One interesting thing I noticed was that as soon as Jordan handed the imaginary flowers to his wife, her INSTANT response was, "Thank you." It seemed in that moment that their relationship was such that when he did something nice, even in their shared imagination, her automatic response was gratitude. A lovely and loveable response.
*”You get more assertive by telling the truth”* Thanks for simple steps to becoming more assertive, thus reducing one’s anger. 1) Make a list: What makes you angry? Write down everything, do not judge. Go back thru & cross off the “oh grow up” kind of stuff (prolly ~10%) 2) Make another list. What do you want instead of each item remaining on 1st list? 3) Communicate it to that person directly 4) Negotiate a solution 5) Acknowledge it may be done clumsily, poorly for awhile until it’s not.
Last night my wife asked for me to get up, and make some coffee and bfast for the kids, since she knew she’d be up all night with our 6 mo old. I grumpily said “ok”. I woke up 10 mins late and still grumpy, got up, took the kids, made a small yogurt bfast and made coffee. As I was about to walk to the my office, she said “thank you, you starting the day like this was very ministering”. And she meant it! Then I listen to THIS video! Thanks for the guilt JP lol But, I get what JP means, I did what she asked stupidly and grumpily, and she genuinely thanked me! Her response changed my whole attitude, I’m already planning what I can do tomorrow morning.
That moment where he makes everybody laugh at the idea of saying 'I love you.' on a particular day and then changes his facial expression to drop a profound bit of wisdom is the reason JP is one of the finest orators around.
I think he's absolutely right about making sure your immediate and unconscious response to people trying to do nice things for you, even if it's done stupidly or wrong or inefficiently is to say "thank you" and/or show gratitude. It's really easy to hyper fixate on how the actions of others, even if done with the intention of being helpful or generous, might be unnecessary, or obstructive, or make you feel like the person doing them felt as though you weren't capable of doing some things alone. But there's an immense difference between telling the person their actions were unneeded or unwanted or inadequate versus simply saying "thank you." That difference creates and fosters such a priceless positivity between you and others that carries immeasurable longevity. I've noticed that as I've strived to facilitate these sorts of interactions at work, for example, that I get along with all of my co-workers better than I have at previous jobs where I had a worse attitude, and nearly all of them are willing to offer their help to me more when I need it, and vice versa. The power of a simple "thank you" when interacting with anyone in your life is astronomical, and will grant your life an unshakable trajectory toward better things.
The only issue I have with this is if the person is way off the mark or even doing something for themselves disguised as something for you by saying thank you through clenched teeth you aren't any happier and there isn't any effective communication happening.
I have started accepting the things or kindnesses earnest people extend (there are, of course, those who'd give only in order to receive later) even when I don't need or want whatever it may be, which is often. I like to do things on my own and am not into a lot of extra, useless or sentimental stuff. But I've started realizing it is often a way for people to try and express something they are unable to or are uncomfortable saying, and that just accepting the niceness is the real gift they are extending. Refusing, even on the most practical grounds, can stop a potentially positive relationship in its tracks and discourage any further attempts to connect.
@@Roddy556 In the case where're you're dealing with fake/disingenuine people, all the more just say "thank you" and nothing more. Simply walk away from them after that because you've seen them for who they are. There's no point in talking truth to those people, either out of spite or out of a saviour complex mentality of trying to change them. Because it won't work, because they are fake to begin with. The fundamental challenge that you've described is your expectation for effective communication to happen, when the other party is being a deceiver. The effective communication in that case is the ceasing of communications. A Declaration of War is a form of communication too, just not the one we'd like. But it is effective. And sometimes necessary. That's what JP means by being assertive by speaking the truth, when the situation calls for it.
This talk reminded me of my mother. Although an immigrant and not educated past highschool… this talk sounds like the advice of my mother. Same tone, and same energy and same idea. Be more assertive and use this to make everyone around you and yourself better. It’s crazy that my mother was this accurate and intelligent in her teachings with me when I was a young middle school boy.
Yeah it's good for mothers to teach assertivnes. For instance, if a child thinks they are trans, mother should say, it's ok be assertive about your trans-genderism, don't hide it. So yeah, I totally agree it's wise.
This was amazing. I liked when he said you should thank you someone that does something for you rather than pointing out the mistakes as they will eventually get better at it. The simple things are the ones we don't understand enough.
I for a while got angry at friends for getting me stuff cause I couldn't give back due to my financial situation. I slowly realized that they were just being kind and I was being a rude asshole. So now I compromised on telling them they really shouldn't have and give then a big thank you.
It's so simple and yet powerful - Know what you need then speak about it with authenticity and * hope*. It's like a prayer that can then be answered by those willing and able to give it to you.
"Dr. Peterson, your profound intellectual prowess and unwavering commitment to exploring the depths of the human condition have had an indelible impact on my life. Your ability to articulate complex ideas with clarity and compassion is truly awe-inspiring. Your insights have guided me through tumultuous times, and I am grateful for the wisdom you've shared. I would be honored to have the opportunity to meet you in person, to engage in a meaningful conversation and express my deep appreciation for your work. Your teachings have ignited a fire within me to pursue truth and navigate the complexities of existence. Meeting you would be an extraordinary privilege, an encounter that would undoubtedly fuel my intellectual journey and inspire me to further contribute to the world. Thank you, Dr. Peterson, for being a beacon of knowledge and hope in these uncertain times."
What a beautiful message of your gratitude for Dr Peterson. I truly hope you get an opportunity someday to meet him so you can thank him in person, an experience I definitely agree that would be one of great privilege & honour, & one that I’m sure would prove to be an equally rewarding & unforgettable experience for both of you. Should the opportunity never arise for you to meet Dr. Peterson please do not be disheartened as I want you to know that you have already achieved what you believe would come from having such an opportunity - your desire to further contribute to the world. As from the many hundreds of messages of gratitude for Dr. Peterson that I’ve read over the years, your words of gratitude really stood out to me & have made a positive contribution to my life so I am living proof that you have already succeeded in further contributing to the world so thank you for the positive contribution you have made to my world.
