How To Remove Toxic People From Your Life: What I've Learned
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- Опубликовано: 15 июл 2024
- I made this video to share a few things I've learned when dealing with toxic relationships/people. Hopefully this can help provide clarity if you're working through things but please bear in mind that what has worked for me will not necessarily work for everyone.
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Timestamps:
1:51 - (I) Guidelines
3:10 - Dealing with family
4:44 - (II) Strategy
6:15 - (III) A Few Things To Keep in Mind
9:25 - Final thoughts
1. It isn't your job to "change" to "fix" other people.
2. It isn't your job to prove yourself or gain approval from other people.
3. You don't owe anybody anything.
@Mustafa Alam 😄😄
Very well said and couldn't agree more
@@rakibulmahmud3253 I'm not sure what you mean by your response.
Yes but that is philosophy i though by the title that he was gonna be practical
A scale to measure how toxic a relationship is... on a scale from 0-3.
The worst thing about toxic people is that they don't even see their own faults and just blame everything on you
I agree and it's for most people. It's really hard to take a step back and see what have you might have done wrong in a healthy way of course.
It's not always their fault. If their upbringing never gave them the mental & emotional tools for self-reflection & self-awareness, or required them to build up self-defense mechanisms/walls/projection. That's not to say they aren't still toxic, and that any of us should tolerate it, or stay with them, as they are still potentially massively destructive to those around them.
@@ericy4522 That's some really good insight. What you said I think describes perfectly a situation I'm currently dealing with. I'm trying to practice more empathy and try and understand why they might be acting the way they are.
@@henri-julien If they are family, or a loved one, or work colleague, it's not always possible to just leave the situation, so good luck. But there's no obligation on you to "save" them, if it means neglecting your own wellbeing. In those cases, you may just need to limit your interactions with them in time, emotions and energy, but don't necessarily burn your bridges.
Thank you
Once I cut toxic friends out of my life I started to see life differently and started to value you myself and set healthy boundaries. I was allowing toxic friends to disrespect me and I felt like I had to make myself small to accommodate their insecurities.
Same
I relate to this so much
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html
@Richard Games When you are younger they can play their games on you.. But one day u wake up and set boundaries and then its over for these snakes. I think i dealth with very bad ones and i was constantly angry at their behavior which is such a red flag.
Yesss that last part very well said
Same
Walking away from situations like this is so complicated, but once done a new life begins.
The moment I cut out the toxic people in my life was the moment I started to value myself, my goals, and my time. Anyone else?
yes me too. but i am lonely too
I left two of my racist and discouraging friends as well... They were the last 2 friends I had from my school and I don't regret it.
@@wholesama3302 Sometimes it's okay to be lonely, as it gives us time to discover ourselves. although, I think it's also important to branch out and try to find your people! Maybe there's some groups in your community that would interest you?
@@wholesama3302 that one hit different :c. However I'm now 100 percent used to it :3 its very calming when your in that state for so long
Me too! Time is very previous!!!
We are all afraid of change because we are so comfortable with certainty. But by facing uncertainty, we can take control of our life.
Even the certainty of recurrent pain. But break past the fear, move forward into change and amazing things begin to happen.
I have an advice channel. Its sorta like this but im 19 so its a little more unprofessional? i guess? But i wld appreciate any advice you can give on how to improve my videos. Sorry for the self promo.
Very good reminder!!!!
əə
I don't think so, I am quite attached emotionally to a toxic person and it's hard for me to end this kind of relationship.
The most painful and disappointing moment is when you realize that someone that was so close to you has never valued you as worthy enough.. it hurts the most when it’s family! It’s very hard to cut family out of your life especially when you don’t have close friends to turn to. You feel all alone in the world..
True! Do not place your trust in others! Put your trust in God, he never leave or forsake you
Yes all alone with these toxic people lmao but there are good ones out there.. U have to find them. And nothing can shock me anymore i dealth with hidden narcs, borderlines, psychopaths.. Im a toxic people expert these days, they cannot mess with me anymore.
Sorry you’ve went through this. If you cut them off, you did the right thing. Hold your head up high! Know your worth, because they knew your worth, but they wanted to deny it to you to make themselves seem better.
Same here. I finally decided that enough is enough. I’ve had it with those toxic maniacs. I have NO regrets cutting ties with family members for my sanity, self esteem and peace of mind. I pray and listen to the Bible read along on RUclips, renovating my apartment, getting into hobbies and getting lessons on RUclips and other platforms, read self help books, and volunteering my time to help others. I feel so liberated. I suggest you do the same.❤
True
Rule #8 - Never ever hang out with, or in the company of, those who require you to be dumb. It will [always] backfire and much much worse [every time]. Live your life, difficult as it may be, have's and have not's aside. Never lower yourself out of convenience. It's a very bad idea. Better days are ahead. Peace be with you 🙏
SO very true and wise!
Even if removing all the toxic people means that you'll be left all alone, it's still worth it. Suffering from solitude for a time before you meet genuine people is always better than enduring the daily misery that toxic people provide.
