IS ATTRACTION NECESSARY? | Biblical Womanhood • Trad Wife • Homemaker • Christian Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2023
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ABOUT THIS CHANNEL | I am a wife to an exceptional man, a mother to beloved daughters, a diligent homemaker, and a businesswoman. But before all these roles I am a woman who belongs to The Lord. A daughter to the God of The Bible through the work of my savior Jesus Christ. On this channel, you will enjoy content designed to cultivate a rich experience of biblical womanhood. You will be encouraged to place your true hope and faith in the Lord. You will also hear hard discussions about accountability and personal responsibility for your life and what it produces. We embrace real character and integrity as much as we do physical beauty and femininity. We are called to be women of our Father's Kingdom and to honor Him with our speech, actions, and modest yet feminine dress. I would love to have you along for the ride as we embrace a manner of life that brings honor to the name of our Father and get to the work of accomplishing our mission.
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Don't do it, ladies. When I first met my husband, I was shook down in my soul because he looked so good to me. I'm normally well grounded, but meeting him sent me to the stratosphere, I couldn't even find my feet anymore after that. I bless the Lord when I lay eyes on my husband.
A soft word turns away wrath, but so does a glimpse of a fine man. 👀 When the topic of cheating comes up, I always think, "cheat for what?", because my husband looks like he walked out of my dreams.
He ain't gotta be the best looking, but he ought to look like somebody to you.
It's not fair to the man to be with someone who doesn't want him like that when there is some other woman who would.
That’s lovely, and I completely agree!
i love this but i started cracking up😭😭
Lol, yes I completely agree! 😅
There needs to be balance. As a wife of 37 years, I think I can add a bit of wisdom here. My husband and I are both average looking people. We take care of ourselves, and are kind to each other. I have seen many men who are technically more attractive than my husband but I have no interest in them because he has earned and won my heart. He is beautiful to me because of his godly heart and his excellence as a husband. I can assure you that looks fade as the years go by,no matter where they start. I wouldn't trade my average, loving husband for anyone.
If his heart is that good. He's not average 🙌
Thanks celly. Most of us people are average looking. 🤓
Wisdom right here
@@rebeccafrost5542so true
Let me also add that I wasn't physically attracted to my husband at all when we first met. Years later I got to know his heart, and that's when I found him irresistible.
What’s important to you? You have to live with that man for the rest of your life. YOU have to find something attractive about him. Looks aren’t everything, but they help.
amen
They fade quickly… yours and his. Looks aren’t everything. Sex isn’t everything. Don’t focus on the superficial. Focus on the personality, intellect, and their kindness. Nothing else matters, aside from his righteousness.
If you focus on the other stuff you’ll mess yourself over
Looks fade but are to be enjoyed until they do. God created attraction, so it is good. The man doesn't have to be a 10 to you but the expectation of physical and sexual attraction is reasonable@@KittyCurioso
@@KittyCurioso Yes, looks fade but attraction grows with age.
@ellenburke3698 What we find attractive in others and the importance of that attractive criteria is as individual and unique as every human. For me, an extremely physically attractive man becomes unattractive if the internal man is not attractive. My attraction to my husband increased immensely when I discovered the internal man.
What a blessing it is that God designed each of of us to be attracted to a different type of attractiveness.
Excellent insight, sis, God bless you. Plus, if we truly let Him lead us, He who knows us better than ourselves, will lead us to someone who will become for us the partner we need.
I was only attracted to my husband when I saw how he interacted with young children and preteens. We had known each other a while as part of a group of friends. He's not bad looking either. lol We've been married 58 years.
@@franpatzcraig6713 So wonderful! May you continue to serve and enjoy each other. My wife and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary and I look forward to our own 58th and God-willing beyond. Blessings to you.
Wow! ❤@@franpatzcraig6713
Exactly! I noticed God put it in me to like a man a certain way and character.
And they are women whom God put in that don't care for looks. I think its pretty cool.
It all serves a purpose.
Sex suffers greatly when your not physically attracted
I've been married to my husband for 10yrs and I see him as one of the most beautiful men I've ever laid eyes on. His personality makes him the most beautiful man I've ever had eyes on. Before I got married I dated someone not so attractive men and alot of them cheated on me and were very mean, So I said to myself nomore ugly men for me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone ugly inside and out. I love waking up seeing my husband's beautiful face and nice strong body it makes me happy.😁
I'm so happy for you! Hearing this gives me hope that God is preparing a man for me that is beautiful inside and out :) Blessings!
Ugly people can be the meanest,if you choose them, they begin to think they are not ugly after all and switch up on you.
@@the_colorful_christianThe Lord will do exactly that for u . I didn’t focus on the looks with the Lord because he knows what i like but when i met my so to be husband i was shock at how fine he is. He is 6’2 build nice and just inherited over million dollar and our 3 houses !! He super sweet and humble he treats me like a queen! He is everything the Lord told me he would be .
The money is extra I didn’t expect that from God thats the King we serve. Also the Lord have told me a few other ladies I know he will bless them with good husbands one with a nice beautiful mini mansion!!! I have seen dreams from the Lord since my childhood!!
It’s so true. Someone’s attractiveness or lack thereof will never get in their way of infidelity if that’s what they’re after. Can’t say you’ll find someone unattractive and they won’t cheat. They can still be ugly on the inside 😅
"No more ugly men for me" 😂😂
I'm with you on this one. I look forward to having a great sex life with my future husband and being attracted to him definitely plays a role. Also, I believe it does a disservice to both people if you marry someone you aren't attracted to. You'd probably set yourself up to be constantly rejecting your husband because you don't find him appealing. How sad! And vise versa for men marrying women they aren't attracted to. Sounds like a recipe for disaster!
Well said surherr ❤
If you reject your husband, you aren't following God's word. Irrespective of his attractiveness. Having said that, I'd encourage all men to reach the peak of their potential in as many aspects as they can. Physicality included. I would also encourage you to marry a man you are attracted to in order to make following His word easier. But, that should never be a primary reason for choosing a husband.
Exactly
Fully agree
Thank you 🙏😊 Very well said.
