What Women Do To Emasculate Men
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2024
- Talking points: relationships, power dynamics, masculinity, femininity
FYI, I'm diving into this because women have asked over the last few months, not men. And to keep things balanced, I'll be doing a companion video soon on what men do to de-feminate their partner. Listen in!
Would also love your thoughts on the topic. Hit me up on Instagram @mantalks or comment below!
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(00:01:28) - Withholding sex (with caveats)
(00:04:13) - Withholding a fun, playful, or joyful nature
(00:07:33) - Being overly controlling when it isn’t necessary
(00:10:37) - Trying to forcibly change your partner
(00:14:53) - Mothering your partner
(00:16:57) - Demeaning men’s activities
(00:18:26) - Withholding appreciation and/or using a man’s vulnerabilities against him
***
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Number 1) When a woman asks another man something her man already told her and value another man's opinion over her man's.
So true bro... and she will lap up advise from that third person who may be less qualified or say wiser from her own man.
It's disregard, disrespect and underlooking the man. Big Ego too
My X did this with an opinion from my father!
All I thought was, I allready said that months ago to you. Now you just proved that you no longer value my opinion and listen to me.
Pretty sad.
Been there! Wife used to wash a throw rug by itself.. the washer would half beat itself into pieces on spin. I'd tell her, "you can't do that. It'll break the washing machine."
Her response was, "I've been doing it a long time."
The machine we had was an older one that was built like a tank... the kind you'll not find anymore, with a direct drive transmission, one of the most reliable designs ever built, but more expensive.
Well, the tough machine finally shot craps. I repaired it numerous times but it never would quite work as well as it had when we first got it.... and of course that was my fault, not her's. She'd look down on my efforts, thinking I was blaming her washing habits to deflect from my poor repair skills.
So I had to buy another machine.. a far more delicate machine, which is pretty much all that was available. And she kept doing it! I'd come home to that poor machine dancing across the basement floor. This machine would shut down once an imbalnced load was detected... So she'd go down an rearrange the rug and restart it, only to have it do it again, over and over. Just outside the full year warranty, this machine shut down. I called a service company for repair. The tech said, "I know it's only a year old but the pulley and drum break look like someone meant to beat them to death. And your belt should last at least several years at a minimum. this one was shredded and all tangled in the pully. Your lucky the motor is still ok."
I explained the situation. He asked, "Would it help if I talk her?"
I said, "Please do. "
Well, my wife listened to him.
No more washing that rug by itself since. So I am left knowing that even though I had told her the very same thing (over and over) she thought I was full of nonsense... another man tells her (the so-called "expert") and now she will believe it!
@@rougebaba3887 be caraful, some day, from some angle, someone will tell her shit that goes against yours, and she will keep believing in it. that technician was cool, but there are so many male bottomfeeders, she is going to run into one.
@@simonschneider5913 This kind of disrespect falls off my wife like rain from a cloud. It's like its in her very nature to be a disrespectful, insulting woman.... A true conversation...
Wife: "The PC was driving me crazy. It kept losing connection while I was trying to use it."
Me: "That reminds me, I found the PC I want to get" (with the MONEY I EARN, to go in MY OFFICE, to be used 80% of the time BY Me)
I fill her in on the details - cost, where I'm going to buy it, reviews, why i want this particular one, etc.
And then the last thing my wife says is, "Well, you should talk to Mike or Craig about it first".
Mike is my adult son who lives four hours away and Craig is her brother.
Her disrespect knows no bounds, EVER!
Undermining. Criticizing in front of others.
Absolutely 👍 spot on
I second this. I dated this girl that would belittle me in front of my friends. Never understood why she did that.
I had a boyfriend that introduced me to his friends at a bar where they were watching a basketball game. He really loved my sense of humor when we were alone but for some reason he was petrified that I would say something to embarrass him. Mind you I never put him down. But I had to sit for two hours saying mostly nothing. And he wouldn’t let to drink the drink they brought me cause I was driving. He whispered in my ear don’t drink it.
Did I pass the not emasculating test?
This is a bad way to treat any partner, masculinity has nothing to do with it unless you think it's okay for a man to do a woman but not the other way around
It's definitely shitty though either way
As a woman - I want to add in something I’ve noticed myself and other women doing that I think gets overlooked. That is: TONE and ENERGY. Hence why softening into our heart and body matters big time. I notice SO often my sisters and friends sort of going through the motions with their men and husbands. Using half-assed tone of voices and effort when appreciating things, giving fake compliments with a weird energy that feels emasculating or condescending even though on paper it was nice. Being submissive or letting go but making audible scoffs/sighs. Sliding in micro complaints/sarcasm thinking we “held back” when really he knows it’s an issue. These and other types of extremely subtle undertones may be hard for men to put a finger on, but I promise you they FEEL the insincerity. Ladies know exactly what I’m talking about too when dealing in conflict among each other… the way a woman simply looks at us, sounds, or breathes near us (even while being very kind) can send 100 signals of contempt and we know it and are ready to fight! So just a thought to remember ladies, men’s nervous systems pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for. If you’re not truly feeling genuine, loving, or care-free about what you’re saying or doing, he WILL feel it even if he can’t name it. We gotta do the work ladies and be real with ourselves! Love to you all and excited for your video about what men can work on too.
Think you are correct. Which is why I think this is a much deeper problem than we're starting to realize. Right now it looks like men and women view this as a choice. Men screaming "be more feminine" like it's a choice women have. And women pushing back in many ways saying they are feminine, or men are too intimidated and now "soft women" trending. But even women deciding to become a "soft woman" are failing. A female can't "learn" to be feminine. It's something they're born with. But once lost there seems no going back. Or maybe it's just trying is impossible when surrounded by women trying to be as masculine as possible with media backing that up.
I'm a man and not complaining about this. Just that looks so sad for women, self-destructive. I think it's great women are doing so well in careers, earning a lot and paying a lot of taxes because all that production in the US has made my lifestyle better. Hope more women fight in the frontlines too. Less men getting maimed and killed defending the US the better. Spread the pain. If that's the life women want...super. Looks like a horrible choice to me, but not my choice.
Next year I'm moving to SE Asia. Literally 2 minutes (more like 30 seconds) into video chatting with a Filipina I learned what femininity is. Thought I knew, but didn't. This was a boss Filipina too. 46 years old, widow, had several homes she rented to Westerners, real estate broker, 3 boys 10-15. And she had started and run several other businesses too. Her house in Baguio was nicer than mine. And she was very direct, spoke her mind always. But there was femininity. She told me a story of when she had her husband and went about 5 hours away to go to law school and she heard her husband was cheating. I was expecting the same "I'm the victim, men are horrible" speech I hear on every 1st date in the US. But she dropped out of school, went home, stopped the affair and told her husband she'd kill him if he cheated again. The way she told it, like it was almost a good experience for her. I was confused and she was very confused about my confusion. She finally said "that's how men are" but not "men are horrible", but that she understood men. She knew if she wasn't home her man would probably "cheat". She saw it as a 50-50 fail. She failed as a wife for not being home, he failed for cheating. Both at fault. Put it behind them and move on.
Blew me away. Moving to SE Asia next year. I just want to experience being in that environment. Like going back in time.
What women do in the US...no idea. None of my business.
You take your anger out on us
I wish my wife understood this 😂
Men know this too. But women just deny and lie.
If you are an American female you simply aren't a real, embodied woman. I'm a Brit so have no particular axe to grind but I've lived in 9 different countries and unfortunately occasionally run into American women. It's difficult to describe how juvenile and bitchy they are compared to normal women from other countries. They're basically spoiled children. I'm not surprised American men are leaving them when they meet real women.
