I have a question from the perspective of someone working in a school. You mentioned your friend but I'd like to know is there anything you can think of that someone at the school should have done differently to perhaps avoid you feeling so left out and alone? I personally try my best to recognize the ones that need support and hearing something regarding this from someone who's been that deep in would be a great help!
@@MinimiMax the biggest thing is to treat each other as people. When you are in that dark, it can be hard to remember that you matter, hard to think anyone listens to you. Treat that person like you would your family. Not like a project that needs to be fixed, but as a person who deserves to be heard. Ask about his day. Find out about her favorite music. Get to know the person under the pain.
Hello everybody! I'm Aaron Stark, the guy in the video. I just wanted to say thank you for listening, and for giving such amazing comments. This TED talk has changed my life. Today I get to help people in ways I never imagined, and for someone who spent my life feeling worthless and invisible it really means so much to be able to be help maybe show someone else that there is a way put of the dark. Today, I work full time as an assistant manager at a gas station in Denver, and also travel across the country speaking to schools and law enforcement and educators in the hope that I can maybe help them see that kid on the edge in a different light, and give some love to people they don't usually feel deserve it because they need it the most. Thank you all. You are not alone.
I still come back to this Ted Talk because your story was so powerful! Thank you for sharing this with us. May the universe bring you nothing but peace and prosperity for the rest of your life.
It takes 2 to make a child. I takes a Village to raise them. My guy didn't have a Village to help him. But he had a friend. A lot of times that's what we really need. Faack I'm still cryin
I stopped in the middle of the video and let it run as I was going through the comments section. Literally as I started to read this, he started saying it.
Hello everybody! I am tge guy in the video. It's been about 5 years since I did this talk, and it has totally changed my life. Today, I travel the country speaking to schools, counselors, parents, law enforcement, and anyone else who will listen about how we need to give love to the ones we feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most. That we need to help the kid in the dark see that he is wrong when he thinks he can't be helped. That the best way to teach people in pain is to see then AS PEOPLE. I'm a regular guy, I still have my day job working full time as assistant manager of a gas station here in Denver. I just keep speaking because I feel like I should. And yes I read the comments because why not? Lol Thank you for listening. You are not alone
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth"- African proverb. "When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deep within himself and his suffering is spilling over"
One of the most touching comments I've read so far. Every time I got bullied I've always wondered if I deserved it, it's what you feel right away. I was born with Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder, and like it was hard enough already, even my own sister and parents would be intolerant to me and hit me a lot... there was a time I couldn't take it anymore, and instead of shooting up my high school, I tried suicide two times... seeing his man's story brought me many painful memories but I also see that the person who created the famous saying: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was the wisest person on earth. Today I live with my syndrome having fully accepted it and learned to enjoy my life despite being considered a freak or a weirdo by most people. it's not easy, but resilience is the only thing will make move along and keep on walking.
@@NicolasAirbusA320 Power to you friend! My ex-girlfriend was manic depressive with borderline personality disorder, attempting suicide once while we were together. It's a hole she probably won't really be able to crawl out of, but she's still going and that's all anyone can really ask honestly.
I had a best friend who did this. She hurted me and a lot of people, i hated her. I hated the fact on no matter how hard i tried to help her she would never listen to me. So, i didn't reply to her messages for 2 month, completly abbandoned her from social media. Then i just received an apology telling me how sorry she was and she wanted to apologize to me first then the other people. I told her that im proud of her
But it was a very different era tho , 1990 is wild . Bullying is real deal , i really believe bullying has gone down alot today compared to 1990 but school shootings goes up alot idk why . And most of the shooters we have todat never bullied at school either
Hello everybody! I'm the guy from the video. I just wanted to say thank you. I read the comments (because I'm just a regular guy and who can check out their own ted talk? Lol) and I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. And just imagine, who might listen if YOU speak? You are not alone.
Your video was just recommended to me. You are the bravest man I’ve ever seen! More courageous than anyone I met. Daring to be this vulnerable for the greater good is exactly what we need. I wish you all the best and thank you for doing this! Best wishes from The Netherlands!
Hi aaron Time ago I felt like you and was terrible, my whole family broke apart and I lost almost everything in my life, my school, my house, my rutine, friends and my father (who I didn't really know where he was) I ended up in another school with kids that didn't like me that much, feeling worthless and seeking for attention, so I started to consume drugs and act violent. I joined to an anarquist group because I felt accepted and also I expressed my rage fighting police and destroying public propierty. One day, a friend noticed that I was alone and save me. Now I'm studing at the university to become a teacher. I think teenagers need more attention and love from us, they are kids still, trying ot act like adults when osmetimes they are not prepared. Bless, greeting from Chile :)
Your an amazing man, a simple thing changed the lives of hundreds, it’s sad that I’m afraid to go to school, I have to fake sickness just because I’m afraid, it’s sad that the thing that’s supposed to teach me scares me the most.
He had the absolute levelheadedness and courage to call social services and they sent him back to his abusers rather than listen to what he had to say? Shame on them!
Yeah, social services seems to have quite a history of doing this. Ever hear of a child getting murdered by an abusive parent, even though the other parent tried to get help to stop them? It makes me sick. They seem to always fail them.
As a student of this field this is incredibly disheartening to hear. Those people clearly didn't use their best judgment or took policy to leniency. Clearly this is a case of negligence and harm to the child. It just sucks because bare minimum it need to be immediate harm to him...this is why we need to advocate for change in policies.
"I'll buy you the razors next time if you do a better job" is the most horrible thing I've heard this month. It is devastating what Aaron Stark went through. I am proud of Aaron for standing up and giving one of the best TED talks, and I wish him the best!
When I was 15, my mother handed me a sharp steak knife and screamed, "Here! Kill yourself! Do it! When I come home, I want to find you dead on the floor in a pool of your own blood!" She also threw me out of a moving car on the highway....dropped me off at a movie theatre three suburbs away when I was 10 years old and told me she wasn't coming back for me (and she didn't)...tried to drown me in a swimming pool when I was about 8....refused to take me to the hospital numerous times, such that I had broken bones that were left to heal on their own with no medical intervention...I could keep going. Things got a hundred times worse than all of this when I was a teenager; by the time I was 16 she was regularly kicking me out of the house for days at a time, and threatening to lock me in a mental institution, which she eventually did, despite the fact that there was no reason at all for me to be there. I was an honors student, an overachiever, I'd never smoked or drank or done a single drug except aspirin...my only failing was that I wasn't anything like the child she'd wanted to have, and she hated me for it. The sentence she screamed at me every day of my life is one I still hear in my head constantly, like a mantra: "You make it so hard for us to love you!!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE EASIER TO LOVE???" It should have been obvious to my teachers, friends, peers, everyone around me that I was growing up in a severely emotionally, mentally and physically abusive home. But if they did have an inkling, they did nothing about it. I longed for someone to save me, and no one did...I had no savior, safe place, advocate, nothing. To this day, I think about the person I might have become if someone had reached out to me with love, safety, kindness and protection.
@@IlaughedIcriedSo you of all people should see why people like him almost resorted to lashing out in one of the most horrible ways. What he went through was not normal and as you say "you've been through worse". So even if you happen to have more resilience than he did you should also have more understanding because of your experience also yeah?
@@PhoenixAttact First of all, I DON'T have more resilience than Aaron does -- not at all! I think he has more resilience than I do. I've ended up chronically ill, disabled, totally alone and passively suicidal 24/7. Second, YES, I have a deep understanding of what he went through -- that's why I wrote this comment. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that I'm criticizing him or chastising him or something. My intention was exactly the OPPOSITE -- to show empathy and to reinforce the message in this video -- that childhood abuse, violence, neglect and lack of love and acceptance are devastating conditions that can destroy someone's self-esteem, self-worth and belief that they have any kind of future, and that we need to be aware of how vulnerable children are to trauma, not gloss over or ignore their valid pain. Whatever negativity you think you're hearing in my comment, it's an incorrect interpretation.
First of all , at from 6:00 to 6:15 He was tearing up about the abuse not happiness , and secondly ..... You so copied n pasted your comment , regardless he's a top cat , great talk
This guy was failed by everyone and has still come out the other side. Such an inspiration. He deserved so much better. Hope he's living a happy life now.
I struggle to relate to any positive sentences, comments. They sound cliché and empty, but this comment almost made me tear up. I almost didn't write this comment because I'm scared of being open, I feel vulnerable. Posting this comment helped me take a step forward.
@jiren7976 hi! Im the guy in the video. I just want to say, it's really awesome that you faced your fears like that. I know I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. I hope.youre proud of you too.
This is why I always told my kids, "You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be nice to everyone. You never know what they are going through at home."
Love this, this is exactly what I tell my little brother all the time because I was not the nicest kid in school. Important lesson for anyone of any age.
@@goldenapplesaga5446 Thank you so much! I tried to be :) You usually get about 17-19 years with them living in your home, and it goes so fast. It baffles me how bad people can manage to screw up their kids for the rest of their lives in such a short time.
@Ronnie Kray Just because you're nice to them doesn't mean you let hurt you. Vulnerability doesnt equal respect. You're right on some level but I think there is a bit more to it that you didn't consider. That's all
“He treated me like it was a Tuesday” beautiful. thank you Aaron stark. I have no doubt that you’ve saved hundreds, thousands of lives. This world is better because of you.
