This is why it pisses me off when people say things like "dont let your boys play with dolls they'll turn trans" like no, if you tell you child that what they like is for the opposite gender they will be more likely to wanna be the other gender, not because they are trans but because you told them they have to be the opposite gender to enjoy their interests. Which is so harmful because non trans people will regret transition.
This exactly! It’s important to not gender arbitrary things. Kids liking “girl clothes” more than “boy clothes” doesn’t really say much UNLESS you insist on gendering things. I was always gender non-conforming, but I was raised in an environment that was pretty non-gendered. I could play with hot wheels, Barbie’s, and plushies and it never meant anything. It wasn’t until middle school when I was pressured to be more feminine by my peers that I got a massive sense of dysphoria that I still struggle with, but I never transitioned. Gendering things so harshly just makes going through puberty and discovering yourself even harder, because now you’re not only battling constant changes within your body, you’re fighting society to just like a button up more than a skirt.
fr bro i remember my dad was like this but my mom understood it (she wasn't allowed to watch transformers) and had my back. my dumbass grew up on word girl, the Powerpuff girls, and mlp and I've never had gender dysphoria
Exactly, my mom always was "manly" and a "tomboy" as a kid, she would rather play with the boys and sadly she din't enjoyed a lot because of her father that would never let her do "boys stuff", turned out she's still cis and straight, btw, if you dress or act in a certain way it doesn't make you less male or woman, what is "manly" and "girly" varies a lot depending of the time and location, in reality it's all nonsense, man in old Mesopotamia weared skirts and old woman fashion was more "manly", here's a link about 100 years of banned fashion ruclips.net/video/E0AFk-6PWGM/видео.htmlsi=nToWuEh_jYEyZhi-, also here's a article about men's skirts en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_skirts#:~:text=Skirts%20have%20been%20worn%20since,recorded%20two%20categories%20of%20clothing.
As a trans male, I hate when people see a detransitioner and automatically assume that they are a terrible, transphobic person. The community should definitely be less quick to judge every detransitioner that they see. Yes there are the handful that are gross, but detransitioner stories should definitely be heard
Yeah, it really does suck to see detransitioners get so much crap from the trans community. All of the problems come back to transphobia, because if detransitioners weren't used as a way to attack trans people so often, then detransitioners wouldn't get so much crap
it's because there are a very very few de-trans folks that have grifted for the right and they were very LOUD -- so it seeded distrust in the trans community.
You can’t really blame trans people for having there guard up. Look at majority of all large media news outlets and the way they cover detransition stories with inflated numbers, propaganda and hate implied the whole time as a way to ban transition completely and demonize the community.
@@SOLIDShift_VI there's actualy a lot of stories about de transition, there are entire sub reddits about it, and its normal that some of them hate the trans community, no community is inmune to criticism and after all they're the ones who pushed them so much into doing things they'd later on regret. Most of the trans community is literaly based on the same gender labels the entire lgbtq+ community they're a part of hates, and there's a dangerous confusion between being trans and a femboy or tomboy. The trans community pushes too much, they cant accept that before comming to a conclussion, its good that potential trans people hear both the people who say they arent trans, they're just confused or in a phase, and the people who say they are and that they should take hormones, do surgery and all that stuff. But they'd rather censor people who question it. Is it hard to accept that it could actualy be a phase, or confusion, just as it could not be that? Got to a point where even some on the community want everyone to accept little kids into this path where they cant be questioned either, not even by their own parents On top of that previous to surgeries related to all this, or taking hormone blockers, and doing other trans-related stuff (usualy the more permanent ones) in many countries you need to see psychologists and these professionals who should diagnose you with gender dysphoria to be able to make these changes happen, the problem is that, as i mentioned earlier no one can question you, and this got to a point where even professionals cant, if you think you have gender dysphoria you'll already be diagnosed with that, and will be given hormon blockers and whatever you want to use, even if they warn you about the side effects, since you were diagnosed with that condition and apparently these are the only ways to treat your sadness ( aka easy money from you) This is why there are so many de transition stories, and why a lot of them dislike the trans community
... I am SO proud of the comments section. I thought I'd be walking into a 100% flame war, but instead people are being very civil and empathetic to this story. Some faith in humanity restored, and I'm so glad everyone is sharing their stories. Finding one's identity is hellishly complicated as it is, let alone when gender and extreme views get involved.
People who think that way should take just 15 minutes of their time to look into the bodybuilding scene LOL It runs rampant over there "Dysphoria" ultimately just means you're unsatisfied or self conscious about something, but unfortunately it has become a silly buzz word that people slap on everything.
@guy4925 i think you're confusing gender dysphoria with body dysmorphia. they're different but very similar (not trans fyi but thats what my trans friend told me)
I am trans and I’ve had to deal with dysphoria a lot. I am planing to transition soon, but I know what you mean. I just hated being a guy. I hated my voice, hated my body, hated how I was told that I wasn’t manly enough. I really hated it. So, that’s why I am trans!
i feel like the trans community (at least from what ive seen) has gotten a lot better at emphasizing the fact that transitioning isn't a universal fix for everyone that is genderqueer or even just gender noncomforming such as yourself. i think we all realized that the way we were speaking of these things could cause harm to people who weren't trans to begin with as well as ourselves. i'm happy that this video was made because of how much stigma is around detransitioners because of the loud minority of grifters that use their unhappiness to hate trans people.
I don't think so. I think it's worse, and the trans community in general loves to pretend like no one deteansitions, and that talking about detransitioning just means you're a secret nazi who wants to destroy trans people, and transitioning is great and everyone should do it, and that "gender affirming surgery" usually works (it does not).
That last part reminded me of how one of my first look into a detransitioner’s perspective left me with a lot of doubt & bad feelings about myself mostly because the video’s tone was a little condescending & made their experience sound scary. While the fact that other videos from the person’s channel seemed to mock queer people should’ve been a sign they were grifting to some degree, I left feeling discouraged to explore what I wanted for myself due to newfound doubt. To put it simply, this video was a breath of fresh air with how OP gave insight without sounding discouraging. It was simply presenting what they learned without trying to push the audience towards one path or another. Their advice given also seems to align with the approach I’ve been taking in considering my contentness with myself as well as how that’ll translate into my real life. It also made me feel less guilty about taking my time questioning myself. I think I need that level of groundedness.
when i was younger like around 11 - 13 i definitely thought transition was a one size fits all for every trans person. now i see that its not and i try to keep an open mind that maybe later in life ill find that transition isn’t for me and that is okay.
Ik, as someone who has only identified as trans for abt a year or two now, it’s kinda weird seeing the stuff she was being told bcuz I was reading it and a lot of it was stuff I had barely heard before
@DumbDolphin69 Have people told you that the bottom surgery isn't a bad idea? Or that taking HRT/Testosterone is completely reversible? I'm just curious what your experiences have been
Moral: Don’t let anyone ever tell you who you are or should be, including your past self. It’s ok to change, or realize the path you chose was trying to get somewhere you came to find out wasn’t right for you. At the end of the day, cis or trans, questioning or sure, transitioning or detransitioning, you’re a human being who is more than any one part of yourself, and any part that changes won’t take away that the sum of who you are is simply you.
People are going to tell you though you just Gotta take it with a grain of salt but honestly I don’t know who I am or what I should be either and often having a knowledgeable person on the other side who has more information than you is a great
“It’s ok to change” Yeah…that’s kind of not the message we’re trying to send here, especially if changing causes you to get a vagina malfunction from taking hormone therapy. Here’s the real moral: Don’t hang around in narcissistic online communities that serve to fear monger and pray on your insecurities and encourage you to believe that you’re something you’re not.
@@sabersin5368-c2c Congratulations, you don't actually know what being trans is at all! I felt trans before I even had accesss to the internet. No one in my life even spoke about LGBTQ+ subjects and yet...the feeling was still there, and never went away. No one "convinced me to be something i'm not", i've always felt this way. People aren't narcissistic for being different than you. *THAT* is narcissism, what you're doing, to claim other people are narcissistic for being something you aren't. It's like if you got mad and called a wheelchair user "narcissistic" because they dare use the handicap spot...made for them. As if they have a choice in being disabled. I don't have a choice to be trans, it wasn't a decision to be discriminates against, insulted, or even threatened by people like you.
i’m trans ftm and also hate the “stuck in your body” or “born in the wrong body” terms. i remember identifying with them in the very early stages of my transition, because that’s the large portion of what i was learning at the time. now though, i think it’s more appropriate to say that we’re stuck in the perceptions of people who don’t try to understand our identities- out of lack of education, or ignorance.
also thank you for sharing this story OP, it’s a really important perspective for other to consider during evaluating if they should transition or not. 🧡
Idk if you'll see this, but may I ask if it was scary to transition? How'd it feel? If you feel comfortable answering because I wish I would transition too, but idk if it's scary or anything..
@@Emz_yelevele I'm only socially transitioned, as my state limits access to gender affirming medical care, so keep that in mind. I don't think there was anything scary about accepting myself, I was more confused. I've used a bunch of different labels while trying to figure myself out, and I don't believe we ever really have to have anything completely figured out. It's scary that a minority of people in the US and world don't believe I have the right to exist or bodily autonomy. It was saddening to cut off my father's parents because they believe I'm going to hell because of who I am, and how bitter I've become towards those people who don't try to understand. There's no right way to transition. You don't have to do anything to be valid; if you're confident in saying you're trans, then you should be accepted as trans and a fellow human being. I think it was the point that I stopped outwardly caring about what others thought of me that I was able to stop being scared. I don't have to meet any predisposed level of masculinity to be a man. I have the right to use the men's facilities, as do any other men. I've developed an understanding of gender expression that most cis people won't ever be able (or begin to try) to understand, which can be so cool when you rise to meet it.
So many tomboys and "not like other girls" hate "womanhood" just because they don`t want to view themselves as this one-sided stereotype of a woman. I`m gonna be 23 soon and I`m glad that there are people in my life, who see me as a 3-dimentional human being now. There is hope. Adolescence is tough for most people - being dependant on your parents and dealing with kids, who don`t know what they`re talking about yet. I used to hate my female body, hated feeling vulnerable, objectified, "emotional", "stupid" in the eyes of everyone. It takes strength to see yourself for who you are and not care abt what people think. Thank you for this video, I hope more people can see it. Best of luck to you
Yeah casual misogyny is so prevalent. It doesn't help that the majority of shows, movies, games, etc have male leads and male writers so women are often written stereotypically or just exist to be the protagonists love interest. Even movies and shows with female leads will rarely ever feature a masculine woman and if it they do have a tomboy character usually they pull the "other girls are shallow bimbos, not like me"
As a proud tomboy (I’m 20 now and have always identified with this label) I feel like tomboys get way too stigmatized. We’re always seen as just a phase girls go through because we’re apparently scared of being feminine. No. Some of us are just masculine at heart and I wouldn’t be surprised if tomboys going feminine as adults is simply the result of pressure.
I think the moral of the story is that people online are often too extreme. Very few people take the more neutral, reasonable ground, and instead get pushed to one extreme side. But not everything is so two-dimensional.
Most people have pretty modest or neutral opinions and world views. Internet and media in general are incredibly good at inflating problems and extreme world views.
I honestly think it’s mostly younger folks who have the tendency to fall into such extreme thinking. They take sh*t very, very seriously. Whether it be their hobbies, identity, and etc As you grow older, you kinda mellowed out and realised that not everything is so cut-and-dried. This is why I believe that younger people who are interested in transitioning should at least wait until they’re old enough. If they’re still keen on transitioning, go for it. This decision will impact your life immensely. Ps: I have nothing against overly enthusiastic young’uns. I think this is an important phase that everyone should go through before “calming down”. EDIT: changed "extremist" to "extreme" because I think I used the wrong word.
@Breadn Dude, holy shit its been so long since ive seen someone actually point this out. So much hatred on the internet (a lot of which ends up spreading to irl) is caused because the internet is (usually when it comes to politics or just stuff even remotely related to politics) separated into two opinions, and those two opinions are never reasonable. They’re always extreme vs extreme, them damn liberal commies vs those racist confederate right-wingers. I feel like this is sort of a snowball effect, you start off with basically no opinions and have to look for them, for instance by reading the news. Oh, X place is doing this bad thing? And they’re also a dictatorship? I think X place is bad. Oh, Y was just found doing disgusting things to people? I think Y is bad. Oh, This Z company just gave out a half million sandwiches to homeless people all across the world? I think Z company is good. But, as you commonly see, pretty much all news out there is biased in some way. They might not cover certain topics, only cover these topics but not those topics. And with the algorithm, you just get sucked into either one side or the other. Watching a Fox News video because you’re interested in the topic might eventually lead to you being a sweaty discord gremlin that reeks of coins constantly arguing with people and then banning said people to prove to your discord e-kitten that you’re an ALPHA MALE!!!11! while watching a Vaush video might eventually lead to you being a sweaty discord gremlin that reeks of coins constantly arguing with people and then banning said people to prove to your discord e-kitten that you’re an ALPHA MALE!!!11! with the algorithm making it almost impossible to escape it, alongside the fact that ive noticed how a lot of times if a person decides “oh man, i feel like these people around me are in one massive circlejerk of opinions, i think i should go out and listen to the opinions of the other side and see what we agree on in an actual, nice conversation”, just to be ostracized and called a bigot or called a leftie. And for as long as news and the algorithm keeps on making money, I doubt this’ll end anytime soon.
@@zhoukiyoyes! As you grow older, all the things that mattered so much at age 10, 14, 18 mean so little. I wanna give everyone huge hugs, we’re all just trying to stay sane as best we can.
honestly i think people should realize that detransitioning is a valid experience like transitioning is. ive seen people say that detransitioners are "traitors" which is really dumb in my opinion 5/7/2024: Man that sure is a lot of comments !!! Thanks for tuning in to my monexistent Ted talk
I agree with this! But I think the reason why a lot of people would look at a video like this as negative is because they know the potential people it could attract...being transphobes looking for "proof" for what their ideology may be... y'know?
Those people are just jerks, if you’re detransitioning it’s either because it doesn’t fit who you want to be, or it’s because of outside factors, either way you shouldn’t bash on those people because they deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else!
This is a very important video. Im a trans guy and i think listening to detransitioners is most definitely needed. Her "dysphoria" (idk what else to call it) was caused by her moms treatment of her and tried to escape by finding false hope in transition. This is why its important for parents to allow their kids to express themselves and not force gender roles on them. I also think an important piont was how she didnt like the changes t did to her. This is a big sign she was cis. Im really glad she figured it out before top sergery because as a trans person i can empythise with feeling wrong about your body. It feels wrong to cis people to transition like it does trans people to just not. She definitely needed an actual theripist when she was thinking she was trans.
I appreciate this video too. I’m a cis girl, but when I started puberty I questioned whether I was trans, specifically non-binary, because I was beginning to be sexualized for my breasts, and I realized later on the reason I was so uncomfortable with them was the fear of objectification, not because I’m not a girl. I would’ve regretted the changes so much had I continued to think I was trans. These videos are so important because often you only see one perspective, and while the voices of trans people are needed, the voices of detransitioners should be heard as well because it could help younger people realize what they’re experiencing is completely different
it’s ironic how conservatives claim that „the internet is making the kids confused“ while it’s the gender roles that THEY keep enforcing is what makes people confused in the first place. Putting people in boxes is the problem. „If I don’t fit in the pink girl box then I must be the blue boy box“… if you get what I mean. Thank you for sharing your story!! I hope you now can be happy as your truest self
Considering that Gender Dysphoria was exceptionally rare prior to the 21st century, I’d say strongly enforced gender roles actually made the decision for people in the past easier. Social norms dictated who you’d be, and people naturally want to fit in. Nowadays you have more people talking about being Trans and now society seems split on what the norm is, leading to a lot of confusion. Sometimes the easiest decision to make is the one that is made for you.
@@cosmo9925 I often think about if there were no gender roles and steryotipes, trans people wouldn't exists. Why? Because you wouldn't be prohibited to do some things because of your gender, because it wouldn't exist either, you'll be able to have every kind of experience regardless. As far as I understand, trans people just like more things that are socially related to the opposite gender, therefore, they have a identify crisis because what they "are" is not what the actually like. If society didn't push in ourselves these things, I don't think anybody would feel like they don't fit, because they would be able to do whatever they want since -ever-.
Wasn’t it both for this person. Online trans posts saying what she was feeling is just that she was trans and the gender role of her parents also not helping
@@iara7596 I also thougth exactly that before, but gender dysphoria is not entirely social-based, it has a big chunk of biological background, in some cases people are born with a female brain and a male body or vice versa, and each of them is not well prepared to handle the physical characteristics present in the opposite body, that's why sometimes transitioning is really necesary, because those processes and key parts missing cause stress and unwellness in the person itself, as the brain struggles because of this dysphoria.
@@cosmo9925 Could be, but maybe the reason why it appears that gender dysphoria is more common now is actually because since the 21st century it can be expressed without being punished for it, maybe the number of people suffering gender dysphoria back then was the same, but the statistics don´t reflect that because they didn't express their problem because they feared the punishment.
I’m a trans girl and I’m both happy to be openly trans but also terrified, not because of “oh shes not a real woman” or whatever, but because of how there are people who want to attack me because of it
oh please, no one actually cares. People are too worried about their own lives. The rare times I’ve seen a male cross dresser (like u) I just giggle and think nothing more of it
More than transphobia, I'd wager, because transGENDER people wouldn't exist if gender did not exist. You specify gender roles but it's gender entirely.
as a closeted trans boy planning to come out soon, this video has been very affirming for me. i saw a few videos which were basically saying "DONT TRANSITION BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOULL REGRET IT IMMEDIATELY AND HAVE TO DETRANSITION!!", and those videos have been scary for me, making me feel as though coming out is an awful idea. but now I'm seeing that your trans experience was mostly about wanting to change your body. not only that, but as a kid you were forced to be more feminine than you wished to be. for me, i am a boy and have always felt this way, and while top surgery would be nice, it wouldn't really make me feel more like a boy than i already do. to echo a few others in this comment section: this is why it is soo important for young trans people to hear the stories of detransitioners, because we are young and dont always have a full grasp on what we are dealing with. but i can say that i am very confident and comfortable in my identity as a boy. a future man. a trans guy. thank you for this video.
Yeah I believe people have to come to the decision of transitioning or detransitioning by themselves. While I'm giving other people transitioning something to consider I don't think showing this video to somebody like Buck Angel is gonna make them detransition.
You may have masculine traits, but you are not a boy. “Boy” is a biological term. Words have meanings, and Boy means that you have physical and mental traits that girls do not have. I know you claim to feel like a boy, but you only have a girl’s grasp of what being a boy really is. If you claim to be something, it means you must have innate knowledge of how it feels to be that thing.
I think it’s important to ask yourself what does it mean to “feel like a boy”. What does a boy feel like? How can you know that? What are the boy things that can make someone feel like a boy and not a girl? If a boy can be anything, how can you be 100% sure you feel like one? What’s a boy? Those questions really helped me figuring myself out. Maybe it will help you too.
You can't feel like a boy. You have no idea what it feels like to be a biological man and you never will. Just because you hate makeup, don't want long hair or like to cars doesnt make you a man or even gay. Biological women and hetrosexual biological women have been doing all those things without taking drugs and getting cosmetic surgery and living perfectly healthy and enjoyable lives.
Hi. I'm trans, MtF, and i think it's really important to listen to detransitioners. After all, people who regret transitioning feel the same dysphoria that the people who don't regret it felt before transitioning (at least in general, the way im interpreting your video is that you stopped caring), so we should all try to empathise. This video will probably attract an audience that will not look favorably upon this comment. I will ignore any replies that are clearly just trying to get me to detransition or tell me im invalid or anything like that. That is not what im here for. I am happy right now, and i even forget that im trans most days. We just need to find a solution that works for people like me and for people like you, and encourage empathy between both sides. You raise some important issues about certain parts of online trans culture. When i first entered online trans spaces and i questioned myself, i was met with relentless validation, and that made me worry. Should i really be trusting these people? I could already predict what they were going to say. They weren't even listening to the doubts i had. It's difficult to do anything about. Kids will be kids and all that. I think something notable i hear from lots of detransitioners is the order of causality. Either you already hate being seen as one gender, so then you adjust how you follow gender norms. Or you hate the gender norms assigned to you, so as a consequence you start to hate the gender itself. Of course no statement like this will be 100%, but it's definitely a trend i noticed. You seem to have described this in your video, but lots of people don't really consider it before transitioning. For me it started with bottom dysphoria, before i even knew that girls were supposed to have something else down there. Additionally, i didn't want to be _seen_ as a boy. These happened independently from each other, as far as i can tell. Though i was like 3-5 at the time, so memory is unreliable. Subconsciously, "not being seen as a boy" extended to all kinds of "boy" things, like gendered language or hair length. I never really enjoyed any toys that were particularly gendered, but i think that was just because they weren't fun, not because they were gendered. I played with Lego instead. Later i started hating the effects of testosterone too, even those i didn't know were caused by it. I don't know what to do about the gatekeeping issue. On the one hand, loosening requirements will cause more to-be-detransitioners to get through, on the other hand, tightening them will cause fewer would-not-detransitioners to get through, and will put them under additional stress, which ive already experienced enough of. And people will always keep going from psych to psych adjusting their story (or from surgeon to surgeon like in your case) to get what they want. I did that too. You can't hold people back if they're that determined. The best you can really hope to do is inform them as well as you can and make sure they think everything through before committing. Not that i want to come across as truscum, i certainly don't think a "gender dysphoria" diagnosis is a good way to do things, because there's no way it would catch 100% of people it should and 0% of people it shouldn't, especially with people lying. But informed consent, the way it's currently being implemented, is, as demonstrated, not that great either. And i don't know what else to do. If i didn't pass, i think i would just keep presenting masculine, but still transition medically. The root cause of all this is still that 1. my body feels wrong, originally just bottom dysphoria, later effects from testosterone, both of which could be fixed, and 2. people see me as a guy, which presenting as a non-passing trans woman would not fix, it would make people see me as a male crossdresser, so i probably wouldn't bother trying. But at least being seen as a guy would be made more tolerable by my body feeling right. It doesn't matter though, because turns out passing was very easy for me. I have huge survivor's guilt about this, but i guess i'll take the hand ive been dealt. I kept considering "what if i will regret it" for 8 years (counting from when i found out that transitioning was possible). You know, can i interpret the signs any other way? Could it just be trauma? Could i just be a feminine guy? Transitioning was too much to deal with, i didn't want to accept it. And yet i so, so desperately wanted it. Until i couldn't go on any longer. I decided that if i regretted it, well, there was no other way to know. The alternative is to live the rest of my life with the existential dread that is dysphoria and not knowing if transitioning would fix it. Like this i'd at least get answers. And i would never blame myself for not knowing better at the time. Same thing when i was getting surgery - i held myself responsible to find the best possible option that i could, and if it went wrong, that'd be out of my hands, so i couldn't blame myself for it. But at least that thing ive hated for as long as i remembered would be gone. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep every night anymore. The dysphoria was really bad. I would have done anything. Everything went well for me though. I tried to be responsible, to avoid being impulsive, and i had the luck of getting exactly the results i wanted. Not having female fertility doesn't really bother me, as long as i don't have male fertility anymore. I started E early enough that my skeletal structure had some time to feminize, and the effects from testosterone puberty were relatively minor. Still don't really like some things about my face, but cis women have that experience too, and there's no way im taking the risk and shelling out for a surgery for that. It's not worth it for the comparatively small payoff. I don't know what conclusion to make here. I'm sorry about your experience. Both with the medical system, and with that part of the online trans community. And probably for any criticism you will get for this video from trans people and allies who think you are being too critical.
Minor addendum: trans people don't _have_ to reinforce stereotypical gender norms. A trans guy _could_ continue being girly and a trans girl _could_ continue being boyish. What matters for gender is the social context in which it is interpreted. Like, it means something very different for a woman to have short hair than it does for a man. A trans guy cutting his hair short wants to be seen as a guy with short hair, while a woman cutting her hair short wants to be seen as a woman with short hair, even though they may be physically the same. A trans girl wearing a dress wants to be seen and interpreted by society as a woman wearing a dress, while a cis man crossdressing wants to be seen and interpreted as a man putting up an act. It's not about which set of gender norms you want to conform to, but to which set of gender norms you want to be held as a standard, while still having the ability to break them. Though it's hard. As a trans person, if you follow gender norms too much, you're criticised for reinforcing them. If you intentionally break them, you're criticised for not being trans enough or not wanting to commit. If i were to cut my hair short, people wouldn't see me as a woman with short hair, they'd say "wait, you're not trans anymore?" or "phew, finally you have regained common sense." The ways in which i can express being a woman are limited to the stereotypical options, because people are very quick to take away my womanhood otherwise, something they wouldn't do for cis women. Unless i went stealth i guess. A lot of kids are GNC. A lot of them will end up cis. Some of them will end up trans though. And some kids won't be GNC and still end up trans. The "desistence" studies compare total GNC kids to those who later end up trans, without taking into account that the majority of those GNC kids never wanted to transition in the first place. Lots of trans people don't know the difference between gender, gender identity, gender expression, gender norms, and probably other similar terms im forgetting. And the difference is really nuanced and thus antimemetic, so it's hard to spread awareness of. Thinking about it, this is probably why i didn't really do any stereotypically girly things in childhood. It wouldn't make people see me as a girl, it would make people see me as a weird guy. Why should i wear a dress if i'd look like a man in a dress? Why should i shave my legs if my skin is too thick and coarse anyway? Nothing i did would let me escape that "boy" box people kept putting me in. Until transition, that is. And i didn't hate having my hair cut short because that was a guy thing, but because it was a reminder that my parents _SAW_ me as a guy.
