Borderline Thinking | 10 Borderline Behaviors and the Thoughts that Cause Them
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- Опубликовано: 27 янв 2020
- This video answers the question: Can I identify some of the beliefs and thoughts that drive or are associated with borderline personality disorder?
This question about borderline personality behaviors is getting at is this idea that when people behave in a certain way, to some extent that is driven by or associated with beliefs and thoughts. This is actually a core principle that we see in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Beliefs combined with stress leads to thoughts and thoughts lead to behaviors.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a Cluster B personality disorder. It is in the same cluster is antisocial, narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders. Someone can have borderline personality traits or features without necessarily having a diagnosis of BPD.
BPD has nine symptom criteria:
1. frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
2. unstable relationship pattern
3. identity disturbance
4. impulsivity in two areas that are potentially self-damaging
5. suicidal behavior
6. affective instability
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate or intense anger or difficulty controlling anger
9. paranoid ideation or severe dissociation
Lazarus, S. A., Beeney, J. E., Howard, K. P., Strunk, D. R., Pilkonis, P. A., & Cheavens, J. S. (2019). Characterization of relationship instability in women with borderline personality disorder: A social network analysis. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. doi-org.mylibrary.wilmu.edu/1...
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Hi I was wondering could you help me I have symptoms of the B PD
Borderline Thinking GONE WRONG! GONE SEXUAL! 🥵
Exactly
Are you comparing him to Dr Phil?....lol
Great observation
This guy is better than most online psychologists. Very professional!
William Heimiller this guy has a PhD in counselor education and supervision. Beside that he’s intelligent and work hard for each of his videos. I learn psychology and English at the same time from him lol
@@sarahsmiths550 me two ;-)
pocoeagle2
Ohmygod you’re hilarious
Me three 😂
He's the best and has a cult following. I'm his #1 fan! Although I have a feeling as I state this, others may contest me on it! LOL!
Dr. Fox is pretty good to. To bad there aren't people like them all over the world to help us out.
Borderline sounds like one of the most hellish personality disorders for a person to suffer from.
Shaun Rambaran - except for the hell of being with a person with borderline.
@@sherunswithscissors Maybe, but at least the partner could leave (even if slightly traumatised); The borderline sufferer is stuck dealing with his- or herself.
Shaun Rambaran - yes sorry. The person I’m thinking of has no insight into their problems or condition at all so will never get help (a therapist). Everything is someone else’s fault, and if in a relationship that’s you. It’s impossible to get help if the borderline person does not believe they have a problem.
@@sherunswithscissors Jeez. I'm so sorry to hear that because I'm sure you've been pulling your hair out trying to navigate the person's moods and attitudes.
No matter who person is, nor how close person is to you, remember that it's never-ever your responsibility to fix other peoples' internal problems; Not even therapists do that! You can suggest, try to convince, but at some point you need to stop, step back, and leave it up to person. Person needs to choose. If person fails to acknowledge, then so it is.
And you _must_ mind your own mental health through all this! Standing close to that negativity for too long risks you 'losing yourself' in the relationship. You don't want to one day accidentally wakeup a shadow of your former self because you've accommodated too relentlessly, do you?
You have some tough decisions to make soon, it seems. Good luck, Heather.
Shaun Rambaran - thanks for that. I have long left.
It’s very tricky even calling someone borderline without a professional but bit circular here - because the borderline sees all problems coming from outside themselves, the borderline will not see a professional.
I really like Dr Grande but I think there is less willingness for people with a personality disorder to want to change than he indicates. Truly - Is a narcissist going to ask for help?
“I hurt so much , somebody else must be to blame” - that sentence stopped me in my tracks. So true
Another label I just heard from the title of this book by Hal Straus and Jerold Jay Kreisman «I hate you - don't leave me»
THIS ONEEEE HOLY SHIT
same here. He helps so much
AND when we split on someone like a partner, sometimes it's not just "I hurt so much, somebody else must be to blame", but it's also "I hurt so much and you as my partner should be able to fix that, but you're not. So you must hate me! You'll leave me! I hate you for that!"
@@ladybaabaa3294 very true
One of my biggest struggles with BPD is that I constantly feel as if the people around me will find out who I am. That I am nothing, no one, nothing. That I am an empty shell that is nothing. Void. I must constantly keep up with reality to facade that I am real.
EDIT: I didn’t say much, yet I see a lot of opinions on my self esteem and my relationships, as well as the misuse of the term gaslighting. I’m sure many in this comment section have been hurt by BPD directly or indirectly, so I get it. I have myself also been the victim of someone else’s manifestation. I would hope you all are open to seeing people as more of a part of a spectrum rather than a list of bullet point symptoms considering the amazing insight this channel offers. Identity disturbance is a hell I wish on no one, and is it not exclusive to BPD. I’m not gatekeeping or “gaslighting” an experience or symptom.
You are you! Opinions aren't you. disregard them .
I feel like this. But does it mean I have bpd? People will abandon and conspire against me when they find out the real me.
Actually... truth is that every person alive makes efforts to keep appearances, in order to be accepted and acknowledged. So Everybody is the same really. But you are chronically aware of that process in regards to you and it isnt pleasent. Are we all empty shells and nobodies? Yes we are. And no, we're not. Depends on how you look at it. Bottom line is- we are all the same, noone is any better or worse from another. We just put others down to pretend to be better. But the reality is simple - we're all the same - from the pope to grinch, lined up somewhere in between ❤
people find out who am i. You dont see that as an issue, maybe people does not like you, because does not sound you like yourself. You have to change your behavior if you feel that way, most likely because you are an ahole.