So true!
Agreed! In my experience, that time of solitude after removing toxic relationships gives you space to get to know yourself. When you have a good relationship with yourself, you won't tolerate bad relationships with others.
@@taylorevansen6008 That's a great point! Solitude can really be a good thing in the sense that it's the best time to get to know yourself and love yourself. It's all about perspective! If we look for the upsides, we will always find them :)
@@taylorevansen6008 I love that you've used that time so well emotionally! If you know why you settled for mistreatment, you can learn how to ask for better. Well said! And happy for you :)
Being surrounded with wrong ppl is the worst lonlelyness ever
“Don't compromise yourself - you're all you have.”
― John Grisham
A lesson sometimes learned the hard way.
You comment twice on every video on RUclips 😋
I only compare myself to who I was yesterday
I have a narcissistic father and I’m slowly learning to stop having expectations for him and not play his game. I’m 16 right now, and trying to save up enough money to move out at 18
Same here I am now 18 and I need to move out soon because of my narcissistic mother
@@Jordan_Dossou It’s an on going cycle but I should have my house shared sorted before December and I’m preparing for uni next year too. Which will be for 3 years
Had that with my granny. The moment you realize they are sick your whole perspective changes. Good for you!
I wish you the best of luck 😎💅
Same but it’s my mother and she’s a borderline .
"The only way out is not by winning the game, that's not possible. They make up the rules and you can never win with their rules." Spot on
Tru3
“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Whoa
This comes hardest when you're still in the process of figuring out yourself. I'm 20 and for nearly a year that person comes to my mind almost everyday and it's just really hard not hating oneself when the feeling is not reciprocated. He was manipulative and make me feel not enough when i'm around.
I'm 17 and I realized that I was in a similar situation hours before watching this video. Not caring about myself and giving too much attention to this girl :(
Thats why you need to be condfident and stable to avoid them
In my opinion, the worst thing is devoting your emotions to someone way too much and result in actually becoming toxic yourself and treat them very badly because you are too afraid of losing them (which is the definition of obsession). We need to be mindful of our emotions and sometimes control our impulses. I've been that person before and it felt really bad and I still regret my behavior. In the end I was hurting both myself and the person I cared so much about. I've decided to change myself, but I still haven't forgiven myself because that takes time. (Excuse my english)
When you try to fix someone who isn't ready to fix themselves it's going to drain you and make you feel worse about yourself.
You can plant the seed but they have to do the watering on their own
So true Jaxx!
Also, trying to change someone who doesn't think they need to change ... More harm to yourself than anything
Very well said! The difference in my outlook on life and general well-being when I'm in a positive environment is astounding. Currently live with the folks and while I love them it hurts me realizing I'm helpless to help them, if they don't want a change themselves, and feeling like I am back to square one.
@@gingersal8052 Hey Ginger! I'm actually in the same boat and I understand your struggle. It's difficult to be in that situation and I wish you and your folks the best. Keep doing you and changing for the better! Whether or not they're ready to change, they'll be proud of you for showing up for yourself :)
@@InnerCoreAri what a sweet message, thank you :-) if things remain steady in Europe in September I will move out again, in the meantime I try to take one day at a time and focus on the good moments. I wish you all the best in this difficult situation as well xxxx
Sometimes you don't even realize you have a toxic friend until entering a new environment. Once you start to love yourself, you will value who you share your time with.
“Toxicity generates more toxicity” maaaannn not enough people are aware of this
Fr! I was in a toxic relationship and i found myself adopting some of my partners toxic qualities over time. Thats when I knew I had to leave the situation..
True that!
@@val3rystar885 the important thing is that you recognized this and left! Many people stay in them which is where the whole "toxicity generates more toxicity" idea is soo scary.
It is so useful to keep this in mind and to choose your "weapons" carefully.
That is very true. I have experienced this first hand on the side of the toxic person being influenced by a toxic and being treated like crap by toxic people. Once we remove ourselves from that environment that’s wen we slowly begin to clear up and reflect on things as well
There's this famous quote: *_"You are the average of the 5 people you hang around most with."_*
Meaning that if you are around 5 people who smoke, you probably will start smok ing too. So make sure you are hanging out with ambitious friends and you will be ambitious too!
I freaking love this quote! I taught this to my brother the other day actually who is 11 years old.
Here’s the issue: I don’t even have 5 people to hang around with
@@thatgirlinthesouth Don't worry, 5 isn't the magic number.
@Inspo Place You just got a new sub. Look forward to your videos.
@@thatgirlinthesouth well I've got another quote. 😉 "I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies" or in other words, I'd rather have just a few friends who I can trust instead of 100 friends who don't mean much to me
One lesson I have learned is the concept of "permission". We give others permission to be toxic because they are our family or long-time friend...we justify their actions and think it's ok for them to be the way they are. It's not OK and you shouldn't give others permission to do so. We should give OURSELVES permission to love, feel and enjoy life to the fullest and having toxic relationships weighting us down is not healthy.
you had to go beyound and don't play teir mind game..
