Why Reminding Your Child Doesn't Work - Do This Instead!
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- Опубликовано: 16 янв 2024
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Reminding a child after you've told her what to do will set up a habit of waiting for you to remind her! Here's what to do instead.
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Good video, here are some notes:
Instead of reminding or nagging your child, consider adopting the following strategies to foster independence and responsibility:
1. Provide Thorough Training: Break down the task into manageable steps, allowing the child to observe, participate, and then practice independently under your supervision until they master the task.
2. Engage in Regular, Clear Communication: Clearly communicate expectations, why they are important, and discuss any obstacles they might face. This helps ensure that both you and your child are on the same page regarding what needs to be done.
3. Maintain Consistent Expectations: Keep your expectations stable over time. Inconsistencies can confuse your child and hinder their ability to develop a reliable habit.
4. Use Appropriate Consequences: Implement natural or educative consequences for actions or inactions to help your child learn from their mistakes. This approach teaches accountability and the importance of fulfilling responsibilities.
5. Model a Hopeful, Positive Attitude: Approach each task with a positive outlook, demonstrating to your child that you are their ally in the learning process. This supportive attitude can motivate them to take initiative and strive for independence.
6. Step Back Gradually: Reduce your involvement gradually, transitioning from direct supervision to checking in after the task is completed. This encourages your child to take ownership of the task and builds confidence in their ability to complete it independently.
By focusing on these strategies, you shift from a cycle of nagging and reminding to one of empowerment and growth, helping your child develop the skills and mindset needed to take initiative and manage their responsibilities on their own.
Thanks for joining us and sharing this helpful summary!
Thank you for this! I was very interested in watching the video and put in on watch later, but had other matters to attend to. Glad to learn more through your comment. Have a lovely day!!!
@@neyney028same. I couldn't commit to 30mins, and came to the comments to see if someone had summarized so I could see if watching the whole thing was useful.
One thing might help us adding timestamps. These can be added to the Description by the author and RUclips will automatically add chapters - so people can see what to expect and jump to the part they're interested in learning more about.
They can also skip over long introductions, which, for me, and lose my attention.
I always find listening to the whole thing is so valuable to me❤
Agreed. The notes are helpful, but not near as helpful as listening to the whole thing. Make time! The information is invaluable.
I've been telling my husband a lot lately "I'm really looking forward to when they all start using their brains to figure out what needs to be done instead of only relying on mine. This is exhausting." Then this video popped up on my feed. Just this once, I'm not even mad that my phone is spying on me.
Thank you for joining us! We are glad that you found this video timely and helpful! It is exhausting to carry that responsibility for everyone in your family, we hope that modifying this habit in your home is helpful for yourself as well as your children!
I look forward to the same from women.
my kids are teens already but they are using their brains selectively.
@@Coco-qz7fn You're not fooling anyone, it's obvious no woman has ever gone near you.
What you tell your man is what my wife tells me about her high school students. 😂
I wish my parents had acted like that when I was growing up! Instead my mum did everything for me and I learned nothing. I still struggle with getting myself organized as an adult.
Thank you for reaching out to share your experience! It is never too late for any of us even as adults, to form new habits. It is a challenge and takes a lot of effort, but it is possible! If you are interested, here are some of our habit training resources for adults.
I Am, I Can, I Ought, I Wish I Did:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-am-i-can-i-ought-i-wish-i-did/
Habit Training Yourself Workshop Video:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
Laying Down the Rails for Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-yourself/
I learned a valuable lesson in this area of child rearing - I could tell my daughter what needed to be done and it never happened. "I forgot" was her often answer. But then I realized that she was more of a visual learner than an auditory one. I made her a pocket chart with task cards for each day. She loved moving the cards over to the next pocket as she completed each task. I included fun tasks like "do a puzzle" or "color a picture" that varied from day-to-day.along with the standard "brush your teeth" or " make your bed." It worked wonderfully! No nagging needed.
Thank you for sharing your experience and creative solutions! Absolutely, visual supports to help her take on that responsibility by herself is a great idea!
It actually came into play later when she had difficulty learning to read. It took me awhile, but it finally became clear that she was not hearing the letters correctly. Example: I asked her to spell TRAIN and she wanted to start it with CH. Once she saw it visually, she could spell it correctly. There was a vast difference between her visual memory and her auditory memory.
That's great! When I was a kid, I often did forget what my parents told me, but they never believed me. Instead, that was an excuse and I was intentionally being "bad". Same with "It was an accident". I was a good kid (or you might say a fearful one) and always wanted to do the right thing, but I was forgetful, absentminded and clumsy (still am today), so it seemed impossible.
@@janellmichael2166there is no evidence that VARK learning style exists, yet over 90% of teachers believe it.
Brilliant solution!
Believe me.. this all makes lots of sense... I have a 20yo young adult who has many bad habits in this way, our fault. We are making sure this doesn't happen with our 10 and 8yo ones. Is never too late for us parents to do better.
You're absolutely right! Thank you for joining us and sharing your experience! It is never too late for any of us to learn new habits. Here are some additional posts with some helpful tips!
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-yourself/
Ultimately, as I’m sure you’re well aware, it will be your older child’s choice to change any of their habits and replace any “bad habits” for a different habit. If they are open to it, your older child may be interested in Charlotte Mason’s book “Ourselves” which can be read either as part of “The Original Homeschooling Series” which you can see here:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/charlotte-masons-original-home-schooling-series-volume-4/
SCM has also broken “Ourselves” up into two shorter books recommended for high school students that can be found at the link below. While your student is beyond high school, it still may be of benefit if they are open to it!
simplycharlottemason.com/store/ourselves-youth-edition/
@SimplyCharlotteMason This is fantastic! THANK YOU!