If i was gashlightning people i would also feel empty 24\7 lol
@@steffanjensen5059 thanks steffan. Not sure what you mean though to be honest!
Watching this with treated BPD, I can see how unrealistic these thoughts are.
But when I was in the midst of it, all of these thoughts seemed perfectly logical. I was never trying to be the "bad guy," I just thought people kept hurting me for no reason. It never occurred to me that I was hurting anyone else.
@@donnadaisy333 Thank you. It's a long process, but worth the effort, I am getting better.
Can you share some of the treatment you received or what you felt was the most effective?
@@marycutright9421 I'm also interested.
What do you mean by "treated"?
because its not like a cold that just goes away.
@@marycutright9421 Everyone is different, but cognitive behaviour therapy helped me. If in-person sessions aren't an option, there are CBT courses online.
The treatment doesn't make it "go away," it's more like a chronic condition but with proper management one can live a productive life.
"I wish I couldn't feel anything"
The worst thing one can say in order to protect themselves, you'll lose it all.
When people say they are olaiged by thier emotional state, like I feel so this and I just am feeling like....and its a part of the Human Condition,. I tell them not to worry about what they feel. Worry more if they ever don't..you can't bury and hide things without suffering the pain of having to do it.
I know that feeling
As a teen having traits from bpd and aspd ,I relate to this so much. My emotions are fading away the more hurt i get and the more hurt i get the more i project it ,the more i project it the less remorse and the less remorse the less i care about any of it. I hope there is some hope for the future lol.
I say it all the time.
@@gamma4524 Luckily you’re a teen, personality disorders are congruent of your experiences. You’re on the cusp of being able to be diagnosed if that’s what you wished, but you have a little more growing in you meaning you have potential to change your behaviors and shape your actions.
“When I’m sad, oh god I’m sad, but when I’m happy, oh god I’m happy.” This song lyric has always summed up how BPD feels for me.
Omfg, as a person also with BPD who listens to the front bottoms too
- S A M E !!
This also describes bipolar disorder.
"This relationship is over when I say it's over." More people should internalize this belief. Don't utilize it as a threat. But be aware as an autonomous person, that you can elect to leave a relationship. You do not need the other person's permission or agreement.
Anarcho Frills You cannot make it so black and white. Victims of narcissists typically have to hide how they feel, it’s for their safety. Look up grey rock as a term related to this. I don’t feel any regret for grey rocking and keeping the peace when anything else put my livelihood and well being on the line.
asmRTPOP Agreed. The narcissist lies to you, while observing that you are an honest person. They target you for that reason. Your honesty allows them to hurt you.
Gabriela Martinyuk I heartily agree. Some people will need practice by themselves, aloud, several times.
wow that concept seems to foreign to me. so many alarms go off in my head just thinking about if they "heard me think that." what if they get mad?? They'll be pissed and need to work on me some more until i'm scared and pliable again.
Anarcho Frills What is manipulative about recognizing that you can leave a relationship any time you elect to?
My ex has borderline. It devestated me to leave him but I had to do it. I had to get off the emotional rollercoaster ride in order to find myself again and find peace. I still love him and I hope he gets proper help for his own sake and the sake of all of his relationships . I hope and pray he can find some kind of peace and balance in this life.
as a person with borderline I can only say you've made the right decision.
Sometimes it's hard for me to live solely by myself.
"You are the person who's gonna save me from myself"
This right here, is my destruction. The 3rd thoughts from each behaviour (save the rivalry part) are like nails on my coffin.
Oh yeah...I've been the dude in distress in most of my relationships. They tried so hard to "fix me" and it never worked. This frustrated both parties.. However, after the relationship inevitably ended I was able to reflect and realize why I kept putting out such destructive energy. I have to put in the work to fix myself...and I thank the universe that I learned this at 39 and not on my deathbed.
Sometime I wish I could go back to childhood and know what I know now. It's crazy how our childhoods literally dictate our futures. * usually* thanks Dr. G , I am binge watching your videos. I am just ready to fix me . I have gotten the toxic people out of my life and now fixing me is hard.
Very sad my young siblings I had to no contact on sorry life too short 🎉❤
As a 58 year old Borderline. Iam grateful for having insight and can attest that we can get better and improve over time .
Spot on. I’m sharing this with people in my life because it perfectly and simply explains exactly how I think and how it affects my behavior. As a person with BPD, I think the cruelest and saddest thing about it is that our behaviors are driven by what we crave more than anything-to be loved-but the ways our brains tell us how get it pushes people away. This was a great video, thank you!
As someone going through a breakup and who has BPD, this is big for me. I'm learning how to accept that this is something I deal with and how I'll ever love again.
I worked with many clients who have BPD and it was most challenging for me. Quite often I felt I was being pushed away. One person in particular would say "You hate my guts." This wasn't true. Thanks Dr. Grande for providing detail about this personality. My supervisors were never helpful in this area.
@A M I can answer this question to only a certain extend. I suffer from BPD and I had severe intimacy problems with my ex.
