to, and I'll share something similar when they're finished (like I'm doing here I guess lol), or they'll ask me a question, and I'll answer. But I don't usually know how to keep a conversation going with a separate question if it feels like the conversation about the previous topic has run its natural course. I think part of that is because I am afraid of throwing something out there and it not sticking. I don't want to make things more awkward than they already are. However, another thing that hinders me, I believe, is that I try to stick more to conversations where I feel that I can relate with the other person, and vice versa as far as I can tell. However, because I'm not on par with most of my peers as far as where I am with my life and what I've done so far, I find it difficult to think of ways we can relate to each other. I find that my interests also seem to be fairly niche, and I feel like the likelihood of finding someone else who enjoys a lot of the same things is slim, so I rarely try. I understand that I don't interact normally with others, and I haven't for a long time. In fact, I don't know if I ever have. Regardless of how long this has been going on, I have the feeling that I'm not completely mentally well. I just don't know what's wrong yet. Do normal people, when they talk to one another, just throw any random question out to the other person and hope it sticks? Not every time, of course, but when they have nothing more to say about the previous topic? Or do they, too, specifically pick a question that they could also talk about if the other person decides to discuss the new topic with them? To me, the latter sounds logical, but what sounds logical isn't always right. This is literally just me rambling and working stuff out, and I know that I'm not actually typing this into the void, but I want to pretend that I am. If you can or want to reply, great. If not, that's also okay.
@@o3o930 the key is having a conversation with someone because you want to listen, not because you want to talk, ask questions you think they will enjoy answering and then you just smile and listen and hopefully they'll do the same back, and if they don't then oh well you still did your best and they'll appreciate it
@@timkang3076 I've read your comment, and thought about it some, and I've come to another realization. I do my best to listen in almost every conversation I partake in. But your comment seems unnatural to me, and I have an idea why that is. I think I don't like listening as much as talking, and therefore misunderstood the point of casual conversation as a whole, because I come from a long line of people who don't exactly listen well to others. My great-grandparents were dismissive, from the stories I've heard about them. My Nana talks and talks, so one can barely get a word in edgewise when talking with her. We think my father might be ND, so he does the thing that the people in this video do when he talks. He has really bad conversational etiquette, but that's not only because he's ND. My mom inherited the dismissive behavior of my great-grandparents, but she also likes to interrupt people who she disagrees with and shout over them to try to get her point across. And my little brother also talks a lot like the people in this video, and he's been diagnosed with ADHD. He also takes a lot after our dad. Basically, nobody in my family does much listening, but everybody loves to throw their two cents in. Am I bad at talking to people because I've had very few normal conversations in my life? I think that's a pretty decent guess. I didn't realize that the self-improvement would go this deep...Yikes.
@@timkang3076 Thank you terribly for the advice, though. I appreciate it. This will, decidedly, be difficult for me to learn, but it's something I will have to work on.
While you may want to avoid talking about yourself too much, it can also be a negative if you ask too many questions and the conversation feels more like an interview. Try to find a balance between asking questions to the other party to get to know them while also telling them information that can let them get to know you. Certain parts of the conversation which could have benefitted from a question include: asking the other party why their favorite season is fall/winter, what they like about it, if they have any fond memories relating to it asking about what type of dog summer was, if they still have any pets, what type of pets they'd prefer to have when the topic of movies came up you could ask the other party what their favorite movie is, why they like it, or maybe what are their thoughts on a recent movie that came out is, and so on In the moment it can be hard to think of what to say, but keep practicing and also analyze how other people talk to eachother so you can learn what to do or what not to do
As I wasn't socialized very well I used to only be able to have conversations like this well into my early twenties. Thankfully through a bunch of group-therapy and well, learning about myself and how to communicate ... this is quite painful to watch! I think a lot of people struggle with this and are not aware of it.
I think social media kind of trains people into this. This is basically a bunch of Instagram posts, turned into a face to face conversation. But what puts the awkwardness through the roof is the blandness that comes from an absolute terror not to offend.
Im getting so much out of this comment section tbh. This is how most of my convos went & I always wanted to break though but didn’t know how. Seeing the support and also critique is so insightful. IK this is a comedy video, but my comment is genuine haha.
It took me a great deal to overcome this once I realized it. It happened during the lockdown. It hit me even harder when I was writing formal letters regarding job applications. Horribly unloved. That's what we are.
This is how I feel like conversations go if I talk about myself, so usually I don't talk about myself. Instead, I just reflect the emotion of what they are saying back to them in words and then they think I'm a great listener.
OMG THE ACCURACY! I went to the US for college and that was the first time I experienced this situation en masse, like almost half of the conversations i was having were like this. And they were almost always with white guys (Im a bw), stopped trying to have a chat with them pretty quickly lmao it was fcked
What's really fun is when you argue with yourself and it gets nasty enough that you hurt your own feelings and give yourself the silent treatment because you made you cry. We have fun here.
As a gen z coming from a still d developing country, such conversations are rly rare unless they're between ppl of my generation, other wise if you ever speak to a person (above 25yo) here, they'll ask about every single person in your family how/ what they're doing and you'll do the same, they'd speak about the weather and politics and other ppl. But the type of conversation in this video is mostly spoken among teens with ADHD/anxiety cuz this is, in their opinion, how to care about others. it's by being relatable.
Oh my fucking god..... I didn't even realize we're doing this now. I just came home from work and I realized that we did that same interaction all damn day with everyone at work. Christ. Now I'm never going to NOT be able to see it. Well done, sir.
@@k.d.2589 how can you connect with someone if you dont want information about them ? I only had genuine connections with people since iam very selective with whom i talk to even in family and yet i talk this way just be interested and you wont have to act interested
@@yayagami3475 It's about give and take. If people don't ask, then it's information that we didn't ask for. Introverts are easily drained by being bombarded by a stream of unasked for information, so they will tend to be more selective about people they try to have conversations with. Also, sometimes people just aren't in the mood to have someone go on a self-absorbed stream of consciousness reaction fest about themselves without any sign of care for the receiving party.
@@yayagami3475 Oops, you can ignore my last post. I thought this was another comment. You're correct, not being cared about is the whole point. Or more specifically, not feeling like there is any care because the other person is only bombarding you with information about themselves and not asking you any questions.
omg!! this is so realistic!! I hate this type of "conversation". I have social anxiety and I try to listen but then it just becomes about them and I never get asked $hit. It hurts trying to connect, that is why I stopped caring. I don't ask them anything and just say ok, and disengage as fast as a can.