Rhyno 216 I think at 7:16 that’s his wife and his daughter beside just based off the way they reacted and the guy with the red shorts was probably his friend.
@@whatupwhatup4206 those are 8n fact my wife and daughter! They are the first ones to stand up. My friend is never shown, he was in the very back of the audience. Good eye!
We live in a society that thinks even sane teenagers are innately dangerous and psychotic. Let alone the ones with issues. In today's climate teenage Aaron Stark would probably have been shot with little legal provocation.
Don’t bring religion into this. It feels like those pastors taking advantage of school shootings to try and convert people to Christianity as a way to deal with their grief. Using violence to spread religion is awful as history showed us many times, and this is just another form of combined use of the two to take advantage of people when they’re feeling worst
If you listen again at the 5min mark he actually was saying that is not what his friend did and it is overbearing when people do that. He gave alternatives that really helped him so it takes more then that and different approaches
@@12day1 Not necessarily. I mean not in general. There are some people who will have their whole world changed like he said by one person asking if they're ok. There are others who need a bit more. Some people find it overbearing and others don't. My point is basically that your both right but I was worried that someone might read your reply and get discouraged to ask someone if they're ok in an attempt to help them. So I wanted to point out that it does work sometimes and it can change people's lives if it's the right person. Honestly what I find to be the most powerful about his speech was the fact that it was the simple things his friend did that saved him. He "treated it like it was a Tuesday" like Aaron said.
This person is a perfect example of how other people can change you, just by acting vile or just terrible towards you, and him admitting this is a step to the right direction; a chance of clarification. I have massive respect towards him and feel sorry for his awful past. I wish the best for him.
I once tried calling them and I was left on hold and I grabbed a knife and started to gently slide It over my wrist and as I was about to stick it in my arm, I called my best friend since 2 of my other friends didn't want to talk to me so she talked to me for an hour and saved me. I will always be in her debt.
social services is the worst. when i was going through so much pain and trouble i went to them for help and instead they immediately asked me if i was doing drugs, to which i said yes they then told my mom only that which put me through the worst pain of my life and i was in residential for months
Hello. I am the guy in the video. My heart is broken by the tragedy in Texas. I was almost a school shooter, if you have any questions I would love to answer them. Hold your loved ones close. You are not alone
That was a really good ted talk, this was one of the first ted talks I've ever watched and truly felt. If I could ask one question, what do you think needs to be done to prevent devastating events such as the tradegy of texas?
@@aakashlearnstocook8408 I don't know what could have prevented this, bit from all I have seen it appears this shooter fell down that dark self hatred road, and was shoved down by the ones who should have been support. This is by no means an excuse, just an examination of the danger of self loathing. If you hate yourself enough you will do all you xan to make the world agree with you. We need to find a way to show the ones on the edge of disaster that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel they are in. Hope. Hope is all we can do.
@@aaronstarkauthor Thank you for the reply and insight! It really is a tragedy the things self hatred can do, and how the ones that need love the most don't have access to it. I really hope we can take steps as a society to where mental health and care can become more accessible, lethal guns like assault rifles are heavily background checked, and a hope for less of these horrific shootings. I want to let you know spreading awareness and your vulnerability about such a strong, sensitive topic could really help make a difference towards this primitive issue of school shootings, and I hope one day when I grow up in this next generation my kids won't have to witness the terrors of one.
Do you think the media constantly reporting on shootings like this and essentially making them famous could be a contributing factor? Considering how that Buffalo shooting wasn't that long before this I feel it could've been the catalyst.
@Aaron Stark, I came across your video searching for answers over what happened in Uvalde. Thank you for your courage and grace. I hope you do speaking tours on this topic. There’s more troubled and hurting children out there, bless you for speaking up. It only takes one to break the cycle. You are truly a gift, I have the utmost respect and admiration for your humility. Thank God you have such a good friend who helped you to be seen and heard. A little kindness goes a long ways.
“Next time do a better job and I’ll buy you the razor blades” My heart absolutely breaks for this guy. I couldn’t imagine being told that by your own mother, you’re own blood. Definitely brought a tear to my eye.
Please help me understand the logic here. So if someone shows up up with a rifle to school, but then decides against it and cancels the school shooting. Then later he tells people that he almost did it. Then he is automatically brave and should be applauded? Heck, if I knew it was that easy getting applause and being called brave
How this man stands up and tells his story without crumbling into the floor, i do not know. I could feel his pain and anxiety at having to recount what happened to him. Kids need love and warmth. I'm sure there are dark days for you, Aaron, after your life of trauma. But you've found people who love you and that's priceless.
As someone who was in a similar place, let me tell you: words don't help at all. People can say "you aren't worthless" all they want. But actions speak louder than words. If you actually want someone to believe your words, back them up with action. I'm not saying you shouldn't say the words. But don't believe for one second that saying the words is enough. It isn't.
My brother you are the man!!! Please keep sharing your message because this message saves lives. I was bullied by a school principal and football coaches, I was threatened and thrown out basically because I didn't play football. All I wanted to do was learn how to learn. I want down a dark road until I got clean/sober at 26 yrs old. Ironically I ended up working in a prison where 2 of my class football stars ended up, 1 was shot in the head robbing drug dealers and the other died of an OD. I'm 62, retired from corrections and now I'm an addiction counselor for young kids. Thanks for your talk!
Sadly people are to busy idolizing people who have already so much attention and love. Because they want to be able to say that they are part of the popularity and know what its about. Its selflove. Fishlove. You love the fish? or you love the way you feel when eating fish? People use the word love so many times it loses its value. (same with the word racism)
Aaron, you are an undisputed champion of life. To go from a childhood devoid of any real kind of happiness or foundation upon which to build positive meaning to the great man that just gave this talk on that stage....it's almost unbelievable. You are the resilience of the Human Condition, personified.
when you have nothing to lose, you are then the most dangerous. the man will not care if he is arrested, or killed, because it does not matter. The big reason why school shooters will kill people for no reason, is because they have nothing to lose. When you are in a deep, dark place in life, you feel as if life cannot get any better. Some want revenge. When these 2 things combine, revenge and having nothing to lose, you become the most dangerous. You will take on that revenge in a horrible matter, whether killing, or injuring. I can say that i felt this, in school, as i was being bullied. I never got to the point to where i wanted to shoot a school, but i felt like i wanted to take out major revenge. You don't ever want to be in that dark place. Bullying and feeling worthless has still impacted me today, i have trust issues, and i don't feel like i have true friends. I have been betrayed too many times to even want friends. I feel better off alone. So please, if you feel in this dark place, you are worth it. I don't want to see any more suicides and school shootings happen anymore.
This is such a powerful sentence. It hit me hard when he said it and it makes so much sense. Think about the terrifying power someone would have when they don't care about dying and don't have have anyone to lose? It's heartbreaking, but I'm so glad he's gotten a second chance. I'm so grateful that he had his friend to go to, and I'm so glad that this message is being spread that we should love the people we feel deserve it the least. God tells us to love everyone, and that's including people whom we feel aren't deserving. Who are we to cast the first stone? We all have flaws and NONE of us are better or worse than our neighbor. I have never seen such a powerful Ted Talk before. This one is going to make an impact.
Born of Fire Ive befriended psychopaths. Real ones. In prison. What do you know about them? Some still write me. And I wrote them back not out of respect, but fear. A true psychopath is Never your friend, they consider their 'friends' to be the ones they dont directly harm.
Most criminals and mass shooters are not narcissists, sociopaths, and/or psychopaths. These are overused words for the purpose of "othering" criminals to make people feel better about themselves. "I'd never do that because I'm sane!" This is simply unrealistic. Most atrocities are committed by regular people put into circumstances that fosters it. It isn't because they are "crazy" like people like to pretend. Some are, yes, most aren't.
@@borizzle1 It's not about who deserves to be loved. At one point or another, we've all done things that didn't deserve a loving response. It's about loving someone not because of what they have done or not done, but about who they are. They are human just as we are. And no matter how heartless or insensitive some people may be, they still need to be loved, even if from a distance. "Above all, maintain an intense love for each other, since love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
I nearly cried at this too when he said about his wife and daughter. Hit me hard. I never cry at things but this is probably the closest I have ever got on youtube.
The fact that his mom suggested he asked him to buy better blades to cut himself made me pick my jaw up off the floor. No one should be told to or go forward with ending their lives, especially from the ones that brought you into this world and should raise you and help you with living in this world.
Smokey :D kindness is only good when you realise you can’t always be kind. Some people will take advantage of your kindness that and that’s when you have to get rude.
@@deviljho4260 That's why you need boundaries. I believe that Aaron's message here should be taken to heart by as many people as possible because this world will be so much better. But you're also not wrong. Some people should listen to you too when they act kind so that they can provide for people like Aaron and do good like he described. Boundaries my friend. Boundaries.
rxp56 Tell that to Mexican, Italian, Haitian, etc. gangs and cartels who illegally obtain massive orders of weapons from different countries. Guns are more “rare” in countries where they’re illegal because only people doing ILLEGAL things have them. There are bad apples everywhere, and I’m not saying 🇺🇸 doesn’t have a problem with shootings because we do, but anti gun people think illogically and we as a nation shouldn’t point the finger to guns.
