If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands If you’re stressy and depressy And your life is kinda messy If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands
Showing this to my husband. He said "do you want prayer because I'd like to lay my hands on you" "Yeah actually I've been a little stressed could use some stress relief ;)" Husband: *actually prays over me*
Is this relationship Egypt? Because I'm getting out! This relationship must be the Red Sea because I'm leaving you in it! Is this relationship the Walls of Jericho? Because it won't last a week! Do you read Proverbs? Because I don't think its wise to continue this relationship Are you a tombstone? Because its time you rolled outta my life Is this relationship tithes? Cuz these days I only give 10% John started it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I once was blind, but I’m about to see myself out of this relationship” is the best one by far. To the point and honest, but also funny. Wish I had this one earlier 😂😂😂
I liked your comment and just wanted to encourage you to read the Bible today. :-) You can technically start anywhere, but since it is a supernatural book it takes eyes to see it - so to speak, and God needs to open our spiritual eyes in order to understand it. My suggestion is to start in the Book of John, and read it like a child would read a book. Ask God to reveal what He wants to reveal to you, and if you need any help or have questions I'd be happy if I can help answer any questions or lead you to those who can. Have an awesome day!!!
I just feel like Paul, you know? There's a constant thorn in my side, and I'm pretty sure it's you. *Boom. Roasted* Btw I saw you at Winter Jam in Columbus! You were amazing!!
This is so much easier for Catholics. "Honey, I just think you should consider the convent/seminary." Or, if you're really desperate, "I think I'm called to be a priest.:
A friend of mine, has had the priest one said to her several times, while in college, from just friends that she thought was showing her some interest, they all did go into priest hood classes, 1 or 2 did become priests.
I had a friend who was told "I think God's calling for me is to be a nun....so... we can't be together anymore." and then two weeks later she was dating someone else
oh my gosh, this is the third video of yours I'm watching, comin from RUclips weird recommendation, I'm really enjoying your video stuffs! it makes me smile!
Happy Sunday! This is comedy gold! Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face😂😆😀! I always enjoy your videos! My favorite line is I was reading the book of numbers and realize I needed to block your number lol!! Have a wonderful weekend!
John I want to first off start by saying that you are totally awesome... I've been following you on youtube for quite a while and I saw you at Winter Jam 2018 in Knoxville and I was so pumped to hear you were at Winter Jam and I want to say thanks for doing such awsome videos and for being an awsome human being and I want to say may the Lord bless you through your ministry and just continue to be awsome man ;-)
Hey babe let's make like the bread at the last supper and *BREAK UP* I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M THE *LEAVES* Well I'm not David Dunn because after this relationship there ain't no way *I'll wanna go back* Are you temptation? because pretty sure God told me to *FLEE* Do you believe in predestination? Because *I sure hope my destiny isn't with you.* Are you King Eglon? (Warning: *DO NOT,* under any circumstances, say this to a girl) because *you ain't working out.* Alright, TobyMac, I'll be packing my bags and you can stay. *That's me without you-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo* (you might get some weird looks for this one). Am I the book of Leviticus? Because I feel like you keep *IGNORING ME*
"My body is a temple and you ain't a member" 😂😂😂😂
I- 😂🤣🤣
Its 666 likes no one like it pls
Nooooo someone liked it ;-;
@@kaylakat9075 awww man
@@sunnysideupgamer3284 so we back in the mine
“ my body is a temple, and you ain’t a member “ That’s my favourite xD
Mokah Chan_ I laughed for over 10 minutes on this 🤣
😂😂😂
Same
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
**silence**
Do you see me clapping my hands? No?
*It's because I ain't happy*
Samantha62 Chew62 ok
I loved that one lmao
That one seemed possible
If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands
If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands
If you’re stressy and depressy
And your life is kinda messy
If you’re sad and you know it clap your hands
Not sure what that has to do with being Cristian but I'll have to remember that one
Showing this to my husband. He said "do you want prayer because I'd like to lay my hands on you"
"Yeah actually I've been a little stressed could use some stress relief ;)"
Husband: *actually prays over me*
Sydney Pettit Awwww that’s so sweet! 😍
Aww!!!😍
How are you guys now? And that’s amazing
only one here a year later.....? ok.
Aww, God bless you both!
"I was looking through the book of numbers and realized I hadn't blocked yours yet!"
Lol I'm dead 🤣🤣🤣
I was studying Daniel, and had a revelation that he's better looking than you and has more shekels.
