How to Appear Less Needy | Approach vs. Avoidance
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- Опубликовано: 4 июл 2024
- This video answers the questions: How can one appear less needy or dependent? Sometimes appearing less needy and being less needy are really the same thing, because if you appear less needy you may start to actually be less needy internally. You may have fewer unmet needs or less expression of those unmet needs. It's also important remember that there may be consequences to appearing or to being less needy. Let's take a look at the characteristics of neediness or of being dependent. I'm talking about romantic relationships here, especially about appearing needy in the early stages of these relationships. We see a lot of characteristics associated with the word needy or with the concept dependent, like being submissive, clingy, passive, somebody who always wants to tag along, enduring abuse, feeling unhappy, helpless, a tendency to belittle oneself, pessimism, and feeling unlovable.
I showed this to my dog because he’s very needy. He is now offended but he said he DOES have a chronic feeling of emptiness in his food bowl.
❤ Love this comment.
LMAO
👏👏👏👏👏👏
😅 Too cute!🐶
Crackin' me up, dude!
When I am feeling personally attacked by a title-- I probably should watch the video.
@@recoveringsoul755 ...que?
Haha I agree
@Fly Where triggered!!!
Hahah! Same!
How do I appear less Grande obsessed?
See his channel on being less _creepy._ 🤣😄
I thought you meant Ariana at first 😂 😂
Yea me too but this is a good obsession in a way
I also recently got diagnosed with "Grande-Osity." There IS no KNOWN cure... LoL 😋 Only ONGOING "Therapy." Sigh.
@@arlotonkin6416 dying laughing. There's always that one funny guy in the comment section of every video.
How do I appear ? A question from the Invisible Man.
You’re so transparent!
@@macmedic892 LOL
Yes, we can see right through you.
@@sandyno1089 lol
Sometimes dating a person who is avoidant can activate neediness, and be a sign that they are the problem not you. An avoidant person who you’re attracted to can make you feel very insecure and bring out some behaviours that are not typical for yourself. If that is the case I walk away (after kindly discussing with them your expectations and they fail again) as they’ve shown they are either not invested or avoidant by default in romantic attachments
(This is my experience after working very hard at my codependent traits in therapy and becoming independent)
Hi Leah... I sort of know what you mean. But I took so long...to realize this....avoidant people bring out the neediness/abandonment issues... In me...after reading what you wrote...everything somewhat made sense... It is their avoidant personality which can trigger neediness... Cos they are not mentally sound...just want to tell you I appreciate you writing this cos I was in the dark but now I see.
Leah's Logic yep my life story , dating emotionally unavailable men . Just don’t even go there ...
Good insight, IMO.
I had the exact experience, dating a man that even told me that he pretended to be less interested in me in the beginning so i would like him more. the avoidant behaviour continued. And in the end, he told me he never loved med at all (we dated for close to a year) i have never been that needy with anybody.
I wish I could go back to when I was 22 and tell myself that! I would have saved myself a lot of time and heartache.
I love it when you show your humor, Dr. Grande. Thanks so much for an entertaining and informative presentation.
You are most welcome :)
You are speaking to my soul. I’m going through a divorce from my husband of 13 yrs 😭 I don’t want it, he filed, and I’m a stay at home mom. I needed to hear this.....my heart is broken. I need to find that middle ground between approach and avoidance and for once to create healthy boundaries. Thank you for this
Thats sad for you. You have far more value than you probably know, so he wont get off without some pain of loss. But if he is a narc, consider it a blessing. I only wish i had understood it all earlier.
I am so sorry your heart is breaking. What I found helpful was to find new interests outside of the norm. I went to therapy to help me to let go and to move on. And, I got a dog. But, most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Odette Uys we don’t he moved out 5 months ago 😭
Melody Macken thank you for your encouraging words 🥰
Doogy Dog 😭
One of my college professors gave me some great relationship advice. She said... "If someone tells you that they are an a$$hole - believe them!"
I'd take an interest in such a person and try to check they are honest eg I ask them to elaborate in greater detail about the ways they believe they are an arsehole, why, how and if anybody else shares their opinion etc. Most of the time it will reveal they have very low self esteem. Which can then make people who did not start out as bad become bad or arseholes. I then decide if I want to continue with such a person or not. I might ask if they were always like this and what caused it or whether they could ever see their arsehole behaviour, self assessment ever changing and what would such a change require as a prerequisite etc. It helps me decide if they are a genuine arsehole or just a person who became one, as a result of bad life experiences. Or even someone who is normally very good but fancies the idea of being bad because it is so different from the good two shoes well raised proper middle class moral, respectable etc specimen they really are.