My husband is not my physical "type." I preferred athletes as I am one and I love physical activity. I wanted a tall lean man I could play basketball with. He is athletic but since before I knew him he's been overweight. My initial reaction to him approaching me was a big NO because he was big, but a friend of mine told me to give him a chance. He doesn't have an ugly face, he's just big. I'm glad I gave him a chance. I've been attracted to him since the first time we met in person (we first met online), and we've always had great chemistry. Whoever you marry make sure YOU are attracted to that person, even if the world doesn't consider them attractive.
And that’s the point. Make sure you or the individual fully finds him attractive honestly.
Aww cute! 🥰❤❤
Good advice.
Also, attraction isn't always based on stereotypical points of physical beauty. Sparks can fly...I have found intelligence to be sexier than braun.
Yes. Same with me. I think bookish, computer programmer, creative, engineer types are attractive.
For me, it was my husband's wicked sense of humor. 21 years later & I'm still laughing!
Yes, I like intelligent ,(semi) handsome/attractive men.😆
Me too.
Yes, intelligence was something I was attracted to the most. I have to admit I do admire beautiful people but that alone does not make me attracted to them. My husband was the most intelligente guy I came across and that was it! I would say it is very important to have a husband who is smart enough for you to admire and respect him because how else will you be able to except him as a had of a familly if you think you know better than him?
I almost married a man who I wasn’t physically attracted to because he was good on paper. God allowed his character (when upset) to be revealed and it was not Christlike. That’s how I got out of that. I saw soooo many videos about physical attraction not being that important, and so many people told me that if he was treating me right then keep him. I’m so glad it ended, I was so relieved. I didn’t have any peace.
I think people downplay the importance of physical attraction too much. We know it should not be the most important but it can be in the top 10 things to want. Like people forget we have to have s*x with them and want them on a physical level too.
Oh my goodness girl I have had such a similar situation! Good on paper, and then God revealing deeper parts of himself when things were rough! I had put him on this pedestal of "holy man" to then have God reveal that was such a blessing! Also, realizing afterwards how much confusion the relationship was bringing me was the thing that really did it for me. I believe the relationship God has for us will bring such peace :) God bless!
SAME! I dated a guy for almost 3 months that I wasn’t attracted to and I found her personality extremely annoying. He also revealed to me at a certain point that he had been watching pornography for over a decade and had just stopped a few months before meeting me. I overlooked it because I wanted to give grace, but over time, I became more and more disgusted. I had to end it because I just didn’t like him. It’s sad because I think he was a real sweetheart, but I just was not the woman for him.
@@Dominique20 Exactly. I refuse to lie to myself. I had to distance myself from a guy because of that. I looked at him and thought, can I sleep with him or even kiss him? No. That was it for me.
@@the_colorful_christianconfusion is always from the devil
I appreciate this video. I also feel that in the circles I run in, I have been told many times to overlook physical attraction for a man’s character, but I have NEVER heard someone tell my male friends or my brothers that they should look past physical attraction. I feel that it’s a double standard and just because women are “less visual” means we don’t need a husband we find attractive. And I think that doesn’t make any sense.
But women ARE visual as well and I'm tired of women being criticised for that.
Please don't over look it🙏🏾...look and pray👀
@catherinehiggins1968 THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!
But they say that to women and not men, and women are not less visual; we are just forced to have self-control from the time we are born. There are consequences if we act like men, which they will never face.
Girl I am right there with you 🙌 To those of us that do find physical attractiveness important we should not allow others limitations for us and projections change what God has put on our heart :)
I once heard a pastor, say, marriage is hard, so you need everything going for you… In other words attraction is definitely important. And you are right Bindi, it is not fair to the other person if you are not physically attracted to them. And what happens if they become not nice? Then you can’t stand them because you don’t even like the way they look… And that… Is just the truth. Your love tolerance goes out the window, ….in a nutshell.
Exactly because life be lifing
That is hilarious! 😂
@@Dream-oc4rt yeahhhhh! Lol I’m married and I find my husband really attractive! And when we have gotten into bad arguments him being attractive was what helped draw me back sexually. I was like you lucky you fine fr lol 😂 imagine he was ugly too and we fighting. Not to be superficial but I mean it does help
amen!
@@Iheartpie1234Haha i said the same thing to my soon to be husband because he is fine!!! I wasn’t expecting God to do all of that but the Lord really showed out!!! Fighting but after in a good hour or so we will have fun time!!! 😅
I’m a young Christian woman, I made the mistake recently of getting to know a young man I wasn’t initially attracted to. I was advised by my male friends that clothes and looks can change but character is much harder to change. That is true so I went ahead with it.
Well! There was a lot more underneath me not finding him attractive. The attraction I had to him was because I got to know his personality. But he did have a MAJOR character flaw and some other things I knew I couldn’t put up with if we were to get married.
I think we have genuine preferences for a reason and it can serve as something to protect us. It doesn’t matter if the man isn’t attractive to everyone else, he just needs to be attractive to you.
Someone once wisely asked me, “if you woke up next to him in the morning and he asked you “honey, do you find me attractive?” what would you be able comfortably answer?” Then they said “if you don’t enjoy their looks or quirks, let him go so the person who does enjoy them can find them.”
I agree!!
This is true
There was a lady who didn’t marry for looks, but because he was spiritual. She didn’t want to have sex with him once they were married because she wasn’t attracted to him. Looks aren’t everything but they are important
Why can't you have both? And also what looks as beautiful to one person isn't to another.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398you could have both that’s the point. Don’t forget about looks and only focus on the spiritual part and vis versa. So the person should be someone YOU don’t attractive
Amen thank you for telling the truth and acknowledging reality not just dancing around people’s emotions.
So you understand then why men cheat after the woman hits the wall in a marriage.
Exactly ppl need to stop lying to themselves fr this is what causes problems
I love the fact that we're talking about this. But just for context, the verse was referencing the fact that David was YOUNG! This was before he slew Goliath. So, Jesse didn't consider David because he didn't think his youngest son was even qualified at that moment to be the next King of Israel. Which is why the Lord told Samuel that while people look upon the outward appearance, He looks at the heart.
But, yes. I do think it's not only wise to be in covenant with someone you're actually attracted to, but it's only fair to the other person. You want to have a genuine connection for every aspect of marriage including attraction.
