I had someone who apologized about something she had said several years past. I told her, it was all forgotten. She then proceeded to ask if I would be willing to help her and that she would pay me. Of course I was on to her and said NO. I eventually realized that she was a fake as well as a manipulative person Basically she never had time to be a true friend, so in return I had to set boundaries with her.
Yes, to never apologizing. Then there's the gaslighting It's so pathetic, I have zero compassion for the narcissist in my life. Childish, entitled, tantrums. The emotional maturity of a 5 year old
This is the perfect comment for what I dealt with for years and it’s a sad thing because this takes a mental toll on the victims. They will talk and say everything they want to say to you about how your wrong and the second it’s your turn to talk and the truth starts hitting them they immediately flee snd try to avoid what your saying. Almost thought it was coward like for years but now I see it’s because of what they have that makes them this way. Thank God I’m Not there no more
I'm going through this right now and I've been going through it for years and I never knew about this narcissism stuff I have a daughter that does this to me, we had a great time with my grandson on Halloween then all of a sudden she ghosted me and said she doesn't want to have a relationship with me and my baby grandson said he don't like me meanwhile we had a great day and I taught him the scooter and I'm so confused and so down in the dumps it never ends
@@LION-on4gd ya she's sad grandma had a good time with daughters children. When daughters own kids don't have that much fun with them. It's a mean keep away cuz the daughter wasn't 1st in her kids eyes and grandma was. She intentionally went right for grandson doesnt like you out of jealous spite! When ppl do this is to intentionally hurt the other party and use kids as pawns in abuse. Sadly, grandma is gunna be hoop jumping and dancing like a marionette just to have any time with her grand babies.
They are predictable. If you can overcome the emotions you feel when they are abusing you, then half the battle is won because you understand what they are doing. Once you know there moves you can become free of them and you will be able to play them like a violin. And you can be around them without feeling abused. Education and awareness and having the self discipline are your tools to overcome a narcissist. Just saying.
Their greatest weakness is that they fear the TRUTH. If you can stand your ground and confront them with it, they will run from you for having seen through their mask.
If you stand your ground and confront them with anything, they deny it all, they blame it all on you, and escalate by yelling, and escalate by making threats, and if you persist, soon they're eluding to the fact that they have a pistol and are implying that they'll use it on you
Yes, yes, and yes! Thats what I've seen!! If you know what they are doing, they can't handle it! If you call them out on the truth of a matter, and knowing that you know the truth, they will lie to you and to your face. Knowing that you know the truth! And that they know you know, that they are lying. ! And they will still lie to you.
They are obsessed with the fact that YOU won’t just walk away. They are obsessed with the fact that no matter what eternal hell they put you through, you care enough about them to stay and continue to endure it! It feeds them
Lol, I'm staying to torture him and let him continue to pay all the bills. I do encourage him to seek help, which would be ideal. But in the mean time I have no guilt watching him frustrate himself. He completely broke me a few years ago, I suffered greatly. I have slowly recovered, love myself and understand it was all about him, not me. So I'm good, and doing my own thing, on his bill. There is nothing he can do about it, because his indiscretions have given me the goods on him. I have never threatened him with it, and likely would never use it. But his paranoia is his problem, not mine. Yes, I'm bitter 😉
Yes! What makes this so difficult is that we have certain assumptions and expectations about how mature adults think, feel, and interact. Therefore, we fail to address the narcissist effectively with the simple techniques we implicitly employ with children. The good news is that understanding you are dealing with a 3- or 4-year-old not only protects you from harm and from the crazy-making repetitive cycles, it also insulates you from drawing false conclusions that threaten to turn you dark, vengeful, and bitter. I have no contact with certain narcissistic family members after having calmly and clearly asserted boundaries, expressed compassion, and offered to assist in (in a nutshell) growing them up. ("I will help you to change. I will not help you stay the same" Russell Brand) The big difference that makes in me is that I didn't cut them off out of fear or anger; I wasn't left as a victim (notwithstanding that I really was badly harmed). That impacts how I think and feel about myself, inoculates me against hoovering and flying monkeys, and facilitates my own healing, self reflection and personal growth. Knowing that narcissists are big toddlers is a game changer to clearing up the confusion, addressing the detrimental habits the relationship set up in me, and building my self respect, self esteem, and self confidence.
The Saddest Thing is we have all loved These People and they do Blame us for Everything. We are Too nice and loving and Caring. Stay Strong Darling People and Hope you all have a Better Life.
One of the biggest emotions I got after my relationship ended with the NPD I got an overwhelming sense of shame! I realised that he transferred all of this shame on to me and the shame belonged to him, not me. Hurt people, hurt people!
You can’t transfer shame. That’s your own shame. For whatever reason you are feeling it, it’s yours and no one else’s. Don’t be like the narcissist and blame him for YOUR things.
@@NeurosparklyWolf the narc's are getting sneakier, they come here now to try transfer shame on to us in the comments sections. They think we don't see them coming a mile off
It helped me a lot to learn to distinguish guilt from shame because then we know what to do with it. Guilt is a productive mechanism. We are SUPPOSED to feel uncomfortable when we do something wrong. It's important to really examine whether you have done something wrong (objectively harmful to others). Where you have not fulfilled a responsibility, misdirected your emotions at someone, etc., guilt is prompting you to be accountable for that and to make amends. This takes humility and courage, but it makes you respectable (to yourself and others). That builds integrity, confidence, and you feel good about yourself. Shame is destructive. It comes from the outside when you believe things someone says that aren't true. Typically, these are messages about your inferiority due to things beyond your control, over which you literally have no choice (eg, race, gender, disability, losing a job due to downsizing, etc). Denegrating others (to ostensibly agrandize oneself) is bullying and harmful. It's bad behaviour, so you can return (even if only inside yourself) what you experience as shame as the guilt of the one who inflicted it. You stop believing others' ridiculous opinions. This builds your personal sense of worth and power, and it helps you to have boundaries. Unfortunately, it's unlikely that a narcissist will be accountable for their culpable behaviour and make amends. But sorting out what is and isn't your responsibility will make a huge difference in you. A side lesson that was very important to me was to learn how to be okay with someone else's upset. I'd been conditioned to think it was wrong to upset anyone. Now that I understand the difference between guilt and shame, it's much easier not to get dragged into futile conflict with narcissists (eg, raging that I said no to their request for my money). I can both understand that they don't like it AND not comply with their demand. Learn to stop "fixing" others' emotional state. Guilt does not feel good, but if we're constantly relieving others' guilt, we're enabling and perpetuating bad behaviour. Finally, we have, indeed, been quasi-guilty of internalizing others' guilt as our shame, turning over power and control to harmful people, enabling and cooperating with their dysfunction. We do have to rectify these things. An enormous amount of loving compassion for ourselves is necessary as we do this. Many of us were trained by our family, religion, culture to behave the way we did. Now that we know better, we can and must do better. It's not easy to cease being a victim, and it's possible only from within. Yes, people behave badly and ought not, but we have no control over that. We can, however, undo our tolerance and complicity in that bad behaviour. Including, when necessary, by getting away from dangerous situations.
Ur right I've told this to my ex narcicist that you're compulsively moving a certain way cuz u can't keep under the rug these painful suffering type emotions that come up when you are with your self in silence.
Hello .. P radha... I feel the same... But feeling helpless so much... I need someone to talk about my situation and get help... I am Mary George... from India (not mentioning my city here as this can be a public platform). I am 48 yrs old... I don't know much about your situation but mine is critical... 😓 I believe we should help each other... Pls let me know what is your opinion.. Pls do reply... 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Wow- this is scary accurate…the best part was the outrageous outbursts and venom they spew when you stand up to them or they realize they can’t affect you any longer. 10 year old stuck in an adult body is what I dealt with for years.
I'm a recovering narcissist, myself. This is incredibly accurate to how I used to feel, and why I was never fulfilled. It pushed me to destroy my marriage by neglecting my wife and chase other highs from drugs, or money, or material things, constantly. The longer it went, the more afraid I became that someone would find out I was a phony. I had to hit my own rock bottom to realize how i was affecting people around me. Before, I couldn't see past my own incredible pain, I was completely preoccupied with myself. Then Finally one day, I looked up and reached out to a good honest friend. It's been about a year and a half of retraining my brain. It's not easy, and most other narcissists probably won't do the work
Recognizing the facts of one's problem or illness is half the battle. Very painful for you but so important to getting right. You should be proud of getting help to get healthy.
Wow, I so wish my husband would just acknowledge the abuse I have suffered and repent of his doings like you have. Well done for the courage to do that
Congrats on the hard work paying off. I too have been trying to unravel the narcissistic traits that I have. Both of my parents were narcs, and so myself and my sibling seem to have normalized this behaviour and chosen our partners accordingly. It's horrible doing things that you know are wrong and treating people poorly yet feeling unable to stop yourself. Once I recognized that my critical opinions and statements of myself and others were just the internalized voices of my parents, I could begin the true healing work that had been so elusive all my life. I am still that person when I succumb to my addictions, (they say you truly know who someone is when they're drunk) so I am pursuing sobriety with mostly success and on the road to becoming who I actually want to be. I feel like these comment sections are usually filled with people (rightfully) demonizing narcs and it is refreshing to find someone else who identifies with these traits and is challenging themselves to overcome them. Peace be with you and best of luck on your journey.
This commentary was " spot on!" Narcissist can not control their own emotions. They shout and rage over the slightest things that they wrongly perceive, because they feel inadequate and are super sensitive. They never apologize because in their twisted view, they are never wrong and always blame others. They don't want to listen to another's point of view or compromise. They are never satisfied with their place in life as they are always thinking they can " have a better partner, have more material possessions, or more wealth or status. This makes them unhappy and very jealous of others whom they think have more or are doing better than them. They are basically immature little children in adult bodies. The best think a well adjusted person can do is leave them as soon as you realize who they are before they make your life unbearable with their lying, cheating, and stealing.
I recently met up with my narcissistic Ex. You’re on point when you said they’ll be the same 10 yrs later. Right off he says to my dog as he’s trying to pet her” oh you don’t ever get any pets or hugs do you? Your mommy is bad.” I looked at him like WTH? So he goes from attacking and belittling our son for years, and now he has to focus on the dog! Sick.
so pathetic..hope you just said: "yes , bad mummy bad" & left ..& didnt give him any reactions..narcs dont deserve even basic acknowledgement from us, just be ing indifferent & leaving.. hurts them most😏
To those commenting on my reply: it had been over 10 years post Ex. And No I did not reply to him after his doggy comment. Anyway, you don’t know the reason for the recent meet up, and it certainly was NOT to try and get back with him. I remember the reason why I divorced him in the first place. Pass this on : they are wolves in sheep’s clothing! I’m in the process of writing a book on healing from narcissistic abuse.
Weaknesses I saw on my ex-narc: extreme need to control, emotional maturity of a 5 year old, everything is a competition that needs to be won (even if it involves hurting other people an lying), any disagreement feels like a HUGE attack to them, deep down they are extremely lonely, admitting their vulnerabilities is against their religion so they have to show this "front of perfection" at all times, they are unable to love, they are incredibly superficial, they are extremely insecure, they play the victim role at all times because they're unable to take accountability of their own actions (it's always everyone's fault). Being a narcissist is exhausting.
They are like vicious toddlers that Father Time stuck in an adult body. The ignorance and arrogance combined with their immaturity is frightening. They will srop at nothing to avoid being revealed. These videos are so on point! I got away from mine by refusing to react, and in fact, acting happy no matter what he did or said. He finally left, and said "stop acting like Im a nice guy that likes you". Then he stalked me for several years and obstructed our divorce to try to make me penniless. I've never spoken to him In person since he left - 11 years ago. I had saved proof of his abuse and used it during divorce proceedings to prove that he was a liar and a cheat. I refused to speak to him without a witness, created alternate email addresses that I had other people read, and eventually humiliated him and exposed him as a liar in a deposition that he demanded for the divorce ( that cost me $5000). His lawyer dropped him and the judge saw him for the pathological liar that he was and awarded me half of our assets (which he and his mother tried to take away by writing a fake trust). They are unchangeable and stuck in time. They are vampires that want to see you depleted. Every day away from him is a gift and I pray that my children continue to stay away from him and his mother. The world will be a better place when they're gone. Pure evil.
