Why ADHD Makes You Feel Broken
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- Опубликовано: 30 июл 2024
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In this video, we learn why ADHD can make individuals feel broken and how societal misconceptions and personal experiences contribute to this perception.
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
02:30 - The issue with blaming yourself
03:25 - The aversion to blaming ADHD
07:00 - Internalizing the wrong lessons
09:49 - “You need to try harder”
11:42 - “I don’t know what’s wrong with me”
13:06 - “These flaws are mine and I must own them”
14:28 - Medication for ADHD
15:07 - Medication issues for women’s ADHD
────────────
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Bro Dr. K you need to see Dantes asap!! Watch his latest video
hello sir it might be to much to ask but can you make one video in hindi to show to my parents about ADHD i am telling them you they think its nothing can you make one video for your INDIAN friends you also know how indian parents are
Another great video from Dr. k (haven't watched it yet), but why is it common for your recent videos to change thumbnails 1 day after release?
@@ultimategd3 I have an inkling that it's something to game the algorithm. I've seen other channels change their video titles (and, more recently, thumbnails) sometimes as many as three or four times within the first 24 hours of uploading. I used to think they were correcting minor errors or such, but my guess now is that it bumps the video back up the home page feed again.
Could you possibly do a video on ADD and pregnancy? It has been so hard without medication and to also deal with pregnancy brain.
When trying my hardest was met with "You need to try harder" I reached the conclusion of "If trying my hardest isn't good enough, then trying isn't worth it"
Wait yes… perfectly worded my exact situation
my mom helped me so much with understanding that “your best” isnt crying at night stressing about school, its not shaking while handing in an assignment because you spent all night on it, its not crying during tests because my brain literally hurts. its doing what you can and stopping when its too much, its taking breaks and asking for help, its asking for an extension on the assignment, its writing down whatever you can think of even if its shit, because hurting yourself isnt your “best!”, its doing what your body can until it shows signs it cant.
i wouldve had a better time in middle school and highschool if i knew that my best wasnt supposed to hurt.
Yep, literally my school days
@@skipmanghondarg my youth....nothing quite like talking to 4 walls is the school system.
This was probably the catalyst for me giving up on even trying to write in English classes a lot after my 8th grade English teacher told me I could try harder on an essay I turned in at the very last minute/late bc I spent forever stressing over if it was good enough / how to make it better
When your parents clap back with the ‘oh, everybody has a little bit of ADHD, don’t worry’ and ‘excuses are like an asshole, everybody has one but nobody wants to hear it’
My mom said this to me a lot when I was a kid. She just got her diagnosis a few months ago, 4 years after me, at age 61...
my mom said this to me as well... until she realized her best friend doesnt have ANY of the symptoms and her brain is quiet. my mom was so mind boggled that all other people didnt have like 5 tracks going on in their brain at once she finally came around.
my mom said: if you cant do things like other kids.. maybe its beacuse you just arent as capable as them, maybe you shouldnt be so hard on yourself.
And then I had a lifetime of self esteem issues. I WISH my parents would have been like yours, atleast I wouldnt always have this silent voice in my head whispering that im inferior
Nope, you'd still feel inferior... you'd ALSO constantly feel it's YOUR personal fault
Explanations aren’t excuses.
“Are we broken because we have ADHD, or do we have ADHD because we’re broken”
@@vigneshilangovans Geto plez
Yes?
Legit
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore"
Saturoooo sashineeee
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32. I call growing up with undiagnosed ADHD "The gaslit childhood." It fucked me up personally but I think it gave me an extra perk in the parenting skill tree which is that I do not believe unintentional laziness exists. Laziness can only be chosen! It is often a smart natural choice made to preserve energy, recover, or heal; but if you aren't choosing it, it is something else. My job as a parent isn't to dictate how someone should live but to help them discover hacks that make "doing life" the easiest and most fulfilling FOR THEM. My way works for me, maybe not my kid. Growing up misunderstood has burned that into my soul. If my child seems "lazy" about something, we just haven't found the right way yet. Time to get creative! I often learn something about myself in the process.
Wow thats a really positive spin on it, and can see that helping.
wow, this made me emotional because i really wish my parents saw things like you do instead of always telling me that im lazy and that im the problem. as simple as it sounds, it’s so reassuring to hear a parent actually understanding that their kids might be different from them
@@tree4110 No offense to your parents, or maybe a little offense, but it's a skill issue. They can't think outside the box to find a different approach to something so they just call your approach "wrong" and call it a day. It's an ego thing too. Like I KNOW the way I see and live life isn't the "best" way. It's merely what's left that works for me after everything else I've tried didn't work as well. But shit, I haven't tried everything, nor would I presume it could work for someone else! So many parents see kids as extensions of themselves and therefore that they know best. Reproducing is already an inherently selfish act but some parents take that to the extreme.
I hope you find some people in your life who will support and encourage you for who you are and not who they expect you to be. There's nothing inherently wrong with you, just bad firmware applied by your original programmers 😁 Once you learn how to hack your own system you can get rid of it and apply those much needed updates you'll be golden. The selflove patch is an especially good one but it often requires the final frontal lobe hardware upgrade which only comes with age so don't fret if you are finding that patch isn't installing correctly just yet.
Gigachad answer, King!❤
This is how I want to raise my son too!
Gosh we need more fathers like you and less dudes who pay 18 000 Dollars on some Fake ass manliness bootcamp they also drag their kids to just to be screamed at.
@@aawillma bro who up spit fatzz and then dumped some programming too and that skill issue point was hard are you the primegen
As someone with inattentive type ADHD, that whole thing about "why don't you apply yourself more" basically sums up my experience throughout my school years.
I wasn't a bad kid in school, but I cannot tell you how many times I heard people say that I could be doing a lot better if "I just applied myself".
No one bothered to look into it, leading me to internalize this idea that there was something wrong with me, that I was broken or something, I didn't get diagnosed let alone evaluated for ADHD until I was 21.
