I am only into monogamous relationship. I’ve tried non monogamous it’s just not for me when I was in teens. I’m just an old fashioned kinda guy I think. And I hate when my friends told us that we would be open in 4 years. But we have been together for 10 years and we still love each other as much, sexually we still can’t get enough for each other. Maybe we are just the lucky ones who believe in the same thing. But that’s just our life.
@@sgtdroxie The prude in me doesn't approve of "open relationships". Too risky. Chance of STDs. Partner may get too emotionally involved with another significant other. Great chance of someone being hurt. If open relationships are your thing, then just don't ever have a serious relationship.
My husband and I have been together 32 years, married 9 years. We met in October, 1990. He initiated the first date. We had a wonderful evening, went out a few more times. A few weeks after our first date, he left on a pre planned trip to Europe. He was gone a week. He called the day he returned saying he’d thought about me a lot, and asked to see me the following day. After a few more dates, he told me he was dating another guy, and had been seeing him about 6 months. I was glad he was honest. I told him I didn’t have a problem with it. Christmas was approaching, and I wasn’t sure if gifts would be involved. Then a few days before Christmas, I came down with a bad case of the flu. On Christmas Eve, he dropped by, he was holding a huge stuffed Polar Bear with a black velvet bow around its neck. I felt very lucky. The following week I picked up a gift for him, a book he mentioned titled “Bear Pond”. I signed it for him. He asked if I’d like to attend a New Year’s Eve party a friend of his was giving. I accepted, we were having a great time, until the guy he’d been dating showed up too. He turned bright red because he didn’t know the guy was attending. He had a gift for him as well. An UNSIGNED copy of “Bear Pond”. Everybody was laughing, except the gift giver. We started out the new year with lots of dating. He was still seeing the other guy, which I didn’t have a problem with, but the other guy didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do. I told him I was fine. One night we went to a nightclub. After about 20 minutes the other guy walked in. Then it got hilarious because another guy he had dated arrived as well. My new flame looked like a ball in a pin ball machine. Taking time to talk with each of us as we were in different parts of the club. I thought the whole thing was hilarious. After over an hours of this, he finally sat down at our table. He told me he’d talked to both of them, told them he and I had been seeing each other, and officially broken up with them. He also said he was tired of all the running around. “You know I love you”. I told him I knew, and I felt the same way too. Our first anniversary was approaching. We were planning a low key weekend at a hotel. Then 2 weeks before the date he called and said “I’ve never dated anyone this long, I’m not sure what I want. Can we still be friends?”. I said no, click. A week later he called, sounding nervous. He asked if we could have dinner. I said sure. Then he got a little teary. He said he’d never felt the way he felt about me. He asked if I’d give him another chance. I said yes, but I wanted a commitment. We talked further at dinner. He asked for me to forgive him, I jokingly told him he was on probation. After 3 years of dating, we moved into a little bungalow. We were happy. Everyone was happy for us. We lost track of time and my folks asked if they could take us on a cruise for our 10th anniversary. We accepted and had a great time with them. A few years later, he accepted a new job, 800 miles away. His folks weren’t happy, my folks weren’t happy, but we had to think about his career. So, we moved. We spent a lot of time driving, and flying back and forth. We thought the move would be temporary, but after 7 years, we decided to look for a house. During this time, we began losing parents. The day we closed on our house, only my dad was left. I also hadn’t been feeling well. My dad died suddenly the following January. We started going back and forth to ready my parents home for sale, I still wasn’t feeling well. Then reality hit us, I was diagnosed with stage3 cancer. It slapped us both in the face. This story is already too long, so I won’t go into details. I was in the hospital for 2 months after surgery. He was there every morning at 7 to help me eat breakfast, then went to work, then came back for dinner. He slept on a cot a few times so I wouldn’t be scared. I was finally released, but never fully recovered. About 3 years later, bad luck again. Lung cancer diagnosis. It devastated both of us. I’d never smoked. It was very early, so I began radiation treatments. The day of my last treatment I was wiped out. Christmas was coming. I felt guilty because I did very little. He surprised me by taking me to a little cabin in Asheville the day after Christmas. So, I’ve tried both, open and monogamous. The wedding band on my finger reminds me every day how lucky I am. 32 years is wonderful.
I just used Google (something you can also use) to check on any stats on men who cheat and it's between 20% and 46% depending on which studies you use. The interesting thing is MOST men DON'T cheat. If it's not something a person wants to do, they won't do it. If an open relationship isn't the kind of relationship a person wants, at least half the men out there don't want it either 🤷🏾♂️
@@ajwalker4416 While I admire your desire to look this up, you must also consider 'poll bias'. Many studies rank it as "high", and as such it biases the results of a poll. Many men won't admit to cheating. Thank you and have a nice day.
@@lprochonROPE While people can and do lie, the _available_ data says it's between 20% and 46% admit to cheating. So because people can lie, just ignore the data even though it's based on actual responses from actual people? Your assertion, without any data, is that "many men won't admit to cheating" even though the polls I found are from men who _admit_ to cheating?🤔
@@ajwalker4416 Look, i am an academic, and we deal with poll bias or reporting data all the time. No where in my response did I say you must ignore the data, I recommend you invest in reading lessons. What I did say is that people lie and you must take poll results with a grain of salt. I would also have to look at the methodology of the poll. What was the question, how was it asked, was it by email, by phone? What age group was targeted? What was the weight of each age group within the sample? How bi was the sample? How statistically significant was it, and at which percentage interval? If you are the type of person what takes polls at face value, then you know, good for you.
@@lprochonROPE Too intellectual a dialogue. We didn't need all that "research". It boils down to human nature that is happens. The more important point is how honest with you patner do choose to be. That's the real question.
Jon is sooo mature and positive for his age. Brian, your partner loves you just as you are. It is beautiful and heart warming to see pure love being expressed and shared. You guys are a good model for the LGBTQI community.