I prat that my daughter can leave her husband. But he made sure that she do not have a permanent work. So she demends of him for everything she needs. He will then not e en give her money for makeup or just a hairdresser.... for months. Will he ever change .... she has nowhere to go... they have two beautiful children. My daughter is a loving mom .... I can not see that she suffers like this. He will never give her one good woord. 😢 😭
Good you got on top of him. You're right, pure evil. Hard to believe such people exist. Who needs monsters in horror movies when these people exist in real life. They can and do ruin many good sane people's lives, while they are like an indifferent uncaring machine.
Eric, what if you may not be a narcissist, but people are projecting their narcissistic traits onto you, falsely calling you the narc, when you possibly may not be one?
Eric, I’ve had those thoughts because my adult daughter accused me. She and I are completely estranged (her decision). She claims her biological father -to whom I was married for 32 years - molested her. She is now 33, working on her third college degree, and lives with him on his dime.
You are very correct.. i was there for twenty years of hell... these people are horrible... they are a total fake..always hopping from one person/relationship to the other and nothing lasts. l waited for years thinking someone will change and finally after 2 decades l got tired. Keep it up guys you helped me a lot and finally l rediscovered myself again.. lam happy once more. But it left a scar on me. I am terribly scared of romantic relationships with any lady now.
Wow, this is one of the best and most accurate descriptions of the traits of a narcissist I’ve ever heard. Thank you!!! You described this type of person in easy-to-understand ways. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and have had to fight to change these tendencies in myself. I’m happy to say, with much self-reflection and professional help, I’ve overcome most of these destructive traits. Thank you again for taking the time to explain.
One of the biggest weakness is the fact that we can see they make mistakes and call them out and they get so made and try to bring up logical fallacies to gaslight you into thinking they have done nothing wrong.
@@jannlewandowski5540 yes; I was with one for almost a year.. I almost lost my life. It left me in shambles 🥺🥺 the after math is no joke The healing at the end is amazing.. god bless you
@@jannlewandowski5540 you also have to very careful when you leave.. do it in a way where you change your living location ; place of work .. if you can change your name do so. My only way out was an order of protection.. I would say what hurt and stung deeply is how much you really loved them. With all of you… but they’re incapable of loving .. they will destroy you; hurt you internally and externally; steal from you.. speak false things on you ; they’re jealous everything is a competition.. they can never congratulate you fully. Who ever is not in a relationship with them .. they wouldn’t believe you if you tell them who they really are. They will try to tarnish your reputation.. manipulate you. Never take accountability… lie intensely about everything… only feel good if you’re sad and in pain that’s when they’re their happiest… I can write a book damn near .. wait till your down to kick you more… after they caused you so much pain to where you’ve lost yourself .. it’s not enough for them they will continue more. Look for other spots and things to hurt you.. in any part of your life. Pick an argument with you waste your time. Accuse you daily of cheating ( when they’re the ones cheating) break your self confidence. When you second guess yourself … it’s just so much I’m just grateful the lord protected me through it all
Oh My Gawd! when you talked about the Narcissistic Parent you were spot on! I am so glad you are hear teach us. I always felt like the "Bad Cop" for trying to teach my child rules, boundaries and responsibility. I was always told by the Narcissist that I was "always mad, too strict" and on and on. They made my child into a flying monkey until I just said "Ok, Do whatever you want" and started focusing on healing and building myself up. Let the Narcissistic Collapse Ensue!
very enlightening, I had a lengthy relationship with one when I was younger, I saw the flags, but I just didn't realize that was what he was, Bad temper at times, tantrums at times, and was never satisfied with anything, I was the trophy wife, I had to be the responsible one, taking care of everything, he was constantly living beyond our means, changing vehicles constantly, would put a lot of money into repairs, paint jobs, tires, and after everything was done would sell it or trade for something else, he was a gambler, cheated on me, lied to often, couldn't believe him, bragged and lied about his past, blamed everyone else for past problems and issues, shortcomings, made life very hard for me for years. and I put up with it and kept going back, or taking him back, don't make the same mistakes I did it ruins your life
Thank you for this insight. I find after 17 years that I've been a foil for my wife's narcissism. I admit that I'm a slow learner and for years she has been able to keep me off balance with a constant diet of gaslighting and verbal abuse. I even started believing that I might have misogynistic tendencies because of her unfailing tactics of obfuscation to avoid looking at her own failings. I'm heart broken to learn that there is no happy endings with a narcissist. It probably sounds like I'm putting all the blame on her for our train wreck of a marriage. I have been a miserable excuse for a husband because of the dysfunction of both of our childhood upbringing, but I now see that her condition makes it impossible for anyone to have a healthy dynamic with her. I would never leave her because she could never survive financially and I did vow to stick it out through thick and thin. I will admit that if I won the lottery, I would give her half and be on my way!
I would honestly rethink my marriage if I had known the behaviors of my stepson, hard 24 years but I allow him to visit. If able I leave home during that time
Listen! You can certainly see that through out the situation-ship they are weak and insecure… my concern is me… where & why am I so broken that I would allow myself to connect with them!!!!
I think you harbor the thought that you need someone to make you complete......when you need someone that is a compliment to yourself as you are. Just a random thought from a random guy on the internet.
I told my counselor that I didn't think my husband understood how much he was hurting me. She was the one who finally opened my eyes and said "Yes,he does". "He knows exactly what he is doing ". She called his behavior gas lighting. When I looked up the definition and found out gas lighting is the favorite tool of a narcissist...I researched that term too and wept. It suddenly all made sense. Blaming me for everything...and convincing our daughter to do the same. Treating me like trash in front of her and encouraging her to do the same. Slamming my character because he is so afraid someone will notice his. Beware of the one who apologizes for nothing. When you set out a small amount of money you are willing to lose...and it goes missing...you know it's time to drop your partner. My husband claims everything is his and steals from me every chance he gets.
The irony is that it was completely different in the beginning of our relationship. I understand now that I was a trophy and considered special when we starteddating. Once I started saying no and not going along with whatever he wanted...I was no longer special. Beware of the one who starts saying your sick...delusional...or crazy.
@@sarah06ish How? Can you expand it if possible? I am really curious about what narcissist is. If anyone’s parents are died if he/she sits on sofa and pout because of blues does that mean he or she narcissist? So interesting.
Typically, a Narcissist is like an 8 years old child. Why?! Because, they are emotionally immature. Doesn't matter how old they become, they will always be emotionally immature. This is the reason why they never take accountability for anything. They just runaway from it, and blame the other person for it, as their fault, by making them feel guilty all the times. That's just the way they are. Prayers! Sending healing thoughts! All the best! 🤲🤞
They are emotional toddlers permanently stuck in adult bodies, very very 😔 sad, also dangerous..." doctrine of inevitable harm" applies when you interact with a narc. Stay away, go no contact with them...they might as well have a tattoo on their heads that reads, "abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
Thank you for the verification and clarification of the narcissist's image needs and how they use others, especially children to meet this need. It is rather sad that they can't genuinely feel happy for someone else's success without turning it into a competition of sorts. Rejoicing in success of another for their sake and sharing in that joy is priceless!
abandoment, ignored, mock and humiliation, anything that makes feel insignificant, small, or treated like a nobody. also being punked, disrespected, challenged, having their sense of power go unacknowledged, and anything that makes them feel weak and powerless. they also exhibit approval and recognition needs but only those that refference back to significance. the only acceptance needs they show will also reference back to significance needs as well as said groups they do belong to (if they really do) will include groups of significance such as powerful people, wealthy people and such. their only usage of pity needs comes about when tactics dont work and then need to play a pity card. i could go on and on but these are the core elements in their behavorial profile.
My N adult son goes from one relationship to another, abusing each. He's recently married for the 4th time with relationships between. I'm waiting to see how long this one will last
I remember coming to a grocery store and taking out my reusable shopping bag instead of buying a new one . The narc spilled all his guts at me and showed his evil nature. It was astonishing to see a grown man getting embarrassed over using a reusable shopping bag.
Took no accountability, projected his weaknesses onto me ..resented others success ...extremely egotistical yet extremely charming, mentally and emotionally manipulative, habitual liar and greedy..oh my, I thought this person was capable of loving me!! He was materiistic and emotionally immature, very vengeful and malicious...I gained self love and alot of wisdom, huge lessons learnt...onwards and upwards 🙂
Great video. My brother is a Narc (NPD) and he will manufacture his so called evidence to blacken whoever (me). I have researched this Narcissistic subject in order to PROTECT myself from him. The more research one does, the better it is for you (me). As my brother has aged (77yrs) he has crossed the line and committed the very worst act imaginable. However, if I dared to confront him, I realise how it may end. So, I keep my distance. I live my life minus him being in it. It is the only way I can avoid his damaging affect. Thank you for your excellent video. Bye ❤
One of my narc relatives, who has cancelled me a few months ago, does anything he can to blame me for anything that suits him and says that I owe him in Life. He only respects lawyers but he despises anything concerning my persona. I whish him well but I'm fed up with this absurd game.
They can't stand being witnessed or recorded, but they love to set it up and record you. They hate being surprised, but they LOVE to ambush you. They never meet on your turf, and if they meet you on neutral turf they arrange to make it look like it's their playing field. Like they arrive early, or get chummy with the staff. So to ward off Narcs: 1.)Install a big security system that's on all the time. 2.)Surprise them early and often, and lean into it when they try to surprise you. Say "wow" that's amazing, and I really have to use the ladies room!" And go to the ladies room, and plot what your most strategic reaction will be. 3.)If they invite you somewhere, get in ahead of them. Phone ahead, get to know the staff, be super nice and make some friends. Ask about parking or gift shops or the customer experience. Make it your turf, too. Then the Narc gives up on you, or reveals him/herself by really getting obvious in their machinations.
Love your videos. Very accurate. My 75 year old malignant narc mom has had zero growth in her lifetime. She's obese, sits on couch watching tv all day. Addicted to food, shopping and tv. Doesn't work, doesn't help anyone, but complains that no one does for her. She truly hates me, I refuse to play along and give her narc supply. Went no contact, she's way to toxic. She has zero interest in her grandchildren. Blew off every birthday party and my graduation. She thinks everyone else is the problem, never her. She has no insight, no desire to improve any area of her life. She's so obese, she has all kinds of health problems and refuses to fix them. Very jealous of my success, jealous that I'm fit and athletic with lots of hobbies. She has no hobbies, interested only in food, shopping and tv. It's always been that way. No change.
It doesn't seem like she can b happy maybe she needs to do pherapy it's very sad hearing you don't have relationship you'd like with yr mum but remember yr mum brought you into the world my mum been gone 9 years n I'd put up with anything including toxic behaviour to have her back even for just one day so please just try get ya mum out the house take her to park with ya kids etc might help but is very hard when you are isolated for so long food can b addiction also you gotta think our parents were brought up alot worse than us taught ďifferent etc total different life and you can go from being so fit to doing nothing putting on weight very fast comfort eat etc i wish evryone healing health and happiness 🙌🏽🙏🏽💞
You see this one about children, you are hundred percent right. I have experienced that in a big way. They can destroy their children while trying to win. I never knew I was staying with a narcissist 🙆🏾♂️
Wow, this really hit home. Thank you for this. Guess I’m not crazy as my husband secretly tells my girls when I call him out for his toxic behavior and failing to take responsibility for his actions.
A beautiful friend of mine that I had the pleasure of knowing for 31 years ended up dying after being married to her narcissistic husband for 22 of those 31 years and four daughters later. I tried to help her as much as I could but she didn’t believe in divorce. What a beautiful soul I would give the shirt off her back for me and anyone else that she deemed a friend. They don’t make them like that anymore and I miss her so much and I’ll never have closure since I was barred from going to her memorial service. It’s no wonder why he had her cremated so quickly after they found her body on New Year’s Day 2021
Holidays are the worst times for a victim . I have known quite a few "widowers" of that type. No remorse and they keep using their dead wives to triangulate other future victims and play the pity game. Many strokes and heart failures or at least those were the official "cause of death". Sorry for your loss.
