I became aware of BPD after my last ex left with a new guy after 2years of chasing me. I felt overly lovebombed and she was always trying to help me, even though I knew she herself had deeper problems and would often talk about the traumas in her upbringing. I've found what made the relationship so hard to break for me, was how she made me feel really special, she seemed to overvalue my good traits and made me feel seen and appreciated, however it was also to the point of unreality, I became enmeshed in her fantasy thinking. She was overly empathic in terms of seeing and helping others in need, yet also clearly needy herself, which would show in behaving harshly at times. She said she couldn't feel her body suffered anxiety and needed grounding, but was heavily into astrology and could give some striking insights into peoples personalities from only reading their charts or meeting them briefly. Was fascinated by her, but was also overwhelmed, her quick discard threw me for a loop that I'm still trying to recover from.
thye really enmesh you i their lives..few days into realtionshp and you know everyhting about their past present and about all their family members..they constantly bombard you with love and show how you are the solution to all their problems..this is too much for someone who has never been in reltionship before..and this enmeshes you in their lives..a kind of trauma bonding
@@userone1117 Yes it can become a trauma bond when they all of a sudden break off, especially after wanting to share and give everything. The problem I suffered with was that I had felt overwhelmed by her insisting presence, yet also soothed since she wanted to give to me so much, that I held back. When she first pulled away it was a bit of a relief and I found myself wanting to give more. Unfortunately she had already been with another guy, and it was all or nothing for her, so puff she vanished, yet kept reaching out, but couldn't get close again. I became avoidant in that relationship and probably have been for a long time. However I've started becoming aware of my own emotions, thinking more straight and expressing my feelings better, and understanding the story behind them. The same goes for boundaries, becoming better at saying no, and not feel guilty about it, is huge for me. There is so much to uncover when we look into our early traumas and formation of attachment patterns.
sir i cant even explain how much i needed this ..i have been with one and its terrible..it took me months to recover and they still contacted me and blamed ,character assasinated and brought up old incidents to fihgt with me..most abusive type of relation is the untreated BPD and i have been through hell of this i went thru cycles of splitting, its draining and almost makes you behave like them..i changed comletelty and have been scared..while that person has moved on to another one and blames me for abandoning and not hold her and love her..for her i was a liar and coward that couldnt love..but it was she who pushed me
I feel for you. It is such a mindfuck when she leaves, but keeps reaching out. She is a chaotic child on the inside and hasn't developed the emotional stability or courage to regulate her emotions and hold accountability. I hope you develop that for yourself. The point is to know accountability to become the adult. Become very clear with yourself, what you want, and what you won't tolerate. You can not change the other person, but you are in charge of your life, how you set boundaries stand up for yourself and handle your own emotions. Don't get suckered in. If she is reaching out, she is investing energy, so the ball is in your court. You gain leverağe if you sincerely know what you want, and can distance yourself if the situation is not aligning with your values. Don't overexplain and don't complain, be direct and authentic. Be honest about which issues you were responsible for, and which she was responsible for, only say sorry from a sincere place. You will have to govern the situation like an adult understand the cardinal virtues practice them in yourself towards your inner child, your emotions, curiosity, compassion, dignity, and Truth...etc. You are the adult, become the honest caring adult towards yourself and the world.
@@L6FT brother the thing is that you cannto reason with a BPD when they are angry..they are like a blackhole where all your argumetns and explanation get sucked..they wont understand a thing because they cant really hear you..they have a self created fantasy world where they live and they will at no cost damage that world i tried talking to her but she didnt even let me speak , she kept on shouting and abruptly cut the call. she tod me that wont liek to even hear my voice...threatened me , flasely accused me of a lot of things ..worst kind of mental torture she did..now i have blocked her from all profiles
I became aware of BPD after my last ex left with a new guy after 2years of chasing me.
I felt overly lovebombed and she was always trying to help me, even though I knew she herself had deeper problems and would often talk about the traumas in her upbringing.
I've found what made the relationship so hard to break for me, was how she made me feel really special, she seemed to overvalue my good traits and made me feel seen and appreciated, however it was also to the point of unreality, I became enmeshed in her fantasy thinking.
She was overly empathic in terms of seeing and helping others in need, yet also clearly needy herself, which would show in behaving harshly at times.
She said she couldn't feel her body suffered anxiety and needed grounding, but was heavily into astrology and could give some striking insights into peoples personalities from only reading their charts or meeting them briefly.
Was fascinated by her, but was also overwhelmed, her quick discard threw me for a loop that I'm still trying to recover from.
thye really enmesh you i their lives..few days into realtionshp and you know everyhting about their past present and about all their family members..they constantly bombard you with love and show how you are the solution to all their problems..this is too much for someone who has never been in reltionship before..and this enmeshes you in their lives..a kind of trauma bonding
@@userone1117 Yes it can become a trauma bond when they all of a sudden break off, especially after wanting to share and give everything.
The problem I suffered with was that I had felt overwhelmed by her insisting presence, yet also soothed since she wanted to give to me so much, that I held back.
When she first pulled away it was a bit of a relief and I found myself wanting to give more. Unfortunately she had already been with another guy, and it was all or nothing for her, so puff she vanished, yet kept reaching out, but couldn't get close again.
I became avoidant in that relationship and probably have been for a long time. However I've started becoming aware of my own emotions, thinking more straight and expressing my feelings better, and understanding the story behind them. The same goes for boundaries, becoming better at saying no, and not feel guilty about it, is huge for me.
There is so much to uncover when we look into our early traumas and formation of attachment patterns.
sir i cant even explain how much i needed this ..i have been with one and its terrible..it took me months to recover and they still contacted me and blamed ,character assasinated and brought up old incidents to fihgt with me..most abusive type of relation is the untreated BPD and i have been through hell of this
i went thru cycles of splitting, its draining and almost makes you behave like them..i changed comletelty and have been scared..while that person has moved on to another one and blames me for abandoning and not hold her and love her..for her i was a liar and coward that couldnt love..but it was she who pushed me
I feel for you. It is such a mindfuck when she leaves, but keeps reaching out.
She is a chaotic child on the inside and hasn't developed the emotional stability or courage to regulate her emotions and hold accountability.
I hope you develop that for yourself.
The point is to know accountability to become the adult.
Become very clear with yourself, what you want, and what you won't tolerate.
You can not change the other person, but you are in charge of your life, how you set boundaries stand up for yourself and handle your own emotions. Don't get suckered in. If she is reaching out, she is investing energy, so the ball is in your court. You gain leverağe if you sincerely know what you want, and can distance yourself if the situation is not aligning with your values. Don't overexplain and don't complain, be direct and authentic. Be honest about which issues you were responsible for, and which she was responsible for, only say sorry from a sincere place.
You will have to govern the situation like an adult understand the cardinal virtues practice them in yourself towards your inner child, your emotions, curiosity, compassion, dignity, and Truth...etc.
You are the adult, become the honest caring adult towards yourself and the world.
@@L6FT brother the thing is that you cannto reason with a BPD when they are angry..they are like a blackhole where all your argumetns and explanation get sucked..they wont understand a thing because they cant really hear you..they have a self created fantasy world where they live and they will at no cost damage that world
i tried talking to her but she didnt even let me speak , she kept on shouting and abruptly cut the call. she tod me that wont liek to even hear my voice...threatened me , flasely accused me of a lot of things ..worst kind of mental torture she did..now i have blocked her from all profiles