I agree with the performative part. Many straight women, including myself, have put a lot of thought into their appearance and body language based on how they think men will perceive them. It's almost like we're programmed to play characters from a very young age and this doesn't allow us to develop our authentic selves. It took a long for me to realize how much effort we put into certain clothes, wearing certain jewelry, doing all kinds of things to our hair and even putting on a mask of make-up. These are things only entertainers should be concerned with. Not the average woman who is proud to be in her own skin and wants to live authentically. Why do we feel the need to draw people in with a mask that isn't who we really are. Working on our energy and our souls creates an environment where people on the same wavelength will find eachother. Trying to disguise your genuine soul will only repel those meant for you and attract those who are wrong for you.
I mean I don’t feel like putting on makeup is performative for a man. Many women do put makeup on strictly for men, but I’m sure they have other reasons as well. I personally enjoy putting in makeup, and I find it therapeutic. I do the simple “clean girl” look but even though it’s simple, the process of putting it on is relaxing. Like another form of “me time” .
imagine how much work men put into understanding woman who often changes mind mood and emotions coming up last minute with next important thing while you whole week planned something special hahaha authenticity is a big lie we aren't ourselves but product of world raising childhood patterns trauma brainwashing on liberal university and not through social media if you aren't living your work and watching netflix you actually find interests naturally but this won't matter after short while in relationship as you both know each other well what your personality is worth? or his? everybody obsessed to be someone unique while borrowing ideas from all the same mainstream around 😂😂😂 go to forest talk with plants and animals you will find yourself between leaves murmuring because only then you actually are with yourself and never else
@@szymonbaranowski8184what does changing urself for a man have anything to do with a guy being sad about a woman changing her feelings… u just proved her point that men really dont care
Male gaze is never about love or compassion. That's why it makes women doubt all the time. A great movie with female gaze: portrait of a lady on fire. A french movie.
I am so happy I found this, I felt so alone in it. The coffee shop mention was SO specific too. Sitting in a coffee shop, picking a seat so men can see you and “admire you”. Not drinking the coffee properly because you want to appear “elegant” and “feminine”. Pretending to study in the coffee shop, but being 100% aware of how you’re being perceived and performing. Wanting to be a “manic pixie dream girl” and appear mysterious and beautiful and perfect while also being funny and not feminist and being “deep”. It’s SO exhausting constantly living for them. Thank you for making this. Watching the video in itself has started my journey for authenticity.
I 100% agree with self validation. But if you've never experienced validation from a man then like anything it's the reason why we need to go 1st hand through these trials and errors or else there would be no learning. It's usually in our brokenness we find ourselves ❤
Videos like this are helpful for those who don't have as much awareness around issues like these. Someone, somewhere, has never been exposed to these ideas before this video, and will learn a completely new perspective for the first time because a woman had the courage to follow her own desire to make the video and share the perspective, despite the critics. 🫶
It’s something experienced at most stages of life even before feeling validation from a man for the first time. Also whether it’s the 1st or 20th time you go through these ‘trials’ it always feels as intense as the first. Most ppl can’t help but to go through these but if preventable I wish younger girls to take a conscious effort to fight this for their greater good. If not no worries there’s still love and forgiveness regardless of choice
And that’s why this video is here- for when that moment comes. We can also learn from others mistakes , and even if we make the same ones, we can have these ideals in mind.
I think it's a projection to say that anyone who has never experienced male validation NEEDS to go through these things. Maybe you did in your life, but other girls can prevent feeling they need to go through trials and errors with a man/men in order to realize they don't need that validation. It's really different for everyone. I think your own experience is a unique one. That's why this video is so helpful. Being able to learn from the experiences of others. I don't need to try drugs to know I wouldn't like to do them. And similarly, I learned about the French revolution from a book, not because I was there.