@Painted_Panther probably? idk, i live in a country of tall people so it would certainly be a rare occurence, and i definitely don't personally _know_ anyone who is 5 feet tall
I think this just shows to show how everyone has their own unique experience with gender, and forcing people to abide by binary gender roles does more harm than good, whether cis or trans. I think though that also, the reason why the trans community pushes for this binary-to-binary medical transitioning is because it's the trans story that the cisheteros tolerate the most, the one they can understand the most easily, the one that the medical/insurance industry will most easily support. It makes it seem like all trans people are exactly the same, when that's not the case at all. While our current first priority is fighting for basic human rights for trans people, as there are many places in the US and elsewhere where it is not safe to exist, once that is taken care of we should focus on abolishing gender roles and the idea of a gender binary, so everyone is able to just exist as they are without having to fit the cookie cutters.
As someone who is recently open about being trans, and only recently discovered it themselves, you are valid. You're not being transphobic and lying like ive seen some people do, and while its not MOST, i have seen SOME do it. You are not one of them. Youre valid and cool and I wish you the best in life!
This video only helped me feel even more certain I'm trans because I feel like a lot of your reasoning for why you thought you were a guy was heavily misunderstanding other trans people's experiences. I've never heard any of the more popular trans guys say "if you're only into women or if you're afraid of pregnancy or if your body makes you feel vulnerable or if you have XYZ style/hobbies/fashion tastes, that means you're a dude!". For me, I'm actually a quite feminine guy. I've always liked having my hair long, I've always liked wearing dresses/skirts/pretty jewelry/etc, painting my nails, even wearing just a smidge of makeup on a rare blue moon. I've always had "feminine" interests, such as the shows/movies I watch and the hobbies I have. Sure, there's things that are masculine about me, but if I were to measure the two, my femininity would tip the scale, I'd argue. Also, I'm very much bisexual and have never doubted this, legit. I've always been pretty sure I'm into more than just women. And yet I'm a guy. Why? Well, my understanding of it is a bit abstract and hard to explain, but it has everything to do with my biology, and a little bit to do with socialization (mostly linguistic aspects of it). I hate my body. And it's not because I find it ugly, I'd argue I could actually be a really hot girl, because that's what I tried to be since I started puberty and till I was about 19-20. In so many of my past relationships, I was told I had a "beautiful body" and that I looked "like a goddess". And I loved the sexual attention, but I hated looking at myself in the mirror regardless, and I hated being touched, and I hated being told those things. Because it's not about aesthetics, it's about comfort and, well? My body's not what I expected it to be. I would expect it to be mostly lacking of any curves and just far more square-ish. Also way hairier. It's not that my body makes me feel "vulnerable", it's that it gives me such a sense of dissociation from my own reality that I want to die whenever I'm reminded of it. It's that it is so feminine that I stress out about it every morning when I get dressed, and in public I'm constantly wondering "do i look masc enough? Does my chest look huge? Do my hips look huge? Does my face look too round? Do my lips look too red? Did my voice just sound too high?". I've had meltdowns in the car on my way to events because I just know no one would ever look at me and think "Oh yeah that's a dude". My point is, we need to look at these things with nuance. We can't just go "oh yeah xyz stereotype fits me, i must be xyz then!" without any actual critical thinking. Edit: Ah, just saw you're against HRT generally and you're liking comments saying shit like "At least you changed back, that's what I respect!". Of course, you're one of those. Detransitioning is valid, but you don't get to mischaracterize the trans community and blame us for a choice YOU made based on your poor misunderstanding of these issues. And the fact that you went "Don't rush into these decisions" after explaining how a fucking shroom trip immediately made you magically realize you're not trans... It's just a bit ridiculous to me. But whatever.
Just finished the video... You detransitioned because of a shroom trip? I mean if you're happy with yourself nowadays good on you but damn I thought this would be far more insightful lol I'm sorry but I struggle sympathizing with this whole story
This video actually had the opposite effect on me. I watched it awhile ago, I had always been troubled by misogynists and had basically convinced myself that no matter how successful or happy I am, I will still be viewed upon poorly as a woman. I fell miserable, no big surprise there, and struggled with my own internalised views. This video helped me sort of accept who I am and i’ve been trying to improve myself since I came to that realisation, I also came into terms of my sexuality and I finally don’t feel like i’m confused or that I have to be hiding forever. I remember being a ‘tomboy’ when I was younger, and hating pink or anything girly (if i remember correctly, the op said something about their mother pushing them to be more feminine? That exactly.) so naturally i didn’t really like that sort of stuff. I didn’t (and still don’t) shave my arms or legs, personal preference that stemmed from looking more like a boy. Until very recently, I always hating representing myself on the internet with she/her pronouns or a persona with a feminine figure. I’m happy this video could sort of reinforce both of our identities, even if we have entirely seperate experiences.
@@laketoriverFor all it's worth, even though I don't like the overall framing that took place in this video, I _am_ really glad it helped you come to terms with yourself. Internalized misogyny, though commonly a weaponized argument against trans men by transphobes, is still a real issue and it is no joke. So I'm glad you've managed to look past that and embrace yourself as, well, yourself. I hope you're going alright nowadays.
Idk how I feel about this video 😭💀 bc I identified as trans for a few years, but now I'm questioning again bc I feel like im gonna detransition back as a girl but I don't want to. And Im not on any hormones. Lately, I liked wearing more feminine things and sometimes also okay with being called a girl. It's all so confusing that I don't want to detransition back to only a cis girl, but then I feel kinda like a boy. It's so weird, and I know there's nothing wrong with detransitioning, but I'm scared of ever doing that
@@jellynut5903 Okay so there's a lot to be said about this lol I'm guessing you're pretty young, so you still have a lot of time to figure it out. There's no pressure to know absolutely everything and leave it as is, ya know? You're allowed to explore and introspect for as long as you need/want to. Regarding feminine clothing, I mean, it depends on each person's perspective, but imo clothes have zero to do with one's internal sense of gender. I'm a trans dude and I love feminine shit, lol. After I get top surgery and my body adjusts to HRT, I'll go back to wearing a lot more dresses/skirts/etc. But even nowadays as a pre-everything guy, I often wear pretty jewelry, like rings, earrings, necklaces. I have long hair and I plan on never, ever cutting it, because I love wearing it long. I also paint my nails and sometimes I wear slight bits of "makeup", I mean I'm typing this with chipped black nails, lol. But none of this makes me less of a guy. Though I do have to admit, I could never be comfortable being called a girl, I can hardly do it as a joke still. I know I'm 100% a dude. You should consider the fact that you may be non-binary in some way if you're comfortable both understanding yourself as a girl and as a boy depending on the day or the circumstances. Or you may just be a feminine trans guy. Or you may be a standard cis girl. None of these options are good or bad, it just depends on how you feel. Again, there's no rush, especially if you haven't made any decisions to medically transition (and just fyi, you don't _have_ to medically do anything in order to be transgender. It depends on your individual needs). You have all the time in the world to figure it out, don't close any doors on yourself unless you're fully sure. :)
As a trans man who’s been avoiding watching detransitioners for a fear of being outed as a “faker” and feel like I was just doing it for a trend, this video was kind of comforting. I agree that no one should tell you who you are, trans or not, and it’s difficult to know you as yourself fully at a young age. I’m fairly young and open to change, and I’m happy being a him now, and whatever changes changes. Now a days I feel as if the trans community is a lot less “bad” when it comes to genderqueer people and people expressing themselves differently from just trans guy or trans girl, so it makes me a little more comfortable in my own skin. Hope your doing ok and I’m glad you discovered yourself :)
Not genderqueer, just gender non-conforming. People need to realize women or men don’t have to be a certain way and there is no a particular way to be one. If you are born female, really want to be a man and you’re transition to one then you’re one but you’re not genderqueer because sometimes you feel like a man, sometimes like a woman that is just a Universal human experience connected to stereotypes rather than actual desire to change gender
Random but as someone who wants to be a man too.. how was it? Did you transition yet? Is it scary? If you didn't I'm sorry for asking, I just don't know anybody to ask :'>
@@Emz_yelevele hey! Sorry took a while for me to respond but it really depends. I’ve transitioned only socially to a few of my peers and like two of my family members, and it’s pretty good- though I have the privilege of living in a very safe place for me to do that and I have very accepting friends. See what works for you first, I can tell it’s personally made me happier!
If you end up not being trans after all then you end up not being trans after all. If you are trans for real then you're trans for real. World ain't Grey. And you're going to upset people no matter what you do. So do what makes you feel comfortable
I feel the same ! I also think it's because I have the reverse experience as OP (being not straight as a dude and gnc as a girl being hyper girly and loving to dress up dolls and fairies, while they were straight as a boy and a tomboy growing up) they were pushed into it as a "logical" follow up while I had to fight because "just wanting to look like a man" isnt a valid reason to transition to a lot people. I've had countless family members say that my transition "made no sens" because i was in a gay couple and they only saw transness a a "fix" to homosexuality. I'm sure the day people stop pushing heteronormativity and stereotypes (that also mean on trans people) there wont be detransitioners anymore because no one would feel they HAVE to as opposed as WANTING to.
Thank you for sharing your story ♡ I'm detrans too and could never have this type of courage to speak out, so it's really comforting to know there are others like me out there
Thank you the support really makes me feel like I made the right decision in posting this since I was initially afraid of the backlash like what happened to KC Miller but I realized that it means I should speak out more than ever rather than be silenced ❤
You deserve to be in a body you love, it is ok to detransition if it is not what you wanted, the scary thing about detransition stories is that they can be used as weapons to invalidate or eliminate people who do trielt feel happier being a different gender, but just know that we still support you no matter what you decide you want to be ❤
Thank you for sharing your story. Being FTM, but not knowing what trans people even were before i was 17, it's fascinating to see how other people learn to understand who they are. You ending up seeming to be almost indifferent with how others see you so long as you personally are comfortable in your own skin is commendable.
thank you for talking about this topic. I myself detransitioned last year (FTM) after believing for 11 years that I was born in the wrong body. Realizing that gender roles didn't matter at all was the big step for me.
I really like to listen to detransition stories as a trans person because we are all just weird people trying to figure ourselves out. And making mistakes is how you learn. I hope you are doing well!
My biggest fear is being wrong about being trans. I hate being perceived as female to any extent and pretty much everything about me and my childhood was stereotypically male. I don’t want every professional to just validate me because I’m dysphoric, I just want to know the truth if I’m a guy or not. And I’ve always felt some serious disconnect from the trans community and I’ve never wanted to be a trans guy, and I feel no belonging to the term. I just want to be a regular guy, it’s so much more natural. I forget I’m biologically female a lot of the time too. And a big problem with transitioning for me is I’m not ready to be a man yet. I’m 17, but I feel only like a boy, not a man. I’m still a child, and I don’t feel ready to grow up. So that makes my perception of gender much harder. Another thing that’s tough is that I’ve grown up male. Socially, I thrived in male environments, I was raised like any son would be, I didn’t understand girlhood and had a hard time making girl friends. Girls were like a totally different type of person to me, even tomboys were confusing and still feminine. They still communicated and talked like girls. I look like a boy, I sound like a boy, and yet there’s still this fear that even with my being fortunate enough to have these masculine traits, that I’m just not trans enough, and that I’m just a masculine girl who doesn’t know what being a boy even means.
same, im 20 but I think that answer can only be answered yourself tbh. I pondered this question for ages and still do it makes me depressed, sad all the nine yards because I just don’t know. Id say just experiment and express yourself in what makes you happy to try to figure it out, and I know that’s easier said than done but it’s what I’m doing it slowly start to feel better about yourself
The truth is there's no universal truth on gender. The doctor can't tell you if you're a guy or not cause 1) it's not a medical question 2) it's a hard question to answer and a very personal one. A hard part of figuring out gender is accepting that it's subjective and that no one can give you a solid answer but yourself, and that means living through a lot of impostor syndrome and hesitation and awkwardness and being unsure in hopes one day you learn better who you are and what labels and presentation feel more comfortable. And truth be told, it's not a question you must absolutely answer now or ever. If you feel the need to then do so, but you don't have to label yourself if it doesn't feel right either.
I wanted to add my own experience, i hate hate hate being seen as a woman. I don't really care about being a guy just about not being a woman, because of how some people see them. the way i act in no way reinforces the idea of my being a woman which is something i'm really proud of, and i'm living happily as me right now with the knowledge that it's society that is fucked up. i came out wanting to abolish assigned gender expectations and an ideal future would be one where sex doesn't matter at all.
In complete honesty, I was pretty nervous going into this video, since most detransition stories I've seen have been used as weapons against trans people. But, after finishing, I honestly agree with you that considering transition should be a decision someone really takes the time to think about. The issue of some doctors just writing a letter of recommendation to appease a patient is also an issue that needs to be addressed on a wider scale. I also do see how online trans spaces can push the idea that transitioning is a cure all, maybe more IRL spaces could help with this? IDK, but I definitely see where you're coming from, and I'm thankful you decided to share your experiences. I'm glad this video wasn't what I expected it to be, it was kinda the complete opposite.
I think part of the problem is that both groups sort of do the same thing. Trans positive places push the need for transitioning out into the world, sure, but a lot of people who detransition and then post about it do it at the behest of their church or group as a way to reinforce the idea that trans people in general are just totally wrong. And given what trans people have to face, it's hard to blame for them maybe being a bit pushy
same, there were moments i was a bit scared at the beginning, the trans people shown on the computer screen being pretty weird looking and the kinda demonic Jamie... but it ended up fairly unpolitical, thank goddd
The issue is, what would you even think about? No matter how much time you take to think about it, do you really think you're going to reach a definite conclusion? When it comes to transition it's the kind of thing you can only really understand through actual experience.
Man, this video had helped me a lot. I am a transgender minor and I do plan on getting surgery/starting testosterone when I’m past the age of 26 (So my brain can be fully mature if I do decide I am still transgender) and the end of this video, where you talked about your thoughts on the subject gave me a lot to personally think about and question within myself. While I am not de-transitioning nor did I ever start transitioning yet this video did give me a lot to think about. So, I do thank you for posting a non-biased video based on your own experience.
Thank you, I really wanted to share my story to help both detransitioners and transitioners and to also raise awareness. My channel isn't very big but I'd rather be in full control of the narrative rather than being used by conservatives
Hey, just so you know, the ‘brain maturing at 25’ thing is a scientific myth. It’s on Wikipedia’s list of misconceptions. The guy who did the original study didn’t test anyone higher than 25, so the age got ‘capped’ there. In reality, your brain never stops developing. Not saying this to make you transition faster (I’m a cis girl), it’s just that this myth is very annoying because politicians repeat it all the time. I believe you can do whatever you want to your body at any age, so long as you’re ready to face the consequences. That includes transitioning. So I’d say instead of ‘when im 25’ I’d go with ‘whenever I’m ready to face the consequences (physical, societal, family etc).
Keep in mind that the whole "your brain develops fully at 26" thing isn't really true, you can just wait until you feel like you've matured enough to be confident in your decision :) Spend some years on psychotherapy if you can and if you have any mental problems like depression or anxiety try to work on them first before transitioning. In my case, starting HRT helped my anxiety more than anything, but working on it before HRT definitely helped me become fully confident in my decision
I socially detransitioned; never medically/physically luckily. I felt pressure by similar ideas of “dysphoria is forever” and believed I was sort of doomed to be trans. I’m glad you found yourself and wishing you the best with your physical/mental health moving forward
As a trans man who experienced similar feelings, thank you for making this video. It was enlightening not only to hear your story, but also because it helped confirm my own identity. My mom tried to push femininity on me too, and I was also jealous of boys. But when I came out, I never looked back. Even when I had to accept that I'm not a masculine man, or wouldn't grow taller, or look better. But I personally find it unfair to say that HRT isn't entirely a 2nd puberty, or that you'll never "look cis", or "live in constant fear of outing". Because I can attest to that. I thought the same, but HRT surprised me a lot. And now that I comfortably pass, I definitely am not paranoid of outings anymore. Moral of the story: Don't transition with unreasonable expectations. You're still transitioning as YOU, after all. But you absolutely STILL CAN achieve your goals and thensome! I did, and many others have.
Idk it's giving me some red flags here and there lol, like the depiction of that call with the doctor. Makes it sound like getting trans healthcare is just a matter of being asked whether you're X stereotype or Y stereotype and then injecting you with the evil juice without a second thought.
Detransitioners get alot of hate from the more wacko 🏳️⚧️ people and a natural human response to hate being spewed at you is to spew it right back, it doesn't really help anything but it makes you feel a bit better for a few minutes
As a trans person i deeply appreciate this video. I think your experience with trans healthcare could say something about how hands-off it really can be. I think that a lot of the time trans identity is isolating and leads people to detransition because either out of fear of being transphobic or being uncomfortable with the topic people, even doctors generally just leave you up to your own devices. I think the past tumblr-ish mindset is also, in a way, very non-progressive because it equates feelings and stereotypes to gender, which is just as simplistic as it can be. I noticed that a lot of your issues i heavily related to growing up as well. It makes me think about how wonderful the world is to have so many different types of people, and how sad it is we can be pressured to fit into a specific label of who we are. Im glad that you were able to come through that experience with a stronger sense of self. Hope you have a wonderful day. ❤
I think it’s important to note that for some people it is “live son or dead daughter”. Every person’s transition is going to look different and there are those who have extremely positive results from HRT and surgery. I’ve known people who were constantly on the brink of death bc of dysphoria and weren’t getting closer to help using other methods. Since transitioning, many have had a complete 180 in their life and don’t consider themselves depressed or suicidal anymore and thank transitioning for the changes. Therapy is absolutely still needed (at least for a while) to determine other traumas that could contribute to dysphoria and also support other conditions because transitioning will never 100% fix every problem in your life. Overall, everyone’s path is unique so not every trans person needs to medically transition but some absolutely do. Thank you for sharing your story! Detransitioners deserve to be heard just like every trans person and neithers experiences should invalidate the other.
Im a trans woman and I actually have no problem with detransitioners at all, but one thing I do find incredibly annoying in this particular video is the feelings about trans people and how we are only this way because of stereotypes we embody. I am feminine but that's not why I am trans, I am trans because I have always felt like a woman, I am not all that girly, I play video games which is seen as "masculine" but I still am a woman. Personally I feel that you had been misdiagnosed and that those doctors did you an injustice along with anyone who was trying to push you to become a transgender man. No person should feel forced by people to be certain way. Id also like to say it is very rare for gender dysphoria to just go away especially after puberty. My doctors who treated me did not ask me if I played with dolls or not, the questions were centralized to how I felt and who I was like how I felt about my body gender wise (meaning this excluded body dysmorphia that someone may have but I don't) and how I felt about my gender it was never about how girly I was. It was about who I was and how I felt that led to me being diagnosed as gender dysphoric. Your doctor if I'm being frank should have their license stripped from them as it sounds like they did not meet the necessary guidelines for treating patients who may or may not be transgender. In fact most doctors tried to prevent me from medically transitioning for a while and I had to advocate for myself many times to receive care. I do live in New York and had a supportive family which definitely helped my situation. I also want to mention two things 1. your experience is 100% valid and should be taken into account before transitioning, and 2. my experience is also 100% valid, and detransitioning is extremely rare and happens if I'm correct in 3% of transgender cases. This does not mean someone reading this comment should disregard your video, but watching this although informative on a perspective I have not heard from was also demeaning to a lot of trans people such as myself as your video makes us look like a entire group of people pushing an "agenda" upon others which is simply not true or that we are just lesbians or gay men who think we are the opposite gender for purposes like that of being embarrassed. I do not want you to take my comment as hate or anything I actually enjoyed the video a lot and you seem like a cool and chill person, I really hope you don't take this comment wrong as I am not trying to hurt your feelings or belittle your experience I am just expressing mine and how I have felt. Also last little snip it because I know there are going to be comments who think I am just in a phase or something, I have been transgender for almost 10 years I have no regrets I know who I am and I love myself for who I am, which is much more than just my gender as a woman, I'm also a creative and love to paint, game, and spend time with friends and family. In my opinion gender is a small part of who someone is, even though I do pass but that doesn't matter to me as since I transitioned it has felt like the largest weight was lifted off my shoulders and I feel the best I ever have. I do NOT want to push anyone into transitioning, as I am NOT a medical perfessional and I am expressing how I feel and lots of things you said in your video I actually agree with like the "born in the wrong body" thing as it makes trans peoples bodies seem like something to be repulsed by which is simply not the case especially because I have always felt like a woman even before transitioning (this is not ever trans persons experience). Anyways sorry for the long comment, I loved the video! My pronouns are She/Her and I am a women for anyone who replies to the comment
That's just what the person in the video took from other videos about peoples trans experiences though. There's something called a confirmation bias that when this person was looking for confirmation that they were trans, they already thought they may have been trans and confirmed it through seeing what they related to with male transitioners and female transitioners. I'm sure she didn't mean to spread misinformation about how actual trans people feel, she was just saying it's what she picked up and shows how HER experience was more superficial and based on stereotypes. And it also shows some of the harm in diagnosing from the internet at a young age. It was at least clear to me that she was the one misinformed through others' stories instead of her trying to misinform others
1 thing as idve thought you'dve heard as a fellow trans girl, detrans rates are less than 1% not 3% an many of those are determined to be situational rather than actually being trans, which obvi is a big part in why detransitioner stories are so rare to see (also sorry I can't cite the resource most people refer to when they say tha, I saw it bu it's been awhile an I've forgotten it an where exactly to find it T^T )
One problem for a lot of queer identity groups have is that because older members of the community don't want to looking like you're grooming people a lot of young queers don't have a lot of opportunity for interactions with people who have a good understanding of sexual identity. People who are adults and have a good understanding of queer identities wouldn't tell a gender non-conforming 14 year old that transitioning will solve all their problems, but another 14 year old might. There isn't really a good solution for this because there are enough parents who would be violently opposed to letting a trans adult have a serious conversation with their kids that doing so wouldn't really be safe for anyone.
Only solution is these queer adults to have these conversations online,not the best place for discussion but its far better than a room full of 14 year olds stewing the same rhetoric and nothing progressing
@@GL887 Yeah I wish we had more elders. Ngl I would love to hear how people like Marsha or Silvia would think on transitioning, discussions etc. Because they lived lives foreign to the modern day people, not in a demeaning way just that the 60's were a fuvked era.
@@tranidite @tranidite Whos Marsha and Silvia btw?TBh I am more interested in queer folk,specifically trans,who grown up in areas where they gaine little to no support nor community,an as to search for one.Like Non Toom iirc,who lived in a semi-rural area in Thailand.
This is a very insightful take. I definitely think that this kind of black-and-white thinking decreases dramatically once you know other, older trans people IRL. I’m a cis girl and I questioned my gender once, but once I met a trans guy a few years older than me who’d just gone through top surgery, a few conversations was enough to make me go “Okay, wow, I’m nothing like this.” It made me more cis, ironically.