From what I can tell you, its mainly grounded in fear. The fear of being unpleasing to your partner, making mistakes etc., such thoughts contribute to a severe feeling of anxiety that most times cant even be explained nor expressed.
The fear of being rejected is a big focous here.
At some point it got so bad for me, that I wasnt even able to touch someones fingers
when getting my change at the gas station. The idea of it pushed adrenaline up my brain and had me in instant flight mode.
Today I have overcome this problem, and Im able to enjoy someones touch and simply appreciate it for what it is without fearing anything.
Your ex can come back from this, I wish him all the best.
Reassuring to know that professionals helping ppl with BPD get trained online on youtube watching videos but have no clue how to deal with them. Thanks youtube. Unbelievable
@@anotheroneself3699nobody know how to deal with y'all. All the inpatient institutions shut down, and these people are now allowed out in public rather than being locked up for the benefit of society. It is a scary world we live in.
I had a best friend who identifies as bpd. I cared so much for her, but over the years, was very hurt by secretive sabatoging that I was oblivious to until sometimes years later. She had such a great side, that it was very confusing to reconcile the bad with the good. Eventually, after 30 years of friendship, I no longer engage with her. It isn't as a punishment, just self preservation. I miss her, and wonder if things would be different with some mental help. (And I recieve help, she was always distrustful of counceling.) Anyway, these are people we care about, and striving to understand behavior is a goal. My own and others. I've been as guilty as anyone of rejecting a person instead of a behavior. But I must be getting sifter, because I now am striving for compassion & care for myself and others. I am sad when I don't know what to do except stay away. Thank you for helping my understanding. I love this channel.
I’m starting to learn that I don’t know enough about psychology to pin down someone’s else’s or even my own psychological difficulties. It’s complicated!
Agreed! What ive learned researching NPD is that it doesn't actually matter if someone has the disorder or not. If someone is acting in a way that makes you think they have the disorder (NPD in my example), this is enough of a red flag. Run away and go no contact with the person you believe may or may not have NPD, regardless of whether they meet official diagnostic criteria, their behavior is unacceptable.
I am big on thee texting, the anxiety and insecurity. I can see myself in it. I cannot wait for myself to be healthy when I work all the way through this 🙏
So thank you so much for doing these videos. Suddenly I don't feel the shame for being like this. This gives me the strength to work on myself and it gives my beloved ones explanation and hope 🙏
10:07 - Yes. My BPD boasted about his "Instincts," and his feelings about the reality of the moment were always predicated on how he felt. If he felt great, he thought I was the cause; if he felt terrible or angry, I was the cause. That and his constant projection were the weirdest part of this disorder to me. But come to think about it, the unstable affect and projection are two sides of the same coin.
Yes. I am the cause of my bfs OCD he has decided...even though he had it long before me. He says it's worse when you're here. But of course, when I have not been there he will call me having a breakdown over it. It's just...upside down. Very sad disorder.
I don't believe you love me, because I am unlovable. Wow. ! I have actually had that exact thought more than once. That was like spot-on. For BPD thinking. That is really good Dr. Grand. Can you do a video on? A lot of the myths about BPD?
As I mental health nurse I really appreciate your examples of beliefs which represent different disorders. The drivers are key 🙂
I am glad you are doing extra learning.
Everything in my life has always been toxic. I am at the end of my rope. I've watched every video on youtube to try to figure it all out but I just end up more frustrated. Ive pushed everyone away. I spend my time alone in a dark room. Everyday is a little harder to get through than the last.
Dr. Daniel Fox has a YT channel you may want to try if you don't already know about it. He offers suggestions on how to manage different aspects of BPD.
Ar mate that's sounds rough, is there no hobby/passion you can practice. I think it helps doing a enjoyable task, keeps the mind focused one thing.
At least turn on the lights and enjoy some classical music to unwind!
Same
Alcohol involved? Alcohol is Miracle Grow for toxicity.
I have BPD, as well. I was diagnosed 7 years ago, how about you. It was the oddest day.. I remember the psychiatrist finally coming up with a diagnosis after 14 months or so. He said with my existing conditions, it was harder to diagnose, and he wanted to be positive (before him I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, & Bipolar disorder- rapid cycling (Both by psychologist I saw for about 6 months each), but I went the therapist/psychiatrist route after that. I remember the day he diagnosed me like it wad yesterday. The psychiatrist read off the DSM book about BPD, & I was shocked & alarmed bc it fit so well. I have anxiety, panic disorder, Major depressive disorder, OCD bc it is an automatic diagnosis when you have anorexia nervosa (almost fully recovered), BDD, and PTSD. I moved since then and my current psychiatrist wants me to try the magnet brain therapy, and/or ketamine, which the FDA just approved for depression (i think you have to go to a place every other week to get the treatment.. I know what to do?! Had anyone tried either? Her mentioned ETC as an option, but definitely too scared for that!!... Oh I forgot to mention, over been dealing with pretty bad depression (It was all genetics, bc I had a very nice childhood, always had a lot of friends, never got bullied/, never bullied! It just began with a panic attack at 19 and progressed...I've been with my husband for 10 years (including dating), and he is absolutely amazing (got married at 22!) We have a beautiful healthy little girl, dream house/location - I am very grateful and I know I am blessed and take nothing for granted.. I just wanted to show how genetics can have such a big impact on your mental well being! My husband is perfectly fine, so I hope not to pass anything down to our daughter 💗😣💗... I have a great support system, but I still suffer greatly. I hope the newly FDA approved ketamine helps, or the brain magnet therapy! Sending my love and hope to everyone 💜💕💜💕
Have you been trying any of the 2 treatments you mentioned? Either work well for you?
