My Legally Official Platonic Bestie (or: Aromantic and Married?!)
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- Taking "I married my best friend" to the next level. Accidentally.
Let me know if you have any ideas of words to describe a primary non-romantic relationship and the people in it! And don't forget to like and subscribe. Thanks for watching! =)
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A lifelong best friend. Sounds 170% like what I've wanted all along though I confused it with romantic attraction...
I want this
There's this joke in the aromantic community....there wasn't a word for platonic life partner so people started calling their platonic life partners their zucchini. It was a joke but then it really stuck so lots of people will call their platonic life partner their zucchini.
Thanks! I know about zucchini but what I was looking for was something random people I meet (for example, a cashier or something like that) would already understand. I don't think zucchini works for that 😉
Ah I see. I realize this video is really old. Have you found a word that works for you?
I'm just using "partner". It's not perfect (I think most people typically still assume it means romantic partner) but it's the best I've found so far!
platonic life partner
Good one, thank you!
As an aroace NB myself, I would love to have what I would call a bestmate^^. Thank you for sharing your story !
I have question. One of the videos in your music playlists is deleted. Do you know what song it is?
I do have one now! She's my zucchini
This is why I love the idea I came up with of a "together promise" and "promise ring" it's where anyone who doesn't want to get married can get promise rings and give each other the rings and just have a promise to be together for as long as they would like.
I don't like the possessive words "husband, wife etc" let alone the genderedness of them. I'd want a partner in crime!
I personally prefer the more ambiguous "colaborator" or the slightly less ambiguous "existential colaborator"
I like the they'd version of wife, which is clearly thief!
I call my Partner my Spouse, as it's Gender Neutral, though he's technically my Husband I prefer people having to ask if they wanna be nosy 😜
Partner in crime would totally be the term I'd use for a QPP! I love that term so much!
I like calling it "drift compatible" but it gets less effective if the person I'm talking to hasn't seen Pacific Rim...
brilliant
I feel like this is what I want. I feel like the biggest indicator that i was aromantic was that I had a fear of being OWNED by someone by marrying them. Like possessiveness is something I really fear even to this day.
I have never dated anyone before or have even had sex, and up til now I have identified as a lesbian because I am kind of attracted to girls but marrying anyone makes me uncomfortable
I am 66 years old and I now know that I am Aromantic, so it fluctuates how I feel from minute to minute. I remembered when I was growing up and I was supposed to feel that lightning bolt feeling, but for me it was a sweet, happy feeling with someone I had a deep energetic feeling with that I didn't share with anyone else. I am in a relationship now that he is also aro and I feel comfortable with that. I do need some detachment in a relationship. it is who I am and it is ok. I am glad I found out I am not the only one and yes he is my bestmate and my favorite playmate.
If Celeste and Jason had a sitcom it could be called "The Straight & Aro". :D
This sounds a lot like me trying to find a sufficiently endearing (not to mention non-gendered) term for a partner with whom I live and share finances, without resorting to "primary," which is problematic because, reasons. Domestic partner? Life-mate? Emergency contact? Spouse-ish? BFFs? I think something with the word "support" might work.
Haha, The Straight & Aro, I love it 😂 Yeah, it's definitely a word we need in common language! You could always do a portmanteau and call them your "supportner" 😉
I don't really get it.. sorry If I may come across as dumb but I just started looking into this stuff.. can't you be straight &Aro? or even Straight&Ace?
Marina Visconti yes because sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate but Celeste is asexual and aromantic
@@CelesteM maybe The Straight & The Aro cool video btw.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve been so lost and watching this has really helped me figure out who I am. I’m an asexual Aromantic who wants to spend the rest of their life with a best friend and roommate. I want to raise children with this person, but I don’t want to get touchy or sexual. I almost feel a platonic attraction to people where I want to be around them and I feel so comfortable talking to them, but I don’t get flustered or feel butterflies. I don’t want to share the same bed with them, but I’m not against sitting right next to them on a couch or when it’s cold. Thank you so much!