Generating arguments about nothing, for nothing to resolve nothing every 3 or 4 days kills any relationship.
Could be a narcissistic person
The reason they start an argument is because they are just testing you. They want to gas light you to make you get angry. Sometimes, they want you to hit them. Then they become a victim and man becomes an evil bastard. Then they are justified victim that the women's Liberation stands on. Let them call you a puss. Just pack your bags when they are come and never go back. No phone calls, letters or sorry's. Don't get drunk either. Do something fun and get another woman mediately if you want. Get a divorce!
It's not just sex. Women stop doing hobbies they love in general (decorating the house, or enjoying hobbies, dancing and sports) when they feel attacked or stressed by people, not loved or protected.
Not necessarily by their own partner but stressed by people at work or covid etc. Stress lowers the immunity of the body and mood too.
But then instead of a parasympathetic system of body-activated that is caused by happy hobbies,
they get a sympathetic system of the body activated caused by analytical thinking and stress.
@@redpilled9595woman are narcissist by nature, sad but better to know this.
Wow!! No one's ever put it so well.. 💯
Yes I have experienced this too, many women have a hard time listening to men's problems. They will say this but really like to stay on the receiving end of support. Sometimes they will lose respect for you if you open up.
They want to see you as this ideal, stoic being they can look up to and they can't deal with the real person.
I like to share this excerpt from "The Will to Change" by Bell Hooks on a feminist's perspective of this issue:
"When I was in my twenties, I would go to couples therapy, and my partner of more than ten years would explain how I asked him to talk about his feelings and when he did, I would freak out. He was right. It was hard for me to face that I did not want to hear about his feelings when they were painful or negative, that I did not want my image of the strong man truly challenged by learning of his weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Here I was, an enlightened feminist woman who did not want to hear my man speak his pain because it revealed his emotional vulnerability. It stands to reason, then, that the masses of women committed to the sexist principle that men who express their feelings are weak really do not want to hear men speak, especially if what they say is that they hurt, that they feel unloved. Many women cannot hear male pain about love because it sounds like an indictment of female failure. Since sexist norms have taught us that loving is our task whether in our role as mothers or lovers or friends, if men say they are not loved, then we are at fault; we are to blame.
I did not want to hear the pain of my male partner because hearing it required that I surrender my investment in the patriarchal ideal of the male as protector of the wounded. If he was wounded, then how could he protect me?"
This is why I don't date anymore. It's all one way.
I completely agree with you. Women needing emotional support is considered normal and expected. If a man needs emotional support then women see them as weak and unable to handle their own problems. I have found out first hand in my marriage that expressing any need for emotional support just ends up making things worse for me.
What I can't stand is they say that they want men to be open but if you do they resent you. People assume you were being overly soft when you say that too
I don't understand why women or men would harm the other. A strong female here, an alpha, but I regard men with the same respect that I expect to receive as a woman. The stigma that men can't be open with their partners makes me very sad. As For The Sex issue, I think there may be an assemetry for desire and also how invasive it can be for women. I can be playful and interested in physicality, but there are periods of time when I can't engage in such activity because it can be so painful physically or very uncomfortable. But, there are other things one can do to please their partner. Men don't generally understand how invasive such activity can be. It has not been about control for me. The fact that it is viewed that way, is why I am purposefully alone. I have so much stress and responsibility just to survive and now I have someone else's needs to think of on top of that? I feel smothered and become resentful. Especially, become resentful if I don't have any help with home, but on top of work and everyone else. I spent most of my life putting everyone first. I always came last after putting my child and partner first. Without any help doing it all, I just felt that it wasn't worth it. I have no desire to change anyone. But, I felt like I had to give up more and more of who I am to please another person. I've just removed myself from the situation and am staying single. I just can't put another person's needs above mine anymore. I wish all luck out there.
I’ve found staying single, full monk mode, is by far the best way forward on all of this. In fact, life’s been great!
A lot of people feel loneliness over time. You may well be an exception. Many of us will not be truly honest too.
@@channel1_channel I went about a year feeling great being single after an awful breakup that I did not want. It took a while but eventually I did not feel lonely at all. It was wonderful. Now I am lonely. But I do not want to be in a romantic or sexual relationship because I do not like myself when I fall in love with someone (or even have the potential to date!) Instead I am going to be more social and make new friends by focusing on new creative projects. I am also going to work more (I am a professional photographer.)
@@ftlbaby Good for you. Sounds honest enough to me.
I've been single for 8 years now and still pinch myself at the lack of stress in my life.
@@studiophantomanimation I do think that there is some emotional, spiritual, and physical qualities of life that can only be experienced in a romantic andor sexual relationship. Fortunately for me, I have already experienced all of that : ) At least all that I am aware of. Whatever I am ignorant of I guess I'll never know... For now, I am content to be single, even if I am lonely. Raising a child and being in a sexual / romantic relationship are the two most challenging / rewarding endeavors I have undertaken, aside from trying to change who I am ; )
With the saying "happy wife happy life", I think we've been looking at it wrong. The saying is telling wives to be happy if they want their family to have a happy life, because happiness is an internal process. It is a choice. If you marry an unhappy woman, or a woman who seeks performance or validation in order to be happy, the people around them will be miserable. It's not a man's job to make his woman happy, it is the woman's job to be happy.
Yay. He's going to beat me again and fk his secretary. Yippee!
Well, OK, yes. But maybe it's a bit simpler even. Many studies on wealth and happiness show if basic needs are met (food, shelter) a person can be happy. More wealth above that base doesn't add a lot of happiness. For virtually all of human existence the male provided those basic needs. Females no doubt provided a lot too, especially in early times, but males provided a level that ensured survival. Males could exist in groups without females, but unlikely females could without males.
Once our society provided those base level needs and females really do not need a male provider our instincts start to work against happiness.
When I go to places like SE Asia with women (and men) living on the edge, not getting those base needs regularly, it seems to keep those feminine and masculine skills sharp. Those skills seem required for survival.
Kind of a paradox. We all want to be wealthy (above base needs) but then this gender mess gets created. Endless studies showing decreased happiness and we can't figure out why.
The better saying is "Happy spouse, happy house". Puts responsibility on both people to care about their mate.
Agreed 100%
@@davdark865, no. That misses the point. You really did not read or understand the two previous comments.
I’ve heard that men use power to obtain sex and women use sex to obtain power and I believe that’s pretty accurate.
That's the ultimate truth
Really is that simple. There are some other basics too like females are attracted first to providers and men to 18-24 year old women primarily (reality is postpubescence to 24 but current norms forbids saying that out loud). Human instincts. Our species wouldn't exist without these basic instincts.
One of those two can get you fired from your job, socially ostracized, civilly sued and sometimes even imprisoned. The other has largely no consequences.
That's a generalization.
@@danilaroche1156well duh yeah it’s a generalisation.
Saying humans have 2 arms is a generalisation too lol
Women: "I'm not your mother!!!"
Also women: *dehumanize their man in front of everyone just like a mother*
You have mommy issues
Correct response: "Well you sure as hell ain't my lover...."
"then stop acting like it."
But some women won't stop, because they see men as dumb infants.
correction: just like a bad mother.
@@electrifyingct4303 If your mother did this, then she wasn't as "wonderful" as you give her credit for.
My abusive ex from 2014-2015 used a lot of what you mentioned about in your last point about telling women their deepest secrets and put trust within the women we tell them too. The controlling part too was huge. She was so insecure that she forced me to quit my job due to a girl working with me who was with somebody at the time. She used my father’s death and abandonment against me. My dad abandoned me when I was baby and she would say things like: “no wonder why your father left you” every time she didn’t get her way. i got out of it by her calling me and introducing me to the guy she was cheating on me with and then said “I’m done with you” my therapist made me realize I’m worth more than that.