True and what I'm now find amusing is when you let them go the more toxic and insistent they become rather than just go "ok have a good life and let you go".
My friend told me "love is never manipulative" and that really stuck with me. Coming to terms with the fact that the people we care about so much are manipulating us is difficult and it's even more difficult to cut it off. I love what you said about them setting the rules for the game tho and how you can never win. Falling into the cycle of playing the game can happen so quickly, the sooner you get out the better. Thanks for making this video Nathaniel, I felt like you were speaking directly to me bc I really needed this one.
In some cases, the problem with toxic relationships is that they get kind of "addictive". You start a friendship that at some point become toxic, it all becomes about the other, maybe because that person appears emotionally fragile. And you realise how toxic it is, you realise that it's best for you to get out of that situation, but every time you try that person starts to get sad or "depressed" get your attention and show you how much he/she needs you and it makes you feel bad for living them in that moment, so you stay in that friendship, convincing yourself that you'll wait for a better moment... but you can't seem to be able to say no to that person.
I usually change my number and ghost them to protect myself from emotional blackmail
The most toxic people in my life have been family members. I loved this video, it's a topic not many people talk about!
@Mustafa Alam agreed.
@Mustafa Alam I am
@@WanderlustBeautyDreams what is your age ??
They are always family members
I strongly believe that the best people are the ones who lift you up. They are aware that life isn’t a competition and they know the world needs more light. Luckily, I have some people like this in my life. Hopefully I can be like them someday.
Have a good day man! Thank you for your videos. They mean more to us than we can express.
This is true as long as they speak truthfully and they don’t say good words just to “lift you up” but to encourage you while giving constructive criticism.
''What you say about others says a lot more about yourself'', automatically it makes you think.
I found myself after ending a friendship with a toxic person recently. The sense of relief that I am feeling in my life now is amazing!!!
I left two of my racist and discouraging friends ... They were the last 2 friends I had from my school and I don't regret it.
More power to You.
Good job!! You will find better person on the road 👍🏽✨🦋
I just got rid of a racist friend too. No loss there. I wish I had done it before.
Why were they racist, exactly?
@@PotterSpurn1 wondering that too
Only silence is the best answer to toxic people's
True
Face. Silence is always the best answer for a fool
The one thing we need to also understand is that we (ourselves) can be considered the toxic person in other people's lives. This is something we have to be aware of because we also have flaws. In either case, it's never really about the other person - it's about you. What are you willing to do to be a better person?
I agree with you on this. Sometimes we let toxic people make us also toxic to other people. The best thing I've learnt is learn how to forgive people who hurt us and anytime we remember and we feel pained we forgive them again and again until we completely heal.
@@pelumiifonlaja5398can you elaborate on this. The forgiveness part. I have a sister that is very abusive in all ways. How do we forgive someone who is actively hurting you?
I recently removed my best friend of 15 years from my life. there were some issues that we have always had between each other. However the past year we've been friends has been terrible. It started with obvious selfish behaviour. I like to mountain bike and he kind of got into it because I was into it, however I would go out and ride several days a week while he would ride maybe a couple times over a couple months. So obviously there is going to be skill difference, but he hated that. He told me he'd rather not mountain bike with me because im "better" at it than him. So I asked him, "if we both skated and I learned I kick flip first, would you care?" He said he would "stop skating with me because im better". WOW, this was when I started to think about our friendship a little bit more. It's been a little over a month since I've talked to him. I think I made the right choice. I am really trying to do better for myself and improve my life in all aspects and it seemed like he couldn't feel happy for me. He just seemed like he was mad or that I was leaving him behind. I felt like random people supported me more than this person. The REAL breaking point for me was when I went on a trip with my girlfriend for a week. I came back from that trip feeling energized and ready to start the spring semester. I was motivated and optimistic which is kind of a new thing. For the first time in a while I felt genuinely happy, I didn't have doubt or bad thoughts swimming around in my head. My friend called me the day I came back because he wanted to play video games. He moved far away for school so this is really the only way to "hangout". When I told him id rather work on music(my passion, what im trying to make my career), it wasn't met with understanding and support, instead he yelled at me. He said I'm wasting my time, that I don't do anything with my life anyways, so I might as well just give up and play video games with him. He then told me to go fuck myself and he hung up! LMAO. I was pretty taken back by the whole situation but I felt all of those great feelings and motivation immediately vanish once I got off the phone. Then I realized this cunt is fucking up my life. So I blocked his number, he never reached out to ask why or to see if I was okay, he never contacted me any other way, instead he responded by blocking me on all social media. Having blocked him and completely removed him from my life I can say it was worth it. My mental health has never been better. It kind of makes me think, what if I did this a couple years ago? Would I have branched out and actually found like minded people? Would I be a better person if I didn't have this negative influence on my life? idk what could have happened but I know now that the kind people you surround yourself with is extremely important. Go find some cool ass fools and prop each other up. Love one another.