Yes, makes sense. We have a 15 yr old son. How can we get rid of this habit now he is older. He is with his father most of the time and I am working. His father is struggling with our son.
Thank you for acknowledging it’s your fault. I wish my parents admit too that they made many mistakes parenting us.
😊😊😊
I’ve never heard of Charlotte Mason, and I don’t know why RUclips recommended this video. But it was exactly what I needed to hear. I’m going to be rewatching several times and practicing these steps with my kids.
We are so glad that you came across this video at a time when it would serve you well! Please reach out with any additional questions you may have as you walk through this process with your family.
If you are curious about who Charlotte Mason was, check out this post:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/who-was-charlotte-mason/
So you mean Google algorithm knows you better than you, and what you need better than you. I can't agree more.
Interesting, I never even searched for this, or heard of Mason, but RUclips recommended this. The algo works in mysterious and monetized ways.
These devices listen in on our conversations. You Tube recommended this video to me too.
Timely as I am having a hard time getting my son to lay his bed in the mornings.
Will implement the steps spelt out in this video.
Thank you
Well, Charlotte Mason died over a hundred years ago. "Simply Charlotte Mason", though, is a Christian homeschooling organization. And you can think of that what you will, but as to@@josephs4044 's comment, I'm thinking the algorithm doesn't know me so well, actually. Then again, Google has been doing a lot of paid promotion on their main site... perhaps they're doing it on RUclips, as well? Just a thought.
Nagging and prodding doesn't just "encourage laziness." It breeds contempt between both the one doing the prodding AND the one on the receiving end. The way children learn responsibility and discipline is by experiencing the positives and negatives respectively of taking care of responsibilities or neglecting what they ought to do in favor of what they want to do.
There was also a scientific study performed on people who did tasks of their own volition on their own timetable compared to those who were "nagged" or "prodded." The ones who did tasks of their own volition experienced much greater dopamine and endorphins flooding the brain than those who were "reminded."
In other words, reminding your kids of their responsibilities is actually inhibiting their capacity to experience the reward hormone for doing a job well done.
Your children are more likely to be MORE responsible if you lay back, lay off, model the behavior you want to see, and praise the people in your life for a job well done!
Thank you for this. Would you please share the title of the scientific study about dopamine and tasks done of own volition vs, tasks done after nagging and prodding? I have ADD and have young adults with ADD. Anxiety ( mine) increased my tendency toward prodding and nagging with predictably poor results. We had mentall health issues, plus ADD plus Covid to contend with . Now my youngest is floundering. I have some changes to make.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and research on this topic!
I already see a potential problem with this study.. what if people who receive more "reward" in the brain from doing tasks and require no prompting from anyone were born this way? How our brains are wired have incredible impacts on who we are and how we behave.
@@kayro8853 That's not necessarily a problem with the study, but it is an important thing to be aware of. Neurotypical people get more reward than those like me with ADHD (not ADD like @CLord-gs7nj said; "ADD" is no longer a valid diagnosis as it has been recognized that the H can present internally too, not just externally). Therefore, for those of us with various neurodivergent needs, it's extra important to not strip away opportunities for us to get as much dopamine/satisfaction from tasks, especially those that are already difficult or otherwise dopamine-depleting for us.
@@kayro8853 that issue could be solved with a good sample size. If a sample group is big and vary enough, the kid with abnormal behavior wouldn't impact the result that much.
within the first minute of this video, i knew i was going to be in for an intellectual feast. ive been prodded throughout my life, and now, i am an epitome of the couch potato. Thank you for this eye opening video. I will be implementing the five steps you mentioned. 4:29 Step 1: I do it and you watch me. Step 2: I do it and you help me. Step 3: You do it and I help you. So now the child takes the lead and asks for your help as needed. Step 4: You do it and I watch you. Step 5: You do it and I check it.
On a lighter note, it is too late for you( assuming you are an adult now).. bt hopefully you can model it to your kids .. if you got off that couch
Thank you for joining us! It is never too late, even for us as adults to change our habits and instill new habits in our lives. Here is an encouraging post on how to get started:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/
Here are some additional habit training resources for adults specifically that we have available.
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
Habit Training Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
Laying Down the Rails for Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-yourself/
Hi, Please see the provided links. It is never too late, even for us as adults to change our habits and to establish new positive habits in our own lives! We can learn and change right alongside our children.
❤
@@SimplyCharlotteMasonThank you for saying its NOT to late. I'm learning so much about how to discipline myself right along side of my child. We are both dreamers and get distracted so easily- its a challenge on many levels.🙏🏻
This video just made me realize why we have been failing in a few things at home. Thank you.
Thank you for joining us, so glad you found this episode helpful!
You’re not alone - remember than the less we focus on being perfect and instead focus on getting a bit better each day, the better off we will all be. Good luck on this fun journey of parenting
It take 21 days to make a habit, but it actually takes 63 days for that habit to stick. So if we are trying to change behaviors (ourselves and our children) we need to be consistent for at least 63 days. Keep going!
Absolutely, it takes time, effort and consistency to form new habits! Thanks for joining us!
If one wants to complete the process finish the season (91 days in a season of life)! It’s a matter of sevens. Three gets you started, 9 helps you feel encouraged, but 13 forms the virtue! 12+1!
13 X 4= 52 weeks in a year! That’s 364 days a year! Not 365.25. Sometimes 366 happy leap year man made calendar!
Prodding and nagging can create anxiety and one of the ways the brain tries to help a child with anxiety is avoidance, so the more anxious you make them with prodding, nagging and reminding them the more their brain switches you off or makes them forget what you told them to help them calm down. What’s really sad is often it’s the kids who really want to do it right or please you that get anxious reactions to these actions and this can then turn into poor self image
Thanks for joining us and sharing your thoughts on this topic!
