Communication and Assertiveness: Master Communication and Assertiveness Skills Training (DVD) full
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- Опубликовано: 27 июл 2014
- This communication and assertiveness video can teach you the skills that are essential to develop and keep close and intimate relationships, and your business relationships as well, by teaching the elements of effective conflict resolution. Anyone can learn to communicate better. With practice, you can choose the right words for every situation.
Being passive from a young age has made me fall victim to narcissists and manipulators. They took all the control I thought I didn't have. Thank you for this insightful video. I am becoming a new person!
I need you to contact me.
I think that's happened for and to a LOT of really good, decent people! - Me, too.
2 Nazi Narcopath bros!
💔°⚖,😭 An orphan and a widow.
They are your teachers. Poking you until you learn how to muster up the courage to assert yourself, communicate your needs, and set your boundaries.
Hi ness
Having your feelings used to control your behaviour. Person trying to please the other is not love. it's begging for some respite from anger of parent who lets you know you were not wanted.
2:18 Percolator effect
6:50 unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression.
7:00 feelings are neutral - something important happens then a thought and a feeling will also.
7:50 anger example
8:55 primary feelings
10:13 three forms of communication - passive aggressive: dishonest, pouting, you make me feel..., not direct, sarcasm, manipulative assertive: open, honest, direct, equal aggressive: judges whole person, hits person, labels person, calls names, 'you'
15:26 Responsibility 'you're ugly'
20:14 Four parts to assertiveness
21:30 body posture
22:30 eye contact and tone of voice
23:20 getting all four aspects together: detaching
23:45 shame
24:42 how to practice
26:00 active listening
29:00 para-phrasing and validating, defensive
30:37 deepest/central dynamic
32:38 unhealthy relationship role playing
35:15 healthy relationship role play
Thank you!! :)
I feel like you were taking notes.
Thank you for sharing your table of contents.
Thank you so much, really helpful.
some heroes wear capes... others post efficient time stamps on long videos with great content...
HOLY CRAP, YODA GOT IT RIGHT!!! "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
This is happening now. 2021. Fear of Covid 19. Anger for those making this about shot vs. No shot. Which lead to hate, because they feel like they have to choose a side.
"Unexpressed emotion turns against the self and becomes depression."
.. bruh.
It continues to lodge itself in your body and reappears down the road as disease and disorder within the body.
Emotion code is a good one on this.
Jake Timm So to avoid this should i just tell someone How i feel? Like someone says ” Hahah you thought i wanted to be your friend” - maybe a bad example anyways... Should i just answer with ” I feel sad when you say that to me”?
I feel like the other person wont respect me If i act like a victim?
that`s why you throw things and hit hard a wall; a floor; or a window
That's what I'm trying to avoid... I agree.
Or colon cancer
I really want to be assertive. I'm gonna achieve it.
3 months. have u done it m8?
It's been 6 months, I want to know whether you have achieved it or not.
its been 8 months you did it?
Keep seeking!
It’s a skill to work on along your whole life! Don’t feel bad or rush yourself. Keep trying your best, keep learning and you will notice how you learn step by step
My mom always told me to become more assertive. I realise now, I always was. I always told lovingly, without blaming, how I felt and what I needed. The problem was, she simply did not listen or starting questioning or making me doubt myself. There is only one person who really believed in me for 32 years, my aunt. Without her, and my dear mentor from University who is still my friend on my path, I could not have beenmwhere I stand today. Thank you for your video and peaceful energy and explanation.
there's an old expression: if you have to attack someone in an argument you automatically lose it, regardless if you might be right or wrong.
"What we are trying to do is to resolve a situation - it's not about who was right or wrong. This is the hallmark of effective communication"
Thanx for writing that down That is a very powerful quote.
This is good.
Yeah one of the main problems is being offended when someone starts a dialogue. You need to be able to listen and speak without taking offence to a contrary opinion.
Depends on the conversation and the objective; in most situations, I would say you are correct, however in other situations I do believe it does matter who’s right. Your approach and patience should change/ increase depending on the importance of the conversation. It’s all about knowing your audience and refining your presentation. Ultimately, its not about “winning” just planting a seed.
@@Apple_Teckthe problem is, most people believe they are "right" based on their own unquestioned cognitive distortions, biases, "filters" that create their version of "reality".
Awareness, and seeking deeper understanding, of self and others, is way more important than being right.
In emergencies, of course, action is needed...and we can only hope the "right" action is taken based on knowledge, experiences and skill, at that time.