Samesies. I believe my grandpa had the same ADHD I do because he was always at home watching TV, zoning out. My mom demonized his behavior as 'laziness' and it took me a long time to stop beating myself up for having similar tendencies. I'm not lazy, I just lack executive function and I need help lol
I swear every report card I got and every parent teacher interview was this same thing, "x could do so much better if he applied himself and stopped talking to other students"
If school was ACTUALLY interesting, there would be no problem for us! I can focus hours on end on reality cool subjects! Learning how to become a perfect disposable employee isn't engaging... It's depressing.
22 years old, last year I realized I have ADHD (already knew I have anxiety) treating anxiety now but I haven't found the right med that helps my adhd yet even tho I've tried adderall, was disappointed it didn't give me that "oh my gosh I can function now" like other ppl but maybe it's because I'm more inattentive than hyperactive I don't know, I'm trying strattera soon, really hope it works for me
Same! Always heard the whole you have so much potential if only you would XYZ.
I can CONFIDENTLY say that, after 2 years of therapy, medication and building the right environment, I NO LONGER have this problem. By the way, I was diagnosed at 26.
Congratulations!
I was recently diagnosed. I'm looking forward to the day I can repeat your words.
Your words are giving me extra confidence.
Ok, We want to know what you mean by therapy and building the right environment.
Was CBT enough? What Right environment meant for you?
@@MrSupernaturalLife I'm rooting for you!
@@diaboempessoa CBT with the right dose of med and therapy sessions once a week. By building the right environment, I mean eliminating every distraction you can and focusing on what works for you.
Here's an example: I used to be wake all night long because it was the moment I had peace from all sensory overload. I discovered by trial and error that waking up 2 or 3 hours before everyone helped me focus. I started the day and since it was still silence, when people starts to wake I was already producing.
But I have to say that it is a never ending process. I must keep an eye out to my thoughts and behavior, but it is way easier than when I started attending to therapy full of anxiety and depressed. Now I just go once a month to maintain the balance.
This would be great if the biggest distraction in my life wasn’t my own damn brain, tho the meds help a bit, they’re never strong enough, and I’m afraid of getting a higher dosage.
Gotta love the, spending your entire childhood doing homework because it takes you 10x longer to do.
In my case it was the complete opposite, while most mid/high schoolers needed a few hours a day to do homework I did most of it in class. Found myself with too much free time, became addicted to videogames and eventually got kicked out of the house.
Extremes suck.
I did this through college lol mix this with auditory processing disorder (learn better reading text), and inattentiveness and you’ve got the perfect storm.
I realized this and decided to just not do the work. Did not work out amazingly.
@@Manuel-qk8uj extremes tend to suck indeed but I'd rather be done with things extra fast rather than extra long. This made school hell for me. I could never commit to work on anything because I knew I would get stuck and spend too much time
@@jonas8993 Personally I feel differently about this. I'd rather be busy all the time than bored all the time. Especially when I was a teenager. Being busy all the time is exhausting but at least you have some sense of purpose. At least that's how I see it.
Oh look, it's me adding this to my saved videos to "watch later" because I want help but don't want it right now 💀
When are you going to watch it though? 💀
i swear everyone does that
my parents were on my ass about this and forced me to be productive, and I ended up harming myself. I wish I saw this earlier.
I know I have ADHD; I was diagnosed by a specialist. My sister, criticizing me for some things I informed her are symptoms of ADHD, said "Those aren't ADHD symptoms! That's just how you are!" FFS
She has ADHD too that's why she thinks it's normal (ADHD is highly genetic) 😭
@@darkfrost3115 She most definitely does not. My mom did though, I'm sure
I think both is wrong "thats just me" AND "thats ADHD" because the first gives you the whole responsibility but the second makes u unable to change anything. I personally prefer not talk to myself like "its my ADHD" I say "It's an outcome of me, not yet beeing able to manage this ADHD symptom" ... if that makes sence (english is not my first language😅)😅
@@lisaart5301 Yeah I agree. I'm not saying I can't try to modify my behavior. But I also think she should take that into account and not just deny it's a symptom of ADHD when it's a very well-known one. She said it in a very contemptuous way and has made many other statements making it clear she considers it a defect of my character, and is angry about decades of it when she never said a word about it till now. Just since I wrote this comment she said "I feel held hostage in conversation with you" as if she had no agency or ability to say anything. That was true with our mother, and I believe she's projecting that old pain onto me now. I'm afraid she's turned out with quite a narcissistic personality style that I didn't recognize until recently. She's not trying to understand me or work things out between us; I think she's stressed about other things and taking it out on me, just like our mom did.
Does it matter?
No one is ever going to care, not for long at least. Work around your weaknesses or be left to rot.
It sucks but it is what it is.
"Just try harder" triggered such a powerful visceral anger within me.
You've stated exactly how I've felt as a kid and an adult. I'm crying - I'm literally crying right now, because it's like you actually SEE what's always going on inside me. The amount of effort I'd used would be physically painful. I always called myself a broken human.
Yeah, I absolutely get it, you're not alone. I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
He drops these videos in the chronological order my life is going in & how I currently feel & it’s scary
Fr
Hes a magician 😭
Same here.
same
Same!!!
So ADHD is why I cried for 2 days straight after drinking for the 1st time. I wasn't even that drunk but alcohol made me feel like a human being for the 1st time ever, because my brain and thoughts would feel *defective* 24/7. Alcohol does not fix anything in the long run though, and the ADHD predisposition to addiction is real, so try not to drink people...
huh
@@KASHTIRASWEEP alcohol helps with anxiety and adhd not like it's an actual solution though
@@C.S.Argudo Exactly, alcohol might be a temporary fix for some people but that's precisely why it's so unhealthy, the temporarity will make you feel worse afterwards, about yourself or in general.
Look into psychedelic therapy. Microdosing psilocybin mushrooms works for many people, and a guided macrodose session really quiets the "evil voices"
Hoo boy. Wish I realized this shit before I wasted a few of my best years. Sober now but I still dream of drinking and feeling my version of “functional.”
"You have to live up to your potential!"
Darn, it still hurts. Even the tone was perfect in the delivery of this line.
My entire time at school, my whole family and almost all the teachers I had kept telling me that.
"Could do better" on every reports for 15 years.
I managed to get a bachelor, and to be frank, I'm not using it professionally.
Heck, I'm actually unemployed at the moment, in therapy, and taking steps to accept who I truly am in order to help my neurodivergent kids have an easier life than I had.