Hey you have described me perfectly!
I go with Platonic Life Partner or - in light of the whole pandemic thing - Apocalypse Buddy.
Made total sense. Like best friends who others assume have a sexual relationahip but don’t... marriage and romance are crazy power and sometimes-toxic constructs. Thank you for making this video!!!
it makes sense that you wouldn't want to use "queerplatonic partner" (or QPP) since your partner is cishet, so if you're not into quasiplatonic, I know a lot of people use "platonic life partner" (or PLP) or just "life partner" instead.
Thanks! Those seem to be the best candidates so far.
If youre referring to the "queer" part of qpp not fitting their description, queer is not describing the people in the relationship, but the relationship itself. Since platonic relationships aren't really the norm, queer is used to describe it's separation from "regular" relationships :)
Maiyah Indigo except queer is a slur that’s only something that can be reclaimed by lgbt people :) saying queer just means “weird/irregular” erases our history lol
@@newt9578 n, no. stop that
@@newt9578 Things can have multiple meanings. Queer is a word meaning weird or irregular like a queerplatonic relationship, and it also means Queer in the identity sense, like Genderqueer
I think life partner is a fair term without too many implications
I am Aro Ace (I think? - still questioning a bit) and I live in a house with my Brother (cis straight, but not in any relationship atm), and sometimes my BFF from college (Female Cis Pan, also not in a romantic relationship) When she is not living with me, my BFF moves around the country for work, trying to move up in her career as a Park Ranger, and if she gets to a head ranger position the job could potentially come with a house. In that event, she has proposed legal marriage so that as her wife I could move in and live with her (otherwise I couldn't). I don't know how fair that would actually be, as she does eventually want a romantic relationship and children, but it helps to know that other weird/complicated relationships like this exist.
This is such a really good topic and discussion.
For someone like me who's a predominantly sex and romance-repulsed gray-aro gray-ace and with modern media being centric on the whole romance/sex/relationships thing (especially here in my home country where romance-themed media reign most supreme, IMO), it's tough to let people in my life/circle know that I'd rather be in a platonic companionate life partnership rather than a romantic/sexual one. Even if I tell people that there's no romantic and sexual activity involved and if me and my distant future partner decide to move in together; we'd have separate bedrooms, bathrooms, game room/media room/study and would only get together whenever we feel like it (or as I call it: living, but not even in sin); they would say that 'it's not acceptable/possible'.
Also, I agree with kaihugstrees about describing your relationship with your spouse/partner. (Platonic) life partner is a good term to use. If I were to be in a partnership someday, I can maybe use platonic companionate partner if we're really close and comfortable with each other, regardless if they're ace or allo; or whatever we decide and consent on naming/labelling the relationship.
There's just some ideas:
Social partner, life partner, the closest one, platonic partner... I don't know, but somehow the soulmate also appeals to me, even if it might give the wrong idea.
And I prefer "serious/committed platonic relationship" over QPR, it just feels more comprehensive, specific and descriptive.
I've kind of defaulted to platonic partner or just partner, depending on the context. It's not perfect but it's the best I've found so far.
I had a couple of encounters like this, though neither of them turned out because they were heterocis and didn't really understand and/or fully accept me being aroace. I've since decided that I'm perfectly happy single and plan to remain that way, but I would still love a close friendship with someone. I don't even have that. I'm sure you know, but you're really lucky to find someone who understands, accepts, and stands with you.
Thanks for sharing this, I've always felt so out of place with my feelings on romance, relationships, and sexuality and seeing this video clarifies that there can be healthy and successful bonds that don't have to fit in to neat little boxes. It's almost crazy to think from childhood we're told what we should like, how we should feel, and what real healthy love is.
After the Second World War there were a lot of women who wound up “maiden aunts”. Many of them shared life with each other and while I’m sure a good number were in sexual relationships, many weren’t. They were sometimes referred to as “domestic partners” but I feel that probably doesn’t encapsulate the emotional closeness they had. You might actually have to coin a name for what you and your spouse have and spread it far and wide - you surely can’t be the only ones looking for it.