This was a really well done video, thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I’m not personally trans; though I do consider myself to be a trans activist. I have a lot of trans friends, and I’m an artist, so I really enjoy portraying diversity in my work. I like to try and be very critical about my views and look at things from both sides, so I’ve seen detransitioner stories before….but honestly I feel like a lot of them just really miss the core reason for their suffering. I’ve seen so many of them just act like transness is a mental disorder or isn’t real just because they had a different experience…or that children shouldn’t be exposed to the existence of trans people at all. As someone who’s disabled and has experienced a lot of medical trauma for non-gender related reasons it frankly makes me really frustrated. People will take their anger out on trans people and loving parents who are just trying to help their kids, when the reality is that it’s a nuanced issue with the medical system and our society’s views on gender as a whole. It’s really unfortunate. :( This goes for people on the other side too…So many people try to be so “progressive” that they just end up shoving people back into stereotyped labeled boxes, even though thats exactly what queerness tries to escape in it’s conception!!! We need to build each other up instead of tearing other people down!!! Overall amazing video, I love the art style and it’s SO refreshing to see someone make an unbiased discussion about detransitioning. :) Humans are so quick to go against each other and blame whoever they think is the “bad guy” on the other side….And though people obviously perpetuate a lot of harmful views, in reality, it’s never as black and white as we make it out to be. I mean, if we didn’t have such strict ideas of gender in the first place, people would just be able to live and present themselves in their own body however they wanted and people would respect them. It’s incredibly obvious when you look into cultural ideas on sex and gender outside of the typical western ones, but colonialism wiped a lot of those ideas out and it’s hard to find stuff like that anymore. People need to treat each other with more empathy and take each other seriously, ESPECIALLY children, who are treated like their parent’s possessions rather than real people. We need to stop viewing our bodies as disgusting in general, trans or not…And most of all we need to fix our medical system which is fundamentally exploitative for EVERYONE, not just trans people. It’s a wide range of different issues that all pile into one big mess It’s possible to respect trans identities without pushing trans people to look or be a certain way or to be disgusted with themselves….That just causes more harm than anything else. I don’t know why people are so set on pushing other people into boxes, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. Thank you again for sharing your experience, I’m sure it took a lot of courage with how toxic some people can be about this stuff. I have so much respect for that, we really need more stories like these out in the world. Our world is messy right now and genuinely trying to understand each other is really the best thing we can do. :]
As someone who grew up in the 80s/90s... I didn't see so much issues with gender conformity. But, as a female, I think there was (and is) more variety "allowed" and acceptance for being female sex stereotype non-conforming and liking things more stereotypically male. That was my experience in my family at least. I didn't like my body and I liked many stereotypical "masculine" things, not bc they were "masculine"... but bc of just preferences. No one ever said "Legos are boy toys!" Or "you have to wear a dress" gender was nothing, never even spoken about. I wasn't shamed for not being "girly" enough and I never once thought I might be a boy, and no one ever suggested it. If someone had offered that explanation as to why I felt uncomfortable/didn't fit in/felt different than other girls... who knows. Would I have fixated on the idea as an explanation and solution to my "wrongness"? Probably. Instead, I gradually grew up and grew into self-acceptance. Still self conscious sometimes, not bc I'm a boy or man though. And I'm a mother, same as mine - I don't push conformity to norms. I believe each of us has our own individual tastes/preferences & talents which we gradually discover throughout life. It seems to me that both "sides" are extreme & now are pushing gender (sex stereotype) extremes. Right wing: "boys can't have long hair!" "You look like a girl!" etc Gender activists: "if you like long hair, you must be a girl" etc Neither leaves room for masculine girls or feminine boys or girls & boys that are happily ambivalent about gender stereotypes (me as a kid, I couldn't have cared less) And BOTH of those actually cause dysphoria. If you're a girl growing up in a family that doesn't push conformity... and you're happily wearing/doing/liking what you want... and then you find out everything you relate to is more "boy" gender vs "girl" gender stuff bc trans activist propoganda is *everywhere* it can make you feel like there's actually something wrong with you - when those feelings weren't there before. Being uncomfortable with your developing body, being self-conscious, can quickly turn into hating one's body when the idea (from external sources) has been internalized that you're not being a girl "correctly" And vice-versa if you're a girl growing up in a family that does push conformity... you get the idea from the start that there's something "wrong" with you, that you're not being a girl "correctly"... and then along comes gender identity theory & hype to help you understand it's actually because you in fact are a boy. Gender incongruity is not new. Gender dysphoria is not new either. What's new is young girls en mass experiencing it and believing they are trans. "Progressive" used to be girls breaking gender norms, boys too. Now progressive seems to be girls conforming to gender norms "i like/am good at/prefer boy stuff ergo I shall conform my "presentation" and "expression" and even my body to resemble a boy. Change to a boys name, boys pronouns, boy "attitude", boy mannerisms" etc. There's nothing progressive about being a masculine girl claiming to "be" a boy. That actually is regressive, to believe that stereotypes define you.
Anthropologist here giving you some deets on the other cultures bit! Generally, cultures with a "third gender" (fafine in the PH, two-spirit for the Lakota, NOT general Native Americans, hijra, etc) are a way to conceptualize gay men. They exclude women - it's men acting in a 'feminine' way, women are excluded due to the emphasis on childbearing, and even moreso in cultures with more patriarchial gender roles. Generally, cultures with those extra genders have them because of the restrictive roles. In a case where everyone does everything - gathering, hunting (estimates today put 40% of hunting as done by women prehistorically), crafting, there isn't as much gender nonconformity, because there simply aren't the strict roles to conform to. It's important to note that this is unlikely the case 100% of the time and that there are gaps in the anthropological record, but there are clear trends visible. As for the spicy opinions section of this comment, I think the rise of gender identity is partially because gender identities are being treated like personality types, but also because concepts of what a woman or man does is calcifying. It's just going to result in more dysphoria and suffering. As a lesbian who's had bad dysphoria herself, I'm against the concept of gender. We can't be rid of sex, it's literally in our DNA. But the idea that personalities have genders? Or that clothes have genders? It's fucking toxic, and usually restrictive primarily for women.
@@batmansmith7422 I am not an anthropologist or anything, but I am very interested in history/specifically queer history and I want to be a historian one day, and I’d like to argue that i think these perceptions of the “third gender” roles are very restricting. A lot of the history for these cultures HAS been erased over time and a lot of what we know has just been white people’s perception of the history we do have. For example, “two spirit” is essentially a generalized umbrella term made to explain the concept to wider audiences, rather than a full representation of what the culture’s views on gender and sexuality actually are. A lot of native people also use terms like these specifically to separate themselves from western terms like “gay” or “transgender”, so I think it’s important to recognize that though these concepts may overlap with the western ideals in some ways, they are not the same thing. It’s why I don’t really think it’s fair to say these terms are “only” for gay men or that AFAB people were completely excluded from these discussions. I feel like that’s an incredibly westernized view of these concepts, and doesn’t properly encapsulate these cultures’ true views on gender or sexuality. They’re not just “gay men but in (insert culture)”. They’re different things and we can’t force them into our own western idea of gender and sexuality, not because it’s some mythical thing we can’t understand but just because it’s not our place to explain it
@@shannonsayshi the stuff about gender activists is so not true for the majority... it might be in jokes, but as a non-bonary person actively engaged in the community, i cannot imagine literally anyone i know or follow saying the stuff you claim progressive people are saying... For an example, look up F1innster. Dude fully dresses, acts etc like a very femme girl (specifically calling it "girl mode", so it's not just me saying "X is for girls") and while people make jokes about him being trans, they respect that he's a guy, and there's only a loud minority that is like "he might as well just be trans" since he's in "girl mode" pretty much 24/7. Harry Styles wears femme fashion - no one says he's secretly a girl lmao. There has been a couple recently who went viral because even though they're a cishet couple, the guy is very feminine, and the girl is very masculine. No one covering the topic except conservatives tries to tell either of these people that they are not the gender that they say they are. In fact, it is always transphobic people trying to tell anyone GNC that they're not a real woman/man. Please don't be fooled by outdated info and conservative propaganda.
@@pansy_picnics even though I don’t know you, your comments alone makes me feel like you’re a very intelligent, very insightful person. Nuanced, empathic, and wholistic takes like yours are a huge breath of fresh air… thank you for commenting, 1000% co-sign on everything you’ve said.
I have been socially transitioned for many years and every moment of it has made me happier. I know what the next steps for me are, knowing what parts of my body feel horrific since they grew in. Treatment is different for everyone, I do believe nobody has the same experience with gender. I'm really glad you could find the self-expression for you and sorry you had to mask and be afraid. Keep doing what you're doing 💛
pretty interesting, the idea of "you should make decisions that make you happy regardless of how they make other people feel" is great. it's why im trans particularly but is a perfectly understandable reason for why you *aren't.*
The stories like this is why people push so sooo hard for better education about trans youth and transness in general. Knowing the difference between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria, doing good research on medications and others experiences, and working on self discovery and waiting till adulthood to make drastic changes is so important. I’m a trans boy myself and am so saddened by the stories of people who were undereducated or had serious issues misdiagnosed or labeled as “they must just be trans!” This story and the many like it are so important, and reminders of how much work we need to do in researching and assisting people who are figuring themselves out.
dude, i feel like im watching a video about myself. i was on t for a shorter time, but your experience with gender roles early on especially from a parent, as well as desisting and trying to be "a right, feminine woman" really speaks to me. i detransitioned because i was working alone in a rural state where i went to college, outside and doing a ton of manual labor, and smoking a crap ton of w/eed. it made me turn inwards and realize how pressured i felt to be trans because being a gnc woman is sooo looked down upon. it was really awakening. thank you for sharing :-)
I’ve recently decided I’m a woman. I’m going by she/her around me friends and online. Currently I feel like I want to go on HRT but I’m very scared of the thought of not actually wanting to be a girl when I’m older. This video made me realise that I don’t need to rush into HRT, i can take my time, I have my whole life to decide. Thank you.
Congrats!! Maybe wait a few months or even years just to really make sure you want HRT I’m not sure you can undo what that stuff does to your body but idk
@@FairyBarff I’ve got way longer then that till I can even legally take it cuz of my age. Not to mention how shitty Britain is when it comes to actually applying for it, that’ll add another year AT LEAST So yea, I have time to think
Hope everything goes well for you! I am also a trans woman, but I have to hide it for a while because of my insanely Conservative Christian grandparents and their ideas.
Having a really narrow image of what a woman and a man should be can definitely be harmful. We all come to this world in different ways. Masculinity and feminity appear in both genders in a variety of amounts and that's normal.
I was and still am a tomboy, yet I have never had a problem having female biology (excluding the days I have awful cramps). Being trans is definitely different.
Yeah, that's probably one of the funniest things about the trans community, how narrow and straight they are in their understanding of feminine and masculine, and just think in stereotypes. I don't know why that is, but it's probably because the trans community as a whole is very radical (no, seriously, the level of radicality is somewhere near people who want to bring back the Third Reich sometimes, in terms of dealing with other people's opinions).
Thank you girl for telling us this. Honestly, its really important right now to hear this kind of stories. I wish you a great and peaceful life. Please be happy.
hey FtM minor here. To be honest, I really took this in and thought about it, I do agree with a lot of these points, and weirdly fear about it because I've been onset about transitioning. Right now I've been more stealthy since yk how high school is like. But this really made me start thinking if this is something for me or the same thing. I still want to be called my name, not deadname, I still want people to refer to me as a guy, I still want people to remember me as a guy. Though yk, as one of the fears of all trans people is: what if I'm actually not trans?
i think the best way around it is to come out, maybe not to everyone, but to your friend group or some safe space you have access to, try presenting as male for a while and see how things work out, maybe you'll discover just being recognized by your peers as such is enough and you don't need any medical intervention, maybe you'll want to go trough with a full transition, or maybe you'll just discover you're fine with a girl identity after all. And as the video said, you have to ask yourself if you'll be happy not being cis. Personally it worked for me and i wish I had started sooner (MtF btw) but a friend of mine decided he is alright being a femboy and it works wonders for him.
Another FtM minor here, I understand what you mean about that fear. It’s really scary thinking that you could have that regret later, even if it’s rare. Binders, affirming makeup and social transition does wonders, for me this fear and doubt can be quieted by reminding yourself you don’t need to rush things and that things can always be changed eventually.
@@elisehalflight ofc! I get it completely, I've been out of the closet for almost 2 years openly now and knew it ever since I was a kid (back when I was younger I didn't really know the term so I called myself a boy girl)
this is why i think we should treat and diagnose based on euphoria rather than dysphoria. dysphoria and body dysmorphia are very similar, and easy to excuse for one another. and it's euphoria that makes you feel like you're in your element and true self. gender/body euphoria is so much more important to achieve i find, you gain that and the dysphoria and dysmorphia diminishes by themselves. as someone who thought they had body dysmorphia but turned out to actually have dysphoria, what made me realize and what has made it lessen is euporia. feeling good as a man and being seen and referred to as a man feels good to me, feels right. I'm sorry you got pushed this way and that, and felt tricked or forced into transitioning as well as the brief closeting by your family. i hope you've found or will find your true self. be you, be free, no matter what that means.
"Other's perceptions don't matter, I know what I am" As another masculine girl who was pushed into thinking she was trans bc of steriotypes, gender roles and insecurities, I gotta start living for that. "Girlhood is a spectrum" Is another one that I really like :))
from the title alone, i was afraid this would be just another transphobic detransitioner, but the more i watched, the more i started wondering. not that i regret transitioning MYSELF, but rather the flaws pointed out of the trans community. you seem really cool, nice video! also, be careful with life changing hormones, people!! (saying all of this as a trans man on T)
Hi! I'm a tomboy for similar reason. From early age my parents told me to be girly. That wasn't my cup of tea. My interests was in alternative spectrum. In people's eyes I had manly patterns of action and that's why I wasn't that good in sociolising. Girl's groups wasn't intresting for and boys didn't accept me. I felt lost. For some pont I started thinking of becoming a male. But that opened a question. If I'm a male, does it mean that I'll be dating girls?.. That felt wrong. I'm not interested in anything girly and I don't want girl in my life. I feel disgusted looking on female genitals. So, I just like everything man so much, that I want to see a man near me too. But does it mean, that he would be gay?! That was getting stupid. All that attempts to find myself just don't give me anything good. And when I finished school and entered new university life, where were new people that didn't know my past life I finally get the opportunity to live just as myself, as is. Moving frome family home and new people around helped me to be formed. For real, we are much more than lables, cliches and stereotypes. You are SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST A BODY. You can do things, you can create things. You are person. Now I'm just a tomboy that enjoys speaking in male gender (in my homecountry we have special endings for verbs for male/female/it gender) And I'm in best friends with femboys. I can understand them and hope I'll find someone to fit in my strange life. ❤
@zvezda4701 Zvezda - sounds like russian word. Saing "male gender" I was talking about specific endings for verbs. Like -л, - ла in Russian. I'm not familiar with correct, scientific naming for this thing. Sorry.
@ariusday9 Hi! Yes, some people start asking questions. Others can ask my friends to figure out whats going on. But in our country we don't have trans people for law reasons. So they can call me trans only to make a joke of some sort. I think it's ok to ask questions, I'm never mad or upset.
Can u actually watch the video instead of being a a-hole? Detransistors get to tell their story just like transistors please be respectful bro as a trans guy
as a young transmasc person, this video actually helped reinforce the idea that I'm trans even more, I can imagine myself being happy not passing and being happy with strangers knowing I'm trans, the reasons why I think I'm trans aren't just liking stereotypically male stuff and my parents are OK with me being masc or fem so that's never given me a reason to want to be a guy for any reason other then just not being a girl. Of course, I'm not gonna become an adult and immediately look to transition especially if the place I go to is similar to your experience with HRT but right now I do want to transition someday in the future because I think it'll make me much happier and just feel more comfortable in my own body. Another thing I have to say is that I'm sick of transphobic cis people who have never transitioned only using detransitioners to push their transphobic arguments, yes, these experiences do need to be addressed but how about instead of having so much controversy on the internet that it pushes people to either believe detransitioners are living proof that all trans people are living a lie or just hate them with a burning passion we have a system for transitioning where you learn about both people who didn't detransition and people who did to encourage people to think about if they're doing it for the right or wrong reasons. I think it would reduce conflict and lower detransition rates, as well as that, brain scans should also be included for people who doctors are more unsure of it they're doing it for the right or wrong reasons to see the gender of their brain. There should also be education for people to help them learn the difference between insecurity and gender dysphoria because, I promise you, you can learn to get rid of insecurity, you can't do that with gender dysphoria.
Detransitioner here. Uhhh I simply realized the path I was following wasn't making me happy nor I felt connected to trans people. So I simply detransitioned, but a lucky point for me is that this happened before top surgery and hormones, which I had planned to take after turning 18. I don't care about gender identity now, I'm afab and that's it. My advice, never be afraid of change.
I'm so glad to see other detransitioners and mainly just people in general accept truth and accept themselves without an identity or label. I'm in a similar situation as you, but i transitioned much younger and didn't take anything like shoorms or drugs before detransitioning. At the end of the day im glad i got back to myself, i used to hate my growing body, i thought the grass was greener on the other side, so i transitioned, even though i regret taking testosterone im so glad I've come to accept myself and reality, I'm still not the most feminine girl, but im fine with that now, now that ive found this self acceptance i don't see a reason to lie about something as silly as my sex, im so glad ive found reality, im so glad i didn't have any surgery. I'm glad you've found yourself, also the animation is great! Its neat to see different recordings styles such as animation when it comes to videos
Glad youve found self acceptance too. I noticed a complete lack of animated storytime videos for detransition so I felt the need to make one especially since I'm very awkward on camera
I wanna apologize for being so wary coming into this video, unfortunately most of my experience with detransitioners had been people using them as excuses for being transphobic, so I couldn't help but be a little anxious. I am very glad I decided to watch it though, it's a great commentary on gender roles and exploring who you are, and I'm happy to hear that you found yourself! It did leave me questioning myself a bit but that's not too out of the norm for me. Downside tho is that ive already gotten that shitty prageru "documentary" in my recommended from this lmaooo
Yeah Id never side with conservatives considering Prageru would never feature detransitioners that are gnc and the fact they don't actually give a shit about our stories
A few years ago I met someone that pushed me to be trans. I'm a guy but I'm not much of a stereotypical one. I dont like getting dirty, I never cared for sports like other guys at school, and most of my friends are girls. This all might be because I was raised in a household with only women for most of my life, but I never felt feminine, It's just how I am. We started dating and they said I had signs of being trans and just didnt know it. I denied it for a while but I slowly started to think so. "If I'm not like them, I must be a girl, right?" Is what I told myself. My mental health was declining rapidly, and when I confronted them they cut contact with me instantly. I've been recovering since and honestly I'm so much better now then I was when I was with them. I had never felt gender dysphoria or really any panic attacks until I met them, and since they left my life I've been mostly back to normal. I won't go much more into it since it's pretty personal and these are youtube comments💀, but it's been a journey. Maybe one I never had to go down, but when it's over you feel that much stronger in your identity. Don't let people change you by how they see you, only ever change for yourself, or for the people you care about. Take care
I completely support detransitioners, but I hate when people take stories from detransitioners and go "LoOk AlL tRaNs PeOpLe ArE dElUsIoNaL aNd LyInG!!!1!111!1!"
When I was a child I decided I was trans (FTM). I’m not sure I could’ve told you why at the time, but I had such a disdain for the fact that I was female, it seemed to be the only thing that made sense. I realized later on now almost twenty that the reason I felt this way was because I was terrified of the “consequences” of being female. Over time, you learn that men are treated better, and if you were a woman, you were less than. From being more likely to be disrespected to more likely to be FUCKING SA AND MURDERED! I was terrified about what that meant for me. Looking back now I wasn’t wrong to be. So If I could be anything other than a woman, that’s what I would do. Throughout my teens, I slowly tried to get more comfortable with this identity I tried to be masculine dressing in stereotypical clothes, cutting my hair short, and trying to insert myself into the male friendships around me. (I had never stopped liking feminine things, but if I was going to be a boy, I wasn't allowed to like those anymore.) of course, after this, I was comedically sent to an all-girl school. In my mid teens I had started to acknowledge the fact that being a boy or a man didn’t feel right, but if I backed out now what would people think of me? What if I make the community look bad? What if I become the example transphobics use? Conveniently at the time the community provided once more with the term non-binary. As non-binary, it’s a little harder to sweep under the rug, but it felt like it gave me more room to be myself without giving into something that I was terrified of. I was fairly content with this until I acknowledged other controversies in the community. it’s definitely not a healthy reason to start, but it definitely gave me time to do some contemplation. why did I have to be like this? why can’t I just feel normal? why is it that no matter what I do there’s so many people in the world who would like to see me dead just because of my existence. These are questions I would come to think about often, especially with the intrusive thoughts that my mental health causes me. A few years down the line, I would get out of a shitty relationship and meet the supportive man i’m with today. With his help and eventually growing a better relationship with my family for their support as well I have worked on myself a lot. My relationship to my being female, my body and my identity have grown a lot. At this point, I tell people to call me whatever pronoun they think fits and I’ve come to the point where I think I’m okay being called a woman. I have a lot of fear of acknowledging this publicly and have mostly just completely ignored anything about my gender altogether. This video has given me a lot more confidence to except who I am and not force myself to be something that doesn’t feel right anymore. That I don’t think was ever right, to begin with. Especially considering this video is coming from someone who not only socially transitioned but started medically transitioning. What have I learned from these experiences? 1. I look great with short hair! 2. No matter what your sex you can do or wear whatever you want. 3. More people should realize that sex and gender are different concepts 4. It’s very easy to be influenced especially when it starts as a child and you shouldn’t feel bad for realizing you may have been wrong. 5. Children don’t need to be encouraged to explore their sexuality or their gender. If it needs exploring, they’ll do it. We only need to be there to support them if and when that happens. ❤
the gamzee caught me off guard bro in all seriousness tho its nice to have people just talk about detransitioning and not use it as a way to say trans people are delusional and some other stupid shit. i do agree that its just objectively bad to jump into transitioning and this video actually helped me quite a bit to not get too ahead of myself, since im only 14. good video👍
As a tomboy/androgynous woman, i find this video very comforting. I also relate to having a mom that wanted you to dress us feminine and wear make-up when you weren't really about all that shit. It's a pain in the ass and makes me feel uncomfortable being "girly" and dressing pretty around her.
the one thing a lot of people tend to get mixed up is dysphoria and dysmorphia! They're very similar and tend to make people super uncomfortable but some people just prefer opposite presentation (not trans) while others prefer transitioning. (trans) This could also be influenced by weight, height, voice and other feature that might trigger dysmorphia (which again might feel VERY similar)
Tbh dysmorphia is more along the line my body doesn't fit X standard, dysphoria is more like an uneasiness that something is wrong. Now to the extreme people feel this varies from person to person.
I think we lack any nuanced discussion on detransitioning and that's a huge issue in this "discourse." Your story is valid and very alarming. I had parents that weaponized horror stories like yours to prevent me from exploring my identity. I never felt like my parents were preventing me from making a reckless decision, I felt like I was literally on the floor crying and pleading to be seen and was ignored. They eventually compromised on allowing me to use puberty blockers which saved my life. I started HRT when I was old enough to make the choice. There was never nuanced discussion, just "you are a man," "you're autistic and unable to make these decisions," and all the buzzwords I'm sure you've heard peers talk about when you were involved in the trans community. My dysphoria was inherently physical, beyond social, I could not handle male puberty and thoughts of growing up into an adult man tortured me. Sometimes, though, I wonder if my family's in-acceptance and unwillingness to communicate with me played into me "doubling down." I only had "you're trans" and "you're not." I gravitated towards the people who actually heard me. I feel like if I were to ever attempt to present differently, I'd be berated by relatives for the rest of my life, "I told you sos" and the like, even though I have not a single regret. I don't feel safe to explore my identity in any meaningful way. I've solved the physical issue, but socially I feel locked in the role of being a transgender woman.
the "locked into the role of a transgender woman" is so real. i feel the same way as a trans man. i don't want to be stealth because i want to be seen as a 100% cis guy, i want to be stealth because of how much prejudice there is against trans people. if only things were better :/
I feel that a lot of people don’t understand that gender is a spectrum *even* among cisgender people. everyone’s gender is completely different. no two women or men are the same. that is the beauty of the human experience. im glad you found yourself :)
The human brain is varies immensely from person to person. And the levels of hormones are variable too. I don't like the idea of playing with it though. Like its something you can pick and choose freely. Some people are just exceptions to the rule. It's not a choice. Or something to be taken lightly.
A gender is a genre, a sort, a kind, a category. To say that everyone's gender is different means that you are not actually talking about gender at all. I think you are actually talking about personality. Everyone's personality is unique. Fixed that for you!
@@omp199 gender is a social construct and everyone views the world differently. therefore, everyone’s perception of their own gender is different. It is infinite.
@@bedtimeted The _whole point_ of the word is to categorise. When you ask what gender someone is, you are asking what category they belong to. By saying that every person is unique, you are not categorising people at all. You are not dividing people into categories, and so you are not talking about people's perceptions of categories. You are saying nothing more than that every individual is unique. So you do not need the concept of gender. If you only mean that every person's combination of masculine and feminine personality traits is unique, or something like that, then fine, but that's just personality.
This is an incredible story. I've personally seen friends and people around me question their sexuality and gender roles, and have seen people around them pressure and crowd them into being trans. I'm so happy you've found solace in yourself, and that you've uploaded this video. Forcing people transition is just as harmful as forcing them to be someone they don't want to be. I wish nothing but the best for you!!
