Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! I wish everyone would get educated on narcissistic personality disorder so they can RUN from these evil people. If you get a whiff of these toxic narcissistic personality behaviors, do NOT marry. Exit the relationship and go no contact. You will thank me later.
Great video. Very informative on every aspect of my journey. Could clearly relate to every aspect. Wish I did a lot of what you advised earlier so that I didn’t waste so much of time holding onto false hope. It’s a very fearful journey as they are very cruel
The more we educate ourselves about the toxic personality types, the easier it gets to detach from them. The key is to remember 1. They will NOT help you when you are in need 2. They will not support your growth 3. They are not and will never be happy for you 4. You can't fix them with love 5. Even with therapy, Narcissism is not curable
I hv been with a narc for the last fifteen years but now am free your comments is 100% true. The only remedy is to disconnect .and prepare to fight for your freedom ,its not easy but its worth it .its your life and we are very lucky to have mentors like Matthew hussey ,we couldn't hv made it without God our creator an you people , may God bless you abadently an bless your work of saving lìfes you are God choosen
@@adel2457 I divorced one. He became more abusive. I would say plan it...and do not tell him. Speak with an attorney and do not tell him. Make sure you have protection.
@@jacquelinefroehle3583 Thank you! That's what I'm afraid of. He's pretty aggressive and violent already. I can't even imagine how much more worse he can get.
My heart broke into a million pieces but he will never change and so I’m not fixing things now. I’m detoxing on this toxic love which I put up with for 20 years. I’m still in recovery and it hurts. My advice to those who are suffering is do not dwell on the good times because it’s damaging. You will want to go back many times but think of how callous they can be and how lonely you were in the relationship. Keep moving forward let’s stay strong together.
At least I had some happiness in the early stages. I never had that all my life. But somehow I didn't trust him. And I was right .yes the pain is physical. I promised to love etenallyand in spirit I will keep that vow. But he cannot be in my life now. I gave everything. He gave lies and deciet Come judgement day.... And before that, karma!
Thank you, I did a no contact last year and it was difficult. I had to make the choice to leave a toxic relationship. Although trauma bond and rumination occurred because there were moments of "good" times and intimacy, I had to move forward and let go of those feelings.
@@nottthereyet4872 Thank you for those words of encouragement. It's been 3 months and 2 months NC. It's been rough and seems like it's not gonna get better right now. Sometimes I want to go back still, but I can't. Been pretty depressed...really depressed a lot lately. Is this "normal"?
@LoreleiLynn Oh yes, I still have moments of sadness for what I believe could have been a better connection. But then I remember all the windows and doors I had previously opened to re-establish a healthy relationship (with my older sisters in my case) and how it always resulted in more targeting and gaslighting. Narcissists simply don't process things the same way we do. There is always an angle of unhealthy control with them. They don't celebrate your positives in life. They calculate ways to destroy any happiness you enjoy. In my case, I pray. I personally hold a faith in Jesus, who has so far protected me in so many ways. Miraculously and significantly at times. It means having a bodyguard working behind the scenes on my behalf. And that's comforting. We have to fight the urge to withdraw from life and be thankful for what we do have at the moment, even when it's not that great. And that's when things begin to turn around. I really hope you find peace. I get it. I sincerely feel for you. Virtual (((HUGS))). Feel free to reach out anytime if you just need to vent or need encouragement. And always know that in your absence, narcissists are transferring their tactics onto someone else. And those connections will also fail. It's not IF. It's WHEN. Best to you.
Healing is a long process, I left over a year ago then the hateful things he did lesson in my mind and I start to miss that fantasy he created, the fantasy person I really hoped to live a life with. So, I thought that maybe he changed a bit and grew so I wrote him an email and he called me. He was so sweet for 8 hours and a devil again for 16. Lessons learned, you can’t go back to an imaginary person and they will never become someone they never were. Perhaps I was just lonely and I see I am better off alone than with a narc.
Your comment got my attention,in a lot of ways . Healing is a long process,but remember when you go back and itch the scab to early,your wound gets reopened again! It’s your wound , do the emotional work , rest your soul so the the scab turns into a little scar and then further down the road if you ever decide to itch it again, nothing will happen because you will be totally healed from the original injury. It’s totally normal to feel lonely , but look forward through the front windshield for a new healthier relationship , never in the rear view mirror as you are moving forward with your life in a new positive way.(he is in your rear view mirror,so leave him back there ) You are beautiful just the way you are and there are lots of people who would love to make you feel that way . Remember that when you feel like your life is falling apart, it as actually really falling into place ! A new healthier place ❤ Best wishes on your life journey from here , there are lots of beautiful experiences awaiting for you , in your future.🎉 Cheers 🥂
Tyson, your comment ministered to my very spirit! It was so kind of you to lend your expertise so that others like me - get to share what you bring to the table. Thank you so much! I appreciate the way you broke things down in your comment and I have helped myself to a large serving that I am running with 🏃🏼💯👏🏽💥💪🏾
@@QueenDee101 This makes me happy to hear and feel that this will help you in someway! You must be an amazing person to take your time to compliment my comment. This warms my heart…. ❤️….. stay safe,healthy,happy and enjoy your journey.
I went back to mine ,big mistake as it started going the same way as before,more lies,more manipulation etc. So I left again and the delightful guy that he is actually invented 12 page document which he gave to the cops and had me arrested. Never again, they thebiggest losers out there-but my goodness the pain and hurt are always with me.
Yes it is because of the trauma bond!! Its not like a normal relationship. The narcopath makes you addicted to them on purpose and know exactly what they're doing to you because they're predators who have victimized plenty before you.
Narcopath! Spot on. They, the supplier of a powerful mind weed, got you addicted to them and walah, they like the druglord, have gained power and control over you. That's why you have to do full withdrawal through no contact to detox yourself mentally and emotionally to recover from your addiction. This is mindblowing, same poison but different form.
That’s why I left and went no contact; the trauma bonding is what I’ve been trying to detach from very painful process but I have an appointment with a domestic abuse counselor thank goodness!😅
I needed to hear alot of this. I thank God, He is giving me strength and peace. I would have never thought I would go back and forth...prayers for all those who feel trapped.
We are programed to never say someone is hopeless, but a narcissist getting better is hopeless. Hanging onto false hope plays a big part in the trauma bond and soul tie.
because you cannot heal others. they have to WANT IT. they have a right to be who they are and to make their own choices and reap their own learning consequences. it is not your job. quit being co-dependent and looking to others to change or to be what you want. it's a learning lesson. you are only responsible for yourself. let it go, learn instead the lesson that you are needing. what is this relationship showing you about yourself and what you are willing to have? "I'm not worthy" "I have to help others, at the expense of myself" "I don't deserve" "this is normal and familiar for me". LEARN instead what you did to attract them so you can let it go. God bless you.
The way to beat and defeat the narcissists don't engage , don't defend , don't justify , don't explain, and don't personalize !!!!!!! Narcs have ruined billions lives in this universe!!!!!
1. They'll never see it and they'll never change. 2. Toxification between siblings and parent-child. 3.No contact. And lots of support from healthy friends and relatives. 4.Get over my guilt. Forgive me. Self care/love. 5. Heal the inner child. 6. Amp up my empathy. Ty
My narc sent me a 5k check to try to get me to break no contact. I shredded it and stayed no contact. I believe I did the right thing. Some things are more important than money...like my soul. My narc is a soul crushing person, so I need to permanently stay away. Sad.
@@astrialindah2773 because although it is money, accepting it would be showing a sign of weakness to the narcisist, a sign that through money they can come over your indiference
I applaud you. My multi millionaire ex narc wanted me to move in to his huge house by the lake and kept harassing me to get my passport to go away with him. I had already figured out he was untrustworthy and deceiving. I stayed in my dumpy apartment where I have peace it ended by me catching him with his other supply No money is worth your soul.
Dear Danish ~ I am SO sorry that you were so mistreated by your family and others. I am, however, grateful that because of the abuse you suffered you know what those of us who want to recover need. Thank YOU!
After wasting DECADES of my life with various versions of these demons, I finally understood that they are here to push you into your true Self. Time may have appeared to have been wasted, but it was yours to give and so the lessons, though hard, were necessary for growth. Every day I wake up in gratitude that I am no longer connected to these demons and can recognize them when I see them. Thank you, Danish, for being here to guide people on the path to healing. Jai Jai !
I was broken and devastated 6 months ago after the discard that I decided would be the final discard. I busted my ass inside and out. I literally tortured myself fighting through the hurt, however I am in such a better, peaceful and much happier place mentally, emotionally and spiritually now. I'm not where I want to be but I am so far from where I used to be and exactly where I need to be.