Super insightful- thank you.
Yes, especially if the nagging is associated with being 'the step before punishment/chastisement', like withholding parental love or threatening to crash the car into a tree
A very intelligent elderly woman that my parents knew said that she would tell her kids once and if they didn't listen, she would give them the benefit of the doubt, go down to their level, look them in the eye and tell them again. She never had to repeat herself a third time.
Thanks for sharing your experience! It is important to be sure you have their full attention before sharing information.
What do you mean by giving them the benefit of the doubt?
i think she means the elderly women gave her children a second chance because maybe they didn;t understand the first time or hear her correctly?@@kellyherrin
@@rolisonpaint3 Oh, yep I'm sure you're right. I was looking at it differently. Thanks!
Thank you for this video. My 13 year old daughter recommended you to me. I guess she is trying to help me see the things that I've been doing wrong, and I really appreciate it. Shows that she wants us to do things better.
Wow, what positive feedback for us as well as a wonderful example in your relationship of being open to receive that feedback and work toward a new habit within your communication style. It can be difficult for all of us to receive feedback and to change habits that are sometimes so well ingrained we don't even realize we have them!
Here is a great post for getting started on getting started with changing habits, we hope that you find it encouraging and inspiring. It is never too late for any of us even as adults to form new habits.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-am-i-can-i-ought-i-wish-i-did/
Here are some of our resources for habit training ourselves as adults if you are interested.
Habit Training Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
Laying Down the Rails for Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-yourself/
Thanks for this great and very timely video. As a mom of a teen with ADHD, I have been an expert prodder, reminding, nagging my child - in the hopes that my teen would finally take responsibility. It has in many ways just bred contempt. I love what you said about being your child's ally. I have often told my child that we are on the same team but i realise that I have allowed myself to feel exasperated and irritated at times and that my teen has not always experienced me as an ally. This video is an answer to a prayer I prayed just this morning. Thank you for allowing God to use you. Blessings 🙌
Thank you for sharing your experiences with our community! So glad that you found this video helpful and encouraging!
Thanks for sharing this. I think it may be an answer to a prayer I haven’t even prayed yet. ❤
I'm in the same boat with my 12 year old with ADHD. This videos are a God's sent
I’m a 57 year old with ADHD, I wish I’d been given the tools to do things and plan tasks. I still need reminding and my tools fail even after many decades of
I sometimes get frustrated that I cant get anything done because i have to stand over my mids and watch them do tasks. This video helps me realize its just the stage I am in with their ages. This being present with them whule they do their tasks will pay off in the end.
Thank you for sharing your experience and frustrations that so many of us can relate to! So glad that you found this episode helpful and encouraging!
This just sounds like quality time with the kids.
I know what you mean. It's hard not getting caught up in thinking we need to be doing everything and when we have to stop it can get frustrating. I always tell my husband that he doesn't know what it's like to be working only to have to stop every 5 minutes because the kids need help with something, so it takes me 3 times as long as it takes him to do the same thing, but the kids aren't stopping him constantly lol. Ever since my first was born I have always reminded myself when things get hard: "this is just a stage, and I'm going to miss it when it's gone" and it helps me SLOW DOWN and soak up whatever it is we are going through.
Oh goodness I'm in the same boat. So many irons in the fire. I have to continually remind myself my children aren't teenagers and I can't expect that level of responsibility and initiative if I haven't laid the ground work (read: years!) for it. I was just sitting here cleaning the counter listening to this and feeling so overwhelmed with the knowing of how long this will take. But I'm spending that much time doing it myself or getting frustrated with them so I might as well spend it much nicer much calmer and fostering a much more peaceful environment!
Yes, it will. And I believe being present in that hopeful expectation way is HUGE. Your children want to be delighted in by you!
Very timely, I grew up without a parenting presence and decided as an adult I would always be there to raise my child. Since I didn't have a parent to model appropriate behavior I didn't know how to. I can see now that I tend to nag and prod and my son is unmotivated by himself. Wow, I have a lot to change. I can also see how my husband was constantly prodded as a child and doesn't motivate himself either.
Thanks for joining us and sharing your experience! The good news is that it is never too late to work on a new habit for our children or for ourselves as adults! Please reach out with any questions you may have!
Same- my mom was a single working mom. No wonder she gave up- it's hard work!😅
This is the most helpful video. All your content is great but this right here is so practical and applicable. I can see how I've been missing steps, talking too much and frustrated rather than intentional. Wow, seriously, this is the most helpful video.
Glad it was helpful!
This is one of the most important lessons in life: "Explain WHY it is important" .. not just for kids, but coworkers, friends, etc. WHY do domething? WHY do it now?
Thank you for joining us and highlighting this key step in this process!
I like the five steps you give five minutes into the video. All you’re basically saying is when you make a task, easier, you become much more motivated to do it. When it becomes something that the child is good at, they fear it less and they become much less likely to postpone doing it.
Thanks for joining us!
😍 the sense “I CAN” is experienced. “I CAN even better today” is felt. “I really CAN” is realized “because I did it several times!”
I LOVE those steps ❤
Great ideas. I remember when i was a child given orders. I was the 10th and last child so I always felt like my parents were just too tired of teaching their kids (one after the other) how to do things. They would always tell me to do things but never showing me how to do it properly. inevitably I would fail at the task and get into serious trouble with them. Naturally I grew to hating tasks and chores because it was always a negative reaction. And over time I grew to avoid my parents altogether. One, so I wouldn't get into trouble as much and two, it was aggravating to do the chores when you didn't know what you were to (properly) do.