Please make video where you deep dive into learned helplessness. This belief that "there's something fundamentally wrong with me" has been affecting me my whole life and I struggle to get out of this mental fallacy.
I’m learning more as I get older how harmful this has been for me and the perfectionist mindset I’ve carried around unconsciously my whole life. Even as after I’ve release a lot of the negative self talk I’ve learned throughout my life and became medicated, I still find these deep seated beliefs that even when I try my hardest, it’s not good enough, if I somehow managed things better and tried “harder” I can finally “get it together” and justify my existence. A book that’s recently helped me a lot is called “Time management for mortals”. I’m realizing I need to stop trying to be “perfect” (which implies there “perfect” people exist, which they don’t and how I’m comparing myself to something fake) and living in a freeze state and just put time and effort into doing my best, whatever that looks like
Yes please. Late diagnosis (52 as a woman) leaves so much of life devastated in the wake of not being like other people and basically not having a reason for it. I wanted to be diagnosed just to have a reason for how I am people wouldn't exhaust me by disagreeing with me over. But I discovered the stimulant calmly and gently works for me. I am kind of dumbfounded. In shock.
“If you just applied yourself you’d do so much better” that just took me back to middle school, I’m 24 now still not diagnosed with anything and I’m doing fine, mostly. But man that phrase felt like being shot with a bullet
"You're such a smart kid... - if you would just try..."
Put me in a room of IQ 100s. Any subject, doesn't matter. I'll outperform them with little to no effort because the material will be dumbed down.
Put me in a room of 130s and 140s I'll feel intellectually equal but will probably underperform by a significant margin unless I'm really passionate about the subject.
I visited Harvard/MIT a few years after I graduated from a state university and was like "this is probably where I should have gone, these are my peers, but I just never had the desire or motivation to do the work to get here."
I was brought to tears when you said that kids that get diagnosed with depression first have a 3% chance of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder when I was 15-16 and wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was about 26-27. Thank you so much for the content that you put out! It really has validated a lot of things that I’ve been feeling throughout my life. I am 29 now and I am trying my best to get my life together. It’s really hard, but I know I can do it!
You’re not alone I was one of those “smart kids” that hit a wall. My younger brother has autism and adhd so he took up the majority of the attention when it came to “issues” plus I was always successful in school with no effort and popular. My parents are legitimately 10/10 parents and once I started having severe problems I got diagnosed with depression but my dad wanted to keep searching. Turns out I have adhd. I did nuerotherapy for a year and it helped but it’s like 400$ a week! After that I got put on foccalin and it made me feel TERRIBLE to the point I had a mental breakdown just about a week or 2 ago. I found Dr.K along with other RUclipsrs and a fire was lit. Since then I’ve stopped smoking weed and gambling and I have a new found passion for psychology (switching my major tmr.) the number one thing I’ve been doing to help me with my mood is getting up as early as possible and running hills. It clears my mind and gives me the dopamine boost I need to take on the day. It’s only been a week or 2 but I’d recommend it. Im rooting for you! Im 22 btw
I'm 42, I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was 13 and then again at around 32. I'm now 42 and have been waiting for over two years to be rediagnosed as having ADHD because they won't use my other diagnoses.
I've wondered if I do have ADHD or if I'm just useless because why is it so hard for someone to agree to help me?.
Also, people roll their eyes when you tell them you have ADHD. They say it's not real, which makes me question if it is real as so many people disbelieve. It's embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed, like I'm making excuses.
When I was diagnosed in the early 90s, literally no one thought it was real. My teachers would say it's just an excuse. You're just a bad kid.
Listening to you helps.
i’m sorry you went and are still going through this, it must be very difficult
@tree4110 Thank you. It's difficult to try and deal with without any help. It's extremely frustrating that it's so hard to get help. I do think people are being overly diagnosed with ADHD so now there is an even bigger stigma and even longer waiting lists. I feel autism is being over diagnosed as well, my 22yr old has autism, his nursery teachers notice it when he was around 3yrs old, I had just turned 20 when I had him and had never been around babies or toddlers so I didn't notice anything. But the nursery was very concerned.
He wasn't verbal until he was 7/8yrs old, he was statemented by the government as a child's so they have to pay the schools he went to a lot of extra money for h3lp for him, he's now in college. Anyway, he is autistic, but now my 14-year-old son has been diagnosed with autism! He's literally not lol, he is the most outgoing, social kis around, he has his own personality and doesn't try to follow others personality, I just don't believe it, I do however think he has ADHD, ashes behaviour is identical to mine when I was a kid.
The system is just so messed up. It's all just so stressful and frustrating. I'm from the UK, and we really don't have much help here when it comes to mental health, the help we do have or that I have received is rubbish and it's not getting better it's getting worse.
Sorry for the rant.
Just remember that adhd is really well understood and that medication is incredibly effective. No one says depression isn’t real but ADHD as a treatment more effective than depression. No one says PTSD isn’t real even though treatment is pretty difficult and controversial.
@@babybluecheekstheres also the argument that we know more about both adhd and autism and less people are falling through the cracks so people are appropriately getting diagnosed now. its still incredibly difficult for adult women to be diagnosed as neurodivergent, and as children they likely arent going to be diagnosed either because the diagnostic criteria for both were based almost 100% on men and boys. i find it encouraging that more people are being diagnosed and getting the help they need, because someone who isnt struggling will not be even considered for diagnosis.
@@babybluecheekscareful about not believing your son's autism diagnosis. It is a spectrum after all. It is obvious to notice when a kid is very non-verbal or weird, but many people can seem "normal" and outgoing and still be autistic. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I strongly suspect I'm on the spectrum, and I was also an extroverted kid and all that, so my family and friends have a hard time wrapping their heads around the fact I may be autistic.
Oh and I also suspect I have adhd, which is way easier to see since I've had all the usual problems from school and even now at uni. But of course, family still sees it as just being lazy and "if only you applied yourself more".
So yeah, you should inform yourself on autism, you might be surprised on how wide of a spectrum it is. It is being diagnosed more now, but it's because more and more people are getting informed and it's less stigmatized nowadays too. Dr. K has some videos on autism that you could watch.