I used to think that open relationships were OK and had good friends who were in one. But observing them over 30 years, I have to say that one of the partners rounds around much more than the other and that has caused resentment to form. After all this time, I can't tell if they are in love anymore. It's quite sad and I'm thankful I'm not in their boat.
My husband and I have been together for 40 years. We have always had an open relationship from day one. In all our years together we have never had one argument over this issue. We are totally in love. Just because you have a great entree, does not mean you don’t want some dessert. This may seem strange to those who do not understand but our open relationship has brought us closer together. No one can take you from your partner, unless your partner wants to go. I chuckle at people who give advice about being in a relationship, when they have not had a successful long term one. We are very happy with each other and our choices in our relationship rules.
Well talking to the group of women I run with. straight couples are non-monogamous but they don't admit it. There are many women who have affairs on their men while they know their husband is having an affair on them. Their reasoning is it is easier to ignore it and have the security the money. Now I remember talking to 60 to 100 year old people. They know their grandchildren and children are doing that still to this day. So maybe only 10% of them will admit it. Another great topic and a great job both of you
You need to color this with the following US stats. According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of hetero first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce. Guaranteed the majority of divorces are due to cheating. 2015 Australian study: Fifty-three per cent of the gay men said they were ‘in a relationship’. But of these, only 63% - a third of all men - said they had just one regular partner; 37% of men ‘in a relationship’ had other regular partners. Nearly three-quarters of those in a relationship had an open relationship; only 27% of them - 14% of the entire sample - had a committed, strictly monogamous relationship.
You are both extremely attractive. But personally, I’ve always been attracted to older men. Brian, you’re gorgeous! Know that. John is EXTREMELY lucky to have you at his side.
In my humble opinion, a gay male relationship is open for one of 2 reasons: 1) The person you’re with is not satisfying all of your desires, physically and emotionally. 2) You just want to experience another dick or hole. Period.
I don't know if it's because I'm into older men, got one for myself 👨❤️👨, but Brian you are very attractive, you sound like my own bf when he says that just cause he's older means he's less attractive. In my opinion, men are sexier with age!
Howdy guys, really like this topic, I am with Brian on the jealously. I would be in the same shoes as him having Jon as a BF. I think it is a different time and experience in life. I am glad that you two have found your medium and are happy. Thanks for being a good role model for younger/older gay relationship.
You guys got into a groove in this one. Ended up really liking it. Speaking of jealousy . . . I envy the two of you so much. There is a guy who is a best friend in all ways and I ended up falling in love with him. However, I am twice as old and he wants what I can't give him. So I am jealous that you two sweethearts have found it. Lots of xoxo! Happy, happy, happy for you!!!
We are a monogamous couple of 23 years, and we live in a major American city. I don't get this need for an open relationship, and I'm glad I don't. In our case we also have demanding jobs, that often stretch into part of Saturday's (not unusual were we live), so when we get to the rest of the weekend, that is our time. I often wonder for those couples who almost flaunt their "open relationship" where do they find the time for this, with out taking key time away from each other.
Great discussion fellas. I have been involved in both monogamous & non monogamous. I entered into an open relationship with my boyfriend (at his request) under the discussion that we would be open and we had rules in place. Didn't my boyfriend break every rule. We lasted five years until I left him. My current partner and I have been together for 28 years and are completely monogamous. You might think I would be completely soured on open relationships & I am not. Open relationships take a lot of work & each person has to pull their weight. They can work - I have seen it in friends. It's all about the couple and the connection. I don't judge.
IMO if you don't want the one you are with, then you should move on rather than be non-monogamous. I know loneliness at times cause people to settle for less than what they want and so they are always looking for the next best thing. Be happy or move on. 3 rules I have in a relationship: no addictions, no cheating and no dishonesty. Very happy to live alone and enjoy my time with friends rather than lower my standards. Has always worked for me.
Greetings from Chiapas, Mexico. Great topic. You are both very handsome. I'm 66 and Ive always considered my tastes to be very democratic. I can see beauty in all sizes, shapes, colors, and ages. I still have to feel something besides just a physical attraction.
I have been in both monogamous and open relationships in the past. I found them both to be very emotionally and sexually gratifying. Communication and safety is the key in any relationship. As long as both partners are in full agreement, do what makes you happy and live your best life! And Brian I agree with you that Jon is a beautiful young sexy man, but don't ever put yourself down. You may be a little older, but you are aged to perfection, and a beautiful sexy desirable man yourself! Enjoy that Florida sunshine!❤❤
Wilton Manors is an awesome gay area. I lived there for 15 years and then moved to Orlando for a job relo during COVID. Can’t wait to move back to Wilton in 2023!!!! Hope to meet you guys next time you are in Florida, either in WIlton or Orlando.
Good to see you together . From my experience , open relation was not good for me , because when two persons are diferente age is hard to find someone who will enjoy both . Complements from a portuguese man
When I met my husband 22 years ago, I wasn't sure if I could get behind the monogamous relationship he asked of me. It has not been a problem at all. That being said, you guys are rocking those shorts. See? It doesn't hurt to look and appreciate.
I think that if a open relations works for both partners, than go for it. But, like Brian, I have a hard time separating sex and emotion. And if you can separate the two, do you do the same with your partner? I've always wondered that. This was a really interesting discussion. Also, yes, Brian would make me turn my head.
My bf and I are now monogamous. My bf is older and has asked to sleep with others and found that he was getting attached to some guys and stopped. I haven't slept with anyone else but don't feel anything for hookups or F/buddies so, it wouldn't be an issue either way. It just isn't on my radar.
I've never heard anyone else speak about feeling judged by non-monogamous couples. I have many stories about married(str8-ish and gay) couples saying that we're judging them by declining their advances as well as stories including being grabbed for cutting off the advances and turning back towards my bf. I don't understand how someone with a partner can take rejection so poorly. Now I'm acutely aware of the ones who don't take "no thanks" very well in the event that it becomes a danger.