Fun is a basic need for me and a priority in my life. One thing that really excited me at the thought of dating was yes I finally can have quality time with someone and go out for a movie or explore this place…but the problem with that is that means I’m putting the key to my fun in their hands, like I’m waiting for them to walk through that door so I can have fun. I get to experience things that excite with or without a man (if I met a guy at 70 would I just be waiting to have fun until then?!). I get to experience quality time and speak to my own love languages. I get to have fun on my own! I am allowed to experience joy. Also a tip i got from somewhere is scheduling weekly/monthly date nights for yourself or doing things you were saving to do with a partner. No more waiting to be chosen! Thank you Alessia for this soul nourishing insight you give as always ❤ we can have what we want and are deserving of it too ahha 🎉
What a great comment! Thanks for your motivating wise words lovely. You’ve empowered me with this! Sending you the biggest hug & strength on your self-love journey xxx💕💕💕
the performer thing is so real! i feel like i always have this need to perform when a guy is there, honestly not even with guys but generally everyone but mostly when there are guys around. and it's honestly so mentally draining cuz u wanna stop it so bad, be a girl's girl but u just feel like a pick me and u cant do anything about it cuz thats js how ur programmed to
I can count on my fingers how many RUclips comments I've written but I really wanted to say that for the past couple of months your videos helped me tremendously. I've gone through my first break-up in May after a 4-year relationship. We had met when I was 15 so I essentially grew up with this person. Feeling a lack in my life has been a reality for me ever since then. Your content and your words have kindly guided me through weeks of trying to fill that void with male attention. I had big trouble concentrating at uni, the number one thing in my life that excites me. Hearing what you had to say really made me shift my focus and spend more time doing things I actually enjoy. The low after getting male attention/validation is so real!! I still struggle with that but I'm at a way better place so thank you ❤
Have been binge watching your videos for few weeks now. And each of one it inspires me to become a better version of myself or be authentic. It’s a long way but definitely worth trying it❤ I also believe if we dress up or behave in certain way, we attract those men who aren’t for us, but who are attracted just for looks. But if we our ourselves, then we find those men who value soul connections and we can create a better bond with our spouse. Of course, finding someone is not the ultimate goal but this is also just another bonus of being our authentic self!
this is the nicest thing to hear!!! I'm so so glad you like my videos lovely!! ❤❤❤ I couldn't agree with you more! You attract what you put out!!! xxxxx ❤
Alessia, I have so much appreciation for your channel and your work in making these very important videos. I spent 28 years married to a narcissist only to leave him and fall in love with an even bigger one. No matter how beautiful I am on the outside or inside, it makes no difference to a man who only wants to use you when they need you, and cast you aside in confusion the other 90% of the time. Finally I see what the universe is trying to teach me, how to put men aside and focus on myself first. And your videos have shown me where this strange need comes from and just how ingrained it is in us from a very young age. I have much yet to learn and will put your ideas into practice, but this awareness has really opened my eyes. To put the validation of my worth in anyone else's responsibility is completely insane. I'm a smart, experienced woman and I will be seen and take up space. I still feel like I want the emotional security of being in a relationship, but it has to be with the right person or no person at all. I'm done sacrificing my own peace to keep everyone else's in tact. Thank you for all you are doing, keep up the good work. Any additional videos with specific strategies and tactics are welcome!
I am sending you so much love and strength - you deserve to put yourself first 💘💘💘💘💘 I have a few other videos on this (decentering men 101 gives a step by step guide) 💗
You are fantastic! I love the calmness of your videos: your voice, demeanour, background music. Thank you for addressing this topic with such honesty and depth. This is something I started working on but it’s really like bullring a muscle. You have to keep at it because it’s so easy to fall back into the old thinking patterns. Just subscribed!
Cool thing is that men can use this advise as well, I feel like when growing up they lose time chasing a woman’s beauty, they can also improve themselves so they won’t see us anymore like an object, having a good relationship with one self and being authentic is the goal. I like your channel some of your videos a lot, I am happy to come across your channel
the ferrero rocher comparison was really getting me! but all in all your words are so wholesome for me. I am struggeling right now with the issues you‘ve just mentioned in the video and i just love how you made feel. i felt heard or rather understood. i hope i arrive the state of mind where i adore myself and stop trying to get attention from men or persons i would want to get! thank you for this ❤
this was so beautiful and needed to hear - need to be reminded of it again and again. i wrote down a lot. the male gaze is evil but i wanna be peaceful and loving, not feeding into the toxicity, addiction and spiral but as you word it, decentering men, centering self love. grateful for the access to this platform and the resources of this generation. sending love, connection and solidarity to you and y'all!
I dont know if you know this show but I was rewatching Victorious my old favorite childhood show and im honestly so surprised they let kids watch this show basically all American girls from my generation has seen this show and it makes so much sense where this rooted male gaze comes from. Since I was in elementary school me and the friends I was surrounded by have been dressing up in slutty clothes and makeup just to impress boys. it's crazy because we were literally in 5th grade. And im glad im realizing now how false this world is about a lot of things. I get lost in worlds lies sometimes but I always come back to the truth. I love your videos everything you say is so true and I appreciate you reminding me of all the bs the world tries to feed us. Hope you see this ❤
Omgosh, you are saying all the things i need rn, after diving into these themes on yt for some days. And i am gonna say to myself, among other things spontaneously too, - Hey- you have endless value, like all women do, even with our masks. I want to write about women now, and i have been writing the story inside, all my life. This hit home, thank you for sharing Alessia!