And yeah video games are turning kids to killers apparently.. Welp this next generation should be really good at building, because they sure play a lot of fortnite. As a matter of fact, with that logic I’m going to MAKE my nephew play fortnite. Fortnite is obviously setting my nephew up for a great career path in architecture, while video games like call of duty are turning 100 million+ kids into mass shooters! Our children are dangerous!
"Love the ones you think deserve it the least, because they need it the most." That ones going in the list of sayings that helps me keep myself on the right track.
@organizemyroom k You don't know that. For all you know, he could've changed someone's outlook on life with this single speech. I know I had something to take from it, and I bet plenty of other people did too.
@@Flomen01 exactly, you don't hear the stories of people that Almost committed a mass shooting everyday. this is a very special event that i think should be given more attention than its getting.
Let's take a moment to consider that his friend: - saved Aaron's life - saved the lives of possibly a dozen or more innocent people - saved possibly a hundred friends and family members from a terrible thing - (in)directly lead Aaron to live a happy life with the woman he loves and his kids
@K L Absolutely true! It might sound as a cliché to many, but kindness, empathy, compassion are way more powerful that people acknowledge. We need more of that. We all need to be some Aaron's friend.
My mother is a mad woman. She does crazy things. I’m a guy- 18 gonna turn 19 next month. For me my life is a mess, it’s been miserable from the start. I don’t know where I’m headed, I got no future. Ending my life is my way out, to escape everything.
Most TED talks are people trying to further their career / presenting themselves in a positive light. This man went into the dark depths of his past to teach us. Very incredible and a great role model.
Did you even watch his video? People can't control how they're raised and situations they're put in. He was given a bad hand in life, one that would lead many into crime. His TED talk was how others helped him to avoid that path. And we are just saying that it takes a lot of courage to tell that kind of story that could put himself in a bad light. So... why are you calling people idiots again? Peace and love man.
“I’m with you till the end of the line” -Bucky Barnes AND Steve Rodgers Whether you like marvel or not if you value friendship go and see those 2 movies.
If your friendships and relationships don't last long you owe it to yourself to find someone (mentor? therapist?) to help you figure out what makes it so hard for you to have lasting relationships.
Getting up in front of people and telling your story is heroic. If ONE person doesn't shoot up a school because of you, you said the lives of the would be victims AND all the people who love them and would be ruined forever if they lost them. Bless you.
@@aaronstarkauthor Wow, it's really you 🤗. YOU are the best 👍, most encouraging, hope giving and supporting man in the world. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and may god bless you ❤
Probably not the same thing, but at my old secondary school (I live in England), there was this 13 year-old who was picked on horribly. Being the coward that I was, I stayed out of it, afraid of getting into drama or worse, sharing her bullying. She had no friends, her parents were on the rocks as it was, she was poor, getting beaten up almost daily and her mental issues were in a downward spiral. One day, I saw her leaning against the school wall next to a bike rack, looking at something in her hands. I finally worked up the courage to go up to her and ask “Hey, are you okay?” I know the answer was probably no, but the guilt had been eating away at me for ages. She quickly hid the thing behind her back and suddenly looked nervous. “I’m fine.” She replied, quickly. “You look kinda lonely. Want to come and play tennis with me?” I’d offered, knowing that anyone associated with this kid got beaten up before hometime, but I was suspicious of what she had behind her back. Her face crumpled. A few tears leaked down her face and she threw her arms around my neck. It was then I felt what she had in her hands, the sharp point of a knife pressing accidentally against my spine. I threw her off a little too quickly than I should have, admittedly, and grabbed her hand. She was holding a steak knife and looked terrified. “Please don’t tell anyone!” She begged me, letting me take the knife off her and looking scared. I still don’t know if it was the right decision, but I said “I won’t.” And I never have. I tried to befriend her over the next few days, despite the newfound bullying coming my way. It was terrifying that she was this close to either cutting herself/committing suicide or knifing someone. If I hadn’t gone over to talk to her, I dread to think what would have happened. I learned my lesson from that. A little kindness can go a VERY long way.
This dude is brave, the fact he occasionally stumbled over his words made this seem so real. Must have been really hard but his story could help change people’s lives and viewpoints.
I'm not surprised that he stumbled. He was probably very nervous in front of cameras, especially since there is (as I noticed) a timer staring him in the face. Aside from that, the abused often have speech problems. I stuttered a bit, and my brother stuttered even more.
They are threats. They need help. But they are threats. Like he said once you got nothing to lose you can do anything. He almost shot up a school. It's not that depressed and suicide people arnt threats people just go about it wrong. They avoid them instead of trying to help. I'm one of the threats I know.
ÄKTA ZAP ZAP Wow what is wrong with you? Your negative outlook is helping no one. Helping people when they need it, that makes the world a better place - by being better people and being there for one another. Not saying an abusive, drug addicted mother was right to tell the son she mistreated so poorly that he was right to try and kill himself. It’s mindsets like yours that bring humanity so low and keep it there.
Ive watched this ted talk 3 times. All multiple years apart and I have to say this is one of the best ted talks I have ever watched, and it has had such a huge impact on me.
He made a solid point there. Treating isolated people like a threat makes them become a threat. So sad there are more jails built than mental health care center
@@Rryan8065 And what do we do for the people who are mentally unwell? Who need psychological help? Who require help because they’re ill and aren’t in the right headspace? Yeah, they deserve punishment, but they also need help or else they won’t learn anything
Finally, proof that shootings aren’t caused by games or anything else the media blames, but by actual stress, awful parenting, and just some well placed misfortune
We had proof of that, school shootings didn't start with video games. UT Tower Shooting was the deadliest school shooting in US history from 1966 until 2007 when the Virgina Tech shooting occurred.
@@turner8088 But look at the supply chain of that gun, why was it so easy for him to get at all? The biggest source of illegal guns for the US is ones that were legally purchased then stolen because people leave them in cars and trucks or unsecured in their home.
@@ttsweee it’s unfair to say video games have caused school shootings but the percentage is so minuscule that we should heavily shift focus away from them and think of more obvious reasons why a kid might shoot up a school.
Timothy Stedham II wow. Ok. I'm not sure what to even say. Pick up some modern lit and practice empathy and understanding how human emotion and psychology works
Same... Parents, mostly the mother, are our most important role models in life. What do we do if we lose everything, and eventually they give up on us too?
“Give love to the people who deserve it the least, because they need it the most.” Put into practice, I wonder how many acts of rage, hurt and destruction could have been avoided. God bless.
+This Dang Game However....know your boundaries. I was convinced I could help my agressive, gun-owning alcohol-addicted partner. I gave him all the love I had and more kindness, whenever he was raging or drinking. After 4,5 years I started vomiting at night, triggered by the behaviour from his side. Whenever he'd drink, he'd take guns out and point them at people. If I refused to be intimate, he'd force me. I was then dumped like filth and told I "needed to get myself fixed" because of my constant crying. If people are severely troubled...they need a kind but consequent psychologist. Not another human being they can manipulate or hurt.
Greg Baylis why try to trick your mind into thinking humanity is selfless and caring? The world isn’t all butterflies and rainbows so good I brought you back to reality I guess
It all depends on the peons. This guy wanted to shoot up a school because of the pain in his life. How about the school shooters who are just psychopathic ?? How is a talk gonna help them
Subodh Prasain that's kind of vicious. You would talk like that about people you've never met or even know anything about. After watching a video about showing love instead of judging someone as something they may not even be...
"The friend that saved my life is also in the audience"
Respect to that friend
EliTe EdGy when he said that I broke :(
Mel Requeny respect that indesd
Thank you friend. God bless you always. Because you stepped in you help to save a lot.of lives and give this man a life of his own.
big ups to that guy
Nobody cares about your opinion fortnite pfp
His friend didn't save only his life, he probably saved dozens of lives.
The world needs more friendlies like him
Something that motivates me to be nicer to people too.
There is one treasure that should be kept and cherished and that is friendship.
Your right, kind word, a warm smile, and a reassuring thought can potentially save hundreds of lives in this situation
Vinícius Egidio Maybe they shouldn’t insult and abuse him to the brim of insanity
Hello. I'm the guy in the video.
I just wanted to say, if anyone has any questions, I would be happy to answer them.
You are not alone.
Brave! I wish you well!
I jast want to thank you for sharing your story, I think you helped many people with that.
Merry christmas to you from Germany
I have a question from the perspective of someone working in a school. You mentioned your friend but I'd like to know is there anything you can think of that someone at the school should have done differently to perhaps avoid you feeling so left out and alone? I personally try my best to recognize the ones that need support and hearing something regarding this from someone who's been that deep in would be a great help!
@@MinimiMax the biggest thing is to treat each other as people.
When you are in that dark, it can be hard to remember that you matter, hard to think anyone listens to you.
Treat that person like you would your family. Not like a project that needs to be fixed, but as a person who deserves to be heard. Ask about his day. Find out about her favorite music. Get to know the person under the pain.
