THE MOTHER-IN-LAW | Biblical Womanhood • Trad Wife • Homemaker • Christian Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
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'Please Advise' is a dedicated segment responding to personal questions/dilemmas/predicaments submitted by viewers. If you would like me to respond to your particular question consider sending your inquiry!
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ABOUT THIS CHANNEL | I am a wife to an exceptional man, a mother to beloved daughters, a diligent homemaker, and a businesswoman. But before all these roles I am a woman who belongs to The Lord. A daughter to the God of The Bible through the work of my savior Jesus Christ. On this channel, you will enjoy content designed to cultivate a rich experience of biblical womanhood. You will be encouraged to place your true hope and faith in the Lord. You will also hear hard discussions about accountability and personal responsibility for your life and what it produces. We embrace real character and integrity as much as we do physical beauty and femininity. We are called to be women of our Father's Kingdom and to honor Him with our speech, actions, and modest yet feminine dress. I would love to have you along for the ride as we embrace a manner of life that brings honor to the name of our Father and get to the work of accomplishing our mission.
00:00 Teaser
00:40 Please Advise Letter
02:30 The challenge of in-laws
03:30 It is easy to set boundaries.
06:30 Children as husbands.
11:30 Mom's problem or your problem?
14:30 Are there boundaries?
20:00 Posessive Control
#Housewife #Proverbs31 #ChristianWomen
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She is trying to unlearn her mother’s teachings. She isn’t confident enough to totally stand for her husband and family. Many women have this upbringing. Like Bindi said, “That’s not your problem”! Your family needs you!
I agree that it was said in a way that was not very sensitive.
As someone who was brainwashed to think my mom actually was God, I struggled a lot with the idea of honoring my mother and setting boundaries in the beginning of my marriage as well.
It sounds like she’s never felt the weight of this type of mentally abusive relationship, which I think is a good thing!
I actually loved it when I received “sharp” advice like this. It felt so simple and empowering to understand it’s not actually that complicated and it’s normal for me to be an autonomous person separate from my mom!
I think this may rub some people the wrong way, but it will be helpful to others like me.
We will be fine.....we realize later
I disagree, I don't like her advice too the lady who wrote the letter. You have to understand the guilt women carrie when telling their mother that they don't approve of the disrespect attitude. These narcissistic mothers have a way of making theirs daughter feel bad for standing up for themselves. It's mind control as well as emotional control.
@@smc1774oh believe me! I’ve lived it! I found blunt and straightforward advice to be very empowering!
I don’t think it will be helpful to everyone who has been abused by their own mother in this way, but for me, and I imagine for some others it can be very effective and empowering!
Dealing with moving out of my parent's home, getting married to a man that wasn't up to my parents cult-like Mennonite standards and choosing to live a little differently than I grew up has taught me that just because they FEEL disrespected doesn't mean they are BEING disrespected. Just because you don't take their advice or do exactly what they think will be best for you is not disrespecting your parents. You are now an adult and the teaching that children should obey their parents no longer applies. You can listen, you can consider, but it is also within your right to make judgements.
Thanks for sharing Jose-pie. 🩶
Perfect wording
Right. How can a man "leave his father and mother" and the wife "submit to her husband" while they also "obey" both sets of parents as adults? That makes no sense Biblically. Parents just don't want to give up control over their adult children and grandchildren and aren't understanding what the Bible teaches. A new family unit is being created that is part of a larger extended family. The new spouse and children aren't being absorbed into the family. The new family unit is branching out!
Same, it’s hard
Jesus said he came with a sword to divide, mothers against daughters, fathers against sons, etc, it is totally ok for this woman's mom to get the boot, my husband wouldn't of stood for that at all, smh,
I think she may feel like she's being dishonorable by enforcing the boundaries (not answering the door, for example). Most children are taught that its disrespectful to to so😩
That's what I think too. I've been in this situation with my uncle in law about coming over unannounced. I spoke with him 3 times about doing that and told him it was unacceptable. He came anyway in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and guess what? I left that narcissist right outside of the door. I didn't answer it and he was knocking loudly for nearly an hour before he finally got the message and left. Being a doormat is not equivalent to being a believer. You can be filled with the love of YHWH and still be stern and have boundaries. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no!
Yep, I was raised that way too.
It’s very difficult within to understand boundaries when you’ve been raised that way… this persons mum sounds like they would have raised them the same
Yes I agree she needs to understand that commandment more clearly
This! All of this. People mistake "being loving" with accepting absolutely any behavior. Even Jesus himself did not do that.@@doll.ov.poetrii4682
Keep making excuses
ooh I needed to hear this. my mom was living with us, but we had to have her leave our home and let her know that she could not come back here and I had to reiterate that it was not just my husband making that decision, but that we were making it together.hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
Dang Tameika, what happened?
And Bindi I love what you do. Women complaining about the way you said it is exactly why so many women end up in stuck situations. The truth always has to be so watered down and so padded with cotton candy and so filled with air and rainbows that it loses is impact.
Well, her tone did seem a bit impatient, lacking empathy.
She could’ve explained everything she did without using that tone.