Love to our FtMtF even if it wasn't for you I'm glad you were able to find yourself again. We need more GNC acceptance and understanding that gender non conformity is only a signifier someone COULD be trans rather than that they are. Butch women, fem men and all forms of androgeny are valid as well as cis, trans, NB, inter etc
100% I'm trans, and you're absolutely right that the treatment for dysphoria should not be a one size fits all. This is actually something that the greater community fights for. Back in the day, the only way to transition was getting a sex change and everything. The fight for treatment to be tailored to the persons needs are 100% part of the struggle.
This means a so much to me that this video exist, i’m 14 and i’ve detransitioned and i see myself through your story and i feel like this should be seen by more people
I detransitioned myself, and the biggest reason why it took so long for me to get there was because back in 2001, NOBODY was accepting. So I felt like I had to fight everyone else who was telling me I was wrong, to the point where I never had a chance until later on to think if I really wanted it for myself. The moral of the story is just to let people explore themselves freely without the pressure of conforming.
this was such an interesting watch for me since I am a trans man. A lot of the things that you felt pushed you into identifying as trans are things that finally got me to accept that I was. all throughout grade school and into my first few years of university I tried to hang onto a butch woman identity and at the very end a very gnc person. Now 5 years onto T and 3 years post top surgery working in a male dominated workplace I am pretty much stealth, despite my best efforts of telling people I am a trans man. without those same pushy tumblr rhetorics and reading trans peoples memoirs outside of the internet, such as Ivan E. Coyote, I probably would have never sought to transition. I don't honestly wish I was born a man to be honest, I love my body as is now that I don't have dysphoria from my breasts and I am very grateful for Canada paying for my top surgery and for not needing to see a therapist for getting on Testosterone and I don't think it's wrong to have modified what I have just to feel more at home in it. Super respect your journey though, all of ours is different. Thank you for sharing!
"If all of this can be done to a woman who "isn't really trans" then the informed consent model is unethical and needs to be abolished or completely reformed" What? The informed consent model is unethical? Informed consent lets you make informed decisions about your body, its not the doctors fault you chose to take T while knowing the effects. Informed consent is the best model and it's in no way unethical just because you made a decision you regreted. It let's actual trans people access live saving medicine without having to wait so many years..
Or maybe engaging in body modification and hormone replacement is in-advisable treatment. Even if it solves all dysphoria issues it doesn’t tend to lead to good results in terms of physical health.
I think there could be an even better model, but I honestly don't know what that would look like. Informed consent is the best we have right now. Some "who isn't really trans" but thinks they are is gonna do everything in their power to transition, even lie to therapists and doctors. So how could you even prevent someone who'll regret it from transitioning, without stopping someone who would never regret it?
@@FoodudeBBLs, breast enlargement, lip injections, nose jobs, wrinkle-smoothing, jaw modification hell, going outside of cosmetics: eye surgery, hip replacement surgery, breast reduction due to cancer - all three things my very cisgender family has had to deal with - amputation of unsalvageable limbs, hand and foot surgery for various injuries HELL! even goddamn tattoos and piercings all of these r widely common and acceptable body modification. NONE of it is natural. ALL of it needs healing time and intensive processes. we r not made to be cut open. thats a fact! why the hell does it only come up with chopping my fucking tits off?
and sorry, forgot one thing with proper surgery, treatment, aftercare, and healing time, there is absolutely no adverse effect physically with any of these modifications good day
Thanks for sharing your story! I think it's important to hear stories from people who were happy with their transition as well as ones who weren't. Both sides are completely valid, since everyone is different. You mentioning that medical transition isn't necessarily the solution for everyone is something that more young people who are trans or questioning their identity need to hear. The trans community online tends to romanticize it to a certain extent (probably because it worked for many of them, good for them) but often fail to mention the possible downsides and disadvantages, which would be important when talking about potentially life altering decisions, such as starting hormone therapy or getting surgeries. It's important to remember that these are not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. If they make you happy with your identity though, that's awesome!
As a MtF person, I appericate you strived for sharing your story, and did so without bias and gave valuable information. To answer your conclusion of "Think whether or not you would want to live as not passing of a gender and openly trans." I absolutely believe that living in stealth would be horrible for me when I transition, yes of course there will be a lot of things that I try to do "cisly" (that's not a word I just made it up). But I think that being considered a woman, even with the added term of trans would make me so much happier. My dysphoria is really bad from what I know and sometimes womenly things are the only thing that I guess calms my mind from doing outrageous shit. I agree that labels will never be able to ever define us perfectly, we're humans with an endless flow of change every second of the day, but when I question myself and who I am, I see myself as Luna, not whatever I am now even though technically, I am Luna. It's a weird paradox with multiple stages, but I'm willing to work through it. Great Video.
Yeah I'm not saying people have to wear trans pins and scream it from the rooftops but when I transitioned I had zero desire to be seen as trans and was torturing myself socially and mentally being stealth and having to play this biologically male character I had made for myself. I remember avoiding certain movements at work because i was afraid somebody would notice I was binding for example and I felt a huge block talking to new people because I would have to lie about my past to an extent and was afraid they'd end up clocking me.
Moral of the story: Don't shove gender roles down your child's throat. -"You are a girl, so you need to act like one even if you don't like it" -"Oh little jimmy, why are you playing with your mom's makeup? boys don't wear make up, you need to be tough and manly, even if you don't want to" It's funny how people hear stories like this and are quick to assume that the trans community is evil and manipulating, when in reality none of this would have ever happen if her mother didn't forced her to "act girly"
*None of this would’ve ever happened if tumblr hadn’t brainwashed her into thinking she was something she was not. The moral of the story is: Don’t give your kids unlimited, unsupervised internet access. Not to mention addressing the issues she mentioned that resulted in her thinking she wanted to try and become a guy. Those things themselves have root causes I hope she works out
@@newdivide9882 Not really, the root of the issue was in the way her mother forced her to be something she did not want, it all started there, so that's the root cause for her.
@@leonardorosadossantos9876 Both are the issue here. Its not black or white. Blaming it all on one thing is never true as its multiple things that mostly lead to a decision being made The real issue is with the doctors being careless and not getting her to get proper mental health treatment before hand instead of throwing drugs at a person hoping it will fix the issue. This has happened to me with anti depressants and im scared to go off them as I don't want withdrawal so I'm stuck with them when cbd oil is more effective for me
Glad to see you're being honest and open and not mistreating trans people. Detrans is an important and vulnerable demographic because of how aggressively they're politicized. Ive been on T for 8 years and feel pretty good about myself but I know its not for everyone and sometimes I have genderqueer moments where I feel more feminine. Really we need to stop insidting on binary expression in trans spaces and instead focus on how hormones provide what benefit and what changes. Also, I notice almost all detransitioners are FTM, do you think thats because of how trans identity intersects internalized misogyny? For me my experience with internalized misogyny is distinct from gender dysphoria.
Ive always thought the reason there's more female detransitioners is because it's more socially acceptable to be a masculine woman than a really effeminate man. I also think the fact there's more ftms than ever and the fact many detransitioners had transitioned due to trauma, misogyny, etc
We grew up very similarly but I still identify as trans. I can agree that the trans community in 2016 was definitely not as it was today, and put a lot of distinction on medication transition. The political landscape was also not very kind to trans people and I think that’s why trans people felt like we had to prove ourselves, that we are valid by medical transition, and trying to hold other trans people/gender non conforming people to those standards. All this to say I think the community has gotten better, and stopped trying to force people to binary rigid expression. Thanks for sharing your story!
Agreed, as someone who entered the community in 2020 I can definitely say I did see the split, at least in terms of those who are 100% for medical transition and the happily growing number of people who don't see transitioning as rigidly.
This was enlightening for me. I'm not trans and never had any interest in that, and actually never understood why people did that in the first place. However, your story has helped open my eyes to people's experiences and what might have put them in that mindset. I'll have to remember this.
Sending love friend! Im a nonbinary trans person, and though I take testosterone and dont have any plans of detransitioning any time soon, im glad to hear stories of detransitioners that arent transphobic. Ive never seen my gender journey as something with an end point anyways, and my identity could change in the future. This makes me feel comfortable with that. Youre really cool for sharing with us :D
Thank you so much for making this video!! I recently tried to argue with my schools discord server about being too extreme about the "dysphoria=trans" idea and was basically ganged up on by just about everyone in the server and labeled as a transphobe so I've been trying to explore more about how i felt because it's hard to just forgive and I don't want to turn the anger against the people in the server into anger against the trans community. This video was really helpful! Thank you!
FR, like there's more to it than just dysphoria since anyone regardless of gender can feel it. For example infertile cis women feel gender dysphoria due to not fulfilling the gender expectation of pregnancy and motherhood. Or hell puberty can cause dysphoria in cis children who are adultified/sexualized far too soon given they are thrown into the new genders of Man/Woman before they are mentally ready for adulthood
Now what makes someone trans is not dysphoria but the clarity and euphoria that comes with just being their gender, dysphoria and dysmorphia is just individual experience. So please feel free to quote me on this, because the whole dysphoria=trans is based around an outdated diagnosis based around a small sample size of trans people.
@@GraveyardMaiden No, women who want children but can't have them feel upset because they can't have children. That's got nothing to do with "gender expectations". Adolescents going through puberty sometimes feel distress because their bodies are changing, and change can be scary. I think you are trying to shoehorn all human woes into a narrative of "gender", even when it is inappropriate. I think you should broaden your horizons are realise that there is more to the human experience than "gender".
@@GraveyardMaiden Normal people do not experience "euphoria" from just "being their gender" (whatever you might mean by that phrase). Perhaps you are thinking of the sexual arousal brought about by autogynephilia.
Fascinating to me to hear stories of people who transition and detransition within a matter of a few years after and then also see trans people who fight for almost a decade to even get a referral for consulting with an endocrinologist. I guess people find out quick if it’s not right for them
A lot of the problem is the informed consent clinics. I didn't go to planned parenthood but I've heard many stories about patients being prescribed hormones extremely fast through it.
detransitioners are completely valid as long as you can recognize that trans people are valid and just because you detransioned does not mean every trans person wants to
A passport can be valid or invalid. A person cannot be valid or invalid. It is a category error. If you are questioning whether a particular person is valid or invalid, you are asking the wrong question. Just accept everyone for what they are, and throw the concept of "validity" into the bin, where it belongs.
all experiences are real and valid and they don't discount one another, medical transition isn't a cure-all and shouldn't be treated as such even though it's saved mine and many others lives
I'm sorry but i cannot get behind the idea that you personally making a bad decision means that the entire informed model should be abolished. Any policy decision that increases medical gatekeeping to cater to the infinitesimally small percent of people who end up regretting transition would condemn thousands more people who desperately need transition care to years of unnecessary suffering. Every invasive healthcare procedure, from antidepressants to knee replacement surgery, has a small regret rate; and yet society has broadly accepted that the informed consent model is the best solution we have to ensure that no one who needs treatment is denied it. Why should transition care be treated any different?
I agree with you too, tho I have to still see the points she brought up are very understandable. I feel like there are a lot of narratives in the trans-community that are just very abridged. Like that you are born in the wrong body, which kind of sends a message that makes you just self-hate more. That mantra actually kept me from acknoledging being trans about 10 years ago, because I wasn't identifying with it. It was extreme. So what I'd definetly say out of my experience is that informed consent is a good thing, but I feel like we need more fitting information in knowing if it is the right thing. And only therapy can really give that, since it is such a complicated, mental and deep identity-kind of question. I am glad that I had therapy for 2 months before I started T-blockers to see if those already help with my issues. Doesn't mean everyone has to have it and especially reversable medication like puberty blockers, that only buy time for a decision like that should definetly be easily accessible via informed consent. Maybe with therapy after starting to help with that decision if it fits. It's really hard tho and I get the hard discussions... But like you said: Only because a minority made the wrong call, shouldn't be a reason to make access really hard. But I think that is why the info needs to improve.
i'm trans (ftm), i used to think i was "stuck in the wrong body" bc it was how i learned i was trans (watched animatics of other trans guys, looked in the mirror and fully noticed by chest) and it felt like no one would take me seriously if i didn't show discomfort with my state as a female. Something to the tune of "she doesn't mind her body, she likes girly things, has no qualms with how she was raised gender-wise, and she's afab, so my daughter is a cis girl." The only actual dysphoria i get now is with my voice, which barely ever happens, but the idea of being a guy is so great to me, even if i wear dresses and lipstick and w/e. It's been over three years since i've learned that i was trans, my parents are a lot more comfortable with my identity and the LGBTQ+ community in general, and so am i tbh. thank you so much for making this video, dysphoria isn't being trans, the stereotypes about each gender don't matter when it comes to your own, and i'm glad someone's talking about it without bashing the trans community
Great explanation about your experiences, and the animation was awesome. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm sorry you weren't allowed to express yourself when you were young. I wish you peace and joy, and a happy life.
I think we as a society just need to understand that it's OK for people tk change, try things out, and if they want to go back to how they were before, OK, cool. That doesn't undervalue trans people as a whole, or it shouldn't. It just reinforces that it's all OK.
The issue there is that horomone treatments and especially surgeries have permanent consequences, it's not just something you can undo like hitting Ctrl-Z. Puberty blockers can cause a long-term health problems like osteoperosis, horomone treatments can lead to infertility, and I don't think I need to explain why top surgery or vaginoplasty/phalloplasty are irreversible. We aren't at the point technologically where someone can go back to how they were before if they get a vaginoplasty only to end up wishing they didn't get the surgery.
@@rosesweetcharlotte I get your point but you can go through puberty and then still do the surgeries and horomone treatments. You can't do those things and then go back to having fully functional genitalia.
@@100organicfreshmemes5ok but puberty has long term permanant changes too and it can lead to much harder lives for trans people. The situstion is not zero sum. There is immemsense suffering in prolonged gender disphoria is real and measured.
@@normanicole4714 My point still stands that one path has much more irreversible consequences than the other. Also, doing puberty blockers and horomones at a young age leads to the genitalia not developing properly so there's little tissue to work with when doing a vaginoplasty/phalloplasty and they become even less functional than the pseudogenitilia made after a person already went through puberty. Either way isn't a perfect solution.
"She would have rather me dress as Pikachu" The pikachu: Male BTW, I'm agender (they/them), and I also did the tomboy thing growing up. But my mom let me express how I wanted once I was 12 ish (8 and under, she forced me into dresses) I feel bad for those who have to go through detrans because there are so many reasons why this happens and none are fair 1. Peer pressure by phobes/family telling you "you aren't trans" 2. Misdiagnosed gender dysphoria because of stereotypical questions (stereotypes do not equal trans as there are cis and trans tomboys and femboys) 3. Discovering your actual gender identity later (Most people rush while still on their gender journey to later realize they were wrong) It's safe to explore your gender identity. Trying on new names, pronouns, and puberty blockers is fine ... but don't jump into HRT and surgeries. You can revert back to your old name and pronouns with no consequences, and you can stop the puberty blockers, and puberty will start as normal.... however, HRT and surgeries can have permanent effects. I'm 40 and really want top surgery. I wear a binder, and I didn't even discover I wasn't cis until 38. In that time, I tried on various pronoun combos and gender labels before I found what truly made me happy. Thank you for sharing your story!
I agree so heavily with the idea of just being happy looking at gender subjectively. I used to identify as a trans man, but I’ve since realized that it’s mainly because growing up as an autistic girl made me envy the way that boys could be weird without backlash. I now identify as genderqueer, and am just living life the way I want to. Great video, it was lovely to see your story :)!!
I disagree with the conclusion you make strongly. It is often unsafe to be openly queer. And I think not wanting to be beaten up, mocked or otherwise harrased is pretty normal thing, which doesn't invalidate anyone's experience. I'd love to be openly trans and not ashamed of my past or whatever, but also realistically, I don't see myself really being like that. Because ummmm I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. And I don't want face transphobia in my everyday life. And being queer is basically about to be criminalised in my country. Does this make me less of a man? Surely not.
I don't think it's bad to want to pass or not wanting everybody to know you're trans, I think every trans person does. If I rewrote this video I'd probably say that if you'd choose not transitioning at all over never passing or if you're terrified of not passing all the time (or at all) then it might not be the best idea to transition. Not every trans person can or will pass especially not 100% of the time. My obsession with completely passing all the time and being stealth, retconing my past and having this biologically male persona I had to make sure didn't crack at work where I was stealth to all my coworkers because I didn't wanna be trans or be seen as trans was destroying me socially and mentally.
Me too. I live in South Africa, but I’m half Zimbabwean. It’s legal to be queer and transition here, but in Zimbabwe I could be killed for it. Aside from that minor, very presumptuous conclusion at the end, the rest of the video was great and I’m glad she made it.
I’ve seen stories like this many times though it’s kinda the opposite story for me. I wasn’t allowed to grow out my hair, and was always told I could never understand women, people constantly asked me when I was ever going to get a girlfriend. I’m okay being myself regardless of how people see me and I am a trans woman. It’s not for everyone but I’d much rather be a woman than a man even if many people look at me weird and don’t believe I am a woman. There’s also plenty of people who don’t realize I’m not a cis woman though so like I can pass and I also can’t pass depending on how I present myself. Passing doesn’t matter to me though, I’m just me. There’s also a lot of people who find me attractive and want to be in a relationship with me and I think that’s been the most difficult struggle for me simply because I’m terrified of relationships and I have a lot of things I need to figure out psychologically when it comes to relationships…
Your story as a detransitioner is so important! I've seen another detransitioner who was FtMtGenderqueer, and their perspective was really enlightening so it's lovely to hear another's story. I personally consider myself trans and genderqueer, my goals for transitioning are a bit different from stereotypical feminine and masculine traits. I do wish to get top and bottom surgery at some point in my life, and I desperately want to start HRT, but I'm unsure how intense I want the changes to be.... So I'll probably start on a low dose and take it from there. I definitely think it's super important to take things slow when deciding to make permanent changes to your body, but as someone who's lack of transition was making them depressed, I don't think I can wait anymore. I know that this is right for me, because I have begun to transition socially and it has made me much happier, and I've noticed being misgendered really does trigger my SI. This might be different for some (as I've seen with fellow trans folks in this comment section) of course, but I wanted to share my experience as well. Gender is a complicated; I don't even have a concrete term for my gender experience honestly, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't need a label to know how I want to be. And if it turns I was wrong, I'm comfortable with saying that this was just apart of my journey as a human being. We are all on our paths, and I think we all have the right to navigate them as we please. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 So much love and support to my trans and detrans friends!! ^^
As a trans man, I would never encourage someone to have surgery or start hormones before treating yourself mentally first. In my country, depending on the case, the treatment is different. You always start by stating your case to various doctors, who will decide whether you should go to a psychiatrist and psychologist before taking more steps. In any of the cases, no matter if you need more mental cheking or not, they continue by giving you a list of every change your body will go thru with hormones and they let you think about it for six months. After that period, they ask you about your decision and meet with you one last time to answer any questions you have and start your treatmeant if you have decided so. If you want surgery, you can have it thru social security, but they have a waiting list for the waiting list (yes, really xDD), just for the same reason as before, for you to think about it. You can speed up this process by going private (which I did) but they won't do the operation until you have gone thru hormones for at least a year. I waited two. Is this process long and complicated? Yes. Did I suffer the wait? Yes. But it made me love myself as I was while I was waiting. Those six months went fast, and, about the surgery... I really don't understand why people don't wait for their bodies to change. When you take testosterone, your back grows, your chest changes shape... Waiting really changes the results. Plus, it's more healthy. Two of my friends decided to not take hormones thanks to this process. One after the mental treatment and the other after checking the list of side effects. I also know a guy who won't take any surgeries after the wait. And I won't have bottom surgery because I feel confident on my body after all this time! I really hope this formula spreads some day and people don't have to suffer what you did :/ I hope you're happy now
i feel like transness is so fixated on being intrisnically something and not what you want from your body. transitioning was right for me not because i needed to be one kind of guy, but because i wanted to be hairy and stinky and have a deep voice. testosterone doesn't make you into a man, it just makes you go bald, and thats what i wanted. my male identity has changed over time, how i dress, my vocal affect, my hair, but through it all ive been grateful that T gave me a deep voice and facial hair. i see lots of younger folks talking about wanting to transition but not wanting those affects, and im happy there's discussion now a day of what we want for ourselves, because thats how it should be! also i fukcing love your artstyle
I agree! I think there's this perception from historical "transsexuals" and "transvestites" that in order to be transgender, you have to transition in every single way and play society's perceived role of a man/woman for a long time before you're "authentic." The truth is... everyone except liars are authentic. Anyone on this journey to discover themselves is authentic. I'm a trans man, and I knew exactly what I wanted from my body. Luckily, I was actually informed in the informed consent process, and my initial team of professionals in university (hell yeah to universities these days having great resources) told me what hormones would do, what top surgery could do, the risks of it all, etc. I'm pursuing top surgery at this point because I know I've always strongly despised my chest to the point of it causing disordered eating and horrible intrusive thoughts to try to get rid of it, just as an example. But minors especially are very impressionable, and something as simple as not fitting in (a normal kid experience) can turn into wanting to transition far too quickly.... And it really sucks that those types of stories are used as fodder to fling against trans rights and equal opportunities for those who are truly trans. Anyway, my mindset is a lil similar to yours, so I thought I'd comment. :)
This is one of the reasons why I'm scared of transitioning, im scared im gonna regret everything all because I dont want those effects. I honestly don't know what I want anymore.
@@jellynut5903 It's okay to wait and continue questioning. I promise there is no rush with this stuff. It may be daunting if you're young and your body and mind are changing so fast... but that is all the more reason to wait. Your body and mind will stabilize and you'll be more clear-headed at some point, able to step back and look at yourself as one whole picture, not as a bunch of parts. I promise, it gets better, and your experiences are valid, including in questioning. It's natural to be wary -- that means you're being smart about this, not jumping the gun. :)
This is why it pisses me off when people say things like "dont let your boys play with dolls they'll turn trans" like no, if you tell you child that what they like is for the opposite gender they will be more likely to wanna be the other gender, not because they are trans but because you told them they have to be the opposite gender to enjoy their interests. Which is so harmful because non trans people will regret transition.
This exactly! It’s important to not gender arbitrary things. Kids liking “girl clothes” more than “boy clothes” doesn’t really say much UNLESS you insist on gendering things. I was always gender non-conforming, but I was raised in an environment that was pretty non-gendered. I could play with hot wheels, Barbie’s, and plushies and it never meant anything. It wasn’t until middle school when I was pressured to be more feminine by my peers that I got a massive sense of dysphoria that I still struggle with, but I never transitioned. Gendering things so harshly just makes going through puberty and discovering yourself even harder, because now you’re not only battling constant changes within your body, you’re fighting society to just like a button up more than a skirt.
fr bro i remember my dad was like this but my mom understood it (she wasn't allowed to watch transformers) and had my back. my dumbass grew up on word girl, the Powerpuff girls, and mlp and I've never had gender dysphoria
Exactly, my mom always was "manly" and a "tomboy" as a kid, she would rather play with the boys and sadly she din't enjoyed a lot because of her father that would never let her do "boys stuff", turned out she's still cis and straight, btw, if you dress or act in a certain way it doesn't make you less male or woman, what is "manly" and "girly" varies a lot depending of the time and location, in reality it's all nonsense, man in old Mesopotamia weared skirts and old woman fashion was more "manly", here's a link about 100 years of banned fashion ruclips.net/video/E0AFk-6PWGM/видео.htmlsi=nToWuEh_jYEyZhi-, also here's a article about men's skirts en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men%27s_skirts#:~:text=Skirts%20have%20been%20worn%20since,recorded%20two%20categories%20of%20clothing.
This is so well-put!
@@DeeLaBee That pressure from peers is what I see as the cause for a lot of the very young people that want to transition these days
People confuse "gender roles" with "gender identity", which is dangerous.
Yup
Exactly
Tomboys are a case in point.
Considering that none of these is actually real, lol.
@@andybreadley429 gender roles, stereotypes about how each gender should act, exist. gender identity, your internal sense of gender, also exists.
As a trans male, I hate when people see a detransitioner and automatically assume that they are a terrible, transphobic person. The community should definitely be less quick to judge every detransitioner that they see. Yes there are the handful that are gross, but detransitioner stories should definitely be heard
Yeah, it really does suck to see detransitioners get so much crap from the trans community. All of the problems come back to transphobia, because if detransitioners weren't used as a way to attack trans people so often, then detransitioners wouldn't get so much crap
it's because there are a very very few de-trans folks that have grifted for the right and they were very LOUD -- so it seeded distrust in the trans community.
You can’t really blame trans people for having there guard up. Look at majority of all large media news outlets and the way they cover detransition stories with inflated numbers, propaganda and hate implied the whole time as a way to ban transition completely and demonize the community.
