A women who loves herself can't continue to be breadcrumbed by someone that is insecure in what they want. If a man doesn't make time she will find someone else that will be able to give her that secure connection.
She will leave, yes, and thats a good thing. But not necessarily will she find what she is looking for and worthy of. Unfortunately. We hope so and can be proactive, but we just can‘t know for sure.
If you're honest with yourself, he's really not the one you want, its just your ego which is offended and hurt by this dude who's lacking so badly @a.s.6748
Nothing ends breadcrumbing. They'll just say what you want to hear and after awhile, go back to bread crumbing. If you notice bread crumbs, just quietly fade out fast. This person isnt all that into you and just trying to keep you in their back pocket.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary"... I agree with healing our childhoods.. changes everything.. "When people show you who they are, believe them"... ❤️
Affirmations kept me sane tho. Negative thoughts can drive you insane... affirmations whispered to self multiple times a day helps replace those negative thoughts
I'm actually practicing this firsthand right now. I'm being pursued by 2 guys. The one I like the most isn't fully available. The other (whom I also like) IS. As hard as it is, I'm not going to put my life on hold for the one that can't fully commit. Life is too short, folks! There's happiness out there with others. ❤
This is actually one of the few insightful relationship advice videos, so great to hear someone speak about the importance of identifying the root cause of the issue and not merely focus on the symptom. Thanks for sharing ❤
I have recently experienced this and it blew my mind how he wasted the opportunity to explore something that could have been really special. I walked away and told him breadcrumbs are for birds 🐦 Today’s dating world has created a dating pool full of men with lots of choices, so choose to give the bare minimum as there are always other options….their loss!
I agree with everything. I just want to add my case. We are not afraid to express our needs. We just don’t have any. We are so self sufficient, we hardly need anything from someone else. We just want a relaxing stress free time and if it’s not possible, we’d rather be alone.
The way I look at this is: needs come in different shapes and sizes, meaning once survival is met, we get the "luxury" to go for more: for some of us depth, intimacy, deep friendship, witnessing, being seen become the next frontier. So yes being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship AND for most humans experiencing meaning (which goes beyond feeling stress free) is at a certain point the place our hearts crave most. Hope this helps. Thank you for watching and for commenting and sharing your views. I appreciate you.
@@BernMendez Thank you for giving me this new perspective. I still have to work on finding meaning. I believe it’s the next step in my twin flame journey.
I was talking to someone for 2 weeks. I was getting breadcrumbs. I put way too much effort, but I always do it to see if the other person is capable of matching my energy. They didn’t and they were playing games. So I walked away quietly and deleted them from my Snapchat,instagram and number. I’m hot, muscular, smart, geeky and caring. Ain’t nobody got time for games… know your value!
Perhaps putting in a PACED effort might also help you see if the person is receptive to incremental connection. A super intense early connection might be looked at as a bit of a red flag by some. So, while your intentions seem good, they might harm you down the line with healthy people who need consistency through time more than all at once. I'm glad you found this helpful.
I’m on my way to doing the same thing. I, like you, go out of my way to see if certain things are reciprocated. It’s a gift and a curse. I hate the fact that I’m the type that really goes out of my way to show that person love and affection to where they never need that reassurance.
i fully agree on the analysis. At the same time: the deeper the wounds, the more necessary is a good therapist (don't make no compromise here, the therapist must be loving, caring and NEVER belittling you- yes there are "therapists" that belittle the patients' feelings!). Also, the deeper the wounds, the more time and patience you might need for yourself. Also very important: Choose the right friends in your life, and a working place that matches your values and is zero toxic. 💛
How necessary is it to have that conversation? What if you just say I don’t think this is going to work out and move on? I feel that people have a reason for doing what they do. I don’t want to temp being manipulated by offering them an opportunity to “fix” it as if they don’t know that they are doing what they’re doing. Like they won’t breadcrumb because they’re not given the opportunity and it’s on to the next overcoming the fear that you won’t be able to find anyone you actually connect with.
This is profound to see it toward a child. Yeah I need to take time to write a journal. I am always the one that gives more attention and help with all my friends and past relationship, this is not reciprocated. It is also culture of giving where I am from. I can't find my equal.
So the guy I’ve been off and on with for a while seems to boil down to us both being single parents, we both are very independent and while I think we both would like to combine our lives we can’t seem to get there. I’m definitely more open to moving to the next level then he is, he has bread crumbed in the past. We’ve kinda moved past that I hope. I think he struggles really letting someone in completely because when he has it went bad so he has high walls now. We are like best friends who have parallel lives and absolutely adore each other, but can’t seem to move past that space. I think the kids are a huge part of this, I just can’t seem to figure out how to breakdown the walls so we can see if this can really work.
Seems like your being far too convenient for him. He has no need to merge your lives together. He's just using the kids as an excuse. Many people remarry regardless of how the kids feel about it. Let him go
@@BernMendez Exactly. I find the block and delete approach quite childish. If you can't discuss issues like adults, should you really be in a relationship with anyone?