I developed a heart arythmia, fibromyalgia, IBD, PTSD, only 4 years into an 18 year nightmare of a marriage - and inflammatory condition upon finally leaving at 65 years old! Yep - if they don't kill you, they'll kill you. 🏃💨
When in public, I had to be dressed to the nines. So he could show me off, but as soon as he was alone he would talk terribly about me! God, I am so glad to know I'm not crazy!
Its so crazy how accurate this is. My mom had 4 or 5 husbands...now she is alone. After she coudnt keep a partner I became her main supply. We both trained horses...she would quit competing and sell everything every other year...retire from competition over and over again...people started to wonder why she kept buying horses, trucks and trailers...all brand new knowing she couldnt afford them and then she would quit and I would take over whatever she couldnt sell to help her get out of the financial bind. Now that I am winning on some of those horses she has started reminding everyone online that I am her daughter winning....on her horses that she gave me...when all truth was I bought them to get her out of financial burdens. When I am not winning, she is quiet to the public.
Biggest weakness I saw is how easy it was for her to escape her reality, any pill, drug, doom scroll, anything she could do to get a dopamine hit she would do. Another one is the inability to understand a wrong doing and manipulating the situation to make you think you were in the wrong. Man I’m so glad I’m out of that place I was in with her. I was completely blind to the knowledge of what a narcissist actually was.
My eldest sibling sister is a narcissist and has grown more toxic with age. Each and every conversation with her is a one sided competition of sorts on whatever topic she chooses to embellish on that particular day. She has also spent each & every conversation discussing & dwelling on our childhood which in the past would sometimes go on for hours until I put a stop to that pattern. She has a completely altered perception of the past where she was always the victim which is so incredibly far from the truth as she was and still is an incredibly angry, hostile person & a bully. I am always shocked by how deeply emotionally immature she is and how consumed she is with going over & over literally daily our childhood & the past. She has a completely distorted view of what actually occurred which all fits her false victim narrative. I wish I didn’t have to deal with her but we are both caring for our very elderly parent at this time. I find this series of videos so enlightening & helpful. They have brought so much understanding to me coming from a family with a few narcissists.
Call the locksmith to come change the locks when he ain’t home. Then proceed to drop off his garbage somewhere else or outside. If he tries to use squatters rights say nope he don’t live here and is trying to force his way in my home. Also if he says I receive mail here. Say I didn’t give him permission to do that. Get a restraining order if you must! If you can move away do it! God bless you.
As a person who enjoy being alone rather than in a bad company it so hard to comprehand why are these creaturea thw way they are? They don t have a soul? It s a mental illness, but at thw same time they are aware when they hurt the closest to them! How can you hate yourself so mutch to destroy every relatiinship you have?
They are demonically possessed. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes. Because they are so very weak in spirit, other spirits just take them over and Satan has an easy minion in them. Sadly we are the ones who suffer their insidious abuse, as they just pass on to us what would be theirs to deal with.
There is a scientifically proven theory that their empathy center in the brain does not send empathy neurons to the brain. It's the other way around with empaths. The Empathy center sends them all the time. More than it is the case with other people.
Nothing I ever did was enough. When called out by a therapist and by me me he turned into that monster that you mentioned. He saw himself as higher than other people, He didnt feel a need to reflect with any feedback I gave him. Didnt seem to care if he hurt me with his behaviour.
You just described my former friend. At one point, I thought of her as the older sister I never had. When we first met, I thought she truly was a kindred spirit that would be in my life for an extended period of time. Let's call her “Molly.” When I met Molly, I was a naive early 20-something with very little life experience. She was in her early forties with two small children, in a very unstable marriage and on an extended “sabbatical” from her job (code for she was lazy, unemployed and believed she was “too good” to work a regular job). Because I used to let my heart override my brain, I helped her out when she needed money. It turned into a lot of give with no reciprocation. Molly rarely ever paid me back in full. When I pressed her to remit what she owed me, the mask slipped. What I saw was terrifying: an insecure, spiteful, hateful, cruel (and dare I say it) evil overbearing middle school mean girl trapped in a middle-aged woman's body. I often saw a smug smirk of satisfaction when she had been particularly sadistic just out of spite. To describe the look she would give me as she would let her eyes turn to dagger slits: it was a mixture of superiority, self-gratification that had “won” whatever perceived conflict she had dreamed up in her troubled mind and strong-armed yet another person out of her constant need to always be in “control” or, more accurately, her illusion of control. It was at that point that she started meddling in my life and trash-talking me (smear campaign) to anyone who would listen, specifically her flying monkeys. Social media was still new at the time and they were all on my friends list. She used them to spy on me because she was dead convinced I was talking about her. I couldn't understand that because, while, at first, I thought she was a cool person, until the conflict started, I didn't think she was that interesting. I made the mistake of telling her that. The stage-four meltdown that ensued because of my blunt response is still something I remember and this is more than 15 years later. When I called her out on gossiping about me, she became immediately defensive. It was always a case of “miscommunication” or a “misunderstanding.” Even then, I noticed something with her just didn't add up. When I asked her something along the lines of: “Why is it everyone else always has you ‘all wrong’ or they're the ones who are misunderstanding you or they are the ones misconstruing things? Everybody can't be that dumb,” she went off and hung up on me. Little did I know, during the time period that I was spared her emotional tirade, she was trash-talking me depicting me as mean and describing me in extremely hurtful expletive filled ways solely because I had challenged her narrative, because I dared call her out. I wasn't trying to be malicious, I simply had asked a question and she couldn't handle that I had apparently hit the nail right on the head. It's also worth pointing out, she had to go and do what I call the reverse version of the smear campaign: damage control. Because I was her then-supply, she feared losing me. She knew that the more people she trash-talked me to, the possibility of them getting to me and relaying what she had said, had gone significantly up. It's worth pointing out, all of her supply including several of her flying monkeys knew what a high maintenance pain in the butt she was. This is where I started to find out that she was not as nice as she seemed. She actually had the nerve to say to my face, “if I can say it behind your back I can say it to your face.” I shot her down stating that she never said anything to my face. Of course, this led to a fight and more defamation against me. The number of atrocities Molly committed against me, include, but are not limited to and in no particular order, are: as stated, borrowing gobs of money from me that she had no intention of ever returning, spreading an entirely false rumor that I had caught an STI from a one-night stand, outing me to my estranged extremely conservative homophobic Italian Roman Catholic father (my father and I already had a rocky relationship, but what she did widened an already irreparable rift which led to him disowning me), had the nerve to try and turn the day my father died into one of her spotlight performances and when I shut her down, she had the audacity to say, and I quote, “Well, you two never got along anyway“ and, weeks later, she pretended she didn't trample all over my grieving process and not so subtly asked (demanded) I share my non-existent inheritance with her because she had lost yet another job due to poor attendance. Why? Because: “we're friendssssss!” I told her in no uncertain terms that friends don't treat people the way she treated me. She pouted and ended the call. Given these examples, I had learned of an exercise that psychiatrists have their patients do: take a piece of paper and write down in one column, the good about the person in question and in the other side column, the bad. If the bad outweighs the good, that's when you need to come up with a plan. If the good outweighs the bad, then it's up to you on whether or not you want to let the bad dictate the direction of your relationship. Well, I did this and I had pages, and I mean PAGES of toxic, boundary-trampling behavior that Molly had done to me. Once I realized that our relationship was nothing more than transactional (Molly had exploited me because I had a resource she needed and thus treated me like I was the light of her life), it was like a switch flipped. I hovered between tears and rage for a while but it eventually gave way to indifference. Fortunately, she had moved out of state and I didn't see her or hear from her anymore because it wasn't convenient for her to contact me everyday. She had found new supply elsewhere. Still, I jumped every time I got a notification from her. The whole “what the hell does she want now” reaction. Before experiencing the utter lack of respect she had for me after losing a parent to cancer, I thought there was hope for her. Seeing that Molly didn't care AT ALL that I was grieving and feeling mixture of emotions, because she was right, my father and I did not get along, but it was not her place to say, it showed she had zero empathy for anyone or anything. Not even her children. She had the nerve to say I had been a jerk and mean to everyone because I was displacing my grief over my father. Those she whined to, were understandably aghast that she couldn't even show a drop of sympathy towards me during that trying time period. When it got back to me, naturally, Molly denied ever saying such a thing, but her nervous insistence was a dead giveaway. I told her, she was lucky she wasn't standing in front of me because I would have physically confronted her. That scared her. I purged my life of every single one of her flying monkeys, blocked all of them on my social media. Fortunately, none of them had my cell phone number. Molly had no awareness whatsoever and never committed anything to memory, unless she could use it later on to manipulate someone for her own gain. She didn't even notice that I had gone no-contact and changed my number until she tried to call me (about five months after the fact) to let me know that a mutual acquaintance had unexpectedly passed away. Never one to not put her incessant need for attention above everyone else (including her own children) or turn everything that happens into a story about herself, Molly demonstrated how deeply unhinged she was/is by tracking down my widow mother's phone number and called her trying to find me. When my mom told me that Molly had called her to inform me that our mutual acquaintance had died then quickly segued into turning his death into a story about her and then tried to get my mom to verbally bash me during one of her infamous b*tch sessions, my mom let her have it. A little fact about my mom: she is a German-Jew native New Yorker with a very big mouth. She takes absolutely no crap and makes Judge Judy Sheindlin seem like a cream puff by comparison. My mom was understandably appalled that Molly had so little class to use someone else's death to talk about herself and called my former friend something that rhymes with selfish trucking grunt, told her I blocked her on everything for reasons that were “already well known to her” and to f*ck off. According to Mom, this reduced Molly to tears (“She wailed like a baby!”) and the call was immediately ended. Never one to give up easily (unless it involved obtaining and maintaining employment), Molly went to a mutual friend (someone who I was eventually able to wake up to her toxic ways and also went no-contact with her) and tried to commiserate with him about how she had been disrespected and denied the one thing she wanted the most: my attention. He said that Molly threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. She demanded that he block me and cut me off to show solidarity with her. He said she verbally bashed me and tried to make me out to be this horrible person, but she, of course, totally forgot that he had known me long before he had known her and knew all of what she was telling him was false. He refused to do what she demanded of him but she repeatedly bugged him to check my social media. She ORDERED him to spy on my social media to see if I was talking about her. He refused, stating that she wasn't as interesting as she thinks she is. She got offended by that, too. This was the beginning of the end for the two of them as he had never seen her behave like, in his words, such “a crazy b*tch” before. I had seen it many times, but I imagine in my friend's case, seeing a 50+-year-old mother and grandmother throw an absolute hissy fit, because she didn't get her way, must have been quite the unnerving sight. It's been over eight years and I haven't heard from her since.
Your comment was spot on and a great read. Good on you and your Mum. I have experienced the same. They're Parasites and the best day is when we drop them. No Contact again, ever for me, because our happiness is much more important than a manipulative, lying, stealing piece of work.
Deepest condolences for your father. I'm so sorry. You loved him so regardless. I couldn't stop reading. The selfishness of that person was Horrific. 0 Please , Think about writing a book. "Years ago...." . You have a gift. Thank you for sharing your story. It was filled with so much hurt and pain . This will definitely help others .
@@therealwewin already been to therapy and I'm fine. I shared this story to help others. I have good boundaries now and I trust my instincts. If people are toxic, I can tell just by the way they walk or how they treat others.
I’ve never heard someone giving detailed clear detailed explanation of a narcissist. All the 5 points you gave was straight to the point and this is what I have suffered from my husband. I wish I knew this channel early I guess my life and that of my children was going to be spared. We have suffered a lot from this man
I am literally dealing with all 5. He gaslight arguments to push me away. Our relationship seemed perfect in most ways the first 3 years. Then he proposed and his controlling family slowly wedged us apart..he has been an emotional nightmare the last year and a half. Breaks up with me..wants me back..repeat repeat repeat. Won't acknowledge any faults and blames me for every single behavior. His entire family is controlling so he has learned this behavior. I called him out on it and we started working together with self reflection and motivational videos..vision boards etc. Then this Friday out of nowhere he tells me he doesn't want me around..when I ask why he accuses me of arguing...and breaks up again. The cycle never stops. I don't understand why he is this way, especially if he knows he is this way and can get help. It is mentally exhausting and has broken my self worth....but after this last even I am drowning myself into self care. Thank you for your channel. I definitely suffer from the trauma bond.....I love him..but I know he is not healthy for me. I don't want to give up but I know until he takes control of his behaviors and works on himself daily...I will always be his doormat. And I know I am worth more and deserve more. His last relationship also ended the same way after 8 years.
