I grew up in a cult. It was heaven -- and hell. | Lilia Tarawa | TEDxChristchurch
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- Опубликовано: 15 ноя 2017
- Lilia Tarawa was brought up in the Gloriavale Christian Community on the West Coast of the South Island of New Zealand, where she was constantly surrounded by everyone she loved. But over time, she began to see the dark side of her community, and ultimately realised that she had to get out. In this raw and emotional talk, Lilia shares the reality of life in a cult, and her heart-wrenching journey to break free.
Lilia Tarawa is a New Zealand writer, speaker, holistic health consultant and business coach. She is a member of the Māori Ngāi Tahu tribe. Lilia was born into New Zealand's infamous religious cult, Gloriavale, and fled with her eleven family members at eighteen years of age. Her extraordinary life experience compelled her to pursue a career promoting human rights, welfare and empowerment.
www.liliatarawa.com/
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This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Imagine getting bullied by your pops because you have leadership skills
Unfortunately I don't have to. To be honest I have shared similar experiences, though I didn't grow up in a cult.
Jixie Dye oh I feel so sorry for u
I never had a grandpa but my mom, for sure XD
@@Sullivancohen Unfortunately people that tend to form cults also tend to be controlling and manipulative. Good people don't usually thirst for power.
I-
The way that she goes from things like "lollipop planes" for "we don't want woman like you" is chilling
Facts thought I was
the only one who felt that way
My heart dropped in a second
I thought it was a joke, and when it wasn't, it shook me.
it was a really well put together speech
I know, right? Such a startling 180 degree turn from paradise to sinister, very effective way of conveying what it must have felt like
This was what your grandfather was afraid of
And he was damn right to be scared of the immense power you carry
You're a damn real leader, yes ma'am
Agreed
Well said! I agree! 🌹
yesss
She can think critically, also a thing to be scared of if you want to keep someone in a cult
wow, the way she flips between the worst trauma and best memories just represents how after anything horrible happened they would bring good things back in to immediately brainwash the children into thinking they were in a nice place, and that it was normal to be manipulated constantly
I don't know. A bit too theatrical. She's overacting, in my opinion
@@lululola8080 you are just spreading doubt and negativity throughout this entire comment section and you’re sick. You don’t know how people cope with their trauma and you shouldn’t judge them for what they do. If this is the way she expresses herself, let her.
@@samblackside I don't think I'm spreading any hate. You're the one who's being judgmental and calling me sick. There's no doubt in my mind that this woman is performing. Doesn't mean she's lying. But she's putting on a show maybe for dramatic effect, it's all good to me, but when you put yourself out there by making a TED talk, people are entitled to comment. So why don't you take a couple of aspirin and chill the f out
@@lululola8080 Women hates women- Chris Rocks
@@diveshrana7359 you're pathetic
She has the brightest smile, but also has the saddest eyes
That's the 1st thing I noticed. It would be better if she was not smiling at all rather than showing this fake smile.
thats totally right
i thought something seemed a bit off
Yep
OW MY GOD WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LINE! YOUR IQ I GUESS 50000000000000000000000000 OR MAYBE 50000000000195221491239139129391239 WEE NEED WRITERS LIKE YOU! OMG I DONT BELIEVE IT ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE WOW :O :o
My own stomach dropped the second she said that her grandfather said "We don't want women like you."
@Dafup It’s fine haha - it basically means that they only wanted women that were obedient and did whatever was told. But the reason my stomach dropped is because she was so proud and what he said was like a punch to the stomach. No one was expecting that
@@pragnaguntupalli7963 Yes, it's a typical old fashioned male patriarch sect in which women are treated as second hand citizens.
I cried, sadly it wasn't a surprise to me. Everything she said sounded so familiar, my big goal in life was to get married... and my parents fearful love consistently expressed this confusing concern that i might not even be able to reach that goal.
that hurt 😔
Fr my heart broke and her voice cracking when she shared that made me tear up
I left a cult 3 years ago. Not the same kind but I have some similarities. I’m so proud of her for leaving. She’s so powerful and radiant.
Well said, Cudos to you all for leaving!
@@kamalram3104 thank you !!
what was it about?
Keep trying
@@immortal_shrooms6757 Christianity but like weird rules and lots of control, lots of talk of modesty. No instruments no kitchens or food allowed and no dancing ever, and water baptism literally saves you and stuff like that
It took me a second to realize what her grandfather ment when he said “we don’t want women like you”and then it hit me and my own stomach twisted and turned.
can u explain pls
@@sofss475 I think what their grandfather meant is that they want women that they can gaslight and that were vulnerable and considering she was seen as a leader made her not vulnerable and unwanted because she wasn’t what they wanted her to be
@@literallyadrianna I think it's mainly that he didn't want anyone to be powerful because he wanted to be able to control everyone and especially the women because he felt it easier to control them
You better see a doctor quickly your liver gets involved.
@@sofss475 it’s means he only wanted me women he could control and that would listen and do everything he told them to do, he didn’t want women that were strong and capable of being leaders.