Hi
Hello everybody! I'm Aaron Stark, the guy in the video. I just wanted to say thank you for listening, and for giving such amazing comments. This TED talk has changed my life. Today I get to help people in ways I never imagined, and for someone who spent my life feeling worthless and invisible it really means so much to be able to be help maybe show someone else that there is a way put of the dark.
Today, I work full time as an assistant manager at a gas station in Denver, and also travel across the country speaking to schools and law enforcement and educators in the hope that I can maybe help them see that kid on the edge in a different light, and give some love to people they don't usually feel deserve it because they need it the most.
Thank you all.
You are not alone.
Really?
Oh you are him, this was a great speech
I still come back to this Ted Talk because your story was so powerful! Thank you for sharing this with us. May the universe bring you nothing but peace and prosperity for the rest of your life.
You're a legend mate
Thank you for sharing! Your story has really inspired me and I hope you get to live the rest of your life out in peace
he is right you know ...“A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”
Powerful quote.
@Kyle Sky yes .... i know what you mean and you are also right
thing is ... not every man is as strong as you and me ... some break under the presure
It takes 2 to make a child. I takes a Village to raise them. My guy didn't have a Village to help him. But he had a friend. A lot of times that's what we really need. Faack I'm still cryin
It's an African proverb - they always get it spot on
Naruto could have burned down his village if not for yurika sense other friends
To his one friend at the time: thank you.
Pretty sure he hasn't changed
Thanks
I wonder where he is now
@@rydermcgovern6619 what
пи-пи Ка-ка in the audience as he said
*"When someone treats you like a person when you dont even feel human, it can change your entire world"*
I almost cried
It’s almost as if we watched the same video
@@jimjunglecock2866 lmao
Macaku same
I stopped in the middle of the video and let it run as I was going through the comments section. Literally as I started to read this, he started saying it.
Hello everybody! I am tge guy in the video.
It's been about 5 years since I did this talk, and it has totally changed my life.
Today, I travel the country speaking to schools, counselors, parents, law enforcement, and anyone else who will listen about how we need to give love to the ones we feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most. That we need to help the kid in the dark see that he is wrong when he thinks he can't be helped. That the best way to teach people in pain is to see then AS PEOPLE.
I'm a regular guy, I still have my day job working full time as assistant manager of a gas station here in Denver. I just keep speaking because I feel like I should.
And yes I read the comments because why not? Lol
Thank you for listening.
You are not alone
ok
real.
Cheers brotha. Have a good one
Thank you
Thank you for speaking out about these things. I am so glad you are happier now
Just imagine if that alone kid could see the man he would be today
He’ll probably put the needle and gun down and break down in tears
Yeah would have been good for him
He kinda did, when his friend treated him with kindness.
Danm dude that was deep.
He was in the audience , he was mentioned
"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most"
Damn, that's a hard hitting quote!
this quote punches me in the heart, everytime i see it
shout up Patrick go to your rock and drink sewage water
That got me crying
Kohlton Miller I literally read that as he said it lmao
Its truly hard to do
"The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel it's warmth"-
African proverb. "When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deep within himself and his suffering is spilling over"
Asadulloh EL Khoshimiy this is so powerful
One of the most touching comments I've read so far. Every time I got bullied I've always wondered if I deserved it, it's what you feel right away. I was born with Asperger's Syndrome and Bipolar Disorder, and like it was hard enough already, even my own sister and parents would be intolerant to me and hit me a lot... there was a time I couldn't take it anymore, and instead of shooting up my high school, I tried suicide two times... seeing his man's story brought me many painful memories but I also see that the person who created the famous saying: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" was the wisest person on earth. Today I live with my syndrome having fully accepted it and learned to enjoy my life despite being considered a freak or a weirdo by most people. it's not easy, but resilience is the only thing will make move along and keep on walking.
@@NicolasAirbusA320 Power to you friend! My ex-girlfriend was manic depressive with borderline personality disorder, attempting suicide once while we were together. It's a hole she probably won't really be able to crawl out of, but she's still going and that's all anyone can really ask honestly.
I had a best friend who did this. She hurted me and a lot of people, i hated her. I hated the fact on no matter how hard i tried to help her she would never listen to me. So, i didn't reply to her messages for 2 month, completly abbandoned her from social media. Then i just received an apology telling me how sorry she was and she wanted to apologize to me first then the other people. I told her that im proud of her
Asadulloh EL Khoshimiy Wow
This needs to be shown at schools
@nutsack6656 wtf? how do school shootings make money?
they showed it at my school once
But it was a very different era tho , 1990 is wild . Bullying is real deal , i really believe bullying has gone down alot today compared to 1990 but school shootings goes up alot idk why . And most of the shooters we have todat never bullied at school either
💯
“When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human, it will change your world”. That hit me.
Didn't it tho.
@@wadesexton5230 did not it tho
So if you don't want to get shot up at school, be nice to everyone.
It hit you like some bullets from his dads wiener gun
I've felt that. It's hard when your guard is up but a good friend can get through if you have one.
Hello everybody! I'm the guy from the video. I just wanted to say thank you. I read the comments (because I'm just a regular guy and who can check out their own ted talk? Lol) and I want to say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
And just imagine, who might listen if YOU speak?
You are not alone.
this deserves more likes
Your video was just recommended to me. You are the bravest man I’ve ever seen! More courageous than anyone I met. Daring to be this vulnerable for the greater good is exactly what we need. I wish you all the best and thank you for doing this! Best wishes from The Netherlands!
@Xaiden H thanks for listening. And for not giving up to that darkness.
You are not alone.
Hi aaron
Time ago I felt like you and was terrible, my whole family broke apart and I lost almost everything in my life, my school, my house, my rutine, friends and my father (who I didn't really know where he was)
I ended up in another school with kids that didn't like me that much, feeling worthless and seeking for attention, so I started to consume drugs and act violent. I joined to an anarquist group because I felt accepted and also I expressed my rage fighting police and destroying public propierty.
One day, a friend noticed that I was alone and save me. Now I'm studing at the university to become a teacher.
I think teenagers need more attention and love from us, they are kids still, trying ot act like adults when osmetimes they are not prepared.
Bless, greeting from Chile :)
Your an amazing man, a simple thing changed the lives of hundreds, it’s sad that I’m afraid to go to school, I have to fake sickness just because I’m afraid, it’s sad that the thing that’s supposed to teach me scares me the most.
He had the absolute levelheadedness and courage to call social services and they sent him back to his abusers rather than listen to what he had to say? Shame on them!
Yeah, social services seems to have quite a history of doing this. Ever hear of a child getting murdered by an abusive parent, even though the other parent tried to get help to stop them? It makes me sick. They seem to always fail them.
As a student of this field this is incredibly disheartening to hear. Those people clearly didn't use their best judgment or took policy to leniency. Clearly this is a case of negligence and harm to the child. It just sucks because bare minimum it need to be immediate harm to him...this is why we need to advocate for change in policies.
I know of someone who quit being a social worker because she suggested a removal, they didn't remove. Then a parent killed the child.
His mother may have been a narcissist. Her act may have been very convincing.
That's not even the worst of it, especially in the UK.
"I'll buy you the razors next time if you do a better job" is the most horrible thing I've heard this month. It is devastating what Aaron Stark went through. I am proud of Aaron for standing up and giving one of the best TED talks, and I wish him the best!
When I was 15, my mother handed me a sharp steak knife and screamed, "Here! Kill yourself! Do it! When I come home, I want to find you dead on the floor in a pool of your own blood!" She also threw me out of a moving car on the highway....dropped me off at a movie theatre three suburbs away when I was 10 years old and told me she wasn't coming back for me (and she didn't)...tried to drown me in a swimming pool when I was about 8....refused to take me to the hospital numerous times, such that I had broken bones that were left to heal on their own with no medical intervention...I could keep going. Things got a hundred times worse than all of this when I was a teenager; by the time I was 16 she was regularly kicking me out of the house for days at a time, and threatening to lock me in a mental institution, which she eventually did, despite the fact that there was no reason at all for me to be there. I was an honors student, an overachiever, I'd never smoked or drank or done a single drug except aspirin...my only failing was that I wasn't anything like the child she'd wanted to have, and she hated me for it. The sentence she screamed at me every day of my life is one I still hear in my head constantly, like a mantra: "You make it so hard for us to love you!!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE EASIER TO LOVE???"
It should have been obvious to my teachers, friends, peers, everyone around me that I was growing up in a severely emotionally, mentally and physically abusive home. But if they did have an inkling, they did nothing about it. I longed for someone to save me, and no one did...I had no savior, safe place, advocate, nothing. To this day, I think about the person I might have become if someone had reached out to me with love, safety, kindness and protection.
@@IlaughedIcried Damn very touching story I hope your doing good these days 💗
@@IlaughedIcriedSo you of all people should see why people like him almost resorted to lashing out in one of the most horrible ways. What he went through was not normal and as you say "you've been through worse". So even if you happen to have more resilience than he did you should also have more understanding because of your experience also yeah?