“Speak the truth in love” - “love is patient, love is kind…”
@@tiffanydaniel8996 keep making excuses and complaining later. Y'all so afraid of the truth and taking actions
You asked during this video how someone could allow this to happen. If you didn’t grow up with an abusive parent you don’t understand because it’s never happened to you. From the time I was born my mother raised me to have no boundaries with her. My feelings, thoughts, needs and opinions didn’t matter. She would complain to me about her terrible marriage to my father (they’re still together even now) and put us kids in the middle of their fights and have us choose sides. So my mother is married but she is the head of the household. She was utterly controlling and it was her way or the highway. There was no room for discussion. If we rebelled she doubled down and made life harder for us as kids and teenagers. The reason it’s allowed to go on is because mentally it’s so hard to break that dynamic. I was taught to fear my mother above all else. She mentally and emotionally abused us our whole lives and continues to do so. This woman feels like she’s not honoring her mother because her mother is making her feel that way. I don’t know if you know what that feels like, but children are programmed to want to feel loved by their parents. It takes years to break that cycle. That being said, this video convicted me. I am in a very similar situation to this woman and I am done allowing my mother to do whatever she wants. But it would be a lie to say that it doesn’t hurt when she makes me feel like a horrible daughter because I have to set boundaries with her. But you are ultimately right. Husbands and wives come before parents.
I think Bindi was deliberately making her point with those questions. It’s to help the reader snap back to reality in that, her mother’s feelings towards her husband and marital dynamic are the mothers opinions and not the daughters burden to carry. I do understand the hold parents like this have over their children, but it needed to be stated directly as Bindi had.
As much as it is the mother’s problematic behaviour causing tension, the daughter was allowing it by not enforcing her boundaries. Although she was brought up to let the mother have full control, doesn’t excuse the now adult daughter, who is a wife and mother herself, from allowing her mother to further disrespect and damage her own family.
That’s my opinion on it. I do want to say God bless you and I hope you can have counsel from wise people in your own life to help you (if need be) with your own situation!
I was also mentally and emotionally abused by my mother! This is off topic, but the Lord told me to separate from her. Of course, not in a nasty way, and it’s still very important to pray for her/forgive her. I do believe it’s crucial to search for balance in non-abusive situations though.
Maybe some Christians wouldn’t agree with my decision, but I know the Lord does. People would definitely advise to distance themselves from someone who’s physically abusive though, so mental abuse is also abuse and not what God wants for us.
For me it’s not really possible to communicate with my mom anyway, because I became a Christian and now she bullies me because of that (she’s embarrassed that her daughter turned out to be like that), I’m from a country that considers protestant Christianity to be a cult, so that’s why. If I talk to her, it’s more like listening to her putting me down, not really like a conversation.
The Lord told me that it’s literally not possible for Him to restore me from the damage that’s already been done, if I keep coming back to her to be damaged again.
I’m not advising you to do the same, just sharing! Each situation is unique and requires wisdom from the Lord🙏
I think honouring your parents doesn’t need to mean allowing them to abuse you.
I don’t see anything wrong about praying for her from a distance
Now we are alike....you get it....
Very similar dynamic that I had growing up. Submission to my father was foreign concept to my married mother and it definitely took a toll on us the children.
@@Kammiillayes, I had to separate as well. It can be very confusing to know what the right thing is as an adult since we’ve been trained that they have all power and rights and we are not to have any boundary in regards to them. It’s so difficult coming out from underneath these things. May God richly bless you and strengthen you and heal you completely.
Needed this😢. I think wives mothers are over represented when men's mothers are often times the ones that create separation in marriage with competitive behavior , insults and manipulate behavior while also controlling their own husbands.
This is my case. She didn’t show up to our wedding hoping he wouldn’t marry me with no just cause.
@@MsWillita8i’m so sorry 😔 that’s awful
I’ve had this problem with my husband’s mother before. Especially in the early years of our marriage. Multiple times actually. And she STILL chooses to act like this when he’s not around. She says disrespectful things to me and about me. And has gossiped about me too. Decisions that we make or have made in regard to our marriage and family matters, even when she knows it’s biblical standpoints. She has boldly said she doesn’t agree with them. And I didn’t care. There are so many things I haven’t told him because during those times he wouldn’t have been righteous in what he says. Or how he would act. I’d never want him to stumble because I didn’t have sound advice to voice these things. Now that I am older and have more Biblical wisdom and knowledge, I know how to stand firm and let his mother know that I mean what I mean. And she knows I don’t care about her carnal thinking towards it. I am not competing with another woman, no matter who she is, about my husband/children’s father. It’s always been so weird when I see mothers like that. I pray to YAH and ask Him to guide my motherhood because I’d never want to treat my son’s wife like this when he is old enough to be in a marriage. I’ve had to pray for guidance in healing from how my MIL has made me feel.
@@flowersandlace It is what it is. We just had a baby and she doesn’t care to see her as an infant which is fine by me. She refuses to get married but wants my husband to act as a surrogate husband. I’m not having it. He and I have been together a decade and nothing has changed.
@@walkinunity5461 Why are you me😅. My husband’s mom consistently disrespects Yah, and for years my husband never saw her passive aggressiveness. It wasn’t until one day when her “mask dropped” that he acknowledged that I wasn’t crazy about my beliefs about her not liking me. I’m like you, I’m not competing with any woman for my husband’s attention.
