What I Learned Living With a Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 25 авг 2024
- There are some very manipulative people out there and I wanted to share my experience living with one of those people.
This is a really difficult topic for me to talk about, and the entire experience of filming myself talking about it and putting myself out there was very uncomfortable. But that almost reinforces for me how important it is to talk about this.
I don't see a lot of content out there discussing narcissists or manipulative people, and even less on how to handle situations with those kinds of people.
I tried my best to share my point of view and some of the things I learned.
Thanks for watching.
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Good quote I ran into recently:
"Be careful what you tolerate, you're teaching people how to treat you."
-someone who was right.
That was Dr Phil
@@backtothescriptures6592
Oh, nice! Thanks.
Tsujanryo facts
Haha partly true - im explaining. You think you have something with the things someone they will do - No. They do it to themselves non stop then to others so you can rely on your mental strength to deal with dat. You cant everytime throw emotions to this kind of ppl. Or even fight them you will just be manupulated like Nathaniel says here
That sounded very unlike narcissistic abuse.
The only way to win with a narcissist is to not play
This comment nails it.
Aimee Landry true that. Just remove yourself or just be as nice and indifferent as possible. That’ll piss them off so much. Meaning if you have to deal with them for custody reasons.
It's true. Unfortunately my father is the narcissistic. Sad not having to have him a part of my every day life
This sentence is everything. Thank you for sharing.
Or use sarcasm.
Narcissistic abuse is so insidious. It happens so gradually and methodically that you don't even notice until you're deep into it. But as you heal, you become stronger and wiser than you were before.
Pro Tip: They’ll NEVER listen to you, so don’t bother expressing how they hurt you. They’ll weaponize that information and make you feel worse 😭
Yep, as someone who is currently living with a narcissist, this is exactly what i experienced. finally got the courage to explain how i felt and he only responded with how much it “hurt” him that i was willing to end our friendship over his toxic behavior
True I think it's a learned tip people with narcissist relationship have ,like over the time you eventually& automatically stops expressing yourself to them
Yes! Or they will find a way to turn it on you and make everything your fault and not there own
Thanks for this reminder. My narc reached out using my dad's phone number 3 months ago after almost 2 years of no contact. I just ignored her. I thought about pushing her away but realized sooner that it's not worth my time and energy.
Exactly. You cant be a normal adult with a narc.
speaking up to a narcissist is a waste of time. they will refuse to listen to you and then make you out to be the bad person for standing up for yourself.
So true. Mygawd when i read thru comments here n hear this vids it feels so comforting 🙏🏼😔 ...but living it out n wanting so bad to rely on the legal system, ohmygosh its so disheartening 😣😖😔😔😔 its bad. Feels so bad. Our legal system is so flawed :( Calif, LA County). Sucks so much. My poor sons and I are so stuck w the covert narcissist their dad is 😔 Abusive. We're stuck. 😞💔💔💔
@@christabelle3758 how are you guys stuck? this makes me sad to hear. you and your sons will be in my prayers. i feel stuck with my mom too cause I am all she has and she is 78 years old. i have learned to detach my feelings from her a lot though. i know she has this mental illness and that is it her, not me. please have your son's read as much as they can on healing from a narcissist so that they can detach from him and now allow him to destroy them until they can finally be free of him. please let them know there is nothing wrong from shutting him completely out when they are old enough to do so.
They can be particularly passive-aggressive.
Yep!
K
Being a people pleaser you will continue to attract those types of people. You can be kind and still stand up for yourself.
This is such a good comment
It's difficult to be kind and stand up for yourself, because the moment you do it'll be taken against you as an aggressive behavior and you'd loose (and get hurt anyways)
2dayesterday I can understand that if you never stood up for yourself but trust me I’ve been there before. I have learned to protect myself and have boundaries that I won’t allow people to cross. I find that if people hold it against you it’s because they can’t or no longer control you and those people are not for you. When standing up for self you don’t need to yell or be mean just simply say what you need to say and you will know if the person respects you by the response. Also standing up for yourself will help you become more confident and stronger in who you are. You will also begin to trust yourself more, just like if there was some one else standing up for you, you began to trust that person and be confidence that person has your back knowing they will be there for you. But you have to be there for yourself more.
Gabriel Palacios yes yes and yes
Narcs are predators. They are attracted to people pleasers. It's what fuels there insecure egos. In my view, the lesson I learned from my experience is that people pleasing is therefore an inherent weakness and a compulsive behaviour, which therefore needs to be changed. It works as a child but not as an adult. If you recognise and work on this compulsive behaviour, you can discern who is worthy of your kindness and who is not. We are all born equal, but what human beings are capable of becoming is what life teaches you. Having a narc in your life is one of the best lessons you can have in life. Painful true. But it changes you forever and helps you to mature from a child into an adult. I dont wish it on anyone but it can be viewed as a blessing in disguise.
They can do a lot of damage in a very short time. The sooner you can get away, the better. Don't wait months, years or decades to get away. Take it from me, you can lose your whole life. Thank you for sharing.
Me and my mom lived with my late narcisstic grandma for aproximately a decade my mom refused for us to be dependent and live in our own house ,why? "We need to take care of grandma, we cant displease Allah"
Anyhow moral of the story my mom is now projecting the same narcisstic behaviour she got from grandma on me. But I won't let this go on for too long im gonna be dependent, lead my own life
@@ranucha83 Yes! You can do this. We are giving only one life. It is our one life to live. God loves you and will help you.
Run away the moment you smell them. They are pure evil.
I have 12 months left on my lease. The landlord is her boss. I just need to learn how to distance myself from the behavior.
Winners QUIT.
They QUIT bad habits
They QUIT toxic relationships
They QUIT self-deprecating stuff.
imagine being raised by a narcissist. the psychological trauma still affects me to this day and i'm 28.
my mom was too :( can't imagine what children of narcissists go through, as I only felt a little part of it as he was my grandfather. At least what I know from my mom, it will affect you until you die, but at a certain point, you need to jump that hurdle when it negatively affects you to when it positively does so.
Same. It tears families apart.
Florence Kwok snap!!! It’s always going to affect you to an extent, I changed my way of thinking.. I see the way my mother was raised, and she had insecurities, but she was one hard woman, like iron come to think of it!! Maybe not a full blown narc, but had some tendencies.. and put it this way it damaged me I had to do so much re learning, stripped the dark layers bare and started again!! And the positive from that was that I grew amazing strength, and the knowledge we learn through all this x
Good luck angel ❤️😇
I'm 25 and same..
Same. Im 25. Not sure if im a narcissist too. All i can say is that i have quite some challenges
With 1st hand experience; you can never negotiate with a narcissist, they believe they are above everyone else.
Enigma Facts
Can never win or get them to see your side...
@@hownwen They always play the victim Wendy. They will lie and cheat because it's part of their animal trait. You wouldn't put your hand in the mouth of a lion would you!
Likewise impossible to argue with an idiot.
Very true.
A narcissist has to "not like you". It's how they have the power in the situation. And talking openly to them does nothing.
This is so "right on". I've never heard it put so well.
When a narcissist doesn'T like you, take it as a compliment
as a people pleaser who was raised by a narcissist, the first ever relationship i ever got into was with a man who gaslighted me like crazy to where i cried almost every day questioning my self worth. glad to say i'm in a better place now and working on myself, but it really sucks to have your own parents be narcissists. with quarantine forcing me to live with them again, i've found myself often spiraling into depression again like i often used to in high school, but i've developed a better sense of myself now and i think the most important thing you can do for yourself is to love yourself first :)
Were you able to move out again?