I feel that the videos you have about these life lessons and have a crowd present with their reactions adds trumendous value to the message. As funny as it sounds, hearing the reaction of the audience helps confirm or not if what you portraying is as meaningful as the person watching thought it to be. Always a good listen and thanks for making these free!!
Nothing under the sun will satisfy us said the Preacher. Nothing in life hasn't already invented: food, sex, money, drug, work, entertainment, power, knowledge, etc. Different forms, same function from thousands years to now and will be in future.
I think it's worth looking into why we are angry at petty things too. Yes, we should just grow up, but usually it's transference of something deeper and not so obvious. For example, getting angry over an online comment or opinion is petty, or a child not seemingly respecting you; but the deeper layer may come from previously being ignored, belittled, bullied, neglected (so maybe sensitive to external validation) etc. Triggers may be petty but they're usually there for a reason and it can take both internal work and ongoing practise of anger management and assertiveness techniques, even CBT or Stoic philosophy. Although starting by asking ''is my expectation realistic and reasonable?' Takes time but it's important work - speaking from my own experience. Thanks for the video, great advice.
yess. I was thinking exactly the same when he mentioned the points where you should grow the hell up. I usually know I shouldnt be offended or angry about something but somehow I STILL AM and it seems like I cant do anything against it. then I also feel ashamed of my emotions which just spirals to even more anger. I then ask myself if I‘m some choleric type or having an anger issue of some sort where I‘d have to go to therapy specifically for that. believe me I dont want to be that resentful and unforgiving guy but its this force that completely has me in its hands.
It would have been nice to see Jordon take hold of Tammys hand and the end of the show or give her a hug she seems a very lovely lady one worth cherishing but he separated himself away from her as if lost in the moment of applause being for him alone then walked on in front of her which was ashame to see.
@@psSubstratum Sounds to me more like you are embarrassed that you get to that point of anger over what are probably pretty petty issues, but those petty issues can snowball into far greater ones. We all get angry, it's a survival trait, I have always found it far more useful to work out what constructive thing we can do with that anger. I always tell my kids don't be ashamed of being angry, but be aware that you may be ashamed of what you do with that anger.
@@sutekh233 absolutely agreed. but how do you reconcile the fact of not being ashamed of being angry vs people perceiving me as "that sulky guy". generally its a trait people dont like (obviously). I guess it goes back to your point of what you do with your anger (this would be considered as the integration of your shadow I guess). If its over petty things I'M SUPPOSED TO LET GO OF THOSE and not be fuel for more resentful acts.
@@psSubstratum I don't think you have to let them go, just learn how to channel them constructively. Anger generates adrenaline and for guys, we get testosterone flowing as well so it's a double whammy. I was a very, VERY angry teen, up till around 22-24 and I finally realised that the raw anger and lashing out was getting me nowhere, so instead I learned to channel that anger (if it was actually justified) into other things such as going nuts at work to get things done. The anger, or more specifically the immediate adrenaline/testosterone rush could be used in a positive way, rather than a destructive way. Soon enough you get so wrapped up in what the adrenaline is fuelling that you start to forget even why you were angry in the first place, unless it's a continued pattern you can always point to. I stand up for myself, always, I can become extremely aggressive in things I truly feel are worth "fighting" for, that will never change, but I CAN choose how to use what those bursts of Adrenaline are used FOR. I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, the subject deeply interests me however, but I am no better than a slightly better informed layman, insofar as I have read alot on the subjects involved, but have ZERO practical experience besides my own. I truly feel the best option is find the way that is both best for you, and least harmful to others. I'll rage out to metal music, or a list of impossible tasks at work for the sheer challenge, Hell, I'm happy when it's both!! TL:DR: Decide what you want to invest your energy into, and when you cannot control that energy, make a conscious decision what to do with it!
@Pikawarps You are not alone, been there wondering, but the acknowledgement was never there with a simple: Thank You. It was always giving a material item in return, never acknowledging that wasn't the point. But because of their immaturity of a respectful and loving relationship... It's their way of not owing anything, even Steven type stuff.
@@grtbgf Relationships can be complicated. Cognitive Dissonance is a real thing, believing that one can change another. Everyone has limited choices. When a person must make a decision among several options they do not like or agree with, or they only have one viable option. People also tend to value things they work hard for highly, even if those things contradict a person’s values. This may be because viewing something negatively after putting in a lot of hard work would cause more dissonance. So people are more likely to view difficult tasks positively, even if they do not morally agree with them. That's how.
@@Alec_Cox A man wants his partner to stay the same as the day he fell in love with her. A woman falls in love thinking 'with a bit of work I could make something of this guy."
@@kevinkelly2162 That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the woman that wants to change the man. I dnt change for any person; I am. An open book without any ulterior motives. My downfall was that I don't outright lie, I might skip on all the details that aren't important, but I tell the truth. Most people can't handle a person that stays honest, because they're the ones that lie about things. It's hard in any relationship when one lies at the beginning.
He said something so important. “The person could be doing things intentional.. but still they are unaware” That is so crucial. It is important to learn about how we can be better communicators. I tried this with my ex, And unfortunately it didn’t work out. Theres a lot more to the reasons why it didn’t work. Unfortunalty to much damage was done from whether intentional or unintentional lack of care. I allowed myself to be a door mat and got the least in return. Resentment can kill. When you find people you care about it matters to evolve together so that needs are met.