Love yr advice ❤. I’m not taking any breadcrumbs. I just go and do something fun for myself and if he dosen’t come running then it’s his loss massively. X😅
Thanks Bern these are important questions. working on myself. It is a fragile process. I'm looking forward to doing this excersie. I've been doing tons of inner child work nonstop for months. However, I am not in a rush as it still feels like im walking on crutches. In the meantime, I am still travelling and seeing the world. I dont feel worried about losing anyone, but yes, trauma therapy is important ❤ I understand trauma on a deeper level and hope to help others release it in the future ✨️😊
The child was ignored and make fun of by one parent and used by another as a therapist. There was no love!!! It’s why the grown child gets zero love now and will never get love - the child only attracts those who use her or abandon her. Others do not want her. Accept it and be along. Stop trying - it will end I disaster!!!
My question: why do we not hold the breadcrumber responsible for his/her behavior? Sure we can walk away but does that solve the issue of the person continuing to do this to multiple people? Why must it be OUR problem? It’s their behavior that is the problem. Walking away will save us from mental anguish but the cycle continues which is not good for human kind. I use the example of the current dating situation, which everyone agrees is horrible…. The problem isn’t getting better, it’s getting worse because there is no accountability
Having a conversation about your needs that allows a man to step up or down is an elegant way to hold someone accountable without attempting to force or coerce a change. : )
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A women who loves herself can't continue to be breadcrumbed by someone that is insecure in what they want. If a man doesn't make time she will find someone else that will be able to give her that secure connection.
Yes! :)
She'll always will find SOMEONE else, but not the one she wants.....
@@a.s.6748wants change.
She will leave, yes, and thats a good thing. But not necessarily will she find what she is looking for and worthy of. Unfortunately. We hope so and can be proactive, but we just can‘t know for sure.
If you're honest with yourself, he's really not the one you want, its just your ego which is offended and hurt by this dude who's lacking so badly @a.s.6748
Nothing ends breadcrumbing. They'll just say what you want to hear and after awhile, go back to bread crumbing. If you notice bread crumbs, just quietly fade out fast. This person isnt all that into you and just trying to keep you in their back pocket.
Just did that after one week of getting to know someone
@@viktoriyadan4328the sooner you find out he's not the one, the better for you
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary"...
I agree with healing our childhoods.. changes everything..
"When people show you who they are, believe them"...
❤️
Affirmations kept me sane tho. Negative thoughts can drive you insane... affirmations whispered to self multiple times a day helps replace those negative thoughts
I'm actually practicing this firsthand right now. I'm being pursued by 2 guys. The one I like the most isn't fully available. The other (whom I also like) IS. As hard as it is, I'm not going to put my life on hold for the one that can't fully commit. Life is too short, folks! There's happiness out there with others. ❤
Glad to hear this, Sue : )
He lied to me by making promises he didn’t keep….its over now
Kay, I'm happy you've made a decision and are moving on. Many blessings and green lights on your next steps.
This is actually one of the few insightful relationship advice videos, so great to hear someone speak about the importance of identifying the root cause of the issue and not merely focus on the symptom. Thanks for sharing ❤
You're so welcome.
I have recently experienced this and it blew my mind how he wasted the opportunity to explore something that could have been really special. I walked away and told him breadcrumbs are for birds 🐦 Today’s dating world has created a dating pool full of men with lots of choices, so choose to give the bare minimum as there are always other options….their loss!
Jayne, good for you for moving on...
I blame the parents
lol having options isn’t always an advantage. Out of all the options, maybe 1% are worth your time! You happened to be that 1%.
Oh gosh SAME!! I’m still kinda in shock , can’t believe he missed this special , unique , and to me at least , meant to be.
@@galaxyride4944right on!
I agree with everything. I just want to add my case. We are not afraid to express our needs. We just don’t have any. We are so self sufficient, we hardly need anything from someone else. We just want a relaxing stress free time and if it’s not possible, we’d rather be alone.
Agree with you wholeheartedly here!!! 😊🙃
The way I look at this is: needs come in different shapes and sizes, meaning once survival is met, we get the "luxury" to go for more: for some of us depth, intimacy, deep friendship, witnessing, being seen become the next frontier. So yes being alone is better than being in a toxic relationship AND for most humans experiencing meaning (which goes beyond feeling stress free) is at a certain point the place our hearts crave most. Hope this helps. Thank you for watching and for commenting and sharing your views. I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching : )
@@BernMendez Thank you for giving me this new perspective. I still have to work on finding meaning. I believe it’s the next step in my twin flame journey.
I was talking to someone for 2 weeks. I was getting breadcrumbs. I put way too much effort, but I always do it to see if the other person is capable of matching my energy.
They didn’t and they were playing games. So I walked away quietly and deleted them from my Snapchat,instagram and number.
I’m hot, muscular, smart, geeky and caring. Ain’t nobody got time for games… know your value!
