How To Be More Assertive
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- Опубликовано: 22 июл 2024
- #assertiveness #assertivecommunication #socialskills
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More than 70% of you said you’d like to become more assertive but you have no idea how to do so.
And I don’t blame you, because I don’t remember anyone in school telling us how to stand up for ourselves to protect our needs and wants.
So within the next few minutes I’m going to give you the only guide you’ll ever need to become more assertive, so your relationships with others can stop operating with the power imbalance between a snail and a lion.
Whether you’re the snail or the lion, I’ll let you decide.
0:00 Snails & lions
0:24 What is assertiveness?
4:34 (1) Where are you on the continuum?
7:54 (2) The 3 part assertion message
9:21 (3) Pro tips for delivering your 3 part assertive message
16:04 (4) Dealing with defensiveness (the push-push-back phenomenon)
17:47 Assertive body language
20:46 (5) Pro tips continued
25:55 (6) A quick fire way to stop someone’s behaviour
26:51 (7) The 6 ways of saying no
27:18 Summary
How refreshing, a calm and pleasant speaking voice. Too many youtubers yell at us.
Everything in our culture enslaving us. No youtuber can fix this
Facts
Oh yes he has nice way about him. Great video too
So sexy too! The perfect white man!!!
I misread the thumbnail and thought it said "your thirties ends now" . I was like, what the hell it just started. I'm only 31😂
Hahaha, let’s see how many others do the same 😂😂😂
😂😂
Dyslexia can be a gift aswell as a curse
count the days sweetheart. be careful driving.
when is it a gift😭@@bugzyhardrada3168
The most difficult part of this for me is definitely not getting triggered or defensive when the other person is on the defense or acting aggressive. Gotta work on that reflective listening and staying calm
It is by far one of the hardest things to do. Let's call it emotional intelligence on steroids. Good luck, you got this.
Love how society keeps telling kids to not fight when someone is bullying them. Then society is surprised we have a generation of timid men that get an anxiety attack just thinking of talking to a woman or going to a job interview...
This has basically been me all my life , care about others peoples feelings more than my own, I become submissive to people who I believe are authority figures hence making me shy. Probably a result of my upbringing and need to uproot this pathetic weakness before it ruins my life.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone here feels like a piece of shit. 😂
Love that RUclips is helping us all collectively grow up 💯💯💯
I lived like that all my life too up until the past year or two ago. I always put myself last and made sure I was the one always looking out for my friends and family and all I ever got besides being taken advantage of and walked all over was the occasional smile and a thank you.
Well within the past year or so at 25 years young I decided that I've finally had enough of all that. If this world is going to do nothing but abuse me for what I have to offer, and there's no other way for me to get what I want and the respect that I know I deserve, then I'll play their game right alongside them.
I forced this change upon myself by quitting my job and throwing myself into a field where a submissive personality will ensure absolute failure (that being carpentry/construction) it was extremely difficult at first and the first six months or so were absolute hell because all my life up until now I've been that submissive quiet little boy who is hesitant to speak first or walk in the door ahead of anyone else. Even if you keep your head down some of these guys are like sharks smelling blood in the water and they will target you if they think you're weak. I went through several jobs and companies and learned many skills as I did so, practical ones yes but more importantly how to stand up for myself and how to not only stand up to "bullies" but also how to get along with them and turn them from bully to friend.
Today I am a roofer doing some of the hardest physical labour of my life, but I have since developed a strong backbone by surrounding myself with others who also have one, and now every day I am eager to get up there and work with men who respect me. Even though I am the least experienced guy on the roof, I can tell that the guys all respect me because I take initiative and show an eagerness to learn and work hard, and whenever someone teases or gets frustrated I just give it right back to them and we still wish each other good night at the end of the day.
Going through this transition was without question the single most difficult and life-altering thing I have ever done, but I am so incredibly glad that I did it and that I never gave up, because I am so much happier with the man that it made me. And I am personally proud of the man I have become, it's honestly probably the first time in my life I've ever felt genuinely proud and accomplished with myself. I don't know how I allowed myself to be that weak little doormat for so many years.
Now I'm not saying that you have to go and do a really hard job to learn how to stand up for yourself. I'm just saying this is what worked for me, that was far from the only reason I went down this career path but it was a big one. My main point is, as someone who has successfully made the change and came out the other side the better, I promise you it is absolutely worth every second of struggle it takes to get there.
it will piss everyone off lol
You’re not a lone brother. We are here with you. 🤝
“Excuse me sir, you’re sitting on my body…which is also my face.”
I would like this comment but it’s gotta stay at 69 likes
“Be more assertive!” Bee beep *puts finger in pocket “Not INsertive!”
When I see videos like this, I feel hopeful, because it shows that I'm not fundamentally broken and I can improve.
Your behaviour might be faulty, but you are not therefore broken. Keep your chin up.