Mr Peterson, i listened to your message and i could only hear you because my eyes were filled with tears. Life is so hard and unforgiving and relentless. You should be the primer for all students in the school of life. All wisdom and understanding come from the Great I Am. You sir are exceedingly blessed. Thank you.
"If you get it right, maybe you can have someone tell you they you love once a week, for the rest of your life." Brought tears to my eyes Dr. Peterson. Thank you again for your simple yet powerful words.
It's also important to understand about yourself that anger doesn't have to be the default reaction. Speaking for myself I wasn't very emotionally mature most of my life. Everything made me angry. But some things are just confusing, some things require empathy, some things are frustrating because of a lack of knowledge, etc. Whatever the case it's easy to bypass the healthy and practical response and go directly to anger. When what's happening doesn't align with your core values anger can be the response. Maybe your values aren't all that great though? It's important to clearly define the principles you absolutely cannot budge on and question the rest to avoid being angry over trivial matters.
JP is attractive to listen to because he is humble. He reaches out hearts because he doesn’t call us out from a high place. He realizes the depraved and wretched state we are all in. Only the proud resist him. Narcissist reject him. They cannot tolerate anyone seeing them as flawed human beings and need to try to keep convincing others that what JP says isn’t true. Because if it is true, then they aren’t this perfect person who is surrounded by stupid horrible people like they wish to keep people believing.
A good relationship feels like your on each others team and are trying to support each other and trying to continually be in a win win situation even if it takes sacrifice.
Jordan was recently at my country for a talk-show, it was wonderful to see him in person! What an absolute honour! Thank you Jordan for your words of wisdom.
I used to get so angry about how other people's actions affected my life. Now i just think "i can't control the actions of others, i can only control my own"
Coming from a somewhat passive-aggressive guy (more passive than aggressive), this is one of the most brilliant Jordan Peterson videos I’ve ever seen. 🙏
I started noting the golden gems that JP sir dropped in this video and at end of this video, I realized that I have written 4 pages. This completely describes how awesome JP sir is. Thanks a lot for being in my life.
I think we all need to learn to be more assertive. Teach it more. It’s a skill that has to be taught so that it can be understood. Most people jump to aggression because they feel misunderstood and try to defend themselves.
I tried this advice with my supervisor. He simply said, there is no negotiation, I dont care what you want, AND there will be consequences even if you want to leave.
Negotiations at work are super hard. But your sup sounds pretty shitty. I would look for another job. Did you tell your sup that you would leave if you didn't get what you wanted?
When Jordan says that being miserable makes you sick he is not lying. Recent studies cancer are associating the root cause of cancer to extended levels of stress, suffering, bitterness and unhappiness in general. Being in survival mode for too long will weaken your body and cancer cells will proliferate.
I didn't even realize that I had become more assertive because I set a goal of telling the truth maybe 3 years ago, it's been really hard because there's been a lot of pushback as I said stuff about things that bothered me. My life has gotten so much better since that goal I set
I genuinely had no idea it was there. I always thought myself as this happy jovial dude. And that is all true. I just couldn't/ didn't want to see myself as anything else. I had heard many times from different unrelated people that I give aggressive and scary vibes. I brushed it off because I don't think I look like especially "scary". Then one day I decided to take a closer look at myself because figured that would be a very adult thing to do lol. I wrote down things I say and how I react to different situations. After months of doing this I had a very bizarre dream and then I had it. It was just under the surface and yet it took so long to discover. My mistake was to think that being friendly and having violent tendencies can not exist at the same time. My stupid ego imposed limits to how twisted I can comprehend myself to be.
I think a lot of the time people's reluctance to offer any resistance to their partner stems from not wanting to make them upset so they decide to suppress any negative feelings. It comes from a place of wanting to avoid argument/confrontation so they'd rather cave in to what their partner wants as a means of maintaining harmony.
It's so great for me to see Jordan Peterson be so comedic in his ways. I didn't see many clips in the past few years where he seems to be so at ease and funny as he is in this clip and others, that are relatively 'new'.
One Technique I have Used: If I missed an Opportunity “TO SPEAK UP,”… I’ll search my Cognitive Resources…. and find the “PERFECT RESPONSE for NEXT TIME AROUND when Something Like that Comes Up Again!” And then I’ll Go Over the Scenario in my Mind, w/Visualization. I believe my issue is A Trauma Response of Consternation that Causes a Sympathetic Nervous System “Freeze Mode, to come over me,” having been Triggered! It works… I have Developed more “MOXEY,” in Responding w/ Assertion & Conviction of Character! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
I’m an agreeable, controlled, psychopathic anti-hero. I’ve never fully snapped and I tell the truth now. I follow Maps of Meaning but have to be constrained by my fellow groups. I’m a Stupid genius, devoured by my past, but I’ve turned the corner now, just damaged.
Funny how well Robert's message fits within the teachings of Alcoholic Anonymous. For anyone who doesn't understand why that's important and doesn't know the goal of AA. It is to help people not drink, sure...but drinking is a symptom of a deeper condition so learning to live without relapse is learning to live as Robert suggested. We make a list of our resentments, become rigorously honest, become assertive, clean our houses and learn to interact with the world. Many people are unhappy and many people abuse drugs and alcohol because they are unhappy but don't realize happiness is the inevitable byproduct of being of service and helping others. The goal cannot be happiness but achievement, love(giving) and service. Then one finds they are fulfilled.
When asserting your self in situations is only good when you have the knowledge and skills to succeed in the situation. Being assertive to just be assertive is counterproductive to being included in a group or situation.
The problem is when you try this with your family, they will tell you that you are “too sensitive” or “too dramatic” and shut down the entire conversation so nothing gets resolved. Sometimes you just need to cut people off. It’s either that or stay in a situation where you are being mistreated and abused.