Ive been living abroad almost 10 years. Whenever I go back in the US and I'm just at the airport and I can actually start understanding people's conversations this is all I hear. I'm just dumbfounded everytime.
I, me, mine, myself - that was all I could hear in this conversation. This is so true. My friend was always talking that she is an empath, very good listener and will always be there for me (after months of me helping her to get her life together after abusive relationship). When I had a terrible month, came back for help and support, she was like - me, me, I, myself, that happened to me ALSO! Do you remember when.... And she was talking about herself.
Am guilty I think it has something to do with being used to sharing every thought we have. You don't gotta, not everyone cares about every thought. That reminds me though --
I have all the ADHD so this is exactly how I "conversate", not because I'm uninterested in other people's feelings and perspective but because the neuro divergent department in my brain is triggered gets so easily triggered and has to get all the thoughts out at one. Graenolf once again you have exposed me. Well done sir.
This is how ive always seen the point of a converaation, to discuss vaguely related ideas as they pop in each of our heads. Apparently people ask questions theyre not really interested in and wait for the other person to do the same? That sounds so weird and boring
Hehe we’re all guilty don’t worry. Nice though! I definitely like to pick a subject with people these days and try to explore it more thoroughly so we can both walk away having remembered the conversation or maybe learned something. The frequent tangents are what destroy that opportunity, which I notice at parties all the time 🙃
I didn’t realize this conversation was that far from normal, but it was always a little tough for me to find a balance between asking questions or sharing different facts about life/my experiences/interesting information. I have high functioning autism though, or literally just a little different socially. It would go like this: Here’s an interesting fact about my experience in life….then I wait for them to share an interesting fact about their life, so on and so fourth. It works with some people, but others not so much lol
It is really natural to do. Somebody says something and in response you say whatever pops into your head. Of course that often just means a game of word association and personal experiences. It is natural but results in you just talking about your own thoughts and feelings and experiences at random. Both the selfishness and randomness can be annoying. The alternative require stopping to think about what they said, unless you have practice (or atleast are not autistic) it does require more effort and time, enough time that they probably moved on to talking about something else.
I realized that I now over-share since 2020. After being pretty lonely, and after all, you never know when we are all going to be locked up again. Might as well get it all out now.
I went into this video expecting it to disappoint me, and make me hate how people choose to act more. After watching the video I’ve sadly deduced that it’s one of the most important pieces of comedic social commentary of our generation
I don't think this is a dig at eachother or our society as a whole, it's just a very valid observation of what a few years of mostly isolation and (understandably) getting fully wrapped up in our own thoughts/experiences will do. The pandemic quarantine was a wild and new experience for this era of humans to process and we're STILL processing it together. This is part of that coprocessing; it's a great thought point for us to go from to decide (for ourselves) if we'd like to be more deeply engaged with eachother's life experiences rather than only word-vomiting our own experience. Thanks for this lil example conversation! It really helped me put some of this into perspective so I can be more aware and grow accordingly going forward. Cheers!
Im glad to see other ND people saying this feels normal for them cuz this feels normal for me XD but there would usually be a bit more, like I would empathize with someone who talked about something traumatic or something. I hate conversations where you're just playing 20 questions about them. But I do ask questions when it fits the conversation idk. This didn't feel that wrong to me tho
“I hate conversations where you’re just playing 20 questions about them.” Haha yes! This whole video’s comment section has been pretty mind blowing to me because I can’t believe there are so many people who prefer that? Like how are you supposed to transition from question to question? Like how does that not feel random? “Do you have dogs?” “Yes I have 2. Do you?” “Yes I have one….” And then what do you ask after that?? Like I guess you can ask their names/breeds but what about other questions? How do you smoothly transition from question to question? This video’s comment section has been very eye opening because I think I’m just really bad at coming up with questions on the spot to ask the other person, not because I don’t care, but because I’m socially awkward and don’t want to ask any questions that make the other person feel uncomfortable or that don’t seem intrusive because I’ve asked questions that people didn’t want to seem to answer and that’s where the convo died, so I stopped asking so many questions. :(
@@loverrlee I think a good way to make conversational questions engaging is to have a mix of closed ended (yes/no/factual) questions and open-ended questions ("What do you think about X? How did you get your dog. What was it like to have a dog/pet for the first time?"). People like telling stories and building conversations around them, as opposed to playing 20 questions.
I agree with Carrie Joldes. these conversations happen more often when you are speaking to someone you don't vibe with very easily or feel you have something to prove to.
HOW DID YOU DO THIS, you’re so self aware, we all are, I broke a sweat watching this. I have a sweating problem. I have to take medication for it. Anyway see you next vid ✌️
People are just more awkward than they used to be, so they try and say something to avoid the awkwardness. They try to keep the ball rolling, and so you end up not saying anything or actually conversing, you just bounce from one sentence to another. I'm guilty of this. I tend to ask the other person questions so I don't have to talk about myself.
I was within a group conversation yesterday, and it went exactly like this. So many "I" statements and no one really saying anything or taking interest in what the other person was saying. I just walked away from the convo smh
That's how me and my friends speak most of the time, I have to actually force myself to find a question to ask, very consciously because I know others don't like this kind of dialogue and it's not even that I'm not interested... The thing is, most of my friends are neurodivergent and I'm pretty damn sure I am too, that's just a natural way of speaking. Me and my brother can go on like this for hours. My father always says how me and my brother can start talking about the weirdest yet deepest things because our conversations just gradually continues like a train of thoughts. If you tell me something and I find a link with something I also experienced, I'll talk about it because It's relevant in my head and I want to continue the conversation and empathize with the person... It kind of works like this : Person's experience = my experience = empathy = talk about said experience to connect It's hard to explain 😫 Social interactions are so complicated, I always forget that and start thinking I'm good now, but then every time I start talking with people that aren't neurodivergent I realize how off my social skills are lolz
im so glad that everybody is noticing this too... i thought i was going crazy, and started to question if i was being manipulative by feeling a need to ask questions or inquire more about a pointed subject
It’s so annoying when you finally say something about yourself (as an introvert) and they either pull what you see in this video with talking about something completely different or start talking about themselves again. I still don’t know how people don’t know that’s rude haha
this hits too close to home, I'm literally always listening to someone else talk and when I finally find the strength to insert myself and express myself they immediately turn the attention back into themselves or just completely derail from what I was talking about
This is ADHD conversation to the max. Technology advances and the way things work and are made these days promote the development of ADHD, so it’s being diagnosed more now.
ppl gotta ask more questions smh
This skit is like a drunk conversation.
