literally earlier today I just realized, as feminist as I claim to be, all I fucking talk about is men. And I got really tired of it. I watch shows about women talking about men. Listen to love songs of girls talking about wanting and needing men. Reading books about girls talking about falling in love with men. I’ve been consuming that content all of my life. And suddenly today I realized how pathetic it was, and I just snapped out of it. My life has been centered around the very thing that condemns me. When all u care abt is male validation you are in a mental prison. And although I see that now it seems as if at every step there is something else I have to unlearn. I find myself being highly disgusted with the things I used to allow, and it’s really overwhelming. But I believe that rn that feeling is a sign of a change in my mentality. This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. You said everything I’ve been wanting to hear.
You are not pathetic at all lovely! None of this is your fault. Our world makes it almost impossible for women to focus on their own needs. Sending lots of love your way. Be gentle with yourself and know you are already making so much progress being aware of the situation 🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍
As a 42 year-old woman who looks a lot younger and still gets a lot of annoying male attention, who has also invested too much time, money and energy on men. Please listen to this advice! Focus on your strengths, and goals first. You are not on this planet for a few short years just to be objectified, to be small and pretty. You are here to feel joy, to be creative, to be ambitious, to make a positive change to your world and others. I wish I had learnt this sooner!
I'm a guy that struggles with female validation. I don't think we realize how much we value ourselves on the basis of the opposite sex. Being told or feeling like your ugly by someone who you think would fill a whole in you is something that can put you into a spiral of unworthiness.
Im 51, and i wish i had thought this way years ago. I have spent decades being a man pleaser, but now ive stopped. Its taken me a long time, but if i can say something to younger people it would be dont put anyone before yourself. Dont waste decades like i did chasing men who half the time didn't want me. Get on with life, and spoil yourself and remember you are number one ❤❤❤
I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I feel like I want attention from other men now. Just to see if I’m still wanted by men. But now I’m here to change my mindset:)
It’s actually sad and some of us can’t even feel pretty without makeup. Us women have been conditioned to prioritize our looks over everything else. We have a lot more to offer. I really hope we all heal from this and realize that our true beauty comes from the inside. Having a beautiful soul is so precious regardless of how we look. Sending love to every woman out there❤️
The beginning of the video resonated so much with me. Whenever I'm outside I'm always seeing and yearning for any man to look at me and desire me. I've felt like this since 20, I'm 24 now. It's difficult to love or even accept yourself when you're constantly hopeless. Thank you so much for this video.
For the first time in my life I am beginning to make male friends at school. In high school I only hung out with girls, and I have never dated for that reason. However, making guy friends for the first time, I find myself caring constantly whether they fancy me or not. The thing is, I don’t even fancy them myself. It has just made me so self conscious everyday at school and in the weekends, where I go over every little thing I did or said. It has made it hard to focus on my education. There are also girls in my classes that I admire a lot, but I prioritise impressing the guys. It is so frustrating…
i am 17 and i have noticed how i started doing too much to try to please the male gaze even if i wasnt attracted to them. thank you so much for this this is exactly what i needed edit:i just got to the point where u said u were feeling a tad bit insecure about how u look so i wanted to tell u this the first thought i had when i saw you was abt how pretty u are 😭 and u seem like the most genuine human being ty again for making this video
Needed this today. I was feeling good about myself/my looks this morning because I was wearing a blazer my mum gave me, and I have an exam at work that I’ve been studying for for months. A coworker stopped me in the street and made comments about me wearing a “suit” and I immediately took the blazer off and started feeling terrible about my looks. But seriously, WHY would I care what a random middle aged man thinks about my looks? And why am I even thinking about that when I have this exam to take?!
I'm really sorry to hear that you had to experience such a disheartening encounter today. It's completely understandable to feel affected by comments from others. That man was clearly trying to put a powerful woman down. But what truly matters is your self-perception and how you feel about yourself and you were feeling good this morning, that's a testament to your confidence and self-assuredness!💜💜💜
it’s interesting to me that a lot of men who have been negative toward me completely unprovoked is when I feel most confident, weird but I noticed in high school that I got checked out more when I was feeling extremely insecure/sad.
can i just say that whenever i’m going thru a particularly insecure phase where i am craving male validation more than usual, i think to myself that i am due to watch one of ur videos pls never stop making them, this video made me so emotional because it made me realise just how hard i am on myself on a daily basis
Aw this is the best comment! I am so so happy you found this corner of the internet! I promise I will never stop making videos! Thank you for being so so lovely! 🥰 Also I hope you realise how you kindness has made my day and you should be proud of yourself for spreading joy!!
I used to get my self-esteem from the compliments guys gave me. In high school I changed so much. I started tanning for about 2 years and I ruined my natural curls. I woke up almost every morning and showered and I would blow dry my hair and straighten it. All for guys! I ruined my beautiful pale skin by trying to be a color I wasn't naturally able to obtain. I had a mental illness but I didn't know that until the end of senior year. I never dated these guys or did anything with them, I just wanted them to give me self-esteem because I couldn't give it to myself. I was very popular because of my looks. I wore tight clothes and became everything I wasn't. Now I am white as a ghost just like the rest of my family and my hair is back to healthy curls. I don't wear much makeup because it feels a bit unnatural now. Most of my clothing is oversized. I have hobbies again. My husband is my biggest supporter and is a big reason I don't wear makeup anymore. It was breaking me out and he helped me to stop wearing it and my skin cleared up. I am sending this video to my best friend who has unfortunately swapped places with me. She was always jealous of me in high school and I felt bad for her but she couldn't see I was miserable regardless of who noticed me. I hated myself. It was so exhausting keeping up appearances. But I think to her the attention is worth it. I love her no matter what but I hope this video helps her see how much more life has to offer and how much she has to offer without having to check a mirror.
Absolutely! It's important to remember that self-validation is the key to self-worth and confidence. Relying on external validation, whether it's from men or anyone else, can be limiting. Focusing on self-improvement, self-acceptance, and self-love is a powerful journey.