I can not help but question the validity of most content on RUclips! But as with all there is always truth hidden in the noise. I found JBP's clips a few months back and I have been honestly loving them, don't just hear the words but listen because their content is life changing.🤠👍🇭🇲
Yes. Have reasonable compromise with your situations and create a premise to derive your future ambitions upon it and assert it into your life to make it a reality
The only thing that makes me angry is people telling me what to do which is why I spend all of my free time alone and the older I get the more I've gained freedom, privacy, and independence.
I think that those people are the ones who pretty much never question themselves or at most say "yeah, that's my weakness" and never truly intend to work on it
Well, there are many bad drivers on the roads that could cause a collision being completely their fault but they say if you’re a really good driver you can compensate for their bad driving.
That's got to be the most egotistical, narcissistic thing I've ever heard. What, you're a victim? You project all your anger onto others and take none of the responsibility, but you're also somehow the perfect one? You'll know if/when you've resolved this deep psychological flaw as soon as you figure out why the imperfection "only of others" makes you angry (if you ever do/even try).
@@Nyghl0 that's a valid point. I don't know that person's experiences but has it ever happened to you to compare 3 different situations: 1. Doing things on your own, in the way you want and handle your problems (works great because there's no excuse for your mistakes and you must solve whatever happens) 2. Do things with people that make things work (normally the very best friends in your life or a very successful work colleague) 3. Doing things with people who are inept and damage you and most of the times themselves too (normally family or wrong partner when you're too immature) I've been in all 3 the situations and I wish I could have learnt earlier in my life to discard people that limit you (and family often get a free ticket for bs and drag down). Projecting anger in my opinion it means that you have unsolved things. When you accept that you must make things work on your own then things immediately get better. But I can say with confidence that if everyone were willing to truly be honest with themselves and understand what's wrong (it may take time of course), many things would work more efficiently. There's definitely people who are mediocre and drag others down and they don't want to understand their limit or prepare for a better future. You realize that when you step aside and you still see them making mistakes even by themselves. That's a very empirical way to understand what's going on. And it starts, imo, by accepting with yourself what you're doing wrong.
One interesting thing I noticed was that as soon as Jordan handed the imaginary flowers to his wife, her INSTANT response was, "Thank you." It seemed in that moment that their relationship was such that when he did something nice, even in their shared imagination, her automatic response was gratitude. A lovely and loveable response.
agreed though did u also notice he spoke about that exact thing for like 4 mins afterwards
@@ironaan3565 Yeah, the whole sequence was pretty spontaneous.
@@ironaan3565 yeah! Like she appreciates something and he reciprocates instantly as well. Appreciating her appreciation and gratitude ❤
That's one thing that makes it work!
Pavlovian happiness
"You get more assertive by telling the truth". Thank you 🙏
theres something healing about Dr Jordan and Tammy Peterson when they do talks together
I love to see them together :) it feels so natural.
YES❤
Congruence and love personified through loving, honest and courageous union
It’s because they are both very very graceful human beings.
It’s like healing my wound of divorced parents
You are a better role model than most fathers. You'll never know just how appreciated you truly are.
I have had two dreams where he shows up as a father figure and such a calming helpful presence. He has changed my whole life
@@molliedeltoro9553 He really has been such a net positive in my life as well, he has inspired me to be a better man.
*”You get more assertive by telling the truth”*
Thanks for simple steps to becoming more assertive, thus reducing one’s anger.
1) Make a list: What makes you angry?
Write down everything, do not judge.
Go back thru & cross off the “oh grow up” kind of stuff (prolly ~10%)
2) Make another list. What do you want instead of each item remaining on 1st list?
3) Communicate it to that person directly
4) Negotiate a solution
5) Acknowledge it may be done clumsily, poorly for awhile until it’s not.
Thank you for the summary!! 💕
Jordan you make communicating more understandable for everyone, and its wonderful.
The way the crowd went from laughing at the “Monday” joke to absolute silence - 🤯
I felt that too!
Imagine your wife how excited she is for you to come home every Mondays to come (add some flowers)
@Lucid D Ty I will have to imagine it. She says if she has to tell me she wants something then she doesn't even want it. We fight a lot.
@@Roddy556 wow, you should watch this video together, take notes, and discuss your thoughts on ir
He has a way of saying the things that seem obvious after he says them, but I still needed to hear. Thank you Jordan!
They seem obvious after you hear them, yes. I haven't heard this stuff before.
So true!
Last night my wife asked for me to get up, and make some coffee and bfast for the kids, since she knew she’d be up all night with our 6 mo old. I grumpily said “ok”.
I woke up 10 mins late and still grumpy, got up, took the kids, made a small yogurt bfast and made coffee.
As I was about to walk to the my office, she said “thank you, you starting the day like this was very ministering”. And she meant it!
Then I listen to THIS video! Thanks for the guilt JP lol
But, I get what JP means, I did what she asked stupidly and grumpily, and she genuinely thanked me! Her response changed my whole attitude, I’m already planning what I can do tomorrow morning.
❤
Thank you JP for your wisdom. Your voice is a breath of fresh air on a society that thrives on narcissism.
Narcissism.
@@MarilynCrosbie Thank you for the correction. Appreciate it.
You do realise he is a narcissist?
@@tatata1543 How? Tell me how now? You made an accusation so now explain it.
@@pachyderm8264 Listen to the guy, if he was made of chocolate he would eat himself.
That moment where he makes everybody laugh at the idea of saying 'I love you.' on a particular day and then changes his facial expression to drop a profound bit of wisdom is the reason JP is one of the finest orators around.
I'm always delighted to see them together.
Tammy is what Jordan needs, and I believe vice versa.
It’s a weird world ❤
I agree. I'd like to hear a lot more from her on many of these subjects.