Sooner you wake up that you cannot save him from himself or abusing you. Gotta know you deserve better to break the puppet strings of your reactions….blessings!
They are incapable of accepting the negative consequences/outcomes of their actions. If something fails or doesn’t go their way, it’s someone else’s fault.
I agreed with you 100%!!...I come from a narcissistic family, and am over the toxicity they inflict in all that even brushes against their lives...it's like they are walking nuclear waste that contaminates everyone and everything that is with a certain radius of their existence. I am working on separation from my kin...even if it's scary and lonely at the get go. They are an eternal stressful headache that will NEVER subside, and the only thing I can do is to extricate myself from their influence, FOR GOOD. All love and feelings of family are GONE. I have nothing but contempt for them. For my own sanity, I will forgive them, instantaneously, and never revert to their presence, again. This may have undertones of anger, but, in reality...they are more of frustrated desperation. I genuinely get a turn in my stomach, at the thought of their presence...(but, I guess to them, this would be a validation of their importance in my existance...when in reality, it's just the measure of the disgust in their values and behavior. Thanks, for the video!!
To understand who are they, what is running in their mind, why do they behave certain ways, it takes almost an year. By then we are emotionally attached to their abusive behavior thinking someday they will change. By second year, cheating, lying, manipulation comes out and we are shattered and no idea what who n where we went wrong. All those struggles to accept their toxicity expecting things to change in future and hoping things to b fine someday meanwhile ignoring intuition screaming it's all BS n just leave. By the end of 3rd year we come to conclusion that it's not working and as they blame us always thinking we r the problem and we cannot cut off so we wait them to change but they abandon leaving us devastated n ego boost to them in very satisfied way. We are dead in and out by then. To accept the pain n betrayal trauma it takes months and when we realize it's high end narcissistic abuse and only option to leave them n it was all lie till then it was all illusion in our head. No-one should go through like this. We don't deserve this. Thankfully super empaths are so strong willed they can never be destroyed. We win all these inner battles sooner.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
You have explained so SO SO MUCH !!!! I TOTALLY WONDERED WHY!!! I HAVE FAMILY MEMBER LIKE THIS AND I MEET THEM SADLY OFTEN ....BUT I AM LEARNING TO RECOGNIZE THEM WAY FASTER AND PROTECT MYSELF
This was one of the most impressive and simplistic observations and one of all the others I have listened to, your session brought the message home for me. It put into perspective my situation and I am happy to be now living as a single father with my four children. Thank you Danish.
as a thought ... when you are saying addicted to substances .. I find that it can be even simple things like: shopping at Hobby Lobby, or being a movie addict but having no way to convey the things movies would teach into real life; food to excess; anger to excess. It doesn't have to be hard core drugs - crafting supplies or really any supply that can get the out of the mundane moment and into the shallow world of escapism. Maybe not accurate; but I have noticed this as red flags. Observable traits can be well under drug abuse.
Jestem z Polski i mimo, że na bieżąco śledzę informacje o narcyzach (dr Ramani itp) przypadkiem weszłam na pana podcasty ( napisy po polsku) i mnie olśniło!. Nikt tak wnikliwie a jednocześnie w sposób bardzo przystępny nie przemówił do mnie jak pan:) Od 4 lat jestem w relacji z narcyzem a przynajmniej tak mi się wydaje. Od kilku godzin czytam różne tematy u pana i to mnie utwierdza, ze jednak jest to narcyz. Bardzo dziękuje🤗 będę śledzić dalej. Proszę działać dalej👏
Always putting one in embarassing situations which we don't deserve . Inquisitive in reading minds . Some times giving hope to mislead . Other times remaining calm to enjoy their fortune . Texting sometimes is like some forey language
Thank you so much! You have validated all 26 years of knowing and being with my husband, now ex-husband of 2 1/2 years. Unfortunately my children are continuously still dealing with the narcissistic behavior. Thank God my children are smart and they have figured him out on their own. But it is still a struggle with his nonsense with us. He does his best sadly to destroy me and distort reality for me and our children.
What they say and what they actually do will never add up!!!!!! Lying comes easy to them! Making false excuses comes very easy to them! Blaming other people comes very easy to them! Playing politics and mind games is easy for them.. because they LIE their way out of everything! Because they know how horrible of a person they are, that's why inside, they are insecure and actually hate themselves!
Thank you for your video. You described my ex-partner to a T. He is all that and more...! They make you love them... I'm 74 and sure of myself and yet he knew how to pull me back in every time I broke things off with him - 8 times in 2 years. The love bombing, emotional abuse, then making me feel unimportant, insignificant, disrespectful of me and my feelings. He just didn't care. It was all about him. After struggling with anxiety for 2 years with him, I'm finally free this time. But I refuse to even see him or hear from him. They know how to pull you back in. As I said, I'm 74 and have been through a lot in my life but those last two years were the worst.
Mine hoards cars!!! He has no room at his home property so he rents storage units all over. He has a lift in his garage to stack cars on but his garage has too much junk in it to use it. Car hoarding, woman hoarding, so many car parts stacked to the ceiling of a big bathroom. It's a deadly combination of narcissism and OCPD.
I wish I had been aware of these before I got destroyed by my narc mother. Nonetheless you do a great job. Your explanations are precise and accurate, easy to comperhend. Keep on educating those who are under attack day by day. Give them weapons to survive. Best wishes.
After all the emotional abuse they'll never say sorry. I'm so grateful that I free my self from that sick pattern. I remember when he disappears for weeks and months and then come back home while he thinks he s the victim, every time he comes back I get ready for another cycle of disagreement or manipulation so on. It was hectic tiring life. 😓
Iv'e never had this so clearly explained. so concise, every action, (hording, competitive, blaming, control, external need for excitement, constantly moving or changing her environment, these behavior so accurately described. I just got out, "get out of jail free" although it cost me 1/2 my net worth (she dumped me for a new supply) of a 36 year marriage relationship, she was a very covert narcissist. I am lucky, as the best thing and most loving she ever did for me was to discard me. After watching the video I now see how insecure internally she really was and depended on external supply to validate her existence ...this really helps me see what was going on, I guess I'm not all to blame as I was conditioned to believe for 36 years ...Thanks so much!
So true...I had a partner who was always going out of the way trying to please others, even if they were not close friends. I just couldn't understand why someone would expend so much energy in such a meaningless manner until I heard you put this so succinctly. Thank you.
You confirmed what I've been picking up from someone I have been dealing with. I have no choice but to pull my energy back. They are very draining , and disconnected. Very glad to visit your channel and felt like you werre talking directly to me. I wish them the best to find a way out of their patterned life.
After 38 years of divorcing him, I cannot believe he is still using isolation & money to try & control me. I have woken up though- he will never be truly happy like I have been when I met the love of my life- thank goodness for my 2nd husband.
One weakness is that when you logically point out the wrongs especially if it's in their nature with examples of their misdeeds that time they either reframe or shift the blame on you! Cyz they feel vulnerable. They can literally manipulate you to such an extent where you stop believing in yourself and believe the version they think you are. And you already know how this would make you feel about yourself.
My mom's weak point is me. Everything you have said I have figured out about her and I don't tolerate it. As of now we are no contact because it's abusive and since she can't project on me she moved to projecting the abuse with my kids and I'm not having it.
Its a shocking disgrace to know that i have lived with this person for the last 20 years and his behaviour, mode of operation, cycle, habits have not change one bit. Its like been in a circle going nowhere i told him on several occassions, yet he sees nothing wrong with it... These people are delusional...😢 Another great episode Danish, you explained my 22 years of misery to a T. Thank you for your knowkedge and sharing it with us❤.
Narcissists have a lot of weaknesses. Which ones did you see in them?
They don't have any patience... Always restless, never sorry for their ignorance
Narcissistic dissociation *+* Maladaptive avoidance of problems
_(Narcissistic defense mechanisms _*_+_*_ Maladaptive coping strategies)_
They have multiple addictions. Addicts to the extreme! They are easily controlled by substances.
Children stuck in adult bodies....
@Danish Bashir the lies are thier biggest weakness that's what trips them up in the end !
They never say sorry..they always block people who tell them the truth.. they are very toxic and manipulative..
I had someone who apologized about something she had said several years past.
I told her, it was all forgotten.
She then proceeded to ask if I would be willing to help her and that she would pay me. Of course I was on to her and said NO. I eventually realized that she was a fake as well as a manipulative
person
Basically she never had time to be a true friend, so in return I had to set boundaries with her.
Blocking someone may be for one's own protection. Have you ever been mocked repeatedly? Wouldn't you block such people?
Yes, to never apologizing. Then there's the gaslighting
It's so pathetic, I have zero compassion for the narcissist in my life. Childish, entitled, tantrums. The emotional maturity of a 5 year old
I told him the truth. He blocked me.
This is the perfect comment for what I dealt with for years and it’s a sad thing because this takes a mental toll on the victims. They will talk and say everything they want to say to you about how your wrong and the second it’s your turn to talk and the truth starts hitting them they immediately flee snd try to avoid what your saying. Almost thought it was coward like for years but now I see it’s because of what they have that makes them this way. Thank God I’m
Not there no more
One thing I realised is that narcissist always fear to be challenged and once you challenge them they start gaslighting you instead
I'm going through this right now and I've been going through it for years and I never knew about this narcissism stuff I have a daughter that does this to me, we had a great time with my grandson on Halloween then all of a sudden she ghosted me and said she doesn't want to have a relationship with me and my baby grandson said he don't like me meanwhile we had a great day and I taught him the scooter and I'm so confused and so down in the dumps it never ends
@@lindagarofalo7263 A parent shall be there for their child..have an open hearted calme discussion with your daughter..she is sad about something..😥
@@LION-on4gd ya she's sad grandma had a good time with daughters children. When daughters own kids don't have that much fun with them. It's a mean keep away cuz the daughter wasn't 1st in her kids eyes and grandma was. She intentionally went right for grandson doesnt like you out of jealous spite! When ppl do this is to intentionally hurt the other party and use kids as pawns in abuse. Sadly, grandma is gunna be hoop jumping and dancing like a marionette just to have any time with her grand babies.
They do not like being called out, once you point out their mistake, they get defensive .
So so so true I am so glad that you said that I agree with you , thank you ❤
They are predictable. If you can overcome the emotions you feel when they are abusing you, then half the battle is won because you understand what they are doing. Once you know there moves you can become free of them and you will be able to play them like a violin. And you can be around them without feeling abused. Education and awareness and having the self discipline are your tools to overcome a narcissist. Just saying.
Very predictable. Always unpredictable😂
Perfect
ABSOLUTLEY
I am so excited to get to that point. That sounds amazing.
@@dalialovesdoggies4361 what?
Their greatest weakness is that they fear the TRUTH. If you can stand your ground and confront them with it, they will run from you for having seen through their mask.
If you stand your ground and confront them with anything, they deny it all, they blame it all on you, and escalate by yelling, and escalate by making threats, and if you persist, soon they're eluding to the fact that they have a pistol and are implying that they'll use it on you
Never confront a narcisist
Yes, yes, and yes! Thats what I've seen!! If you know what they are doing, they can't handle it! If you call them out on the truth of a matter, and knowing that you know the truth, they will lie to you and to your face. Knowing that you know the truth! And that they know you know, that they are lying. ! And they will still lie to you.
@@glendagirard2234 Exactly like a corrupt politician. Which is what most of them are.
@@bledlbledlbledl true, some of them are really dangerous and ready to hurt you if you tell them the truth
They are obsessed with the fact that YOU won’t just walk away. They are obsessed with the fact that no matter what eternal hell they put you through, you care enough about them to stay and continue to endure it! It feeds them
💯 percent!!!!!
yes they are maglomaniacs
Lol, I'm staying to torture him and let him continue to pay all the bills. I do encourage him to seek help, which would be ideal. But in the mean time I have no guilt watching him frustrate himself. He completely broke me a few years ago, I suffered greatly. I have slowly recovered, love myself and understand it was all about him, not me. So I'm good, and doing my own thing, on his bill. There is nothing he can do about it, because his indiscretions have given me the goods on him. I have never threatened him with it, and likely would never use it. But his paranoia is his problem, not mine. Yes, I'm bitter 😉
This is so point
Same situation, too funny!