Very true! Another term for that I've heard (going back even farther historically) is "Boston marriage". Such relationships have certainly been around forever, whether or not they're noticed or recognized.
@@CelesteM I've never heard of a 'Boston marriage'. Do you know the origin of the term?
I don't know if anyone is 100% sure, but in 1885 Henry James wrote a novel called The Bostonians that centers on a relationship of that type (between two feminist women) and it seems to be commonly thought that the term originated there although it's never used in the novel itself. It's often used to imply a romantic or sexual relationship but doesn't always, or can describe an ambiguous relationship between women.
I would call him a soulmate. Soulmate doesn't have to be romantic or sexual it's just a deep conection with another person. My cousin is my soulmate but obviously we are not in any kind of sexual or romantic relationship, in fact he has a girlfriend and I'm just so happy for them.
Your username is a very accurate description of my life 💜
Okay- I’m so glad I looked up your channel because this is my life right now. I’m ace- married to a straight cis man named Jason (I KID YOU NOT I WAS LOSING MY MIND WHEN I HEARD THAT LMAO). I’m stuck in that sort of marriage purgatory too and it’s such a bizarre place to exist in. It’s weirdly assuring that I’m not the only one kind of navigate the...general weirdness and complicated nature of being married to my best friend? But not in the same way everyone would expect.
But I absolutely get that- sort of following what I /think/ certain feelings are suppose to feel like and taking the “obvious” course of things, but it always just feels a little wrong at the back of my mind kind of thing.
We didn’t really date either. It was like he hit best friend level with me and then a smidge extra and I was just like: *butterfly hands* is this love?
It was super strange just sort of going through motions of what happens next according to relationship lore lmao. And not having that resolve of like “this is definitely it” and “this is definitely what I want” that I /assume/ everyone else must have?
I call him my “partner in crime” at this point or kind of twist “life partner” into literally a partner in the game of life lmao. I’m just as unsure about titles because it’s like riiiight at the spouse level- but not? And I just hate the way wife and husband sound for like social label standards. It sounds to much like being owned? I guess? And I don’t like the gender implications of wife either :/
It all feels weirdly suffocating to be attached, but not. And also really terrifying to not be in the rat race without each other at the same time?
ANYWAY sorry. I think I train of thought commented on you. But TLDR of it; thanks for making these videos it’s is BEYOND reassuring to not feel like I’m just in my weird isolated bubble of “this only happens to me” lol
I'm so glad you can relate! It makes me happy (and less alone myself) so thank you for commenting! (And sorry for the late reply!) 💗
I thought about a sentence like "we are a family as married friends".
In German there is the word 'Lebensgefährte' that roughly translates to life companion
This was an excellent video! My partner and I have been together for almost 3 years, and I only discovered I was ace and aro spectrum about a year ago. I was really worried about how they would take it, but after talking it through with them they realized they were on the ace spectrum too. Thank you for sharing your experiences on this!
Something that I know other people sometimes use to describe their relationship is the term QPR (Queer/Quasi Platonic Relationship). It basically sounds a lot like what you're describing: a committed, non-traditional partnership between two people without necessarily including romance/sex. I believe some people in these relationships refer to their people as "zucchinis"? I don't know how helpful that would be for explaining it to other people though.
I'm personally partial to the word partner, but I also have a lot of romantic attraction to my partner (it was strange to try to figure out, because I have literally no other romantic attractions. I initially thought I was just very committed to the relationship. I'm still figuring it out I guess). I also like referring to them as my "person", because I feel like it denotes a level of commitment and (potentially platonic??) love that just saying "best friend" or something doesn't. I believe that might have been from the show Grey's Anatomy?? I don't know for sure though.
Lastly, I was just wondering if maybe talking about polyamory for the two of you might help? I obviously don't know all the details of your relationship, but I do know a lot of people who are able to stay in happy, committed relationships while simultaneously having their other needs met with other people. I don't know how either of you would feel about it, but I've seen a lot of married and single people feel a lot more fulfilled in polyamory.