Eventually, I was the 'problem' child who was 'lazy' and would never amount to anything. I ended up leaving home 2 days after hs graduation. Then after some time, when I grew up and got a nice job making more than he did, he was visibly upset about how much money I would be making. And ordered me to call the business and tell them I lied on the interview and ask for only half pay of what they offered me. I realized then that they had become so delusional that I would never be successful at anything. Not so, when, every step of the way, I had to teach my self and rely on myself alone to understand how things work through my own study and research and observation of others.
I can’t imagine not being incredibly happy and proud of my child made more money than me. I hope they all do. Sorry that happened. What did he claim you lied about in your interview?
@@kellykirk4244 He just assumed that based on the amount I would be earning. Plus he was 46 year older than me, retired, and out of the working world for about 10 years by that time. I'm sure he didn't understand what current going wages were at the time to some degree but also expecting me to fail at everything added to that I'm sure.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your experience to contribute to this topic of conversation.
@kevinrose
Good for you! It sounds like you have developed the skills and work habits you needed but were not taught. I hope it beings you joy in your present life and hope for your own future and those you will teach and encourage.🙂
@@orderlyway Yes, I do have joy in life but only it left me without any social skills. How to ask for help. How to express my feelings. How to care about others. How to teach others. At 54, I am only now getting to understand the importance of friendships and each of these social skills and realizing just how lacking I am with having people close to share time with. So now I am starting to teach myself about fellowship with others and about initiating conversations and activities with others.
Wow I just sat and read all of the comments and they were so helpful I saved all of the links so I can read later. I can’t wait to listen to this women and gain lots of wisdom I’m so excited I’ve found her.
Thank you for helping moms like me this is definitely one of your calling I can tell you are an amazing mother.
God blessed you.
Direction was just what I needed.😅
Thanks for joining us! So glad that you have found the provided links and these videos helpful! Please reach out with any questions you may have as you navigate this journey of motherhood and habit training! We are here to help and encourage you along the way!
Prodding and nagging for task is bad. It creates weak willed kids out of reminder dependency . They do something not out of responsibility, but of emotion and external factor.
Use these steps to create habit:
1. Parents do it and kids watch
2. Parents do it and kids help
3. Kids do it, and parents help
4. Kids do it and parents watch
5. Kids do it and parents check.
Parents communication, physical presence, and expectation is key.
How long do each steps? Depend on the kids.
Step by step, don't nag and prod. Be patience, proactively inforce when on step 4. Supervise correctly. Be consistent.
Engage in regular clear communication. Be proactive not reactive not directive also.
Explain the task, ask about the task, brief and feedback.
Let kid take responsibilities for their task. Help them prepare. But let them take responsibility. Use appropriate consequences. Use educative consq, not natural consq. Let consequences do the nagging for you.
Use positivity on these process, not parents against kids, but family against the hard cold vicious heartless tyranical thing called life.
Thank you for joining us and posting these notes to share some of the key points presented here!
Thank you for the supportive reminder. I have 3 teenagers. Being a teenager is hard! I want to both support them and allow them to grow. :)
Absolutely! You are so right and it is great that you are respecting them as people here and having that empathy, it is a challenging season for them and can be for us as parents as well! Here are some helpful tips on how to balance willpower and grace, with some great tips specifically for teenagers!
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/balancing-willpower-with-grace/
Another post that came to mind, is this one. You may have been homeschooling and habit training for quite some time now, but in case it is new or any negativity is cropping up in your homeschool day, here are some great tips.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/
Thank you Sonya. I just talked with my husband about this… we remember so well when times are easy but when stressors pile on, it is so easy to forget! You still want to raise your children well - the stresses will pass by the grace of the Lord, but the children need to be trained in readiness for their lives!
Great point! It is harder when we are feeling short on patience, time, etc. but consistency is key for all of us! You are right, we can rely on God especially during times of struggle for strength to keep doing what we know we should with our families and children. Here is an encouraging post on God and Habit Training: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/god-and-habit-training/
Thank you for including the title and page numbers of the resources! That is extremely helpful, especially when you're doing teacher training and would like to draw from CM for research/essays/lesson planning.
You're very welcome, thank you for sharing your feedback!
This would have been FANTASTIC for me to have used when I was parenting my children. I had chores for them but went about it differently. Now, I have 1 left at home and know he needs to step up and do more not for help around the house but for help for himself and his future. There is work to do to train him up. Thank you so much for sharing this video!
You're very welcome, so glad you found this episode helpful!
Very helpful! Just happened to have a talk with one of my children about closing the door before I watched this ;). What stood out to me: be your child's ally and help her learn things.
Wonderful! So glad that you found this helpful!
This is so timely. This is so encouraging and motivating. Thank you so much. We have had many follow through issues in my home. Hoping to tune up!
You are so welcome!
Thank you . Great detail and specifics about how to modify the process esp about not getting angry conversations.
Glad it was helpful!
I have adult children who have moved back into the house including grandchildren. I needed the encouragement, Thank you.
You are very welcome! Thanks for joining us, so glad that you found this episode encouraging!
Charlotte was so wise. Thank you for sharing this!
You're very welcome!
Wow! So excited that I stumbled upon your channel today. I will be consulting your channel for future ideas, as well.
Welcome to Simply Charlotte Mason! Please reach out with any questions you may have as you navigate our resources, we are happy to help! Here is a link to our website where you will find blogpost versions of the videos that we post on youtube as well as all of our curriculum recommendations and resources.
simplycharlottemason.com/
This is a great lesson, thank you! Also your voice is so professional and easy to listen to ❤
Thank you for joining us and providing your kind feedback!
Fantastic! I’ve been through this but I was a young mother and didn’t know all about this. Now I confess to my children about my shortcomings as a mother and they understand.