@@PhoenixAttact First of all, I DON'T have more resilience than Aaron does -- not at all! I think he has more resilience than I do. I've ended up chronically ill, disabled, totally alone and passively suicidal 24/7. Second, YES, I have a deep understanding of what he went through -- that's why I wrote this comment. I'm not sure where you're getting the idea that I'm criticizing him or chastising him or something. My intention was exactly the OPPOSITE -- to show empathy and to reinforce the message in this video -- that childhood abuse, violence, neglect and lack of love and acceptance are devastating conditions that can destroy someone's self-esteem, self-worth and belief that they have any kind of future, and that we need to be aware of how vulnerable children are to trauma, not gloss over or ignore their valid pain. Whatever negativity you think you're hearing in my comment, it's an incorrect interpretation.
@@IlaughedIcriedthat’s terrible. I’m so sorry. But now that suffering doesn’t have to be gone through again.
"The most dangerous creation of any society is a man with nothing to lose."
Walter white
What an edgelord quote that is
@@LaggardlySort Its extremely edgy but true
Joker
@@LaggardlySort "my pee looks like Hawaiian punch and tastes like blood" -not me
i love how he doesnt tear up when he is talking about his life and his abuse, its when he talks about his happiness
@@3ka-MC awwwwwww thank you!
First of all , at from 6:00 to 6:15 He was tearing up about the abuse not happiness , and secondly ..... You so copied n pasted your comment , regardless he's a top cat , great talk
He doesn't feel he deserves it 😕
@@garethhancock8525 didnt copy and paste it but thanks, i guess and sorry i didnt notice it.
@@MaryTenney yeah! its really sad
This is a Ted talk with a difference, no slick salesman bollocks, just straight, gritty info right from the heart
Strange Lights epic gamer
@@momlover6036 seriously stop this isn't a joke
Pungybub cool
@@nate5051 very epic
@@momlover6036 you're sad you liked your own comment bc no one else would
This guy was failed by everyone and has still come out the other side. Such an inspiration. He deserved so much better. Hope he's living a happy life now.
And he’s already living a wonderful life. 🥹☺️
MUCH better
I struggle to relate to any positive sentences, comments. They sound cliché and empty, but this comment almost made me tear up.
I almost didn't write this comment because I'm scared of being open, I feel vulnerable. Posting this comment helped me take a step forward.
@@jiren7976being open puts you at a lot of risk. But it can mean so much to people who really understand and love you.
@jiren7976 hi! Im the guy in the video.
I just want to say, it's really awesome that you faced your fears like that. I know I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. I hope.youre proud of you too.
*“Love the ones you feel deserve the least, because they need it the most.”*
-Aaron Stark
yup
Yup
yup
I got to that part exactly as i read the comments
Might put that as my senior quote
The most dangerous person is someone who has nothing to lose.
Lose*
Damn right
camden sparks aren’t you a genius
the most dangerous people are not dangerous people. It’s the people trying to prove that they’re dangerous people.
That’s why I fear bums and tweaker a
This is why I always told my kids, "You don't have to like everyone, but you do have to be nice to everyone. You never know what they are going through at home."
Love this, this is exactly what I tell my little brother all the time because I was not the nicest kid in school. Important lesson for anyone of any age.
You're an amazing parent. I hope there are more out there who tell their kids that kind of thing
@@goldenapplesaga5446 Thank you so much! I tried to be :) You usually get about 17-19 years with them living in your home, and it goes so fast. It baffles me how bad people can manage to screw up their kids for the rest of their lives in such a short time.
@@ellap4235 That's so true... I will teach my future kids that 🙂
@Ronnie Kray Just because you're nice to them doesn't mean you let hurt you.
Vulnerability doesnt equal respect. You're right on some level but I think there is a bit more to it that you didn't consider. That's all
“He treated me like it was a Tuesday” beautiful. thank you Aaron stark. I have no doubt that you’ve saved hundreds, thousands of lives. This world is better because of you.
“Give love to someone who deserves it the least because they need it the most”
Love that quote.
The quintessential Christian message, love everybody no matter who they are, especially the people that are difficult to love :)
@Tea spill your boyfriend to who if it was you? Then be glad!
Christian moral at its finest.
Hemble Michael didn't ask
@@wavytaeb Please don't be toxic. No matter who it's coming from, it's still a positive message.
The friend who is in the audience also deserved a standing ovation
Kinda wished they’d shown him ❤️
Rhyno 216 I think at 7:16 that’s his wife and his daughter beside just based off the way they reacted and the guy with the red shorts was probably his friend.
Rhyno 216 the one in the pink^
@@whatupwhatup4206 those are 8n fact my wife and daughter! They are the first ones to stand up. My friend is never shown, he was in the very back of the audience.
Good eye!
@@aaronstarkauthor wow you're here! Thank you so much for this. I hope the US finds the best way to deal with this problem. We're so happy for you!
Takes a lot of balls to do this. Much respect for this man.
right on
Nope
It makes u feel better doing this
He cried a bit in the last part...
Much respect to his friend dude
We live in a society that thinks even sane teenagers are innately dangerous and psychotic. Let alone the ones with issues. In today's climate teenage Aaron Stark would probably have been shot with little legal provocation.
“love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most” i love this quote so much
Imagine you being his former classmate and hearing this for the first time
I would’ve been like damn you could’ve killed me
Why didn’t you godammit
that would be so sad
@@bvv874 r/thanosdidnothingwrong ideology
Don’t bring religion into this. It feels like those pastors taking advantage of school shootings to try and convert people to Christianity as a way to deal with their grief. Using violence to spread religion is awful as history showed us many times, and this is just another form of combined use of the two to take advantage of people when they’re feeling worst
@@Shain3333 if people kill innocent people thats not God but demonic
All it took was 1 kid to ask if he was ok.......
yessir
"The most dangerous creation of any society is a man with nothing to lose."
This is why I do my best to be that one person
If you listen again at the 5min mark he actually was saying that is not what his friend did and it is overbearing when people do that. He gave alternatives that really helped him so it takes more then that and different approaches
@@12day1 Not necessarily. I mean not in general. There are some people who will have their whole world changed like he said by one person asking if they're ok. There are others who need a bit more. Some people find it overbearing and others don't. My point is basically that your both right but I was worried that someone might read your reply and get discouraged to ask someone if they're ok in an attempt to help them. So I wanted to point out that it does work sometimes and it can change people's lives if it's the right person.
Honestly what I find to be the most powerful about his speech was the fact that it was the simple things his friend did that saved him. He "treated it like it was a Tuesday" like Aaron said.
“When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human it will change your entire world” I felt that 😕
I heard that as soon as I read this.
Felt it too.
Human race felt that.
Yeah sure
I was the 2,000th like
I can't stress enough how important this quote is, "We have to give love to the people we deserve it the least"
💯💯💯💯💯💯 Even to the mean ones! Because they're usually the ones struggling the most.
U have to be a brave man to stand in front of thousands of people and say I was almost a school shooter.
especially in this current political climate...
Thousands then, millions now.
Or you have to REALLY want that juicy attention ! :)
@@Lakupeep exactly...
Lobster Johnson being angry at the world for the constant abuse neglect and harsh times it put you through is not attention craving.
He saw and heard too much. His half-crying voice broke my heart.
xTieter same dude
Same
This person is a perfect example of how other people can change you, just by acting vile or just terrible towards you, and him admitting this is a step to the right direction; a chance of clarification. I have massive respect towards him and feel sorry for his awful past. I wish the best for him.
Social Services failed him by not talking to him by himself and letting him get his side of the story out.
Yes I know how it is I was raised in that b.s. they weren't tge issue a narcissist adoptive parent was, but they're generally useless.
They talked to me once and I lied out of fear of what my parents would do. Talking to SS isn’t always helpful
I once tried calling them and I was left on hold and I grabbed a knife and started to gently slide It over my wrist and as I was about to stick it in my arm, I called my best friend since 2 of my other friends didn't want to talk to me so she talked to me for an hour and saved me. I will always be in her debt.
social services is the worst. when i was going through so much pain and trouble i went to them for help and instead they immediately asked me if i was doing drugs, to which i said yes
they then told my mom only that which put me through the worst pain of my life and i was in residential for months
They failed me in the same manner which is why I don't trust them either
"Love the ones you feel deserves it the least, because they need it the most" this line hit me hard
The man gave a talk so good that the man in the audience with crutches gave him a standing ovation.
underrated comment /\
Well then
I noticed that too lol
Where?
@@henrywong7607 7:18, between the timer and amplifier
Hello. I am the guy in the video.
My heart is broken by the tragedy in Texas.
I was almost a school shooter, if you have any questions I would love to answer them.
Hold your loved ones close.
You are not alone
That was a really good ted talk, this was one of the first ted talks I've ever watched and truly felt. If I could ask one question, what do you think needs to be done to prevent devastating events such as the tradegy of texas?
@@aakashlearnstocook8408 I don't know what could have prevented this, bit from all I have seen it appears this shooter fell down that dark self hatred road, and was shoved down by the ones who should have been support.
This is by no means an excuse, just an examination of the danger of self loathing. If you hate yourself enough you will do all you xan to make the world agree with you.
We need to find a way to show the ones on the edge of disaster that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel they are in.
Hope.
Hope is all we can do.