"I think we should just be brother and sister in Christ" This is my breakup line plain and simple
YEPP! But even the person you're dating should be treated as a brother or sister... until y'all tie the knot
Lol
“Call me Peter because your about to be denied three time” 😂
"If I'm the Bible, you're the book of Thomas...NOT INCLUDED!"
Our relationship is like Family Christian Book Store; Christ centered and about to close.
Michael Dickman 😂😂😂
Michael Dickman hahahhaa
Ahaha! That's too real!
@KayLynn exactly what I thought!
OUCH
"I see you as more of a prayer partner then a date partner", "I'm not sure if our callings are compatible", "we need to have some space...for Jesus"
Lol!!!! Prayer partner...😆
That's as bad as saying they're more like a sibling.
Slap in the face.
Is this relationship Egypt? Because I'm getting out!
This relationship must be the Red Sea because I'm leaving you in it!
Is this relationship the Walls of Jericho? Because it won't last a week!
Do you read Proverbs? Because I don't think its wise to continue this relationship
Are you a tombstone? Because its time you rolled outta my life
Is this relationship tithes? Cuz these days I only give 10%
John started it! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Kleston Masters lmao
"Are you a tombstone?" SAVAGE
Ahh I'm laughing so hard from the comments
😅😅😅😅😅the tombstone one is my favorite!!!
Trying to steal the show dude?
“Are you a short term mission-trip because you’re doing more harm than good”
UNDERRATED hahahahah
Haha, I laughed so hard at that one
"did it hurt when you fell from heaven, because you for sure got kicked out"
best line ever.
oooh snap! lol
“I once was blind, but I’m about to see myself out of this relationship” is the best one by far.
To the point and honest, but also funny.
Wish I had this one earlier 😂😂😂
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because for sure you got kicked out.
It's actually, "Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 'Cause you for sure got kicked out." lol
musicinme205 thanks, I typed this in a hurry.
lollll my favorite one
That was my favorite one
ha ha same
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven, cuz you for sure got kicked out" Choked on saliva laughing so hard. Also, his face at 2:06.
"Call me Matt Redman cause I got 10,000 reasons" SHOOK
Gabbie 😂😂😂😂😭😭😭
Who's Matt Redman?
@@machomachinmachinmachinmac6910 He’s a Christian singer who sings the song 10,000 Reasons lol
I was reading the gospels for relationship advice and Jesus said ‘it is finished,’ so I’m leaving you. 😂
I kinda want to read the bible just so I could understand more of these videos
I liked your comment and just wanted to encourage you to read the Bible today. :-) You can technically start anywhere, but since it is a supernatural book it takes eyes to see it - so to speak, and God needs to open our spiritual eyes in order to understand it. My suggestion is to start in the Book of John, and read it like a child would read a book. Ask God to reveal what He wants to reveal to you, and if you need any help or have questions I'd be happy if I can help answer any questions or lead you to those who can. Have an awesome day!!!
Go for it!
Do it!
Also, if you find a friend who has gone to church for most of their life, they could school you on all the innuendos in this vid 😊
Yes!! Do it!
Do it my friend. You've got nothing to lose just something to gain.
"I was reading through Numbers and realized I hadn't blocked yours!"
Me: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Call me Matt Redman, because I have 10,000 reasons 😂😂
Love that song
Best one imo hahaha
Sharon Hickman Call me Matt Redman because I have 10,000 reasons to break up with you
Sharon Hickman that was good 😂...
I loved that one hahaha
Here's the church
Here's the steeple
Open the doors
*And we ain't together anymore I'm going to a different church BYE*
Don't use that one 😂
I know someone I should have said that to....instead, I just did it.
I literally choked when he got to that one 😂😂😂
I have decided to unfollow you on Instagram
Change it too “go see other people”
Literally my dad
"I know you think I'm your Boaz, but I'm just not feeling it. Maybe I can just be your Bro-az instead?"
Kylee B gold
Nice one!
Kylee B , LoL 😂🤗😘👍👍🔹💠🔹
Kylee B Get out!!!....that what I tell my family members when they make really bad puns 😂😂😂😂
Best one yet!!! 👍👍👍👍👍😜
"All things work together for good. But we ain't together and this ain't good" I love it and I will use it. Thank you 😂😂😂
“You’re in DE NILE!” John S T O P
I'm only figuring this out now
@@nataliazondo521 haha me too
Legit had a guy tell me “God gave the clarity that I shouldn’t date you.” I said cool lol
I just feel like Paul, you know? There's a constant thorn in my side, and I'm pretty sure it's you.
*Boom. Roasted*
Btw I saw you at Winter Jam in Columbus! You were amazing!!
