Married to a Narcissist with Tina Swithin | Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani
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- Опубликовано: 2 мар 2023
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Season 2 of Navigating Narcissism premieres on March 16th!
Tina Swithin's relationship with her ex-husband started off in a whirlwind romance that ended with a fantasy wedding in Hawaii. The author of Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom's Battle thought she was in an intense, love-filled, and passionate relationship, but it was actually abusive. Find out how Tina was able to overcome this post-separation narcissistic abuse and eventually help other survivors in similar situations.
I want to hear from you, too. Have a toxic topic you want me to explore? Email me at askdrramani@redtabletalk.com. I just might answer your questions on air.
Guest Bio:
Tina Swithin is the author of Divorcing a Narcissist (series), founder of One Mom’s Battle, Family Court Awareness Month, and the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program. Tina Swithin continues to champion children’s rights through her family court advocacy. Tina is working to raise awareness of the issues in the family court system and to educate the general public on post-separation abuse and narcissistic abuse. Tina is remarried and resides in San Luis Obispo, California, with her husband and two daughters.
Guest Information:
Tina’s Instagram - @onemomsbattle
Tina’s Twitter - @tinaswithin
Divorce Coaching - One Mom’s Battle
This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical advice, counseling, and/or therapy from a healthcare professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issue, or health inquiry, including matters discussed on this podcast.
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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.
New episodes weekly on iHeartRadio.
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Only those of us who went through this can truly understand the complexities and the severe impact of being involved with narcissist sociopaths. I'm so happy you survived and thrived ❤
Went through a horrific marriage and divorce with a paranoid e who had psychopathic tendencies.
My attorney told me, as I went through the divorce process, that if I got on the stand and started talking psychology, the judge would not listen to a word I would say….that I better get up there and cry like I’d been murdered or something. That’s how little judges snd the general public care about psychological manipulation, coercion, and emotional abuse.
I am still in it unfortunately 😢😢for 40 years
@@zibam6687once you know..... You go
@@kellyyork3898Amber heard was a victim. I thought disgusting how camille bullied her. This type of abuse is not understood by hudges or jury, sadly
@@kellyyork3898I developed Stockholm Syndrome. So even though I wasn’t around him all the time, he manipulated me to the point I was experiencing panic attacks and anxiety; always thinking, “what are they planning next.” You have to remove yourself from their toxic behavior to get your mind clear and reset the circuit breaker that shut off. Now the power is back on. Truly a very disturbing experience. What is wrong is right in their world and no one says a word about their abuse. They will abuse you in every way possible except physical. They know they can’t deny purple and yellow bruises on your body, but they are there on your psyche and brain and it will manifest to the point you and others don’t understand your health breaking down. But they do; and they LOVE what they did to you. Smirk smirk. Twilight Zone experience. Back to reality and NEVER GOING THERE AGAIN.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
"When a person weaponizes uses your pain and vulnerability against you, that is abuse, and it's a sign of how far this person will go when the relationship either goes on the rocks or ends. Remember the most dangerous and abusive time is when it ends." Absolutely.
That is true - the most dangerous time is when you pack up and leave. They become a whole different level of evil.
@@royalindiann I certainly experienced it.
OMGosh. Mine similar but took 35 years to exit. My heart ached for you listening!
Totally true, I ended up in the hospital, surgery and am still trying to recover 2 yrs later, divorced after 18 yrs and NO CONTACT for 2.5 yrs as well. Stay safe and trust nothing they say or do, trust your gut and make sure you have a safe plan to leave the abuser.
@@conniesmith5350 😊
My ex husband yelled “My vacation is ruined!” When confronted with our 19 year old daughter’s broken leg on our driveway. Everything was about him & everone else was a tool for him to use.
Disgusting
Incredible, aren’t they?
Yep birthdays and holidays too. I missed my graduation walk twice!
This was so me , I was lost my self esteem integrity and self worth. He used my childhood trauma in the court room to say I was a horrible mother.
@Tanya Johnson me too! I was so proud to graduate college and make the deans list and I never got to walk.
You do not navigate a relationship with a narcissist; you get out ASAP.
I am fighting with this.
@@RoxyLifeAndTimes Keep fighting the GOOD fight! Some days our fiercest opponent is ourselves. We can become so accustomed to being gaslight that we do it to ourselves. I promise you, making it to the other side is so very worth the pain you endure to get there. The alternative is to remain trapped in a world of mental illness of the ugliest and most malignant type. YOU are stronger than you realize! This is very much a spiritual battle. My personal advice if you believe in GOD is to pray, a lot. If you do not believe, pray anyway.
That deserves to be a proverb marked in history! Well done!👍
How? When you're feeling trapped. No money. Isolated in a new country. Knowing no one. Have nothing.
Thanks
@@Faithy22 Yes, you are in a tough situation. I am hoping there are no children involved, and if not, make sure the narc does not make you pregnant. Make peace with YOURSELF that it is going to take some time to make a plan of escape. It took me 3 1/2 years from the start of my plan to the morning of my escape, but I was not dealing with the same obstacles that you have. The very first thing to do, is to promise YOURSELF that you will not give up on yourself. Realize that the narc does not love you and only cares for what you can provide to him. Start by making yourself less useful to the narc, grey rocking and stone walling. Be boring to the narc. Be uninteresting. Especially, be uninterested and unimpressed with the narc. Never let him know your feelings or emotions or anger. Those are all "fuel" to the narc. Trying to force a discard, may be your fastest and easiest path out. While you are doing those things, to hasten the narc's disinterest in you, work on a plan back to your home country. Try to get some money together, even if it is only enough for a plane ticket to your home country. Forget your pride and be willing to ask for help wherever it is available. Is there a US Embassy in the country you are in? Depending on the type of narc you are with and his individual personality, you may have to acquaint yourself with law enforcement for help. Do not give up on yourself! Nothing about this will be easy or without setbacks. Ride the storm and keep the faith that you can make it out. Narcs are kind of stupid, but they rely on your weaknesses and fear, to stay in control. Confuse him when it is to your benefit to achieve your freedom. Only you can figure out how to "play" him. If you are successful, he may put you on a plane back home himself! I offer these ideas, realizing that I do not know you or him, but that they may help you to formulate a plan and to realize that you do have options to work with. Be very careful around the narcs flying monkey's.
I’m a survivor of several narcissistic relationships starting with my dad. My last marriage was textbook narcissistic abuse. From the “charmer” who sent flowers and loving cards to the angry, blaming , self centered asshole I divorced. I mostly want to comment on how I had a hiking accident and became a paraplegic. This was unbearable for my husband! I was so filled with shame and embarrassment around him. I had no friends, a family that lived far away and no job due to my condition. He was so passive aggressive with me. So i divorced him and thru the courts (a woman in a wheelchair has more power in the court room than a charmer) was granted alimony for 10 years!😂…. He was livid!
I still struggle with self esteem and depression. But SO GRATEFUL to be away from that narcissist!
I’m so sorry for what you have gone thru!! But celebrating with you that God took the money OUT of his hands and placed it in yours! I’ll be praying for your full recovery- both physically and emotionally.
That’s amazing
Wow, thank you for your experience, my friends were right: if you don’t leave, you might be unjury or maybe die. I still don’t believe them. My friend has said: if he can kill you without going to jail. He will. Still don’t believe them…..
❤
inby 5 R2-D2
My jaw is on the floor!!!. When she said she wasn't attracted to him at all and the thought of kissing him was repulsive! How she talked herself into it was exactly how I reacted. I have never heard anyone say this before. I felt that I needed to grow up and an adult relationship is what I've always wanted stop dating 'bad boys"
Same same same
I thought I was being superficial.
