How to get rid of the angry boss | Hector Marcel | TEDxBushwick
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- Опубликовано: 28 май 2015
- One of the most liberating moments of a human life comes when we recognize our incredible capacity for transformation. Changing the way we interact with our world, changes the way we experience that world; bringing a kind of peace that is unmoved by external conditions. Hector talks about a moment of profound inner change that altered the course of his career and life.
Hector Marcel is an organizational change management professional specializing in performance, culture and service. He is the Senior VP of Learning and Change for John Foley Inc., delivering workshops on High Performance. Hector is also a teacher of eastern philosophy, applying ancient Asian ideas to modern western problems for individuals and teams. He is the Founder and Director of the 108 Lives Project, a micro non-profit connecting western social entrepreneurs with underprivileged communities in the East. Hector’s strength lies in his ability to genuinely engage with people’s core drives; to build networks that garner support for change and a greater vision of our world.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
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I’m really trying Sir. I watched this months ago and it calmed me. But I think he is getting off on my compassion. I’m losing my tolerance. I am now shedding tears at this moment in misery.
same here
Same
Go to HR asap. If HR doesn’t do anything, leave the company. I hope you will find the right company where you will be truly happy and fulfilled.🙏❤️
I’m hoping all is well
You usually can't change your boss by compassion. However, you can fill yourself with love and peace through compassion.
It doesn't matter whether the angry boss enjoys bullying you or not. It's what you feel that matters the most.
Stepping in others shoes helps you to see things clearly and stop attacking others or yourself in your mind.
It makes you calm down and deal with the problems you should be focusing on.
When you have compassion for others, it's easier to take control of your emotions.
Sleeep Chen....
I wonder if in this case the boss-partner had the propensity for self audit.
Or if the real change came from the speaker who was able to reframe reality.
I've left many toxic colleagues over the years.
These organizations remain, the colleagues remain unchanged, and are terrorizing others.
Tough one. If someone has figured this video out and can break it down for the rest of us, fire away!
What if I'm not angry and full of hate? I've been practicing self awareness and showing love and kindness to myself and others for years. My angry boss does indeed affect all her employees and all I want is peace. I go to work feeling afraid of the potential yelling and anger as it triggers my ptsd. Now where do I go from here? I am awaiting to move and find a new job. There is no HR department or anything more I can do. While I wait out the next couple of months, I rely on my spirituality and even bring all my crystals and stones to work with me in hopes of being protected. I still feel anxiety everyday going into work. I tell myself this is a learning lesson and it will help my future well being as well as my career stepping stone. I just wish things were different. I wish there were more things I could do to change these circumstances. Sigh.
He explained how he was trapped in the situation due to a citizenship issue. His approach is merely one that allows for survival in a situation where you don't have the control. It takes the power over your emotions away from the abuser.
In a situation where you can leave, it's obviously best to leave. Still, compassion is always helpful.
Yes, it is not allowing someone's treatment of us, or their words to affect how we feel, and to not be triggered, which is very difficult due to our amygdulas (our limbic system), and due to being conditioned as children to believe WE are responsible for everyone else's feelings and that others are responsible for how we feel about ourselves, believing what they tell and show us.
You can become more stoic, but narcissistic bosses will never change and they don't care to.
Hector!! You are a 'Hec' of an amazingly present, sensitive and loving human being, and an excellent teacher of self-transformation! _/I\_ Still learning from you, . . . on new levels now. Lots of love and gratitude to you ~ and your magical friends!
Hi! I'm so sorry I didn't see your comment earlier. Grateful for your words.
That really helps, thank you. I am so full of hatred for my old boss and how he mobbed me out of my job that I am going to try this. I've suspected that compassion is the key, but this presentation confirms it for me.
So awesome to read this - sorry I didn't see your comments earlier. You can totally do the same exercise with memories of past events, people and emotions and feel a personal liberation. In essence with compassion we can change our past!
I fired my angry boss yesterday
".. The reality is shaped by the content of what we say, and what we think...." 9:45 Thats powerful. Good share, thanks!
