I have yet to find a work place that has any maturity level above high school. I have yet to work for a boss that not only allows it but is blinded by the people who are bullies and drag morale down... not to mention who aren’t even capable of doing their job. 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly Ginger. A BIG reason why I took a job as a truck driver later in life. I don't understand why management don't try to eliminate it....for the very reasons mentioned at 7:00.
Hate to tell you this but people don't actually grow up past 18. They just get better at acting different. We're all animals being guided by a weak gps that is our Consciousness. .
I have been there. It takes a lot of time and therapy to grow through it. Workplace mobbing and Bullying seems so misunderstood in the workplace. It isn't just gossip. The difference is usually that it's an attack on the employees work ethic or character. Unfortunately a lot of bullies can get away with such behavior because the boss either encourages or thinks you're making a big deal of nothing. It's also extremely mind altering when you have all of this evidence and even witnesses contradicting the things the bully is saying, but no one seems to care. It took a huge toll on my mental health. If you are reading this and it is happening to you don't be afraid to fight back. Focus on facts not feelings. Things will get better!!
I worked alone in a office for a couple years And then went back with a very nice offer and could not believe the back biting toxic dump of a cesspool I stepped into After a month realize I do not need abuse bullies and toxic people and quite honestly I don’t need the paycheck as the bullies seem to I honestly love what I do It’s a shame cause now have one foot out the door
same goes to me :" manipulative and gaslighting was everywhere. eventho i've tried to be emphatical and accountable, negative talk still happened such as they call it as perfectionism. i just dont understand.
I agree with you. Thank u for sharing. I have had the same situation. I realized that bullies will always have a place in the workplace, toxic coworkers are smart enough to make others believe that the dark is white and the white is dark. So, we need to be smarter and stronger than them. We need to work on ourselves to be a wall that if they hit it, they hurt them selves.
If an employer treats some staff differently than others and refuses to see their wrong in this, then they themselves have to take full responsibility for creating a toxic work environment, which left unchecked will ultimately ruin their own company. This unsurprisingly will negatively impact their employees mental and physical health, even that of some of their strongest and most loyal employees!
I am literally coming to work because I need the money. I am honestly so negative. It's the blatant favoritism for me, the fact that rules are applicable only to curtain individuals
Unless you are in management or a leadership position, in my experience your best option is to leave. Too many times we are asked to deal with drama or put up with it, when management needs to do their job to fix it.
Wow you hit the nail on the head 150%! Management passes the buck because they don’t want to deal with the drama and since it’s not affecting them directly, why get involved!
No one person can change an entire workplace culture of incompetent bosses, jealousy, gossip, laziness, mental issues, phoniness and two-faced people at work. No job is going to be 100% perfect but I suggest align yourself with a company that share most of your core values. Thank goodness I don't get close with people at work and I have my own personal relationships outside of work that I focus my energy. Good topic
sometimes it is difficult to see through these things upon an initial interview.. you never realise what you've gotten yourself into unless you're a few months into the job.
true, find people who can bring the best of us instead of absorbing our positive outlook bcos of thwir negativity 😂 Same content from LEAP Channel Learn 👌
I believe that gossip and spreading rumors is not only detrimental to a work environment, but also to a social environment too. I used to be a person who gossipped frequently and also spread rumors. Something I enjoyed doing also was instigating. I am not proud of it. It took a while to change, but I did. I am sorry to everyone that I gossipped about and/or hurt in any other way.
@@rockstarofredondoexactly. I'm very curious to. What made her enjoy it? What it a sense of power and control to be able to manipulate an environment? Feeling better about yourself because someone seems to be in a worse off position?
@@EButta71I think it has that short-term ego, self-esteem boost. Very addictive. I see it all the time in whispered, “side conversations” where I work.
I have both lost jobs and left jobs DUE TO working environments like this. It is frustrating when “leadership” does nothing to address this. I have also learned how to stop gossiping myself, but others do it anyway. This is very helpful. Thank you for the insight.
How is it lack of leadership and respect? You sound like a narc who’s narcing has fallen on deaf ears or someone who wants people wrote up and fired for small potatoes
I am witnessing this at the moment where I work and due to absorbing the overwhelming negative behaviour at work I have found myself lowering myself into this negativity and toxicity. I realised after snipping at a colleague I have to rise myself above this and be more mindful. So have decided my colleagues are not my friends, from here on out I will keep it pleasant, not say anything negative and the only person who suffers is me. Just because they want to be negative doesn't mean I do. I have to stay true to me and remain focused on my future goals and visualise a swan, calm, poised and graceful which is what I will be.
I think backbiting comes also from frustration of leaders not leading, dealing with horrible personalties. When you bring it to management, they don't want to deal with it and the turn it back on you. Its just a terrible situation. There really needs to be some sort of mental health and emotional health test before any kind of employment. Some people just need to be out of the workforce, and on disability. Its unbelievable what you have to go through just to make an honest living.
You are so right!! Over the years bad personalities have destroyed many great working teams and environments. Those bad personalities take others down their path. When they leave, I’ve seen workgroups that were struggling to meet their goals, all of a sudden are excelling. It’s like the gained 3 more full time employees, when one employee left!!!
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved. Usually there is a main unlucky subject made scapegoat. It is unreal the lengths these small clusters of self inflated losers will go in destroying a person.
It's got to the point that I am willing to forgo any and all of my previous work endeavors just to find a safe work environment. Local taxi drivers are a good source of potential work environments. Avoid companies where the workforce is predominantly young. Pay attention to red flag atmospheres.
You need to understand the reasons why people back-bite. 1. People like the attention. 2. It is an indirect way to get back at someone by damaging their image; It doesn't matter so much if it is true or not. 3. Some people find the misfortune or suffering of others humorous and even enjoyable. 4. People use it to elevate their own status within a group. 5. Hearing bad things about others makes some people feel better about themselves by comparison. 6. People use it to try and discredit their competition, and win more opportunities for themselves. 7. Sharing "secrets" forms a social connection. You aren't going to get rid of these with a sign-up sheet. They are too deeply ingrained in human nature.
@Jess Stuart, you are so absolutely right , your words are so true! You have hit the nail right on the head. May I ask, is your background studying people behavior. You have such a keen eye.
I just did this yesterday! I am trying to change it now that I am aware of it. I realized that one woman has latched onto me & all she does is complain about others and it has rubbed off. Nothing out of her mouth is good. Also, Brene Brown said it best, when you judge others and gossip with someone you think you are forming a connection with that person, a common ground, but it does the opposite. The toxic work environment needs to change.
Every time you're being compared with somebody, makes an influence on forming your self-esteem. In the working environment where I am right now, there is always the one who is being bullied. And if there is no victim, it means you're the one. For the person who will not adapt and will not support those who are bullying the victim, it will be a high risk to become the one who is being bullied and blackbiten. Believe me, this is much deeper than just gossiping, such things can totally ruin your self-esteem or lead to emotional burnout For sure, it works differently for everyone, cannot even imagine how devastating the consequences can be
I agree. We need to have new and different communication styles. Miserable people do this....They could be doing this and there are deeper issues. For eg:- There could be a need for counselling and more support....people doing this as they are miserable or bringing their home and personal issues to work.
Oh yeah. Hatchet men have to keep the office in turmoil to draw attention away from their own in competence. As I told the guy above, check out a piece titled The Hatchet Man's Playbook. It's absolutely spot on. PS Im glad it's not just me that had that nonsense happened to.