This video was on point! I am an attractive single woman and often people accuse me of being picky bc i am single. I don't have guys chasing me like in my 20s and most decent men around my age are already taken. I have dated men that were unattractive and they would mistreat me bc they think i've had it easy bc of my looks. They tend to be cheap and think im desperate to settle for them. Life has been tough and I've faced lots of warfare. Most men know that they outnumber women, can have kids at a later age and do the bare minimum nowadays. Know your worth and never settle!
I'm so sorry to hear about that but please always remember that you are so valuable in the sight of God and there is always a special person for you.
I feel the same way.
Enjoy your boxed wine and cats!
@@Joseph-cn3vr Where in the Bible is that promised exactly, that there would be "...always a special person for you..."?
I married a man I've never beem physically attracted to. He loved God, I love God. He said God told him I was supposed to be his wife. He stayed by my side even when I didn't know God and when I got saved, we got married.
It has been among many other things, a cross I've had to carry. He was already overweight and shorter than me. Now he's even more heavy. I thought I could get him to change, but year after year, no matter the promises, it doesn't change.
He works really hard but we've struggled financially.
My advice is before you enter into a serious relationship, get healed. We are faithfully married but I lean into divorcing him way too easily. All I can say is attraction is super important. I believed the lies that it shouldn't matter and I was being superficial but my husband has ALWAYS been attracted to me. So it's a cross I carry. I try not to meditate on it too much because we're already in convenant. I do regret it, though. My one highlight is our beautiful children.
I'm so sorry you feel this way about him. But I appreciate the wisdom you're sharing from your experience. Thank you. 💕
Pray for God to show you how he views him. Hope this helps! Praying for you.
thank you for sharing. carrying the cross too, which is no help, but just.. you aren't alone. :(
Thank you so much for your honesty. This is desperately needed to hear truth...
I’m here too.. I’ve only been married for a year and a half and we have a beautiful son together. I’m only 38 and sometimes I get so worried wondering why I did this. He is such a beautiful man on the inside but I am not physically attracted to him at all. 🥺
I've only ever had this sentiment expressed to me from older women. I think that it's mainly due to the fact that so many older women had very few options when it came to marriage. They married out of necessity rather than love. They had to find a partner who could offer security and stability rather than attraction and affection. It was literally about survival for them. I remember an older co-worker of mine telling me to stay with a man even if he was mean to me as long as he was on his way to making a good living. She said it doesn't matter if he's ugly or mean. Just keep your mouth shut and do whatever you can to secure him. I'm so grateful that women have the ability to support themselves now rather than tie themselves to a man that they aren't attracted to. And I hate the fact that so many of these relationship gurus nowadays talk about dating outside of your usual type in terms of attraction. Basically telling you that as long as he makes good money, overlook his looks, marry him, and the attraction will come. Just setting women up for failure.
Well, your reasoning is very true and that happened more commonly in the past, but now the other way is more common, where the man is attractive, but he tends to be more shallow because he knows that he can pull any woman, and so him wanting to settle down or to be loyal to a woman greatly diminishes so in my opinion, I think that a man shouldn’t be too attractive, but also not ugly he should be attractive enough that you can see yourself wanting to be with him that way intimately but if there’s a lot of women that want him then you can be up for some trouble and that’s just how the world is sadly! Unfortunately people see something shiny that you’ve gotten they want it more badly, temptation is one heck of a drug!! I remember finding a few things attractive about my husband before I knew his character, I find him more handsome now then when I first laid eyes on his baby blues ❤
Preach girl! I have had older women in church tell me to be with a man because of what he can provide physically. A successful relationship is SO much more than that! This also was coming from a woman who was divorced three times and still believes you don't have to be married for love. This goes to show, don't take advice from someone who does not have the results you are looking for 🙌
But if you are looking for an hansom Man let it be that you are beautiful too not by make up filler and filter , and it shouldn't be out of jealousy
I am an unmarried woman, in the past I would say I let my desperate desire for love lead me into a relationship with people I was never attracted to and I couldn’t sustain any of them. I managed to convince myself looks didn’t matter because they seemed “good” on paper. Luckily other red flags showed up which gave me a valid reason to end the relationship but at the core I always knew I wasn’t not attracted to the person. Being single now I have decided to be honest with myself, as a woman who values beauty and how I present myself, I really want a husband who is the same if not better. And I am now okay with saying that without feeling guilty.
Yes just be honest with yourself ,at least there must be some form of physical attraction
Looks are definitely important. You have to be with someone who turns you on emotionally, intellectually, and physically.
I can't stop thinking about this video ever since I watched it!! You are a genius. This is the type of truth that is right under your nose, but you never really take the time to face it. ALL the pastors that told me that beauty doesn't matter they all married the most beautiful girl in their church!!
Anyways, I am a 35yr old guy. I am 300 pounds. Most people think I'm trifling to want to get in shape first and then look for a wife. But I don't think so. I want to marry what I am attracted to, which is an athletic type of woman. That's what I like, a muscular woman, even vascular a bit lol. After listening to this video, I don't feel as unsure as I was before. All the pressure from people was making me think that maybe I'm crazy. But at least I'm trying to improve myself and be at the level of the woman that I want. Instead of pursuing a woman and expecting her to overlook what I don't overlook. Maybe I'm idealistic, but what is life if we have no ideals to pursue.
Wow!!!! Praying for your success!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Sure Bindi! David was a man after God's heart, yet he was handsome and attractive. The truth is that we first are attracted to people based on their outward appearances and then get connected based on the state of their hearts.
That is not true for everybody, not at all.
People are human and attracted to other people for a reason. When a person is not attractive to you you will not give them the same grace you would if they were, things will annoy you that would not be a big deal if there was real attraction there and you will be less inclined to give them any for of intimacy becasue it will not be natural. Your whole relationship will be a job... and probably not very fun. And its inevitable that that person will want their mate to find them attractive and you will have to lie. Maybe they are attractive to another person so let somebody else do it...
Yes you get it. Ppl don’t take this into consideration and that’s why they end up miserable
Thank you for speaking on this ,I am African and whenever I say someone is nice but as a friend(doesn't catch my romantic interest),I get rebuked as being too demanding.Whenever I pray to God I tell him to give me someone who I am attracted to and who shares my core values,I know he is out there; somewhere.God's timing is the best.
