I have been in a monogamous relationship for 46 years. Each of us strayed when we were in our early 20’s, discussed open relationship and decided it would not work for us. It is my thought I would rather be single than deal with all the uncertainty and rules involved. In my experience they never work and if they do they discover they are really just loving friendships. Also the chance of giving each other std’s, who needs to complicate life it’s is hard enough. Live and learn guys, live and learn.
Would rather be single than having an open relationship. Can't imagine my partner having sex with another person and then comes back to me at the end of the day. I believe that Sex is what brings couples together and is very intimate and makes them stay closer. Once the relationship becomes open, the relationship tends to fade and end.
I would rather be single than share a partner with others. I broke up with a bf who wanted an open relationship , he went on to sleep around , then realized he make a huge mistake. He wanted to get back together with me , I refused, I had zero interest in him after that. I told him we could be friends but , he gets very jealous when I go on dates. I have to keep reminding him I am single.
To be a sexual minority in a homophobic country is already difficult enough. Then you realize that half of your "tribe" is not into monogamous relationship... And on top of that- considering the little choice you are left with, don't forget that some chemistry should be there... Thank you, God, for making me gay 👍😂
@Richard Hoffman Giving the World a Heart When it’s over I want to say, I was the bride married to amazement; I was the bridegroom taking the whole world in my arms. -Mary Oliver I’ve had an ambivalent relationship to Valentine’s Day since I was a teen. Odd because with Libra Rising and being born the Year of the Sheep, I’ve got a romantic streak as deep as the Caspian Sea. But it’s always just seemed wrong that a holiday of the heart would have such narrow parameters and limited goals. As if the strongest force on the planet could only have been created for one other special person to receive. The Universal Shakti just seems so much more diverse and innovative than that. Maybe it’s my four planets in Aquarius, but I often think of love in a global, not just personal, way. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a day where everyone blanketed this tired, ailing planet with an unbridled, riotous array of blessings? With random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty like that old saying? One particular Valentine’s Day years ago changed my life. A brilliant butch playwright-goddess-girl who rode a black Kawasaki ended our union-on February 12. I stood in a phone booth on Valencia Street sobbing to a friend. From the corner of my eye I saw a homeless guy walk by pushing a shopping cart, glancing my way. A few minutes later he returned. “For you, lady,” he said, looking straight into me and offering a perfect huge white gardenia that I had no blessed idea where he could have possibly found. “Don’t cry, baby, it’ll all work out. I promise.” So of course, I cried harder. And gave him a big hug and every bill in my purse. Something about him just cracked my heart open to fill the sky. The next day, rather than whining about the surprise breakup, I felt inspired by this guy. I moved around the city just anonymously helping. I saw how many people, in relationships or not, felt profoundly miserable on this Alleged Big Day of Love. It felt incredible just to give to whoever crossed my path. I held a prayer all day: Wherever I can be a force for Love, please guide me. Take me wherever you wish me to go. Let me do your bidding. Surefire route to The. Best. Valentine’s. Day. Ever. Or maybe Best. Life. Ever. Whether you’ve got a terrific partner, or not. Tosha Silver
It is even worse dude. Those guys from "the other side of the tribe" start dating you telling how they love you and want to be with you only, and then after a year of a relationship they tell you how they want to kiss their friend and have a third guy participate in sex. Never make the mistake I did - never give a chance to someone who is a public bycisle BUT when they meet you they magically "change" and want monogamy.
I've had 4 failed attempts at an open relationship. They start out great with both of us discussing what we want. What I wanted was the freedom for us both to explore both inside and outside sexual connections with others while maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship between the two of us... what I ended up with was a lot of confusion, my partners becoming totally consumed with hookup culture and outside connections to the degree that we'd be so disconnected that I might see them scarcely. When we did connect, I'd always say "phones down and let's focus on us". Only to be interrupted by a new lover on the scene or my partner sneaking into the bathroom to check messages and communicate. I feel the intensity of focus shifted to whomever new was in the picture. I still would like to find a partner with whom I could have a healthy open relationship with but its painstakingly hard.
