What Is Aesthetic Attraction?
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- Опубликовано: 6 окт 2024
- All about aesthetic attraction!
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I experience a lot of aesthetic attraction. IT's never romantic or sexual but just this like attraction to their aesthetic and vibe. I love looks and styles.
Sometimes I will be so aesthetically attracted to someone it overwhelms my head and I PHYSICALLY get a headache. Is really weird and I have no idea why
BOI I totally get this ?? There have been times where I've met someone and I was like 'WOAH' but not in the 'i would date / have sex with.' It confused me for such a long time because people always say if you think someone's cute it's because you're interested in them romantically/sexually BUT I WASN'T, I just found them nice to look at (does that wording sound weird? oof)
Nope, it doesn't sound wierd, i also understand that recently
This was incredibly cathartic. I'm aro/ace and I confused aesthetic attraction with other attractions forever until I finally learned asexuality was a Thing. I distinctly remember having this thought in high school like "I think boys are cute, right?" and somehow that was enough to convince/reassure myself that I was _totally 100% straight._ (High school was hard enough without having a crisis about my sexual orientation so I found myself trying to justify my attractions a lot.) It was such a relief when I learned that being aro/ace is real and normal and that I don't have to try to force myself to feel things I don't feel, or construe my feelings into something they're not. Sometimes it's still hard to decipher whether what I'm feeling is aesthetic attraction or sensual attraction or actual romantic/sexual feelings but just knowing that other people struggle with that, too, helps a lot. Thank you for this video. 💚💜
For me, I can get really strong aesthetic attraction where I get butterflies, but without wanting to actually date or have sex with that person.
Yeah, I experience this a lot. I can find people esthetically pleasing without feeling a need to date or be sexual with them.
I’d love if you’d talk about alterous attraction and if there are any other known types of attraction (other than sexual and romantic).
I could try to do one on that although I don't 100% understand the concept myself! But maybe that would make it interesting 😊
Yesss!! I had no idea other people felt like this and that this was a thing!! So many times I assumed that really visceral attraction was a precursor to dating someone and then a week in I’d realize- oh wow. I’m not romantically or sexually interested in this person I’m just REALLY attracted to them. This is wild. Once again sorry for the bunch of comments I’m just having a crazy moment of like- /wow/ someone else!
Wow exactly!
It took me sooo long to figure out I was aroace, because I get intense celebrity “crushes” but it’s never sexual/romantic. I just really love looking at them!
Very interesting topic ! Very well explained too !
I experience that kind of feelings veeeeery often but wasn't able to put any words on it.
Friends always looked at me like an alien when I tried to explain that the fact that I found someone's features cute doesn't mean anything more than it. Just a visual attraction.
I definitely feel this isn’t discussed and explained as much but it needs to be.Its quite confusing with me trying to decipher some things in my life but learning that there’s different kinds of attraction and they all don’t have to be linked together really helps me a lot.Would you feel completely talking about the other kinds of attraction like you did in this video ?
Sure! I'll try to make one explaining the other kinds. Thank you 💕
I realised this last week, while waiting for the tram :D
There was this guy and I kept looking at him, because I found him extremely attractive. But I also asked myself, why I was feeling this way, because I certainly didn't want to ask him out or anything. And I came to the conclusion, that when I find people attractive I only want to look at them, maybe hear them talk and laugh, but that's it- nothing more.
yup... all my life... I came out pan ace in 2016, had some doubts and identified bisexual for a year, and then went back to ace.
I used to refer to my aesthetic attraction as "weird obsessions" because I'm ace-aro (I think) and- they were gorgeous and I needed to be staring at images of them-
So I thought I was just like- a weird fan? But I've known it's just aesthetics for a bit now-
This video is great.
Oh- also your hair is awesome and I want to pat your head.