@@lindsay3793 🥰 Thank You so much for reaching out and asking!!! I am Fabulous!!! We ( my daughter and I) have a new beautiful home, new friends, a new abundant and exciting life and most importantly, PEACE. I am almost happy this happened, we laugh every day we do things, go places and we just have such a new life of truly being happy everything is just brighter and joyful!!
@@maraq.405 🥰💕 FANTASTIC!!!!! How are you? Thank You for asking! This new life we're living is peaceful, happy, and joyful , every day we are making happy memories and doing new things taking trips , just enjoying all the small and bigger things we couldn't before. It's a whole new world of living to be happy not survive or walk on eggshells
I checked most of your video's. So helpful and supportive. Being a young widow for many years. I met a person and wanted to start a new life again. He was so nice and was happy only for 3 months. Saw red flags but blind by love. Suffered one and half years with verbal abuse. I totally forgot who I am wanted to committed suicide. Finally decided to let go be and be free. Final argument became a blessing to me totally went no contact. Its 3 years. Feel happy and occupied myself. He still trying to hoover me. Forgiven and move forward. Bless everyone who have been through in life. Once you let go God bring better friends, opportunities and correct people in life.
OMG....you're telling my story sister....i'm a widow as well with kids...and I tell you it has been hell around my home, but now he's ghost me and left his stuff here in my home.
Same story here as well now manipulating my children too, so no contact for the past few days, hope i should get completely out of it please pray for us
Yes, mine forced me to leave him. By drinking too much, cursing me out, dragging me by the hair ripping it out, threatening my life, over and over, and beating me with a board. I have no contact. Only text. He has all my belongings. I had only the clothes on my back. I'm bald in a huge chunk and I'm happy to have sacrificed it for the cause. I'm free. He has said everything the doctors said he would, to try and get me to come back. He's been in AA & anger management for 4 months. I'm still not going back there are too many bad days in our 10 years. Too much repair that needs to be done. Thank you for your channel because it affirms what my soul has been craving....sanity😊😅💔💜
Its been 2 months since i left my narcissist, still im feeling lost like it happend yesterday, its not that i lost him it actually feels like i lost myself.
That's because you did lose yourself. Narcissists slowly steal your personality and steal your joy and happiness. Once you get tangled up with one of them, you are never the same afterwards. They interject their warped disorder onto you by gaslighting and brainwashing you and changing your beliefs to in order for them to control you. Once you go strict No Contact, you will still feel like you are not the same person you used to be, but eventually you will become an even better version of who you used to be. Take the time after you break from them completely to reflect on yourself, tighten up your boundaries and keep putting one foot after the other to find your own happiness again. It does get better, how could it not because now you are not being tortured anymore by a mentally disordered person that had every intention of destroying you to your core....👺🤡🤥🤮
Nadia , I just got into one it's been 6 months we were going to get married , she s extremely beautiful but less did I know that she had narssistic traits only up to the point where I needed therapy to understand if I was doing wrong in the relationship. Any advise ?
Something that has really helped me is realizing that it is profitless to spend time trying to figure out whether he was treating me like that on purpose, or whether he couldn't hep being awful to me. It doesn't matter. Telling yourself 'they didn't mean to be that way' does not help you stop falling for their nonsense. It doesn't matter if they did the damage naturally or deliberately. They did the damage. It's our responsibility to protect ourselves from the damage. Stop trying to guess motive.
I believe everyone has a potential to change if they really want to, and are willing to put forth time and effort to make the change. Problem is these personality types won't even try. Some will lie and say they want to, but it is only said to real you back in. Once you're back with them, it eventually all goes to hell again.
I’m wiser this time and it’s not taking nearly so long. I had a man many years ago like the one who recently discarded me. The previous man I let back in and it was Exactly the same as it had been. Not good. He left. I had a garage sale with all his stuff he left behind, thinking I would arrange to get it all to him. Why would I do that???? He confronted me and I said I had to in order to pay SOME of your half of the rent and utilities that you didn’t pay. Poof! Have t heard from him since!
I must listen again again and again to clear the fog We are humans and love is a need But this should not make us be exploited abused We need to see the bigger picture not the minutae and think may be they are good after all We need to first cure ourselves of dissonance We need to be mentally physically strong Strictly no contact All you said is absolutely correct Need to discipline myself on these lines Thank you
I stopped trying to change them a long time ago. Wishing and hoping is useless, encouraging them to get help is seen as a put down, attack etc. I had a difficult time with how someone who says they love you could treat you in such a abusive way. I wish I could find someone in my area for therapy for me, but they're really difficult to find someone around here that has experience or knowledge of this. Thank you for this it is really helpful in giving a understanding of no contact. It still pains me inside that someone you love and proclaims to love you, could say and do the things they do. For some reason the most recent relationship, which was short because I broke it off because of the abuse. Thankfully i got out before the physical started. He treated to beat me up. I was hurt and shocked by this. He is a big guy 6'2" and 280 lbs. Im a 5'3" 140 lb woman. He could really hurt or kill me if he hit me. I have isolated myself because I don't wanna ever be involved with anyone like this again. It's easier to be alone, and Ive atracted to many of these men. They are so nice in the beginning, taking you out, helping you with things around the house, cooking for you, buying you some of your favorite foods and deserts, sending you flowers, balloons etc. Then suddenly they turn into raging abusive monsters. Then they remind you of the nice things they did for you when you tell them you are breaking it off, leaving etc. My first boyfriend was one of these and I was so young, i stayed with him 6 years, that is the longest Ive been with anyone, because I got out more quickly after him. I'm so done with it. I got tangled with at least 5 different ones, at different times, of course. Too many of these types lurking around looking for someone to put up with it. Got the wrong girl here, no thanks
Until a victim of the narc doesn't understand. that it's against EVIL DEMONIC people that we are fighting & all kind of demons they are full of .& that we must break SOULTIES btw us & them..in JESUS name ..asking HIM to HEAL US ..& putting all in HIS hands...bc only HE can really HEAL & vindicate US from all the evil the NARC has done to us... We Will keep having narcs waiting around the corner for US..in every shape & form..ready to abuse US ...&. breaking our HEART....These videos help a little but the real HELP COMES from JESUS...i Hope your a BELIEVER...& if your not. seek HIM & you Will find HIM &. All the help you NEED...like i keep doing still being in a 40 years marriage with a Narc..GBY
Once you start to heal you won't meet this sort of people it's been nearly 2 years out for me and life once you work on your self and learn how to love your self it gets so much better 💛
It's the cleanup of the Mess that hurts worse. Like how can a person just act like you are not left with a ton of $hit to sort thru. They ghost us like we hurt them
I tried really hard to “ love” the narcissist I was dealing with at one time. Just basic human love It was a business situation. I came to the conclusion that someone like that is pretty much un-lovable.
@@kamaljeetkaur8356 I believe that if they are diagnosed with it they can go to therapy and get help. It’s rare but it can happen.They tend to be very disturbed and will refuse. Me, I leave because you can never satisfy them. They are energy vampires. Bad people. Like a defective product.
We all were. Understand what that is, intermittent reinforcement so you will tolerate their accelerating control and punishment. It is emotional manipulation designed to use you. Yes, detaching is the right thing to do ... detaching all the way, cut the strings, and move on to peace and health.
Ty for this. I saw read flags and he told me his character when he was younger. Little did I know it was who he is now. He told me in his younger days He slept with his cousins wife. His teacher assistant in high school, and a friends mothers ..yet I was told I was a cheater and with someone else when I walked away. These people are predators and never change. He always had some spare desperate women on the side waiting, always hiding his phone.. one called him and couldn't even pronounce his name correctly.. he loves them chasing him.. Desperate women always line up for men like this. I ran away.
They tell you who they are and in my own case I thought well I must be special to confide his past behavior in me and say I was different and he'd never do that to me. He just needed love and acceptance from me. No he didn't and there was nothing special about me in his eyes. The sheer number of other women makes me physically ill. No, love is not enough. Especially when it's one sided. I left to hopefully have a chance to be happy, to heal, and to for once in my life look at the woman in the mirror and be able to tell her you've always been enough and you deserved so much better! I've realised God is and has always been with me, I just turned my back on him. It's time to give myself all the love and effort I gave. Thank you God that you gave me the light bulb moment. Nobody deserves this kind of he'll on earth, but it's easy to fall into if you don't feel you deserve better because you believed them for so long saying you were lucky they stuck around. No, I wasn't lucky at all, but the future can be different. God bless....
Yes, extremely hard after knowing and loving him for 40 years. I had kept in touch with him all these years. He finally divorced her after 25 yrs we got back together. I always thought he was the love of my life. He had totally changed into a monster that I hardly recognized. I thought he would change but after 6 yrs of the lies, criticism, devaluing, lying and then cheating I left him. It took me almost 5 yrs before I educated myself in narcissism and knew I had to stop playng the game and walk away. Hardest thing ever leaving him because of the trauma bond. U become reactive agressive. I am done and at peace.