Caitlyn Dawceffa he's going to be at winter jam in raleigh and I can't wait
I saw him at winter jam in BHAM, AL. I'm in LOVE with his comedy
J
I am so excited to go to Winter Jam, but he's not going to be there ️😥
I love your username! hi vro
“I just feel like Paul, there’s a constant thorn in my side and I’m pretty sure it’s you”😂😂
cuz you bout ta be denied THREE times! LOL love it!!!
Kanika W ikr I'm gonna be peter in my churches journey to the cross lol
“May the Lord watch between me and thee, while we’re absent one from another!”
"For I know the plans, and you ain't part of 'em."
i think it's in the message bible
Right next to 2nd Assumptions 3:16
The look in your eyes when you say, "There's a constant thorn in my side and I'm pretty sure it's you." haha. 1:31
I know the plans and you are not a part of them 😅
That's my favorite lololol
The Lord has plans for me, and you ain't one of them.😂
That one is probably my favorite.lol
DED @ “my body is a temple and you ain’t a member” ahahahhahah your videos are literally hilarious and I can’t get enough 🤣
The de Nile was great
Madison Friesen It's Mark Twain.
His delivery is what makes it the best 🤣 so great!!!
Do you need prayer bc I wanna lay my hands on you...
"you need to call the cops if someone says that to you..."
OMG i cannot stop laughing XD XD
Hylah Daly 😀😀😀😂😂😂😂😂😂
He forgot "I just don't have peace about this." And, "I always wanted to marry a pastor." Both used on me in real life.
YAASSS!!! Please add more segments to Christian Breakup Lines! ❤
This is so much easier for Catholics.
"Honey, I just think you should consider the convent/seminary."
Or, if you're really desperate, "I think I'm called to be a priest.:
A friend of mine, has had the priest one said to her several times, while in college, from just friends that she thought was showing her some interest, they all did go into priest hood classes, 1 or 2 did become priests.
One girl broke with me... now she is discerning a consecrated life...
Short Term mission trips...best part lol
Sadly, so much truth
A real one I’ve gotten is “we’re not connecting spiritually “
Book of Thomas... not included
“ My body is a temple and you ain’t a member ” BEST LINE EVER!🤣🤣🤣
HAHA too funny! 'are you the book of revelation, because this story is about to be over!' :D
Mat & Est - ChristianVloggers Lmbo
Are we job, because our relationship is barely living
Niceee
Oooooooof 🤣
"I just feel like Paul there's a constant thorn in my side and I'm pretty sure it's you!"😆😆😆😂😂😂
Omg!!! They’re all so mean!!! But I’m dying!!! Hahahahaha!!! 😂😂😂😂
Pamela Cooper-Billips mhmm definitely
You going to hell for laughing
Jess
Really? Oops.
I once was blind, but now I'm about to see myself out of this relationship. So accurate...
Girl, did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.
c s Thank you sir for blessing me with this one
*O O O H S N A P*
Ouch
c s OOF
Thank you for sharing one of my favorite NO lines:)
“You know Kirk Cameron because you about to be left behind”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😄😄
I lost it with the short term missions trip hahaha
"Cuz you bout ta be denied THREE times!!" OMGoodness THAT is emphatically hilarious!! Keep it comin' bro! (I'll be using that one BTW lol!)
I had a friend who was told "I think God's calling for me is to be a nun....so... we can't be together anymore." and then two weeks later she was dating someone else
😂😂🤦
oh my gosh, this is the third video of yours I'm watching, comin from RUclips weird recommendation, I'm really enjoying your video stuffs! it makes me smile!
I got so pumped when this came in my notifs! Love it!
This is HILARIOUS 😂😂 my youth group showed it on Wednesday and I had to show my family 😂👌🏻 great job!
I saw John Crist at Winter Jam and he was so funny I couldn't stop laughing
Bella Wilson Same!
SAME!!!
SaMe
I love John Crist 😂
Dang, he just roasted them in Biblical proportions! Well done, John Crist! 😂😂😂😆😆😆
This cracked me up and helped brighten my day...during a pretty bad breakup. Thanks!
Happy Sunday! This is comedy gold! Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face😂😆😀! I always enjoy your videos! My favorite line is I was reading the book of numbers and realize I needed to block your number lol!! Have a wonderful weekend!
Joyful Kia that was my fave too
the short term mission trip one is KILLER
The “de Nile” one is gold 😂
Are you about to be wrongly accused? Cause this is gonna be our last supper. 😂
All things work together for good, but we ain't together, and this ain't good!