Thanks for sharing your experience! The good news is that it is never too late for any of us to learn new habits. It is valuable for your children to see you walk through this experience as well, what an example you can be to them, you are demonstrating that it is difficult and we will all make mistakes along the way, however we can also choose to change and work on new habits. Here is another post that may serve as encouragement to you in this process.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/
@@SimplyCharlotteMason Thank you, I agree with you. And thanks for the link . I will read it soon. God bless. 🙏
Amazing lessons! Thank you so much for providing this info cost free to us.
So glad you found this helpful!
I just feel like this is so hard to obtain, since I am adult that is not well disciplined but wish my parents did the work to do so. Even hearing this video I don’t know where to start. It’s overwhelming.
Start doing things in your own life that you don't want to do (but know you need to do). Also, if you stop thinking it's your parents' fault you're undisciplined, and decide that you are going to learn to be disciplined.
Maybe a book like 'Eat that Frog' or 'Atomic Habits' would be good reads for you!
Habit training is a challenge for us all, especially as an adult as we have strong habits formed they just may not be what we want them to be, however the good news is that it is never late to learn new habits! Here are some very helpful posts on how to habit train ourselves as adults. Remember just as you would with your child, start with one thing at a time, be consistent, and give yourself grace!
Here are some helpful posts that outline some great ways to get started on habit training.
I am, I can, I ought, I wish I did
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-am-i-can-i-ought-i-wish-i-did/
Top Three Habits for a Homeschool Mom:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/top-three-habits-homeschool-mom/
God and Habit Training
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/god-and-habit-training/
Here are some additional helpful resources available from SCM to help you with habit training yourself.
Habit Training Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
@@SimplyCharlotteMasonOften people with ADHD cannot learn habits. It has to be a conscious choice every single time. I’ve been doing certain things almost daily for three years now and it’s still a choice (and often a struggle) every single day. Even though it’s something I like to do!
@@stellaxingguang exactly
This is gold. Thank you, you are mentor I needed to support me during this stage of my life.
Thank you for your kind words and feedback! So glad that you are finding these episodes to be helpful and encouraging!
You are a good teacher, Sonya. Thank you for your advice!
You are so welcome!
I find that prodding only happens in our home when we get too busy or allow life to dictate to our state of mind. For example, if I’ve spent time with the Lord during the day and am walking in His peace and joy my children are affected too and they are happy in their responsibilities for the most part. But we homeschool and homestead which is, for us, taking full responsibility for our children. They have stability, peace of mind, confidence and identities. They never need to be forced because they love and respect us.
I believe we as a society need to get back to our God given foundations: work the land, happy communities, less government control and institutions (like schools), less entertainment, more fun working hard. It’s not rocket science. We’ve just complicated it.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your thoughts on this topic to continue this conversation.
Some of the most fun times I have had are when I was working hard with family or friends. 🙂
@@RatetheDebate ♥️♥️♥️
Bless you and this channel. This makes me happy yet sad. Happy because it’s a confirmation of what I’ve known true within my spirit and yet sad because I’ve allowed myself to be silenced and manipulated to think I’m wrong in the 10 years of marriage. I’m a step father in a hostile blended family. I offer corrections and or ideas to my wife that are hard upfront but worth it later. I’m dismissed and told I hate her son. No. I hate his behaviors. Behaviors that should be corrected and communicated about. All the while I’m told I’m not being a man, I’m not being the spiritual head (leader) I’m not responsible etc. there is always; I mean always an excuse and or reason. Anyway, thank you for the material. It helps me remember that I’m not off track.
Thank you for joining us, we are glad to know that the information provided has been encouraging and helpful to you in the area of habit training principles. We would encourage you to reach out to a local pastor or counselor who can help you in person with your specific situation and the difficulties you describe.
Thanks for the video. I didn't realize I tend to pass through the supervised activities to solo mode too quickly until you mentioned it here. I'll try slowing down a bit.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your feedback!
I don’t know anything about any previous productions, but this is very delightful to listen to during chores. I rather innately do these steps; however, I’m going to make a little poster and put it above the laundry.
Just a real nice listen. Solid performance.
Glad you enjoyed this, thank you for stopping by to share your feedback!
This is gold! This woman also speaks slowly and very clearly that an immigrant mother will also be able to follow this .
I wish they would get these videos dubbed into many languages as it will be very helpful to the immigrant communities .
Thank you for joining us and sharing your feedback!
Thank you for sharing this. As a Mom with a son that has Autism, I have been applying these teachings at home. It has helped him a lot. It takes time (a long time), but we are seeing the results. I'm super thankful for the Charlotte Mason way of learning.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your feedback! We are so glad to hear that you are having success with this method!
Here is a helpful post on habit training with special needs:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-special-needs-one-at-a-time/
Here is a post of encouragement:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/let-us-not-grow-weary/
@@SimplyCharlotteMason thank you 🙏🏼 so much. I appreciate you sharing this.
This applies in healthcare and this is the point of internship/apprenticeship
Excellent
Thank you for joining us and sharing your experience with this concept!
Something that I realised after my children had grown up was that they didn't see me cleaning and doing other housework. Then I thought about it and realised that I didn't see my mother doing it. How can you learn something if you aren't taught.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Here is a helpful post on teaching chores! simplycharlottemason.com/blog/how-chores-prepare-children-for-life/
Thank you very much for this particular lecture! ❤
You're very welcome!
This is so encouraging! Thank you! ☺️
You are so welcome!
Very useful video. Every parent needs this training on how to train children. Thanks for sharing
You're very welcome, thanks for joining us!
I've actually learned a lot from my parents being repetitive. Even now in my 30s what they taught me, and what they repeated still resonates with my life choices.
Thank you for joining in this conversation! Repetition does have its roll in habit training, we need repetition and consistency to learn, however that does not have to take the form of nagging. Charlotte Mason was warning us against going to this extreme of nagging to the point where the child is not able to perform the action or make the correct choice without this external support pushing them. They have not had the chance to develop this skill because they have become reliant on the parent to push them to the "right" choice.