I told her.
Insecure attachment requires treatment. Some are so needy, they detach instantaneously, but interpersonal avoidance is the flip-side of neediness and attachment anxiety...You cannot lose what you do not have...Balance is never fixed; it requires work on both sides of the attachment spectrum. So complex...thanks...
A good video with practical advice from a psychologist. No disorders, no serial killers. Great! )
[counselor educator] - Thank you so much!
How can I appear less alien lizard-like? 🤔
😂🤣😄😅
LOL, sounds like a great video topic :)
One word. Toupee.
Orianna I’ve tried everything. I no longer do push-ups in the sun, I use gallons of moisturizer, I’ve tried several disguises, I’ve limited how fast I move.... 😑
Use a lot of moisturizer, and don't lay in the sun on rocks.
How do I appear less shy/awkward? I’ve always had a hard time making friends.
Good question - I will add it to the production list -
Orianna thanks!
I once read that when you are feeling nervous, to breath and think about your solar plexus and just, “ center “ yourself there and it calms you down and it reminds you to be more relaxed.
I have come to accept my awkwardness and if people can't handle it that is their problem. Let me just beat the dead horse and say it is all about repetition and practice. At some point if you want to progress you will have to deal with the discomfort of being vulnerable but for me it payed off. A big stepping stone for me was the audio version via RUclips of "How to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. Or just learn to make others feel special through genuine interest/compliments and and they won't care.
@@DrGrande Im looking forward on listening to this discussion by Dr. Grande :)
i am really happy i found your channel. your really doing a public service to so many and i hope you know how valuable this is to so many including myself. cheers
Thank you!
im a psychology student and i love your videos cause you go into detail and dont miss out any information. Thank you!!
"Accepting that you may be alone and being comfortable with the idea that you’re alone."
Can you make someone you're stuck with 8 hours a day appear less stupid? 🤪🤯
I need a video on that topic.
Give them a shirt that say's, "I'm with stupid".
Marry someone who is just like yourself so you will be blind to how stupid you both are lol, that's my game plan
Dr Todd grande love guru. (I kidd I kidd. hahaha!)
This was good advice. I also think instead of people trying to say things like "less needy, less anxious, etc" it is better to take a positive approach like being "more Independent, more extroverted, etc.". If that makes sense.
I wouldn't have clicked on the video if it were any of the titles you suggested. I know who I am.
“...managing the balance between Approach and Avoidance in my relationship...as to establishing healthy boundaries...”
Thanks, Dr G. Very helpful. Self confidence building in progress.
This made me feel a lot better about the current state of my relationship with my boyfriend. We're in our 30s; this is my first serious relationship ever and his second, and we both grew up without healthy models of this kind of long-term romantic thing we're trying to build. Things are extra weird because we have a long-distance relationship that was just starting to take off when the pandemic hit. We had a rough negotiation two weeks ago where he finally spoke up about needing more emotional space and feeling uncomfortable asking for it. And we had a good, honest talk about that, but his boundaries are still somewhat ambiguous to me. I feel completely out of my depth. But it turns out this uncertainty is normal, and I think we're getting better at communicating through it.
The art of not being creepy is to be in tune with your self! That meaning have the guts to stand your ground as to what you want and what you expect! The need to optimize your window of oppurtunity is contrary to your needs! Strive to be what you admire and the effort will be noticed by the crew you need! It's not the easy way for every one but it holds through thick and thin if your adversay meets the same criteria! Make up and money can not topple heart, intention and honesty!
Appreciate your videos they're super professional and productive! Means a lot.
Thank you so much!
Q: "How can I appear less creepy?"
A: Buy a polo shirt. Next.
Q: "How can I appear less boring?"
A: Stop wearing polo shirts. Next.
LMAOOO
These are some very practical points listed & I highly endorse the mentioned point of exploring it further with a mental health professional. The fact that anyone is too needy indicates something about their attachment style & Self-esteem and they need to explore the underlying reasons since being too needy puts one at a higher risk of being used. I'm sure this video was helpful to many! *Two thumbs up! *
How to videos are greatly appreciated. Many of us are struggling to get healthy. Cluster B parents/ spouses leave people a mess. We need to know how to handle them. How to prepare and repair ourselves. Having the analytical view has really helped.
