Aromantic Q&A: My Relationship History
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2017
- Answering two questions about my relationship history as an aromantic person and the evolution of my current relationship!
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I'm just so grateful for people like you who talk about ace and aro-ness because it helps in minimizing the "oh god something is wrong with me, let me put myself in unsafe, unhealthy situations to fix this." Thank you, you're a light.
Yes for real
It's so amazing really how people of different identities across the LGBTQ+ spectrum can have such similar experiences. What you're describing is the exact feeling I used to have when boys showed interest in me (I'm a lesbian), it's really facinating. It also makes me even more confused by exclusionists who say aro/ace people aren't LGBTQ+ because these are the experiences that unite us. The cause might be slightly different but the experience is the same.
Lovy this is why I’m so confused lmao lesbian experiencing comphet sounds JUST like aro Bc my only experience is with dudes and I know there’s no romantic feelings.. Ik like girls differently but idk if I’d get romantic attraction or I just have a stronger platonic bond to them usually+sexual attraction to them sjxkdkdk
it's more amazing when lgpb say aro-ace isn't real and not lgbtq+ because of some dumb reasons(like they were not at Stonewall riot)
My problem is I feel my platonic bonds sooo deeply and love cuddling and kissing and holding hands with my friends.. but it’s not romantic attraction. The intimacy feels silly and fun and most ppl have different boxes for attraction. Me, it’s a scale of casual platonic to super deep connection but it’s all on one scale of intenseness, not different types. I used to not even be able to tell the difference between a crush and a very good bestie but thank god I love QPRs hehe
Oh dear, the way you describe a sense of being unready/fear of letting people down is familiar. I already feel like I'm on the asexual spectrum, but romantic feelings are hard for me to distinguish from close platonic. I know this video is old, but it's still insightful. Thanks for sharing this stuff.
Definitely definitely relate to the "panic attacks" when it comes to kissing. It feels like you will actually cry if you do it or something. It's so scary! And the turning down people who have a crush on you as well omgggg
I'm currently dealing with the person I love realizing that they may be aromantic so I've been taking time to watch videos about the topics and yours have been super helpful so thank you.
If only the person i was with at the time did this for me. You're a really good person
Fear of intimacy, yup that's what I used to say whenever I did that freaking out, push away thing you mentioned. Oh you just need to get over your fear of intimacy. But weird how I got over my "fear of intimacy" in friendships but could ever translate that to relationships. Thanks for making this video, it's very comforting to see someone on RUclips describing an experience so similar to my own coming to terms with being aro/ace
Im glad im also aro ace
"i thought that's what i wanted and i thought that i just needed to get over these fears that are holding me back"
i have never related to anything more in my life
and you wanna know the worst part? i thought that that was how it's supposed to be
nobody told me that when people describe their romantic experiences, their "buzzing feeling" or "nervousness", that it's supposed to feel good. nobody told me that is more accurately described as _anticipation_
nobody told me that it's not normal to feel scared around someone you're supposed to like & trust or to feel nauseous after they leave
i really thought that thats what it feels like to want to be with someone
thank you for this video. i have been happy with my aromantic identity for over a year now but it was still affirming to hear your perspective
OKAY. So this is freaky. I also met my favorite partner in 2006 and we married in 2009. Some asshole convinced me that I needed to leave him because I didn't love him. That my ex deserved better. I left in 2012 and regretted it ever since. In 2020 we reconnected. I still have no romantic feelings for him, but I'm so thrilled that I have my favorite person back. Also, I'm 33 this year and figuring out that I'm aromantic has been such a relief.
It astounds me how similar your stories are to mine back in high school and college. I thought I had to be in a relationship to be happy and I thought I was weird because I wasn't feeling the "spark" that everyone else had been through. Even when I dated a girl for 8 months I remember it was tough and I don't think I liked her as much as she liked me but I thought I could work through it and make it work. Well of course it didn't. I thought that I was terrified of relationships because I wasn't ready or that they weren't "the one". But after discovering aromantic I totally understand and agree with everything you're talking about and I felt the exact same way. I am happy learning about aromantics and understanding myself more. I honestly want to thank you for making videos that helped me realize who I am and that what I'm feeling is normal.