Same here!! I wasn't attracted to my ex at ALL. But what _was_ attractive to me was he seemed to see me. He paid attention to me, a person who felt invisible her whole life, and that was attractive! 😢
Yes, same. 😒
😮😮same here
@@kaylees1072 good grief! Are you me ??? This is exactly how I felt. I thought common grow up. Not knowing I was about to dance with the devil
Doctor Ramani saved from an intense depression. I owe her my everything. I am healed and now living a healthy life post abuse. May she gets all the love in the world
How did you do it ? I find knowing and understanding logically is one thing but it’s the emotional pain and turmoil that keeps resurfacing for me . Comes like a wave and takes me under . I’m 5 months out
Yes. Me too. I owe her so much ❤
@@catherine9808 Overwhelming emotional flashbacks. It helps to have a witness, to have them with a good body worker. Also yoga or tai chi to help it move out. Last but not least, micro-dosing mushrooms: makes it much smoother and helps you process the raw emotions/pains.
@@catherine9808 that is called emotional thinking. Listen to HG Tudor on you tube. He is the Grand Master on Narcasim to help you understand what is happening to you.
You don’t owe her everything. You were a huge part in your recovery. But she id a truly healing force. Congrats :)
You just described my 44+ year marriage. Thank you for educating people on this issue! I’ve been out almost 6 years.
@Cynthiarop..
You and I were married for the same amount of time to our Narcissists! Tina story from the gitgo reminds me of my path too. Although I was very attracted to my guy. And his family seemed a haven to me. 12 years out and his death 6 months after the divorce but before a divorce degree. I was left penniless. Thank God for my father helping me with the Lawyers (4 to be exact) and leaving me some money. I survived and I hope that you are doing well. I don't know about you but I was hurt so badly in so many ways and being 63 years old, I have not been interested in any man and still don't have trust for very many people. I have been, especially since Covid, become a hermit. Hopefully you don't have this reaction to your relationship. Blessings to you!❤
I also am not interested in ever being with another man, however I’m living my best life. Take a few steps each day to get out of your comfort zone. It took me about a year to get comfortable being around people. Do you have a dog? They are great for getting you out. I wish you the very best!
46 years experience here. Hermit, yes. I have lost ALL faith in humanity.
It's too bad that we may not live near each other. I have a feeling that the 3 of us would not only have some stories to share, but might also have a good time together. Stay well ladies. 🙏
@@jinxkrug7000 I can relate to the hermit part. Married to a narcissist for 21 years, post divorce abuse and court for 3 years, I am most happy when I am all alone. Struggling to trust anyone again. But God....
The judicial system needs to be educated on Narcissm and the destruction caused by this toxicity.
12 years later and I finally have the courage to break these chains and get out of this toxic marriage. Red flags that I KNEW were there from the start but didn’t want to accept it. Everything here down to the “T.” I could probably write a book myself, especially now that I look back at how on earth I could’ve fallen in love with someone like that, and how on earth could he have convinced me to do a lot of the things that I’ve done for and with him!?!? My mental health has significantly deteriorated and I’ve now developed Hashimoto’s disease. My sisters- PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RED FLAGS AND PLEASE SEEK HELP EARLY!
I too, saw the red flags but ignored them. In hindsight the red flags were always there but I made excuses for her the whole time. You are free now. Enjoy your life! It took me almost 32 years, but it has been the best decision I ever made, ending the torture, the dead torturous marriage.
Exactly! I dated a real abusive maniac - red flags were there from day one.
I was just thinking that I could write a book. I developed Hashimoto's thyroiditis too! 12 years of marriage, I've been out of it since 2002...21 years free...still recovering...
13 years here, it's hard to let go, but you have to be strong and mirror them back, if, you're a strong enough Empath. Working for me!
@@those_eyesisn't it almost unbelievable how recovering seems to be neverending?
Wow, I was married to the same guy. It never cease to amaze me how similar these narcissist are. Everything she is saying I have been through.
Same here. It's astounding. Do they all go to the same Narc college?!?!
The same traits but different bodies
@@benedictaanyigba9817 True!
Actually the same spirit in different bodies. Its the Jezebel spirit very well explained in the Bible.
They seem to keep us all confused and distracted enough to not compare notes. 😅
When I was growing up men were the breadwinners of the family and therefore had the power. My mother married someone who abused the fact that there was little support for women back then. I believe women have been socialised to be submissive to men. I remember a time when women were beaten and their family's would just tell them to go back to their husbands. Society needs to support women more with housing because I can't count how many times I have heard that women have become homeless after a relationship with a narcissist. Women need somewhere to go and women need to really start getting behind this support for women and protesting loudly if necessary. I have signed a petition for more housing for women and posted it on twitter so others can sign it. Love and support for all. ❤
Indeed. I am one of those women. Youngest child's father Dark Triad machiavellian Covert Narcissistic Sociopath charm and charisma personified wrapping so many around his finger. Turned mine and my youngest child's lives UpSide Down with incredibly reckless, foolish behavior, endlessly broken promises. We are currently displaced, devastated. Reeling
Doesnt always involve Physical Abuse..Emotional abuse leaving invisible Scars..All about CONTROL and making one feel worthless and incapable of functioning without them..
Someday I hope to be in a position to help others in need. I'd like my place to be a refuge for someone to escape like I wish I could.
I dated this guy for 8 days. We went on 2 dates during that time and talked on the phone each night. By about day 5, I was sick of him. He went from pleasant chatting to unloading all of his family's abuse/mental problems, his sisters crime spree etc. He started calling me babe even! I dropped him like a bad habit on day 8. Of course it took a two hour phone call to break it off! What a nightmare
You dodged a bullet. Good for you for not wasting your time
You saved yourself from years of heartache well done!
Good thing that you realized sooner. Playing victim is what they are good at. Mine said 3 (all of his exes) cheated on him and there was no closure whatsoever with them because they were at fault. Now, when our marriage ended, he posted on his fb a story about a man whose wife is cheating while the husband is away for work. As if! Though he deserved to be cheated on, I just didn't have the time and power for all the stress I was going through with him. I did catch him cheating though several times but forgave him except when started treating our son the same. That's when I draw the line. I've never seen anyone that self-centered in my whole life.
Some people call others a narc way too fast... 8 days? Maybe he just wasn't the right guy for you...
@@NewBeginnings413are you serious??? That's so obvious. You don't need a long time. That's the whole point of red flags.
Red flags are surprises for sure. They want to be in control and want to test your loyalty to them, so they put you in uncomfortable situations to see how you respond. This story has so many triggers for me because I have lived most of these narc tactics. Silent treatment, love bombing, charming. Be on guard if someone seems like they are so perfect, especially if they have had failed relationships and they don’t take any responsibility for the failures. Run.
Exactly, the more red flags we ignore, the bolder they get, and the worse they get. If we confront the red flags early, the narcissist would probably go elsewhere.
So ..true..
I agree. Watch out for too perfect because they'll probably be hiding another darker side especially if they've had marriage breakup and especially if had kids and they're not saying both sides. Most women won't leave the father of kids unless it's really bad.
Yup, it’s all a test.
As if we r doing wrong
The tests...
N everyone believe em
We go from a narc family that we can’t navigate, to narc relationships we can’t navigate….it’s only normal that we think we are the problem.
I went from a narc mother to a narc husband. But, I didn’t know what Narcissism was until 25 years into the relationship. I got reversed discarded and ended up at my mom’s home and found out she was a narc too. Crazy!
Narc sisters and brother and other brother did what narc sister told him to do and wouldn’t let him buy ice cream for my sister and me as small children we had to watch three adults and one child eat ice cream in front of us in a car. Married a narcissist with a narcissist family. Family still trying but have been put out of my life.
My husband is a narc. But I'm stronger than he'll ever hope to be. I no longer give a damn what he thinks. He simply dose not matter.
Same here people tried to warn me and my dumb self married him in October and our wedding is supposed to be June 3rd. Tonight he told me let's call it off.....I am so embarrassed....he tells me that I am rude but he is the one who talks down to me. He is jealous of me because I have money but I think that it's dumb because if he had sense he would realize that the money was for both of us ....I really hate myself for being a fool
@KJ-hs5xv can't you get an annulment? Did you just marry him this June?