A guy I`ve been seeing for a month told me he doesn`t see a relationship progressing with me, and even though I completely understood and generally feel fine with that, on my way back home, my thoughts immediately started to spiral. I wondered why exactly he didn`t like me enough and whether he found me unattractive in any way. Been noticing how much I rely on male validation and how bad I am at existing without constantly being in some sort of situation or at least crushing on someone, and I really wanna work on overcoming it because I think it`s a damn pity, but I have a hard time finding the right starting point.
Thanks for this. I just moved in with my boyfriend of three years. He’s started going into the office everyday. I’m living in a totally new area and work from home. I have been feeling helpless and alone without him by my side. I think I made him my sole source of happiness and now he’s away, I’ve been feeling miserable and scared. This has given me the courage to think about rebuilding a life for myself.
oh my gosh I can relate! I was in such a similar predicament only a few months ago! I promise you will find your independence again lovely! Stay strong and know you have this RUclips community to lean on !🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍 Lots of love xx
everyday make slow steps to creating a life outside your relationship, go to a cafe alone, go to a park alone, sign up for a class you’ve been wanting to try alone. slow steps!
you are a queen for talking about this, it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest and it really shows how much you grown and i'm so proud of you!
i’m a 24 yr woman, i have a large family the majority being women consisting of 5 sisters who had mostly daughters - there’s a lot of jealousy, shaming and criticizing. we all compete for attention which i find ridiculous but i can’t stop being apart of the cycle cause it’s all i’ve ever known. i have two brothers, only one i’ve got a relationship w and he’s always telling me how he’s above me in life, attractiveness and how i need to grow up in various ways esp my appearance. it stings, i talk about it in therapy and she tells me a lot of the things you do but i’m glad you put this stuff out there cause i just feel so alone sometimes. so dumb for allowing these things to hurt me so badly even now, it’s like being a chunky 9 year old forever lol. 💗
Been feeling sad about being single recently even though it's what I need right now however this video was so medicinal and healing for my soul. Perfect timing! 🦋
Also would love to see a video on working through guilt/overcoming and accepting our toxic behaviours abd mistakes towards ourself and others if that sounds like a video that you would want to make! Would love to hear your perspective 😊
same i just grew up believing that beauty was on the inside not the outside cause thats how my family raised me and my siblings.... pretty cool that people are catching on.
Just look like yourself. It’s not men that wants you to put on all that make up or get those Brazilian butt lift. That’s other women telling you to do this. We love you just the way you are our mothers, daughters our wives and lovers . Being a natural woman , there’s not much to it than that. You’re all wonderful the way you are.
I’m so glad I’m starting this journey while my daughter is still so young and I have time to heal myself and in turn create a home for her where being herself feels safe and lovely and like second nature. Thank you for creating this 🫶🏻
Love your rings! Thank you for the video, I’m 23 and I’ve never been in a relationship, so for a long time I thought something’s definitely wrong with me and devalued myself because of that, but now I really try to change this mindset, to appreciate my achievements, my job and deep connections with my girl friends. Also working on my mental and physical health, it helps build confidence 😌💪
Go you! Honestly reading this comment brought a smile to my face. You are so worthy and beautiful as an individual.❤💘🥰 I'm so grateful that the video resonated with you, and I really appreciate you sharing your journey. xxx
I love the idea you brought up about dressing for yourself as well, and your mood and particular colors, etc. As someone who loves all kinds of art, I also see it as another opportunity in my mind to enjoy art each day, instead of dressing for men, and to choose pieces that really give me some kind of fulfillment that I get to be reminded of. (While also acknowledging that we live in the real world, and keeping a small part in my mind that we must navigate a real world where people’s first impressions judge you on how you look.) An example of this is before diving into feminism is I used to never paint my nails because I thought it to be just ridiculously too much work to maintain all the time to appeal men. But now since dressing for myself I actually see it as another “canvas” I have to express myself, and I absolutely adore the self care time now I spend painting my nails, and the 100+ reminders I get each day as a server when I look down at my hands and just see such a cheerful color or artistic shape. And I’m sure when I’m wearing a bright yellow or bold color, it might bring a little joy to the women and men I’m serving too, and that makes me happy too. :)
This is such a beautiful comment. I am so so so glad you reached out lovely. Also, I have had the same realisation with painting my nails - it is so fun to do it for yourself and to get creative. Sending you so much love xxxx♥♥
ive been putting off going on this journey out of fear for way too long. idk what happened but immediately, after hearing the first things you said, i just started sobbing and cried the whole video. i guess it was a needed release and that i needed to hear all these things today. thank you!
I have an incredibly short attention span, but this video was so filled with words and thoughts that I needed to hear that it kept me glued to the screen. I'm 19 and I never felt understood about this specific topic, mostly because I never told anyone about it, but your video felt like a breath of fresh air, especially because I recently broke up with my boyfriend so, even though I don't want to date anyone at the moment, I've been seeking male validation more than ever. Probably just to reassure myself. So thank you so much, you just gained a new subscriber.
Hey!!! Omg thank you for being so so lovely Sabrina! Please know you have this community and me to talk to! You are not alone girly. We are all going through this decentering men journey together! 💜💜💜 Sending so much love to you in Italia!! 💜💜 xxxx
I like your message about seeking internal/ self validation over external it’s a powerful message that very few can truly grasp. I would say that it stems more from capitalism than the patriarchy. A lot of your notions about how women present themselves just for mens sake is the same for males. I mean we even see surgery where men break their femur bones to make themselves taller, attempting to be more attractive to the opposite sex. The only thing I hope some people don’t take away from this is the notion to ignore men altogether. There’s a very famous study that predicts the longevity of humans and the number one predictor for a healthier and longer life was having a partner. Some food for thought. Wish you and everyone who reads this a lovely day ❤️
Wow your video really resonated with me - your way of articulating this topic is so comforting. I’ve historically been a confident person but because of a few things that have culminated over this year I’ve been feeling so incredibly insecure recently. This video hit me between the eyes, I didn’t even realise how I’ve pushed away people and not allowed myself to enjoy public spaces because I felt too undesirable to the male gaze. Thank you for your video x
Im so glad i found your channel... ive been feeling like this lately... being really into how i look... i spend hours looking in the mirror and how i look for others... i feel so bad cuz im wasting my time...