Of all the narcissistic videos I’ve watched, yours are my favorite. They are short enough to get to the point yet long enough to provide valuable information and examples. I especially like how you emphasize the importance of ignoring the narcissist as much as possible and to focus on self care and healing. Your videos are giving me strength as I go through a split with my husband who I’ve been with 19 years, more than half my life! I’m definitely learning we had a strong trauma bond. So I have some work to do there. Thanks again! I’m a new subscriber.😊
I completely cut off contact with my narcissistic husband after he discarded me. It was and is very difficult. I blocked his number, removed myself from any social media except you tube. All of a sudden now I’m receiving emails from him. He’s saying how much he misses me and is pleading to be unblocked so he can hear my voice. I haven’t responded and believe me it’s very hard not to. I just try to focus on his personality and how he made me feel and how inconsistent and unstable our relationship or marriage was. That focus helps me to stay strong ❤
Thank you Danish! After 2 weeks of no contact. I sometimes 😢wonder if I did the right thing but then the memory of pain returns. I go to your videos and realize that I made the right choice! I will continue No contact!!!!! 😊
Thank you for validating my experience and feelings. I totally changed for him and tried to get him to see how good of a relationship we could have. The rumination and loneliness were brutal. I had to go through the horrible pain. Now I am working on healing my past trauma. I can only do this in the absence of any toxicity. No contact is the only way. Its getting better and I am getting stronger. Healing is the path. Prayers up to all survivers.
This is helpful and practical advice. It's important to stop engaging with the narcissist. This means not getting into discussions or arguments with them. It's also vital, however, to stop enmeshing your heart and mind with them. Doing this means taking the further step of not getting into imaginary arguments or discussions with them. It's important not to chase your own tail and get caught up in a cycle of imagining saying all the things you want to say to them. If the imaginary arguments phase goes on too long it becomes rumination and it will drain your energy. Instead, write down what you want to say and archive it. Divorce your mind and emotions from the narcissist so you can focus on what makes you happy in present time.
I feel so happy that I have achieved the ability to have little contact and indifference to my daughter. When I demonstrated to her that I would no longer condone her behaviour, she discarded me. But after a few weeks of extreme grief at not seeing her son my grandson, I am getting back to myself......Praying really helps! I will eventually ask a Court for visitation of the little boy. I do not want to be in contact with anyone in my family but him.
Thank you. You help me see clearly when I don’t want to believe he’s able to change. Holding onto that hope has sucked me dry and this 4 year relationship, married for 1, has hurt me beyond belief. To my soul. He left and I filed for divorce. Rather be alone than abused and treated so terribly wiry lack of respect and boundaries. Manipulated and Pushed beyond moral compass many times.
That's all I need anymore how you detach you wait for the perfect timing then you dump them like a robotic bag of rotten flesh you drop them like a hot potato you go narcissistic on them if you don't you'll regret it don't ever feel sorry for them you know exactly what they're doing
I just feel so stupid. I saw a completely different man from what he actually was. He lied and he lied and he lied. It took 30 years for the scales to fall from my eyes. I cannot wait to be free of him.
I would like to hear a video about how the narcissist creates all problems weather fincial, mental or emotionally and then offer the "solutions " to stop the abuse and/or suffering. Creating that bond as not only traumatic but co dependent compliancy to maintain their victims in a hostage situations. How can a victim break free of this entanglement and manage their mental health? After care? Resources? Thank you. Your videos are powerful. Many blessings.
I feel like I had to go through the grief stages. I had to discover on my own that you cannot change people. Then I had to give up the dream of fixing her. Then I had to learn to deal with my own anger, 30 years of marriage trained me to be angry at her. Now I'm learning not to react. This is the hard part because she's given up on making me angry and now just humiliates me. In the moment it's hard not to internalize it. I'm getting better at it. Thanks for this advice, it's exactly what someone in my place needs to learn.
Narcissists are experts at setting up the tension first thing in the morning. If you have made the slightest mistake, they start cursing under their breath at every little annoyance. They will BANG things just loud enough to let you know they’re pissed of at you, that your very existence is insufferable to them. I used to ask what the matter was, but that’s a booby trap too because I should already know what I did to piss them off. The only mistake I have really made was not leaving the house before it got light, before the kraken awakened.
Also, don’t share ANYTHING about how your day went. ONLY listen to them talk about THEIR day. DO NOT invite them to give any input into any of your struggles for the day. Just say everything went fine. Do give any details. This makes the kraken not pursue you.
Thank you! You have made a huge difference. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my life. My husband of 13 years, used triangulation with my boss. I’m a career focus woman. So this huge thing happened and I went searching for answers. It came through spiritually guiding me to more and more research. I realize I’m an empath and went from a marriage from one narcissist to another. On both extremes. Don’t worry the healing starts now. Time to take my power back. Stop wasting my time. Watch out world!!
I left a Narcissit after watching your videos..i was stressed confused!!He cut me off from my family And friends!!He used to tell me Am useless!!he used to tell me without him i wont be able to survive!!And i believed him..i gót courage And left...Am being supported by family And friends,,to recorver from Narcissit!so far Am doing well
Being or not being alone is individual. My advice here is, don´t be afraid of being alone. It can push you into despair and you may feel the same as when you still were in a narcissistic relationship - trapped, enslaved. I´m autistic. And i was scared of being alone, until i realized, i NEED to be alone. I do not need to be within community to have an ability to function - in fact, just being surrounded by people when in work, exhausts me. After all, being alone does not mean being lonely. And not just if you are autistic or introverted. Being alone is often needed to sort things out within yourself. Not everything can be consulted with someone, especially self-reflection must come from within yourself. And to self-reflect efficiently, you need to listen to yourself.
This helped me to realize the loneliness I have been feeling. Your discussion about connection hit home for me. I lost my mother during Aug of 2021 and I believe my vulnerability in coping with grief and processing her passing is a factor in backsliding as far as my recovery. I also see that I am grieving the loss of the person I wanted the narcissist to be at the same time..the humble, caring, man was the mask. I didn’t want to believe that he could be so incredibly heartless but it’s what is beneath his mask. I have been blocking and unblocking while knowing that it is not a good thing to do. I just blocked again. It feels like when I quit smoking years ago..the cold turkey phase. It was a huge struggle with the initial cravings and it’s something I must always acknowledge with myself.
I also feel the sting of loneliness and grief of hope of what could have been. I have been journaling during periods of the relationship and re-visiting that journal is a harsh reminder of how many times my narcissistic girlfriend frustrated me, discardes me and how few and short the good times were. I recommend journaling also during the healing phase. I do and it helps.
I was fully convinced that he discarded me. But everything you mention in this video is what he is doing with me. The narcissist is doing grey rock treatment with me.
Yes! Toward the end, when my narcissistic boyfriend knew that my depression was because of him, he began gray rocking me.. saying things in our phone conversations like," yeah, uh-huh that's cool"
Danish" You have helped me understand that I had better learn Unconditional Love for myself, so I can heal from emotional trauma, and move forward in self-discovery even at my sweet independent young age of 57" I grew up in a narcist family, and have always identified with low vibes in that aspect, I was dealing with a narcist male friend and tomorrow is his court date for doing the most to me a year ago", This situation has thrown me into a spiritual awakening about 3 years ago", for that I am Thankful" the rest Not so much" God Bless Everyone"
I did that a lot, expecting a change when he was being - - - not quite so bad. And I did ramp up my affections, etc. But his improvement never lasted long, and the evil came back with a vengeance. I created hope that only crushed me once again shortly after. THEY DON'T CHANGE!!! Danish, you are always spot on.
Hi Danish... Yes understand this fully now after much pain and suffering... My ex narc was a psychopath and actually enjoyed seeing me suffer with a smirk on his face.. I went through soooo much after going no contact, its a very stressful time Thanks for your insight!
It's horrible to cut off someone you loved so much! I had to finally realize that I was in love with the man I thought he was. It helps to know that he's not the one I thought he was.
Been watching many videos on narcissists for about 2yrs. You are great and add so much. Thank you for taking the time to share and teach. Making an impact and helping to strengthen my soul.
This is the best video of yours I have watched. I was discarded a month ago, have been going no contact however missing her and almost tempted to make contact as like you said I thought about the good days. She contacted me a few days ago but my response was sarcastic as am now moving on as I know there is no hope for our relationship.
Thank you so much! Your suggestions were very useful in putting together a valid plan to start detaching yourself from these ultimate evil kind of people. God bless u!