Who else didn’t search for this but you watched the whole thing
Priscilla m 😂 Me!
Hahaha me
Lol that happens to every video why is everyone so shocked? Idk about you but 99% of videos I didnt search for
Nathan Harrison it’s just a comment bro
@@priscillam4392 it just kinda made me annoyed because the comment is super unoriginal AND unrealistic
She's crying because of the emotional abuse she's gone through, not because she's whiny.
Stephen Richards It sounds fake to a certain extent.
Stephen Richards On the other hand, acting is about drawing on your existing emotions and personal experiences. To be able to do that instead of keeping quiet to save face or to not inconvenience people can't be easy. Only crying when something bad happens and shutting up because it's in the past could be considered "fake" as well.
Stephen Richards you literally just have no empathy. that’s sad. go hug ur mom or something. get out of this video
Bringing those kind of memories up again or having them brought up is the worst feeling for any person that went through something horrible. It makes you relive everything and feel the pain again. I'm astonished she handled it so well.
Bringing it into the open and seeing it all for what it really is will eventually dim the pain. It is a wonderful way to heal. Avoiding the discussion will just bury the hurt deeper to come out later in wrath and beyond understanding, manifest in physical diesease. She is wise and has been counselled in health. The next step is to take responsibility for your future thoughts and to understand that you have the power to stop the hurt going into future generations.
I feel so bad for her. You can just hear the emotional and mental trauma from her voice and it gives me shivers.
The Luna series books are similar. I wonder if the author (Australian) was inspired by this story.
“Love for others broke the chains that shackled me” that is so beautiful 😭 17:30
It makes me violently sick and angry to know that people treat children this way.
You haven't heard about 'satanic ritual abuse' and 'MK Ultra' yet then. Google them. They're the worst kind of child abuse that began many years ago (thousands of years ago), were discovered operating within the CIA and in America, and continue to happen in our very modern and post-modern age.
Don't bother. They're lost goats. Zombies who will never listen nor learn.
Izlandia yeah... especially when she talked about the welts on the child’s back...
If you are in the USA, you might really get sick reading about the FLDS I one of the many biographies written by women who escaped.. flora jessop’s book might be a good one to start with. Although there are a lot of interviews on RUclips.. but they barely touch the severity of the degree of systemic abuse going on. I grew up south of the main camp of the flds on border of AZ and Utah... I heard horrible stories growing up in the eighties, thinking they were exaggerated ... but no the stories were real and worse.
My parents punished me and my siblings this way.
that moment when she said ‘I could finally fulfil my purpose’ after getting her first period.. damn....
Ik it kinda freaked me out
makes women sound like cattle
@@HN-kr1nf - Which is exactly how they are usually treated in religious cults.
@@wickednwyld religion in general.
@@someBody-bp1vc There was a time where I would've disagreed with you, while being quite offended at the same time. But when I told my own mother that I didn't want to have kids nor be married she said to me, "God made you to make babies, that is your only and true purpose. Everything else is a hobby."
I thought my church was different, my house was different, I was wrong. Now the don't hold me back with violence, but with the fear that I will never speak to them again, which I am slowly becoming more and more okay with. I don't need them at the end of the day. I need a life.
i grew up with a cult like religion. my mom married a “pastor” and the level of abuse i suffered at his hands, has forever scarred me. when that girl was talking about being isolated and no one talking to her, it resonated with me because i went through something very similar. i was not allowed to speak to anyone in the family, and no one was allowed to speak to me. it’s a weird kind of punishment. there was so much more.
I hope you are taking good care of yourself, you're a survivor.
That can happen in any family. Don't blame religion.
All survivors belong to one community
I'm guessing you were ex-communicated by the Jehovah Witness church??? You are better off now.
@@SipLeila Religion is an excuse for the "pastor" in this case. "I'm rasing you just like the bible told me to."
her skin is so beautiful
looks like a glazed donut
@@dhruvavikas1632 One day you'll realize the value of saying nice things about people instead of ravaging every comment section and leaving skid marks everywhere with your insecurity. In fact I pray that you open your heart and see the truth, that every insult is actually subconsciously reflected back onto you.
@@HospitalForSouls.X damn, eloquent burn
@@abaddon2148 it's a copy and paste btw.
@@mystikal__4735 Ok 👍
She’s allowed to be emotional when talking about trauma. You guys need to stop.
Yes I agree.
"Dem emoshunal wymin amirite, gamers?"
@@sikeitschelseab5538 with her past i wouldn't blame her
sikeitschelsea b Well, the good memories are mixed up with the bad ones. It’s not bipolar, it’s trauma. Also, bipolar doesn’t even look like that❌
@@oxybrightdark8765 i agree although any form of mental disorder still wouldn't shock me
Someone pls tell the lady with the tissue that WE APPRECIATE THAT
M X 14:20
Saara Guhar she got tf nexted
OML I WAS LITERALLY THINKING THE SAME THING 😂
I felt it😢😂
YES I hope she sees this!!
how can anyone say she's faking her tears? how about y'all try retelling the most horrifying things you've seen in your lifetime without breaking down in tears and feeling how you felt the day you saw those thing happen.