You gained a subscriber Alessia. This video was so soothing, calming and empowering. I can relate to you so much it’s unimaginable. Sending lots of love x🫶🏻
Love this video! It is so helpful and has made me think differently. You talk about so many important issues such as patriarchy, societal pressure of women to look perfect and the female beauty standards set by men. I am so happy I found your channel I discovered your other video on male validation yesterday and it has made a profound impact on me. I just feel so much more powerful as a woman and motivated to do amazing things with my life.
love this!! i hope you can do a video on getting rejected in romantic experiences and how it affects someone that struggles with male validation and low selfeestem
I don't think anyone talks enough about how obsessed you can become when you meet a man and u create a whole fantasy about him, you idealize him so that in the end when he rejects you kinda keep the silly hope that u may have a chance and it becomes an endless and painful cycle.n@@alessiasutherberry
I really needed this, I almost didn’t notice all these subconscious things I’ve been doing and now I’ve opened my eyes to it, it’s so shocking and sad when you realise but I’m so happy that you’ve helped us become aware and realise how unkind to ourselves that can be and that we are so much more than how attractive to men we are 💜🥰
I completely agree but what’s Crucial for women is to learn to enjoy our own beauty!! ✨ I’ve been going though this transitional phase of healing when I started wearing unflattering clothes, doing unflattering hairstyles and stopped wearing makeup to hide because I was tired of feeling as an object. What’s more, I became scared of expressing my beauty!! I wouldn’t admit this to myself, it was subconscious…😢 Not many people talk about it but it’s really common. Kristin Stewart is the example of it. She’s afraid of being beautiful and goes above and beyond to go against her Natural Beauty!! It’s a hidden guilt and shame…Being Feminine and Sensual shouldn’t be shameful!! Barbie movie is a powerful message in that sense🙌🏼We like beauty, we carry it And Are able to use it as a healing source ✨ Just because men were trying to steal and abuse our beauty, doesn’t mean it belongs to them!! We should take it back and wear it proudly, instead of being ashamed of it!
I just discovered your channel and i just want to say that you have such a wise and warm presence ❤️ i am very happy that i stumbled upon your videos. You are for sure helping so many women, including me ❤️ thank you !
Hugs right back at you! I can't express enough how grateful I am for you and your channel. One of the greatest things about youtube is I feel I can choose my friends here. 💜 I love you!
This is one of my favorite video of yours, really really really good one, great job!! It's so interesting that you used the word "spell" to talk about the patriarchy because as I dive deeper and deeper into spirituality I really feel that there has been use of black magic or stuff like that to kind of programed people into thinking certain things and cut people from their true nature and divide us as a collectif, I feel like things like racism, patriarchy etc are tools that are manipulated and diffused into are subconscience minds and that's benefit certain people. I don't know if I'm clear lol it's just thoughts but idk the world "spell" just resonated really well when it comes to those stuff. Anywayyyy, sending you tons of love, i really appreciate you!!
omg lovely you are so clear! you are a very articulate person who has so much wisdom, I hope you realise that! thank you for sharing some of your valuable insights with us! sending you soooo much love!! I appreciate you! 🥰🤍🥰🤍
i love your videos and the way you articulate these important messages in such a succinct way. i just wanted to ask, how can we maintain our self-validation and self love habits while in a relationship? i found that when im single its a lot easier to be focused on my self love journey and not rely on external validation, but now that i am in a relationship its getting easier to fall back on his validation and i slack off on my self love habits. I know this will come back to bite me in the ass again if this relationship does not last!
Thank you so much for continuing to educate young women out there about this topic! I absolutely love this series and has helped me tremendously. Could you potentially start a series about your journey to becoming the feminist you are today? Book recs, literature, films, youtube recs, or other resources you felt were influential towards your women empowerment journey?
I’ve always said once young women stop changing themselves physically to please men they’ll feel a weight being lifted off of their shoulders. It’s freeing to live comfortably with yourself ❤
By using the word beauty in the way patriarchy has defined it for us, we’re essentially agreeing with it. What if we start to refer to what we’ve historically called “beauty on the inside” as beauty? A person with beautiful qualities is, in fact, beautiful. Abiding by a patriarchal definition of the word (which generally describes physical appearance based on subjective standards) reinforces it. Personally, when I hear “you’re beautiful on this inside” I also hear the unspoken message….”but not so much on the outside”. And I think many women hear this, wether consciously or not. By claiming the word beauty, we actively refuse an old, f’d up definition of it that was meant to disorient and disempower us.
I do have this mindset of shifting my focus to more self validation, especially with looks. I’m a confident women who feels beautiful inside and out, but how do I not get upset when my man stares at maybe more attractive women? I just wish he was more subtle about it especially in front of me. It honestly still hurts when I notice it. I’m working on doing what makes me happy and not completely focusing on my beauty, but it still pulls me back in to needing to look a certain way to keep my mans attention.