This can be complicated for many. I know of couples who are in committed relationships who allow their partner to go outside the relationship because they want to engage in acts or fetishes that their partner may not be into. I know others that bring a third or fourth to spice up the sex life. But I know others who are strictly monogamous because they have children and would never bring others in to confuse them or disrupt their relationship. And then there are others who are monogamous because they believe in committing to one person and building a shared life together.
Brian got it right. Don’t go hurting people. That damage can stay with you for a long time and destroy future relationships. For Christ sake can people just not be honest. Why do they feel the need to lie.
I've engaged in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, and I have to say I never found non-monogamy emotionally treacherous - definitely no more than relationships in general. I value both ways of being in relationship with others. I have been in a monogamous partnership for the last six years and I would be content to spend the rest of my life in that space. But I've been in open relationships in the past that were all emotionally and physically gratifying and all very loving and conducted with an ethic of care and safety. They required honesty, communication and to be entered into in good faith - and I think when we see open relationships break down it usually comes down to breakdowns in one of those areas (especially the last one). This is true of any relationship, though. I couldn't as a queer person get on board with giving someone shit for whatever they choose to do safely and consensually with adults. When those elements aren't present, though, its not about monogamy/non-monogamy, it's dysfunction.
Monogamy works fine for us. I have tried 3 ways in an another relationship and it did not work at all. It sure is fun, but I found that sex with my partner was not as interesting afterwards and you start looking for another partner all the time. The relationship did not survive.
39% non-monogamous in the community is exceedingly high. I am so conflicted on the “open relationships” that seem to be status quo among the community. I respect that we all create rules and parameters for our relationships and some people try to veer away from heteronormative ideations; However, the appeal of monogamy is something that makes sense to me in terms of what it means to the commitment to my partner. I am not in a relationship, but I have dated guys who want an open relationship and when I express that I may not be keen on being open I’m called “old fashioned”. I have been watching your videos and your conversation topics are researched and interesting. You should consider a podcast. Love watching, queer love from the Caribbean.
wow on vacation again? must be nice....always on vacation. my husband of 38 years, have always been monogamous. we love each other since the first time we met. happy holiday.....
My roommates have been together 13yrs, married for two and have open relationship. They have out lasted all our our friends relationships ( who were discusted at thought of being open ). Thier love for each other is deep and real.
When we were first dating, I told my ex that I would be open to trying out being in an open relationship with him. We dated for 9 months exclusively, just us, laying a foundation for us, and on the 9th month, out of left field, he finally went and hooked up with someone else. I didn’t realize how heartbroken I’d be when he did; I had fallen so in love with him in our time together and was starting to come to my truth that I couldn’t be in an open relationship, I was too insecure and I started to view our sex as a sacred act, but it was too late to have a convo, he had already had sex with someone else, gave me no warning. It was a huge learning experience, I mean he was my first relationship, so I learned a lot, and I don’t regret it even though I went through my first real heartbreak. Every time we had sex, for me, it always had the same “high” as the first time, so I know for me it’s not about getting bored with one person.
I think after years of the same sex and partner, sometimes they want to spice thing out in the bedroom, honestly i be worry about contacting aids so, but I understand it and might be open to it it depends.
I respect everyone and I don’t criticize anything or anyone but the relationship I do have with my partner is just for me if he or me wants to be with others easy and simple bye and let’s be friends.
The phrase non-monagamy strikes me as too broad to apply one set of rules or policies. If two men hook up for the sole purpose of a friendly release sexual tension, I have a hard time envisioning that as 'cheating' or even non-monagamy. If the same two guys plan a date with romance, future dates, & maybe even a relationship as possibilities that WOULD be cheating. I know of a situation where one guy said to another, "$20 if I can get you off in 20 minutes with just two fingers,". The other guy responded, "You're on!". Both were in committed relationships with other men and none of the four thought of it as cheating. It was on the emotional level of "I can do more pull-ups than you."
Each one have their own beauty and each one is handsome for their respective age. The older guy looks very nice for his age and you as well. The important factor is love respect consideration and happiness.
My ex and I were monogamous at first, but 6 years into the relationship he asked if we could become nonmonogamous. I said yes, but it soon became clear that what he meant by nonmonogamous was sleeping with other guys *instead of* me, not *in addition to* me. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much longer, and we decided to get divorced about a year later.
Hetero couples don’t talk about sex and consent or communicate with each other about sex for the most part, plus there is a lot of normative, societal, and religious pressure around monogamy.
I believe in a Monogamous relationship I don't like to sleep around I don't like my partner to sleep around, Because we don't like condoms So therefore we don't sleep around. End of subject Those who sleep around bring home something An unwelcome guest. And who needs that crap! Not me that's for sure. This was a good Podcast, I'm surprised you guys were so out there in the Sun roasting to death with All the guanas comingComing close to meet you. Lol They probably want to taste you! Yikes If I were you guys I would be in the pool right now! I do not like to roast to death.
I’ve been together with my partner for more than 10 years…and the thought of being non-monogamous never crossed our minds…. I mean we try to work out whatever our problems are, sexually and emotionally, I guess…
To me, monogamy should be the exception rather than the rule... hear me out. The level of sacrifice and compromise to maintain monogamy is immense in a lot of (if not most) instances, because it means 'forcing' yourself to be satisfied with your partner in all regards. If you are, then great... the stars aligned an you're one of the lucky ones. But I think for most, there are missing elements which an open relationship can remedy. Whether it be some form of intimacy, sex, kink, fetish, etc, it's unreasonable to expect that your partner meets all of these needs, and so having an open relationship can allow you to find that missing piece without secretly stepping out or being ashamed of whatever it is. It's for this very reason that a lot of monogamous relationships have other issues like porn addictions, wandering eyes etc, where a partner feels trapped while feeling unfulfilled in some regard. We just need to be real!... there are 7+ billion people on earth and we're boxed into normative constructs that only ONE of those people is our everything. Again, if that's the case then fantastic, but statistically speaking, the opposite is most likely true. Clear and open communication is key though, and both partners need to have a good handle on themselves, otherwise yes, there can be issues. And naturally, ground rules must be set to ensure both partners are comfortable with the arrangement.