Exactly!
You are right in your assertion, but that doesn't make this particular one more real than the others that are fake. Only the faker knows that they are fake, regardless of the volume of tears shed. Tears don't mean much. They are just tears and nothing more. If judges go by tears, our prisons will be empty. Not every pair of glasses you see on people is prescribed. They could be part of a disguise by criminals. Tell me something else.
I don't think she's faking her tears but she's clearly overacting. Look at how she started the story with the big smile and radiant eyes. Knowing full well she's going to be talking about horrible things. That's definitely acting.
@@lululola8080 I don’t think she’s overreacting, did you hear what she went through? Sorry if that came out as rude, but she went through a hard time.
@@iamquestioning2195 I didn't say she's overreacting I said she is over acting. Jumping from the big smile to tears is just too Hollywood for my taste.
So sad to grow up thinking ur only purpose is to get married and reproduce.
Im from Indonesia and thats how life is over here
@@ishouldbestudyingrightnow5368 yea, it's sad tbh. My best friend once said "actually we don't really have to study, we're going to end up cleaning and cooking right?" It broke my heart, but i was annoyed at the same time.
Well, technically it is just reproducing, marriage is optional.
@@thorstenheinke1705 Technically it's not as we have a choice and there's no need for everyone to have children these days. As far as biology goes yes we are physically capable of reproduction but there's no law in nature that dictates what you are and are not supposed to do it's just what's possible.
@@princessbanana4625 Whatevever floats your boat.
"We don't want women like you."
I died inside
Weak rules set by weak men.
literally
I go to church, all of the leaders in my church are men and we have three separate meeting locations, with three different pastors.
It sucks
@@DemetriusDrekin01 why
I want women like you.
Is no one gonna talk about how her teacher predicted she would be a great leader in the future
Edit: Guys ik the teacher didn't actually predict that but I thought it'd be fun to point out
Nice amount of comments
Yes please
Yes, her teacher was 💯 right! She's amazing.
I mean, she commented on it herself which was the main point of her closing statements.
No, because the thing is, prophecy is easy. You can just predict _everyone_ will be "a great leader" or whatever. For all the people who don't turn out that way, your prediction will be forgotten or they'll blame themselves for not living up to expectations or whatever, so all the times you were wrong won't come up.
But the one time you happen to be right, suddenly, BAM, you're a prophet because you "predicted the future."
"Love for others broke the chains that shackled me."
WHAT A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!
Can we all appreciate how beautifully expressive her eyes are? It’s making me feel all the emotions she went through.
"They messed up when they mistreated the people I love. "
Powerful, you are a courageous woman.
so shes more courageous than the average woman. what does your mother do then? nothing?
SHTV 7 Are you gatekeeping courage?
SHTV 7 Are you kidding me? Never once did this person say more than the average woman. And even if they did, it’s pretty true when you compare her courage because most women don’t escape cults.
@@nicholasharvey4393 that'd the next level of gatekeeping
True
POV: You didn’t search this up, but you watched the *whole, entire, thing*
I never search these up but I need my faith in humanity restored and a boost of self confidence
This is probably the 4th or 5th time this has come up on my recommended. I've watched the entire thing each time
7 times for me
YES
I searched this up
Wow...I remembered my young self when I was 10 yrs old. My parents were converted into a cult. I felt sad and crying while I was watching this talk. My parents died penniless, because they gave their money as donations to the cult, as promised by the leaders that when they died they go to heaven.
Was it a remade heavens gate cult?
Sorry if you don't want to answer that it's fine 😅
Her describing the report card stuff was insane. It was like she was six years old again, was so easily able make the audience feel the shame she felt. Really heartbreaking.
14:21 - To the woman in the bottom right corner offering a tissue. You're what's right with the world. One small act of compassion.
Yeah that was super nice of her 🥺
Giving someone a tissue is telling them its not ok to cry. Let the person cry blow snot out their nose and everything else in between. Crying has a purpose don't tell someone not to cry.
@@paulmouriski51 Giving someone a tissue is helping them wipe the snot and tears off their face. That doesn't at all mean they're telling them it's not okay to cry, if anything it's telling them that it is okay to cry, and simply helping them clean up. That woman had pure intentions offering her a tissue, don't twist it into something it's not.
@@paulmouriski51 Wtf, how do you interpret it like that?
@@paulmouriski51 That doesn't make sense at all
She's emotional because when you've been brainwashed and abused, talking about it is difficult.
She does it so friking beautifully and fluent tho
I know. I've been there... 😞
Starling Swallow i hope you’re okay now. Stay strong❤️
"Yyyyeeeaaaaaaahhh."
I actually go to school with her sisters and cusins (others who escaped) and its really interesting (not in a bad way)
Wow, that did not feel like 20 minutes. She has amazing storytelling abilities, I was completely immersed.