Loved every bits of this.. All advices on youtube regarding healing in dating and relationships are centred around "when u do this, this do bla bla to Men'' "which is why HE reacts like this" ... Even the basic of how we should be is centred around "him''rather than focussing on why we should be a certain way for our own good. It's refreshing to see your channel. Thank you soo much. ❤ I needed to hear something like this and I met you. Grateful ❤❤
I cried with this, I feel healed, I have been under the male gaze and seeing with those glasses every moment that now it's like fuck, the time I have lost is enough, I'll stop, I'll care for myself, it's a statement.❤️🩹
Alessia you are amazing. You are helping me so much and I'm sure you're helping lots of other women too. Honestly, I was never really aware of this issue with the male gaze. I always knew I have some issue with men but was never really sure what it is until I found you with your wise words. You are eye opening to me and I can't thank you enough, you're really helping me to find myself and my worth. ❤❤
I just wanted to take the time to say that I am just one of those women who got valuable insights into the mind of us having issues with male validation thanks to this beautiful soul Alessia! 🤍🤍 I guess her channel is definitely what made me grateful for RUclips. Ever since I discovered her channel, I had a completely different perspective about my own worth and why I am the way I am... You can just feel her passion and wisdom through the screen. So amazing. Also, I am so glad she and her channel is helping you too. I cannot express how special it is to see other women growing and finding their authentic selves. Much love🥰🥰
@@bloomsofoblivion you are so so lovely. This comment has made me so happy. Sending you the biggest hug! Thank you for being so sweet lovely 😊 xxxxxxxx ❤
I really value these videos, thank you Alessia. I am really trying to work on this but it’s incredibly difficult to break and I get ashamed of myself sometimes. It’s definitely a long journey! ❤️
I wouldn't say some people are blind to beauty rather that one person cant have the ability to see beauty in everyone. They see in some, but not in others.... thats why theres nothing wrong with me(the person being observed) and there is nothing wrong with them (the person who observes). We all just have different tastes and perspectives.
Empowering guide on 'How to STOP WORSHIPING the male gaze & master adoring yourself' - psychology tips with a feminist perspective. Your insights are a call to self-love and authenticity.
I’ve never acted like this or done things for the male gaze perspective at all, but I will say that I wish I could relate to some of it & im taking notes from that perspective too. Thanks for sharing!!
It's honestly sad!!!!!! It's soooo sad!!!!! Young woman need to learn this first to really be happy and thrive in life!!!! We have to Research ourselfes this is sad honestly. It makes me sad. Because I do remember the time where I felt I needed to be accepted
I don't see anything wrong with dressing for the male gaze and putting in effort for this in certain situations as long as you find a balance and you dress for yourself at the same time. Women dating or going out with friends might want to dress in a way to attract males but that's just a fun aspect and harmless. The harm is women feeling they have to adhere to unreal beauty standards. Everyone is different and that makes use unique as humans. Some men dress for the female gaze but I understand what you were saying about being impressionable growing up and your mind being like a sponge, that' can affect women's way of thinking in adulthood. It's an interesting topic though for a straight male like myself.
Hello Alessia, thank you so much for your presence and your work. Your videos are really helping me to find myself, see myself and presenting my real identity to the world. I love how understanding and accepting you are because it gives me the space for my thoughts as well, which I think it's quiet special. But I need your advice on another topic. I am 18 and I never dated anyone and ever since I decided that I want to be my own person I wasn't interested in dating until this week. Well, I think I'm craving romantic connection but I'm not sure about it because I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship or if I can react healthy to any potential failure like rejection or a breakup. How would you recognize if someone is ready to date or stong enough to date? Again, thank you so much for these informative videos. So much love❤
Girl I really love your video I think your ideas are so brillant ! And I don’t know if you will agree I think there is such a great and strong community of women who is being built and levelling up in social media this last few years. I think that women arr really gaining power over the patriorchal society.
Thankkkk youuuuuu soooooo much Alessia your tips were greatttt!!! Loved ur affirmation examples u gave literally repeated it and felt good and also the Ferrero Rocher example was amazing 😂💜 Really wanna hear more of ur affirmations on self love 😍💝
Thank you so much for this important Video, i recently started to become aware of all These things and i‘d love to follow the tip to watch Movies and read Books created by Women. Anyone has some recommendations for me?:)
no idea on the chocolate you are talking about but sounds yummy! thank you for this video. I RUclipsd "help me decondition the male gaze" so already accountable
playing games as female avatars or games that have inherit woman/girls as the main character of the game also helps you see the world for yourself. Even if the game is very male gazed & catered it still helps you learn what do you actually think of the crap this game is having your character participate in and do you agree or not with it. If say in Saints Row the fem MC become president with strippers if you get ick over this you can learn that's not cool for you.
Okay so I feel like your root of the issue is about self worth and self esteem and less about male gaze. Because I as a man, feel the same pressure to have a nice car, be clean, have “wealth”, and an endless laundry list of things that I deem a woman would feel as a “worthy” in her perspective. I constantly feel like I need to keep up/compete with this imaginary idea. Truly we aren’t that different but we all want to be enjoyed by someone else for us and for who we are. I don’t think the male gaze doesn’t exist, I understand that there is a display of women that qualifies as “male gaze” because there are certain things straight men can “want” but I really don’t know if it’s that “deep”. ( I lack a better descriptive word) lmk what you think! Thanks!