Consistency is key to forming habits as well as providing an atmosphere for the child that they will learn from. Here is an article that expands on this idea:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/atmosphere-core-values-of-charlotte-mason/
Here is a helpful article that demonstrates what the roll of repetition is in habit training:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/the-first-key-to-good-habits-repetition/
Whew I needed this video! Thank you so much!
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much for this valuable information🙏😇❤️ Unknowingly I am doing this! Because that's how I was brought up. Now it's my sole responsibility & love towards me & my family that I have to cut this chain & be the change for good.
Thanks for joining us and sharing your experience! Habits are automatic, so we perform them without even thinking, once we learn about a contrasting idea we can have the motivation to change and form a new habit! We are glad that this video has inspired you! Here is a great resource for getting started on habit training:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-introduction-to-habit-training/
This is EXACTLY what I fought as a child. I am always somewhere between “weak” will and “strong” will because my dad was a strong communitarian who was always busy and gone while my mom was always angry and nagging. These steps are EXACTLY my mentality when working with others. And what she is talking about is EXACTLY why I am scared to date.
By the way - this isn’t about just girls, fyi. It’s about all children.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts to continue this conversation!
Absolutely, this does apply to all children. Sonya alternates between he and she with different episodes and usually sticks to one for consistency. If you watch her other videos you'll see that in practice. Thanks for joining us!
How is this video exactly what I was looking for! Love it
So glad that you enjoyed this episode and that it was timely for you!
This is my problem with my 19 year old son. I hope I can still correct myself how to deal with him. Glad to come across this video.
It is never too late to establish new habits, even as adults!
Thank you. I saw the replay video in my head of the times of success and realised I was unconsciously doing some of the things, and then I realised that the times when I had difficulty was when I skipped or eliminated some of the steps
Thank you for sharing your feedback, so glad that you found this helpful!
So, fascinating. I don't know how many habits I have taught my son that we have "lost" because I was suseptible to feeling that he has worked so hard and I let his omission slide.
It is so easy to do, we want to reward them for their efforts! Thank you for joining in this conversation and sharing your experience!
ADHD with executive function issues is the worst. Both my daughters forget everything and there’s so many other negative things with it.
Charts and spreadsheets can become your best friend with kids with ADHD and executive function issues. It truly helps
@@CochranKayla I’ve tried it all. I also have adhd. And we homeschool. I sometimes feel like unschooling would work best. But I feel like structure is an expectation. 😔
@@kita3256 I'm sorry. It's hard to feel the pressure of societal expectations sometimes. I'm not an expert, but I think it's important to ask yourself "What is the end goal?" Obviously you have to answer that, but It seems like part of that answer for your kids (and maybe yourself) is simply to function in a world that operates differently than them. Quite simply, will they be able to have skills to hold a job, and skills to have healthy fulfilling relationships? As moms (and homeschooling ones in particular), we can get wrapped up in finding every little "best" for our kids. But perfection and conformity are fleeting and unhealthy goals. Cookie cutter systems may not work for them (or you). But I would bet they are capable of a lot! Find what works to meet your end goal.
Feel free to utilize tools to set your children up for success! If you know that they have additional struggles in the area of attention, you do want to give them tools so that they can be successful. We want to challenge and form good habits but not frustrate. These posts may provide you with some encouragement that formation of these habits will not look identical for all children, however you can still set goals, support them, and work toward improvement for them relative to themselves. You can use the supports and adaptations that work well for your children and shift off of yourself as the reminder or cue for them to do what they should. We all use tools to help us succeed for example we may have a calendar on our wall with important appointments, or on our phone these are serving as our reminders rather than a person repeatedly reminding us of something.
Teach the Child:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/teach-the-child/
Setting Your Child Up for Success:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/setting-child-success-surroundings/
This post has some simple and encouraging tips for weaving in habit training to your daily schedule.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/good-habits-in-your-homeschool-schedule/
The poster below points out some great things. This is your homeschool, what are your big picture goals for your children. Prioritize which habits you would like to teach them before they graduate to help them succeed after graduation. It may be helpful to break down the list further into "must form" habits for your family, "would be nice if we have time," and "icing on the cake" habits so that you have a realistic list of what you would like to work on in the time you have.
@kita3256 Watch the video again. Continue to stand by to assist (and ask prompting questions - makes the learner think for themself) until the task is learned. As a former teacher, and currently an RN with severe ADHD and having raised 2 severely ADHD kids on my own, her method works!
Oh, I definitely misunderstood the 5 steps. Thought they were 5 times and done. 😅 Didn't realize I should be spending time on certain steps. Thank you for this video!
You are very welcome, so glad this video was helpful in clarifying the process!
Great messages harder to implement when the present father isn’t on the same page. In our case the father is the one that is negative and nags, constant repeating, unreasonable and inconsistent expectations ruin everything. The father undermines the mother so the kids are frustrated with the father and undermine the mother.
Wish I knew what kind of father he would be before having children together.
Thank you for joining us and for reaching out with your concerns. We recommend that you reach out to your pastor or a local counselor who can work with you in person to address this specific situation.
My parents need to see this video. They constantly nag my brother who has schizophrenia and they don't understand why he isnt able to remember. I also do not like it when my mom reminds me waaaaay too often of what to do. They expect for me to understand how they teach it and get frustrated when i don't. I love the solutions you provided here. ❤ Thank you and keep up the wonderful work.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your feedback! Perhaps you could share this video with your parents by stating it in the positive, something like "I have found this explanation for how to learn a task and I find it is working very well for me." You never know when a new idea might inspire someone to change their behavior. Often people are well meaning and utilizing the methods they were taught or the only way that they know how to teach someone, not realizing that there may be another way. We wish you and your family all the best.