This rhetoric of marrying a man you aren’t attracted to is so dangerous. I actually knew a girl in my congregation who said she wanted to marry a man that she wasn’t attracted to because she felt like you could still be committing the sin of lust within the marriage. and to avoid committing the sin of lust in her marriage, she wanted to be with a person she would not lust over. Which is a bit silly considering sexual intimacy is allowed within the context of marriage. And I think this is why the Bible tells us not to be too righteous because sometimes we take things way too far and we miss the point of what the Bible is actually trying to tell us. We start making more rules for ourselves that are out of the human imagination and not of God. Ecclesiastes 7:16
This is a wake up call for both genders to be on top of their game physically (in the gym, how to dress, etc.) because it increases your opportunities of not only being able to find the person you find attractive but at the same time be someone that very person finds attractive as well
I agree!
There are lots of reasons why not everyone can achieve this, there are (mental) disabilities for example. Also; what about when we get older? True love looks further than physical appearence.
@@Monk7791 That’s interesting coming from someone that doesn’t even have your actual face as an avatar. Just because you’re unattractive and you don’t believe you’ll find someone doesn’t mean you have to force others to follow your path. I said nothing wrong. If you choose to settle for what you don’t want it’s not a sin but it’s also not a sin to want more and be willing to put yourself in a position to want more. God created beauty for a reason. No one said anything about it lasting forever or not.
@@pariahazul8653 Wow. So when I choose to use a photo of a bird as an avatar, you judge, only from that that I: 1. would be 'unattractive', 2. that I wouldn't believe I'd find someone, 3. that I would "...force others..." to follow my path (whatever that may be), 4. that I would choose to settle for what I don't want....?!? It is true that I'm very uncertain of my appearance, so yes I don't like to show my face. But that doesn't justify concluding that I or anyone else who doesn't show his/her face would be 'unattractive', especially when they're suffering from BDD for example. Also, I'm very happy to recently have found someone very attractive. In my comment I just wanted to point out that in reality it is not always that simple to achieve being 'on top of your game' physically. Like I said, there are many factors that can complicate this and I only wanted to add this to your comment.
Even for someone who for lack of a better phrase "wasn't born with attractive genes", soo much of attractiveness is in how they carry themselves (are they upbeat, smile, friendly), how they dress (well fitting clothes, clean), and their health (weight, skin clarity, hygiene). An otherwise "unattractive" person can overhaul their entire vibe by changing these things and they can have the ladies in the room looking over, ESPECIALLY if he has the attitude on point. But these dudes who are glum and scowling and you can tell they are mad at the world because they "aren't attractive like that guy", it's like... man, what a wasted opportunity.
Nope.
You can scowl and be attractive all day
And smile and be unattractive
Let’s keep it real
@@yngclothing interesting perspective! What do you find attractive about people who scowl?
@@xbriannaxbananax a facial expression is not permanent. therefore, apart from an expression they are making a person can be considered attractive
@@yngclothing So that's exactly my point. We can change our facial expressions to change how attractive or unattractive we are.
its not #1 but its important, I want to be attracted to my partner as well,, he doesnt have to be drop dead gorg but at least attractive enough to were i want to kiss him and be intimate with him. if man can be attracted why cant I?? THANK YOU FOR THIS, WITH THE SCRIPTURE BACK UP🙌
Truly agree with you @k.lorraine
Amen 🫶🏾
Excellent discussion! Totally agree. Marrying the one who is physically and spiritually attractive is exactly the right course of action. Your man wants to be able to chase you around the room and to catch you because you want to be caught not because you feel obligated. He also wants the opportunity to grow in your marriage with God as the foundation, working together to serve God and to be part of God's plan for this world. Both of these attributes bring a joyful, loving, and fruitful relationship. ❤🙏🙏❤️
It's also important to be with someone who you are attracted to because on those days when loving someone is a little bit harder, if you aren't attracted to them so much, it is easier to get your head turned towards something that will only lead to destruction and ruin. It's true for men and women alike.
I believe attraction matters you don’t know anything about someone’s inner beauty when you first see them, if you’re not pulled by them then most likely you will not give it a chance. You can lose attraction if you find something unappealing about him or her.
That's why love is a verb
Attraction is different than “beauty” in my opinion. Attraction is an energy, a vibe. I’ve met handsome men that I was not attracted to. Attraction is more important than looks. If you are intelligent kind, and can make me laugh, that’s definitely a win!
Exactly !!
I’m sure you’ve met many intelligent kind men who your wouldn’t necessarily want to go to bed with. Be honest looks is equally important if not more. Chances are you will laugh at a handsome guys jokes even if it wasn’t that “funny”
@@itachi_blvckitachi_blvck-jq6pf I never said looks were not important. I said it is different than attraction. Because it is. And you're missing the point of my comment.
I agree also! Attraction isn't about beauty, it makes people beautiful
@@Monk7791 yes agree too!
This truth apply to all of us. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
If and when you lack, Pray for desire. If your spouse lacks motivation to be his best self, pray for God to soften his heart toward that.
I wasn’t initially attracted to my husband, but it came more with time, and I had the peace of God. Sometimes we have an idea of what we think is attractive, but the person that comes along might not fit that picture exactly and attraction grows with time. I was also always attracted to the class clown type of guy that always was funny and outgoing but often times I see those kind of guys end up being players. Now I am glad I got a more quiet guy who is a good listener. Sometimes you don’t know what you need, but God knows.
Physical attraction can often be different to sexual attraction, I believe the latter helps more in a marriage
Will you pls elaborate on this?…. I
The opening clip made me laugh 😄 I genuinely hope no one is taking that advice!
One thought I had while you were talking is that someone can seem unattractive initially but the more you get to know them the better they start to look because they are so lovely on the inside.
I think most people are entirely too shallow and superficial, especially considering almost all of us are “average.” Average doesn’t mean unattractive, but so many act like it isn’t good enough. Most people aren’t repulsive. If someone does repulse/disgust you, obviously that’s someone you should not be with, but the other extreme is just as ridiculous. Thinking no one is good enough unless they’re perfect/beautiful, which is rare, especially when you aren’t beautiful. We have too many people with lofty expectations that they can’t even meet.