Again, great video! Looking forward to the next one! :)
Thanks so much for your comment! I have heard queerplatonic before and it does fit pretty well, but I don't think it works for us because with Jason being straight and cis it doesn't feel appropriate, nor something I think he would want to claim. Quasi- is interesting but to me it kind of seems more like a departure from platonic, as opposed to trying to get closer to it. I feel like it would work better for people whose relationship looks platonic from the outside as a way to note that it's "more than" a usual friendship, whereas ours is sort of the opposite of that ("more than" or "less than" meaning in terms of, like, aspects of intimacy, not degrees). Zucchini is funny and cute but, as you said, would probably just confuse people more =) Person is cute though! I have heard that line from Grey's Anatomy before: something like "You're my person"? I agree that works very well as something that doesn't necessarily imply a particular type of closeness.
We have talked about polyamory a number of times, but always end up agreeing it wouldn't work very well for us. He knows he has the option if he finds someone, but he is more interested in the idea of a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship. He's a lot more traditional than me in many respects so, while he's entirely supportive of me and other people with different identities or types of relationships, what he would want for himself is pretty conventional, if that makes sense. That's why it's kinda tricky, because to pursue that he'd have to give up our current situation, and he doesn't want to. Hopefully we will eventually figure it all out. =)
Thanks again for your comment and support! =)
I feel like if I ever find someone like that I might just say "we're a bonded pair" but idk for sure
That might work. Pair bonding is the term I use to describe the types of birds who pair up and stay together for years to raise babies. Even among birds, most species don't stay together for more than one breeding season, but for some species like vultures, they're more successful at raising chicks to adulthood the longer they stay together, so there's no incentive for them to separate.
This totally resonates… I’m in an asexual relationship for 24 years with someone who I don’t have a romantic/sexual relationship with. We are in a companion, partnership. When you love someone, it’s not always about sex and romance which comes and goes. I understand the financial benefits that come with marriage but I found out that making a will and power of attorney will help a lot which is something we need to get started because we are partners and not typical to cis/straight relationships. I really get where you’re coming from. It’s like soul love. I found for me that being autosexual helped a lot as my partner is full on ace whereas I’m Demi/pan/auto. I’m rooting for you guys… sending positivity and support from here in UK🌈🌈🌈✨💫✨💫✨ you could try calling yourself “Marriage partners” BTW…. If folks question it, that’s their problem 😉
I think friendship is best. In all the great marriages, the passion eventually dies, and they end up as friends. I am a grey - asexual.
I already have a platonic life partner (I'm in high school so it seems a bit fast), and we talked about moving in together and getting pets together before I realized I am in the a-spec community. I found QPR's and showed them and we were both like, damn that us. we go on platonic dates and pet dogs, it's so much fun without the label of dating hanging on our heads.
I've only recently been trying to figure out everything and I've known I'm a lesbian since i was in year eight but now I'm in year eleven, and only just figuring out that I might be/most likely cupioromantic/aromantic. I've never had any proper crushes, or felt what love is when people describe it, which saddens me a lot because all I've ever wanted was to feel the love you can have for a person. I know I'll come to terms with it eventually but this really helps me figure out how to go from where I am. Thank you :)
I loved watching this, thank you for posting it. I'm ace and I've had a lot of sub-par experiences with dating, I'm still trying to figure out my romantic self, if that's something I actually want or if I'm just doing it..."because"? And it just gives me warm fuzzies to see someone else out there like, living a life that's not the het dating-married-family life path that I see everywhere.
Personally, I like the words Queerplatonic and Life-Partner, though that's not to say they'll necessarily fit for you. :]
Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it! The romantic part was much harder for me to figure out than the sexual part because for the longest time I didn't know whether what I felt was romantic or not, or even how to figure it out. It just took a lot of time and thinking and feeling to get there.
Queerplatonic is the closest thing I've seen too, but because Jason is straight and cis I don't know that it's appropriate, nor something he would want to claim. I like life partner though, or life mate!