Im still working in a very toxic work place. It effected my self esteem. The main bosses didn't care about the fairy tales the manger told. She got away with everything. Im now looking for another job. Sadly i lost myself because i been in this toxic environment over 12 yrs.
Blah boo leave immediately or take a paid vacation, even leave without pay to just relax and change your environment ASAP. it’s bad for our soul to be surrounded by negative ppl who WANT to see us sad and feel down. Don’t let them win, change your environment, stop venting or listening to others vent and leave as soon as you have another job lined up. I feel you.
my team leader and manager wrongfully fired me on my family vacation. Upon returning to get my tools, the owner and general manager offered me a $3 raise to stay. Since then, these last 2 months have been rough. I lost my apprentice to someone less deserving (i.m.o.) and I no longer feel like a part of the team. I have been facing these challenges and learning a lot about myself, my limits, and things I could have done better. There is a lot of different factors that contribute to the unhealthy environment I work in. I do not see the place changing, but I am strong, I am fierce, and I am going to be a great leader/boss one day where ever life takes me. If you are having a bad day, I hope this video brightened your day. It did mine. From here on, I will stop backbiting and keep my mouth closed, unless asked for my opinion by a higher up.
at my work place I experienced toxic environment, and it effects my daily day. I was friendly and communicative person.. once I worked with these toxic people.. it hits me so badly.. I lost my self esteem, I couldn't say the whole sentence every time I tried to explain my self. I hate conflicts..work is work for me. I love my work..but people around me..ruining my happiness. I tried to learn their language and culture but I feel like I'm invisible to them, they dont even include me in the group. They just talk and talk...so the whole shift I just quiet. I dont know what to do...
@@jinnrose579 so glad you did! I quit a job after 3 weeks that offered great benefits and 80k/ year because the work environment was so toxic. I decided it was not worth it so I quit and now I make nuch much less but I'm happier. My only regret is not having quit sooner.
In my experience time and time again, people will say there is too much gossip at their workplace and they don't like it. However "they" are never the gossips. It's almost always everyone else who is the problem. So I'm more inclined the believe the real problem is hypocrisy. If people won't accept responsibility for their own roles in office gossip, then giving them advice on how to stop it will go in one ear and out the other.
So true, we're always quick to blame everyone else but our selves. True growth is when we question if what it is we are doing is morally right or wrong. Only then can we get a definitve answer.
Very wise and good teaching! It’s why I never was in the past a backbiting person on any human of any age. My PARENTS never talked, spoke, or whined about anyone in front of us kids. In honesty yes I have become a back bitter in retaliation within my current community due to over worked under pressure work amoug heavy users of bank bitting. Literally every employee and 70% of the customer base are backbiters. I have been unwilling submerged by the mental/emotional ugliest place i have ever resided. I took my bull by the horns and now work from home to stay away from such disease. Backbiting uncorrected becomes like a cancer. I’m not free of it, i just will not work submerged in it to make others happy. I am able to be whom I really am once again.
I notice that the biggest “troublemakers” are the least competent employees. The weakest links. Yet, they have the ability to pull others into their negative vortex and will literally destroy the social fabric of an organization because they refuse to work on themselves. Deflection at its best. 😢
We are having a problem at work with this very situation. Thankfully my manager knows of the problem and wants to make our enviroment better. I mean come on! We spend almost everyday at work 9 to 5, sometimes seeing our coworkers more than our own families. There is no place for such toxicity...no negative talk is allowed at home, so why would I tolerate it at work? Great talk, I'm sending this to my bosses! 🙏
Great talk, thanks Glenn. It is a fact that we mostly ignore and just do at workplace and home. But once we manage to stop backbiting, I believe the environment will be a better place to live.
I think the main issue is people get comfortable and then don’t care about new people coming in. They just have to find their way and really it’s sad. They need to really stop and yes I’m guilty of back biting but i will tell you why I do it. Because I do not like or appreciate negative people trying to befriend me.
For 18 years I worked in an office where the culture was almost perfect. I say almost because we had one creature who backstabbed and stamped her way up the ladder, but fortunately for the most part we could ignore her (she wasn't my manager so I had quite some fun annoying her). The manager who hired most of us was a lovely man, and I think his choice of staff was largely responsible for the happy family we all became, with many of us 'growing up' together, and still friends years later.
Lotus Bee they think you are crazy and weird because you are not synching up with them behaviorally. Double edged sword tho. If you engage with them they will require that you interact of their level and then punish you for doing so because they know it is wrong behavior.
@@brebre0121 who care they get it or no its about you darling to cut what makes you sad or if you want to get experienced in life this should be your excuse to stay
I'm on a robotics team and I am watching this again to make a presentation and have it approved so we can work on this together. I had a situation where a friend of mine felt really uncomfortable being around another team member so I had to intervene personally. So I want to fix this once and for all in our workspace.
This is so true. Backbiting is absolutely toxic behavior. It never helps solve the problem. It makes it worse. Interaction, collaboration and debate help colleagues improve and helps the team become productive.
Finally a ted talk where the solution is clear. So often these talks just poi t out problems, and are just meant to get us thinking, but dont provide answers. This guy's idea was one simple idea of "not talking behind peoples backs" or more aptly put "no backbiting" as a rule in life and the workplace. He explains in the speech, the reasoning why it is so important.
If you are looking up videos about unhealthy work environments, you have likely already taken the initiative to fix the relationships and will not be able to change things. You are not the problem. Start planing and executing your exit strategy now.
Massive overturn of staff, low staff morale, formal complaints about bullying and harassment, conflicts amongst workers, staff expected to work 12hr days and on weekends. Yet management says everything is fine.
Awesome speech. I love the triple filter test. Gossiping is too common and is a form of social terrorism. The only time negative information is beneficial is if it's regarding something truly horrible and can be useful in knowing about it to gain awareness. Other then that, most gossiping is nitpicking and trying to spread negative opinion about someone else.
I would say go over their head then. Anytime you're dealing with a power tripper refuse to play ball. Don't get sucked into their head games, rise above them. What you're showing is initiative and their superior will see your own leadership capabilities and intelligence to think outside the box. And if the one they answer to is the same way then I think you have enough indication that you're in a dead end job. So get out and find better.
@@glennrolfsen9016 Thanks Glen, this is exactly what I needed - that was powerful stuff. I have been dealing with the consequences of my boss backbiting me to the leadership team. Now they keep belittling me based on what my boss said when I wasn't there. I will make it a habit to remind people to not talk negatively about other people when they are not around. Thank you again!
When you indulge in gossip you add toxicity to the situation. By not participating you facilitate its removal. Continue to refuse to comment using the very useful TGU as your guide and in time it will dissipate.
Usually I mind my own business. People may talk about me and I not know about but I worked at the same place for 8 years. So I really don't know what you're talking about.
This presentation is very relatable and applicable in many settings. I have shown your video to nursing students during conversations about professionalism and leadership. Thank you for uploading to RUclips, Glenn!
I worked in a few toxic environments and my experience was that I could bring long term meaningful change to the culture and atmosphere where I was in leadership positions, and had the power to effect change. Even with the authority to effect change, it did not happen without a lot of time, determination and effort. Where I didn't have the authority to effect change, it was practically impossible to do so. Although, in my personal capacity, I never allowed the environment to influence my behaviour, it was still emotionally and mentally draining, causing me to leave for my own peace of mind
What ways did you cope with the environment? I feel I am in the same boat. I am not giving my power away, by letting the environment influence my inner being. Nonetheless it’s is mentally and emotionally draining.