It's not that " deep". It is that deep which is why she took time out of her day to help us with this advice and you will not invalidate how we feel, take your negative energy elsewhere. And btw the target audience for this video is women...so why are you here exactly?
may i ask why you keep making the same video for years now? youtube recommended me a 2 year old video of yours about the same topic which i watched and liked, but now i see that youve been making the same video about the same topic for years now. why?
@@misskayla._4167 yes to me it's funny. Because feminists literally hate that men exist and will do everything to name something which men prefer as "evil", so I think this is funny and I will call it lesbian gaze because these are the ways women want to be seen by other women. And feminizing men.
@@alienkishorekumar Dude this is such a wild ride lol I've been on the men's "red pill" channels and the mf's here are literally complaining about the same damn things! These two groups need to just kiss and makeup lol
As the man (Gen 1:26-28), a husband (Gen 2:21-25) and a father (Gen 3:16), the minister of God (Rom 13), teacher (Eph 4) and one of the survivors who was bullied in school, they have been doing this. Most everywhere I am in public, eyeballs with or without wearing their "Blues Brothers" glasses are hypnotized by their phone screens "Oggy and the Cockroaches - Jack's Nephew", "Cell" (2016) and "It's Our World by Steve Cutts and Yann Tiersen", the alcoholic beverages "Gil Scott-Heron - The Bottle (Official Version)", the smokes "Goofy - No Smoking" (1951) or the vapes and oftentimes a combination of 2 or more of the mentioned (multitasking) all day, every day, which is backwards. Sing it "Linda Jones - Hypnotized". Backwards + Backwards will never = Forward. I am directly in front of them, but they can not see me. I have been T-boned while cycling by a vehicle with blacked out windows, including the windshield aka a coffin on wheels, "The Car" (1977) and "Christine" (1983). I have been hit in the stomach by their non-cellphone holding fist and I have been walked into by George A. Romero's Zombies. I told my wife, I never thought I would become the invisible man. I am the invisible man here. Gen 3 is a "MONSTER" (2003).
L O V E this! SO TRUE 🤯 You speak so well and eloquently and your message is really empowering ♥️ “ Some people are blind to beauty “ 🥹 “ I am internally beautiful and that attracts people “ - What an important affirmation for everyone and the Ferraro rocher analogy is amazing ♥️
I agree with the performative part. Many straight women, including myself, have put a lot of thought into their appearance and body language based on how they think men will perceive them.
It's almost like we're programmed to play characters from a very young age and this doesn't allow us to develop our authentic selves.
It took a long for me to realize how much effort we put into certain clothes, wearing certain jewelry, doing all kinds of things to our hair and even putting on a mask of make-up. These are things only entertainers should be concerned with. Not the average woman who is proud to be in her own skin and wants to live authentically.
Why do we feel the need to draw people in with a mask that isn't who we really are.
Working on our energy and our souls creates an environment where people on the same wavelength will find eachother.
Trying to disguise your genuine soul will only repel those meant for you and attract those who are wrong for you.
you are soooo right about being programmed to play characters! 👏
I mean I don’t feel like putting on makeup is performative for a man. Many women do put makeup on strictly for men, but I’m sure they have other reasons as well. I personally enjoy putting in makeup, and I find it therapeutic. I do the simple “clean girl” look but even though it’s simple, the process of putting it on is relaxing. Like another form of “me time” .
imagine how much work men put into understanding woman who often changes mind mood and emotions
coming up last minute with next important thing while you whole week planned something special hahaha
authenticity is a big lie
we aren't ourselves but product of world raising childhood patterns trauma brainwashing on liberal university and not through social media
if you aren't living your work and watching netflix you actually find interests naturally
but this won't matter after short while in relationship as you both know each other well
what your personality is worth? or his?
everybody obsessed to be someone unique while borrowing ideas from all the same mainstream around 😂😂😂
go to forest talk with plants and animals
you will find yourself between leaves murmuring
because only then you actually are with yourself
and never else
@@szymonbaranowski8184what does changing urself for a man have anything to do with a guy being sad about a woman changing her feelings… u just proved her point that men really dont care
That's one man@@dulcemonster87
Male gaze is never about love or compassion. That's why it makes women doubt all the time.
A great movie with female gaze: portrait of a lady on fire. A french movie.
You can blame the women's fashion industry - which is almost entirely run by women and gay men.
😅😅😅😅
I am so happy I found this, I felt so alone in it. The coffee shop mention was SO specific too. Sitting in a coffee shop, picking a seat so men can see you and “admire you”. Not drinking the coffee properly because you want to appear “elegant” and “feminine”. Pretending to study in the coffee shop, but being 100% aware of how you’re being perceived and performing. Wanting to be a “manic pixie dream girl” and appear mysterious and beautiful and perfect while also being funny and not feminist and being “deep”. It’s SO exhausting constantly living for them.