I have learned that a narcissist is, indeed, comparable, in many forms, to the persona of a spoiled child.
True 👍 well said 👏
Yessss
Yes, a lazy and spoiled child.
Yes! What makes this so difficult is that we have certain assumptions and expectations about how mature adults think, feel, and interact. Therefore, we fail to address the narcissist effectively with the simple techniques we implicitly employ with children. The good news is that understanding you are dealing with a 3- or 4-year-old not only protects you from harm and from the crazy-making repetitive cycles, it also insulates you from drawing false conclusions that threaten to turn you dark, vengeful, and bitter.
I have no contact with certain narcissistic family members after having calmly and clearly asserted boundaries, expressed compassion, and offered to assist in (in a nutshell) growing them up. ("I will help you to change. I will not help you stay the same" Russell Brand) The big difference that makes in me is that I didn't cut them off out of fear or anger; I wasn't left as a victim (notwithstanding that I really was badly harmed). That impacts how I think and feel about myself, inoculates me against hoovering and flying monkeys, and facilitates my own healing, self reflection and personal growth.
Knowing that narcissists are big toddlers is a game changer to clearing up the confusion, addressing the detrimental habits the relationship set up in me, and building my self respect, self esteem, and self confidence.
@@lousialb8962 Excellent post!
The Saddest Thing is we have all loved These People and they do Blame us for Everything. We are Too nice and loving and Caring. Stay Strong Darling People and Hope you all have a Better Life.
One of the biggest emotions I got after my relationship ended with the NPD I got an overwhelming sense of shame! I realised that he transferred all of this shame on to me and the shame belonged to him, not me.
Hurt people, hurt people!
You can’t transfer shame. That’s your own shame. For whatever reason you are feeling it, it’s yours and no one else’s. Don’t be like the narcissist and blame him for YOUR things.
@@NeurosparklyWolf the narc's are getting sneakier, they come here now to try transfer shame on to us in the comments sections. They think we don't see them coming a mile off
@@daughteroftheking6402 it's simple, if the shame doesn't belong to you, it's not yours! If it came from a narc, it's theirs. Return to sender.
Well said
It helped me a lot to learn to distinguish guilt from shame because then we know what to do with it.
Guilt is a productive mechanism. We are SUPPOSED to feel uncomfortable when we do something wrong. It's important to really examine whether you have done something wrong (objectively harmful to others). Where you have not fulfilled a responsibility, misdirected your emotions at someone, etc., guilt is prompting you to be accountable for that and to make amends. This takes humility and courage, but it makes you respectable (to yourself and others). That builds integrity, confidence, and you feel good about yourself.
Shame is destructive. It comes from the outside when you believe things someone says that aren't true. Typically, these are messages about your inferiority due to things beyond your control, over which you literally have no choice (eg, race, gender, disability, losing a job due to downsizing, etc). Denegrating others (to ostensibly agrandize oneself) is bullying and harmful. It's bad behaviour, so you can return (even if only inside yourself) what you experience as shame as the guilt of the one who inflicted it. You stop believing others' ridiculous opinions. This builds your personal sense of worth and power, and it helps you to have boundaries.
Unfortunately, it's unlikely that a narcissist will be accountable for their culpable behaviour and make amends. But sorting out what is and isn't your responsibility will make a huge difference in you.
A side lesson that was very important to me was to learn how to be okay with someone else's upset. I'd been conditioned to think it was wrong to upset anyone. Now that I understand the difference between guilt and shame, it's much easier not to get dragged into futile conflict with narcissists (eg, raging that I said no to their request for my money). I can both understand that they don't like it AND not comply with their demand.
Learn to stop "fixing" others' emotional state. Guilt does not feel good, but if we're constantly relieving others' guilt, we're enabling and perpetuating bad behaviour.
Finally, we have, indeed, been quasi-guilty of internalizing others' guilt as our shame, turning over power and control to harmful people, enabling and cooperating with their dysfunction. We do have to rectify these things. An enormous amount of loving compassion for ourselves is necessary as we do this. Many of us were trained by our family, religion, culture to behave the way we did. Now that we know better, we can and must do better. It's not easy to cease being a victim, and it's possible only from within. Yes, people behave badly and ought not, but we have no control over that. We can, however, undo our tolerance and complicity in that bad behaviour. Including, when necessary, by getting away from dangerous situations.
Yes, they seem committed to and consumed with distracting themselves from dealing with their childhood hurts and issues.
It seems they are searching for victim to get the revenge for their broken childhood.
Absolute truth
@@sarah06ish That makes me sad.
@@americawaters4257 hi darling
Ur right I've told this to my ex narcicist that you're compulsively moving a certain way cuz u can't keep under the rug these painful suffering type emotions that come up when you are with your self in silence.
He who claims to have no faults has just revealed one.
I believe one cannot be strong without weakness
I'm very much happy atleast one person in this world is able to understand my situation
I get it. It isn’t easy
Absolutely...I have gone through all the stages with narcissists
Hello .. P radha... I feel the same... But feeling helpless so much... I need someone to talk about my situation and get help...
I am Mary George... from India (not mentioning my city here as this can be a public platform). I am 48 yrs old... I don't know much about your situation but mine is critical... 😓
I believe we should help each other... Pls let me know what is your opinion..
Pls do reply... 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Oh there are many that understand your situation...I do, unfortunately..you are NOT alone
"Your [Narc] is SO awesome. They must be a great [relationship]. Yep...
Wow- this is scary accurate…the best part was the outrageous outbursts and venom they spew when you stand up to them or they realize they can’t affect you any longer. 10 year old stuck in an adult body is what I dealt with for years.
You hit this right on the head!
4 years old at best. They are definitely addicted to money and sex as well.
I'm a recovering narcissist, myself. This is incredibly accurate to how I used to feel, and why I was never fulfilled. It pushed me to destroy my marriage by neglecting my wife and chase other highs from drugs, or money, or material things, constantly. The longer it went, the more afraid I became that someone would find out I was a phony.
I had to hit my own rock bottom to realize how i was affecting people around me. Before, I couldn't see past my own incredible pain, I was completely preoccupied with myself. Then Finally one day, I looked up and reached out to a good honest friend. It's been about a year and a half of retraining my brain. It's not easy, and most other narcissists probably won't do the work
Recognizing the facts of one's problem or illness is half the battle. Very painful for you but so important to getting right. You should be proud of getting help to get healthy.
Wow, you amazing!
Wow, I so wish my husband would just acknowledge the abuse I have suffered and repent of his doings like you have. Well done for the courage to do that
Happy healing. It’s almost impossible for a narcissist to correct these behaviors because they cannot ever be wrong. You should be proud of yourself.
Congrats on the hard work paying off. I too have been trying to unravel the narcissistic traits that I have. Both of my parents were narcs, and so myself and my sibling seem to have normalized this behaviour and chosen our partners accordingly. It's horrible doing things that you know are wrong and treating people poorly yet feeling unable to stop yourself. Once I recognized that my critical opinions and statements of myself and others were just the internalized voices of my parents, I could begin the true healing work that had been so elusive all my life. I am still that person when I succumb to my addictions, (they say you truly know who someone is when they're drunk) so I am pursuing sobriety with mostly success and on the road to becoming who I actually want to be.
I feel like these comment sections are usually filled with people (rightfully) demonizing narcs and it is refreshing to find someone else who identifies with these traits and is challenging themselves to overcome them. Peace be with you and best of luck on your journey.
a lack of empathy, increased levels of grandiosity and entitlement, and a chronic seeking of admiration and validation.
This commentary was " spot on!"
Narcissist can not control their own emotions. They shout and rage over the slightest things that they wrongly perceive, because they feel inadequate and are super sensitive. They never apologize because in their twisted view, they are never wrong and always blame others. They don't want to listen to another's point of view or compromise. They are never satisfied with their place in life as they are always thinking they can " have a better partner, have more material possessions, or more wealth or status. This makes them unhappy and very jealous of others whom they think have more or are doing better than them. They are basically immature little children in adult bodies. The best think a well adjusted person can do is leave them as soon as you realize who they are before they make your life unbearable with their lying, cheating, and stealing.
I recently met up with my narcissistic Ex. You’re on point when you said they’ll be the same 10 yrs later. Right off he says to my dog as he’s trying to pet her” oh you don’t ever get any pets or hugs do you? Your mommy is bad.” I looked at him like WTH? So he goes from attacking and belittling our son for years, and now he has to focus on the dog! Sick.
Do not engage with him! When you don’t acknowledge them they hate that. God bless you and family
so pathetic..hope you just said: "yes , bad mummy bad" & left ..& didnt give him any reactions..narcs dont deserve even basic acknowledgement from us, just be ing indifferent & leaving.. hurts them most😏
To those commenting on my reply: it had been over 10 years post Ex. And No I did not reply to him after his doggy comment.
Anyway, you don’t know the reason for the recent meet up, and it certainly was NOT to try and get back with him. I remember the reason why I divorced him in the first place. Pass this on : they are wolves in sheep’s clothing!
I’m in the process of writing a book on healing from narcissistic abuse.
Weaknesses I saw on my ex-narc: extreme need to control, emotional maturity of a 5 year old, everything is a competition that needs to be won (even if it involves hurting other people an lying), any disagreement feels like a HUGE attack to them, deep down they are extremely lonely, admitting their vulnerabilities is against their religion so they have to show this "front of perfection" at all times, they are unable to love, they are incredibly superficial, they are extremely insecure, they play the victim role at all times because they're unable to take accountability of their own actions (it's always everyone's fault). Being a narcissist is exhausting.
amen. so on point
Exactly... You are right
This is spot on!
True...but seriously how they are very perfect in their professional life???very decent very mature very educated very intelligent leading teams how
They are like vicious toddlers that Father Time stuck in an adult body. The ignorance and arrogance combined with their immaturity is frightening. They will srop at nothing to avoid being revealed. These videos are so on point!
I got away from mine by refusing to react, and in fact, acting happy no matter what he did or said. He finally left, and said "stop acting like Im a nice guy that likes you". Then he stalked me for several years and obstructed our divorce to try to make me penniless. I've never spoken to him In person since he left - 11 years ago. I had saved proof of his abuse and used it during divorce proceedings to prove that he was a liar and a cheat. I refused
to speak to him without a witness, created alternate email addresses that I had other people read, and eventually humiliated him and exposed him as a liar in a deposition that he demanded for the divorce ( that cost me $5000). His lawyer dropped him and the judge saw him for the pathological liar that he was and awarded me half of our assets (which he and his mother tried to take away by writing a fake trust). They are unchangeable and stuck in time. They are vampires that want to see you depleted. Every day away from him is a gift and I pray that my children continue to stay away from him and his mother. The world will be a better place when they're gone. Pure evil.
Frozen adolescents in ageing bodies
glad it worked out for you I had the same problem did my documents for court thoroughly and it worked out too. These guys are a mess.
Yeah they really come across as Middle School Bullies.
I prat that my daughter can leave her husband. But he made sure that she do not have a permanent work. So she demends of him for everything she needs. He will then not e en give her money for makeup or just a hairdresser.... for months.
Will he ever change .... she has nowhere to go... they have two beautiful children. My daughter is a loving mom .... I can not see that she suffers like this. He will never give her one good woord. 😢 😭
Good you got on top of him. You're right, pure evil. Hard to believe such people exist. Who needs monsters in horror movies when these people exist in real life. They can and do ruin many good sane people's lives, while they are like an indifferent uncaring machine.
I'm both a narcissist and was abused by several. All true. Great video. Avoid narcissists at all costs.
It’s hard to avoid them if they are family
@@Jepse89 We need better people in our life!
Eric, what if you may not be a narcissist, but people are projecting their narcissistic traits onto you, falsely calling you the narc, when you possibly may not be one?
Eric, I’ve had those thoughts because my adult daughter accused me. She and I are completely estranged (her decision). She claims her biological father -to whom I was married for 32 years - molested her. She is now 33, working on her third college degree, and lives with him on his dime.