Why not just "partner"? I've decided that is what I am looking for.
Yeah, that's what I've been using. I don't really feel like it's ideal because everyone assumes you mean a romantic partner when you say that, but I haven't found anything better.
Ah, yes, I suppose they could. It is still definitely less romance-implying than wife or husband. But for me, I always interpret partner more as a buddy-cop/team-mate kind of thing. >:D
Nerdy idea: we could use "aibou" from japanese meaning partner/pal/accomplice/companion. (I like accomplice lol.) I am not an expert, but I have only heard it used platonically.
Though it is a bit scary, as "aibo" is apparently cherish the memory of/yearn for/love/attachment/adoration. Kind of ironic.
I'm 21 and (I think) I'm aro-ace. Still figuring out myself. I've never been in a sexual or romantic relationship and dont see myself being in one either. But lately I've been feeling so much dread and loneliness because I feel like nobody understands me and nobody will. All the platonic friendships I have are pretty shallow because nobody else understands emotional intimacy in platonic relationships. But that's what I'm craving and longing for. I want to live together with someone and be so important to them but at the same time not be involved romantically or sexually.
Thank you so much for making this video. It's so reassuring to hear and read the comments. Especially in this phase where I feel so lost and lonely and confused
Thanks for sharing this. It is validating in several ways for me. I've struggled with this too. I started to let go of feeling like I owe other people an explanation for what my relationships are. If my person and I know what we are to each other, then I'm willing to just tell other people that my person is my "friend" or "partner" or whatever word we go with.
Other people don't deserve to be intrusive with wanting to know what kind of sex, living situation, or life choices I've made with another person unless they have earned my trust to be that intimate in my life.
But, I do still struggle sometimes with the challenge of my relationships not being seen as valid by the outside world. It would be nice to have a prepackaged label that everybody would get and see as valid. But, this would also fail to capture the richness of my relationships. So, I don't yearn for nice labels as much as I used to. But it is also hard to feel like nobody gets the way I do relationships, and for people to dismiss me right away as not having relationship potential or having "trauma" that prevents me from having "normal and healthy" relationships.
Similar situation here, thank you for sharing. To him, I often say: "Mate" and "Love" and "Number 1", about him, I say "(Life) Partner", "Significant Other", "Better Half" and "Spouse" mostly depending on the context. Wife is problematic for me because I am not a woman. A term that gets tossed out there is "Zucchini", but I don't think it is well known enough to add clarity.
Hey thank you for this video! I'm ace arospec & this sounds like exactly the kind of relationship I'd want myself 💚 I'd call them "partner" or zucchini.
Zucchini. The official word for more-than-friends-less-than-lovers is zucchini.
I'm also aroace (and non-binary/agender and autistic+ADHD - all the As, whew!) and am married to a cishet guy in a non-monogamous QPR. Sometimes I refer to him as my queerplatonic partner/quasi-platonic partner or nesting partner, to other polyamorous folks.
Thanks for the video! And I actually thought it was a very clear, well explained story. How about "partner in life"?
This really resonates with me. I'd love to hear more perspectives about how to successfully negotiate mixed ace-allo and aro-amato relationships. Would you be willing to share more about what has worked (or not worked) for the both of you?
I think this really just depends on the people involved, what their needs and wants are, and what they're willing to give up in order to gain whatever it is they're continuing to get out of the relationship. For us, we both get a lot of emotional benefit from each other. He feels something is missing from his life but it's not something he's interested in pursuing while I'm still here. Eventually I plan to move out on my own but am not able to yet. Whenever that happens, we will both gain "freedom" in a sense and the ability to make other choices... but we also both will miss our relationship. So it's a tradeoff either way. More generally, I would say the most important thing is ongoing communication and honesty, as well as openness to change.
I’ve always liked platonic soulmate
Omg this is so relatable. I was married to someone I had dated in high school. I got something like butterflies but never felt a big attraction like others talk about. I have tried being with others but I really enjoy his company and being around him a lot. But I don't feel exactly romantically attracted to him. I am grey Ace but possibly grey romantic? It is nice to know that someone else gets how weird it is to be married but not feel that way that people think you are supposed to. He is also a straight cis male.
