Am I Overreacting for thinking there’s more going on between my sis and husband?
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- Опубликовано: 23 май 2024
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Am I Overreacting for thinking there’s more going on between my sis and husband?
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Never trust a pick me, and sister is one.
If husband immediately blocked, based just on one Amazon conversation, I'd say he may be in the clear, but sis is sus. 2 main types of responses to being cheated on: those who are pathologically opposed to cheating and those who start cheating themselves.
I kind of thought it was more suspicious that he immediately blocked her.
If that was their only form of communication, it'd make sense. But presumably he still can have contact with her, so it's odd that he'd block her on instagram.
Especially since when you block someone it will remove all your shared messages from your chat history.
Sister, since her divorce, seems to have developed attention-seeking behaviors that are making OP uncomfortable, even in her own home. The time to address this behavior is now: not to wait until it does develop into something more with her BIL, or even if *she* thinks BIL is flirting with her but he's not, that's still an ugly kettle of worms to unravel once it begins. This needs to be addressed now: feelings are true and feelings are real. OP feels the 'ick' enough to ask a bunch of strangers if she's wrong, so the 'ick' isn't going away. Sister may not even be aware she's acting this way, but attention-seeking behavior in adults is oftentimes triggered by low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, jealousy or even loneliness. OP has a sturdy marriage, a good husband, three young children, a good home environment, etc., all of which can make a newly divorced sibling feel empty and lost to the point they fish for compliments (such as not using her Ammy account much-who knows if that is true or not - she might order more than her sister but she wanted to appear better than her sister in that moment, so maybe she didn't tell the truth). And OP who, btw, has 3 children underfoot all day long as a stay-at-home mom while managing a household, if she needs something for the home or the family, to shop locally she has to take the children with her to get the errands done - an exhausting proposition in itself just getting them all in the vehicle. Loneliness would account for the sister being in their company more than before, as well as missing her husband so she's ingratiating herself into OP's husband's inner circle to ward off loneliness and boredom (the social media account- which, if hubby was going to entertain her via that platform, he should have been forthcoming to his wife/her sister at the very onset that sister is communicating with him frequently; had he been been up front with his wife, OP would not have been gobsmacked in the face when she looked at those communications where her sister is front and center. Hubby hid this and if not confronted, how long would he have waited to tell OP? Or was he enjoying the attention from his SIL and on a dangerous slope toward emotional cheating because *he* liked the attention he was getting from a woman other than his wife all of a sudden? A woman who is part of his extended family, that he knows, likes, trusts, etc. That he blocked the SIL when confronted is an 'ick': if it was all innocent and he was clueless about how it looks to others, why go to such an extreme to block the SIL? Just have a chat with her next time she's in their home with both husband and wife together explaining her frequent, secretive social media communications makes them both feel uncomfortable and she needs to be aware her behavior could be misconstrued to the point of not being welcome in their home and/or sister/BIL going full NC with her. If this situation is ignored, it isn't going to just go away as fast as it appeared. Intervention is paramount here or OP may find herself in her sister's shoes: divorced.
I am in complete agreement with the statement “If you touch him, they will never find you.” It’s something I might have said in our early relationship years. (This is year 38 for marriage, and I’m less touchy than I once was. You can try to take my SO, but you will regret your life.)
ALWAYS listen to your gut feelings!
Sister has crush on hubby and hubby is flattered and wants to keep that feeling going.
I don't think anything is there, but it doesn't mean that something won't develop.
OP should talk to hubby and tell him what it looks like looking from the outside. Nip that in the bid before there is a problem.
Op should take note and and keep track of what's going on. "Blocking" on insta either means he is straight or he is going to be sneaky. Keeping a hawkeye on the sis is definitely the way to go because OP has already let on to spouse that she is suspicious. Op Should Not confront sis. If sis changes her behavior without OP saying anything, husband had a talk with her to tone it down. Op take notes of what's sus and what's not.
My dad always told says "Women have the best intuition on Earth, the problem is, they never listen to it." - I try to keep that in mind. It's not always the first thought, but there is something that needs to be addressed.