The happy marriages I have seen had two people who were similar on the looks scale. This shows me I don’t have to compromise. Any time I am tempted to reach out to a guy I friend zoned in the past, I feel a sense of dread because I know it is from desperation and not genuine.
We always need to ask the Lord to give us a clear direction coz it is a decision that is irrevocable.
@@househead67 I'd say my husband and I are similar in the looks department. I think he's a little more attractive than me, but he disagrees and says that I am 😂
We are extremely happy together and have been married for 13 years. Both of my sisters are also happily married and their husbands are also on a similar level of attractiveness as them. They have been married for 18 years and 11 years. And the three of us talk about everything, so I know they are happily married just like I am.
Marrying way out of your league can definitely cause issues. I know a couple that has a lot of issues and they are not even in attractiveness. The less attractive one is constantly afraid that the more attractive partner will leave. It's really sad, and it has caused a lot of conflict for them.
Oh I also want to add that it's important to have a lot of self awareness here. I see a lot of girls who are pretty, but still maybe just a little above average only wanting to date a guy who is a 9-10. This is a real issue nowadays.
So being honest about where you are is important so you know what your league is if you want to marry someone at a similar attraction level.
More than likely the guys you friendzoned are your looks equivalent you just think you can do better
@@bunny_0288 Sorry but I am just disgusted the way people judge other people by their looks, giving them numbers!! I think it's NOT christian, it only objectifies people!! People should really stop doing this! If two people become partners and marry, it is NOT up to other people to judge if they are 'in the same league' of physical attractiveness! It is entirely THEIR business, I think it dangerous to have these opinions
I think attraction does matter, but I also think a lot of women have ridiculous standards. I think social media has warped people's perceptions a lot.
You can scroll and see the extremely rare top 5% of attractive people on social media all day every day. And even then those photos have likely been photoshopped/have a filter.
I truly think it has skewed people's perceptions of attractiveness and made many people highly critical and have ridiculous standards.
Ultimately, character and their relationship with God should always be number one. I definitely thought my husband was cute when I met him, but as I got to know him and his outstanding character and his love for the Lord, he became more and more attractive to me. Because I wasn't just attracted to his outside, but I was attracted to his insides. The initial attraction grew stronger and stronger.
And now I dont notice other men at all. Seeing a handsome man is like seeing a painting. It does nothing for me because I am so in love with my husband and he is so handsome and sexy and beautiful to me from the inside out. No one else can ever come close.
And even as he ages and gets more grey hair and sweet lines around his eyes, I am more attracted to him than ever. Because I love all of him. I'm attracted to him as a whole person. I think about the hard things we have overcome together when I see the added grey in his hair. I see all the laughs and good times when I notice his smile lines. I cherish all the memories we've made and the time together that we have been gifted with.
This notion of men being the only ones visual is a lie. Women r also visual too so attraction is very important for both parties.
God is not going to give you a spouse that you’re not attracted to. Period. We have to dead that narrative. It’s crazy ppl actually believe God would do His children like that. Now, this doesn’t mean that we’re to have unrealistic physical expectations for ppl, especially when you don’t match up to those standards yourself, but God gives us the desires of our hearts. (Psalm 37:4). Point blank period.
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽… the very end killed me 😂
Yes, that’s bad advice.
I remember recognizing I would like to marry someone who is a christian, an artist and is beautiful. I kinda felt quilty for wanting those “shallow” things in a man, but God then asked me, what a person consists of. And I immediately knew what he meant and I answered him: spirit, soul and body. So from that point on I knew God approved of my wants in my husband, because it is good to marry someone with whom I would connect with on the level of spirit, soul and body.
(Note: I myself am an artist too)
And beauty generally matters a lot to me.
Wanted to add that sexual attraction and intimacy is what differentiates a marriage from a close friendship, or work relationship.
Very solid advice. My Pastor told us women, don’t marry a man we are not physically attracted to. At one point I tried to date a man who wasn’t very nice looking (in my opinion) and I couldn’t even imagine him touching me without feeling disgust. He was also immature so it was more than just looks that was a problem for me. I let him go. There may be woman for him who will love him completely. We have to make sure we don’t stay with someone because our biological “clock” is ticking.
I don't think the idea that women should just settle because he's nice is limited to Christian circles, but I think it's rooted in the natural "double standard" if you will in intercourse. A woman doesn't need be aroused for intercourse to happen, it may not be comfortable or enjoyable but it can still happen and she can still get pregnant, while it definitely cannot happen if a man is not aroused. I think this is why people overpass a woman's rightful desire to be physically attracted to a man because it seems that nature has told us our pleasure is not necessary to do what needs to be done. But if we are looking at the fullness of God's plan/will for joyful and all around blessed marriages, our pleasure is definitely necessary.
THANK GOD somebody spoke on this sis! Throughout my adult life I have often been counseled by older christian women to go with the godly awkward guy even when there is 0% mutual attraction. I always pushed back on this thinking although I wasn't sure why in my earlier years....now at 40 it makes perfect sense from both a biblical and practical perspective. THANK YOU for this
If that’s you on the picture, you look gorgeous for 40 years old.
Women give this advise to other women because there is a notion that, if he is not attractive, then other women will not look at him in a lustful way or find him attractive.... that's what I heard😊
The only problem with that is that the wife is going to have a hard time looking at her husband with desire/lust in her eyes....🤣 i mean, when I see my hubby in his work boots & a tape measure on his belt, tall, dark, & handsome.... mmmmm
Yes, it’s true. But honey the reality is if he had 2 teeth and one strand of hair and someone will still be attracted to him. Everyone is attracted to someone.
I'm so glad you made this video. I think there's an important distinction to make: you can be strongly attracted to a man for several reasons that culminate in desire but not necessarily physically attracted right out of the gate. Essentially, sexually drawn but initiated from another avenue. I fell in love with the best man (my husband of 6 years) but I didn't think he was all that attractive when we met. He became beautiful to me because of his heart.
Same here!
People often incorrectly assume that physical attraction is the most important factor, forgetting that what attracts us to another is as unique as each human is.
Right! I did find my husband cute, but he certainly was not the MOST textbook attractive man that I ever dated. It was his sense of humor....oh, & his voice - melted me like butter. LOL
Remember though that handsomeness can change by strokes, accident, fire, war and sickness
Preach it girl👏
Yes, I’ve heard multiple pastors online preach this message and inside it felt very wrong 😑 to be exact, I believe they are trying to correct the extreme emphasis on physical that’s going on in culture and anytime the pendulum swings- it spends some time on the other extreme. Which is unfortunate for the people who get influenced by it and marry someone they are not attracted to 😢.