Well, I'm 52. Most guys say I'm over the hill. That's frustrating. Plus, as a gay man from South America, it's been quite hard for me to meet my soul mate. No one is interested in a steady relationship...unfortunately...
My husband and I were in an open relationship from the start. 48 years together until his recent death. We were madly in love and extracurricular sex often enhanced our relationship. There were no secrets about anything. None of it was difficult.
We did too, been together for 13 years. But i was so young and he was so old… and… I feel in love with two other men. That’s when I found out I was poly. That was a sh!tstorm breakup with him. But, I look at it as a growth of maturity for me. But I understand for him at his age, obviously his lifespan isn’t as so long. I really wish guys would just try Polly, we’re all humans and why just fall in love with “1” guy while there’s millions of others out there. I hope we as a species transcend further in our evolutionary journey in this universe. We are all but a blink in the grand scheme of things
Being faithful in a 5+ year relationship is unfeasible. You don't have to open your relationship, but you can let your partner have a fling or two per year or have threesomes or be a swinger.
Thanks Bevin for your comment. I'm very glad to hear you and your partner have intentional conversations designed to maintain and strengthen your emotional connection. All relationships need that.
I'm sorry but it seems like having an open relationship is about having one's cake and eating it too. If my partner needs to screw other guys in order to be satisfied then why does he need to be with me? Relationships aren't always convenient, there's something called love and sacrifice. If you're bored then work with your partner to see if there's a way you two can spice things up. But an 'open' relationship just seems to be validated cheating.
My partner has the right to like & be attracted to whomever they’d like. If my partner would like to have a sexual experience with someone they’re attracted to, then because we are partners, we can talk about it peacefully to see if it’s something that makes sense for our relationship. ♥️
In my opinion there are many factors that lead couples to start thinking about sex with someone else. We should never only talk about our own experiences. Instead, we should expand our minds a bit more and think what leads partners to make that decision. I hear a lot of different stories and all of those decisions are risky, cause there’s always lack of understanding and communication. If we want to be in a relationship, maybe we should considere what come with it before committing to that person. (Example) If your partner doesn’t like to talk about sex and is afraid to go further into it. If he is more vanilla than you are, but you still love him, because he has many other attributes. If you have the hint he enjoys certain things, but he’s just not used to them…etc etc. living with an autistic person could be a bit hard sometimes and it would be up to a lot of patience to keep that relationship. The idea of having sex with a third person crosses minds, but the big question will always be: would it be worth it? In my case, I always knew what I got into and no one forces me to do anything I don’t want to. Being in a relationship is not a life solved. If you really want to make it work, you better work for it without exceeding anything. Every case is different and sometimes there are more important things that just trying to only fix the sex part. If the PROS are more, quitting is not an option. Good luck to you all.
Thanks for your comment. A lot of people feel that way. Open relationships get a lot more visibility. Our 2020 research shows about 30% of gay male relationships are open. Other research has shown 50% are open. -Adam Blum, MFT
After thirteen years in an open relationship that I only suspected of I walked away. Five years later I was approached by a guy who would be my second partner. It turns out his lies caught up with him along with the STI's. Thankfully it was nothing life-threatening. Seventeen years later I walked away again when lie after lie was told to me. I'm staying single and celibate. He appeared on my doorstep two days ago three years after I last saw him. I threw him out.
Great video, I have been with my partner now for 5y and we have discussed an open relationship. We have a little thing do every now and then i call it a Relationship Warrant Of fitness, this involves sitting down with each other making sure we are comfortable not drunk and tell your partner 3 things or more if you wish you love about them and explain why if you can. This reassures each other we are still committed to each other if we struggle to find 3 things this would be an indicator that something is going wrong and we need to work on it, this would be for all couples open or not. Being open about your feels is VERY important, being not defensive also key allowing that person to not be afraid to open up more. Ultimately I believe this brings us even closer as a couple.
thanks for the useful information,but what happens if one us wants an open relationship and the other doesn't? i watched video about mending after an affair too, in that video you said that the betrayer - so to speak - should put himself in the shoes of the betrayed . so what if he does and then feels no pain since he doesn't mind his partner sleeping with other people and that's why he had an affair.