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. BPD is the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with, watching your videos helps me understand myself a little better, and improve.
Taking it day by day, thank you for your hard work. 💜
Isn't it a bit early for you, Dr Grande? 😄 🦉
BPD - Wow, have you nailed this with the female. This is an illness with a lot of problems. It's so complex that it's exhausting. Identity problems are rampant, too. Hypersexuality, altered reality, mania, impulsivity, excess need for things, food and people etc. I almost wish I hadn't dealt with my charge for 3 years. It began to feel like poison. It didn't help that her mom is a narcissistic, supercilious, thin-skinned, judgemental whacko.
Thank you, Dr. Grande. You are a hard worker with these exhausting illnesses. ☺ You're appreciated all around. 👍🌹
Bernie Elisa, I remember the judgmental looks of disgust at the train station party, because you believed the media hype rather that talking to the very good so called friend! I probably suspect that deep down there was jealousy regarding the supervisor which was unwarranted. Then all the rumours from people regarding me seeing several men whilst on fertility treatment with my husband and Hypersexuality! You must be so gullible to believe all the media hype! Can you not see that the media love to put a spin on something and then make it look as though someone is guilty of something even if they are not? I was raped in Vienna and spent years being banned from jobs because the sadistic recruitment people and the general public had me down as a loose woman sleeping with every boss and a person that puts out a death threat when I am mistreated which was untrue! I made one mistake in Naples and the whole world have me down as done it once, will always be doing it! Doesn't matter about the shame and the overeating after being raped in a toilet and physical repulsion towards men in general including my husband! I guess you were so besotted with the boss you couldn't see straight! Either that, or your daughter of 11 is being malicious for no reason? I guess you were accused of being the Elisa Harris in the Trauma film? The film was written by a sadistic person that I have had the pleasure of his wrath! I guess you have too by the sound of your resentment for your charge? Then sending a ban on jobs my way were you, I suppose along with the boss due to his woman having a car accident? As a psychology student, you don't seem to have a lot of empathy for victims of rape?
mania and hypersexuality brings to mind bipolar disorder
@m norton buswell Agreed. And worse to me, she was adopted! How does one have such disdain for a child they fought so hard to get? She was ignored by her mother emotionally - I presume after she found out it was actual work having a child - and beaten by her father who had left when she was 4 but still had part time custody.
Its THAT narc mum who created the bpder
People like you are why I am going into psychiatric medicine. You lack empathy. I have BPD and it is exhausting for ME. You can remove yourself whenever you want to, whenever you get tired of it. I cannot do that, your "charge" cannot do that. You need to find a different career, love.
My First comment. Watching the gentleman for 3 months. Extremely articulate characterized my extreme thoughtfulness.
He’s hired!😉
New shirt, new glasses, and a new You DR. GRANDE! I can't concentrate the night owls are singing so loud. Thank you for this very interesting video.
The constantly-having-to-be-in-communication part is so revealing... in my wife's case, it was like...she didn't just want a HUSBAND...it was like she wanted a BRAIN-GRAFT...
Wow... the love triangle thing, and not being able to let the ex husband go... that was me 100% for the last two years. Trying to mess up their relationship because I was in denial. I believed we were soul mates, I was his one true love. Now I see the truth after recently being diagnosed BPD. This is insane. Thank you for this video
As someone diagnosed with BPD I do definitely identify with a few of these thoughts. I was surprised that I couldn't relate to most of them. I think there was more of a focus on extreme thoughts/behavours that I have not personally experienced. But everyone with BPD is different. Interesting video nonetheless.
Your right. Take what applies to you and just disregard those things that don't apply. Not all of these ideas apply to my partner. I know this. So I conscientiously toss the ideas that I know don't apply.
Thank you for the reminder that we're individuals and don't need everything to fit in order to benefit from a diagnosis. "Lack of insight," I took exception to: When left with few clues as to what other people had been thinking, insight has provided most of the answers I've yet developed. These insights aren't always flattering to others, but I try to be fair with whatever I'm left to work with. (It's just me here, so I think I've been more than generous!)
I feel too much. Diagnosed borderline n my feelings overwhelm me n I pray for numbness that eludes me. I'm the avoidant type. Live alone with doggy. Nobody yelling at me & no one to be angry or fearful of.
I feed the birds 🐦 n they entertain me since covid canceled my job.
I’m borderline,and ocd ,the feeling of being unloved not by a partner but anybody
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
I'm so exhausted from a lifetime of BPD...that I don't even want to get out of bed.
Same.....😟
You can get assistance from ssdi an stay in bed bpd is a disability an lifetime illness
@@im_saved_by_grace nothing good comes of that. Rest is important but getting out of bed and having a purpose and some responsibility every day is part of our growth and positive changes.
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
I'm so sorry to hear that you (and Heidi) are feeling so exhausted and burnt out with your daily experiences 😔 I can't imagine how draining and generally distressing the experience is.