I think the daughter is infantilizing herself. If the mom was domineering and the sole authority her whole life she may subconsciously still see herself as a child who must obey. She is hoping her mother respects her boundary instead of respecting and enforcing her own boundary. You touched on every point. How in the world is she able to come to your house without your permission? How is she privy to your husbands household boundaries if not for you tell your mom?
I 100% agree with the last point. A mother like that will MAKE SURE you end up divorced and angry just like her. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. She doesn’t realize her defiance and independent spirit irrespective of others boundaries is part of the reason why she’s alone. She will force you to be alone too.
Great analysis!!
My exact thought to the situation as a woman myself, who had a very strong, controlling father. I can relate to this it took me until I was 25+ to feel like an adult.
@@asiamwithraenetteleepodcast I had very over protective parents. Even at 25 I thought of myself as a baby who couldnt do anything. It took ALOT of courage to stand upto my parents. Every time they doubted me or tried to control me their worlds felt like law. It felt like concrete binding law. Disobeying would make my heart race and i felt so insecure. It took so much for me to slowly stand up for myself and to self soothe when my parents would hurl discouraging words at me. There is trauma from overbearing or over protective parents
I think the fact that she said she is a baby Christian is really over looked. The answer seems to assume the writer knows her role. She is new to Christ and his ways. No previous example of being a godly daughter or example of being a godly wife. Understanding the word "Honor".
Also, if a person shows up from far a way the expectation is you have to let them in. This is why the mother doesn't give warning when she shows up with her luggage on the door step.
All of the response seems like a person who should know better. Being raised by a single mom who didn't know the Lord and then coming to the Lord you are just learning biblical boundaries. The order of roles. She might not even know that her marriage comes first now. And that she isn't disobeying God if she upsets her mother. That her mother's emotions don't determine if she is obeying God in honor thy father and mother.
This response could have been a lot more educational for a "baby" Christian.
I'm glad the role order was addressed at least.
I agree. When I was first coming to biblical principles I was very confused also on this whole honor your parents thing.
@@LaurenSheehan me too. I was also raised by a single mom and not in a Christian home. My mother was not a liberal, she was Catholic but she use to tell us to Honor they father and mother every time she was trying to get us to listen to her, to do as we were told.
This mother will not be told “NO“. The only men she likes are those she can control… She showed up unannounced because SHE will make her demands that must be met. It is her surprise attack to catch people off guard. I know what this is because I lived it. You are dealing with narcissism.
In some circles, the act of putting up a boundary is considered disrespect/ dishonor. I think that the person writing to you probably has the mindset that it is dishonorable to to put up a boundary with her mother. I'd bet that her mom pushes that perspective and that is why she's asking you about be respectful and having boundaries. It's like how in some circles the simple act of asking your parent a question is considered disrespect (even though it's not).
This!
Mom seems like the type to project and over-bearingly express her desires and feelings in a toxic way that puts pressure on the daughter to please her. She's a very strong and forceful woman, maculine in many ways. Daughter, stand strong and hold your ground. Follow what God has laid out in the Bible and your husband. You are to leave mom and cleave to your husband. What rules you and him set up are what goes and make sure to implement consequences.
If it’s convenient for me, and myself and my family are decent to open the door, then I will open the door and say now is not a good time. But if it’s not convenient and I already told you don’t come unannounced then I’m watching the Ring camera until you leave 😭 and I’m still saved
Bindi, I was in the same situation with my mom,was raised and tought to fear our parents rather than respect them…. so no matter what you do, it will never be enough they literally want you to worship them.. and yet I agree 💯 with the advice! Dont listen to these ones talking about how harsh you were in your response, the situation calls for firmness and understanding to whom you owe loyalty to first! God, Husband, then Parent!
Parents can be very toxic at times
Unfortunately some realise this when it's too late. The saddest experience one can go through is when a marriage is ended due to undue influence from the parents.
I agree!!
Honor could also mean obey and if she is a new Christian it would be hard to know when honor is obey and when it just means talk with respect.
Everytime I watch your videos, everytime I can't stop admiring how beautiful you are, not just your god given features but they way you maintain yourself is just mesmerizing to me. As a fellow woman, who's looking forward to getting married in the future, you'd be doing me a great favour if you could share your workout routine, your self care and anything that you would mind sharing that would make me look pretty and confident just sitting like that. And if you have any advice on posture improvement?
Thankyou bindi! I love all your videos ❤️
You are beautiful God created you in His image. And if God created the beautiful stars, moon, flowers, animals, butterflies, sun, sunrise and sunsets, andcBindi Marc what makes you think that you aren't beautiful?
Amen to the statement about some single moms expecting their sons to fill the husband role. We are in the thick of it with my mil. After 14 years of stress between my husband and I over him wanting to meet all her demands, we finally have come to the conclusion boundaries need to be set. I am with you 100% when you say who cares when the mil gets upset about boundaries. The stress comes with my husband and I aren't on the same who cares wave length.