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html
I read your whole text. Fuck i can relate to that so much.. You and me clearly dealth with a hater not a friend. The last time i seen this guy he yelled at me something like "dont show urself to me again" out of nowhere i did nothing to him before. But all the time it was more like passive aggressive behavior which drove me crazy sometimes, i cannot count how often i was angry at this person and this is such a red flag. Well we learn from this to set boundaries.. I only dealth with toxic "friends" and i had to cut them all off.. Tbh i dont like to be alone but i also know i have so much things to do now because im a musician too (rapper) and extremtly talented with making music videos by myself. So i got no time to waste anymore anyways for this fucktard even thinking about him makes me angry. This behavior my god.. When u wanted to do something with him he was like 2 times cancel it before it happened sometimes even 3 times. And he always let you feel like your worthless to him. I think he even could be a narc.. someone with a serious personality disorder because normal people just dont act like this. He also stole me money 1-2 times and ofc they lie. He sometimes even told me the lies he told to other people.. Ok i wrote enough, cutting them off is the only way really and focusing on urself. Greetings from germany
This was really good! Rn I’m thinking about distancing myself from a friend. I found out she was following my sexl asslter and she tried to say “he made waffles!” On FaceTime and ofc I said “what? Who?” Then she said that name. I was taken a back as well. We still remain friends but I still feel nervous. We both have the same lunchs together at school and my sxl asslter also goes to the same school in my same grade but I got a no contact order against him🙏
Anyways, do you have any tips on just leaning off or distancing urself. I just want both the video and your point of view too! U seem like you know this stuff😭 NO OFFENSE AT ALL LMAO
@@8rynFarley if that makes you uncomfortable. That’s enough reason to distance yourself. That isn’t a light situation either so take it seriously and take yourself seriously and do what you need to do. Think logically about it. “Would I be feeling this way if this person wasn’t in my life??” More likely than not, that stress wouldn’t be there if that source wasn’t. Lows are apart of life but they aren’t forever. Stay strong and remind yourself you go this.
I experienced a toxic relationship - took me a while to leave it, but sacrificing one's inner peace and happiness for a relationship is simply not worth it... my life is a toxic free zone 😄👋
A toxic relationship for me resulted in a child I have custody of. I am better for it but life is hard. I sometimes look back at how weak I was and it is hard to not beat yourself up too much for not realizing your own self worth.
Jon Kuhn Yea, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I see it as an amazing experience that allowed me to grow tremendously and gain tons of positives on the backend of it. So I’m really grateful for it. I don’t have a child though, so can’t relate on that front, but I’m sure you have become way stronger because of this process 🙏🏼
I wish I could say the same
I agree. Inner peace is priority for me as well.
Monday PositiviTea so important 🧘♂️
Sips coffee, sharpens pencil, inserts earbuds.
I fired two clients today. They were such a headache and caused so much stress. I was underpaid for what they wanted me to do. I realized I was the one that allowed them in my business. I sent them notices this week. I feel great already.
Good for you, we don't need such toxic people in our lives! May God bless you with some new clients who are worthy of your time and help...
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html
It is such simple advice that we hear all the time, but because it's so difficult to accept for many people we don't do anything about it. We expect others to change for us when it's us who needs to change.
Taking action is the simplest yet most valuable advice for literally anything.
My ex girlfriend always made me feel inferior, stupid, and at fault when she couldn't manipulate or control me
You'll never be able to change someone else, only yourself. Focus on building and maintaining a healthy relationship with YOU, and you'll start to attract other healthy people. I've watched it slowly happen in my own life!
honoring yourself only leaves room in your life for other people who will honor you :)
@@EmilyMatthews So true! It's funny how that law of attraction and manifestation works, isn't it?
maintaining a healthy relationship with YOU
unsure where to start. i am going to start making healthy meals for myself instead of my parents. but social aspects of life for me is very difficult. dont know how to fix myself socially.
@@tonyhtran Hey Tony! I'm proud of you for taking those initial steps with meals. What're you looking to work on socially? Would love to help!
@@InnerCoreAri i don't have that confidence with others. i can make acquaintances easily, but never leading on to a full close friendship. i feel like i get easily manipulated. i guess i am kinda weak mentally, even if i used to workout alot physically.
I learned that you can´t change how others think or react in certain situations, but you can always control how you feel and to not let people get into your head cause this only hurts yourself.
This is where hypnosis is especially effective in eliminating the deep-seated patterns and beliefs about yourself usually formed in early childhood.
I feel like i understand what ur saying but it's still so hard for me to let go and not let them in my head, and i still call them my friends, do you have any advice
@@rron-zq8nd love yourself first, do not care abt them! Ask God to remove them out of your life
Toxic people never change, don’t ever let them “apologize” their way back to your life
Exactly. When you give them another chance, you’re just giving them another chance to undermine you
Roberta H I don’t think this is true or healthy. In fact, it’s a very toxic mindset.
Some don’t, some do. It’s up to you to judge, just be wary.
Also sometimes people mislabel toxicity, so it depends.
And they do try! That's for sure
Toxic people can change if they realize they are being toxic. Toxic people can change (if they want to) because EVERYONE can be toxic in some way.‼️ However you don’t have the obligation to be there because it’s a hard process.