You two make a lot of sense. Committed, monogamous, relationships are what true love is. It involves a closeness and trust that only two people can have. Jealousy is just insecurity from past experiences. Hope your vacation is everything you hoped it would be
That’s not necessarily true. Just depends on where you’re at in the stage of a relationship nonmonogamous becomes a lot more common the longer you’re together with guys. Doesn’t mean you’re not intimate and committed to your spouse as long as it’s open and honest
Couldn't do an open relationship, tome that's just having a friend you have sex with and that's not what a relationship is to me. I won't judge others who think differently, what works for me won't work for everyone I just don't see the point of having a "relationship" with someone if it's not exclusive.
You both are adorable! I frankly am scared to get involved with a younger man because of the age difference, but you two seem to have it balanced out. And I agree with Brian in that being the older one, jealousy would be a similar issue with me. This whole discussion is interesting. I have been in 2 LTRs spanning 40 years so being non-monogamous is very peculiar to me. I am currently dating right now and we aren't exclusive either but I cannot even entertain dating other men. I guess times have changed a bit.
We entered this relationship knowing it would be monogamous and that’s how we’ve stayed. I think maintaining that open communication as time passes it super important. Just because you intend to be monogamous or poly or open or whatever in the beginning, doesn’t mean that you want to be like that in the future.
Stats point out that your likelihood of acquiring STD goes way up with increased # of partners. Not to mention putting sex above the long-term stability of relationship..... not a good idea if you want it to last
I really hope you guys see this I hope you had a wonderful vacation! And there's iguanas are disgusting some of them down in the Florida Keys are different color some are purple and they have yellow in them they're crazy I think they turn yellow when they get on my sister's house because it's yellow! Welcome to Florida! The closer you get to the Florida Keys and Key West is what I meant to say the Wilder the houses can get! Hope you guys had the time of your life and I am in monogamous person also!
Great podcast! I am sure the best approach to monogamy or non-monogamy is...being non-judgmental. That's a hard thing for us humans to do. Personally, I agree very much with Brian regarding the need for an emotional connection. I've settled for less, but it's not fulfilling. Being single can be tough (especially when one's sex drive isn't dead!), but I've always said I will hold out for the right guy. I'm very curious, you two have such interesting chemistry and bounce off each other so well. What are your astrological signs? I'd ask birth year, but I know that's still a secret for Brian. Silly man. 😉
My hubby & I have been together 22 yrs. I love him, & want him to live happily. He has a number of fetish interests which I don’t share. I have given him my consent to enjoy/explore his fetish’s with others, SAFELY & HONESTLY. Our relationship IS ‘monogamous’, but his sexual fetish interests has flexibility 😉👍 We are both happy and satisfied with /in our relationship.
When you was talking about look. To me only Brian is really hot, but that is because I like older guys and I have never liked man much younger than 50... But both of you look good.
I was always surprised by the rules of "open" relationships. "I want you but, sodomy is out of the question" "I want you but, we can't go to my place" "I want you but, the bed is off limit" I want you but, my boyfriend needs to catch-up with me" "I want you but, etc......." PS: I could never, knowingly, engage sexually with someone in a relationship. (unlike some who prefer it)
I was told -- DON"T BRING IT HOME!! It worked for 40 years. Monogamy is a very 'sliding' scale and a very human condition - not to be discarded as non-human.
It takes a special kind of person to truly separate sex and love. For me, I love so much I could watch my partner go out and have sex. It would wreck me. However, kudos to those who can
30 years monogamous here..wouldn’t have it any other way. ❤️❤️
Good for you.
32 years now
I am only into monogamous relationship. I’ve tried non monogamous it’s just not for me when I was in teens. I’m just an old fashioned kinda guy I think. And I hate when my friends told us that we would be open in 4 years. But we have been together for 10 years and we still love each other as much, sexually we still can’t get enough for each other. Maybe we are just the lucky ones who believe in the same thing. But that’s just our life.
I'm only into monogamous relationships. But so hard to find 🤷♂️
@@sgtdroxie The prude in me doesn't approve of "open relationships". Too risky. Chance of STDs. Partner may get too emotionally involved with another significant other. Great chance of someone being hurt.
If open relationships are your thing, then just don't ever have a serious relationship.
@@jerrylee8261 Did you read what I wrote before writing me this response that makes no sense to what I said?
@@sgtdroxie Yes, last sentence was not directed at your post rather just my opinion. Sorry for confusion.
@@jerrylee8261 That makes more sense.
My husband and I have been together 32 years, married 9 years. We met in October, 1990. He initiated the first date. We had a wonderful evening, went out a few more times. A few weeks after our first date, he left on a pre planned trip to Europe. He was gone a week. He called the day he returned saying he’d thought about me a lot, and asked to see me the following day. After a few more dates, he told me he was dating another guy, and had been seeing him about 6 months. I was glad he was honest. I told him I didn’t have a problem with it. Christmas was approaching, and I wasn’t sure if gifts would be involved. Then a few days before Christmas, I came down with a bad case of the flu. On Christmas Eve, he dropped by, he was holding a huge stuffed Polar Bear with a black velvet bow around its neck. I felt very lucky. The following week I picked up a gift for him, a book he mentioned titled “Bear Pond”. I signed it for him. He asked if I’d like to attend a New Year’s Eve party a friend of his was giving. I accepted, we were having a great time, until the guy he’d been dating showed up too. He turned bright red because he didn’t know the guy was attending. He had a gift for him as well. An UNSIGNED copy of “Bear Pond”. Everybody was laughing, except the gift giver.
We started out the new year with lots of dating. He was still seeing the other guy, which I didn’t have a problem with, but the other guy didn’t know. He didn’t know what to do. I told him I was fine. One night we went to a nightclub. After about 20 minutes the other guy walked in. Then it got hilarious because another guy he had dated arrived as well. My new flame looked like a ball in a pin ball machine. Taking time to talk with each of us as we were in different parts of the club. I thought the whole thing was hilarious. After over an hours of this, he finally sat down at our table. He told me he’d talked to both of them, told them he and I had been seeing each other, and officially broken up with them. He also said he was tired of all the running around. “You know I love you”. I told him I knew, and I felt the same way too.