Are you still married to him?
@@KH-hs5xvIf you arent married yet you are blessed. You are worth more! Be blessed and take care of yourself. 💜🙏🏾💜🙏🏾
It's sad, they make you feel the way they feel toward you.
So hard to prove narcissistic abuse, even the kids who are able to see their abuse can have some blind spots. It’s so hard and heartbreaking when all you want to do is protect your children
DEFINITELY protect your kids by getting the narc out of your life as much as possible! You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You know what’s going on, that is the ONLY thing that matters. Don’t expect an6one else to get it. Every little snub, insult, criticism, jab, or silent treatment matters. Keep track of it all. Make plans to get out if possible. If u must stay, get very detached, bc the narc loves to find and push buttons. Most are sneaky, and love to blindside u. I’ve had a few narcs around, for a long time. They love to attack to bring us down to their level.
My son is currently doing the exact things my husband has done...its heartbreaking to watch. i speak to him throughtout the abuse but he has not yielded to much of what i say. Its so sad but i am still trying to cope and deal with the trauma....
Advice: GET OUT NOW .. ITS HELL DEALING WITH THESE NARCISSIST😭.
My sweet 8 year old girl dog is showing symptoms of abuse from it, it's not sad someone could do this. It's pure Evil!
I hope my kids don’t go through what I went through.
Sometimes, or perhaps quite often, a narcissist will have at least one narcissistic child.
“Tina, I told you to remind me to have the gutters cleaned….”
He was probably “performing”
in the presence of his coworkers!
Narcissists like to put on a show
of DOMINANCE!
I cried listening to your story, so familiar to me. My life with my ex was too painful to try ever again. Being single brings the confidence back and I have my children and grandchildren to enjoy.
Narcissist are attracted to empathy. They want someone who will put up with their shuff without calling them out. Ppl who are willing to justify and forgive them.
Strength,independent people full of life ahead..this is what their subconscious goes for because they are driven by envy subconscious...then after destroying they will go for codependents who will depend on them for life...this is how demonically they are driven..they can't rest until they feel they have crashed a powerful soul
100 percent true then gets upset when you show empathy to others. He calls me idiot for 'trusting ' others but he expects for me to constantly show him empathy and find reasons why he does horrible things.
They’re also easy to take advantage of their generosity and manipulate them.
Congratulations Dr. Ramani! You have really stepped up your game. I have been watching you since MedCircle and I'm really happy for your continued success!! I survived and still bear the scars of an NPD marriage. No one was talking about this in 1991. I'm so glad the subject has been blown wide open so others are more informed and hopefully suffer less.
This is why I refuse to ever get married. I don't want to risk marrying a narcissist. No kids. Because I don't want to be a single mom. I don't want to coparent with a narcissist. I'm not doing it. I'm lonely but there's no way I am lonely enough to bind myself legally to someone I've only known for a few years.
The older i get the less desirable marriage is, the less time i have to get to know any potential co-parent too. I've seen so many terrible marriages and I'm grateful to younger me for not putting me into that sort of mess just to not be alone
I feel the exact same way💯 I have no desire to marry or have children, especially since I grew up in a narcissistic environment. I don’t want to end up with someone like that, and go through that emotional roller coaster. I am enjoying my solitude and my peace 💯
Haha, just want to say that you can still find love and be in a longterm committed relationship without marriage
Wow! I’m shocked at how many people live in fear of being married. Most people are NOT narcissists. I would never let other peoples issues stop me from seeking a healthy and fulfilling relationship. There’s risk in crossing the street. Are you never going to cross a street?
HG says it’s one in six people who are narcissists, but also remember there are imperfect people who are not narcissists and it still takes work to make a long-term relationship work. So
I can see why you are discouraged about romantic relationships - there are good people out there, but people want to find the “perfect” person, which doesn’t exist.
This is so good to hear, my children are 19 and 16 now. I went through 28 years of marriage and knew that I stayed for that long to avoid having to co-parent my children with him, he was never that interested in them and I couldn’t bear the thoughts of having to be away from them for any length of time. Especially when it was me that wanted them and cherished every minute of their being and he was still stuck thinking about himself.
It took until they were 16 and 13 and lockdown happened and he left again after weeks of the silent treatment that I finally had enough and had lost all hope , my children had already advised me not to take him back .
My 19 yr old is dealing with the realization of what kind of person his dad is but my 16yr old had him totally Sussed and hasn’t spoken to him in nearly two years after deciding that he wasn’t going to change and couldn’t offer her anything in the way of support or care physically or mentally so she just said enough was enough , she couldn’t parent him when there was so much going on in her own life. She has been truly inspirational with her boundaries and self care whilst still being the caring soul she is.
Every now and then I regret staying so long , putting them through all the mad atmospheres, moods and rows , I’m also a total romantic and had hoped to grow old together with the father of my children,I now wonder if I will even find someone new but I remind myself that my reasons were spot on .
Your story is mine. My kids are 17 and 16 and they both saw right through him. They want no relationship with him whatsoever, not that he cares. I knew he was bad but I didn’t see how bad until he left.
I hope I can write all of this in a few years ❤️ my kids are still young so I will stay, I can’t be away from my youngest, and her happiness and wellbeing is far more important than mine so I’m here for now, just a very claustrophobic feeling 😢
You did co-parent your children with your ex, so your alleged reason for staying with him for 28 years (to avoid co-parenting them with him) makes no sense.
Being married to a verbally and financially abusive narcissistic husband, I can so much relate to her story. I also should have followed my instincts. On our first dinner date, after he paid for the food, which was nice of him, however he would study the restaurant bill so intensely and would take so long to ensure that he got billed the right amount. That felt weird to me and I was actually shocked that someone would do that, especially on a first date. Over all those 16 years of marriage, money became and is the number one topic he is so horrible about. Whenever he gives me some money for food, groceries, which is not a lot, he expects me to bring back the receipt which he will then study. And dare me, if I would buy something he does not like nor approves the price, he would make such a drama about it all night long....there were often times when I would be scared about that not knowing how he responds to the receipt. Again like walking on eggshells, when he is in a good mood, then the grocery receipt is okay, however when he is in a bad mood he makes sure to ask me for the receipt. Also he still uses his moms money for buying stuff for our household. The money he earns only goes to his own things, like guitar, clothes, motorcycle, supplements, etc... Do you think he would ever buy anything for me? I for sure should not expect any birthday gifts, nor a card, nor flowers because they are expensive...Also his rule is: his money is his money, any money I would earn, is our money towards bills. Whatever he pays for, I have no saying, no opinion and no right whatsoever. Another red flag I should have given enough attention to was the second date when we would go to watch a movie together. After he got the tickets, I realized on the tickets that he chose a later time to watch the movie, we were there at 8pm and I thought we would watch the movie at 8:30pm however he chose the movie time 11pm, without even asking me if that is okay. Since then, in our 16 years of marriage, he never asked me, nor consult me nor wanted my opinion about very important life decision which would make a huge impact on our lives, on my life, my career my job etc...like moving 30 times over the 16 years and expecting me to quit jobs and try to start all over again in a city/ town I never knew this would exists nor if I actually can find a job there. He wants to move, then we have to...