This should be pinned, it's just too true!
Like my uncle once told me when I was a teenager, Don't like misery?! than Get Away From Misery! 💯
True
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html .
Wise man.
*To whoever needs to hear this* : you are loved by people in this world who truly care for your well-being. Find and foster those relationships with people who inspire you to be better versions of yourself. Life is too short to be with anyone who doesn't make you happy!
Thank you! Couldn’t agree more
@@jaxx-inspiregrowcreate2862 :)
And this is going to be the affirmation that I repeat every day. Loved those words.
Thank you and to you as well
@@mondaypositivitea I'm so happy they resonated!
This showed up at an incredible time for me. I'm making the decision to (finally) move away from home and cutting ties with family to be able to grow myself and take control of my life. This really zeroed in on a lot of my reasoning and how I'm feeling. Thanks for this.
go for it!
much love brother!
Best of luck. You deserve the freedom. Society and others will tell you you are wrong, but you know you need to do this.
I found that over time as I've worked on self-love and self-compassion, the relationships I had actually weeded themselves out. Being with people who used me as their supply rather than to be true friends became very uncomfortable to the point where I felt it was healthier to honor myself by being honest with them about how I was feeling, with the intent to hold real conversations about it, rather than to continue to make myself "small" in order to be friends. I was shocked when I realized I felt relief when these relationships ended. But that told me everything...ive had to walk away from family members as well. Hard, but worth it!
Glad it worked out for you, What did you say in those conversations?
"It is not your job to change or fix other people". You don't know how much I needed to hear that at this moment.
I stopped trying to keep the relationships with my toxic “friends” going, and cut off a few others and it was the best decision ever!
Right now my mental health is the best it’s been in years, and I’m surrounded by the most loving people
It was hard at first, but a few years later I know that it was the best decision I’ve made.
And now whenever I feel that someone new is hurtful in any way (intentionally or not) I simply take them out of my life
Great plan. I hope you stick to it.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing well! How do you cut out friends? Do you have a talk with them or just ghost them?
@@kitsune2184 I just take a little longer each time before responding to their overtures. Call it incremental ghosting, as that's what it is. Or if they don't message or contact me, I don't contact them. I find that most people aren't that persistent.
kitsune Personally I start making less effort to keep these people in my life (I contact them less and less, start seeing them less)
And the relationship starts dying little by little
Most of these people have helped me cut them out since they’d always try to manipulate me into initiating contact and made me feel like I need them in my life
I discovered that I don’t. And everyone’s happier now (or that’s what I’d like to think)
Just asking to know if anyone else feels the same, once i cut off these toxic friends I had been kind of depressed and my anxiety started flaring up. I’m actually still in that mental state right now.
I cut off a friend and the reason was because of her constant put downs ,snarky comments and just didn’t feel comfortable being her friend anymore i told her the reason and she was in denial and denied ever mistreating me so glad i am not her friend anymore!
"The worst thing about toxic people is that they don't even see their own faults and just blame everything on you"
Removing toxic people from your life is not easy, but it's the best decision you can make! The moment I've done that I felt free, I started to put value onto myself, my goals and my time again! YOU'RE amazing and you DESERVE amazing people in your life! 💛
🔴 *{ S U M M A R Y }* & Key Ideas 👇
Always have a framework when approaching life in general.
*short summary*
The only way to remove toxic people from your life is to stop engaging with them.
*extended summary*
Nathaniel defines a _toxic person_ as someone who is deeply unhappy and refuses to do internal work.
If you find yourself in a friendship that is relying on you remaining the person that you were and doesn't have the space to allow you to grow and to become the person that you need to be - that can have toxic, suffocating consequences. That is not a friendship.
I. It is not your job to change or fix other people.
II. It is not your job to prove yourself or gain approval from other people.
III. You don''t owe anybody anything.
Human beings are complicated. Toxicity breeds and creates more toxicity.
_What do you do if you are facing a toxic family?_
Understand that they are coming from a different time and place, where internal work was a concept they never heard of.
He recorded a conversation with his mother. He has that in the description.
STRATEGY
-
In a healthy relationship you should not feel like you are in the dark in regards to communication.
You should not feel stupid and inferior.
The more you engage with toxic people, the deeper you go in their world.
The way out is not by winning the game, by competing, as they make up the rules.
The only way out is to not engage.
This can happen in all relationships. Do not make it a pattern.
III - A Few Things To Keep In Mind
-
_You have a limited amount of space_
Remove somebody that you once felt close to can be terrifying, but that space will allow you to grow.
That space can be later filled with a new healthier more positive relationship or more space for yourself.
_Toxicity requires clean-up (awareness)_
Everything begins with awareness.
You will need to go through a purging process and combine that with internal awareness so that you can clean-up the toxic people.
_Pay attention to your bad habits_
This also links to self-awareness.
Habits are the building blocks of our lives and the pieces that are creating patterns and cycles.
Bad habits are picked up through unhealthy situations.