It makes sense what you explained about the ups and down that it equates to the trauma bond, feeling split and the questioning and feeling confused being the cognitive dissonance. It helps to name the experiences and realise what is happening to break this confusion and trauma bond cycle. You provide a great understanding and solution around emotionally detaching and not re-establishing contact due to loneliness. Been guilty of this but this information is empowering. Still battling whether or not to end relationship. I know the answer but it's difficult. Hard pill to digest the reality and fact of the matter.
When you think about it, even in a small town, there are SO many other people to get to know, not just him. He’s not larger than life like he’d want you to think.
Thanks for your great 👍🙂 understanding of the toxic attachment with an empty person who has nothing to give but demands more and more… and drains you totally empty 😅 thank god I am free now 🙏💃🏼 Thanks a lot for your good advice🌟
Last night I had to call the police on my narc he was way out of control and I was so afraid three police officers came I never saw him they kept him outside he was beyond realistic. There is a peace bond on him now.
Many people watching this video who are Narcissistically abused badly, they are even afraid of liking this video...because the self doubt in abuse is so deeply planted that it's very difficult to get out of that trauma
Am so glad I started watching your videos danish, it’s making me stronger every day! I’ve been in toxic abusive relationships, so I knew this guy I met was trying to keep my family and friends away from me. I was with this man 5months fell out so many times, he’s so cold doesn’t know how to show his partner love there was nothing, he was trying to control me, I’ve stopped contact now. Thanks so much your videos are brilliant he ticked every box been narcissist.
Thank you so much for sharing all your knowledge. I appreciate all your time and effort. I have a twin sister who is pretty narcissistic and we are not close and never will be as I do not trust her and realized quite some time ago that something is wrong with her. My entire family is pretty much about constant projection and literally very little growth. I have been no contact for quite some time. I only have the utmost empathy for people who have married a narcissistic person or who are tied in some way to them and they cannot walk away. I am so glad that I have seen the light. You have helped me become free of these toxic and unhealthy people.
every time, I mean EVERY TIME that I start to feel a tiny bit of, "oh she's nice" and feel genuine warmth to this person, I stop and remember. STOP!!! it is seriously just a ploy to pull you back in, to re-engage. just stay disinterested, detach, *fix yourself, do not forget and fall for the "nice act". get your act together and LEAVE. I am so much better now after watching all these videos. I didn't start with Danish, others helped at first (Dr. Les Carter is who woke me up and I resonated with him a lot) and then I found Danish who took me to a deeper level. I can laugh now. I still watch these videos almost everyday to keep affirmed in my healing, that I stay awake and aware and not, "needy" in any sense of being like a human with them, mistaking their "friendliness" for actual human interactions. Period. If I were to feel sad about this, I would seriously slap myself awake 😂never fall for the devil's tactics. *Give YOUR SELF what you need, do not fall back into old habit pattern beliefs that tempt you to re-engage and to feel bad again about yourself. Instead affirm what you want - "I deserve to feel good" "I do feel good!" "I am a wonderful good person!" "I deserve love and happiness!" "I love my life now!" "I can have what I want and need!" "Thank you God!" And thank you Danish, I love that you keep the videos on healing and awareness coming!
Thank you so much. I spoke with psychologists over the years and not once was it suggested in any way just what I was dealing with and I spent years in confusion.
Because most people don't understand this kind of abuse, not even professional therapists. Only those who have experienced it directly will know, noone else will believe you anyway. That's the saddest thing of all... the loss of so much precious time due to the utter confusion about what's going on, our own lack of knowing what we're dealing with.
I found you on TikTok and didn’t know you were on RUclips. I’m finding your videos here are even more informative. I’m trying my hardest to disassociate while being married but it’s extremely difficult when they try to make trouble for you with no matter what you say or do.
Sir, I gave, gave and gave., it was all about his priorities and his moods to accept or throw my words. I broke up a month ago, can’t tell you how much I am traumatized. Thats why I have an appointment with the doctor, counselor and a psychiatrist. It began with doctor, she suggested counselor and then I was directed to psychiatric therapy. I was already vulnerable with the loss of my husband and mom in one year of time.
Thank you so much Danish. You are helping me a great deal with your gentle voice and clear instructions on how to deal with and heal from the narcissitic abuse from my partner I have recently left.
My 71 year old mother uses her blindness as an excuse to take over my life. I don't have a wife or kids because for the last 20 years she has groomed me and taken up all of my free time helping her and getting her out of messes she constantly creates in her life. This last time she basically told me I was worthless, which she does often when we have fights. I have no money or career or anything because of dedicating my life to helping her, and the way she invalidates and demeans me, I regret it. Whats worse is she will constantly bring up that I never have money or friends or a wife and say its because nobody likes me. I have had suicidal thoughts because of this parasitic relationship. I never got to live my own life and now I'm 45. I'm fighting off my feelings of worrying about her and her constant problems, because I'm an empath. Any words of encouragement to stay no contact is greatly appreciated. I need to salvage what little is left of my life.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video. You've helped me understand my actions and trauma so much! I used to ear what HE wanted, constantly made me feel like i wasn't goid enough. He blamed me. He split my hesd open and convinced everyone I fell. Im breaking down after the narcissist abuse. Im so traumatised! I have been nc for 7 days but I have stupidly reacted all the time for 2+ years and I've played right into his smear campaign 😢 I genuinely thought he would tell the truth, say sorry but he just got worse 😢
I have just found your channel and have found it is one of the best I have studied narciss m for over a year now and have discovered that the 2 main people in my life have controlled me for their own reasons lam starting the healing process now with God's help and channel's like yours to those people who have suffered dont give up there is peace and healing for you God' bless xxx
I got very lucky by walking away before he became my husband. After the engagement I felt very uneasy and I just knew now is the time to let go. Finally no contact for 1 week.
Experienced divorce lawyer here. Great video! I wish everyone would get educated on narcissistic personality disorder so they can RUN from these evil people. If you get a whiff of these toxic narcissistic personality behaviors, do NOT marry. Exit the relationship and go no contact. You will thank me later.
@meeshellrene where are you located. (County and state).
Thank you for recognizing NPD! We need more lawyers, law enforcement, teachers and medical professionals to be informed like you.
Great video. Very informative on every aspect of my journey. Could clearly relate to every aspect. Wish I did a lot of what you advised earlier so that I didn’t waste so much of time holding onto false hope. It’s a very fearful journey as they are very cruel
@@user-vs3dw8mt1d you named all the narcissists
Justin T. Kennerly
Hahahahahaha….You are 100% correct! School nurses are some of the worst.
The more we educate ourselves about the toxic personality types, the easier it gets to detach from them. The key is to remember
1. They will NOT help you when you are in need
2. They will not support your growth
3. They are not and will never be happy for you
4. You can't fix them with love
5. Even with therapy, Narcissism is not curable
sadly true 😔👍
You are absolutely right.
Indeed.
Sad but very much true
I hv been with a narc for the last fifteen years but now am free your comments is 100% true. The only remedy is to disconnect .and prepare to fight for your freedom ,its not easy but its worth it .its your life and we are very lucky to have mentors like Matthew hussey ,we couldn't hv made it without God our creator an you people , may God bless you abadently an bless your work of saving lìfes you are God choosen
Divorcing him was the hardest and most rewarding fight of my life.
I'm so happy for you. How did you divorce him? I'm so terrified. I'm seeking counsel now.
@@adel2457 I divorced one. He became more abusive. I would say plan it...and do not tell him. Speak with an attorney and do not tell him. Make sure you have protection.
@@jacquelinefroehle3583 Thank you! That's what I'm afraid of. He's pretty aggressive and violent already. I can't even imagine how much more worse he can get.
So happy for you. I hope all is well with you. 🙏🙏 I understand, I have been there, done that! Its a living Hell.
Out of the abuse. You persevered to claiming your life back, my friend👍🏽!
My heart broke into a million pieces but he will never change and so I’m not fixing things now. I’m detoxing on this toxic love which I put up with for 20 years. I’m still in recovery and it hurts. My advice to those who are suffering is do not dwell on the good times because it’s damaging. You will want to go back many times but think of how callous they can be and how lonely you were in the relationship. Keep moving forward let’s stay strong together.
Thank you!!!
👍👍👍👍👍👍26 yrs together, and now, 5 yrs apart......... LIFE is GREAT 👍👍❤️. STAY STRONG, as You CAN, and You WILL DO IT ❤️❤️❤️👍
Reality is your friend not the past it's a illusion the more you give yourself the love you give to others it will greatly support your healing.
At least I had some happiness in the early stages. I never had that all my life. But somehow I didn't trust him. And I was right .yes the pain is physical. I promised to love etenallyand in spirit I will keep that vow. But he cannot be in my life now.
I gave everything. He gave lies and deciet
Come judgement day....
And before that, karma!
Amen! Well said
You are literally saving lives with this information
Absolutely!