He makes me feel bad for anything and everything. I do not have any right to get mad at being hurt, feeling treated badly, being poor, being sad and being dismissed by him, being devalued by him. He trained me as a dog, who has to behave how he wants me to act and to live, basically no friends, no contact with other people, no fun, no job, no joy and no happiness. When he is in a bad mood, he will take it out on me, in a subtle way and he knows how to get to me, how to hurt me and how to look dismissive at me. He taught me how to dress, how to live and how and what to say. If I do not follow his script, he gets mad at me. When I am sick, in pain, he gets mad at me if I speak up. If I say something I do not like he gets mad at me. I just accept everything, and he makes important life decision without asking me nor consulting me, even it would affect me enormous , like moving around from city to city, states to states several times a year,
I am now at this point where I feel just dead. I have nothing left. I have no job, no money, no confidence, no friends, no joy, no health nor happiness, far away from family and friends (I am from Germany and have been living in the USA for 16 years). I have developed a very wired and hurtful skin issue around my ears which interferes with my sleep. Now I am at this point where I just feel numb and feel like a zombie, dead, tired, exhausted and sad at all times. You have been talking so much about narcissisms and you have been talking about my husband like you would know him. Do you know how many times I have been trying to leave him over the past 10 years? My parents and sister have now given up on me. I have spent so much money on flights back to Germany. and then he was able to hoover me back to his sick roller coaster life and treatment. Now I am too old to have all the energy to take up with all his hurtful treatments, but now I do know have any money left nor any energy. He still is able to doubt himself, even though I have been told many times in the past from therapy and people that this is a toxic relationship and I would need to get out of it....I want to thank you so much for your insights and help. I think you are the one who can finally help me...please wish me luck
It’s never too late to get out. It takes time to recover but you will have a small amount of time feeling awful and then you will go into the phase of embracing life, literally stopping to “smell the flower.” You can do it.
@@relentlesspursuitofshade1234
The problem is how a person traumatized by long-term abuse and under coercive control can be able to work or generate income for escape. Sometimes I think it's better to get beaten up, so at least you get help to rebuild your life far away. As long as the abuses are covered up getting out of the trap is a miracle with your mind blown and being retraumatizing under their abuses. Let's see who is going to experience post-traumatic stress and work on the depersonalization suffered under a bridge, without money, without mental health.
You need money and a safe place to go and so be able to make zero contact. If he can communicate with you, dissonance is normal, doubting if you are an weaked exaggerating and he is a difficult person but who loves you. If it is not possible to steal money from him, find out from women's aid associations what resources they can offer you. In Germany there are certainly more free services, including therapy for battered women. And record everything you can, economic control, anger at unimportant things, etc. and always prepare the escape plan in silence, nothing happens here; if he sees that you empower yourself or want to free yourself he would increase the control and your increase your exhaustion with more tensions.
I am living something similar with my parents, both dark triad. No one believes me and I am very tired, but If I have to die here it will be trying to escape.
The worst is not trying anything and accepting being preyed on by these beings.
My best wishes from Spain!
My name is Joy. You NEED to leave. This dangerous. We will organize. Stay put. Stay hiding in the communication.
This is not safe for you.
I am sorry, but your story...alarms myself and others alike...come here...we are safe, please...thank you for sharing. I have been in similar, that is why emotional. Just keep reaching out...please. u are not alone.
Being driven down a dark gravel road is NOT romantic!!! That's a lymbic system nightmare! Especially in a vulnerable state like sleeping, is a huge betrayal of trust. Scary.
I wanted to point out NEVER fall asleep with a man you just met.
That’s creepy as hell. 😮
I can honestly say that had I not been living this for the last 25 years I would find it hard to believe people like this existed. My children are now adults and I have started to extricate myself from this toxicity.
Me too
Exactly my case. I never knew people like him existed until I married him. Been twelve years.
A blunt, heartbreaking reality of living with a narcissist and how to survive. Thank you Tina and Dr. Ramani.
It is so disheartening to me that so many women are left feeling this shame, fear and remorse for getting pregnant when technically the pregnancy is a reaction to something the man did to YOU.....the man impregnated YOU but because the child is being manifested inside of your body, he acts as if it's a problem you caused and something you inflicted upon HIM?? WOW! If he was so adamant about not having children, why didn't he just have a vasectomy??? It''s not as if it couldn't have been reversed if he changed his mind at a later time......
Exactly. Their thinking is disastrous.
Typically they get women pregnant on purpose. My love bomber talked about us having kids so fast. I think it was to KEEP me as his own basically. Thank God that didn't happen. I was out of his grip in 8 months.
Men and women are equally responsible for birth control.
I completely relate to this story. Unfortunately the kids don't always make it. My sons were deeply traumatized and this led my eldest son (the one who took over my role as the primary target) seeking relief in drugs and in 2016 he died from an accidental overdose and his little brother has been stuck ever since. For fifteen years at that point it had been a never ending nightmare and my sons' father is on top of the world pretending he wasn't thrilled when our son died. He'd been trying to take them from me all along and to him this was a victory. It is a sick, sad world, but I got through believing we would be ok one day. Since my son died it has been even harder to make sense of it. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am so sorry. Narcs/psychopaths, rápists are killers. They really do soul murder on people and sometimes it overwhelms some people until they lose all hope...that's their trick tho: convincing you there is no hope just remember they are more bound by this hopelessness which is why they are addicted to sadism. Your sweet sons didn't deserve this lot.
You kept going and now you feel it is for nothing...but your tenacity bought your sons this much time, without you your sons & you probably wouldn't have made it this much longer...you stared evil down and kept yourself & your sons living this long...that is a victory and please see your sheer heroic deed in accomplishing this in the face of whats designed to wither & kill everything in it's path. You did that and no one can take that away from you. Of course, this victory is bittersweet alas.
All one can do for death though is to go thru grieving: the rage, the what ifs, denial, guilt, etc. You have to feel to heal. It will always be a shame your baby boy is gone. Life is dead wrong and unfair at times. You did your best even if it doesn't feel like it always.
I hope you find spirituality that helps you connect with him again. ❤️❤️
My son my cherished beautiful son took his own life due to trauma and abuse from my narc husband he is a monster
@@Grrrrrrr123 read my reply to Evening TV too.
😢😢😢😢❤
Sorry for your loss.
This is truly what I always believed... they find empathetic people and abuse you for having any emotions of your own....these podcasts are so important to let others know what love bombing is for sure.
My sister lost custody of her 6 kids. Her narcissistic husband told them lies about her so they shunned her. Now 10 years later they are adults and are hearing the truth. Four of the six have apologized to their mother. They must be careful because her ex stalks her and them.
😢 I'm so sorry to see this.
I have not finished listening to this podcast. Was married to a narcissist myself, and almost lost my physical life trying to make the marriage work. I want to say to you Tina that what you went through is a testament to the human spirit - its strength and endurance over the limits of our physical selves. Please be proud of what you accomplished. You are strong and powerful and you endured and made it out to the other side where sunlight joy and peace abound. I’m so proud of you.❤️
The beginning of her relationship was frighteningly similar to mine… I did not feel attracted to him, felt he asked too many questions about me and just somewhat overwhelmed. After consecutive days of doing fun things I realized we had a lot in common. Quickly concluded I was just not use to being treated this nice. I ignored what my body was trying to tell me.
Regarding the pregnancy I had a similar experience. Whilst in labor he wanted to go and see a friend for (shame to admit, some drugs). I begged him not to leave as I was waiting for the contractions to get a little closer before going to the hospital at their instruction. He shoved me hard as he thought there was enough time to go and get back. During labor when we were alone he kept putting the gas and air over his own face when the medical staff were out of the room. As soon as my daughter was born and lying on my chest I turned to him and said in awe “look” as I uncovered her lovely face and he said “well, I wanted a boy first”. I will NEVER forgive him until the day I am put in the ground.
@ 27:32
“Narcissistic people can leave
ANY of us feeling like we are just one inch tall!
Devaluing our successes and achievements and that’s mostly because they are so INSECURE themselves!”
Omg! Why is Tina telling my story?😢 Amongst the many similar events we've experienced, the most hurtful parts are getting pregnant, their response, and treatment after having the baby. I had to fight him to prevent him from taking the newborn out to look at trees in a 90deg. Taking a month old baby tent camping was very difficult. The nights were cold and I had to stay up to make sure my baby was warm enough. What a mess!!!
