I'm Paying Half Of My Mom's Bills
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- I'm Paying Half Of My Mom's Bills
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Even if she moved out she would still pay her mother's bills. She sounds very codependent with her mother. And that's a very very difficult to break.
kari KF I agree it sounds like a major case of codependency and that is so sad. Recently got out of a similar situation.
Not really a 2 bedroom apartment on average rents for $3,800 a month where they are at. If she was splitting that with a room mate, then she would be paying $20,400 a year rather than 15 on her mom's bills.
I'm this girl(same situation) and I want to leave. In college i dosnt miss home at all. I moved back but I'm afraid to leave because the emotional abuse. Idk if shes going thru that but I can say many codependent are guilted . so much guilt . aftwr push back you feel loke an asa and evryone tells you it's not that bad.
Nonetheless in listening thos this video closely tho🙏🏾🙏🏾
Parents take care of there Kids and then when parents get old you take care of them
@@RealGalaxyGamersSays who?
She sounds like she's talking about her husband. That's a bad sign...she's enmeshed. Also, her mother is 50 not 80.
callynt even if her mother was 80, if she’s like me, work and having a life, access to healthcare and planning for your own retirement doesn’t stop.
so glad Dave muted her. She kept defending her mom.. she must be the mother's only child and feels guilty and obligated to support her mom's decisions
In Southern Africa we call this "black tax" . The obligation we have to take care of our family even if it means neglecting yourself. Its not healthy and maintains generational poverty.
When I lived at home with my mother i paid half the bills until i moved out it was a unspoken rule
I'm paying for everything
I caused me so much resentment i moved and didnt speak or visit for a year.
Wow. Yeah, unfortunately that is a bad thing. Some of my family members in Central America all live together in like one house and they help each other out. But I guess that's another issue. To me, that's kind of weird. The problem is that some of those family members have way too many kids, they don't go to school, and they make other bad decisions that keeps that cycle going. So sad. So in the end, it's pretty much the same thing as what the OP mentioned. It keeps poverty going.
@@tammygarrett8427 I just can't find it in me to tell my 15yr old daughter that she has to pay me a whole bunch of money to stay with us while she goes to college. I told her to work, pay as she goes and to SAVE money so that she can one day get her own home or at least an apartment. As long as she goes to college, graduates and she doesn't have kids or anything crazy like that. I'm also NOT an enabler. She just has to do the right thing.
I feel for Ashley. If I were her mom I would be so proud to see her independently paving her own path. I would never want to be a burden to my children.
This is why you take care of your savings and finances before your kids. Meaning if you live below your means and only have enough money to put in retirement or put in a college fund; put it in your retirement.
If it's choice between your child losing his/her house, and you taking out a home equity loan to help them. Let them lose their house. (This was what a acquaintance did. 60 years old, paid off house, now making loan payments).
Your kids will figure out college and life, you can help here and there. But it's more beneficial for your children when mom and dad have retirement taken care of.
dreamingfool2 Looking to create extra income but Don’t have the time to work more hours or additional Jobs?
Yep and what’s good for the kids is also just fine for the parents. I’ve told my mother that, if she can’t take care of her two properties, she should go get an apartment. My sister and I were to inherit the properties but, it’s more important that my mother does what she needs to do for herself. Although she “appears” to have memory loss right now, I’m not so sure. If she needs to, she will need to sell and enter a facility as, my sister and I work, won’t be quitting and cannot care for her.
With her mother's behaviours she'll never be able to afford the minimum payment. And the longer this woman continues to enable her mother the longer her mother is going to continue to stay and get into debt.
As long as you give she will need I know i went through the same thing
I love it when he cuts off the annoying callers!
This caller is not listening
Cuz a lot of kids don't want to see their parent suffer even when they created their own misery.
Also Dave isn't considering how expensive it will be for her to move out in NYC. Even splitting a 2 BR she would pay more in rent than she does currently on her mom's bills.
Please don't blame her. I used to be like her. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my mom groomed me to become codependent. I used to be very indecisive but now I'm working with it.
@@Cfergsthebest Yes, he did briefly mention the potential cost of rent. He is just assuming that she could get a live-in nanny job so she wouldn't need to pay rent.
@@chrisstaub5880 don't live in nanny jobs risk unpaid overtime? She'll probably end up making less per hour.
I can relate cause I have parents similar to hers. But, I don't give them money, I just give them advice even though they don't listen to me. For some reason my parents are very stubborn and think they know more than I do when they're the ones asking me for money.