You think the free world is coming to a climactic end Mr. Greanolf?
Why ask questions when you can just give the answer to the question you want yourself to ask?
thank u fucking hell i want to die are u okay ?
*converse
Yes, I'm that person.
For the ones who didn't catch on: (almost) every sentence spoken by the two characters starts with "I" and "my", and the word "you" is never said.
yeah
The funny thing is, "you" used to be considered an aggressive word to start sentences with. Like you're blaming people for things or ordering them around.
Should really have been called “being a woman in…all of human history”.
Thank you for explaining the joke
@@asahearts1 I don't know if anyone else has ever considered that.
Why is this so true... They say that people who ask questions lead the conversation, whereas this conversation was devoid of such.
I think the problem really is lack of interest in another's experience/feeling a need to advertise oneself as 'relatable' or 'interesting', when it really just comes off as insecurity.
I am going to randomly answer this. 1. Complete lack of caltuaral Norms which stay stable for ... Like a year, paired with a complete lack of ethical ideas which can actually be followed without living in the woods. 2. arrogance and ignorance of people living in extreme welath (historically speaking and realtive to what people actually need) Add this up and you get something way worse than just nihilism. I hope I can move up north soon. I'm from Europe and the east is at war while the south is burning and already out of water... in july. This shit is crazy
@@tobiasrinnert5044 Thats actually interesting because I live in Florida and my home address is different than yours
@@kurogikuzuzuki9790 lobsters!
No this is just two ADHD people talking to each other, and its not a lack of interest at all, thats how ADHD people show that they DO care
@@kurogikuzuzuki9790 you’re wrong, i literally live in your kitchen.
A moment of silence for the shy folks who prefer to listen and basically turn into everyone's free therapy session.
👌🏼🍻
At keast we can look like we are listening while nodding and thinking about interesting stuff inside our head like "why tf are ppole still wearing mask on their chin and when will alex honnold die falling (i hope never)
Fuck that's me. Why people always think good listeners are like dumpsters for their mental garbage?
We don't NEED more silence. How about a "actually I'm busy"
My relationship dynamic with my friend in a nutshell.. she just talks and I sit and listen cuz I don’t like talking lmao
This is how small children talk to each other. Seriously, listen next time you hear two 4 year olds chatting. We’ve regressed as a society to the conversational skills of a kindergartener.
Yes. And it’s also how people who are high out of their minds talk to each other. This is… concerning.
@@bigboibebop based on your comment i can tell youve never been around people who are high out of their minds
Stop making stuff up
@@cmap1503 I’ve BEEN high out of my mind. I’ve also hated being high so I chose to be the only sober one at parties. This really is how they speak
Yes, that whole "parallel play" mode of talking. Smh, can't wait to really talk with my niece...
@@bigboibebop its not
A very accurate representation of realistic dialogues in English textbooks
Which textbooks have dialogues?
Way too many likes for such a nonsense comment
This makes no sense
You meant English Language textbooks didn't you, 'My aunt has green scissors', I think. To all the people confused by this comment.
"Nice talking to me 👋" was unexpectedly relatable.
LOL running through a hidden wall 😂
Ye
The highlight of the entire conversation
🖐 nice choice of RUclips video to watch
Yo fj stop selling out so much and go back to making cool different vids like when you used to actually incorporate your own personality and thoughts instead of farming that same types-sketch format a bajillion times
@@theyfukenwmesubliminally yo stfu give him a break man. He’ll make decisions about his own content.
It’s draining especially when you’re a listener because they can go on and on and on talking about “me me me me” and never once ask about you. This is when I stop engaging and just go “uh huh…….mmm…..yeah….ohhhhhh.”
Totally. I'm a listener and recently spent a week at a family friend's house. Every conversation with her daughter was like this. I bore it patiently and smiled and nodded because I know she's an anxious mess and needs to talk and feel heard more than I do, but the "conversations" would go on for over an hour every time and I'd never get a word in edgewise while she talked endlessly about everything from the list of her childhood pets to the minutiae of her daily schedule as if I weren't there. I'm happy to listen, and feel proud of the role, but it bothers me how oblivious these people are of their own self-absorption and I'll never seek their company.
My mom does this. I'll call to tell her something and she'll immediately start talking about her day and everything she's going through when I didn't even ask. I'm completely fine hearing about her day for a certain amount of time, but it comes to a point where I'm just going "Mhm, yeah, I see" for an hour while she keeps blabbing on
When he called himself an "empath", I felt that. It's funny cause people who call themselves "empaths" are always the ones with the least heart.
I heard a girl call herself an empath, then she said "Even when I was a little girl I had to sleep with all my stuffed animals because I didnt want them to be lonely." Apparently she was under the impression that being an emotional mess 24/7 is the secret definition to being an empath
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 .... wait I did that too
When I hear some people talk it seems to me that self-assessment as a whole is treated as a secret dark art that should be avoided at all costs.
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 Wtf dude "emotional mess"? That example with the animals actually says a lot. The opposite are psychopaths who turtue "stuffed animals" but also real animals, it very common and known in research. So people who have deep caring feelings for (stuffed) animals (basically the opposite of psychopathy) have a lot empathy, to a point where it can be called "too much" empathy.
@@ABCstockholm007 The definition of empathy. "The ability to understand and share the feelings of another." Unless you are delusional, even small children should understand that stuffed animals are not the same as real animals. Meaning they are projecting their own emotions onto someone else, the literal opposite of empathy. Which is narcissism disguised as empathy.
That's how autistic people have always been talking though. Sometimes it's really hard to think of something to say or empathize so we start talking about a similar experience we've had to express that we understand how the other feels.
yeah
Oooh waaaait... Do normal people not like that? Oops.
yeeaaah
The more and more I learn about autism the more and more I realise I am probably autistic.
Ooh fuck yep
and here i thought i was the only one getting fed up over this. i'm always asking people questions and i hope they'll do the same but they never do. ugh! we live in a society.
t r u t h
The last person I tried to have a conversation with said I asked too many questions and it wasn’t an “authentic” way to get to know someone. It’s been 6 weeks and I’m still waiting for them to ask me a question or tell me something more substantial about themselves… I feel like I’m wasting my time.