Absolutely positively beautiful. Thoughts are things. They create your reality
I do not agree with this video. Most bullies have been operating throughout their lives with complex, unresolved, psychological/emotional issues and sometimes even psychopathy in the most dangerous cases. They will not change unless they actually WANT to seek professional mental health treatment and this rarely occurs.
Sure, the tactics here presented help this man cope with the abuse, but in many cases the bully continues until confrontation occurs or people just leave the job/company. Bullies often accumulate power and corporate structures are impotent or negligent and continue to look the other way.
His boss should get a verbal warning, a written warning, and then terminated. Yelling and physical displays of aggression should not be tolerated in any decent company with an HR division that is compliant with state/federal employment regulations. This boss should get fired or the company should be sued for perpetuating the issue.
His bully boss. was originally a friend, otherwise why would he go into business with him. A different class of bully boss compared with most, who would celebrate if they made their target cry.
I very much agree with you. Furthermore, the speaker switches the role of his business partner into his boss. I suppose that most of those who watch this video, like me, have a boss that they can’t fire. On the contrary, they have the risk that their angry boss could fire them.
I have a narcissistic psychopath as a boss and there is no hatred in me as I have perfectly functioning relationships with everyone else at work. And I can’t fire him.
I think that the speaker’s experience doesn’t apply for most of us. Only for those that enable a business partner to become their boss. Which may be a common case but somehow caused also by him.
Narcissistic psychopaths bosses are very difficult to manage and I don’t think much of the speaker’s experience can be of any help.
He found the way to deal with it. It's justice and fairness what was really missing in the environment and still in many of our workplaces. It's uncomfortable to know that the attacked side must be the one to change.
Absolutely agree. The abuse will ESCALADE if you show compassion. Leave the job and at your next job, learn from the experience and establish yourself as an individual who will not tolerate the bullying behavior. Document the bullying behavior and go to HR if your job has an HR department. If that doesn't work then leave.
bdupri25 - Thank you for your honesty. I really appreciate it. Yelling at people is mean and destructive. The problem is not with the person targeted but with the bully. Yelling should not be tolerated one single iota. Compassion, at least to my understanding, means tough love sometimes - ie not letting bully bosses get away with verbal abuse and/or body language that intimidates. These are forms of violence which are epidemic and need to be called out as often as possible - hard as that is to do. Until we learn to resist in whatever way we can, the epidemic will continue. I don't think resistance always means we must speak up in a self-advocatory way to psychologically violent people. Wise silence can also be a form of resistance. But sometimes I've had to speak up, and even though I've suffered retaliation, I'm grateful for the times I've spoken truth to power.
That's deep truth. I really needed to hear this today.
Thank You, it means a lot to me to know that experience is making a difference
Awesome. I love change especially when it's me changing me. People accuse me of being superior when actually I found peace by being the change knowing the only thing I have the power to change is me in this moment. Thanks for sharing of your experience.
The important piece of context in this scenario is that his "boss", as I understand it, was a silent partner in their company. They had a history. One in which they had built trust and a sense of interdependence with one another. What he's describing is essentially a rough patch in a marriage between two people who more or less chose each other. These suggestions are far less reliable in scenarios which involve people who are assigned to each other.
Best Ted talk I ever heard. Because I can remember feeling that exact feeling it’s a feeling that surpasses all understanding. We are all capable of this. It starts with empathy.
Mr. Marcel presents here one of the most insightful discussions of handling bulling that I have ever encountered.This ted talk has inspired in me much introspection, and I have listened to this talk several times over.
Beautiful talk, I Love It!!!
It’s not the abuser that is the problem, it’s the abused. Got it. You can certainly go grey rock with abusive people and understand that they are miserable people. That will help you process what’s happening. At the same time it’s still best to walk away from these types of people.
Thank you, Hector, for helping me through my journey. I will practice this as of today. Powerful message.
Grateful for your words - happy to help anytime
Indeed, perfect and timely for me. Thank You.