I really needed this message. I an divorced and the only child of my mother. She exhibits alot of the same beliefs and boundary testing as the mother from the letter. I have struggled in the past with being disrespectful to my mother in the past to get my point across to her. I have felt smothered by her and also felt guilty that she is a widow and me and my children seem to be the only enjoyment/fulfillment she has in her life. I feel sorry for her sometimes and encourage her to do things with her friends or get active in her church,but to no avail. During my first marriage I had to live with her during multiple separations and that only solidified her latching onto me and my children further. I don't want to dishonor her either and I don't want to disobey God. She isn't the reason my first marriage ended,multiple adulteries was,but I did feel the tug-of-war during my difficult marriage. It's been almost 5 years and I want to get remarried. Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement in this message on how to set boundaries and enforce them,while still being honoring...Love your content😊❤
My husband’s mother is upset that my husband did not send her $500 on her birthday. She stopped talking to him, except to send long text message about how he doesn’t love her after all she’s done for him..
Meanwhile we have a new home, a toddler, and I’m pregnant due in a few months.
This was about two months ago and it hurts my husband a lot. She texted about a week ago willing to make amends if we send her $200 this time…
Ya’ll. I’m so ready to send her one of Joyce’s videos GOING IN about the codependency thing.
She calls herself a Christian. And she has a husband (not very stable, but She got a Whole Man) She also has 4 other grown children. And funny enough, she is upset with the other older son (my husband is the eldest) for the SAME reason, and that son also has a wife a home and babies….
She needs the revelation of Matthew 19:5
Tell your husband he's doing the right thing. His mom needs boundaries.
She'll stop eventually.... Tell your husband to rest his soul and read that same scripture you're sharing with MIL.
Her mom sounds narcissistic. Praying for this young lady and her family 🙏🏾
The writer sounds like my husband; he's afraid to stand up to his mom and set healthy boundaries to keep our marriage well and put her in her place. He wants to straddle the fence and is allowing his mother to continue on with her dysfunctional ways that has and is hurting our marriage.
Been there! After over a decade of it in our marriage, we finally got councek from a couple my husband respects and they completely agreed with me, snd that's what finally opened his eyes. I pray your husband's heart is softened to your needs as his wife.
🙏
This video is needed. I remember staying with my mother for a few months and going through turmoil regarding boundaries. It was hell but I learned what boundaries, honor, respect are and what it means to cleave to my husband. The amazing part about it is God had restored our relationship when I thought it was all lost.
Very insightful. I hope the lady in the letter does what’s best for her and her husband.
I have a whole family dynamic that requires setting boundaries. Took me 20 years to realize it, but as a single 38-year-old woman who lives with her parents, it's absolutely necessary!
These 5 dislikes are from those narcissistic mothers 😂
I understand the writer.
My mother truly believes telling her No (no matter how respectfully communicated: no, nope, no ma'am, etc...) is disrespectful. And the way she reacts to any separation I take or boundaries I make, you would think I slapped her across the face! She makes sure to communicate her feelings to me: that I clearly hate her and she constantly asks what she's done to be such a terrible mother / why don't I want her in my life. Then she guilt trips... throws in our faces (myself and my sisters) how much she's done for us as a single mother, but we don't "appreciate" her sacrifice... It is one thing to deal with a toddler throwing a tantrum, but to deal with feminist, narcissistic, Jezebel led women who believes she is a born again, saved, sanctified Christian and will throw psychological tantrums Until you react is a whole 'nother ballgame.
I appreciate Bindi's advice in this situation though I'm not married yet. Because it's already been tumultuous putting boundaries up and having my mom do her best to knock them down, I don't think I should even let her meet my future husband.
Yes, thats defintely your mom's issue how she reacts. Not yours.
Be mindful of the attachments created through your mom it will be a hinbdrance or blockage in meet your Goid ordained husband. Its true. Its called a Soul tie.
🙏🙏🙏
I love your "new" hair. It's beautiful, looks so healthy, is very girly, and i think it makes you look younger! I hope this is not offensive in any way. It truly looks amazing.
I like it on her too ☺️✨
I love it on her because she is gorgeous and graceful but I love her long locks more ❤
@@vickicolini4184yes she’s pretty, I think she cut off the locs so she can grow out her hair in its natural state.
@@Kedesh14she made a video explaining. They were getting heavy and causing bald spots,
@@deebestest100
Yeah it exasperated some postnatal hair thinning.
11:59 you’re taking on her thoughts, feeling, and belief systems as a BURDEN YOU HAVE TO CARRY and take into consideration when making decisions …. And that’s NOT TRUE. Bindi, I don’t know if you know how freeing this statement is. 🤯
So so wise! I walked this walk scenario with my mother and Bindi is speaking the truth! Listen to what she says. I could have soooo used all this from 1998-2022. It would have saved me so much pain and grief. Even as a mature Christian the last 12 years were hard for me as I tried to figure out “respect” and response to mom’s bad behavior. Thank God for good Christian counseling, just like Bindi said. Bindi, the statement you made about an “out of order woman” holding onto her daughter at all cost is 100%TRUE! And your piece of insight about the boundaries with teeth
espect would have been invaluable to me! INVALUABLE! I have a friend of mine struggling right now with the same things and I am going to refer this to her as well. I also agree with what you said about speaking kind, respectfully and in the right tone to your parents. That is important and it is OUR responsibility as daughters of God, Bindi, thank you again for putting this out there!