I know in the Aro community here’s a term called Queer Platonic Partners (or Queer platonic relationship)
Thank you so much for sharing! Kind of similar situation here. Gives me hope that we'll figure it all out. 😊 All the best for you.
Same to you! 💗
I always thought my relationship is just weird. I kinda always described it as being soulmates. Still feel weird discomfort with the assumptions that come with the relationship but I'm so happy to have found this video I always felt so alone with my situation
@Celeste M This is super old and you probs won't see this, but maybe just companion?
Thank you, that's a good suggestion!
BFTIALW (Best friend that i also live with lol)
i relate to a lot you say actually haha. i attribute how i view all this stuff from my non human identity , scientists call same sex dolphin alliances "pair bonds" what they describe as like a best friend that sticks with a particular dolphin for life sometimes! (im a Cetacean therian)
This is the kind of relationship I dream of where there is no physical contact (I can cope with hugs but NOT snuggling or kissing) I want my separate bed too I hope one day I have a relationship like yours 💜💚
This is awesome! I found an example...but I wonder if I will find someone...
Of course u do!
I don’t think I ever would have understood what this felt like until I got my first squish. I’m Demi and very much into romance, so I didn’t realise that you could love someone that intensely and immediately without being “attracted” to them in a romantic or sexual sense. 90% of my wants in relationships are about the friendship. But, my feelings were confusing me too much so I left 😕
Thank you for sharing your story. It's great to know that this kind of relationship can and does exist.
Yeah I can picture being like:
"I'm emotionally in love with you just not physically!"
and they'd be like deer in head lights. As I've also confused the emotional love with questioning is it attraction physically your. You could try: One Soul, or Soulmate, or Soul linked
I'm still exploring this aspect of my life and you're helping me a lot by laying your heart so bare. I am not quite sure if I am Aro or Demi yet but I'm learning more about both each day. if it helps, I didn't see anyone mention Zucchini which is a word for a Queer Platonic Partnership and the Zucchini(your partner) can identify as any gender, sexuality, or romanticism. I think it's cute and would cause a few laughs for people who don't know the term and would break the ice gently when trying to explain your situation to them.
Thank you for sharing.
Heyhey, next to QPP and PLP maybe squish might be an option.
Thanks! I usually think of a squish as a more casual thing as opposed to an actual relationship (just like crushes) but that might work for some people!
*_ABSOLUTE POWER MOVE_*
I'm still a minor but so far I haven't experienced any romantic or sexual attraction. So I identify as aroace, but I do like the idea of having a partner. Hence why I sought out this video!
I see this is 6 years old, are you guys still together? Wish you the best!
Yep! A lot has changed but we're still best friends!
It's only just clicked to me that I was aromantic because I always heard asexual- which I wasnt- and I just started hearing about aromantic people and I was like omg
As long as you both are there for each other thick and thin and no cheating or harming each other, then yeah
Thank you for this video ❤️
I got married so he could have heath insurance. Very romantic
I need some advie, this kind of situations are soooo bizarre. I'm a cis, bi guy. In love with trans ace aro guy. We became bestfriends, intimate even but my behaviour started to become possesive as I'd developed strong feelings for him. Strong is a mild word to describe it... I helped him a lot , became used to him relying on me... and felt empty without him. I hid these feelings... and hey came through as possesiveness... we fought hard and in the end I was forced to confess to not loose him.
Only after confessing and him dennying feeling the same did I start to ponder on this possibility... kind of being his life-long best friend. A non-sexual , non-romantic relation ship. He was hesitant... said he needed time... but after month and a half I insisted on an answer and he told me he had no problem with a platonic relationship.
Thing is my love is no platonic.... I cuddle him non-stop... I bring him so many gifts... I... started working so we can live together (he hugged me when i said this but has been hesitant over it ever since).