This is a highly imperfect world, much uncertainty and unpredictability...and many people need an answer, belief, to cling to. To challenge that, is often a perceived threat to their survival. To be able to support and understand that, and hear them compassionately, is the way to allow space for deeper understanding. That's foundational.
"If a person gets locked in the idea that they should be able to control the outcome, the emotions will never get out of them and they will be semi-constipated emotionally life-long"
So true. Beautifully said. Eye opening for me. Thank you
1. You are good #enough
2. Practice being #assertive (posture, language, eye contact ) and share how you feel
3. #Actively #listen to the other person by paraphrasing (yes,no, clarify -> validate -> acknowledge )
This guy is a true expert on these topics unlike some of these RUclips “gurus”
This video and these concepts should be taught in schools. It is so informative, progressive, and will help people understand the psychology and mental health of themself and others
Informative videos like these is why I love RUclips and the Internet! Thanks a lot Jef.
Arun Kothapally I agree! It’s the information I wish was taught in school.
Normally I don't comment, but in this case I must. Jeff, I am 38 years old amd have spent the last 19 years of my life in a mental cage of passivity that I was unable to break free of until I stumbled upon your video while looking for leadership training.
I can't thank you enough. I had completely accepted my life as it was, and accepted that every interaction I had with others would be a burden to carry. There's hope again because of you. Thank you thank you!!
This is the only video on being assertive that I can actually say I learned something from and can practice the techniques. Thank you soooooo much. I shared this with family. Such a great and effective video!
It doesn't always work when one or both parties are mean and want to hurt the other. It works when one or both have good intentions.
What I think does work, even with people who want to control and diminish us, is the feeling of self respect that we can carry forward from having been a mature adult person in the process of asserting oneself. This will release much of the stuffed pain, without attacking.
This is very true. I have suffered a lot of abuse and I held it in my body. Now, I have fibromyalgia and books I have on it talk a lot about getting touch with anger issues. I also suffer depression, which is anger turned inward. Thanks for the video. I wish this was taught in school or somewhere because this stuff comes up a lot. I have a sister who likes to take out her frustrations out on me because she is not happy with her life, weight, or her marriage. Of course, I cannot do anything about her issues but I need good boundaries around her because I don't need to be her emotional punching bag.
#metoo Fibromyalgia started in my late teens, and I have had to learn to process trauma based repressed emotions. Neutralizing triggers too. No Contact works most effectively with family who don't respect boundaries.
Wow! Thank you very much for sharing. You sound like my wife. You give me much to think about and eventually act on. I hope you get better.
What if I remain alone by being assertive?
@@shine2678 I am not assertive enough I think, but there were situations that I was able to show assertiveness. And surprisingly, I was more respected, more wanted, and even more loved.
Same here.
Im only 15 and im really trying to be assertive. Im very mature and respectful but sometimes the tone of my voice makes it seem like im being rude. This did all begin from family problems and when I figured this out I spent a year trying to control these emotions. I really love listening to Tony Robbins as well and have been since I was 11
Noah Give yourself a break. Non of us is perfect. who ever love will love who ever don't love you, there is nothing that can change how they feel about you. love yourself and know no matter your mistakes you are loveable. God loves you no matter what!
You are in the right path, and you are lucky to be smart. When I was 15 I was utterly "lost" and confused, and I did not know where to look for answers. We didn't have internet back then. Consider yourself lucky.
If people think you are being rude, then you are not quite being respectful.
Part of respect is keeping the other person’s wishes in mind. Think of how they would like to hear what you have to say. This includes facial expression and tone of voice. Being flexible and accommodating in this way will make your communication work.
It’s compromise. Which means you won’t be entirely happy with doing this. But they may not be entirely happy to hear your statement so it is fair.
Good luck btw, I have the same problems!
Congratulations, you really are a very mature young man indeed, recognizing the problem is half of the solution. Learning assertiveness will help you not only to better communicate with your family, but to cope with all kind of challenges in life in the best healthy way.
We are accountable for our own actions.
How others view us is their business even, after we are using effective communication skills.
Being effective, assertive and respectful is sometimes difficult but, through love it is rewarding.
Putting ourselves above others is love regardless of how others see us or view us.
Assertive -- adult. Yeah, right. If only adults could act like adults...
I think it's supposed to indicate the maturity level rather than the age. There are men who act like children. There are kids who act more mature than adults.