Wow. This was a great story because it was similar to what I went through. I was a Pastor's wife for 40 years and as I listen to Tina all I can say is that it is my story. The divorce was brutal and he found " flying monkeys to support him. I could not believe the people who supported his behavior at first until they saw him for who is was. My book will be released next month. Title: The Silent Sruggles of a Save Woman, From the Pit to the Stage. I am happy for Tina that things have worked out for her.
i believe as women we are created to sense male rage, which is what narcissistic men are comprised of. what she was sensing on the start of that date was a piece of that. Women, trust your body, that is your protection and salvation❤
50% of narcs are women today. Just FYI.
I wish more men were open to talking about their situation with the narcissist in their life. As a man I feel alone, all the video titles talk about the man that is the narcissist, all the comments are women talking about their experiences with the narcs in their life...
Narcissistic people will try and destroy your life. My ex husband was so much like this video. I sit in astonishment when she told about the things she went through was like reliving my past marriage to a narcissist. The wedding ring thing, OMG. My ex didn't divorce me for almost 10 yrs because he wanted my wedding ring. Now mind you, I paid for my own ring because we were married without rings because the wedding happened so fast after meeting him. What finally got him to divorce me was when he found out I would get half of his retirement and be able to draw off his social security. Now mind you this man threatened his lawyer to the point she had to hire a body guard. The judge wouldn't let his attorney off the case even though she feared for her life. I lived in a nightmare once my ex revealed who he truly was. At first it was like I was living in a dream with the most amazing human. Each month it got a little worse until he couldn't hide who he was. And yes, he also kept a mental spreadsheet of everything he knew what to do that hurt me the most. I am so glad I got out alive because he threatened he would take mine before he died. I only lived with him, after marriage, for 4 yrs. He stalked me and then hired a private investigator to do it. I AM SO GLAD I AM FREE! This was my second marriage and my last, due to him. I never want to live in fear again. Please never go against your gut feeling. Please! Your life could depend on it. I always say about being married to this man is, I got on a roller coaster that required a helmet. He hid my helmet that I didn't know was required. Once the ride was over, I had major brain damage. The fog she talks about is so real. Once you leave and the fog begins to clear, you cannot even understand why you allowed anyone to destroy you like a narcissist can. My life will never be the same!
A Narcissistic person will destroy you financially as well. I can attest to this. My ex was addicted to porn and so many sickening things I accidentally stumbled upon. He was having extramarital affairs and I couldn't even begin to discuss how disgusting these affairs were.
My ex also expected that I be the bread winner so he could stay home and do as he pleased. He stole every penny I had. I made 6 figures a year. I worked a full time job and I also started a business for him to use his skills. He begged me to help him start a business he could do and enjoy. He absolutely distroyed this business and tried to destroy me as the business owner. I was smarter then he was. I quickly removed my name off the business once I caught on to his intentions.
Always keep a private savings account with a P.O. Box for all your statementa to go to. Never reveal this to anyone. This is your eacape money. I am so thankful my boss gave me this advice. I was able to hire an attorney and also have my apartment rented and ready the day I walked out. I also had rented a storage building. I slowly moved my things out 1 to 2 boxes every couple of days. Sometimes it was just a gym bag or something similar full of things he didnt realize was missing. I pretended to give a whole lot away to the salvation army or donate it to different places. It all actually went to storage. Somethings I did donate. I lived to far away from family to rely on anyone for help. He made sure of that. Even his mother was a severe narcissist and so was his father. His father had passed away and my ex made sure his family wanted nothing to do with me. He made me out to be abusive and I spent money with no regards to his own needs. I couldn't even go to the doctor without it being an action that took money away from our essential needs along with his needs. I had a severe gall bladder attack and had to be admitted and go into emergency surgery. My ex drove me to the hospital and dropped me off at the ER entrance and I didnt see him again until my surgeon actually brought me home once I was able to be released from the hospital. Before having the gallbladder attack, I was finishing up finding my apartment, putting down a hold fee and making final arrangements to leave. I ended up having to be readmitted into the hospital due to a severe panic attack. I was awaken due to my mattress being on fire. He had lit my mattress on fire while I was still trying to come down off the sedation I was given from the severe pain and just having major surgery. My gallbladder was so bad I had barely made it to the doctors office and then sent to the hospital before septis had set in. I was very, very sick. I left the hospital,after the second emergency admission, and rented a cab that took me to my apartment. This is just a taste of how dangerous it could become being married, living with or dating a narcissist.
My ex was in the military and had been for 18.5 yrs. After the base was assigned a new commander and he begin reading my ex's file, due to my ex disobeying a direct order, this new commander ordered my ex to have a command directed mental bealth evaluation. Three days after this evaluation I was asked into the office to speak to the forensic psychiatrist that administered this 3 day testing on my ex husband. This psychiatrist explained to me my ex's full diagnosis due to my ex signing a release giving him permission. I truly believe my ex did this because he expected he was going to out smart this doctor, like he had so many before him, for so many years.The forensic psychiatrist begin explaining the full diagnosis of my ex and once the doctor was finished telling me, the doctors actual words to me was, if I had married Charles Manson, I would of been safer with him than this man. This doctor advised me to go home and grab my basic necessary things and my precious items and RUN! He said RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. He told me he believed my ex would take my life and he feared for me to even be around him (my ex) another second. I explained to him that his brother and wife was with us and we were headed to my families for Christmas. This was actually Christmas Eve and had been deemed an emergency by the commander of the base due to the base being called to active duty and getting ready to be shipped overseas to begin their rotation so other members could come home after being gone for so, so long.
Sorry I wrote a book, but I could write for a week straight and not begin to be close to telling everything I endured.
Thank you for sharing your story! I'm sorry for what you've been through. (((Hugs)))
Write that book 💜💚💜
This sounds like a horror movie. I thank you for being strong and bold enough to move out. That was deadly
My God, you are courageous...May He give you everything you need to write your story to help save others from this horrifying situationship.
Thank you for sharing! Pray you are in a better place
Dear dr Ramani thank you for this podcast! I’m literally listening to this and crying because I feel like I’m listening to my own story being told. It’s been 6 months since I got discarded and sometimes I find myself doubting: was he really a narcissist? What if I’m making all this up to feel better about being dumped? Recovering from narcisístico abuse is a lonely journey. People don’t understand what we’ve been through, I even feel like people don’t take us seriously when we tell the stories. Thank you for bringing some light to my journey!
It's hard but you will eventually be able to tell the difference between your own authentic voice (which has always loved you) and the gaslighting introject/inner critic that masquerades as your own voice by being louder, alarming, more insistent, makes a SEEMINGLY compelling case but ultimately it is fear based and speaks in 'shoulds". Don't should all over yourself.
I’m sorry for your pain. I’m thinking to divorce. The worst thing is people can’t understand you and this narcissist people know how to manipulate people you feel crazy 😢
Very interesting when she says that he was a triathlete. Not that all are but a few of the narcissistic people I’ve known have been huge triathletes. They are so focused on themselves.
Dr. Ramani has opened my eyes to look at a toxic marriage of 60 years. She, for the first time, explained to me the existance and nature of a Narcissistic Personality. Dr Ramani made me understand my long life state of confusion. Her descriptions of the many faces of the Narcissist.
I can not thank her enough for her long list of supporting info.
This is such a familiar tale. I married again, this time to a covert narcissist. I've outed him. Went to counseling and emotionally divorced him. I don't know what I'll do in the future but I'm taking it on my own schedule. And the fact these people are attracted to empaths should not be understated. The kindness and healing we offer the world is something they wish to control and ultimately destroy.
Same here. Word for word. ❤
Sounds like you're staying with a man you despise for the material comforts your marriage to him provides you. How's that different from prostitution?
How are narcissists so similar to one another? Lots of things talked about here is word by word what I lived through.