This is one of my most favorite TED talks ever and her radiant courage is so raw and inspiring
RUclips is recommending the wildest TED talks to me lately. I dig it.
Same here
Same
Literally the same!!! 😂
810 people are in the same boat.
It's officially a party.
🥳🎊🥳 🎉🥳🎉 🥳🎊 🥳
Same
That took a turn at the school report I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT
Right
She was not expecting that either. You can only try to imagine the trauma it caused
Yeah same. I was multitasking and then I saw her face change and I had to rewind to see if I heard correctly lol
Me neither I was shocked
me too
She needs to be a writer, narrator and speaker. I love her voice and delivery. It makes you feel everything.
wow they should make a movie about her life, even imagining this experience is insane. I cant even imagine how this felt for her
try watching kdrama called save me.. its about a religious cult and the show is absolutely amazing n horrific
I'm in tears right now. That "we don't want women like you" hit harder than anything.
Ya, that was astounding. And you can guarantee that he didn't hesitate or mumble words for a second in saying that to her. The only solace we the viewers can take is that she was able to muster enough psychological strength to say enough and get the F out. But imagine the many more who don't...
Your not kidding what a change of emotion. Just can't believe that people like her gramps exist.
i started crying as well
Would like but it’s at 666 likes
Very relatable... :(
the fact that having kids was her sole "purpose" and thats all she wanted says a lot about the community she grew up in
Check out the documentaries on the various polygamous groups in the US, like the FLDS. They are every bit as bad, and many are worse.
That's what every religious woman believes
@@andyrevan No. Many religious women believe that bearing and raising children is part of their purpose, but not their end all/ be all. They support each other in their beliefs because that's woman's nature regardless of creed.
Revan Harper no i dont lmao who told you that
Revan Harper I know woman who are religious and don’t want children or marriage
I love how someone tried to offer a tissue around 14:00 how sweet. I wish she didn’t feel she had to say excuse me for crying. I love her.
The Bible says "Love thy neighbor as thyself." Most people take that to mean "Don't be selfish," but it works both ways. You should love your neighbor, but you should also love yourself, which the people at Gloriavale seem to have conveniently forgotten.
and it may also means that u cannot love others unless u love urself first
They clearly don't love anyone, given how they treat others.
Also bible says what you should do with people who don't believe in your god, "...Now kill all the boys. And kill every woman who has slept with a man, but save for yourselves every girl who has never slept with a man." (Numbers 25)
@@hangedtexnik stop taking the bible out of context will you?
@@oceanbluetv4007 In what context asking to kill and enslave people is good. Please explain me.
"We don't want women like you" comment from her grandfather beginning at age 6, just because she showed strong grades and leadership in the classroom.
that is pretty fricked up.
@Cardboard Cape Why?
@Cardboard Cape How old are you may I ask?
@Cardboard Cape I asked that because you are exhibiting troglodyte like behaviour.
I am just gonna assume you are just an internet troll.
@Cardboard Cape
Are you a man?
To go from being humiliated in front of a room of 500 people to be applauded by an entire audience... wow. So much respect for her
Being constantly humiliated at such a young age can really make a huge dent on a person's ego for the rest of their life. But she overcame it. Truly an inspiring video that highlights the importance of loving yourself and believing in yourself.
angelica garcia lmao. So someone said somethiing to her and she was humiliated.
Yes, of course. Imagine someone calling you out in front of all your peers, berating you, talking down on you for not getting a good grade in class or not doing a good job at work. How would you feel? Not only did that happen to Lilia but she even said that her grandpa consistently remind her everyday how horrible she is. It's even worse for her because she actually didn't do anything wrong.
You got 2k likes. Just letting you know my dude
I forgot I had even commented on this video lol
This woman..
That 6 year old? Amazing.
The woman she is now? exemplifies coming from a long line of terrifying women. Not in a traditional sense.
I'll explain. Terrifying in the sense of she realized her worth, stood up for it and won the battle.
May she be an inspiration for women everywhere.
'And my grandfather was terrified of strong women'.
Yeah that explains everything.
My heart dropped when she said “we don’t want women like you”
I like dogs omg sammee how tf can u even say that to someone
She legit said "my heart dropped" after she said that
Ikr
Not to mention, she’s only 6 at that time. A literal child, ffs. Imagine telling a child that they’re worthless already, just because they did something different. So much narcissism in this case.
Mine too...
On her report card it said that her leadership skills could come in handy once she gotten older. Turns out that it did.
her teacher turned out to be a psychic!
"Love for others broke the chains that shackled me." 🥺 ❤ this talk always has me in tears.
She indeed has leadership qualities.
People can sense when things are wrong even when being told their whole lives it's right.
I concur, queen
It's called empathy
@@timsamuel4723 more like intuition
God does a powerful thing with intuition and generally our minds. I'm Christian Orthodox and this sounds like Chatolic chruch which is just satanistic cult with Christian surface
Wascally Wabbit, hopefully
Well... Her school teacher was right, she has leadership skills. And she's using it! I'm glad she left that cult.