Have a lovely day~💜
learning that aesthetic attraction was a thing was what really helped me realize I was ace, because it helped me realize that I just like looking at people because they look good, not because I'm sexually attracted to them.
gets a little confusing when it's a sexier picture, but I still just appreciate the aesthetic lmao
Aesthetic attraction is likely the main trigger of my broken feelings while being ace. At my core I know I find the person visually attractive but then I am reminded of all the cultural and societal notions and when there is nothing after the aesthetic it all just feels wrong somehow. As a whole I'm fine being ace, but I could seriously do without that broken feeling.
This! I've experienced very intense aesthetic attraction before, like I see a person and suddenly and its like I got hit by a bus, but nothing romantic or sexual, I just appreciate how they look and maybe want to draw them, but perhaps thats just me being an artist and wanting to draw people I find aesthically pleasing xD
Thank you so much for making this. I’m a 14 year old teen boy and all my friends always so no homo after everything and then one day I found another dude attractive but not in a sexual or romantic way. This misconception in my brain has me actually develop anxiety over thinking I was sexually attracted to the same sex. This video really cleared things up. Thank you so much.
I know I’m a little late to the party, but this is a great video. I recently came to the realization that I am ace-spec and the reason I thought I was fully allo all this time was because I experience such intense aesthetic attraction that I always mistook it for sexual attraction!
It wasn’t until someone said to me “well, when you see someone attractive, do you think about having/want to have sex with them?” and I was DUMBFOUNDED. Because no, that had never crossed my mind before. I looked into it and lo and behold, I’m ace!
This video was really informative. Thanks!!
So, funny story 😆😅; I don’t remember how I found out about aesthetic attraction but I just watched your video bc my mind was blown at how accurate the definition was for me and I wanted to watch someone talk about it. I read through the comments to maybe get some more information. I’m not 100% sure yet, for the longest time I’ve identified as bi, but now I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m into girls but I only find guys aesthetically attractive. I mean that does sound pretty accurate. I’ve got some serious thinking to do rn. xD
Aesthetic attraction was the reason I didn’t realize I was aroace for such a long time
I've had to tell my parents that I look at people the way people look at art. I like the aesthetic, but if you said you wanted to bang the Mona Lisa, that's the reaction I'd have to someone thinking I was sexuality interested in a person.
I can relate to this so much. Because of really intense aesthetic attraction for a lot of people I also thought I was bisexual for a long time (before discovering I'm actually aroace).
I can relate so much with your experience, ¨It's like looking at art¨ yes that is what I feel like when staring at people.
For a long time I thought "Damn, why am I looking so much at people?" as a bisexual cis male my first thought was that it was the male stare thing, and I really tried to keep it in check. But then I noticed that I wasn't feeling sexual atraction towards them but instead just a big sense of admiration for phisical cualities like "Oh you have such a cool hair, I like that" or "Wow, you have really nice legs, I'd like to have nice leegs too"
Damn, I think we are the same person. As a fellow ace & aro, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. I also thought I was bisexual for the same reason.
I always was confused about my sexual orientation, since I kinda like looking at some boys, girls, and non-binary people but as the same time I don't want to do anything sexual nor romantic with them. I really relate with all the things you said, and now it's clearer for me. Thank you 💛
That last part really hit for me! Looks have never been a deciding factor in who I date/ am attracted to. It’s always if we connect on a personal level, their looks are just kinda there. That’s why I can envision a perfect/ aesthetically pleasing person, but I don’t have a type
This is good. I'm heterosexual and married to a man BUT I have aesthetic and emotional attraction to my female friend. I admire her and think she's amazing. I think it's mutual and now I've stopped being scared of it, it actually helps our friendship have a lovely energy to it and the dopamine rush is amazing, due to aesthetic attraction but due more strongly to how 'seen' I feel by her and how much we gel. And yes, it can be confusing and isn't talked about enough.
I’m an Asian lesbian and I’ve always been attracted to white women. It’s a part of my personality that puzzles me. It’s neither sexual or romantic- I just always found white women incredibly beautiful. I find thin lips pretty & dainty, and Caucasians typically have angular faces that I find mesmerizing. I’ve always been ashamed of it coz’ it might come across as a racial fetish. Your video made me realize that I’m aesthetically attracted to white women.