@@SimplyCharlotteMason That's such a good point, our parents are just using the methods they were taught or what they know. Thank you for sharing!! Things have gotten a lot better with the parenting since I last commented.
I love your voice. You’re a very clear speaker.
Thank you for sharing your kind words and feedback!
What a blessing it is this channel! I wonder if it is still possible to fix what is done wrongly. with a 10 years old girl, who is been nagged for so long.
Hi, Thank you for joining us and sharing your kind words and feedback! It is never too late for any of us to form new habits even as adults! Here are some helpful tips for starting habit training with older children.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/
This is why all those kids think they’re smarter than you because of all the inconsistencies.
Consistency is key when working with our children and teaching them new habits.
This is soo different from what I was brought up with (waiting till it's too late and then humiliating me), and although my kids are 5+ now, I will definitively be implementing this from now on.
It is never too late for any of us adults or children to learn new habits! Thank you for joining us and please reach out with any questions you may have as you implement new habits into your home!
I’m learning to re-parent myself. This has been immensely helpful 🙏🏼
So glad you have found this helpful!
Lot of patience and perseverance is what makes a child. 😥
Absolutely, patience and perseverance are key to habit training! Here is a blogpost to encourage any of us that are starting to grow weary on this journey.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/let-us-not-grow-weary/
Thank you for this video. My teenage daughter has been begging for us to rent her a cello so she can take cello lessons, but it's driving me bonkers because she won't practice without me reminding her. I really needed this!
You're very welcome, glad you found this post helpful!
Thank you so much. Looking forward to training my 5 year old son. I know my mistakes. Step 4 and also letting him off the habit.
Thank you for joining us, so glad to hear you found this episode helpful!
Very systematic and logical explanation easy to understand but often not followed
Thank you for sharing your feedback, glad that you found this explanation to be clear!
Thank you, i find that very helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
your presence also shows that you value it so they should also
Absolutely!
Thank you, this changes everything.
You are so welcome!
I needed a Charlotte Mason in my life
Thanks for joining us! We are so fortunate to have her wisdom in guiding ourselves as adults and our children, she would have been an amazing teacher to have had personally.
Greetings from Taiwan!
Couldn’t believe that people in Victoria era had already been developed this concept!! And now we’ve been through second Victoria(God bless her soul) and this still a problem.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your thoughts on this topic!
I know this doesn’t have anything to do with this video and I don’t know what you do for a living, but you have a really nice, clear voice. You could be a professional audio book reader.
Thank you for joining us and sharing your kind words and feedback! Sonya is one of the founders of the company "Simply Charlotte Mason." She is a homeschooling mother, author, and public speaker. You can learn more about the company here: simplycharlottemason.com/about/
Thank you Sonya and SCM. I love you videos, please consider making them available in Spanish. Blessings!
Thank you for joining us, we appreciate your feedback!
Immensely helpful. This is new to me. I’ve heard of 3 steps (I do, we do, you do) but the FIVE steps is much more helpful. Thank you for walking us through this process. Of course it is simple, but since it is new to me, I really appreciate it. Many blessings to you! Step 4 is what we need around here.
Thanks for joining us, so glad you found these tips to be helpful!
As a 30 yo today that was left alone as a kid to do what I wanted to do and because of circumstances out of my control (a relativly minor case of cerebral parsley) never had consistent expectations put on me by any adult in society, at home, in school, out in the world interacting in general, I think I understand why I turned out the way I did with bad habits and 0 drive. I know a lot of people with way more challenges and roadblocks that have better habits and much greater will.
I can't blame anyone for it hearing this. How do you help and guide someone when you yourself don't know what they need? How does a child teach themselves the right way to do stuff when no one around them is an exemple except through luck.
And as an adult lacking skills they know others have but as far as they know "it just happened" for those that do have it.
I imagine that being unable to read as an adult, looking at other adults that read and write it seems scary daunting at times magical to get something out of random squiggles, but in reality all everyone that reads and write did was learning the system and associations needed through instruction and guidence
Thank you for joining us and sharing your life experiences to contribute to this conversation!
This blogpost is helpful in understanding how we as adults can help others form good habits while simultaneously working on our own! The good news is that you do not have to have perfect habits in order to help someone else and it is never too late to form new habits as an adult.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-training-the-will/
Here is another helpful post on starting off with habit training as an adult.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/i-am-i-can-i-ought-i-wish-i-did/
Here are some of our resources on habit training specific to adults if you are interested in learning more.
Habit Training Yourself Video Workshop:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/habit-training-yourself-workshop-video/
Laying Down the Rails for Yourself:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-yourself/
Great tips! Thank you
You are so welcome!
Thanks for this reminder about how nagging and prodding results in negative habbits. As far as experience goes, there is no one approach applicable to every child. Every child is a bit different than the other. You have to know your own child's personality to be able to come up with the most appropriate, or best approach.
Thanks for joining us!
What a TIMELY encouragement! A great reminder that "teaching" them HOW does not guarantee success. One of the HARDEST things for me, as a mom, is staying on number 4. If they "know how" i want to jump to step 5. And then I end up paying the consequences for it. I KNEW we were struggling with self control in our home. But even deeper, now, i see it's actually self will. And how nagging actually just makes it worse! I have heard of these 5 steps, before, on a different subject. Eye opener to apply it to chores and school. But the dying to self to take the TIME for step 4! Jesus help me! 😂
It is a challenge for sure and time consuming, but so worth it to help our children develop strong good habits!
Here is a great post on developing will power that you may be interested in!