Learning how to fight really made me more confident and its a night and day difference
@@alexfish477seems us men really gotta master it all. Health, finance, friends, family, communication....
@@alexfish477Hey. Way to be super and quickly judgmental.
Like, maybe he means boxing lessons?
@@kevinel1398Alex says "Thats nice." And then tells about his own experience
@@alexfish477 I think he meant just the topic of this video, not physical fighting. I have tried to feel more confident by practicing martial arts but never turned into a tough guy, still remaining insecure. Because I never dared speaking up about the small things, let alone handling physical violence. This video advocates starting small since the devil is in the details.
@@alexfish477uhh, like… you just fought random people on the street? Cause I just took kickboxing classes and learned how to wrestle big opponents 😂😂
17 year old here you are the only youtuber in this space who I feel is 110% genuine and actually happy with their situation in life.
Agreed, 19 here. Have watched every single self improvement RUclipsr and he’s by far the most genuine and the healthiest for your mental health
I agree
Recommend you guys checkout Dr K too
shit same dude
I've learned to really enjoy stuff that's uncomfortable and It's been really successful for me and made me grow alot in every aspect.
Its a wild concept to me that people actually need to be taught to treat others with respect etc. like wtf, why isn't that a natural state for people, it scares the sh*t out of me because I can't comprehend it. I've realized that if I need to fight for boundaries and respect with someone, it's better to be without them
You are the older brother I never had. Seriously you’re opening my eyes. Respect from Italy 💪🏻
The sneaky thing as that people can kind of manipulate you without bad intentions, even before you realize it. Whenever you lose touch with yourself, it’s always a good idea to take a step back and question whether the choices you make are really your own. This is such a darn valuable thing to pay attention to because genuine happiness can only be found in living according to _your_ needs and wants, as long as you’re open to well-intentioned advice and change when needed.
Therefore, not standing up for yourself is not only giving up on individuality, it’s also giving up on the very core of a good life. So stay conscious everyone, and remain true to yourself
I know you've heard this hundreds of times, but I'll be ASSERTIVE and say it again, your content changes lives, it helps me immensely, thank you brate
The amount of knowledge i gained with this video outweiths a month in school.When i see that you uploaded your video i get a nice yet at the same time uncanny feeling becouse i know i will know something that really will help me but will be hard to do.Keep up the work,you are NEEDED.
Thank you for the examples, they were super important for me to understand how and where to use assertiveness. Some of those triggered memories of past conversations that have happened around me or that I participated in. I felt so helpless whenever these happened because it's always the same conversations over and over again and they never lead anywhere. Everybody just gets defensive and acts selfishly and nothing changes and I just do not know what to do differently. This video explained so much and gave me hope.
Your videos are of so much help in everyday life.
I hope i can keep my calm, stand my ground and put the things you've just taught me into practice, the next time i find myself in a situation where i need to be assertive.
I’m employing this with the IRS agents who are seizing my earnings whilst threatening me with imprisonment, and it doesn’t seem to be working.
I could listen to your voice all day! Very smooth and calming.
I don't get say this these days but your channel is a goldmine. Appreciate the efficient delivery of the message without deviation or drama. Keep doing the great work!
It’s annoying because I advocated for communication as a young child but was shut from it by my family, and now they want me to communicate properly and scold me when I don’t. Even up til now they are not effective communicators. Thanks for this video, I’m trying to improve incrementally myself. Maybe I’ll get there one day.
When you take such time and care in explaining things I feel fortunate to be listening because I came across your channel through luck.
I really love the use of "when you, I feel, because" in a positive context. I think that has huge potential for others to feel seen for what they do.
I really needed this message brother. Thank you for packaging it in such a digestible way, I took multiple screenshots throughout and will return to this frequently. I hope the message will stick over time.
Flawless delivery of well forged thoughts! Thanks for your time, friend!
Thanks for the video. The point about addressing the small stuff is exceptionally helpful because I tried to feel more secure by learning self-defence in martial arts. Didn't work. It didn't make me capable of being assertive, just maybe more prepared for when shit hits the fan. I feel resentful sometimes because I let all the small stuff accumulate. Gotta start small, the devil is in the details.
I clicked this because it was recommended to me and I realized I’m already assertive 😂
Glad to see your new videos man) It's incredible how you keep being consistent, keep it up!
Cause of you I started reading more books again. Im starting with Discipline is Destiny now and Im excited af
I'm jealous of how fast you've grown. But tbh, it's well deserved, Kudos man 🤝
Gonna get some popcorn for this
thank you so much for the help! it’s highly appreciated!!
I don't know what exactly he has, but everything about him is so attractive, the voice, the accent, the eyes I can't explain 😂❤. Btw great video.
This video was randomly suggested to me and its absolutely something that Im interested in. Subscribed!