Funny thing is that they think the are so special and amazing when they are all the same. Pure evil
It's the same demon
The Devil is their father
Demonic entities
It is scary how much this woman’s husband was like my ex husband . So happy you made it on the other side !
Your 1st example of how he gave you the silent treatment because of "how you reacted" to his surprise of taking you somewhere you were uncomfortable hits home for me. Something VERY similar happened to me. A grown adult pouting and sulking because I set a boundary and didn't react the way they expected me to. The love bombing was another one. I got a engraved necklace on the FIRST DATE.
Same here. The silent treatment is intimidating and made me feel like an idiot for causing him discomfort.
@🌺 Hibiscus▶ yes!!! We are allowed to have a natural reaction to something regardless if it's what they expect or not. No more walking on eggshells for me, worried that my genuine response will upset them. Glad to be done.
I have learned to distrust early gifting of goods or services. They are literally trying to buy you, and therefore make you feel indebted to them.
I worked in behavioral health for many years (state hospital 22 years, 9 1/2 years in a general hospital behavioral health units. )I do not recall any staff talking about NPD, I don't know if it was understood. On that note, I had a bad relationship many years ago, I was confused about my ex-boyfriend, where I stood with him, what was going on, etc. before I left him. I didn't think about this relationship for years, but when I started to actually deal with what had happened, I talked to various mental health workers at work. No one ever mentioned this as a possibility, and some people I talked with suggested that I left him and I should get over this (it did not impair my function, I just wanted to understand what was actually going on with this guy). Over the years, I did think about the situation off and on. I did pray for guidance regarding this, and I was led to RUclips videos like this. Thank you. But as you stated, many behavioral health people do not seem to know much about this.
I can relate too.
It is deliberately hidden in the behavioral health field, people like Judith Herman fought hard to centralize trauma & abuse in the field of psychology (Trauma & Recovery).
People forget the dark role psychology also had historically. Denying trauma (childhood SA & blaming the kids for desiring it despite finding the opposite - Freud), imprisoning women who were abused in asylums, conducting torture - Mk Ultra in Canada/US, pathologizing people who protest, calling abuse victims self defence reactive abuse, etc
Yes what I was able to relate to is the plucking of the feathers from your wings.
Years of plucking till there’s no more feathers.
On a good note thank goodness for Dr. Ramani went to a friendly small party on the weekend. It was nice quiet everyone played nice and enjoyed themselves. Meeting new people Till a narcissist walked in, walked in and ran the show. Brought a music device turned it up full , demanded food to be cooked for him , just took over everyone and everything.
My mind flashed into “ and here it is ! Everything Dr. Ramani has taught me.
I couldn’t stay for much longer after the narcissist arrived it was too overwhelming , it was actually disgusting how he behaved, that was in my opinion.
What I found fascinating is how no one called him out.
The narcissist had power over everyone , when I was leaving he came up to me hugged me shook my hand told me how nice it was to meet me? I didn’t even talk to him he didn’t even know me.
Thank you Dr.Ramani sincerely your talks and advice so precious so valuable. I really appreciate you your work and your support and understanding.
After years of narcissistic torture I can’t be in the same room with a narcissistic person , they are creepy
Same here
No tolerance for Narcs now ,I exit as soon as possible.
I just can't even tolerate men lying at all anymore,I went through so much abuse. Someone I hadn't seen for a long time gaslit me and after the second time of gaslighting,I'm done with it. I have strict boundaries now,I won't listen to anyone who believes liars and if court were ever in question,im shredding the paperwork. Narcs and psychopaths need locking up
Good God, same here at the beginning of relationship, my body was screaming NO, but I told myself I need to push myself because I am used to unhealthy patterns, and he is too healthy for my comfort zone. Then once we married, I started having extreme period pains, which is my reproductive system screaming NO to this relationship. And I realized something is wrong since my body is protesting so much, but I still couldn’t find a way out. And then, next 18 years went down the drain and still working on getting out 😫 ruined my life
You gaslit yourself into believing he was "too healthy for your comfort zone", when he was the exact opposite of that. The terrible things we do to ourselves. 😢
These men do not realize or perhaps they do, When they hurt the women in there lives in fact hurt themselves. Thank you Tina 😊
they do know what they do, otherwise they would not try to give the perfect picture to the outside world. They know very well that by behaving their true selves outside they would be disliked by the world.
Where do you get the idea that when narcissists hurt the women in their lives, they also hurt themselves?! Nothing could be further from the truth.
"Overriding my tuition," I did the same thing. Met on Match - met him at a restaurant for lunch and instantly ' uh-oh there is something wrong with him...' I made myself set that aside. I made myself continue to see him despite the love bombing and his awkward behavior.... Years later, having almost lost the ability to keep a roof over my head (financially) - how i wished i had listened to my initial instinct. I CAN RELATE!!!!
When they have you convinced that everything is your fault, remember that they don’t treat the postman this way. They don’t treat their boss this way. They don’t treat the pastor this way. It is a CHOICE they make to treat you this way. Also, remind yourself that you’ve already been through the alphabet trying to please this guy and you’re starting over on the alphabet AGAIN? Also, for sure, when your teenage daughter gets old enough, know she will also be his target. Get out now.
Tina's story was such a blessing! There were so many things that she mentioned that I went through in my marriage as well. As I listened, I felt I had found that long lost friend who understood the truth. Thank you Tina! Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Amen, so did I. Thought I'd share this with you that helped open my eyes, made triggers subside and began the healing process:
My God...thank you that You are never-changig, ever-present, omniscient, unconditionally loving & unabandoning compassion & meaningful purpose towards me...thank you for leading & guiding me into all truth...and Your guiding helping me step by step to navigate my way through & out of this situationship....for encouraging & reminding me to guard my heart in all diligence from mirroring & adopting the mindset & behavior of this horrifically & terribly injured individual...and thank You Father for Your Shalom Peace that transcends all understanding, healing & restoration of my mind, will, emotions & body from the trauma from this traumatic experience...for restoration of my trust in You & in myself and my identity in You as Your daughter clothed in Your Majesty & covered in the blood of Your Precious & Begotten Son , the Lion of Judah, Jesus Christ of Nazarerh. Most of all Father, thank you for helping me to release this individual & myself in FORGIVENESS and for strengthening my DISCERNMENT & WISDOM for future encounters with others- to guard my heart & allow Your peace & love to remain with me. I thank You in Your Son's Name, Amen.
Im weeping as i hear her say that he behaved kindly while he had an audience 😢 same here.
I know that monster entirely too well. Makes me so sad and so mad
I know, and everyone saying how lucky I am to have him! " He is so funny, we just love him" is what I hear. I tell them , wait till you live with him. Of course they think I'm the problem. He is never happier than when he is the center of attraction, getting moody if he isn't.
He was very kind to me till we got married. I’ve never been attracted to him even on our wedding we didn’t sleep together! I told my family I’m not ready but they told me because I was hurt with my ex so it’s hard for me to receive and appreciate! When we got married I saw things I couldn’t believe ( controlling in all areas of my life) I was living a miserable life. I was scared to share with my family they wouldn’t understand me and he was so kind outside. Narcissist they will destroy you and you arescared to talk you feel no one will understand you! Now 7 months in different rooms I’m done my next move it’s out. What à disorder 😢the worst thing is you think no one won’t believe you
When they're " kind" it gets so, so confusing. I'm there right now .
We do ❤
My narc ex drove an hour away and went to play his ultimate frisbee game when I went into labor with our second child. He said i couldn't tell if i was in labor or not and that i was just trying to ruin his game. When he got home he went to bed and left me alone with my contractions until i called my midwives at 2 am. I tried to convince myself that i was fine with it...that i was enjoying the process by myself and that it showed how strong i was.