King, you are worth more than that !
Hey man, you've been through hell. I'm so glad you got out of it. Please, please expect more from the women you are with, and just say no to anyone who doesn't meet the standards that you hold yourself to and live up to yourself. If anyone treats you less than how you treat yourself, they are not for you.
Always set boundaries and never quit your job over women's insecurities.
That woman was dead wrong. Your father's departure had nothing to do woth you. I'm so glad you got out. There are many good women, I pray you will find one who helps you to feel how worthy you are. Flush the toilet and. Get that stinker out of your life.
I am glad you went through that , now you know better king
If you are asking yourself the question "Do I do this to my man?" you get your answer by answering this question: In general, when he comes through the door at home from work, is he relaxing - lowering his shoulders, smiling, starts talking about small things he enjoys or something funny that happened - or is he showing a heightened stress level - tensing up, immediately moving on to the next thing that needs doing, etc.? If, in general, it is the latter then you are most likely doing one or more of these.
In the West I don't see how any woman wouldn't be emasculating males at every chance. This trend as been going on for 60+ years now and Western culture is firmly immersed in both emasculating men and lying to women that they can have everything. Even if a woman wanted super hard to try and become more feminine (soft)...how would she learn? Even men have lost the ability to describe what feminine means. Men scream "more agreeable, submissive" but that's not what feminine means. Go to Thailand, some of the strongest, most disagreeable female SOBs on the planet...yet also some of the most feminine. Apparent being feminine is a pretty complex thing.
My wife has just started her journey of understanding on this topic. She recently started an argument with me right after I got home from work about how upset it makes her that when I am around her I am more tense and uncomfortable than when I am not around her.
Or you have an oedipal boyfriend.
@@mylesleggette7520 One way to solve an argument is to fix the problem listen. There would be no reason to bring up a hurt if you didn't cause a hurt
What if the woman works too? I have been the breadwinner (not by choice) for 20 yrs. Do men do this for working women? Abso fucking lutly not.
You have asked a really great question about what is the inverse in women: most of the points in this video are the same issues. My experience is that men I've been with push women toward a more masculine or mothering role in the relationship by abdicating responsibilities: get lazy, anxious, or otherwise procrastinates and fails at adulting, a responsible woman moves into problem-solving, taking-care-of-business, or mommy will make you feel better modes. Another piece: Criticism and being controlling about a woman's playful and/or sexy attempts. My feminine joy and spontaneity are much too tender--society judges them, they are the parts of me most subject to self-criticism, and when a man layers on negative judgements--my wanting to please the man I love I will all but kill off the parts of me that likely drew him in the first place and leave a woman neutered, lost, and in pain. Maybe he wants to fix my insecurity by teaching me how to dance the way he likes, kiss the way he wants, seduce him in the moments he's open to it--but criticizing isn't the way. Similarly, men withdraw sex as well, same effect. None of this set of dynamics happen in a vacuum--it starts and feeds from both sides.
I agree with this.
Very true and well said.
Turn up in a delightful way, and you will be met with delight 🙏💚🕊️
So basically men have to always be the leading and responsible role? I’m asking out of curiosity. Mine went from being good for the initial 1 year to being very emasculating for 3 years. Maybe I did feel lost or anxious cause of difficulties in other parts of life. Which I shared with her. Was that the beginning of the end?
@@dangerousman4071look up dr Robert Glover - he’s a dating/relationship coach of sorts.. he covers this issue at length - his answer to your question would be- do not spill all your troubles to your wife or gf! Find a male friend to confide in .. enough of us men have learned a harsh lesson when we tried to open up and be vulnerable around a woman we were dating
I’ve never, nor would I ever emasculate my man.
If a matter emerges while we’re in public, I always let him handle it and I keep quiet.
We only bicker in private and resolve our problems immediately.
❤❤
I wouldn't either, because I'm a man and know I'd likely get punched in the face...hard.
Hang on to that as long as possible.
None of what your said (private discussion and prompt resolution) precludes emasculating behavior. You can still belittle him quickly and privately.
@@mylesleggette7520
Then let me be perfectly clear:
Yes, we bicker (but very rarely).
And no, I don’t emasculate him in public or private.
❤️❤️
Nothing like tip toeing around fragile masculinity. Women shouldn't have to stay quiet while men "handle" things. Maybe the problem is men being insecure in their masculinity.
Withholding sex is brutal and can lead to a lot of other issues. If kids weren’t involved, I’d have left over it. The lack of affection and convection via sex so so soup crushing that it can lead to suicidal thoughts. It’s downright evil.
My wife was not affectionate from the get-go. After decades of trying to fix whatever needed fixing, I gave up and tried to leave but decided to stay in order to (1) keep the family together and (2) avoid the financial blood bath that would have happened to me in divorce court. Now, I’m married but celibate by choice. That’s the only way to rebalance the power dynamic. It’s not too bad, but I still yearn for a connected and fulfilling relationship that apparently I cannot have.
Very Soup Crushing
@@sideman7117 don’t worry. There’s plenty of single men, who aren’t getting sex or have kids. At least you have kids
do it right back. withhold also.
do unto others as they do to u!
And then you have all those women shaming you for wanting sex. It doesn't matter everything else we do for them (which can sometimes be very labor-intensive and time-consuming), they will bail on pretty much the one thing we require out of a relationship (sex), and which on top of this is usually pleasant for both parties, short-lived and safe (especially in the 21st century).
Their foremothers would think they have it very easy indeed, and yet, they can't even put up with such a simple thing. I say shame on them.
This is hands-down one of the best videos I have ever seen, anywhere. I am in the midst of a 20+-year marriage, have two beautiful kids and a relationship from the depths of Hell. I have made many mistakes- and I am DEFINITELY part of the problem- but I can say with total honesty that my current spouse ticks EVERY SINGLE BOX you mentioned above. I now realize there is no way back- for either of us.I am NOT BLAMING HER- I am simply acknowledging the place we are at. The relationship is dead, we are only together for the kids. I feel like crying right now but reality is reality. I was meant to see this.
Why is everyone saying no one can make you feel emasculated. A person has control to such extent. A very confident person can experience whatever feelings from bad people. So it’s not right to invalidate guys feelings. As a women I am learning a lot from this video. There are things that also make women not feel good. But the video isn’t about who feels less more. It’s the things women do to make a man feel emasculated. Either you learn from it or not. Humans aren’t invincible, even a strong masculine man can feel emasculated. And as their partners we can try to do better. Sometimes we unintentionally might do those things so I appreciate this video. Abusive men who intentionally hurt women are different topic, I don’t think this video is talking about men like that.
You just described why I got divorced. The word is suffocation
Ditto
I was with my ex-wife for over 20 years and I experienced each of these attributes at one time or another during the relationship before she finally left me. I didn't realize what was going on in the relationship. I was told, just love them, be patient and everything will work out. As a man it's good to know these things as well or order to be able to set boundaries and maintain the respect in the relationship. If we can maintain respect the proper order can be maintained and many of these issues can be minimized and avoided.
In all honesty her leaving is a blessing. Women are problems not to be solved. Go live your life brother
I just learned this through personal experience, but I only lost 3 years. 20 ! Harsh.
Same. I never really wanted marriage. Just everyone saying how great it is. Yeah being close to a women would be great...but come on, that's not real. Marriage is endless compromise, has to be that way. One getting their way all the time would be a nightmare. A spoiled person can never be happy.
But seems like it's much easier for a man to change than women. Men can learn to lead again, be masculine. Most aren't, but many who do are successful in changing. I feel sad for the women. They seem trapped trying so hard to be masculine, while wanting to keep the perks of femininity. Just keep failing.
