I've been out for 5 years, I had "signs" as a kid, I've tried to be cis and repress this many times and they all end in breakdowns. I STILL have doubts. I've been trans ALL OF MY TEENHOOD, I'm 18! I can start T now! I'm still scared. TW transphobia, religion, SH Society, and in many cases unsupportive people drill transphobia into us. "It's just trauma" "it's just body dysmorphia!" "You'll grow out of it" "it's ungodly! You're ruining your life" "Medical transition is self harm" "Being trans is a mental illness" It's really hard not to listen to some of those things. "What if I regret it?"(even tho I've wanted more body hair, deeper voice almost the whole time I've been in puberty) But the BIGGEST fear for me at least, I can't be stealth. It'll be a long time before I MIGHT even be able to be stealth. Even if I weren't identifiably trans at some point, I am not a 100% masculine man. I will be read as queer regardless. At least now, I can let potentially harmful people believe I'm just a harmless tomboy. But starting T, there will be a point where people can tell and i could experience a lot more harassment or hate crimes. It's scary being LGBT, especially trans TLDR; My biggest fears are how much of society views and treats trans people
Hey Max, thank you for your comment and sharing your experience. It definitely is a scary time, especially right now where all the press trans people are getting is so negative. But about being stealth - you'd probably be surprised! Honestly after my voice dropped, I was stealth such a big amount of the time - people see us differently than we see ourselves. It's hard to imagine before you get there but the confidence that comes with T definitely does make these things a bit less scary. Wishing you all the best.
I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and my endocrinologist said i can start T but I've only been out for 10.5 months. My parents are 100% supportive so idk why I'm so scared to start T. I literally cry night after night wanting to start. But now I feel anxious. I also feel guilty because i know people who are still waiting.
Hi Liam! Thank you for updating me, sorry this is so late and more importantly CONGRATS! But yeah, I mean it is totally normal to feel these doubts, even when everyone else is being supportive. I hope you're finding it okay now! I get that guilt and I actually want to make a video about it at some point. Everyones journeys happen at different paces though and whilst it's good to be mindful of those still waiting, you gotta do what is best for you too!
Thank you for making this video! I know it was posted so long ago, but I'm about to go for my first appointment to discuss starting T and it's relieved a lot of anxiety.. I was always more "masculine" as a kid but was always told I was a tomboy.. I never even knew of what transgender was. When I really figured it out was when I was 11 and one of my friends asked if I would still like them if they became a boy.. Of course I had said yes and he started to socially transition, knowing his friends would support him.. I learned what transgender meant through him and finally found an explanation for the way I was feeling.. I was shot down a lot because I was accused of copying him, even by my own parents, but I was so jealous that he was able to live the way he wanted where I was still stuck living in the closet.. I suffered through depression for most of my childhood and even into adulthood with medications never seeming to help.. I've gotten through a lot of those feelings on my own, however this is the one thing I feel is still holding me back from true happiness.. I've only been socially out for about a month now, out of fear of rejection from my family and my job, so I also have fears that I'm rushing things along.. I've been holding this back my entire life, so to me I almost want to jump immediately into it because I've suffered with these feelings for 23 years.. Every time I get called "sir" I immediately get a sense of euphoria and it makes me extremely happy when people use my new name.. The idea of T is something I've wanted to do for a while, especially when that friend mentioned earlier started it and his voice dropped.. I wanted that for myself so badly.. Now that I'm so close to the appointment, I'm getting that sense of doubt, like what of everyone was right and I am just copying others and that isn't really what I want.. The thought of living as a woman for the rest of my life is honestly so uncomfortable to me, but every now and then those doubts have been creeping in.. Thank you for telling people like me that we aren't alone in the way we feel and that I'm still valid for feeling the way I do and those anxieties surrounding it are normal :)
Decisions r scary like damn why does anything ever have to change 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I wish there could just be a fairy on my shoulder telling me what to do but nOOOOooooOoo I have to make my own decisions. Lol, anyways thxxx for this video super relatable
I'm starting t in a month and didn't think anyone else had doubts and that there's something horribly wrong with me, i'm glad to see that i'm not alone. Your video sure did make my day
I'll be starting testosterone tomorrow (as i write it i still cant believe it help) and I was having doubts and everythin, and hearing this made me feel SO much better. thank you😭✨
Thank you so much I'm literally getting my testosterone injected tomorrow and I'm dealing with doubts even though I've been out for 3 years and diagnosed with GDD I'm glad other people have the same experience
I’m so thankful for you making this video, I asked other for reassurance of my transness recently and I’ve noticed more people feel that way. We should talk about this so much more often and more openly. Again thankyou for making this video!!