@@lisabrown9286 wow I’m really sorry
You are very correct.. i was there for twenty years of hell... these people are horrible... they are a total fake..always hopping from one person/relationship to the other and nothing lasts. l waited for years thinking someone will change and finally after 2 decades l got tired. Keep it up guys you helped me a lot and finally l rediscovered myself again.. lam happy once more. But it left a scar on me. I am terribly scared of romantic relationships with any lady now.
I have the same problem. I believe it's a form of PTSD. I have no desire to date again.
Me too. I'll never date again.
Wow, this is one of the best and most accurate descriptions of the traits of a narcissist I’ve ever heard. Thank you!!! You described this type of person in easy-to-understand ways. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and have had to fight to change these tendencies in myself. I’m happy to say, with much self-reflection and professional help, I’ve overcome most of these destructive traits. Thank you again for taking the time to explain.
One of the biggest weakness is the fact that we can see they make mistakes and call them out and they get so made and try to bring up logical fallacies to gaslight you into thinking they have done nothing wrong.
I am already dealing with a narcissist. Each and every statement of yours is true.
Neena, leave him! They get WORSE. I was engaged to one for 5 years. I almost died. Get away whe you can.
Leave then as quickly as possible
@@jannlewandowski5540 yes; I was with one for almost a year.. I almost lost my life. It left me in shambles 🥺🥺 the after math is no joke
The healing at the end is amazing.. god bless you
@@jannlewandowski5540 you also have to very careful when you leave.. do it in a way where you change your living location ; place of work .. if you can change your name do so.
My only way out was an order of protection.. I would say what hurt and stung deeply is how much you really loved them. With all of you… but they’re incapable of loving .. they will destroy you; hurt you internally and externally; steal from you.. speak false things on you ; they’re jealous everything is a competition.. they can never congratulate you fully. Who ever is not in a relationship with them .. they wouldn’t believe you if you tell them who they really are. They will try to tarnish your reputation.. manipulate you. Never take accountability… lie intensely about everything… only feel good if you’re sad and in pain that’s when they’re their happiest… I can write a book damn near .. wait till your down to kick you more… after they caused you so much pain to where you’ve lost yourself .. it’s not enough for them they will continue more. Look for other spots and things to hurt you.. in any part of your life. Pick an argument with you waste your time. Accuse you daily of cheating ( when they’re the ones cheating) break your self confidence. When you second guess yourself … it’s just so much
I’m just grateful the lord protected me through it all
Me too married to one
Hording / chaos and fear of exposure is clear in the narcissist am dealing with
Thank you for your videos, they helped me find the strength to leave after 7 years of this inane behavior.
Yep, being challenged and loosing control is what I noticed.
Oh My Gawd! when you talked about the Narcissistic Parent you were spot on! I am so glad you are hear teach us. I always felt like the "Bad Cop" for trying to teach my child rules, boundaries and responsibility. I was always told by the Narcissist that I was "always mad, too strict" and on and on. They made my child into a flying monkey until I just said "Ok, Do whatever you want" and started focusing on healing and building myself up. Let the Narcissistic Collapse Ensue!
very enlightening, I had a lengthy relationship with one when I was younger, I saw the flags, but I just didn't realize that was what he was, Bad temper at times, tantrums at times, and was never satisfied with anything, I was the trophy wife, I had to be the responsible one, taking care of everything, he was constantly living beyond our means, changing vehicles constantly, would put a lot of money into repairs, paint jobs, tires, and after everything was done would sell it or trade for something else, he was a gambler, cheated on me, lied to often, couldn't believe him, bragged and lied about his past, blamed everyone else for past problems and issues, shortcomings, made life very hard for me for years. and I put up with it and kept going back, or taking him back, don't make the same mistakes I did it ruins your life
Your ex sounds exactly like my father in law who lost all his money on a lavish lifestyle yet blames me for bad relationship with his son
Sounds like every Narcissist I've known.
Thank you for this insight. I find after 17 years that I've been a foil for my wife's narcissism. I admit that I'm a slow learner and for years she has been able to keep me off balance with a constant diet of gaslighting and verbal abuse. I even started believing that I might have misogynistic tendencies because of her unfailing tactics of obfuscation to avoid looking at her own failings. I'm heart broken to learn that there is no happy endings with a narcissist. It probably sounds like I'm putting all the blame on her for our train wreck of a marriage. I have been a miserable excuse for a husband because of the dysfunction of both of our childhood upbringing, but I now see that her condition makes it impossible for anyone to have a healthy dynamic with her. I would never leave her because she could never survive financially and I did vow to stick it out through thick and thin. I will admit that if I won the lottery, I would give her half and be on my way!
Your not alone my friend. Myself and others resemble your exact circumstance. Stay strong !
I would honestly rethink my marriage if I had known the behaviors of my stepson, hard 24 years but I allow him to visit. If able I leave home during that time
Listen! You can certainly see that through out the situation-ship they are weak and insecure… my concern is me… where & why am I so broken that I would allow myself to connect with them!!!!
Right!! Same here!!
I think you harbor the thought that you need someone to make you complete......when you need someone that is a compliment to yourself as you are.
Just a random thought from a random guy on the internet.
me too, extremely same
They know how to manipulate people.
those demons very very very good at cheating, manipulating and fool good people, they do it since 5 years old...
I told my counselor that I didn't think my husband understood how much he was hurting me. She was the one who finally opened my eyes and said "Yes,he does". "He knows exactly what he is doing ". She called his behavior gas lighting. When I looked up the definition and found out gas lighting is the favorite tool of a narcissist...I researched that term too and wept. It suddenly all made sense. Blaming me for everything...and convincing our daughter to do the same. Treating me like trash in front of her and encouraging her to do the same. Slamming my character because he is so afraid someone will notice his. Beware of the one who apologizes for nothing. When you set out a small amount of money you are willing to lose...and it goes missing...you know it's time to drop your partner. My husband claims everything is his and steals from me every chance he gets.
The irony is that it was completely different in the beginning of our relationship. I understand now that I was a trophy and considered special when we starteddating. Once I started saying no and not going along with whatever he wanted...I was no longer special. Beware of the one who starts saying your sick...delusional...or crazy.
Divorce him before he destroys you.
Thank you for saying they get bored easily with hobbies not just people, I wondered about that
They don’t like being abandoned
Yet do everything that will. Push pple to abandoning them, it's Sickening
They're like 4 year old children. Easily bored and distracted.
It doesn’t have any connection with being narcissist.
I've always said that
My children have never behaved that bad, I hate how everyone compares narcs to children, that is a real insult to children.
@@sarah06ish
How? Can you expand it if possible? I am really curious about what narcissist is. If anyone’s parents are died if he/she sits on sofa and pout because of blues does that mean he or she narcissist? So interesting.
Typically, a Narcissist is like an 8 years old child. Why?! Because, they are emotionally immature. Doesn't matter how old they become, they will always be emotionally immature. This is the reason why they never take accountability for anything. They just runaway from it, and blame the other person for it, as their fault, by making them feel guilty all the times. That's just the way they are. Prayers! Sending healing thoughts! All the best! 🤲🤞
Competition, uncontrolled emotions when cornered/caught off guard…
We often can not stop loving the person that has hurt us the most.
They are emotional toddlers permanently stuck in adult bodies, very very 😔 sad, also dangerous..." doctrine of inevitable harm" applies when you interact with a narc.
Stay away, go no contact with them...they might as well have a tattoo on their heads that reads, "abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
The tattoo idea is spot on !
😂yes!
Thank you for the verification and clarification of the narcissist's image needs and how they use others, especially children to meet this need. It is rather sad that they can't genuinely feel happy for someone else's success without turning it into a competition of sorts. Rejoicing in success of another for their sake and sharing in that joy is priceless!
abandoment, ignored, mock and humiliation, anything that makes feel insignificant, small, or treated like a nobody. also being punked, disrespected, challenged, having their sense of power go unacknowledged, and anything that makes them feel weak and powerless. they also exhibit approval and recognition needs but only those that refference back to significance. the only acceptance needs they show will also reference back to significance needs as well as said groups they do belong to (if they really do) will include groups of significance such as powerful people, wealthy people and such. their only usage of pity needs comes about when tactics dont work and then need to play a pity card. i could go on and on but these are the core elements in their behavorial profile.
Such a detailed and accurate description
Sounds exactly like my ex husband and my mother. Unfortunately also my brothers.
Literally describing my husband and his ways. Lord help me
This is such the truth!!
You said "they are afraid to be alone with themself" and that was something new to me in this subject. Thanks for a good video!
My N adult son goes from one relationship to another, abusing each. He's recently married for the 4th time with relationships between. I'm waiting to see how long this one will last
They hate being alone and silence. I wish I understood that before. Anyone who can't sit with themselves has a troubled soul. My opinion of course
I remember coming to a grocery store and taking out my reusable shopping bag instead of buying a new one . The narc spilled all his guts at me and showed his evil nature. It was astonishing to see a grown man getting embarrassed over using a reusable shopping bag.
They love drama/chaos, they make a lot of it out of thin air - not your problem!
💜
Spot on
@@yellowmint5 💜
Sorry but if you are the hugging tree type of person you had it coming.
It is all about their trauma and their reality. They are never wrong and quick to point out your perceived faults.
Took no accountability, projected his weaknesses onto me ..resented others success ...extremely egotistical yet extremely charming, mentally and emotionally manipulative, habitual liar and greedy..oh my, I thought this person was capable of loving me!! He was materiistic and emotionally immature, very vengeful and malicious...I gained self love and alot of wisdom, huge lessons learnt...onwards and upwards 🙂
Great video. My brother is a Narc (NPD) and he will manufacture his so called evidence to blacken whoever (me). I have researched this Narcissistic subject in order to PROTECT myself from him. The more research one does, the better it is for you (me). As my brother has aged (77yrs) he has crossed the line and committed the very worst act imaginable. However, if I dared to confront him, I realise how it may end. So, I keep my distance. I live my life minus him being in it. It is the only way I can avoid his damaging affect.
Thank you for your excellent video.
Bye
❤
One of my narc relatives, who has cancelled me a few months ago, does anything he can to blame me for anything that suits him and says that I owe him in Life. He only respects lawyers but he despises anything concerning my persona. I whish him well but I'm fed up with this absurd game.
Stay positive. You’re not to blame.
@@alexg4408 Thanks Alex 🙏
They can't stand being witnessed or recorded, but they love to set it up and record you.
They hate being surprised, but they LOVE to ambush you.
They never meet on your turf, and if they meet you on neutral turf they arrange to make it look like it's their playing field. Like they arrive early, or get chummy with the staff.
So to ward off Narcs:
1.)Install a big security system that's on all the time.
2.)Surprise them early and often, and lean into it when they try to surprise you. Say "wow" that's amazing, and I really have to use the ladies room!" And go to the ladies room, and plot what your most strategic reaction will be.
3.)If they invite you somewhere, get in ahead of them. Phone ahead, get to know the staff, be super nice and make some friends. Ask about parking or gift shops or the customer experience. Make it your turf, too.
Then the Narc gives up on you, or reveals him/herself by really getting obvious in their machinations.
This is the BEST Episode Yet!!! Thank you for helping Us to Understand these people!!! Terrible!
Thank you so much for this video. You have no idea how many people, especially spouses of a narcissist you are helping. May God bless you abundantly!
Love your videos. Very accurate. My 75 year old malignant narc mom has had zero growth in her lifetime. She's obese, sits on couch watching tv all day. Addicted to food, shopping and tv. Doesn't work, doesn't help anyone, but complains that no one does for her. She truly hates me, I refuse to play along and give her narc supply. Went no contact, she's way to toxic. She has zero interest in her grandchildren. Blew off every birthday party and my graduation. She thinks everyone else is the problem, never her. She has no insight, no desire to improve any area of her life. She's so obese, she has all kinds of health problems and refuses to fix them. Very jealous of my success, jealous that I'm fit and athletic with lots of hobbies. She has no hobbies, interested only in food, shopping and tv. It's always been that way. No change.
It doesn't seem like she can b happy maybe she needs to do pherapy it's very sad hearing you don't have relationship you'd like with yr mum but remember yr mum brought you into the world my mum been gone 9 years n I'd put up with anything including toxic behaviour to have her back even for just one day so please just try get ya mum out the house take her to park with ya kids etc might help but is very hard when you are isolated for so long food can b addiction also you gotta think our parents were brought up alot worse than us taught ďifferent etc total different life and you can go from being so fit to doing nothing putting on weight very fast comfort eat etc i wish evryone healing health and happiness 🙌🏽🙏🏽💞
Good for you for going no-contact. It is tough, but worth it. Best wishes for your continued growth.