I was bullied at school, since like 5th grade, mostly by guys cause they finded me "unattractive". And they actually treated half of the girls in our class this way, but that affected me more, and as a bullies, they get it and was harder on me. Since then I can't just live as a common human being, i had become obsessed with my look, trying to find the way to look more "pretty". And then people, especially older ones, could name me selfish and obsessed with my look. I became very manneristic, almost like I'm an actress in the public, checking how i look every 5 minutes. When i was a teenager i have a new take on how i can "finally became pretty" every day. I'm extraverted, I could talk to guys in school and the conversation can go really well but all of the sudden they may say something like "lol your nose is so big" or "your brows are so bushy ew". And i ended up less social, obsessed with finding a solution to look pretty so people will be treating me with respect. Searching for man's validation walking on street, looking on guys hoping that some of them will find me attractive. And if guy finded me attractive, i was shocked and becoming obsessed over him cause i was conserned that he's my only option. Now I'm 22 and I'm struggling with the same thing, crawling a guys attention, less but it still make my life experience not as full as i want. Even though I'm a feminist for years. I'm feeling too masculine in the way i look, I'm still nervous that if i became a center of attention, people will see all this ugliness and masculiness in me. And if i like a guy, i feel so small, still as a girl who don't deserve him being interested in me. And I'm scared that if i lose it, stop being focused on my look, craving guys attention, seeking for their looks in public, i will became ugly and will be bullied again. But my biggest wish is to be free from this, to freaking lose it. To stop living my life with a main theme "oh I'm not pretty enough" and starting to see myself as a human being first. And i lost sooo much time on trying to be "prettier", that I'm more often finding myself less interesting person to talk with, which is really hurting me. So i made a decition to end this forever, and I'm really thankful for you to make this video, cause this take is very important not only for me, but gor many women who losted theirselves in this obsession over man, often when we were so young. It's so sad but we can work on it now and be supportive for other girls
In my opinion there is nothing wrong in wanting to be attractive using makeup, wearing dresses and heels and also there is no harm in not wanting not to be attractive. Just do whatever you want but you should also know how to bear the consequences for both.
It makes me so happy to see women younger then me being more focused on themselves instead of external validation from men. I love it 😊
💘💘💘🥰🥰🤗🤗🤗✨✨✨
Same! I feel the same way, it gives me hope for the future of women ❤
@@samco63 🥰🥰 aw this makes me so so happy
it makes my day when i read stuff like this as a young adult❤️
Im 51, and wish I had learned this sooner. New year, fresh start. I am working on me, and you are helping me. Thank you ❤❤❤
literally earlier today I just realized, as feminist as I claim to be, all I fucking talk about is men. And I got really tired of it. I watch shows about women talking about men. Listen to love songs of girls talking about wanting and needing men. Reading books about girls talking about falling in love with men. I’ve been consuming that content all of my life. And suddenly today I realized how pathetic it was, and I just snapped out of it. My life has been centered around the very thing that condemns me. When all u care abt is male validation you are in a mental prison. And although I see that now it seems as if at every step there is something else I have to unlearn. I find myself being highly disgusted with the things I used to allow, and it’s really overwhelming. But I believe that rn that feeling is a sign of a change in my mentality. This video couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. You said everything I’ve been wanting to hear.
You are not pathetic at all lovely! None of this is your fault. Our world makes it almost impossible for women to focus on their own needs. Sending lots of love your way. Be gentle with yourself and know you are already making so much progress being aware of the situation 🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍
Well guess what u r still thinking about men no girl can stop thinking the apex predator and the greatest creatures to ever live i.e Men.
@@vegito179 u could die tomorrow and no one, man or woman, would care.
@@vegito179a legend in your own mind
Lol! How Disney set us up for life from girlhood.
As a 42 year-old woman who looks a lot younger and still gets a lot of annoying male attention, who has also invested too much time, money and energy on men. Please listen to this advice! Focus on your strengths, and goals first. You are not on this planet for a few short years just to be objectified, to be small and pretty. You are here to feel joy, to be creative, to be ambitious, to make a positive change to your world and others. I wish I had learnt this sooner!
Such great advice 💕✨👏 thank you xxxxx
I'm a guy that struggles with female validation. I don't think we realize how much we value ourselves on the basis of the opposite sex. Being told or feeling like your ugly by someone who you think would fill a whole in you is something that can put you into a spiral of unworthiness.
The worst part that sometimes those comments stays for years in the head..
❤
You should have a homosexual experience. Maybe then this confirmation will disappear.
@@raschidmalik464 I did. I'm a changed man. I got head from a 63 year old man and it was fantastic.
@@raschidmalik464One of the weirdest comments I have come across
Im 51, and i wish i had thought this way years ago. I have spent decades being a man pleaser, but now ive stopped. Its taken me a long time, but if i can say something to younger people it would be dont put anyone before yourself. Dont waste decades like i did chasing men who half the time didn't want me. Get on with life, and spoil yourself and remember you are number one ❤❤❤
I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I feel like I want attention from other men now. Just to see if I’m still wanted by men. But now I’m here to change my mindset:)
„The people that judge you, you don’t want in your life anyway” - 🎯💯
🥰🤍
isn't that kinda naive? people judge each other automatically all the time.
It’s actually sad and some of us can’t even feel pretty without makeup. Us women have been conditioned to prioritize our looks over everything else. We have a lot more to offer. I really hope we all heal from this and realize that our true beauty comes from the inside. Having a beautiful soul is so precious regardless of how we look. Sending love to every woman out there❤️
You are so right! Women do have so much more to offer! Thank you for your positivity xxx 🥰🤍
The beginning of the video resonated so much with me. Whenever I'm outside I'm always seeing and yearning for any man to look at me and desire me. I've felt like this since 20, I'm 24 now. It's difficult to love or even accept yourself when you're constantly hopeless. Thank you so much for this video.
Aw bless you lovely , you are not alone and you are certainly not hopeless. You are so strong and self aware for acknowledging all this!! ❤❤
For the first time in my life I am beginning to make male friends at school. In high school I only hung out with girls, and I have never dated for that reason. However, making guy friends for the first time, I find myself caring constantly whether they fancy me or not. The thing is, I don’t even fancy them myself. It has just made me so self conscious everyday at school and in the weekends, where I go over every little thing I did or said. It has made it hard to focus on my education. There are also girls in my classes that I admire a lot, but I prioritise impressing the guys. It is so frustrating…
i am 17 and i have noticed how i started doing too much to try to please the male gaze even if i wasnt attracted to them. thank you so much for this this is exactly what i needed
edit:i just got to the point where u said u were feeling a tad bit insecure about how u look so i wanted to tell u this
the first thought i had when i saw you was abt how pretty u are 😭 and u seem like the most genuine human being ty again for making this video
you are so lovely! I'm so so glad you commented! 🥰🤍🥰🤍 go easy on yourself and know you have this RUclips community to lean on lovely 🥰🤍xx
Needed this today. I was feeling good about myself/my looks this morning because I was wearing a blazer my mum gave me, and I have an exam at work that I’ve been studying for for months. A coworker stopped me in the street and made comments about me wearing a “suit” and I immediately took the blazer off and started feeling terrible about my looks.