I was also going to mention that Dr Daniel Fox's channel is a fantastic resource for people who are dealing with BPD, whether in themselves or family/partners/close friends. He's the complete opposite of the stigmatizing and/or dehumanizing tone that often comes through in BPD resources, and he's extremely encouraging. It's basically the way that your therapist _should be_.
If you haven't looked into it (I just barely realized that this comment is 4 years old lol), I definitely recommend looking into his channel ❤️
Dr. Todd Grande you helped me get the statistics right for my bachelor thesis which I will be handing in tomorrow. At the same time i learned a lot about mental health, its a great combination
Hello Dr. Grande, I have to say I really enjoy listening to you and learning from your videos. You explain topics in a way I can understand and do not come off sounding like a text book. Also, there is no arrogance on your behalf and you maintain a very professional and non- judgemental position on the topics you discuss. Your videos are very educational and have helped me in my personal life along with therapy. Thank you for what you do!
This is by far the most relatabale explanation of a borderline's thinking I have ever come across. Some points seems to be overlapping with covert narcissism though, if I understand it correctly. It would be awesome to see a video of yours on the differentiation of both. But these 15 mins here are simply breathtakingly relatable. Thank you very much, Todd.
I've noticed that a lot of people that I suspect to have borderline personality disorder are being diagnosed with bipolar disorder - they are not being medicated in line with bipolar disorder and are being treated with "borderline typical" treatments such as dialectal behavior therapy or given medical marijuana prescriptions etc. I suspect that due to the stigma, therapists have been avoiding the diagnosis. This can be very harmful. Even more so if they give someone with borderline pd lithium. I was wondering if others have noticed this and / or if there is more information out there regarding it.
Thanks!
I think this is a possibility.
The most problematic person in my life was diagnosed with bpd in very early adulthood. She refused that diagnosis, obviously there's a lot a stigma and it time gone by it was seen as 'untreatable'. Times have changed and now DBT is seen as a very helpful form of therapy, if the person is prepared to do the work and develop some insight.
However, after being diagnosed with Bipolar myself they latched onto that as a more acceptable diagnosis for themselves and began to mimic my behaviour, words, descriptions of my thoughts and feelings etc
She 'shopped around' from doctor to doctor until she got the diagnosis she wanted. She describes herself as medication resistant but basically the medication won't work because she doesn't have the disorder 🙄
She conveniently blames her 'Bipolar' to get away with what I consider to be p!ss poor behaviour.
I find this mimicry incredibly infuriating, insulting and feel that it minimises my experience especially when I hear my words come out of her mouth!!
I think this 'shopping around' may also be one reason for misdiagnosis.
I know you didn't say anything... crazy but I just wanted to say that in a sea of comments talking about how hellish it is to know someone with BPD, it was actually really comforting to see you just empathize with no judgment.
@Andromeda Skywalker me too
It's hard because if a professional were to "acuse" a person of having BPD and or some degree of narcissism, they'll hit a brick wall and make it difficult for the person to continue treatment. My wife has this very problem.
@Andromeda Skywalker even with private insurance it's very hard to find mental health options. I started using an app and it's great. All the mental health stuff under one roof per se instead of seeing multiple professionals each month.
A person can have some of the traits without having the disorder.
iamlight yes you need 5 of the 8 symptoms to be considered for bpd diagnosis
Cluster b spectrum
absolutely
BPD also tends to ameliorate all by itself with age and the mere passage of time.
@@kathyclark8274 That is false information.
💘 Love your professionalism and comparisons in this video of thoughts that drive behaviors, especially as ir refers to BPD. Excellent video - You're the best!!
Hell for others more like! They will get you arrested, destroy your car, call your boss and try to get you fired, contact all of your friends and tell them various lies and try to alienate all of your friends, even lie to your family. Did I mention break into your house, holler outside your house all night and stand out there naked? What they will do has NO BOUNDS!! Also, you may not even barely KNOW THIS PERSON for this craziness to happen! I went out with a man two times before this happened. Then the stalking began! These people need to be locked up!
This type of video with the examples of thoughts associated with the disorder was very educational. Love it.
This video describes with great accuracy many of the thoughts and ideas I've encounter within my personal (and intimate) interaction with BDP. Highly valuable video. Thanks so much Dr. Grande.
If I keep “communicating with him constantly, he will block me” Lol.
That's always in my head. Also " if I give myself too much , they'll get used to me and love me less. "😅
And so i tell him im sorry for constantly communicating with him, and i block him..... True story....
@@heidiharris9227 omg all of this 💀
I'm glad he explained texting, it's a frantic effort to avoid abandonment. Now I know why people are always ditting on gadgets.
Incredibly insightful. Very professional demeanour as always. Long video but never leaves dead ends or important ideas untouched. Thanks again
This is a very thorough and insightful video 🙌
Borderline Personality Disorder is a very sad mental illness when you really delve into it 😔
Many thanks for the post, all the way from little old Tasmania, Australia 😌
Very interesting. It makes me think about the fact that the personality classification (the one with clusters) can be interconnected in such way that... well, do really someone fit in the mould of this or that PD? It's useful of course because it gives some landmarks, yet it's so complex it seems impossible to define true, reliable diagnoses, especially for PD because you can develop secondary psychiatric issues. Nice new glasses by the way! 👍
I agree.