This is a very good video. Thank you. it's treated as a superficial issue when it's anything but that. this is one of the few videos in which the subject isn't treated inva jocular way.
What happens when a younger guy in his 30s want an open relationship with an older man in his 50s, the couple has been together 4 months and 2 are serious dating?
If he's interested in me and wants it to go anywhere it's going to be a monogamous relationship with the intention of marriage. the last thing I want to do in a relationship is get on Grindr to meet my sexual needs. No ma'am
How to numb yourself to feeling unsafe and insecure for sexual promiscuity: a winning relationship strategy And I wonder how we got the stereotype as sex obsessed??? Big mystery.
Why go through the guaranteed hurt if you "love" that person. Just for a connection that is way less significant than your real relationship? You gave us a formula to soothe our partners' heartache instead of avoiding it by heing single. Dislike
I have been in a monogamous relationship for 46 years. Each of us strayed when we were in our early 20’s, discussed open relationship and decided it would not work for us. It is my thought I would rather be single than deal with all the uncertainty and rules involved. In my experience they never work and if they do they discover they are really just loving friendships. Also the chance of giving each other std’s, who needs to complicate life it’s is hard enough. Live and learn guys, live and learn.
8 years later, this video is still helping people like me. Thank you.❤
You are welcome! Thanks for posting.
Would rather be single than having an open relationship. Can't imagine my partner having sex with another person and then comes back to me at the end of the day.
I believe that Sex is what brings couples together and is very intimate and makes them stay closer. Once the relationship becomes open, the relationship tends to fade and end.
I would rather be single than share a partner with others. I broke up with a bf who wanted an open relationship , he went on to sleep around , then realized he make a huge mistake. He wanted to get back together with me , I refused, I had zero interest in him after that. I told him we could be friends but , he gets very jealous when I go on dates. I have to keep reminding him I am single.
Yasss
👍👍👍👍
how i feel too if im not good enough hit the road.
Sounds toxic
Completely agree to you, would rather be single than having open relationship.
To be a sexual minority in a homophobic country is already difficult enough. Then you realize that half of your "tribe" is not into monogamous relationship... And on top of that- considering the little choice you are left with, don't forget that some chemistry should be there... Thank you, God, for making me gay 👍😂
@Richard Hoffman
Giving the World a Heart
When it’s over I want to say, I was the bride married to amazement; I was the bridegroom taking the whole world in my arms.
-Mary Oliver
I’ve had an ambivalent relationship to Valentine’s Day since I was a teen. Odd because with Libra Rising and being born the Year of the Sheep, I’ve got a romantic streak as deep as the Caspian Sea. But it’s always just seemed wrong that a holiday of the heart would have such narrow parameters and limited goals. As if the strongest force on the planet could only have been created for one other special person to receive.
The Universal Shakti just seems so much more diverse and innovative than that.
Maybe it’s my four planets in Aquarius, but I often think of love in a global, not just personal, way. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a day where everyone blanketed this tired, ailing planet with an unbridled, riotous array of blessings? With random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty like that old saying?
One particular Valentine’s Day years ago changed my life. A brilliant butch playwright-goddess-girl who rode a black Kawasaki ended our union-on February 12. I stood in a phone booth on Valencia Street sobbing to a friend.
From the corner of my eye I saw a homeless guy walk by pushing a shopping cart, glancing my way. A few minutes later he returned.
“For you, lady,” he said, looking straight into me and offering a perfect huge white gardenia that I had no blessed idea where he could have possibly found. “Don’t cry, baby, it’ll all work out. I promise.”
So of course, I cried harder. And gave him a big hug and every bill in my purse. Something about him just cracked my heart open to fill the sky.