Thank you for making this. Watching the video in itself has started my journey for authenticity.
Girl, you’re crazy ngl, thats a lot of effort💀💀💀
@@yourbestie702do you not realize what video you’re under?
I’ve never felt so seen and appreciated until I watched this video. I feel like you really understand me.
Aw this is so so lovely to hear. I am sending you the biggest cuddle! Lots of love xxxx ♥
I 100% agree with self validation. But if you've never experienced validation from a man then like anything it's the reason why we need to go 1st hand through these trials and errors or else there would be no learning. It's usually in our brokenness we find ourselves ❤
SO FUCKING TRUE.
Videos like this are helpful for those who don't have as much awareness around issues like these. Someone, somewhere, has never been exposed to these ideas before this video, and will learn a completely new perspective for the first time because a woman had the courage to follow her own desire to make the video and share the perspective, despite the critics. 🫶
It’s something experienced at most stages of life even before feeling validation from a man for the first time. Also whether it’s the 1st or 20th time you go through these ‘trials’ it always feels as intense as the first. Most ppl can’t help but to go through these but if preventable I wish younger girls to take a conscious effort to fight this for their greater good. If not no worries there’s still love and forgiveness regardless of choice
And that’s why this video is here- for when that moment comes. We can also learn from others mistakes , and even if we make the same ones, we can have these ideals in mind.
I think it's a projection to say that anyone who has never experienced male validation NEEDS to go through these things. Maybe you did in your life, but other girls can prevent feeling they need to go through trials and errors with a man/men in order to realize they don't need that validation.
It's really different for everyone. I think your own experience is a unique one. That's why this video is so helpful. Being able to learn from the experiences of others. I don't need to try drugs to know I wouldn't like to do them. And similarly, I learned about the French revolution from a book, not because I was there.
Fun is a basic need for me and a priority in my life. One thing that really excited me at the thought of dating was yes I finally can have quality time with someone and go out for a movie or explore this place…but the problem with that is that means I’m putting the key to my fun in their hands, like I’m waiting for them to walk through that door so I can have fun. I get to experience things that excite with or without a man (if I met a guy at 70 would I just be waiting to have fun until then?!). I get to experience quality time and speak to my own love languages. I get to have fun on my own! I am allowed to experience joy. Also a tip i got from somewhere is scheduling weekly/monthly date nights for yourself or doing things you were saving to do with a partner. No more waiting to be chosen! Thank you Alessia for this soul nourishing insight you give as always ❤ we can have what we want and are deserving of it too ahha 🎉
What a great comment! Thanks for your motivating wise words lovely. You’ve empowered me with this! Sending you the biggest hug & strength on your self-love journey xxx💕💕💕
I felt a higher version of myself mirrored in what you wrote. Thank you for your lovely comment and the insight you've offered me with this! ✨️🪷💕
@@mswamp_1826 Thank youuu, you brightened up my day with this❣
the performer thing is so real! i feel like i always have this need to perform when a guy is there, honestly not even with guys but generally everyone but mostly when there are guys around. and it's honestly so mentally draining cuz u wanna stop it so bad, be a girl's girl but u just feel like a pick me and u cant do anything about it cuz thats js how ur programmed to
I can count on my fingers how many RUclips comments I've written but I really wanted to say that for the past couple of months your videos helped me tremendously. I've gone through my first break-up in May after a 4-year relationship. We had met when I was 15 so I essentially grew up with this person. Feeling a lack in my life has been a reality for me ever since then. Your content and your words have kindly guided me through weeks of trying to fill that void with male attention. I had big trouble concentrating at uni, the number one thing in my life that excites me. Hearing what you had to say really made me shift my focus and spend more time doing things I actually enjoy. The low after getting male attention/validation is so real!! I still struggle with that but I'm at a way better place so thank you ❤
Have been binge watching your videos for few weeks now. And each of one it inspires me to become a better version of myself or be authentic. It’s a long way but definitely worth trying it❤
I also believe if we dress up or behave in certain way, we attract those men who aren’t for us, but who are attracted just for looks. But if we our ourselves, then we find those men who value soul connections and we can create a better bond with our spouse. Of course, finding someone is not the ultimate goal but this is also just another bonus of being our authentic self!
this is the nicest thing to hear!!! I'm so so glad you like my videos lovely!! ❤❤❤
I couldn't agree with you more! You attract what you put out!!! xxxxx ❤
Alessia, I have so much appreciation for your channel and your work in making these very important videos. I spent 28 years married to a narcissist only to leave him and fall in love with an even bigger one. No matter how beautiful I am on the outside or inside, it makes no difference to a man who only wants to use you when they need you, and cast you aside in confusion the other 90% of the time. Finally I see what the universe is trying to teach me, how to put men aside and focus on myself first. And your videos have shown me where this strange need comes from and just how ingrained it is in us from a very young age. I have much yet to learn and will put your ideas into practice, but this awareness has really opened my eyes. To put the validation of my worth in anyone else's responsibility is completely insane. I'm a smart, experienced woman and I will be seen and take up space. I still feel like I want the emotional security of being in a relationship, but it has to be with the right person or no person at all. I'm done sacrificing my own peace to keep everyone else's in tact. Thank you for all you are doing, keep up the good work. Any additional videos with specific strategies and tactics are welcome!