I myself am married and like you strongly agree that having a physical attraction to your husband is important, as it helps to motivate sexual intimacy. And especially for men! So to hear a preacher advising guys to marry a woman if she’s right on paper but they are not physically attracted to her seems like a recipe for a lot of unnecessary struggles….
God made everyone beautiful. Some were more beautiful than others but all are beautiful! We as humans should find someone we are attracted to but not look down on others or think you are better than others.
I totally agree
Many women look for money and looks which is fine to a certain degree but at the end of the day, a wise woman will choose a man who is kind and patient and treats her well. True kindness is a reflection of Christ. Both spouses should practice kindness and support towards one another.
It's important to be physically attracted to the man you're interested in! Tina Turner said it best: Don't aim to be good-looking, aim to be ATTRACTIVE. The man you like needs to have something physically that moves you. Compels you.
Thank you Bindi. Because I really wasn't wanting to settle. Attraction is more important to me over physical appearance, but it's rare to find a man who is secure enough in himself good looking or not.
No, you should not marry an ugly man & yes attraction is important
😂 appearance is for females! Attitude and qualities are strong traits for males! The female is suppose to be the better looking one in the relationship!
@@biggz48aperry54 There are physically attractive men & women women with ugly personalities & also unattractive men & women with ugly personalities. There are physically attractive men & women with the best qualities & personalities as well as physically unattractive men & women with the best qualities & personalities. A man with who has good attitude & qualities will pick a woman with the same qualities he has, regardless of what the woman looks like & vice versa. A man or woman with good qualities don't just marry for the sake of getting married if they aren't attracted to the other person, because they know it is wrong. A man or woman who marries another even if they are not attracted to them is not a good person.
I don't think there are "ugly" people.
@@biggz48aperry54 if that helps u be ugly on the inside & out when u go to sleep at night, then believe that 😎
Yes, it is a deal breaker. Women need to be physically as well as emotionally attracted to their husbands. It is also important that when you are intimate that you are attracted to him.
I agree with you!
It can't just be physical or mental attraction, there needs to be a combination of both.
Physical attraction is definitely important for women. I have noticed that the man's character does also add or substract from their Physical attractiveness.
I absolutely support your reasoning. It's the lack of attraction that brings resentment in marriages. Whether you are attracted to looks, personality, charisma, etc., this lack of attraction fosters sexless marriages. Attraction to the beauty of someone, be it physical or otherwise is an essential ingredient to sustaining emotional relationships 😊
I agree with this 💯. Lets start out with looks are not everything which is true but being in love with someone that you love inside and out is another level. I have overlooked things into a relationship that now i wish i would have been more picky about. Now i feel like im with someone the opposite of what i desire. But i can tell he desires me so i cant just leave him and be that cruel so i keep it to myself. If there is anything thats a deal breaker like anger, to short, not a provider please just let it go even if friends and family think otherwise. You will thank yourself in the future. Same goes for being with someone sexy but are abusive.
And I think the bigger problem is that we've been taught what attractive should look like. But I think that's different for everyone.
I have somewhat struggled with this because it is extremely frustrating and a tad bit annoying for women to hear don’t worry about how he looks , but men are given the ok to go after someone beautiful. This was the first time I heard of a pastor say “ don’t worry about how she looks”… I think we have a problem with telling people to find balance. It’s literally one or the other. If he’s nice he won’t be attractive, if he is handsome and fit he’s a playboy.
I tried twice to date men I wasn’t attracted to but they were nice. It didn’t end well. Attraction should be in the equation. The only thing you can do is trust God with this and don’t purposely go out with men multiple times that you know you are not feeling. In 1-2 dates you know if it’s a yes or no.
Some of these comments have went far left 😂… are you attracted to the person or not? We know it’s not ALL about outward appearances. We know that a person can be beautiful but their attitude can make them unattractive. We know we will all age and change. We know that as men and women of God their core needs to be Good and Godly. Come on y’all: she is simply saying don’t force yourself into something just because the person is nice , and don’t feel guilty if you want to be attracted to your mate.
If you married someone and then you were attracted to them after then that is wonderful but I am almost 100% sure that the attraction came well before you said “I do”.
#Everyoneisattractivetosomeome
Bindi Marc, You're approaching the subject from a worldly way of thought, beauty is like the flowers, They're beautiful today but tomorrow they're all wilted and not beautiful any more. You're beautiful now but will you still be beautiful 30 or 40 years from now? What about your handsome husband? the guy you reject today may be more handsome several years from now than the guy you think is so handsome today; What matters is will the guy you marry be dedicated to you and will he still cherish you a number of years from now when you're not young and beautiful any longer? I was married to my wife for 43 years, She was beautiful when I married her, but after she was older and she had had a stroke, and she wasn't physically beautiful in other men's eyes, although I loved and cherished her more than ever, she was the most important person in my life, and when she was on her deathbed I was beside her holding her hand when she took her last breath, I cried for her and after 10 years I still miss her. Physical beauty has such little value in life. it just doesn't last very long.
I disagree with you one hundred percent. She isn't approaching this topic from a "worldly" perspective but rather a realistic perspective. The Most High created us to reproduce and physical and sexual attraction are prerequisites for reproduction. Bindi never said that physical attraction was the end all be all in a relationship, she just highlighted its importance. We all know & understand that a strong, Godly marriage requires more than good looks. That fact that beauty fades does not negate the fact that beauty attracts, and as humans many of us are attracted to certain features and characteristics and others repel us. We should not marry someone that we find physically repulsive just because they have good character. That would be doing ourselves & our spouses a disservice and is the breeding ground for a sexless marriage.
In conclusion, we all know that marriage and love consist of much more than beautiful appearances, however let us not neglect physical attraction when looking for a spouse. God made us the way he made us for a good reason. We should be careful not to go against the grain.