Dr. G. I like that this "chat" was non judemental, and that you offered solutions i.e. learning a foreign langage, obtaining additional education, exercising and seeing a professional counser. This gives me hope. Thanks.🌵
@1:03 & 1:08
I love how dead pan, he is, when delivering, such absurdities.
😂😂😂
Just out of curiosity (asking for a friend), how psychopathic, is *too* psychopathic?
Flee the country... Love your dry humor.
Thanks for good examples of positions of maturity. Really appreciate your videos on these crucial stances and understanding of behavior. Very helpful.
Thank you, Dr. Grande,, for a logical and good sense approach to neediness as all relationships should strike a balance. Sometimes it’s hard to see when one is in the middle of a situation. Thanks, again, for your insight!
Love the introduction. I had some good advice once on how to appear less drunk, I was advised to have a glass of water
Lmao 😂😂😃😄
LOL I read the title as How to Appear Less Nerdy :)
Me too lol
Freudian??? Or dyslexia???
hold your head high,and embrace it. don't call yourseld nerdy, bc that's what the normies say. you are a moving computer, pal not a nerd!
Also how to feel less desperate and stop exuding it to others which is a big turn off.
Best channel ever, I needed this sometime ago but I came to the same conclusions after messing some relationships
I believe this is very thoughtful discussion and has the potential to help people understand themselves and improve their relationships. Thank you.
Great advice, Dr Todd, as I always had a dependent personality, I think. I am seeing a psychiatrist and counselor, and I have written down some of the things you said about not being so needy, and becoming more independent. I want to be a happier person. I do know where these traits come from, by the way, as my spouse was very controlling for years. Now he is old and sickly, so the table has changed, so to speak. That has left me with a feeling of emptiness and aloneness, coupled with the fact that both of my parents died in the last few years. I'm busy working on these issues, which is a good thing. Thanks!
You are most welcome!
I like the better lighting! Makes everything look so much less sinister...
I am loving your channel. Would like to see a personal Q & A from you. Not sure if you’ve ever spoken about yourself, personally. I’d like to know... what are some of your hobbies/pastimes, do you have pets, marital status 😉, children?, favorite foods. Just the general, run of the mill types of things.
I agree :)
Hi, this is actually a good video as I myself have been called needy and clingy in friendships in the past. As a result I did indeed progressed into avoidance. I’m not sure how common it is, but this fits me to a T, and I def bring this up with my therapist. Thank you!
After a difficult breakup, my aunt introduced me to Quilting.....helped me let go!
Build self confidence and fill your time with positive activities.
Wow, some of those questions make me wonder about the people behind the question.
Brilliant. Well said and presented.
Good for you, having your understanding and a sense of humor, because we are all just human, aren't we? People have needs sometimes, not all disabilities are obvious
👏👏👏I think this acceptance you show may reduce the neediness in people around you.
Item 3 actually hit home, thanks again Doc!
Not being needy starts by having control over your life and yourself. The more knowledge and skills you acquire in life the less needy you can be. It can be as simple as being able to fix your own car = being in control. Me as someone with ASD I'm the opposite of needy. I do everything myself and only if things get really hard I start to consider asking anyone for help 😅
I actually hate being depended on people especially emotionally. Also hate emotionally needy people though 😑
How do I appear less friendly/kind/generous? all i know is the opposite which is to be aloof and cold, which I dont want either. I feel sometimes my personality attracts users, but if I go cold, then I repel normal/friendly people. I have a hard time getting the right balance. I also feel my friendliness really attracts/triggers competitive, jealous people, who end up hurting me through smear campaigns and talking about me behind my back, or isolating me from group events.
Pink Puffin you’ve been attracting manipulative people? He’s got a video on being manipulated by narcissists.