It made me cringe just by listening to a 22-yr old with 31k income in NYC thinking she is responsible for two people when she is broke and the elder one has no job for 2+ years and no savings for retirement. And the caller keeps building up her defense to get herself into more trouble. She needs to treat her mom as a independent person. On a plane when the oxygen mask drops, you need to put it on yourself first before helping others. She needs to think a bigger picture. Her mother needs to get three jobs yesterday and plan to work until she is not able to. Move outside of the city, no credit cards, no new loans, hellish budget and get the debt paid off asap. It really strikes me how mentally twisted some people are in their finances and are willing to let the environment determine their lives.
teetee tee The way she’s talking she won’t do that. The emotional ties are too strong and the mother probably emotionally blackmails her as well
teetee tee Looking to create extra income but Don’t have the time to work more hours or additional Jobs?
New Yorkers never want to leave. They'd rather be in poverty than leave
Mom has a job. Dave talked over her when she tried to say how much her mother makes.
My understanding is that her mother does work. She just had to find another job, and it pays less.
Mom is 50... if she doesn’t have a backup plan that’s her fault. Uprooting your life to help her when she can figure something out isn’t right
Yes. 50 is still young enough to figure out something.
What if her mom has Alzheimer and can't remember anything anymore?
It's Me, Steve hopefully, her mother wouldn’t fake it, like I suspect my mother is doing.
@@itsmesteve1081the mother doesn’t have that.
The caller is not going to follow Dave’s advice.
Absolutely not.
I totally relate. I was in a similar situation. I had moved in with my father so that he could help with childcare after my mom was milking me for cash(even though she was living with me rent free) for keeping my daughter. Big mistake! I bring home 3000-4200 a month(post-taxes) and was not seeing any of it. Mainly because he was so far behind in bills and owed everyone. Honey child get out while you're ahead and do no let her guilt trip you.
Curious as to what you do?
And wow 2 years ago oh my
@@mahid9594 I’m a flight attendant
You do feel guilty when you live with them to help them with the bills
That's so sad. Sounds like both your parents were taking advantage of you. I'm sorry for that. I hope things are better for you now.
Sounds to me like you were taking advantage of them for childcare! Sounds to me like you should have sat down with each of them as circumstances and worked out a deal, who pays what and how much.
Let mom get a roommate if she wants when the caller leaves.
The daughter HAS to learn to tell her mother no. I know that's hard but the mother shouldn't justify her money mistakes by using her daughter for money.
Never related more to a caller more than to this one. I am also 22 and helping my 52 year old mom with bills, our situation is just a bit different because she physically can't work (so she gets gov funding just to get by). I'm working in a warehouse to save to move out though! I also have some way to go before i can do my preferred job, and knowing that i'm not the only one in this situation makes me feel really hopeful and comforted.
BlackOreoCookie trough the state, can she apply to have a home health aid for when you move out? I feel like you may feel guilty after a couple months of being out of the house. Maybe she would be passive aggressive and make you feel that way.
My mother wants to kick me out because I don't want to loan her money, she just wants to live off me , smh
Any bets if she was a live-in nanny she would STILL give her mother half her income???
I am working really hard to be out of debt and have a retirement now so my children don’t have to take care of me. My mom and mother in law are coming up on retirement and want to live with us and I NEVER want to do that to my children.
Breezy Bear: kudos on your determination to be responsible for your finances. My mother also thinks I should support her too. I am OK with it but I am not supporting her out-of-control spending, which has been the main reason that she do not have a decently sized nest egg.
Unfortunately when she thinks her kids should support her, she thinks that means whatever she wants should be answered. She is very entitled to this because she had no planning, does not believe in investing, and has a really awful/negative attitude towards life.
I never want kids mostly because I can't be bothered with kids, but also partly because of my parent's immaturity. Some of my life will be used to support my parents. The rest of my life will be no bother to anyone.
Breezy Bear I wish my mother had your mindset. Ever since my self and my sister were able to work she’s had her hands out asking us to give her money. It’s been decades and I’m still giving her money because she never learn how to control her spending, focus on saving or saving for retirement . I am working very hard not to follow in her footsteps.
teetee tee I am facing this with my mom’s spending and negativity. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with ALS so I have to take care of her.
Pamela C. We have other family who do the same thing too and my husband and I decided to only give them money if they get Dave Ramsey’s book and start a budget. They all have better cars and clothes than us bc they spend too much and then have no money for bills! We are at a point where we have had enough.