@@Lyandra01 I'm concerned that the last time you tried to have a conversation whas 6 weeks ago. Are you okay?
@@Lyandra01 Drop that person. It's not worth it.
@@Lyandra01 It's totally an authentic way, but it makes sense that someone who asks NO questions would think that you're weird for asking questions.
I feel like people don't ask questions because they don't care because they're afraid to care and be curious about other people. They're afraid of being invested in someone only to get rejected
I've legitimately stopped trying to enter conversations with certain people in certain circles because of this legitimate... weird... not-listening listening thing. Just always looking for their moment to hop back into saying something about them instead of actually engaging. It is extremely rough, and I've had to start training myself out of some of the bad habits I've picked up from trying to engage in these groups before.
Amen
Socializing isn’t something that comes naturally to people. Many of us really had to learn to be conversational and charismatic. Hours and hours of reading and television just to converse in meaningless dreary ways like small talk and being kind to people you don’t like. Certainly this convo didn’t go anywhere but neither does small talk. Judging people by how they try to relate doesn’t help anyone. Truly, having a conversation like the vid at least let’s people know they’re not alone and that they can communicate with someone without judgement or without a goal.
Like what kind of circles?
Hydra, I once read a whole study about people that commandeer conversations. They studied the motivations and the methods they used. It was really interesting. After reading it I understood my people group much better;) Also, found out a bit about myself....
@@pursaveer9027 link?
I’m diagnosed autistic and I had to look at the comments to see how the conversation was wrong, this is my idea of a good chat! Oh dear, I always forget to ask questions and sometimes people think I’m being narcissistic or rude, but it’s quite hard for people with ASD to remember/understand social rules.
I think that's essential to keep a conversation going, but if you have difficulties (aka less instinctive conversation skills) I don't think anyone can blame you for that, it's just harder for you. If a neurotypical doesn't have thid skill, that's ok too, we can't really ask others to be perfect. But if they do acknowledge they have this "issue" and they have a lack of interest in improving this.... That's where you can point fingers and ask the other person to put more effort, I think
wtf am I autistic?!
It's not just the lack of questions, it's that no subject evolves into any kind of depth or point. Nothing one person or the other says is engaged with, or meaning derived from it, except to propel the other speaker to make their own statement. It's just a series of context generated personal statements, there's no interplay, just parallel thought processes bouncing off each other on contact. Don't feel bad for struggling though, conversation is a skill like any other, and while many people on the spectrum have additional challenges recognizing them, the things that can improve one's ability to converse are born from intentional practice more than innate ability. A lot of people just get by on the software they're born with, and don't really ever even *try* to figure out if there are better ways to communicate.
There's a lot of behaviors that people with ASD exhibit that are pointed at as flaws, but that actually just show the lack of skill people use to communicate with *them* and in general. Many people have the programming to compensate for these conversational deficits, and often a person with ASD is just left feeling like they're missing something. (I've seen this a great deal with my sister who is on the spectrum. A lot of times people would be getting frustrated with her, but when we broke it down they had actually communicated really poorly what they were trying to convey and made it far harder for her than they needed to.) Everybody is a work in progress, but I think too often people with disabilities bear the burden of standing in for our society's lack of self awareness.
The up side of this is that if you practice just a few conversational skills, like the bare minimum, people suddenly think you're a god damn social butterfly lol.
@@Lurklen this was such a great comment. I couldn’t agree more.
I don't think I'm autistic, but I enjoy this type of conversation, too! (See, there I go, relating it back to my own experience and sharing that, haha.) It's not wrong, it's just different. ❤️
“Please validate my existence in a never ending sea of voices!!! Am I real? Do I matter???”
♪♫Am l vital, if my heart is idle? Am I doomed? Craddle me, so I could see if I'm doomed♪♫
Yes you are real and yes you matter
🎯👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I have always clicked better with frenetic people who don't need prompting to contribute interesting thoughts to the conversation, and who can naturally switch topics when the current one gets boring. The real problem with this conversation wasn't that there was a lack of questions, it was that everything was extremely banal and provoked no deeper thought or curiosity -- the only solutions would have been to artificially express interest in the personal trivia and ask deeper questions (a disingenuous strategy but still considered to be a good social skill) or for the participants to put more effort into saying something actually interesting.
Doesn't have to be disingenuous. Sometimes, when you make them elaborate on something initially boring, it ends up being interesting, or at least relaxes the person enough to also ask questions or share thoughts (assuming the reason why the conversation is boring is that the other person is anxious, shy or socially awkward).
Isn’t the real irony that they’re not talking to each other at any point, that they’re talking about themselves the whole time? Brilliant
Omg I literally can not read
Dude this is so accurate, I’m glad i’m not alone in feeling that way. We lost all our social skills in two years?? No one’s listening during conversations and it’s low key horrifying
No we’ve lost our social skills over the course of the past 20 or so years as the internet progressed into its own form of silent communication through faceless screens. However I don’t actually know anybody who talks this way in real life.
You can't lose what you never had 😂
We really started losing our social skills when social media and smartphones came around.
@@bderrick4944 You sure this lack social skills isn't imagined or at least exaggerated? I mean, the only people I've known that spoke like this were tired, in voice chats that were intentionally purposed for it so everyone in it just went along with it, or they were autistic
@@bderrick4944 I’m like two weeks late to this comment. I don’t see this happening in close groups such as friends or family, but I see this happen in workplaces lol
That's what a conversation looks like when everyone is too busy thinking about what they want to say and not listening to the other person.
Every time I meet someone like this I want to play them "Be Better at Listening" by Pomplamoose.
"Step 1: Stop thinkin' 'bout yourself.
Step 2: Focus on someone else.
Step 3: Ask them a question, like you care.
Step 4: Try to care."
Haaaha
@@Graenolf What a coincidence! A kid in my neighborhood exactly used to laugh like that. Did you know that 15 minutes of laughter a day can help you burn between 10 and 40 calories? Seriously, I need to laugh more.
(My ability to converse like a human is extraordinary! They can never spot me! Fu fu fu fu!)
The fun part is if you can actively listen to people for even a small amount of time, people you hardly know will tell you the most crazy things
Yep
Actually, I don't agree, it's not about actively listening but actively questioning, (maybe that's what you were telling by "actively").