I definitely found this video to be informative and useful. So glad I found your channel. 🌷
Thank you :)
Excellent video that touched on some really important points and thanks Dr. Grande
Perhaps better to rephrase as 'how do I 'manage' being needy or dependent IF it is causing a problem - it's a big topic and a good one, thanks for the upload and the careful reflection on this Dr.G. One person being 'needy' can be very different to 'needy' in another person - particularly to a person who is 'stand-off-ish' or 'avoidant' and cannot manage their own feelings of another person 'needing' them. Tricky to quantify, but attachment theory seems to have done the best work (historically) in this area in the past with the key ideas of proximity, availability and responsiveness. Working out what is appropriate, as an adult, when seeking closeness to your partner - what are you asking them to hold or contain for you? Being in a relationship IS an exchange of this sort, but what is appropriate and what is the cost?
Brilliant insight here. Very useful video Dr. Grande.
Appearing needy to others during a pandemic was often true for a lot of people. I am happy to say that because of that I have been able to re-connect with more than one old friend who wasn't too concerned about appearing needy and worrying about being around someone who might be too needy.
How do you make friends when you are introverted and have anxiety?
I don't want to rely on online apps.
You are wise in avoiding on line apps to get friends, though with care, shy people have made good friends and even found love on social media like Facebook but you do need to be careful. The best way to get friends if shy is also the hardest and not fast but if you strike it lucky, you get good friends. It is by simply forgetting trying to "meet people". Instead, focus on doing things that make you feel good eg hobbies that can be shared with like minded others. I know of some pretty geeky, nerdy musicians who would hardly win any beauty contest, have atrociously bad dress style, no idea about how make conversation but still got friends, even lovers. By simply doing what these types love doing. Playing music with others, often atrociously, too, but it doesn't really matter because they are having great fun playing do atrociously, sounding dreadful, telling each other how much their playing and sing really does suck, real bad. Fact is, they are socially interacting with the few rare other like minded geeks,nerds and social misfits they can find and do not want to lose these rare precious other nerds because life without them, stuck in boring, conventional society with "normal" people would be do lonely, unbearable, insufferable... So they find a way to accept each other, despite some pretty extreme personality types. It is their love for the same pursuit, in this case music, that keeps them together and gives social and emotional and moral support. But others with different hobbies and interests can do the same. I once met a group of weirdos United by a common bond of "mountain climbing". They did a lot of bitching and fighting and I wondered what kept them together. "The mountain is what unites us... The mountain is our Lord and master..." one informed me. They all agreed on this at least. I thought they were all crazy. But, then again, I am not into mountain climbing so I wouldn't understand these types and what drives them. You need to find something that fires you up and then do it and enjoy it. The enthusiasm you feel will show and people like friends and potential lovers get attracted to the passion you have for whatever you do. It's hard to get attracted to a person who lacks any passion for anything in life. There's just no emotional energy flowing...
Neediness is the death 💀 of attraction for women 🔥
And vice-versa, if you have any self-respect.
Not for all women . I find it attractive . Depending on how needy someone is . I enjoy helping and caring for someone . Maybe I should talk to my counsler about this .😊
@@trinity6764 Women will always take advantage of you.
@@generalralph6291 Interesting that you think so .☺
@@trinity6764 I agree with you, maybe speaking to a professional is a great idea.
That was fantastic and so insightful. Thank you, I learned a lot.
Thank you! I really need this.
You can appear less intoxicated by remaining sober!!! 😁
I love your comment 😀😀😀
LOL! I found this one quite humorous Doctor! Thank you.
You are quite welcome!
I think some guys appear to be creepy because no one taught them that when we stare at people we turn them into objects and women and men dont like to be objectfied, most men would benefit from taking a women's studies course to learn how to engage women into a conversation instead of creeping us out.
I'm working on my social anxiety as I have done for years and years now. I've gotten from barely leaving my apartment for a year to being able to go where ever I want regardless of my anxiety. But my anxiety is still at work every time I'm out and about talking to people I don't know that well. It makes me act weird and awkward and being very attentive and somewhat able to read people's body language, I easily notice if other people notice my strange behaviour or accidentally talking about weird topics. I would appreciate advice on how to appear less socially awkward or anxious, so I could get through these hard moments without acting like an idiot. I always wonder if I should off handedly mention about my social anxiousness, but then I feel that would also be weird, oversharing or something like that...
fii kahlo I want to be less socially awkward I don’t want to just appear to be.
Isolation leads me to feel much more needy, though I don't reach out and go it alone.... I think really I just need more support and accommodations
Another great video, great information.
It’s like they ask these questions to ‘appear’ less needy or creepy but actually want to ‘appear’ normal but are not and use the appearance of normalcy as another way to manipulate others.