But seriously, WHY would I care what a random middle aged man thinks about my looks? And why am I even thinking about that when I have this exam to take?!
I'm really sorry to hear that you had to experience such a disheartening encounter today. It's completely understandable to feel affected by comments from others. That man was clearly trying to put a powerful woman down. But what truly matters is your self-perception and how you feel about yourself and you were feeling good this morning, that's a testament to your confidence and self-assuredness!💜💜💜
it’s interesting to me that a lot of men who have been negative toward me completely unprovoked is when I feel most confident, weird but I noticed in high school that I got checked out more when I was feeling extremely insecure/sad.
that is so true!!@@jan-bean
He intentionally tried to sabotage you!!!
can i just say that whenever i’m going thru a particularly insecure phase where i am craving male validation more than usual, i think to myself that i am due to watch one of ur videos
pls never stop making them, this video made me so emotional because it made me realise just how hard i am on myself on a daily basis
Aw this is the best comment! I am so so happy you found this corner of the internet!
I promise I will never stop making videos! Thank you for being so so lovely! 🥰
Also I hope you realise how you kindness has made my day and you should be proud of yourself for spreading joy!!
@@alessiasutherberrytysm 🥹🥹🥹🩷🩷🩷
I used to get my self-esteem from the compliments guys gave me. In high school I changed so much. I started tanning for about 2 years and I ruined my natural curls. I woke up almost every morning and showered and I would blow dry my hair and straighten it. All for guys! I ruined my beautiful pale skin by trying to be a color I wasn't naturally able to obtain. I had a mental illness but I didn't know that until the end of senior year. I never dated these guys or did anything with them, I just wanted them to give me self-esteem because I couldn't give it to myself. I was very popular because of my looks. I wore tight clothes and became everything I wasn't. Now I am white as a ghost just like the rest of my family and my hair is back to healthy curls. I don't wear much makeup because it feels a bit unnatural now. Most of my clothing is oversized. I have hobbies again. My husband is my biggest supporter and is a big reason I don't wear makeup anymore. It was breaking me out and he helped me to stop wearing it and my skin cleared up. I am sending this video to my best friend who has unfortunately swapped places with me. She was always jealous of me in high school and I felt bad for her but she couldn't see I was miserable regardless of who noticed me. I hated myself. It was so exhausting keeping up appearances. But I think to her the attention is worth it. I love her no matter what but I hope this video helps her see how much more life has to offer and how much she has to offer without having to check a mirror.
Absolutely! It's important to remember that self-validation is the key to self-worth and confidence. Relying on external validation, whether it's from men or anyone else, can be limiting. Focusing on self-improvement, self-acceptance, and self-love is a powerful journey.
You're absolutely right lovely! Relying on external validation can be so so limiting.
Keep shining on your path of self-discovery and growth! 🌟💕
A guy I`ve been seeing for a month told me he doesn`t see a relationship progressing with me, and even though I completely understood and generally feel fine with that, on my way back home, my thoughts immediately started to spiral. I wondered why exactly he didn`t like me enough and whether he found me unattractive in any way. Been noticing how much I rely on male validation and how bad I am at existing without constantly being in some sort of situation or at least crushing on someone, and I really wanna work on overcoming it because I think it`s a damn pity, but I have a hard time finding the right starting point.
Thanks for this. I just moved in with my boyfriend of three years. He’s started going into the office everyday. I’m living in a totally new area and work from home. I have been feeling helpless and alone without him by my side. I think I made him my sole source of happiness and now he’s away, I’ve been feeling miserable and scared. This has given me the courage to think about rebuilding a life for myself.
oh my gosh I can relate! I was in such a similar predicament only a few months ago! I promise you will find your independence again lovely! Stay strong and know you have this RUclips community to lean on !🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍 Lots of love xx
everyday make slow steps to creating a life outside your relationship, go to a cafe alone, go to a park alone, sign up for a class you’ve been wanting to try alone. slow steps!
you are a queen for talking about this, it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest and it really shows how much you grown and i'm so proud of you!
aw thank you so so much lovely 🥰🤍you've made my day!!! lots of love xxx
other people will heal by seeing you heal
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i’m a 24 yr woman, i have a large family the majority being women consisting of 5 sisters who had mostly daughters - there’s a lot of jealousy, shaming and criticizing. we all compete for attention which i find ridiculous but i can’t stop being apart of the cycle cause it’s all i’ve ever known. i have two brothers, only one i’ve got a relationship w and he’s always telling me how he’s above me in life, attractiveness and how i need to grow up in various ways esp my appearance. it stings, i talk about it in therapy and she tells me a lot of the things you do but i’m glad you put this stuff out there cause i just feel so alone sometimes. so dumb for allowing these things to hurt me so badly even now, it’s like being a chunky 9 year old forever lol. 💗
Been feeling sad about being single recently even though it's what I need right now however this video was so medicinal and healing for my soul. Perfect timing! 🦋
Also would love to see a video on working through guilt/overcoming and accepting our toxic behaviours abd mistakes towards ourself and others if that sounds like a video that you would want to make! Would love to hear your perspective 😊
Aw thank you for sharing so honestly lovely, you are a brave soul! 🥰🤍🥰🤍
I will do a video on guilt such a good idea!!!! thank you lovely !! lots of love xx 🥰🤍@@islamaunder7015
same i just grew up believing that beauty was on the inside not the outside cause thats how my family raised me and my siblings.... pretty cool that people are catching on.