@@luisvilla2873 it depends if you're in a position to effect change or not. If you're not in a position to effect change then I find the quickest way to get peace is planning for your exit. Just merely preparing for your exit changes your mindset and your energy because you then start to focus on moving forward, which inadvertently means releasing the current stressful situation, so you don't take things as seriously anymore because in your mind you already have one foot out. The truth is even if you don't actually get out because the opportunity doesn't present itself, you'll find that you'll start to cope so much better mentally and emotionally where you are unconsciously. When the right opportunity comes along, then take it. When I say prepare for your exit, I mean do everything that you would do if you were actually going to leave in a month - short of actually handing in your resignation and informing your peers of course lol.
In my workplace the bully cunning manipulative sociopath colleague became friends with the boss. My boss and many of my other colleagues don't believe anything I say, everybody believes the sociopath who is so very charming. The result is that everybody loves the charming sociopath while I'm the bad guy because I complain and nobody believes me. Eventually the messenger (me) who can spot the sociopath, is seen by others as being a negative person has to start looking for another job. There are so many selfish backstabbing people. Apart from them there are so many scared people who are too afraid to say something, because they are afraid to lose their job. The approach in this video is a nice idea, but not very realistic.
Super Frankie You're describing a Malignant Narcissist who probably has Narcissistic Personality disorder. I am finding that educating myself about it has been helping. I agree with you that simply refraining from gossip is underestimating the complexity and seriousness of the situation. Often these people demand complete submission and will do anything to force you to comply. It can be a nightmare. I wish you the best of luck.
I believe it works with them as they thrive in such fearful environments and would be not tolerated....so the narcissist would not get supply & hopefully they would leave
If you went to school like I did, we worked hard for the career we are in. Don't let anyone make you second guess your decision. Brush it off. They are not worth your time. They don't pay your bills..you do. Plus, they are probably jealous of you and the only control they have is at work. Because, they have no control at home. They are not worth it.
The problems are well discussed by this speaker. I agree with much of this discussion. I truly think its partly due to the fact that for many in power they must sustain their authority because for them collegue or manager, they are doing well so it's fun for them to say or do anything they wish.
My work environment is extremely toxic. It's me and one other person that works in our unit. She has no respect for me, talks very loudly on her personal calls with no regards for me none what so ever, constantly uses profanity which I can not stand to hear because I don't use foul language, plays her music loudly, chews and smacks her food very loudly, and gossips and spreads poisonous words about everybody except herself. Smiles in everyone's face but tears them down behind their backs. She has mostly everyone wrapped around her fingers because they don't know the real her. I can't just up and leave like I'd love to. The toxic environment feels like it's slowly declining my mental and physical health. I've had small talks with her before about these issues but it hasn't changed a thing. It's only gotten worse. I'm a quiet non confrontational type of person, so this feels like a loose loose situation for me, as if the walls are closing in on me with no where to go. Prayer and Gods word is what's keeping my sanity afloat.
Third-person-gossiping about me behind my back? How blessed I must be! ("Blessed" originally meant "envied," or so I am told.) Thank The Lord, for these people are in my business, and I'm not even present to defend myself. In other words, I have business, and am so important in it that these people envy me to the degree that they slander me, even at the expense of their own reputations. ("Satan" means, "The slanderer.") Hence, judge not, lest ye be judged. I have learned that great people implement ideas, big people talk about ideas, and little people talk about other people. Even successful politicians seem to have learned long ago--no such thing as bad publicity. So, go ahead and slander me as much as you want. It only hurts you.
Its not just the physical initiatives but the behavioural ones too that can improve health and productivity - Robert Kegan reminds us we get paid to do 2 jobs, the real one and the 2nd one expended where we cover our backs. Gleen Rolfsen tells us how to stop back biting overnight
I think it might be important to distinguish gossip from talking things over with a supportive friend - I feel like it’s not gossip if the person you’re talking to doesn’t know the person you’re talking about…because it’s healthy to talk about the issue especially if you are also working out solutions, and no one’s feelings get hurt because they don’t know each other
I wish people knew the emotional and physical impact they had on others. My manager is manipulative and psychotic. He is brutally authentic with no empathy and he is rewarded time and time again and governs everyone through fear. It's terrorising.
The triple filter test is a very interesting concept. Socrates was a very wise man. I believe it's the last one, usefulness, is what people are getting hung up on. Usefulness can be talking negatively if it empowers others against a bully.
OR Laney Landis is she wanting things to change for the better. Useful is a very broad word. The essence of what Glenn Rolfsen is saying is ... It is toxic (no-one wants or likes it) to listen to things that are NOT TRUE. If it is true ...is there a solution ---This may be what your 'savior' co-worker wants, "A Solution" to a very bad problem. In that case, it is useful.
If only....my workplace would say, "oh how nice" but they would never agree to this because they couldn't commit to it themselves. Backbiting is the backbone of the organization, as is backstabbing. No wonder everyone warns the newcomer, "Watch your back."
-Raise your hand if theres gossip in your workplace? - OK thats 90% of you -Raise your hand if you want a workplace with no gossip -OK thats only 10% of you 😂
Really liked the speech. Im in a toxic working environment where backbiting is a normal thing. Personally unfortunately became like others get in bacbiting sometimes, but from now i will stop that. By the way, In islam, prophet Muhammad pbuh said: "Do you know what is backbiting?" The Companions said: "Allah and His Messenger know better." Thereupon he said, "Backbiting is talking about your (Muslim) brother in a manner which he dislikes." It was said to him: "What if my (Muslim) brother is as I say." He said, "If he is actually as you say, then that is backbiting; but if that is not in him, that is slandering
I just watched this as a recommendation for a U of A management class, Myself as a manager find it classic that staff members as seen in the comments below can immediately accuse their manager of committing atrocities in the workplace when it doesn't work out for them. I work in local government and witness backbiting in all areas from staff about staff, manager about manager and taxpayer against staff and managers. Humans when allowed too, can become toxic to each other. The video was informative, but in practice? not practical.
This is the first time I’ve seen this video. But a few years ago at work I gathered a few friends and said let’s make a pact where for 30 days we don’t talk about anything negative about other people. Everyone agreed but before the first week was out people were saying they didn’t want to abide by this agreement because not having the Ability to vent about things going on in the workplace was making them feel worse and they felt the camaraderie of coworkers being able to share negative experiences was what help them get through the day. Anyways I thought it was an interesting perspective and wonder if anyone else can relate?
How to Start Channing Unhealthy Work Environment - Rumors / gossip create a toxic and unhealthy work environment - It is hard to change a toxic environment, why? Taking behind each other’s back. - Triple Filter Test - used to test if you are backbiting o Is what you are saying TRUE? o Is it anything Good? o Is what you are telling me useful? - Why do we backbite? o Provides an elevation as we lift our selves up compared to others o Makes us sound interesting, in turn boosting our confidence - How to get a permanent end to backbiting o Gather in a group and ask: Do we backbite? What is Backbiting? Do we want to work in a place with no backbiting? Start a 6-month trial for no backbiting (Make them sign it) and frame the contract as motivation Every week ask the group how they are doing with the backbiting goal o It works, benefits are more productivity and less incidents
Have you experienced being in a situation where a person comes up with a malicious talk in the absence of another person? I thank Glenn for his talk on this and your triple filter test was peculiar. Friends, just avoid backbiting by undergoing the following test. Check whether it's true Is that something good? Is that useful? So if you can’t say something good, then say nothing at all.