You see this one about children, you are hundred percent right. I have experienced that in a big way. They can destroy their children while trying to win. I never knew I was staying with a narcissist 🙆🏾♂️
Wow, this really hit home. Thank you for this. Guess I’m not crazy as my husband secretly tells my girls when I call him out for his toxic behavior and failing to take responsibility for his actions.
A beautiful friend of mine that I had the pleasure of knowing for 31 years ended up dying after being married to her narcissistic husband for 22 of those 31 years and four daughters later. I tried to help her as much as I could but she didn’t believe in divorce. What a beautiful soul I would give the shirt off her back for me and anyone else that she deemed a friend. They don’t make them like that anymore and I miss her so much and I’ll never have closure since I was barred from going to her memorial service. It’s no wonder why he had her cremated so quickly after they found her body on New Year’s Day 2021
My condolences.
So sorry for ur loss
Holidays are the worst times for a victim . I have known quite a few "widowers" of that type. No remorse and they keep using their dead wives to triangulate other future victims and play the pity game. Many strokes and heart failures or at least those were the official "cause of death". Sorry for your loss.
I developed a heart arythmia, fibromyalgia, IBD, PTSD, only 4 years into an 18 year nightmare of a marriage - and inflammatory condition upon finally leaving at 65 years old! Yep - if they don't kill you, they'll kill you. 🏃💨
When in public, I had to be dressed to the nines. So he could show me off, but as soon as he was alone he would talk terribly about me! God, I am so glad to know I'm not crazy!
You are so right about the “rottenness within them” ! They have to keep up the facades. Thank you so much for your content. ❤
Its so crazy how accurate this is. My mom had 4 or 5 husbands...now she is alone. After she coudnt keep a partner I became her main supply. We both trained horses...she would quit competing and sell everything every other year...retire from competition over and over again...people started to wonder why she kept buying horses, trucks and trailers...all brand new knowing she couldnt afford them and then she would quit and I would take over whatever she couldnt sell to help her get out of the financial bind. Now that I am winning on some of those horses she has started reminding everyone online that I am her daughter winning....on her horses that she gave me...when all truth was I bought them to get her out of financial burdens. When I am not winning, she is quiet to the public.
Biggest weakness I saw is how easy it was for her to escape her reality, any pill, drug, doom scroll, anything she could do to get a dopamine hit she would do. Another one is the inability to understand a wrong doing and manipulating the situation to make you think you were in the wrong. Man I’m so glad I’m out of that place I was in with her. I was completely blind to the knowledge of what a narcissist actually was.
My eldest sibling sister is a narcissist and has grown more toxic with age. Each and every conversation with her is a one sided competition of sorts on whatever topic she chooses to embellish on that particular day. She has also spent each & every conversation discussing & dwelling on our childhood which in the past would sometimes go on for hours until I put a stop to that pattern. She has a completely altered perception of the past where she was always the victim which is so incredibly far from the truth as she was and still is an incredibly angry, hostile person & a bully. I am always shocked by how deeply emotionally immature she is and how consumed she is with going over & over literally daily our childhood & the past. She has a completely distorted view of what actually occurred which all fits her false victim narrative. I wish I didn’t have to deal with her but we are both caring for our very elderly parent at this time. I find this series of videos so enlightening & helpful. They have brought so much understanding to me coming from a family with a few narcissists.
I will pray that you stay strong. Living something similar and seems never ending. 🌹
@@paoolguin7366 Thank you so much.😊
You explain this BEAUTIFULLY. Well done! And you break it down simply!!! THANK YOU!
I see it all. Getting him out of my house will be a challenge. Never know what they will do. Thank you for this channel.
Call the locksmith to come change the locks when he ain’t home. Then proceed to drop off his garbage somewhere else or outside. If he tries to use squatters rights say nope he don’t live here and is trying to force his way in my home. Also if he says I receive mail here. Say I didn’t give him permission to do that. Get a restraining order if you must! If you can move away do it! God bless you.
As a person who enjoy being alone rather than in a bad company it so hard to comprehand why are these creaturea thw way they are? They don t have a soul? It s a mental illness, but at thw same time they are aware when they hurt the closest to them! How can you hate yourself so mutch to destroy every relatiinship you have?
They are demonically possessed. Sometimes you can see it in their eyes. Because they are so very weak in spirit, other spirits just take them over and Satan has an easy minion in them. Sadly we are the ones who suffer their insidious abuse, as they just pass on to us what would be theirs to deal with.
There is a scientifically proven theory that their empathy center in the brain does not send empathy neurons to the brain. It's the other way around with empaths. The Empathy center sends them all the time. More than it is the case with other people.
One psychologist described the condition as a cancer of the soul and there is no cure
@@peterlearner8594 yeah, one of the best to describe it! As an empath, i really can t comprehand!
@@peterlearner8594 OMG.....that's exactly what narcissism is. Incurable cancer of the soul.
I remember saying as such: “you think to co-operate is beneath you, that you are giving up your power if you do”
This shame factor is very very true...
Nothing I ever did was enough. When called out by a therapist and by me me he turned into that monster that you mentioned. He saw himself as higher than other people,
He didnt feel a need to reflect with any feedback I gave him. Didnt seem to care if he hurt me with his behaviour.
Yes 👏 i used to tell my Ex. He had the “spirit of discontentment”!
You just described my former friend. At one point, I thought of her as the older sister I never had. When we first met, I thought she truly was a kindred spirit that would be in my life for an extended period of time. Let's call her “Molly.” When I met Molly, I was a naive early 20-something with very little life experience. She was in her early forties with two small children, in a very unstable marriage and on an extended “sabbatical” from her job (code for she was lazy, unemployed and believed she was “too good” to work a regular job). Because I used to let my heart override my brain, I helped her out when she needed money. It turned into a lot of give with no reciprocation. Molly rarely ever paid me back in full. When I pressed her to remit what she owed me, the mask slipped. What I saw was terrifying: an insecure, spiteful, hateful, cruel (and dare I say it) evil overbearing middle school mean girl trapped in a middle-aged woman's body. I often saw a smug smirk of satisfaction when she had been particularly sadistic just out of spite. To describe the look she would give me as she would let her eyes turn to dagger slits: it was a mixture of superiority, self-gratification that had “won” whatever perceived conflict she had dreamed up in her troubled mind and strong-armed yet another person out of her constant need to always be in “control” or, more accurately, her illusion of control. It was at that point that she started meddling in my life and trash-talking me (smear campaign) to anyone who would listen, specifically her flying monkeys. Social media was still new at the time and they were all on my friends list. She used them to spy on me because she was dead convinced I was talking about her. I couldn't understand that because, while, at first, I thought she was a cool person, until the conflict started, I didn't think she was that interesting. I made the mistake of telling her that. The stage-four meltdown that ensued because of my blunt response is still something I remember and this is more than 15 years later. When I called her out on gossiping about me, she became immediately defensive. It was always a case of “miscommunication” or a “misunderstanding.” Even then, I noticed something with her just didn't add up. When I asked her something along the lines of: “Why is it everyone else always has you ‘all wrong’ or they're the ones who are misunderstanding you or they are the ones misconstruing things? Everybody can't be that dumb,” she went off and hung up on me. Little did I know, during the time period that I was spared her emotional tirade, she was trash-talking me depicting me as mean and describing me in extremely hurtful expletive filled ways solely because I had challenged her narrative, because I dared call her out. I wasn't trying to be malicious, I simply had asked a question and she couldn't handle that I had apparently hit the nail right on the head. It's also worth pointing out, she had to go and do what I call the reverse version of the smear campaign: damage control. Because I was her then-supply, she feared losing me. She knew that the more people she trash-talked me to, the possibility of them getting to me and relaying what she had said, had gone significantly up. It's worth pointing out, all of her supply including several of her flying monkeys knew what a high maintenance pain in the butt she was. This is where I started to find out that she was not as nice as she seemed. She actually had the nerve to say to my face, “if I can say it behind your back I can say it to your face.” I shot her down stating that she never said anything to my face. Of course, this led to a fight and more defamation against me. The number of atrocities Molly committed against me, include, but are not limited to and in no particular order, are: as stated, borrowing gobs of money from me that she had no intention of ever returning, spreading an entirely false rumor that I had caught an STI from a one-night stand, outing me to my estranged extremely conservative homophobic Italian Roman Catholic father (my father and I already had a rocky relationship, but what she did widened an already irreparable rift which led to him disowning me), had the nerve to try and turn the day my father died into one of her spotlight performances and when I shut her down, she had the audacity to say, and I quote, “Well, you two never got along anyway“ and, weeks later, she pretended she didn't trample all over my grieving process and not so subtly asked (demanded) I share my non-existent inheritance with her because she had lost yet another job due to poor attendance. Why? Because: “we're friendssssss!” I told her in no uncertain terms that friends don't treat people the way she treated me. She pouted and ended the call.
Given these examples, I had learned of an exercise that psychiatrists have their patients do: take a piece of paper and write down in one column, the good about the person in question and in the other side column, the bad. If the bad outweighs the good, that's when you need to come up with a plan. If the good outweighs the bad, then it's up to you on whether or not you want to let the bad dictate the direction of your relationship.
Well, I did this and I had pages, and I mean PAGES of toxic, boundary-trampling behavior that Molly had done to me. Once I realized that our relationship was nothing more than transactional (Molly had exploited me because I had a resource she needed and thus treated me like I was the light of her life), it was like a switch flipped. I hovered between tears and rage for a while but it eventually gave way to indifference. Fortunately, she had moved out of state and I didn't see her or hear from her anymore because it wasn't convenient for her to contact me everyday. She had found new supply elsewhere. Still, I jumped every time I got a notification from her. The whole “what the hell does she want now” reaction. Before experiencing the utter lack of respect she had for me after losing a parent to cancer, I thought there was hope for her. Seeing that Molly didn't care AT ALL that I was grieving and feeling mixture of emotions, because she was right, my father and I did not get along, but it was not her place to say, it showed she had zero empathy for anyone or anything. Not even her children. She had the nerve to say I had been a jerk and mean to everyone because I was displacing my grief over my father. Those she whined to, were understandably aghast that she couldn't even show a drop of sympathy towards me during that trying time period. When it got back to me, naturally, Molly denied ever saying such a thing, but her nervous insistence was a dead giveaway. I told her, she was lucky she wasn't standing in front of me because I would have physically confronted her. That scared her.
I purged my life of every single one of her flying monkeys, blocked all of them on my social media. Fortunately, none of them had my cell phone number. Molly had no awareness whatsoever and never committed anything to memory, unless she could use it later on to manipulate someone for her own gain. She didn't even notice that I had gone no-contact and changed my number until she tried to call me (about five months after the fact) to let me know that a mutual acquaintance had unexpectedly passed away. Never one to not put her incessant need for attention above everyone else (including her own children) or turn everything that happens into a story about herself, Molly demonstrated how deeply unhinged she was/is by tracking down my widow mother's phone number and called her trying to find me. When my mom told me that Molly had called her to inform me that our mutual acquaintance had died then quickly segued into turning his death into a story about her and then tried to get my mom to verbally bash me during one of her infamous b*tch sessions, my mom let her have it. A little fact about my mom: she is a German-Jew native New Yorker with a very big mouth. She takes absolutely no crap and makes Judge Judy Sheindlin seem like a cream puff by comparison.
My mom was understandably appalled that Molly had so little class to use someone else's death to talk about herself and called my former friend something that rhymes with selfish trucking grunt, told her I blocked her on everything for reasons that were “already well known to her” and to f*ck off. According to Mom, this reduced Molly to tears (“She wailed like a baby!”) and the call was immediately ended.