Thank you so much for posting this. I’ll be 2 months on T in two days, and even though the small changes I’ve experienced so far have been exciting and positive, I still have doubts, especially as a non-binary person.
Hey! Since I'm reply to this SO LATE, how are you finding it now? I understand that it can be a little difficult. My partner is non binary so I've sort of been able to see and experience the struggle. I hope you feel more settled now.
Thank you so much for this. We have been out for years and have wanted this even longer. Still filled with fear as my first appointment for HRT is in 3 days.
Hey! Sorry for the late response and I really hope that appointment went well for you :) It can be really scary, not matter how long you've wanted it all for but I hope it will all be worth it in the end.
I know I'm late but THANK YOU for this video! I came out to myself, my family and close friends in february after questioning my gender for about two months and then came out to everyone in may. I'm starting t in a couple of months and while i know for sure that it's the right decision I feel like i don't have the right to start because I haven't been out for ages, this video made me feel better :)
Hey Oliver! I'm so sorry for the late reply, this comment for some reason went into likely spam. I'm so glad the video helped you and I hope everything has gone well for you since coming out and starting T! I think we can be so used to seeing people waiting a long time that it almost feels weird to start sooner, but of course some of us have the means and privilege to do so, and it doesn't make us any less trans.
@@TheSamThatIAm Hi! This was a nice surprise haha I forgot about this comment! I'm 1,5 years on T now and about 4 months post top surgery, and I'm happier than ever. Medically transitioning changed my life completely. Hope you're doing well :)
I’ve had so many doubts recently like what if I’m wrong and what if the changes aren’t anything that I’d like? If my voice drops weird or something. But I think I’m ready now and I start T on Monday, Feb 17 :)
Hey! Sorry this is so belated but congrats on getting on T! How are you finding it? These doubts are pretty normal I think, it's good to actually think about and consider these things before making SUCH a big life change.
Hey Carlose. I hope therapy has helped you! I know it can be a really tough road having all of these doubts especially as it is something that you feel you're meant to be excited for but it comes attached to so many negative emotions. It does get better though, especially when you start to feel comfortable with yourself later down the line and know it was the right decision.
I’m so nervous I cant stop crying about it I feel like I’m making a mistake but I know it’s something I’ve wanted since 2017- maybe it’s because I feel as though I fall more in the non binary category so having to keep up with male society is scary and threatening to me. I don’t know I’m having so many doubts I always cry about it and panic myself and I don’t know what to do. I should be happy and I know this is what I want but maybe I’m just scared of the unknown? I want to still have my femininity but not be referred to as a woman? I want to be like aquaman but with a flare yk? Sorry if this is stupid this videos helped me feel calm but I still feel wrong and guilty for doubting myself. I want to know why because I know it’s something I want? Maybe autism and scared of changes come into play- again sorry for rambling a lot in your comments it’s comforting seeing a video about this.
Hey Ruko :) I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. It's definitely complicated and I'm sure many factors are coming into it. I think when you're non-binary it can make it a lot harder to figure out and a lot of people around you/media will try to instill doubt too, which is obviously unhelpful. Something that has helped me and many others is to join support groups of people who identify like yourself. Facebook has plenty of them and it can really help you feel less alone and more reassured within your identity.
Im so so so thankful for this video I really really needed this, I have the opportunity to start t NEXT WEEK its crazy and i keep doubting myself and not seeing that anyone else is doubting makes me doubt more but im so glad you made this like I know its for me but my mind is mean lol anyways thank yoi
Hey! Yeah totally, I'll add it to my list of videos. I've got a few things prefilmed so it may be a while but if you wanna slip into my DMs to chat about it then I'm all for it!