I know some people who are bored very easily and they rarely question, but when they do, their questions are very personal and not many people would think it's proper to ask such questions and they enter in deep connection with people around them even though they are diagnosed with ADHD.
It's really weird to talk to this kind of person because they don't give a shit about having a good conversation or talk about thing you like, they just want to be shocked as much as possible because all they do is seeking for dopamine and adrenaline.
Been there too many times. For some odd reason people feel like it’s okay to pour out their personal stories on me. So I just listen and let them vent/tell what they want and call it a day.
@@RunawayYe Yep.
It’s only funny until you realize how depressing it is
🥲
It's only depressing until you realize how funny it is
Welcome everyone to my world. I’ve had social anxiety basically since kindergarten. I don’t feel like I have the right to ask people personal questions. I’m always telling myself “Don’t ask that. That’s none of your business” even for really basic impersonal things. I also am always worried about hurting people’s feelings probably because I am so highly sensitive myself. For example. I don’t ask people about their parents because what if their parents are dead? Those kinds of thoughts torment me.
Given that people generally like talking about themselves you're pretty safe asking them all kinds of questions. Even like you say if their parents died, people do share experiences about their missfortune given it's a strong connection-builder among us. If they really don't wanna talk about something you'll pick it up quickly and you could just say "or..." and change the subject but they won't hold your initial question against you.
🤣 That is the facts! We free-associate basically talk at each other about ourselves, then awkwardly "walk away" or end it however. I like this!
Get better friends.
@@doughnutfingers Narcissism appears to be about 90% after the social media boom. It is quite abnormal if you ask me, but I have lived in the 80s, so perhaps abnormal is the new normal.
@@doughnutfingers It really depends if they were friends or acquaintances though. Definitely still socially inept but I don't see where people are regularly speaking like this. I hear more people speak using internet lingo than whatever the speech pattern in the video is. Maybe speech pattern isn't the right word.
We’re just so relieved to have someone to speak to that we forget QUESTIONS. 😂 This is is eerily accurate. 😅
This one right here
This could definitely apply to both being alone and being with other people
That is deep shit, man.
I’m like that! Sometimes I’m alone and sometimes I’m with people. God my life is quirky 🤪
@@Graenolf Oh darling, please don't forget about *us.*
Graenolf, you magnificent piece of genius DNA. You captured convos at 2022. This was how my conversation with my introverted friends went last weekend 😀.
to be fair, as an introvert, i understand how it comes off sometimes when you do this, but i'm trying so hard to figure out what to say next that when i actually think of something like "Oh i was super into pokemon as a kid" etc. I'm just trying to say something rather than nothing. When you have no idea what to talk about sometimes you just get excited when your brain sees something it can say.
@@mrexpendable1232 I truly resonate with that. I am an introvert myself. There are even times when I would rather observe and listen on the conversations around the table and just discern what everyone is talking about. But of course there are times as well when I have to make small talks with other people and I usually try hard for it not to be awkward.
My friends are introverted and we don't have these ADHD convos.
@@bellejacinto7632 i’m an introvert schizoid, and i hate small talk. i cannot stand when i ask someone how their weekend was and all they say is good thanks how was yours? like give me some damn information i can go off! it goes like this:
me: “hi how you going?
them: “hi good thanks how are u?
me: “good thanks, how was your weekend”
them: “fine thanks how was yours?”
… it’s at this point now i just no longer answer
me: “yeh what did you get up to?”…
some people make it hard for introverts like me to talk to them so i just cut them off now with another question
@@mrexpendable1232 you perfectly described me in any social setting
just awkwardly trying to connect convos is so accurate lmao
This is why more often than not, conversations end in awkward silence.
I don't want to talk. If i want a conversation ill ask questions. If i don't care i sit there.
I found that asking even a few questions makes people think youre a really good listener, so they go on for hours...
@@naturesfinest2408 Facts right there. All it takes are questions to get most people going. Some of them don't even notice if you never say anything about yourself, too.
No one is genuinely interested in others anymore. Every sentence sounds like a tweet
This comment section sparks some good discussions. Both extremes of question asking don’t yield the best conversations (asking few Qs or asking too many). I’ve had an experience with a friend who asked too many and it made me feel like they wanted me to entertain them with my stories and personal details while they give me very little back about themselves which made me not want to share. They would also pry for more information than I was comfortable giving. Part of it was because they gave little info or opinion of their own so I didn’t feel comfortable being my full self around them and it was also so boring to talk to them and be their “entertainer”
Thanks for this comment. I'm the question asker in nearly every conversation, and it's interesting to hear from people who've been on the other side. I do it because I'm very interested in other people, sometimes to a fault, and I think I'm uninteresting and don't want to annoy people talking about myself. I have a friend who takes advantage of my eagerness to ask questions and need to help people, so the conversation is 98% about her. She actually told me one day that I'm super hard to get to know. That was a major light up moment for me. I've been aware of this for years now, but haven't found a way to change my behaviors and thoughts. Probably therapy.
@@Aster_Risk you sound like you’ve reflected and are actively trying to build better connections so kudos to you! Thanks for sharing as well 🙂 I agree I also had the same feelings as your friend because in my situation, I knew this friend for many years but still feel like I didn’t really know much about her
bruh, this is so true. It reminds of this one time, where I was talking to myself because I felt like no one this world really 'gets' me, you know?
I feel you. Maybe ironic, but I can relate (ツ)
Sometimes I wish I had a replica of me so that I could talk about whatever and the other me would just *get it* even if it's nonsense, y'know?
But at the same time, I like having my views challenged and my logic questioned and I feel like I haven't met anyone else who's been a good balance of accepting/questioning when it comes to certain conversations. Which is why I get the idea of talking to yourself because I feel like I've played devil's advocate against myself more than any one of my friends has ever disagreed with me.
Inner me would get me though, smh my head.