I went into this video with really low expectations bc of a lot of the kind of negative content I have seen out there (encouraging self destructive behaviour, eg. saying that aesthetic attraction alone is a good reason to date someone or that its good to engage in self-destructive behaviour to please your non-ace partner). Really glad to see something sensible where people are encouraged to think about what their attraction really is and what it means for them and their boundaries. Even people who aren’t aro ace can learn a lot from this. As a nonbinary lesbian, i find the concepts in this video really positive because just like you, I used to think I was bi because of aesthetic attraction and it caused a lot of confusion for me, and now I know myself better and know that thinking someone looks nice doesn’t mean I want to be with them in any way.
Okay so basically I'm hetero romantic asexual with an aesthetic attraction to both guys and girls but mostly girls. I confuse myself sometimes
So you are biaesthetic, pretty much.
@@jessicab831 lmao nah I was just in denial, I'm biace
@@ErieRosewood Oh, okay! 👍
This is so helpful! It's been so confusing trying to find where I fit in... because I do feel what you're saying, this very strong attraction to certain people, maybe even butteflies or an electric shock in my chest whenever I see them (honestly, probably what people feel when they have a crush)... and it has been so confusing to realize that despite having that very strong feeling, I have never EVER wanted to be with anyone romantically or sexually. I am actually quite repulsed by the notion, I never felt comfortable in the 2 relationship I've been in, and I did say for a long time that "the idea of being in a relationship seems like a chore right now, so I really don't want one" ... which is why I've started identifying as aroace (it just makes so much sense). And yet I didn't know why the hell I still got "crushes" on people. This really makes me feel less weird! Thank you so much.
Oh, OHHHH, THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE god I'm so dumb 💀
So... if I thought someone was hot, like for instance someone you might wolf whistle (bad analogy lmao), but I wouldn’t actually want to have a relationship with them and would more prefer to just admire from afar, I could still technically be aro/ace, right?
Yeah! You can totally think people are hot without being romantically or sexually attracted to them.
Celeste M oooooooh okay, that makes exponentially more sense. Thank you!
Finding this video has been very helpful. I've been questioning the idea of being non-binary aroace, but several times I catch myself "liking" or "having crushes" on other women, so that had always kept me identifying as asexual lesbian. Watching this, I can identify the feeling of aesthetic attraction to women only, and it totally makes sense!
Also, I don't know if that's possible but I kinda have the same pleasant feeling when reading books/articles about something I'm really into...? I know it sounds weird, even putting it into words feels weird! I've never said this out loud. I work in academia so I'm constantly reading other people's work and when I find something I really really like, or that resonates deeply with what I think, I feel attracted to this idea(?) To me, it kinda feels the same way to when I find other women "attractive". Might be a totally different thing, but at the beginning of the video you mentioned you like looking at [pictures of] space or abandoned buildings, and I kinda feel identified with that. Does that make sense?
Yes, I think I know the feeling you're talking about, and it is similar!
Thanks for this! I found out I'm aroace about a month ago, but then yesterday I saw this girl and then felt some aesthetic attraction. I was really confused, I even started getting imposter syndrome from it. This video helped me eliminate that. Thanks again
Thanks for this video. I have a very strong case of aesthetic attraction with some romantic attraction thrown in. But generally never any sexual attraction. I've been confused by it for years... I came out pan ace in 2016 but still in the back of my mind wondered about this ... whether it was sexual attraction or something else
it's how I feel when looking at Kim Taehyung even though I'm a lesbian.
I'm aro ace and that's the same thing I feel looking at him.
ur literally so wise for this... aesthetic attraction is what I get so intensely that it comes across as romantic or whatever; but truly, if someone is handsome or pretty, I just wanna tell them that and then be friends with them. And that is what "love" is about to me !!
I thought I was bisexual for a while, too. I find women extremely aesthetically attractive and mistook it for other forms of attraction. I'm demiromantic, greysexual and gay.
This whole video I was just screaming "facts!" and "that's what I've been saying!!"