I think he's absolutely right about making sure your immediate and unconscious response to people trying to do nice things for you, even if it's done stupidly or wrong or inefficiently is to say "thank you" and/or show gratitude. It's really easy to hyper fixate on how the actions of others, even if done with the intention of being helpful or generous, might be unnecessary, or obstructive, or make you feel like the person doing them felt as though you weren't capable of doing some things alone. But there's an immense difference between telling the person their actions were unneeded or unwanted or inadequate versus simply saying "thank you." That difference creates and fosters such a priceless positivity between you and others that carries immeasurable longevity. I've noticed that as I've strived to facilitate these sorts of interactions at work, for example, that I get along with all of my co-workers better than I have at previous jobs where I had a worse attitude, and nearly all of them are willing to offer their help to me more when I need it, and vice versa. The power of a simple "thank you" when interacting with anyone in your life is astronomical, and will grant your life an unshakable trajectory toward better things.
The only issue I have with this is if the person is way off the mark or even doing something for themselves disguised as something for you by saying thank you through clenched teeth you aren't any happier and there isn't any effective communication happening.
Indeed, well said and great read! Thanks for that 😉
I have started accepting the things or kindnesses earnest people extend (there are, of course, those who'd give only in order to receive later) even when I don't need or want whatever it may be, which is often. I like to do things on my own and am not into a lot of extra, useless or sentimental stuff. But I've started realizing it is often a way for people to try and express something they are unable to or are uncomfortable saying, and that just accepting the niceness is the real gift they are extending. Refusing, even on the most practical grounds, can stop a potentially positive relationship in its tracks and discourage any further attempts to connect.
@@Roddy556 In the case where're you're dealing with fake/disingenuine people, all the more just say "thank you" and nothing more. Simply walk away from them after that because you've seen them for who they are. There's no point in talking truth to those people, either out of spite or out of a saviour complex mentality of trying to change them. Because it won't work, because they are fake to begin with.
The fundamental challenge that you've described is your expectation for effective communication to happen, when the other party is being a deceiver. The effective communication in that case is the ceasing of communications. A Declaration of War is a form of communication too, just not the one we'd like. But it is effective. And sometimes necessary. That's what JP means by being assertive by speaking the truth, when the situation calls for it.
@@Roddy556100% agreed and ultimately this is Jordan’s point. Tell the truth, as you would, and learn from the consequences.
I wish I one day could speak like Jordan; it’s insane how he express his thoughts, and make almost everyone get it
Yeah not everyone keep taking his advice but still single
Use your shoe and tap the edge of their foot? Root beer tappa, the amount of studying you need to do that is Impressive.
@@adaptercrash well it's easy to answer questions not seen him in a serious debate tho
My fave bit is his wife saying, "you've done good" after he spoke at the end. What a supportive couple
This talk reminded me of my mother. Although an immigrant and not educated past highschool… this talk sounds like the advice of my mother. Same tone, and same energy and same idea. Be more assertive and use this to make everyone around you and yourself better. It’s crazy that my mother was this accurate and intelligent in her teachings with me when I was a young middle school boy.
I'm glad you picked that up from her at an early age.
Education is not required for wisdom. Your mother was wise.
"not educated past high school"
Oh, so you only had 12 years of lies spoonfed to you? lucky you're half the robot I am.
Yeah it's good for mothers to teach assertivnes. For instance, if a child thinks they are trans, mother should say, it's ok be assertive about your trans-genderism, don't hide it. So yeah, I totally agree it's wise.
You're very blessed to have a mother like that.
Jordan Peterson is gift to the world
This was amazing. I liked when he said you should thank you someone that does something for you rather than pointing out the mistakes as they will eventually get better at it.
The simple things are the ones we don't understand enough.
Truism
That is a Golden Minute starting at 4:30. Solid Gold.
He deserves every second of that applause and more.
I think this is my favourite Dr Jordan B. Peterson clip.
It's helping me get braver with communication.
I for a while got angry at friends for getting me stuff cause I couldn't give back due to my financial situation. I slowly realized that they were just being kind and I was being a rude asshole. So now I compromised on telling them they really shouldn't have and give then a big thank you.
It's so simple and yet powerful - Know what you need then speak about it with authenticity and * hope*. It's like a prayer that can then be answered by those willing and able to give it to you.
Well put!
That was just beautiful to listen to, thank you Jordan, Tammy and the team.
We are so lucky to have him in this world!
Keep being you! The world needs more people not afraid to speak the truth! 💖
"Dr. Peterson, your profound intellectual prowess and unwavering commitment to exploring the depths of the human condition have had an indelible impact on my life. Your ability to articulate complex ideas with clarity and compassion is truly awe-inspiring. Your insights have guided me through tumultuous times, and I am grateful for the wisdom you've shared. I would be honored to have the opportunity to meet you in person, to engage in a meaningful conversation and express my deep appreciation for your work. Your teachings have ignited a fire within me to pursue truth and navigate the complexities of existence. Meeting you would be an extraordinary privilege, an encounter that would undoubtedly fuel my intellectual journey and inspire me to further contribute to the world. Thank you, Dr. Peterson, for being a beacon of knowledge and hope in these uncertain times."
What a beautiful message of your gratitude for Dr Peterson. I truly hope you get an opportunity someday to meet him so you can thank him in person, an experience I definitely agree that would be one of great privilege & honour, & one that I’m sure would prove to be an equally rewarding & unforgettable experience for both of you.
Should the opportunity never arise for you to meet Dr. Peterson please do not be disheartened as I want you to know that you have already achieved what you believe would come from having such an opportunity - your desire to further contribute to the world. As from the many hundreds of messages of gratitude for Dr. Peterson that I’ve read over the years, your words of gratitude really stood out to me & have made a positive contribution to my life so I am living proof that you have already succeeded in further contributing to the world so thank you for the positive contribution you have made to my world.