@@sirshrooma I feel like ive written this exact paragraph somewhere in my journal
@@theyfukenwmesubliminally ah the internet, a collective consciousness like the world has never seen where we can casually lament about how isolated we feel to thousands of other people in similar circumstances
I hate talking to me. Im a dick to myself and never want to hear what I have to say
Accurate representation of a conversation between me and my fellow autistic/adhd friends
“I’m an empath so it’s easy for me to cry” why am I laughing so hard at this 🤣
This is actually very true lol
@delocalizingMayfly cringe
Ima be honest , seeing this conversation relieves a sense of social anxiety and makes it seem easier to have a conversation
yeah, not all will be the best, but oh well, you tried! and sometimes i find Ive connected with people best during the moments i feel like im 'losing social points'
It’s a strange feeling reading these comments and seeing people say it’s a bad/ weak conversation because me and most of my friends are ND, and people with ADD or autism or just different mental function will commonly speak like this, this sounds like a totally natural conversation to me, we never have awkward moments when we converse like this because our minds are always able to find a link and keep going and it’s also a really easy way to find common ground and speak comfortably about topics that you like and want to bring up because you can basically chuck anything into the conversation because at some point something will link up.
Exactlyyyy! At first i thought it was a relatively normal conversation
Same omg
No it's not a good conversation because both sides qre only interested in themselves and just try to talk about themselves rather than being interested in a topic and continuing it by relevant questions and such.
@@alexanderson2743 I guess that’s one way to view it, when my friends talk like this it’s more… each person is adding to the conversation allowing for more openness and more information in the conversation so we’re able to talk about a lot and get to know each other/ connect to one another very quickly and deeply.
@@rainbowflowerpower4464 yes that's good but in the video there is no openness it's just jumping from one experience to another. Basically it would be better if both sides tried to take in more info from the other person instead of just anticipating their own explanation. It makes it seem like they are just talking to a wall about themselves.
Omg this is so accurate! I often wondered if I was being too picky and judgy on people because of that. I mean nobody is interested in listening to others anymore. It’s like that saying “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” And at time it has made me feel awkward like when people ask you questions and you’re in the middle of your answer/story and you see their eyes shifting to their phones or someone else, in that moment I know “ok you’re not interested” I’ve lost count of how many times I haven’t been able to complete my statement and how many times I saw the same thing been done to other people. I try 100% not to do that. I always apologize if I have to interrupt someone and if always say “you were saying!?”.
Asking questions can be annoying sometimes especially when u end up being the only person who asks and not vice versa but it definitely feels less horrible than these kind of convo's. For someone with social anxiety, being stuck in a back-and-forth like this is pure hell, its like having to juggle spinning plates.
True. I think what’s most important is just having a genuine interest in the other person, which tends to illicit more questions
I think this thread has taught me that I am selfish and fearful in conversations, and that's why I don't think I connect well with others.
Like, people will say something I can relate to, and I'll share something similar when they're finished (like I'm doing here I guess lol), or they'll ask me a question, and I'll answer.
But I don't usually know how to keep a conversation going with a separate question if it feels like the conversation about the previous topic has run its natural course.
I think part of that is because I am afraid of throwing something out there and it not sticking. I don't want to make things more awkward than they already are. However, another thing that hinders me, I believe, is that I try to stick more to conversations where I feel that I can relate with the other person, and vice versa as far as I can tell. However, because I'm not on par with most of my peers as far as where I am with my life and what I've done so far, I find it difficult to think of ways we can relate to each other. I find that my interests also seem to be fairly niche, and I feel like the likelihood of finding someone else who enjoys a lot of the same things is slim, so I rarely try.
I understand that I don't interact normally with others, and I haven't for a long time. In fact, I don't know if I ever have. Regardless of how long this has been going on, I have the feeling that I'm not completely mentally well. I just don't know what's wrong yet.
Do normal people, when they talk to one another, just throw any random question out to the other person and hope it sticks? Not every time, of course, but when they have nothing more to say about the previous topic? Or do they, too, specifically pick a question that they could also talk about if the other person decides to discuss the new topic with them? To me, the latter sounds logical, but what sounds logical isn't always right.
This is literally just me rambling and working stuff out, and I know that I'm not actually typing this into the void, but I want to pretend that I am. If you can or want to reply, great. If not, that's also okay.
@@o3o930 the key is having a conversation with someone because you want to listen, not because you want to talk, ask questions you think they will enjoy answering and then you just smile and listen and hopefully they'll do the same back, and if they don't then oh well you still did your best and they'll appreciate it
@@timkang3076 I've read your comment, and thought about it some, and I've come to another realization.
I do my best to listen in almost every conversation I partake in. But your comment seems unnatural to me, and I have an idea why that is.
I think I don't like listening as much as talking, and therefore misunderstood the point of casual conversation as a whole, because I come from a long line of people who don't exactly listen well to others.
My great-grandparents were dismissive, from the stories I've heard about them. My Nana talks and talks, so one can barely get a word in edgewise when talking with her.
We think my father might be ND, so he does the thing that the people in this video do when he talks. He has really bad conversational etiquette, but that's not only because he's ND. My mom inherited the dismissive behavior of my great-grandparents, but she also likes to interrupt people who she disagrees with and shout over them to try to get her point across. And my little brother also talks a lot like the people in this video, and he's been diagnosed with ADHD. He also takes a lot after our dad.
Basically, nobody in my family does much listening, but everybody loves to throw their two cents in. Am I bad at talking to people because I've had very few normal conversations in my life? I think that's a pretty decent guess. I didn't realize that the self-improvement would go this deep...Yikes.
@@timkang3076 Thank you terribly for the advice, though. I appreciate it. This will, decidedly, be difficult for me to learn, but it's something I will have to work on.
We are just machines trying to learn to talk again basically lol.
Accurate reflection of how I feel talking to my classmates in college.
I have this same conversation with every person I meet in my age group...
While you may want to avoid talking about yourself too much, it can also be a negative if you ask too many questions and the conversation feels more like an interview. Try to find a balance between asking questions to the other party to get to know them while also telling them information that can let them get to know you.
Certain parts of the conversation which could have benefitted from a question include:
asking the other party why their favorite season is fall/winter, what they like about it, if they have any fond memories relating to it
asking about what type of dog summer was, if they still have any pets, what type of pets they'd prefer to have
when the topic of movies came up you could ask the other party what their favorite movie is, why they like it, or maybe what are their thoughts on a recent movie that came out is, and so on
In the moment it can be hard to think of what to say, but keep practicing and also analyze how other people talk to eachother so you can learn what to do or what not to do
@kshamwhizzle it's different if it's ur mom lol
Thanks a lot for this comment. I'll put this advice into practice more often
Thanks! *furiously takes notes*
I’m always the one that asks so many questions 😔 i feel like i have nothing important to share
I expect them to engage and ask questions as well. Instead of having the conversation solely rely on me to do everything. 🤔
As I wasn't socialized very well I used to only be able to have conversations like this well into my early twenties. Thankfully through a bunch of group-therapy and well, learning about myself and how to communicate ... this is quite painful to watch! I think a lot of people struggle with this and are not aware of it.