You think the STATE and CROWN are not cults?
@@6StimuL84 it's depends of the crown and the state.
@# ....uh
@# no
@# That's not true, a cult is when you are tricked by charisma into following a human being to do unhealthy things. That is not Christianity at all. Instead of spreading hate, keep your ideas to yourself. You are helping nobody.
she is so brave and inspirational. the fact that she is still strong after all this time makes me want to cry. well done lilia. the world needs more people like you
She’s an amazing storyteller.
Y'all,,, she's not faking. The first 18 years of her life were spent being gaslit. I cannot even begin to express the effect that has on you. You seperate your memories and doubt what you know, develop subconscious coping mechanisms and become very, very good at compartmentalizing, but often have no idea. When you're thinking about the good things, that's all you feel. When you start talking about the bad things, the extent of the negative emotions is startling, because they're usually locked away. This is real, it's not an attention grab.
Its true. I was the cult.
@K - Dot yes, but to educate about the reality which we need to combat. not for fame or what ever else people think she can gain from this
I know. I believe her 100%. I went to a Catholic school. The abuse was emotionally not physically. I still hate every nun.
Exactly. Those first years of your life are important because your brain is still developing so whatever you experience you take it to heart.
:(
14:20 that person trying to hand her the tissue has a good soul
No you didn't. You wanted to. You didn't have to do anything. She did. She had to endure years of pain. Suffering.
This was a joke too. Tried to make you feel bad huehue
I thought that I was the only one who noticed that.
Cheernastic Star respect to them
Cheernastic Star I checked the comments right at 14:00
"My grandfather was terrified of strong woman...I'm a strong woman. I'm a leader."
That woman speaks the truth and only the truth, like a christian.
I was born and raised in a cult and lost my entire family because of it. More recently a partner to a well known very aggressive cult 😢 the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. The damage from cults won’t ever fully heal it’s something you carry for life 😢
Y do you keep that name
I’m not even Christian and I’m embarrassed and disgusted by the people who called this Christianity. Don’t insult Christianity like that.
That's an inherent problem with religion to me, though. The way they interpreted the scripture, and the verses they chose to exemplify means...this is absolutely Christianity. That's why you see hundreds, if not thousands, of denominations of Christianity; none less valid than any other.
@@Wargasmo exactly
facts
Well said, its easy for people to talk anything especially about christianity
agreed, I'm not christian either but I think it should be common morals to respect religions.
(If anyone's wondering I'm a muslim)
The woman who offered a tissue to Lilia when she was crying, at 14:20, made me smile. She realizes how difficult this story is to tell, and is understanding to why she is crying.
You have 837 likes. Thought you’d like to know :)
@@miawallace2306 omg... i didn't even notice lol. thank you
UK. To me I would just give I tissue. I know what it is to cry and simply can't see anyone like that
HER DRESSING TELLS A FIFFERENT STORY WITH HER TIGHT PANTS...BIBLE SAYS DRESS PROPERLY AND CONDUCT YOURSELF IN THE RIGHT WSY
@@kipawambia8727 wait... are you serious
I'm very proud of this girl. Don't let anyone step over your self-respect. Live your life well and don't look back.
"My love for others broke my shackles" totally relate to this! Thank you
This lady could be a model with her looks, a best-selling author with her storytelling, an icon to those in abusive relationships with her past, and an actress with her flair. That teacher was an oracle or a seer.
Wings of fire? I think not
Greg Jacques Lucifer's Jizz Gargler a role model. She can be a role model. And a real model, she is gorgeous with her self confidence posture and stance. Don’t try to joke around but she is absolutely stunning.
An oracle or seer? How about just observant, as a teacher should be.
The teacher was not a seer; she just saw certain qualities in her.
lol, simp
Thank you TEDx for letting her talk an extra five minutes
True!
Tbh, I wish her all the best. But she didn’t really defend her point properly. the abuse she witness wasn’t because she was in a ‘religious cult’. She was in the wrong one with the wrong people. I want her to understand that it’s not that Christianity teaches that but the ones in control of these children hold the power and use it in a wrong way.
@@yovannastarcard6901 spoken like an indoctrinated cultist ;)
do you like soy?
yovanna starcard that’s a yikes... normal churches are so close to cults it’s scary
Thank you so much amazing Lilia for sharing this authentic/pure, deeply heartfelt, soul-igniting, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, and inspiring message that made me cry.
this was so insanely powerful and spoke wonders
i had goosebumps the whole entire video
Why are people saying she’s fake crying? It’s hard to talk about trauma and the fact she is up there saying it confidently is amazing she is so strong. Respect her for that
I don't think I can recall such events on a stage- front of a crowd
Amy Rani she’s at a Ted Talk. Of course, the speakers at these events have to prepare what they’re going to talk about, but most of it is from her mind too. It’s easier to talk about your experiences than facts. But the fact that she recalls this memory so vividly shows that it really pierced her memories. It was a very significant thing that happened to her.