He encouraged me to sleep in the basement with our newborn for the first week of her life so his sleep wouldn't be disturbed. He never got up with either of our children because "what am i supposed to do with them when they cry? I don't have breasts." He hated my lack of energy for him after their births. He hated my inability to have sex with him afterwards when i was healing. Our eldest son is autistic and was incredibly hard to deal with. He had colic for 4 years. My narc ex thought that he was doing it (crying, screaming, unable to verbalize till he was 4) to hurt him. He stared to work long hours so i had to manage our sons therapy and many appointments and our newborn daughter alone. I thought that it was my job to smooth out his life for him and protect him from being annoyed by our son. Now that we've been divorced for a decade he claims that our son isn't really autistic, that i just made him that way to get money out of him. He won't let his son visit unless his little sister is there as well to take care of him. He tried to convince my daughter that i was evil and that God hated me. She was six. He tried to train my kids to call me by my first name instead of Mommy. It's hard to accept that i lived on such scraps from him for so long and convinced myself that that's what i wanted. It still hurts that i chose such a terrible father for my kids. I have to fight the irrational guilt daily. My revenge is living an awesome life with a beautiful man and loving my kids with my whole heart. They are amazing and so am i . He's the one who missed out on all of us. And he's too blind to see it.
May God bless u! I am proud of u!
@@toyatoya5151 Thank you! That is so lovely of you to say. Really means a lot.
No problem hun keep fighting🎉
“…he actually PRESENTED. As very caring and compassionate…..”
He put on the MASK for fear of being EXPOSED as the uncaring monster he was!
I (barely) survived a narc family. When I was 8yo I realized I did not want to marry or have children bc of the craziness I witnessed. After seeing what some friends went through with their spouses, and this web series, I know I made the right choice.
I decided early on that I wouldn’t have children, as I wanted nothing to do with repeating anything that was done to me. People who grow up with emotionally well parents have an entirely different life.
Snap ✋
...when people show/tell you who they are (over and over), believe them
This was so helpful. I’m going through divorce from my husband of 11 years. He is text book narcissist and I’m just thankful we don’t have any children together. I pray he heals and am so glad to be close to complete and total severance from him. The emotional abuse is something I never thought I’d have to deal with. Thank you for sharing!!!!
It was so painful listening to these horrible things happening to Tina. So glad it turned to a peaceful life for her. Thank you Dr. ramani for your hard work showing us these things and continuing to get the information out there.
My initial response to the choice of furniture is an insinuation that you were childish, but all the rest of the details around it are absolutely bizarre. That is wildly disturbing, I'm sorry ❤
They treat you as a child, but they romantize it that it looks like they treat you as a princess.
I had the same experience when I met my husband. It was a blind date and I was not at all attracted to him. He seemed to have a good personality so I eventually got over my disgust at his weight/looks. Should of listened to my instinct.
Mine repulsed me at first too. Should have listened to my gut.
I wasn’t attracted to him from beginning, he’s so dirty and repulsive till date, he doesn’t bath for some days. He knows I know the type of person he is now.
Agree about family courts!!! it’s time that these people get called out because they’re mentally abusing children and children are going into drugs and everything to deal with this hell!!! This affects everyone and really hit needs to be recognized as a family court!!!
Tina's story when she met him, is my story. No attraction and could not get myself to like him but as he love bombed I fell into the pit of hell
I can so relate to this! It takes strength and courage to escape their evil. The recovery takes years, but definitely can be done! Don’t stay and be devalued; you are worth so much more!
So many can relate and it does takes strength and courage both to leave and coparent with them.
Donald Trump. He is the smartest, conceited person. He calls people names abandoned his once best friends
Children are the biggest victims of narcissistic abusers. Thank you for your greatly informative and supportive conversation. We need to talk about narcissists who are destroying our lives. Thank you so much Ladies. ❤
I am just watching this for the first time and it is causing my heart to weep. I’m so grateful that things turned out eventually the way they should have early on and I just want to say these judges in the court system, are probably narcissist themselves
YESSSS!
They are sexist, misogynist
Thank you. The family court system devastated me. It’s good to hear that others have gone through similar situations. The story , though a stark reality, comforts me.
I read Tina’s story awhile ago and it was instrumental in realizing what was happening to me. 10 years ago the narc conversation just wasn’t around and no one was talking about covert narcissism. I’m beyond thankful to Tina and Dr. Ramani for leading the conversations into this insidious abuse. By the time I realized what was happening I was convinced I was crazy, he’d alienated our child (using her as his pawn), and had gaslit several therapists that I was the problem. Just because they’re in the mental health field doesn’t automatically mean they’ll recognize it. Trust your gut/body responses above all else. I always knew… even though he was the most thoughtful man I’d ever dated. I still knew something was off with him. If things don’t add up /actions don’t fit to words/careers don’t match to personality/they change personalities around different people, and your gut tells you …LISTEN TO IT.
I'm a divorced Indian woman ..The depression part is kind of resolved now and I am off medication (after consulting my psychiatrist)..I am also a doctor myself..The self doubt part exists..After listening about the covert narcissism video,I felt maybe I am one..but slowly I'm realising that my personality drives me to the think the negative very strongly..During medical school I felt that I have OCD but then I dont have any severe symptoms of that now.. As such the symptoms of covert narcissists so ring a bell with me like not being successful enough, being hypersensitive to criticisms (I bang doors sometimes) but I do want to improve myself..and I am quite sure that my ex was a grandiose narcissist..Your videos are probably the only therapy I have..and are a motivator for me..I feel understood and feel that I know what's happening with me..your videos about whether the person viewing video is narcissist were helpful too..they were so kind..you explained that there are low chances and even if one does identify themselves with such patterns,there is hope. Thankyou so much Dr Ramani
I can hear my family jump to defend Tina's ex husband.
I feel disgusted and sick inside knowing my family is the narc family. I am so glad I got away from my family, dont want to be in that toxic environment. wtf Tina, you are so brave and thank you so much for sharing!
Tina’s story is so similar to mine, it’s uncanny. I have done years of work on myself, and with my children. But I still feel validated. Thank you, 💜
@25:05
“….any time I had any type of Emotional reaction, he thought I was unhinged or unstable and so it started creating doubt in me,
am I, Is something wrong with me?”
“Doubting and judging your emotions, questioning your grief and then portraying you as unstable for having any kind of emotional reaction, that is GASLIGHTING, plain and simple and it’s Emotional Abuse!
This was great! I’m grateful for both of you ladies (and some other people) who share these stories. Having been through a similar experience I still struggle with forgiving myself for getting mixed up with and normalizing the crazymaking behaviors of a narcissist (diagnosed…his own mother told me when I questioned her on some of his behaviors). People look cross when they see a child on a bike without a helmet but no one cares that a person completely incapacitated by compulsions to abuse other people have access to children.
The most effective red flag during the initial days of the relationship is "too good to be true".
I was 24, she was 21...at first i felt how can someone be so good, it was like...this person was everything i ever wanted. I sucked into the relationship because of my dysfunctional family background...i yearn for this stability, she knew very well how to reel me in...even if i wasn't attracted physically...her pretentious show of values pulled me in... although i saw some red flags ..i chose to ignore them...i thought may i was being too vigilant...may i should trust people a little. Little did i knew... everything was a lie...and after 3months into relationship ... everything went downhill.
my narcissist was amazing when i was pregnant! He would run my belly! He was so supportive! He was amazing at the hospital and he was so attentive to me! Then one day the baby was crying and it was time for me to feed the baby and he was holding the baby and he didn't want to give me the baby and I had to snatch the baby out his hand to nurse him! The i look up and he was standing there shaking and he was crying like a scared like i took his toy away from him. His son was his prize possession. 😢
These demons are all the same. They read the same playbook
Minute 38 got me to tears … because I had to endure 18 years of by the book same abuse from my ex husband, my mother gave me to him 7 years older than me , I was 16 and 2 months… God bless you Tina thanks for sharing you are a VICTORIOUS WOMAN 💜💕💐💐💐and not alone( he’s the shame ,they are)
Congratulations, Tina. You are truly a survivor. I admire your strength and determination. I wish you continued blessings in your future endeavours. . 🙏
Excellent podcast. So happy Tina survived and is thriving. Scary how some Tina's story I resonate with, myself. I dated a guy for 14 yrs and was engaged to him after 4 years of dating..he was newly divorced and I felt bad for him..little did I know why his ex-wife divorced him and never spoke to him again. I remember being on a vacation in England and him yelling and trying to break me down during dinner for 2 hours as I was crying..then he walked out with out me in a foreign country and left me alone..this was just after we got engaged..I knew then I could never marry him. I stayed with him and numerous events happened but I had the hope it would get better. It never did but I never wanted to live with him or marry because my gut instinct told me this would be horrible. For 14 years I was always the wrong one and needed to apologize and the crazy one! So glad I never married, but I lost 14 yrs of my life that I could have been happy with someone else. The best is the flying monkeys, blaming me for being the crazy one and a narcissist! I have done so much research and came across the narcissist definition and stories and videos that all sound so familiar. Where was this information years ago??? More people need to tell their stories to help others find a way out of these relationships.