Just... look at soem comments
@@SOLIDShift_VI there's actualy a lot of stories about de transition, there are entire sub reddits about it, and its normal that some of them hate the trans community, no community is inmune to criticism and after all they're the ones who pushed them so much into doing things they'd later on regret. Most of the trans community is literaly based on the same gender labels the entire lgbtq+ community they're a part of hates, and there's a dangerous confusion between being trans and a femboy or tomboy. The trans community pushes too much, they cant accept that before comming to a conclussion, its good that potential trans people hear both the people who say they arent trans, they're just confused or in a phase, and the people who say they are and that they should take hormones, do surgery and all that stuff. But they'd rather censor people who question it. Is it hard to accept that it could actualy be a phase, or confusion, just as it could not be that? Got to a point where even some on the community want everyone to accept little kids into this path where they cant be questioned either, not even by their own parents
On top of that previous to surgeries related to all this, or taking hormone blockers, and doing other trans-related stuff (usualy the more permanent ones) in many countries you need to see psychologists and these professionals who should diagnose you with gender dysphoria to be able to make these changes happen, the problem is that, as i mentioned earlier no one can question you, and this got to a point where even professionals cant, if you think you have gender dysphoria you'll already be diagnosed with that, and will be given hormon blockers and whatever you want to use, even if they warn you about the side effects, since you were diagnosed with that condition and apparently these are the only ways to treat your sadness ( aka easy money from you)
This is why there are so many de transition stories, and why a lot of them dislike the trans community
trans are valid, detransition stories are also valid
I disagree on the first one
@@Lineproofok
@@Lineproof okay, we all have opinions. As long everyone is respectful to each other
@@okei3912 an opinion is like choosing waffles over pancakes not deciding if someone should have human rights or not
@@Kukuforcocopuffs I didn’t say they don’t have human rights, i’m saying the ideas they bring aren’t valid.
... I am SO proud of the comments section. I thought I'd be walking into a 100% flame war, but instead people are being very civil and empathetic to this story.
Some faith in humanity restored, and I'm so glad everyone is sharing their stories. Finding one's identity is hellishly complicated as it is, let alone when gender and extreme views get involved.
Did we read the same comments? It's a complete cesspool lmao
i found at least one guy that said that trans people werent valid though :(
ok i found another one that is like 10 times worse
Yeah the super partisan types are ignoring this for some reason. I’ve seen very few, which is rare.
I hate that so many people think that dysphoria means trans, cause cis people, no matter what gender, can also have dysphoria
People who think that way should take just 15 minutes of their time to look into the bodybuilding scene LOL
It runs rampant over there
"Dysphoria" ultimately just means you're unsatisfied or self conscious about something, but unfortunately it has become a silly buzz word that people slap on everything.
@guy4925 i think you're confusing gender dysphoria with body dysmorphia. they're different but very similar (not trans fyi but thats what my trans friend told me)
@@slugspot They're both just fancy buzz words at the end of the day.
I am trans and I’ve had to deal with dysphoria a lot. I am planing to transition soon, but I know what you mean. I just hated being a guy. I hated my voice, hated my body, hated how I was told that I wasn’t manly enough. I really hated it. So, that’s why I am trans!
thats not dysphoria, its dysmorphia
i feel like the trans community (at least from what ive seen) has gotten a lot better at emphasizing the fact that transitioning isn't a universal fix for everyone that is genderqueer or even just gender noncomforming such as yourself. i think we all realized that the way we were speaking of these things could cause harm to people who weren't trans to begin with as well as ourselves. i'm happy that this video was made because of how much stigma is around detransitioners because of the loud minority of grifters that use their unhappiness to hate trans people.
I don't think so. I think it's worse, and the trans community in general loves to pretend like no one deteansitions, and that talking about detransitioning just means you're a secret nazi who wants to destroy trans people, and transitioning is great and everyone should do it, and that "gender affirming surgery" usually works (it does not).
That last part reminded me of how one of my first look into a detransitioner’s perspective left me with a lot of doubt & bad feelings about myself mostly because the video’s tone was a little condescending & made their experience sound scary. While the fact that other videos from the person’s channel seemed to mock queer people should’ve been a sign they were grifting to some degree, I left feeling discouraged to explore what I wanted for myself due to newfound doubt.
To put it simply, this video was a breath of fresh air with how OP gave insight without sounding discouraging. It was simply presenting what they learned without trying to push the audience towards one path or another. Their advice given also seems to align with the approach I’ve been taking in considering my contentness with myself as well as how that’ll translate into my real life. It also made me feel less guilty about taking my time questioning myself. I think I need that level of groundedness.
when i was younger like around 11 - 13 i definitely thought transition was a one size fits all for every trans person. now i see that its not and i try to keep an open mind that maybe later in life ill find that transition isn’t for me and that is okay.
Ik, as someone who has only identified as trans for abt a year or two now, it’s kinda weird seeing the stuff she was being told bcuz I was reading it and a lot of it was stuff I had barely heard before
@DumbDolphin69 Have people told you that the bottom surgery isn't a bad idea? Or that taking HRT/Testosterone is completely reversible?
I'm just curious what your experiences have been
Moral: Don’t let anyone ever tell you who you are or should be, including your past self. It’s ok to change, or realize the path you chose was trying to get somewhere you came to find out wasn’t right for you. At the end of the day, cis or trans, questioning or sure, transitioning or detransitioning, you’re a human being who is more than any one part of yourself, and any part that changes won’t take away that the sum of who you are is simply you.
People are going to tell you though you just Gotta take it with a grain of salt but honestly I don’t know who I am or what I should be either and often having a knowledgeable person on the other side who has more information than you is a great
“It’s ok to change”
Yeah…that’s kind of not the message we’re trying to send here, especially if changing causes you to get a vagina malfunction from taking hormone therapy.
Here’s the real moral: Don’t hang around in narcissistic online communities that serve to fear monger and pray on your insecurities and encourage you to believe that you’re something you’re not.
@@sabersin5368-c2cCongratulations, you completely missed the point
@@ryanmackenzie6109Congratulations, *you* completely missed the point, you thundering midwit.
@@sabersin5368-c2c Congratulations, you don't actually know what being trans is at all!
I felt trans before I even had accesss to the internet. No one in my life even spoke about LGBTQ+ subjects and yet...the feeling was still there, and never went away.
No one "convinced me to be something i'm not", i've always felt this way.
People aren't narcissistic for being different than you. *THAT* is narcissism, what you're doing, to claim other people are narcissistic for being something you aren't. It's like if you got mad and called a wheelchair user "narcissistic" because they dare use the handicap spot...made for them. As if they have a choice in being disabled.
I don't have a choice to be trans, it wasn't a decision to be discriminates against, insulted, or even threatened by people like you.
i’m trans ftm and also hate the “stuck in your body” or “born in the wrong body” terms. i remember identifying with them in the very early stages of my transition, because that’s the large portion of what i was learning at the time. now though, i think it’s more appropriate to say that we’re stuck in the perceptions of people who don’t try to understand our identities- out of lack of education, or ignorance.
also thank you for sharing this story OP, it’s a really important perspective for other to consider during evaluating if they should transition or not. 🧡
so you're now it's about how others perceive you?
Idk if you'll see this, but may I ask if it was scary to transition? How'd it feel? If you feel comfortable answering because I wish I would transition too, but idk if it's scary or anything..
@@Emz_yelevele I'm only socially transitioned, as my state limits access to gender affirming medical care, so keep that in mind.
I don't think there was anything scary about accepting myself, I was more confused. I've used a bunch of different labels while trying to figure myself out, and I don't believe we ever really have to have anything completely figured out. It's scary that a minority of people in the US and world don't believe I have the right to exist or bodily autonomy. It was saddening to cut off my father's parents because they believe I'm going to hell because of who I am, and how bitter I've become towards those people who don't try to understand.
There's no right way to transition. You don't have to do anything to be valid; if you're confident in saying you're trans, then you should be accepted as trans and a fellow human being.
I think it was the point that I stopped outwardly caring about what others thought of me that I was able to stop being scared. I don't have to meet any predisposed level of masculinity to be a man. I have the right to use the men's facilities, as do any other men. I've developed an understanding of gender expression that most cis people won't ever be able (or begin to try) to understand, which can be so cool when you rise to meet it.
GOOD OMENS!!! GOOOD OMENNSNFDMASD
So many tomboys and "not like other girls" hate "womanhood" just because they don`t want to view themselves as this one-sided stereotype of a woman. I`m gonna be 23 soon and I`m glad that there are people in my life, who see me as a 3-dimentional human being now. There is hope. Adolescence is tough for most people - being dependant on your parents and dealing with kids, who don`t know what they`re talking about yet. I used to hate my female body, hated feeling vulnerable, objectified, "emotional", "stupid" in the eyes of everyone. It takes strength to see yourself for who you are and not care abt what people think. Thank you for this video, I hope more people can see it. Best of luck to you
Yeah casual misogyny is so prevalent. It doesn't help that the majority of shows, movies, games, etc have male leads and male writers so women are often written stereotypically or just exist to be the protagonists love interest. Even movies and shows with female leads will rarely ever feature a masculine woman and if it they do have a tomboy character usually they pull the "other girls are shallow bimbos, not like me"
Performative femininity and performative womanhood are too tiring to do. This is why a lot of teen girls and women (including me) hates that
Misogyny and toxic masculinity strike again..
As a proud tomboy (I’m 20 now and have always identified with this label) I feel like tomboys get way too stigmatized. We’re always seen as just a phase girls go through because we’re apparently scared of being feminine. No. Some of us are just masculine at heart and I wouldn’t be surprised if tomboys going feminine as adults is simply the result of pressure.
I think the moral of the story is that people online are often too extreme. Very few people take the more neutral, reasonable ground, and instead get pushed to one extreme side. But not everything is so two-dimensional.
Most people have pretty modest or neutral opinions and world views. Internet and media in general are incredibly good at inflating problems and extreme world views.
I honestly think it’s mostly younger folks who have the tendency to fall into such extreme thinking. They take sh*t very, very seriously. Whether it be their hobbies, identity, and etc
As you grow older, you kinda mellowed out and realised that not everything is so cut-and-dried.
This is why I believe that younger people who are interested in transitioning should at least wait until they’re old enough. If they’re still keen on transitioning, go for it. This decision will impact your life immensely.
Ps: I have nothing against overly enthusiastic young’uns. I think this is an important phase that everyone should go through before “calming down”.
EDIT: changed "extremist" to "extreme" because I think I used the wrong word.
@Breadn Dude, holy shit its been so long since ive seen someone actually point this out. So much hatred on the internet (a lot of which ends up spreading to irl) is caused because the internet is (usually when it comes to politics or just stuff even remotely related to politics) separated into two opinions, and those two opinions are never reasonable. They’re always extreme vs extreme, them damn liberal commies vs those racist confederate right-wingers. I feel like this is sort of a snowball effect, you start off with basically no opinions and have to look for them, for instance by reading the news. Oh, X place is doing this bad thing? And they’re also a dictatorship? I think X place is bad. Oh, Y was just found doing disgusting things to people? I think Y is bad. Oh, This Z company just gave out a half million sandwiches to homeless people all across the world? I think Z company is good. But, as you commonly see, pretty much all news out there is biased in some way. They might not cover certain topics, only cover these topics but not those topics. And with the algorithm, you just get sucked into either one side or the other. Watching a Fox News video because you’re interested in the topic might eventually lead to you being a sweaty discord gremlin that reeks of coins constantly arguing with people and then banning said people to prove to your discord e-kitten that you’re an ALPHA MALE!!!11! while watching a Vaush video might eventually lead to you being a sweaty discord gremlin that reeks of coins constantly arguing with people and then banning said people to prove to your discord e-kitten that you’re an ALPHA MALE!!!11! with the algorithm making it almost impossible to escape it, alongside the fact that ive noticed how a lot of times if a person decides “oh man, i feel like these people around me are in one massive circlejerk of opinions, i think i should go out and listen to the opinions of the other side and see what we agree on in an actual, nice conversation”, just to be ostracized and called a bigot or called a leftie. And for as long as news and the algorithm keeps on making money, I doubt this’ll end anytime soon.
@@zhoukiyoyes! As you grow older, all the things that mattered so much at age 10, 14, 18 mean so little. I wanna give everyone huge hugs, we’re all just trying to stay sane as best we can.
thisssss
honestly i think people should realize that detransitioning is a valid experience like transitioning is. ive seen people say that detransitioners are "traitors" which is really dumb in my opinion
5/7/2024: Man that sure is a lot of comments !!! Thanks for tuning in to my monexistent Ted talk
ive been looking into it recently because i dont want to be scared of it
I agree with this! But I think the reason why a lot of people would look at a video like this as negative is because they know the potential people it could attract...being transphobes looking for "proof" for what their ideology may be... y'know?
I’ve seen moreso ppl use detransitioners to push the anti trans narrative tbh.
@@BelBelle468 it really sucks how and entire group of people are seem as nothing more than a political point to them
Those people are just jerks, if you’re detransitioning it’s either because it doesn’t fit who you want to be, or it’s because of outside factors, either way you shouldn’t bash on those people because they deserve to be happy just as much as everyone else!
This is a very important video. Im a trans guy and i think listening to detransitioners is most definitely needed. Her "dysphoria" (idk what else to call it) was caused by her moms treatment of her and tried to escape by finding false hope in transition. This is why its important for parents to allow their kids to express themselves and not force gender roles on them. I also think an important piont was how she didnt like the changes t did to her. This is a big sign she was cis. Im really glad she figured it out before top sergery because as a trans person i can empythise with feeling wrong about your body. It feels wrong to cis people to transition like it does trans people to just not. She definitely needed an actual theripist when she was thinking she was trans.
It's sad that most of her issues were caused by her mother not accepting her as a masculine woman :(
Exactly, I think what she had was social dysphoria, not gender dysphoria.
Whats the cube root of 512?
My brother learn to spell
I appreciate this video too. I’m a cis girl, but when I started puberty I questioned whether I was trans, specifically non-binary, because I was beginning to be sexualized for my breasts, and I realized later on the reason I was so uncomfortable with them was the fear of objectification, not because I’m not a girl. I would’ve regretted the changes so much had I continued to think I was trans. These videos are so important because often you only see one perspective, and while the voices of trans people are needed, the voices of detransitioners should be heard as well because it could help younger people realize what they’re experiencing is completely different
it’s ironic how conservatives claim that „the internet is making the kids confused“ while it’s the gender roles that THEY keep enforcing is what makes people confused in the first place. Putting people in boxes is the problem. „If I don’t fit in the pink girl box then I must be the blue boy box“… if you get what I mean.
Thank you for sharing your story!! I hope you now can be happy as your truest self
Considering that Gender Dysphoria was exceptionally rare prior to the 21st century, I’d say strongly enforced gender roles actually made the decision for people in the past easier. Social norms dictated who you’d be, and people naturally want to fit in. Nowadays you have more people talking about being Trans and now society seems split on what the norm is, leading to a lot of confusion. Sometimes the easiest decision to make is the one that is made for you.
@@cosmo9925 I often think about if there were no gender roles and steryotipes, trans people wouldn't exists. Why? Because you wouldn't be prohibited to do some things because of your gender, because it wouldn't exist either, you'll be able to have every kind of experience regardless.
As far as I understand, trans people just like more things that are socially related to the opposite gender, therefore, they have a identify crisis because what they "are" is not what the actually like.
If society didn't push in ourselves these things, I don't think anybody would feel like they don't fit, because they would be able to do whatever they want since -ever-.
Wasn’t it both for this person. Online trans posts saying what she was feeling is just that she was trans and the gender role of her parents also not helping
@@iara7596 I also thougth exactly that before, but gender dysphoria is not entirely social-based, it has a big chunk of biological background, in some cases people are born with a female brain and a male body or vice versa, and each of them is not well prepared to handle the physical characteristics present in the opposite body, that's why sometimes transitioning is really necesary, because those processes and key parts missing cause stress and unwellness in the person itself, as the brain struggles because of this dysphoria.
@@cosmo9925 Could be, but maybe the reason why it appears that gender dysphoria is more common now is actually because since the 21st century it can be expressed without being punished for it, maybe the number of people suffering gender dysphoria back then was the same, but the statistics don´t reflect that because they didn't express their problem because they feared the punishment.
I’m a trans girl and I’m both happy to be openly trans but also terrified, not because of “oh shes not a real woman” or whatever, but because of how there are people who want to attack me because of it
oh please, no one actually cares. People are too worried about their own lives. The rare times I’ve seen a male cross dresser (like u) I just giggle and think nothing more of it
@@Lure420 i mean you clearly dont think nothing more of it because you bothered to comment when you saw someone like me
@lure7812 oh yeaaaaa no one has ever attacked or killed anyone because they where trans
@@convalaria I didn’t see you I just know no one gives a fck
@@nomatteridc umm prostitutes maybe. but actual female prostitutes get targeted more
Gender roles ruin our lives, as much as transphobia does. It is very important to look at yourself and determine who you are. Do not force an agenda.
yep 👏
More than transphobia, I'd wager, because transGENDER people wouldn't exist if gender did not exist.
You specify gender roles but it's gender entirely.
nah.
what why?@@anapple6912
why not?@@anapple6912
as a closeted trans boy planning to come out soon, this video has been very affirming for me. i saw a few videos which were basically saying "DONT TRANSITION BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOULL REGRET IT IMMEDIATELY AND HAVE TO DETRANSITION!!", and those videos have been scary for me, making me feel as though coming out is an awful idea. but now I'm seeing that your trans experience was mostly about wanting to change your body. not only that, but as a kid you were forced to be more feminine than you wished to be. for me, i am a boy and have always felt this way, and while top surgery would be nice, it wouldn't really make me feel more like a boy than i already do. to echo a few others in this comment section: this is why it is soo important for young trans people to hear the stories of detransitioners, because we are young and dont always have a full grasp on what we are dealing with. but i can say that i am very confident and comfortable in my identity as a boy. a future man. a trans guy. thank you for this video.
Yeah I believe people have to come to the decision of transitioning or detransitioning by themselves. While I'm giving other people transitioning something to consider I don't think showing this video to somebody like Buck Angel is gonna make them detransition.
You may have masculine traits, but you are not a boy. “Boy” is a biological term. Words have meanings, and Boy means that you have physical and mental traits that girls do not have. I know you claim to feel like a boy, but you only have a girl’s grasp of what being a boy really is. If you claim to be something, it means you must have innate knowledge of how it feels to be that thing.
I think it’s important to ask yourself what does it mean to “feel like a boy”. What does a boy feel like? How can you know that? What are the boy things that can make someone feel like a boy and not a girl? If a boy can be anything, how can you be 100% sure you feel like one? What’s a boy? Those questions really helped me figuring myself out. Maybe it will help you too.
You can't feel like a boy. You have no idea what it feels like to be a biological man and you never will.
Just because you hate makeup, don't want long hair or like to cars doesnt make you a man or even gay. Biological women and hetrosexual biological women have been doing all those things without taking drugs and getting cosmetic surgery and living perfectly healthy and enjoyable lives.
Yes, letssss gooooo another win for patriarchy. Girls sucks
Hi. I'm trans, MtF, and i think it's really important to listen to detransitioners. After all, people who regret transitioning feel the same dysphoria that the people who don't regret it felt before transitioning (at least in general, the way im interpreting your video is that you stopped caring), so we should all try to empathise.
This video will probably attract an audience that will not look favorably upon this comment. I will ignore any replies that are clearly just trying to get me to detransition or tell me im invalid or anything like that. That is not what im here for. I am happy right now, and i even forget that im trans most days. We just need to find a solution that works for people like me and for people like you, and encourage empathy between both sides.
You raise some important issues about certain parts of online trans culture. When i first entered online trans spaces and i questioned myself, i was met with relentless validation, and that made me worry. Should i really be trusting these people? I could already predict what they were going to say. They weren't even listening to the doubts i had. It's difficult to do anything about. Kids will be kids and all that.
I think something notable i hear from lots of detransitioners is the order of causality. Either you already hate being seen as one gender, so then you adjust how you follow gender norms. Or you hate the gender norms assigned to you, so as a consequence you start to hate the gender itself. Of course no statement like this will be 100%, but it's definitely a trend i noticed. You seem to have described this in your video, but lots of people don't really consider it before transitioning.
For me it started with bottom dysphoria, before i even knew that girls were supposed to have something else down there. Additionally, i didn't want to be _seen_ as a boy. These happened independently from each other, as far as i can tell. Though i was like 3-5 at the time, so memory is unreliable. Subconsciously, "not being seen as a boy" extended to all kinds of "boy" things, like gendered language or hair length. I never really enjoyed any toys that were particularly gendered, but i think that was just because they weren't fun, not because they were gendered. I played with Lego instead. Later i started hating the effects of testosterone too, even those i didn't know were caused by it.
I don't know what to do about the gatekeeping issue. On the one hand, loosening requirements will cause more to-be-detransitioners to get through, on the other hand, tightening them will cause fewer would-not-detransitioners to get through, and will put them under additional stress, which ive already experienced enough of. And people will always keep going from psych to psych adjusting their story (or from surgeon to surgeon like in your case) to get what they want. I did that too. You can't hold people back if they're that determined. The best you can really hope to do is inform them as well as you can and make sure they think everything through before committing. Not that i want to come across as truscum, i certainly don't think a "gender dysphoria" diagnosis is a good way to do things, because there's no way it would catch 100% of people it should and 0% of people it shouldn't, especially with people lying. But informed consent, the way it's currently being implemented, is, as demonstrated, not that great either. And i don't know what else to do.
If i didn't pass, i think i would just keep presenting masculine, but still transition medically. The root cause of all this is still that 1. my body feels wrong, originally just bottom dysphoria, later effects from testosterone, both of which could be fixed, and 2. people see me as a guy, which presenting as a non-passing trans woman would not fix, it would make people see me as a male crossdresser, so i probably wouldn't bother trying. But at least being seen as a guy would be made more tolerable by my body feeling right. It doesn't matter though, because turns out passing was very easy for me. I have huge survivor's guilt about this, but i guess i'll take the hand ive been dealt.
I kept considering "what if i will regret it" for 8 years (counting from when i found out that transitioning was possible). You know, can i interpret the signs any other way? Could it just be trauma? Could i just be a feminine guy? Transitioning was too much to deal with, i didn't want to accept it. And yet i so, so desperately wanted it. Until i couldn't go on any longer. I decided that if i regretted it, well, there was no other way to know. The alternative is to live the rest of my life with the existential dread that is dysphoria and not knowing if transitioning would fix it. Like this i'd at least get answers. And i would never blame myself for not knowing better at the time. Same thing when i was getting surgery - i held myself responsible to find the best possible option that i could, and if it went wrong, that'd be out of my hands, so i couldn't blame myself for it. But at least that thing ive hated for as long as i remembered would be gone. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep every night anymore. The dysphoria was really bad. I would have done anything.
Everything went well for me though. I tried to be responsible, to avoid being impulsive, and i had the luck of getting exactly the results i wanted. Not having female fertility doesn't really bother me, as long as i don't have male fertility anymore. I started E early enough that my skeletal structure had some time to feminize, and the effects from testosterone puberty were relatively minor. Still don't really like some things about my face, but cis women have that experience too, and there's no way im taking the risk and shelling out for a surgery for that. It's not worth it for the comparatively small payoff.
I don't know what conclusion to make here. I'm sorry about your experience. Both with the medical system, and with that part of the online trans community. And probably for any criticism you will get for this video from trans people and allies who think you are being too critical.
Minor addendum: trans people don't _have_ to reinforce stereotypical gender norms. A trans guy _could_ continue being girly and a trans girl _could_ continue being boyish. What matters for gender is the social context in which it is interpreted. Like, it means something very different for a woman to have short hair than it does for a man. A trans guy cutting his hair short wants to be seen as a guy with short hair, while a woman cutting her hair short wants to be seen as a woman with short hair, even though they may be physically the same. A trans girl wearing a dress wants to be seen and interpreted by society as a woman wearing a dress, while a cis man crossdressing wants to be seen and interpreted as a man putting up an act. It's not about which set of gender norms you want to conform to, but to which set of gender norms you want to be held as a standard, while still having the ability to break them.
Though it's hard. As a trans person, if you follow gender norms too much, you're criticised for reinforcing them. If you intentionally break them, you're criticised for not being trans enough or not wanting to commit. If i were to cut my hair short, people wouldn't see me as a woman with short hair, they'd say "wait, you're not trans anymore?" or "phew, finally you have regained common sense." The ways in which i can express being a woman are limited to the stereotypical options, because people are very quick to take away my womanhood otherwise, something they wouldn't do for cis women. Unless i went stealth i guess.
A lot of kids are GNC. A lot of them will end up cis. Some of them will end up trans though. And some kids won't be GNC and still end up trans. The "desistence" studies compare total GNC kids to those who later end up trans, without taking into account that the majority of those GNC kids never wanted to transition in the first place.
Lots of trans people don't know the difference between gender, gender identity, gender expression, gender norms, and probably other similar terms im forgetting. And the difference is really nuanced and thus antimemetic, so it's hard to spread awareness of.