I'm sorry I didn't see your comment earlier, grateful for your comment because it feels great to know that experience can help improve other's lives! thank YOU
Great video, very passionate presentation.
I really doubt this works. Wouldn't it give more power to the other person to make you his easy target to vent out his frustrations?
I dream of an angry boss over a passive aggressive, smiler saying it’s fine while sinking the knife. You know liars.
This video deserves more views.
😍 Wow. Excellent. ... And thank you.
I enjoyed this talk. I think he was talking about a generally angry boss type person, not a psychopath as others said.
Hector is right and a good presenter.
Super, video shared, thank you so much
Wow thank you!
Wow-just wow !!!!
wow do I need this teaching, oh brother do I ever!
"I hope you find many teachers" 🙏💞
This is beautiful.
This did not work on a passive aggressive boss.
At first I just took it.
Then examined him.
Then examined myself.
Then like 7th grade fought back by yelling and using profanity. Telling him to shut the f up.
It was what he wanted to hear and became very nice to me.
He shortly retired saying he was burned out from a high pressure job. Stopped taking it out on me and even gave me an old car when I blew my engine.
He wasn't the sociopath I thought he was. Just an overworked old man.
Dude this could be a good movie plot 😫
You're basically suggesting becoming a doormat...
I'm grateful of having no relationship whatsoever
Wao moment for after a long time
Sometimes it better relocating to a new job where you're appreciated and with better pay. His situation is different. He had a business partner.
Big wow for him
This is the best thing presentation I have watched. Thank you, Hector.
Sounds like the victim is being victimized. I simply avoid those angry people.
The best thing is laugh at your boss what’s the worst that could happen
Always stick up for yourself it’s better to fit in and pick your battles but know your limit that’s why save that money and tell him to F off
Very beautiful
yikes, i tried studying with this guy around this time. and i thought then that this would be an insane approach to life for a lot of people. and compassion isn't that hard to live by without all this convincing? so i dropped him
his rhetoric does attract people though ..many who are in a tough place too, or have strange egos. i think he preaches prosperity gospel. it's unfortunate, but someone did once say 'if you want to be rich create a religion'. and this guy's right on that path 🥸👍
So cry, got it
He has no idea on anything such as how corporate criminals, bullies and psychopaths at offices work. You have to treat them like criminals. There is no other way. Watch them carefully and know them better than they know themselves. Your compassion will find its appreciation in religious places. Welcome to the world of corporate criminals.
all the other junky TED talks out there get more views, but *TRUTH* is not about quantitative approbation .... *Hector Marcel* knows what is real, and those who resonate with him will show up!
So grateful to know there are eyes out there which also See. Grateful.
1. The message that getting into shouting matches with other people isn’t really healthy is nothing new.
2. If you have a bully boss, it’s easy to become a doormat.
3. The breakthrough he talks about at the end seems a bit far fetched.
4. Title of video is misleading.
Psychological injuries and damages 2:00....
Bro had a nervous breakdown
This has some merit; But I would add that a part of it is expressing pitty and empathy for your Boss bully; once they see that you will not react in kind, you have won.
However comma, sometimes you just need to stomp the shite out of the bully, to gain their respect; Unfortunately this approach while now sparing you, simply deflects their rage onto their next victim...
The challenge is that for millions of people workplace bullying and harassment comes in a million different forms and methods.
Remember, people generally do not quite their job; when the do quit, they quit their horrible boss...
Bosses get angry at you because there are not enough copies of you. Otherwise you would be fired. Act appropriately.
Rubbish, bullying in the workplace should be illegal so I dont agree with the speaker that it is with yourself that you are the angry one.
Answer: Just like how boss get rid of angry employee..
Leave and find a better boss
Download Protegent
Join a union
I have a thug for a boss! Just goddamn awful. Thanks for sharing as have felt ALL of these emotions but need to stop the yelling and defensive nonsense.
Sorry, no compassion, leave the company or you will break his face....
Horrible advice
Sounds like BS to me. What if they carry on being bullying.
This is bullsh@t. Sometimes it is the bosses fault.