They can move in together. Mother in law apartment
Don't enable your mom. I did that and have so much debt. I will be debt free in 2 years. But it hurts.
Her mother is young enough to move forward. This is a sad situation.
That's right. 50 is not 80.
Agreed.
Mom using daughter income to be lazy
Not really a 2 bedroom apartment on average rents for $3,800 a month where they are at. If she was splitting that with a room mate, then she would be paying $20,400 a year rather than 15 on her mom's bills.
The mother has a job she took a pay cut it’s not here fault and she’s also old she can’t handle 80 hours a week
@@Cfergsthebest No, mom is still lazy. What does the cost of rent have to do with laziness? Mom can get a second job and stop spending.
Caller: My Mom is getting me to pay half her bills
Dave: Sell the Mom
Something about this woman bothers me
she is brainwashed, that's how 'mothers' like hers get to do this, she has no idea she is being used. i'm talking from experience, i went through this and it took me many years to snap out of it.
She sounded like she was half asleep. That bothered me!
"it's the lease is could do..."
Sounded like she was off in space somewhere, words slurring.
Her lazy voice.
Yep the thought of my son ever taken care of me is mortifying. And I'm taking care of my mom who's 84 now. She got herself into a boatload of debt, but I'm not paying anything for her in fact she's paying me rent.
These people are a fricking mess in these clips, they’re motivation enough for me to never go into debt besides a house
Well how long has she been helping her mom pay the credit card bills and how much longer until they're paid off? If her mom took a 20,000 pay cut and her daughter is paying 15,000 a year, seems her mom is using her daughter to keep up her lifestyle and the debt will be never ending.
Liberty First Yes SO trivial, just like your comment. Well done!
Nikki H Looking to create extra income but Don’t have the time to work more hours or additional Jobs?
Sounds fair to me.
I understand where she’s coming from as my mother is extremely codependent, too. She has the idea that her kids are supposed to pick up the slack for her life instead of her making changes, only she’s made me the ‘chosen’ kid because I chose to make something of myself. She tricked me into a lot of bad decisions in my late teens/early 20’s (like financing a car in MY name even though it’s hers so I basically have to pay for it lest it ruin my credit) and our relationship is horrible because of it and even now she’s trying to talk me into co-signing a 10 grand loan for HER. Parents don’t always have your best interest in mind-I had to learn that the hard way just like this caller will. It’s all about accepting that the ‘love’ they give in return of you doing things for them is 100% conditional on what you can do for them and the second you stop, that love will too.
The 'Exact' Thing Happened To Me. I Was Naive About What My Mom Was 'Actually' Doing. Isn't it 'Crazy' How Our 'Own' Mothers Would Take 'Advantage' Of Us For 'Their' Wants And Needs ?
Oh my. Please tell me you didn't cosign for that 10 grand loan.
Poor thing! That sucks!! 😥
Not your responsibility to financially help your Mother. Keep your eye on your future!
Anatolia how did things workout for you???
My mom is 76 and lives with me - has for several years. I know she has some debt (she lives with me because she's pretty stupid with money, always has been - which is why I've been working since the age of 10!), but she never asks for money. She pays me rent, contributes to food, half the bills, etc. And works great.
I feel bad for this gal - she's not really listening, and I don't think she got the answer she wanted. I love my mom to death but paying her 15k a year? You gotta be out of your ever-lovin' mind.
Squiffy my mother is now 76. If she had her narcissistic way, my sister and I would be living in the attic as her slaves. She seems to have memory loss - yet pays her bills... If she needs care, she’ll need to sell her 2 properties as, neither my sister mor I can afford to stop working and, if we moved in with mom, she’d have to get rid of her belongings to accommodate ours.
@@privateprivate8366 Hilariously, I posted that 2 years ago. I evicted her in April 2020. Mid-pandemic. I found out she took out 2 credit cards and was over $20k in debt, started borrowing money from me (just started with little things, like $20, but started increasing). I took her CCs away and hacked them up. Helped her get on a budget, and found her an apartment. My sanity has returned.
Squiffy GOOD FOR YOU! Because, although we SHOULD want to care for our parents, there are parents out there who will take us for a ride and just see us as an extra SS#. They will watch you work 3+ jobs to not just care for their basic needs, but so they can spend freely, like a teenager and they feel you owe them your life so, why not. There is 0 zero empathy and they don’t care if you break under it.
And you can forget about saving for retirement. They feel that’s theirs, too. Even when I got the job I have, my mother told me that I can use my sick days to take her to the doctor. I said, “What will I do, if I get sick?” Silence. That was her way of saying, “IDGASF if YOU get sick!”