I can relate to all of your words!
Finally moved out and feel alive!
I relate deeply to this. My dad is a narcissit and my first relationship was with a psycopath. I hope you are continuing on your discovery of self worth and love.
WOW! This does resonate so deeply w/ me! My father is a full-blown narcissist and I had to move back in w/ him as well during covid. That was honestly the hardest time of my life and it felt like reliving my whole childhood experience all over again. I felt trapped so badly and was suffering from depression for months - at one point I was even suicidal. But I survived and went no-contact since I moved out again. I have never felt as free as I do right now. I'm in therapy and currently working on a lot of issues that he caused, but I'm making progress (fast) and if I keep working on myself as hard as I do, there is a good chance of me recovering from it almost completely. That would be just the biggest gift ever. Thank you for sharing your story! I hope you're doing OK!
It's worse when you have a parent that is a narcissist, because then you have a tendency to keep attracting narcissists into your life because of your upbringing. When this is the case, you have to exert a lot of effort to break the cycle.
That's true there are people that even not know that they are in that environment..
Yes and luckily you recognize, there's some people that don't even know what a narcissist is
True. Read Louis hay if you haven’t
I have a narcissistic parent, and because of it I have anxiety, and I was convinced I was just as bad. I know I'm not that way, but I can't help but feel like a moron.
@The Woork really .do you think like that .this shows how trapped you feel
That’s accurate. You don’t realise when you’re in the situation, but when you’re out of it you’ll understand things clearly
Kausalya Mandipalli yes many folks don’t get it that others are manipulating or downplaying them until shit hits the fan. The best way is to be an independent thinker and think for yourself. Don’t hesitate to put your needs first. It’s our right to do so. If intuition says some one can’t be trusted most of the time it’s correct.
Is this something DHS can take children for? Narcissistic manipulation, that's emotional and mental abuse along with neglect right? Isnt that something DHS should pursue when a parent is like this towards their children!?or no?
💯👏
Sultan Abdulhameed II yeah, and its like they dont even want to see it despite so many signs,
Out of it or when things are totally out of control in one’s life coz of that person
Letting a narc know your feelings or trying to communicate with them, will always, always become fodder for them to use against you. I feel bad because this type of relationship is extremely insidious. You don't know until you look back... just like he said.
What type of people attract narcissist?
1.kind
2.people pleaser
3.overly positive people
4. Children of narcissistic parents
5.empathy people
Basically me. This is why I isolate myself.
imagine being raised by a narcissist and being forced to live with them during quarantine............ get me outta here plz ugh
I feel you!
Same, man... Same :( ...
You and me both...it is excruciating
Lmao same its funny that we're in the same situation and also have the same profile lol
Same... we’ll get through it, I pray for us all❤️🥺
It’s amazing how quickly a young person who had always been loved can doubt themselves when faced with a narcissist.
Wendy Pastore this is me right now i lost myself and always doubting my decisions, always saying sorry, i always have to check what i have to say especially if its about my feelings, he says i always complain but im just communicating my feelings
So so true!
Wendy Pastore THIS!!!! It was insightful because I came from an abusive home and lots of instability. Parents - especially my father - barely expressed any love vocally or physically. So I grew up feeling that and for me it made sense I wound up with a narcissist. But to hear he grew up in such an incredible home - you realise that the Narcissist really quite a piece of work and people aren’t ‘damaged’ or whatever they label themselves as - but Narcs are just super sick, incredibly amazing at manipulation and it is everything to do with them!
That was what I realized after 2 year breaking up with my 5-year ex, I had long long time felt everything I did was wrong, sometimes it isn’t about narcissism, it’s he doesn’t love you anymore, then even how you breath is wrong.... the 2 years rebuilding process isn’t short, but I am now taking back control of my own life
I have a narcissistic parent, and because of it I have anxiety, and I was convinced I was just as bad. I know I'm not that way, but I can't help but feel like a moron.
I had a toxic relationship with a friend that was a manipulative narcissist and I allowed things that I would never accept in a normal condition. Now after finishing this friendship I see things crystal clear and I have learned so much from that experience. The most important thing is that I stopped pleasing people once for all.
You found the thin line! Stand for yourself
I grew up with a malignant narcissist (my father). It is impossible to be concise about a story around a narc. They infiltrate everything with toxic tendrils and fear. There are no words for it. AND recovery starts, when you cut them out of your life. Go well everyone Xxx
“Long silences to make me feel stupid”
I felt that
I hate when they do that.
That what my teacher do , i just respond by shaking my shoulders... he got soo mad lmao
Omg yes
a typical move from a narcissist
I met fair amount of these in my life... I don't give them a second chance to do that to me once I see them trying this with me! I grew up and I actually have learned through it. Phew!
Narcissists don't want to listen, only be heard
Actually if you study the original story of narcissus, it's been completely inverted. "People Pleasers" quite literally ARE narcissists. The hallmark of a narcissist is having no "stable sense of self", hence they are people-pleasers, their persona is like a sandcastle on the beach, in need of constant attention and rebuilding.
I would argue that both Nathaniel and his host father were actually both narcissists (and maybe it was just Nathaniel), and when two narcissists come across one another, the one with the more stable sense of self dominates (the other guy is married, has kids, a house, etc. so he "wins").
Narcissists are typically GREAT listeners, but only so far as they can use it to hastily cobble together their sense of self, because they are so inwardly focused.
I would also argue that none of the description in Nathaniel's story actually cues into him being a true Narcissist. Only an arrogant and selfish person (but also remember, we're only hearing this "story" from one person's side, and that so happens to be a person who films their own face talking into a camera, makes videos about their "life', broadcasts it to the world, wants to "find themselves", and uses their own life as "content")
Now who seems like the "Narcissist"?
@@daveyineluctable5525 Nice thesis, it's wrong though no psychologist in the world agrees with you
@@daveyineluctable5525 There is a huge difference between someone with clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder and someone with a creative spirit who makes youtube videos. Is him talking to a camera really so different than someone writing a novel in the first person? And it's erroneous to equate 'married, kids, house etc.' with a stable sense of self. That sounds like the viewpoint of the deeply conditioned. All those things are constructs -- a house of cards. What's within, that's what is real. That's what is potent.
P.S. Narcissists are not typically great listeners. They can barely let you finish a sentence, for their desire to come bursting in and direct the content back toward themselves. Nathaniel is a kind and wise and compassionate person. When people of that nature meet each other, it's wonderful. There is a synchronicity of values and spirit. And they are a narcissists worst nightmare.
@@tomhammer802 Lol, "psychologist".
It wasn't until 1973 that "Homosexuality" was removed from the DSM.
Have you seen the data on "psychologists"?
Replicability crisis. Longitudinal analyses show no benefit to therapy.
Psychology hasn't even been around for more than a century. Do you have any idea how bad medicine was in it's first 100 years, lol.
Meanwhile the classics and literature have been around for 4,000+ years, many cultures, many scholars, adding and subtracting, iterating over and over again (like flow-nozzle design by 3M).
Psychology is a bunch of BS! The field is in complete crisis, and any psychiatrist (i.e. M.D.) will readily admit it.
@@daveyineluctable5525 Yes I agree with you screw psychologists, but the fact is this:
Narcissists have a picture of the world that is skewed in their favor. If both did half the work, then a narcissist would more likely demand more, and usually think highly of themselves and are prone to becoming aggressive if someone threatens their status.