Thankyou so so much for this I have been feeling exactly this and I was so scared now I know I'm not alone in this I feel like I should just trust myself and not listen to all these other things in my mind
I'm so thankful I found your videos. I'm starting to come out and want to start T within the next few years but I'm so nervous that maybe it's not for me or I'm not trans enough, even though I know I am. Thank you
I can't help it but I'm arguing with myself all the time. Some possible changes feel horrifying so I can't find a way out from my overthinking. The way I look like now is uncomfortable... I have hips, breast and so on. But on the other hand the realisation that I could for example get bald, which is permanent, is even more uncomfortable. Bottom growth scares me, baldness scares me and what if my face getting wider will make me look more "fat"? I can't find any satisfying solution and I'm overwhelmed by my own doubts all the time.
I think it's a matter of priorities and what matters more to you. When it comes to unwanted changes like balding, I found it helpful to remind myself that had I been born a cis man, it would have happened to me anyways. For most people the proa outweigh the cons, but it is of course up to each individual person. Bottom growth does not have to be as scary as it seems (most people grow to like it) and a rounded face does not necessarily equate with weight gain - you'd maybe even find you prefer it. If you feel too unsure and unable to make the decision, that's where gender therapists are there to help. They don't just exist to sign off on hormone prescriptions and surgery recommendations - they're first and foremost therapists who want to help you understand yourself and your feelings better.
I've been out for 5 years, I had "signs" as a kid, I've tried to be cis and repress this many times and they all end in breakdowns.
I STILL have doubts. I've been trans ALL OF MY TEENHOOD, I'm 18! I can start T now! I'm still scared.
TW transphobia, religion, SH
Society, and in many cases unsupportive people drill transphobia into us. "It's just trauma" "it's just body dysmorphia!" "You'll grow out of it" "it's ungodly! You're ruining your life" "Medical transition is self harm" "Being trans is a mental illness"
It's really hard not to listen to some of those things. "What if I regret it?"(even tho I've wanted more body hair, deeper voice almost the whole time I've been in puberty)
But the BIGGEST fear for me at least, I can't be stealth. It'll be a long time before I MIGHT even be able to be stealth. Even if I weren't identifiably trans at some point, I am not a 100% masculine man. I will be read as queer regardless.
At least now, I can let potentially harmful people believe I'm just a harmless tomboy. But starting T, there will be a point where people can tell and i could experience a lot more harassment or hate crimes. It's scary being LGBT, especially trans
TLDR; My biggest fears are how much of society views and treats trans people
Hey Max, thank you for your comment and sharing your experience. It definitely is a scary time, especially right now where all the press trans people are getting is so negative.
But about being stealth - you'd probably be surprised! Honestly after my voice dropped, I was stealth such a big amount of the time - people see us differently than we see ourselves.
It's hard to imagine before you get there but the confidence that comes with T definitely does make these things a bit less scary.
Wishing you all the best.
I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and my endocrinologist said i can start T but I've only been out for 10.5 months. My parents are 100% supportive so idk why I'm so scared to start T. I literally cry night after night wanting to start. But now I feel anxious. I also feel guilty because i know people who are still waiting.
Update: I started T on July 22
Hi Liam! Thank you for updating me, sorry this is so late and more importantly CONGRATS! But yeah, I mean it is totally normal to feel these doubts, even when everyone else is being supportive. I hope you're finding it okay now! I get that guilt and I actually want to make a video about it at some point. Everyones journeys happen at different paces though and whilst it's good to be mindful of those still waiting, you gotta do what is best for you too!