Indeed. I have BPD, Bi-Polar I and ADD. I subsequently have severe anxiety with horrid panic disorder, trichotillimania, and night terrors/severe insomnia directly correlated to PTSD stemming from my upbringing and eventual physical & mental domestic abuse.
Good observation.
XO
~A.
I appreciate that in many of your videos you focus on the thoughts and feelings underpinning behavior.
Holy shit….. THANK YOU. I didn’t understand why my friend who I’ve always been loyal to & supportive of physically wigged out on me & gave the dude emotionally abusing her a pass.. wow.. so much of what you’ve said here has unravelled the confusion I’ve been experiencing, with them, my own shit, dang Dr. Grande, thank you so much.
I suffer from BPD and this really helped me identify some of my behaviour and stuff. It's hell to live I can't take it anymore but trying to understand myself helps a lot. So thanks Todd, you've really helped!
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
I’ve been dating a man who fits the majority of the criteria for BPD. He pushes and pushes me to express how I feel about him then tries to control me overtly and covertly. I get so fed up with him and constantly argue with him about this. Then when I tell him it’s over it’s no less than an hour I get a call that he’s apologetic and wants to work it out and is so upset that I just casually push him away smh. I’ve never been so exhausted from a relationship before.
What does he do to control you?
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
Thank you for your video which describes not only the behavior of bpd but the underlying thinking that leads to the behavior 1 year ago I broke off a relationship with my bpd x and had to go total no contact this video helped me understand what happened at a level I hadn't heard before thank you again p.s. your one of the best content providers on other topics as well so it's a great channel for me
Your voice is so calming and comforting. Thank you. I am an aspiring therapist. Love your content.
Thanks Dr. Grande! You've taught me a lot about my disorder.
It takes enormous imagination and presence of mind to admit to oneself that he/she has BPD! Seems like progress many don't ever attain.
@@wildandwonderful7069 Very true
Dr. Grande i love this type of video that shows the inner workings of the mind. Can you make similar for other personality disorders?
Thank you! Your explanations are always clear and easily understood. I’ve gained so much from your work.
Thank you Dr Grande for sharing such valuable information
You help so many of us non bpds and bpds
The Ole adage" knowledge is power " yet the "use of knowledge" is what's truly paramount !
Keep doing what you do
God bless you and yours 🙏❤
Just had my sports hour, and Dr. Grande has posted, fantastic. 😃 🌺
This disorder sounds like a Smiths song.
Chroma Sure does. Always appreciated this about music. Might try making a playlist for each disorder.
@@evolle3000 lol! I have a playlist for every mood. There's "depresively dancible" (I think Smiths is on there); angry dance, etc If you go to my channel I think you can find them! :)
Miss E 🤣 Just had a quick look. I’ll be listening to them all. Smiths are definitely depression too. I’m curious about the angry dance lol.
Chroma “The more you ignore me, the closer I get, I’ve made up my mind” 😂
Tarren Hey, that sounds like fun.😂
this is my favorite video you’ve ever made Doc! thanks buddy
"I'm unlovable, so I find it highly suspicious that you really love me."
Bigtime. I got the adoption turbo on that engine, too. 🤙
Edit: 10:08 on, too. Thank you for putting a voice to this.
The knowledge that you distort your own reality and live in it and how blurry the lines get really lend to wanting to feel nothing at all.
Edit2 squirrelbrain boogaloo - the gaslighting we do to ourselves is super awful. Goddang the more I listen the more i feel like I'm not alone.
Edit3 - 12:22 oh, hey, literally my last boss! Same with his wife and kids. Always talking at me like a disappointed parent.
Fantastic video. Please do more of these kind of videos from the perspective of the other 8 personality disorders, if possible,
Dr. Grande. Thanks 😃🇳🇱
Great video. I think this type of analysis is sorely missing in daily life. These types of reflection on others thoughts and motives juxtaposed against the way they are express should be an exercise in school from k-12. It's a less intimidating way to start the process of knowing how you may relate to your own feelings, perceptions and actions. Just great educational material and thought provoking.
Dr. Todd Grande
Terrific!!! You just described everyone I know including myself. Joy to the world and I will continue to Pray.
Dr. Grande, his is not only a profecional in his field, he is kind and well documented communicator, shy to say he has the knowledge, he is the best in youtbe.
his videos helped me to survived a trauma dealing with a BPD partner that ended up in a tragedy murder case.
thanks.
I will keep fighting to find closure and healing.
Incredible video!
You've given me insight, into somebody I love, very dearly!!
Thank you Dr Grande! Knocked it out the ball park... again!! 🐛📚🦋
Your content was extremely valuable to me while studying my psychology degree. Thank you
I can tell that he is truly passionate and genuine in his videos. He's not trying to be something he's not. Of course the information is excellent and correct but I think he's having success on yt because he's being himself
man i see so many of these behaviors when i was younger i used to do and one or two i still do and didnt realize very good video. its crazy to realize that simply acknowledging most of your misconceptions can make the feelings of worthlessness go away. people can tell you all day you arent worthless and you wont believe it until you look at yourself and try to find worth and failings. at least thats what i think.
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
Dr Todd's videos are world class hes punctual insightful and never ceases to astonish me- class 101
I had a very intense 1st relationship as a teenager with a girl who had BPD for 2 to 3 years. I could handle it but I ended the relationship because it was making me unhappy. I think 75% of this video applied for her and It's so recognizable It's scary. I always think (but I'm not qualified)that the root of most BPD cases is some form of lack of attention/fear of abandonment issue.