I was raised by two of these shitheads. Thank you for spreading this information. Tons of people fall victim to narcissistic abuse.
Good point... Why are we not taught about this emotional illness? It is SO prevalent. It should be required reading.
Aye! I think about the masses of people who follow Trump, and about how they gleefully accept his abuse. There is a lot of pain ahead for them, in the same way survivors of narcs have been pained and then learned.
This guy certainly doesn’t mince his words 😂
we are not all shit heads
@@HouseOfInterestShorts If you're implying that you are a narcissist, then yes, you all are
Thank you Nathaniel for this. I've been there done that. After years of abuse, walking on eggshells, and the mind games, I finally jettisoned a narcissist from my life. Best thing I've ever done. And now I am building that self-respect, self-love. Great video. Keep learning and growing and evolving. Much love.
If you stand up to a narcissist they will attack you emotionally and psychologically. Leaving and not looking back us the only way. Raised by N who is 91 now. It never changes.
jhankri I stood up to a narc , now he’s reaching out to my neighbors in my complex. These are complete strangers, coming up to me telling me the imaginary things he says I do to him. I have no contact but yet he continues to bother me via 3rd party
Beryl Roberts 💕 I appreciate that
@@Dime.Society you can read about these narcs, in Psalm: 73, and 2nd Timothy: 3.
Reading the Bible is good for us.
Beryl Roberts thanks so much, I’ll read that tonight
@@Dime.Society you're welcome 😊
Children of narcissists: we salute you. Hope you do ok.
We're trying our best.. thank you tho❤
Thank you
💗
Both my parents + both parents of my GF, try to beat that.
@@PuppetMasterdaath144 bloody hell
I come from a Uruguayan family (I'm born and raised in America) and I'm not surprised hearing your story. The social dynamics you mentioned exist in my immediate family and until I lived on my own I realized how psychologically oppressive it is to live in an environment like this. Exactly what you said, "either you agreed with him or you were wrong" is how I feel in my own home with my own family... it really was tough growing up with this even though I know my family loves me. It actually helps me to hear your story and how you felt, knowing that I'm not totally crazy for feeling how I feel.
I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist and it sounds like you're describing my ex with a lot of precision. The super strong selfishness, the controlling, the manipulation, the being right all the time, the verbal abuse and physical abuse, the trying to destroy your self-esteem everyday. I have a lot of traumas from this experience and I'm still trying to get through them, especially because I am a very caring and giving person. The emotional abuse leaves a mark on you for a very very long time. Hard to trust people after this experience
BRIFFAULT’S LAW:
The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.
There are a few corollaries I would add:
1. Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association.
2. Any agreement where the male provides a current benefit in return for a promise of future association is null and void as soon as the male has provided the benefit (see corollary 1).
3. A promise of future benefit has limited influence on current/future association, with the influence inversely proportionate to the length of time until the benefit will be given and directly proportionate to the degree to which the female trusts the male.
Unfortunately that's who they prey on. No one is an easier target to lure, to manipulate, and to abuse, than someone who has a caring nature.
Fabio I've been there I walked away many years ago walking on egg shells becoming Ng so sick they never change no guilt mean cold unkind I'm from Ireland my name is Lucy Colgan I hope life becomes much kinder to u u deserve it
Same here
I grew up with a narcissist father. I'm 40 now and it has taken almost my whole life to understand that i wasn't the problem and learned that i was valuable .
same but with mom - 33 now still struggeling but im getting better
32 and beginning blossom to true flower free from those chains. Wildflower girls x keep blooming
I am so glad the internet is here to show us the light. Honestly, I do not know where I would have been had I not found out these communities for Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents. I am fortunate enough to have found the truth out relatively young (at 21). However, I can't help but feel anger and idignation that my childhood was stolen from me by my dysfunctional family. Fortunately, we have the self-awareness to end the cycle of abuse.
Same for me I'm 32 now
Me too and I married his best friend a fellow narcissist that liked to spew his own shortcomings onto mostly women and children (cowards) I’m free now but I’m in my late forties and sometimes wonder why it had to be the way it was.
Imagine growing up with a narcissist as a parent... life is nothing but pure hell.
And by the time you figure it all out, you have already been completely smeared to your entire extended family and no one believes or even listens to your side of the story (the true side)....
Yes my father...it was more than pure hell...my sister is the same way and she does it to her kids and hubby... unbelievable
they can actually cause their children to become narcissists as well which is scary
@@SIKE_AU Yes, I think that's the reason my father was a narc. I used to think I was one (apparently means I'm not), but I was scared of being one so I deliberately did not have children, and have done personal growth work for 40 years... I don't think I'm one now and would make a great parent, but it's too late for me. Kinda sad, but I'm glad I didn't have kids earlier in life - I'm sure I would have hurt them deeply, as I was hurt. Not a good thing to pass along to an innocent soul! Kinda makes me feel sorry for my dad, who was the narc, because his father was a narc. He had no choice back in those days, men did NOT go to therapy. I'm glad times are changing. I do feel sorry for my dad, tho', now that he's gone and the abuse has stopped, and I have healed.
Yes
Nathaniel, you’re helping a lot of people by posting videos like this. You’re a warm, genuine human being and your sincerity shines through. I dated a narcissist for 3 years. That was over 30 years ago and I’m still working on some tiny emotional scars to my heart and confidence left over from that experience. Looking back, it was a pattern which started with my dysfunctional family life. Once we recognize the pattern, we can avoid repeating it. Then we are free. Thank you for sharing your story.
"Numbing down"...great description of how people often react to emotional abuse
Lisa W,I admire your lovely smile 😊!
Yep, while living with my narcissistic father during the pandemic, I felt emotionally numb all the time. I could never be myself around him because even the slightest hint of vulnerability gave him the green light to emotionally and verbally abuse me. He always found a way to make me feel guilty, incompetent, worthless and stupid. Thank God I no longer live with him and found a house with very nice roommates. However, I just feel so angry over all these years that were wasted because of my parents' abuse.
@@DMCdantenero112 Those years were not wasted if you learned how narcissists act and that you want to stay away from them. You will recognize an abuser from a mile away. It also taught you how you DON'T want to treat others. So make the world a better place now and your life will be very valuable and happy. SO GLAD you found nice roommates!!!
“If anyone in your life makes you feel horrible, they shouldn’t be in your life.” That speaks to me. My narcissistic father to a 100.
Right.. My father too and I hate him for that..
Family does not apply to this quote especially to the man that made it possible for you to be here. Can be dangerous listening to these millenial morons. Listen to clinical psychologists who know exactly what they are talking about. You should never get rid of direct family instead have pity on them. Oooooo feeelings ahaha saying shit like that shows exactly how weak you are
@@Marrow32 Sounds like you should consult with a therapist to discuss this topic in depth before dishing out advice that isn't helpful to anyone because you were never in that type of situation. Peace.
@@spinalcrackerbox Yeah you probably right here, but there is definitely a good amount of people self diagnosing their parents as fucked up or narcissistic to deal with the pain of growing up with bad experiences. Not every bad parent is mentally ill, good people can do wrong and some kids can over exaggerate their situation and 99% of the population will run to defend them instead of look at their situation objectively
it's really hard to eliminate our own parents from your life
Married to one for 13 years. I was almost homebound from anxiety due to the toxic trauma. He completely stole the person I was. After I left I am recovering and coming back to myself and it a wonderful thing! Do NOT underestimate the effect people in your life can have on your mental health.
so true! Through the almost-40 years of marriage, I've been diagnosed with 3 auto immune diseases! Trying to pick up the pieces of my life.