I am sending you so much love and strength - you deserve to put yourself first 💘💘💘💘💘 I have a few other videos on this (decentering men 101 gives a step by step guide) 💗
You are fantastic! I love the calmness of your videos: your voice, demeanour, background music. Thank you for addressing this topic with such honesty and depth. This is something I started working on but it’s really like bullring a muscle. You have to keep at it because it’s so easy to fall back into the old thinking patterns. Just subscribed!
I feel so concerned about thisss 😭 thank you🫶
sending you the biggest hug! 🤗 xxxx
thank you alessia you are healing my inner child im soo grateful i found u here on youtube lots of love from INDIA
Aw thank you for taking the time to comment lovely!!!! Lots of love ❤💕 xxxx
Cool thing is that men can use this advise as well, I feel like when growing up they lose time chasing a woman’s beauty, they can also improve themselves so they won’t see us anymore like an object, having a good relationship with one self and being authentic is the goal.
I like your channel some of your videos a lot, I am happy to come across your channel
the ferrero rocher comparison was really getting me!
but all in all your words are so wholesome for me. I am struggeling right now with the issues you‘ve just mentioned in the video and i just love how you made feel. i felt heard or rather understood. i hope i arrive the state of mind where i adore myself and stop trying to get attention from men or persons i would want to get! thank you for this ❤
“Your body is just a home your soul” mmmm yes ma’am!!
hehe🥰💘
this was so beautiful and needed to hear - need to be reminded of it again and again. i wrote down a lot. the male gaze is evil but i wanna be peaceful and loving, not feeding into the toxicity, addiction and spiral but as you word it, decentering men, centering self love. grateful for the access to this platform and the resources of this generation. sending love, connection and solidarity to you and y'all!
I dont know if you know this show but I was rewatching Victorious my old favorite childhood show and im honestly so surprised they let kids watch this show basically all American girls from my generation has seen this show and it makes so much sense where this rooted male gaze comes from. Since I was in elementary school me and the friends I was surrounded by have been dressing up in slutty clothes and makeup just to impress boys. it's crazy because we were literally in 5th grade. And im glad im realizing now how false this world is about a lot of things. I get lost in worlds lies sometimes but I always come back to the truth. I love your videos everything you say is so true and I appreciate you reminding me of all the bs the world tries to feed us. Hope you see this ❤
Omgosh, you are saying all the things i need rn, after diving into these themes on yt for some days. And i am gonna say to myself, among other things spontaneously too, - Hey- you have endless value, like all women do, even with our masks. I want to write about women now, and i have been writing the story inside, all my life. This hit home, thank you for sharing Alessia!
Loved every bits of this.. All advices on youtube regarding healing in dating and relationships are centred around "when u do this, this do bla bla to Men'' "which is why HE reacts like this" ... Even the basic of how we should be is centred around "him''rather than focussing on why we should be a certain way for our own good. It's refreshing to see your channel. Thank you soo much. ❤ I needed to hear something like this and I met you. Grateful ❤❤
aw thank you so so much 🥰🩵💗✨ I'm so glad the video resonated with you my lovely x
Such a great reminder for us all. Hope this video reaches out to those who needs the encouragement.
Aw thank you for being so lovely 💜xx
Thank you so much, I’m so happy I found your channel and I love you ❤ your videos are exactly what I needed.