I lack the ability to merge both of them
I think some people look pretty but I am never attracted to them romantically until something else happens (pheromones, befriending them, etc)
Have you looked into demisexuality? Just a suggestion because it came into my head when reading this
@@sunnyb1185 demiromantic if anything
Ive had 3 "serious relationships". Two of them were built off aesthetic attraction other relationships I want into because it was the "norm". As a matter of fact my best it happened aesthetic for me.
Just came across this because I've been doing a lot of research into attraction in all of its forms, while trying to figure out my sexuality. Thank you so so much for articulating all of this! I found it very helpful in deciphering my feelings for people. Best of luck to you in your journey!
Until now I wasn't sure whether I am only ace or also aro because that is exactly what I am feeling. Like when I see an actor ripping his shirt off and than those abs... and than I think wow and feel aestheticly attracted but I would never want to be in a relationship with them... I might think what it would be like to get to hang out with them as in a friendship... in other words THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE VIDEO!!!
This happened to me before with people but also with a fictional Character I would read x reader fanfic because was bored and because I thought I had a crush on him I made my own x reader I don’t know I was bored. When I wrote it is wasn’t thinking oh my god he kisses me or anything I just wrote like he kisses you but dint feel and pleasure or romantic felling from writing or reading my fanfic and other x readers
roses are red violets are blue i think you’re cool so i’m following you :D
I always thought I was super superficial because I pick people to like because of the way they look like (or at least partially because of being aesthetically attracted to them)
But it turns out it's just aesthetic attraction.
The having "crushes" on sooo many people is really relatable btw.
Is there a term for mostly feeling aeathetic attraction but only for women and female presenting non binary people? Lesbian aro ace or something?😅
Ive been attracted to a persons mannerisms and the way they look at/treat me and others might find this person aesthetically attractive first, but they become aesthetically attractive to me as an extension of their original attractiveness for me which is based on a sort of chemistry and an emotional connection. I can’t be aesthetically attracted without first forming like an energetic / emotional bond with them as I’m Demi sexual and require an emotional connection. The majority of aesthetically good looking people don’t really attract me for that reason, it’s kind of emotional before visual, so if I got to know them on a deeper level, then maybe.
This helped me understand some feelings I have for some people so thank you for that. I'm currently questioning so it's a relief to finally understand some of the things I'm feeling. I was really confused because I don't want to date any of these people but I don't want to do anything with them either so I mislabelled it. Thank you for this video! It was very helpful and explained really well.
I always have aesthetic attraction towards beautiful strangers that I didn't even know them
It's just a regular casual thing
im not alone ^- ^ yay!!
So, I have been getting aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction mixed up for a while now, and I wish that I would have learned this before I first dated someone. They wanted more in our relationship than just watching movies, talking, cuddling, and napping.
Hey Celeste, I just want you to know, that I'm in Indonesia, and I did recognized you if one day we met even if the probability for us to met is 1%
This helped a lot. I’ve known I’m ace for a while but I get really strong aesthetic attractions and end up confusing myself. The problem is I just hardly hear aesthetic attraction be described as a strong feeling, so I kept wondering if that could really be it. it was so reassuring to hear you talk about strong aesthetic attraction specifically.
I have the desire then LOL. Im just aromantic 😅 but ok when it comes to women I just think they are pretty 😁
It's so funny how many aro/ace people in the comments here are talking about how they thought they were bisexual or pan because they misidentified aesthetic attraction as romantic or sexual attraction. This seems to be not uncommon for us aro/ace people, and I am no exception! xD
Thankyou, all of this helps :)
Woah, this really helps clear things up for me! Thank you!!! ❤
I totally relate to this on some degree. I’m gay and feel this way about men. I will find them pleasing to look at but that’s about it. However with women I actually want to get to know them more etc.
I am an aroace who's alloaesthetic and homoaesthetic. I just figured that out very recently. The alloaesthetic/homoaesthetic part, I mean.