TLDR: If your parents don’t understand that you have ADHD, it is very easy for them to fall into the trap of saying “I know you can do better.” Even if they are superhuman, it’s the most natural thing for them to think and say.
I am insanely lucky and have parents that love me unconditionally, are together, and do everything they can to make they succeed. They didn’t know I had ADHD while I was in school, and fell into the same trap of saying “I know you can do better.” In fact, it’s the thing they told me the most in order to encourage me while I was struggling. And after a conversation like that, I would try my best, for a week or two. Then I would fall back into what seemed to me like intentional laziness and procrastination. In fact, even stating that point right now that ADHD was (and still is) the problem, I feel like it’s wrong due to that conditioning. I hate saying it. Which ended up being a massive part of why I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 19-20.
What I’m saying is that even in the best case scenario, with the best parents you could hope for. If they don’t know you have ADHD, it’s sooooo easy for them to fall into those same words of encouragement. Saying that you have more in the tank when you’re struggling to get the grades you want, and at times breaking down due to the stress of it all.
There was once a time in 10th grade where I just gave up entirely on doing all homework. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep up the pace. So I lied to my parents saying that it was alright, as my scores were actively dropping. It took nearly a whole semester for them to notice. I don’t know how I hid it for so long, but then again, I hid almost everything I did wrong from them in an attempt to please them. It took almost the whole rest of the year to catch up, and keep up with the new work that was being assigned. I had the opportunity back then to meet with my teachers after almost every class to describe what work I am doing, and to fact check it with them. They helped me lay out a path which forced me to stay on track. I am not exaggerating when I say that if it weren’t for any one of those people in my life, I would’ve failed all of those classes that year. Keep the people who want to help you close, and they can force you to put in the effort you need into something you don’t want to do.
Being forced to sit still all day in school as a hyperactive kid almost destroyed my spirit. The strong correlation between ADHD and depression totally makes sense.
Not to mention we feel boredom way way more than normal people. It's literally torture
When I was in elementary school, the way my teachers dealt with my ADHD , was to clean out an old janitor's closet and put me in it by myself. There were days when they didn't even feed me. I wasn't the only one they treated like this either.
Dude I know you know this already but I want you to hear it from someone else today: That was NOT okay. There was nothing wrong with you that they couldn't have found a compassionate way to help. They tried to make you feel worthless and that was bullshit because you were not worthless then and you aren't now. If you ever feel like looking back at your own behavior and thinking they had a point, stop. Nothing you ever did made you deserving of that. Ever. You deserved compassion and love and patience and human respect. I'm so sorry.
That so not cool sorry you had to go through that. How long did you spend in the solitary confinment and how did it affect you!?
Matilda? U got thrown in the chokey?
And so lonely. I was thinking about it just today since my morning started.
I hope you feel better. X
Easy. Because when things feel like they are getting better because you created a system were you can handle stuff, the people around you try to push you further and try to influence you to reject the things that makes you happy.
Guard your system!
0:38 Well, that summarized my mental chatter about 90% of the time.
The irony is that people online tell us that we're just using our ADHD (or insert other diagnosis here) as an excuse and blaming that instead of taking responsibility/accountability for our failures.
In reality, it's mostly the opposite, and I wish more people knew that.
YES I was just thinking about this.. I finally understand where the problems I've been having my entire life originate. Diagnosed as combined as an adult (27) after a month of Dr. K's guide and Dr. Russell Barkley, and I cannot tell my "normal" friends because their eyes glaze over when I start lecturing about executive function. They see it as an excuse for behavior. Many don't believe ADHD is even real let alone genetic (dad and brother diagnosed). But really I blame myself for all of my ADHD-related failings, past and present. I see leaving it unmanaged as a moral failure, and getting it under control is a matter of life and death.
I decided that if I care what others think, the best way forward is paradoxically to stop caring what they think, and don't tell them squat. Instead I am going to follow proven strategies for managing it, and show I was right all along by the results of my effort.
When I stopped making myself feel bad for learning slower than my peers, being “lazy” I started to realize I actually love living slowly.
Learning about indigenous cultures helped me realize this. Work smarter not harder. But colonizers came in and said “this isn’t productive enough, you guys are all lazy”. No they had it figured out.
8:10 My mom told me for years that it is my fault that the power bill is so high. In the end it was the 35 year old freezer's and 100 watt lamps' fault. After replacing them we saved like 1/3 of power.
Funny that I started watching Doctor K’s videos thinking he was showing me all the places I’m broken… to realize later it was ADHD
the whole “if you just applied yourself” and the feeling of “there is something wrong with me” i feel has lead me into thinking “i need a diagnosis or else i am just not good enough fundementally”
it really sucks because i know i couldve strived in an environment that was better for me, but the world isnt made that way, so i just have to get used to this shitty world. since i was small ive heard that infuriating quote “thats just how the world is, get used to it” but i never wanted to get used to a world where i feel physically pain (headaches and emotional pain usually in my chest) because of how unfair it is.
i’m going through the process of getting diagnosed right now, i hope it can give me more understanding and freedom to actually say “its not my fault” so people can get off my ass
42 and recently diagnosed with ADHD. Have had depression, addiction, anxiety since I was a teen. I was “smart” when I was younger, applied myself like an animal for a short period of time. When that didn’t work or even help, I just gave up. Stopped trying bc why keep trying just to keep hearing from everyone that it’s not enough? It was a lot easier (& more fun honestly) to lean in to the “lazy”. Luckily my daughter is nothing like me. But no matter what she did/does, I NEVER have and NEVER will tell her shes not trying hard enough or applying herself enough.
For my ADHD, stimulants work but the comedown is so damn harsh that it negates any positive benefit. I ended up with psychosis with one med. Nonstimulant meds barely do anything. It's frustrating.
I've found a few things. One to be to take the lowest dose possible where it's barely noticeable. If I notice a big stimulation, it's too much and the comedown is noticeable
Also the med makes a big difference. Vyvanse works WAY better (d Amp vs L amp isomer) than adderal for me. Same with focalin working better than Ritalin
Have you tried smoking weed at all?
If so, how does that impact your ADHD?
@@JadebonesI’ve smoked weed. I didn’t like it. It just makes me lazier and less focused and hungry.