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-develop-willpower/
@@SimplyCharlotteMason I THANK GOD for Godly women such as yourself! That will power article is EXACTLY what we are dealing with as a household right now. So it affects EVERYTHING from homeschooling, to chores, to even playing games. I was also really encouraged by one of your videos about writing even one thing to be thankful for for each child to help see them as more than their faults when dealing with the lack of self will power. From trying to deal with everything in His time, to taking the time from my "to-do" list to train for the future results, time is such a powerful thing! Thank you for the reminder it is our time and presence - for a time- and then they will want to do it alone. Thank you, God, for these videos!!!
Thank you so much. I’ll try these tips so I can reduce the amount of heartache I have to go through daily❤
You are very welcome! Please reach out with any questions you may have!
Good advice! Requires parental discipline for sure.
Tricky to do with lots of children though. I guess one moment at a time!
Absolutely! With multiple children you have more to focus on and your own attention is divided. Here is a post with some helpful tips on how to tackle habit training with multiple children: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-habits-with-multiple-children/
Thank you! This was my concern as well with 5 under 8.
This is really helpful.❤
So glad that you found this helpful!
God knows how this video was recommended to me but i feel so lucky it was. Have a 9yo and a 5yo. Now that I've watched it i know we have done somethings right and some things wrong. To think I'd never know without this video😅. Thank you so much, beautiful lady!
So glad that you found this video helpful! If you are interested in more habit training resources, we have blogposts on a variety of habits and how to help you teach them to your children on our website. Here is a link:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/category/habits/
Wow... peaceful home and responsible kids ..
Thanks for joining us!
I've seen several times that a person who was constantly prodded as a teenager and whose parents thought they would never become independent proved to be a completely reliable person once they left home and were responsible for themselves.
There are exceptions to every situation of course, we aim to share Charlotte Mason's ideas on habit training and help those who are interested implement these principles into their homes! Thank you for joining us!
My mother use to physically drag my teenage brother out of bed for school every morning. She put the task on me to make sure he got to school for a week when her and dad left. I sat him down right after they left and explained that mom cared about him and his education and that is why she worked so hard every single morning. I then told him I don't care if he ends up getting to college because it won't negatively effect me and that if he wanted a ride to school he needed to be ready by 7. Guess who wasn't late once while mommy was gone? Not that being said I now have my own son I have been physically dragging out of bed and I have found that consistency and positive attitude are both a huge problem for me. 😅
Definitely love this. Curious what else you could do different for a neurodivergent kid. Less likely to be affected by natural consequences. I know I sure was…
Hi, Thanks for joining us! You may be interested in the post that we recently completed on ADHD specifically:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/charlotte-mason-homeschooling-with-adhd/
This post gives helpful tips on habit training with children with special needs:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-a-special-needs-one-at-a-time/
Wow this is so very true I am struggling with this habit of my son .
Thanks for joining us!
Definitely needed to hear this! I hope it’s not too late for my 12 year old. 😩
Same!
It is never too late for any of us even as adults to learn new habits! Check out this post which specifically addresses starting habit training with older children.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-starting-with-older-children-dealing-with-negativity/
Please reach out to us with any questions you have as you get started with this process!
@@SimplyCharlotteMasonThank you so much! Just watched this again and I’m glad because I just saw your comment.
Everyone is a child who never grew up. Frozen from fear failing to individuate causing society to decay and marriages to be unfruitful. Grow yourself up. Have compassion on others and help your spouse reach adulthood with patience.
Patience is an important skill in all of our relationships. Patience and grace for our children, our spouses, and ourselves. Here is an encouraging post, change may come slowly, but we are all capable of change!
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/let-us-not-grow-weary/
Excellent!
Thank you!
Subscribed.
I know your videos will help me be a parent in the future.
Thank you for your kind words and feedback, we are glad to know that you have found this to be helpful!
I think it's a better idea to offer help your child get started on whatever task they have to do. If he/she needs to memorize a poem, offer to listen to them recite it bit by bit until they have learned all of it from memory. Discussing the meaning within the poem will aid their memory as well.
Absolutely being present with the child and offering our help as needed are valuable and encouraging tools! We recommend the process outlined under "thorough training" for any task that you wish your child to become independent with and not to rely on your reminders for. With the example of working on poetry memorization, absolutely you will want to be present and listen at the early stages. If you are working with an older student and you would like them to go work on memorizing their poem independently during their school day, then you would want to be sure you don't jump straight to checking in on them or asking "did you do it?" you will want to walk through all of the steps of "thorough training" to help them learn independence with this task. Again, that would only be if you find it important for them to be independent with this task, for your family it may be a chore or another task that you find important for them to do independently. You can see this written out at the link below.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/why-reminding-your-child-doesnt-work/
there's a book called "one min manager meets monkey" by Ken Blanchard.
it was about how to give someone a task aka the monkey, show them what to do, monitor, observe, checkup, then repeat as necessary until tasks are performed without required supervision.
don't be ambiguous in duties/ responsibilities or it leads to confusion on roles and completion.
don't take on the role just to do it faster or you'll be stuck with all the monkeys.
similar principles.
good reminder on how to apply to my kids!
thanks
Thanks for joining us and sharing your thoughts on this topic to continue this conversation!
Thank you so much for this! I too am at fault!!
Give yourself some grace, we all have habits that we can improve on. We hope that you feel encouraged and equipped to target new habits that you would like to in yourself and your family!
Thank you 🙏 😊
You're very welcome!
This goes for most managers too - its the way to create a better performing team
Thanks for joining us and sharing another application for this process!
Listening to the first 30 seconds of this video and I'm hearing myself in this!! This is me every day! 😬 Oh, boy, I can't wait to keep watching and learn more about how to stop doing this.
Thanks for joining us, we hope you found this episode helpful and encouraging!