I’ve never heard of a single mother using her daughter as a surrogate husband but it makes sense with what I’ve seen.
Oh yeah! Just never saw it that way.
I noticed it when my sis ...to the point her life's goal was to please mom.
Thank you for being as straight forward as possible. These are always sticky conversations and it might be the first time that I've actually gotten some clarity on the subject.
That mother sounded like my mom she pass on ,and boy oh boy was i stressed, but i stood up and it ended but when my children got older she got in their head and 😢 problem arised ,but God stand up to ur mom sis and let her stay far ,far away from ur family.
Yes, Bindi. Your advice is spot on and full of wisdom as usual. I pray the Lord helps her implement it as it can be scary but doing so is SO necessary.
I’ve only listened to about half of this, but it is very apparent that the mother is very manipulative and demanding. She sounds narcissistic, and when you have grown up under this type of parenting, it’s very difficult to know what is right and wrong because the parent has distorted reality for the child, and people who have gone through this carry way more burdens because they simply don’t know any better. They are just trying to do what’s right in God sight and they are used to being abused. And quite frankly have not been allowed to realize they’ve been abused. It can take a long time to crawl out from underneath these controlling people. What is obvious to you Bindi is groundbreaking information to a person who doesn’t know any better. I will be 60 this year and cannot even tell you what a difficult journey it has been. Learning about narcissistic abuse has been so freeing. 🎉
I love what you wrote. I am 52 years young, my mother died when I was 47 years young. I still have emotional flash backs on how my mother mistreated me. My mother was narcissistic, and I didn't find this out tell after she died. Watching RUclips I learned a lot. I'm still recovering, God is with me.😢😢
That’s true and I’ve noticed a few comments saying the same about the mother. People who grow up under abuse need to learn what’s normal. It’s always helpful and comforting to know this situation isn’t how things should be. I hope the wife takes Bindi’s advice as well as working through the issues gained from her mother awful behavior.
@@smc1774 thank you for your comment, I hope it helped to validate the emotional difficulties and confusion that many of us are working to heal from.
May the Lord heal you completely, and strengthen you in his love and care.
This is striking a chord with me too. 23 y/o female here. I am glad to be here and learn about this balance (it's been hard).
Thank you very much🕊🤍🔥!
(I needed to hear this).
This applies so much in black households, but we don't discuss it because black mothers are the ones that stay and sacrifice. Sharing your husband is the worst.
Thank you for this wonderful video. 💖 I am fifty, and it was not until I was in my early forties that I began to create healthy boundaries regarding my controlling mother. I am sharing this with my son's fiancee who has a controlling mother. Thank you for helping me know I made the right and Godly choice. You have given a proper definition of honor. I believe most of us have confused obedience with honor. Many of us want to make our mothers happy with us and give in to their demands to obtain that perceived happiness and acceptance.
Your advice of Biblical Counsel with Church Leadership is Excellent!The Husband is the Head as the Mother in Law needs to be respected and Still.Honor her.Great Godly Advice,God bless !
This advice is truly wise and edifying ! I wish I could have shared this thoughtful and well-spoken guidance with my former friend who was raised by a controlling single mother. Her mother, a divorcée, seemed set on manipulating and harming her daughter's marriage. She was controlling and disrespectful to both her daughter and son-in-law, but sadly, boundaries with “teeth”, as you mentioned, were not established.
One thing i had to learn is that, just like you are learning how to be a functioning family unit, your parents are learning to be in-laws and separate from their children. I had to recognize that myself and we had to teach my mother to get her grips off of me by setting firm boundaries but i also needed to learn to exchange that for as much love and affection that I could afford to give her. My husband has helped set boundaries but also has been very loving towards her and let her know that we still desire her in our life, and he’s done that especially when i was too upset to voice it to my mother. It has helped greatly.
Bindi, this topic reminds me of a show called "Smothered"! It's centered around young women over bearing Mothers who feel as though they control their daughters marriages and/or relationships.
Please may we have a video specifically on how to honor dishonorable parents. It’s simple but advice, scripture, and ways to cope with bad parents would be an amazing video.
I recently heard durenda Wilson on her podcast say that honor is positional meaning it's not earned, it's based on position. But respect is earned. So honoring ones parents doesn't necessarily mean respect them. It means honor them by "respecting" their role in your life, their position, the fact that they whatever they did to try to raise you as best they could despite mistakes. If they reach out to you be respectful in your words and actions. But it doesn't mean you obey their every need and request and it doesn't mean they have your real respect or trust unless they earn it.
Bindi, you look the most beautiful with your afro hair styled like that❤❤ love seeing women who look like me flourishing
Bindi actually hit the nail on the head. The problem is not really the mom (14:58). The young lady doesn’t understand what it means to biblically honor her mom, and she is having a difficult time “divorcing” herself from the spousal relationship that she grew up under. For years she was conditioned to be both child and spouse which created conditions for her to grow into adulthood confused. I’m glad that she’s asked this question, because now she will understand what a healthy adult child relationship is supposed to be while honoring the mom. I was her (the young lady asking the question) and I did not have the emotional strength for years to keep mom at a healthy distance to grow emotionally and develop confidence. Through God’s kindness and grace, I have learned where my confidence comes from, Him, and that establishing boundaries within my home is not only okay but necessary. I will pray for her because I can clearly see that she doesn’t understand what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like biblically.