@@shaldana That must have taken a lot of courage. Good luck with everything.
@port nut why should a teenage dependent pay rent? Lunatic
Nobody really understands this situation unless ur in it.
Just like Dave advises parents not to enable their kids, don't enable your mom. Don't help her. Tell her you love her too much to let her be lazy.
I had the talk with my mom and she disowned me.
Than she used my baby sister and brother to support her instead.
These mothers destroy the lives of multiple children and some of them never get out because these moms believe they are entitled to everything it's horrific.
The mother is the problem, she has to get real on her lifestyle.
It's always student loans. Makes you feel like college isn't worth it. Living in New York ur rent will be $1500 or more to many homeless people in NYC because they can't afford life.
Teech The solution would be to work your way through school debt free, and/or move out of NYC.
I know someone whose first place in Brooklyn was over $3000 a month and she and her roommate each paid $1500+....plus utilities...ouch.
Dave I love your work. Coming from a culture where we take care of our parents and elders, it's ingrained in my DNA. But!! BUT!! my mother would never get us into debt knowing we are on a limited income. Sounds like this caller is dealing with a manipulative mom more so than anything else. Have her listen to your episode on saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
It's very common for children to take care of their parents in my culture, and it doesn't really hurt honestly if the parents are not too difficult. Some parents don't even ask for the help but it's just a sign of respect and gratefulness of the kids towards them.
Except her mom isn't elderly yet or disabled. It's selfish to expect your child take care of you the second they become an adult.
Yes, taking care of parents who need it is great, especially if you are established and able to do it well.
Asking a child to not start their life because you are too irresponsible to manage yours is ridiculous.
My mom rest in peace she guilted me, a single mom, into paying half house utilities while she let my brothers, their kids and wives live free because they needed to buy a house.
😲
A mother who is taking money from her child is just selfish.
they was thinking kids was investments
My Mom loves to spend and she has no remorse so I will not ever help her out unless she admits she's been irresponsibe and stops.
It’s common knowledge that social workers don’t get paid a lot. Same with working for a non profit.
Why can’t mom work ? She can get some extra work like in McDonald’s or something and then get paid like 10$ an hour or so’ she has to work to support her daughter ‘ she has to work more and get money to make her daughter breathe
This little girl is clueless
Shame on mom.
I'm in this same situation but the kicker is my mom was a month behind on rent. And my mom is acting like a teenager with on responsibilities. My brother and I are paying half of everything and she sees no interest in getting a job!
My child could offer to pay my debt, I would NEVER say yes. Especially if they are struggling to survive. Jeez. This mom is 50 years old. Take care of yourself. You're not 80!
And 80 year old people should take of themselves if healthy!
I am in the same boat and I am not sure how to cut it. I am divorced with 3kids but since she has different beliefs, I am “required” to pay her bills send money every month, different culture, I want to help her, take care of her but I am trying to make a good living for my kids and I so how do I stop taking care of her?, say no and only care for my kids and their future. No matter what I say to her, it won’t register or be understood so I just keep doing it. I am torn.
I'm in similar situation, my mom is living beyond her means and I'm paying for it
This type of people thinking of making lots of kids as investments. I feel the same way I wish I could grow up in a family with better financial planning, this also makes me sort of trauma to have kids on my own or even married life. but I promise myself I will be the first generation who will break this cycle.
I've been there. You do what you can but you have to know when to say no.
My mother gives most of her monthly pension to my older sibling, and then cries to me that she doesn't have money for food. I feel so stressed as I can barely afford my loans,rent and food but she's not stopping because of her grandkids.
Why can't your older sibling go work somewhere?
My grandma is the same way with her youngest son (40). She gives him all of her SSI and expects me and my husband (28 & 27) to pay for her credit card debt, utilities, & lavish yearly vacations out of the country ( usually to Switzerland or Mexico). She also tries to guilt us into co-paying for her son's (my "uncle's") eccentric lifestyle, while my husband and I are working on raising our growing family and not living beyond our means. It's an overly annoying situation to be in but both you and I have something in common, it's time for us to cut them off. We got this 💪
@Thelondonbadger I'm definitely going to look into that book. Thank you for the recommendation! 😊
It’s time to move into a one bedroom apartment
Dave doesn't know how family dynamics and culture plays in family decision making.
Mom needs another job.
Does NO one get a second job? Work 60-70 hours per week?