The mental spreadsheet is soooo true! Wow this entire program summed up my experience.
This was so validating! He definitely became a fitting dad during my labor but it was all a game!
Tina, this is so identical to my story. Thank you for sharing and giving us hope!!!!
I lost my only daughter through the family court system. I’ve talked to her, texted with her, however I haven’t seen her in many, many years. I can’t tell you how I’ve made it through.
my daughter didn't talk to me for 7 years and it has taken us 3 years to come back together. Lies are so terribly destructive.
@@carolsaia7401 16 + years for me. 7 years is a long time, too. So many things can happen in that length of time. It does take a long time to rebuild but it can happen and things can be restored.
2 of the best ! My body also screamed and it was the exact same scenario. Now , when I have experienced the attraction, the touch does not fe l like a cactus brushing me anymore
Thank you thank you thank you. When I was 16 I was in-what I know now-an abusive relationship with a 23yo man. I had doubts on whether I was just being “bitter.” I always thought there was some love bombing going on, but I would always question it… maybe he just really loved me, until he didn’t? But my ex would sleep in the car in my neighborhood so he could walk me to work at 6:00am. The letters outside my workplace. Showing up where I was without saying anything. Marking his territory. I questioned whether it was really enough until I heard Tina’s story about the poetry. Thank you thank you thank you a million times thank you.
Thank you both for helping people like me that have been in narcissistic abusive relationships. I would love for Dr. Ramani & tina to both work me in my healing journey. Right now I don't know where to begin. I desperately need your guidance .
Thank you for all you do. ❤️❤️
Thank you for sharing! I cannot speak for other people but in my own marriage I blamed my husband for a lot of things. And, only when I began to do some investigations on the characteristics traits of a narcissist that I realized to my horror and dismay that I was an narcissist myself!🙁 Bottom line, no matter how wonderful and sometimes necessary Councillors are, in the end only God can heal the deep wounds of our hearts. In my case, it was father wounds of abandonment and rejection. By Gods Grace and Mercy I am no longer a victim but rather a victor! 🙏✝️🙏✝️❤️❤️❤️
Love listening to your podcasts, the real person insight is truly educational
DANG Dr Ramani. I was all stoked to support this podcast until I realize it’s produced by JADA P-S -- HAH!!’ the irony is RICH , and I suddenly call into question all of your sage advice, since you’ve made a deal to work with that MASSIVE NARCISSIST .
This narcissist expert sounds a lot like the narcissists she describes in her videos.
Yes. They get you where they want you. I gave up my successful career, moved across the ocean, away from everyone and everything I knew!
When we alone.... the mask fell!!
I lost my children to my abusive ex. I have trouble thinking or talking about it. It ended me in my soul. They were little girls and grew up motherless. My story is horrific how the court and lawyers tricked me and
sided with my ex in all ways.
Sorry to hear your anguish. Pray for yourself and daughters.
@So Ja thank you so much. They are older but so much to heal. He is a monster and because they gave him so much control he holds it over me and them. Very evil. God bless you.
I was separated from my father when i was eight. I had buried him Now that i am an elder adult i have an obsessive personality and very confused about the bringing us children then to another country. I always think my mother punished him . And i am a black sheep among my siblings. My father came to his country of origin when he retired (that was back then around 1984) . Despite ten years of separation (saw him twice), he had told me he wanted to ' begin again'. I was 19. I saw him two or three time together with one of my siblings. The other three did not see him. But in automatic decision making I chose not to see him,despite already being an adult. He lived a very lonely life (he did not have siblings). My relationship with my mother was very difficult. So i think she was covert narcissist or with borderline traits. I really must make a big effort in order to be in the present and stop being obsessive about what had happened to him.
Sorry to hear your your experience and i pray for you. I can't imagine what the life of my father was like. My mother had no compassion. And i find my siblings have been manipulated by my mother. Take care always!!
I am so sorry. The courts are complicit in child abuse. They are accomplices and should be charged just like the driver to a bank robbery would be charged as an accomplice. Sickening criminals, the courts AND him.
Please feel all the feelings including rage, terror, etc so that you can free your vessel to love your girls & yourself fully without distractions, they can feel the love even from a distance (the whole point of spiritually is to be loved & processing pain) and it will anchor them.
You and your daughters will find your footing, he, however is doomed. He is stuck in terror, denial & vengeance and people like that never consider/strategize how to heal (since sadism is paying dividends in pleasure hits from hurting someone/anyone especially those who care) and that is their karma: being trapped in this hell that will be temporary for you and your girls but lifelong for him. Dr. Gabor Mate said in end of life palliative care some people literally die mad...never reach balance.
It always amazes me how the stories of survivors of narcissism are so similar. Love bombing, devaluing, gaslighting… even my pregnancy and birth were similar to Tina’s. I was also naive that the family court system would protect my child. Thankfully my Narc didn’t put me through quite the hell Tina’s did (there’s so much more to her story she didn’t talk about here), but I still have about 10 years to go in dealing with him and the damage he does to our child. Tina and her resources have been such a help to me and I’ll be forever grateful ♥️
I dated a narcissistic for three years, madly in love , married him , stayed with him for 4 months and then got seperated ..took me 10 years to forget him😅
Oh dear, being in love with a narcissist is the worst, so sorry😢
I am sorry it took so long but he is still stuck in that terror/shame state cause they rarely do the work to heal and that is their karma.
I just found this channel and I love it here! Awesome interview!
Thank you so much for sharing. Yes survivors truly needed to hear this! Thank you for being willing to share! I’m taking back my power!
Can totally understand Tina, I had 28yrs of ALLL this, it's like Tina's story was my story, i was also left financially destitute he cut off and moved bank account without my knowledge, cut off mortgage had NOTHING, 8 don't know where I got the strength but got legal advice and fought him, in my case i really felt judge saw through him THANK GOD, God God bless you Tina i WISH YOU ALL THE BEST for you and your family, there is a God, i was lucky in that my 3 children were grown up, now live in PEACE, wouid like to have met someone but still find it hard to trust, on HAPPIER side i have 5 Grandkids whom i ADORE AND LOVE TO THE MOON AND BACK, my ex husband doesn't bother with his own kids not to mind Grandkids, his loss, thank you Tina for your story.
i decided to talk, I chose to talk to 2 different therapists that after 1st or 2nd session of listening to me talk about dealing with a narcissist they both completely ghosted me, made me feel so alone. Both said to me they can’t continue.
I trusted 3 family members to tell them and they all treated me like I was doing something wrong and ever since I was open, now ignore me. It’s so confusing
💙😢🙏🏻🙏🏻
I love this format and your breakdown in between, the music is also very soothing thank you
Thank you somuchfor sharing your story! A nightmare turned to thriving! Invaluable help! All the best to Us All🤗