I once challenge a plastic wannabe manager about something after keeping quiet for sometime. Funnily enough, she spent the next few weeks scrutinizing my work although there was nothing out of the ordinary. She would the find the smallest of errors to try to accuse me of slacking. If I rebutted or refuted anything I was see as being confrontational. The irony was that she did very little and would always get promoted. It was pointless going to the manager because the manager is a family member, it was even more pointless going to the manager's manager because they were within the circle of friends.
Listening to back biting can destroy your relationship with the person constantly mentioned in negative light. Even if they mean no harm, even if they are good. My in-laws and their daughter did it with me. I have a crippled social life. Also, I was okay with them doing it as I did not understand the consequences of listening to back biting. Gain your own experience with each person don’t let your sub conscious mind elude with back biting.
Is it possible that one is NOT bullying but rather addressing an area of concern for growth? We are overly sensitive to/when areas of deficiency is addressed. Some people leave a conversation with one interpretation that differs from the other person’s experience. That “reality” is shared with any and everyone willing to listen. Looking for validation and comfort.
And one injustice that I believe deserves much more attention is the mobbing method used by some employees-namely, their tendency to lebel the just anf fair people they plot against as "too sensitive" "hypersensitive" ...
Yes, there is thi "standard" "coventional" type of gossip...people gosip for no reason...However, there is one other phenomenon among humans that may be percieved as gossiping or rumoring (talking about an absent person) but it has entirely different motive than just finding some satisfaction in talking badly about somebody who is not there, and this other motive is confessing to someone about the absent person doing something bad to you ( e.g. degrading/belitteling you or your work verbally or psychologically, directly or indirectly, putting you down, mocking you, undermining younornyour work in front of others, putting a pressure on you, ignoring your requests or questions, being bossy to you, and demotivating you in any other way). Now, this too is talking about the person while that person is not present, but the motive here is entirely different. In this second case we are talking about a person who feels disatsified/demotivated with the way the absent person is treating her/him, but decided to confess to someone else instead of discussing the issue with the absent person because she feels that the absent person is not unapproachable or reasonable. So, the solution for this second type of 'talkin about the absent person' cannot be solved by this non-gossip policy suggested above but by making the leader approachable and open to help solve the problem and stop the baddoer....
glenn rolfsen Thank you Glenn...I believe a lot of people would truly appreciate if you expended this topic beyond that one element called backbiting....to include perfidious mobbing methods (that may include things like mocking under the pretext of being just humorous amd funny, labelling people who react to injustices as "hypersensitive", indirectly expecting and pushing people to choose "sides" between two or more clans in a workplace, etc.)....
1. Group concepts: contribute, access, loan, stability, obligation, pursuit, need, facility, collaboration, attitude, evolve 2. Backbiting is very unhealthy in general 3. There are many other backbiters except women, who backbite but in very unhealthy way
I am a headmaster of an NGO school. As I was a teacher before. As their needs were not met I went about trying to improve their situation and became very understanding. But they started becoming very casual and even talk back to me and I still don't answer back as I have a flaring temper. I don't know how to gain their respect anymore. I am going nuts and I don't know how to handle them.
Dear Moalong - Not everybody has to be at this kind of workplace - Take care of your self if possible - Life is to short - If you have an option.. Warmly Glenn
I find it helpful to exude a healthy persona upon both the workplace environment and coworkers/management and especially customers and patrons if that is the case. This means cleaning and organizing the workplace out of one’s own proactivity in addition to maintaining upbeat and cohesive relationships with personnel in appropriate ways.
I have yet to find a work place that has any maturity level above high school. I have yet to work for a boss that not only allows it but is blinded by the people who are bullies and drag morale down... not to mention who aren’t even capable of doing their job. 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly Ginger. A BIG reason why I took a job as a truck driver later in life. I don't understand why management don't try to eliminate it....for the very reasons mentioned at 7:00.
Hate to tell you this but people don't actually grow up past 18. They just get better at acting different. We're all animals being guided by a weak gps that is our Consciousness. .
I've experienced that ONLY on the corporate level. Which is mind-blowing
YES!!! And you are called "negative workplace environment" when you're doing your work joyfully. And they are rewarded. It's exhausting.
Keep preaching sister. We all feel it.
I have been there. It takes a lot of time and therapy to grow through it. Workplace mobbing and Bullying seems so misunderstood in the workplace. It isn't just gossip. The difference is usually that it's an attack on the employees work ethic or character. Unfortunately a lot of bullies can get away with such behavior because the boss either encourages or thinks you're making a big deal of nothing. It's also extremely mind altering when you have all of this evidence and even witnesses contradicting the things the bully is saying, but no one seems to care. It took a huge toll on my mental health. If you are reading this and it is happening to you don't be afraid to fight back. Focus on facts not feelings. Things will get better!!
Thank you so much Carey Grubb, I agree with you, don't give up!!!
I worked alone in a office for a couple years
And then went back with a very nice offer and could not believe the back biting toxic dump of a cesspool I stepped into
After a month realize I do not need abuse bullies and toxic people and quite honestly I don’t need the paycheck as the bullies seem to
I honestly love what I do
It’s a shame cause now have one foot out the door
same goes to me :" manipulative and gaslighting was everywhere. eventho i've tried to be emphatical and accountable, negative talk still happened such as they call it as perfectionism. i just dont understand.
Thank you for this.. and I want to get out of that.. they will never change..
I agree with you. Thank u for sharing. I have had the same situation. I realized that bullies will always have a place in the workplace, toxic coworkers are smart enough to make others believe that the dark is white and the white is dark. So, we need to be smarter and stronger than them. We need to work on ourselves to be a wall that if they hit it, they hurt them selves.
If an employer treats some staff differently than others and refuses to see their wrong in this, then they themselves have to take full responsibility for creating a toxic work environment, which left unchecked will ultimately ruin their own company. This unsurprisingly will negatively impact their employees mental and physical health, even that of some of their strongest and most loyal employees!
Factz!
All this👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻. YES JayPMusic. Exactly!
Alllllll thisssss just recently went through it
Going through it now.😮
I am literally coming to work because I need the money. I am honestly so negative. It's the blatant favoritism for me, the fact that rules are applicable only to curtain individuals
Unless you are in management or a leadership position, in my experience your best option is to leave. Too many times we are asked to deal with drama or put up with it, when management needs to do their job to fix it.
It's why I change jobs every year. I don't want to but no matter what kind of job or position it is a year is the max I can take of everyone's drama.
Trrruueee.. I hate drama everyday..
Wow you hit the nail on the head 150%! Management passes the buck because they don’t want to deal with the drama and since it’s not affecting them directly, why get involved!
Spot on!
No one person can change an entire workplace culture of incompetent bosses, jealousy, gossip, laziness, mental issues, phoniness and two-faced people at work. No job is going to be 100% perfect but I suggest align yourself with a company that share most of your core values. Thank goodness I don't get close with people at work and I have my own personal relationships outside of work that I focus my energy. Good topic
Kayleeta Whitfield I feel like continual thinking and acceptance of “no one can do anything about it” might be the issue ?
sometimes it is difficult to see through these things upon an initial interview.. you never realise what you've gotten yourself into unless you're a few months into the job.
true, find people who can bring the best of us instead of absorbing our positive outlook bcos of thwir negativity 😂 Same content from LEAP Channel Learn 👌
Kayleeta Whitfield really good
One has to start. Doesn't mean they're doing everything alone.