The story just isn't believable. If you grew up in a society where beltings and beatings are the norm, you wouldn't become disillusioned or deeply offended by it as a child because everybody around you accepts it as normal. You wouldn't even see it as being wrong if you were born and raised in such a culture. You only get outraged by this if you are already a part of western culture and are looking in at the society from the outside, which is precisely the audience that this talk has been geared towards.
Graeme AV you do realize that people can think for themselves right? That’s why white supremisists think their right.
Graeme AV I grew up in a house where my dad constantly yelled at my mom as a literal toddler I knew it was wrong. You don’t wed to be in the western world or know another way to know something is wrong
it's honestly disappointing cults like this are still not considered illegal by law.
Slippery slope. Where’s the line between religion and cult? There are tons of evangelical homes in the US who treat their children very similarly to what she described.
@@ivyrose779 because they're all cults too. Every religion is just that...a cult. Books full of nonsense that people are supposed to believe.
L Vega religions aren’t a cult
naomi abu a cult is literally defined as “a system of religious veneration and devotion directed towards a particular figure or object”. That’s also what a religion is. Just cause it’s widespread and accepted doesn’t stop it from being a cult.
Ragnar Sims I typed “definition of a cult” into google and that’s what came up, and that’s from oxford languages. I never said it was a bad thing, only that religions are cults whether they’re widespread and peaceful or small and extreme. When you look at the origin of the word, it meant things like worship which is a very important and respected aspect of religion. Nowadays a cult is typically used in reference to negative examples, and common religions try to avoid the word in order to maintain their reputation. But as a word it isn’t positive or negative, it only references devotion towards a figure or object - that’s what a religion is, just as much as a typical ‘cult’.
I am just breaking free from all the cult brainwashing that I received most of my life. My spiritual abuse caused me to develop PTSD. She is so brave to share her story. Healing takes time.
Her story was gorgeous and heartbreaking, what a good storyteller and such a strong person for being able to survive this.
She went back and forth between cheerful, happy memories and terrible, heart-wrenching ones so quickly and dramatically it hurts to watch but u know she's really reliving it all 😢she's so strong
Some of them made me feel rather uneasy, because it brought back unpleasant memories. The humiliation in particular. And the subsequent "second guessing" because "getting the right answer" became all-important in avoiding more humiliation or physical punishment.
I feel she is putting on an act, I don't buy it... No one yoyos through emotions that easily and stay on stage talking normally.
She is doing it for fame or to sell her books, I have seen a dozen like her...everything she claims probably did happen, but I don't buy the theatricals behind it.
EXO-L~
The Awesome Man u know I kinda thought that at first too, but I have to say I disagree. I'm sure she's prepared the speech enough times to b able to talk about it this way. She might just b an over-dramatic person. Sometimes u gotta act a little bit and distance yourself from the pain to get thru it
박수연 Yo waddup fam! 🙋💛
Aww, one of the audiences offered her a tissue. 💙😢
i saw that haha rejected
Ella Smith Not all heroes wear capes
Ella Smith
Why?
She wasn't even crying
Chris R
Did she reject the offer of the tissue
Peter McIver no she just didnt see him
This is very similar to my experience in a cult Christian family. I’m so so sorry. Thank you for telling your story ❤️ my womb space started hurting while you spoke. Sending you healing!
It's heartening to see people sharing their stories and building up a community, bless you.
Her journey to breaking free is inspiring! I took the liberty of reading a few comments and people are asking alot of questions - YES! That is what we need! For more and more people to be informed on cults and the fact that they may not be what you thought they were. Movies depict cults a certain way, and at times, some are not similar to those. They each paint a picture differently.
“And I thought...that’s not love.”
Absolutely heartbreaking. I’m crying. But wow, what a brave and intelligent woman. I want to read this book she wrote now.
This is the thought of all of us who have witnessed abuse in the name of "love", control, and raising up strong sons and daughters. sigh...
WorldisArt yup it's truly painful.
What is love? Letting the child do whatever he wants? Giving him whatever he wants? Is discipline not love?
One man's discipline is another man's abuse.
Ronnie Burns Physical abuse is not discipline, a stern word should be discipline enough. If the child doesn't respond to verbal discipline, you've done something wrong as a parent
As I said, discipline and abuse are subjective. As a practical matter, it is never wise to try to discipline someone else's kids. Why? Because no one ever agrees on what discipline is appropriate and necessary. I would assume that most people you know disagree with your methods of discipline as well. Either believing you are too soft, or too harsh.
And from the sounds of it, if you have children at all, I would bet anything, that everyone thinks you are too soft, that you let your kids get away with too much, and that they are a bunch of spoiled, entitled brats, who probably need a good whoopin.