I feel that the videos you have about these life lessons and have a crowd present with their reactions adds trumendous value to the message. As funny as it sounds, hearing the reaction of the audience helps confirm or not if what you portraying is as meaningful as the person watching thought it to be.
Always a good listen and thanks for making these free!!
Exactly! Precisely that
A complication: we get what we think we want then discover it doesn't make us happy.
But you’ve dug a level deeper and closer to a nugget of it
You need to learn from that. Sounds like you don't know what you actually need or want.
Nothing under the sun will satisfy us said the Preacher. Nothing in life hasn't already invented: food, sex, money, drug, work, entertainment, power, knowledge, etc. Different forms, same function from thousands years to now and will be in future.
I think it's worth looking into why we are angry at petty things too. Yes, we should just grow up, but usually it's transference of something deeper and not so obvious. For example, getting angry over an online comment or opinion is petty, or a child not seemingly respecting you; but the deeper layer may come from previously being ignored, belittled, bullied, neglected (so maybe sensitive to external validation) etc. Triggers may be petty but they're usually there for a reason and it can take both internal work and ongoing practise of anger management and assertiveness techniques, even CBT or Stoic philosophy. Although starting by asking ''is my expectation realistic and reasonable?' Takes time but it's important work - speaking from my own experience. Thanks for the video, great advice.
yess. I was thinking exactly the same when he mentioned the points where you should grow the hell up. I usually know I shouldnt be offended or angry about something but somehow I STILL AM and it seems like I cant do anything against it. then I also feel ashamed of my emotions which just spirals to even more anger. I then ask myself if I‘m some choleric type or having an anger issue of some sort where I‘d have to go to therapy specifically for that. believe me I dont want to be that resentful and unforgiving guy but its this force that completely has me in its hands.
It would have been nice to see Jordon take hold of Tammys hand and the end of the show or give her a hug she seems a very lovely lady one worth cherishing but he separated himself away from her as if lost in the moment of applause being for him alone then walked on in front of her which was ashame to see.
@@psSubstratum Sounds to me more like you are embarrassed that you get to that point of anger over what are probably pretty petty issues, but those petty issues can snowball into far greater ones. We all get angry, it's a survival trait, I have always found it far more useful to work out what constructive thing we can do with that anger.
I always tell my kids don't be ashamed of being angry, but be aware that you may be ashamed of what you do with that anger.
@@sutekh233 absolutely agreed. but how do you reconcile the fact of not being ashamed of being angry vs people perceiving me as "that sulky guy". generally its a trait people dont like (obviously). I guess it goes back to your point of what you do with your anger (this would be considered as the integration of your shadow I guess). If its over petty things I'M SUPPOSED TO LET GO OF THOSE and not be fuel for more resentful acts.
@@psSubstratum I don't think you have to let them go, just learn how to channel them constructively. Anger generates adrenaline and for guys, we get testosterone flowing as well so it's a double whammy. I was a very, VERY angry teen, up till around 22-24 and I finally realised that the raw anger and lashing out was getting me nowhere, so instead I learned to channel that anger (if it was actually justified) into other things such as going nuts at work to get things done. The anger, or more specifically the immediate adrenaline/testosterone rush could be used in a positive way, rather than a destructive way. Soon enough you get so wrapped up in what the adrenaline is fuelling that you start to forget even why you were angry in the first place, unless it's a continued pattern you can always point to.
I stand up for myself, always, I can become extremely aggressive in things I truly feel are worth "fighting" for, that will never change, but I CAN choose how to use what those bursts of Adrenaline are used FOR.
I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, the subject deeply interests me however, but I am no better than a slightly better informed layman, insofar as I have read alot on the subjects involved, but have ZERO practical experience besides my own.
I truly feel the best option is find the way that is both best for you, and least harmful to others. I'll rage out to metal music, or a list of impossible tasks at work for the sheer challenge, Hell, I'm happy when it's both!!
TL:DR:
Decide what you want to invest your energy into, and when you cannot control that energy, make a conscious decision what to do with it!
One of the most painful things in my past relationship was she never said thank you
@Pikawarps You are not alone, been there wondering, but the acknowledgement was never there with a simple: Thank You.
It was always giving a material item in return, never acknowledging that wasn't the point. But because of their immaturity of a respectful and loving relationship...
It's their way of not owing anything, even Steven type stuff.
How can you even step so low and become blind to that for a prolonged period of time?
@@grtbgf
Relationships can be complicated. Cognitive Dissonance is a real thing, believing that one can change another.
Everyone has limited choices. When a person must make a decision among several options they do not like or agree with, or they only have one viable option.
People also tend to value things they work hard for highly, even if those things contradict a person’s values. This may be because viewing something negatively after putting in a lot of hard work would cause more dissonance. So people are more likely to view difficult tasks positively, even if they do not morally agree with them.
That's how.
@@Alec_Cox A man wants his partner to stay the same as the day he fell in love with her. A woman falls in love thinking 'with a bit of work I could make something of this guy."
@@kevinkelly2162
That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the woman that wants to change the man. I dnt change for any person; I am. An open book without any ulterior motives.
My downfall was that I don't outright lie, I might skip on all the details that aren't important, but I tell the truth. Most people can't handle a person that stays honest, because they're the ones that lie about things. It's hard in any relationship when one lies at the beginning.
He said something so important.
“The person could be doing things intentional.. but still they are unaware”
That is so crucial.
It is important to learn about how we can be better communicators.
I tried this with my ex,
And unfortunately it didn’t work out.
Theres a lot more to the reasons why it didn’t work.
Unfortunalty to much damage was done from whether intentional or unintentional lack of care.
I allowed myself to be a door mat and got the least in return.
Resentment can kill.
When you find people you care about it matters to evolve together so that needs are met.