I have nothing concrete to conclude just side eye because something is off
It's not uncommon for people on the rebound to misinterpret friendliness/kindness for romance. That's one of the main reasons why they don't recommend dating right after a breakup/divorce.
I believe the sister is developing feelings while OP's husband is clueless. That could be causing the uncertainty vibes.
I'd recommend OP talk to her husband about the dangers of a woman on rebound. Then he won't feel blamed but will be more aware.
Then OP can talk to her sister, have a girl's night out, and let a few guys hit on her sister so she knows she still has it. If she has a few temporary escapades, then ensure she has plenty of protection and can handle the emotional backlash.
Well.... something is off, worth looking into
I'm a big believer in trust your gut and to a fairly good degree an empath. If OP has the ick, there's a good reason for it.
Couple points woth mentioning:
1. Hubby blocking Sis on IG is basically meaningless. He could easily create a fake profile/get a burner phone. I think he blocked Sis to appease and/or throw OP off and make himself look good.
2. As another commentor mentioned Sis is probably going through a lot post-divorce including low self esteem. That can be a dangerous place to be, especially if she is getting attention from a man who she should only be cordial with. Sis may be taking that attention the wrong way or she could be absolutely correct and Hubby's intentions are exactly what she thinks they are.
Best answer I can give w/info presented here.
Some people feel like they are nothing after being cheated on, and unawareingly, do minor flirting for compliments. The husband seems unaware. She should have a calm chat with her sis, and help her.
Based only off the context given. This is what I have come up with.
I think the sister is trying to start something, but unless the husband has done things before i'd say him blocking sister was a good start. I'd talk to hubby about venting to her sister though, that's not ok. If he has an issue he should talk to OP
Dislike may not be it. She may just resent OP’s happy marriage + she’ll show her how easy it is to destroy it. Shut that sister DOWN. Let her know showing more attention to YOUR husband makes u feel uncomfortable. That OP needs sis’s man-pleasing act to STOP + SHE needs to focus on available men.
I don't know why everyone is jumping on hubby. Sis - Def needs a sit down and told to knock it off. Hubby needs an independent conversation heart to heart with wife as we have seen before, some men are clueless when other women are coming on to them. If hubby gets the wake up that OP is feeling insecure because of Sis and he brushes off... then you either have proof of the something funky is off or just an unsupportive partner. Both of which are marriage ending scenarios.
Speak to hubby about your concers but comfort sister and set soild boundaries. If someone flirted or went after my partner id be petty and more affectionate when that person is aromd as a way to make sure the message is sent clearly (normally me and my partner are more private with our affections to each other)
💚
Something is off, but I'd say it's more likely the sister than the husband. OP, did you look at any of the Instagram messages or stop upon just seeing your sister's name pop up first? The messages may have been telling. Has your sister developed any relationships with anyone since her divorce?
If the husband can’t control himself around the sister in law then he probably wouldn’t other women . Time to confront the husband . He’s supposed to control himself. Then she needs to confront her sister in a not so nice way .
The husband hasn’t done anything, but she did confront him + it got her nowhere. Sister is the problem (so far) so I say talk to the problem
I wouldn't jump to alarm bells but I'd definitely monitor sister, since he blocked her I'd be peeking at sis's phone are we still talking? Any obvious flirting would be called out on the spot. But she'd be my target not him unless it was a pattern of behaviour.
I think she went about it wrong if she saw he was always talking to her sister. Peek at his messages. Now they can be gone and you have no proof! It’s possible that the husband is just a big dunce and doesn’t understand that the SIL is paying him so much attention. I would have told the husband if the packages bother him so much he can do without toilet paper or whatever household items were in there and have nothing to wipe with or whatever it was. It kinda sounds like the sister is possibly lonely and sad and is maybe looking at the husband as an example of a good husband and might be a little jealous. Could this possibly turn into her trying to take him? Sure. Depends on how nasty the sister decides to be. Right now it all seems like circumstantial evidence except for the messages which she’s already alerted her husband to and if he was doing anything he could cover it up.
If he can’t control him self with ppl u know he won’t control him self with strangers 🤷♀️ it’s all defo sus