I can’t agree more been into a relationship which led to marriage and i was diagnosed with 3 mental issues because he was a narcissist..
I’m going through this now from a new relationship that I left as I recognised it for what it was but it has been incredibly painful nonetheless but I’ve no doubt this would have been my life. Glad to see I’ve dodged a bullet
Love Vintage Sometimes it’s a supervisor with narcissism and they will take a toll on your mental health.
yes I can relate, its not that he didn't like you. he was jealous of you . and they can't like anyone. even themselves. really well said. I'm glad you made it thru.
Just got out of a narcissistic relationship. It damaged me for a long time now. You don't understand what is going on untill you realize that you are NOT the problem. They are charming and very pleasing the first few months. When the mask falls down, you wish you have never met them. By that time it's so bad because they make you feel like they are the best person for you that you will ever find. Don't fall for it. Get out as soon as possible. Someone is waiting for you that will treat you like you are GOLDEN. Never forget that. Love yourself and put yourself first. If someone loves you they will NEVER intentionally hurt you. Remember this^
Needed to hear this, told my narc GF of 3 years and I’m bracing myself for the insanity that’s going to happen over the next few days.
@@ericschafer9178 Prepare yourself for the smear campaigns about you, love bombing, crying, begging, lying about how she will change and youre the best thing that happened to her. Please don't fall for it. I know its hard. I know your heart hurts when you go away but you will never be happ if you stay. I promise you that self growth and healing is painful but worth it. Its been a year for me, Ive never been happier. Feeling like I can breathe and that Im not judged every moment and every fucking second is beautiful. She will never change. You need to understand that. Her next partner will go throught the same shit (no, she will not be nice and good to the next one, I know youre thinking about that). She will never be happy. You deserve to be fucking loved for who you are. Dont let her abuse you anymore and go no contact, ignore and live your life as fully as you can. Thats the best revenge on a narcissist. :)
You're a good egg. Narcissists can really screw people up mentally, especially sensitive and open people. I know this first hand. Narcissistic abuse can blindside an authentic person because treating others that way would never cross their mind. It takes a long time to recover.
j c this speak to me so fucking much ❤️
It takes time to even realised that youre being taken for a ride by a narcissist cause the way they treat people is completely unfathomable
I see it on my mom now that i moved out four years ago, shes so talented but my dad (the narcissist) is constantly pushing that down telling her to tidy up the house or shit like that as soon as he sees her doing sth creative and idk what to do
@@nighttimeandsun it was the same with my parents, my mom was totally unhappy in the relationship and finally divorced him
It was like a war for two years, but things are way more peaceful now
Your mom can stand up for herself too :)
Triumphala Darkshadow Every situation is unique. Sometimes divorce is the best option, but sometimes I’ve seen people jump the gun when they let their emotions take over them. You really gotta get a third party in there who you trust is unbiased and interested in everyone’s best, who can help someone weigh out negatives and positives and analyze all solutions besides divorce first.
You’re lucky it was only for 3 months I have a narcissistic father and a submissive mother my whole life and after 30+ years I am putting the pieces together.
Sorry that happened to you, the same story with me. I think when you are born in it...30's is just about the right age...because the world around you changes in way that do not match where you should be. Thanks for sharing. Love and light🌾💛
You are not alone , happened to me only my mom was the narcissist controlling mother and my dad neglected us kids..you are not your parents . Be better and God Bless
My dad was a narc and silenced my mom so she eventually became a victim narc and resented me at times in my life. I’m still very young and unfortunately live with them. That’s barely the surface but
But at least you are aware of that and won‘t pass this behavior on other people.
You‘re now already more mature than your parents. This will accompany you through the rest of your life.
Same here, just a bunch of manipulation and mind games telling me how I should feel and think, both me and my sister endure my parents abuse, so I try to talk her through it.
I think many of us have had experiences like this. They're very deeply confusing and hurtful, but they do change you for the better if you look back at the situation objectively. It's difficult though. My encounter with my narcissist really taught me to be careful who I allow into my life and what personal information I share, which was very valuable.
This was incredibly relatable on so many levels. Thank you for sharing your story, not many people understand or speak up about narcissistic abuse. This video has validated so much of the anxiety and distress I had felt over the past 3 years. This type of abuse feels like an identity crisis, it's difficult to understand and talk about with others. Now that it's over, I am slowly finding myself again.
I am glad I'm not the only one thinking I'm odd one out because of this uncommon thing about narcissistic abuse :"), it's something unusual or idk felt like nobody can relate to the abuse I've endured, until I read your comment and now I feel validated. thank you ! wishing you well now
Amen. It was 8 wasted years for me until I finally got away all on my own. No one understood. Now I’m rebuilding my life. It was pure psychological manipulation. I feel so much better now it’s amazing.
Please don't ever apologize for the length of your video - I watched it twice in a row.
I was to type that too.
I was thinking about typing the same
yeah I was even feeling bad like no you don't have to apologize. I would even watch it if it would be much more longer. Though I know this feeling with apologizing in such moments very well..
The apology actually made me think about how people that have dealt with narcissists often find themselves apologizing for normal behavior. Narcs are often very irrational and demanding and create habits within people that they normally wouldn't have. It felt like I was walking on eggshells within my own home for year being in a relationship with one. I still apologize for nothing today and think "why am I apologizing?" After the fact.
Example; he would get mad if dinner wasn't ready when he walked through the door. So now I find that if I'm cooking a bit later on in the evening, I'm apologizing to people about the food being late. Mind u, not one person had made complaint.
But I agree with u. Don't ever apologize for the video being too long 💯👐
@@GG-zh1vn Yes and they also force us to over-explain everything. They pretend like they don't understand or didn't hear you the first time and it's just a mind game to watch you try EVEN HARDER to please them. My dad does this constantly, to the point where you cannot even say "the sky is blue" without him trying to prove you wrong. Been away from my parents for decades now but still find myself doing this as self-defense mechanism from time to time with people who are totally natural and relaxed. At least we know we're doing it and can stop. Good luck.
“I realized that my self belief and self respect are sacred and I should never give them away.” 👌🏼
I sometimes find myself drifting towards narcissism, thank you for this. A little reminder which I needed to keep in mind mentally 😇
New sub. I was engaged to a narcissist and it drove me near crazy. I was also a people pleaser in my younger years as I had no identity, growing up in orphanages and foster homes. The only way I knew how to get by was people pleasing. But now I'm grateful for that narcissist experience as it taught me to do what's right for me. To love myself, respect myself, and care for myself because now I know I'm the only one who will do that. So your experience taught you invaluable lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Can't read it in a book and get it unfortunately. Also, meditation and inner child work has been great for me. After 13 years of that I'm a new person. God's love and goodness always!!
The unfortunate problem about dealing with a narcissist is that it isn’t written on his/her forehead. Takes time and energy to understand what exactly is happening.
The Man With The Dash Cam so true
Yes, it’s very subtle
Tantrums are a pretty obvious sign.
Took me 5 FREAKEN YEARS! But might be because the manipulation ran in so deep by the 3rd year ooof
The Man With The Dash Cam exactlyyyyy.. and by that time, you’re already deep into the toxicity.