Hi Bindi, this video is timely for me, thank you always for your wisdom.
I am currently studying verses about honoring your father and mother in the LORD and verses about marriage in the bible. Right now, I am having a hard time understanding when it’s time to move out from under my parent’s roof. I am a single 26 year old who moved back in with her parents after college because in my culture women are not allowed to live on their own if they are not married.
I came to faith in Christ about 3 years ago while in university and have been growing to understand the word of God. I grew up in an African household and the verses in Ephesians 6:1-3 have always been used by my parents to discipline us.
My parents believe that women in my culture are not allowed to leave the home until they get married. They also believe that marriage has to be in the culture and tribe we are in and cannot be with anyone from another culture. I grew up in the US and they were born and raised in Africa. We all currently live in the United States under one household.
My parents also say God would never allow cross cultural relationships. They reference a lot of Old Testament passages of tribal marriages and state that it’s a shame in our culture to marry someone outside. I have seen this is not true according to the word, but when I bring this up to them they shoot it down and say I am brainwashed by American Christianity.
There is a lot of threats and name calling that happens when I try to gain any type of independence. They even say they will never allow me to leave them unless they die. I understand that parents are not perfect and I love my parents and want to honor them, but also want to do what the LORD is calling me to do in my life. I am seeking the LORD for direction, but also seeking Godly counsel on how I should navigate this situation?
I can relate to this. My family recently moved and now live closer to my mom. It’s been challenging trying to assert boundaries for the first time with her. I wish I did it a long time ago!
I would just like to say thank you so much for posting this video. My husband and I have been trying to move forward from falling out with one of his parents and trying to heal and rebuild our relationship with his side of the family (After living with them and God delivering us out of that dysfunction).As well as my parental & extended family issues surrounding my marriage and going no contact with my dad.
Everything you brought applied to multiple family situations that arose after I got married . It makes me feel like I’m not crazy and I greatly appreciate you sharing this information because I know it to be true.I had to learn the hard and painful way that stooping to other people’s level will not go over well for you in the end.
Thankfully I have Jesus to show me the way back to being who he ordained me to be separate from the hurt inflicted upon me and the unhealthy environments I had to walk through.
Once again thank you !❤
So on point, love your work Bindi Marc ❤
Thank you, God bless you. I am facing the same issue with my mother and this has helped immensely ❤
Who's opening the door? 😂
🤣🤣🤣
Wow when you explained how a parentified adult child is used by the single mother as a surrogate husband my drawer dropped because that's what I'm going through...
WOW this is so good. Thank you for this.
I'm saving this to my boundaries playlist. This is very good.
God bless you, Bindi Marc. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and advice.
To the writer, I apologize for the difficult situation you are in. I think that it is wonderful that you are striving to be pleasing to the Lord, respectful to your husband and honouring to your mother in these circumstances. I know that as a "baby Christian" as you put it, many of the things that Bindi told you in this video might be very new to you and I applaud you for seeking out hep to understand some of these things. Bindi is correct that first and foremost our allegiance stands with Christ and then our spouse. I agree with what Bindi said (although I don't necessarily agree with how she said some aspects with such harshness). I definitely think it is important to take a hard look at oneself, but I definitely did not sense what Bindi was alluding to in the "Mom's problem or your problem?" section. She could be completely right in what she is reading between the lines, or she could be completely wrong. Either way, I hope that you are able to take what needs to be applied in your situation and let the rest slide if it does not apply to you.
I have some practical tips that might help. You mentioned that she throws a temper tantrum every time you and your husband try to establish boundaries. I suggest that you first have a discussion with your husband about what boundaries you (as a family) should establish with your mother and the consequences for her if she does not respect those boundaries. Next, I suggest you and your husband meet with your mother to set up the boundaries. If she starts throwing a temper tantrum, not allowing you to finish, politely ask her to leave. Once she has left, send her an email or a text with the list of boundaries and consequences for not following them. Implement them immediately. Include things such as addressing the disrespect to your husband perhaps following that up with the consequence of her needing to leave your house immediately. Your mother sounds somewhat like a child that needs to know that firm and established boundaries are set up. And it sounds like she will push them as hard as she can, which is why being firm in your consequences is so necessary. It's going to hurt. There will be many tears as your implement this, but I think it will teach your mother that she has a place that is secondary to your husband and family and the Lord.
I have never been in the kind of situation you are describing, so I realize that I cannot understand fully the depth of the issue. But I pray that the Lord will use this situation to help you lean on Him for support and trust Him with the outcome. Much love to you and your family as you navigate this difficult situation. ❤
Why you so scared of discipline
@@angelinelegrand2414 Where in my comment is there an indication that I am "scared of discipline" as you put it?
Thank you for bringing me clarity❤😢
You cut your locs off! You look beautiful with and without them. I’m just shocked😂
You’re a blessing and you told her correctly ! This woman has to be respectful to her mom BUT SHE should never let her mom disrespect her husband her family ! Tell
Mom no entry with communication and YOU DO NOT RUN MY HOME !
Excellent advice and teaching. Very very beneficial!!!