🥰🤍
This is so true. Decentering men allows me to be more present. It's amazing, really.
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I just found your channel a couple days ago and, as a 17yr old girl, I am so relieved and grateful :)
Aw welcome lovely! I'm so glad you found this cosy corner of the internet! 🥰❤💗✨
Just look like yourself. It’s not men that wants you to put on all that make up or get those Brazilian butt lift. That’s other women telling you to do this.
We love you just the way you are our mothers, daughters our wives and lovers .
Being a natural woman , there’s not much to it than that. You’re all wonderful the way you are.
Tysm❤
I’m so glad I’m starting this journey while my daughter is still so young and I have time to heal myself and in turn create a home for her where being herself feels safe and lovely and like second nature. Thank you for creating this 🫶🏻
Oh my gosh, your comment made me emotional. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
@@alessiasutherberry I’m lucky to have her!! Keep up the wonderful content, it’s helping me so much ♥️
@@bemydinosaur13 aw lots of love my lovely 💗💗💗💗
Love your rings! Thank you for the video, I’m 23 and I’ve never been in a relationship, so for a long time I thought something’s definitely wrong with me and devalued myself because of that, but now I really try to change this mindset, to appreciate my achievements, my job and deep connections with my girl friends. Also working on my mental and physical health, it helps build confidence 😌💪
Go you! Honestly reading this comment brought a smile to my face. You are so worthy and beautiful as an individual.❤💘🥰 I'm so grateful that the video resonated with you, and I really appreciate you sharing your journey. xxx
I love the idea you brought up about dressing for yourself as well, and your mood and particular colors, etc. As someone who loves all kinds of art, I also see it as another opportunity in my mind to enjoy art each day, instead of dressing for men, and to choose pieces that really give me some kind of fulfillment that I get to be reminded of. (While also acknowledging that we live in the real world, and keeping a small part in my mind that we must navigate a real world where people’s first impressions judge you on how you look.)
An example of this is before diving into feminism is I used to never paint my nails because I thought it to be just ridiculously too much work to maintain all the time to appeal men. But now since dressing for myself I actually see it as another “canvas” I have to express myself, and I absolutely adore the self care time now I spend painting my nails, and the 100+ reminders I get each day as a server when I look down at my hands and just see such a cheerful color or artistic shape. And I’m sure when I’m wearing a bright yellow or bold color, it might bring a little joy to the women and men I’m serving too, and that makes me happy too. :)
This is such a beautiful comment. I am so so so glad you reached out lovely. Also, I have had the same realisation with painting my nails - it is so fun to do it for yourself and to get creative.
Sending you so much love xxxx♥♥
I’m a gay man and I relate to this so much. Thank you for this. Wow
Lots of love lovely 💘🥰❤🤗💗
ive been putting off going on this journey out of fear for way too long. idk what happened but immediately, after hearing the first things you said, i just started sobbing and cried the whole video. i guess it was a needed release and that i needed to hear all these things today. thank you!
I won't say more than : thank you
so
freakin'
much
we need more humans like you, more women like you
thanks for inspiring us
Aww you are the kindest🥹💜🥰 xxxx thank you lovely xxxx
Really needed this video recently, especially today. I never realized how much I’ve hid myself away for this world. I want to live for myself again.
I have an incredibly short attention span, but this video was so filled with words and thoughts that I needed to hear that it kept me glued to the screen. I'm 19 and I never felt understood about this specific topic, mostly because I never told anyone about it, but your video felt like a breath of fresh air, especially because I recently broke up with my boyfriend so, even though I don't want to date anyone at the moment, I've been seeking male validation more than ever. Probably just to reassure myself.
So thank you so much, you just gained a new subscriber.
Hey!!! Omg thank you for being so so lovely Sabrina! Please know you have this community and me to talk to! You are not alone girly. We are all going through this decentering men journey together! 💜💜💜 Sending so much love to you in Italia!! 💜💜 xxxx
Really cool video :), thanks a lot ! You have such a kind and chill energy, love that !
Amazing video! Thank you for sharing your thoughts that will resonate with so many people 😊
I like your message about seeking internal/ self validation over external it’s a powerful message that very few can truly grasp. I would say that it stems more from capitalism than the patriarchy. A lot of your notions about how women present themselves just for mens sake is the same for males. I mean we even see surgery where men break their femur bones to make themselves taller, attempting to be more attractive to the opposite sex. The only thing I hope some people don’t take away from this is the notion to ignore men altogether. There’s a very famous study that predicts the longevity of humans and the number one predictor for a healthier and longer life was having a partner. Some food for thought. Wish you and everyone who reads this a lovely day ❤️
This is such a heart warming video, thank you, beautiful soul
I love your content on this topic! Guided meditations that address this would be incredible!
Wow your video really resonated with me - your way of articulating this topic is so comforting. I’ve historically been a confident person but because of a few things that have culminated over this year I’ve been feeling so incredibly insecure recently. This video hit me between the eyes, I didn’t even realise how I’ve pushed away people and not allowed myself to enjoy public spaces because I felt too undesirable to the male gaze. Thank you for your video x
thank you a lot, this video really helped me and i appreciate your effort
i wish you a happy life
As a young girl who has been feeling really depressed lately, I love your channel and all your messages! Thank you so much girl💗
Needed to hear this, thank you
this already felt good appearing on the feed! gratitude to you for this :)
thank you for being so sweet 😘🥰
That was so relaxing, calming and kind❤Thank you
bless you, lots of love xx❤❤❤
Im so glad i found your channel... ive been feeling like this lately... being really into how i look... i spend hours looking in the mirror and how i look for others... i feel so bad cuz im wasting my time...
I cant be thankful enough to you for making this video, I relate with every issue you mentioned.