Our first anniversary was approaching. We were planning a low key weekend at a hotel. Then 2 weeks before the date he called and said “I’ve never dated anyone this long, I’m not sure what I want. Can we still be friends?”. I said no, click. A week later he called, sounding nervous. He asked if we could have dinner. I said sure. Then he got a little teary. He said he’d never felt the way he felt about me. He asked if I’d give him another chance. I said yes, but I wanted a commitment. We talked further at dinner. He asked for me to forgive him, I jokingly told him he was on probation.
After 3 years of dating, we moved into a little bungalow. We were happy. Everyone was happy for us. We lost track of time and my folks asked if they could take us on a cruise for our 10th anniversary. We accepted and had a great time with them. A few years later, he accepted a new job, 800 miles away. His folks weren’t happy, my folks weren’t happy, but we had to think about his career. So, we moved. We spent a lot of time driving, and flying back and forth. We thought the move would be temporary, but after 7 years, we decided to look for a house. During this time, we began losing parents. The day we closed on our house, only my dad was left. I also hadn’t been feeling well. My dad died suddenly the following January. We started going back and forth to ready my parents home for sale, I still wasn’t feeling well.
Then reality hit us, I was diagnosed with stage3 cancer. It slapped us both in the face. This story is already too long, so I won’t go into details. I was in the hospital for 2 months after surgery. He was there every morning at 7 to help me eat breakfast, then went to work, then came back for dinner. He slept on a cot a few times so I wouldn’t be scared. I was finally released, but never fully recovered. About 3 years later, bad luck again. Lung cancer diagnosis. It devastated both of us. I’d never smoked. It was very early, so I began radiation treatments. The day of my last treatment I was wiped out. Christmas was coming. I felt guilty because I did very little. He surprised me by taking me to a little cabin in Asheville the day after Christmas. So, I’ve tried both, open and monogamous. The wedding band on my finger reminds me every day how lucky I am. 32 years is wonderful.
John, what a funny and emotional story. 32 years, what an accomplishment. How’s your health now?
I believe in monogamy since I been out since 1988. Most guys think it’s a type of wood .
Lol
Nice
LOL!
LOL
Nothing wrong with morning wood
10% Don't forget, non-monogamous is something that couples agree to. How many straight married men cheat? I am reared to bet that it is very high.
I just used Google (something you can also use) to check on any stats on men who cheat and it's between 20% and 46% depending on which studies you use. The interesting thing is MOST men DON'T cheat. If it's not something a person wants to do, they won't do it. If an open relationship isn't the kind of relationship a person wants, at least half the men out there don't want it either 🤷🏾♂️
@@ajwalker4416 While I admire your desire to look this up, you must also consider 'poll bias'. Many studies rank it as "high", and as such it biases the results of a poll. Many men won't admit to cheating. Thank you and have a nice day.
@@lprochonROPE While people can and do lie, the _available_ data says it's between 20% and 46% admit to cheating. So because people can lie, just ignore the data even though it's based on actual responses from actual people? Your assertion, without any data, is that "many men won't admit to cheating" even though the polls I found are from men who _admit_ to cheating?🤔
@@ajwalker4416 Look, i am an academic, and we deal with poll bias or reporting data all the time. No where in my response did I say you must ignore the data, I recommend you invest in reading lessons. What I did say is that people lie and you must take poll results with a grain of salt. I would also have to look at the methodology of the poll. What was the question, how was it asked, was it by email, by phone? What age group was targeted? What was the weight of each age group within the sample? How bi was the sample? How statistically significant was it, and at which percentage interval? If you are the type of person what takes polls at face value, then you know, good for you.
@@lprochonROPE Too intellectual a dialogue. We didn't need all that "research". It boils down to human nature that is happens. The more important point is how honest with you patner do choose to be. That's the real question.
Jon is sooo mature and positive for his age. Brian, your partner loves you just as you are. It is beautiful and heart warming to see pure love being expressed and shared. You guys are a good model for the LGBTQI community.
Thanks David!!
I used to think that open relationships were OK and had good friends who were in one. But observing them over 30 years, I have to say that one of the partners rounds around much more than the other and that has caused resentment to form. After all this time, I can't tell if they are in love anymore. It's quite sad and I'm thankful I'm not in their boat.
I choose not to judge. If you want monogamy or an open relationship I have to respect either one 😁🌈👍
My husband and I have been together for 40 years.
We have always had an open relationship from day one.
In all our years together we have never had one argument over this issue.
We are totally in love.
Just because you have a great entree, does not mean you don’t want some dessert.
This may seem strange to those who do not understand but our open relationship has brought us closer together.
No one can take you from your partner, unless your partner wants to go.
I chuckle at people who give advice about being in a relationship, when they have not had a successful long term one.
We are very happy with each other and our choices in our relationship rules.
I love this 💯
I love this 💯
I am just curious 🧐, no mean to offend, but if you love your partner truly then why do have to had s*x with other people?
@@uncivilized101 you are confusing sex with love.
It’s the way you have been conditioned.
Thank you so much for sharing your success and truth. Very appreciative x
Brian is so right about emotion and sex going hand in hand. And, yes, Brian is very handsome and cute at the same time. What a catch!
He’s a catch 🎣
Right! I think so too. But they both are handsome as heck!
Well talking to the group of women I run with. straight couples are non-monogamous but they don't admit it. There are many women who have affairs on their men while they know their husband is having an affair on them. Their reasoning is it is easier to ignore it and have the security the money. Now I remember talking to 60 to 100 year old people. They know their grandchildren and children are doing that still to this day. So maybe only 10% of them will admit it. Another great topic and a great job both of you
💯
THANK YOU.