"My self-respect and self-belief are sacred. And I should never give them away." 🙏🏽 Thank you Nathaniel, blessings to you
I'm watching your video and I relate to it so deeply. I'm an adult child of a narcissist. My entire childhood played out as you described: having to follow unknown/ unwritten rules created by my mother. When I faltered, I got shunned. I was told I was the abortion that lived...in fact, in kindergarten I was sent to the principal's office for answering the question "what will you be when you grow up" with "I'm the abortion that lived". I had no idea what that meant, but it was something I had always been told. Mother was sweet as pie when my father was around or when other people were around. But when my dad was at work, which was all the time, she changed. I'd be lectured and smacked for hours on end. Like you described as sleep walking, I would put up this "wall" and make noises in my head so I didn't hear her. Years later in therapy, I learned that this is called disassociation. I could go on and on, but my point is, I understand completely where you are coming from.
Your mother was PSYCHOTIC.
How is life now? Asking as i an relate..
Thanks for sharing, Nathaniel. Grew up with 2 narcissistic parents. Still recovering after decades of not living with them. I hope the kids in the Argentine home benefitted from having you around-you are fortunate that you are so insightful. This was a valuable life lesson.
Growing up with both narcissistic parents, it makes me extremely jealous of people like Nathaniel who always had unconditionally loving parents :( I’ve never known otherwise what it’s like to have emotionally supportive parents
We can create that ourselves, thankfully. :)
But i Totally can relate to that feeling. 💛
ahh same! seeing those around me grow up in a healthier environment where they had to never repress themselves out of fear, it makes me happy but at the same time like there's an ache in my heart. When I see them I think: this is how I should have been brought up, this is all I wanted as a kid, it was what I needed and they failed doing that.
As someone whose parents are both narcissists, I feel you. I always feel extremely sad whenever I see parents giving unconditional love to their children. It feels like I was completely robbed of a childhood and my emotional development has been severely stunted. It's weird because I currently live with roommates, and they make me feel safe, unlike my biological parents who have caused me a severe amount of emotional trauma and anxiety. Isn't it amazing how complete strangers treat you much better than your own biological parents? It may sound harsh but I personally wouldn't be sad if either of my parents died. I am currently No Contact with my mom (haven't spoken to her in 8 months), and I only speak to my dad on the phone once a week (sometimes once every couple of weeks). Limiting and cutting out contact with these people does WONDERS! You don't know how amazing life can be until you get rid of these vampires' influence.
@@DMCdantenero112 Every time you see an example of parents giving unconditional love to their children, please receive it as a gift; as an indication this is going to be what is in your future. These experiences are happening so that you so that you can become comfortable with receiving and giving this kind of love. Love to you today.
@@DMCdantenero112 yeah same! People always say that your family know you better than anyone and how blood is thicker or whatever, but when I am wiht my friends, it's like a lot of times I don't ahve to worry about how I look, say or present myself. It truly is amazing! Also you are incredibly brave for no contact, can I ask how you did it? My parents won't allow me to move out for uni, and basically expect me to stay at home till i marry (whcih is never) lool. I feel like there are days where I am goign crazy - my mother has done so much for me and yet I get so angry at how fucked up my mind is because of what she said to me and did to me as a child. I can't stand to be in the room with her, and yet I want to be close to her? It's like I am always in conflict with my inner child, I don't want to be ungrateful, but I just wish to be free if that makes sense?
“You either agreed with him or you were wrong” Dang, pretty much describes some people I know...
Yeah :/
Both my parent's
I felt that...it describes some people in my family. Ever since I have become distant i was/am still questioned why and I can't tell them why because I'm scared to open up
Its not as simple as that tho. You can be stubborn and not be a narccicist. Narcissists love themselves, think they are better than everyone, always think they are right and usually only do things if it benefits them in some way. But they are also very insecure
Robbie and the lack of empathy
Very well spoken - Good that you recognized this early on in life, there is a world full of narcissist out there!
You can never please people like that. I was married to one for 25 years. Thank you bringing awareness to these types of dangerous people.
"Your self-respect and self belief are sacred" I need to internalize that line..
extremelyyy
I'm going to attempt to do just that, turn that belief into a part of my identity
When it's a parent you don't know it's not normal until later. Mind games were my foundation. Normal relationships are hard not to over analyse now.
MimifBones exactly👌
Yep I feel that
so true ...it hurts
right?! i feel you. i over analyse every person and every action. but then i remember that not everyone is like my parents. and that i know in my skin what love doesn't feel like. and thankfully, i learnt what love feels like through my kid. and reiki. :)
I didn't realize something was wrong with my relationship with my mother until I was sixteen. I was talking to a friend and she looked so surprised when I told her about my mother. Like how she constantly yelled at me, pulled my hair, had crazy high standards.
I thought that was normal. I thought all parents yell at their kids, all parents have high standards, all parents get a little physical when they don't get what they want.
My friend helped me realize that I was acting like more of parent. I did take care of my siblings a lot. She told me parents don't yell at their kids like that and call them stupid and useless.
The whole situation threw me into a depressive state for the next year and a half. It was horrible
Thank you for making this video. Narcasisstic abuse can happen to (almost) anyone since healthy normal people can't even imagine someone being like that - let alone preying upon empathetic people since narcs are emotional predators. The scary thing is they can be anyone and you can encounter them at any age: romantic partners, parents, friends, employers, etc... After experiencing an extremely toxic narcissist boss that caused lasting damage to my self esteem and caused me to develop depression and CPTSD that I'm still healing from through therapy years later it's sad to hear this happened to you. It is one of the most emotionally disorienting things you'll experience. Now I know better from terrible experience (along with Dr. Ramani's videos to ensure I never have to put up with that kind of abuse ever again) "It's OK to quit." 100% Don't walk - run from anyone who is abusive or toxic.
Growing up with narcissists is very tough. Took me years to recover. I get you and would love to know you.
I dated and lived with one. My spirit and soul were so broken and I have never been that lost in my entire life
Nel Almeida Thank you! The recovery process is long and often painful but somehow, it’s less exhausting and less painful than being with them. I really would like to raise more awareness on this because I started to realize that narcissists are everywhere!
Hannah Louise I am so proud and happy that you got out of that! It was definitely a roller coaster and I’m sure you would understand. From the very beginning, there was always something off and I could never pinpoint what it was until I began to understand who and what I was dealing with: nothing seemed truly genuine. I began questioning myself endlessly and I remember that I started apologizing for his wrongdoings...my stomach would drop because deep down I knew nothing about it was right. Fast forward to today, I’m currently reading a book by Dr. Ramani. She helped me understand what narcissism is and so on. It’s really helping me recover. Thank you for replying, as well! It really helps to know we aren’t alone!
It's also hard when your parents are Narcissistic.
This is so true
Audrey Ann mine tooo
The problem is, when you're being manipulated by a narcissist, you're not sure what's going on. You say to yourself, "Maybe he's right. Maybe I am a jerk and he's a good guy just to tolerate me." Then you may get to the stage of thinking, "Is it me? Or is it him?" And you genuinely don't know the answer. But Nat is right when he said, "I just should have quit." Whether it was you, or him, or both of you, or the situation, if you're really feeling bad when you're with someone, you're really in pain, just get the hell out of there. It's not worth it.
What if u want to make that person suffer...? Once u realize he/she is a jerk
Yo for real my mom is like that
aFakaYu Bruh! I just think narcissist deserve our effort to make them suffer
@@yj.l7934 Naaa, dude. They are suffering inside already. There's this saying- There are no bullies in this world, only victims.
aFakaYu u have ur point
This story just shows me how important it is to realise that things can go wrong and it’s ok to change - job, relationship etc if the situation is unhealthy. Important lesson- follow ‘your’ people
just wanted to tell you this video was one of the first on narcissism that I ran across, it helped me several years ago to jump start researching narcissism to discover I'm the daughter of a narcissist mother, only then I was able to release guilt, and shame, through the years🙏 and ultimately gain freedom!!❤❤❤😊! I'm so glad I circled back around, found this video today and watch it again. Watching it also benchmarked where I was back then to now and how far I've come. Many thanks, eternally grateful, sending love and light💫🌠🌟
"I could have turned out any other way, they would have loved me the same" It's crazy that we take for granted something so pure and beautiful as parental love. I think as difficult as this experience was for you, you might be right to feel grateful for it!