I feel so validated 😭 Thank you so much ❤️
This is really helpful! Im currently wondering if i am aromantic or ace/aro and there are times where i have thought i had a crush on someone but now that i think about it that seems more like a lot more aesthetic attraction than im used to along with liking their personalities, so i think now it will be easier to really understand what it is that i am experiencing.
Just realized I was only aestically attracted to this girl lololol
Wait if you blush, get butterflies, and heart drops when you see someone, but don’t want to date or have sex with them is it still considered aesthetic attraction? Sorry if this is an obvious question I’m confused.
It could be, if your reaction is because of how you feel looking at them. If it's more like you want to be that person's friend or basically a feeling of wanting to be emotionally close to them in a way other than romantic or sexual, then it could also be platonic attraction. Another term for this is a "squish" (the platonic equivalent of "crush") 😊
@@CelesteM Thank you so much I think that describes exactly how I feel!
So very very few real life aesthetic attractions but over the course of a lifetime...actors in specific characters and not sexual desire for them.
I know that this is hard to understand, and I am still trying to understand this personally, but I have only asthetic attraction to guys and nothing else. Also, I do not have these feelings towards girls, even tho I am sexually, emotionally, and romantically attracted to them.
Also, does this have to do with types? Cuz I never have those with girls. Also, I have no attraction to guys other than that.
IS THIS A THING!
I’ve realized that I’m aromantic but I’m aesthetically attracted to women and NB folks and sexually attracted to men. Which has been extremely confusing. But this video has felt so validating.
Of course, it could be any combination
How do you know the difference between not being sexually attracted to someone or just not wanting to have sex with them for other reasons? Like if I imagine the question of having sex with a random attractive person I imagine all the complications of having to talk to them and finding a place to meet to have sex and then having to communicate sex and not knowing the other person or what they like or if you are even compatible, etc, and it just doesn't seem appealing at all (not to mention they may be a serial killer or a r*pist or just a threat in general). Like do other people really literally think things like "if possible I would take this person home right now to have sex with them"? I always assumed it was more like... figuratively speaking?
Great question! Unfortunately I can't answer too well, except to say that yes, many people do really see other people (whether someone they know or strangers) and want to have sex with them. Some people really do meet strangers at a club or party or on an app and have sex with them without knowing anything about them. It's not the case for everyone who does experience sexual attraction, but it is definitely a real thing. I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to feel that and not get stuck on all the other things you brought up, so I'm not sure how you would tell the difference, exactly.
@@CelesteM I don't know if this makes any sense but I heard someone compare sexual attraction to food and maybe that works? Like you could see food that looks so good you want to eat it immediately, but you might not want to eat it because maybe you're on a diet or allergic to an ingredient or just not hungry right now. And then the parallel to aesthetic attraction would be something like if you saw food that looked beautiful but not appetizing, like if you saw a cake and you could recognize and admire that it was an amazing cake but you just don't like cake.
@@martianpudding9522 Yes, that's true! Also sometimes people know they're allergic to or have a reaction to a food but want the food enough to eat it anyway. So there the parallel would be maybe the risks of sex are there but the sexual attraction is strong enough that it overrides those concerns.
Is is weird to want to be in a relationship with someone just so you can have their beautiful face next to you every morning? 😅
Would being aromatic be part of the lgbtq+ community I think it is but I’m not sure?
Yep 😊
Is it possible to be cishet but experience aesthetic attraction to the same gender? I'm very confused right now, because I sometimes think girls are pretty and can stare at them all day but when I think about sex or a romantic relationship I don't desire that the way I do with men.
Absolutely! Aesthetic attraction doesn't have to overlap with any other kind.
I have a question.
Could you feel aesthetic attraction only towards a specific gender?
I think I am aro-ace (I am 16 years old) and I feel aesthetic attraction (well, at least I think so) only towards girls and women. Like, I know if society says that a boy/man is attractive and I sometimes know they are attractive, but I don't really feel like I am (aesthetically) attracted to them. They just kind of look the same to me...