First first minutes hilarious, especially with the Bob Newhart delivery.
Very helpful, thank you.
I wonder if the "less psychopathic" question. Was actually from someone who has autism? My brother has autism and some people think he's "psychopathic" because he can appear to be: emotionless, uninterested in other people's emotions, rude, unkind ect.
But in actuality he just doesn't know how to show his emotions. He also cares deeply about other people's emotions, he just can't pick up social cues or facial expressions to determine what someone is feeling.
Late to the discussion & have the opposite situation. OCPD & self diagnosed Avoidant.
I'm highly needy of 1 thing: to be left alone. I can't deal with the prospect of being judged, criticized, punished for being a hot mess, ADHD Inattentive, cat/dog mom. 100% introvert glad to be alone with cats & dogs who fulfill my needs for love. Child abuse survivor. Social anxiety... do not talk on the phone in my personal life. Never ask for help Ever . Fear the prospect of criticism. Stopped dating & going thru the motions, knowing full well nothing will last because I'm just not normal.
Great and useful video!
I agree Dr. Grande sort of. There is very good reason for example that in Italian culture being practised in Italy there it is expected that people who are needy ham it up a bit when injured and in a risky situation too regardless concening what gender from birth they are detemined to keep on remaining and regardless about what people might percieve them to be when being only human. For sure there are situations in which people cannot appear less needy and believing that the person in that kind of situation like for example when they are on an examination table in an emergency ward room learn how to appear less needy too in that kind of situation is next to impossible and so is sometimes unexplanable after say a treadmill heart and lung diagnostic test and other whatever should have been done tests too at the time were not being done. To say that was only because they were good at appearing less needy is however only begging the question.
Very helpful, just got out of a 26 month long abusive relationship and even now I'm struggling to break my emotional dependence on her. There's no one else or any distractions that have been able to fill that void, so it's hard to move on with that gaping hole punched right through me.
11:55
Are you better now?
@@dr.sammypryor Not even close. This relationship isn't even my biggest struggle anymore. You can only handle so much bitterness until you begin lashing out at society at large.
@@nightwake3013 I am sorry. These toxic people do leave a scar.
As always great knowledge
His last sentences summed it up. Develop healthy boundaries.
Fake it till you make it.
Thanks Dr Grande
Being needy is definitely not a good personality characteristic. Being needy in a relationship can easily lead to being open to abuse and self-neglect. I think a really good portrait of someone being needy in a relationship is in the movie Saturday Night Fever: the character played by Donna Pescow as Annette, Tony's former dance partner. Yes, I agree that awareness is key. I'm only halfway through your talk, so if you mentioned that trying to see how one appears in the eyes of others when one is behaving needy, I haven't got that far yet. I think self-reflection is an important point in trying to get a grip on one's neediness tendencies. I always say, avoid extremes on all levels. Interesting and very important talk. If you don't mind, I would like to recommend two important authors on the subject of existentialism and the search for self. The first author is Rollo May, Man's Search for Himself. The second author is James F. Masterson M.D. The Search for the Real Self. Thank you.
Thanks amigo Todd the big
A simpler way I've found, is to simply put others first, not all the time, but far more often.
That's not something a narsasist is seemingly capable of, not without it benefitting them somehow.
I don't have a problem being alone. I have a problem with the idea of being with creepy people. 😄
Thanks, doctor. 🌹
You are quite welcome!
More excellent advice for living from Dr. Grande.
Thank you for this video, Doctor. It helped me :)
I watch these videos and they help give a lot of insight but I still can't get up the strength to go try yet again to go see a counselor. I've seen so many who haven't helped me and tried to get aid. These videos do help a lot, though. Thank you.
Quality videos and books have been much more effective than counseling for me and they are free.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg think most mental health issues can benefit much more from the insight of a professional when they're actually...suited to the person I guess...you know yourself but you also miss things about yourself especially concerning certain mental health problems. The insight of another person and the feeling of not being isolated on a topic can be highly beneficial. So I'm glad it worked for you and I'm 'coping' but longterm I don't think this works for someone dealing with heavy mental health issues.
You are most welcome!
Can you do a vid on Oppositional defient disorder? Thank you.