I believe that gossip and spreading rumors is not only detrimental to a work environment, but also to a social environment too. I used to be a person who gossipped frequently and also spread rumors. Something I enjoyed doing also was instigating. I am not proud of it. It took a while to change, but I did. I am sorry to everyone that I gossipped about and/or hurt in any other way.
Thanks for being honest, thats a really good value in life!!!! Keep it real Lauren Spivack!!! Warmly Glenn
Admire your courage! I'm curious because I have these people in my team and want to make improvements in the culture. What urged the change?
Wow, that’s incredible. What made you enjoy these activities in the first place, just out of curiosity?
@@rockstarofredondoexactly. I'm very curious to. What made her enjoy it? What it a sense of power and control to be able to manipulate an environment? Feeling better about yourself because someone seems to be in a worse off position?
@@EButta71I think it has that short-term ego, self-esteem boost. Very addictive. I see it all the time in whispered, “side conversations” where I work.
I have both lost jobs and left jobs DUE TO working environments like this. It is frustrating when “leadership” does nothing to address this. I have also learned how to stop gossiping myself, but others do it anyway. This is very helpful. Thank you for the insight.
Good info, but the problem at my workplace is not backbiting. It's lack of leadership and respect.
It's the "silent" backbiting
How is it lack of leadership and respect? You sound like a narc who’s narcing has fallen on deaf ears or someone who wants people wrote up and fired for small potatoes
Dont post vague complaints with no substance just weird vague opinion
I am witnessing this at the moment where I work and due to absorbing the overwhelming negative behaviour at work I have found myself lowering myself into this negativity and toxicity. I realised after snipping at a colleague I have to rise myself above this and be more mindful. So have decided my colleagues are not my friends, from here on out I will keep it pleasant, not say anything negative and the only person who suffers is me. Just because they want to be negative doesn't mean I do. I have to stay true to me and remain focused on my future goals and visualise a swan, calm, poised and graceful which is what I will be.
Yes !!!
Awesome. Way to go!!!
Me too. We gave to remember Our integrity. Gossip is Not the WHOLE TRUTH. Only by improving communication can we kill such negativity at its roots.
It's been 6 months. Have you stuck to this?
Debbie Moore jesus that's so deep. Thank you.
I think backbiting comes also from frustration of leaders not leading, dealing with horrible personalties. When you bring it to management, they don't want to deal with it and the turn it back on you.
Its just a terrible situation. There really needs to be some sort of mental health and emotional health test before any kind of employment.
Some people just need to be out of the workforce, and on disability.
Its unbelievable what you have to go through just to make an honest living.
If it was possible.. lexusC... But it is not I belive. Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
glenn rolfsen thanks Glenn. I really wish it was.
You said it all!
You are so right!! Over the years bad personalities have destroyed many great working teams and environments. Those bad personalities take others down their path. When they leave, I’ve seen workgroups that were struggling to meet their goals, all of a sudden are excelling. It’s like the gained 3 more full time employees, when one employee left!!!
Hahaha that's funny and true at the same time 🤣
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved. Usually there is a main unlucky subject made scapegoat. It is unreal the lengths these small clusters of self inflated losers will go in destroying a person.
Spot on. In every company, I worked, this back stabbing started, after I receieved recognition for my work.
what goes up, must come down and what forms an “in group” automatically creates outliers …
@@999timepass For me, backbiting started when the coworker started to steal credit, take more than give in help in the lab, and tried to be sneaky.
9@@999timepass
@@MrDarthvisI would not even mind if somebody else took credit, only to get things done.
When management is not willing to fix problems, the easiest way to fix it yourself is to find new employment. 🤷♂️
It's got to the point that I am willing to forgo any and all of my previous work endeavors just to find a safe work environment. Local taxi drivers are a good source of potential work environments. Avoid companies where the workforce is predominantly young. Pay attention to red flag atmospheres.
Exactly
Totally agree! Taking action to do exactly that!
With 90 percent of the ordience admitting thez gossip at there work place how many jobs are you going to change
@Pamela Bergner good for you
You need to understand the reasons why people back-bite.
1. People like the attention.
2. It is an indirect way to get back at someone by damaging their image; It doesn't matter so much if it is true or not.
3. Some people find the misfortune or suffering of others humorous and even enjoyable.
4. People use it to elevate their own status within a group.
5. Hearing bad things about others makes some people feel better about themselves by comparison.
6. People use it to try and discredit their competition, and win more opportunities for themselves.
7. Sharing "secrets" forms a social connection.
You aren't going to get rid of these with a sign-up sheet. They are too deeply ingrained in human nature.
Jess Stuart couldnt agree more
Jess Stuart ALL OF WHAT YOUR LIST IS TOXIC AND HIGHLY DYSFUNCTIONAL
Accurate! I work with someone who fits every one of those statements. I believe these people do this because they are insecure.
Very concise and clever list.
@Jess Stuart, you are so absolutely right , your words are so true! You have hit the nail right on the head. May I ask, is your background studying people behavior. You have such a keen eye.
I just did this yesterday! I am trying to change it now that I am aware of it. I realized that one woman has latched onto me & all she does is complain about others and it has rubbed off. Nothing out of her mouth is good. Also, Brene Brown said it best, when you judge others and gossip with someone you think you are forming a connection with that person, a common ground, but it does the opposite. The toxic work environment needs to change.
Every time you're being compared with somebody, makes an influence on forming your self-esteem. In the working environment where I am right now, there is always the one who is being bullied. And if there is no victim, it means you're the one. For the person who will not adapt and will not support those who are bullying the victim, it will be a high risk to become the one who is being bullied and blackbiten. Believe me, this is much deeper than just gossiping, such things can totally ruin your self-esteem or lead to emotional burnout
For sure, it works differently for everyone, cannot even imagine how devastating the consequences can be
Bad and absent leadership breeds back-biting
I agree. We need to have new and different communication styles. Miserable people do this....They could be doing this and there are deeper issues. For eg:-
There could be a need for counselling and more support....people doing this as they are miserable or bringing their home and personal issues to work.
YES !!! Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
Or, their job environment is miserable...due the lack of sufficient leadership from Supervisor that is inept and supported by management anyway
Oh yeah. Hatchet men have to keep the office in turmoil to draw attention away from their own in competence. As I told the guy above, check out a piece titled The Hatchet Man's Playbook. It's absolutely spot on. PS Im glad it's not just me that had that nonsense happened to.
Totally true
Im still working in a very toxic work place. It effected my self esteem. The main bosses didn't care about the fairy tales the manger told. She got away with everything. Im now looking for another job. Sadly i lost myself because i been in this toxic environment over 12 yrs.
Blah boo leave immediately or take a paid vacation, even leave without pay to just relax and change your environment ASAP. it’s bad for our soul to be surrounded by negative ppl who WANT to see us sad and feel down. Don’t let them win, change your environment, stop venting or listening to others vent and leave as soon as you have another job lined up. I feel you.
