Avoidant breadcrumbing (validation seeking)
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
- #relationshipcoach #attachmentstyle #attachment #avoidant #avoidantattachment #breakup #dating #discard #discarded #dismissiveavoidant #dismissiveavoidantattachment #fearfulavoidant #fearfulavoidantattachment #insecureattachment #emotionallyunavailable #divorce #heartbroken #breadcrumbing #boundaries #disorganizedattachment #blindsided
Just say HELL NO to breadcrumbs!!! You deserve a safe, loving, committed relationship; not sadistic mind games ❤
Say no to the breadcrumb diet. Self care🎉distance...self awareness, Silence and no contact .and this Channel is a well written prescription for when you feel you're on shaky ground❤
Exactly! There's even a healthy way to separate! Nothing about this is even remotely healthy or mature. Worse yet when they act as if avoidance is somehow stoicism.
As we know, nothing spells bravery like running away from the battle 🤦🏽♂️
My ex discarded me and monkey branched to a friend of mine (ex friend). They had a fling which ended when she tried to make it official with him. During that time, she watched every story I posted within minutes of me posting it. Later, she started showing up in places where she knew I would be. When I didn't give her the validation she was looking for she sent me one very disingenuous text message, to which I didn't respond. During this time she was already grooming her now current boyfriend. Later in the year she showed up at my office (we work in the same building), to introduce me to "the new girl," in the office. I honestly think she brought this girl to meet me as a way of alleviate her guilt for discarding me. I responded professionally to the introduction but inside I was disgusted.
I think this happens within relationships too when they have already pulled away for a long time.
My ex DA has played out the script to a tee. I get the cold, emotionless and empathy devoid fade out discard, monkey branched to the new guy within 2 days if getting to her EUR holiday, disappeared for a a few months... then the breadcrumbing started in earnest. Tells me to my face the new guy is a narc and an avoidant (but still enjoys being flown around the world on endless holidays), weekly "How are you?" and "I hope it's all gomhg well?" messages... her sister tells me she always asks how I am etc etc etc. Last year I fell for this and took the bait. And it ALWAYS ended up with me going backwards emotonally and feeling hurt and confusion all over again. Now... thanks to Coach Ryan... I can see exactly what this behaviour is really all about; it's all about her and her avoidant emotional selfishness. Once you figure it out and see it for what it really is... you can get back in control of how you react and - bottom line - YOUR life improves. The avoidnant will almost certainly never change (particulalry if they also have narc traits as well like my ex does)... but YOU can change how you react to them.
I told my FA ex to leave me alone and stop bread crumbing me. I saw all the signs which I had learned from Coach Ryan’s videos 😂 I’ve become more aware of his FA behaviour. Called him out on his bullshit. Of course I got ghosted and haven’t heard from him in 4 months which I was already prepared for. Shutting me down hard like a big sook. I don’t expect him to come back 🙄😂
I wanted to have a normal lover that knows how to love me! I wasted my 18 years with avoidant! If I can’t find anyone after divorce I will just be alone! I can’t trust anyone else!
I feel the same way.
Wish someday told me this year ago or at least 6 month ago. I went through exactly what you discribed.
Me too
+1 I so wish I knew. I would have definitely said a couple of more things and be way less scared of "scaring him" away.
I went through something so textbook breadcrumbing. At first I could not believe someone who sounds like a perfectly good thinker otherwise would actually delve into that kind of behavior! I just couldn’t even believe someone would waste their energy and time engaging in that kind of shitty and worthless activity! But they really do exist. Such pathetic way to feel alive but yeah I guess some people needs to go through that phase. But I never want to be on the receiving end of that shenanigans.
I’m glad and proud of myself for having clearly stated my boundaries two-three times and then actually told them they are not respecting my boundaries and finally blocked them. Life feels so much lighter and happier after that. It took some time (mostly me in disbelief that someone would actually live like that) but I did cut him off!
I hope those who are in disbelief like how I used to be may come into the blessing of realization and walk away from the trouble gracefully and happily asap.
I fell for it, time and time again... Had me second guessing myself. Not anymore.
I stopped the opportunity of breadcrumbing, again.. By blocking!
I allowed this until the final discard. Now I have no hope for ever finding a mutually loving relationship ( I will never open up again ) and he is probably blissful with a smarter woman 👠♀️ who was able to set boundaries from day #1. 🌀⚡🌪️😰☠️😶🌫️ I wish I would have been stronger from day one.
Save all those breadcrumbs ; Thanksgiving is coming & breadcrumbs make good stuffing.
What to do if I have the same friend group as my avoidant ex? I want to see them, but we always used to hang out all together... Can you talk about what to do if you HAVE to see your avoidant ex?
So so true
The DAs in these videos be amateurs. I perfected my door slam skills many years ago.
I broke no contact after 3 months, had some really good conversations and felt her withdrawaling. Told her I can’t be just friends, I love her too much. Haven’t heard a peep since?
Don’t break no contact; you need to keep growing and becoming better, focus on you. You will get to a point where if she comes back you may not even want her back because you value yourself higher. Keep strong.
Forgive yourself. The games continue and she hasn't done any, or enough, work on herself.
You made the right decision by choosing NC.
@@NDN_FTR damn right. Well said.
does the validation they seek by breadcrumbing is only desired from me? or if they got it from other sources they would not look for it from me?
My DA ex called me three times in 5 months. First after 40 days of the last call where I ended everything (as he wasn’t giving any commitment) went no contact. Then 2 calls after one month and 3 calls after 2 months. I haven’t answered any should I answer it. Is this a genuine approach or he’s just breadcrumbing?
If he's not saying anything in the voicemail, including an apology and an acknowledgement of what he put you through, then I would consider it breadcrumbing. It's clear that you don't want to talk to him and it's clear why. Sounds like he's just trying to get you to chase him a bit but isn't changing his behavior. 3-4 times he's called you and had nothing useful to say. I would leave it at that because if you pick up he'll try to feed you bs and sweet talk you and act like he's sad that things ended and misses you (but without addressing why the relationship ended or how he's going to change). He's probably going to manipulate you because that's basically what breadcrumbing is and avoidants are master manipulators.
@@brennam954 thank you so much, best piece of advice I could get. Sending you love and blessings 💐🌷
@@Ilahiallah You're very welcome ❤️
🙏🏻
How do you know you have been discarded? She ghosted for a week and comes back like nothing ever happened. She provides no explanation and avoids the conversation. Met her online have a difficult time getting her to commit to a date. She was ice cold from our last conversation so I told her to write back when ready. Today she texted "I miss you" I replied but she hasn't answered. ANY thoughts
Let it go! If it's already causing you confusion, that's not good. We can care/love people and still walk away.
Move on.
I see men with social media as feminine. It is a turn off.
No one likes u
I see being shallow as a turn off.
@@Nono38-jj1tk your parents think you are a mistake
Facts.
Exactly what happened to me 😩 Listen to this coach. Please!! I'm on my mission to self love.🙏❤️🩹❤️