❤
He really is
Definitely mine x
agreed
When you've been ghosted by a narcissist ~ CELEBRATE! I'm serious. Move on and create your own life as you see best. ❤
Thank you, I did a no contact last year and it was difficult. I had to make the choice to leave a toxic relationship. Although trauma bond and rumination occurred because there were moments of "good" times and intimacy, I had to move forward and let go of those feelings.
@ljrockstar69 It can be rough at first. The more time goes by, the easier it is and the stronger we become. 💪🫶
Letting go is a process.
@@nottthereyet4872 Thank you for those words of encouragement. It's been 3 months and 2 months NC. It's been rough and seems like it's not gonna get better right now. Sometimes I want to go back still, but I can't. Been pretty depressed...really depressed a lot lately. Is this "normal"?
@LoreleiLynn Oh yes, I still have moments of sadness for what I believe could have been a better connection. But then I remember all the windows and doors I had previously opened to re-establish a healthy relationship (with my older sisters in my case) and how it always resulted in more targeting and gaslighting.
Narcissists simply don't process things the same way we do. There is always an angle of unhealthy control with them. They don't celebrate your positives in life. They calculate ways to destroy any happiness you enjoy.
In my case, I pray. I personally hold a faith in Jesus, who has so far protected me in so many ways. Miraculously and significantly at times. It means having a bodyguard working behind the scenes on my behalf. And that's comforting.
We have to fight the urge to withdraw from life and be thankful for what we do have at the moment, even when it's not that great. And that's when things begin to turn around.
I really hope you find peace. I get it. I sincerely feel for you. Virtual (((HUGS))).
Feel free to reach out anytime if you just need to vent or need encouragement.
And always know that in your absence, narcissists are transferring their tactics onto someone else. And those connections will also fail.
It's not IF. It's WHEN.
Best to you.
Healing is a long process, I left over a year ago then the hateful things he did lesson in my mind and I start to miss that fantasy he created, the fantasy person I really hoped to live a life with. So, I thought that maybe he changed a bit and grew so I wrote him an email and he called me. He was so sweet for 8 hours and a devil again for 16. Lessons learned, you can’t go back to an imaginary person and they will never become someone they never were. Perhaps I was just lonely and I see I am better off alone than with a narc.
Your comment got my attention,in a lot of ways .
Healing is a long process,but remember when you go back and itch the scab to early,your wound gets reopened again!
It’s your wound , do the emotional work , rest your soul so the the scab turns into a little scar and then further down the road if you ever decide to itch it again, nothing will happen because you will be totally healed from the original injury.
It’s totally normal to feel lonely , but look forward through the front windshield for a new healthier relationship , never in the rear view mirror as you are moving forward with your life in a new positive way.(he is in your rear view mirror,so leave him back there )
You are beautiful just the way you are and there are lots of people who would love to make you feel that way .
Remember that when you feel like your life is falling apart, it as actually really falling into place !
A new healthier place ❤
Best wishes on your life journey from here , there are lots of beautiful experiences awaiting for you , in your future.🎉
Cheers 🥂
Tyson, your comment ministered to my very spirit! It was so kind of you to lend your expertise so that others like me - get to share what you bring to the table. Thank you so much! I appreciate the way you broke things down in your comment and I have helped myself to a large serving that I am running with 🏃🏼💯👏🏽💥💪🏾
@@QueenDee101 This makes me happy to hear and feel that this will help you in someway! You must be an amazing person to take your time to compliment my comment.
This warms my heart….
❤️….. stay safe,healthy,happy and enjoy your journey.
I went back to mine ,big mistake as it started going the same way as before,more lies,more manipulation etc.
So I left again and the delightful guy that he is actually invented 12 page document which he gave to the cops and had me arrested.
Never again, they thebiggest losers
out there-but my goodness the pain and hurt are always with me.
Amen 🙏
Walking away, leaving everything behind and pursuing my goals, relocation, making new friends, reinventing myself was the best thing I did and heal.
Yes🙏
I finally decided the same.
I’m so happy for you, this is we’re I’m at it’s hard, I wish I had someone to talk to !!
Yes it is because of the trauma bond!! Its not like a normal relationship. The narcopath makes you addicted to them on purpose and know exactly what they're doing to you because they're predators who have victimized plenty before you.
Narcopath! Spot on. They, the supplier of a powerful mind weed, got you addicted to them and walah, they like the druglord, have gained power and control over you. That's why you have to do full withdrawal through no contact to detox yourself mentally and emotionally to recover from your addiction. This is mindblowing, same poison but different form.
Word.
It's their Pattern.
Rinse. Repeat.
That’s why I left and went no contact; the trauma bonding is what I’ve been trying to detach from very painful process but I have an appointment with a domestic abuse counselor thank goodness!😅
@@HoneyBadger80886 And you've gotta' wash that 'narciopath' right outta' your life!
I like how you say ," narcopath"😂
I needed to hear alot of this. I thank God, He is giving me strength and peace. I would have never thought I would go back and forth...prayers for all those who feel trapped.
We are programed to never say someone is hopeless, but a narcissist getting better is hopeless. Hanging onto false hope plays a big part in the trauma bond and soul tie.
because you cannot heal others. they have to WANT IT. they have a right to be who they are and to make their own choices and reap their own learning consequences. it is not your job. quit being co-dependent and looking to others to change or to be what you want. it's a learning lesson. you are only responsible for yourself. let it go, learn instead the lesson that you are needing. what is this relationship showing you about yourself and what you are willing to have? "I'm not worthy" "I have to help others, at the expense of myself" "I don't deserve" "this is normal and familiar for me". LEARN instead what you did to attract them so you can let it go. God bless you.
@@JackBeNimble-ff3hb hows this for not being codependent....go love yourself
truer words were never spoken @@Richard-vq7ud 👍
A narcissist is a demon, period. Get away from them ASAP, listen to your gut!
The way to beat and defeat the narcissists don't engage , don't defend , don't justify , don't explain, and don't personalize !!!!!!! Narcs have ruined billions lives in this universe!!!!!
Amen
Go no contact STAY WITH THE NO CONTACT MODE 💯 🤗
True true n absolutely right 👍🏻
1. They'll never see it and they'll never change.
2. Toxification between siblings and parent-child.
3.No contact. And lots of support from healthy friends and relatives.
4.Get over my guilt. Forgive me. Self care/love.
5. Heal the inner child.
6. Amp up my empathy.
Ty
Thank you.💖🙏
My narc sent me a 5k check to try to get me to break no contact. I shredded it and stayed no contact. I believe I did the right thing. Some things are more important than money...like my soul. My narc is a soul crushing person, so I need to permanently stay away. Sad.
why didn't you cash it and then still stay no contact? 😉
I tore up a check too!
You did! My hat is off to you!
@@astrialindah2773 because although it is money, accepting it would be showing a sign of weakness to the narcisist, a sign that through money they can come over your indiference
I applaud you. My multi millionaire ex narc wanted me to move in to his huge house by the lake and kept harassing me to get my passport to go away with him. I had already figured out he was untrustworthy and deceiving.
I stayed in my dumpy apartment where I have peace it ended by me catching him with his other supply
No money is worth your soul.
Dear Danish ~ I am SO sorry that you were so mistreated by your family and others. I am, however, grateful that because of the abuse you suffered you know what those of us who want to recover need. Thank YOU!
After wasting DECADES of my life with various versions of these demons, I finally understood that they are here to push you into your true Self. Time may have appeared to have been wasted, but it was yours to give and so the lessons, though hard, were necessary for growth. Every day I wake up in gratitude that I am no longer connected to these demons and can recognize them when I see them. Thank you, Danish, for being here to guide people on the path to healing. Jai Jai !
I was broken and devastated 6 months ago after the discard that I decided would be the final discard. I busted my ass inside and out. I literally tortured myself fighting through the hurt, however I am in such a better, peaceful and much happier place mentally, emotionally and spiritually now. I'm not where I want to be but I am so far from where I used to be and exactly where I need to be.
heyyy, how are you now ?
Updates?
@@lindsay3793 🥰 Thank You so much for reaching out and asking!!! I am Fabulous!!! We ( my daughter and I) have a new beautiful home, new friends, a new abundant and exciting life and most importantly, PEACE. I am almost happy this happened, we laugh every day we do things, go places and we just have such a new life of truly being happy everything is just brighter and joyful!!
@@maraq.405 🥰💕 FANTASTIC!!!!! How are you? Thank You for asking! This new life we're living is peaceful, happy, and joyful , every day we are making happy memories and doing new things taking trips , just enjoying all the small and bigger things we couldn't before. It's a whole new world of living to be happy not survive or walk on eggshells
I checked most of your video's. So helpful and supportive. Being a young widow for many years. I met a person and wanted to start a new life again. He was so nice and was happy only for 3 months. Saw red flags but blind by love. Suffered one and half years with verbal abuse. I totally forgot who I am wanted to committed suicide. Finally decided to let go be and be free. Final argument became a blessing to me totally went no contact. Its 3 years. Feel happy and occupied myself. He still trying to hoover me. Forgiven and move forward. Bless everyone who have been through in life. Once you let go God bring better friends, opportunities and correct people in life.