Aw I am glad you found my channel too! LOVE YOU 🥰🥰
Thank you so much for this! I love your channel, it makes me feel like I'm on the path to becoming my best self after watching your videos🥰
aw this comment has made me so happy! ❤❤❤ thanks lovely xxx
you sooths me spritually out of all the bullshit this society had put inside me, more woman want you really, we want you
this is the loveliest comment - thank you sweet 🥰❤💗💚🤗
I cried with this, I feel healed, I have been under the male gaze and seeing with those glasses every moment that now it's like fuck, the time I have lost is enough, I'll stop, I'll care for myself, it's a statement.❤️🩹
Bless you my lovely, I'm sending you so much love and understanding. 💗💗
@@alessiasutherberry Thank you so much 🫂❤️🩹
@@leslynazarit ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Alessia you are amazing. You are helping me so much and I'm sure you're helping lots of other women too. Honestly, I was never really aware of this issue with the male gaze. I always knew I have some issue with men but was never really sure what it is until I found you with your wise words. You are eye opening to me and I can't thank you enough, you're really helping me to find myself and my worth. ❤❤
Aw hey lovely! Thank you so so much for reaching out! I really appreciate it. ❤ Sending a huge warm hug your way xxxx
I just wanted to take the time to say that I am just one of those women who got valuable insights into the mind of us having issues with male validation thanks to this beautiful soul Alessia! 🤍🤍 I guess her channel is definitely what made me grateful for RUclips. Ever since I discovered her channel, I had a completely different perspective about my own worth and why I am the way I am... You can just feel her passion and wisdom through the screen. So amazing. Also, I am so glad she and her channel is helping you too. I cannot express how special it is to see other women growing and finding their authentic selves. Much love🥰🥰
@@bloomsofoblivion you are so so lovely. This comment has made me so happy. Sending you the biggest hug! Thank you for being so sweet lovely 😊 xxxxxxxx ❤
Wow this is so deep, thank you so much for sharinf
I really value these videos, thank you Alessia. I am really trying to work on this but it’s incredibly difficult to break and I get ashamed of myself sometimes. It’s definitely a long journey! ❤️
Bless you, I am sending you so much love.
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Thank you so much, this video was so important for me to watch right now. You feel like the big sister I never had
Awww I am so glad you liked it my love 🥰🥰🩵😘😘😘
Thank you so much for your videos. I love it to listen to you, I can't say it enough. Sending love from Germany
I wouldn't say some people are blind to beauty rather that one person cant have the ability to see beauty in everyone. They see in some, but not in others.... thats why theres nothing wrong with me(the person being observed) and there is nothing wrong with them (the person who observes). We all just have different tastes and perspectives.
Your passion really makes your message hit home. Wonderful, thankyou!
aw thank you tanya!!! ❤ that means a lot! xxx
amazing video . i really do feel the energy and beauty in you. new subscriber
Aw thank you for being so bloody kind!!!! You've made my day xx 💜
@@alessiasutherberry 🥰🌹🌹
Empowering guide on 'How to STOP WORSHIPING the male gaze & master adoring yourself' - psychology tips with a feminist perspective. Your insights are a call to self-love and authenticity.
Your videos are so soothing, loving, validating and healing! Thank you so much, Alessia! (And yes, we have Ferrero Rocher in the US.)
thank you for your warm and kind comment ❤🥰🥰
Another beautiful video much love 🫶🏾
thank you lovely!!! you're the sweetest 💜 xxx
I’ve never acted like this or done things for the male gaze perspective at all, but I will say that I wish I could relate to some of it & im taking notes from that perspective too. Thanks for sharing!!
no jokes, seu vídeo mudou muitas coisas dentro de mim.
obrigada🖤
It's honestly sad!!!!!! It's soooo sad!!!!! Young woman need to learn this first to really be happy and thrive in life!!!! We have to Research ourselfes this is sad honestly. It makes me sad. Because I do remember the time where I felt I needed to be accepted
Love love love this! :)
@@christine4269 thank you angel ❤️
Girl I found your channel like a week ago and you’re my personal Jesus in the most non creepy way possible thank you ❤❤❤
omg you are the sweetest - your comment made me giggle:) sending you a big hug 🥰🥰 x
I don't see anything wrong with dressing for the male gaze and putting in effort for this in certain situations as long as you find a balance and you dress for yourself at the same time. Women dating or going out with friends might want to dress in a way to attract males but that's just a fun aspect and harmless. The harm is women feeling they have to adhere to unreal beauty standards. Everyone is different and that makes use unique as humans. Some men dress for the female gaze but I understand what you were saying about being impressionable growing up and your mind being like a sponge, that' can affect women's way of thinking in adulthood. It's an interesting topic though for a straight male like myself.
Hello Alessia, thank you so much for your presence and your work. Your videos are really helping me to find myself, see myself and presenting my real identity to the world. I love how understanding and accepting you are because it gives me the space for my thoughts as well, which I think it's quiet special. But I need your advice on another topic. I am 18 and I never dated anyone and ever since I decided that I want to be my own person I wasn't interested in dating until this week. Well, I think I'm craving romantic connection but I'm not sure about it because I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship or if I can react healthy to any potential failure like rejection or a breakup. How would you recognize if someone is ready to date or stong enough to date? Again, thank you so much for these informative videos. So much love❤
Girl I really love your video I think your ideas are so brillant ! And I don’t know if you will agree I think there is such a great and strong community of women who is being built and levelling up in social media this last few years. I think that women arr really gaining power over the patriorchal society.