IDK why people who are broke in NYC don’t just move elsewhere in the country where the cost of living is much, much lower. You can still visit NYC on vacation, but you don’t need to live there if you cannot afford to live there! It’s that simple.
Exactly. There are so many good and cheaper states to live in. If I were going to live in an expensive state, I'd choose Hawaii, not freezing as heck New York. I think people are just brainwashed about New York. "The big apple", "If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere", etc...brainwashing.
15000 a year includes rent, food, utilities plus debt repayment? That doesn't sound like she is being used at all to me. I suspect living on her own would be much more expensive for her in NY. I don't know how Dave thinks shes taking care of her mother, it seems to me she's paying her share and they are tackling their debt.
I was in the same situation with my mother. Sometimes you have to help your parents out because they sacrifice for you. It should only be a temporary situation. The mother should look for a better job.
Miss desire Independance Looking to create extra income but Don’t have the time to work more hours or additional Jobs?
Sacrificed what? The mom chose to have childeren, it's not the childs fault nor should she have to take care of her mom. It's a kind thing to do but the mother shouldn't expect her to be paying off her mistakes. I have one child and its my responsibility to get her prepared to go off on her own and I will never ask her to support me or take on any debt I accumulate in the processes.
So she bore children to be indebted to her? Babies did not sign up for this. If you ask me another form of child abuse. How can your family tree get ahead if we can pulling eachother down by having a child pay for your mistakes? Emotional guilt trip.
Mom better be working a full time and a part time job.
She won't listen!
Trust me when I say this college loans are over rated and under scored. At 55 your mom should had something saved to back her. I manage my 78 yr old father accounts because his excuse is mom always did before my mom passed 5yrs ago Jan 31st 14. She handled it. Then I was drafted. It's nuts. My dad does not understand broke dad. I live in multi family which I hate. I am working on getting out I do not do country life well and I grow tired of other dead beat family does not help.
This girl loves to make excuses for making bad choices. Here is some free advice from a middle aged mom who would NEVER expect my kids to pay my way. 1)Stop paying mom’s bills, completely. 2) Move out to your own place. 3) Don’t for goodness sake be a nanny. That job is the worst, no union, no health insurance, no job protections, they will drop you like a hot potato if you don’t do what they want. Look at transit or some other type of union job with good benefits. Seriously. My kid had a horrible car wreck (hit by wrong way driver) and while she was at home recuperating with broken bones, she lost her nanny job. They didn’t want to wait for her to heal so they fired her.
I cringe when he says dont help ur parents. It seems he doesnt understand cultural obligations. Some are coĺlective cultures unlike individualistic society like America. In other cultures you are responsible to help your family once you are old enough to do so.
I completely agree!
Her mum should be making sure her daughter is on the right track financialky not depending on her daughter.
Jesus. She identifies as a WE with her mother. Crazy codependent
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you."
Exodus 20:12 NKJV
I used to be like her. I don't think she was prepared to hear what he had to say because she was still trying to protect her mother. And it's okay to feel protective of your parents, friends, family or whoever but not if it hurts you. That's what he was trying to tell her but he couldn't stop himself before coming all out and telling her that her mom is and was using her. We can't believe that could ever be possible because they have groomed us from a very young age to become codependent. Dave Ramsey is very intuitive but I think it was kind of harsh to tell the girl what was happening like that. He could have told her to get help from a book or a friend or something else. Because I know how it feels. My big brothers tried to tell me that our mom is brainwashing me and I just couldn't believe it. I was in disbelief that they could tell me that. I just want peace and family. Not people pointing fingers at each other. I haven't talked to my big brothers very much since and I still stay with our mom but I'm planning to move out asap because I can't live here either
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾EXACTLY!!!
How are things working out, now?
Move out and mom can get a room mate that pays more than you.
At 31k income with such high credit card debt and no property, I'd file bankruptcy and build my savings up to rescue my life from an enmeshed middle aged parent.
I wish I made $31k a year down here in Louisiana! Cost of living is really cheap
Start selling stuff on Ebay! Listen to the "scavanger life" podcast on RUclips. It's a couple that lives in Virginia and Ebay is their job
I live in New York State...count your blessings....nuff said!
It's crazy how little social work apparently pays in New York!
Codependent daughter. I hope she can do what it takes to follow her dream.
I worked at a university and used my tuition reimbursement to pay my social work degree.