Thinking about it, this is probably why i didn't really do any stereotypically girly things in childhood. It wouldn't make people see me as a girl, it would make people see me as a weird guy. Why should i wear a dress if i'd look like a man in a dress? Why should i shave my legs if my skin is too thick and coarse anyway? Nothing i did would let me escape that "boy" box people kept putting me in. Until transition, that is. And i didn't hate having my hair cut short because that was a guy thing, but because it was a reminder that my parents _SAW_ me as a guy.
@Painted_Panther probably? idk, i live in a country of tall people so it would certainly be a rare occurence, and i definitely don't personally _know_ anyone who is 5 feet tall
Thoughtful comment. Im cis guy and never considered trans or such on myself, so it was interesting reading this
@@fghsgh exactlyy
I think this just shows to show how everyone has their own unique experience with gender, and forcing people to abide by binary gender roles does more harm than good, whether cis or trans.
I think though that also, the reason why the trans community pushes for this binary-to-binary medical transitioning is because it's the trans story that the cisheteros tolerate the most, the one they can understand the most easily, the one that the medical/insurance industry will most easily support. It makes it seem like all trans people are exactly the same, when that's not the case at all.
While our current first priority is fighting for basic human rights for trans people, as there are many places in the US and elsewhere where it is not safe to exist, once that is taken care of we should focus on abolishing gender roles and the idea of a gender binary, so everyone is able to just exist as they are without having to fit the cookie cutters.
As someone who is recently open about being trans, and only recently discovered it themselves, you are valid. You're not being transphobic and lying like ive seen some people do, and while its not MOST, i have seen SOME do it. You are not one of them. Youre valid and cool and I wish you the best in life!
This video only helped me feel even more certain I'm trans because I feel like a lot of your reasoning for why you thought you were a guy was heavily misunderstanding other trans people's experiences. I've never heard any of the more popular trans guys say "if you're only into women or if you're afraid of pregnancy or if your body makes you feel vulnerable or if you have XYZ style/hobbies/fashion tastes, that means you're a dude!".
For me, I'm actually a quite feminine guy. I've always liked having my hair long, I've always liked wearing dresses/skirts/pretty jewelry/etc, painting my nails, even wearing just a smidge of makeup on a rare blue moon. I've always had "feminine" interests, such as the shows/movies I watch and the hobbies I have. Sure, there's things that are masculine about me, but if I were to measure the two, my femininity would tip the scale, I'd argue. Also, I'm very much bisexual and have never doubted this, legit. I've always been pretty sure I'm into more than just women. And yet I'm a guy. Why? Well, my understanding of it is a bit abstract and hard to explain, but it has everything to do with my biology, and a little bit to do with socialization (mostly linguistic aspects of it). I hate my body. And it's not because I find it ugly, I'd argue I could actually be a really hot girl, because that's what I tried to be since I started puberty and till I was about 19-20. In so many of my past relationships, I was told I had a "beautiful body" and that I looked "like a goddess". And I loved the sexual attention, but I hated looking at myself in the mirror regardless, and I hated being touched, and I hated being told those things. Because it's not about aesthetics, it's about comfort and, well? My body's not what I expected it to be. I would expect it to be mostly lacking of any curves and just far more square-ish. Also way hairier. It's not that my body makes me feel "vulnerable", it's that it gives me such a sense of dissociation from my own reality that I want to die whenever I'm reminded of it. It's that it is so feminine that I stress out about it every morning when I get dressed, and in public I'm constantly wondering "do i look masc enough? Does my chest look huge? Do my hips look huge? Does my face look too round? Do my lips look too red? Did my voice just sound too high?". I've had meltdowns in the car on my way to events because I just know no one would ever look at me and think "Oh yeah that's a dude".
My point is, we need to look at these things with nuance. We can't just go "oh yeah xyz stereotype fits me, i must be xyz then!" without any actual critical thinking.
Edit: Ah, just saw you're against HRT generally and you're liking comments saying shit like "At least you changed back, that's what I respect!". Of course, you're one of those. Detransitioning is valid, but you don't get to mischaracterize the trans community and blame us for a choice YOU made based on your poor misunderstanding of these issues. And the fact that you went "Don't rush into these decisions" after explaining how a fucking shroom trip immediately made you magically realize you're not trans... It's just a bit ridiculous to me. But whatever.
Just finished the video... You detransitioned because of a shroom trip? I mean if you're happy with yourself nowadays good on you but damn I thought this would be far more insightful lol I'm sorry but I struggle sympathizing with this whole story
This video actually had the opposite effect on me. I watched it awhile ago, I had always been troubled by misogynists and had basically convinced myself that no matter how successful or happy I am, I will still be viewed upon poorly as a woman. I fell miserable, no big surprise there, and struggled with my own internalised views. This video helped me sort of accept who I am and i’ve been trying to improve myself since I came to that realisation, I also came into terms of my sexuality and I finally don’t feel like i’m confused or that I have to be hiding forever. I remember being a ‘tomboy’ when I was younger, and hating pink or anything girly (if i remember correctly, the op said something about their mother pushing them to be more feminine? That exactly.) so naturally i didn’t really like that sort of stuff. I didn’t (and still don’t) shave my arms or legs, personal preference that stemmed from looking more like a boy. Until very recently, I always hating representing myself on the internet with she/her pronouns or a persona with a feminine figure. I’m happy this video could sort of reinforce both of our identities, even if we have entirely seperate experiences.
@@laketoriverFor all it's worth, even though I don't like the overall framing that took place in this video, I _am_ really glad it helped you come to terms with yourself. Internalized misogyny, though commonly a weaponized argument against trans men by transphobes, is still a real issue and it is no joke. So I'm glad you've managed to look past that and embrace yourself as, well, yourself. I hope you're going alright nowadays.
Idk how I feel about this video 😭💀 bc I identified as trans for a few years, but now I'm questioning again bc I feel like im gonna detransition back as a girl but I don't want to. And Im not on any hormones. Lately, I liked wearing more feminine things and sometimes also okay with being called a girl. It's all so confusing that I don't want to detransition back to only a cis girl, but then I feel kinda like a boy. It's so weird, and I know there's nothing wrong with detransitioning, but I'm scared of ever doing that
@@jellynut5903 Okay so there's a lot to be said about this lol
I'm guessing you're pretty young, so you still have a lot of time to figure it out. There's no pressure to know absolutely everything and leave it as is, ya know? You're allowed to explore and introspect for as long as you need/want to.
Regarding feminine clothing, I mean, it depends on each person's perspective, but imo clothes have zero to do with one's internal sense of gender. I'm a trans dude and I love feminine shit, lol. After I get top surgery and my body adjusts to HRT, I'll go back to wearing a lot more dresses/skirts/etc. But even nowadays as a pre-everything guy, I often wear pretty jewelry, like rings, earrings, necklaces. I have long hair and I plan on never, ever cutting it, because I love wearing it long. I also paint my nails and sometimes I wear slight bits of "makeup", I mean I'm typing this with chipped black nails, lol. But none of this makes me less of a guy. Though I do have to admit, I could never be comfortable being called a girl, I can hardly do it as a joke still. I know I'm 100% a dude.
You should consider the fact that you may be non-binary in some way if you're comfortable both understanding yourself as a girl and as a boy depending on the day or the circumstances. Or you may just be a feminine trans guy. Or you may be a standard cis girl. None of these options are good or bad, it just depends on how you feel. Again, there's no rush, especially if you haven't made any decisions to medically transition (and just fyi, you don't _have_ to medically do anything in order to be transgender. It depends on your individual needs). You have all the time in the world to figure it out, don't close any doors on yourself unless you're fully sure. :)
As a trans man who’s been avoiding watching detransitioners for a fear of being outed as a “faker” and feel like I was just doing it for a trend, this video was kind of comforting. I agree that no one should tell you who you are, trans or not, and it’s difficult to know you as yourself fully at a young age. I’m fairly young and open to change, and I’m happy being a him now, and whatever changes changes. Now a days I feel as if the trans community is a lot less “bad” when it comes to genderqueer people and people expressing themselves differently from just trans guy or trans girl, so it makes me a little more comfortable in my own skin. Hope your doing ok and I’m glad you discovered yourself :)
Not genderqueer, just gender non-conforming. People need to realize women or men don’t have to be a certain way and there is no a particular way to be one. If you are born female, really want to be a man and you’re transition to one then you’re one but you’re not genderqueer because sometimes you feel like a man, sometimes like a woman that is just a Universal human experience connected to stereotypes rather than actual desire to change gender
Random but as someone who wants to be a man too.. how was it? Did you transition yet? Is it scary? If you didn't I'm sorry for asking, I just don't know anybody to ask :'>
@@Emz_yelevele hey! Sorry took a while for me to respond but it really depends. I’ve transitioned only socially to a few of my peers and like two of my family members, and it’s pretty good- though I have the privilege of living in a very safe place for me to do that and I have very accepting friends. See what works for you first, I can tell it’s personally made me happier!
If you end up not being trans after all then you end up not being trans after all. If you are trans for real then you're trans for real. World ain't Grey. And you're going to upset people no matter what you do. So do what makes you feel comfortable
I feel the same ! I also think it's because I have the reverse experience as OP (being not straight as a dude and gnc as a girl being hyper girly and loving to dress up dolls and fairies, while they were straight as a boy and a tomboy growing up) they were pushed into it as a "logical" follow up while I had to fight because "just wanting to look like a man" isnt a valid reason to transition to a lot people. I've had countless family members say that my transition "made no sens" because i was in a gay couple and they only saw transness a a "fix" to homosexuality. I'm sure the day people stop pushing heteronormativity and stereotypes (that also mean on trans people) there wont be detransitioners anymore because no one would feel they HAVE to as opposed as WANTING to.
Thank you for sharing your story ♡ I'm detrans too and could never have this type of courage to speak out, so it's really comforting to know there are others like me out there
Thank you the support really makes me feel like I made the right decision in posting this since I was initially afraid of the backlash like what happened to KC Miller but I realized that it means I should speak out more than ever rather than be silenced ❤
You deserve to be in a body you love, it is ok to detransition if it is not what you wanted, the scary thing about detransition stories is that they can be used as weapons to invalidate or eliminate people who do trielt feel happier being a different gender, but just know that we still support you no matter what you decide you want to be ❤
i am also detransitioned and trans positive 🌸
@@chocolatetheeeveethis!!!! everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin, no matter what
Thank you for sharing your story.
Being FTM, but not knowing what trans people even were before i was 17, it's fascinating to see how other people learn to understand who they are.
You ending up seeming to be almost indifferent with how others see you so long as you personally are comfortable in your own skin is commendable.
thank you for talking about this topic. I myself detransitioned last year (FTM) after believing for 11 years that I was born in the wrong body. Realizing that gender roles didn't matter at all was the big step for me.
I really like to listen to detransition stories as a trans person because we are all just weird people trying to figure ourselves out. And making mistakes is how you learn. I hope you are doing well!
My biggest fear is being wrong about being trans. I hate being perceived as female to any extent and pretty much everything about me and my childhood was stereotypically male. I don’t want every professional to just validate me because I’m dysphoric, I just want to know the truth if I’m a guy or not. And I’ve always felt some serious disconnect from the trans community and I’ve never wanted to be a trans guy, and I feel no belonging to the term. I just want to be a regular guy, it’s so much more natural. I forget I’m biologically female a lot of the time too. And a big problem with transitioning for me is I’m not ready to be a man yet. I’m 17, but I feel only like a boy, not a man. I’m still a child, and I don’t feel ready to grow up. So that makes my perception of gender much harder.
Another thing that’s tough is that I’ve grown up male. Socially, I thrived in male environments, I was raised like any son would be, I didn’t understand girlhood and had a hard time making girl friends. Girls were like a totally different type of person to me, even tomboys were confusing and still feminine. They still communicated and talked like girls.
I look like a boy, I sound like a boy, and yet there’s still this fear that even with my being fortunate enough to have these masculine traits, that I’m just not trans enough, and that I’m just a masculine girl who doesn’t know what being a boy even means.
I feel the same way, I dont want to be trans, I want to be a guy.
same, im 20 but I think that answer can only be answered yourself tbh. I pondered this question for ages and still do it makes me depressed, sad all the nine yards because I just don’t know. Id say just experiment and express yourself in what makes you happy to try to figure it out, and I know that’s easier said than done but it’s what I’m doing it slowly start to feel better about yourself
the majority of trans people want to just be [gender], not "trans [gender]". Like that is very much the norm
The truth is there's no universal truth on gender. The doctor can't tell you if you're a guy or not cause 1) it's not a medical question 2) it's a hard question to answer and a very personal one.
A hard part of figuring out gender is accepting that it's subjective and that no one can give you a solid answer but yourself, and that means living through a lot of impostor syndrome and hesitation and awkwardness and being unsure in hopes one day you learn better who you are and what labels and presentation feel more comfortable.
And truth be told, it's not a question you must absolutely answer now or ever. If you feel the need to then do so, but you don't have to label yourself if it doesn't feel right either.
I wanted to add my own experience, i hate hate hate being seen as a woman. I don't really care about being a guy just about not being a woman, because of how some people see them. the way i act in no way reinforces the idea of my being a woman which is something i'm really proud of, and i'm living happily as me right now with the knowledge that it's society that is fucked up. i came out wanting to abolish assigned gender expectations and an ideal future would be one where sex doesn't matter at all.
In complete honesty, I was pretty nervous going into this video, since most detransition stories I've seen have been used as weapons against trans people. But, after finishing, I honestly agree with you that considering transition should be a decision someone really takes the time to think about. The issue of some doctors just writing a letter of recommendation to appease a patient is also an issue that needs to be addressed on a wider scale. I also do see how online trans spaces can push the idea that transitioning is a cure all, maybe more IRL spaces could help with this? IDK, but I definitely see where you're coming from, and I'm thankful you decided to share your experiences. I'm glad this video wasn't what I expected it to be, it was kinda the complete opposite.
I think part of the problem is that both groups sort of do the same thing. Trans positive places push the need for transitioning out into the world, sure, but a lot of people who detransition and then post about it do it at the behest of their church or group as a way to reinforce the idea that trans people in general are just totally wrong. And given what trans people have to face, it's hard to blame for them maybe being a bit pushy
@@rosesweetcharlotte Absolutely!
same, there were moments i was a bit scared at the beginning, the trans people shown on the computer screen being pretty weird looking and the kinda demonic Jamie... but it ended up fairly unpolitical, thank goddd
me too.
The issue is, what would you even think about? No matter how much time you take to think about it, do you really think you're going to reach a definite conclusion? When it comes to transition it's the kind of thing you can only really understand through actual experience.
Man, this video had helped me a lot. I am a transgender minor and I do plan on getting surgery/starting testosterone when I’m past the age of 26 (So my brain can be fully mature if I do decide I am still transgender) and the end of this video, where you talked about your thoughts on the subject gave me a lot to personally think about and question within myself. While I am not de-transitioning nor did I ever start transitioning yet this video did give me a lot to think about. So, I do thank you for posting a non-biased video based on your own experience.
Thank you, I really wanted to share my story to help both detransitioners and transitioners and to also raise awareness. My channel isn't very big but I'd rather be in full control of the narrative rather than being used by conservatives
Yo I love your A7X pfp
@@InTheVoid180 thanks
Hey, just so you know, the ‘brain maturing at 25’ thing is a scientific myth. It’s on Wikipedia’s list of misconceptions. The guy who did the original study didn’t test anyone higher than 25, so the age got ‘capped’ there. In reality, your brain never stops developing.
Not saying this to make you transition faster (I’m a cis girl), it’s just that this myth is very annoying because politicians repeat it all the time. I believe you can do whatever you want to your body at any age, so long as you’re ready to face the consequences. That includes transitioning. So I’d say instead of ‘when im 25’ I’d go with ‘whenever I’m ready to face the consequences (physical, societal, family etc).
Keep in mind that the whole "your brain develops fully at 26" thing isn't really true, you can just wait until you feel like you've matured enough to be confident in your decision :) Spend some years on psychotherapy if you can and if you have any mental problems like depression or anxiety try to work on them first before transitioning. In my case, starting HRT helped my anxiety more than anything, but working on it before HRT definitely helped me become fully confident in my decision
I socially detransitioned; never medically/physically luckily. I felt pressure by similar ideas of “dysphoria is forever” and believed I was sort of doomed to be trans. I’m glad you found yourself and wishing you the best with your physical/mental health moving forward
6:33 you had ego death and realized why you didn't need to be trans. I had ego death and realized how badly I needed to be trans. We are both valid 💝
That's logically impossible, since ego death by definition is the disappearance of the sense of self.
As a trans man who experienced similar feelings, thank you for making this video. It was enlightening not only to hear your story, but also because it helped confirm my own identity.
My mom tried to push femininity on me too, and I was also jealous of boys. But when I came out, I never looked back. Even when I had to accept that I'm not a masculine man, or wouldn't grow taller, or look better.
But I personally find it unfair to say that HRT isn't entirely a 2nd puberty, or that you'll never "look cis", or "live in constant fear of outing". Because I can attest to that. I thought the same, but HRT surprised me a lot. And now that I comfortably pass, I definitely am not paranoid of outings anymore.
Moral of the story: Don't transition with unreasonable expectations. You're still transitioning as YOU, after all. But you absolutely STILL CAN achieve your goals and thensome! I did, and many others have.
This is one of the few detransition videos I've come across that didn't feel like it came from a place of transphobia.
Ikr, I’m gonna recommend this video to people from now on
But it should, we can't support those morons
hi ephrom!!
Idk it's giving me some red flags here and there lol, like the depiction of that call with the doctor. Makes it sound like getting trans healthcare is just a matter of being asked whether you're X stereotype or Y stereotype and then injecting you with the evil juice without a second thought.
Detransitioners get alot of hate from the more wacko 🏳️⚧️ people and a natural human response to hate being spewed at you is to spew it right back, it doesn't really help anything but it makes you feel a bit better for a few minutes
As a trans person i deeply appreciate this video. I think your experience with trans healthcare could say something about how hands-off it really can be. I think that a lot of the time trans identity is isolating and leads people to detransition because either out of fear of being transphobic or being uncomfortable with the topic people, even doctors generally just leave you up to your own devices. I think the past tumblr-ish mindset is also, in a way, very non-progressive because it equates feelings and stereotypes to gender, which is just as simplistic as it can be. I noticed that a lot of your issues i heavily related to growing up as well. It makes me think about how wonderful the world is to have so many different types of people, and how sad it is we can be pressured to fit into a specific label of who we are. Im glad that you were able to come through that experience with a stronger sense of self. Hope you have a wonderful day. ❤
I think it’s important to note that for some people it is “live son or dead daughter”. Every person’s transition is going to look different and there are those who have extremely positive results from HRT and surgery. I’ve known people who were constantly on the brink of death bc of dysphoria and weren’t getting closer to help using other methods. Since transitioning, many have had a complete 180 in their life and don’t consider themselves depressed or suicidal anymore and thank transitioning for the changes. Therapy is absolutely still needed (at least for a while) to determine other traumas that could contribute to dysphoria and also support other conditions because transitioning will never 100% fix every problem in your life. Overall, everyone’s path is unique so not every trans person needs to medically transition but some absolutely do.
Thank you for sharing your story! Detransitioners deserve to be heard just like every trans person and neithers experiences should invalidate the other.
Im a trans woman and I actually have no problem with detransitioners at all, but one thing I do find incredibly annoying in this particular video is the feelings about trans people and how we are only this way because of stereotypes we embody. I am feminine but that's not why I am trans, I am trans because I have always felt like a woman, I am not all that girly, I play video games which is seen as "masculine" but I still am a woman. Personally I feel that you had been misdiagnosed and that those doctors did you an injustice along with anyone who was trying to push you to become a transgender man. No person should feel forced by people to be certain way. Id also like to say it is very rare for gender dysphoria to just go away especially after puberty. My doctors who treated me did not ask me if I played with dolls or not, the questions were centralized to how I felt and who I was like how I felt about my body gender wise (meaning this excluded body dysmorphia that someone may have but I don't) and how I felt about my gender it was never about how girly I was. It was about who I was and how I felt that led to me being diagnosed as gender dysphoric. Your doctor if I'm being frank should have their license stripped from them as it sounds like they did not meet the necessary guidelines for treating patients who may or may not be transgender. In fact most doctors tried to prevent me from medically transitioning for a while and I had to advocate for myself many times to receive care. I do live in New York and had a supportive family which definitely helped my situation. I also want to mention two things 1. your experience is 100% valid and should be taken into account before transitioning, and 2. my experience is also 100% valid, and detransitioning is extremely rare and happens if I'm correct in 3% of transgender cases. This does not mean someone reading this comment should disregard your video, but watching this although informative on a perspective I have not heard from was also demeaning to a lot of trans people such as myself as your video makes us look like a entire group of people pushing an "agenda" upon others which is simply not true or that we are just lesbians or gay men who think we are the opposite gender for purposes like that of being embarrassed. I do not want you to take my comment as hate or anything I actually enjoyed the video a lot and you seem like a cool and chill person, I really hope you don't take this comment wrong as I am not trying to hurt your feelings or belittle your experience I am just expressing mine and how I have felt. Also last little snip it because I know there are going to be comments who think I am just in a phase or something, I have been transgender for almost 10 years I have no regrets I know who I am and I love myself for who I am, which is much more than just my gender as a woman, I'm also a creative and love to paint, game, and spend time with friends and family. In my opinion gender is a small part of who someone is, even though I do pass but that doesn't matter to me as since I transitioned it has felt like the largest weight was lifted off my shoulders and I feel the best I ever have. I do NOT want to push anyone into transitioning, as I am NOT a medical perfessional and I am expressing how I feel and lots of things you said in your video I actually agree with like the "born in the wrong body" thing as it makes trans peoples bodies seem like something to be repulsed by which is simply not the case especially because I have always felt like a woman even before transitioning (this is not ever trans persons experience).
Anyways sorry for the long comment, I loved the video!
My pronouns are She/Her and I am a women for anyone who replies to the comment
That's just what the person in the video took from other videos about peoples trans experiences though. There's something called a confirmation bias that when this person was looking for confirmation that they were trans, they already thought they may have been trans and confirmed it through seeing what they related to with male transitioners and female transitioners. I'm sure she didn't mean to spread misinformation about how actual trans people feel, she was just saying it's what she picked up and shows how HER experience was more superficial and based on stereotypes. And it also shows some of the harm in diagnosing from the internet at a young age. It was at least clear to me that she was the one misinformed through others' stories instead of her trying to misinform others
1 thing as idve thought you'dve heard as a fellow trans girl, detrans rates are less than 1% not 3% an many of those are determined to be situational rather than actually being trans, which obvi is a big part in why detransitioner stories are so rare to see (also sorry I can't cite the resource most people refer to when they say tha, I saw it bu it's been awhile an I've forgotten it an where exactly to find it T^T )
One problem for a lot of queer identity groups have is that because older members of the community don't want to looking like you're grooming people a lot of young queers don't have a lot of opportunity for interactions with people who have a good understanding of sexual identity. People who are adults and have a good understanding of queer identities wouldn't tell a gender non-conforming 14 year old that transitioning will solve all their problems, but another 14 year old might. There isn't really a good solution for this because there are enough parents who would be violently opposed to letting a trans adult have a serious conversation with their kids that doing so wouldn't really be safe for anyone.
Only solution is these queer adults to have these conversations online,not the best place for discussion but its far better than a room full of 14 year olds stewing the same rhetoric and nothing progressing
@@GL887 Yeah I wish we had more elders. Ngl I would love to hear how people like Marsha or Silvia would think on transitioning, discussions etc. Because they lived lives foreign to the modern day people, not in a demeaning way just that the 60's were a fuvked era.
@@tranidite @tranidite Whos Marsha and Silvia btw?TBh I am more interested in queer folk,specifically trans,who grown up in areas where they gaine little to no support nor community,an as to search for one.Like Non Toom iirc,who lived in a semi-rural area in Thailand.
This is a very insightful take. I definitely think that this kind of black-and-white thinking decreases dramatically once you know other, older trans people IRL. I’m a cis girl and I questioned my gender once, but once I met a trans guy a few years older than me who’d just gone through top surgery, a few conversations was enough to make me go “Okay, wow, I’m nothing like this.” It made me more cis, ironically.
This was a really well done video, thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I’m not personally trans; though I do consider myself to be a trans activist. I have a lot of trans friends, and I’m an artist, so I really enjoy portraying diversity in my work. I like to try and be very critical about my views and look at things from both sides, so I’ve seen detransitioner stories before….but honestly I feel like a lot of them just really miss the core reason for their suffering. I’ve seen so many of them just act like transness is a mental disorder or isn’t real just because they had a different experience…or that children shouldn’t be exposed to the existence of trans people at all. As someone who’s disabled and has experienced a lot of medical trauma for non-gender related reasons it frankly makes me really frustrated. People will take their anger out on trans people and loving parents who are just trying to help their kids, when the reality is that it’s a nuanced issue with the medical system and our society’s views on gender as a whole. It’s really unfortunate. :(
This goes for people on the other side too…So many people try to be so “progressive” that they just end up shoving people back into stereotyped labeled boxes, even though thats exactly what queerness tries to escape in it’s conception!!! We need to build each other up instead of tearing other people down!!!