His health is ... he's in the hospital for eating disorder. I wanted to get close to him and help him but... he pushed me away ... broke up and said that he likes my affection but feels uncomfortable with being more than friends. I'm so down in the dumps right now cause ... it was him who called me his soulmate... adn I always try to argue that we dont have to be sexual or romantic but he says it feels too one sided... our friendship did to... maybe I should top living form him first, idk wh I am without him anymore. So now that he needs space... I don't know who i am
S.O. is short for Significant Other. Maybe it's not popular in the U.S but I grew up hearing it all the time where I am in australia, and it is MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE ^_^ .
E.G. "Yeah, this is my S.O"
Or "he's my significant other"
Or "we're S.Os"
If you've never heard it or considered it, we'll now another option ^_^
Thank you! It is used in the US but I think I've always heard it in the context of a romantic/sexual partner.
Thanks for sharing your story
Life partner is a good word.
thank you, you helped me understand a lot of things I wish I had learnt years ago
Spouse, Buddy, Partner, First Mate
I just call my person my partner. very vague and neutral.
That's pretty much what I've settled on too!
That sounds like my dream 😁
You seem a little shy but you are very honest
I don't think the romantic type of love is special, and I think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse. Also, you are more likely to be much more closer to someone who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a romantic partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse.
Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them.
With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Romantic relationships are pointless, while platonic relationships are not.
Life Partner seems fit
There are different bonds ... all of them are great if you feel strong. Why not being married then 😉
Great video . Just had a question,
- you mentioned that this your primary relationship, but do you both date others to fulfill needs not met in the relationship?
And the other question: why do you feel that there are things you can’t explore because you are married?
Nope, neither of us dates. I don't have any desire to (being aromantic) and he doesn't either in the current situation. Likely in the future after we split up, he will date again, though he doesn't intend to ever marry again.
For the other question, unfortunately I can't remember exactly what I meant since this was almost 4 years ago! But just generally, when you are a family unit it tends to be the case that your actions or lifestyle will both affect and reflect on the other member(s) of your family. Having to coordinate around another person can be limiting in some ways. Definitely one example would be the dating in his case, since he doesn't feel comfortable doing that as a married person. But it could mean other stuff too like interests. Or in my case, wanting to move to a different state and him wanting to stay here! All kinds of stuff like that.
Celeste M thank you for the reply. I am curious as I am in a long distance with my partner who is asexual and I am allosexual. She lives in USA and I in UK. An avenue for us to explore is marriage as it gives us dual citizenship. I really value the relationship as a QPR and would like to find a way for us to be together in the long term.
But as an allosexual, I have other needs to be met so don’t want to jump into marriage without dating some first. It is tough being separated from my QP like this though.
Have you guys considered polyamory. Where he could possibly have a romantic/sexual connection with another partner and continue having a relationship with you?
Yeah, we've talked about it but he's not interested in nonmonogamy. That is a good thing to think about though, thank you!
I don't know if your still looking for help on the what to call the person your married too, but I found a word that might fit what you described it's a word related to partner, 'concomitant' which when you google it means naturally accompanying or associated with. As in this is the person I am naturally associated with. I don't know if it fits the laymen automatically getting it but it's easily googled and could make a good t-shirt ?
Interesting, thank you! That's one I had never thought of!
Every couple should define marriage for themselves. I'm cishet, married 20 years, together 25, and sex is only a part of marriage.
I want this too when i'll grow up
Thank you very much for your video Celeste M 🙇🏽♀️ Im a romantic sexual person and have a crush on my best friend who's an aroace. He already knows this and is still my best friend. May I know how you coped with this situation? Specially how Jason felt in this relationship? How he was able to fill the void left from no romance and sex? 🙇🏽♀️
If I find somebody interested in me I will pretend to be interested in them also
This was neat video! I do admittedly have a difficult time understanding some of the struggles talked about in the video but I think that has to do with me being autistic. Like, I understand the terminology issue to a degree, how 'husband' and 'wife' is loaded and the lack of a great gender neutral term from the non-binary perspective but what I don't understand is the adopting those terms in non-legal situations.