Amen ❤
OMG....you're telling my story sister....i'm a widow as well with kids...and I tell you it has been hell around my home, but now he's ghost me and left his stuff here in my home.
Same story here as well now manipulating my children too, so no contact for the past few days, hope i should get completely out of it please pray for us
HE has forced me to let go. HE made my change permanent.
mine too, it was a blessing
You are very blessed keep praying 🙏🙏🙏
Yes, mine forced me to leave him. By drinking too much, cursing me out, dragging me by the hair ripping it out, threatening my life, over and over, and beating me with a board. I have no contact. Only text. He has all my belongings. I had only the clothes on my back. I'm bald in a huge chunk and I'm happy to have sacrificed it for the cause. I'm free. He has said everything the doctors said he would, to try and get me to come back. He's been in AA & anger management for 4 months. I'm still not going back there are too many bad days in our 10 years. Too much repair that needs to be done. Thank you for your channel because it affirms what my soul has been craving....sanity😊😅💔💜
@@OptimisticSaturnPlanet-yz8mc I'm sorry. That's on a physical abuse level. I strongly recommend you press charges. Best wishes to you.
Its been 2 months since i left my narcissist, still im feeling lost like it happend yesterday, its not that i lost him it actually feels like i lost myself.
You've got this!.Breathe and heal.
He still has you in his thoughts, it’s like psychology vampires, They actually steal energy this way…Focus on things that you love doing and do that.
That's because you did lose yourself. Narcissists slowly steal your personality and steal your joy and happiness. Once you get tangled up with one of them, you are never the same afterwards. They interject their warped disorder onto you by gaslighting and brainwashing you and changing your beliefs to in order for them to control you. Once you go strict No Contact, you will still feel like you are not the same person you used to be, but eventually you will become an even better version of who you used to be. Take the time after you break from them completely to reflect on yourself, tighten up your boundaries and keep putting one foot after the other to find your own happiness again. It does get better, how could it not because now you are not being tortured anymore by a mentally disordered person that had every intention of destroying you to your core....👺🤡🤥🤮
It’s too soon to be healed … you have to take this time and heal give it a year
Nadia , I just got into one it's been 6 months we were going to get married , she s extremely beautiful but less did I know that she had narssistic traits only up to the point where I needed therapy to understand if I was doing wrong in the relationship. Any advise ?
Something that has really helped me is realizing that it is profitless to spend time trying to figure out whether he was treating me like that on purpose, or whether he couldn't hep being awful to me. It doesn't matter. Telling yourself 'they didn't mean to be that way' does not help you stop falling for their nonsense. It doesn't matter if they did the damage naturally or deliberately. They did the damage. It's our responsibility to protect ourselves from the damage. Stop trying to guess motive.
It’s always something else or someone else’s fault! So true!!!
Yes .... everything can be blamed on a training problem at work ....... 🛂🛃🪣🧻
I believe everyone has a potential to change if they really want to, and are willing to put forth time and effort to make the change. Problem is these personality types won't even try. Some will lie and say they want to, but it is only said to real you back in. Once you're back with them, it eventually all goes to hell again.
If there is a shift in psychotherapy it looks like an elephant on glass legs.
It really has no purpose or potential.
I’m wiser this time and it’s not taking nearly so long. I had a man many years ago like the one who recently discarded me. The previous man I let back in and it was Exactly the same as it had been. Not good. He left. I had a garage sale with all his stuff he left behind, thinking I would arrange to get it all to him. Why would I do that???? He confronted me and I said I had to in order to pay SOME of your half of the rent and utilities that you didn’t pay. Poof! Have t heard from him since!
I must listen again again and again to clear the fog
We are humans and love is a need
But this should not make us be exploited abused
We need to see the bigger picture not the minutae and think may be they are good after all
We need to first cure ourselves of dissonance
We need to be mentally physically strong
Strictly no contact
All you said is absolutely correct
Need to discipline myself on these lines
Thank you
You can, and you will 🙏🕊🤍
I stopped trying to change them a long time ago. Wishing and hoping is useless, encouraging them to get help is seen as a put down, attack etc. I had a difficult time with how someone who says they love you could treat you in such a abusive way. I wish I could find someone in my area for therapy for me, but they're really difficult to find someone around here that has experience or knowledge of this.
Thank you for this it is really helpful in giving a understanding of no contact. It still pains me inside that someone you love and proclaims to love you, could say and do the things they do.
For some reason the most recent relationship, which was short because I broke it off because of the abuse. Thankfully i got out before the physical started. He treated to beat me up. I was hurt and shocked by this. He is a big guy 6'2" and 280 lbs. Im a 5'3" 140 lb woman. He could really hurt or kill me if he hit me. I have isolated myself because I don't wanna ever be involved with anyone like this again. It's easier to be alone, and Ive atracted to many of these men. They are so nice in the beginning, taking you out, helping you with things around the house, cooking for you, buying you some of your favorite foods and deserts, sending you flowers, balloons etc. Then suddenly they turn into raging abusive monsters. Then they remind you of the nice things they did for you when you tell them you are breaking it off, leaving etc. My first boyfriend was one of these and I was so young, i stayed with him 6 years, that is the longest Ive been with anyone, because I got out more quickly after him. I'm so done with it. I got tangled with at least 5 different ones, at different times, of course. Too many of these types lurking around looking for someone to put up with it. Got the wrong girl here, no thanks
Until a victim of the narc doesn't understand. that it's against EVIL DEMONIC people that we are fighting & all kind of demons they are full of .& that we must break SOULTIES btw us & them..in JESUS name ..asking HIM to HEAL US ..& putting all in HIS hands...bc only HE can really HEAL & vindicate US from all the evil the NARC has done to us... We Will keep having narcs waiting around the corner for US..in every shape & form..ready to abuse US ...&. breaking our HEART....These videos help a little but the real HELP COMES from JESUS...i Hope your a BELIEVER...& if your not. seek HIM & you Will find HIM &. All the help you NEED...like i keep doing still being in a 40 years marriage with a Narc..GBY
Once you start to heal you won't meet this sort of people it's been nearly 2 years out for me and life once you work on your self and learn how to love your self it gets so much better 💛
It's the cleanup of the Mess that hurts worse. Like how can a person just act like you are not left with a ton of $hit to sort thru. They ghost us like we hurt them
💯
I tried really hard to “ love” the narcissist I was dealing with at one time. Just basic human love It was a business situation. I came to the conclusion that someone like that is pretty much un-lovable.
How we can save our children from narcissist
@@kamaljeetkaur8356 I believe that if they are diagnosed with it they can go to therapy and get help. It’s rare but it can happen.They tend to be very disturbed and will refuse. Me, I leave because you can never satisfy them. They are energy vampires. Bad people. Like a defective product.
You're so damn right . They are in capable of loving
I always talk out loud here in my home by myself and I act like I am talking to him without him here it helps me a lot.. :)
You are so right about how they expect women to be dressed they are so insecure .
I love all you videos. I need constant reassurance that me detaching is the right thing to do. I’m a sucker for the occasional good behaviour.
We all were. Understand what that is, intermittent reinforcement so you will tolerate their accelerating control and punishment. It is emotional manipulation designed to use you. Yes, detaching is the right thing to do ... detaching all the way, cut the strings, and move on to peace and health.
Ty for this. I saw read flags and he told me his character when he was younger. Little did I know it was who he is now. He told me in his younger days He slept with his cousins wife. His teacher assistant in high school, and a friends mothers ..yet I was told I was a cheater and with someone else when I walked away. These people are predators and never change. He always had some spare desperate women on the side waiting, always hiding his phone.. one called him and couldn't even pronounce his name correctly.. he loves them chasing him.. Desperate women always line up for men like this. I ran away.
They tell you who they are and in my own case I thought well I must be special to confide his past behavior in me and say I was different and he'd never do that to me. He just needed love and acceptance from me. No he didn't and there was nothing special about me in his eyes. The sheer number of other women makes me physically ill. No, love is not enough. Especially when it's one sided. I left to hopefully have a chance to be happy, to heal, and to for once in my life look at the woman in the mirror and be able to tell her you've always been enough and you deserved so much better! I've realised God is and has always been with me, I just turned my back on him. It's time to give myself all the love and effort I gave. Thank you God that you gave me the light bulb moment. Nobody deserves this kind of he'll on earth, but it's easy to fall into if you don't feel you deserve better because you believed them for so long saying you were lucky they stuck around. No, I wasn't lucky at all, but the future can be different.