I am experiencing this at the moment
I feel you.. same boat..
in the same boat, 7 years now. I know i should leave :'( as if depression, anxiety, panic attack isnt good enough reason to leave.
my team leader and manager wrongfully fired me on my family vacation. Upon returning to get my tools, the owner and general manager offered me a $3 raise to stay. Since then, these last 2 months have been rough. I lost my apprentice to someone less deserving (i.m.o.) and I no longer feel like a part of the team. I have been facing these challenges and learning a lot about myself, my limits, and things I could have done better. There is a lot of different factors that contribute to the unhealthy environment I work in. I do not see the place changing, but I am strong, I am fierce, and I am going to be a great leader/boss one day where ever life takes me. If you are having a bad day, I hope this video brightened your day. It did mine. From here on, I will stop backbiting and keep my mouth closed, unless asked for my opinion by a higher up.
at my work place I experienced toxic environment, and it effects my daily day. I was friendly and communicative person.. once I worked with these toxic people.. it hits me so badly.. I lost my self esteem, I couldn't say the whole sentence every time I tried to explain my self. I hate conflicts..work is work for me. I love my work..but people around me..ruining my happiness. I tried to learn their language and culture but I feel like I'm invisible to them, they dont even include me in the group. They just talk and talk...so the whole shift I just quiet. I dont know what to do...
Bullies will get karma
Quit! No strategy will help
I have been there before and the best thing is to quit
@@marys3738 I did☺️ best ever decision I made☺️
@@jinnrose579 so glad you did! I quit a job after 3 weeks that offered great benefits and 80k/ year because the work environment was so toxic. I decided it was not worth it so I quit and now I make nuch much less but I'm happier. My only regret is not having quit sooner.
BRUH SAME 😭 I can’t face this thing anymore :)
In my experience time and time again, people will say there is too much gossip at their workplace and they don't like it. However "they" are never the gossips. It's almost always everyone else who is the problem.
So I'm more inclined the believe the real problem is hypocrisy. If people won't accept responsibility for their own roles in office gossip, then giving them advice on how to stop it will go in one ear and out the other.
So true, we're always quick to blame everyone else but our selves. True growth is when we question if what it is we are doing is morally right or wrong. Only then can we get a definitve answer.
Very wise and good teaching! It’s why I never was in the past a backbiting person on any human of any age. My PARENTS never talked, spoke, or whined about anyone in front of us kids. In honesty yes I have become a back bitter in retaliation within my current community due to over worked under pressure work amoug heavy users of bank bitting. Literally every employee and 70% of the customer base are backbiters. I have been unwilling submerged by the mental/emotional ugliest place i have ever resided. I took my bull by the horns and now work from home to stay away from such disease. Backbiting uncorrected becomes like a cancer. I’m not free of it, i just will not work submerged in it to make others happy. I am able to be whom I really am once again.
100% agree, backbiting is one of the main reasons why we suffer as human being and it is very common and overlooked.
I notice that the biggest “troublemakers” are the least competent employees. The weakest links. Yet, they have the ability to pull others into their negative vortex and will literally destroy the social fabric of an organization because they refuse to work on themselves. Deflection at its best. 😢
We are having a problem at work with this very situation. Thankfully my manager knows of the problem and wants to make our enviroment better. I mean come on! We spend almost everyday at work 9 to 5, sometimes seeing our coworkers more than our own families. There is no place for such toxicity...no negative talk is allowed at home, so why would I tolerate it at work? Great talk, I'm sending this to my bosses! 🙏
Crucial points to me
2:47 the triple-filter test
4:19 what we feel when backbiting
Great talk, thanks Glenn. It is a fact that we mostly ignore and just do at workplace and home. But once we manage to stop backbiting, I believe the environment will be a better place to live.
I have a sense of dread when I have to work with my manager. I’ve learned to stay silent and not ask questions because he turns them around on me.
My manager used to do that
I think the main issue is people get comfortable and then don’t care about new people coming in. They just have to find their way and really it’s sad. They need to really stop and yes I’m guilty of back biting but i will tell you why I do it. Because I do not like or appreciate negative people trying to befriend me.
A healthy work environment is essential for the wellbeing and happiness of your employees! Fantastic talk👏🏻
For 18 years I worked in an office where the culture was almost perfect. I say almost because we had one creature who backstabbed and stamped her way up the ladder, but fortunately for the most part we could ignore her (she wasn't my manager so I had quite some fun annoying her). The manager who hired most of us was a lovely man, and I think his choice of staff was largely responsible for the happy family we all became, with many of us 'growing up' together, and still friends years later.
Thanks Irene
Irene You hit the lottery.
Great! That's rare.
Rare event .our manager is an immatured man child who attack me infront of others in daily meetings .
You are annoying her on purpose, why play victim here?
I talk very little to coworkers . I get talked about often .
Lotus Bee they think you are crazy and weird because you are not synching up with them behaviorally. Double edged sword tho. If you engage with them they will require that you interact of their level and then punish you for doing so because they know it is wrong behavior.
Same here
Vivian ... 100%.
Same here
same
If it’s toxic... leave. Life is too short
Seth Myers wish it was that easy. I need to stay longer to make more experience.
If exp is too short than career will be shorter.
so easy to say!!!!!!! it's not easy just to pick up and leave
I don’t want to leave and give them the satisfaction
@@brebre0121 who care they get it or no its about you darling to cut what makes you sad or if you want to get experienced in life this should be your excuse to stay
I'm on a robotics team and I am watching this again to make a presentation and have it approved so we can work on this together. I had a situation where a friend of mine felt really uncomfortable being around another team member so I had to intervene personally. So I want to fix this once and for all in our workspace.
How it was?
Yeah cant change human nature unfortunately. Go work for yourself.
Love this video. If by grace if I happen to set up my own business I will add this in my office clause. No backbiting.
This is so true. Backbiting is absolutely toxic behavior. It never helps solve the problem. It makes it worse. Interaction, collaboration and debate help colleagues improve and helps the team become productive.
Most breakdowns in relationships are caused from unrealistic expectations and poor communication!
Finally a ted talk where the solution is clear. So often these talks just poi t out problems, and are just meant to get us thinking, but dont provide answers. This guy's idea was one simple idea of "not talking behind peoples backs" or more aptly put "no backbiting" as a rule in life and the workplace. He explains in the speech, the reasoning why it is so important.
The comment section is another class on its own. Thank you everyone for your helpful contributions here.
If you are looking up videos about unhealthy work environments, you have likely already taken the initiative to fix the relationships and will not be able to change things. You are not the problem. Start planing and executing your exit strategy now.
Massive overturn of staff, low staff morale, formal complaints about bullying and harassment, conflicts amongst workers, staff expected to work 12hr days and on weekends. Yet management says everything is fine.
Awesome speech. I love the triple filter test. Gossiping is too common and is a form of social terrorism. The only time negative information is beneficial is if it's regarding something truly horrible and can be useful in knowing about it to gain awareness. Other then that, most gossiping is nitpicking and trying to spread negative opinion about someone else.
Doesn't matter the age. It's all about how well our teams can handle news, changes and criticism. Ego is a huge factor in this.
Yeh this sounds simple but what if you have an annoying manager who tries to set you up for failure
Perhaps the possibility to do something else is there? Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
I would say go over their head then. Anytime you're dealing with a power tripper refuse to play ball. Don't get sucked into their head games, rise above them. What you're showing is initiative and their superior will see your own leadership capabilities and intelligence to think outside the box. And if the one they answer to is the same way then I think you have enough indication that you're in a dead end job. So get out and find better.
@@glennrolfsen9016 Thanks Glen, this is exactly what I needed - that was powerful stuff. I have been dealing with the consequences of my boss backbiting me to the leadership team. Now they keep belittling me based on what my boss said when I wasn't there. I will make it a habit to remind people to not talk negatively about other people when they are not around. Thank you again!
90% of the audience says it happens at work. Guarantee if you asked them "do you do this behavior?" Nobody would raise a hand....