@@aaronstarkauthor Thank you for the reply and insight! It really is a tragedy the things self hatred can do, and how the ones that need love the most don't have access to it. I really hope we can take steps as a society to where mental health and care can become more accessible, lethal guns like assault rifles are heavily background checked, and a hope for less of these horrific shootings. I want to let you know spreading awareness and your vulnerability about such a strong, sensitive topic could really help make a difference towards this primitive issue of school shootings, and I hope one day when I grow up in this next generation my kids won't have to witness the terrors of one.
Do you think the media constantly reporting on shootings like this and essentially making them famous could be a contributing factor? Considering how that Buffalo shooting wasn't that long before this I feel it could've been the catalyst.
@Aaron Stark, I came across your video searching for answers over what happened in Uvalde.
Thank you for your courage and grace. I hope you do speaking tours on this topic. There’s more troubled and hurting children out there, bless you for speaking up. It only takes one to break the cycle.
You are truly a gift, I have the utmost respect and admiration for your humility. Thank God you have such a good friend who helped you to be seen and heard.
A little kindness goes a long ways.
“Next time do a better job and I’ll buy you the razor blades”
My heart absolutely breaks for this guy. I couldn’t imagine being told that by your own mother, you’re own blood. Definitely brought a tear to my eye.
Ok
Ok
Ok
DE VANOV oh I hope you are okay.
Ok
“When someone treats you like a person when you don’t even feel like a human, it changes your entire world” wow.
There is nothing more dangerous than someone with NOTHING to lose
Ste Dunn very true
Well, there actually is. People who cause other people to think that they have nothing to loose.
Dagobert Duck that’s not more dangerous
Dabuh12 yes it is because it's basically the reason for a lot of children to shoot up the school.
"The man with everything to lose, is the most dangerous of all."
-There is nothing he won't resort to to keep what he thinks is his.
You can really hear the hurt in his voice, especially towards the end. Really brave of him to talk about this.
@@khorale 👌
It’s called crying
Please help me understand the logic here. So if someone shows up up with a rifle to school, but then decides against it and cancels the school shooting. Then later he tells people that he almost did it. Then he is automatically brave and should be applauded? Heck, if I knew it was that easy getting applause and being called brave
@@kreipflagra3116 Did... Did you watched the video or..?
100%
Are we ignoring the fact that the social workers thought he was doing it for attention, they deserve to be fired
Stew-A-Rew more like thrown in prison
Stew-A-Rew exactly. They nearly caused a school shooting
The government doing what they do best, nothing.
*In jail
Social workers are generally not so intelligent, that's why they become social workers.
How this man stands up and tells his story without crumbling into the floor, i do not know. I could feel his pain and anxiety at having to recount what happened to him. Kids need love and warmth. I'm sure there are dark days for you, Aaron, after your life of trauma. But you've found people who love you and that's priceless.
“A child not embraced by a community will burn it down to feels it’s warmth.” - African Proverb
Nah bruh that’s naruto. Stop capping.
@@mattheweraci5502 I’d assume they got it from kaguya since she is the mother of all ninjas
@@santi_super_stunts2573 bro kaguya is a fictional character 🤷🏻♂️
@@menacetosociety2033 ok then the dude that wrote naruto made the quote. R u happy now
@@santi_super_stunts2573 no, it's an African proverb
This is the first ted talk I actually clicked willingly and not for school, this is a terrible thing to happen and don’t think you’re worthless
As someone who was in a similar place, let me tell you: words don't help at all. People can say "you aren't worthless" all they want. But actions speak louder than words. If you actually want someone to believe your words, back them up with action. I'm not saying you shouldn't say the words. But don't believe for one second that saying the words is enough. It isn't.
He really doesn't need to be told that he gave a Ted talk on it
@@elmo7608 I was speaking to the person who made the comment, not the guy who made the video.
Inside the mind of a master procrastinater was pretty good
You have to watch Ted talks in schools? I would love that
This man needs to speak at schools.
302 All da way to give more ideals?
@@Miracle_0417 Lmao
They will probably make fun of him and call him all the names in the book. At least that's what my school would do.
This man should be kept far away from schools ...
No, the guy who helped him should. This guy hasn't really done anything to deserve such credit. Just think about it for a second....
My brother you are the man!!! Please keep sharing your message because this message saves lives.
I was bullied by a school principal and football coaches, I was threatened and thrown out basically because I didn't play football.
All I wanted to do was learn how to learn.
I want down a dark road until I got clean/sober at 26 yrs old. Ironically I ended up working in a prison where 2 of my class football stars ended up, 1 was shot in the head robbing drug dealers and the other died of an OD.
I'm 62, retired from corrections and now I'm an addiction counselor for young kids.
Thanks for your talk!
"Love the person you think deserves it the least because he is the one that needs it the most" that one hit me
Yeah. Powerful
Nobody does though. It's one in a million that ends up like this.
@@giannibleya7690 That's his main message! He wants to change that!
Fatou Mounzeo love the person you think deserves the least? So if i think bullies deserved it the least i should love them the most?
@@Fbitypeshit well bullies are the ones getting loved the most obviously. People think they deserve so much love
When his voice started quivering, I felt that.
you mean stuttering big dawg?
He stuttered first then soon his voice got into the about to cry voice so no big dawg meant quivering
This hurt.
FINALLY! A REAL I FELT THAT COMMENT!
@Freddie Reid Damn, I wish I were brave enough to make a speech and get paid for it.
*"Love the ones you feel deserve it the least, because they need it the most"*
Damn that's pretty deep
If you think they don't deserve love, odds are other people think that too.
Sadly people are to busy idolizing people who have already so much attention and love. Because they want to be able to say that they are part of the popularity and know what its about. Its selflove. Fishlove. You love the fish? or you love the way you feel when eating fish? People use the word love so many times it loses its value. (same with the word racism)
Jesus said same thing: Love your enemies, anyone loves their "friends"
I wish i could love but idk how to...
Lol t series be like
Aaron, you are an undisputed champion of life. To go from a childhood devoid of any real kind of happiness or foundation upon which to build positive meaning to the great man that just gave this talk on that stage....it's almost unbelievable. You are the resilience of the Human Condition, personified.
“i literally had nothing to lose. And when you have nothing to lose, you can do anything. And that’s a terrifying thought”
But it also gives you that ultimate feeling of freedom
ez
when you have nothing to lose, you are then the most dangerous. the man will not care if he is arrested, or killed, because it does not matter. The big reason why school shooters will kill people for no reason, is because they have nothing to lose. When you are in a deep, dark place in life, you feel as if life cannot get any better. Some want revenge. When these 2 things combine, revenge and having nothing to lose, you become the most dangerous. You will take on that revenge in a horrible matter, whether killing, or injuring. I can say that i felt this, in school, as i was being bullied. I never got to the point to where i wanted to shoot a school, but i felt like i wanted to take out major revenge. You don't ever want to be in that dark place. Bullying and feeling worthless has still impacted me today, i have trust issues, and i don't feel like i have true friends. I have been betrayed too many times to even want friends. I feel better off alone. So please, if you feel in this dark place, you are worth it. I don't want to see any more suicides and school shootings happen anymore.
@ngoofy on blitz Only difference is that this is real life bud
@@balsamicvin9935 Hope ur doing good brother.
”when you have nothing to lose you can do anything”
This is such a powerful sentence. It hit me hard when he said it and it makes so much sense. Think about the terrifying power someone would have when they don't care about dying and don't have have anyone to lose? It's heartbreaking, but I'm so glad he's gotten a second chance. I'm so grateful that he had his friend to go to, and I'm so glad that this message is being spread that we should love the people we feel deserve it the least. God tells us to love everyone, and that's including people whom we feel aren't deserving. Who are we to cast the first stone? We all have flaws and NONE of us are better or worse than our neighbor. I have never seen such a powerful Ted Talk before. This one is going to make an impact.
Jennifer Bruce ❤️ Me too. This Ted talk was fantastic and I think everyone should watch this at least once
@@jenfollowsjesus thank you very much.
@@aaronstarkauthor You're welcome
The most dangerous man is one who has nothing left to lose.
His kids are so Lucky. Growing up with a father with so much wisdom and courage. What a dude!
Aftahan
...that almost became a school shooter nope thank you very much i rather be an orphan
😐
They coulda been unlucky if he didnt change
Growing up with a pshycotic father with delusions of murder you mean?
This should be mandatory viewing in public schools. Thank you for sharing.
“Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most.” Beautifully said.
Eric Champlin Its nonsensical but poetic. Perhaps actually somewhat true in terms of our societal condition.
Violent people without a doubt need love. But it might be too late for them and they shouldn't be prioritised over their victims.
Born of Fire Ive befriended psychopaths. Real ones. In prison. What do you know about them? Some still write me. And I wrote them back not out of respect, but fear. A true psychopath is Never your friend, they consider their 'friends' to be the ones they dont directly harm.
DeenanTheKemon I how do you manage to be friends with more than 1 psychopath?
Most criminals and mass shooters are not narcissists, sociopaths, and/or psychopaths. These are overused words for the purpose of "othering" criminals to make people feel better about themselves. "I'd never do that because I'm sane!" This is simply unrealistic.
Most atrocities are committed by regular people put into circumstances that fosters it. It isn't because they are "crazy" like people like to pretend. Some are, yes, most aren't.