Thank you for making this video! I know it was posted so long ago, but I'm about to go for my first appointment to discuss starting T and it's relieved a lot of anxiety.. I was always more "masculine" as a kid but was always told I was a tomboy.. I never even knew of what transgender was. When I really figured it out was when I was 11 and one of my friends asked if I would still like them if they became a boy.. Of course I had said yes and he started to socially transition, knowing his friends would support him.. I learned what transgender meant through him and finally found an explanation for the way I was feeling.. I was shot down a lot because I was accused of copying him, even by my own parents, but I was so jealous that he was able to live the way he wanted where I was still stuck living in the closet.. I suffered through depression for most of my childhood and even into adulthood with medications never seeming to help.. I've gotten through a lot of those feelings on my own, however this is the one thing I feel is still holding me back from true happiness.. I've only been socially out for about a month now, out of fear of rejection from my family and my job, so I also have fears that I'm rushing things along.. I've been holding this back my entire life, so to me I almost want to jump immediately into it because I've suffered with these feelings for 23 years.. Every time I get called "sir" I immediately get a sense of euphoria and it makes me extremely happy when people use my new name.. The idea of T is something I've wanted to do for a while, especially when that friend mentioned earlier started it and his voice dropped.. I wanted that for myself so badly.. Now that I'm so close to the appointment, I'm getting that sense of doubt, like what of everyone was right and I am just copying others and that isn't really what I want.. The thought of living as a woman for the rest of my life is honestly so uncomfortable to me, but every now and then those doubts have been creeping in.. Thank you for telling people like me that we aren't alone in the way we feel and that I'm still valid for feeling the way I do and those anxieties surrounding it are normal :)
Decisions r scary like damn why does anything ever have to change 🙄🙄🙄🙄 I wish there could just be a fairy on my shoulder telling me what to do but nOOOOooooOoo I have to make my own decisions. Lol, anyways thxxx for this video super relatable
Haha yeah, don't we all? Especially with the really life changing ones!
I'm starting t in a month and didn't think anyone else had doubts and that there's something horribly wrong with me, i'm glad to see that i'm not alone. Your video sure did make my day
Hey! I'm glad I could help and good luck with starting T :D
I'll be starting testosterone tomorrow (as i write it i still cant believe it help) and I was having doubts and everythin, and hearing this made me feel SO much better. thank you😭✨
Ahhh that's so exciting, congratulations!! I'm glad I could help with the doubts :)
Thank you so much I'm literally getting my testosterone injected tomorrow and I'm dealing with doubts even though I've been out for 3 years and diagnosed with GDD I'm glad other people have the same experience
Yeah it makes so much sense when you think about it, its a big change but remember the future and how happy you will be. Good luck pal!
Thank you so much! Seriously, I just had my first T shot last week and I reaaalllyy needed this video!
Hi Michael! I hope your first T shot went okay and that you've had a great year on T!
I start T tomorrow and bro I can’t thank you enough for this video. I related so much with everything you said. Thank you
Congrats! I hope you've had a great first week on T :)
I'm really glad I could have helped in the process.
I’m so thankful for you making this video, I asked other for reassurance of my transness recently and I’ve noticed more people feel that way. We should talk about this so much more often and more openly. Again thankyou for making this video!!
No worries dude, it needed to be said! It's just such a common thing but if nobody talks about it, it makes people feel really alone.
Thank you so much for posting this. I’ll be 2 months on T in two days, and even though the small changes I’ve experienced so far have been exciting and positive, I still have doubts, especially as a non-binary person.
Hey! Since I'm reply to this SO LATE, how are you finding it now? I understand that it can be a little difficult. My partner is non binary so I've sort of been able to see and experience the struggle. I hope you feel more settled now.
thank you, i’m starting t tomorrow, it’s something i’ve wanted for 4 years but for some reason i started panicking.
Hey! Congratulations! Hope all is going well and you're now full of excitement :)
Thank you so much for this. We have been out for years and have wanted this even longer. Still filled with fear as my first appointment for HRT is in 3 days.
Hey! Sorry for the late response and I really hope that appointment went well for you :) It can be really scary, not matter how long you've wanted it all for but I hope it will all be worth it in the end.
I know I'm late but THANK YOU for this video! I came out to myself, my family and close friends in february after questioning my gender for about two months and then came out to everyone in may. I'm starting t in a couple of months and while i know for sure that it's the right decision I feel like i don't have the right to start because I haven't been out for ages, this video made me feel better :)
Hey Oliver! I'm so sorry for the late reply, this comment for some reason went into likely spam. I'm so glad the video helped you and I hope everything has gone well for you since coming out and starting T! I think we can be so used to seeing people waiting a long time that it almost feels weird to start sooner, but of course some of us have the means and privilege to do so, and it doesn't make us any less trans.