The next day, rather than whining about the surprise breakup, I felt inspired by this guy. I moved around the city just anonymously helping. I saw how many people, in relationships or not, felt profoundly miserable on this Alleged Big Day of Love. It felt incredible just to give to whoever crossed my path.
I held a prayer all day: Wherever I can be a force for Love, please guide me. Take me wherever you wish me to go. Let me do your bidding.
Surefire route to The. Best. Valentine’s. Day. Ever. Or maybe Best. Life. Ever.
Whether you’ve got a terrific partner,
or not.
Tosha Silver
It is even worse dude. Those guys from "the other side of the tribe" start dating you telling how they love you and want to be with you only, and then after a year of a relationship they tell you how they want to kiss their friend and have a third guy participate in sex.
Never make the mistake I did - never give a chance to someone who is a public bycisle BUT when they meet you they magically "change" and want monogamy.
Very sad indeed. But I don't want to be cynical and just give up.
I've had 4 failed attempts at an open relationship. They start out great with both of us discussing what we want. What I wanted was the freedom for us both to explore both inside and outside sexual connections with others while maintaining a healthy, intimate relationship between the two of us... what I ended up with was a lot of confusion, my partners becoming totally consumed with hookup culture and outside connections to the degree that we'd be so disconnected that I might see them scarcely. When we did connect, I'd always say "phones down and let's focus on us". Only to be interrupted by a new lover on the scene or my partner sneaking into the bathroom to check messages and communicate. I feel the intensity of focus shifted to whomever new was in the picture. I still would like to find a partner with whom I could have a healthy open relationship with but its painstakingly hard.
Well, I'm 52. Most guys say I'm over the hill. That's frustrating. Plus, as a gay man from South America, it's been quite hard for me to meet my soul mate. No one is interested in a steady relationship...unfortunately...
I am. Interested now still single looking forward and still searching for not into open relationship
My husband and I were in an open relationship from the start. 48 years together until his recent death. We were madly in love and extracurricular sex often enhanced our relationship. There were no secrets about anything. None of it was difficult.
We did too, been together for 13 years. But i was so young and he was so old… and… I feel in love with two other men. That’s when I found out I was poly. That was a sh!tstorm breakup with him. But, I look at it as a growth of maturity for me. But I understand for him at his age, obviously his lifespan isn’t as so long. I really wish guys would just try Polly, we’re all humans and why just fall in love with “1” guy while there’s millions of others out there. I hope we as a species transcend further in our evolutionary journey in this universe. We are all but a blink in the grand scheme of things
If my partner needs to sleep with someone else then he doesn't need to be with me
Being faithful in a 5+ year relationship is unfeasible.
You don't have to open your relationship, but you can let your partner have a fling or two per year or have threesomes or be a swinger.
is there anything called Love, Is there anything like Sacrifice , everything nowadays is just convenience
Thanks Bevin for your comment. I'm very glad to hear you and your partner have intentional conversations designed to maintain and strengthen your emotional connection. All relationships need that.
Gay The
rapy Center
You made the most sane and sound decision you could possibly make. It's a sex addiction, and it's growing more and more rapidly.
I'm sorry but it seems like having an open relationship is about having one's cake and eating it too. If my partner needs to screw other guys in order to be satisfied then why does he need to be with me? Relationships aren't always convenient, there's something called love and sacrifice. If you're bored then work with your partner to see if there's a way you two can spice things up. But an 'open' relationship just seems to be validated cheating.
You're right
My partner has the right to like & be attracted to whomever they’d like. If my partner would like to have a sexual experience with someone they’re attracted to, then because we are partners, we can talk about it peacefully to see if it’s something that makes sense for our relationship. ♥️
@@Biz2872 lol Basically ya'll agree to sleaze
Thank you finally someone said it
If hiv became a death sentance again, I am almost certain all of this open relationship bullshit would cease in an instant.