You need to color this with the following US stats. According to the American Psychological Association, approximately 40-50% of hetero first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rate for second marriages is even higher, with approximately 60-67% of second marriages ending in divorce. Guaranteed the majority of divorces are due to cheating. 2015 Australian study: Fifty-three per cent of the gay men said they were ‘in a relationship’. But of these, only 63% - a third of all men - said they had just one regular partner; 37% of men ‘in a relationship’ had other regular partners. Nearly three-quarters of those in a relationship had an open relationship; only 27% of them - 14% of the entire sample - had a committed, strictly monogamous relationship.
Love you guys!! Can tell you really care about each other and like how you openly discuss topics other couples do not. Keep up the good work.
You are both extremely attractive. But personally, I’ve always been attracted to older men. Brian, you’re gorgeous! Know that. John is EXTREMELY lucky to have you at his side.
In my humble opinion, a gay male relationship is open for one of 2 reasons: 1) The person you’re with is not satisfying all of your desires, physically and emotionally. 2) You just want to experience another dick or hole. Period.
You are so respectful and kind to each other. That is so nice. I always seem to attract rude a-holes 🤷♂️
I don't know if it's because I'm into older men, got one for myself 👨❤️👨, but Brian you are very attractive, you sound like my own bf when he says that just cause he's older means he's less attractive. In my opinion, men are sexier with age!
Howdy guys, really like this topic, I am with Brian on the jealously. I would be in the same shoes as him having Jon as a BF. I think it is a different time and experience in life. I am glad that you two have found your medium and are happy. Thanks for being a good role model for younger/older gay relationship.
Wilton manors is the perfect place to talk about open relationships. That place is a giant gang bang 😂
You guys got into a groove in this one. Ended up really liking it. Speaking of jealousy . . . I envy the two of you so much. There is a guy who is a best friend in all ways and I ended up falling in love with him. However, I am twice as old and he wants what I can't give him. So I am jealous that you two sweethearts have found it. Lots of xoxo! Happy, happy, happy for you!!!
One sided love hurts 😔
We are a monogamous couple of 23 years, and we live in a major American city. I don't get this need for an open relationship, and I'm glad I don't. In our case we also have demanding jobs, that often stretch into part of Saturday's (not unusual were we live), so when we get to the rest of the weekend, that is our time. I often wonder for those couples who almost flaunt their "open relationship" where do they find the time for this, with out taking key time away from each other.
Great discussion fellas. I have been involved in both monogamous & non monogamous. I entered into an open relationship with my boyfriend (at his request) under the discussion that we would be open and we had rules in place. Didn't my boyfriend break every rule. We lasted five years until I left him. My current partner and I have been together for 28 years and are completely monogamous. You might think I would be completely soured on open relationships & I am not. Open relationships take a lot of work & each person has to pull their weight. They can work - I have seen it in friends. It's all about the couple and the connection. I don't judge.
IMO if you don't want the one you are with, then you should move on rather than be non-monogamous. I know loneliness at times cause people to settle for less than what they want and so they are always looking for the next best thing. Be happy or move on. 3 rules I have in a relationship: no addictions, no cheating and no dishonesty. Very happy to live alone and enjoy my time with friends rather than lower my standards. Has always worked for me.
Great!
Greetings from Chiapas, Mexico. Great topic. You are both very handsome. I'm 66 and Ive always considered my tastes to be very democratic. I can see beauty in all sizes, shapes, colors, and ages. I still have to feel something besides just a physical attraction.
I have been in both monogamous and open relationships in the past. I found them both to be very emotionally and sexually gratifying. Communication and safety is the key in any relationship. As long as both partners are in full agreement, do what makes you happy and live your best life! And Brian I agree with you that Jon is a beautiful young sexy man, but don't ever put yourself down. You may be a little older, but you are aged to perfection, and a beautiful sexy desirable man yourself! Enjoy that Florida sunshine!❤❤
THANK YOU
Stay single if u wanna have a OPEN relationship with yourself.
I just cannot share if I LOVE!
Me too, marry me 🤣🤣🤣
This channel is worthy of 100 thou. followers, why are we still at 11.5? Keep going guys, don't quit.
Yes! Let’s goooooo!!
So what do you think of ‘Polyamory’? I just saw this explained and WOW - I feel the world is passing me by.
Wilton Manors is an awesome gay area. I lived there for 15 years and then moved to Orlando for a job relo during COVID. Can’t wait to move back to Wilton in 2023!!!! Hope to meet you guys next time you are in Florida, either in WIlton or Orlando.
Good to see you together . From my experience , open relation was not good for me , because when two persons are diferente age is hard to find someone who will enjoy both . Complements from a portuguese man
I’m a little Portuguese too
When I met my husband 22 years ago, I wasn't sure if I could get behind the monogamous relationship he asked of me. It has not been a problem at all. That being said, you guys are rocking those shorts. See? It doesn't hurt to look and appreciate.
I think that if a open relations works for both partners, than go for it. But, like Brian, I have a hard time separating sex and emotion. And if you can separate the two, do you do the same with your partner? I've always wondered that. This was a really interesting discussion. Also, yes, Brian would make me turn my head.
My bf and I are now monogamous. My bf is older and has asked to sleep with others and found that he was getting attached to some guys and stopped. I haven't slept with anyone else but don't feel anything for hookups or F/buddies so, it wouldn't be an issue either way. It just isn't on my radar.
I've never heard anyone else speak about feeling judged by non-monogamous couples. I have many stories about married(str8-ish and gay) couples saying that we're judging them by declining their advances as well as stories including being grabbed for cutting off the advances and turning back towards my bf. I don't understand how someone with a partner can take rejection so poorly. Now I'm acutely aware of the ones who don't take "no thanks" very well in the event that it becomes a danger.
Ya in order to trust someone .monogamy is the only way for that to work...Love the cute kiss .