Needed this video when I never knew I did! Keep it up:)
This is the most illuminating video I had in a while now...
I am a man with two faces. I am the most assertive, on a ground level, you may ever meet.
But there is also another side. That side of me is in his castle. It keeps him safe, but it also keeps him trapped and cut off from the world and everything in it.
There is more to it than a spectrum. It's a very complex sphere. Now I am technically PD'd, so that plays a part. But still wanted to put this out there.
I can really relate to this thanks for sharing
I could listen to your voice day and night so comforting and calm thank you for the video
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! my ex gf always said i was being controlling when i trying to be assertive and i think this is going to help her understand that wanting small things for myself isnt control Thank you!
i dont know your gf but I think these days, anyone that simply says no to a woman or isnt a pushover is automatically labeled as controlling. I say, dont change your ways and if she cant understand that... well thats why she's an ex!
Best thing I have seen all day.
This probably is a solution for my entangled emotional mental state.
THANK YOU ❤
I literally thought about how I can better communicate with my wife and I scrolled two seconds to see your video.
Thank you so much bruv! Great info delivered well. Will edit to let you know how the convo goes
When you make these videos, i feel like subscribing, because its quality content!
You make great videos man, very insightful thank you ❤️
Thank you :)
Thank you for this, keeping it real and practical
This video is so well done. Very insightful. Thank you
Thank you genuinely
I needed this reminder! thank you
When you deliver like you did in this video I feel great cause I didn't waste 28 minutes of my life 😂 thank you
When you produce such an exact and point full video i feel sad because i think i won't be able to make it done properly. But i would try. thank you anyway😄🙏🏻
"Pardon me for living" 🤣🤣🤣
“pesky buggars” was just the right phrase to add the levity I needed while watching this. 😄 Great info. Thank you.
This was really comprehensive! Subscribed
Phantastic!
Now I want to hear more about that story with the angry 16 year old in the mall! Great vid as always 💪🏽
Didn't know I needed this, thank you sir. I'm gonna grab the book too.
Wow this is an incredible video. I think almost all of the interpersonal issues Ive experienced were because I am so used to other people (and myself) communicating our boundaries poorly.
This is great content, probably something I miss in my life.🙂
❤from Canada 🇨🇦 i love your voice thanks to you 😊
The best therapy session I needed. so well explained! thanks.
This was wonderful. Thank you so much.
Great breakdown, solutions, and options! This is incredibly practical. Thank you 🙏
Excellent video!!! Very well structured and genuine guy. When I find relatable and inspiring videos on youtube, I feel seen, understood, and inspired, because it gives me different tools to try and grow as a person and build better relationships in my life.
Lol but seriously thanks for this awesome video!
What a great positive assertion! Thank you for taking the time to type this Suri :)
This was sooo good. Very well done.
This was really helpful, thank you.
Wow this was one of the most helpful videos ive ever watched
How helpful and important. Didn't think I had work to do in assertion but now I know I do :•)
float, float, float your boat, assertively down the streeeam
❤your mapping excellent
Well done mate and thank you…🎉❤
Hey, just want to say I’ve been really enjoying your content. Very clear and straight to the point, really entertaining to watch. But what I would really love is to see you making a video on how to maintain a good balance when it comes to empathy. As someone who is naturally very empathetic, it can get a little overwhelming. Showing compassion and having empathy is great and it’s a quality that is much needed but I think it can be too much at times if you’re unable to distance yourself from the suffering of another person. It can start to feel like you’re the one who is going through it sometimes. Not sure if that really goes with the kind of videos you make but I would love to learn how to detach yourself emotionally and have a proper balance where you are able to show compassion but also not let it affect you.
Thanks for your support. That's a great suggestion. I'll do a little bit of research on the topic and see what I can find, then I'll make a video about it. It seems you're asking about how to avoid being a people pleaser, and like you said, how to maintain healthy levels of empathy. Is that correct?
@@NewelOfKnowledge well not sure if it has to do with people pleasing, I'd say it's more on how to not be hyper empathetic to the point it affects us negatively. It's less about how you "show" your empathy and more about how it internally affects you when you don't emotionally distance yourself and remember that the suffering is theirs and not yours. Hope that makes sense. And thanks for considering my request!
This is a great video. Thankyou.
Excellent video.
I used to be very timid and submissive when I was younger. At some point I overcorrected and became kind of an asshole. I'm trying to find the middle ground between the two. Thanks for this.
Very effective video. Thank you
Really good video 👌🏽
I encountered so many objectifying comments when I’m trying to do activities that I enjoy. Ppl think its my choice to be an introvert or a homebody but actually its the lack of consideration and self awareness of other people that destroy any enjoyment I have of other ppl’s company. I am reluctant to express my feelings because in some cases I have to continue to be around them and am more uncomfortable about being confrontational than I am of their actions. I may be partly to blame for always laughing it off or entertaining it so I’m not sure how to address it, especially in public.
i love this video! so much value and insight you provide. thank you for taking the time to create this valuable resource. one small correction, i think you switched yin and yang around, since yin is feminine and about receiving, which would be listening and yang is masculine and about giving, which is what i see assertiveness to be.