*Ouch.*
"My body is a temple, and you ain't a member" BRUH!!! 😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀
I just realized John B Crist's mannerisms are exactly like Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec
Was thinking the same thing
O Williams You're welcome
I can't unsee it
DeathnoteBB beartooth! Yyeee
OMG YOU ARE RIGHT
I’m showing my support for each of the individual jokes by going through comments and liking all those that mentioned them 😂
You could just send someone the video and let John Crist do all the work lol. This had me laughing so hard John is so clever!😂
For I know the plans and you're not a part of um. That's the best variation of my absolute favorite verse I have ever heard!
The last supper one is gold.
You MercyMe? Cause I can only imagine being happy in this relationship!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Best comedian ever
Laughed out loud several times.,. Thank you
Had to watch twice hilarious
I'm like Thomas, because I doubt we'll be together.
I wish I had these breakup lines when I was breaking up
This is by far my new most favorite video of all time!😄👏🏾😄👏🏾
omg i'm gonna use all of these in the future
Wow you are just mean
Giannah Noelle y plan I dating some1 just 2 break up with them and use q of these
Giannah Noelle damn how many times you gonna break up? Lol
Same
lol
John I want to first off start by saying that you are totally awesome... I've been following you on youtube for quite a while and I saw you at Winter Jam 2018 in Knoxville and I was so pumped to hear you were at Winter Jam and I want to say thanks for doing such awsome videos and for being an awsome human being and I want to say may the Lord bless you through your ministry and just continue to be awsome man ;-)
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!
**
This is hilarious. I was told about you today, and I've seen a ton of your vids!!!!!!
If you're happy and you know it...👐
"did it hurt when you fell from heaven because you FOR SURE got kicked out" 😂😂
I thought these were pick-up lines.... then I was like some of these are rude, I re-read the title.. rip
Black Thunder LOL!!!!! That would certainly be a time 😆
Black Thunder I love your comment
"I just feel like Paul, there's a constant thorn on my side...and it's you" I can't breathe! 😆😂😂😂
Oh my goodnessssssss!!! I’m dying!! Best vid yet, love you John!😂😂😂
Oh my gosh,That was amazing.You should do a part two.
Is it bad I wrote some of these down😂😂❤️
Brianna Grace Not at all👍👍😂
Brianna Grace nope
I commited most of these to memory so..
Haha. Idts
Haha
This guy is probably the most underrated comedian I've ever come across. What a gem
I starting to think that "Vanessa" is his ex's name...he mentions her name a lot in his videos😂
🙏 “For I know the plans and you ain’t a part of um” loved that one 😂
Hey babe let's make like the bread at the last supper and *BREAK UP*
I am the vine and you are the branches remain in me HAHA JUST KIDDING I'M THE *LEAVES*
Well I'm not David Dunn because after this relationship there ain't no way *I'll wanna go back*
Are you temptation? because pretty sure God told me to *FLEE*
Do you believe in predestination? Because *I sure hope my destiny isn't with you.*
Are you King Eglon? (Warning: *DO NOT,* under any circumstances, say this to a girl) because *you ain't working out.*
Alright, TobyMac, I'll be packing my bags and you can stay. *That's me without you-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo* (you might get some weird looks for this one).
Am I the book of Leviticus? Because I feel like you keep *IGNORING ME*
Peeking Under The Blindfold I died reading the last one! XD
😂😂😂 same the last one hit me good last time I tried reading Leviticus i was like 9
Savage. I'm totally using these. Especially "the leaves"! LOL
The TobyMac one killed me!! 😂😂
Leviticus...snoresville😣
But you can't claim you've read the entire Bible without reading it....😄
"do you know kirk Cameron because you about to be left behind" lmfao
“Do you know Kurt Cameron? ‘Cause you ‘bout to be Left Behind.”
Or even worse leave a pile of clothing a pen and a notepad. On the first page write yesterdays date saying "it's rapture time..".
I don't get this, please tell me. I googled Cameron but still not getting it.
@@midknight5812 Kurt Cameron is a actor from the movies Left Behind. Look up Left Behind you will figure it out.
@@alyssafauquher1705 His name isn't even Kurt
BUCK
This made my day! 😂 Sounds alot like me when me and mine argure. Thank you!! God Bless!! #Christiancomedyisthebest
Oh my word 😂 at 1:44 the song he started singing cracked me up bc my Mamaw actually sang the real song in church this morning
God bless you!!! I enjoy watching your videos before going to study; stress relief. You are awesome!!!
"if I'm the Bible, you are the book of Thomas", laughed so hard and loud
I just got done watching you perform at winter jam in Chattanooga. You are amazing!!