Never one to give up easily (unless it involved obtaining and maintaining employment), Molly went to a mutual friend (someone who I was eventually able to wake up to her toxic ways and also went no-contact with her) and tried to commiserate with him about how she had been disrespected and denied the one thing she wanted the most: my attention. He said that Molly threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed a toddler. She demanded that he block me and cut me off to show solidarity with her. He said she verbally bashed me and tried to make me out to be this horrible person, but she, of course, totally forgot that he had known me long before he had known her and knew all of what she was telling him was false. He refused to do what she demanded of him but she repeatedly bugged him to check my social media. She ORDERED him to spy on my social media to see if I was talking about her. He refused, stating that she wasn't as interesting as she thinks she is. She got offended by that, too. This was the beginning of the end for the two of them as he had never seen her behave like, in his words, such “a crazy b*tch” before. I had seen it many times, but I imagine in my friend's case, seeing a 50+-year-old mother and grandmother throw an absolute hissy fit, because she didn't get her way, must have been quite the unnerving sight.
It's been over eight years and I haven't heard from her since.
Your comment was spot on and a great read. Good on you and your Mum. I have experienced the same. They're Parasites and the best day is when we drop them. No Contact again, ever for me, because our happiness is much more important than a manipulative, lying, stealing piece of work.
Deepest condolences for your father. I'm so sorry. You loved him so regardless. I couldn't stop reading. The selfishness of that person was Horrific. 0 Please , Think about writing a book. "Years ago...." . You have a gift. Thank you for sharing your story. It was filled with so much hurt and pain . This will definitely help others .
Go seek therapy. This ain't the place to vent something that detailed.
@@therealwewin already been to therapy and I'm fine. I shared this story to help others. I have good boundaries now and I trust my instincts. If people are toxic, I can tell just by the way they walk or how they treat others.
@@iononcantomascrivo you'll know them by their fruits - Bible quote
Them being evil leads to God depriving them of true Hapiness which is Gratitude and contentment of the heart 😌
Words
Why are they evil?
I’ve never heard someone giving detailed clear detailed explanation of a narcissist. All the 5 points you gave was straight to the point and this is what I have suffered from my husband. I wish I knew this channel early I guess my life and that of my children was going to be spared. We have suffered a lot from this man
I am literally dealing with all 5. He gaslight arguments to push me away. Our relationship seemed perfect in most ways the first 3 years. Then he proposed and his controlling family slowly wedged us apart..he has been an emotional nightmare the last year and a half. Breaks up with me..wants me back..repeat repeat repeat.
Won't acknowledge any faults and blames me for every single behavior.
His entire family is controlling so he has learned this behavior. I called him out on it and we started working together with self reflection and motivational videos..vision boards etc. Then this Friday out of nowhere he tells me he doesn't want me around..when I ask why he accuses me of arguing...and breaks up again. The cycle never stops. I don't understand why he is this way, especially if he knows he is this way and can get help. It is mentally exhausting and has broken my self worth....but after this last even I am drowning myself into self care.
Thank you for your channel.
I definitely suffer from the trauma bond.....I love him..but I know he is not healthy for me. I don't want to give up but I know until he takes control of his behaviors and works on himself daily...I will always be his doormat. And I know I am worth more and deserve more.
His last relationship also ended the same way after 8 years.
Sooner you wake up that you cannot save him from himself or abusing you. Gotta know you deserve better to break the puppet strings of your reactions….blessings!
Agree with first comment been there myself they have to do it themselves.
No reason for both of you to drown safe yourself !
@@JoannA-sweetly spot on
How I wish I could connect with you.
Stop having hope. They get worse with age. You can not fix them.
They are incapable of accepting the negative consequences/outcomes of their actions. If something fails or doesn’t go their way, it’s someone else’s fault.
Your channel is a blessing 🙏🏽
I agreed with you 100%!!...I come from a narcissistic family, and am over the toxicity they inflict in all that even brushes against their lives...it's like they are walking nuclear waste that contaminates everyone and everything that is with a certain radius of their existence. I am working on separation from my kin...even if it's scary and lonely at the get go. They are an eternal stressful headache that will NEVER subside, and the only thing I can do is to extricate myself from their influence, FOR GOOD. All love and feelings of family are GONE. I have nothing but contempt for them. For my own sanity, I will forgive them, instantaneously, and never revert to their presence, again. This may have undertones of anger, but, in reality...they are more of frustrated desperation. I genuinely get a turn in my stomach, at the thought of their presence...(but, I guess to them, this would be a validation of their importance in my existance...when in reality, it's just the measure of the disgust in their values and behavior. Thanks, for the video!!
To understand who are they, what is running in their mind, why do they behave certain ways, it takes almost an year. By then we are emotionally attached to their abusive behavior thinking someday they will change. By second year, cheating, lying, manipulation comes out and we are shattered and no idea what who n where we went wrong. All those struggles to accept their toxicity expecting things to change in future and hoping things to b fine someday meanwhile ignoring intuition screaming it's all BS n just leave. By the end of 3rd year we come to conclusion that it's not working and as they blame us always thinking we r the problem and we cannot cut off so we wait them to change but they abandon leaving us devastated n ego boost to them in very satisfied way. We are dead in and out by then. To accept the pain n betrayal trauma it takes months and when we realize it's high end narcissistic abuse and only option to leave them n it was all lie till then it was all illusion in our head. No-one should go through like this. We don't deserve this. Thankfully super empaths are so strong willed they can never be destroyed. We win all these inner battles sooner.
well said. sorry for the lessons in the battlefield.
Well spoken alot of what u say I relate too
@@EarzOnTunz yeah. It was a toughest journey indeed.
@@bernesemuir8022 that's the same process end to end on global level. Only the type of narcissists we deal with differ, so does the intensity.
True
I've never heard a more accurate diagnostic!
Pauline Moyses,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
Omg . . . You hit every nail straight on it’s head! And addict is an appropriate term. They are never resolved with ANYTHING.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Feeling so good to hear you . This all is absolutely correct
Protect this man at all costs ❤ blessed to have educated people educating other people on how horrible narcissists are it’s SICK..
You have explained so SO SO MUCH !!!! I TOTALLY WONDERED WHY!!! I HAVE FAMILY MEMBER LIKE THIS AND I MEET THEM SADLY OFTEN ....BUT I AM LEARNING TO RECOGNIZE THEM WAY FASTER AND PROTECT MYSELF
This was one of the most impressive and simplistic observations and one of all the others I have listened to, your session brought the message home for me. It put into perspective my situation and I am happy to be now living as a single father with my four children. Thank you Danish.
as a thought ... when you are saying addicted to substances .. I find that it can be even simple things like: shopping at Hobby Lobby, or being a movie addict but having no way to convey the things movies would teach into real life; food to excess; anger to excess. It doesn't have to be hard core drugs - crafting supplies or really any supply that can get the out of the mundane moment and into the shallow world of escapism. Maybe not accurate; but I have noticed this as red flags. Observable traits can be well under drug abuse.
Jestem z Polski i mimo, że na bieżąco śledzę informacje o narcyzach (dr Ramani itp) przypadkiem weszłam na pana podcasty ( napisy po polsku) i mnie olśniło!.
Nikt tak wnikliwie a jednocześnie w sposób bardzo przystępny nie przemówił do mnie jak pan:)
Od 4 lat jestem w relacji z narcyzem a przynajmniej tak mi się wydaje. Od kilku godzin czytam różne tematy u pana i to mnie utwierdza, ze jednak jest to narcyz.
Bardzo dziękuje🤗 będę śledzić dalej.
Proszę działać dalej👏
Hi. I'm listening to your podcast. Thank you very much. Your channel is very helpful.
That’s great. thank you for being a listener
Always putting one in embarassing situations which we don't deserve . Inquisitive in reading minds . Some times giving hope to mislead . Other times remaining calm to enjoy their fortune . Texting sometimes is like some forey language
And don't give proper information's like time date etc .
Yes nothing is ever enough
👍👍👍
Thank you so much!
You have validated all 26 years of knowing and being with my husband, now ex-husband of 2 1/2 years. Unfortunately my children are continuously still dealing with the narcissistic behavior.
Thank God my children are smart and they have figured him out on their own. But it is still a struggle with his nonsense with us. He does his best sadly to destroy me and distort reality for me and our children.
What they say and what they actually do will never add up!!!!!!
Lying comes easy to them!
Making false excuses comes very easy to them!
Blaming other people comes very easy to them!
Playing politics and mind games is easy for them.. because they LIE their way out of everything!
Because they know how horrible of a person they are, that's why inside, they are insecure and actually hate themselves!
Just liars!!!!!
Thank you for your video. You described my ex-partner to a T. He is all that and more...! They make you love them... I'm 74 and sure of myself and yet he knew how to pull me back in every time I broke things off with him - 8 times in 2 years. The love bombing, emotional abuse, then making me feel unimportant, insignificant, disrespectful of me and my feelings. He just didn't care. It was all about him. After struggling with anxiety for 2 years with him, I'm finally free this time. But I refuse to even see him or hear from him. They know how to pull you back in. As I said, I'm 74 and have been through a lot in my life but those last two years were the worst.
Thank you for your comment
I’m 43 and went through the same thing you explained
Mine hoards cars!!! He has no room at his home property so he rents storage units all over. He has a lift in his garage to stack cars on but his garage has too much junk in it to use it.
Car hoarding, woman hoarding, so many car parts stacked to the ceiling of a big bathroom.
It's a deadly combination of narcissism and OCPD.
I wish I had been aware of these before I got destroyed by my narc mother. Nonetheless you do a great job. Your explanations are precise and accurate, easy to comperhend. Keep on educating those who are under attack day by day. Give them weapons to survive. Best wishes.
After all the emotional abuse they'll never say sorry. I'm so grateful that I free my self from that sick pattern. I remember when he disappears for weeks and months and then come back home while he thinks he s the victim, every time he comes back I get ready for another cycle of disagreement or manipulation so on. It was hectic tiring life. 😓
Iv'e never had this so clearly explained. so concise, every action, (hording, competitive, blaming, control, external need for excitement, constantly moving or changing her environment, these behavior so accurately described. I just got out, "get out of jail free" although it cost me 1/2 my net worth (she dumped me for a new supply) of a 36 year marriage relationship, she was a very covert narcissist. I am lucky, as the best thing and most loving she ever did for me was to discard me. After watching the video I now see how insecure internally she really was and depended on external supply to validate her existence ...this really helps me see what was going on, I guess I'm not all to blame as I was conditioned to believe for 36 years ...Thanks so much!
So true...I had a partner who was always going out of the way trying to please others, even if they were not close friends. I just couldn't understand why someone would expend so much energy in such a meaningless manner until I heard you put this so succinctly. Thank you.
I experienced this as well. Although he wouldn’t ever please me by the slightest. I always felt so empty dealing with him.
You confirmed what I've been picking up from someone I have been dealing with. I have no choice but to pull my energy back. They are very draining , and disconnected. Very glad to visit your channel and felt like you werre talking directly to me. I wish them the best to find a way out of their patterned life.
After 38 years of divorcing him, I cannot believe he is still using isolation & money to try & control me. I have woken up though- he will never be truly happy like I have been when I met the love of my life- thank goodness for my 2nd husband.
One weakness is that when you logically point out the wrongs especially if it's in their nature with examples of their misdeeds that time they either reframe or shift the blame on you! Cyz they feel vulnerable. They can literally manipulate you to such an extent where you stop believing in yourself and believe the version they think you are. And you already know how this would make you feel about yourself.
Excellent speech Danish Bashir it is very pathetic situation of narsists . we should understand them and live our life happily by detaching from them.
They speak well to hide their insecurities
My mom's weak point is me. Everything you have said I have figured out about her and I don't tolerate it. As of now we are no contact because it's abusive and since she can't project on me she moved to projecting the abuse with my kids and I'm not having it.
Went down that path myself 50 years ago....divorced my mother to save my soul and my son
You explain things so well. Thank you for giving such clarity to people who have dealt with these dark souls.
Irene Anaza,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are not with a narcissist…..
@@oscarwilliamson1128 was...for 20 years, but no longer!
@@13576230 You deserves better.I will be glad to know you.Are you on Facebook?.If yes what’s your username
Its a shocking disgrace to know that i have lived with this person for the last 20 years and his behaviour, mode of operation, cycle, habits have not change one bit. Its like been in a circle going nowhere i told him on several occassions, yet he sees nothing wrong with it...
These people are delusional...😢
Another great episode Danish, you explained my 22 years of misery to a T. Thank you for your knowkedge and sharing it with us❤.