Girl:*is emotional when talking about abuse*
People:Liar
Girl:*isnt emotional when talking about abuse*
People:Liar
I notice how quickly the presumed psychopaths out themselves on the comments on here by trying to shame her about her 'acting' and about any making money off of this. It's pretty typical (their self-projecting, I mean). Obviously they have no idea what she was going through, or maybe some of them do but are trying to cast doubt upon her. It only works with people who don't already know about their methods.
They just hate women😂
Its almost like they don't want to believe women🤔
Priscilla Smikle almost 🤔
Is emotion fake? These are not things to judge from the exterior, because emotion is connected to the core of who someone is and what they believe. That's like judging a book by it's cover.
I once knew a young girl who had exaggerated behavior, and i wondered in my mind if she was just putting on a show. Over time i realized it's not something that she just turns on and turns off, but rather it's just simply the way she is.
THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! It is an amazing story and I am so thankful for you and all that you stand for.
Thank you Lilia for telling us your story 🙏🏼
Broskis, She’s not faking, she’s not bipolar. She’s speaking about a traumatic experience. She’s feeling real emotions. That’s like saying when someone’s happy and laughing then get offended they have a medical condition. It’s not how that works. Haha
No one feels the need to defend the speaker when they're talking about something funny and laughing so hard they can barely force two words out at once. . . why is this any different?
@@ceinwenchandler4716 I think you answered your own question. Because context matters.
Its so hard to see that some people use god to treat others so cruel... this still happend know...
@@arinavandam9028 Why do people ever do things like those cult leaders did? What on earth could possibly motivate them?
Also, why weren't they arrested for child abuse?
agreed, as she recalls her memories, different emotions get triggered.
Aww people offering her tissues on stage, that’s so sweet
Yeah I know right! It’s the small acts of kindness you can do that can really help!
I just saw that in the part I’m at I was like aww
yea...she should have brought a box....knowing she is going to be balling on stage!!!! omg!
@@-MrRichBiker1967 yes! you shoudlve shut up knowing that all that comes out is only bs
@@kashvi888 Are you trying to say this story is false? There's no evidence against it being true... don't try to pull out random accusations with no information and then insult people with them!
This made me feel sick, what a powerful speech. Bravo 👏🥲
What a beautiful, beautiful individual. Her leadership skills and emotional intelligence = gold
The fact that this is actually a real life story and this cult is actually a thing is so terrifying
Millions of us Live through these traumas everyday in homes without the cult title.
It still is a thing
@?? Context, please
It is actually still kinda a thing if you think about it.
@@moirawhite6960 I’m too hip
"that's not love" and "i loved that girl more than life" got me genuinely crying rn
@Silent Wanderer and no one cares
@@cringium looks like 13 people do
@@FattyKim69 o k
What a powerful story! She's a very gifted speaker with an incredible story to share. I'm so glad that she and her parents and siblings were able to leave and that she's free to be her true self, the powerful leader she is.
She is a strong woman that was made through all the abuse she has been through. She is allowed to cry and she is definitely not faking it. The fact that she can recall some happy memories to me shows a very kind human. ❣️
This woman is so smart.... I can’t believe she was able to see through the lies she was taught as a child, especially so young. I feel like grown adults can’t see through these lies
Smart people get sucked in all the time - many of the “ads” or whatever are often not based in rationality or logic. It’s more of an appeal to emotion more than anything, and if you’re really good at pulling the strings, you can make the brainwashing seem like nothing. And then there’s leaving the group: I’m speaking about cults at large, not just this cult, but they often make leaving seem like a terrible thing. Like they’ll lose their salvation or how they’re leaving their “true” family. (Being the social people we are, being told that leaving is ostracised and exocommunicating is super tough.)
And don’t let me get started on rationalising. From little things to horrifying, they can often find their ways to excuse their lies or other terrible things they do. Like “the bad is outweighed by the good!” or “remember, if you report to the police/authorities about the actions of the leader, we’ll suffer an eternity of damnation.”
grown adults? try grown cities and countries
I don’t believe that that the Bible is a lie but I do believe that those people are not who they say they are. If they where Christians they would love each other and protect each other.
Trey Johnson admittedly I was being generous. 😏
Emotional abuse is horrible and caused her pain. I'm just saying pain makes us think.
14:20 that person offering a tissue: Thank you for trying. You're a nice person
she's not faking it. she's just an amazing story teller. the way she goes from happy memories, to traumatic ones... she's really good.
What a moving story! Thank you so much for sharing! ❤️
I just want everyone who see's this kind of stuff to know. Churches are not always Christian, and leaving a Church is not always leaving God.
And why are there flaws at all? And in heaven?
chris sonofpear1 because humans are flawed. The Church is run by people who can fall into sin just like anyone else. And sometimes you get places like this who do not follow God and are nothing but hypocrites hiding behind Christianity.
If you mean how original sin came to be, you should look up the story of Adam and Eve. I’m sure that’s not what you mean though.
Oh, and I would like it if you would elaborate on the supposed flaws in heaven.
hanna garedew this is very important! Very underrated comment!!
Ah, does not some form of supervision from above get involved?