God bless....
OMG this sounds like my story, I’m in the process of, Thank You for sharing your story keep me in prayer !!
Yes, extremely hard after knowing and loving him for 40 years. I had kept in touch with him all these years. He finally divorced her after 25 yrs we got back together. I always thought he was the love of my life. He had totally changed into a monster that I hardly recognized. I thought he would change but after 6 yrs of the lies, criticism, devaluing, lying and then cheating I left him. It took me almost 5 yrs before I educated myself in narcissism and knew I had to stop playng the game and walk away. Hardest thing ever leaving him because of the trauma bond. U become reactive agressive. I am done and at peace.
Of all the narcissistic videos I’ve watched, yours are my favorite. They are short enough to get to the point yet long enough to provide valuable information and examples. I especially like how you emphasize the importance of ignoring the narcissist as much as possible and to focus on self care and healing. Your videos are giving me strength as I go through a split with my husband who I’ve been with 19 years, more than half my life! I’m definitely learning we had a strong trauma bond. So I have some work to do there. Thanks again! I’m a new subscriber.😊
The trauma remains as a shadow over the entire family. Not just the Narc and Target.
So true
I can testify !!! God heal our 💔 !!!!
@@davidjthayer7417 thank you.
Perfect 😮
I completely cut off contact with my narcissistic husband after he discarded me. It was and is very difficult. I blocked his number, removed myself from any social media except you tube. All of a sudden now I’m receiving emails from him. He’s saying how much he misses me and is pleading to be unblocked so he can hear my voice. I haven’t responded and believe me it’s very hard not to. I just try to focus on his personality and how he made me feel and how inconsistent and unstable our relationship or marriage was. That focus helps me to stay strong ❤
I have gone/am going through the same. Very challenging. But you are not alone. We are several survivor's.
Thank you Danish! After 2 weeks of no contact. I sometimes 😢wonder if I did the right thing but then the memory of pain returns. I go to your videos and realize that I made the right choice! I will continue No contact!!!!! 😊
You'll be fine. :)
And stay no contact please
Same 2 weeks story here
Thank you for validating my experience and feelings. I totally changed for him and tried to get him to see how good of a relationship we could have. The rumination and loneliness were brutal. I had to go through the horrible pain. Now I am working on healing my past trauma. I can only do this in the absence of any toxicity. No contact is the only way. Its getting better and I am getting stronger. Healing is the path. Prayers up to all survivers.
This is helpful and practical advice. It's important to stop engaging with the narcissist. This means not getting into discussions or arguments with them. It's also vital, however, to stop enmeshing your heart and mind with them. Doing this means taking the further step of not getting into imaginary arguments or discussions with them. It's important not to chase your own tail and get caught up in a cycle of imagining saying all the things you want to say to them. If the imaginary arguments phase goes on too long it becomes rumination and it will drain your energy. Instead, write down what you want to say and archive it. Divorce your mind and emotions from the narcissist so you can focus on what makes you happy in present time.
The void they leave when they are gone is so hard because they were all consuming and so intense
I feel so happy that I have achieved the ability to have little contact and indifference to my daughter. When I demonstrated to her that I would no longer condone her behaviour, she discarded me. But after a few weeks of extreme grief at not seeing her son my grandson, I am getting back to myself......Praying really helps! I will eventually ask a Court for visitation of the little boy. I do not want to be in contact with anyone in my family but him.
I am going through the same
I too am going through the same.
Thank you. You help me see clearly when I don’t want to believe he’s able to change. Holding onto that hope has sucked me dry and this 4 year relationship, married for 1, has hurt me beyond belief. To my soul. He left and I filed for divorce. Rather be alone than abused and treated so terribly wiry lack of respect and boundaries. Manipulated and Pushed beyond moral compass many times.
That's all I need anymore how you detach you wait for the perfect timing then you dump them like a robotic bag of rotten flesh you drop them like a hot potato you go narcissistic on them if you don't you'll regret it don't ever feel sorry for them you know exactly what they're doing
I just feel so stupid. I saw a completely different man from what he actually was. He lied and he lied and he lied. It took 30 years for the scales to fall from my eyes. I cannot wait to be free of him.
I would like to hear a video about how the narcissist creates all problems weather fincial, mental or emotionally and then offer the "solutions " to stop the abuse and/or suffering. Creating that bond as not only traumatic but co dependent compliancy to maintain their victims in a hostage situations. How can a victim break free of this entanglement and manage their mental health? After care? Resources? Thank you. Your videos are powerful. Many blessings.
How are your doing now
I feel like I had to go through the grief stages. I had to discover on my own that you cannot change people. Then I had to give up the dream of fixing her. Then I had to learn to deal with my own anger, 30 years of marriage trained me to be angry at her.
Now I'm learning not to react. This is the hard part because she's given up on making me angry and now just humiliates me. In the moment it's hard not to internalize it. I'm getting better at it. Thanks for this advice, it's exactly what someone in my place needs to learn.
NO CONTACT IS THE BEST! 👍👍
This is vital information that I needed to hear. Thank you
Totally agree was left with sooo much trauma but was sooo lucky to have a great GP who helped me through it and PTSD it was HORRIFIC.
I've been self isolating since I was a child. I don't have any close friends.
I can relate.
Thank you, it made sense to understand what is happening to me, this is almost like a addiction
Narcissists are experts at setting up the tension first thing in the morning. If you have made the slightest mistake, they start cursing under their breath at every little annoyance. They will BANG things just loud enough to let you know they’re pissed of at you, that your very existence is insufferable to them.
I used to ask what the matter was, but that’s a booby trap too because I should already know what I did to piss them off.
The only mistake I have really made was not leaving the house before it got light, before the kraken awakened.
Also, don’t share ANYTHING about how your day went. ONLY listen to them talk about THEIR day. DO NOT invite them to give any input into any of your struggles for the day. Just say everything went fine. Do give any details. This makes the kraken not pursue you.
It has been 5 months since i went no contact. He never had control over my emotions. I always kept my cool.
Thank you! You have made a huge difference. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my life. My husband of 13 years, used triangulation with my boss. I’m a career focus woman. So this huge thing happened and I went searching for answers. It came through spiritually guiding me to more and more research. I realize I’m an empath and went from a marriage from one narcissist to another. On both extremes.
Don’t worry the healing starts now. Time to take my power back. Stop wasting my time. Watch out world!!
I left a Narcissit after watching your videos..i was stressed confused!!He cut me off from my family And friends!!He used to tell me Am useless!!he used to tell me without him i wont be able to survive!!And i believed him..i gót courage And left...Am being supported by family And friends,,to recorver from Narcissit!so far Am doing well
The content was so good and perfect !
So accurate .
Thanks for the guidance .
Being or not being alone is individual. My advice here is, don´t be afraid of being alone. It can push you into despair and you may feel the same as when you still were in a narcissistic relationship - trapped, enslaved.
I´m autistic. And i was scared of being alone, until i realized, i NEED to be alone. I do not need to be within community to have an ability to function - in fact, just being surrounded by people when in work, exhausts me.
After all, being alone does not mean being lonely. And not just if you are autistic or introverted. Being alone is often needed to sort things out within yourself. Not everything can be consulted with someone, especially self-reflection must come from within yourself. And to self-reflect efficiently, you need to listen to yourself.
This helped me to realize the loneliness I have been feeling. Your discussion about connection hit home for me. I lost my mother during Aug of 2021 and I believe my vulnerability in coping with grief and processing her passing is a factor in backsliding as far as my recovery. I also see that I am grieving the loss of the person I wanted the narcissist to be at the same time..the humble, caring, man was the mask. I didn’t want to believe that he could be so incredibly heartless but it’s what is beneath his mask. I have been blocking and unblocking while knowing that it is not a good thing to do. I just blocked again. It feels like when I quit smoking years ago..the cold turkey phase. It was a huge struggle with the initial cravings and it’s something I must always acknowledge with myself.
I also feel the sting of loneliness and grief of hope of what could have been.
I have been journaling during periods of the relationship and re-visiting that journal is a harsh reminder of how many times my narcissistic girlfriend frustrated me, discardes me and how few and short the good times were. I recommend journaling also during the healing phase. I do and it helps.
Danish, I'm so thankful to God for you and your videos. I want to shout it from the rooftops! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I was fully convinced that he discarded me. But everything you mention in this video is what he is doing with me. The narcissist is doing grey rock treatment with me.
Yes! Toward the end, when my narcissistic boyfriend knew that my depression was because of him, he began gray rocking me.. saying things in our phone conversations like," yeah, uh-huh that's cool"
Manipulation to make you believe you're missing out on something embrace any freedom you can achieve.