Thanks for your mature counsel. You stated the truth! Unfortunately, as young Christians we carry lots of baggages into the regenerated life much like the proverbial pouring oldwine into new wine a skin. Romans 12 says, "Be not conformed to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...". It's a bit disappointing when values are placed on people based on their looks, which by the way is usually subjective.😢 A term called lookism!😮
Good video. Let's examine our motives and not swing to extremes! Sometimes people only want to find a beautiful potential spouse in order to feel the pride of being able to get someone beautiful to like them back. Sometimes people don't care about physical appearance and they're just driven by their lust of wanting to get married. There's so many ways that we can have the wrong motives, focusing more on ourselves and not on longevity, loving another person, and doing it for God's glory !
"Lust" (as you call it) is a good reason to get married. That is why the Bible says if you don't have the gift of celibacy, get married. It I better to marry than to burn.
@@canelareina3795 interesting perspective. I have to say that I don't think you are reading the apostle Paul's words correctly. I developed my views after reading the book "Holy Sexuality" by Christopher Yuan, such an astounding book😄
@@charismagustafson9976 How am I wrong?
@@n.amanfu9297 The Bible said if a man has lots of sexual desire, he has to get married so he doesn't commit fornication.
Do you agree?
Passion does not mean lust, be careful but I know what you are trying to say.
One day, if I ever remarry, I hope to have a man of good character, a beautiful soul...genuine love and upmost respect for my well-being and my feelings, a man who is good to my children and can add to my life in the best ways possible. Someone who inspires me, can teach me and protect me. Someone who is not reckless, rude or narcissistic. A man who can allow me to not always have to live in my masculine energy. I would be lying if I didn't expect him to be a provider in some sense. And yes, I want to be physically attracted to him too! I know it's a pipe dream, but I feel there is truly someone for everyone.
Marrying a person you are not attracted to is just a neat way of lying to yourself. Like how do you tell the person they look good when you don't find them attractive lol...So you just lie to yourself all the time and to them by making them believe you are attracted to them when you really aren't???😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I think there's a certain kind of immature person who limits themself to dating people who are considered attractive by society and all their friends. Like maybe they're interested in a range of women or men, but they go for the one whose looks will impress others the most. That's obviously not a great strategy or the most important quality, but you should be still attracted to the person you're with. Mutual attraction is so much fun. It's not fair to yourself to settle down with someone you don't enjoy sleeping with, and it's not nice to them either, you're depriving them of the experience of having a partner that's wild about them.
I agree with you. At the end of the day, you have to share a bed with this person, and the prospect of doing so needs to not be a chore. It has become a trope in our culture that wives don't want to sleep with their husbands, and I've wondered if this advice is why. Maybe they married someone they were never really attracted to because they were told that the only thing that matters is his heart and his ability to provide. I do think it's true as well, though, that physical appearance is not going to compensate for any significant incompatibility in values or deficits of character. And not only that, but looks will fade more quickly and easily than someone's character will change. So it's imperative that we discern the other's heart, as that is what we will ultimately be left with in the end.
Thank u so much for this video. I would not want to marry a person i will find hard to kiss, hug or have sex with. I will rather remain single than set myself for such failure.
To me character is more importance bt so is looks.
Beauty is very subjective. There is no one size fits all to this. Also we have been conditioned to value European/Western standards of beauty which is a big problem.
I was extremely attracted to the woman I married. She was attracted to the life and lifestyle I could provide in comparison to what she had otherwise. The last 26 years have been a hell of loneliness and regret.
No one has ever told me to marry a man who doesn't loove attractive. I started hearing this on social media
With all the temptation out here, I want someone I am attracted to and has the fruit of the spirit.
There's no such thing as an "ugly" person (physically, I mean. An ugly soul is different).
God made us all. There's personal preference, not "ugly people."
I'm capable of falling in love with a man based on who he is alone. Not trying to virtue signal. We all have our preferences, but I think that's the ideal to strive for.
If you want love, just pick someone and love them! Love is supposed to be unconditional anyways.
Attraction matters when it comes to your covenant partner❤
She's speaking facts. I tried dating a man I didn't find physically attractive because he had other qualities i was looking for. I was repulsed by him and it came out as me resenting him and being passive aggressive. Dont settle for men and dont let a man settle for you, ladies. You can tell when he doesn't lke you like that.
Completely agree, and thank you for bringing this up now. God knows we need to hear these kind of messages more and more. Bless you dear sister
Wow, I saw the title of this video and could not resist. You have spoken correctly on this. There's so much I wanna say...but Jesus knows. I'm sure you've helped many individuals with this topic. Thanks for speaking on this and God bless you and yours🙏🏾
Dear Bindi Marc, I have been following your contents for the last few months and it's been very encouraging and true. Thank you for taking the time to speak the truth, unapologetically. This is a timely video for me.
God bless you and your ministry 🙏
Bindi, I am so thankful for how well you are articulating such thoughtfulness to the topics you choose to make videos on! May God continue to bless you to bless others (us)!
I love your advice, it's biblical as well as realistic. I also believe God is a good father, He understands that intimacy is needed in marriage and attraction is thus important (not everything like worldly people) and I always remember that God makes all things beautiful in their own time❤
You are so well spoken and effortless. I admire your gift in the Kingdom.
It’s like God reveal my heart cry to you. I was thinking to message you about giving advice to unmarried women and you started doing recently. I am so excited to learn
Thanks for talking about this topic, ultimately it's important to be attracted to your partner. We all have different preferences but both inner and outer beauty is key❤
Sister thank you for telling it like it is :) I needed this, and thank you for connecting it back to Song of Songs! That really made a situation that I am currently in clearer. I have had older women at church telling me to get close with this older, single man who is kind and very close with the Lord, and they say he is interested in me...but I am not attracted to him. I am attracted to his spirit, and his heart, but not in the physical. I thought I may be holding back what the Lord would have for us, but I cannot come to believe that the Lord would want me to be with someone that I am unattracted to...when that is something that I know now matters to me. I was letting other peoples opinions of what our relationship could be get in the way of my true feelings. He also is 19 years older than me, and I know age does not matter to some, but that is older than I feel comfortable with.
Thank you for this message once again, may the Lord bless us all 🙏
Wow! Sister, they should not have been pressuring you into this! I’m glad you’re not going down that path.