That rlly sucks because I’m on the highest dose of stimulants and it works wonders and even when they wear off I still feel good effects. Don’t give up on it fully, it could be that you just need a lower dose.
I would try a different medication and possibly a lower dose. I personally hate adderall, it makes me angry and gives me really bad mood swings/depression, I didn’t think it was worth the side effects. Dyanavel has been the most effective for me with the least noticeable comedown. I just have to be mindful about my coffee consumption
Getting diagnosed as an adult really gave me a huge relief from this belief that something in me (x) was broken. But at the same time, old habits die hard... So I feel like I'm at this impasse that is hard to move on from. But I am making progress
8:34 That's actually a reference to the torture scene in 1984, a highly recommended book by George Orwell
I’m a female with adhd and it’s been hell, having a stable routine and not drinking or doing drugs as a coping mechanism are crucial … I could’ve run my life to the ground. I’m so thankful now
I think “learned helplessness” is not apt wording. It sounds like a phrase made up by a psychologist, not someone who experiences it.
I think something like “learned inadequacy” or… something like that… makes more sense. Like my ego (sense of self) has adopted “not enough” as a core feature of my identity.
It’s not that I think nothing I can do will help, it’s that I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough. There is no right answer. There is no way to succeed. And oh man, am I already wincing at the consequences.
learned helplessness is a psychology term lol.. you sorta said its definition with "I’ve learned that no matter what I try, no matter how hard I try, what I do will not be good enough". the term refers to the feeling that you are bad at something or anything you do with respect to that thing is futile as a result of people telling you as such- in reality, you could be great at that thing but due to your bad introduction to it you don't even try.
@@friedyt you’ve missed my point.
@@stephenie44 in what way? im just saying learned helplessness was the correct term to use
@@friedyt and my point was, psychologists tend to name things from the outside looking in, and the term doesn’t resonate with my experience, even though I’ve been labeled with it a few times in therapy.
Learned helplessness means, to use the specific term, that a person believes they are unable to control the situation even if the opportunity is there. To use myself as an example, I don’t have learned helplessness. I do believe I can control my surroundings and I have done it plenty of times! But every time I do, I get told “Great! Now do this next step” and that’s the problem. Why is there a next step? Why does there have to be a next step every single time? Can’t this first attempt be good enough? That’s what I think the original comment may be saying. It isn’t learned helplessness in this case because you can help yourself and you possibly have before. It’s learned inadequacy because every time you help yourself someone or something tells you it isn’t enough. That what you’ve done to help yourself is “inadequate”. Please correct me if I’m wrong though! I’ll always take criticism.
I’m so glad I clicked on this video. Im 35 and my parents are alcoholics, and you just mapped my entire life issues. I can never reason with them. Their rejection towards mental illness has really hurt my perception
I think the biggest thing that dissuade me from discussing my ADHD is how flanderised it is in culture. much like autism and sociopathy prior, it’s very in chic to claim you have a mental disorder to justify weird personality quirks. I swear some of the most heavy-handed examples of any of these today come from people who self diagnose, completely steering the narrative.
Not everyone with mental illness live a country that provides good healthcare, i was in denial too for having ADHD and am in a spectrum but youtube vids helped me to recognize myself so I don't agree to dismiss people who self diagnose.
Being against self diagnosis is a privileged first world take
How do you know those people actually have just "weird quirks"? Not all people with ADHD are actively suffering
lol the biggest thing that dissuades me from discussing ADHD is the fact nobody believes you may have it as an adult in my country so I could not get a diagnosis in the first place. now even when I have it by stroke of luck I still can't get any help expt for videos like those or to be open about it with most people bc it's not like having diagnosis would change anyone's mind. getting official diagnosis got me absolutely nothing. self-diagnosis on the other hand was useful. so no self-diagnosis is not a problem.
also I wish I could have such faith in the medical profession to actually believe doctors are gonna be right abt everything and just give up your own health and well-being in someone else's hands just bc you think you cannot trust your own judgement and check information yourself. seems like too much of a gamble to me.
I have finally got my diagnosis after YEARS of thinking I’m “broken”. Now I have to find the balance of taking responsibility and blaming my adhd. Having to relearn all that’s is exhausting. Thank you for making this video, it was very good and resonated with me
“You don’t have ADHD, you’re just selfish…,you’re just a bad person….you just don’t care….you just don’t want to listen….you’re a narcissist….you just want to focus on whatever YOU’RE interested in at the moment….YOU’RE JUST USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE!” Why don’t people respond to autism or depression or bipolar that way?!
Even if one is not clinically depressed, untreated ADHD in itself is depressing because it prevents you from being able to accomplish that which everyone else seems to accomplish with ease. It makes it hard to function in such a rigid society. Over time, these things can lead to a sad state of affairs, which creates a sadness within you. I think this also applies a lot to of older people, like myself, who weren't diagnosed early on. As a child, and during decades of adulthood, I was frustrated much of the time, with myself, because I didn't understand that I had ADHD; just as he explains in this video.
To chime in with my experience, I dealt poorly with medication the first time I was prescribed it but in the long run it still helped me a massive amount. It didn't magically get rid of the shame, but it did give me more immediate evidence that I really do have ADHD and has let me work through it doubting myself significantly less than I did previously.
saved to Watch Later
I'm gonna watch 2 hour videos of a guy playing horror games while I haven't slept yet and it's 7 am ... and still dont have time to watch dr k video😂
That's rookie numbers, I've had three watch later playlists with different tiers of priority
...it overwhelmed me (duh), so after some merging I've stuck with 2: one where I just throw things into for mental relief and forget about them (until I check it out once a year and close away in horror), and the other one which I made a priority to clear as fast as possible
I don't usually comment but i am compelled to.
I've been struggling with ADHD my entire life and my 6 year old was recently diagnosed as well and it's been really tough. I never realized until right now that perhaps everything I have gone though in my own diagnosis was to prepare me for her so that I could be there for her and understand what she's going through as she grows into adolescence and beyond. I feel like my entire perspective has shifted. Thank you for your continued information and inspiration.
❤
Look, I love the ADHD content and it's changed the way I understand myself, but it doesn't help me act better. I still don't know what to do. I had really hoped for the Dr.K guide to "ADHD & doing stuff" would give me answers but honestly I didn't find it helpful action wise.