You will need extra effort to later clean and reset the habits. So avoiding them in the first place can be a good solution.
Nice quote:
_What you say about others says a lot more about yourself_
_Change your environments_
Certain environments attract certain kinds of people.
Consider changing your environments.
This will also change the people.
Changing your environment even for a brief period of time can simply change that perspective, that space to see things differently and more clearly.
_This is your life to live_
Always recall the above sentence when manipulative toxic people will come back to you and remind you how much they need you or how much they're dependent on you, or even how much you need them.
*Final Thoughts*
Even if things feel hopeless or impossibly entangled - there is a solution.
Do the cleanup.
Do the internal work.
Take responsibility.
Find the sense of self-worth.
Move on with your life.
The experience might be painful and confusing, but it is part of the process.
_end_
Thank for reading!
If you enjoyed this, maybe I can tempt you with my _RUclips_ channel
ruclips.net/user/knowledgebottle
I post weekly videos on rationality, mental models, future and overall productivity.
I also write a tiny newsletter each Friday. You can think of this as a weekly dispatch of tactical advice you can use.
kbottle.substack.com/welcome
Have a great day ahead!
Thank you for writing that out.
@@Kaibigan39 thanks for reading it as well! have a great day ahead!
@Axel Granillo thanks for reading it!
Wow this was very helpful and insightfull, thanks!
Mandien Braems glad I could help 🙏
Narcissism has been on the rise for the past 2 decades, so this will prove a very useful video for a lot of people dealing with them.
For that reason I stopped socializing with my mother. She would always make me feel uncomfortable about myself. And now I feel a huge relief and confidence within me.
I come here to learn English and end up learning a lot of things, this channel is rich in content. Brazil here🇧🇷🇧🇷
I wish I'd had this video about five years ago. Someone to tell me that I was not crazy for constantly feeling defeated and betrayed and nervous in a "friendship" - unfortunately someone I also lived with. If I had heard this advice or come to the realization sooner that the relationship was simply not right, I might have saved myself years of pain. However, through that pain you are able to build better standards for yourself and I will have those lessons learned for the rest of my life.
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I hope someone who needs this sees it and takes action NOW. Take it from me, there will never be a better time than the present moment to extract yourself from a toxic relationship or environment.
Dear Sister,
Even if someone would have told you before you wouldn't have followed it because our mind always have this tendency to think may be I shouldn't have abandon him or should have given 1 more chance. The truth is You are able to abandon him because you are done totally given him chances after chances and you are now convinced that yhis relation is not all worth it as it was designed to destroy you.
We as a human being are never aware and informed and think we know it all. Its not possible to skip the suffering and reached the evolved wisdom sadly we become wise only after going through a personal experience .
U are a survivor. Have a great life ahead.
Nathaniel is the big brother we never knew we needed ❤️
Haha, I loved this comment! And I have to agree, even though I am older than him, so that would make him "a younger, more mature and wiser brother" in my case. :)
Yes! I agree 💜
❤❤
At times, for various reasons, you may be forced to live with a toxic person. Do your best to spend as little time with them as possible. Don't let them ruin your entire day. Don't ruminate.
For example, only discuss errands or chores. Talk about safe topics. Agree not to argue. To avoid phone calls, use your answering machine or shut the ringer off. Do not let yourself get overly involved in their lives. Detach yourself. Live a separate life.
So many videos out there about toxic people, and so few say what you said. "[You won't get out of their game by winning. You can't win it. They make the rules, and change them to keep themselves the winners.]" And THAT is the hallmark for me. Thank you!
Such an important topic to cover. It takes strength and determination to admit these people are toxic let along cut them out. Stick it out, it's worth it
It really is!
I've been removing toxic people in my life and I find it better. I believe my mental health should be at the utmost responsibility. Toxic relationship wouldn't benefit enhancing your mental health consciousness. Nice content Kuya Nathaniel. ❤️
They're only good for sex, and sometimes that's not even worth it
@@dalejones768 Haha lmao. Nah its not worth it believe me..
“The only way out is not by playing the game. That is impossible. They make up the rules and you can never win with their rules. The only way out is cutting ties. By not engaging.” I needed to hear this a long time ago. Thank you for saying it now
PS, this is the most wonderful comments section I’ve come across in a long time, keep the beautiful quotes and empathy going yall :)
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html .
I used to be a toxic person. My girlfriend of three years broke up with me a few months ago because of my toxic habits. It was a wake-up call for me.
ruclips.net/video/3meDxBgvguo/видео.html .
Why were you toxic ?
Man you are coming up with such unique concepts everyday, it feels like a journey you are taking us on. Frankly, for me you have become one of the most creative guys on RUclips
My ex was a perfect definition of a narcissistic pervert... He ruined my personal image, and has ruined my self-worth, everything with that relationship made me doubt who the heck I was before that, watching this video only makes me feel even greater about myself Cutting the ties so violently from him, I had to make room for self-recovery! I was 22 years old! Now that I am 25 y/o I'm truly thankful that happened to me because I truly understood what it means to have self-worth!