Thank you for reaching out to tell me this lovely. I appreciate you. 💘💘💘💘💘
You gained a subscriber Alessia. This video was so soothing, calming and empowering. I can relate to you so much it’s unimaginable. Sending lots of love x🫶🏻
Aw hey lovely! I'm so happy you found this corner of the internet! Welcome! 🥰💘🤗✨ xxx Lots of love xxxx🩵🩵
That's so great topic to talk about I really appreciate ur efforts nd ur advice thank u so much 💗
I appreciate you and your lovely comment ❤❤❤❤
Love this video! It is so helpful and has made me think differently. You talk about so many important issues such as patriarchy, societal pressure of women to look perfect and the female beauty standards set by men. I am so happy I found your channel I discovered your other video on male validation yesterday and it has made a profound impact on me. I just feel so much more powerful as a woman and motivated to do amazing things with my life.
I am so happy you found my channel lovely! 🥰🤍 I am also so glad you commented! Thank you for reaching out 🥰🤍🥰🤍
This feels so freeing, thank you so much sister❤❤❤
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Your videos are such a blessing, this should be having way more views, every woman should hear this. Thank you so much! 🤍
aw thank you my love! you've made my day 🥰🤍🥰🤍
this is the most beautiful video i've ever watched. thank you for your powerful thoughts. we need more people like you.
you have made me smile so big! thank you lovely 🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍
Thank you, i really needed to hear this 🦋🌈💕
Aw thank you for commenting lovely ❤❤❤
Thank you for this video. I really needed this! x
lots of love 🥰🤍🥰🤍
Listening to you is therapy. 💗
aw you are the sweetest 💘❤️🥰
this video helped me so much and I absolutely love this video!
aw thanks girly 💗🥰💘
Another gem. Thank you!!
aw thanks lovely 🥰🤍🥰🤍
love this!! i hope you can do a video on getting rejected in romantic experiences and how it affects someone that struggles with male validation and low selfeestem
I'll add it to my list - thank you for the suggestion lovely ! 🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍
I don't think anyone talks enough about how obsessed you can become when you meet a man and u create a whole fantasy about him, you idealize him so that in the end when he rejects you kinda keep the silly hope that u may have a chance and it becomes an endless and painful cycle.n@@alessiasutherberry
Thank you so much !! This is the very first video that helps me with decentering men. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️
aw thank you for reaching out lovely ! 🥰🤍🥰🤍
I really needed this, I almost didn’t notice all these subconscious things I’ve been doing and now I’ve opened my eyes to it, it’s so shocking and sad when you realise but I’m so happy that you’ve helped us become aware and realise how unkind to ourselves that can be and that we are so much more than how attractive to men we are 💜🥰
Aw bless you my love, it is so hard to notice these behaviours because we learn them from such a young age! I totally relate to you! 💗🥰💘❤💕
I completely agree but what’s Crucial for women is to learn to enjoy our own beauty!! ✨ I’ve been going though this transitional phase of healing when I started wearing unflattering clothes, doing unflattering hairstyles and stopped wearing makeup to hide because I was tired of feeling as an object. What’s more, I became scared of expressing my beauty!! I wouldn’t admit this to myself, it was subconscious…😢 Not many people talk about it but it’s really common. Kristin Stewart is the example of it. She’s afraid of being beautiful and goes above and beyond to go against her Natural Beauty!! It’s a hidden guilt and shame…Being Feminine and Sensual shouldn’t be shameful!! Barbie movie is a powerful message in that sense🙌🏼We like beauty, we carry it And Are able to use it as a healing source ✨ Just because men were trying to steal and abuse our beauty, doesn’t mean it belongs to them!! We should take it back and wear it proudly, instead of being ashamed of it!
What a great video, I cried at some points, thank you so much for your words of wisdom
aww my love, I hope the cry was cathartic.💗 Thank you for sharing with me. Lots of love 🥰💘😘💖x
I just discovered your channel and i just want to say that you have such a wise and warm presence ❤️ i am very happy that i stumbled upon your videos. You are for sure helping so many women, including me ❤️ thank you !
Aw hey lovely! 🥰Thank you for being so warm and kind. Also welcome to this RUclips community! xoxoxo
Thank you for being vulnerable ❤️
aw thank you for being so sweet 🥰🥰🥰
Hugs right back at you!
I can't express enough how grateful I am for you and your channel. One of the greatest things about youtube is I feel I can choose my friends here. 💜 I love you!
aw RUclips is a great place to make friends !:):):) SENDING YOU ALL MY LOVE 🥰🤍🥰🤍🥰🤍
@@alessiasutherberry I really appreciate that 🙏🏼
thanks for watching until they end as well btw:):) 💜@@marciafab7
@@alessiasutherberry I lovingly support you. 💜
🥹💘@@marciafab7
Please share the feminist books you are reading or consider doing a book club. I would be so interested in joining
I'm actually doing a video on this really soon lovely! 🥰🤍
This was perfect, thank you.
thank you for making this video, i love you so much
I love youuuuu ❤❤❤❤❤
This is one of my favorite video of yours, really really really good one, great job!! It's so interesting that you used the word "spell" to talk about the patriarchy because as I dive deeper and deeper into spirituality I really feel that there has been use of black magic or stuff like that to kind of programed people into thinking certain things and cut people from their true nature and divide us as a collectif, I feel like things like racism, patriarchy etc are tools that are manipulated and diffused into are subconscience minds and that's benefit certain people. I don't know if I'm clear lol it's just thoughts but idk the world "spell" just resonated really well when it comes to those stuff. Anywayyyy, sending you tons of love, i really appreciate you!!
omg lovely you are so clear! you are a very articulate person who has so much wisdom, I hope you realise that! thank you for sharing some of your valuable insights with us! sending you soooo much love!! I appreciate you! 🥰🤍🥰🤍
@@alessiasutherberry ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Amazing vid again Angel. Everything you say is SO TRUE and well articulated ! So well said and insightful 👏🏼👏🏼and inspiring as always ♥️👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼♥️
love you girly xxxx♥♥♥
Love this message x
♥♥♥
omg i love your content
aw thank you my love 🩵🩵🩵🩵
You are amazing, thank you. I send love to you and all women in the world.
love this
i love your videos and the way you articulate these important messages in such a succinct way. i just wanted to ask, how can we maintain our self-validation and self love habits while in a relationship? i found that when im single its a lot easier to be focused on my self love journey and not rely on external validation, but now that i am in a relationship its getting easier to fall back on his validation and i slack off on my self love habits. I know this will come back to bite me in the ass again if this relationship does not last!