I think social media kind of trains people into this. This is basically a bunch of Instagram posts, turned into a face to face conversation. But what puts the awkwardness through the roof is the blandness that comes from an absolute terror not to offend.
Im getting so much out of this comment section tbh. This is how most of my convos went & I always wanted to break though but didn’t know how. Seeing the support and also critique is so insightful. IK this is a comedy video, but my comment is genuine haha.
It took me a great deal to overcome this once I realized it. It happened during the lockdown.
It hit me even harder when I was writing formal letters regarding job applications.
Horribly unloved. That's what we are.
your pfp is so cute, where’s it from?
@@Kuralai95 it's from the previous decade and it's a still from a gif from Tumblr.
@@askalemuralia ohhh the tumbr days, I miss them :c
@@leachatee wtf is that
@@newt2120 why don’t you google it instead of being rude
This is how I feel like conversations go if I talk about myself, so usually I don't talk about myself. Instead, I just reflect the emotion of what they are saying back to them in words and then they think I'm a great listener.
OMG THE ACCURACY! I went to the US for college and that was the first time I experienced this situation en masse, like almost half of the conversations i was having were like this. And they were almost always with white guys (Im a bw), stopped trying to have a chat with them pretty quickly lmao it was fcked
"nice talking to me!"
"nice talking to me ☺️"
was just so epic... Great video
What's really fun is when you argue with yourself and it gets nasty enough that you hurt your own feelings and give yourself the silent treatment because you made you cry.
We have fun here.
Lol! Yes! My favorite is arguing with myself and defeating my own argument. But it's all good, because in the end, I win anyway!!!
As a gen z coming from a still d developing country, such conversations are rly rare unless they're between ppl of my generation, other wise if you ever speak to a person (above 25yo) here, they'll ask about every single person in your family how/ what they're doing and you'll do the same, they'd speak about the weather and politics and other ppl. But the type of conversation in this video is mostly spoken among teens with ADHD/anxiety cuz this is, in their opinion, how to care about others. it's by being relatable.
Oh my fucking god..... I didn't even realize we're doing this now. I just came home from work and I realized that we did that same interaction all damn day with everyone at work. Christ. Now I'm never going to NOT be able to see it.
Well done, sir.
This is why I keep quiet around people. Nobody really wants to converse, they just want to inform me about themselves.
Inform them about yourself too then... what's wrong with that?
@@yayagami3475 Some people want genuine connections instead of being bombarded with information about people.
@@k.d.2589 how can you connect with someone if you dont want information about them ? I only had genuine connections with people since iam very selective with whom i talk to even in family and yet i talk this way just be interested and you wont have to act interested
@@yayagami3475 It's about give and take. If people don't ask, then it's information that we didn't ask for. Introverts are easily drained by being bombarded by a stream of unasked for information, so they will tend to be more selective about people they try to have conversations with. Also, sometimes people just aren't in the mood to have someone go on a self-absorbed stream of consciousness reaction fest about themselves without any sign of care for the receiving party.
@@yayagami3475 Oops, you can ignore my last post. I thought this was another comment.
You're correct, not being cared about is the whole point. Or more specifically, not feeling like there is any care because the other person is only bombarding you with information about themselves and not asking you any questions.
omg!! this is so realistic!! I hate this type of "conversation". I have social anxiety and I try to listen but then it just becomes about them and I never get asked $hit. It hurts trying to connect, that is why I stopped caring. I don't ask them anything and just say ok, and disengage as fast as a can.
Why does this sound like a normal conversation
This is so sad and accurate! People have regressed so much that they don't know how to communicate properly or lead a conversation!
Ive been living abroad almost 10 years. Whenever I go back in the US and I'm just at the airport and I can actually start understanding people's conversations this is all I hear. I'm just dumbfounded everytime.
The fact that this is also how I would chat to ppl online says something about my conversational skills
I, me, mine, myself - that was all I could hear in this conversation. This is so true. My friend was always talking that she is an empath, very good listener and will always be there for me (after months of me helping her to get her life together after abusive relationship). When I had a terrible month, came back for help and support, she was like - me, me, I, myself, that happened to me ALSO! Do you remember when.... And she was talking about herself.
Oh no I have a friend who's just like this it's impossible to have a conversation you naileddd it
Am guilty
I think it has something to do with being used to sharing every thought we have. You don't gotta, not everyone cares about every thought. That reminds me though --
I have all the ADHD so this is exactly how I "conversate", not because I'm uninterested in other people's feelings and perspective but because the neuro divergent department in my brain is triggered gets so easily triggered and has to get all the thoughts out at one. Graenolf once again you have exposed me. Well done sir.
I feel you. I always feel so guilty when I talk and talk and talk and I am terribly afraid of coming across as self-centered.
This is how ive always seen the point of a converaation, to discuss vaguely related ideas as they pop in each of our heads.
Apparently people ask questions theyre not really interested in and wait for the other person to do the same?
That sounds so weird and boring
I noticed this in myself recently, and am proud to say I've changed my ways.
Hehe we’re all guilty don’t worry. Nice though! I definitely like to pick a subject with people these days and try to explore it more thoroughly so we can both walk away having remembered the conversation or maybe learned something. The frequent tangents are what destroy that opportunity, which I notice at parties all the time 🙃
these are the scariest kinds of conversations because there’s genuinely no way out
I didn’t realize this conversation was that far from normal, but it was always a little tough for me to find a balance between asking questions or sharing different facts about life/my experiences/interesting information. I have high functioning autism though, or literally just a little different socially.
It would go like this: Here’s an interesting fact about my experience in life….then I wait for them to share an interesting fact about their life, so on and so fourth. It works with some people, but others not so much lol
It is really natural to do. Somebody says something and in response you say whatever pops into your head. Of course that often just means a game of word association and personal experiences. It is natural but results in you just talking about your own thoughts and feelings and experiences at random. Both the selfishness and randomness can be annoying. The alternative require stopping to think about what they said, unless you have practice (or atleast are not autistic) it does require more effort and time, enough time that they probably moved on to talking about something else.