I needed to hear this because I am surrounded by adults who have bashed and criticize me since childhood. Especially my mother. I realize she was doing the best she could but when I need everyone the most no one was there to help me pick up the pieces and a year later they’re all acting so nice
Just listening to this on u tube, hope time has made things easier, happier and better. Cheers Lynda from Australia
Thank you. This video helps a lot in understanding proper English communication. Being an immigrant in Canada, Its often difficult to convey the message the right way without being seen as rude or patronizing. Where I am from, such polished interactions are seen as futile and it is necessary to be a little upfront and pushy. Psychology changes in a crowded society, we are raised to be a little insensitive, or else you would always be the last one on the table with nothing in your share. This video helps in changing to my current geographical psychology.
Fascinating. Cool glad it helped.
I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot. When my mom would get mad, the whole house energy would shift to sadness and tension. My mom had six kids to take care of so I can understand it was hard. My dad also worked a lot to put food on the table. They were both busy. I saw my mom disrespect my dad. She called us names too. I am sure my dad was not so innocent. After 30 years they are together but they still fight trying to score points. I don't want to be like them. Thanks sir for this video.
I love this video. I like the dry-delivery and LOVE the content (explanation and examples). I would considering buying a class from Jef Gazley on Assertiveness (beyond just this DVD). I wish the videos all had a consistent formatting/production quality.
I really like the 'Percolator Effect' explanation.
I wish I was more assertive in my approach. Feels like people can just walk all over me and I can't seem to say no
When I’m in these type of situations, I normally just ignore the individual and consider the source. However, if they continue I then become assertive and try to get the issue resolved. Most of the time this strategy works; It mainly depends on the maturity & intelligence of the individual. Unfortunately, there are times when this approach does not work; their primarily feelings turn into anger and then become passive/ aggressive behavior.
yep my dad undergoes the percolator effect every day . he works in home improvements and started a company that did very well at first but he eventually went bankrupt and everyone left him due to poor buisness practices. he mentally abused via the percolator effect to my mom many years ago and she separated from him and started a very successful buisness even though he said she would never be successful doing it. he got a dwi two years ago (he was drinking heavily for a while due to fallout from the company failing such as lawsuits) and hes had a restricted license or ill drive him places. i work with him daily and if i dont predict what he wants done or underperform in his eyes he loses it and attacks me personally… i fight back now and tell him to talk to his therapist or if he sends me nasty texts when trying to coordinate work . its like im a child parent to him
Bravo on the exceptional content. A like-minded book I read was a milestone in my personal growth. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
I’ve tried all this with my husband !! Hasn’t worked it’s called being taken fur granted after30 yrs.
Negative paradigms caused by mostly bullying and lack of parental support when a child will cause this......Thats me....
The good news is, we have a chance to make change. I think it really gives perspective on how important these things can be.
me three
Now you're aware of the roots of your problem I feel you should no longer blame them for the way that you are now. You have to make that change because now it's you're fault for lack of confidence. Just expressing my point of view.
me four and the guy i married
+Beng George, your POV was expressed very shamefully...you "should" work on your communicating skills some more. And grammar too.
Amazing video. I suffer a lot by being too passive and timid. It's just so easy for anyone to manipulate me most of the time.
Thank-You Jeff!! Great video!!
What a gem this video is!
Love the transactional analysis approach!
Beautiful Job condensing these powerful messages. 7 years later this is a game changer for me.
energy is only thirty percent of a feeling
love is a feeling
all feelings are love
feelings felt and received as love are emanated as love and spiritual blessing
authentic feelings manifest spiritual wisdom
i definitely need practice communicating!!!
the interpersonal bridge, tone of voice, eye contact etc.
activation of shame - very true !!!
a dysfunctional family video? Awesome!!!
most people are disassociated !!! True !!!
thank you for this ❤️
Thank you!
This is awesome!
I like the Burber reference towards the end. Thank you Jeff.
Thank you for making and sharing this video! Amazing, this is so important!
Wow this helps me understand my anxiety. Especially about the energy and homeostasis. Thank you 😊
Thanks for this great video. I'm going to save it forever.
thank you! this was so insightful
Thanks! This is very helpful!
Thank you so much Jef for sharing this wonderful video and I am very great full to you all the time. When we look at this video from an organisational and personal relationship perspective , it is completely covered . Request you to keep sharing these type of videos for better learning.
a boundaries dvd ?! Awesome !!!
Awesome video. Thanks Jef.
Feelings are more important than Emotions.
Feeling is Intuition! Bay-Bee! Get Into It!!..lol
@@sierrabutler8058 Intuition is great!
So so so helpful. I needed to learn this right now! Thank you!
My relationships are few lately. No bs tolerance is lonely. So I will improve my communication skills. Thanks. Have a blessed day.
I feel that i like what you are saying Jef . Besides , i feel it's useful in a lot of situations in my life . Thank you very much for this precious content :)
Great! verey informative!
Thank you so much! This has been so helpful for me!