I don't even think this is a male/female issue. This is a testosterone/estrogen issue. If a female takes testosterone and estrogen blocking she can compete and feel more confident. A man becomes more feminine blocking testosterone and taking estrogen. In Thailand transwomen (Ladyboys) often do hormone therapy at a very early age, like 12-14, and the results are a very feminine person.
Same
@@chrisborman2506I lost twenty but I also got a great son an grandchildren.
I'm glad I found this video. My husband has told me numerous times that I emasculate him. After watching the whole video, I understand more of what he means. Thank you for sharing & explaining.
That cool. However, even if you want to change it seems to be impossible. I don't know why. Maybe femininity can't be learned and once lost can't be relearned. Maybe it's just being surrounded by women and media pushing women to be masculine it's hard to even see any examples of femininity. How would a Western woman actually learn to be feminine again? There are some born again soft women with popular social media and the words they say sound right...but they're still not feminine. When I talk with women in SE Asia, they're feminine. They're also running businesses, say what they think, can be very disagreeable...but remain feminine. It's bizarre. I don't think men or women in the West really know any more what masculine and feminine means. We lost it. I hear men say "women should be more agreeable, submissive" but that seems to be wrong. SE Asian sure aren't agreeable, submissive, yet are feminine. It's a mess in the West.
You surgically neutered him?
As a man I thank you for your honesty.
I am glad you're on a journey to become a better partner.
@@TheHillrat4wd You have a husband?
Nice!
Wow😮 For the last 7 months I have tried to figure out why I still feel resentful and upset (and adhamd for feling that way)about an 11 year relationship that ended this year. This video explains so much of it. Puts words to my feelings that I couldn't quite understand. Another great video. Thank you.
It took me 20 years after the divorce to know what was going on.
Was it all her? How was your communication? Do you feel that you made every effort to understand her struggles, because we all have them? Communication is so important.
@@wrkAhaLik247 Sometimes it's that you tried to understand their struggles too much, so that you neglected your priorities and goals permanently. While others keep reminding you... have you thought about them/others? Media does this a lot, reminding us all about women's issues, while doing that way less for men's issues, so it creates a permanent guilt/obligation feeling, especially when women in public/media keep complaining all the time how they have the short end of the stick.
Hope your feeling better now
Your last point is perhaps the most important. I've read and listened to many stories of the worst-case scenarios for men in a relationship, namely when their female partner cheats on them.
Do you know what almost instantly becomes fodder for the AP and the wayward partner the majority of the time in this scenario?
What the man told her in confidence.
His deepest fears and insecurities become something to ridicule and mock in the most hurtful, degrading way. Why would any man, let alone any person, open themselves up to that possibility? How many men that have had relationships fail in this way can honestly say they expected this level of disrespect and hurt from their otherwise loving, feminine partners? How can you ward off something like this from happening when it blindsides so many good men? Even in cases where there is no infidelity, women will more commonly than men share the intimate details of the relationship to their friends. I feel it can sometimes help, but that also leads to the scenario where her whole social circle sees you as less of a person because they've heard you at your most vulnerable even if they don't intend to. The real kicker is you may never find out any of this has transpired but your certainly feel it in the way people interact with you.
All this happens often enough that men in relationships will feel, sometimes rightly so, that there is nowhere they can turn to in their personal life to divulge their deeper feelings. That can lead to men shutting themselves off in more permanent and damaging ways.
I'd love for your to discuss the merit, if any, of partners that do this. I think it's incredibly emasculating and disrespectful more so than anything else you brought up in this video.
“You’re trying to make me be a better man and that’s not who I want to be woman!”
@@kat420365 Keep moving the goal post is more like it. Just remember, she doesn't need to ever work on herself though.
@@kat420365 I'm sure you just LOVE when men try to "change you." Right? We know, all women are 10s, you're perfect just like you are; yaasssss go slayyyyyyyyyquqququququeueueueheneneneneneneuen enen.
True. Too many weaponize the vulnerabilities and sharing of their partners. Going to a therapist is often better than confiding in a partner. Meanness can be the uncontrolled/unintentional fallout of sharing too much......
These border toxic:
-comparison to an ex
-saying something of a “shame or insult” on sexual performance
-social media posting solo photos / likes from men on photos
-treating your male boss way better then your man
-keeping exs photos / contacts / friends on social media
-serving kids food before your man
-“dressing up” for girlfriends but not when you go out with your man
-you always statements
-why don’t you ever statements
I disagree with serving kids food before your man. A woman will always put her kids before her man. The man has to understand that their kids come first or the marriage won't last. When a woman starts to want kids they become her top priority and from that point on no man will ever be the top priority to her for the rest of her life. This comes from my 55 y/o eastern European mother.
@@Bambim8 Yeah don't have kids with a person like that.
Women should always serve the children first. As should the men. It is a strong protective instinct
Usually women dress up for their friends because they get validation from them. So if she isn’t doing it for her man, there might be something missing from his end. Everyone needs validation sometimes
Solo photos are fine. It means she is confident. Male friends liking are just male friends giving a compliment. It’s all validation driven. If you are not feeling it at home, you appreciate it how ever you can get it.
The thing I hear frequently and have experienced is that women tend to believe their intuition is infallible. I hear men complain that once their partner has a perception about an incident, no amount of talking can convince them that they have misinterpreted. All they can say is, “Yes Dear”. Incredibly emasculating.
To the ladies who reached out in the beginning I applaud you for being mature about the situation instead of making it a huge dramatic deal like some people do
This.
Going through this, I found that my last relationship checked all the boxes...
It feels good to know that my intuition was not wrong and those behaviors are understood by others to be damaging.
Don't misunderstand me, I've done all the red-pill Manosphere circuit videos - and agree with most of the major points. But having heard your first two points, I sense a rather stark one-sidedness. Women as well as men may withhold sex and become less fun not only for control, but also just because they no longer feel like doing those things with their partner. That is, they've been turned off.
Yes, it happens, to women and men both maybe, and i thought about that too but i think the point is placed more so in the perspective of consciously doing it as punishment, expecting something from your partner and getting back on track only if they do the thing. Let’s say you get turned off, then maybe you two solve the problem together and the feelings (of joy or wanting sex) come back bc you feel better, or viceversa (maybe you feel better and then are able to solve the problem together). Now what i understand Connor is refering to, is the case when you get turned off, or purposely get rigid towards sex and joy, and expect your partner to solve it and get you “out of it”, making them responsible for it. Even if you feel better about it, you decide to withhold those activities or attitudes until your partner does whatever it is you want him to, but with no effort from your side. It’s more manipulative, it goes further than the natural reaction of getting turned off after a fight or a dissapointment. I hope i explained myself well !
We all need to have the right perspective on what sex is. It was never meant to be something you continually participate in as you get older. It's for fun and reproduction when you are young. It's not a necessary recreational activity, especially as you get older and mature in your relationship. People who demand regular sex are just childish animals. That being said, you should never withhold sex when your partner needs it.
@@criticaloptimist7961 that is bull crap. I have been with my wife for 40 years and sex is at least once a week. You are just getting fat and lazy.
Wow... This Bro Is spot on!
He's covered all bases!
I've noticed that many Podcasters exploit these relationship topics to rack up views, promote, and sell products that do not really address the main issues. Many are total a waste of time! Just a money grab for them.
This Bro has done his homework and focuses directly in on the issues. Not pecking around things!
Shout out to him!
Good chats Connor. This is all the stuff I need to acknowledge that is happening and has happened in my 10 year relationship. Now to move forward. Thanks heaps man!!!