I couldn't agree more. It really opened my eyes and helped me grow up a little bit.
wish i got that. my mom is the narcissist
That was a sweet part in the video to say and to have actually experienced must have felt REALLY nice I imagine.
I was "raised" by a Narc Stepfather where the abuse was so bad emotionally, mentally and physically that I had to leave home at age 14 bc I thought I wouldn't make it to 16 muchless 18yrs old.
I struggled ever since I left and he manipulated my mother to not have a relationship w/ me as well. We were always fighting over him. Needless to say now 31 yrs later, he is now dead (a few yrs back) but I am still trying to heal the wounds he inflicted on my mind, body and heart.
Thankfully my sweet Momma and I were able to heal our relationship 2 yrs before she passed away from Cancer in 2010.
I just was discarded recently by a Narc after 3yrs (who was a lot like my Step/father) I feel like I have relived that hell all over again, from my childhood thru teen yrs.
I actually was discarded bc I have breast cancer and had to get a mastectomy.
My Narc who I loved dearly and would've done anything for said it was about time that I move on. He said his infantile mind couldn't comprehend me only have 1 breast now and it freaked him out.
I got my mastectomy on 3/27/19 and he never even called or texted before my surgery when I felt so scared and alone.
I feel like I lost a part of me, my femininity and the man I adored all on the same day.
I just pray for the day when I no longer cry over him.
It ALL feels like a bad dream that I just want to wake from.
The way they strip u of everything good that u are and try and taint u w/ their negative energy is unreal.
The next time I ever meet a Narc I will run the other way, not walk.
Well said , very diplomatic😂 you said it alot better then what I was going to say. I didn't even get to the end..
You don't turn into a people pleaser if you are loved unconditionally. I used to think my mother loved me unconditionally until she point blank admitted to not being able to. Ducks.
It's a valuable lesson to learn early in life: A winner know when to change direction. Sometimes, that requires quitting.
JimmieOakland I needed to read this, thank you!
Wow that's an amazing explanation
JimmieOakland yes and I would say.....You are not a quitter, but you are valuing yourself properly when you “quit” them. We can’t change others, only ourselves.....
I was raised by a narcissistic mother (diagnosed) and I'm sure my dad has a personality disorder but he thinks therapists are "quacks". It's been a lot to deal with in therapy working through my childhood trauma, been in it for about 3 years now. This really puts into perspective how just surviving and not being on drugs (addiction) to deal is a win. This has honestly helped me, thanks for sharing. I'm glad that narcissistic abuse is getting more of a spotlight.
I feel you.It sucks. Now you're a more self-aware and know your values. Knowing what I know now, narcissists are badly abused and hurt without them being aware. Forgiving is freedom.
"I tried so hard to please him that I bent myself out of shape"
more like bent himself over. this guy is a pussy.
@@JohnstasBACK Wow JohnstasBACK! You're obviously not a pussy! Who are you trying to impress?! Sorry mate, life is a bit more complex than dividing the world into pussies and alphas. It's a shame you didn't learn anything from the video.
Living or working with a narcissist is a nightmare. They suck out all the positive energy from you. Waste of time to deal with them
true run! they're like ticks. they dig in deep into your life
Im Praying your plannig your escape soon.
Try being in a family that's a hive of narcissists. Even the victims are in denial.
why i'm an entrepreneur. can't deal with the sociopaths who want corporate power.
@@SandraLovesSun me too. There are sociopath who have pleasure in bullying staffs. This is not worth dealing with them.
Hey Nathaniel, wanted to leave a comment to say I hear you. I know exactly what you're talking about because I've been there and done that. Totally agree with you about quitting. I've stayed in places longer than I should've because I wanted to prove something to myself. And yes it cost me dearly every time. I'm now training myself to walk away sooner. This video is precious and takes vulnerability. Appreciate you sharing. Thank you!
Very sound advise. Walking away is the only option ..... No sharing with a narcisist will ever come to anything good.... And I own several T-shirts on this one...
You really are totally summarizing the way narcissists destroy those around them. It made you grow stronger. You also explain so clearly how this was a compass for what you do not want to be. Thank you so much for that. 🙏
it might sound weird, but i'm glad I dated a narcissist. Now I see it as life experience and an extra layer of shielding against this type of people.
I know how to argue with one but he still manipulates upon my belief
Yes!!!! Lately no one is happy with me and that’s because I see through their shit. These life experiences are so important. We think of them as a curse but it’s truly a gift
@@yungamare4750 , best way to win is to not play into their game. Nod, smile and wave.
@@lulubeloo thats great xD
Samura1 NinJas fuck arguing fight that bitch ass nigga and I bet he won’t ever say a word to you..y’all make shit more difficult than it is
as a person who was raised by a narcissistic dad, and spent 8 years in a relationship with one, this is the most personally honest and real depictions of what it is like when an empathetic person engages with a narcissist that I've seen here...I've had the same internal conversations, and I still negotiate with myself about self culpability despite me knowing better.
I hear you, please don't forget that they wanted you because the know deep inside them that you are better than them. That's why they wanted to control you. You did nothing wrong. You can't blame yourself for others fault. They can fool ANYONE. if it helps read (red flags book). And keep researching and learning. Learn everything about them.
I've had two close relationships (neither romantic) with them and I'm still healing the wounds to this day. My therapist does this exercise where you try to feel in your body where the trauma is stored -- for me, when I think of them, it's in my heart and stomach. Then she says "now, take a step back and visualize those spots - what do you see" --> what I saw was black vapors swirling out of the abusers and poisoning my insides. If you are like me, and still feel the wounds (the poison) years after the relationship ended, know that you aren't alone.
When I did this exercise, I also came across a feeling of burdenship:
1. having the burden of being strong-willed and firm-footed enough to stand up to these people (I follow my heart and my morals - so what is there ever to fear?), when few others will.
2. having the burden of researching NPD , becoming keenly aware of the traits, feeling a need to 'warn' others or reveal the truths about these people -- but knowing that people are still under their charms or closed to the idea that such a person exists, and therefore, being alone in my awareness, and internalizing it.
Another valuable lesson from this is learning how much a person can break you down if you are caught off guard, even if you were raised by parents who loved you and encouraged you unconditionally. Now imagine if you were born into that. What if you were his son? What if that was all you ever knew? What if that was how you were treated since beginning at age 3 and even before? Use what you learned from this experience and realize that what your parents gave you was actually very rare, and that there are many people out there hurting from abusive and narcissistic parents and families.
Thank you for sharing! Like you, I didn't realize I had been traumatized by a narcissistic person until years later & I'm continually needing to 'wake myself up' again and again & just hearing your story really was healing for me & allowed me to see my own self worth & how I need to stand up for myself better when in those kind of situations. Thank you from my whole heart!
The first time you become aware of these people is really mind-boggling. Thanks for sharing and hope you will deal with them better in the future.
Yeah nearly every boss I've ever had... has bees a narcissistic sociopath.
