Were they really my friends? || Having friends but still feeling left out and not belonging
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2024
- I felt unwanted. Left out. Lonely. Like I didn't belong. All while surrounded by a group of friends that I grew up with for 13 years. If I had a group of friends, then how could I feel those things? Wasn't that the point of making friends? It took spending over a decade with these people to later understand and appreciate my current relationships that much more.
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#leftout #friendships #belonging
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Nice! I’m currently still in high school, and I feel the same way. I’m glad to know that someone else has felt the exact same way, and that it does get better. I’ve always felt crazy for feeling these things that you’ve described, and I’ve also felt the need to be wanted, so knowing that it’s completely normal is nice.
Oh man, high school. I promise you, it most definitely does and will get better. Partially from not being in highschool anymore and a lot because you'll have more control over your life and what direction to take it. Finding your people is hard, but the secret is to continuously put yourself out there and keep meeting people no matter how many failed outcomes. But it's soooo worth it when you find the right people that are for life. It's basically dating lol
I relate to all of this and the term floater is so spot on! I thought I also had close friends initially but same thing, as time went on, I noticed there “preferred” people and I was more so a safe backup. I eventually learned to just go to the background and focus on just getting through highschool.
Highschool really was basically a hormonal fueled battlefield 😂 It's been over 10 years and I'm still glad that time of life is over lol I saw a post for a 50th high school reunion for my highschool and I could not imagine taking time out of my day to see those people at nearly 70. Like I'm old and tired now, I bet I'll be extra old and tired then 😂😂😂
Im in high school. In my case,my friends never supported me. I was very shameless and they were awkward people. I realised my peronality was changing when I'm being close to them.
But the fact that no one matches my vibe in my school makes me sad. Now i don't have any friend
I mentioned in the video "sub cliques", I used to have a "sub group" of friends in elementary school thru middle school where I so badly wanted to be like them. One-on-one, it was fine. I felt like I had good friendships with each of them. Once we were all together, I felt overshadowed cuz I was different from them as a whole. Basically I felt tolerated lol. Once in highschool, I naturally started gravitating towards the rest of our friends in the overall group. But still didn't quite feel like I belonged. Looking back, I think what got me thru were the surface level friendships I made when I turned to my other extracurriculars. It wasn't what I was searching for, but it was what I needed at that time. Something a lot of people don't realize or forget, is that friendships/relationships can come and go. Not all of them are for forever, even if we have that expectation.
Try approaching someone you've never really talked to, someone you might not normally talk to. Try joining a new club, a gym, or go to a park and just say hi to someone. The thing to remember is you have to put out as much effort as you'd expect from others. And keep trying, you can't stop just because you tried to be friendly to 5 people and none of them worked out because the 6th person could be someone just like you, looking for a friend also.
In the grand scheme of things, highschool is such a miniscule part of your life. I know it may not seem that way right now since you're in high school, but I promise it is. There's so much more to come after highschool. It's all dependent on you, which can be freeing and scary, but the opportunity is there. It's just a matter of whether or not you'll make the most of your experiences.
@@charminglykoko Thank you... Didnt expected this lengthy reply from you.. 😂 anyway good luck.. Make more videos like these
that’s so real
This was really helpful ! Thankyou so much. The term floater is exactly what ive felt for yearsssss, I genuinely want to mean something to someone.
I've always thought the term 'floater' was something that I just said to myself but I'm finding that quite a lot of people have used that term as well lol. It's always nice knowing there are others that understand how you're feeling.
You'll find your people, it just takes time. I didn't meet my current best friend till my 4th year in college and she's 3 years younger than me. Now we're starting year 10 of our friendship. It took years and a lot of trial and error to find my close friends in the military community. And I've only now found solid friends at my current location after living here almost 3 years. You just have to be patient in finding your people, but it's worth it once you find them ❤
I appreciate you watching!
you are so beautiful!! You are radiating and there's sunshine on your face
I know I'm not the only one that grew up sheltered, but it always feels good to know when you're not alone in an experience. That somebody else understands.
I'm so happy you have found your people! It's such an amazing feeling when you realize someone comes into your life and they just understand you in ways you've always sought after.
Also, you commenting on my speaking is such a compliment! If only you saw all the excess footage that gets cut during editing 😂Formulating my thoughts and articulating them is definitely a skill that I need to practice.
Thank you for the kind words, your comment was needed more than you realize ❤
I feeling this right now. In high school, I would never hang out with anyone outside of school itself so i made it my mission to make friends in college. I joined a bunch of clubs and I made some good friends and acquaintances. Right now I’m in this friend group which I thought I was close too but lately I just feel a bit excluded in some hangouts. I think a big part of that is because I’m a dry af texter and it takes an extreme long time to open up and be vulnerable with someone. Right now I’m trying to open up more but it’s tough. Especially this semester when I’m doing an internship, I’m working in my apartment remotely tho, and everyone is on campus. The journey to find genuine friendships is difficult, but I know it’s the types of relationships I want to keep long term.
I used to think working from home would be so cool, people who do it are lucky, but it really depends on what kind of person you are. I am someone who struggle working in their home environment. When I was in college, my best work was anywhere that wasn't my room. Even just going across the hall (suite style) to my best friend's room was enough for me to be productive. Assuming you just need your computer, my biggest advice would be to take your work to campus and try to schedule some breaks around when your friends are free. Meet up for lunch or have them join you and have a study/work session. Or go to campus/plan meet ups for after work. Working remotely, it's going to take more effort on your part since you're not where the majority of your friends are. Another thought is to find other remote workers and have a meet up where you do your work together (assuming ya'll just need your computers).