Hello Connor: Both of my sisters have used my emotions as weapons against me. In one case, it was 38 years later. Stay well and safe.
Thank you so much for this!!!! This was so helpful. It helped me to connect the dots on several things I have not been doing correctly in my relationship.
thank you for this. Especially the last statement about sharing information. I found this to be expected with any woman I dated. Whatever I had shared, a problem, a personal feeling, difficulty; these were all used against me at a future time. Often in front of others. As a result, I never trusted women and my relationships needless to say were short lived.
I opened up to my ex because I thought she was smart enough to handle it. She ended up using it against me later on, many times…worst mistake ever!!
Man!!! You nailed it!!! Wonderful perspectives.
As a woman I would like to put in my two cents about the Withholding of sex. Personally I enjoy sex and enjoy it often, but even I have noticed that when I am mad at my partner my sex drive plummets. It's because I'm emotionally in a place of anger or disappointment and not using it as punishment. Just wanted to share what might be happening on the woman's end. Of course there are going to be some women who do it to punish their partner, but it's not all or most women.
How can anyone feel like having sex when they are being abused and demeaned and betrayed? That’s what happened to me 10 years of lies and neglect while he was watching pornography and not facing whatever was going on inside of himself emotionally.
Okay, so if a a man gets angry or is in a place of disappointment - he should simply leave and stop providing his financial resources, attention and time - not as a punishment but emotionally he is mad and his desire to provide plummets ;) - See how that works, when it is turned around :)
oh please nowadays both partners work full time jobs and the women do most of the housework anyway. piss off@@kwilder7378
@@kwilder7378if you have kids you still have the responsibility to provide no matter what. If not the woman probably works too, as it's almost pointless to have the woman not work if the couple will not have children. You can pretty much argue your points for only the sugar baby/trophy wife relationship where there are no children involved, but even then that's sexual aggression and pretty much abusive demand. You may hold your money for her to mindlessly spend if you're mad too.
Most women are financially independent. But if she's having sex just so you will provide for her financially, isn't that basically prostitution? Is that all men see there wives as.. domestic prostitutes?
Your voice and wisdom has been very helpful during a tough time. Appreciate you.
Great video! Looking forward to the sequel.
Great talk. I agree with all your points. My ex wife would do all of these to me and also would emasculate me by telling every personal detail, and embarrassing story to all of her friends. I was just a big joke. My current GF tells me her friends all do this. She knows their husbands bathroom habits, how big their package is etc, etc. Shes disgusted by it and when she tells them to stop, they get offended. Men dont do this despite that women think we do. Its highly emasculating to men.
This is great content and insight for women. THANK YOU for this channel! So often women are governed by the words/thoughts/ feelings/perspectives of other women and it's like the blind leading the blind...more wrong information compounding already incorrect information. This info is gold to those of us wanting to support our men, correct poor/destructive behavior patterns and invest into our marriages, relationships. Thank you, sir.
I am glad I stumbled onto this video. I was not really aware of myself doing a lot of these things to my husband. Thank you, I will be thinking and making some changes
Some husbands like it. Be sure to know yours before you institute changes you deem healthy or unhealthy. He may resent your changes, he may find solace in your ways.
I love being playful and dancing but if I'm constantly under stress because my partner is spending too much, not contributing financially enough, etc. now I have to compensate and the stress load is unbalanced and I naturally lose that joy
I had a similar ex. He over spent on my credit cards because I would have to pay it, not him. He spent my work bonus on video games when I planned to use the money for things we needed for our new born, like diapers.
I couldn't respect him. He had no discipline. He was a taker, not a provider.
Yes, I chose poorly and I have paid for it for nearly 30 years.
Choosing wrong can mess up a woman's life, or end it. The kids and I escaped to a shelter.
Life without a man is better than a bad man. I don't know if I will ever try again
I agree sex is not a bargaining tool
As a guy, your second to last concept about shit-talking male interests is a good one for us to reverse engineer. My wife's media interests are basically all reality TV shows and I've had a tendency to shit-talk these as dumb or conceited or vapid. I'm never going to understand the allure of Real Housewives or the Karsashians, but at the very least I should be respectful of her feminine interests and allow her to engage with them without feeling self-conscious. Just like I want to be able to go to the range or watch the Boston Bruins without feeling self-conscious.
NO. WRONG. B3TA.
You're the head of the house. Those shows are poison. Grow a pair. Men like you create whamin like your "wife."
@@Willie_Wahzoo He is not beta, he is happily married and you're an angry incel
Useful content well put together - thanks!
Thank you. I hate to admit I'm been subject to all of these. With this said, just stating them and analyzing them the way you've has made it easier to understand.
As a woman who has had 2 men withhold sex as a form of punishment, I can say it is one of the most painful experiences in a relationship and does nothing but further the divide and make your partner feel like shit. Sorry for anyone else who has experienced this
How can I telly wife that she's so fat that I'm not attracted to her?
That stinks. Happened to a friend of mine. They are divorced. She didnt want a divorce.
Guy here
I feel for You
Yes,
Rejection in the bedroom, the most private personal place for a couple
Un speak able hurt and feelings
Haven't had any for over a year
She told me she would never act that way
Then she says I make her feel like I am using her or taking advantage of her
I have just ended up putting her in the same category as other women I am not supposed to think about or have "dreams " about
That how I survive this situation
Now a couple of months ago she tells me I need to fix my "dysfunctions" or we need to divorce
Actually she said
"I hope you love me more than your "dysfunctions" 😢😢😢
2 men?
Widowed first time is bad.
How did your make up with the second?
I am thinking that she is probably not with either one of them anymore
Sorry for your lose Kate
I know couples have speed bumps, but long-term rejection or made to feel that sex is a nuisance, hassle, project or a job
Makes you want to walk away
Hope you find someone who is into you
In the ...
Kitchen
Living room
Bedroom
Blessings to You on Your Journey
Most women aren't 'withholding' or 'punishing' but are unable to show up authentically when their needs are continually unmet.
THIS!
EXACTLY THIS.
Yes thank you! Why would i withhold sex ! I love it too 😂
Yep! I don’t desire to have sex with someone who doesn’t show up.
Most women bring nothing to the table but their wants and needs.
@connor so excited to hear you on modern wisdom this week. My 2 favourite podcasters!
Man i felt this one...good Lord. The last few ive been with were textbook examples of pretty much everything you laid out. It isnt even about sex. Withholding fun and fun energy in order to manipulate....been on the receiving end of this no matter how good or not so good ive been so I just end things very abruptly bc Ive seen it so many times.
Sex is what connects us. If you ask a woman what she gets out of a relationship, she can tell you because she will often tell you about this big long laundry list of prereqs.
Ask them what their man gets out of it, and she’ll say something equiv to “I am the table” or some nonsense about drive/support/femininity. While withholding sex, what is he getting out of it? What is keeping a connection between you two when they weaponize sex?
Very little. By withholding sex they demonstrate a lack of commitment to the relationship, one he won’t forget.
Intentionally divesting in him will only breed resentment which will create a death spiral of divestment.
And what is far worse than the man being angry and resentful? Apathetic and uninvested. At that point the relationship is already over, the words just haven’t been spoken yet.
If you only value sex in a relationship why not hire a prostitute?
Why have sex if your not married? Sex is a covenant and gift from God for marriage.
Why do men assume that women are intentionally withholding sex? There are many of us that just don't like it and it has little to do with them. I didn't care much for it before but then years ago having the equivalent of garden sheers slice me from one opening to the other so an 8 lb. Baby can come out safe... sex is an absolute chore. I set an alarm on my phone to remind me weekly. Lots of women just don't like sex anymore and husbands are like "what are you even good for if you don't put out" as opposed to saying they appreciate the effort we're trying. Sex drive doesn't come naturally for many so before feeling emasculated try finding out why it's less. And for pity sake would one of y'all come up with some version of a women's viagra so that maybe we could like sex?