This can be complicated for many. I know of couples who are in committed relationships who allow their partner to go outside the relationship because they want to engage in acts or fetishes that their partner may not be into. I know others that bring a third or fourth to spice up the sex life. But I know others who are strictly monogamous because they have children and would never bring others in to confuse them or disrupt their relationship. And then there are others who are monogamous because they believe in committing to one person and building a shared life together.
Oh my God. Man spread and those thighs again. What are you doing to us.🤪👍❤️
They know what they're doing 🥵
🤣
I'm twitching at their thighliciousness
I'm loving your channel guys.
As a daddy that remembers being what i was like in my 20's and 30's, I loved silver daddies
Now i am one!
I wonder what I’ll be like when I’m a silver daddy! Will my interest shift to younger or will I remain the same! Time will tell👌🏼
You are a cute daddy @winnileesboy
Brian got it right. Don’t go hurting people. That damage can stay with you for a long time and destroy future relationships. For Christ sake can people just not be honest. Why do they feel the need to lie.
I've engaged in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, and I have to say I never found non-monogamy emotionally treacherous - definitely no more than relationships in general. I value both ways of being in relationship with others. I have been in a monogamous partnership for the last six years and I would be content to spend the rest of my life in that space.
But I've been in open relationships in the past that were all emotionally and physically gratifying and all very loving and conducted with an ethic of care and safety. They required honesty, communication and to be entered into in good faith - and I think when we see open relationships break down it usually comes down to breakdowns in one of those areas (especially the last one). This is true of any relationship, though.
I couldn't as a queer person get on board with giving someone shit for whatever they choose to do safely and consensually with adults. When those elements aren't present, though, its not about monogamy/non-monogamy, it's dysfunction.
Monogamy works fine for us. I have tried 3 ways in an another relationship and it did not work at all. It sure is fun, but I found that sex with my partner was not as interesting afterwards and you start looking for another partner all the time. The relationship did not survive.
Love you John and Brian
Are you two planning on getting married? I really like how excited you get Jon when Brian is coming to visit.
39% non-monogamous in the community is exceedingly high. I am so conflicted on the “open relationships” that seem to be status quo among the community. I respect that we all create rules and parameters for our relationships and some people try to veer away from heteronormative ideations; However, the appeal of monogamy is something that makes sense to me in terms of what it means to the commitment to my partner. I am not in a relationship, but I have dated guys who want an open relationship and when I express that I may not be keen on being open I’m called “old fashioned”.
I have been watching your videos and your conversation topics are researched and interesting. You should consider a podcast. Love watching, queer love from the Caribbean.
wow on vacation again? must be nice....always on vacation. my husband of 38 years, have always been monogamous. we love each other since the first time we met. happy holiday.....
Me monogamous but still single😂😂
My roommates have been together 13yrs, married for two and have open relationship. They have out lasted all our our friends relationships ( who were discusted at thought of being open ). Thier love for each other is deep and real.
Monogamous realship is real for me . Another feeling is just only for fun .
No way just one man for me!
3:56 Precisely my thought.
When we were first dating, I told my ex that I would be open to trying out being in an open relationship with him. We dated for 9 months exclusively, just us, laying a foundation for us, and on the 9th month, out of left field, he finally went and hooked up with someone else. I didn’t realize how heartbroken I’d be when he did; I had fallen so in love with him in our time together and was starting to come to my truth that I couldn’t be in an open relationship, I was too insecure and I started to view our sex as a sacred act, but it was too late to have a convo, he had already had sex with someone else, gave me no warning. It was a huge learning experience, I mean he was my first relationship, so I learned a lot, and I don’t regret it even though I went through my first real heartbreak. Every time we had sex, for me, it always had the same “high” as the first time, so I know for me it’s not about getting bored with one person.
Thanks for a nice podcast, I learned a bit and the presentation was very non biased 😀
Jon is reading from the book of monogamous. Hello!!!😂
I think after years of the same sex and partner, sometimes they want to spice thing out in the bedroom, honestly i be worry about contacting aids so, but I understand it and might be open to it it depends.
I respect everyone and I don’t criticize anything or anyone but the relationship I do have with my partner is just for me if he or me wants to be with others easy and simple bye and let’s be friends.
love this video!! cause u get some kind of perspective in things
The phrase non-monagamy strikes me as too broad to apply one set of rules or policies. If two men hook up for the sole purpose of a friendly release sexual tension, I have a hard time envisioning that as 'cheating' or even non-monagamy. If the same two guys plan a date with romance, future dates, & maybe even a relationship as possibilities that WOULD be cheating.
I know of a situation where one guy said to another, "$20 if I can get you off in 20 minutes with just two fingers,". The other guy responded, "You're on!". Both were in committed relationships with other men and none of the four thought of it as cheating. It was on the emotional level of "I can do more pull-ups than you."
Another great podcast!
open relationship and monogamy, it is a good topic.
Can't believe you filmed this across the street from my apt building!
I think sex is attached to emotions. And are good and bad it’s fax of life.
I can't wait to hear their info on this
Be safe...keep flirting without hurting anyone
Each one have their own beauty and each one is handsome for their respective age. The older guy looks very nice for his age and you as well. The important factor is love respect consideration and happiness.
You are two of the best people on the Web.
You are both beautiful. J&B
My ex and I were monogamous at first, but 6 years into the relationship he asked if we could become nonmonogamous. I said yes, but it soon became clear that what he meant by nonmonogamous was sleeping with other guys *instead of* me, not *in addition to* me. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much longer, and we decided to get divorced about a year later.
Oh man I'm sorry to hear that, but thank you for sharing your experience
Hetero couples don’t talk about sex and consent or communicate with each other about sex for the most part, plus there is a lot of normative, societal, and religious pressure around monogamy.
I believe in a Monogamous relationship I don't like to sleep around I don't like my partner to sleep around, Because we don't like condoms So therefore we don't sleep around. End of subject Those who sleep around bring home something An unwelcome guest. And who needs that crap! Not me that's for sure. This was a good Podcast, I'm surprised you guys were so out there in the Sun roasting to death with All the guanas comingComing close to meet you. Lol They probably want to taste you! Yikes If I were you guys I would be in the pool right now! I do not like to roast to death.