Mr Peterson, i listened to your message and i could only hear you because my eyes were filled with tears. Life is so hard and unforgiving and relentless. You should be the primer for all students in the school of life. All wisdom and understanding come from the Great I Am. You sir are exceedingly blessed. Thank you.
Bless you 🙏
such a genuine dude bringing much needed sanity, wisdom and encouragement to a parched people. God bless him
"If you get it right, maybe you can have someone tell you they you love once a week, for the rest of your life."
Brought tears to my eyes Dr. Peterson. Thank you again for your simple yet powerful words.
It's also important to understand about yourself that anger doesn't have to be the default reaction. Speaking for myself I wasn't very emotionally mature most of my life. Everything made me angry. But some things are just confusing, some things require empathy, some things are frustrating because of a lack of knowledge, etc. Whatever the case it's easy to bypass the healthy and practical response and go directly to anger. When what's happening doesn't align with your core values anger can be the response. Maybe your values aren't all that great though? It's important to clearly define the principles you absolutely cannot budge on and question the rest to avoid being angry over trivial matters.
Mr. Peterson , I' ve been reading your books and just I want to say thank you for them . Much love from Brazil !❤
We all love you so much, Jordan and Tammy!! 🥰
Perfect communicator , still he is one of the few that can actually say what he wants to say , not about courage but more the words he uses .
Artish .
JP is attractive to listen to because he is humble. He reaches out hearts because he doesn’t call us out from a high place. He realizes the depraved and wretched state we are all in. Only the proud resist him. Narcissist reject him. They cannot tolerate anyone seeing them as flawed human beings and need to try to keep convincing others that what JP says isn’t true. Because if it is true, then they aren’t this perfect person who is surrounded by stupid horrible people like they wish to keep people believing.
Thanks for telling us a little bit about your life. You’re just like us.
Thank you for your words of advice. God bless you
A good relationship feels like your on each others team and are trying to support each other and trying to continually be in a win win situation even if it takes sacrifice.
I am still trying to get my to listen to Jordan. He works and too often brings the way he treats coworkers home with him...
Jordan and Tammy, I respect you both. Seeing you together as a team it’s healing for my wound of having divorced parents.
Jordan was recently at my country for a talk-show, it was wonderful to see him in person! What an absolute honour!
Thank you Jordan for your words of wisdom.
I used to get so angry about how other people's actions affected my life. Now i just think "i can't control the actions of others, i can only control my own"
His brilliance is beyond everything.
Accidentally clicked on this while scrolling but I’ve been needing this one
I love to see Jordan Peterson laugh. This is one of his best and funniest!!
JBP YOU ARE AWESOME. LOVE FROM SOUTH AFRICA
Love is not an emotion. Love is a way of being.
Their is no better human to guide the land of the mislead than you Jordan thankyou
This video showed up on my feed at a perfect time. I told my wife what was annoying me and we discussed things
Brilliant. Always appreciated. Thanks Jordan
One of the best communicators I’ve ever heard. And wise.
Dude, his advice is so simple yet such gold. We hunt for red flags instead of green flags and how.
I’d appreciate this over the Dr Phil show any day.
Jordan's sense of humour here is a lot more than vaguely pleasing 😅
That’s the trick, I’m always angry
Then you got a lot of writing to do ..
Dr banner??
Coming from a somewhat passive-aggressive guy (more passive than aggressive), this is one of the most brilliant Jordan Peterson videos I’ve ever seen. 🙏
I started noting the golden gems that JP sir dropped in this video
and at end of this video, I realized that I have written 4 pages.
This completely describes how awesome JP sir is.
Thanks a lot for being in my life.
I think we all need to learn to be more assertive. Teach it more. It’s a skill that has to be taught so that it can be understood. Most people jump to aggression because they feel misunderstood and try to defend themselves.
I tried this advice with my supervisor. He simply said, there is no negotiation, I dont care what you want, AND there will be consequences even if you want to leave.
Negotiations at work are super hard. But your sup sounds pretty shitty. I would look for another job. Did you tell your sup that you would leave if you didn't get what you wanted?
sounds like you’re gonna have to unalive them
Great psychologist session without fees ❤️
When Jordan says that being miserable makes you sick he is not lying. Recent studies cancer are associating the root cause of cancer to extended levels of stress, suffering, bitterness and unhappiness in general. Being in survival mode for too long will weaken your body and cancer cells will proliferate.
I didn't even realize that I had become more assertive because I set a goal of telling the truth maybe 3 years ago, it's been really hard because there's been a lot of pushback as I said stuff about things that bothered me. My life has gotten so much better since that goal I set
Thank you Lord for the blessings you have rained down on us otherwise known as Dr. Jordan Peterson. 👏👏👏👏God Bless Him🙏
not only lovely to see that interchange, but you can tell he LOVED doing it, the comedy of the whole thing was worth watching.
That little shoulder bump had me crying❤
I must see this man in person at least once in my life.
He organizes tours around the world. Like soon he will visit Eastern Europe also. Funnily enough, in small country I am living also.
The Truth will set you free. Caviat - Make it soft, but always tell the truth about your feelings without fault.
So amazing, love you Jordan
One day, i hope to see this man in person as someone whose worth being in his presence. Future awaits, Jordan
Thanks Jordan & Tammy!!!
👍👍😁😂🙏✨✨✨
I just love Jordan Peterson, he's helped me so much thank you 🙏
Jordan always has such sound advice on life! All we have to do is listen and follow thru with his advice :)
I genuinely had no idea it was there. I always thought myself as this happy jovial dude. And that is all true. I just couldn't/ didn't want to see myself as anything else. I had heard many times from different unrelated people that I give aggressive and scary vibes. I brushed it off because I don't think I look like especially "scary". Then one day I decided to take a closer look at myself because figured that would be a very adult thing to do lol. I wrote down things I say and how I react to different situations. After months of doing this I had a very bizarre dream and then I had it. It was just under the surface and yet it took so long to discover.