These are great to go back to, a treasure of a library here
Thank you for your insights. I was in a relationship with a man a few years ago with bpd. We had potential but he didn't want to go for therapy even through he acknowledged he needed it. Life became destructive and unhappy and I felt threatened. He is a wonderful person with so much potential but his headspace limits him in life. I hope he gets the help he needs someday to be at ease with himself.
I appreciate the insights this video provides. I would like to see something like this for those who suffer from c-PTSD
I feel that early childhood abuse by a very close family member or friend is the main causation of BPD.
It's kind of like being in prison and Having a protector from outside harm, but that protector is also really a very scary predator themselves that abuses you.
The child has a very grown up internal struggle playing out. This is where the zoning out and disassociation come in, to mentally protect from the physical harm being done.
Wow, your description is what i was looking for! Thank you for putting it into words and sharing!!!❤
Soooo good!!! Thank you for making this video Dr. Grande!
I found this very interesting and will watch it again -There is often more than one 'type' of personality trait co-existing which muddies the waters of understanding. People often focus on one classifaction only. Thanks for this Todd
New glasses? Very intellectual 😎
Gem Jem they match his flannel. I’m a certified optician and I approve
Thanks Gemma Laura! it was because I was attacked in a hotel! someone broke into my room and put eyelash glue in my eyes after a work Wllhelm Miller celebration and some sadistic person was given a key and broke into my room. I went to the opticians and my eyesight has been impaired! they are new glasses!
@@kenwickcook8413 Camera's in the shower were there? You obviously know my bathing habits using the hotel linen?
@@anonymouspeacefulperson6199 you got me
Kenwick Cook sorry, don’t understand Fiona Pinder Perry? Thank you for escorting me to my room when men were trying to escort me to my room and letting me in the room with the laundry key. I had a decaf coffee and a Cointreau and was very sober going to my room although my friend took full advantage of the 7 free Proseccos! I woke up extremely ill, hand tremors, palpitations, brain Metz migraine cancer and stomach pains! Ohh and impaired eyesight! Had to get new glasses and was frightened of booking a hotel holiday ever again or attending a Christmas party. People told me I was being paranoid and the police didn’t take my claims of assault seriously. They just say I am being paranoid because I had my house broken into whilst having fertility treatment. The fact was I put the eyelash glue in my bag and woke up with it on my pillow next to my head and couldn’t see anything properly and had blurred vision! A and E were extremely unsupportive and was more interested in getting mental health services rather than treating my pain. I was reprimanded for writing a health and safety report. I guess if it happens again or if the hospital comes across this they can instead of being unsupportive, direct abuse victims to the Elms in Huntingdon were they are obviously more used to dealing with incidents!
I woke up this morning with the same symptoms without having alcohol after popcorn and Coca-Cola at the cinema watching 19 17 and having a measured single amount of Bacardi at home on my return. I guess someone has tampered with the bottle of Bacardi as well as my tea and milk!?
Thank you Dr Grande for all informative educational videos. I've found your simple yet thorough explanations of DSM org or classification of traits/disorders to be a user-friendly approach to a complex field. And your behavior analyses to be a logical insightful understandable breakdown of what can be a challenging or emotionally charged subject. (Esp helpful for those of us whose fam patterns, dysfunctions and disorders really do deserve a separate cluster all to ourselves lol;)
Excellent comparison. Clear, concise and useful. Thank you Sir!!!
I found this video comforting, because I don't relate to ANY of these thoughts. I was misdiagnosed a few years ago as having "BPD traits" and have since undergone testing and discovered it's more likely to be autism (still in the diagnostic process though). Because of this BPD label, I was so scared of being manipulative or attention seeking. I stopped opening up to my friends, because what if I was manipulating them into caring about me? I recently had some serious health issues and when my friends found out they were like Why didn't you tell us? Well, the answer is because I was worried I was being attention seeking or manipulative. It also took me a really long time to seek medical treatment because again, I was worried about being attention seeking. I am so heartbroken by the damage this misdiagnosis has done and I wish more professionals were properly educated on this before they start throwing the label around.
wow, my husband is the stereotypical bpd, I’ve gotta stop thinking he might behave normally, I’ve gotta stop believing he will finally understand what i feel.
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
I'm afraid that I might have bpd. I relate so much with the whole love and hate towards an individual. The emotions I feel are so overwhelming and it genuinely scare me. I try separating myself from that person because I don't want to go through that whole cycle over and over again. Idk. Thank you for the video. Ur very helpful and informative :')
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
Dr. Grande I am so grateful for your encouragement to students who share important and the most logical making sense information here. Like another student researcher who said there is lots of research showing that a large factor which causes Borderline PErsonality Disorder is a history of suffering for a long time from emotional abuse. All of a sudden a light went off in my own head when seeing that comment. Emotional abuse includes people presenting medical information to them as if that information is written in stone as a life sentence only because at the time they see those people as having no meaning in life because of the lack of quality of life compared to their own while believing that they can know the full perspective of their patient or spouse in the entirety of that patient's or spouse's totality of their life experience. Which as a housekeeper to the wife of one psychiatrist in the city where i live in who was close to retirement reported to both me and my mother who was housekeeper there too at the time there while her psychiatrist husband was gone from the home before my mother became a PCA at age 50..