Danish" You have helped me understand that I had better learn Unconditional Love for myself, so I can heal from emotional trauma, and move forward in self-discovery even at my sweet independent young age of 57" I grew up in a narcist family, and have always identified with low vibes in that aspect, I was dealing with a narcist male friend and tomorrow is his court date for doing the most to me a year ago", This situation has thrown me into a spiritual awakening about 3 years ago", for that I am Thankful" the rest Not so much" God Bless Everyone"
I will use that going forward "sweet independent young age of 40" god bless you
I did that a lot, expecting a change when he was being - - - not quite so bad. And I did ramp up my affections, etc. But his improvement never lasted long, and the evil came back with a vengeance. I created hope that only crushed me once again shortly after. THEY DON'T CHANGE!!! Danish, you are always spot on.
Hi Danish... Yes understand this fully now after much pain and suffering... My ex narc was a psychopath and actually enjoyed seeing me suffer with a smirk on his face.. I went through soooo much after going no contact, its a very stressful time Thanks for your insight!
This man is saving lives out there through this channel ❤
It's horrible to cut off someone you loved so much! I had to finally realize that I was in love with the man I thought he was.
It helps to know that he's not the one I thought he was.
I sometimes listen /watch your videos over and over again so that your message will sink into my head. Thanks again
Been watching many videos on narcissists for about 2yrs. You are great and add so much. Thank you for taking the time to share and teach. Making an impact and helping to strengthen my soul.
Thank you so much ! I have fallen in love with a narcissist and it's really hard to move on now but your videos are helping me 😇
This is the best video of yours I have watched. I was discarded a month ago, have been going no contact however missing her and almost tempted to make contact as like you said I thought about the good days. She contacted me a few days ago but my response was sarcastic as am now moving on as I know there is no hope for our relationship.
Thank you so much! Your suggestions were very useful in putting together a valid plan to start detaching yourself from these ultimate evil kind of people. God bless u!
It makes sense what you explained about the ups and down that it equates to the trauma bond, feeling split and the questioning and feeling confused being the cognitive dissonance. It helps to name the experiences and realise what is happening to break this confusion and trauma bond cycle. You provide a great understanding and solution around emotionally detaching and not re-establishing contact due to loneliness. Been guilty of this but this information is empowering. Still battling whether or not to end relationship. I know the answer but it's difficult. Hard pill to digest the reality and fact of the matter.
When you think about it, even in a small town, there are SO many other people to get to know, not just him. He’s not larger than life like he’d want you to think.
Detach and run 🏃🏾♂️
Thanks for your great 👍🙂 understanding of the toxic attachment with an empty person who has nothing to give but demands more and more… and drains you totally empty 😅 thank god I am free now 🙏💃🏼 Thanks a lot for your good advice🌟
Thank you so much for understanding and putting into words these complex feelings. This is really helpful advice
You are the best life coach and Thank you! Danish for caring so much to help people heal.
Last night I had to call the police on my narc he was way out of control and I was so afraid three police officers came I never saw him they kept him outside he was beyond realistic. There is a peace bond on him now.
I never realized positivity still feeds his narcissistic ego. Thank you, Danish, for changing my life ❤
Many people watching this video who are Narcissistically abused badly, they are even afraid of liking this video...because the self doubt in abuse is so deeply planted that it's very difficult to get out of that trauma
I have been suffering for a very long time and you’re teaching is going to save my life
No contact was the only way to fix me. She has tried in so many ways to get my attention, she's gotten nothing but tumbleweeds and crickets.
Am so glad I started watching your videos danish, it’s making me stronger every day! I’ve been in toxic abusive relationships, so I knew this guy I met was trying to keep my family and friends away from me. I was with this man 5months fell out so many times, he’s so cold doesn’t know how to show his partner love there was nothing, he was trying to control me, I’ve stopped contact now. Thanks so much your videos are brilliant he ticked every box been narcissist.
You explain it all so well. Nobody else (that I know of) talks about this part of healing.
Thank you so much for sharing all your knowledge. I appreciate all your time and effort. I have a twin sister who is pretty narcissistic and we are not close and never will be as I do not trust her and realized quite some time ago that something is wrong with her. My entire family is pretty much about constant projection and literally very little growth. I have been no contact for quite some time. I only have the utmost empathy for people who have married a narcissistic person or who are tied in some way to them and they cannot walk away. I am so glad that I have seen the light. You have helped me become free of these toxic and unhealthy people.
every time, I mean EVERY TIME that I start to feel a tiny bit of, "oh she's nice" and feel genuine warmth to this person, I stop and remember. STOP!!! it is seriously just a ploy to pull you back in, to re-engage. just stay disinterested, detach, *fix yourself, do not forget and fall for the "nice act". get your act together and LEAVE. I am so much better now after watching all these videos. I didn't start with Danish, others helped at first (Dr. Les Carter is who woke me up and I resonated with him a lot) and then I found Danish who took me to a deeper level. I can laugh now. I still watch these videos almost everyday to keep affirmed in my healing, that I stay awake and aware and not, "needy" in any sense of being like a human with them, mistaking their "friendliness" for actual human interactions. Period. If I were to feel sad about this, I would seriously slap myself awake 😂never fall for the devil's tactics. *Give YOUR SELF what you need, do not fall back into old habit pattern beliefs that tempt you to re-engage and to feel bad again about yourself. Instead affirm what you want - "I deserve to feel good" "I do feel good!" "I am a wonderful good person!" "I deserve love and happiness!" "I love my life now!" "I can have what I want and need!"
"Thank you God!"
And thank you Danish, I love that you keep the videos on healing and awareness coming!
Thank you so much. I spoke with psychologists over the years and not once was it suggested in any way just what I was dealing with and I spent years in confusion.
Because most people don't understand this kind of abuse, not even professional therapists. Only those who have experienced it directly will know, noone else will believe you anyway. That's the saddest thing of all... the loss of so much precious time due to the utter confusion about what's going on, our own lack of knowing what we're dealing with.
I found you on TikTok and didn’t know you were on RUclips. I’m finding your videos here are even more informative. I’m trying my hardest to disassociate while being married but it’s extremely difficult when they try to make trouble for you with no matter what you say or do.
I like the fact you are referring to social media as well
Sir, I gave, gave and gave., it was all about his priorities and his moods to accept or throw my words. I broke up a month ago, can’t tell you how much I am traumatized. Thats why I have an appointment with the doctor, counselor and a psychiatrist. It began with doctor, she suggested counselor and then I was directed to psychiatric therapy. I was already vulnerable with the loss of my husband and mom in one year of time.
20 years if covert abuse. Now healed and so free! Wonderful feeling when I see him I feel nothing. Afterthought is I threw up in my mouth.
woow. I am still under process. break up was v tough with him. I hope I too come on the situation of not feeling anything when I see him
Thank you so much Danish. You are helping me a great deal with your gentle voice and clear instructions on how to deal with and heal from the narcissitic abuse from my partner I have recently left.
My 71 year old mother uses her blindness as an excuse to take over my life. I don't have a wife or kids because for the last 20 years she has groomed me and taken up all of my free time helping her and getting her out of messes she constantly creates in her life. This last time she basically told me I was worthless, which she does often when we have fights. I have no money or career or anything because of dedicating my life to helping her, and the way she invalidates and demeans me, I regret it. Whats worse is she will constantly bring up that I never have money or friends or a wife and say its because nobody likes me. I have had suicidal thoughts because of this parasitic relationship. I never got to live my own life and now I'm 45. I'm fighting off my feelings of worrying about her and her constant problems, because I'm an empath. Any words of encouragement to stay no contact is greatly appreciated. I need to salvage what little is left of my life.
Thanks, it makes me heal and gives comfort. Am getting help from your session.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video.
You've helped me understand my actions and trauma so much!
I used to ear what HE wanted, constantly made me feel like i wasn't goid enough. He blamed me. He split my hesd open and convinced everyone I fell.
Im breaking down after the narcissist abuse. Im so traumatised!
I have been nc for 7 days but I have stupidly reacted all the time for 2+ years and I've played right into his smear campaign 😢
I genuinely thought he would tell the truth, say sorry but he just got worse 😢
The bigger picture advice in particular is absolutely excellent. Thank you!
thank you so much for these videos. They resonate very deeply.
Your words in this video is what I needed to hear. Thank you
I have just found your channel and have found it is one of the best I have studied narciss m for over a year now and have discovered that the 2 main people in my life have controlled me for their own reasons lam starting the healing process now with God's help and channel's like yours to those people who have suffered dont give up there is peace and healing for you God' bless xxx
I got very lucky by walking away before he became my husband. After the engagement I felt very uneasy and I just knew now is the time to let go. Finally no contact for 1 week.
You are doing good job man!
Go no contact from the inside
Have a mental boundary
Such good teaching and instruction. This is so hard to process, but your video helped me. Thank you.