Yeah, quarentine did SOMETHING to our social skills, and idk how long it's gonna last
fr idk how to talk to people anymore, for like, casual talks
I realized that I now over-share since 2020. After being pretty lonely, and after all, you never know when we are all going to be locked up again. Might as well get it all out now.
I watched this video a week ago and it still hasn’t left my mind. This video has officially made an impact on my life
The one I keep think of is something like "Two people shouting about themselves in close proximity"
No one communicates anymore
Honestly it's kinda pure this type of conversing. It's super self centered but at the same time very honest with little social filter.
Share the conversation. Taking turns speaking is key. Although I do find this type of interaction to be much better than no interaction at all
This isn't your average, everyday Asperger's - this is _advanced_ Asperger's.
Duuuuude too true. the ‘no, listen’ omg
I love conversations like this lol just randomly sharing information rather than asking questions
I went into this video expecting it to disappoint me, and make me hate how people choose to act more.
After watching the video I’ve sadly deduced that it’s one of the most important pieces of comedic social commentary of our generation
i love these conversations! i'm 14 and this is a good conversation on a good day.
I don't think this is a dig at eachother or our society as a whole, it's just a very valid observation of what a few years of mostly isolation and (understandably) getting fully wrapped up in our own thoughts/experiences will do.
The pandemic quarantine was a wild and new experience for this era of humans to process and we're STILL processing it together. This is part of that coprocessing; it's a great thought point for us to go from to decide (for ourselves) if we'd like to be more deeply engaged with eachother's life experiences rather than only word-vomiting our own experience.
Thanks for this lil example conversation! It really helped me put some of this into perspective so I can be more aware and grow accordingly going forward.
Cheers!
The uptalking is so on point too
Desperately needed the tutorial, thank you
“I think it’s converse.. Just say talk”
Im glad to see other ND people saying this feels normal for them cuz this feels normal for me XD but there would usually be a bit more, like I would empathize with someone who talked about something traumatic or something. I hate conversations where you're just playing 20 questions about them. But I do ask questions when it fits the conversation idk. This didn't feel that wrong to me tho
“I hate conversations where you’re just playing 20 questions about them.” Haha yes! This whole video’s comment section has been pretty mind blowing to me because I can’t believe there are so many people who prefer that? Like how are you supposed to transition from question to question? Like how does that not feel random? “Do you have dogs?” “Yes I have 2. Do you?” “Yes I have one….” And then what do you ask after that?? Like I guess you can ask their names/breeds but what about other questions? How do you smoothly transition from question to question? This video’s comment section has been very eye opening because I think I’m just really bad at coming up with questions on the spot to ask the other person, not because I don’t care, but because I’m socially awkward and don’t want to ask any questions that make the other person feel uncomfortable or that don’t seem intrusive because I’ve asked questions that people didn’t want to seem to answer and that’s where the convo died, so I stopped asking so many questions. :(
@@loverrlee I think a good way to make conversational questions engaging is to have a mix of closed ended (yes/no/factual) questions and open-ended questions ("What do you think about X? How did you get your dog. What was it like to have a dog/pet for the first time?"). People like telling stories and building conversations around them, as opposed to playing 20 questions.
I agree with Carrie Joldes. these conversations happen more often when you are speaking to someone you don't vibe with very easily or feel you have something to prove to.
HOW DID YOU DO THIS, you’re so self aware, we all are, I broke a sweat watching this. I have a sweating problem. I have to take medication for it. Anyway see you next vid ✌️
People are just more awkward than they used to be, so they try and say something to avoid the awkwardness. They try to keep the ball rolling, and so you end up not saying anything or actually conversing, you just bounce from one sentence to another. I'm guilty of this. I tend to ask the other person questions so I don't have to talk about myself.
This conversation seemed awkward to me but this is how I naturally talk to almost everyone.
The pause before “King Kong” 😂😂😂
This conversation gave me hives
"Me.
Me, me, me.
I, I.
I'm so fucking important."
I loved seeing me like this comment. I am very generous
I was within a group conversation yesterday, and it went exactly like this. So many "I" statements and no one really saying anything or taking interest in what the other person was saying. I just walked away from the convo smh
Nice talk, truly not awkward conversation
That's how me and my friends speak most of the time, I have to actually force myself to find a question to ask, very consciously because I know others don't like this kind of dialogue and it's not even that I'm not interested...
The thing is, most of my friends are neurodivergent and I'm pretty damn sure I am too, that's just a natural way of speaking. Me and my brother can go on like this for hours. My father always says how me and my brother can start talking about the weirdest yet deepest things because our conversations just gradually continues like a train of thoughts.
If you tell me something and I find a link with something I also experienced, I'll talk about it because It's relevant in my head and I want to continue the conversation and empathize with the person... It kind of works like this :
Person's experience = my experience = empathy = talk about said experience to connect
It's hard to explain 😫
Social interactions are so complicated, I always forget that and start thinking I'm good now, but then every time I start talking with people that aren't neurodivergent I realize how off my social skills are lolz
im so glad that everybody is noticing this too... i thought i was going crazy, and started to question if i was being manipulative by feeling a need to ask questions or inquire more about a pointed subject
Graenolf, you’re teetering very close to making videos direct from my interactions.
I like teetering I’ve definitely teetered before in my life hahah lemme show you pics on my phone of me teetering
This is so accurate where I work and I feel like a weirdo for being the only one there who's bothered by this
It’s so annoying when you finally say something about yourself (as an introvert) and they either pull what you see in this video with talking about something completely different or start talking about themselves again. I still don’t know how people don’t know that’s rude haha
this hits too close to home, I'm literally always listening to someone else talk and when I finally find the strength to insert myself and express myself they immediately turn the attention back into themselves or just completely derail from what I was talking about
@@ultravioletcatastrophe I usually end the conversation real quick after that, it pisses me off
This is why people who ask questions and show genuine interest are the coolest. Wanting to genuinely engage with the other is a rarity these days
I feel like I'm intruding/creepy when I emgage genuinely with strangers online, so thank you for this comment. I feel less self-conscious now.
I feel personally attacked by this 😂
This is ADHD conversation to the max. Technology advances and the way things work and are made these days promote the development of ADHD, so it’s being diagnosed more now.
While bulbous is a great word, OYFUM is even better.
Oh shit I do this all the time and I never noticed oh my.