Thank you for being so warm and kind lovely. I so agree! Women are coming together! I love to see it and feel it! ❤
Thankkkk youuuuuu soooooo much Alessia your tips were greatttt!!! Loved ur affirmation examples u gave literally repeated it and felt good and also the Ferrero Rocher example was amazing 😂💜
Really wanna hear more of ur affirmations on self love 😍💝
I like your style in this video
What I needed. Thank you
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I needed this so much! Thank you ❤
sending you lots of love 💕xxx
Thank you so much for this important Video, i recently started to become aware of all These things and i‘d love to follow the tip to watch Movies and read Books created by Women. Anyone has some recommendations for me?:)
The beauty myth by Naomi Wolf! 💗🥰💘😘💖
It makes me especially sad when I see other women through the lense of the internalized male gaze. It’s so limiting 😢
Thank you
Love you and love these tips
loved this ♥
thank you! :)
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Absolutely love your videos!
Aw thank you lovely xxxxxx
no idea on the chocolate you are talking about but sounds yummy! thank you for this video. I RUclipsd "help me decondition the male gaze" so already accountable
Good for you my lovely 🥰🥰🥰🥰
How do you find something to obsess over? I like the feeling of an obsession just not for another person
idk but there was a point on my life when i didn’t
Mam plz make a video on how to getting attracted towards guys physically ?
playing games as female avatars or games that have inherit woman/girls as the main character of the game also helps you see the world for yourself. Even if the game is very male gazed & catered it still helps you learn what do you actually think of the crap this game is having your character participate in and do you agree or not with it. If say in Saints Row the fem MC become president with strippers if you get ick over this you can learn that's not cool for you.
Your very sweet and I feel very cared for listening to you
Aw that is exactly what I want you to feel 💘🥰
You are amazing
Okay so I feel like your root of the issue is about self worth and self esteem and less about male gaze. Because I as a man, feel the same pressure to have a nice car, be clean, have “wealth”, and an endless laundry list of things that I deem a woman would feel as a “worthy” in her perspective. I constantly feel like I need to keep up/compete with this imaginary idea. Truly we aren’t that different but we all want to be enjoyed by someone else for us and for who we are. I don’t think the male gaze doesn’t exist, I understand that there is a display of women that qualifies as “male gaze” because there are certain things straight men can “want” but I really don’t know if it’s that “deep”. ( I lack a better descriptive word) lmk what you think! Thanks!
It's not that " deep". It is that deep which is why she took time out of her day to help us with this advice and you will not invalidate how we feel, take your negative energy elsewhere. And btw the target audience for this video is women...so why are you here exactly?
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may i ask why you keep making the same video for years now? youtube recommended me a 2 year old video of yours about the same topic which i watched and liked, but now i see that youve been making the same video about the same topic for years now. why?
Followed by a video entitled 'Why aren't men paying attention to women anymore?'
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I'm so in love with you ❤
where ma gays?
Lesbian gaze 😂
Is this suppose to be funny?
@@misskayla._4167 yes to me it's funny. Because feminists literally hate that men exist and will do everything to name something which men prefer as "evil", so I think this is funny and I will call it lesbian gaze because these are the ways women want to be seen by other women. And feminizing men.
@@alienkishorekumar Dude this is such a wild ride lol
I've been on the men's "red pill" channels and the mf's here are literally complaining about the same damn things! These two groups need to just kiss and makeup lol
As the man (Gen 1:26-28), a husband (Gen 2:21-25) and a father (Gen 3:16), the minister of God (Rom 13), teacher (Eph 4) and one of the survivors who was bullied in school, they have been doing this. Most everywhere I am in public, eyeballs with or without wearing their "Blues Brothers" glasses are hypnotized by their phone screens "Oggy and the Cockroaches - Jack's Nephew", "Cell" (2016) and "It's Our World by Steve Cutts and Yann Tiersen", the alcoholic beverages "Gil Scott-Heron - The Bottle (Official Version)", the smokes "Goofy - No Smoking" (1951) or the vapes and oftentimes a combination of 2 or more of the mentioned (multitasking) all day, every day, which is backwards. Sing it "Linda Jones - Hypnotized". Backwards + Backwards will never = Forward. I am directly in front of them, but they can not see me. I have been T-boned while cycling by a vehicle with blacked out windows, including the windshield aka a coffin on wheels, "The Car" (1977) and "Christine" (1983). I have been hit in the stomach by their non-cellphone holding fist and I have been walked into by George A. Romero's Zombies. I told my wife, I never thought I would become the invisible man. I am the invisible man here. Gen 3 is a "MONSTER" (2003).
L O V E this! SO TRUE 🤯 You speak so well and eloquently and your message is really empowering ♥️ “ Some people are blind to beauty “ 🥹 “ I am internally beautiful and that attracts people “ - What an important affirmation for everyone and the Ferraro rocher analogy is amazing ♥️
Thank you so much for your bloody sweet words lovely ! Sending SO MUCH LOVE your way! 💖✨