Overall amazing video, I love the art style and it’s SO refreshing to see someone make an unbiased discussion about detransitioning. :) Humans are so quick to go against each other and blame whoever they think is the “bad guy” on the other side….And though people obviously perpetuate a lot of harmful views, in reality, it’s never as black and white as we make it out to be. I mean, if we didn’t have such strict ideas of gender in the first place, people would just be able to live and present themselves in their own body however they wanted and people would respect them. It’s incredibly obvious when you look into cultural ideas on sex and gender outside of the typical western ones, but colonialism wiped a lot of those ideas out and it’s hard to find stuff like that anymore.
People need to treat each other with more empathy and take each other seriously, ESPECIALLY children, who are treated like their parent’s possessions rather than real people. We need to stop viewing our bodies as disgusting in general, trans or not…And most of all we need to fix our medical system which is fundamentally exploitative for EVERYONE, not just trans people. It’s a wide range of different issues that all pile into one big mess
It’s possible to respect trans identities without pushing trans people to look or be a certain way or to be disgusted with themselves….That just causes more harm than anything else. I don’t know why people are so set on pushing other people into boxes, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. Thank you again for sharing your experience, I’m sure it took a lot of courage with how toxic some people can be about this stuff. I have so much respect for that, we really need more stories like these out in the world. Our world is messy right now and genuinely trying to understand each other is really the best thing we can do. :]
As someone who grew up in the 80s/90s... I didn't see so much issues with gender conformity. But, as a female, I think there was (and is) more variety "allowed" and acceptance for being female sex stereotype non-conforming and liking things more stereotypically male. That was my experience in my family at least. I didn't like my body and I liked many stereotypical "masculine" things, not bc they were "masculine"... but bc of just preferences. No one ever said "Legos are boy toys!" Or "you have to wear a dress" gender was nothing, never even spoken about. I wasn't shamed for not being "girly" enough and I never once thought I might be a boy, and no one ever suggested it. If someone had offered that explanation as to why I felt uncomfortable/didn't fit in/felt different than other girls... who knows. Would I have fixated on the idea as an explanation and solution to my "wrongness"? Probably. Instead, I gradually grew up and grew into self-acceptance. Still self conscious sometimes, not bc I'm a boy or man though. And I'm a mother, same as mine - I don't push conformity to norms. I believe each of us has our own individual tastes/preferences & talents which we gradually discover throughout life.
It seems to me that both "sides" are extreme & now are pushing gender (sex stereotype) extremes.
Right wing: "boys can't have long hair!" "You look like a girl!" etc
Gender activists: "if you like long hair, you must be a girl" etc
Neither leaves room for masculine girls or feminine boys or girls & boys that are happily ambivalent about gender stereotypes (me as a kid, I couldn't have cared less) And BOTH of those actually cause dysphoria.
If you're a girl growing up in a family that doesn't push conformity... and you're happily wearing/doing/liking what you want... and then you find out everything you relate to is more "boy" gender vs "girl" gender stuff bc trans activist propoganda is *everywhere* it can make you feel like there's actually something wrong with you - when those feelings weren't there before. Being uncomfortable with your developing body, being self-conscious, can quickly turn into hating one's body when the idea (from external sources) has been internalized that you're not being a girl "correctly"
And vice-versa if you're a girl growing up in a family that does push conformity... you get the idea from the start that there's something "wrong" with you, that you're not being a girl "correctly"... and then along comes gender identity theory & hype to help you understand it's actually because you in fact are a boy.
Gender incongruity is not new. Gender dysphoria is not new either. What's new is young girls en mass experiencing it and believing they are trans.
"Progressive" used to be girls breaking gender norms, boys too. Now progressive seems to be girls conforming to gender norms "i like/am good at/prefer boy stuff ergo I shall conform my "presentation" and "expression" and even my body to resemble a boy. Change to a boys name, boys pronouns, boy "attitude", boy mannerisms" etc. There's nothing progressive about being a masculine girl claiming to "be" a boy. That actually is regressive, to believe that stereotypes define you.
Anthropologist here giving you some deets on the other cultures bit! Generally, cultures with a "third gender" (fafine in the PH, two-spirit for the Lakota, NOT general Native Americans, hijra, etc) are a way to conceptualize gay men. They exclude women - it's men acting in a 'feminine' way, women are excluded due to the emphasis on childbearing, and even moreso in cultures with more patriarchial gender roles. Generally, cultures with those extra genders have them because of the restrictive roles. In a case where everyone does everything - gathering, hunting (estimates today put 40% of hunting as done by women prehistorically), crafting, there isn't as much gender nonconformity, because there simply aren't the strict roles to conform to. It's important to note that this is unlikely the case 100% of the time and that there are gaps in the anthropological record, but there are clear trends visible.
As for the spicy opinions section of this comment, I think the rise of gender identity is partially because gender identities are being treated like personality types, but also because concepts of what a woman or man does is calcifying. It's just going to result in more dysphoria and suffering. As a lesbian who's had bad dysphoria herself, I'm against the concept of gender. We can't be rid of sex, it's literally in our DNA. But the idea that personalities have genders? Or that clothes have genders? It's fucking toxic, and usually restrictive primarily for women.
@@batmansmith7422 I am not an anthropologist or anything, but I am very interested in history/specifically queer history and I want to be a historian one day, and I’d like to argue that i think these perceptions of the “third gender” roles are very restricting. A lot of the history for these cultures HAS been erased over time and a lot of what we know has just been white people’s perception of the history we do have. For example, “two spirit” is essentially a generalized umbrella term made to explain the concept to wider audiences, rather than a full representation of what the culture’s views on gender and sexuality actually are.
A lot of native people also use terms like these specifically to separate themselves from western terms like “gay” or “transgender”, so I think it’s important to recognize that though these concepts may overlap with the western ideals in some ways, they are not the same thing. It’s why I don’t really think it’s fair to say these terms are “only” for gay men or that AFAB people were completely excluded from these discussions. I feel like that’s an incredibly westernized view of these concepts, and doesn’t properly encapsulate these cultures’ true views on gender or sexuality. They’re not just “gay men but in (insert culture)”. They’re different things and we can’t force them into our own western idea of gender and sexuality, not because it’s some mythical thing we can’t understand but just because it’s not our place to explain it
@@shannonsayshi the stuff about gender activists is so not true for the majority... it might be in jokes, but as a non-bonary person actively engaged in the community, i cannot imagine literally anyone i know or follow saying the stuff you claim progressive people are saying... For an example, look up F1innster. Dude fully dresses, acts etc like a very femme girl (specifically calling it "girl mode", so it's not just me saying "X is for girls") and while people make jokes about him being trans, they respect that he's a guy, and there's only a loud minority that is like "he might as well just be trans" since he's in "girl mode" pretty much 24/7. Harry Styles wears femme fashion - no one says he's secretly a girl lmao. There has been a couple recently who went viral because even though they're a cishet couple, the guy is very feminine, and the girl is very masculine. No one covering the topic except conservatives tries to tell either of these people that they are not the gender that they say they are. In fact, it is always transphobic people trying to tell anyone GNC that they're not a real woman/man.
Please don't be fooled by outdated info and conservative propaganda.
@@pansy_picnics even though I don’t know you, your comments alone makes me feel like you’re a very intelligent, very insightful person. Nuanced, empathic, and wholistic takes like yours are a huge breath of fresh air… thank you for commenting, 1000% co-sign on everything you’ve said.
I have been socially transitioned for many years and every moment of it has made me happier. I know what the next steps for me are, knowing what parts of my body feel horrific since they grew in. Treatment is different for everyone, I do believe nobody has the same experience with gender. I'm really glad you could find the self-expression for you and sorry you had to mask and be afraid. Keep doing what you're doing 💛
pretty interesting, the idea of "you should make decisions that make you happy regardless of how they make other people feel" is great. it's why im trans particularly but is a perfectly understandable reason for why you *aren't.*
The stories like this is why people push so sooo hard for better education about trans youth and transness in general.
Knowing the difference between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria, doing good research on medications and others experiences, and working on self discovery and waiting till adulthood to make drastic changes is so important. I’m a trans boy myself and am so saddened by the stories of people who were undereducated or had serious issues misdiagnosed or labeled as “they must just be trans!”
This story and the many like it are so important, and reminders of how much work we need to do in researching and assisting people who are figuring themselves out.
dude, i feel like im watching a video about myself. i was on t for a shorter time, but your experience with gender roles early on especially from a parent, as well as desisting and trying to be "a right, feminine woman" really speaks to me. i detransitioned because i was working alone in a rural state where i went to college, outside and doing a ton of manual labor, and smoking a crap ton of w/eed. it made me turn inwards and realize how pressured i felt to be trans because being a gnc woman is sooo looked down upon. it was really awakening. thank you for sharing :-)
I’ve recently decided I’m a woman.
I’m going by she/her around me friends and online.
Currently I feel like I want to go on HRT but I’m very scared of the thought of not actually wanting to be a girl when I’m older.
This video made me realise that I don’t need to rush into HRT, i can take my time, I have my whole life to decide.
Thank you.
Congrats!! Maybe wait a few months or even years just to really make sure you want HRT I’m not sure you can undo what that stuff does to your body but idk
@@FairyBarff I’ve got way longer then that till I can even legally take it cuz of my age. Not to mention how shitty Britain is when it comes to actually applying for it, that’ll add another year AT LEAST
So yea, I have time to think
So glad to read this! I hope you figure yourself out.
@@DinoGamer2k9 oh ok!! I hope it goes well!!
Hope everything goes well for you! I am also a trans woman, but I have to hide it for a while because of my insanely Conservative Christian grandparents and their ideas.
A parent forcing gender roles/stereotypes on their kids against their will should be considered child abuse.
Exaclty my thoughts, it's easy to blame trans people but her mother is a terrible person and is the reason why she tought she was trans.
Having a really narrow image of what a woman and a man should be can definitely be harmful. We all come to this world in different ways. Masculinity and feminity appear in both genders in a variety of amounts and that's normal.
I was and still am a tomboy, yet I have never had a problem having female biology (excluding the days I have awful cramps). Being trans is definitely different.
Yeah, that's probably one of the funniest things about the trans community, how narrow and straight they are in their understanding of feminine and masculine, and just think in stereotypes. I don't know why that is, but it's probably because the trans community as a whole is very radical (no, seriously, the level of radicality is somewhere near people who want to bring back the Third Reich sometimes, in terms of dealing with other people's opinions).
Thank you girl for telling us this. Honestly, its really important right now to hear this kind of stories. I wish you a great and peaceful life. Please be happy.
hey FtM minor here. To be honest, I really took this in and thought about it, I do agree with a lot of these points, and weirdly fear about it because I've been onset about transitioning. Right now I've been more stealthy since yk how high school is like. But this really made me start thinking if this is something for me or the same thing. I still want to be called my name, not deadname, I still want people to refer to me as a guy, I still want people to remember me as a guy. Though yk, as one of the fears of all trans people is: what if I'm actually not trans?
i think the best way around it is to come out, maybe not to everyone, but to your friend group or some safe space you have access to, try presenting as male for a while and see how things work out, maybe you'll discover just being recognized by your peers as such is enough and you don't need any medical intervention, maybe you'll want to go trough with a full transition, or maybe you'll just discover you're fine with a girl identity after all.
And as the video said, you have to ask yourself if you'll be happy not being cis.
Personally it worked for me and i wish I had started sooner (MtF btw) but a friend of mine decided he is alright being a femboy and it works wonders for him.
Another FtM minor here, I understand what you mean about that fear. It’s really scary thinking that you could have that regret later, even if it’s rare. Binders, affirming makeup and social transition does wonders, for me this fear and doubt can be quieted by reminding yourself you don’t need to rush things and that things can always be changed eventually.
@@elisehalflight ofc! I get it completely, I've been out of the closet for almost 2 years openly now and knew it ever since I was a kid (back when I was younger I didn't really know the term so I called myself a boy girl)
this is why i think we should treat and diagnose based on euphoria rather than dysphoria. dysphoria and body dysmorphia are very similar, and easy to excuse for one another. and it's euphoria that makes you feel like you're in your element and true self. gender/body euphoria is so much more important to achieve i find, you gain that and the dysphoria and dysmorphia diminishes by themselves. as someone who thought they had body dysmorphia but turned out to actually have dysphoria, what made me realize and what has made it lessen is euporia. feeling good as a man and being seen and referred to as a man feels good to me, feels right.
I'm sorry you got pushed this way and that, and felt tricked or forced into transitioning as well as the brief closeting by your family. i hope you've found or will find your true self. be you, be free, no matter what that means.
THIS!! what feels good and right is what's most important and the best way to figure things out imo
i wish society didn’t constantly push gender roles on people
same. it makes life so much harder and more miserable than it has to be
"Other's perceptions don't matter, I know what I am"
As another masculine girl who was pushed into thinking she was trans bc of steriotypes, gender roles and insecurities, I gotta start living for that.
"Girlhood is a spectrum" Is another one that I really like :))
from the title alone, i was afraid this would be just another transphobic detransitioner, but the more i watched, the more i started wondering. not that i regret transitioning MYSELF, but rather the flaws pointed out of the trans community. you seem really cool, nice video! also, be careful with life changing hormones, people!! (saying all of this as a trans man on T)
Hi!
I'm a tomboy for similar reason.
From early age my parents told me to be girly. That wasn't my cup of tea.
My interests was in alternative spectrum. In people's eyes I had manly patterns of action and that's why I wasn't that good in sociolising. Girl's groups wasn't intresting for and boys didn't accept me. I felt lost.
For some pont I started thinking of becoming a male.
But that opened a question. If I'm a male, does it mean that I'll be dating girls?..
That felt wrong. I'm not interested in anything girly and I don't want girl in my life. I feel disgusted looking on female genitals.
So, I just like everything man so much, that I want to see a man near me too.
But does it mean, that he would be gay?!
That was getting stupid.
All that attempts to find myself just don't give me anything good.
And when I finished school and entered new university life, where were new people that didn't know my past life I finally get the opportunity to live just as myself, as is.
Moving frome family home and new people around helped me to be formed.
For real, we are much more than lables, cliches and stereotypes. You are SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST A BODY.
You can do things, you can create things. You are person.
Now I'm just a tomboy that enjoys speaking in male gender (in my homecountry we have special endings for verbs for male/female/it gender)
And I'm in best friends with femboys. I can understand them and hope I'll find someone to fit in my strange life. ❤
@zvezda4701 Zvezda - sounds like russian word.
Saing "male gender" I was talking about specific endings for verbs. Like -л, - ла in Russian.
I'm not familiar with correct, scientific naming for this thing. Sorry.
@ariusday9 Hi! Yes, some people start asking questions. Others can ask my friends to figure out whats going on. But in our country we don't have trans people for law reasons. So they can call me trans only to make a joke of some sort.
I think it's ok to ask questions, I'm never mad or upset.
Uh oh, I see “those” people using this video as evidence without watching it
bruh what do you mean by "those"
@@yeetus_reetus_deeleetus transphobes
@@KebboStarA girl destroying her body is exactly why these “transphobes” are right.
Can u actually watch the video instead of being a a-hole? Detransistors get to tell their story just like transistors please be respectful bro as a trans guy
"those" people 😆
as a young transmasc person, this video actually helped reinforce the idea that I'm trans even more, I can imagine myself being happy not passing and being happy with strangers knowing I'm trans, the reasons why I think I'm trans aren't just liking stereotypically male stuff and my parents are OK with me being masc or fem so that's never given me a reason to want to be a guy for any reason other then just not being a girl. Of course, I'm not gonna become an adult and immediately look to transition especially if the place I go to is similar to your experience with HRT but right now I do want to transition someday in the future because I think it'll make me much happier and just feel more comfortable in my own body. Another thing I have to say is that I'm sick of transphobic cis people who have never transitioned only using detransitioners to push their transphobic arguments, yes, these experiences do need to be addressed but how about instead of having so much controversy on the internet that it pushes people to either believe detransitioners are living proof that all trans people are living a lie or just hate them with a burning passion we have a system for transitioning where you learn about both people who didn't detransition and people who did to encourage people to think about if they're doing it for the right or wrong reasons. I think it would reduce conflict and lower detransition rates, as well as that, brain scans should also be included for people who doctors are more unsure of it they're doing it for the right or wrong reasons to see the gender of their brain. There should also be education for people to help them learn the difference between insecurity and gender dysphoria because, I promise you, you can learn to get rid of insecurity, you can't do that with gender dysphoria.
Detransitioner here. Uhhh I simply realized the path I was following wasn't making me happy nor I felt connected to trans people. So I simply detransitioned, but a lucky point for me is that this happened before top surgery and hormones, which I had planned to take after turning 18. I don't care about gender identity now, I'm afab and that's it.
My advice, never be afraid of change.
Ur a desister! Detransitioners are people who did medically transition. :)
I'm so glad to see other detransitioners and mainly just people in general accept truth and accept themselves without an identity or label.
I'm in a similar situation as you, but i transitioned much younger and didn't take anything like shoorms or drugs before detransitioning. At the end of the day im glad i got back to myself, i used to hate my growing body, i thought the grass was greener on the other side, so i transitioned, even though i regret taking testosterone im so glad I've come to accept myself and reality, I'm still not the most feminine girl, but im fine with that now, now that ive found this self acceptance i don't see a reason to lie about something as silly as my sex, im so glad ive found reality, im so glad i didn't have any surgery.
I'm glad you've found yourself, also the animation is great! Its neat to see different recordings styles such as animation when it comes to videos
Glad youve found self acceptance too. I noticed a complete lack of animated storytime videos for detransition so I felt the need to make one especially since I'm very awkward on camera
I wanna apologize for being so wary coming into this video, unfortunately most of my experience with detransitioners had been people using them as excuses for being transphobic, so I couldn't help but be a little anxious. I am very glad I decided to watch it though, it's a great commentary on gender roles and exploring who you are, and I'm happy to hear that you found yourself! It did leave me questioning myself a bit but that's not too out of the norm for me.
Downside tho is that ive already gotten that shitty prageru "documentary" in my recommended from this lmaooo
Yeah Id never side with conservatives considering Prageru would never feature detransitioners that are gnc and the fact they don't actually give a shit about our stories
A few years ago I met someone that pushed me to be trans. I'm a guy but I'm not much of a stereotypical one. I dont like getting dirty, I never cared for sports like other guys at school, and most of my friends are girls. This all might be because I was raised in a household with only women for most of my life, but I never felt feminine, It's just how I am. We started dating and they said I had signs of being trans and just didnt know it. I denied it for a while but I slowly started to think so. "If I'm not like them, I must be a girl, right?" Is what I told myself. My mental health was declining rapidly, and when I confronted them they cut contact with me instantly. I've been recovering since and honestly I'm so much better now then I was when I was with them. I had never felt gender dysphoria or really any panic attacks until I met them, and since they left my life I've been mostly back to normal. I won't go much more into it since it's pretty personal and these are youtube comments💀, but it's been a journey. Maybe one I never had to go down, but when it's over you feel that much stronger in your identity. Don't let people change you by how they see you, only ever change for yourself, or for the people you care about. Take care
they sound like a piece of sh*t, i'm so sorry about that man :( nobody deserves to be pressured like this. i'm glad you're in a better place now
I completely support detransitioners, but I hate when people take stories from detransitioners and go "LoOk AlL tRaNs PeOpLe ArE dElUsIoNaL aNd LyInG!!!1!111!1!"
When I was a child I decided I was trans (FTM). I’m not sure I could’ve told you why at the time, but I had such a disdain for the fact that I was female, it seemed to be the only thing that made sense.
I realized later on now almost twenty that the reason I felt this way was because I was terrified of the “consequences” of being female. Over time, you learn that men are treated better, and if you were a woman, you were less than. From being more likely to be disrespected to more likely to be FUCKING SA AND MURDERED! I was terrified about what that meant for me. Looking back now I wasn’t wrong to be.
So If I could be anything other than a woman, that’s what I would do. Throughout my teens, I slowly tried to get more comfortable with this identity I tried to be masculine dressing in stereotypical clothes, cutting my hair short, and trying to insert myself into the male friendships around me. (I had never stopped liking feminine things, but if I was going to be a boy, I wasn't allowed to like those anymore.) of course, after this, I was comedically sent to an all-girl school.
In my mid teens I had started to acknowledge the fact that being a boy or a man didn’t feel right, but if I backed out now what would people think of me? What if I make the community look bad? What if I become the example transphobics use? Conveniently at the time the community provided once more with the term non-binary.
As non-binary, it’s a little harder to sweep under the rug, but it felt like it gave me more room to be myself without giving into something that I was terrified of. I was fairly content with this until I acknowledged other controversies in the community.
it’s definitely not a healthy reason to start, but it definitely gave me time to do some contemplation. why did I have to be like this? why can’t I just feel normal? why is it that no matter what I do there’s so many people in the world who would like to see me dead just because of my existence. These are questions I would come to think about often, especially with the intrusive thoughts that my mental health causes me.
A few years down the line, I would get out of a shitty relationship and meet the supportive man i’m with today. With his help and eventually growing a better relationship with my family for their support as well I have worked on myself a lot.
My relationship to my being female, my body and my identity have grown a lot. At this point, I tell people to call me whatever pronoun they think fits and I’ve come to the point where I think I’m okay being called a woman. I have a lot of fear of acknowledging this publicly and have mostly just completely ignored anything about my gender altogether.
This video has given me a lot more confidence to except who I am and not force myself to be something that doesn’t feel right anymore. That I don’t think was ever right, to begin with. Especially considering this video is coming from someone who not only socially transitioned but started medically transitioning.
What have I learned from these experiences?
1. I look great with short hair!
2. No matter what your sex you can do or wear whatever you want.
3. More people should realize that sex and gender are different concepts
4. It’s very easy to be influenced especially when it starts as a child and you shouldn’t feel bad for realizing you may have been wrong.
5. Children don’t need to be encouraged to explore their sexuality or their gender. If it needs exploring, they’ll do it. We only need to be there to support them if and when that happens. ❤
the gamzee caught me off guard bro
in all seriousness tho its nice to have people just talk about detransitioning and not use it as a way to say trans people are delusional and some other stupid shit. i do agree that its just objectively bad to jump into transitioning and this video actually helped me quite a bit to not get too ahead of myself, since im only 14. good video👍
I love how you spread no hate with this story!
As a tomboy/androgynous woman, i find this video very comforting. I also relate to having a mom that wanted you to dress us feminine and wear make-up when you weren't really about all that shit. It's a pain in the ass and makes me feel uncomfortable being "girly" and dressing pretty around her.
the one thing a lot of people tend to get mixed up is dysphoria and dysmorphia! They're very similar and tend to make people super uncomfortable but some people just prefer opposite presentation (not trans) while others prefer transitioning. (trans) This could also be influenced by weight, height, voice and other feature that might trigger dysmorphia (which again might feel VERY similar)
Tbh dysmorphia is more along the line my body doesn't fit X standard, dysphoria is more like an uneasiness that something is wrong. Now to the extreme people feel this varies from person to person.
I think we lack any nuanced discussion on detransitioning and that's a huge issue in this "discourse." Your story is valid and very alarming.
I had parents that weaponized horror stories like yours to prevent me from exploring my identity. I never felt like my parents were preventing me from making a reckless decision, I felt like I was literally on the floor crying and pleading to be seen and was ignored. They eventually compromised on allowing me to use puberty blockers which saved my life. I started HRT when I was old enough to make the choice.
There was never nuanced discussion, just "you are a man," "you're autistic and unable to make these decisions," and all the buzzwords I'm sure you've heard peers talk about when you were involved in the trans community. My dysphoria was inherently physical, beyond social, I could not handle male puberty and thoughts of growing up into an adult man tortured me.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if my family's in-acceptance and unwillingness to communicate with me played into me "doubling down." I only had "you're trans" and "you're not." I gravitated towards the people who actually heard me.
I feel like if I were to ever attempt to present differently, I'd be berated by relatives for the rest of my life, "I told you sos" and the like, even though I have not a single regret. I don't feel safe to explore my identity in any meaningful way. I've solved the physical issue, but socially I feel locked in the role of being a transgender woman.
the "locked into the role of a transgender woman" is so real. i feel the same way as a trans man. i don't want to be stealth because i want to be seen as a 100% cis guy, i want to be stealth because of how much prejudice there is against trans people. if only things were better :/
Omg as a trans man this resonated so much with me tysm for this-
I feel that a lot of people don’t understand that gender is a spectrum *even* among cisgender people. everyone’s gender is completely different. no two women or men are the same. that is the beauty of the human experience. im glad you found yourself :)
Gender doesn’t exist. It’s an ideology, not based on anything concrete. It’s mainly personality stereotypes.
