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You’re the older sister I always wished for

I really appreciated all you shared and just hearing your honest intentions even at the end about just wanting to make friends with others who are also on this journey. Was really liberating to hear and I would love to connect more. I feel I’m such a hyper independent introvert sigma female but I still catch myself occasionally performing for male gaze or feeling a craving for male validation and it deeply irritates me.. so I guess the learning journey and unlearning process is ongoing. Lovely to meet you on here ❤

I needed to hear this. Thank you so much. I vow to be authentic and top dimming myself for men from this point on.

Thank you for another great and valuable video. These messages are such a breath of fresh air when a lot on the internet is used to manipulate us in a negative way. I love media that provoke thought and these thoughts came to mind when watching your video: I would like to add that only taking in and looking for what serves you on the internet instead of only passively consuming what the algoritmn gives you is also a form of coming back to your genuine self. Don't let the algoritnm nudge you in another direction when it is probably better to let your inner voice nudge you to where you actually want to go. Taking yourself on a date? Yes! I went to a restaurant by myself yesterday and there was another woman by herself. She was just enjoying her food and being herself. It made me happy. This letting go of what men think of me when choosing clothes was very freeing. Suddenly I wasn't unfashionable/ ugly/ frumpy any more. I don't need to wear a dress if it doesn't suit me. I don't need to look beautiful all the time. I don't need to be fashionable. So now I am knitting a baggy comfy jumper to wear over a jeans (shape) that makes me feel like me. This may become my new uniform 😊. I like myself in these clothes and I feel happy instead of insecure. Thank you for doing this. This is so powerful and I hope lots of women are going to see your video's! ❤ (Edit was for spelling)

I’ve been a loner for 15 years. I do all sorts of things alone. Strangers feel sorry for me and buy me drinks or dinner sometimes. It makes me a target for men too who wonder why a “gorgeous” woman is alone. My confidence has grown slightly by being alone but my need for validation hasn’t gone away. In sum, you can change your external world and look like you have your shit together but on the inside you’re still a mess.

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Thank you for this lovely! Also, you give me young kate winslet vibes, physically and energetically. Very beautiful ❤

Alessia, you are like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day I appreciate your message🤍

I strongly believe that it's mainly for the female gaze, actually, that women of all ages put so much effort into their outward appearance.Take a look at the social media influencers doing paid promos and collabs with endless cosmetic and skincare brands, implementing it all into their routine. Look at how it's edited (with 'girly' music, lingo and mannerisms, and then read the comments. It's all fellow women either praising and validating that influencer, or asking for another tutorial on whatever it may be. Why? because we want to BE her. TO be her must mean we can finally achieve validation from society, walking outside everyday. I don't think it's necessarily on the male gaze anymore, and while they were the original perpetrators, in modern society, women compete against women not just to please men, but simply to be the best they can be to eliminate as many other women in whatever field (i.e. dating, work, social media, friendship circles) as possible. I'm saying all this because this was my experience with it; and I'm just realising now how I am so done with obsessing over my looks, as a 24 year old woman, in Australia - where the beauty standard here is far from what I look like. I'm going to control what I can so long as it doesn't overwhelm me and make me endlessly feel inadequate to those I see online. Our bodies give us energy to DANCE; so just fuel it right and move it well. Our face gives us the ability to see and smile, so who cares if there are smile lines and that perhaps the way we do our eyeshadow isn't the most suitable for our eye shape?! I love that this was the topic you chose to speak about, and I'm really hoping more people start standing up to open this discussion further. Thank you so much to anyone who has read this. Remember that you can always find joy and meaning within rather than outwardly.

Beautiful video as always. I would really appreciate if you could make a video on how to stop being envious of pretty girls, stop fixating on looks and being secure. 🥰

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Such an important conversation 🤍 thank you!

It's not that I seek male validation, I just want to appear perfectly beautiful in everyone's eyes. How can I reduce these thoughts?

How to stop being insecure?

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First ❤️

These days I'm feeling so ugly and insecure that I'm avoiding to step out of the house I'm avoiding meeting people it's the fear of being seen

the world would be a better place if all of us women would shift our focus from men to ourselves & started supporting each other ❤

I heard “stop deploying your maternal instincts on someone else’s son”. Life was never the same. Don’t help men. Period.

Subjectively speaking, a woman's beauty is, to some extent, subject to man's judgment ❤❤

I do think for me, it has to do with a emotional absent father, who ai felt never approved of me. He was often angry and yelled at me. I think for me it is the lack of that in my childhood. I’m not even attracted to most men, I can count on one hand the men I felt attracted to. So it dont make sense why I’m seeking their approval of me.

Thank you very much, it was very thought provoking and profound. You are such a beautiful soul!

I needed to hear all of this

Amazing video muahh

"there are other ways to feel good... there are other ways to feel worthy" that is such a great and simple reminder to ourselves. there are other ways for us to feel good about ourselves without being an object of desire to men.

I love that your videos have these short pauses. I find myself pausing important videos a few times to really take in what that person just said so thanks for adding those :)

These are some really interesting conversations started on this channel... two other toxic "feminist" messages I see are outright demeaning men (there are influencers out there whose online persona hinges on this, telling women they're outright above men). The other is toxic empathy or codependent traits... getting behind every girl, no matter how deranged they are. It's one thing to be more compassionate toward mental health matters, but outside of that, "supporting"/"understanding" every girl sometimes lacks nuance and good boundaries. Both of these issues start to lean towards double standards and narcissism.

When you said I should not be ashamed it felt so good I almost cried. I feel sad that I'm still affected by this search of male validation too often but you are right, I shouldn't be ashamed of it, just continue to reflect on this topic and become more free with time ❤

Such a great narrative that us women desperately need. We need to find ourselves, our voices, wants and needs. When we heal clingy dependency most men run away as if our strength opposes.

You are also his partner, NOT his mom.

Woww ❤❤❤ thank you Watching It's really perfect to me how you're approaching the topic Yes I've been a statue throughout life since my teen years It's amazing how you describe this stuff ❤ And it was dangerous to me I am excited to start moving out of this long phase as I make my own sense of self

I appreciate you!

hi Alessia..

Relate to it so much, thank you!!!

I knew I was looking out for validation and I need to detach myself from it and that's how I found your video but while watching a lot of your videos I realised we are continuously performing for men and now once I am aware of it, it feels so light and free. I can focus myself and feel liberated in a way. Your videos has really helped me a lot.

I wanna send this to someone so bad but don’t want it to come off the wrong way.

girl I absolutely love ur channel! u speak up on such important topics. thank u so much💕

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Did you say you're white that's why you're privileged??

I’m so glad this video was recommended to me. I have been struggling with this for years. I’m 23 years old and have been deeply insecure and always dread being around men when I’m feeling like I’m not reaching the beauty standards I set for myself. It has totally consumed my life. I feel like this video switched on so many lightbulbs in my mind and it’s so much easier already for me to work on these intrusive thoughts. Thank you for kicking starting this journey on creating a deeper love and appreciation myself.

Your voice is so relaxing and soothing.

thank you

احبك اتمنى تستمرين بصناعة الفيديوهات شكراً لمشاركتنا افكارك❤

the passion in your eyes and words. thank you so much for making this account and sharing it with us

:(( you touched my heart

do you have book recommendations for this topic?

subscribed. such wise words

I'm close to 30 this year, and I've always noticed women actually of different ages are more bitchy then men. They have this unhelpful-ness towards one another. Not all but a sizeable number.

Me as a gay boy watching this and nodding all the way 🙈very insightful video 💗