I think I'm maybe aro or grey-romantic, because I never was in love/had a crush and I really don't desire a relationship. My friends all say I'm making that up in my head and that I just haven't met the right guy and fear commitment. I don't know about that. I am trying to figure that out right now... I know that I'm not asexual which makes everything just more complicated because I like doing stuff with guys but I never develop those romantic feelings for them. I don't feel like I'm missing out. I just don't know and I don't want to hurt anyone.
I’m fifty-two. I never got married. I never went to bed to sleep with a man. I feel like a weirdo. I had a boyfriend when I was twenty years old. I wanted to get rid of him all of the time. Some people seemed to judge me as a racist woman. I guess that is because they must have thought I was prejudiced against men that were interested in me. I have a sense of guilt and inferior feelings about myself that stopped me from being intimate. I experimented once. Never did it again. I’m not a lesbian. I guess that I have no interest in anyone. I noticed that a lot of men in my
Life are jerks. I had some crushes in my life. It is the guilt and my inferiority complex that seems to stop me. There was a man with a fiancé that asked me if I was sexually inhibited. I have no idea. I guess that I don’t really wonder if I am or not. I guess that I don’t feel interested in the men. I guess that I look approachable because I think that men find me shy and introverted. Maybe I am a straight woman who is a virgin. Thinking about my great aunt who got married in her fifties for her first time, it gives me hope.
I realise this is an older video, but I just stumbled upon it and as someone in the middle of the process of figuring out where I fit in on the aroace spectrum, I find this really helpful, thank you ❤️
When you said that you had OkCupid because of all of the quizzes, that made me smile. I can totally relate lol.
I kind of felt like that too, that I was letting down men who wanted to be more than friends.
you look and sound a lot younger than 35 :) i like your voice
Thank you 😊
@@CelesteM you look 19 in the thumbnail.. Not kidding
I'm just starting to watch the video, and everything you said about dating in high school and how you felt was so similar to what I feel! I'm still trying to figure out who I am, and your videos are helping me a lot. Thank you so so much!
Yay! You're welcome!
I never liked romance or felt attracted that way. I've been questioning my aroace status since middle school. Recently, I met a guy who put me in a "am I aromantic or straight" crisis. We've went on a date and plan on going on another. I love spending time with him but don't want to kiss or hold his hand or talk to his parents. I told him I was on the fence about whether I wanted to be friends or date him and he seems prettu cool about it. I just feel like a crappy date because he's putting in most of the work while I'm just awkwardly hoping he doesn't like me that way anymore. He's a sweetheart who wouldn't hurt anyone but I wish we were besties instead and could cuddle without him thinking it was romantic.
I'm a little confused, I think I'm aro (I already know I'm asexual) but I'm in a relationship. Can you still be sweet and loving in a relationship even if you're aro? Is it more like "I don't really like people that way but I'll still love them"?
HooliganEyebrow yes, absolutely! My platonic partner and I are extremely close and affectionate with each other. It just isn't romantic. Friends and family can love deeply and express that to each other in many ways!
I'm young but I've been in a few relationships and none of them worked out. During the breakups, so the explaining why it wasn't working out bit, they told me. -on both occasions- that I had treated them more like friends than a romantic partner. I hadn't realized this so I couldn't even help it. Now skip a year or so, a girl in my class tells me that she's crushing on me. I've always considered myself demi romantic so I assumed that I felt the same way about her because we had a close friendship, but when a friend described a crush to me I couldn't relate to it at all. I asked a few other friends and I had the same result. When I thought I've crushed on people in the past, I don't think it was crushing. It's falling into place I suppose. When I held hands with a girl I didn't feel anything romantic. I've kissed people and it just made me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I'm aromantic or on that spectrum but what you've said in this video and others makes a lot of sense to me.
Am I aro or just your usual identity crisis?
I'm not sure, I can't say myself either, you aren't the only one questioning but it does sound like it?
thanks for sharing, this really gives me hope in a weird sort of way
Wow, thanks so much for this video.