So well said. You are definitely laced with wisdom. God bless you. May you continued to counsel with the wisdom of God in Jesus name. 🙏🏾✨🤩
Thank you for this video
I know this is going to be good!
Needed this.
Bindi. The term is “Parentification.” That’s what’s happening to this lady why she is taking on the burden of her mother’s way of living and being. Yes, she would need some help to undo all that trauma. But she was a “Parentified” child. That’s usually how they process things as adults. It’s unfortunate.
Timely advice!
Thank you for this amazing video!!
How are we able to write in?
If you go to her description, there’s a link that says “Please Advise” next to it. 👍
Bravo bindi!
I can understand wanting to follow the command of the Most High to honor your parents but you have to truly understand what that means .
Yah is a God of order I’d advice with the word, ❤❤
Ephesians 6:4
Colossians 3:18-20
Mathew 19: 4-5
Protect your marriage, & receive this truth that was just spoken, let this truth settle you & your family free. Pray on it & be lead by the lord, in Jesus name.
This!!!! ♥️
So good.
Im not married but my mom and I are so very close . Hearing the 'dont open the door' really stung me bad . Im sorry this is happening to the writer
Girl!! I think I get the story of this lady… she’s dealing with a narcissistic mom… I don’t know this person but I can see thru this story.. and also I also like what Bindi said…
Bindi is talking with logic and truth. And I can see the hardship of this lady’s scenario. For an asian culture, that’s very prone. We were brought this kind of honor to adults in a sense where it became not biblical anymore. Esp when the children became adults, we struggle to navigate thru boundaries and honoring… I learned this more when my husband (isn’t Asian) and showed me the way biblically and truth. And when we made a boundaries towards my mother, it don’t matter if you say it nice or not, my mother react like a kid, like temper tantrum, sensitivity and anger… and that’s why we decided to move farther from her and mine didn’t end up very nicely, so I decided that I won’t let her be exposed with my children and my family anymore. Bcuz she don’t know how to respect that boundaries.
She tried to ask to control my husband ‘s paychecks to help us save, and my husband was like no way! And I’m so glad I married a Christian man with a right masculine characteristics. I don’t care!! We will leave our mother and father and even your siblings etc… and cling to your spouse!! When you know what is from the Lord, the Lord will guide you to the relationship He has for u. And if that family member(s) don’t respect that boundaries, etc. it’s time to go and show them the consequences of their actions. Now my mother cannot see her grandchildren.
Thanks for this video.
Also, Bindi sometimes can say something very strongly and logically that others might hear it too harshly. But she needs to say it as is!!! Firm and truthful.
My favorite part Bindi said is that, “when a mother didn’t heal from her early(past) experiences, she sometimes see her children as her now husband… getting jealous, etc etc..” it’s so true. Since my mother didn’t have a privilege of doing certain things in her life raising us, she started to get jealous of my life decisions and how my life is coming to… and it almost as if she wants to sabotage my life bcuz she’s also unhappy in her own life. Even if now she remarried someone, it wasn’t enough for her to control . She wants to control everything that is her possession. And she see her kids as a possession… this is sad but this is what our life came about.
I've been surprised how many christians think honor and obey mean the same thing.
Can you make a video like this but regarding the MIL from the wife’s POV?
Its the same. Just reverse. Talk with ur hubby.
This is my mother in law😭😭😭😭😭😭
Parentified children take on older parents issues and problems because they were always the surrogate spouse they didn't have the luxury of just being children. My husband is apprentified child and he talks to my son about financial problems and it makes me really upset he just doesn't understand that children are not supposed to be involved with adult matters they're just supposed to be children they don't need the burden of adult worries
to any Christian who reads this... biblical laws are for biblical families.
My wife died 5 years ago and I was married for 35 years and I miss her my mother in law was a narcissist at best!!!!!!😢
This is a clear case of “enmeshment”
Remember, she is a _new_ convert, so please give her some grace.
She's clealy co-dependent, and probably doesnt understand that.
You were talking to her like she slow....
You _are_ right in your advice...but chiiillll.
Now if this was someone who knows better and its indicted, then the tone is *needed*
It seems to me you need to grow up a bit. You seem frightened
@@angelinelegrand2414it seems to me you have no discernment, and you _also_ need to chill out.
I *know* what I'm saying. Have a good one.
Anyone looking to be a sisterwife?
I don't know about this. I feel like this really undermined the writer. A lot of who cares, I would very much care about quite a number of these things. I think this just shows a lack of experience in dealing with very complex relationships. It sounds ridiculous not to answer the door. How can that be honoring the Lord. Nope sorry.
I would agree that maybe she wasn't as sensitive as she could have been, but that's also just her no nonsense personality. I think the takeaway in these situations is that the man leaves his house and husband and wife literally cling to each other and at that point their relationship to each other and their children are second only to the Lord. So while I understand it can sound harsh to set boundaries, ultimately if you don't enforce what you've stated, then why was it even said in the first place? I think enforcing the boundaries that a man and woman make together as the marital covenant, when it comes to their parent or parent in law can sound harsh only because we have a very watered down view of the sanctity of marriage in our culture. Such that we don't even want to step on toes to protect our own marriages.