Also, did Eve KNOW that Satan existed, and could reach Earth?
Plus of the stakes to more than her and Adam, before she met the snake?
I can relate to her pain. I was in a religious cult for only 7 yrs which I make videos on now. She crying she has is from PTSD. Its not whiny or bratty, its the consequence of the abuse. My heart goes out to her
because the abuse is ingrained so deep that remembering it brings out really visceral reactions. Certain smells to this day will make me feel sick or make me start crying in fear. I wasn't in a cult, but I was abused.
Luubelaar im sorry for you!:/
I wonder if I have PTSD, reading this comment string... I (and many other students) was abused by my teachers. If you didn’t obey them you became the “bad” student, and “good” students were basically treated like they could do no wrong, even if they started it. (I remember being punished because I didn’t like someone’s music, and they were a “good student”, so the same song was played thrice... And that’s not even counting being stood down for defending myself from someone)
Think Umbridge from Harry Potter. That was my teacher... I have panic attacks just watching the movie, and have to leave the room when she’s onscreen, and I’ve been out of the class for... holy heck, nine years now...
Sorry just thinking aloud...
Bless your soul ❤️
Tina Marie J. Subscribed right away
When she said;-My six old report card was ban-on! then paused& brightened up ;I felt it. I re-winded it four times just so it sinks in. The way she shifts quickly from being teary to holding us with her smile is magical. She's articulate, captivating &smart. He leadership skills shine through. I love the ending.
More power🎤
Grandfather: “We don’t want women like you!”
Translation: We don’t want women like you to challenge our frail egos! 🤦♀️
Social order is ALWAYS exclusory and opressive.
Charles Bechert no it’s egos not a way of life
Teeney weenie
Well, really, it's "We don't want you to steal our place in leadership!"
Charles Bechert it’s not way of life it’s eggos
i absolutely love her contrast between painting a beautiful picture in our heads and tearing it apart with just one sentence. her storytelling skills and astonishing!
Please do a video on the Jehovah's Witness cult. They are almost as bad as Scientology. Wolf in sheep's clothing.
Exactly. A story :)
I know right...
the family on my brothers dad's side is in that "religion" I have always hated it.
true really heart breaking words
Bless your heart Lilia, I admire your courage, you give me strength to share my story :-)
thanks for sharing your story. I am so proud of you
!!
RUclips has been bugging me about this video for two years. I am finally here.
Me too.👈👈😎
I almost made it to three.
Me to! And I am happy to see something so inspiring!
Same 😂😂
same
I can’t believe some people would doubt her tears. A child being repeatedly kicked and punched, a toddler with a blue welt on his back and everything else she witnessed would make anyone emotional, no matter how many times they spoke about it.... it makes me tear up just thinking about it... if you think it’s odd that she’s crying over that, you must be a psychopath.
She witnessed horrible things but she lived a comfortable life being a granddaughter/daughter of one of the leaders.. Nine sibblings including herself were raised by the family at the expense of others' free labor, those who are at the lower rank.. These still happens now adays.. When members of the cult are required to give 10% of their income to the leaders.. The leaders and their wives are not having a job but living a very comfortable lives.. Living in a comgortable house, kids going to prestigious schools while not having a job.. While thosr who are paying 10 of. Their income to the church/leaders are struggling to send their children to school
@@lady-j5586 you completely missed the point... I’m talking about how she is clearly in pain because of her experiences and some people are unfairly doubting her. She doesn’t hide the fact she was in a higher rank. Are you one of those poor people who are jealous of rich people and attack them for being upset when they have it better than you? Shut up! She clearly obviously suffered and just because she was in a high rank doesn’t make her feelings less valid!
I’m sure if there even was a rare breed of people who could flip their emotions 180 so seamlessly in half a second, they’d probably decide to make more money off acting then by doing fake tedtalks.
@@inhobiswinecellar9571 it’s called psychosis and ptsd
My thoughts exactly like how can you doubt this woman who has the strength to tell her story and going against her family especially her grandfather whom you can tell she loved very much probably still loves💔❤️🩹❤️🩹💔we are living in such a harsh world/times😔❤️🩹💔❤️🩹💔😣😣
"Love for others broke the chains that shackled me."
One of the best videos I’ve ever seen thank you so much!
Is she a writer? The technique she uses to hit the audience, talking in very happy sentences and building up positive emotions only to drop a horrible realization on the crowd, is really interesting. Beautiful story and really beautiful execution.
magix shiz yes I am a writer. And I have written my story into a memoir - Daughter of Gloriavale: My life in a religious cult
Yea she wrote a memoir and its really really sad to read but well worth it.
Lilia Tarawa I was going to visit there last year but vehicle trouble stopped me..after watching this I'm kinda glad...had already figured the public get an edited version of the place.
magix shiz she would be great for child audiobooks
@@LiliaTarawa i just wanna say that u are a brilliant person. I love how the way u telling ur story and the expressions, it shows how great u are as a writer ♡