I CAN RELATE TO THIS IN SUCH A DEEP LEVEL OMG
I didn't know I wasn't "broken" until I saw this
wow, I just watched your new video and then right after this. you've changed so much! I didn't realize how much deeper your voice has gotten and how much more androgynous your face shape has become! great❤️
Kristoph R Celeste identifies as Ace and Aro. Why do you think it's so "great" that her voice has become deeper and her face has become more androgenous? Why is this even relevant, let alone "great"?
EWG they’re actually non-binary aswell. Kristoph was noting how far Celeste has come in their transition after watching some of their newer videos.
HAPPY AROMANTIC SPECTRUM AWARENESS WEEK, Y"ALL!!!
Here for validation ✌
Oh God that whole thing about another person who you thought you had romantic feelings for helping lead you to realizing you're aro is Way Too Relatable 😥 I only came here to see if I was aro 😅
I know exactly how you feel I had a woman at a barber shop that I was just making conversation with who had a swimming pool that's what I do for a living want me to come out and look at her pool but she was also romantically inclined to have a relationship with me I I tuck tail and ran I thought there was something wrong with me I was willing to take care of her pool for a but I didn't want to get sexually involved with her I thought there was something wrong with me thank you so much for your videos you have open up my mind and make me feel like there's nothing wrong with me and I can be alone in myself and be perfectly fine thank you
I never had a interest in dating and I don’t plan on dating
Came here looking for some perspective, as I wonder about my own feelings about romance and sexuality.
The music in the background is a little distracting, in a wonderful way, as it reminds me of Post-punk.
I'm like 15, I haven't had a crush in my whole life. I have no interest in marriage, I just plain don't understand flirting at all, and kissing just grosses me out still. I've always been just really ignorant of others relationships and never desired or wanted that. I haven't dated or kissed (thank goodness) so I can't be sure but I'm not sure if I'm aro. I'd say that probably my ideal relationship is just living with a friend roommate style, idkw I just like the idea of that XD. This wasn't too much information to tell but what do you think?
i feel like i need a relationship like that. but i don't know how or if i can do the feelings. just right now I am smitten with a videogame character.
i don't want to be this. i want a reset and rewind and had a first romance at age 10 like some do
If you can answer vaguely enough for your comfort, what made you realize your other relationship was not romantic as you initially thought? Feel free to answer privately if you prefer. Asking because I am questioning my own romantic-ness.
Basically, I became super close to someone else in a way that felt a lot more like romance is described in art (all that intense stuff about stars aligning, that person being the blood running through your veins, feeling like you're dying when they're not there, etc.), although I still didn't want to be in a traditional romantic relationship with that person. TBH at this point (years later) I am not sure if that actually means it was any closer to romantic, as it was really more like a trauma bond situation.
What kind of attraction do you feel, apart from platonic?
Me personally? Aesthetic attraction is probably the biggest one aside from platonic.
Is it “arrow mantic” or “a romantic” I think it is the first one but I’m not sure
Aromantic. The prefix a- means "not" or "without" (like asymmetrical, atheist, apolitical, etc.). But the slangy abbreviation "aro" is basically pronounced like "arrow".
I think I am demisexual/demiromantic and I can relate a lot to what you're saying. I did not date in high school either because I never felt "ready". I have not dated in my adult life except for 1 short relationship when I was 21. I do desire these things but my experience of that desire just doesn't fit the "norm". Although lots of things in my life are inconsistent, I am comfortable identifying somewhere on the ace spectrum because absence of desire has played a big role in my overall experience. A sex therapist recommended "demisexual" to me 6 years ago and i forgot about it until a queer friend recently also suggested I might be demi. Its weird because I am also bipolar and hypersexual. And it feels really contradictory to identify as ace-ish while my hypersexual side is also a very active dynamic in my life. But I never have a partner and any desire to genuinely find one is not a particularly driving force for me. All I can say is that I relate when ace people talk about their experiences. I think that identifying with that shared experience is helpful in attempting to understand where I stand with these things.
I wonder if that other person was male or female. Hmm.