Dear Nat - True !!!! Warmly Glenn D
i will never ever get tired of watching these ted talks. Good stuff and top of the line materials.
Yes, great talk - we all have a responsibility in this to change the culture around us and in our workplace
If you don't say anything they run all over you and you end up getting fired
When you indulge in gossip you add toxicity to the situation. By not participating you facilitate its removal. Continue to refuse to comment using the very useful TGU as your guide and in time it will dissipate.
Usually I mind my own business. People may talk about me and I not know about but I worked at the same place for 8 years. So I really don't know what you're talking about.
@@reginapoling I still mind my business and my cohorts still talk about me
@@contessa5434 Don't let it get to you. They are the ones who are bored with their lives.
@@reginapoling Yes I know but it is hard. I am emotionally drained.
This presentation is very relatable and applicable in many settings. I have shown your video to nursing students during conversations about professionalism and leadership. Thank you for uploading to RUclips, Glenn!
Thanks Carolyn Miller !!
I worked for a narcissist, the only way to escape was to retire. Now I have peace.
Good for you Mr. Pat Dawkins, sometime this is the only way. Warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
I worked in a few toxic environments and my experience was that I could bring long term meaningful change to the culture and atmosphere where I was in leadership positions, and had the power to effect change. Even with the authority to effect change, it did not happen without a lot of time, determination and effort.
Where I didn't have the authority to effect change, it was practically impossible to do so. Although, in my personal capacity, I never allowed the environment to influence my behaviour, it was still emotionally and mentally draining, causing me to leave for my own peace of mind
What ways did you cope with the environment? I feel I am in the same boat. I am not giving my power away, by letting the environment influence my inner being. Nonetheless it’s is mentally and emotionally draining.
@@luisvilla2873 it depends if you're in a position to effect change or not. If you're not in a position to effect change then I find the quickest way to get peace is planning for your exit. Just merely preparing for your exit changes your mindset and your energy because you then start to focus on moving forward, which inadvertently means releasing the current stressful situation, so you don't take things as seriously anymore because in your mind you already have one foot out. The truth is even if you don't actually get out because the opportunity doesn't present itself, you'll find that you'll start to cope so much better mentally and emotionally where you are unconsciously. When the right opportunity comes along, then take it.
When I say prepare for your exit, I mean do everything that you would do if you were actually going to leave in a month - short of actually handing in your resignation and informing your peers of course lol.
@@dinopadayachee8289 Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom I will take your advice, and apply it to my knowledge.
Gossiping and backbiting forms a feeling of community among those involved.
Wonderful! This has opened my eyes and changed my mind set. I personally will take this challenge. Thank you
thank you that was inspiring, children bully because adults taught them its ok to bully other people, who agrees?
yes, however how would you deal with a workplace bully who is a psychopath/ sociopath? regular reasoning/ logic doesnt work with them.
Rachel H I know what you mean...
Good point. But it probably would still work if everyone else stuck to the rules
In my workplace the bully cunning manipulative sociopath colleague became friends with the boss. My boss and many of my other colleagues don't believe anything I say, everybody believes the sociopath who is so very charming. The result is that everybody loves the charming sociopath while I'm the bad guy because I complain and nobody believes me.
Eventually the messenger (me) who can spot the sociopath, is seen by others as being a negative person has to start looking for another job.
There are so many selfish backstabbing people. Apart from them there are so many scared people who are too afraid to say something, because they are afraid to lose their job.
The approach in this video is a nice idea, but not very realistic.
Super Frankie You're describing a Malignant Narcissist who probably has Narcissistic Personality disorder. I am finding that educating myself about it has been helping. I agree with you that simply refraining from gossip is underestimating the complexity and seriousness of the situation. Often these people demand complete submission and will do anything to force you to comply. It can be a nightmare. I wish you the best of luck.
I believe it works with them as they thrive in such fearful environments and would be not tolerated....so the narcissist would not get supply & hopefully they would leave
If you went to school like I did, we worked hard for the career we are in. Don't let anyone make you second guess your decision. Brush it off. They are not worth your time. They don't pay your bills..you do. Plus, they are probably jealous of you and the only control they have is at work. Because, they have no control at home. They are not worth it.
Negativity affects workplace relations. Amazing insights. Thank you
Thank you. We need more videos like this office problem topic. It described a problem and at the end offered a make-sense solution.
The problems are well discussed by this speaker. I agree with much of this discussion. I truly think its partly due to the fact that for many in power they must sustain their authority because for them collegue or manager, they are doing well so it's fun for them to say or do anything they wish.
My work environment is extremely toxic. It's me and one other person that works in our unit. She has no respect for me, talks very loudly on her personal calls with no regards for me none what so ever, constantly uses profanity which I can not stand to hear because I don't use foul language, plays her music loudly, chews and smacks her food very loudly, and gossips and spreads poisonous words about everybody except herself. Smiles in everyone's face but tears them down behind their backs. She has mostly everyone wrapped around her fingers because they don't know the real her. I can't just up and leave like I'd love to. The toxic environment feels like it's slowly declining my mental and physical health. I've had small talks with her before about these issues but it hasn't changed a thing. It's only gotten worse. I'm a quiet non confrontational type of person, so this feels like a loose loose situation for me, as if the walls are closing in on me with no where to go. Prayer and Gods word is what's keeping my sanity afloat.
I work with people like this, I ignore them.
Third-person-gossiping about me behind my back? How blessed I must be! ("Blessed" originally meant "envied," or so I am told.) Thank The Lord, for these people are in my business, and I'm not even present to defend myself. In other words, I have business, and am so important in it that these people envy me to the degree that they slander me, even at the expense of their own reputations. ("Satan" means, "The slanderer.") Hence, judge not, lest ye be judged.
I have learned that great people implement ideas, big people talk about ideas, and little people talk about other people.
Even successful politicians seem to have learned long ago--no such thing as bad publicity. So, go ahead and slander me as much as you want. It only hurts you.
;) I like your thinking Greg Austin ;) - warmly Glenn D. Rolfsen
Humble man . Thank you sir
Beautiful impressive talk . Few people in society with low self esteem Do this back bitting. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
Its not just the physical initiatives but the behavioural ones too that can improve health and productivity - Robert Kegan reminds us we get paid to do 2 jobs, the real one and the 2nd one expended where we cover our backs. Gleen Rolfsen tells us how to stop back biting overnight
I think it might be important to distinguish gossip from talking things over with a supportive friend - I feel like it’s not gossip if the person you’re talking to doesn’t know the person you’re talking about…because it’s healthy to talk about the issue especially if you are also working out solutions, and no one’s feelings get hurt because they don’t know each other
I wish people knew the emotional and physical impact they had on others. My manager is manipulative and psychotic. He is brutally authentic with no empathy and he is rewarded time and time again and governs everyone through fear. It's terrorising.
Simple but true, good, and very useful. Thanks for sharing. 👍
The triple filter test is a very interesting concept. Socrates was a very wise man. I believe it's the last one, usefulness, is what people are getting hung up on. Usefulness can be talking negatively if it empowers others against a bully.
Josh Howard I can see my gossipy friend thinking it’s useful because she think she everyone’s savior
OR Laney Landis is she wanting things to change for the better. Useful is a very broad word. The essence of what Glenn Rolfsen is saying is ... It is toxic (no-one wants or likes it) to listen to things that are NOT TRUE. If it is true ...is there a solution ---This may be what your 'savior' co-worker wants, "A Solution" to a very bad problem. In that case, it is useful.