The human brain is varies immensely from person to person. And the levels of hormones are variable too. I don't like the idea of playing with it though. Like its something you can pick and choose freely. Some people are just exceptions to the rule. It's not a choice. Or something to be taken lightly.
A gender is a genre, a sort, a kind, a category. To say that everyone's gender is different means that you are not actually talking about gender at all. I think you are actually talking about personality. Everyone's personality is unique. Fixed that for you!
@@omp199 gender is a social construct and everyone views the world differently. therefore, everyone’s perception of their own gender is different. It is infinite.
@@bedtimeted The _whole point_ of the word is to categorise. When you ask what gender someone is, you are asking what category they belong to. By saying that every person is unique, you are not categorising people at all. You are not dividing people into categories, and so you are not talking about people's perceptions of categories. You are saying nothing more than that every individual is unique. So you do not need the concept of gender.
If you only mean that every person's combination of masculine and feminine personality traits is unique, or something like that, then fine, but that's just personality.
This is an incredible story. I've personally seen friends and people around me question their sexuality and gender roles, and have seen people around them pressure and crowd them into being trans. I'm so happy you've found solace in yourself, and that you've uploaded this video. Forcing people transition is just as harmful as forcing them to be someone they don't want to be. I wish nothing but the best for you!!
Love to our FtMtF even if it wasn't for you I'm glad you were able to find yourself again.
We need more GNC acceptance and understanding that gender non conformity is only a signifier someone COULD be trans rather than that they are. Butch women, fem men and all forms of androgeny are valid as well as cis, trans, NB, inter etc
100%
I'm trans, and you're absolutely right that the treatment for dysphoria should not be a one size fits all.
This is actually something that the greater community fights for.
Back in the day, the only way to transition was getting a sex change and everything.
The fight for treatment to be tailored to the persons needs are 100% part of the struggle.
You're extremely brave for being able to discuss this topic so openly, most people would probably be too afraid of backlash. Respect.
This means a so much to me that this video exist, i’m 14 and i’ve detransitioned and i see myself through your story and i feel like this should be seen by more people
I detransitioned myself, and the biggest reason why it took so long for me to get there was because back in 2001, NOBODY was accepting. So I felt like I had to fight everyone else who was telling me I was wrong, to the point where I never had a chance until later on to think if I really wanted it for myself. The moral of the story is just to let people explore themselves freely without the pressure of conforming.
this was such an interesting watch for me since I am a trans man. A lot of the things that you felt pushed you into identifying as trans are things that finally got me to accept that I was. all throughout grade school and into my first few years of university I tried to hang onto a butch woman identity and at the very end a very gnc person. Now 5 years onto T and 3 years post top surgery working in a male dominated workplace I am pretty much stealth, despite my best efforts of telling people I am a trans man. without those same pushy tumblr rhetorics and reading trans peoples memoirs outside of the internet, such as Ivan E. Coyote, I probably would have never sought to transition. I don't honestly wish I was born a man to be honest, I love my body as is now that I don't have dysphoria from my breasts and I am very grateful for Canada paying for my top surgery and for not needing to see a therapist for getting on Testosterone and I don't think it's wrong to have modified what I have just to feel more at home in it. Super respect your journey though, all of ours is different. Thank you for sharing!
"If all of this can be done to a woman who "isn't really trans" then the informed consent model is unethical and needs to be abolished or completely reformed"
What? The informed consent model is unethical? Informed consent lets you make informed decisions about your body, its not the doctors fault you chose to take T while knowing the effects.
Informed consent is the best model and it's in no way unethical just because you made a decision you regreted.
It let's actual trans people access live saving medicine without having to wait so many years..
Or maybe engaging in body modification and hormone replacement is in-advisable treatment. Even if it solves all dysphoria issues it doesn’t tend to lead to good results in terms of physical health.
I think there could be an even better model, but I honestly don't know what that would look like. Informed consent is the best we have right now. Some "who isn't really trans" but thinks they are is gonna do everything in their power to transition, even lie to therapists and doctors. So how could you even prevent someone who'll regret it from transitioning, without stopping someone who would never regret it?
@@FoodudeBBLs, breast enlargement, lip injections, nose jobs, wrinkle-smoothing, jaw modification
hell, going outside of cosmetics:
eye surgery, hip replacement surgery, breast reduction due to cancer - all three things my very cisgender family has had to deal with - amputation of unsalvageable limbs, hand and foot surgery for various injuries
HELL! even goddamn tattoos and piercings
all of these r widely common and acceptable body modification. NONE of it is natural. ALL of it needs healing time and intensive processes. we r not made to be cut open. thats a fact!
why the hell does it only come up with chopping my fucking tits off?
and sorry, forgot one thing
with proper surgery, treatment, aftercare, and healing time, there is absolutely no adverse effect physically with any of these modifications
good day
Glad your doing ok, I appreciate your message to not rush transitioning
Thanks for sharing your story!
I think it's important to hear stories from people who were happy with their transition as well as ones who weren't. Both sides are completely valid, since everyone is different.
You mentioning that medical transition isn't necessarily the solution for everyone is something that more young people who are trans or questioning their identity need to hear. The trans community online tends to romanticize it to a certain extent (probably because it worked for many of them, good for them) but often fail to mention the possible downsides and disadvantages, which would be important when talking about potentially life altering decisions, such as starting hormone therapy or getting surgeries. It's important to remember that these are not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. If they make you happy with your identity though, that's awesome!
As a MtF person, I appericate you strived for sharing your story, and did so without bias and gave valuable information.
To answer your conclusion of "Think whether or not you would want to live as not passing of a gender and openly trans."
I absolutely believe that living in stealth would be horrible for me when I transition, yes of course there will be a lot of things that I try to do "cisly" (that's not a word I just made it up). But I think that being considered a woman, even with the added term of trans would make me so much happier. My dysphoria is really bad from what I know and sometimes womenly things are the only thing that I guess calms my mind from doing outrageous shit.
I agree that labels will never be able to ever define us perfectly, we're humans with an endless flow of change every second of the day, but when I question myself and who I am, I see myself as Luna, not whatever I am now even though technically, I am Luna. It's a weird paradox with multiple stages, but I'm willing to work through it.
Great Video.
Yeah I'm not saying people have to wear trans pins and scream it from the rooftops but when I transitioned I had zero desire to be seen as trans and was torturing myself socially and mentally being stealth and having to play this biologically male character I had made for myself. I remember avoiding certain movements at work because i was afraid somebody would notice I was binding for example and I felt a huge block talking to new people because I would have to lie about my past to an extent and was afraid they'd end up clocking me.
@@rattlethatanimation Yeah I understand, thanks for sharing your story.
Moral of the story: Don't shove gender roles down your child's throat.
-"You are a girl, so you need to act like one even if you don't like it"
-"Oh little jimmy, why are you playing with your mom's makeup? boys don't wear make up, you need to be tough and manly, even if you don't want to"
It's funny how people hear stories like this and are quick to assume that the trans community is evil and manipulating, when in reality none of this would have ever happen if her mother didn't forced her to "act girly"
*None of this would’ve ever happened if tumblr hadn’t brainwashed her into thinking she was something she was not. The moral of the story is: Don’t give your kids unlimited, unsupervised internet access.
Not to mention addressing the issues she mentioned that resulted in her thinking she wanted to try and become a guy. Those things themselves have root causes I hope she works out
@@newdivide9882 Not really, the root of the issue was in the way her mother forced her to be something she did not want, it all started there, so that's the root cause for her.
@@leonardorosadossantos9876 Both are the issue here. Its not black or white. Blaming it all on one thing is never true as its multiple things that mostly lead to a decision being made
The real issue is with the doctors being careless and not getting her to get proper mental health treatment before hand instead of throwing drugs at a person hoping it will fix the issue. This has happened to me with anti depressants and im scared to go off them as I don't want withdrawal so I'm stuck with them when cbd oil is more effective for me
@@pinkflametheepic yep, but her mother is the root in this specific case.
Glad to see you're being honest and open and not mistreating trans people. Detrans is an important and vulnerable demographic because of how aggressively they're politicized. Ive been on T for 8 years and feel pretty good about myself but I know its not for everyone and sometimes I have genderqueer moments where I feel more feminine. Really we need to stop insidting on binary expression in trans spaces and instead focus on how hormones provide what benefit and what changes.
Also, I notice almost all detransitioners are FTM, do you think thats because of how trans identity intersects internalized misogyny? For me my experience with internalized misogyny is distinct from gender dysphoria.
Ive always thought the reason there's more female detransitioners is because it's more socially acceptable to be a masculine woman than a really effeminate man. I also think the fact there's more ftms than ever and the fact many detransitioners had transitioned due to trauma, misogyny, etc
We grew up very similarly but I still identify as trans. I can agree that the trans community in 2016 was definitely not as it was today, and put a lot of distinction on medication transition. The political landscape was also not very kind to trans people and I think that’s why trans people felt like we had to prove ourselves, that we are valid by medical transition, and trying to hold other trans people/gender non conforming people to those standards. All this to say I think the community has gotten better, and stopped trying to force people to binary rigid expression. Thanks for sharing your story!
Agreed, as someone who entered the community in 2020 I can definitely say I did see the split, at least in terms of those who are 100% for medical transition and the happily growing number of people who don't see transitioning as rigidly.
This was enlightening for me. I'm not trans and never had any interest in that, and actually never understood why people did that in the first place.
However, your story has helped open my eyes to people's experiences and what might have put them in that mindset. I'll have to remember this.
The first respectful comments section I've seen on a detransition video! Bravo
Sending love friend! Im a nonbinary trans person, and though I take testosterone and dont have any plans of detransitioning any time soon, im glad to hear stories of detransitioners that arent transphobic. Ive never seen my gender journey as something with an end point anyways, and my identity could change in the future. This makes me feel comfortable with that. Youre really cool for sharing with us :D
Thank you so much for making this video!! I recently tried to argue with my schools discord server about being too extreme about the "dysphoria=trans" idea and was basically ganged up on by just about everyone in the server and labeled as a transphobe so I've been trying to explore more about how i felt because it's hard to just forgive and I don't want to turn the anger against the people in the server into anger against the trans community. This video was really helpful! Thank you!
FR, like there's more to it than just dysphoria since anyone regardless of gender can feel it. For example infertile cis women feel gender dysphoria due to not fulfilling the gender expectation of pregnancy and motherhood. Or hell puberty can cause dysphoria in cis children who are adultified/sexualized far too soon given they are thrown into the new genders of Man/Woman before they are mentally ready for adulthood
Now what makes someone trans is not dysphoria but the clarity and euphoria that comes with just being their gender, dysphoria and dysmorphia is just individual experience. So please feel free to quote me on this, because the whole dysphoria=trans is based around an outdated diagnosis based around a small sample size of trans people.
@@GraveyardMaiden No, women who want children but can't have them feel upset because they can't have children. That's got nothing to do with "gender expectations". Adolescents going through puberty sometimes feel distress because their bodies are changing, and change can be scary. I think you are trying to shoehorn all human woes into a narrative of "gender", even when it is inappropriate. I think you should broaden your horizons are realise that there is more to the human experience than "gender".
@@GraveyardMaiden Normal people do not experience "euphoria" from just "being their gender" (whatever you might mean by that phrase). Perhaps you are thinking of the sexual arousal brought about by autogynephilia.
Fascinating to me to hear stories of people who transition and detransition within a matter of a few years after and then also see trans people who fight for almost a decade to even get a referral for consulting with an endocrinologist. I guess people find out quick if it’s not right for them
A lot of the problem is the informed consent clinics. I didn't go to planned parenthood but I've heard many stories about patients being prescribed hormones extremely fast through it.
detransitioners are completely valid as long as you can recognize that trans people are valid and just because you detransioned does not mean every trans person wants to
Detransitioners are completely valid. There, fixed it for you.
@@natesportyboy4939but they didn’t say anything wrong tho
A passport can be valid or invalid. A person cannot be valid or invalid. It is a category error. If you are questioning whether a particular person is valid or invalid, you are asking the wrong question. Just accept everyone for what they are, and throw the concept of "validity" into the bin, where it belongs.
@@Gen_-6012 They did.
@@omp199 Couldn't have said it better myself!
I'm a trans teen and i did some self introspection with psychedelics and they honestly helped me realize how important my transness is to me
all experiences are real and valid and they don't discount one another, medical transition isn't a cure-all and shouldn't be treated as such even though it's saved mine and many others lives
Thank you so much for this as someone who is realising that i am in fact a cis girl after 4 years of being a trans guy
I'm sorry but i cannot get behind the idea that you personally making a bad decision means that the entire informed model should be abolished. Any policy decision that increases medical gatekeeping to cater to the infinitesimally small percent of people who end up regretting transition would condemn thousands more people who desperately need transition care to years of unnecessary suffering.
Every invasive healthcare procedure, from antidepressants to knee replacement surgery, has a small regret rate; and yet society has broadly accepted that the informed consent model is the best solution we have to ensure that no one who needs treatment is denied it. Why should transition care be treated any different?
I agree with you too, tho I have to still see the points she brought up are very understandable.
I feel like there are a lot of narratives in the trans-community that are just very abridged.
Like that you are born in the wrong body, which kind of sends a message that makes you just self-hate more.
That mantra actually kept me from acknoledging being trans about 10 years ago, because I wasn't identifying with it. It was extreme.
So what I'd definetly say out of my experience is that informed consent is a good thing, but I feel like we need more fitting information in knowing if it is the right thing.
And only therapy can really give that, since it is such a complicated, mental and deep identity-kind of question.
I am glad that I had therapy for 2 months before I started T-blockers to see if those already help with my issues.
Doesn't mean everyone has to have it and especially reversable medication like puberty blockers, that only buy time for a decision like that should definetly be easily accessible via informed consent. Maybe with therapy after starting to help with that decision if it fits.
It's really hard tho and I get the hard discussions... But like you said: Only because a minority made the wrong call, shouldn't be a reason to make access really hard.
But I think that is why the info needs to improve.
i'm trans (ftm), i used to think i was "stuck in the wrong body" bc it was how i learned i was trans (watched animatics of other trans guys, looked in the mirror and fully noticed by chest) and it felt like no one would take me seriously if i didn't show discomfort with my state as a female. Something to the tune of "she doesn't mind her body, she likes girly things, has no qualms with how she was raised gender-wise, and she's afab, so my daughter is a cis girl." The only actual dysphoria i get now is with my voice, which barely ever happens, but the idea of being a guy is so great to me, even if i wear dresses and lipstick and w/e. It's been over three years since i've learned that i was trans, my parents are a lot more comfortable with my identity and the LGBTQ+ community in general, and so am i tbh. thank you so much for making this video, dysphoria isn't being trans, the stereotypes about each gender don't matter when it comes to your own, and i'm glad someone's talking about it without bashing the trans community
Great explanation about your experiences, and the animation was awesome. Thanks so much for sharing. I'm sorry you weren't allowed to express yourself when you were young. I wish you peace and joy, and a happy life.
Really great job on this video; both on the animation and the narrative. Thank you for sharing your story, wish more people could hear it
I think we as a society just need to understand that it's OK for people tk change, try things out, and if they want to go back to how they were before, OK, cool. That doesn't undervalue trans people as a whole, or it shouldn't. It just reinforces that it's all OK.
The issue there is that horomone treatments and especially surgeries have permanent consequences, it's not just something you can undo like hitting Ctrl-Z. Puberty blockers can cause a long-term health problems like osteoperosis, horomone treatments can lead to infertility, and I don't think I need to explain why top surgery or vaginoplasty/phalloplasty are irreversible. We aren't at the point technologically where someone can go back to how they were before if they get a vaginoplasty only to end up wishing they didn't get the surgery.
@@100organicfreshmemes5 How do you think puberty works?
@@rosesweetcharlotte I get your point but you can go through puberty and then still do the surgeries and horomone treatments. You can't do those things and then go back to having fully functional genitalia.
@@100organicfreshmemes5ok but puberty has long term permanant changes too and it can lead to much harder lives for trans people. The situstion is not zero sum. There is immemsense suffering in prolonged gender disphoria is real and measured.
@@normanicole4714 My point still stands that one path has much more irreversible consequences than the other. Also, doing puberty blockers and horomones at a young age leads to the genitalia not developing properly so there's little tissue to work with when doing a vaginoplasty/phalloplasty and they become even less functional than the pseudogenitilia made after a person already went through puberty. Either way isn't a perfect solution.
"She would have rather me dress as Pikachu"
The pikachu: Male
BTW, I'm agender (they/them), and I also did the tomboy thing growing up. But my mom let me express how I wanted once I was 12 ish (8 and under, she forced me into dresses)
I feel bad for those who have to go through detrans because there are so many reasons why this happens and none are fair
1. Peer pressure by phobes/family telling you "you aren't trans"
2. Misdiagnosed gender dysphoria because of stereotypical questions (stereotypes do not equal trans as there are cis and trans tomboys and femboys)
3. Discovering your actual gender identity later (Most people rush while still on their gender journey to later realize they were wrong)
It's safe to explore your gender identity. Trying on new names, pronouns, and puberty blockers is fine ... but don't jump into HRT and surgeries. You can revert back to your old name and pronouns with no consequences, and you can stop the puberty blockers, and puberty will start as normal.... however, HRT and surgeries can have permanent effects.
I'm 40 and really want top surgery. I wear a binder, and I didn't even discover I wasn't cis until 38. In that time, I tried on various pronoun combos and gender labels before I found what truly made me happy. Thank you for sharing your story!
I agree so heavily with the idea of just being happy looking at gender subjectively. I used to identify as a trans man, but I’ve since realized that it’s mainly because growing up as an autistic girl made me envy the way that boys could be weird without backlash. I now identify as genderqueer, and am just living life the way I want to. Great video, it was lovely to see your story :)!!
I disagree with the conclusion you make strongly. It is often unsafe to be openly queer. And I think not wanting to be beaten up, mocked or otherwise harrased is pretty normal thing, which doesn't invalidate anyone's experience.
I'd love to be openly trans and not ashamed of my past or whatever, but also realistically, I don't see myself really being like that. Because ummmm I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. And I don't want face transphobia in my everyday life. And being queer is basically about to be criminalised in my country. Does this make me less of a man? Surely not.
I don't think it's bad to want to pass or not wanting everybody to know you're trans, I think every trans person does. If I rewrote this video I'd probably say that if you'd choose not transitioning at all over never passing or if you're terrified of not passing all the time (or at all) then it might not be the best idea to transition. Not every trans person can or will pass especially not 100% of the time. My obsession with completely passing all the time and being stealth, retconing my past and having this biologically male persona I had to make sure didn't crack at work where I was stealth to all my coworkers because I didn't wanna be trans or be seen as trans was destroying me socially and mentally.
Me too. I live in South Africa, but I’m half Zimbabwean. It’s legal to be queer and transition here, but in Zimbabwe I could be killed for it. Aside from that minor, very presumptuous conclusion at the end, the rest of the video was great and I’m glad she made it.
I’ve seen stories like this many times though it’s kinda the opposite story for me.
I wasn’t allowed to grow out my hair, and was always told I could never understand women, people constantly asked me when I was ever going to get a girlfriend.
I’m okay being myself regardless of how people see me and I am a trans woman. It’s not for everyone but I’d much rather be a woman than a man even if many people look at me weird and don’t believe I am a woman. There’s also plenty of people who don’t realize I’m not a cis woman though so like I can pass and I also can’t pass depending on how I present myself. Passing doesn’t matter to me though, I’m just me.
There’s also a lot of people who find me attractive and want to be in a relationship with me and I think that’s been the most difficult struggle for me simply because I’m terrified of relationships and I have a lot of things I need to figure out psychologically when it comes to relationships…
本当に興味深い映像でした。 実際にトランスジェンダーだった人の話を聞く機会があるというのは非常に貴重ですし、今話を聞けたのは素晴らしい体験であると思います。
トランスジェンダーについて私は少し勘違いしていたことがあるかもしれません。
この様な機会を提供していただき、本当にありがとうございます！
Your story as a detransitioner is so important! I've seen another detransitioner who was FtMtGenderqueer, and their perspective was really enlightening so it's lovely to hear another's story.
I personally consider myself trans and genderqueer, my goals for transitioning are a bit different from stereotypical feminine and masculine traits. I do wish to get top and bottom surgery at some point in my life, and I desperately want to start HRT, but I'm unsure how intense I want the changes to be.... So I'll probably start on a low dose and take it from there. I definitely think it's super important to take things slow when deciding to make permanent changes to your body, but as someone who's lack of transition was making them depressed, I don't think I can wait anymore. I know that this is right for me, because I have begun to transition socially and it has made me much happier, and I've noticed being misgendered really does trigger my SI. This might be different for some (as I've seen with fellow trans folks in this comment section) of course, but I wanted to share my experience as well. Gender is a complicated; I don't even have a concrete term for my gender experience honestly, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't need a label to know how I want to be. And if it turns I was wrong, I'm comfortable with saying that this was just apart of my journey as a human being. We are all on our paths, and I think we all have the right to navigate them as we please. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 So much love and support to my trans and detrans friends!! ^^
As a trans man, I would never encourage someone to have surgery or start hormones before treating yourself mentally first. In my country, depending on the case, the treatment is different. You always start by stating your case to various doctors, who will decide whether you should go to a psychiatrist and psychologist before taking more steps. In any of the cases, no matter if you need more mental cheking or not, they continue by giving you a list of every change your body will go thru with hormones and they let you think about it for six months. After that period, they ask you about your decision and meet with you one last time to answer any questions you have and start your treatmeant if you have decided so. If you want surgery, you can have it thru social security, but they have a waiting list for the waiting list (yes, really xDD), just for the same reason as before, for you to think about it. You can speed up this process by going private (which I did) but they won't do the operation until you have gone thru hormones for at least a year. I waited two.
Is this process long and complicated? Yes. Did I suffer the wait? Yes. But it made me love myself as I was while I was waiting. Those six months went fast, and, about the surgery... I really don't understand why people don't wait for their bodies to change. When you take testosterone, your back grows, your chest changes shape... Waiting really changes the results. Plus, it's more healthy.
Two of my friends decided to not take hormones thanks to this process. One after the mental treatment and the other after checking the list of side effects. I also know a guy who won't take any surgeries after the wait. And I won't have bottom surgery because I feel confident on my body after all this time!
I really hope this formula spreads some day and people don't have to suffer what you did :/ I hope you're happy now
i feel like transness is so fixated on being intrisnically something and not what you want from your body. transitioning was right for me not because i needed to be one kind of guy, but because i wanted to be hairy and stinky and have a deep voice. testosterone doesn't make you into a man, it just makes you go bald, and thats what i wanted. my male identity has changed over time, how i dress, my vocal affect, my hair, but through it all ive been grateful that T gave me a deep voice and facial hair. i see lots of younger folks talking about wanting to transition but not wanting those affects, and im happy there's discussion now a day of what we want for ourselves, because thats how it should be!
also i fukcing love your artstyle
I agree! I think there's this perception from historical "transsexuals" and "transvestites" that in order to be transgender, you have to transition in every single way and play society's perceived role of a man/woman for a long time before you're "authentic." The truth is... everyone except liars are authentic. Anyone on this journey to discover themselves is authentic.
I'm a trans man, and I knew exactly what I wanted from my body. Luckily, I was actually informed in the informed consent process, and my initial team of professionals in university (hell yeah to universities these days having great resources) told me what hormones would do, what top surgery could do, the risks of it all, etc. I'm pursuing top surgery at this point because I know I've always strongly despised my chest to the point of it causing disordered eating and horrible intrusive thoughts to try to get rid of it, just as an example.
But minors especially are very impressionable, and something as simple as not fitting in (a normal kid experience) can turn into wanting to transition far too quickly.... And it really sucks that those types of stories are used as fodder to fling against trans rights and equal opportunities for those who are truly trans.
Anyway, my mindset is a lil similar to yours, so I thought I'd comment. :)
im kinda the same idgaf about being perceived as a man or care about pronouns i just want a penis and a male body and voice idc what people think i am
This is one of the reasons why I'm scared of transitioning, im scared im gonna regret everything all because I dont want those effects. I honestly don't know what I want anymore.
@@jellynut5903 It's okay to wait and continue questioning. I promise there is no rush with this stuff. It may be daunting if you're young and your body and mind are changing so fast... but that is all the more reason to wait. Your body and mind will stabilize and you'll be more clear-headed at some point, able to step back and look at yourself as one whole picture, not as a bunch of parts. I promise, it gets better, and your experiences are valid, including in questioning. It's natural to be wary -- that means you're being smart about this, not jumping the gun. :)