But I think I do feel aesthetic attraction towards girls/women. I often think, other girls/women are 'hot' (not in a sexual sense) and I was confused for a long time, thinking I was just gay (also because I didn't know about aromanticism/asexuality) because I felt absolutely no attraction towards boys/men and some sort of attraction towards girls/women.
Is there a name for this or am I confusing different types of attraction?
Anyways, that was a lot of text, I already thank you and I apologize for my English.
Your English is great! I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to only experience certain types of aesthetic attraction.
@@CelesteM Thank you so much for your reply!
Hey Celeste…. I have been checking out some of your videos. Very well done! . I was wondering… Have you ever consider that you may be on the autism spectrum? High functioning end? …. I am simply curious.
Thank you! Yes, I have considered that (though I don't subscribe to the "low/high functioning" idea) and it's certainly possible. Based on lists I've read I can check off a good portion of common features of it. However, there are some that don't fit, like I usually have no trouble detecting sarcasm or implied meanings (as opposed to taking everything literally) which I know is a very common one. Most of the things that do fit me also come with ADHD and being a highly sensitive person, which I do have/am, so while it's possible I'm in the overlap of all of them, I also might not be. No way to know really! I for sure identify as neurodivergent, though.
@@CelesteM Hey! Thank you so much for replying. Truly appreciated. Yeah certainly some of autism traits overlap with traits of other forms of neurodivergence such as ADHD. You are right in that there is ''No way to know really'' .... as in ... in the end diagnosis are just labels which help us to conceptualize and abstract a concept out of a constellation of traits and ways of perceiving and experiencing the world... and they can be subjective based on: depending who assesses, the socio-cultural context in which it is assessed, the historical time in which it is assessed, etc. ..... Although labels can certainly be damaging in that they can 'other' people to whom they label and in that sense they can be used as a tool for discrimination.... But they can also have a positive side in that they can help us conceptualize our lived experience and more easily connect with others who have similar experiences... It also help us to understand how we are different from others which can be useful to develop a nonjudgemental-compasionated perspective on difference (towards others and self) and can contribute to self acceptance of our uniqueness.... labels can also be helpful to understand challenge (when we are minority) and also to reach out for help and get appropriate help....such as .... finding out about high sensitivity - and the fact that HSP are minority can help understand that we often feel that we are OVER-reacting, or OVER-experiencing.... because most other people don't react of experience in the same way..... or for example, getting an ADHD diagnosis can help us get appropriate help for symptoms management .. whether is meds or coaching or therapy.. and make life less challenging and more fulfilling. .... All of that been said... Have you ever consider getting a full battery of autism assessment by a team of specialists? ... Usually a full battery of tests includes neuropsychological testing , psychometric questionnaires, as well as several interviews with a specialized professional in the field of autism and interviews and questionnaires to your loved ones or family members (people who know you well). It takes a look at your current self as well as your historical self. A lot of people find getting a diagnosis helpful in that it allows them to make sense of 'a constellation of experiences over a lifetime'. Anywhich way... I am passionated by the topic (as you can see). ... another question for you..... What do you mean when you say that you don't subscribe to the high - low functioning idea?
A lot of autistic folks I know have spoken about the high/low functioning model as being a problem because the "functioning" is measured against neurotypical norms. An autistic person might be labeled as low functioning when they really just have a different way of communicating, for example.
I haven't had a full assessment, no... I'm pretty sure it would be out of my budget to do something like that unfortunately! I agree with all your points on labels. I wouldn't mind being diagnosed if I am in fact on the spectrum but I am also okay not doing so (at least right now) because I am already doing my best to deal with all the aspects of my life that may or may not indicate it, if that makes sense.
actually there is an action aesthetic attraction points you towards, grabbing them and putting them in your pocket (/j)
😂
Wait so my obsessive attraction to maynard james keenan and tom hiddleston has language? That's so dope. Like I find them both incredibly attractive, but the thought of sex with people who are amab is repulsive to me. (I'm aromantic polysexual for context)
Trans women are amab. So you're saying you wouldn't date a woman who's trans but would a woman who's cis?
Aesthetic attraction was the reason I didn’t realize I was aroace for such a long time