@@moneygrip4464 better a boss then family
@@empressivy6539 funny.. I spend more time with my boss than my family.
@@moneygrip4464 well your boss is your choice but yea. it's a lot of good bosses outthere believe me :) wish u good luck on your jorney tho
@@empressivy6539 it didn't feel like a choice. I had bought a house had a kid and had done all that with the wrong woman.... translation.... money. Boss knows I need money... uses it to his advantage. But it was all necessary so I could learn... thou painful it has helped me so much. I see with so much more clarity..😊
normal people: want to be loved
narcissists: want to be *worshipped*
I think you’re walking a fine line there. Some narcissists want to be loved as well; they just don’t go about it the best way. I think what’s most important is to want TO love. To love yourself, and to love others.
@@25Newengland it's understandable especially if they had a messed up childhood.
@@lumpystilskin5367 you who else had bad childhoods? Serial killers and pedophiles, narcissists are just cowards who wish they could kill or rape but don’t have the balls
They want to break your soul a watch you suffer. They are very empty people go prey on kind loving souls.
@@25Newengland damn dude, ironically it's you that got some real issues huh?
Thank you so much for making this video. You have described so perfectly how a relationship with a narcissist (in my case, my ex-husband) affects you fundamentally. I have been divorced 15 years now, as long as we were married. I am grateful for you defining the positive realisations that you can hopefully have after a toxic relationship. It does still affect my life but I have learned much.
Thanks for telling your story, Nathaniel. It's good to hear you have grown from the experience. I think we need to make space to share about narcissistic abuse. It's an epidemic. Thanks again.
People pleasing is so toxic, we need boundaries to be healthy. Thanks for speaking on this great video
Wanting to please people is not a toxic behavior. Its only harmful when someone toxic takes advantage of it.
All the people pleasers I’ve known as teenagers grew up to show extreme CPTSD signs and are high in narcissistic traits. It is most certainly toxic. Narcissism as a concept is not inherently predatory. It just means it’s designed to sustain an ego or a pure belief about oneself.
Narcissists are never confotable with the autenticity of others. You did nothing wrong.
Well said. There’s nothing they hate more than someone who’s actually comfortable with themselves.
@RedRose7997 exactly.
RedRose7997
They ARE jealous of authentic people. Take the “maybe” out.
Why are they identified in illness side other then wellness side ?3÷43= please add math puzzles?
I spent some time this year removing people like this from my life. Such as old friends, colleagues, bosses etc. I feel a million times better! I literally had people in my life that would sabotage me and sometimes even themselves if they didn´t get what they wanted which was usually respect. I guess their thought process is if I fail then they are less of a failure... My only regret is I didn´t take action earlier!
Excellent video Nathaniel! Subscribed.
Honestly there are many parents that are narcissist. Super important topic to highlight.
Being raise by narcissists parents are like being in a prison talking to walls everyday! Narcissist's goal is to destroy everyone around them to prove that they are better than you. In addition, they want to be the center of your life. Therefore, they will pick you apart to dominate you! May the Lord restore us and to give us double blessings!
i remember as a teen crying for my mother to help me treat my hair bc i was loosing hair and my then friends were noticing it and they have long beautiful hair and ofc as a teen its normal to go thru such transitions like beauty concerns... i was crying and she eas on her phone the whole time and she got upset i was bothering her and told me im being stupid that treatment are so expensive (manipulation) this is just one of the examples she had to make me feel bad for wanting smthn
@@popcorn0038 I'm sorry. May the Holy Spirit comforter comforts you! Amen!
amen
@@popcorn0038 i feel that i'm a girl and at a little early age probably 9 or 10 my body hair started growing up and it was dark and obvious that my schoolmates and my friends Begin to bully me for it and all my mother did was telling me not to shave it because it will grow thicker and not doing anything else to help me with it.
@@popcorn0038 It is so hard when you sense nothing but coldness from the very person who should have loved you most. I pray for healing of all the hearts here, who have experienced such coldness.
Huge lessons always come from interaction with a narcissist. Personal boundaries, self care, self love and to not change ultimately who you truly are. I feel your pain and thank you for sharing.
Uno Litero so true
I am a narcissist and I am currently getting help. I see a psychiatrist and a therapist (recommended by my psychiatrist). Thank you to all of you who realize we are still human beings even though we are broken and for giving us a chance. Some of us are really trying to be better.
@@kostasb3570 yeah no shit they just said they were a narcissist you goddamn morron
One of the biggest problems people face trying to cut a narcisist out of their life is that person is usually family, often times a parent. And everyone around them jumps on them because 'you can't just abandon your parent/family member like that!'
We have to, though. It's a necessity for our mental, emotional, and many times physical health.
So we go from trying to get away from a problem no one else knows or believes we're enduring, to everyone around us trying to drag us back to the source of our suffering instead of supporting us.
I'm so glad you got away from him/them. Kee0 fighting for your personal health (mental and emotional) and know you're not the only one out there who has suffered under these kinds of people.
It’s like negotiating with a demon. You really can’t overstate how bad That’s situation can get. I’m glad you got out of it
They're human demons
The most insidious part is when the narcissist claims you’re the narcissist. I recommend the book ‘Psychopath Free’
Y The ex Narc was like "Dont diagnose me" I was lol Ike "Oh so you have been diagnosed before" I ran away.
Very surprising to have this happen to myself as well - I'm logical, low-negative emotion, and always consider I could be wrong. Took me a year later and a hate filled pre-emptive rejection telling me to never talk to him again, AND him calling me a narcissist - until I could process things and realize wow, he is really super prideful and exhibits narcissistic tendencies.
I could recognize those thanks to Dr. Grande's RUclips. Got this recommendation since it ties in via narcissists via YT algo obviously.
Still very interesting to evaluate my own faults and then look at his now in hindsight and see there really IS projection... interesting story. He accused others of ulterior motives in hurting him in an underhanded way when ... that was totally not the case. Maybe that's HIS INTERPRETATION because he's assuming people are like him. Shake. My. Head.
AKA TRUMP!
This Is what happen to me and know I don’t know if I amor not because I became very abusive back out of anger for how I was being treated and now being able to leave due to financial restriction
@@jackwhater2574 I hate the person that I've become after finally waking up to what has been going on. I feel like I have to protect myself, but doing so in this way has made me into somebody I do not recognize - & that saddens/apppalls me! If I don't find my way back, my abuser will have truly won.
I'm happy that, because he was not a real family member, you were able to escape. It's super frustrating and hard to deal with when it's someone like a brother or a sister cause, in the end, there's no real way to get away from that person
There is always a way out. It just isn't always cut and dried.
@@joshuamukinisha2111 nice 1 Joshua
Hello. This video has popped up in my recommendations a few times over the past few years, and when it does I make a point of watching it. I can sooooo relate to your feelings. I discovered narcissism in my ex's extended family unit a couple of years ago after enduring years of 'under the radar' abuse. I too came from a loving family, and it was literally jaw dropping to discover how I was being psychologically undermined and attacked over the course of a twenty year period. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Good luck to you, now and in the future - from one young man to the next;) good on you!
Narcissists want all the power and control but feed the responsibility to others around them
Sarah Aschenberg,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Until you have a recognizable experience with a narcissist you have no idea how evil people can be...
It's definitely powerful knowledge because it is one thing we all experience but very few can name it.
You never forget once you meet one, I will never let another one into my life again, they are extremely toxic , demonic in nature, alien
yes I wish everybody could name it so that people who become traumatized by them wouldn't look crazy :D
@@gumba12 Please don't call people monsters, it's an incredibly shitty thing to do. Even if someone severely hurt you. It doesn't make anything better.