I don't think it's a child's inherent responsibility to take care of their parents, but maybe that's why I see such nobility in the people that do. From a logical perspective, yes, if you're responsible for the well-being of others, your own well-being should be the absolute priority. Because logically if you're malnourished or you get sick, everyone is in trouble. But I still can't think of anything more admirable than voluntarily sacrificing one's own needs/wants and pushing on through with less in order to ease the suffering of those one cares about. I get it: in a zombie apocalypse, these are probably the types of people that get wiped out first, but it's no less attractive a character trait to me.
And no adult child should ask Momma for a dime. Remember that.
Parents and grown children have to stop feeling entitled !!! That's abuse!!
Better yet, she can do both.22yrs no school right now, you can work nights and days and weekends . Babysitting can be fickle, so dont quit your day time job yet. Get a regular day job & get an after school nanny. Sign up with an agency so that you can get fast replacements. You can also do weekends.
She makes 31k a year in NYC. Doing what?
Why doesn't she leave ny and move to texas where rent is legit only 1 grand for a 1 bedroom apartment and the cost of living for everything else is SO MUCH LESS
it sounds like this mother is taking advantage of her 22-year-old daughter. She's 50 years old she needs to be working doing Uber doing DoorDash delivering pizzas whatever else to make money. If she hast to work 80 hours a week she needs to be working and don't expect your child to support you. This is so wrong.
i love dave ramseys momma
why is the "verbally abusive ex" video set as private?
They're trying to do the same with this video. It took me 5 tries to open this one
-It doesn't look like her mom stepped up to help with her college tuition..
Lol of course the mom took a $20,000 pay cut, because she got a $31,000 pay raise😂
Mother named her Ashley. Mom came upon hard times. Now....the relationship deteriorates and Mother one day will be in the street. Momma! Stop buying your kids love. Stop buying them new clothes, paying for manicures, cars bla bla bla. Moms! Stop it. Your kiddies will not help you long term
We should do minimum to take care.. otherwise it falls on the others who are paying taxes
She is 50 she should be working full time
Yep she should be
Ive been very blessed with great parents.
Good for you! Just remember to keep your own head above water while doing so, it wouldn't do either of you good for you to get in financial trouble.
She is not going to follow Dave's advice.
Funny I am in the same bout with this woman my mom lost her job went thro a bad poor relationships thus she has depresseion and seems like she's giving up on life. I work almost every day to help her and trying to servive on top of that I have deait all from her up to 8000 so I am stuck
This woman sounds like she’s married to her mother. “We”??! There is no we in a mother/adult daughter relationship. Sick.
Vocal fry makes her attitude and intelligence difficult to pin down. Sad, really.
This lady seems like she has some thinking issues.
I would never leave my mom to struggle with that debt
Danny Perez it's emotionally difficult to set boundaries with our family members. But look at it this way if your mother got herself into debt those were her choices and she needs to struggle to get out of those choices. If you help her you're actually hurting her because she's not experiencing the pain of that situation to where it registers with her to not continue the behavior. So don't think that you're actually helping her you're not you're hurting her.
rkb100100 yeah I guess so I was not brought up to have to take care of family member's debts. So glad about that.
Danny Perez Looking to create extra income but Don’t have the time to work more hours or additional Jobs?
I would never look to my adult child to bail me out of a mess like this, of my own making, something i could clean up myself with some effort and time.
Danny Perez no but your mom did not blink twice putting you responsible to take care of it. Her mistakes your problems 😉
The American culture needs a complete overhaul. We run away from family immediately and the cycle of debt never stops. I am practicing what I am preaching now and my children will be well off. Telling her to get a one bedroom apartment... yeah, no. The family should be stronger, smarter, and help each other. They could honestly turn around their lives and just be happy. Listen my family growing up was horrible, drugs, alcohol, etc. Make the change happen.
If daughter moves out to be a live-in nanny, then mom needs to either get a roommate or sell her apartment and leave NYC. Hard to tell for sure because Dave talked over the caller when she tried to say how much her mother makes.
No couple should agree to pay any part of an in-law's financial problem. No couple should take their parents in when the bottom falls out for them financially. Ask a sibling to take them in, especially one who you know makes more money than you do.
My sister-low makes her kids pay for many of her expenses . She never worked, and calls them up and tells them( I am your mother you have to pay for me) New clothes every week , trips and everyone else thinks she has money.
This just hits way to close to home.
She is working together with her mom. They live together. Its not like she is living on her own and paying her mom's bills.
And she's from NY. I pay 20k to my landlord to live in his apt and he isn't my mother. Spending 15k on a place to live in NY isn't bad.