@@purelightapologetics4930 Thank you sister :) Yes, they were not looking out for what God wants in my life. They were in a very worldly mindset. I know they wanted what they thought was "best" for me. Although this clearly is not what God wants for me! Blessings!
That discomfort with the age difference is such a big indicator that you should not go through with it. I'm so glad you're being honest with yourself sis ❤
Thank you sister! I thought for a minute that I was the problem thinking my lack of attraction regarding age was a "me" thing as well. God gives us these thoughts for a reason...best to not second guess them :)@@Joelle__K
I really love this chat comments coz it shows that we still have many girls who are genuine and wise.
God Bless you Bindi,
Great topic &discussion. I hope you consider creating a part 2 because these topics came to my mind:
- discuss couples changing their look in marriage & the story about you & your husband if you're comfortable, I know you stated at first he didn't like your hairstyle. I have locs too & it's been both positive & negative receptions from men when I use to date. Another example is a sister in my church, while in marriage, her husband decided to wear hair extensions, & I overheard her say shes not a fan of it, but she has to love & support him anyway. An extreme example would be after a woman gives birth & the body changes she goes through. my uncle who's a pastor is transparent & shares his story on how he felt uneasy when his wife's stomach changed their first year of marriage , but eventually he had to embrace it
- shallowness of people is a factor to keep in mind b/c a boy can't be a 1/10 yet wants a girl who's a 10/10 who doesn't want him. This is shallowness in the boys part, if it was mutual attraction, then that's different
-when speaking on how God describes attraction, the context matters. Was it through God (especially since the word says we are all fearfully & wonderfullymade) or through society standards? B/c worldly standards constantly change. For example the woman in song of songs is dark skinned Song of Solomon 1:5-6, yet sadly in society today, colorism is still an issue in certain parts of the world. Another example is Rachel vs Leah, is 'weak eyes' considered unattractive?
- my Pastor & another preacher I follow on RUclips (Tony Gaskins) said the same thing you said. He further explains it's a reflection of a woman's security if she's society standard of beauty, yet marries a man who doesn't take care of himself physically & she's setting herself up for failure. The only exception is if God says otherwise & her motive. For example Beyonce & jayz. She knew she shouldn't have gotten with a man who's unequally yoked when it comes to faith & values, however she fell for his charm, protection & status
Thank you for agknowledging reality!
Thank you for being real. The topic of physical attraction gets a lot of hate and hypocrisy
I believe that it’s not about getting the most attractive man or the man that every woman wants.
It’s important that he is attractive to YOU, you need to be into that. I don’t think God would want you to wake up next to someone you didn’t delight in every morning or have to be intimate with someone you’re completely not attracted to.
I used to think that if he’s a ‘man of God’ then he automatically makes for a good husband but that’s not true. He can be a man of God but not your man especially if you’re both not compatible.
I’ve also learned to trust that God won’t force me to be with someone I don’t like. I’m not very picky or shallow but goodness I believe the Lord will give me someone who loves Him and I’m also attracted to.
I’ve out of desperation dated men who I was completely not attracted to, men who were Christian but not nice to me, men who I couldn’t even imagine myself kissing or being intimate with because I simply wasn’t attracted to them and I dated them because I thought that as long as he worships God he is for me. Thank God I’m out of that season and I’m being true to myself.
1. wisdom is the ability to learn from other people's mistakes and not from yours.
2. experience is the best teacher, my uncle married the most beautiful woman i have ever seen. his advise to me was, beauty is only skin deep.
3. Rom 12:2, '....be transformed by the renewal of your mind...'
4. beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
My aunt's goddaughter, who is very beautiful & married a man who was very difficult to glance at & unappealing to the eyes. I wondered why she married him until she shared her story. He was “godly” associated w/godly church leaders & never tried to sleep w/her before marriage. His "godliness" was attractive. Once married, he never tried becoming one. After much counseling, even w/their pastor, this "godly" man never tried having sex w/ this beautiful Christian song artist & worship leader, a wife for whom any man would live or die. Only in her thirties, she divorced him after two years of sleeping in the same bed nightly w/out Any physical intimacy. In hindsight, she remembers sharing that she would be menstruating during their honeymoon. He said they had a lifetime to enjoy lovemaking & wanted to keep the wedding date. She was more attracted to this unappealing, unattractive, ugly, but “godly” man. The marriage was never consummated. The courts informed her that if she filed w/in a year, it would have been annulled & there would be no records of a marriage b/c it was never consummated.
I’m so glad I saw this video because I was definitely on the fence but thank God for confirmation
No one has ever said it like this! Thank you!
Thank you Bindi, so very insightful and full agree in most you’ve said. We can only grow through allowing each other to observe and reset our minds and the heart desires
I love this video, and agree fully. I know a channel from a couple on instagram I follow, and they give very good teachings on marriage. And the woman said exactly what Bindi said on the ending, act with such motivation is an egotistical act, you are stealing their opportunity to have found a good spouse that would want them, for your own want to be married for security/precaution being it fueled too by many factors
It’s important though, to note that beauty is not objective or based on universal standards. You should choose someone who is attractive *to you* , but beauty is subjective.
Also, there’s a huge difference between someone you find repulsive or “ugly” and someone you may think is attractive but just not “a 10”. It’s key to learn how to have a healthy balanced place for attractiveness in what you seek. Yes, different women are moved by the physical to different degrees, but what is natural to you in that regard may not be ideal by God’s standard. Physical desire has an appropriate place, and while some, in wisdom, may need to consider it more, others may also need to consider it less.
I think they should be a ten to you! I don’t want an okay man. They may be ugly to everyone else but as long as they are five to me who cares. Anything besides that is a form of settling or it’s irrelevant to a person who doesn’t value looks
The video covers the topic well. Definitely have to have more than physical beauty because if something happen to him outwardly, you still have a vow to keep. Balance is key.
Thank you soo, much for this.
It really revived my faith and strengthened me to continue waiting on the Lord to send one of his most handsome sons to me..😊
I am glad you shared this video. Years ago, I was in a situation like that. The problem I had was people trying to set me up with someone whom I specifically said repeatedly 'I was not interested in him. Some how he I thought I wanted him and started to ask me to marry him. The nightmares I had lol. Not sure what happened but he got message that I was not interested. People need to stop playing "matchmaking" and let individuals chose who is best for them. ❤️❤️❤️