And I would add that if a person is traveling from another part of the country without letting the family know, that is an absolutely blatant disrespect of that household and marriage. Especially if it has happened several times despite her kind words that let the mother know that is not acceptable. I just don't see what is so hard to see here. We have to at some point shield our marriage or let someone tear it down in front of our faces, relentlessly and unashamedly.
@@arielfonseca7148 I get the no nonsense which is usually why I like it but I felt this was unsympathetic to the reader to the point of being rude. I certainly would have regretted writing to her in the first place. Particularly when she describes herself as a 'baby Christian'.
I don't agree with you but thats ok
Some times creating boundaries can seem as harsh bt it is very necessary. Family can be very toxic and if u r not careful they can ruin things for u.
Son/husband
The writer is not painting the whole picture which there are many sides to a story.. There must be a reason the mother doesn't respect her daughter husband which the writer didn't explain 😅but I digress.You answered the best with the information that was given have a blessed day everyone.
No actually. People disrespect others for absolutely no reason sometimes. Some people are just disrespectful to all as a general rule.
Also, what behavior would ever make it acceptable to disrespect someone?
You can disagree, lay boundaries, and even intervene in respectful ways.
The disrespectful person is in the wrong here, simply by being disrespectful.
@@hannahtaylor2571That completely true but in some cases there are valid reason for someone to not respect or agree with someone but we can't even determine that because the writer didn't say And u seem to know that this person is wrong like you know the situation 😂 what if the husband is bitter the mother wouldn't acknowledge him . Anyway it all up to imagination because the writer didn't elaborate be bless.
I definitely disagree that it’s okay to disrespect someone.
If the mother really has a problem with the husband, then she must solve it respectfully, not disrespectfully. Disrespect will only cause more problems if the mother truly wants to solve a problem.
I certainly hope that you don’t believe you have the right to disrespect others based on what criteria you have determined.
The question is about how to honor her mother, but she has no clear understanding of what honor truly is.
It’s perfectly okay for her to have boundaries, especially boundaries expressed in an honoring way.
Of course there are two sides to a story but it seems very odd to interject that here.
Would your advice to the writer then be to allow her mother to dominate her life, cross her boundaries, interfere in her marriage, and continue to be disrespectful simply because the mother has a “side” as well?
This isn’t about “sides.” This is about two people growing in respect for one another which BOTH are responsible to do.
Mother must respect writer and writer must respect mother.
Disrespect is never ok but again the writer didn't say much she said the mother only acknowledge the grand children and says the mother thinks the husband is controlling the daughter which might not be true but the honoring the parent is not rocket science it means to be kind not disrespectful set boundaries if nessersry and if the mother lives in a different country how does she keep showing up ,any way the daughter kept on bringing up her mother's life as s single parent there are a lot of single married woman that are also feminist but if the daughter is a Christian all she has to do is show a Christ like behavior and not be a dishonorable daughter like the so called dishonorable mother. 17:20
It might be hard to understand about a mother who has the spirit of jezebel and wants to control everyone and everything and despise anyone who makes their child stronger. If you have never lived it. The mother could have no reason at all to not respect the man other than he is acting as a husband in a godly way and this sickens her
this “advice” is really unkind. The writer was simply giving context & background into her mother, so you can get the “full picture”, and yet you’re criticising her giving you context when that’s not what she was asking advice for.
Such a lack of empathy & understanding… I feel bad for the writer who received such a harsh response
I could see that. At first I thought she was being unusually harsh and critical but then I saw why. The writer was binding herself up with all the context and nuance which is why it’s hard for her to enforce the boundary. By clearing away and dismissing all the smoke you can see more simply and break the imaginary chains of obligation. The writer was making it too complex and with too much backstory as a way to trick herself into believing there’s no way out.
Genuine question, do you usually watch her videos? She doesn't usually sugar coat things, she always very direct. Hopefully the writer gets the message.
@@AprilT72 thats why i love her videos. She doesnt sugar coat and coddle. She puts the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of who it should be and makes women make grown woman choices.
@@Envlo i see what you mean, but I don’t agree. Would Jesus have spoken to this woman (the writer) the way Joyce did? Absolutely not. He would have shown and spoken with much more compassion.
@@AprilT72 yes, i have watched just about every single one of her videos. I have always liked that she doesn’t sugar coat things, but this is straight up condescending and mean. I will sadly unsubscribe now because I’m not feeling the Holy Spirit in her videos.
This is just common sense you dont need the bible to understand that you need to distance your self a little bit and set some boundaries 🤦🏾♀️ looks like ur mother is toxic and is not time to honor her but time to act fast and protect ur family from her toxic behaviour is Just common sense Sis
I dont like the way you are reading this letter and judging this young lady. She poured out her feeling. Are you ok??
She's ok
You need to grow up.
Stop acting like kids.
Y'all so scared of discipline and boundaries
She is not attacking her. This is serious. I was this young lady at one point. The Lord showed me that I needed to stand up to my mother or my marriage was going to be in serious trouble. It is alarming to have people in your life blatantly disrespect the man who is working hard to provide for you and your kids.
@@mrswatson3443 I respect your point !!
@@mrswatson3443 What 'd they do?
@TstarHey-yx2li a long list of things. Mostly say things about our kids, our parenting, bringing up my past, challenge his authority in his home.