Thank you Nathaniel for such an important video.
@swoja strona I don't get it
The thing about toxicity is that most times they are disguised by the people you love, you know and sometimes those who you trust. That’s why it hurts and it breaks to even just admit that they are toxic and are in need to be cut off from your life. But trust me, the moment you do this will be one of those things that helped you gain your inner peace and in time, this will be one of those memories that won’t give you guilt, cringe and regret but rather a feeling of relief that you did it and a genuine smile. Cutting off toxic relationships breeds character development.
Watching this video, and while generally reading articles similar to this concept of avoiding toxicity - I've observed one thing - I too am not immune to being toxic. And, that is how I've been able to recognise the good and the bad in me. Self-reflection is a crucial key to stepping away from toxic people y'all.
I agree
I have some people in my life that don’t make me feel good anymore, this video has helped me so much! Thank you Nathaniel
Great video. I totally agree with all these points. I was in the same situation, trying so hard to hold on, because I really cared about them/loved them no matter how well I was aware of how toxic those relationships were. Someone doesn't have to have the intention of hurting you but each small level of carelessness, lack of effort, lack of communication etc add to the list and make the entire thing 'toxic' over time, especially if you're giving more chances. I thought it's impossible to move on, but I feel quite happy to have taken the right decision! To all those who think it's difficult, it gets better over time. There's a sense of relief, comfort and happiness. It is possible. You can let go of them.... Thanks Nathaniel for speaking up about it.
I like what he said: it’s not necessarily that either one of you are toxic. It’s that together it can turn toxic. A very good point.
I don't allow toxic people into my life. I refuse to hangout, socialize with them in any situation. I rather be left alone and be alone forever than consider having even one of them in my life.
I am feeling down, feeling defeated. There's a lot not going right in life. Got no job due to Covid. Thank you so much for the video.
I started a channel and your support would mean a lot to me.
Keep your eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel friend, you'll be ok
I already like you channel's name xD, the background music you use in your explanatory videos is also sooo good.
💙
i followed you
watch jordan peterson
I keep hearing the quote "You are the average of the 5 most people you spend time with" and can I say this is the most truest quote i've ever heard! You become who you hang around with, so make sure that you are around ambitious, humble, kind people! Life is too short to always feel like crap about yourself and having no real support to grow with! 💯
I am 31 now and very in touch with myself and my emotions. When I look back on when I was 22 it feels like I knew 5% of what I know now when it comes to personal growth and whatnot. You already have a wealth of knowledge on all this and just imagine where you will be when you’re 31. I wish you were older 😉
Well in my day to day life I have more enemies than friends, thank you for your great video quality and content Nathaniel that I have much little time to even think about those boastful, narcissist and poisonous people.
Thank you
same here
this truly made me cry, because I had a best friend for many years just instantaneously stopped hanging out with me, and I could never understand why. I’ve been playing the memories and friendship around in my head for all of quarantine wondering why I wasn’t enough. But, watching this made me realize it wasn’t my fault. I realized how unhappy I was in the friendship and honestly how 3 years I’ve wasted on making time for that person, and revolving my life around my ex-best friend. She manipulated me into thinking I was her only friend and how upset she would be if I wanted to be someone else. It was hard to understand and fully recognize that being alone for a while is all I needed. I’ve felt literal clarity from this situation after all these months and this video made me want to just be happy, happy because im gone from the problem. i really appreciate you, you have no idea.
As a scared young person moving out of my toxic family's home Tomorrow...I needed this. I needed this to keep me focused on hope and committed to going through with it. Thank you Nathaniel
I am currently trying to remove myself from toxic environments without losing certain people. It’s a little hard but step by step I’m succeeding and finding my own self worth. Good video 👏🏼
Your videos are always a breath of fresh air Nathaniel. I love that you're not afraid to tackle sensitive subjects that the rest of us might be uncomfortable with. Removing toxic people from our lives might not be easy, but I truly believe that the people we spend time with make a huge impact on our lives. Continue doing what you're doing man, I love the message and positivity your channel is putting out into the world. 🙏🏼
Its so important to do this! I feel so different since removing certain people from my life!
They’ll shit on not just you, but everything connected to you: your loved ones, pets, friends etc. it’s very hard sometimes, but you need to let them go. You only have this one life to live so live it with respect and dignity- that which you give to yourself.
I’m currently going through this with a co worker of mine. They were so good at putting up a front to make it seem as if they cared for me so naturally I would always show that I cared for them. Looking back I was the only one who ever expressed that I really cared meanwhile they remained arrogant and would basically shy me away at times. After quitting that job I deleted our conversation and deleted their number and here they are telling me to update them on what’s happening in my life. I am never going to text that number ever again because that person made me feel like I was inferior and as if something was wrong with me. I’m just disappointed it took me so long to see how toxic they we were.
what you say about others, says a lot more about yourself -
when I was 7 I heard it, but just this year, I get what's means!