Anyone else feel the same?
Wish he would do like a comprehensive 5-hour "okay so here's what you do"
FRRRR BRO. Like I understand what the symptoms are but how do I get myself to do good things for myself??
Adderal
when you have ADHD, but also physical health issues that add to it being hard to focus, so that ADHD meds, and therapy isn't enough.
hey friend, youre not alone (ADHD and POTS here among my grocery list of diagnoses)
Mmm, chronic pain and ADHD combo. Delicious.
Being a gifted girl from an abusive household f'cked me up so hard. I was smart and behaved well (out of fear of my mother) so no one ever noticed anything. Now I live with this internal dialogue between me seeing the potential and me feeling like I can't live up to it.
never thought id cry watching a video that wasnt the intended emotion to be pulled on. thank you, ive never felt more validated in my own experience being and self diagnosed 30 something adhd with depression its been a struggle and i really didnt see myself ever making it this far. again thank you for what you do .
When I was dignosed as a preteen girl we were told that ADHD is "a learning disability you grow out of" it wasn't until 20 years late that I learned the truth. I thought for years that I had grown out of it plus I'm hyposensesitive due to my Cerebral Palsy.
I have been on a journey of discovery over the past couple weeks, finally learning from my therapist that I've likely had ADHD all this time and never knew it. Now I'm this far into adulthood, feeling like I've squandered so many years failing to accomplish anything I try to do. I'm just sad that I can't really get any of that time back when I could've probably done so much more if I had just gotten the right help.
That Picard story was taken from 1984. I also loved it
Just got diagnosed last week, thank you for continuing to put out relevant content!
I just discovered this channel 2 days ago and already it's helping me. I really relate to the way the content creator explains things. So many videos just reiterate the same old information, but this doctor has the capacity to articulate problems and resolutions, which apply to everyday life experiences and scenarios, like no one else I've listened to. Thank you so much. I'm looking very forward to learning more from this channel because it is helping me to improve the quality of my life. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
thank you i have adhd i was diagnose as a kid and sense then have grown more and more depress and detach from the world, and you gave me the one thing i need to hear.
I’m 50 years old. Didn’t figure out or embrace/admit ADHd until 5 years ago. 100% this has been my experience.
Failing so many times before being diagnosed with ADHD as a 52yo woman is hard to get my head around. I was fairly early diagnosed with depression and PTSD then anxiety, so called everything that stopped me from doing XYZ "my depression". But apart from interrupting the worst of the depression the meds didn't not make my normal anything like other people's normal. But first day of stimulant meds and I felt quiet and focused in my mind and comfortable in my body in the morning. My whole life if I woke up feeling able to focus and good in my body I called a friend or family to celebrate. Now it comes in the form of a pill. And although I jump from task to task I get many tasks done and my environment is moving from bomb site on a rubbish dump to clearing and organising different areas of it. On the 3rd day I hung up some of my dresses and ordered them by colour. It made me happy.
I have this feeling this also maps onto ASD. I have been recently diagnosed at the age of 42. While education was my strong side (it was structured in a way my brain understood well) the rest of things in life were so hard. And I've felt shame about it and have spent years of therapy trying to remove that shame. I've also been suspecting ASD since 4 years ago so I've learnt a lot from the experience of a few ASD youtube creators. Getting a diagnosis has helped a lot supporting the building of new beliefs that I am not imagining things, I am not making excuses, I am not lazy, I am not rude... I am simply different. I've come really far trying to adjust to the society. Now I need to learn to how and who to ask for help and understanding. For the whole life I've known certain things about myself but I lacked the vocabulary of ever concepts to describe it to people around. I've felt like burden because of that cause I've seen that people found me difficult but could not do anything about it no matter how hard I tried.
I am suspecting that I might have ADHD as well since my motivation is a very strange animal. This is something that has not been on my radar for a long time since I am an opposite of hyperactive and I like routines and structures and systems etc. But paradoxically, I sometimes really suck at "feeling" motivation to even do the things I've repeated for a long time and that felt good. The prime example is how I am with food. I love eating the same thing for weeks or even months until suddenly I cannot stand it and need something new. The process of looking for this something new is always hard. It's like a switch between the states of hating new things and loving new things.
This! This is so much my experience. The main difference is that I was diagnosed ADHD first at 35 after a life of struggling. I only stumbled into the ASD component after my niece was diagnosed. The overlap of symptoms between the two is quite large, and the ADHD diagnosis and treatment helped a lot of issues, but not all of them.
The issue you describe about not being able to make yourself do things that you know you enjoy is definitely an ASD thing that I struggle with as well. Look into PDA if you haven't already - it's a developing topic and there's a lot of misinformation out there about it, but it definitely sums up my experience. Once something becomes a "task" my brain does everything it can to avoid it for as long as possible. Even if it's something I logically know I'll enjoy doing. I just can't make myself do the thing, which often leads to cancelling plans to do things that make me feel good.
Before I really understood what was happening, I'd tell people things like "thanks for making me come out and do this, I knew I'd really enjoy it, but I just didn't want to and almost cancelled". Which probably didn't make a lot of sense to them, but that's how my brain works.
Still working through strategies on how to best function in a neurotypical world, but having information, direction, and a good therapist helps. Best of luck with your journey!
@@bryanmorris3545 I know about PDA and it resonates strongly in many areas of my existance. I was taught to force myself but the cost is huge. Currently I don't have any solid strategies and I am working more on letting go stuff and observing when I naturally start to do things.
Since I've been diagnosed recently I've never worked with anyone with neurodivergency in mind. However, since public health care fails me in this area, I've looked on my own and found therapist outside of public system who seems promising given my issues and the point of life I am in (my brain refuses to let me go back to my current job and my own bussiness that I was working on for a while isn't there yet). I've sent her my diagnosis details so she has the background for my situation and we will start on 3rd of July.
While I've done a lot of self-development on my own and psychology has become my special interest right away, life requires of me to speed things up and I need some aid. The most important thing for me is that the specialist that is about to help me knows at least as much as I do on the topic. That's why I'm moving away from public health care in the first place since it took them 4 years to let get a diagnosis (they didn't understand why I need it in the first place) and now that I've got it I don't think they get the point in life I am in. I am tired of explaining everything from scratch each time hoping that they take me seriously or even listen to me.