If only....my workplace would say, "oh how nice" but they would never agree to this because they couldn't commit to it themselves. Backbiting is the backbone of the organization, as is backstabbing. No wonder everyone warns the newcomer, "Watch your back."
Always best to walk away and find another job if the manager is absent and no longer doing their job
This is great, thank you.
-Raise your hand if theres gossip in your workplace?
- OK thats 90% of you
-Raise your hand if you want a workplace with no gossip
-OK thats only 10% of you 😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think this (backbiting) is happening in the US Government, which is causing negativity in our environment.
Really liked the speech. Im in a toxic working environment where backbiting is a normal thing. Personally unfortunately became like others get in bacbiting sometimes, but from now i will stop that. By the way, In islam, prophet Muhammad pbuh said:
"Do you know what is backbiting?" The Companions said: "Allah and His Messenger know better." Thereupon he said, "Backbiting is talking about your (Muslim) brother in a manner which he dislikes." It was said to him: "What if my (Muslim) brother is as I say." He said, "If he is actually as you say, then that is backbiting; but if that is not in him, that is slandering
Watching this so I can route out all of the toxic wokism at my job.
Wish me luck.
Very explanatory and motivating speech...kudos to you
One of the best ethics and morale advice that is applicable for all aspects of life
I just watched this as a recommendation for a U of A management class, Myself as a manager find it classic that staff members as seen in the comments below can immediately accuse their manager of committing atrocities in the workplace when it doesn't work out for them. I work in local government and witness backbiting in all areas from staff about staff, manager about manager and taxpayer against staff and managers. Humans when allowed too, can become toxic to each other. The video was informative, but in practice? not practical.
Well, my direct manager literally does everything this guy says!
This is the first time I’ve seen this video. But a few years ago at work I gathered a few friends and said let’s make a pact where for 30 days we don’t talk about anything negative about other people. Everyone agreed but before the first week was out people were saying they didn’t want to abide by this agreement because not having the Ability to vent about things going on in the workplace was making them feel worse and they felt the camaraderie of coworkers being able to share negative experiences was what help them get through the day. Anyways I thought it was an interesting perspective and wonder if anyone else can relate?
How to Start Channing Unhealthy Work Environment
- Rumors / gossip create a toxic and unhealthy work environment
- It is hard to change a toxic environment, why? Taking behind each other’s back.
- Triple Filter Test - used to test if you are backbiting
o Is what you are saying TRUE?
o Is it anything Good?
o Is what you are telling me useful?
- Why do we backbite?
o Provides an elevation as we lift our selves up compared to others
o Makes us sound interesting, in turn boosting our confidence
- How to get a permanent end to backbiting
o Gather in a group and ask:
Do we backbite?
What is Backbiting?
Do we want to work in a place with no backbiting?
Start a 6-month trial for no backbiting (Make them sign it) and frame the contract as motivation
Every week ask the group how they are doing with the backbiting goal
o It works, benefits are more productivity and less incidents
This is one of the best TEDTalks I've listened to
Have you experienced being in a situation where a person comes up with a malicious talk in the absence of another person?
I thank Glenn for his talk on this and your triple filter test was peculiar.
Friends, just avoid backbiting by undergoing the following test.
Check whether it's true
Is that something good?
Is that useful?
So if you can’t say something good, then say nothing at all.
I like to wake up naturally, so at work, I have to deal with back biting all the time.
I love the wisdom,thanks alot
You can't change what management allows, supports. Only way you can change that is to quit.
I did that! Feels GREAT
Excellent insight - thank you SO much :) I want to try your idea. I hope & pray people will be kinder & respectful toward with each other..
Thanks m
Warmly
Glenn D
I feel like I’m working in a zoo with monkeys that can’t be controlled. So unprofessional
I once challenge a plastic wannabe manager about something after keeping quiet for sometime. Funnily enough, she spent the next few weeks scrutinizing my work although there was nothing out of the ordinary. She would the find the smallest of errors to try to accuse me of slacking. If I rebutted or refuted anything I was see as being confrontational. The irony was that she did very little and would always get promoted. It was pointless going to the manager because the manager is a family member, it was even more pointless going to the manager's manager because they were within the circle of friends.
Listening to back biting can destroy your relationship with the person constantly mentioned in negative light. Even if they mean no harm, even if they are good. My in-laws and their daughter did it with me. I have a crippled social life. Also, I was okay with them doing it as I did not understand the consequences of listening to back biting.
Gain your own experience with each person don’t let your sub conscious mind elude with back biting.
Is it possible that one is NOT bullying but rather addressing an area of concern for growth? We are overly sensitive to/when areas of deficiency is addressed. Some people leave a conversation with one interpretation that differs from the other person’s experience. That “reality” is shared with any and everyone willing to listen. Looking for validation and comfort.
Wonderful talk!
Thank you for sharing these helpful information 😊
And one injustice that I believe deserves much more attention is the mobbing method used by some employees-namely, their tendency to lebel the just anf fair people they plot against as "too sensitive" "hypersensitive" ...
Yes, there is thi "standard" "coventional" type of gossip...people gosip for no reason...However, there is one other phenomenon among humans that may be percieved as gossiping or rumoring (talking about an absent person) but it has entirely different motive than just finding some satisfaction in talking badly about somebody who is not there, and this other motive is confessing to someone about the absent person doing something bad to you ( e.g. degrading/belitteling you or your work verbally or psychologically, directly or indirectly, putting you down, mocking you, undermining younornyour work in front of others, putting a pressure on you, ignoring your requests or questions, being bossy to you, and demotivating you in any other way). Now, this too is talking about the person while that person is not present, but the motive here is entirely different. In this second case we are talking about a person who feels disatsified/demotivated with the way the absent person is treating her/him, but decided to confess to someone else instead of discussing the issue with the absent person because she feels that the absent person is not unapproachable or reasonable. So, the solution for this second type of 'talkin about the absent person' cannot be solved by this non-gossip policy suggested above but by making the leader approachable and open to help solve the problem and stop the baddoer....
Thanks, you are so right !!
glenn rolfsen
Thank you Glenn...I believe a lot of people would truly appreciate if you expended this topic beyond that one element called backbiting....to include perfidious mobbing methods (that may include things like mocking under the pretext of being just humorous amd funny, labelling people who react to injustices as "hypersensitive", indirectly expecting and pushing people to choose "sides" between two or more clans in a workplace, etc.)....
1. Group concepts: contribute, access, loan, stability, obligation, pursuit, need, facility, collaboration, attitude, evolve
2. Backbiting is very unhealthy in general
3. There are many other backbiters except women, who backbite but in very unhealthy way
All work environments are toxic and unfixable in my experience. I hate all work and work ruins my life.
I am a headmaster of an NGO school. As I was a teacher before. As their needs were not met I went about trying to improve their situation and became very understanding. But they started becoming very casual and even talk back to me and I still don't answer back as I have a flaring temper. I don't know how to gain their respect anymore. I am going nuts and I don't know how to handle them.
Dear Moalong - Not everybody has to be at this kind of workplace - Take care of your self if possible - Life is to short - If you have an option.. Warmly Glenn
Do you mean to say I have to leave my job.
It comes down to how people handle themselves in all parts of life, not just at work. Sadhguru explains these things better than I can.
I find it helpful to exude a healthy persona upon both the workplace environment and coworkers/management and especially customers and patrons if that is the case. This means cleaning and organizing the workplace out of one’s own proactivity in addition to maintaining upbeat and cohesive relationships with personnel in appropriate ways.