Perhaps putting in a PACED effort might also help you see if the person is receptive to incremental connection. A super intense early connection might be looked at as a bit of a red flag by some. So, while your intentions seem good, they might harm you down the line with healthy people who need consistency through time more than all at once. I'm glad you found this helpful.
I’m on my way to doing the same thing. I, like you, go out of my way to see if certain things are reciprocated. It’s a gift and a curse. I hate the fact that I’m the type that really goes out of my way to show that person love and affection to where they never need that reassurance.
i fully agree on the analysis.
At the same time: the deeper the wounds, the more necessary is a good therapist (don't make no compromise here, the therapist must be loving, caring and NEVER belittling you- yes there are "therapists" that belittle the patients' feelings!). Also, the deeper the wounds, the more time and patience you might need for yourself. Also very important: Choose the right friends in your life, and a working place that matches your values and is zero toxic.
💛
Ceclie, thank you so much for sharing 🙏😊
@@BernMendez my name is Cecile, and thank you ☺
This is an amazing video with a lot of insight. Thank you ❤
How necessary is it to have that conversation? What if you just say I don’t think this is going to work out and move on? I feel that people have a reason for doing what they do. I don’t want to temp being manipulated by offering them an opportunity to “fix” it as if they don’t know that they are doing what they’re doing. Like they won’t breadcrumb because they’re not given the opportunity and it’s on to the next overcoming the fear that you won’t be able to find anyone you actually connect with.
I appreciate you for sharing your healthy relational wisdom and discernment with me ❤!
This video is amazing! Asking all the right questions.
Sara, glad this was helpful to you : )
Here's what I need to move forward. Very great statement,
Every video you make is of so much value❤😊
Anna, thank you so much for saying so. I appreciate you.
I don't like and am not available for being treated as less valuable than I know that I am. I have retested this treatment in recent weeks.
Retasted...
This is profound to see it toward a child. Yeah I need to take time to write a journal. I am always the one that gives more attention and help with all my friends and past relationship, this is not reciprocated. It is also culture of giving where I am from. I can't find my equal.
your new background video visual is great !
Amazing and very important and helpful advice. You are spot on in this podcast fir me. Thank you so much!!!
You are so welcome, Joan. Glad it was helpful.
Thankyou very helpful I am now receiving help ❤️😊🙏
Yes, proud of you for getting help.
This is very good content! Thank you for sharing
Thank you❤ for guidance ❤
You are so welcome.
This is so on point
Thank you glad it was helpful.
So the guy I’ve been off and on with for a while seems to boil down to us both being single parents, we both are very independent and while I think we both would like to combine our lives we can’t seem to get there. I’m definitely more open to moving to the next level then he is, he has bread crumbed in the past. We’ve kinda moved past that I hope. I think he struggles really letting someone in completely because when he has it went bad so he has high walls now. We are like best friends who have parallel lives and absolutely adore each other, but can’t seem to move past that space. I think the kids are a huge part of this, I just can’t seem to figure out how to breakdown the walls so we can see if this can really work.
Seems like your being far too convenient for him. He has no need to merge your lives together. He's just using the kids as an excuse. Many people remarry regardless of how the kids feel about it. Let him go
That is so good!
Block and delete works every time
Sometimes that's needed other times a conversation might do the trick : )
@@BernMendez Exactly. I find the block and delete approach quite childish. If you can't discuss issues like adults, should you really be in a relationship with anyone?
Love yr advice ❤. I’m not taking any breadcrumbs. I just go and do something fun for myself and if he dosen’t come running then it’s his loss massively. X😅
Glad this was helpful for you.
I broke up woth my bf 2 days ago cause of this
Thanks Bern these are important questions. working on myself.
It is a fragile process.
I'm looking forward to doing this excersie. I've been doing tons of inner child work nonstop for months. However, I am not in a rush as it still feels like im walking on crutches.
In the meantime, I am still travelling and seeing the world. I dont feel worried about losing anyone, but yes, trauma therapy is important ❤
I understand trauma on a deeper level and hope to help others release it in the future ✨️😊
I have one to three comments to consider.
What is breadcrumbs
The child was ignored and make fun of by one parent and used by another as a therapist. There was no love!!! It’s why the grown child gets zero love now and will never get love - the child only attracts those who use her or abandon her. Others do not want her. Accept it and be along. Stop trying - it will end I disaster!!!
Or.... get help as an adult to learn to re-wire those circuits that didn't get cemented properly : )
M
My question: why do we not hold the breadcrumber responsible for his/her behavior? Sure we can walk away but does that solve the issue of the person continuing to do this to multiple people? Why must it be OUR problem? It’s their behavior that is the problem. Walking away will save us from mental anguish but the cycle continues which is not good for human kind. I use the example of the current dating situation, which everyone agrees is horrible…. The problem isn’t getting better, it’s getting worse because there is no accountability
Having a conversation about your needs that allows a man to step up or down is an elegant way to hold someone accountable without attempting to force or coerce a change. : )