That sounds more like autism, not ADHD, but they are pretty similar.
@@sophie-dd7wg That's exactly the point of the previous comments. ASD = autism spectrum disorder.
"You can do anything you want! You are smart enough for it!" and then experiencing failure after failure and people are still telling me that I can do it. "Damn man, pay attention... I clearly can't!"
Still working on dealing with that every day. I'm blessed with a girlfriend at home and co-workers at my job that can tell me: "It's too big of a coincidence for everything to be your fault!"
Now I'm working on actually internalizing this message and trying to see the world as something that isn't actually trying to thwart me.
So when I asked it was, "You have a demon in your soul that you're unwilling to get rid of because you like magical thinking" and that really cracked everything.
I was always compared to my sisters. "Why can't you be like them?" "Why can't you just study?" "You're not trying hard enough." Tried to get an ADHD diagnosis by a neuropsychologist. "Your depression and anxiety are too bad for me to give you that diagnosis." Well, gee. I wonder why. Went to a psychiatrist and asked about ADHD testing. Looked at me like I had two heads. "Well, of COURSE it would be positive." Still wouldn't administer testing. THIS is why women and girls are underdiagnosed. We're constantly dismissed.
I have been trying to explain this entire video to my psychiatrist for years. I went undiagnosed for ADHD as a kid, now diagnosed with MDD because I believe there is something wrong with me. I have no problem identifying it when not catastrophizing but cannot seem to state it correctly. Will be sending this over to her Monday thank you DR.K for explaining this as a professional
Thanks for sharing. Always a good reminder. As someone who wasn’t diagnosed with severe ADHD until their mid-twenties, it is and will remain a process. But the late diagnosis fucks you up, as unwinding the shame spindle and detangling reality from your memories is at times dehabilitating.
Thanks for what you do homie
I was diagnosed when I was about 7 and then it got forgotten about and I went on with my life. I'm now almost 35 years old and since learning more about ADHD I am able to understand much more about myself and why I am the way I am. It's been incredibly empowering. Thanks, Dr. K.
I’m a therapist specializing in cPTSD and neurodiversity: this is the best depiction of how ADHD affects development that I have seen on RUclips. Thanks for this.
It was harder when the question of what’s wrong with you came from your parent. Especially when my sister was loved by all of her teachers, I was the problem child. Me asking for explanations because I didn’t understand made me disruptive, and meant to them that I must not have studied or tried.
Just watched your vid on the viewer interview about weed, I haven’t seen much content about psychedelics and would love to see some. They’ve changed my life and it’d be really cool to see something more about them
Yes to final recap, please! Especially if you're including the post-show social media stuff, cuz I'm so here for all the juicy gossip but I don't have time to hunt it all down, and frankly I'd rather here about it from you guys anyway! 😁
You helped me fix my life with information thank you
Literally only one year of being treated for ADHD resulted in me going from a struggling student who was basically just told I am kinda dumb to a straight A student in overload semester ( 7 classes and 2 labs ), ( including ochem and anatomy in one semester ), and I am so angry that it took decades for someone to look at me and go "you have ADHD/Autism", and I honestly studied way less to do way better and didn't change much....and I am so happy I have the capacity to do well....but sad that I feel like I could have been succeeding years earlier but every time I went to a doctor as a teen and in my 20's I was told I had anxiety...but my adhd meds seem to get rid of my anxiety.... and my anxiety meds always did nothing. What makes me even more upset is my mom gave me all my student report cards for grade school this year and they all say something along the lines of "student struggles with focusing is often noted staring off into space for long periods of time" literally my kindergarten teach wrote "consider seeking doctor about attention deficit"......and I was still never diagnosed lol.
Even getting to know more and more that maybe this isn't just because of lazyness (that I did not get out the best of my talent in all these years)... I still feel miserable and think it is my fault. Trying to get more sh*t done... always falling back. But never losing hope. Thank you so much for your work. I stumbled across you because of the Interview with - ya, you know it - Thor. :) Greetings from Germany!
Godsend timing and video. Thank you!
We love healthygamergg
I have taken ADHD meds, and it calmed my brain so I could focus, but it also made me extremely angry anytime I took it, so we stopped
Same experience for me
Which ones and what dose did you try? In my experience most scripts are too high, if I can actively feel it it's recreational, not therapeutic
@LuluTheCorgi I'm not really sure, I took it from around the forth or fifth grade and my school was who recommended it, plus my parents don't tell me things
This literally explained my life! Thank you So much, you have helped me a lot through ADHD and Overthinking and so much more Dr! Love from India.
Getting diagnosed recently actually brought clarity to a lot of what happened in my life. In school, i was smarter than most and excelled without much effort. Adulting, though, is an entirely different species of difficult. There are flashes of brilliance and spurts of effort but application is definitely lacking.
This video was so helpful, thank you for everything !Really appreciate you.
Lolll I just watched that episode of TNG the other day, very much enjoyed the reference thank you!
This is so important. What you say is so true... Kind of described my life.
I'm 50 years old and just starting to accept myself as i am. In my youth, this was not Adhd was not even in nobody's tough. I had a family with a performance complex and yeah I was the looser there. Not putting enough effort in nothing. Didn't had addiction apart of affectiv dependency and they divorced I was 6 and they had very bad partners. At school I was beaten up because of my difficulty and differences. I was very welcoming and sweet child. I never liked violence or bitching people. This from 8 to 13 years old at different levels. Last one... A girl wanted to push me down a 12' cliff saying I was going to die. I moved back to my mother this day..1 month later my sweet sister brought this girl to my mom place to continue intimidation.
And I'll not talk about my 14-21 with my mom's new boyfriend maniaco depress. Horrible. So I spent a long part of my life trying to be normal, heartbroken depressiv. Standing back up again and again to protect my childrens the right way and telling them they are perfect as they are. Not controlling them life. So proud of them.
Proud of myself too...
I just graduated last week for the first time in my life as a grafic designer.
Thanks for this.