“Love the ones you feel deserve it the least because they need it the most”. That is actually beautiful
*enter a good name here * 💕
Same
I changed it
cliché actually,
@@borizzle1 It's not about who deserves to be loved. At one point or another, we've all done things that didn't deserve a loving response. It's about loving someone not because of what they have done or not done, but about who they are. They are human just as we are. And no matter how heartless or insensitive some people may be, they still need to be loved, even if from a distance.
"Above all, maintain an intense love for each other, since love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).
I cried at this. You could feel the pain in his voice. I’m so very glad he turned out ok. Amazing story.
I nearly cried at this too when he said about his wife and daughter. Hit me hard. I never cry at things but this is probably the closest I have ever got on youtube.
Same.
Y’all cry over everything
@@Aledharris xD true
@@SonOfJudah2002 duh we human. Are you even livin?
The fact that his mom suggested he asked him to buy better blades to cut himself made me pick my jaw up off the floor. No one should be told to or go forward with ending their lives, especially from the ones that brought you into this world and should raise you and help you with living in this world.
If his mother was bad so was he for wanting to murder innocent teens via shooting
Parents like these are more common than you think
How he stuttered while he told his story, I almost cried please everyone learn from this!
Kiki Lena to bad nothing works on 50% people
Y should I when ur profile pic is literally a fuking clown
Brown Turd are you saying his story is fake?
Almost?? I did indeed...
Kiki Lena I did cry, and am still crying
im crying
this guy is abused kicked out and has depression and almost killed people
and he is now a father of 4
Kindness is a strong magic
Smokey :D kindness is only good when you realise you can’t always be kind. Some people will take advantage of your kindness that and that’s when you have to get rude.
@@deviljho4260 Kindness is still a strong magic that can either heal or hurt in some way
@@dariusd2934 magic is sinful. I am confused.
@@deviljho4260 That's why you need boundaries. I believe that Aaron's message here should be taken to heart by as many people as possible because this world will be so much better. But you're also not wrong. Some people should listen to you too when they act kind so that they can provide for people like Aaron and do good like he described.
Boundaries my friend. Boundaries.
1. illegally bought gun
2. Not video games
3. Completely the parents fault.
@rxp56 that's completely false
rxp56 not true at all actually
@rxp56 okay dude
rxp56 Tell that to Mexican, Italian, Haitian, etc. gangs and cartels who illegally obtain massive orders of weapons from different countries. Guns are more “rare” in countries where they’re illegal because only people doing ILLEGAL things have them. There are bad apples everywhere, and I’m not saying 🇺🇸 doesn’t have a problem with shootings because we do, but anti gun people think illogically and we as a nation shouldn’t point the finger to guns.
And yeah video games are turning kids to killers apparently.. Welp this next generation should be really good at building, because they sure play a lot of fortnite. As a matter of fact, with that logic I’m going to MAKE my nephew play fortnite. Fortnite is obviously setting my nephew up for a great career path in architecture, while video games like call of duty are turning 100 million+ kids into mass shooters! Our children are dangerous!
"Love the ones you think deserve it the least, because they need it the most." That ones going in the list of sayings that helps me keep myself on the right track.
"When someone treats you like a person when you don't even feel human.." Thank you. 💖
Let me hit tht
Concarne definitely a 12 year old
John H I believe yo auntie was saying concarne is a 12 year old.
Damn.
i was the 1000th like and boy it felt good watching it switch from 3 digits to 1 lol
This guy was so brave to stand up and tell EVERYONE his story. Props to him.
@organizemyroom k You don't know that. For all you know, he could've changed someone's outlook on life with this single speech. I know I had something to take from it, and I bet plenty of other people did too.
@@Flomen01 exactly, you don't hear the stories of people that Almost committed a mass shooting everyday. this is a very special event that i think should be given more attention than its getting.
@organizemyroom k this guy openly admitted he was gunna shoot up a school got a lot of nerve to say that to a lot of people and people on youtube
@organizemyroom k it does, it learns you what you should do as a friend or as someone who wants to do these things
Let's take a moment to consider that his friend:
- saved Aaron's life
- saved the lives of possibly a dozen or more innocent people
- saved possibly a hundred friends and family members from a terrible thing
- (in)directly lead Aaron to live a happy life with the woman he loves and his kids
But ur an FBI agent
JimmyBeast what has that got to do with anything
@K L Absolutely true! It might sound as a cliché to many, but kindness, empathy, compassion are way more powerful that people acknowledge. We need more of that. We all need to be some Aaron's friend.
JimmyBeast bro wtf does that her do with anything
If you listen to his discussion on CNN. Pie also saved him from committing suicide. Not kidding
You can hear so much pain in his voice.
My mother is a mad woman. She does crazy things. I’m a guy- 18 gonna turn 19 next month. For me my life is a mess, it’s been miserable from the start. I don’t know where I’m headed, I got no future.
Ending my life is my way out, to escape everything.
@@TheNightOwl-i8R Are you dead now?
@@Haqueipno, I don’t have a gun. What are ways to end myself ??
@@TheNightOwl-i8R I'm not an expert on that field, but old age is probably great for you. ^^
@@Haqueip I hate my life, I don’t want to live anymore. I’m stressed.
Suicide is my way out, to escape everything.
I have a hard life.
takes a lot of balls to spill your guts like that.. he should be proud of his courage.
iGGy eo Character.
Most TED talks are people trying to further their career / presenting themselves in a positive light. This man went into the dark depths of his past to teach us. Very incredible and a great role model.
Woke-ye West that’s kind of the point
Woke-ye West
I don’t think you get the point of this video
Did you even watch his video? People can't control how they're raised and situations they're put in. He was given a bad hand in life, one that would lead many into crime. His TED talk was how others helped him to avoid that path. And we are just saying that it takes a lot of courage to tell that kind of story that could put himself in a bad light.
So... why are you calling people idiots again? Peace and love man.
‘Because friendship doesn’t ever really die’ that’s a strong phrase right there that brought tears to my eyes
Kimchi 1234 I need a good friendship, all of mine end after a few months.
I can
0 mine lasted for 7 years and it were still friends I feel special now
“I’m with you till the end of the line”
-Bucky Barnes AND Steve Rodgers
Whether you like marvel or not if you value friendship go and see those 2 movies.
If your friendships and relationships don't last long you owe it to yourself to find someone (mentor? therapist?) to help you figure out what makes it so hard for you to have lasting relationships.
Quite possibly the best Ted talk of all time
What about the meme guy
@@ianmartin6643 not as good
It easily is
The most real and emotional.
There are sooo many of them the speak to you when you need to hear it the most.
Getting up in front of people and telling your story is heroic. If ONE person doesn't shoot up a school because of you, you said the lives of the would be victims AND all the people who love them and would be ruined forever if they lost them. Bless you.
If a child is not initiated into the village, he will burn it down just to feel its warmth
Michael Farrell let’s be friends
You've always been my friend dude :) You always will be, I love you man
Is that a quote or did you come up with that?
It's an old African proverb, I just thought it was relevant here
Great proverb.
I’ve seen people mention this before in other videos so I’ll mention it myself,
“All children deserve parents, not all parents deserve children.”
.
Have you found the lamb sauce?
Well said!!!
Didn’t even realise it was Gordon
All kitchens deserve a chef, not all chefs deserve a kitchen
That is literally the best TEDx talk ı have ever seen. What a brave and amazing man. Everybody in the world should watch this video someday
Thank you very much
I'm very glad you like it. 🙂
@@aaronstarkauthor Wow, it's really you 🤗. YOU are the best 👍, most encouraging, hope giving and supporting man in the world. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and may god bless you ❤
@@aaronstarkauthor Hi Aaron I was really touched by your story.
100% agree
Cap
Probably not the same thing, but at my old secondary school (I live in England), there was this 13 year-old who was picked on horribly. Being the coward that I was, I stayed out of it, afraid of getting into drama or worse, sharing her bullying.
She had no friends, her parents were on the rocks as it was, she was poor, getting beaten up almost daily and her mental issues were in a downward spiral. One day, I saw her leaning against the school wall next to a bike rack, looking at something in her hands. I finally worked up the courage to go up to her and ask “Hey, are you okay?” I know the answer was probably no, but the guilt had been eating away at me for ages.
She quickly hid the thing behind her back and suddenly looked nervous. “I’m fine.” She replied, quickly.
“You look kinda lonely. Want to come and play tennis with me?” I’d offered, knowing that anyone associated with this kid got beaten up before hometime, but I was suspicious of what she had behind her back.
Her face crumpled. A few tears leaked down her face and she threw her arms around my neck. It was then I felt what she had in her hands, the sharp point of a knife pressing accidentally against my spine. I threw her off a little too quickly than I should have, admittedly, and grabbed her hand. She was holding a steak knife and looked terrified. “Please don’t tell anyone!” She begged me, letting me take the knife off her and looking scared.
I still don’t know if it was the right decision, but I said “I won’t.” And I never have.
I tried to befriend her over the next few days, despite the newfound bullying coming my way. It was terrifying that she was this close to either cutting herself/committing suicide or knifing someone. If I hadn’t gone over to talk to her, I dread to think what would have happened.
I learned my lesson from that. A little kindness can go a VERY long way.