I also encourage you to voice your concerns to your friend groups. Tell them you'd like to be included more, that you're feeling left out. Like I said, it's going to take more effort from your side. Most of the time, I feel like we take things personally when there wasn't any ill intent (I know I used to do this). It could just be a group of them are together and made spontaneous plans for right then and there. Maybe they think you're busy. Maybe they know what hours you work but they want to do something during those hours (just assumptions since idk the situation). But they can't correct their actions when they don't know what they're doing wrong. If you don't do your part in communicating, you can't expect change out of them.
Granted it wasn't till after college, after maturing more, I started being more direct with my friend groups. Telling them I felt excluded (because I was the 'new friend'), I didn't think it was intentional but it made me feel like I didn't matter, etc. They literally told me they were glad I told them and didn't expect them to read my mind and that they were glad I was mature and could communicate my feelings. Yes it was nerve wracking, coming up with scenarios, me thinking I was overreacting, but just like any other skill, it takes practice for it to become easier.
i clicked on this video on a whim, but this is so relatable because i went through almost a similar thing like you (the friend i confided in, backstabbed me in the end lol)
Dang, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I try to tell myself that those kinds of experiences help shape us and teach us lessons....but that doesn't make the experience suck any less 🙃
I appreciate you giving my video a chance and watching!
I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I am still going through this (I'm in middle school), thank you for making me feel more wanted.
Oh lordy you are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you! The only advice I can offer is to keep an open mind/heart and just work on being a good person yourself. It's cheesy but I do believe you receive the same energy that you put out. School isn't forever and the real world is a lot harder, so enjoy your time in school while you can. You'll find your true friends eventually, it really is something that can take years.
Wow! There are so many of us!
Dear Koko, people are pretty shallow in general, and if you have deeper feelings and thoughts you are already not communicating on the same vibe and people feel that. You felt not wanted, but there have been cues that they felt that they were not wanted from you as well, you just became aware of it later. It is hard to find friends, especially if you need deeper understanding and connection, which many people actually don't need that much, most of the people are happy just socializing with the same group which has the same idea of having fun and that's it. Also if your parents wouldn't let you join them for some activities, they took it for granted later and stopped inviting you, they might have thought that you were "boring" because of that, because you don't join them for fun things. And they also felt the rejection from you. It really goes both ways. But I totally relate to this, been there not once. Mostly I contributed to the situation by sticking to people that I knew subconsciously that they were not my people and thought if I haven't done anything wrong that means that they wronged me. But no, it was just not the right match and I stayed there because I didn't think it could be better and that I deserved better relationships. Friendships are hard until they aren't. I recommend the channel of Caroline Winkler, che has great thoughts and tips on friendships. I'm so glad you have the right people in your life now.
For sure 1 day you said “my parents never let me go anywhere” and they always just kept that in their heart. Lol
This made me feel so much better, i feel like i’m going crazy sometimes. But i see their pfp’s on insta and it’s them at a party without me 😔
You're not alone! Remember that social media is nothing but a highlight reel. Most people are going to post whatever it is that makes them look good/better to others. If you see that they're posting things that they've done without you, just learn to accept that they're not your people. It's not their fault and it's not yours, we're not meant to get along with everyone we meet. Sometimes it's harder to realize and accept when it's people you've grown up with your whole life but there are literally billions of others out there. It takes time to find people who are meant for you and who you're meant for. Be selective of who you allow into your circle and work on being the best version of you so you can also be a solid friend to others ❤
@ charminglykoko
Thank you gal💕needed to hear that
:") i feel you so hard
im currently going through this rn, they always leave me in school and i sit alone at tables. i felt like they didnt want me to be with them and idk what to do. im not sure if i have the courage to confront them in fear of them completely ditching me
thank you so much for making this video, it makes me better that im not the only one experiencing this :)
I'm assuming you're in high school? Just remember that you have so much life ahead of you. In the grand scheme of things, school is such a miniscule part of your life. I know it seems like everything right now, but that's just because it's all you know. Once you have more life experience, you'll realize your school years aren't whats going to set the standards for your life.
Another thing to remember, it may feel personal but sometimes it's not. They may not realize they're leaving you out or think it doesn't bother you if you don't speak up. It's scary but confronting them doesn't have to be a scary or aggressive thing. It's simply explaining your thoughts and feelings. How they choose to receive or not is on them as long as you do your part to communicate in a respectful manner. If you do speak up and they say they don't want to be your friend, think of it as a blessing. You'd no longer have to put in the time and energy towards relationships that won't serve you. Which means you can focus your energy towards finding people who are for you.
@@charminglykoko oh my god thank you so much u literally made my day
Gurlie samee i was recently diagnosed with eupd and i always loved my friends but they dont seem to understand that i really dont mean it when i have temper tantrums and they just cut me off, relationships ended, failed my finals and im here now wanting to die
Thank you for this. I'm currently going through this, and it helped to know it happens
It's hard, but you just have to keep an open mind and know that your people are out there. I've lived at my current location going on 3 years and I've only just found 2 amazing friends. Remember, quality over quantity when it comes to who you allow in your inner circle ❤
@charminglykoko Yesss again, thanks. I think this has further helped from not taking it as "I'm no longer gonna try with people." I'm still gonna be as outgoing as ever and enjoy people's company. Quality over quantity.
I need help with i have this friend named Larissa Holland
Ma'am, you don't know how insanely relatable this was...thank you sm...all the love and best wishes🌿🫧🪻💖💖🍁🫐❤🌱
thank YOU for watching ❤❤❤