@@TheSamThatIAm Hi! This was a nice surprise haha I forgot about this comment! I'm 1,5 years on T now and about 4 months post top surgery, and I'm happier than ever. Medically transitioning changed my life completely. Hope you're doing well :)
I’ve had so many doubts recently like what if I’m wrong and what if the changes aren’t anything that I’d like? If my voice drops weird or something. But I think I’m ready now and I start T on Monday, Feb 17 :)
Hey! Sorry this is so belated but congrats on getting on T! How are you finding it? These doubts are pretty normal I think, it's good to actually think about and consider these things before making SUCH a big life change.
Thanks you, I'm about to go to therapy to talk about this because I am feeling anxious and having doubts and I really needed to hear this
Hey Carlose. I hope therapy has helped you! I know it can be a really tough road having all of these doubts especially as it is something that you feel you're meant to be excited for but it comes attached to so many negative emotions. It does get better though, especially when you start to feel comfortable with yourself later down the line and know it was the right decision.
I’m so nervous I cant stop crying about it I feel like I’m making a mistake but I know it’s something I’ve wanted since 2017- maybe it’s because I feel as though I fall more in the non binary category so having to keep up with male society is scary and threatening to me. I don’t know I’m having so many doubts I always cry about it and panic myself and I don’t know what to do. I should be happy and I know this is what I want but maybe I’m just scared of the unknown? I want to still have my femininity but not be referred to as a woman? I want to be like aquaman but with a flare yk? Sorry if this is stupid this videos helped me feel calm but I still feel wrong and guilty for doubting myself. I want to know why because I know it’s something I want? Maybe autism and scared of changes come into play- again sorry for rambling a lot in your comments it’s comforting seeing a video about this.
Hey Ruko :) I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. It's definitely complicated and I'm sure many factors are coming into it. I think when you're non-binary it can make it a lot harder to figure out and a lot of people around you/media will try to instill doubt too, which is obviously unhelpful. Something that has helped me and many others is to join support groups of people who identify like yourself. Facebook has plenty of them and it can really help you feel less alone and more reassured within your identity.
Im so so so thankful for this video I really really needed this, I have the opportunity to start t NEXT WEEK its crazy and i keep doubting myself and not seeing that anyone else is doubting makes me doubt more but im so glad you made this like I know its for me but my mind is mean lol anyways thank yoi
No worries Oliver, good luck!! I hope T is treating you well :)
Could you still make a video about coming out later on in life?
Im transitioning at 25, so I definitely feel the "doubts" part.
Hey! Yeah totally, I'll add it to my list of videos. I've got a few things prefilmed so it may be a while but if you wanna slip into my DMs to chat about it then I'm all for it!
Thankyou so so much for this I have been feeling exactly this and I was so scared now I know I'm not alone in this I feel like I should just trust myself and not listen to all these other things in my mind
Glad I could help :)
I'm so thankful I found your videos. I'm starting to come out and want to start T within the next few years but I'm so nervous that maybe it's not for me or I'm not trans enough, even though I know I am. Thank you
Aww good luck!! Dont ever let anybody invalidate how you feel!
I can't help it but I'm arguing with myself all the time. Some possible changes feel horrifying so I can't find a way out from my overthinking.
The way I look like now is uncomfortable... I have hips, breast and so on. But on the other hand the realisation that I could for example get bald, which is permanent, is even more uncomfortable. Bottom growth scares me, baldness scares me and what if my face getting wider will make me look more "fat"?
I can't find any satisfying solution and I'm overwhelmed by my own doubts all the time.
I think it's a matter of priorities and what matters more to you. When it comes to unwanted changes like balding, I found it helpful to remind myself that had I been born a cis man, it would have happened to me anyways. For most people the proa outweigh the cons, but it is of course up to each individual person. Bottom growth does not have to be as scary as it seems (most people grow to like it) and a rounded face does not necessarily equate with weight gain - you'd maybe even find you prefer it.
If you feel too unsure and unable to make the decision, that's where gender therapists are there to help. They don't just exist to sign off on hormone prescriptions and surgery recommendations - they're first and foremost therapists who want to help you understand yourself and your feelings better.