Helping me a lot to understand what's wrong with me or them😂❤🎉
Bro you literally call me out directly every video XD FML
Thank you for the informative content
ADHD medication is extremely effective for me. It provides an immediate improvement almost instantly. Sadly I have an undiagnosed circulatory issue that interacts with stimulants that produces very serious side effects where I cannot be on stimulant medication. Dr. K’s guides and lectures have greatly helped in the absence of medical treatment and I’m grateful for the work he does.
I have to cover chat with another window because it's so distracting when I'm trying to watch Dr. K
I was diagnosed when I was younger and was medicated for a short while and it made a big impact on my grades. My parents were not fond of it though. They said I behaved like a robot on my medication and took me off a few months after and just kept telling me that I didn't have ADHD, the doctor was wrong and I just didn't try hard enough and whenever I was feeling sad, lesser or broken, to just pray...
I tell ya, school was hell from that point on and I was punished a lot for having poor grades... I remember one time they forced me to make up half a year's worth of homework in one day. Shit was brutal. Still has me messed up today. If I ever approach them about it, they say, " Stop saying you have that. If you don't give it power it wont effect you." So I just feel broken all the time.
Listening to you talk about this and reflecting on my life has me almost in tears.
When I was young I went to my mother crying and I asked her what was wrong with me. Why can't I do x the same way everyone else can.
Aaahhh! This is me!!! I’m 49, female and just found out 6 months ago that I have inattentive ADHD. Spent my whole life thinking I had some sort of learning disability. I’m pretty sure my son has this form of adhd as well, but hasn’t received a diagnosis because he’s not hyperactive or disruptive. But he has the same kind of problems in school that I had. His doctor gave him questionnaires to give to his teachers. Reading through the questions, I KNEW he would not receive a diagnosis, for the same reasons I was never diagnosed.
The great thing about finding out that I have it though is realizing, first that I’m not stupid, but second, that I can develop more coping mechanisms. If I’m on the computer and someone starts talking to me, I will respond as if I’m listening. But in reality, I’m not present in that conversation. I told my husband this, so now he knows to get my attention first, let me stop what I’m doing, then talk to me. Makes a huge difference.
I was diagnosed as a kid with ADD and was immediately put on concerta and after 4 years in the medication I had developed every symptom short of death and my grades never improved.
Turns out I was bored and being forced to learn in ways that were not valuable to me. When I got to my junior and senior year I did tech prep classes and more or less stopped taking notes and paying attention in classes and my grades and information retention skyrocketed.
Thanks for your work dr k ❤😊
Getting a job isn't the hard bit.. It's maintaining a job and being stable for long enough to do so! Does anybody know if there are any courses on that??
I got diagnosed very recently, and spent a very, very long time thinking I was broken and unable to handle my inability to function and just DO things.
I'm so glad I got a clinical evaluation now, so now I understand that it isn't just me. But I did spend almost my entire high school days in EXTREME depression, so there's also that.
I just wanted to thank you for the work that you are doing. Whether you are religious man or not I truly feel like you are doing the work my God wants you to. you are rationalizing our thoughts from an empathetic standpoint almost every time I play a video I break down crying because it’s so hard for me to express my feelings and you put it in the way or you’re basically reading my mind it makes it so much easier for me to get over that hurdle, and admit to myself these things. you truly do understand us. you were in the right field of work and we are so thankful for you.
In elementary in the 90s they pulled my desk to the front of the chalkboard and put me in a cardboard box, it went all around me. But I could see the ceiling. Diagnosed with anxiety & depression age 12. Medicated for both. Was given the leaning disability of academic anxiety. Slipped through the cracks year after year. Diagnosed with ADHD age 36. I fucking hate my brain and wish I could just turn it off forever…
35 year old (36 in July), and I got diagnosed 2 years ago. Still struggling a ton, but MAN did it make a difference to finally understand why it always felt like I was running in place for so many years.
3:20 Nah, I'm very open about blaming it on ADHD, but every one else around is me is like:
"Nah, you don't seem like you have ADD.
You seem to be doing just fine most of the time.
You don't seem like you can't focus on what I'm saying, etc."
When I'm currently not even remotely bored and I like talking to these people,
so there is absolutely no reason for me to lose focus.
I'm 21 at the moment and don't think I have ADHD, but listening to Dr K speaking about it, sounded almost exactly like my life😮
When I was a kid and they put me on ritalin, it literally made me sit in my seat in school lol, which I was unable to do before. I was on meds for a year. I haven't been medicated since. As an adult, I'm not hyper like I was as a kid, I think, because I keep myself isolated. When I am around groups of people, on the rare occasions, I get hyper and feel slightly out of control, like I will be talking nonsense and think to myself "stop talking, you're talking nonsense just stop" but I can't seem too. So, I prefer to avoid that embarrassment and keep myself to myself.
Does anyone else do this? Or is this just a me thing?.
I'm in the part of the late-diagnosis neurodivergence journey where I'm raging inside at my parents for failing to understand or get the the help I need, blaming me for all my ND and treating me like a broken person, and the decades of lost opportunities representing everything my life could have been had my parents actually done their job. I'm so pissed I want to burn everything down. We need a video on how to move through this stage.
I have never felt so understood. Thank you, GG.
I was a straight A student, being “clever” can hide your ADHD to an extent but I always felt weird, different and also blamed myself for everything and still do. I have struggled finding my identity as an adult. Realising most of my quirks were actually symptoms and this has led me to a really big crisis
this doesnt have much to do with this video but i wanna say that the way you carry yourself in conversations and your professionalism is really inspiring to me, honestly makes me want to be a therapist
Diagnosed at 10 and not once has ADHD made me feel broken. It's been the world around me, blaming me for things I'm unable to control. 100%
Late diagnosed (54) female here, also Autism. This Video is talking of me it seems! Since years on/off Fluctin for Serotonin, now new since two months Vyvanse. Helps me A LOT with starting to do things I should do and not being blocked all the time. But still I am trapped in a „Dopamin hunt“ as I call it. I wish I could do more about it!
I stopped feeling broken when I realised I can outperform my peers in other aspects of life, whenever I'm met with the "why can't you do better" attitude my response is always "why can't you? I have a neurological disorder and can smoke you in X or Y, you should be much further in life considering your lack of obstacles".