Wow, this is really great information! Thank you!
wow. great video. thank you very much!
I used to be funny and friendly in school and when I turned 19 people started hating me for no reason. I'm 25 now and I'm angry and bitter. I miss myself.
no jeff cavalier u are awesome man , i m your fan !
Maname Jeff same here bro except people started to make fun of when I was in grade 6 then I became bitter
Maname Jeff unhappy people can’t stand to be around happy people
Funny =/= goofy
The best video I've watched in a while ❤
This is such a well developed series. Thank you.
This is a video I would recommend to help people fully understand anger especially those who do not think that they have issues with this universal emotion. This will enable someone to do something about it.
five basic feelings are grief, fear, anger, pain and joy
five elemental feelings are ignorance, desire, hate, arrogance and jealousy
all feelings mix together
the grief of fear, the hate of desire , the pain of jealousy, etc
great video! I'm learning to be more assertive instead of just bottling in emotions and ignoring them, takes time but I'll get better day by day. Its weird bc I love myself but I also kno I'm wayyyy to nice, gotta get comfy stepping out my comfort zone
Very practical, precise and easy to understand. Thanks a lot!
Insightful , I found this very useful in finding a way to manage a problem I have ...thank you very much for sharing . :)
This is such a great video. The presenter is also great at delivering the massage.
Thank you!
Intriguing content. Thanks for sharing. Assertiveness seems like a really tough skill to master. 👊🏽
Thank you..
Thank you for sharing this, just what I needed. I hope to work on it from now on!
I suppressed my feelings for years and had eating disorders, substance abuse problems, stomach problems, anxiety, shallow breathing, severe anxiety, etc.
Hi Jef, thank you for putting out this timeless information! Great presentation!
This is so important communication skills because of all the hurt that people go through in daily life, thank you!
It's THE BEST video I have seen about Assertive communication. That was really helpful. Thank you so much!
Thank you for sharing. So much good info that needs to be heard and practiced. 💕
Around 15:00 - I think, I want, I need, I feel - the way that "I feel" is represented is interchangeable with "I think". To my understanding, "I feel" is usually followed with an adjective (I feel hurt, I feel abandoned, etc). Men more commonly use "I think" statements and women more commonly use "I feel". They are different in expressing unheard and unfelt needs and important to distinguish between.
Excellent! Thank you!!
Great video. Thanks for this concise and comprehensive rundown!
Best way to release anger safely and to get rid of it is to have a boxing bag for punching at home
the problem I have with that is that when I get angry, I need to release it NOW. I can't really save for later. And mostly, anger does tell you something, and I really want to defend my boundaries when I feel misstreated.
Kia Ora Jeff, the inner child has to grow up & unlearn misappropriated patterns & old behaviours it z imperative for us to live better lives to create a better world. Ngā mihi kia koe. Big ups to you Jeff. By loving ourselves we lovingly express towards others...not rehash old cycles that don't work. Letting go.
communicatin like that is part of selfactualization , some good environnement , good childhood and finance , so on , it has to do with gettin up for your self and self love and respect
Very educational and helpful. Thank you ☺
I'm grateful for this
Thank you very much, I really needed this help.
Very helpful video in understanding why we make specific word choices while speaking. True change is much harder than just swapping the words, but I think its a good starting point. Going from out to in, as we try also at the same time the difficult task of inner change.
Thanks Jef, I learned a lot from the primary/secondary feelings point about anger being a thing that follows a different negative emotion. And anger leading to depression is a fascinating claim. “The 3 forms of communication” is my favorite slide I took a screenshot of that one. Lots to be implemented here.
Really glad someone made a good video about this matter, thank you Jef. Subscribed
This lecture is great in terms of structure, images/slides, example with roles and clear explanation. Thank you, Jef!
Thank you very much, you've done a great work mr😊
Detaching 23:43 I must get this one.
Thank you.
This is so precious 🙏🏼
I wish I’d have found this video a long time ago. Thanks so much
Very helpful. Thnak you
Thank you for sharing your knowledge on RUclips so it may benefit may benefit those of us trying to improve our lives.
Thank you, this help me alot
The simple life wisdom we mostly miss out on our most of our lives.
excellent training resource. well explained
The eloquence of speech and articulation of concepts has made me a subscriber. I enjoyed this video very much. Thank you.
Awesome Video
Learning how to separate yourself from these believe through and her child healing, will change all of your relationship and what is available to you❤❤
good job, your helping countless people and doing real good in this world. Thank you.
Its very detailed and informative . Thanks for sharing!
Energy 🌌🌠🌌
I know for certain I need this class .