@@BHAppy7807_ that's really sad
Another reason why sex is important to men is hormones. Testosterone makes us want sex so much. It is a part of how we are made.
Good point. I was told this growing up. Now we have a lot of men who have diabetes, heart disease, FLD, which can cause ED and low drive.
I don't really know if that is accurate or not - but I do find that men in general want to have sex more than their partners. Men initiate sex more than their partners. If I never initiated sex - I'm pretty sure my sex life will be down to zero for the past 10y.
So you agree men are hormonal
Your video and information is incredible. Thank you for being so knowledgeable and heartfelt. Thank you RUclips for having the wisdom to send out the newsreel to ones in need of learning more on this topic. God is so good!
Great video. Very helpful.
Thank you for raising awareness!
Being with someone like this feels like dying from 100,000 paper cuts. There's a million other things I'd rather do, including talk about them. That's why I'm going to stop writing now and go make myself a good cup of coffee. After that, I'm going hiking.
Cheers!
I’ve been trying to think about how to become playful again like you talked about early on. You’re right about it’s tough for us to feel like that when not emotional connected to our spouse. I’d like to add though that so many of us are just tired, both physically and emotionally. I work more than my husband, in school, do all household duties, etc. When we have no time to devote to ourselves, we don’t feel as feminine and certainly can’t relax.
Amazing collection.
That was really a lot of good helpful information!
Yep, any time I opened up in my previous relationship, it was used against me in a future argument. I quickly learned to keep stuff to myself and just not tell her things.
Sadly when I was in my soft feminine flow he’d clubbed me with abuse out of the blue in a sadistic way for no reason - even admitted to. After numerous incidents my body didn’t feel safe to go there. I was like a dog who is beaten so it starts to be afraid of the hand and starts growling. The verbal abuse got so bad I had to leave. I was called all sorts of names for no reason. One incident I was scrubbing cleaning HIS flat for 2 days after the painters left but I got pulled up for not cleaning 1 pan!!! No appreciation for the work I’ve done. I realised he was mentally ill. So I left. Than he spread to everyone I was a narcissist. Go figure.
That suxks!!! That bs happens to men all the time. It means the other is ungrateful and you're doing too much.
@@dennisrobinson8008 Men get beaten by women ALL THE TIME?
@@faithfj It's not ALL women. In the US the system is setup a way where that group doesn't get taken seriously for criminal or violent actions. Thus with a man in the house with some one who wanted to abuse the system might physically assault him. She does this knowing she will lie when the authorities come, because it's a extremely high percentage chance HE will be taken to jail for being physically assaulted. Note ALL women do not do this and i would assume not most, but one who wants to "hurt a man" would consider this type of action. It happens all the time. Men don't report. That's why the stats read as they do. Men don't report due to shame also that society will consider him weak or he might also have others trying to attack him after hearing about it.
@@dennisrobinson8008 I agree that men don't report and sometimes women are not held accountable for domestic violence however I've seen many women get arrested for it. Ask yourself why a man is ashamed of reporting it? The answer is PATRIARCHY
Loved seeing you on Chris' podcast. You definitely earned a subscriber.
Thanks to take the time to answer these questions, I wouldn't have that patience.
Some family therapists say that, in relationships, we are either in control, correct, or connect mode. Control emerges as a result of fear, correction comes as a result of the desire for power, and connection is pretty self explanatory (related most to being open -minded and flexible, in my opinion). A lot of times people can oscillate between control and correction, which signifies a fear of losing power. In general, I wish modern relationships were more about giving to each other rather than leveraging the other’s emotions to suit individual needs.
Dr. Bruce Lipton says 99 percent of our thoughts are subconscious. This means people are aware only of 1 percent of reality.
The happy ones who are i love with life, are aware up to 5 percent of reality, they are in love with a partner, with hobbies, with job....and they become much more self-aware.
because their brain stops playing so man negative subconscious programs.
I like this!
@@alaalfa8839 "because their brain stops playing so man negative subconscious programs" I like that part.
Sometimes I like to watch Teal Swan and she once talked about how men need to seek off-loading their emotional vulnerabilities to other men, not to women. That most women cannot hold space for a man's vulnerabilities without losing some respect for him, without viewing him as incapable of providing containment/emotional protection for her. She also talked about how men used to rely more heavily on fraternal spaces and that they're necessary for men's emotional health. This element should not be outsourced to women. Teal Swan articulated this aspect really well without judgement.
100 percent
Then women need to quit harping on us to share and bitching when we don't. It's fucking Catch-22s all the way down.
The problem with that mentality is "it makes the woman THINK the man is weak" when he is actually not. The man going to his LIFE PARTNER for emotional support rather than going to his male friend in no way undermines his ability to fend off an attacker, earn a promotion at work, fix what's broken, or provide meaningful support to his spouse or children. And it's funny how Teal even acknowledges in the back of her mind that her ideal man will still be calling on a male friend for help, even though she won't actively see it because it happens behind the scenes. The only thing this accomplishes is that she can now blissfully go on thinking her man is flawless, when she knows consciously that he is asking for help, just not from her. Simply put, this is just mental gymnastics used to dress up the reality the way she sees fit, allowing her to get all the support while giving nothing. Sorry, but if a family member dies, a spouse comes down with a terminal illness, a child is being bullied, a house catches fire, etc. then both partners should be equally supportive of each other. At all times for that matter. What man says, "I want to find a partner." And then proceeds to find one to provide for and support while still receiving the same level of emotional support he had when he was single. It would make more sense to just stay single. That's like giving money to a phone company every month but never receiving the phone.
Teal Swan is a charlatan.
the issue is that women do not know how to help men and we kind of suck at it...its also the other way around.
Excellent summary
This is a wonderfully formulated and brilliantly presented video! Years ago my father gave me this advice, which he passed-on to me from William Shakespeare's play "Hamlet": "Neither a borrower nor, a lender be". This advice saved me a pile of money before I was married. I dated many girls and women before marrying the wonderful person who agreed to exist as "one". According to my father's advice, I chose to learn from each dating experience. Finally, after many years, I met an intelligent, patience, fun-loving and overall wonderful woman involved a church group of single persons. Even though the church group was (in my estimation), very-very poorly named: "Career Singles". We married two-years later after I finished my M.D. and my betrothed had finished her Ph.D. It is now 40-years since we married and to this day, we remain in deeply in-love with each other.
Amen. When it comes to all of these I've experienced them to some degree. But the last one has been the most damaging (men sharing their emotions). I did this after 22 years of marriage. After she had asked me or told me over and over that she has no idea what's going on in my head. I finally shared it with her, and it ultimately became one of the main contributing factors to the end of my marriage.
Every time I think about it, I can't help but think it was a mistake on my part. This video leaves me really wondering if it was. I honestly don't know.
What I do know is that the damage has been done. I don't think I will ever trust or allow myself to be that vulnerable ever again. Right or wrong, I now struggle in believing what women actuality say. And I hate that.
Hey man don't be hard on yourself. If it had been 22 years I think she was just looking for an excuse to leave and pinned it on that. It wouldn't have been an issue if there were not problems to begin with. There are lots of successful relationships where men can share their feelings. From these comments a lot of people agree
@@C12341 That's a fair point. I appreciate your perspective.
I'm so sorry. I hope you find healing soon.
Samson and Delilah all day. Judges chapter 16. ALL whamin are Delilah.
A L L of them.