You are both gorgeous. Both of you are my type.
You guys are best couples....
I’ve been together with my partner for more than 10 years…and the thought of being non-monogamous never crossed our minds…. I mean we try to work out whatever our problems are, sexually and emotionally, I guess…
💯
It’s largely the difference between men and women. Many women are in a non-monogamous relationship and just don’t know it or choose not to know it.
I’m here for Brian
Lovely chat but the volume of your recording goes up and down...
To me, monogamy should be the exception rather than the rule... hear me out. The level of sacrifice and compromise to maintain monogamy is immense in a lot of (if not most) instances, because it means 'forcing' yourself to be satisfied with your partner in all regards. If you are, then great... the stars aligned an you're one of the lucky ones. But I think for most, there are missing elements which an open relationship can remedy. Whether it be some form of intimacy, sex, kink, fetish, etc, it's unreasonable to expect that your partner meets all of these needs, and so having an open relationship can allow you to find that missing piece without secretly stepping out or being ashamed of whatever it is. It's for this very reason that a lot of monogamous relationships have other issues like porn addictions, wandering eyes etc, where a partner feels trapped while feeling unfulfilled in some regard. We just need to be real!... there are 7+ billion people on earth and we're boxed into normative constructs that only ONE of those people is our everything. Again, if that's the case then fantastic, but statistically speaking, the opposite is most likely true.
Clear and open communication is key though, and both partners need to have a good handle on themselves, otherwise yes, there can be issues. And naturally, ground rules must be set to ensure both partners are comfortable with the arrangement.
I love this perspective!!! I agree - we put a lot of pressure on our partners to be EVERYTHING for us. Nobody can be perfect.
You two make a lot of sense. Committed, monogamous, relationships are what true love is. It involves a closeness and trust that only two people can have. Jealousy is just insecurity from past experiences. Hope your vacation is everything you hoped it would be
That’s not necessarily true. Just depends on where you’re at in the stage of a relationship nonmonogamous becomes a lot more common the longer you’re together with guys. Doesn’t mean you’re not intimate and committed to your spouse as long as it’s open and honest
Couldn't do an open relationship, tome that's just having a friend you have sex with and that's not what a relationship is to me. I won't judge others who think differently, what works for me won't work for everyone I just don't see the point of having a "relationship" with someone if it's not exclusive.
Given the root meaning of “monogamous”, does it even apply to gay men. “Monandrous”, maybe?
Love watching your videos 📹
Great go guy's, your sound is up and down, Angel Blessing's
Nice one but Missing the type of videos where u guys were playing and doing challenge. Its was so funny.
Both so handsome omgggg
Thank you 👌🏼☺️
Brian I wish I could find a man like you! You both are great together😘. You give me hope🙏
You are both great looking guys!!
As long as you keep it in different area codes, you’re good.
You both are adorable! I frankly am scared to get involved with a younger man because of the age difference, but you two seem to have it balanced out. And I agree with Brian in that being the older one, jealousy would be a similar issue with me. This whole discussion is interesting. I have been in 2 LTRs spanning 40 years so being non-monogamous is very peculiar to me. I am currently dating right now and we aren't exclusive either but I cannot even entertain dating other men. I guess times have changed a bit.
We entered this relationship knowing it would be monogamous and that’s how we’ve stayed. I think maintaining that open communication as time passes it super important. Just because you intend to be monogamous or poly or open or whatever in the beginning, doesn’t mean that you want to be like that in the future.
Stats point out that your likelihood of acquiring STD goes way up with increased # of partners.
Not to mention putting sex above the long-term stability of relationship..... not a good idea if you want it to last
I find when truly in love, it’s so hard to separate the feelings, and fuck I hate the thought of another man touching my man ❤️
How do you two handle friends that don’t support your relationship?
I really hope you guys see this I hope you had a wonderful vacation! And there's iguanas are disgusting some of them down in the Florida Keys are different color some are purple and they have yellow in them they're crazy I think they turn yellow when they get on my sister's house because it's yellow! Welcome to Florida! The closer you get to the Florida Keys and Key West is what I meant to say the Wilder the houses can get! Hope you guys had the time of your life and I am in monogamous person also!
Great podcast! I am sure the best approach to monogamy or non-monogamy is...being non-judgmental. That's a hard thing for us humans to do. Personally, I agree very much with Brian regarding the need for an emotional connection. I've settled for less, but it's not fulfilling. Being single can be tough (especially when one's sex drive isn't dead!), but I've always said I will hold out for the right guy. I'm very curious, you two have such interesting chemistry and bounce off each other so well. What are your astrological signs? I'd ask birth year, but I know that's still a secret for Brian. Silly man. 😉
My hubby & I have been together 22 yrs. I love him, & want him to live happily. He has a number of fetish interests which I don’t share. I have given him my consent to enjoy/explore his fetish’s with others, SAFELY & HONESTLY. Our relationship IS ‘monogamous’, but his sexual fetish interests has flexibility 😉👍 We are both happy and satisfied with /in our relationship.
Do you guys have open relationships
When you was talking about look. To me only Brian is really hot, but that is because I like older guys and I have never liked man much younger than 50... But both of you look good.
Love you guys - thanks!
Welcome to south Florida and Wilton Manors!
Thanks Jess! We love it there😊
I was always surprised by the rules of "open" relationships. "I want you but, sodomy is out of the question"
"I want you but, we can't go to my place" "I want you but, the bed is off limit" I want you but, my boyfriend needs to catch-up with me" "I want you but, etc......." PS: I could never, knowingly, engage sexually with someone in a relationship. (unlike some who prefer it)
Was this shot in Wilton Manors?
I was told -- DON"T BRING IT HOME!! It worked for 40 years. Monogamy is a very 'sliding' scale and a very human condition - not to be discarded as non-human.
It takes a special kind of person to truly separate sex and love. For me, I love so much I could watch my partner go out and have sex. It would wreck me. However, kudos to those who can