It's like; yes, you're married but it doesn't sound like you've both adopted marriage, or I guess continued the marriage, because of the surrounding cultural significance of it but more for the legal system of marriage. So I feel like it's justified to just not tell people you're married?
For all intents purposes it doesn't describe how you two are relating to each other and so using terms like 'best friends' or 'my rock' if you need to kind of communicate in broad strokes what the two of you have going on.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I have a hard time understanding the confusion of interpreting the relationship through the social framework of marriage when you don't need to. Like if the legal marriage disappeared would there still be a problem in day-to-day life?
Those are just my thoughts, numerous years too late xP
Thanks for your comment! It's been a long time since I watched this video back so I can't remember 100%, but I'm pretty sure at the time a lot of the concern was because everyone in our lives at that point knew us to be married and had understood (correctly or incorrectly) our relationship to be a certain way. So we couldn't just not tell people we were married, because they already knew, and even most of the new people that came into our lives after that were somehow connected to other people we already knew. However, as time has gone on, we have generally introduced or referred to each other in some other way, like "best friend" or "partner" or whatever depending on the context. It's still not perfect but is a lot less of an issue now than it was when I first came out/when we first opened up about it.
Your Number One?
Can he notnhave romantic relationships outside of your marriage to fulfill those needs?
He could, but that situation would look and feel very different from being in a "typical" monogamous romantic relationship and that's what he's interested in.
How do I find an aro partner sigh
quasiplatonic partner
Does your straight partner find intimacy outside of the platonic partnership you have?
No - he is welcome to but hasn't yet.
“You down with qpp? ‘Yeah, you know me’. You down with qpp? ‘Yeah, you know me’. You down with qpp? ‘Yeah you know me’. You down with qpp? ‘Yeah, everybody’!
If anybody knows NBN, ask if that can be the aromantic them song.
Thanks!
Qpp is ‘queer platonic relationship’.
Your partner maybe, or maybe sence squishes are a turme in the aro/ace community he could be your squishy? Keep in mind I am a grey aroace and have a squish of my own. So I'm trying to find a word to replace boyfriend/girlfriend.
Polyamory!
Yes!
Platonic spouse
Is there an institution you would create in place of marriage for yourself?
Yes, I think it would be nice for there to be a way to designate another person (or persons) as "chosen family" in some way so that you could still benefit from things like shared insurance, joint taxes, and next-of-kin status for medical or legal reasons, etc. without it being seen as a romantic coupling, and also without it necessarily being indefinite.
isn't he like your significant other? I know usually it's used for romantic and sexual relationships but I don't think it has to
Queerplatonic partner/qpp? Zucchini
Homies
Partner in crime 😉
House Spouse!
This sounds weird but i want to be an aro XD.. but i think im not aro since i always watch romance dramas and i always gigle XD
Quran A Virus there are a bunch of different aromantic terms. I enjoy reading romance and watching shows but I’m aromantic. You can enjoy those things and still be aro, I suggest looking up some terms if you really think you are.
You can still be aro and enjoy romance in media btw! Man I’ve read a lot of romantic fanfiction
She is living with her friend
And that's not a bad thing you save money sometimes
But their relationship is a roommate friendship
I don't know how some men can do that with some females
Because in the past
I let my friends that are girls
Also they still my friends to this day
Let them stay at my house at different times when they need it my help
But I have to be real with myself
And ask myself did I enjoy
Having free ass walking around my house
And the hard thing I have to say at sometimes I did
Without me realizing it
Looking back now I'm glad to help them
Because my heart felt for them
But with some things two things can be true at the same time
Are you talking about me? I'm not female, so... Also I don't know why you would be talking about me in the third person suddenly.
The reason why
You feel uncomfortable currently in your relationship with another person
because you don't cherish the relationship and the way to have a close bond with another person
That goes beyond having a good friendship with another person
I'm not saying that you have to have children with that person or do certain things to agree with a society
But if you're not physically
Involved with each other than just be friends with each other
Then having a marriage title attached to your name