Honestly, I think the most important step is to realize that people who do destructive things also suffer. Being empathetic with other people doesn't necessarily mean you support their actions or continue to do everything they want, on the contrary, I think it often makes you realize that in order for them to get better, they need people who sympathise with them but DO NOT support the bad stuff. If you can be that person, that's great. If you can't, let someone else step in and it will be better for both parties.
severing toxic relationships can be a big wake up call even if it's painful I think, so in many ways it is helpful to both parties in the long run
Someone else will have to do it. I'm sure as hell fed up being that person...
It’s just so hard to let go of someone you care so deeply about and just watching them constantly destroy themselves
This pandemic taught a lot about me, didn't realize how bad my self esteem was, starting over by removing all my old friends and girlfriends. Feeling better everyday without their negativity tho there are times I feel lonely. The right people will come around
I absolutely needed to hear this today. I have been purging toxic people from my life from friends and colleagues to romantic entanglements and family members . This video serves as a reminder that I am doing the right work. Side note- I’m so incredibly proud of you and all that you do Nathaniel. Long time subscriber here. Thank you. ❤️
Toxicity breeds toxicity. Perfectly stated ♥️
Great video. We need to trust our gut, often times we seem to be the only ones spotting toxicity in someone's behavior while others don't fully realize it and keep hanging out with them til they too realize there is something wrong. I usually sense toxicity in someone soon, but sometimes circumstances have brought me to spend more time with toxic people than I should have. When we feel confident about it, no need to talk or argue with them hoping they will change. Cut them out.
He deserves a golden buzzer!! I am sharing w a dozen friends who like me, have the unhealthy habits developed from years of damaging words & manipulation suffocating us. Learning about ACoA, Codependency, Empaths & Narcissism.... best thing I've learned at 60, it's time to recapture my life... Blessings to all of us, keep our faces lifted with pride & our hearts & faith strong! 💝
“Quoting something on the internet doesn’t make it true or useful”
- Emon Lusk
Thank you for this video. My ex and I were seeing eachother for 6 months and looking back on our time together, it makes me realize that we were toxic for eachother. We were in different stages in our lives and the reality of the situation was that we weren't compatible with eachother. Coming to that realization is comforting in a lot of ways and although going through a breakup isn't fun, I think that there's a lot of positive things that come out of a breakup. It's an opportunity to learn and grow from past mistakes.
I used to be friends with a person with a physical disability (partial sight). This person is pretty toxic but legitimately a lot of their issues are out of their control. They are almost certainly going to have a very hard and lonely life. I find it really difficult to deal with a person like this. I sympathise with others dealing with difficult people.
Similar to you I worked in a company with a number of toxic and desperately unhappy people. As a result I recently started working for my self in order to remove myself from that environment. I set up my own digital marketing agency , and I can honestly say it's the best decision I ever made. I have never felt so light and genuinely free. Thank you for another amazing video, keep up the great work.
Thank you very much for sharing this video. A few years ago I was involved in a toxic relationship and it almost drove me crazy, thanks to my friends and the psychonoalysis, I was able to escape and regain my freedom. It was difficult but there is always a way out. Greetings from Argentina
I swear you read my mind Nathaniel. Whenever I have a current thought in my head a video of yours pops up on said thought. Amazing!
i love your 3 basic principles, So true and so intense. Especially, "it's not your job to change anyone"
Just like your hair loss journey video and many others, this one hits so close to home. The journey you’re on and the openness with which you approach the world is quite similar to mine and I always feel so emotionally refreshed and assured after watching your content. Thank you for being you.
An important moment for sure in creating the space to allow the people of value in. Love it Nathaniel!
Wow thank you this is exaclly what i needed to hear today😊
Thank you, Nathaniel ! I wish You the best in your life, too...and to Everyone who comes to this platform !
The thoughts that you have shared are so precious !
I love the empowerment that this video gives. By directing the focus back on us, we have the power to change our situation. That's exactly what I needed to do to get rid of the toxic relationships in my life. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone in this struggle to live more healthier.
This is such a slept on topic and yet it is so vitally important!!
I really needed this .... some times i was thinking maybe it’s my fault that i can’t deal with others, every time i tried to re-evaluate myself but my efforts didn’t pay off. now i’m growing to understand that maybe there are another elements which i haven’t considered. thanks for this incredible video, was genuinely helpful ✌🏽
I can't explain how perfect the timing for this video was. Thank you Nathaniel for always being so honest and having discussions about these subjects, listening to you talk about it feels like getting some much needed support from a friend!
I've come to the conclusion that because I'm a people pleaser, I had become severely toxic and judgemental because I felt like I had been trapped in friendships due to some obligations to get on with people who made me uncomfortable. I should have removed myself from those situations and friendships to prevent more damage to myself and further deterioration of my mental health. I can't change people due to my own morals, but I can decide who I associate with.
It’s amazing how well you described my father and my psycho ex! They were the most toxic people in my life. They completely changed who I am. But without those bad experiences, I wouldn’t be living the best life today! Well, not exactly the best life considering the current circumstances but definitely much better than it used to be. Free of negativity and abuse.