Amazing title. Grew up in NYC 70sand 80s. Don’t think many of us have assertiveness issues. See. Everything is good for something. Even NYC
thanks
The real laws of power
I want to add that feminine aggressiveness manifests differently. Think manipulation, character assassination, gossip, etc
This video = Fax
This was a really great informative video, thank you
1 on 1 lessons where I demonstrate assertiveness would be more informative 😙
Awesome. I came to see if this was macho propaganda or well informed. You’re well informed and asking appropriate questions. It’s refreshing. And your voice is smoother than Jude Law’s, so wow. That’s nice.
18:06 Just to be fair, as someone who taught these skills in the field for two decades, your description here is thorough, precise, and accurate for MASTERY. I would expect a sober, beginner adult learner to take two to five years of daily practice to achieve fluency in all the you elements listed. 😅 I can even admit that since working from home for a few years, I would need a solid week of focused practice to get back up to 95% performance. Also, 70% is still passing. 😉
Take it easy on yourselves, people. When you’re doing it right, psychological work is gentle work. 🐢
Thanks for sharing!
Yin is receptive, while Yang is giving. So listening would be the yin to honest communication’s Yang.
☯️ yin is the unseen (dark) emptiness that can receive anything. It’s on the bottom- supporting the active Yang on top - the bright side reaching up 😊 0:59
You're great. I can tell you've thought about this stuff a lot! Keep the comments coming in the future (for any potholes you find in my points, I genuinely appreciate it).
@@NewelOfKnowledge I enjoyed watching your video. I can see you put a lot of work and thoughtfulness into giving generously to your audience. The effect is super! 🙌
Thanks for creating this space here. Did you guess this is one of my favorite topics? lol
Assertion as a social lubricant actually works wonderfully when you can get a group of people together who are all simultaneously choosing it. And the natural reward we get from it seems to pay out over the rest of a lifetime.
I’ll pass you the one-liner I learned in teacher college (2003) and used in my classroom: “Assertion is being able to say ‘no’ and accept ‘no’ as an answer without extra emotions.”
I giggled when you taught the “I statements.” I taught that lesson SOOOO many times and use them often. They work. You did great!
One last note on this: When in a relationship holds true mutual respect the “because” part - one’s reasoning - is not actually important. Respect is using actions and words that show others they are important. People who truly respect you don’t need to understand your reasoning - they simply accept your needs as you express them without any judgement and maybe lend a hand if they can. At least, they get out of your way.
True benevolence has no other motive. Good people want to know your reason. Moral people might attack you if they think you don’t have the right reason. 👀 Be careful out there!
youtube is reading my mind, im convinced.
Nice legit video essay 🙌
And actionables? Subbed fs
This is a good video
This is really interesting about life space. I went through a few years of being quite reclusive. I've recently been making a few friends but I've noticed I tend to find a lot of people quite overwhelming. After seeing them I need to return to my own frequency. They're not bad people, but I kind of feel relieved to be on my own again after? I've worked v hard on my own mindset and sometimes find other people's mindsets quite unsettling to be around.
Edit: Also I agree with the other commenters in that your voice and microphone set up works great here.
Thanks for sharing Kate. It's great to hear you've been making new friends. It sounds like you're discovering where you would like to balance your extroversion and introversion. All the best with it!
Me : *raises volume while listening through headphones because someone in the train is putting very loud music through his phone*
Thought it said your humidity ends now. I was super psyched.
Very Good 😎
The thing is I notice that eye contact is very important but it's hard to keep it. That's what I struggle the most
It feels illegal to watch this and it’s free. Liked and subbed
This is a cool video
Timid" is often used to describe animals, but can also be used for people. A timid horse might be scared by a small dog. Timid implies fearful, or unassertive. If you say a child is timid, this implies that they might be this way for their whole life.
If describing yourself, you would want to say "shy" to mean that it's sometimes hard for you to take a chance and say something out loud. (If you say you're timid, this has a slightly negative meaning.)
Fearfulness and unassertiveness is the reason why it would be hard to take a chance and say something out loud so it wouldn’t be wrong to call that timidity. It IS negative because it holds the person back from being authentic and standing up for themself. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that. That’s kind of a display of “toxic positivity” to sugarcoat and minimize something that causes distress for a lot of people- myself included- just because acknowledging the negative consequences of the trait makes you uncomfortable.
woaah im so early
Solid video! Feel like I’m listening to Jack Sparrow which was legit too
🔥🔥