Thank you so much for continuing to educate young women out there about this topic! I absolutely love this series and has helped me tremendously. Could you potentially start a series about your journey to becoming the feminist you are today? Book recs, literature, films, youtube recs, or other resources you felt were influential towards your women empowerment journey?
Aw hey lovely, I absolutely loveeee this suggestion - I'm going to get brainstorming ❤❤❤ xxx
@@alessiasutherberry Aaaa! I can’t wait to watch them all XOXO 🫶
Do you have a video on people pleasing and how to be okay with vocalizing your thoughts without apologizing for being expressive? I love your videos ❤
This is beautiful thank you❤
💜💜💜💜 lots of love x
love this thank you
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incredible video thank you
aw thank you lovely ! 🥰🤍
great video as always ! 💛id love to know your thoughts of the loa
thanks lovely! What is loa?🥰🤍🥰🤍
@@alessiasutherberryyw!
This video helped me
So much! Subscribed ❤
Love your Jewellery! Where is the necklace from ?
Greetings from Austria, Vienna
Love you lots, as well! ❤
I’ve always said once young women stop changing themselves physically to please men they’ll feel a weight being lifted off of their shoulders. It’s freeing to live comfortably with yourself ❤
By using the word beauty in the way patriarchy has defined it for us, we’re essentially agreeing with it.
What if we start to refer to what we’ve historically called “beauty on the inside” as beauty?
A person with beautiful qualities is, in fact, beautiful. Abiding by a patriarchal definition of the word (which generally describes physical appearance based on subjective standards) reinforces it. Personally, when I hear “you’re beautiful on this inside” I also hear the unspoken message….”but not so much on the outside”. And I think many women hear this, wether consciously or not.
By claiming the word beauty, we actively refuse an old, f’d up definition of it that was meant to disorient and disempower us.
Thank you so much ❣️❣️
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19:25 so much of what you’ve said has spoken to me directly
Yes im really done with it
I do have this mindset of shifting my focus to more self validation, especially with looks. I’m a confident women who feels beautiful inside and out, but how do I not get upset when my man stares at maybe more attractive women? I just wish he was more subtle about it especially in front of me. It honestly still hurts when I notice it. I’m working on doing what makes me happy and not completely focusing on my beauty, but it still pulls me back in to needing to look a certain way to keep my mans attention.
hey my love. I totally understand - I am going to do a video on this very soon because I know many other women struggle with this. You are not alone 💗
@@alessiasutherberry thanks so much. I’ll keep checking in for it. You’ve definitely made a positive impact on a lot of women 💕
@@tracyc4944 aw thank you Tracy, you've made me smile! 🥰💘
We were raised to be like this
Fra spacchi, ti amo
girls, do you have any book reccomendations on this topic? i really need to change this aspect of myself. Loved the video!
hello lovely! I have a video on book recommendations - you may find it helpful. Lots of love xx💘💘💘
Can you make a video on "daddy issues" and the effect it has on our way of thinking and relationships ❤
ooooooo this would be such a interesting topic to explore 🥰🤍
Preach!
🥰😘💕
I was bullied at school, since like 5th grade, mostly by guys cause they finded me "unattractive". And they actually treated half of the girls in our class this way, but that affected me more, and as a bullies, they get it and was harder on me.
Since then I can't just live as a common human being, i had become obsessed with my look, trying to find the way to look more "pretty". And then people, especially older ones, could name me selfish and obsessed with my look. I became very manneristic, almost like I'm an actress in the public, checking how i look every 5 minutes.
When i was a teenager i have a new take on how i can "finally became pretty" every day.
I'm extraverted, I could talk to guys in school and the conversation can go really well but all of the sudden they may say something like "lol your nose is so big" or "your brows are so bushy ew".
And i ended up less social, obsessed with finding a solution to look pretty so people will be treating me with respect. Searching for man's validation walking on street, looking on guys hoping that some of them will find me attractive.
And if guy finded me attractive, i was shocked and becoming obsessed over him cause i was conserned that he's my only option.
Now I'm 22 and I'm struggling with the same thing, crawling a guys attention, less but it still make my life experience not as full as i want. Even though I'm a feminist for years.
I'm feeling too masculine in the way i look, I'm still nervous that if i became a center of attention, people will see all this ugliness and masculiness in me. And if i like a guy, i feel so small, still as a girl who don't deserve him being interested in me.
And I'm scared that if i lose it, stop being focused on my look, craving guys attention, seeking for their looks in public, i will became ugly and will be bullied again.
But my biggest wish is to be free from this, to freaking lose it. To stop living my life with a main theme "oh I'm not pretty enough" and starting to see myself as a human being first.
And i lost sooo much time on trying to be "prettier", that I'm more often finding myself less interesting person to talk with, which is really hurting me.
So i made a decition to end this forever, and I'm really thankful for you to make this video, cause this take is very important not only for me, but gor many women who losted theirselves in this obsession over man, often when we were so young. It's so sad but we can work on it now and be supportive for other girls
watching this video i think i crave male validation sm because female friendships have failed me
In my opinion there is nothing wrong in wanting to be attractive using makeup, wearing dresses and heels and also there is no harm in not wanting not to be attractive. Just do whatever you want but you should also know how to bear the consequences for both.
This is so beautiful, I totally resonate with all you said here. Thank for this video
aw thank you so so much for your kind words lovely xxx 😘
Cool video
🥰
I like my centre, it helps me bend and digest food, please don’t take it from me.