This week has been a better one for me thanks to you Dr Grande, Im very grateful for your videos 😊
Exquisitely specific illustrations & explanations--crystal clear! TY So much Dr. G!
You know what's also common ? A BPD Marrying a NPD smh
I know a couple like that and they have no idea who they really are. They appear normal outside, but inside is chaos...just chaos. BPD discarded by NPD, BPD stalked, NPD took back BPD due to lack of supply of attention and admiration, NPD mask applied on top of the existing mask and planned escape route, BPD probably suspects, more chaos, more chaos on top of the chaos, NPD stuck due to situation (Covid19 and financial burden), NPD waits for clear pathway, BPD continues to admire and devalue, NPD maintains new mask to keep BPD in check, NPD still refuse to research "cluster b"(it hurts to see her description), NPD resembles a "collapsed narcissist" and attacks people around her.
Maybe the idealisation makes more sense when the narcissist presents himself in a grandiose way. Also the narcissist is typically very disagreeable and the decision so it brings a bit of stability into the borderlines life.
Guilty.
Thank you Dr. Grande for your channel. I admire your work and I am learning many things I have always wondered about. At the same time, I am aware of the fact that the human condition entails much more than a bunch of labels.
The way you explain things make me think wow my thinking really is disturbed sometimes... will try to keep that all in mind.
When I get into those cycles, I try not to talk. Some ideas are just flights of fancy. If I behave in a way that seems level headed, then other people will not feel like I am out of control.
I think I understand that. I know enough to keep to myself now when I'm feeling certain things, to not hurt others. But I struggle with the fact that I'M hurting on the inside and feeling intense emotions at times. Isolating myself probably isn't the answer, but it's way better than doing impulsive things I later regret.
oh my goodness...you just clarified some of the crazy thinking I cannot understand but have to deal with. Thank you!
"This relationship is over when I say it's over" I can't tell u how many times i've heard those words 😥😥😥😥😥😥....
Wow these are all just fabulous and would help many writers as well trying to construct interesting characters for their books. I think many people have these types of disorders and could benefit from counseling to help correct their thinking that leads to destructive behaviors. I have hopes many people can better themselves through these videos as well especially if counseling is unaffordable for them. Thanks so much!!
I was convinced my mother in law was a covert or a vulnerable narcissist after watching this I'm convinced she's is a covert narcissist and has bpd. All her family and friends enable her behavior and I'm recovering from my relationship with her NPD son it's a shame to see someone suffer and no one will listen to me because they think I'm just trying to bring her down. What a world we live in.
Thats right Mel what a word we live in. Narcissists and bpd are not at all the same so be careful the message you spread damaging to bpd which have no perversion
Yes it hard
@@anotheroneself3699 you could say that to many of people in the comment sections here and in all walks of life. I'm saying that from my experiences, conversations, interactions and the life I've lived with this one individual i brought into question and conversation that is how she comes across. I however am not generalising all people with each conditions. As a friendly reminder to you maybe watch what you spread isn't damaging to others as well.
@@anotheroneself3699there is 40% co-morbidity between BPD and NPD. Please don't gaslight us.
Long time no see, borderline. I mean on your channel, because I struggle with BPD 😅 I'm listening to it right away! I enjoy all your videos but indeed BPD draws particularly my attention... 👍 Keep up the good work!
I'm sure you know the BPD expert Dr. Daniel Fox. I find his videos are tremendously helpful on BPD.
Good morning. Thank you for another great video Dr. Grande. Hope you have a nice day☺️
Excellent!!
Well, my ex is BPD but definitely has narcissistic traits because she thinks no one is good enough for & that she deserves to be a Priority and your life is only 2nd to hers. I’m guessing she’s untreatable!!
It is so hard to maintain a relationship with someone with BPD. Always walking on eggshells. My husband and I are learning to have our own boundaries and not cater to his mom out of fear of her reactions, but it is still hard.
Interesting comment : "walking on eggshells". This is the title of a popular book on BPD.
I've been diagnosed with BPD a long time ago, for a long time I was treated for depression, both medically and with traditional support therapy. My "problem" is that I, for one, am a trained counselor, and my peers were not so keen on labeling me as BPD. The stigma, even in the professional world, is quite severe. BPDs are really a pest. Nobody wants to deal with them.They're (we're) is seen a lost cause. I'm quite smart (I know how it sounds), or skilled, I really don't know. But all that flexible cortex, I still dream of my husband leaving me. Again and again and again. We've been a couple since 1996 and I know that he loves me, but still, those dreams haunt me, torture me. He always says "But you know it's not real" and in some ways I do but the feeling is there. It's night after night after night - and it's a relief to wake up and find that he's still there, but it's still torture, created bu myself.
What is the stigma for BPD? I feel like the diagnosis = hopeless.
No hope of love, no hope of happiness, no hope. What is the stigma? I feel afraid to get the diagnosis but idk why.
This was very helpful and informative, Dr. Grande. Thank you.
This video is an eye opener. I have 9/10 I knew something was wrong with Mr. I have a distorted thoughts and perceptions, and I do feel my emotions are real, real for me,but not for the rest of the people. I will work on right perception of reality, thought process and emotion regulation. Your videos are game changing 🙏