Great video. I learned something. For me, it should be a loving committed monogamous relationship
If it’s open it’s not a relationship. It’s glorified fuck buds
In my opinion there are many factors that lead couples to start thinking about sex with someone else. We should never only talk about our own experiences. Instead, we should expand our minds a bit more and think what leads partners to make that decision. I hear a lot of different stories and all of those decisions are risky, cause there’s always lack of understanding and communication. If we want to be in a relationship, maybe we should considere what come with it before committing to that person. (Example)
If your partner doesn’t like to talk about sex and is afraid to go further into it.
If he is more vanilla than you are, but you still love him, because he has many other attributes.
If you have the hint he enjoys certain things, but he’s just not used to them…etc etc.
living with an autistic person could be a bit hard sometimes and it would be up to a lot of patience to keep that relationship.
The idea of having sex with a third person crosses minds, but the big question will always be: would it be worth it?
In my case, I always knew what I got into and no one forces me to do anything I don’t want to. Being in a relationship is not a life solved. If you really want to make it work, you better work for it without exceeding anything.
Every case is different and sometimes there are more important things that just trying to only fix the sex part.
If the PROS are more, quitting is not an option. Good luck to you all.
Seems like every gay male relationship these days eventually turns into open relationships.
Thanks for your comment. A lot of people feel that way. Open relationships get a lot more visibility. Our 2020 research shows about 30% of gay male relationships are open. Other research has shown 50% are open. -Adam Blum, MFT
@Adam Blum but in last 2020 video about OR you mentioned that according to your survey 60% of relationships are open...
I’m against OR. Too much energy and the outcome is quite predictable
After thirteen years in an open relationship that I only suspected of I walked away. Five years later I was approached by a guy who would be my second partner. It turns out his lies caught up with him along with the STI's. Thankfully it was nothing life-threatening. Seventeen years later I walked away again when lie after lie was told to me. I'm staying single and celibate. He appeared on my doorstep two days ago three years after I last saw him. I threw him out.
Great video, I have been with my partner now for 5y and we have discussed an open relationship. We have a little thing do every now and then i call it a Relationship Warrant Of fitness, this involves sitting down with each other making sure we are comfortable not drunk and tell your partner 3 things or more if you wish you love about them and explain why if you can. This reassures each other we are still committed to each other if we struggle to find 3 things this would be an indicator that something is going wrong and we need to work on it, this would be for all couples open or not.
Being open about your feels is VERY important, being not defensive also key allowing that person to not be afraid to open up more. Ultimately I believe this brings us even closer as a couple.
thanks for the useful information,but what happens if one us wants an open relationship and the other doesn't? i watched video about mending after an affair too, in that video you said that the betrayer - so to speak - should put himself in the shoes of the betrayed . so what if he does and then feels no pain since he doesn't mind his partner sleeping with other people and that's why he had an affair.
This is a very good video. Thank you. it's treated as a superficial issue when it's anything but that. this is one of the few videos in which the subject isn't treated inva jocular way.
What happens when a younger guy in his 30s want an open relationship with an older man in his 50s, the couple has been together 4 months and 2 are serious dating?
What is the book that you recommended? I cant seem to find it.
Sorry for the delay in replying. It's called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton
Omg thx you for this!
You're welcome! I'm glad it's helpful.
If he's interested in me and wants it to go anywhere it's going to be a monogamous relationship with the intention of marriage. the last thing I want to do in a relationship is get on Grindr to meet my sexual needs. No ma'am
How to numb yourself to feeling unsafe and insecure for sexual promiscuity: a winning relationship strategy
And I wonder how we got the stereotype as sex obsessed??? Big mystery.
Why go through the guaranteed hurt if you "love" that person. Just for a connection that is way less significant than your real relationship? You gave us a formula to soothe our partners' heartache instead of avoiding it by heing single. Dislike
What's life withou0t love,, I'm 40 single gay,, you????,
I'm gay 42 single again now
my name is Seth I am special needs gay man
help
What about MAP (minor attracted person) relationships? Oh, that's the next "new civil rights movement." Sorry I jumped the gun.
Are you still this stupid? Or have you had the necessary epiphany?
Are you a Russian propagandist?
Open is stupid