This is so fake lmfao
@@user-dp2jo6eo5q shut up
@@user-dp2jo6eo5q For real lmao
Straight out of wattpad 💀
@@avaaa444 goofy for you to think this doesn’t happen in real life.
This dude is brave, the fact he occasionally stumbled over his words made this seem so real. Must have been really hard but his story could help change people’s lives and viewpoints.
I'm not surprised that he stumbled. He was probably very nervous in front of cameras, especially since there is (as I noticed) a timer staring him in the face.
Aside from that, the abused often have speech problems. I stuttered a bit, and my brother stuttered even more.
Could? It already did trust me on that one
DigitalHaunt also that is a form of speech that it taught by some teachers to add emotion just to make sure everyone knows thats an option
must've been so hard to stand on that stage and tell that story. respect.
he is literally fighting not to cry, man i wanted to give him a hug
It annoys me how people see these depressed, bullied, suicidal and neglected kids as threats instead of someone who needs help.
But they are threats didn't you hear? he almost shot his school. If he was going to shot the school his mom was right about buying the razor blades.
They are threats. They need help. But they are threats. Like he said once you got nothing to lose you can do anything. He almost shot up a school. It's not that depressed and suicide people arnt threats people just go about it wrong. They avoid them instead of trying to help. I'm one of the threats I know.
ÄKTA ZAP ZAP
Wow what is wrong with you?
Your negative outlook is helping no one. Helping people when they need it, that makes the world a better place - by being better people and being there for one another. Not saying an abusive, drug addicted mother was right to tell the son she mistreated so poorly that he was right to try and kill himself.
It’s mindsets like yours that bring humanity so low and keep it there.
@@zachanikwano It's better that a psycho dies then if half a school dies
@Vincent Cuttolo they have the potential to be both. They are not inherently both
"When you have nothing to lose you can do anything" the most truth ive heard.
True
Yep very true
Jeez thank you for the likes guys.
You’re a snack
It's like the quote by James A. Baldwin: "The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."
Ive watched this ted talk 3 times. All multiple years apart and I have to say this is one of the best ted talks I have ever watched, and it has had such a huge impact on me.
Back for my second time in a few years here. Such powerful knowledge in understanding people. I wish more people would think this way
He made a solid point there. Treating isolated people like a threat makes them become a threat. So sad there are more jails built than mental health care center
Amen!
Because mental health is no excuse for crime. Jails are also much better to be at than mental health centers
@@Rryan8065 And what do we do for the people who are mentally unwell? Who need psychological help? Who require help because they’re ill and aren’t in the right headspace? Yeah, they deserve punishment, but they also need help or else they won’t learn anything
@@Rryan8065 idiotic take is the reason the US has so many prisoners.
Absolutely 💯💯💯💯🥺
Finally, proof that shootings aren’t caused by games or anything else the media blames, but by actual stress, awful parenting, and just some well placed misfortune
school shootings are caused by the lack of gun control and laws.
@@promikasen6201 true
he said in the video that he didnt get his gun legally, so a law would do nothing to stop this.
We had proof of that, school shootings didn't start with video games. UT Tower Shooting was the deadliest school shooting in US history from 1966 until 2007 when the Virgina Tech shooting occurred.
@@turner8088 But look at the supply chain of that gun, why was it so easy for him to get at all? The biggest source of illegal guns for the US is ones that were legally purchased then stolen because people leave them in cars and trucks or unsecured in their home.
This is what the media should focus on instead of always blaming school shootings on video games.
Video games are probably like 5% of the reason school shootings happen.
@@oliverjasinski1829 actually, 0% of the reason
Mhm... especially after Bugha won $1,000,000 playing fortnite
Oli J i can assure u that no kid gets the motivation to shoot a school after getting a victory royale on fortnite
@@ttsweee it’s unfair to say video games have caused school shootings but the percentage is so minuscule that we should heavily shift focus away from them and think of more obvious reasons why a kid might shoot up a school.
This is so true! The superstar kids get all the attention and praise but the ones who are struggling need support too.
can i ask where you live if superstar kids get all the praise
Mad respect for this guy for being so open about such pain!
MusiCanines - The Musical Dogs Absolutely, I can see how hard it is for him to remember and talk about a lot of this stuff.
1000th like dope
MusiCanines - The Musical Dogs i wish I could be that open..
Artictart you can man. Just ask and it will be given to you.
Timothy Stedham II wow. Ok. I'm not sure what to even say. Pick up some modern lit and practice empathy and understanding how human emotion and psychology works
Man, some people should never be parents.
You're talking about his parents?
jackcarterog001 obviously
@@TheGamer14300 Yes, while his parents aren't good parents by any means, if they didn't become parents this amazing man would've never been.
Some people should never have existed.
Ness G then he wouldn’t exist
When his mom literally said "Do a better job at killing yourself." It almost made me cried, i can't bear to imagine if my mother said that.
I could imagine her saying that out of anger if she finds out, which is why I hide everything
@@whyismimotaken9351 Hiding everything is just building up a bad event. Dont hide it, talk with your mother or atleast someone you can trust.
Same...
Parents, mostly the mother, are our most important role models in life.
What do we do if we lose everything, and eventually they give up on us too?
i would straight up punch her in the face
Man up
This man spoke from the heart, and damn he delivered.
“Give love to the people who deserve it the least, because they need it the most.” Put into practice, I wonder how many acts of rage, hurt and destruction could have been avoided.
God bless.
Don't bully students, you never know which one has access to a firearm.
so true
As Jordan Peterson put it, "Everything you do matters. Everything you don't do matters. Not just a little bit. It's everything."
Foot Hand No, but it is a good sign.
It has 666 likes 😳
"When someone treats you like your a person, when you dont even feel like a human it'll change your world"... Well said Sir
Mary Whidden stop
You’re* (sorry)
littlejimmyjoe. your* (sorry)
Mars Doodlez lol
+This Dang Game
However....know your boundaries.
I was convinced I could help my agressive, gun-owning alcohol-addicted partner. I gave him all the love I had and more kindness, whenever he was raging or drinking.
After 4,5 years I started vomiting at night, triggered by the behaviour from his side. Whenever he'd drink, he'd take guns out and point them at people. If I refused to be intimate, he'd force me.
I was then dumped like filth and told I "needed to get myself fixed" because of my constant crying.
If people are severely troubled...they need a kind but consequent psychologist. Not another human being they can manipulate or hurt.
His last name is Stark. Stark means strong in German, and he’s pretty strong to have come out of such a terrible situation.
WAIT THEN TONY STARK IS TONY STRONG
Jiangci Yang yup that’s the joke
This was so obvious to me (because I am German) that I didn't even think about it.
-No name given- wow k
He's iron man
As a mother, my heart breaks for the small boy inside of him. I want to wrap my arms around him and show him genuine love!
He seems like a good person, even with all the pain and trauma there's light within him. I'm genuinely really happy that he chose to stay alive
C R V he’s grocery list isnt
Whose to say he would be dead if he shot up a place?
@@dadeee7776 videos like this restore my faith in humanity until I see comments like yours and I'm brought straight back down to Earth
Greg Baylis why try to trick your mind into thinking humanity is selfless and caring? The world isn’t all butterflies and rainbows so good I brought you back to reality I guess
Dad Eee *You’re* spelling isn’t
When he said his friend was in the audience too I just couldn't hold my tears, I just cried.
I wish everyone had friends like him.
Same, I lost it at that part.
We all need friends like him
I just had something in my eye, that's all... an eyelash or something. You guys all cried like babies tho lol
@465marko underrated comment haha you're a real one for this
That’s true. But I think of it as “who can I be that friend to?”
The way he delivered his lines. It's like every word is a bullet he didn't fire.
Thats deep bruh
@¿ man wtf why do you need to say that? i bet you're a dream fan
It was like poetry.
@@ninofrikandello8175 bro i just said that before i read ur comment xD
Just a bunch of blanks?
That's not a very nice thing to say.
It's comforting to know your not the only one who grew up in a violent abusive home being told you're horruble.
You're*
But other than that I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Hope things are better
They need to show this video in schools.
no, it would be a waste of time.
DJLA Harlan wow, you learned nothing
@@DJLAHarlan I think you need to watch this video again..
they have, or at least in mine
To make me get shot up
This guy needs to speak at schools. The amount of suicides/school shootings that could be prevented will be worth it.
Maybe, but for anyone to think of such a thing indicates mental problems.
So because they have mental problems they shouldn't be helped? Sorry your response confuses me if that's not what you meant please clarify for me
@@titan5045 He absolutely should get help with his deep mental problems. I said that in other comments, I guess not that comment.
@@truecatholic8692 thank you for the clarification
It all depends on the peons. This guy wanted to shoot up a school because of the pain in his life. How about the school shooters who are just psychopathic ?? How is a talk gonna help them
"When someone treats you like a person when you don't even feel like a human it'll change your entire word"
You mean world
Nobody dare like this comment its too perfect ‘666likes’
Top 10 quotes of all time
Subodh Prasain that's kind of vicious. You would talk like that about people you've never met or even know anything about. After watching a video about showing love instead of judging someone as something they may not even be...
I know its true for me
One of the best TED talks in history, always an incredible story to return to.