My ex was a great guy except for his alcoholism and addiction. I gave him room and freedom. He was engaging in risky behavior leading to legal, familial, and health crises. I stayed as long as possible but eventually it wasn't healthy for either of us. I know there are good men out there and hopeful to find a partnership based on mutual respect and care for each other. Thank you for giving insight into men's thinking so I can be better prepared to be a good partner.
I wonder how many decent guys you passed on and decided to take on that mess instead.
Perhaps you should not choose a man because of his wallet or value. If you did, then you got what you deserved.
Codependency/ childhood wounding would help you from attracting a toxic man
And yeah I attracted a toxic women and learned the hard way
@@ssing7113Thank.you for adding the point that you too chose poorly. I rarely see that in comment sections.
@zeeski7454 It’s funny that when women experience bad men it’s because they have “passed on the good ones”. But every man on this thread that has experienced a “bad” woman may have done that as well, but I don’t see you saying that to any of them. The narrative is that there aren’t any good women, because they’re ALL the same.
As always 💯🙌🙌🙌🙌 on these keys points
Informative video with real life content and examples.
It’s hard for me to want sex and feel flowy and happy when my partner disrespects me; doesn’t keep his word, disappears, and doesn’t communicate.
He doesn't respect you. Plus why have sex and your not married.
Agree; I think a lot of these things go both ways, even if some elements may be a bit different.
Exactly!
WTF is this video?
I'm not "withholding" fun or sex (which is much more fun to me than for him IF he's attractive): I'm just moving away from him OBVIOUSLY because HE did something disgusting.
I don't know about other women but I don't 'control' men and I will say to them whatever they commited to do and didn't, as THEY tell ME the same...
Men need to grow up and stop it with the slave complex. I'm A HUMAN BEING. I'm JUST LIKE YOU, but with a vagina.
What is so hard to understand???
PS. I have never ever tried to change a man nor demeaning his activities nor using his vulnerabilities against him. If somebody's wanting to change you, it's YOUR fault for choosing such an idiot as a partner. Her gender has nothing to do with that characteristics. Fullstop.
I hear you, and I understand. That said, I think we’re talking about a whole different type of situation, and ultimately, if you feel you have valid issues that cause you not to want to be with your man, you should discuss them with him, and if there is no change, you need to make a decision as to whether you care to remain with him at that point. As long as it is important to you to remain with your man, though, know that you will need to have sex with him, and that if you don’t, you’re communicating that you don’t care if he stays or goes and are actively encouraging unfaithfulness and abandonment of the relationship.
The reasons for sex can be very different. I liked sex always with the guy as long as we were moving forward but so many signs and also time passing with no movement forward to being closer then I know that sex is about all that this is ever going to be. That’s fine. It’s all good and enjoyable but now I have to face reality that it’s just about the sex. He has reached his capacity for closeness. I have to pivot to protect myself. I will have sex only if and when it’s just for sex because he has capped the limit on closeness in our relationship. I’m not doing sex without the reward. When closeness is capped off then that leaves the reward as satisfying the primal feeling of horniness. That simply happens way less frequently for women being that we have less than a 10th of the testosterone of men. FACT! Women are always adapting. Men have no capability to adapt. Testosterone fixes their brain at puberty. They are who they are. Women are the ones who adapt AND WE DO HAVE LIMITS TO THAT!!!
hmmm I think women can express unconditional love while holding their man accountable. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on the control/freedom/(un)conditional love/accountability soup. Great vid!
There's no such thing as unconditional love lol. Your mother loves you on the condition that you're her child - that's just a condition that can't be changed. I'll believe in unconditional love when you fall in love with a homeless man
Love does not always have to be romantic (like falling in love as you say). Consider unconditional love to be more like unconditional acceptance. And accepting others is a choice. To love unconditionally is a choice. There's effort that goes into it, which I don't think a lot of people realize. We need a lot more baseline human acceptance in this world in order to foster unconditional love. I hope you could give this some thought.@@xraceboyex
@@xraceboyexWow . That's it , by Jove !
This is the first video of yours that I’ve watched. I think as a wife I’m pretty good at most of these things. I’m thinking about the playfulness and feminine aspect that I used to enjoy. I don’t feel like I withhold that, but I think I’ve kind of lost connection with myself and the ability to feel carefree and joyful. That’s one thing that you can’t really fake. I think I need to work on reducing stress or something.
Thank for this very informative video! Learning growing and putting forth effort to be an amazing woman.
If you don’t mind me asking, what do you look for in a man? Figured you might have some wisdom.
This video really helped me. Instead of asking him to do things a way I like them it would be better to say "Whats a way we can do this where it's comfortable and easier for both of us?"
Indeed, being vulnerable when it isn’t safe is a big one. What shut me down, personnally in my last longterm relationship, was critique. Every step towards improvement that i made (for myself first, but not in a egoistic way, on the contrary) was criticised. Her fears made her want to change me as a person and that doesn’t ever work - ever.
My wife feels that I criticize and belittle her every little step toward self-improvement. She perceives my enthusiasm and interest as criticism, because she feels like I feel that she is a disappointment when she doesn't do every little thing I suggest. So I can't actually participate in anything beyond simply lavishing praise on her any time she decides to do something on her own. It's very frustrating.
Interesting.
Good video. Wondering did you make the follow up video. I’m interested in hearing that perspective also.
Brilliant! Thank you!
Biggest lesson women need to learn is that you should never expect a man to radically change after getting married. If he wasn't interested in doing chores and keeping a clean house before you got married, that's not going to change afterwards. The biggest conflict in relationships is when people expect things from each other that are not in line with that person's natural inclinations.
And if you complained that the woman was frigid and too modest before the marriage that won't change either.
Keeping the home clean = chores, is not an interest women have! It is a responsible thing to do. So men that don't do that should stay single! They do not deserve a woman in their lives, let alone sex! And the biggest reason for conflicts is dishonesty + irresponsibility = immaturity
@@evahafsteinsdottir3872 men and women have different conceptions of what "clean" means in a home. It even varies between individual women. People just need to take accountability for their own choices and preferences. Don't get married if the person you're dating isn't already fitting your standards.
@@derek96720 That's not a man v woman thing. That's an individual thing. I know plenty men who are clean freaks. Everyone has different standards of cleanliness. Match well with someone who either has the same standard or cares enough about you to do it your way since it doesn't matter to them. Problem solved.
@@derek96720 Dude, clean is clean, its not complciated
I'd say another thing women that do to emasculate their boyfriends/husbands/partners is comparing the relationship to another one (i.e a relationship that one of their friends is in, etc). When your partner compares you to another man and your relationship to another relationship, that can really, really make a man feel small. Been there and to be honest, has made me reflect on the routes women take to voice their needs.
that is not a woman thing. Men and women do that to each other and it has the same outcome regardless of gender.
Every single point is spot on.
Great content nailed it
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Last LTR I was in, started out great. Then a couple years in, she hit every point you mentioned… no surprise, the relationship fell apart. Glad to know it wasn’t just me going through that
I would love a video on how to emotionally support a man/male partner. How to actually retrieve that information and support them in the way they need.
Do all the things whamin naturally do when they first get obsessed with a new guy? Seriously, why is that hard for you to understand?
Great points..excellent. Video
Great advice. The last one is the most important IMO because it's something pretty much every man has experienced.
For the first one, given how you mentioned "unconsciously".
Regardless of the intention, withholding sex can feel like a punishment. You mention "when he doesn't show up the way you want to", for many women that feels like withholding intimacy.
The whole chores deal is never about chores, it's often about how one person feels the other is completely ok at throwing their responsibilities all over on them, and then makes a fuss about it whenever an attempt to make a change is made.