Here you go: ruclips.net/video/DGqdIGQnia8/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/cfmOYcwIJXs/видео.html
How to appear confident? Fake it 'til you make it. Self-fulfilling prophesy. ☺
Okay, Dr you are the cutest Dr's on utube especially when cracking up
One of the most helpful resources for me in regards to accepting my life and solitude was Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good". It was a revelation at the time that no-one truly deserves love and helped me appreciate the love and affection I did encounter much more. Before then I could not appreciate the fact that my intense needs had a neurotic basis except intellectually.
I think people are asking these questions because they have ulterior motives. They wanna learn to be more manipulative.
This video made me lol in the first few minutes!! Nice:)
There are a lot of parallels with depression. I experience many of these when I’m in the midst of a depression. Mainly in confidence and initiation of activities.
Maybe you could flip a coin and assign one side to "approach" and the other side to "avoid". It wouldn't be perfectly or predictably 50/50, but it would be about even on average and no one would be able to predict which side the coin would land on.
When I was first learning to drive, my mom and I would drive around and flip a coin when we felt like we wanted to turn. Whatever side the coin landed on was which way we turned at the next opportunity. We went a lot of interesting places.
Thanks!
Dr. Grande, I’m a new sub, where do I post a question for you? Would it be here in the comments?
Yes, I check the comments frequently, so it would be the best place for questions -
There are far worse things than being alone. I have been alone for 10 years but not lonely. I have friends and I have my friend's children who I am a grandmother to. I have a big Sunday supper with all of those people and I feed them which is one of my great loves in life is cooking and seeing people enjoy my food. I have joined groups before making pottery and creative writing where I met friends. People may want a man but you never need a man! I am teaching my friend's children early on that if they want a man and they find one that's great but they not going to need one because they will be educated and learn how to live on their own and never be needy for a partner. there are thousands of things you can do that will make you happier than a relationship that isn't so good.
That is the spirt! I was feel very alone being married. After my two divorces I never felt alone because I had my friends and hobbies and the joy of being alone too.
Dr. Todd Grande
Can a person who had a narcissistic parent/step-parent as a child and is accustomed to that behavior, cause a partner who is somewhat selfish or immature in youth and has strong masculine traits to become more narcissistic? Or to even become a narcissist?
Thanks Dr. Grande. Maybe me remembering not to practice lots of eye contact characteristic in American Sign Language culture during job interviews might help me get a paid job.
What do you mean by being preoccupied with taking care of oneself? I have a friend who is obsessed with taking care of herself and she is extremely independent. Plus, she looks great.
what do you think of Briggs and Myers personality test are that like the Horoscopes or are they at all truthful or helpful
Well, that was an eye opener. I need to see a therapist
You are so nice!
Thank you
💬Excellent advice
Dr. Todd Grande.
👍♥️
Thank you!
💬
☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️
@@DrGrande
☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️
You're welcome
&
Thank You
☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️☄️
I just saw an ad for Megan Merkles podcast before this video, almost troll like
You bgg understand me dr. Grande lol. But the whole am I needy or is this nrcistic abuse thing..is something I'm tryna fig out..your helping me down thi rd buddy..thank you!!!
Really funny! Thanks for the laugh.
You're welcome!
Oftentimes a person who has been in a relationship with an NPD person will find themselves having been mischaracterized as needy by their ex and associated flying monkeys for having had the most basic of expectations for the relationship. In the discard phase this can be ramped up to include possessiveness, 'creepiness' or obsessiveness for having any emotional reaction to being discarded.
Having one person level such accusations at you is one thing but when it is from multiple sources they seem much more plausible and it is likely that if the person lacks a strong sense of self or a reliable and honest support network, the claims will be taken to heart and the accused will look for ways to avoid drawing similar criticism in future relationships. For months I was told that I was codependent and that I used relationships to fix myself even though I had been single for four years prior to getting involved with my ex and in spite of the fact that she had initiated the move from casual fling to 'something more'. It went on for so long that I looked into it and the more I learned, the more the diagnosis didn't fit. Everyone else seemed to be convinced though... friends and family all took to giving advice appropriate for a codependent relationship junkie... It is seriously infuriating to see how easily people can be manipulated into switching off their senses and dishing out platitudes.
Anyway, my point is that someone may well be sincere in their request for advice on how to appear less creepy or whatever... but may actually be needing advice on self awareness, self acceptance and self esteem.
We walk through this life alone.