You are not alone. I was married to a narcissist. It was all about him, and I felt worthless and basically non existent. There is no justification, so I had to just leave. It's the only way. Thank you for sharing.
I had a sister that always made me feel like everything I did was strange. I couldn't do anything right around her. She went crazy once because she thought I bought too much cinnamon! Always degrading me for the smallest things. When she was diagnosed with cancer there was no one but me to care for her. Even then she demanded and degraded. She passed away with no remorse. What a sad soul!
You're describing my dad... *sigh* Can you imagine growing up like this? What self esteem?! Nothing is left. Thank you for sharing.
Bringing up my little son, I only now feel how personal liberties and freedom are sacred. Just as boundaries and rules are. All of that is. Read, get to know yourself, imagine yourself as person needing a pep talk and some emotional boost. Then give it to yourself.
I should probably add, for anyone struggling with similar things that I am getting therapy from a professional, also reading and learning more on the science of psychology from credible sources, and talking with good friends who support me, all of which have helped a lot and taught me much about myself. There is a way to overcome this, by asking for help.
darkangelcl4 that’s good you’re working things out. If I may ask, how does therapy help you? I hear people talk about therapy and yes talking about your experiences is good but not to sound negative but it felt kind of stupid in a way to pay someone to talk about your feelings. Do you feel like it has helped in some way?
Read “Healing Your Emotional Self” by Bev Engel. Happy healing 🧡
@@shinebabyshine. Thanks for the recommendation!!
I have the same story bro. It is like walking on eggshells everywhere you go. You have to let go of your ego and also just be a submissive person, living for the other person. This is so damaging, and there is nothing you can really do about it until you are 18 years old and move out. Until you have somebody to lean on in the prosess it is really hard to do. You think you are worth less and this is how life is, and also blaming yourself for everything. Thanks for being real once again. This is especially hard for me, this person being my dad. I am not sure how to handle it at the moment. Don't really know how I want this realationship to be. I am just sharing as allways to show that you are not alone!
so relatable! i’m definitely going no contact with my narc dad! he abused me enough already. i’m ready to create an amazing life for myself now! life is too short for that negativity✂️✂️
Kal- Hey- from someone who went without my abusive parents in my life for decades I would say it was an improvement over having them involved in my life. They had no personal insight into how they effected their children therefore there was never impetus to change- in other words, they never changed and were never going to. They are both dead now, I do not miss them. The worst of the pair being dead is a good thing for me- that’s how evil she was. I accept they were who they were but it left me no choice, it was life or death. I struggled for a longtime until I really learned we are not all of equal understanding. That’s ok. I just avoid the pitfalls of relating to people who care less if they hurt others. So, you can do it. Build a good life, stay positive because this thing called existence is precious and fleeting. God bless!
I grew up with a father narcissist. Jealous of his own kid. Drank, make promises he never kept, never supported emotionally or encouraged, BUT he worked everyday to provide for us and as an immigrant, he went through a lot of abuse at some of his jobs. I would have compassion for what he went through brining us to a new country, not knowing the language, learning it on the job and working hard so we can survive. Years later, I helped him and my my mom buy a house (I repaid money they spent on my college education). That was enough for a downpayment. It was a 2 family house. My father in gratitude, gave me the upstairs apartment. I renovated it and made it a stunning space (I studied interior design). My parent’s friends would visit them and when those friends saw my apartment, they were blown away. I could see my father upset that my space was better than his space. He minimized my home improvements and took the credit telling people HE was so generous giving me the most beautiful part of the house (uhhh...that apart,runt was ugly until I put my personal touch in the space). Fast forward 18 years, my father decided to sell the house. I said, where am I supposed to go? He said you’re an adult and you should have your own place. I said, i renovated and spent 45K!! He said, that was 18 years ago and all that stuff is now old. He added that he did me a favor because he didn’t charge me market value rent. So after 18 years, he made a huge profit selling the house, and I was homeless and got nothing for my helping them or the investment in improving the space. In his mind, HE did ME the favor and he is a great businessman. The truth is, if it wasn’t for me, he would never have purchased that house. My advice to you is to keep them at a distance, Just separate yourself from any financial ties and buy an apartment or house for yourself. Do NOT go into business with them or help them in any way. You will be blamed later. Narcissist are jealous and envious and they will dismiss your success in life so just keep your good news and success to yourself. Be polite and share as little as you can and definitely don’t brag about any trips or promotions or happiness and you will have a manageable relationship.
@@kbhogal1929 holy shit dude. I can relate on the money part but god damn! How are you doing now? Hope ur doing well. Helpful tips you got there. My problem is not contacting my father, more so my brothers who live there. When I visit I am pretty much not allowed to visit others. You are a strong man, god bless you.
I agree about not sharing any info about your life, but then you might as well cut them out of your life. Being perpetually on guard and forcing yourself to hide emotions and withhold info, is taxing on your well being. It will numb you into becoming a robot. Having to hide your joys and sorrows is not even a relationship, just a fake appearance. You spend all that time focused on not revealing, not sharing, for fear that info will be used against you. You get sucked into their game. Just walk away and invest your time in finding people who you Can trust, and can share your joys and sorrows with, and have a genuine relationship. Don't let narcs push you into becoming a zombie. Walk away and never look back. They will never change, and you deserve sincere people in your life.
You are so lucky! Most people pleasers end up in a romantic relationship with a narcissist or a boss. I'm so glad it was just a temporary relationship that gave you just enough of a wake up call to make the changes you needed.
Fascinating and helpful to hear an account from someone who came from a family with unconditional love. Thank you for sharing, you are wise beyond your years. Best of luck to you. 🌻✌🏼
That confusion you described is what happens when they're in their devalue phase. They cause confusion then criticize you for your reaction to it. That's usually their excuse to begin the discard phase.
What is this phase you speak of? There are phases they go through what can I look into for more information?
braindamage search up books on narcissism they explain the cycle you go through with a narcissist
Oh wow - yeah
It's harded to deal with when that person is your mom.
I swear, it's like they break your legs and then ask you why you can't walk.
What a mind job!
Same! I quit contact
@kai me and my dad didn’t speak for 2 years. And I got those sorts of questions all the time you just have to be sure within yourself that you made the right decision. I ended up talking to my dad again. Which has its own pros and cons but me distancing myself from him allowed him to reevaluate the way he spoke to me and treated me. Hope that helps
Teresa del Ribero Arronte Agreed. Therapy helps me. Even as I’ve improved my mindset, built up my confidence & matured, I feel its hardest to navigate being vulnerable and open to a real relationship with her or putting up a facade in order to protect myself. I’m a naturally open and authentic person, so I still get hurt a lot by her. It often surprises me when it happens yet in hindsight, it follows a similar formula as usual. I think the key is to remember her limitations.
Omg that what happen to me. Sometimes i think why my mom is different, why cant i close to her, why everything i do is wrong. Then i start to speak againts her and now we dont talk for almost a month
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I was severely traumatized by her. Couldn't function like a normal human being. Living in survival mode all the time. But I'm healing now. Still a long way to go. But I'm happy to be here. My only regret is that it took me so long to realize what was going on. Over two whole decades of narcissistic abuse.
So glad that you address the complicated subject if narcissists. I learned the hard way and having broken away from a narcissist mother in law after 28 years I am free and healing from that crazy experience. Glad that you speak of your unfortunate struggle to teach others. Wish more young people discussed it.