It is difficult to feel your partner cares, loves you or respects you when they are willing to leave you with lots of work and little leisure time, so they end up withholding sex either from the neglect, or simply the stress of all that work. May even end up resenting their partner if he keeps pushing for sex when their own emotional needs are completely disregarded.
"i'm not saying that you should have sex, even when you don't want to". That's utter bullshit. There's a list a mile long of things women expect men to do, whether he *wants* to do them or not. As long as it's acceptable for a woman to not have sex regularly with her husband, in the mood or not, there's no reason for men to marry, or even let her move in. If she's not going to do the only thing I can't pay someone to take care of (i.e. housekeeping, cooking, laundry, etc.), why should I put a roof over her head, fix her car, or give her my undivided attention?
Making or expecting a man or a woman to have sex with you as a transactional thing (or not) even if they don’t want to is cold and assault and abusive….Even if sex isn’t an intimate thing for you, and everything is so much better when it is mutual.
@@catalinaledermann which is exactly why men should never marry. Sex is the only thing a guy can't just hire someone to do. but if the wife doesn't like sleeping with him anymore, he remains obligated to provide for her.
Because she probably does other things for you too? Sex isn't "payment" for what you do for her.
@@curious164 Without consistent sex, there's zero reason to get married. I can hire someone to do anything else women do, for far less than providing for a wife costs. Nothing makes women turn off the faucet faster than getting married. Better to leave when she complains that you haven't proposed and find someone else.
Women provide very little. Everything is either "His job" (i.e., paying all the bills, yard work, car work, home repair, etc." or "Our job" (house cleaning, laundry, cooking). I've met exactly one couple in the last 20 years that doesn't fit that description. Men flat out shouldn't get married.
You don’t share hobbies or fun events with your woman? You can’t pay for true friendship either 😕
Great content thank you
Thank you for the video! I was in a short dating relationship but I left. At first I was blaming myself for being too needy and not a man enough. Now I understand that there was a real reason why I was feeling really bad. (and why I started feeling like myself after it was over).
What if the guy you love is smoking 4 blunts a day and you can tell it’s making him emotionally unavailable and thwarting all of his dreams? It’s literally the source of all of his problems, as he is super ambitious otherwise. Does that mean you are trying to change “him” or an unhealthy behavior he has?
Yes
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Women can and often do display these behaviors at anytime. Stay safe. Stay single! Keep the family courts out of your life and finances. You can thank me later.
wise words - stay single. agree 100%.
the problem is that marriage as an institution has been so ingrained in our lives that even if I KNOW staying single is the better option - I still find it difficult to accept that my kids will not get married.
Stay single? Really? Unless people become permanent celibates, that doesn't keep you out of family court. If anything, we need to take marriage seriously and keep divorce off the table. Build your family on God. Don't engage in infidelity and learn to communicate properly. That's how you build and keep a family.
Haha, you don't sound bitter at all.
@@faithfjAny thoughts on...why he might be bitter, Einstein?
@@mrsherwood2599 sure, Einstein. Probably a professional victim who blames others for his $hitty life and of course the low hanging fruit is misogyny so why not blame the evil women? The reality is that we all come across dishonorable people all the time. Instead of being a bitter loser, find out why you are so broken to attract wrong people into your life. Heal your trauma instead of blaming. Is it clear Einstein or you rather blame Femnazis?
Perfectly explained.
Love your perspectives and the way you convey the info to women. My BF is an avoidant so doesn't respond in a normal way to the things I'm doing right.
Ask a man to do something sweetly and he'll move a mountain for you. Nag him and he'll resent you. Ignore you, or do so reluctantly and halfassed. The effort you put in, is reciprocated.
You don't change a partner. You inspire them to want to change.
Criticism at home, not in front of people.
Mutual respect. But he leads. That is what it means to submit.
Show genuine appreciation for what he does. We can tell if you don't care.
What happens when the "freedom to move" results in laziness, complacency? I think there has to be some acceptance here. Is it possible that some people don't have the capacity to solve problems, come up solutions, take initiative? How should we operate in those spaces as a wife? When the husband doesnt see the value in coming up with solutions, partnership, aligning values and its now impacting the children and the dynamics in the household? Stay quiet? It seems like women are called to stay quiet for the purpose allowing her spouse to feel like the man, while everything else falls apart.
I went through this exact same thing!! I felt like I was cornered into being a mother role that I did not want! Because, giving them the freedom or open ended suggestions absolutely did nothing.
Man here
Sorry but true that some guys are that way
Feel sorry for the women 😢😢😢
that's exactly their logic. This whole emasculation topic is wild and is soo outdated. I hate that I came across this video and the comments of the men complaining when the statistics show that women do more household chores EVEN when they are literal breadwinners. Usually men have more leisure time in a typical marriage. Marriage benefits men on average but they are too immature to talk about it.
I found your video to be very informative and easy to understand. I search for ways to improve my feminine side & to open myself up to opportunities to learn about masculine energies. I have experienced that men can be guilty of the same damaging behaviors in relationships. Men can and do withhold sex as a form of power for various reasons. Withholding fun, daily nit picking, controlling, (Calling several times a day) Insecure. Trying to change you - Mothering = Smothering. Men smother as well. Demeaning your activities = EX: Moving furniture man to a woman "I thought you were stronger than that since you go to the gym everyday." Shit talking to her. Devaluing her achievements in front of family & friends. Withholding affection or approval. If you are lucky enough they will go to your work celebration event with you. Later you find them sulking in the corner nursing that broken ego. Share the limelight with you? Not if it's just for you. Treating their partners emotions & vulnerabilities like they don't exist or using them against them. Always answering for you. Telling you how you feel. "You don't feel that way." "You're not hurt." Character shaming statements like "@ least I never..." Finding yourself unable & unwilling to have a dialog with them due to your frustration about them getting defensive, being reactive, yelling over you, perhaps even your fear of them getting so disconnected from you they resort to physical violence. Perhaps I've just learned that men can and do emasculate women. Thank you for choosing to read my comment.
Most of these happened in my last marriage. One big one that’s pretty late stage is insulting their partner. Especially in front of others, they have lost all respect for the other person so much they feel comfortable putting them down in an effort to either make themselves look or feel better. The worst part is that there is no good way to react in the moment because it usually ends up escalating. It’s emotional manipulation and like you alluded to in this video, sometimes the only way to feel ok is to just go numb and withdraw.
I think safety is a huge reason why women try to change their significant others. Understanding this and explaining this to an understanding partner would go a lot further I think.
How would changing your partner make a woman feel more safe? I would think she ends up being unattracted after seeing him allow himself to be controlled
Safety or security? To me that's a big difference
So we just have to indulge your delusions? Got it.
Fuck that.
@@eliteluxurymeditations950 It makes her feel like she has power and control, which makes her feel safer.
@@mylesleggette7520 it makes her feel safer knowing that she has a man that she molded into whatever her idea of a good man is.
This video highlighted a lot of things that happened in my marriage but definitely doesn’t happen in my current relationship with my girlfriend.
Great video! Now I understand what really happened to me in my past relationship! I felt I was smaller than a grain of salt at the end, thanks to my ex trying to change me. I ended up feeling she wasn’t in the relationship for me but for other reasons. Then I decided to leave.
It’s so confusing to me. I’ve changed so many things about myself to be a better partner and to better myself for my partners. My one ex told me I needed to heal my eating disorder, so I did. Another ex told me I was unhappy in my career so I should switch, so I did. Another told me I needed to train my dog to not sleep in the bed, so I did.
Why is asking a guy to stop an unhealthy behavior or something that is stopping him from being his best self trying to “change him”? It’s changing a behavior.
Any person, man or woman that do not have the ability to self reflect and understand their impact on their relationships, will always struggle to hold a secure LTR.