My mistake was to think that being friendly and having violent tendencies can not exist at the same time. My stupid ego imposed limits to how twisted I can comprehend myself to be.
I think a lot of the time people's reluctance to offer any resistance to their partner stems from not wanting to make them upset so they decide to suppress any negative feelings. It comes from a place of wanting to avoid argument/confrontation so they'd rather cave in to what their partner wants as a means of maintaining harmony.
That wanting to avoid conflict stems from fear of rejection
2:28 you get more assertive by telling the truth
Life is simple
That’s your answer
I've boiled it down to "things not going as they should" and "being unjustly accused"
It's so great for me to see Jordan Peterson be so comedic in his ways.
I didn't see many clips in the past few years where he seems to be so at ease and funny as he is in this clip and others, that are relatively 'new'.
Thank you to both of You.
This is an advice Jordan Peterson could really use.
I've been married for 11 years and have read a lot on the subject but this is by far the best relationship advice I've ever came across.
One Technique I have Used: If I missed an Opportunity “TO SPEAK UP,”… I’ll search my Cognitive Resources…. and find the “PERFECT RESPONSE for NEXT TIME AROUND when Something Like that Comes Up Again!” And then I’ll Go Over the Scenario in my Mind, w/Visualization. I believe my issue is A Trauma Response of Consternation that Causes a Sympathetic Nervous System “Freeze Mode, to come over me,” having been Triggered! It works… I have Developed more “MOXEY,” in Responding w/ Assertion & Conviction of Character! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃
I’m an agreeable, controlled, psychopathic anti-hero. I’ve never fully snapped and I tell the truth now. I follow Maps of Meaning but have to be constrained by my fellow groups. I’m a Stupid genius, devoured by my past, but I’ve turned the corner now, just damaged.
Don't blow up your family and kids like my dad did to us
God bless the Petersons
Funny how well Robert's message fits within the teachings of Alcoholic Anonymous.
For anyone who doesn't understand why that's important and doesn't know the goal of AA. It is to help people not drink, sure...but drinking is a symptom of a deeper condition so learning to live without relapse is learning to live as Robert suggested.
We make a list of our resentments, become rigorously honest, become assertive, clean our houses and learn to interact with the world.
Many people are unhappy and many people abuse drugs and alcohol because they are unhappy but don't realize happiness is the inevitable byproduct of being of service and helping others.
The goal cannot be happiness but achievement, love(giving) and service.
Then one finds they are fulfilled.
Lord I love this man. GOD SAVE JORDAN PETERSON!!!
Write down everything that makes you angry! Jeeeeee
Waking up in the morning!
When asserting your self in situations is only good when you have the knowledge and skills to succeed in the situation. Being assertive to just be assertive is counterproductive to being included in a group or situation.
I appreciate these shorts, but a link to the original would be helpful. I want to know the context.
The problem is when you try this with your family, they will tell you that you are “too sensitive” or “too dramatic” and shut down the entire conversation so nothing gets resolved. Sometimes you just need to cut people off. It’s either that or stay in a situation where you are being mistreated and abused.
I absolutely LOVE this guy - he is so so so smart and just tells it like it is ! Can every man and woman be like this?
He says we don't say what we want because we expect them to know already. I think we often don't say it because we expect them not to care.
I can not help but question the validity of most content on RUclips! But as with all there is always truth hidden in the noise. I found JBP's clips a few months back and I have been honestly loving them, don't just hear the words but listen because their content is life changing.🤠👍🇭🇲
Yes. Have reasonable compromise with your situations and create a premise to derive your future ambitions upon it and assert it into your life to make it a reality
The only thing that makes me angry is people telling me what to do which is why I spend all of my free time alone and the older I get the more I've gained freedom, privacy, and independence.
He's been there, and it shows. So moving
Thank you Dr.Peterson. I love your wisdom and insights. wish u all the best and success.
The only things that make me angry are when stupid decisions made by other people affect my life.
I think that those people are the ones who pretty much never question themselves or at most say "yeah, that's my weakness" and never truly intend to work on it
What about stupid decisions made by yourself?
Well, there are many bad drivers on the roads that could cause a collision being completely their fault but they say if you’re a really good driver you can compensate for their bad driving.
That's got to be the most egotistical, narcissistic thing I've ever heard. What, you're a victim? You project all your anger onto others and take none of the responsibility, but you're also somehow the perfect one? You'll know if/when you've resolved this deep psychological flaw as soon as you figure out why the imperfection "only of others" makes you angry (if you ever do/even try).
@@Nyghl0 that's a valid point. I don't know that person's experiences but has it ever happened to you to compare 3 different situations:
1. Doing things on your own, in the way you want and handle your problems (works great because there's no excuse for your mistakes and you must solve whatever happens)
2. Do things with people that make things work (normally the very best friends in your life or a very successful work colleague)
3. Doing things with people who are inept and damage you and most of the times themselves too (normally family or wrong partner when you're too immature)
I've been in all 3 the situations and I wish I could have learnt earlier in my life to discard people that limit you (and family often get a free ticket for bs and drag down).
Projecting anger in my opinion it means that you have unsolved things. When you accept that you must make things work on your own then things immediately get better.
But I can say with confidence that if everyone were willing to truly be honest with themselves and understand what's wrong (it may take time of course), many things would work more efficiently.
There's definitely people who are mediocre and drag others down and they don't want to understand their limit or prepare for a better future. You realize that when you step aside and you still see them making mistakes even by themselves.
That's a very empirical way to understand what's going on.
And it starts, imo, by accepting with yourself what you're doing wrong.